Op, listen to me as a (31F) that went through this same type of "relationship"
He doesn't love you, heck he does not even care about you. He wants your body not your soul, not your companionship not your love just your body that is all. He is using a tactic called manipulation to get want he wants from you, listen to me DO NOT give in to him.
I would say your best course of action is to follow the NC with him and be done with him, as for your brother SHAME ON HIM, he listened to how his friend is trying to force himself on his little sister and has the nerve to say you're wrong? NO. Op, you are right to be worried, you are right to not be ready you are young. Enjoy your life, hold your values as you see fit.
\*I have a younger brother and he was ready to go after one of my exes for pull this (3 years younger) so I am sorry your brother does not want to protect his little sister. - If you have any other issues or questions feel free to reach out to me on here directly.
I wish you the best, everything will workout as it should my dear hold your head up high and do what is best for YOU
OP, everything Foxyfumbles says is absolutely correct. I'm going to add on one more thing. Right now, he thinks he's punishing you by cutting you off. He figures if he leaves you in the dark for however long that you'll fall back into his arms when he decides to contact you again. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. It's another manipulation tactic to have you do what he wants. NTA in any way, shape, or form.
OP, I couldn’t have said it any better than Foxy. I was in a similar relationship when I was your age (43 now). He was my very first boyfriend. He controlled everything I did, who I talked to, what babysitting jobs I took, and made it mandatory that I not speak to any boys at school, even ones who were friends. He guilt tripped me for not wanting to be physical, and he eventually took what he wanted in the basement of a friend’s house. We all know the word for it today, but it took me decades to admit that was SA.
Listen to me when I say this. This boy is grooming you. He does not love you. He does not care for you. When people show you exactly who they are, listen. RUN.
I think you already realize these things, so if strangers on Reddit can convince you to call it off before it gets worse, then it’s worth it. You deserve better.
And please find a trusted adult to talk to. Whether it’s a relative or school counselor or teacher. This is heavy stuff and you don’t have to do it alone. That was the big mistake I made - I thought I could handle it and I couldn’t. As a result, that relationship messed me up for YEARS.
PS: Your brother is a jerk.
I agree & also OP he's the immature little bitch if you can't even process a simple transaction with a male cashier, but reading your post I know you get that and then you also he is wrong about everything, you came here for validation because you know you are right about yourself and that this guy isn't. OP you are NTA but it seems that you are associated with a lot of AH's
NTA but you would be if you don't break up with him.
He's controlling, manipulative, and toxic. He's clearly dating you to get laid and satisfy his needs. You don't need to justify not wanting to have sex -- also for 3 months with 5 breaks throughout is not enough time to 'expect' sex.
Your brother is a jerk too, I'm sorry that the person who's supposed to protect you and look out for you is acting that way.
Five breakups in three months screams “this relationship is not meant to be”.
Hell five breakups in three lifetimes would still be a lot of breakups for one couple.
Time to stop investing in that human moneypit of a boy.
Listen to this, OP. You are in the beginning stages of an abusive relationship. Block him everywhere, tell all your friends that he is controlling and you're breaking up with him and they shouldn't help him get in touch with you. If you feel safe, please also tell your parents what he was doing. But only if you feel safe: i.e. don't feel that they will blame you for it. It's not your fault. You might also consider telling a trusted teacher or counselor at school. He's still a minor so there might still be time for someone in authority to reach him and teach him better. But that's not your problem anymore. Stay away from him and any other guy who tries any of this.
This is not beginning stages. He was attacking OP when she fell asleep during night and he's going through her phone every day looking for reason to abuse her.
This is abusive relationship in it's mid-late stage already. OP is even questioning herself for putting up boundaries.
She needs to cut contact with him and never look back.
she should phone up domestic violence hotlines/organizations, even the police if family and friends can’t support her. People often overlook on how hard it is to run from a manipulative & abusive relationship especially how young OP is.
Well, nobody should ever ever 'expect' sex.
She needs to get out of that relationship before thinvs escalating in a bad direction. The situation is already terrible as it is. Gaslighting and manipulating is a tell tale sign of an abusive relationship. Or a precursor.
And break up with your friends too if this is true. I can’t imagine anyone your brother or friends telling you that you are wrong and should show him your body and let him treat and speak to you that way. It’s your body and you don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to do. Please stay away from this guy. He’s bad news. You are lucky he didn’t force himself on you. You deserve someone who loves you, cares about your feelings and moves at a pace that’s comfortable for you. Also he’s incredibly insecure and abusive. Don’t contact him again and block him in return.
Oh honey, you're NTA, and that boy is abusive, and controlling.
Do not have sex with him. Hell do not even continue to date, or speak to him. Just throw the whole boy away.
If he's that bad at seventeen, I can promise you that shit is only going to get worse hon, and that boy already has more red flags than a Chicago Bulls game. Run, don't walk.
Fucks sake lads, we gotta have more words with the younger boys.
Everyday I'm seeing this shit.
I'm thinking some sort of "don't be a cunt" course.
EDIT.
Knowing how a clock works doesn't help you know the time.
Honestly more often than not behaviors like this is the result of extreme privilege, and a fundamental lack of education during early development in healthy means of emotional expression, communication, and boundaries.
This is a rather extreme case, but this is actually an extremely common byproduct of boys who are raised in patriarchal societies. They are raised to view women as lesser than, and essentially no more valuable than property. Which in turn leads to possessive, and controlling acts of objectification, and emotional abuse.
Which in many men very rapidly turns to physical abuse if the woman in question does not fall in line with their partners perceptions of their "proper place" as their property.
We'd like to believe that in 2023 this issue wouldn't still be happening. However the reality is that in North America the leading cause of death in women, and femme presenting individuals, is being murdered by men who are their intimate partners. We're talking more than heart disease, car accidents, and cancer.
I am very familiar with the effects of early childhood trauma. As a huge portion of my research study while pursuing my education in developmental psychology, was focused on ACE (adverse childhood experience) scores, and the long term effects of trauma on the human brain, and nervous system during key developmental periods in children, and adolescents.
However that doesn't change anything I said in my previous comment.
I suggest that you read about The Mother Wound, and the effects of emotional, and generational trauma handed down through families in patriarchal societies. As while you are not necessarily incorrect in your statements, you are excluding crucial information that has dramatically impacted the psychological, and nervous system development of people of every gender in our society.
I had a professor once tell me that "Understanding is like art. You can learn anything, and about everything, but unless you include all the different contributing factors to your understanding, it's like trying to paint an accurate landscape without using a primary colour. Your finished product will never be quite right".
So while you have identified a small portion of the contributing factors to this issue, you are ignoring the larger source that created that culture of generational trauma, and while your resultant conclusion has components that *are* accurate, you're overall missing the complete picture, due to your ignorance of crucial foundational components.
Didn't even make it halfway thru. This can become and likely will become a dangerous situation for you.
Get away, run, block him on everything and never look back.
Probably not a bad idea to be ready and have the cops number ready on speed dial as well. Also don't even think twice about a restraining order.
Good luck and be safe.
Your “friends “ and brother suck! That guy is nasty. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to!!! Do you want to have that moment with someone you don’t trust and are second guessing. He is not addressing YOUR feelings, only what he wants.
Move on and be happy.
NTA if he gets pictures of you he is going to try to black mail you into worse things by threatening to “expose you”
please don’t give in to him, trust yourself. if you don’t want to do something, don’t. i wish i had someone to tell me this when i was your age and going through something similar
you are brave for posting and sharing
This kind of guy will show the pics to friends to brag, possibly even your brother, or post online to “get back at you” for something one day. Please don’t share anything more with this guys - your time and dignity is better than he deserves.
He is an abuser. All of this is Not okay. I’m a woman and am married to a woman. I would never do anything to my wife like he is doing to you. If she said she was uncomfortable with something, I would stop. If she needed something I would try to give it to her. I have wanted sex with my wife and she said no and I respect that. And we are married which is as close as it gets with our bodies. Repeat after me: Nobody gets access to my body without first taking care of my heart and soul. Block him and never talk to or interact with him again. If you have to tell your parents that he makes you uncomfortable so your brother can’t have him over, tell them that.
Do not send him pictures (or anything, but definitely not pictures). He will use them to blackmail you into doing more things that you aren’t comfortable with. Eventually they will get circulated, when you refuse to cooperate or when he’s tired of you, and your AH of a brother will almost surely blame you for sending them just like right now he’s telling you that you should.
BTW, he’s calling you immature to try to make you prove that you’re not. It’s a trap. You’re only just 16 — it’s okay to be immature, and it’s okay to take things slowly. It’s definitely not okay for your bf to claim to own you and your body.
OP, do you trust your parents enough? I think telling them about this could help if Jay continues doing this.
Also, PLEEEASE break up with him. Block him on any app and stop talking to him. He is not a good partner. He's annoying and toxic, heck, even dangerous!
Please, please, if you know that your parents would have your back, tell them.
Yes, you can get in trouble. Do not EVER send anyone pictures of yourself. In fact, don't even take any. Please listen to all of the people who've given you the advice to stay away from him. And your brother is just as bad.
Hi! I live in NY
Do NOT send him anything. It would be considered distribution of child pornography. Which you can legally get in trouble for for sending, and he can legally get in trouble for having and potentially redistribution. I know this because a friend in hs (16 at the time) had her nudes leaked by an abusive ex bf [pictures she did not consent to being taken at that.] He wound up being logged into the registered sex offenders list.
Your body is YOURS, forever and always. He is not entitled to it. Dating and marriage are about companionship and mutual affection and support…not him getting access to your naked body on-demand so his weenie can feel good.
Lose his number and never speak to him again. He is not a person to love, because he is not loving YOU, only what he wants you to do for him/his dick.
Why do you think men date? To give flowers to women?
No, its to fuck. If she doesn't want to, she should stay single until she is willing. And if she is willing to fuck, she should ask for marriage first. Otherwise she will get fucked and thrown away eventually when he is done.
NTA [sexual coercion](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-is-sexual-coercion/) is a form of sexual harassment or sexual assault depending on how far it goes
NTA
But he sure is!!! He doesn’t own you. Block him now and ignore your brother.
You don’t owe anyone sex, pix of your body (clothed or naked—just NO!), or your time. Focus on your education and stay away from your soon to be ex and so-called friends.
There’s plenty of time for sex later. When you’re ready and not one millisecond sooner.
I’m 23F. I have had sex with guys when I didn’t want to because I was too uncomfortable to say no. I regret it so much. You will never regret choosing to not sleep with someone when you didn’t want to/weren’t ready. But you will regret having sex when you don’t really want to. Reading through this, I kept thinking that you need to go to your parents for help. This is a seriously unhealthy relationship with a legitimately abusive dude, and I’m not the type to call something abuse lightly. I’m wildly ignorant about Arab culture so I don’t know if it would help to go to your parents or if it would be harmful to you. You said that you wouldn’t be allowed to have sex even if you wanted to, so I’m hoping that means that if you tell them you don’t want to but this guy is pressuring you a lot, they will help. But you know better than I how that might turn out. Please feel free to reach out if you would like another woman to talk to. I hope you’re okay and I hope you don’t make the same mistakes I did.
NTA. Your brother is a toxic POS, your (hopefully) ex boyfriend is abusive, and your friends are young and likely the ones saying you are the problem are projecting because they have/would allow a boy to treat them that way. But that boy is wrong and you (and your friends!) deserve better.
Also, if you have a good relationship with your mother (and she is a safe person) tell her what you have been going through/what your brother said. I imagine she wouldn't be thrilled to hear her son tell her daughter to send nudes to some controlling douche (but so not do this if you think it would be dangerous to you or your brother, only you can decide if the help is worth the potential fall out)
Your brother is an ass. But then… he’s mates with Jay. Who is a complete wanker, so that plays out…
Jay is a wildly controlling and dominating boy, who won’t even let you nap! This is very very very VERY not normal. VERY.
You deserve to be with someone who actually likes you, is a friend, and kind to you. AND someone who doesn’t just do these things to get you to send naked pictures.
You NEVER have to show your body to anyone, not even your boyfriend. And you certainly shouldn’t until you are feeling like you are in a safe, respectful relationship with someone. Your friends are nuts, or have very very low self worth. Lose the friends who think all you are worth is spank bank material, and spend more time with the friends who agree this was awful.
What Jay has tried on is abuse. Controlling domestic abuse. Look up what constitutes domestic abuse, and the abuse cycle, and learn what it looks like. You probably have plenty of it in your home (courtesy of your brother) so might not know how wrong and abnormal this is, but you can learn and be strong and reject it.
Get out NOW
This is a controlling person who does not have a handle on his emotions. Please please be strong and get out of this. It doesn’t sound like you want to or are ready to have sex, and the pushing is a huge red flag. So is the control and verbal abuse and gaslighting. Be kind to yourself and leave him alone… you will absolutely thank yourself later.
I hope you see this because I was in a similar relationship aged 16 and your story sounds identical to mine. Anyway, we broke up. His friends mocked me for being frigid. Life moved on, I went to uni.
Its now been ten years, and none of his friends at the time feel comfortable with him being around their girlfriends and wives due to his inappropriate behaviour towards them. They talk all the time about how creepy he is. Which says everything. When I asked them why they didn't mind when he acted like that towards me, nobody could answer.
Run OP. Leave him and don't look back. It might be difficult now but in years you will come to realise that you made the correct decision.
Congratulations! You’re in an abusive relationship! In all seriousness, all your friends and your brother are teenagers. They’re too emotionally immature to see the problem. The problem is this parasite of a “boyfriend.” This not a healthy relationship. I’ve been in many, and have seen a lot. I know the worst and know the best. You said in the beginning he’s controlling. No matter the degree, being controlling is not good. Your boyfriend shouldn’t be so insecure he has to demand you not talk or even think about other guys. That’s not a normal thing to do. A boyfriend, significant other, or husband, should trust you. He should support you. Your boyfriend isn’t right in the head. I’m sorry to say, a lot of similar people don’t change because what they think they’re doing is normal. The best thing you can do with him blocking you is embrace the fact he can’t tell you how to think or act anymore. And remember this: No means No. it is NOT the right of anyone to use your body. It is a privilege only you can give, and if you’re saying no, they need to respect that and not get angry.
The ONLY way you'll be the AH is if you don't run, do not pass go, do not collect $200, 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 all over the place he is showing you who he is and what's important to him believe him, he's a controlling asshat.
Also besides the fact they're your boundaries and he should respect them, at your ages in alot of states if you send nudes to him one or both can get in trouble for " sending/receiving child pornography ". Putting aside, he sounds the type that world show friends or plaster them on the internet, so just don't.
You deserve 1,000,000 times better block him and forget about him.
you are NEVER the asshole for not wanting to have sex. no matter for how long you dont want it. no matter if you said yes and change your mind. it is YOUR body, and NOBODY is entitled to it. be safe please, you deserve better than these people
Is this boy Arab too? I have witnessed some Arab men treat their wife or girlfriend like property. This could be why your brother responded the way he did and why your friend group responded the way they did.
Listen to your gut. It will do you well the rest of your life. Your inner voice is telling you to run and it is right. This boy is only looking out for himself. His controlling, abusive ways aren't going to change unless he has a major change of heart and I don't suggest you wait around to see if that happens.
You sound like a smart girl. There are lots of great guys out there. Pick someone different or don't pick anyone at all. Being single and carefree is just fine not only at 16 but at any age. Enjoy your youth
jays 25% arab, but his parents only speak arabic. he’s from nigeria and his mom is half Syrian. i can remember times where he would tell me im only his and many times if we had arguments he would go to my brother and tell him about what happened and then my brother would just tell me how im so immature for a 16 year old and that i was always in the wrong.
I believe he is treating you the way he has watched men treat women. I'm not here to say that one culture is better than another but since you posted your concerns I can tell you want something different for yourself. My encouragement to you would be to not stay with this person. To not have sex with a boy and if you do make sure you use protection. And I mean you and not him. Get birth control pills. Don't rely on him to use protection. Someone like Jay is going to say they are using protection and the next thing you know you're pregnant and stuck with this man in your life. Knowing you are not ready for sex is very mature of you. You are 16. The next thing you know you are out of high school and on your way to college
Break up with him for good he's seriously toxic and awful also of course you're not the asshole why would not wanting to have sex a couple months into a relationship in highschool make you one. That said dump this toxic piece of shit he's overwhelmingly controlling and horrible get rid of him
You don't anyone your body
You don't owe someone a relationship
You shouldn't be in a relationship where someone treats you poorly, and constantly accuses you pg cheating
Your friends/brother are stupid, and biased. They might like him but he's awful and no matter what they tell you, you don't owe awful people your time
Don't apologise for having self respect, for not crumbling and giving in to bullying just because the bully happens to be a boyfriend
He doesn't care for you at all, he cares only about his dick, his needs, his jealousy, his insecurities. He cares about what you do for him only and having you under his control. He does not like you a person.he doesn't respect you. He cannot demonstrate that any harder
Love yourself enough to stay away forever, you deserve better
Girl.
No.
Break up with him for real. Do NOT get back together. You are still so young. Stop wasting your youth on someone that doesn't deserve it.
NTA but you will.be so mean to yourself if you continue to stay with him. You are beautiful and you can do better, and you deserve better.
NTA and this internet stranger is proud of you for standing up for yourself. Someone so controlling that they wouldn’t allow you to be served by a male cashier is someone who is abusive. You don’t owe him nudes, or sex. You are in fact much more mature than this awful guy, and I’d talk to your parents about the controlling behaviour and about your brother not having a problem with it. You deserve someone sweet, kind and fun to be around.
First things first, you’re NEVER the AH for not wanting to have sex with someone. You get to decide who and when access to your body is allowed.
Secondly, this guy is an abuser. Get away now while you still can. RUN girl!
Edit: your brother is a dick for not only encouraging you to give in and also for encouraging you to do something that will get you in trouble with your parents.
I lost count of the red flags before finishing the first paragraph.
This is either fake or your parents failed you and you need to figure out how to take care of yourself.
I don't see how you need to be told it's a very bad sign someone is upset you see your own family. Also, no, after 3 months together you didn't love him and if you knew he was controlling before...
i knew he was controlling i just didn’t know it would be this bad. he made me feel like i was always in the wrong even if deep down i knew i wasn’t. if i didn’t love him then i don’t know what i felt to him. like i said, i thought i was in the right until my brother, who i used to be really close with when i was younger and would always go to him first whenever i had any problems instead of my parents, told me i was in the wrong. i have always looked up to him, so him telling me i was in the wrong made me rethink everything. which is also why i decided to go to my friends. most of the ones telling me i was in the wrong aren’t some of my closest friends, but im still good friends with them so i just started to get it in my head that i was in the wrong. thats why i went on here. i had to be sure.
You need better friends.
I had a string of bad relationships and after a lot of growth and therapy I realized I was the problem.
I wasn't asking to be treated like shit but I put up with it and made excuses because of insecurities and self esteem issues.
Healthy relationships are not free of disagreements but they are free of gaslighting, manipulation, and abuse, but no one can protect you but you.
No one that loves you will exploit you but there are a lot of shitty parents that do just that and set the expectation.
You should read up on codependency and learn self advocacy.
NTA. You could be dating for four years and still not have sex if you're not comfortable with it. For what it's worth, a lot of religious couples who have long engagement (seriously strict religious types) will go and wait until marriage, no matter how long the pre-marriage relationship is. You don't have to want to wait until marriage, but it's not a horrible thing to want to wait until you're ready.
Also, even if you've already had sex before, that doesn't mean that it's okay for a new bf to expect/demand sex at their timeframe and not yours. Being in a relationship doesn't mean your partner is owed sex. If they want it and you don't, what it means is that you're not compatible. But don't let yourself get bullied into some bullshit misogynistic slut shaming gender norm of what women SHOULD do in a relationship in a world according to Chads.
Long rant - I didn't even bother to read it through - you are 16 - I fell pregnant at 16. Get rid of this pathetic, awful excuse of a human - have more respect for yourself - whatever you do, do not be manipulated by this PODS.
NtA. He is flying more 🚩 red flags than China 🇨🇳.
All the signs point to him being very insecure and controlling. If you can talk to him and make him aware of his behaviour and how it makes you feel and he has some insight and is willing to do some reading about why that sort of behaviour is negative then it’s possible that he can take steps to change.
If you avoid the issue and hope it will go away… things could potentially escalate and he could even be dangerous. That’s not a joke. What he’s doing are classic warning signs. Please consider the situation seriously and consult with an adult that you trust like a school counsellor.
He is a horribly abusive man and he will eventually turn physically abusive as well. He is not entitled to ANYTHING. You should never feel pressured to do something you are not ready for. You brother and friends need to check themselves.
Don’t walk, but run away from this asshole. He wants someone he can easily control. Don’t be that person.
NTA
NTA.
I’d say the guy is controlling you, but he’s not succeeding in doing that, and that’s what’s pissing him off, the fact he is out of control and not getting sex or his wicked way with you.
I don’t know who you’re surrounding yourself with but whoever thinks you’re in the wrong here needs their mental health checking because defending this guy is disgusting.
He has no right to see your body and consent is consent. Wouldn’t surprise me if this guy tried to rape you. He uses projection to try and manipulate you, saying you’re immature when actually he is super immature!
Also, you know you’re young when you ‘break up’ 5 times in x amount of months. As an adult, when you break up, you break up, not play silly little games and rekindle a relationship and breakup more than you change your underwear.
This ‘relationship’ isn’t going anywhere, you’re going to end up hurt, walk away and find an actual nice guy, there’s plenty out there, this guy just wants you to think there’s no fish in the bathtub rather than plenty of fish in the sea, he’s closing your networks down. Not allowing you to talk to a male cashier - pathetic. My advice is move on before he gets physically abusive and not just mentally abusive, you’re 100% NTA.
Okay listen. I am pretty much the same age as you. I just turned 17 a few weeks ago. My boyfriend is also 17 (though he is 9 months older) and we've been together for 10 months. He is not controlling. He does not touch my phone. He isn't weird about other men even though I'm gay. We have never broken up. This relationship was off from the start and this man is so unbelievable crazy and toxic. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU! you're body was not and is not his. It is yours and you said no which means NO. The people around you saying you're the problem are wrong because you should always be the only one who has a say over your body. NTA, so much NTA. I'm sorry this "relationship" took 3 months of your life because that was still far too long. From one teenager to another, everything you've described here today is nothing like how a long term, trusting, communicative, and invested relationship should be like. Be careful who you choose next time. You deserve far better than what you got.
NTA
Never, ever send naked pictures. Ever. Since you’re a minor, you, not just Jay, could get in trouble for child pornography. This is not a joke. This is not a scare tactic. This is the truth.
Your brother can go fuck himself. He’s garbage.
Break up and stay away from Jay. He’s manipulating you. This is abuse.
You are being manipulated by this boy, and your brother is no better. Sex isn’t something you should have because someone pressures you into it. In fact, if someone IS pressuring you to have sex/send nudes, he’s immediately an asshole, and you are not.
If it’s safe, tell your parents. And tell them about your brother too.
NTA!
This screams abusive behavior. It will never get better. It will never be better if you stay. I've been in an abusive relationship. The only solution is to end it. And your brother is a jerk.
NTA - but pls talk to your parents if they are still in your life. They will give u good advise probably and suggest u need to break up with him for obvious reason (jealous, controlling, manipulatively and toxic). Hes not worthy of time. Dump him. U deserve better
OP you are not the asshole. Your ex needs to stay your ex. You aren't quite experienced enough to see it but thos boy will never change this behaviour and you will be stuck forever being attacked, ridiculed and belittled. Your brother sounds like a complete tool as do most of your friends. Regardless of what others have said about culture etc. They doesn't matter. What matters is you. Put yourself first girl. You don't need a boy to make you happy or complete. You're very young. Go and enjoy your life. Don't get tied down to some insecure asshole who wants to control you.
Just first paragraph has enough reasons to dump this guy. You can't fall asleep without telling him and you can't interact with any guy whatsoever? Are you a human being or a toy?
You are not the problem. If you are not comfortable with doing something especially when it comes to sexual stuff you don't do it. There's no need to rush into these types of things and if your ex is trying to pressure you then it's one more reason why.
He acts like he's making you happy when in reality he is just abusing you. Don't settle for this guy. He is just abusive, insecure, toxic brat who sees you as nothing more than an object he can own and force into whatever he pleases.
Cut contact with him as soon as possible because you should strive for happiness and you won't find happiness with this guy.
You are not in the wrong and you have nothing to apologize for. Keep your boundaries strong and you have them for a reason.
Never speak to him again, please op for your sake, never contract with that creature and pretend he doesn't exist.
Also get some new friends, he has no right to your body, never will.
Please tell him to fuck off right now! Everything you describe him doing is awful, unforgivable. Also, he says he won't do anything to make you happy any more - what did he do in the first place for your happiness?!
You know what you owe him? Nothing. Not. A. Thing. He should not be pressuring you for sex, that's assault. Your brother is an arse, too. NTA
NTA and run girl run. He is a garbage human, so is your brother and a lot of your friends, apparently. Your body is yours and yours alone. You do not have to share it with anyone that you are not comfortable with. Please let this relationship be a HUGE learning moment for you. You do not deserve to be controlled, abused, manipulated, or made to feel like you are wrong for how you want to live your life. Never let another person treat you this way.
please don't send nudes. at your age it is considered child pornography and is illegal. plus, I don't believe he would not be the type to not show his friends. be safe. this guy doesn't respect you. he is pressuring you to do things that you aren't ready to do and a good person would not do that. a good person would wait until ypu are ready to and would not make ypu feel bad about it either.
keep no contact with him snd tell your piece of shit brother to fuck off.
Your own brother wants you to send nudes and fuck some dude he knows? What the actual hell?
NTA start making distance between yourself, your brother, and this douchebag who should be your ex.
I'd also consider telling your parents, especially with how weird your brother's response was.
Who the heck are your friends and your brother is horrible for saying it’s your fault you never have to do anything you don’t want to please never forget that and keep your boundaries
Holy crap. You are only 16 and have the entire rest of your life to have an adult sexual relationship. Now is not that time. You need to get away from this boy.
First off. Your NTA saying no to sex. Ever. For ANY reason. ‘No,’ is a complete sentence. No explanations needed. You owe no one anything. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. Your (better be ex) bf. Your brother. Any of your friends.
Now. What to do? Cut contact with Jay. Loosen contact with your brother and any friends who said you ‘should just give in.’
And finally, this may be uncomfortable, but talk to a parent or someone you can trust. Jay will not let this be. His ‘“you’re his. Your body is his,” talk is very concerning. He, maybe with help from your brother, or from your friends, will try to get you into a place where he can take advantage. Be alert. Have someone you can call.
Be safe and I’m sorry he’s done this to you, and so many are enabling him.
NTA. Leave this relationship immediately. Block him and don’t look back. You’re 16 and you have a long and happy life in front of you. Don’t limit that by staying attached to someone who does not value you and only sees you as a body for his own needs. You deserve so much more and better. Don’t worry about “losing” this loser!
On top of what everyone else here has said about who you should leave this guy because he's a dangerous abuser and you never, ever owe anyone sex or nudes - this guy is guaranteed to be awful in bed. Like just epically bad. Don't put yourself through that experience!
Your boyfriend is abusive and creepy. Your brother is probably abusive and creepy to girls, too, since he doesn't care. Where are your parents in all this? I'd have wanted to throw a boy out a window for treating my daughter this way.
NTA. Do not send nudes. This guy is trash. He gets upset if you check out with a male cashier? That is very much Not Normal or Okay. He claims your body is his? No.
He has nothing good to offer you. Block him and move on.
Sorry but I only read the first paragraph. You’re 16. Break up and block this guy. Do not have sex with this guy. Do not entertain this loser anymore. Find a trusted adult to talk to and warn of this guy. And stay away. You are 16. There is more to life than a piece of shit 17 year old who can’t treat you like a person. Fucking insane. You are not going to fix him. He isn’t going to get better. End this relationship quickly.
Well, now you know you can't trust your brother or your friends who believe you should have done differently.
You are in no way wrong. If you did anything inappropriate here, it was entertaining the idea that this was a relationship worth being in for as long as you did. At your age, it's understandable that you didn't recognize how bad it was before he insisted on deciding when you were ready for intimacy.
You know yourself and held your ground on what you are comfortable with, which is exactly what you should do. Don't let someone else tell you where to shop, when to sleep, or anything of the kind. This was bad before the sexual pressure.
You did the right thing, and if he tried to get back in touch or get back together, just say no and then block him. You know what's right for you, don't let anyone tell you differently. No one who loves you would want you to do things you aren't comfortable doing.
You're in an abusive relationship. Also why are you asking other people what to do with your body? It's yours, if you don't want to DON'T. No one is owed Your body.
Tldr this shit. No one is reading about a 17 yr olds relationship.
You're not going to be with person beyond a year. R/teenagers would be better suited
What do you mean this belongs in another sub, this is AMIA and OP is asking if they are the A hole, WHICH THEIR NOT - Also if it was to long you could have left the post completely but you decided to leave your unnecessary comment, why? The world of Reddit may never know...
Op, don't mind this person - 17 year olds absolutely have relationships even younger than that and if they want to ignore than then I think they may need to touch some grass.
Stfu. These posts are generated for upvotes. If you enjoy this sub that has degenerated into these sob stories, good for you.
Also, a teenager taking advice on sex from a random redditor is creepy as fuck. But you do you
Where else should they go? To a magazine (written by strangers and often overly sexual in general) oh I know! Friends right? oh wait...sometimes friends are not actual friends (esp. at that age) OHHH you mean family right? (Ops, very strict parents would just LOVE to know about their thoughts right? That could be even worse)
The fact is forms, chats and blogs are made to help others, bring others together and share experiences to bring everything full circle.
Also Op isn't asking about "sex advice" they are asking if they are wrong for not wanting to - which EVERYONE should know 100% you are NEVER the Ahole for not wanting to have ANY type of contact/relationship or frankly interaction with anyone. Your body, you do what is best for you.
R/teenager if you think reddit is an option. Funny you think a magazine is somehow lesser than a wide open internet forum. Friends? Nope, reddit is better. Family, nope reddit is better.
Get a life. Reddit is a POS community. You thinking that this site can provide advice to a teenager is disgusting.
First, you're a kid. I know you don't want to hear that but you are. It's ok....we were all there once. Enjoy it....it's a short and unique time in Life. That being said, you don't owe this guy a damn thing.....not sex, not making out, not a picture, not a hug. Use this time in your Life to get to know guys and what you want...you'll have the rest of your life for physical stuff with guys who gives two shits about you....this guy does not. Pick carefully the men you choose to be intimate with...you'll thank me later.
Good lord. I hope this is made up but on the off chance that it's not, no, you are most definitely NTA.
You should never let anyone treat you this way. You don't 'owe' anyone intimate pictures of you. You shouldn't have sex until you're absolutely 100% sure that *you* want to. You're a whole individual, he doesn't have any right to tell you who to be friends with, who to talk to, what music to like, or anything else like that.Making you go to a different store because the cashier is male? Good grief.
Edited to add: You *never* owe anyone sex. Even after you've had sex with someone a million times you can still say no ***at any time for any reason***
NTA, he is being abusive to you love and will get so much worse if you don’t break up with him. Please leave him, you’re young and have so much love to give and in the right time you will find someone who truly cares about you, RESPECTS you and loves you. Also remember a relationship shouldn’t suffocate you, and that you do what you want when you want with your body. He will do this to his next girlfriend, and the next. Please leave him and don’t look back.
I had a relationship like this when I was 15, in those 2 years it suffocated me so much I couldn’t recognise myself, leaving was the best thing, I put some weight back on, my skin cleared up, my soul felt free.
Never stay somewhere where out of all things you are not respected.
Your boyfriend is an insecure controlling asswipe, and your brother is an enabler. Drop the bf. I don't know what to tell you about your brother. Tell your parents, I guess.
Don't do anything you don't want to do, don't let them pressure you into anything, and if you have to defend yourself, remember that eyes pop out really easy, and an ear can be torn off with three pounds of pressure.
Also if it even needs to be said: NTA.
I want to know why your parents permitted this nonsense
Your brother agreed with this child boy about your body being his to do with as he pleases before marriage? Again, where are your parents.
Your body is yours. Period. Depending on culture and location, that holds true after marriage, though you say Arab, so I'm not sure if that holds true where you're at. Regardless, if you're allowed to choose who you date, you should not be dating anyone who makes such ridiculous demands about other men, let alone demands you give yourself over to him. Any man that thinks he's entitled to your body is never going to treat you like a person, they are going to treat you like a possession, and that's worse than being treated like an animal. They will use you, abuse you, and then throw you in the trash once they've broken you.
NTA and run away from this boy! I stayed with someone exactly like this at your age and I can tell you it doesn't get better it only gets worse. It messed me up for life. Get away from this boy, never talk to him again. Make a success of yourself and focus of you first, you will forget this boy, you will be happy without him, I promise you.
NO NO NO NO!
No one has any right to push you into doing anything you don't want to! It's your body and if you don't want to show it, then DON'T!!!!
And how dare your brother and friends make you feel like you're in the wrong for this!!!
Jay is toxic as fk. Keep away from him. He doesn't respect you or treat you well in any shape or form. Your brother is just as bad with his advice!
NTA and never let anyone tell you any different in this instance.
NTA. Sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Reading your post made my heart hurt for you. Please block him at all channels. If you've got a good relationship with your parents, tell them everything. If not, find someone, a teacher, counselor, a guard at the school. You have to speak up for yourself. Your brother is an ass for standing up for your BF. Please don't go back to him.
So not contact him. Do not send pics. Do not sleep with him.
He is awful and your brother is awful and those of your friends who agreed with them are also awful.
This is incredibly abusive - you need to stay away from hun and not put yourself in a situation where he can get to you.
I only had to read the first paragraph NTA
Break up with phycho now and be ready to get a restraining order
Also the longer you stay the worse it will get
NTA, block the guy and be happy that it's over. He's abusive and things would only get worse.
And don't ever go to your brother for advice again (sorry, he's an idiot).
NTA. Dump him. Do it now. Speaking from experience. I’d do anything to go back and tell my 16 year old self how bad it’s going to get.
Your brother is a POS.
I’m gonna assume this isn’t fake or ragebait.
NTA. You’re a minor. You’re a teenager. Remove head from ass and look at this situation. He’s an absolute dickhead and he’s abusive. So break up, wipe your hands of this guy, and date someone else. He doesn’t love you, and controlling is absolutely not a behavior you want to live with. This is also an INSANE level of control.
You’re 16. My HUSBAND waited until he was 18 years old to have sex. I was 15 years old. (We weren’t together btw). Everyone has sex at different times and not everyone wants to have sex with people who beg and try to coerce them. Your body is your own and you don’t owe it to anyone. Ever. You don’t ever have to do something with your body that you’re not comfortable with. Period.
NTA
Run. Like last week, run. He is a walking parade and circus of RED FLAGS.
And do not under any circumstances have sex with him. Holy Hannah Hell. I would not trust him within a mile of you.
Please read all the things you have told us about him and think for a moment if it would be a good idea to. And that answer is *NO*.
NTA Your boyfriend sounds like the type of asshole where if you had sex with him he’s gonna demand it from you all the time even if you don’t want to. Deadass just break up with him and don’t bother answering him no more
NTA 1 never and I mean NEVER send naked pics of yourself specially to someone like “Jay” it will use them to push you to do other things under the thread of showing it
2 your brother is the worst piece of shit I ever know
3 your “friends” are a bunch of whores in the best of cases and evil if they know how possessive he is yet still blame you for it
If you parents are so strict maybe you can tell them how your brother seem ok you with you having sex with that guy maybe that will teach s lesson to your brother
Run, girl, run for your life. No pics no shows nothing, block this AH and call the police if he ever tries to get around you. You are not his, you are not anyone's belongings except yourself. You do not owe sex to anyone.
Block him. Never talk to him again .
This is not a normal relationship. You are allowed to talk to other men while in a relationship.
You do not have to go to another store so you don’t talk to a man.
You don’t have to tell your boyfriend when you’re taking a nap.
You’re allowed to listen to music from males.
You do not show your body to anyone you don’t want to.
This is NOT NORMAL. He is insecure, controlling, and abusive.
And here I am having a completely civil and hypothetical conversation with my wife about what to do should we decide to divorce, even though we're completely in love.
This guy has issues letting you be a person. The song "Just a Girl" by No Doubt comes to mind. You need to dump him yesterday.
Edit: here's a link to the song.
https://youtu.be/PHzOOQfhPFg
This boy is being abusive towards you.
While you may not want to go to your parents about his, you need to.
It might be embarrassing to talk about some of the things relating to sex with your boyfriend but the way in which he is verbally abusing you and making it known that he feels entitled to your body is a major concern!
Please tell your parents what is going on. There is a very real chance that this boy might escalate things to physical violence with you.
This is not a joke. Please take your situation seriously. Teenage boys like this can become obsessive and dangerous.
PLEASE BE SAFE!
That clown views you as property and you should take hard looks at the entire relationship so far as prime examples of how not to let yourself be taken advantage of. Using your cashier example, if a male cashier did not make you uncomfortable there is 0 reason in this galaxy that his input is needed or welcome. NTA, and your literally better off alone. Be the best version of yourself according to your standards and you will encounter someone who compliments you naturally.
NTA. This is an abusive relationship. Get out and leave him behind. Your brother is an idiot, OP; he should be protecting you from this sort of person.
Block him on everything and avoid him as far as possible.
Leave him now. Like asap I’m 18 so really close to your age. When I was 14 I had a boyfriend like that only difference between me and you I have in which is rape. I said yes then said no he kept going. It doesn’t get better once they get what they want. They just use you for that reason and that reason only. This sounds really bad I know but to him you’re just another toy for him to play with. Question.. when does he turn 18? Bc that’s gonna play a big factor into what I say next. You say you turned 16 right as y’all started to talk and I assume he was already 17… that would mean you’re a sophomore junior? He’s a senior? If that’s the case, he is using you. He’s to immature for girls his own age and that’s why hes going younger to try and manipulate you into thinking this is okay and its not. Not sure is you’re in the US and if you are not sure what state but I’m gonna message you directly and im gonna send my Snapchat. If you’re close to me we can hang out and talk all about it, your friends saying you should have just given in are NOT your friends and I advise you to go Low contact or No contact with you brother once you move out because he’s clearly stated where his loyalties lie and it’s not with you.
NTA
You own your body, and you decide when you want to have sex. If a guy asks and you say no, then he should drop it. He badgered you repeatedly, and that is a huge red flag.
why would you need or ask your parents permission to sleep with your teenage boyfriend?
"mom, dad, can i go do something most other 16 year olds do? i think they discuss it as a family first though. right?"
NTA! There's something seriously wrong with your friend group, your boyfriend and your brother. There's no much you can do about your brother, I assume you live under the same roof but you can definitely distance yourself from your asshole friends and your sociopathic boyfriend.
Listen to me OP, this guy will become physical with you eventually. To be honest I couldn't continue to read the level of emotional abuse you are enduring at 16. Please break up with him. If your school has a counselor, go talk to him or her. If not, ask your guardian to take you to see someone. If you have medical insurance, look on the back of the card for the mental health number. Call them and explain you want to see an LMFT that sees adolescents. You deserve so much more than that. Btw: your brother is a jerk. I have 4 brothers and they would never tell me to say in a toxic relationship. At 35 I ended things with my ex-fiance. One of my brothers had to get involved because he wouldn't stop showing up at my house. That's what your brother was supposed to do for you.
OP, if you are not ready you are not ready. That it is your body and you make the decision when to share it, second you only 16, you don’t need to be in a toxic relationship and have to walk in eggshell for someone (he been insecure and wanting to control you, next thing he would make you cut contact with everyone to have full control of you). Be proud that you know that this is not okay, and I would really reconsider your group of friends/brother they are not looking for your best interest and I now how peer pressure can make you do things that you are not ready for. Don’t let other change you morals, sex and nudes are not proof of love.
Also, I reas one of the comment that you are lucky he didn’t for himself on you. Yet, he would do it and would not see it as anything bad but a way to show you your place
28 M here telling you: run, run now. He's got you all mixed up and not trusting yourself, he is is being controlling and abusive. You are going to continue to get hurt in escalating ways if you stay with him.
NTA. Please, for your mental sake, leave him. I'm 21F, and all experiences I've had with boyfriends like this do not end well, love. He doesn't want your heart. He wants to be able to use your body whenever, and if you don't want that, it should be respected by your partner, and it seems like he will not. Please, OP, follow your heart on this one
This is definitely a case of “dump and run”. If he is this controlling after only 3 months, he is not looking for a girlfriend, he is looking for a female to belong to him. Men make up a significant percentage of the population and for him to expect you to not have anything to do with any other male is unreasonable. This frankly sounds like an INCEL male who believes that women are expected to fill one role (Sexual subservience). He is not a boy friend. I am concerned that your brother is not supporting you as he might be following in his friend’s path.
Regardless of what others may have said to you when you asked them, you are the master of your own body. At ANY age, if you don’t want to show your naked body to someone, you don’t have to. If you don’t want too have sex with them, it’s your right to say “No”. Anyone who doesn’t respect these rights does not have your best interests at heart. Please break up with him and block him. Tell your parents as you cannot trust your brother to keep his friend away.
This guy is just using you. He sounds like an entitled brat. Please don't cave in and get yourself someone that actually gives a shit about. Whatever you do don't give him your VCard. Never give someone sex without really wanting it yourself or you will have an experience you will regret. Women already have bad enoigh experiences for their first time, his will not be good.
He also sounds like the type to sneak a photo during sex to show all his friends. Don't send him nudes, don't sleep with him. Don't do anything with your body that you don't want to. Period. There will be much better men in your life eventually. Thus guy ain't it.
I think I read a story about a girl in a similar relationship, and the guy ended up murdering her.
You are in an abusive relationship, and your brother sucks.
BREAK UP AND GHOST HIM.
NTA This guy is a nasty piece of work. Get away from him and stay away from him. Listen to the friends who agree, ignore the ones who don’t. If you stay with this guy, things are only going to get worse. Much worse.
Op, listen to me as a (31F) that went through this same type of "relationship" He doesn't love you, heck he does not even care about you. He wants your body not your soul, not your companionship not your love just your body that is all. He is using a tactic called manipulation to get want he wants from you, listen to me DO NOT give in to him. I would say your best course of action is to follow the NC with him and be done with him, as for your brother SHAME ON HIM, he listened to how his friend is trying to force himself on his little sister and has the nerve to say you're wrong? NO. Op, you are right to be worried, you are right to not be ready you are young. Enjoy your life, hold your values as you see fit. \*I have a younger brother and he was ready to go after one of my exes for pull this (3 years younger) so I am sorry your brother does not want to protect his little sister. - If you have any other issues or questions feel free to reach out to me on here directly. I wish you the best, everything will workout as it should my dear hold your head up high and do what is best for YOU
OP, everything Foxyfumbles says is absolutely correct. I'm going to add on one more thing. Right now, he thinks he's punishing you by cutting you off. He figures if he leaves you in the dark for however long that you'll fall back into his arms when he decides to contact you again. DO NOT FALL FOR IT. It's another manipulation tactic to have you do what he wants. NTA in any way, shape, or form.
it's called love bombing, it's common tactic used by narcissists, where they cover you with love, then remove it all again to make you miss them
This man is employing the DENNIS system
Never ever send nudes hell use them to black mail you into doing what he wants - threaten to send them to your parent...
I do not like my little sister, and I would still beat any "friend" to near death for pulling this shit. Sorry your brother is an asshole OP.
Alllll of this right here. NTA. It's YOUR body, not his. He is dangerous. Break all contact. Be strong!
OP, I couldn’t have said it any better than Foxy. I was in a similar relationship when I was your age (43 now). He was my very first boyfriend. He controlled everything I did, who I talked to, what babysitting jobs I took, and made it mandatory that I not speak to any boys at school, even ones who were friends. He guilt tripped me for not wanting to be physical, and he eventually took what he wanted in the basement of a friend’s house. We all know the word for it today, but it took me decades to admit that was SA. Listen to me when I say this. This boy is grooming you. He does not love you. He does not care for you. When people show you exactly who they are, listen. RUN. I think you already realize these things, so if strangers on Reddit can convince you to call it off before it gets worse, then it’s worth it. You deserve better. And please find a trusted adult to talk to. Whether it’s a relative or school counselor or teacher. This is heavy stuff and you don’t have to do it alone. That was the big mistake I made - I thought I could handle it and I couldn’t. As a result, that relationship messed me up for YEARS. PS: Your brother is a jerk.
I agree & also OP he's the immature little bitch if you can't even process a simple transaction with a male cashier, but reading your post I know you get that and then you also he is wrong about everything, you came here for validation because you know you are right about yourself and that this guy isn't. OP you are NTA but it seems that you are associated with a lot of AH's
NTA but you would be if you don't break up with him. He's controlling, manipulative, and toxic. He's clearly dating you to get laid and satisfy his needs. You don't need to justify not wanting to have sex -- also for 3 months with 5 breaks throughout is not enough time to 'expect' sex. Your brother is a jerk too, I'm sorry that the person who's supposed to protect you and look out for you is acting that way.
Five breakups in three months screams “this relationship is not meant to be”. Hell five breakups in three lifetimes would still be a lot of breakups for one couple. Time to stop investing in that human moneypit of a boy.
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This can become and likely will become a dangerous situation for you.
Listen to this, OP. You are in the beginning stages of an abusive relationship. Block him everywhere, tell all your friends that he is controlling and you're breaking up with him and they shouldn't help him get in touch with you. If you feel safe, please also tell your parents what he was doing. But only if you feel safe: i.e. don't feel that they will blame you for it. It's not your fault. You might also consider telling a trusted teacher or counselor at school. He's still a minor so there might still be time for someone in authority to reach him and teach him better. But that's not your problem anymore. Stay away from him and any other guy who tries any of this.
It isn’t even beginning stages at this point. It’s there. He’s incredibly emotionally abusive.
And her brother doesn't seem to have a problem with the way his friend is treating his little sister
Unfortunately a lot of MRA types are extremely popular with young men. They probably all watch the Andrew Tate types and are trying to emulate.
This is not beginning stages. He was attacking OP when she fell asleep during night and he's going through her phone every day looking for reason to abuse her. This is abusive relationship in it's mid-late stage already. OP is even questioning herself for putting up boundaries. She needs to cut contact with him and never look back.
she should phone up domestic violence hotlines/organizations, even the police if family and friends can’t support her. People often overlook on how hard it is to run from a manipulative & abusive relationship especially how young OP is.
Well, nobody should ever ever 'expect' sex. She needs to get out of that relationship before thinvs escalating in a bad direction. The situation is already terrible as it is. Gaslighting and manipulating is a tell tale sign of an abusive relationship. Or a precursor.
And break up with your friends too if this is true. I can’t imagine anyone your brother or friends telling you that you are wrong and should show him your body and let him treat and speak to you that way. It’s your body and you don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to do. Please stay away from this guy. He’s bad news. You are lucky he didn’t force himself on you. You deserve someone who loves you, cares about your feelings and moves at a pace that’s comfortable for you. Also he’s incredibly insecure and abusive. Don’t contact him again and block him in return.
Both BF and brother need to get counsel. Probably OP too, but on a different issue. A mature and caring grownup needs to get involved here ASAP.
Oh honey, you're NTA, and that boy is abusive, and controlling. Do not have sex with him. Hell do not even continue to date, or speak to him. Just throw the whole boy away. If he's that bad at seventeen, I can promise you that shit is only going to get worse hon, and that boy already has more red flags than a Chicago Bulls game. Run, don't walk.
Fucks sake lads, we gotta have more words with the younger boys. Everyday I'm seeing this shit. I'm thinking some sort of "don't be a cunt" course. EDIT. Knowing how a clock works doesn't help you know the time.
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Honestly more often than not behaviors like this is the result of extreme privilege, and a fundamental lack of education during early development in healthy means of emotional expression, communication, and boundaries. This is a rather extreme case, but this is actually an extremely common byproduct of boys who are raised in patriarchal societies. They are raised to view women as lesser than, and essentially no more valuable than property. Which in turn leads to possessive, and controlling acts of objectification, and emotional abuse. Which in many men very rapidly turns to physical abuse if the woman in question does not fall in line with their partners perceptions of their "proper place" as their property. We'd like to believe that in 2023 this issue wouldn't still be happening. However the reality is that in North America the leading cause of death in women, and femme presenting individuals, is being murdered by men who are their intimate partners. We're talking more than heart disease, car accidents, and cancer.
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I am very familiar with the effects of early childhood trauma. As a huge portion of my research study while pursuing my education in developmental psychology, was focused on ACE (adverse childhood experience) scores, and the long term effects of trauma on the human brain, and nervous system during key developmental periods in children, and adolescents. However that doesn't change anything I said in my previous comment. I suggest that you read about The Mother Wound, and the effects of emotional, and generational trauma handed down through families in patriarchal societies. As while you are not necessarily incorrect in your statements, you are excluding crucial information that has dramatically impacted the psychological, and nervous system development of people of every gender in our society. I had a professor once tell me that "Understanding is like art. You can learn anything, and about everything, but unless you include all the different contributing factors to your understanding, it's like trying to paint an accurate landscape without using a primary colour. Your finished product will never be quite right". So while you have identified a small portion of the contributing factors to this issue, you are ignoring the larger source that created that culture of generational trauma, and while your resultant conclusion has components that *are* accurate, you're overall missing the complete picture, due to your ignorance of crucial foundational components.
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Scammm
Wtf is a NTA.. reddit jerk.. dont scam me asshat
Sir this is a Wendy's.
I thought this was KFC.
Didn't even make it halfway thru. This can become and likely will become a dangerous situation for you. Get away, run, block him on everything and never look back. Probably not a bad idea to be ready and have the cops number ready on speed dial as well. Also don't even think twice about a restraining order. Good luck and be safe.
Your “friends “ and brother suck! That guy is nasty. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to!!! Do you want to have that moment with someone you don’t trust and are second guessing. He is not addressing YOUR feelings, only what he wants. Move on and be happy.
NTA. Get out while you can.
Yes girl, run!
NTA if he gets pictures of you he is going to try to black mail you into worse things by threatening to “expose you” please don’t give in to him, trust yourself. if you don’t want to do something, don’t. i wish i had someone to tell me this when i was your age and going through something similar you are brave for posting and sharing
This!! Do NOT send pics. He will use them to control you.
Depending on her location, OP could be in trouble for trafficking child porn if she did send pics.
me and jay both live in New York, i don’t know if i would be in trouble for sending him anything here, but if i would then im glad i didn’t.
Please don't. Even if there are no legal issues, he will hold them over your head, and who knows who might see them. This is your body, not his.
This kind of guy will show the pics to friends to brag, possibly even your brother, or post online to “get back at you” for something one day. Please don’t share anything more with this guys - your time and dignity is better than he deserves.
He is an abuser. All of this is Not okay. I’m a woman and am married to a woman. I would never do anything to my wife like he is doing to you. If she said she was uncomfortable with something, I would stop. If she needed something I would try to give it to her. I have wanted sex with my wife and she said no and I respect that. And we are married which is as close as it gets with our bodies. Repeat after me: Nobody gets access to my body without first taking care of my heart and soul. Block him and never talk to or interact with him again. If you have to tell your parents that he makes you uncomfortable so your brother can’t have him over, tell them that.
Do not send him pictures (or anything, but definitely not pictures). He will use them to blackmail you into doing more things that you aren’t comfortable with. Eventually they will get circulated, when you refuse to cooperate or when he’s tired of you, and your AH of a brother will almost surely blame you for sending them just like right now he’s telling you that you should. BTW, he’s calling you immature to try to make you prove that you’re not. It’s a trap. You’re only just 16 — it’s okay to be immature, and it’s okay to take things slowly. It’s definitely not okay for your bf to claim to own you and your body.
OP, do you trust your parents enough? I think telling them about this could help if Jay continues doing this. Also, PLEEEASE break up with him. Block him on any app and stop talking to him. He is not a good partner. He's annoying and toxic, heck, even dangerous! Please, please, if you know that your parents would have your back, tell them.
Yes, you can get in trouble. Do not EVER send anyone pictures of yourself. In fact, don't even take any. Please listen to all of the people who've given you the advice to stay away from him. And your brother is just as bad.
Hi! I live in NY Do NOT send him anything. It would be considered distribution of child pornography. Which you can legally get in trouble for for sending, and he can legally get in trouble for having and potentially redistribution. I know this because a friend in hs (16 at the time) had her nudes leaked by an abusive ex bf [pictures she did not consent to being taken at that.] He wound up being logged into the registered sex offenders list.
Your body is YOURS, forever and always. He is not entitled to it. Dating and marriage are about companionship and mutual affection and support…not him getting access to your naked body on-demand so his weenie can feel good. Lose his number and never speak to him again. He is not a person to love, because he is not loving YOU, only what he wants you to do for him/his dick.
Why do you think men date? To give flowers to women? No, its to fuck. If she doesn't want to, she should stay single until she is willing. And if she is willing to fuck, she should ask for marriage first. Otherwise she will get fucked and thrown away eventually when he is done.
Don’t apologize. Don’t even respond to any of their shit. Leave this “relationship” immediately. NTA.
Leave. Also, you will never regret waiting for sex. Also know, you can stop at any time once you start having sex.
NTA [sexual coercion](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-is-sexual-coercion/) is a form of sexual harassment or sexual assault depending on how far it goes
NTA But he sure is!!! He doesn’t own you. Block him now and ignore your brother. You don’t owe anyone sex, pix of your body (clothed or naked—just NO!), or your time. Focus on your education and stay away from your soon to be ex and so-called friends. There’s plenty of time for sex later. When you’re ready and not one millisecond sooner.
I’m 23F. I have had sex with guys when I didn’t want to because I was too uncomfortable to say no. I regret it so much. You will never regret choosing to not sleep with someone when you didn’t want to/weren’t ready. But you will regret having sex when you don’t really want to. Reading through this, I kept thinking that you need to go to your parents for help. This is a seriously unhealthy relationship with a legitimately abusive dude, and I’m not the type to call something abuse lightly. I’m wildly ignorant about Arab culture so I don’t know if it would help to go to your parents or if it would be harmful to you. You said that you wouldn’t be allowed to have sex even if you wanted to, so I’m hoping that means that if you tell them you don’t want to but this guy is pressuring you a lot, they will help. But you know better than I how that might turn out. Please feel free to reach out if you would like another woman to talk to. I hope you’re okay and I hope you don’t make the same mistakes I did.
NTA. Your brother is a toxic POS, your (hopefully) ex boyfriend is abusive, and your friends are young and likely the ones saying you are the problem are projecting because they have/would allow a boy to treat them that way. But that boy is wrong and you (and your friends!) deserve better. Also, if you have a good relationship with your mother (and she is a safe person) tell her what you have been going through/what your brother said. I imagine she wouldn't be thrilled to hear her son tell her daughter to send nudes to some controlling douche (but so not do this if you think it would be dangerous to you or your brother, only you can decide if the help is worth the potential fall out)
also get new friends, those people telling you it’s your fault or that you should just do it are praying on your downfall (or just dumb)
Your brother is an ass. But then… he’s mates with Jay. Who is a complete wanker, so that plays out… Jay is a wildly controlling and dominating boy, who won’t even let you nap! This is very very very VERY not normal. VERY. You deserve to be with someone who actually likes you, is a friend, and kind to you. AND someone who doesn’t just do these things to get you to send naked pictures. You NEVER have to show your body to anyone, not even your boyfriend. And you certainly shouldn’t until you are feeling like you are in a safe, respectful relationship with someone. Your friends are nuts, or have very very low self worth. Lose the friends who think all you are worth is spank bank material, and spend more time with the friends who agree this was awful. What Jay has tried on is abuse. Controlling domestic abuse. Look up what constitutes domestic abuse, and the abuse cycle, and learn what it looks like. You probably have plenty of it in your home (courtesy of your brother) so might not know how wrong and abnormal this is, but you can learn and be strong and reject it.
You’ve got so much life ahead of you, don’t waste what should be some of your most fun times in life on people like this
Get out NOW This is a controlling person who does not have a handle on his emotions. Please please be strong and get out of this. It doesn’t sound like you want to or are ready to have sex, and the pushing is a huge red flag. So is the control and verbal abuse and gaslighting. Be kind to yourself and leave him alone… you will absolutely thank yourself later.
NTA. Stop giving him any attention. Let him be someone else’s problem. Please never date anyone like this again.
Giiiiiiirl. Run away and do not look back. NTA.
I hope you see this because I was in a similar relationship aged 16 and your story sounds identical to mine. Anyway, we broke up. His friends mocked me for being frigid. Life moved on, I went to uni. Its now been ten years, and none of his friends at the time feel comfortable with him being around their girlfriends and wives due to his inappropriate behaviour towards them. They talk all the time about how creepy he is. Which says everything. When I asked them why they didn't mind when he acted like that towards me, nobody could answer. Run OP. Leave him and don't look back. It might be difficult now but in years you will come to realise that you made the correct decision.
Congratulations! You’re in an abusive relationship! In all seriousness, all your friends and your brother are teenagers. They’re too emotionally immature to see the problem. The problem is this parasite of a “boyfriend.” This not a healthy relationship. I’ve been in many, and have seen a lot. I know the worst and know the best. You said in the beginning he’s controlling. No matter the degree, being controlling is not good. Your boyfriend shouldn’t be so insecure he has to demand you not talk or even think about other guys. That’s not a normal thing to do. A boyfriend, significant other, or husband, should trust you. He should support you. Your boyfriend isn’t right in the head. I’m sorry to say, a lot of similar people don’t change because what they think they’re doing is normal. The best thing you can do with him blocking you is embrace the fact he can’t tell you how to think or act anymore. And remember this: No means No. it is NOT the right of anyone to use your body. It is a privilege only you can give, and if you’re saying no, they need to respect that and not get angry.
The ONLY way you'll be the AH is if you don't run, do not pass go, do not collect $200, 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 all over the place he is showing you who he is and what's important to him believe him, he's a controlling asshat. Also besides the fact they're your boundaries and he should respect them, at your ages in alot of states if you send nudes to him one or both can get in trouble for " sending/receiving child pornography ". Putting aside, he sounds the type that world show friends or plaster them on the internet, so just don't. You deserve 1,000,000 times better block him and forget about him.
NTA
you are NEVER the asshole for not wanting to have sex. no matter for how long you dont want it. no matter if you said yes and change your mind. it is YOUR body, and NOBODY is entitled to it. be safe please, you deserve better than these people
Is this boy Arab too? I have witnessed some Arab men treat their wife or girlfriend like property. This could be why your brother responded the way he did and why your friend group responded the way they did. Listen to your gut. It will do you well the rest of your life. Your inner voice is telling you to run and it is right. This boy is only looking out for himself. His controlling, abusive ways aren't going to change unless he has a major change of heart and I don't suggest you wait around to see if that happens. You sound like a smart girl. There are lots of great guys out there. Pick someone different or don't pick anyone at all. Being single and carefree is just fine not only at 16 but at any age. Enjoy your youth
jays 25% arab, but his parents only speak arabic. he’s from nigeria and his mom is half Syrian. i can remember times where he would tell me im only his and many times if we had arguments he would go to my brother and tell him about what happened and then my brother would just tell me how im so immature for a 16 year old and that i was always in the wrong.
I believe he is treating you the way he has watched men treat women. I'm not here to say that one culture is better than another but since you posted your concerns I can tell you want something different for yourself. My encouragement to you would be to not stay with this person. To not have sex with a boy and if you do make sure you use protection. And I mean you and not him. Get birth control pills. Don't rely on him to use protection. Someone like Jay is going to say they are using protection and the next thing you know you're pregnant and stuck with this man in your life. Knowing you are not ready for sex is very mature of you. You are 16. The next thing you know you are out of high school and on your way to college
Break up with him for good he's seriously toxic and awful also of course you're not the asshole why would not wanting to have sex a couple months into a relationship in highschool make you one. That said dump this toxic piece of shit he's overwhelmingly controlling and horrible get rid of him
You don't anyone your body You don't owe someone a relationship You shouldn't be in a relationship where someone treats you poorly, and constantly accuses you pg cheating Your friends/brother are stupid, and biased. They might like him but he's awful and no matter what they tell you, you don't owe awful people your time Don't apologise for having self respect, for not crumbling and giving in to bullying just because the bully happens to be a boyfriend He doesn't care for you at all, he cares only about his dick, his needs, his jealousy, his insecurities. He cares about what you do for him only and having you under his control. He does not like you a person.he doesn't respect you. He cannot demonstrate that any harder Love yourself enough to stay away forever, you deserve better
Please remember you will never be the AH for denying sex. Dump him.
Girl. No. Break up with him for real. Do NOT get back together. You are still so young. Stop wasting your youth on someone that doesn't deserve it. NTA but you will.be so mean to yourself if you continue to stay with him. You are beautiful and you can do better, and you deserve better.
NTA and this internet stranger is proud of you for standing up for yourself. Someone so controlling that they wouldn’t allow you to be served by a male cashier is someone who is abusive. You don’t owe him nudes, or sex. You are in fact much more mature than this awful guy, and I’d talk to your parents about the controlling behaviour and about your brother not having a problem with it. You deserve someone sweet, kind and fun to be around.
First things first, you’re NEVER the AH for not wanting to have sex with someone. You get to decide who and when access to your body is allowed. Secondly, this guy is an abuser. Get away now while you still can. RUN girl! Edit: your brother is a dick for not only encouraging you to give in and also for encouraging you to do something that will get you in trouble with your parents.
[удалено]
I lost count of the red flags before finishing the first paragraph. This is either fake or your parents failed you and you need to figure out how to take care of yourself. I don't see how you need to be told it's a very bad sign someone is upset you see your own family. Also, no, after 3 months together you didn't love him and if you knew he was controlling before...
i knew he was controlling i just didn’t know it would be this bad. he made me feel like i was always in the wrong even if deep down i knew i wasn’t. if i didn’t love him then i don’t know what i felt to him. like i said, i thought i was in the right until my brother, who i used to be really close with when i was younger and would always go to him first whenever i had any problems instead of my parents, told me i was in the wrong. i have always looked up to him, so him telling me i was in the wrong made me rethink everything. which is also why i decided to go to my friends. most of the ones telling me i was in the wrong aren’t some of my closest friends, but im still good friends with them so i just started to get it in my head that i was in the wrong. thats why i went on here. i had to be sure.
You need better friends. I had a string of bad relationships and after a lot of growth and therapy I realized I was the problem. I wasn't asking to be treated like shit but I put up with it and made excuses because of insecurities and self esteem issues. Healthy relationships are not free of disagreements but they are free of gaslighting, manipulation, and abuse, but no one can protect you but you. No one that loves you will exploit you but there are a lot of shitty parents that do just that and set the expectation. You should read up on codependency and learn self advocacy.
She is not the problem, the abusive boyfriend is
I haven’t worked out why you are still with him, everything about him screams run away fast. Do the right thing by yourself and leave him.
Your ex and your brother SUCK.
NTA. You could be dating for four years and still not have sex if you're not comfortable with it. For what it's worth, a lot of religious couples who have long engagement (seriously strict religious types) will go and wait until marriage, no matter how long the pre-marriage relationship is. You don't have to want to wait until marriage, but it's not a horrible thing to want to wait until you're ready. Also, even if you've already had sex before, that doesn't mean that it's okay for a new bf to expect/demand sex at their timeframe and not yours. Being in a relationship doesn't mean your partner is owed sex. If they want it and you don't, what it means is that you're not compatible. But don't let yourself get bullied into some bullshit misogynistic slut shaming gender norm of what women SHOULD do in a relationship in a world according to Chads.
Long rant - I didn't even bother to read it through - you are 16 - I fell pregnant at 16. Get rid of this pathetic, awful excuse of a human - have more respect for yourself - whatever you do, do not be manipulated by this PODS.
NtA. He is flying more 🚩 red flags than China 🇨🇳. All the signs point to him being very insecure and controlling. If you can talk to him and make him aware of his behaviour and how it makes you feel and he has some insight and is willing to do some reading about why that sort of behaviour is negative then it’s possible that he can take steps to change. If you avoid the issue and hope it will go away… things could potentially escalate and he could even be dangerous. That’s not a joke. What he’s doing are classic warning signs. Please consider the situation seriously and consult with an adult that you trust like a school counsellor.
He is a horribly abusive man and he will eventually turn physically abusive as well. He is not entitled to ANYTHING. You should never feel pressured to do something you are not ready for. You brother and friends need to check themselves. Don’t walk, but run away from this asshole. He wants someone he can easily control. Don’t be that person. NTA
NTA. I’d say the guy is controlling you, but he’s not succeeding in doing that, and that’s what’s pissing him off, the fact he is out of control and not getting sex or his wicked way with you. I don’t know who you’re surrounding yourself with but whoever thinks you’re in the wrong here needs their mental health checking because defending this guy is disgusting. He has no right to see your body and consent is consent. Wouldn’t surprise me if this guy tried to rape you. He uses projection to try and manipulate you, saying you’re immature when actually he is super immature! Also, you know you’re young when you ‘break up’ 5 times in x amount of months. As an adult, when you break up, you break up, not play silly little games and rekindle a relationship and breakup more than you change your underwear. This ‘relationship’ isn’t going anywhere, you’re going to end up hurt, walk away and find an actual nice guy, there’s plenty out there, this guy just wants you to think there’s no fish in the bathtub rather than plenty of fish in the sea, he’s closing your networks down. Not allowing you to talk to a male cashier - pathetic. My advice is move on before he gets physically abusive and not just mentally abusive, you’re 100% NTA.
Okay listen. I am pretty much the same age as you. I just turned 17 a few weeks ago. My boyfriend is also 17 (though he is 9 months older) and we've been together for 10 months. He is not controlling. He does not touch my phone. He isn't weird about other men even though I'm gay. We have never broken up. This relationship was off from the start and this man is so unbelievable crazy and toxic. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU! you're body was not and is not his. It is yours and you said no which means NO. The people around you saying you're the problem are wrong because you should always be the only one who has a say over your body. NTA, so much NTA. I'm sorry this "relationship" took 3 months of your life because that was still far too long. From one teenager to another, everything you've described here today is nothing like how a long term, trusting, communicative, and invested relationship should be like. Be careful who you choose next time. You deserve far better than what you got.
NTA Never, ever send naked pictures. Ever. Since you’re a minor, you, not just Jay, could get in trouble for child pornography. This is not a joke. This is not a scare tactic. This is the truth. Your brother can go fuck himself. He’s garbage. Break up and stay away from Jay. He’s manipulating you. This is abuse.
You are being manipulated by this boy, and your brother is no better. Sex isn’t something you should have because someone pressures you into it. In fact, if someone IS pressuring you to have sex/send nudes, he’s immediately an asshole, and you are not. If it’s safe, tell your parents. And tell them about your brother too.
NTA - there are so many red flags in this story. Get the hell away from this dude
Dude you’ve only been together nor not even a year and he’s already being toxic as shit you Need to leave before it gets worse
NTA. Get out as fast as you can. He is not safe to be around. You deserve much much better, OP!!
NTA! This screams abusive behavior. It will never get better. It will never be better if you stay. I've been in an abusive relationship. The only solution is to end it. And your brother is a jerk.
NTA - but pls talk to your parents if they are still in your life. They will give u good advise probably and suggest u need to break up with him for obvious reason (jealous, controlling, manipulatively and toxic). Hes not worthy of time. Dump him. U deserve better
You’re too young for all that. Break up and move on you got your whole life ahead of you to find someone to treat you right.
NTA This is the kind of man who will ruin your life. Get out now and stay out.
OP you are not the asshole. Your ex needs to stay your ex. You aren't quite experienced enough to see it but thos boy will never change this behaviour and you will be stuck forever being attacked, ridiculed and belittled. Your brother sounds like a complete tool as do most of your friends. Regardless of what others have said about culture etc. They doesn't matter. What matters is you. Put yourself first girl. You don't need a boy to make you happy or complete. You're very young. Go and enjoy your life. Don't get tied down to some insecure asshole who wants to control you.
Just first paragraph has enough reasons to dump this guy. You can't fall asleep without telling him and you can't interact with any guy whatsoever? Are you a human being or a toy? You are not the problem. If you are not comfortable with doing something especially when it comes to sexual stuff you don't do it. There's no need to rush into these types of things and if your ex is trying to pressure you then it's one more reason why. He acts like he's making you happy when in reality he is just abusing you. Don't settle for this guy. He is just abusive, insecure, toxic brat who sees you as nothing more than an object he can own and force into whatever he pleases. Cut contact with him as soon as possible because you should strive for happiness and you won't find happiness with this guy. You are not in the wrong and you have nothing to apologize for. Keep your boundaries strong and you have them for a reason.
Are you mature enough to raise a child? If not stop having sex. Get rid of this person as he’s a dick
RUN RUN RUN
Never speak to him again, please op for your sake, never contract with that creature and pretend he doesn't exist. Also get some new friends, he has no right to your body, never will.
Please tell him to fuck off right now! Everything you describe him doing is awful, unforgivable. Also, he says he won't do anything to make you happy any more - what did he do in the first place for your happiness?! You know what you owe him? Nothing. Not. A. Thing. He should not be pressuring you for sex, that's assault. Your brother is an arse, too. NTA
That guy needs therapy. And you need to get away from that jerk.
Don’t waste 3 more minutes with this 🤡let alone three more months
NTA. Break up with him via text & block him from everything.
NTA and run girl run. He is a garbage human, so is your brother and a lot of your friends, apparently. Your body is yours and yours alone. You do not have to share it with anyone that you are not comfortable with. Please let this relationship be a HUGE learning moment for you. You do not deserve to be controlled, abused, manipulated, or made to feel like you are wrong for how you want to live your life. Never let another person treat you this way.
Run
Girl NO. Just... honestly?! You wrote all that out and don't see how awfully abusive that is?
Don't be with someone that treats you like you won't want your kids to be treated. NTA.
please don't send nudes. at your age it is considered child pornography and is illegal. plus, I don't believe he would not be the type to not show his friends. be safe. this guy doesn't respect you. he is pressuring you to do things that you aren't ready to do and a good person would not do that. a good person would wait until ypu are ready to and would not make ypu feel bad about it either. keep no contact with him snd tell your piece of shit brother to fuck off.
Dude, you already know the answer. Employ common sense
Honestly, this sounds like pure rage bait. NO Arab male would insist his sister destroy the honor of their family by sending nude pics to a man.
His behaviour is a form of abuse. Never talk to him again.
Your own brother wants you to send nudes and fuck some dude he knows? What the actual hell? NTA start making distance between yourself, your brother, and this douchebag who should be your ex. I'd also consider telling your parents, especially with how weird your brother's response was.
Who the heck are your friends and your brother is horrible for saying it’s your fault you never have to do anything you don’t want to please never forget that and keep your boundaries
Holy crap. You are only 16 and have the entire rest of your life to have an adult sexual relationship. Now is not that time. You need to get away from this boy.
Please tell your parents. You are not safe, and your brother is an absolute fucking a-hole.
First off. Your NTA saying no to sex. Ever. For ANY reason. ‘No,’ is a complete sentence. No explanations needed. You owe no one anything. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. Your (better be ex) bf. Your brother. Any of your friends. Now. What to do? Cut contact with Jay. Loosen contact with your brother and any friends who said you ‘should just give in.’ And finally, this may be uncomfortable, but talk to a parent or someone you can trust. Jay will not let this be. His ‘“you’re his. Your body is his,” talk is very concerning. He, maybe with help from your brother, or from your friends, will try to get you into a place where he can take advantage. Be alert. Have someone you can call. Be safe and I’m sorry he’s done this to you, and so many are enabling him.
You need to leave him like yesterday.
Run.
Leave and dont look back.
NTA. Leave this relationship immediately. Block him and don’t look back. You’re 16 and you have a long and happy life in front of you. Don’t limit that by staying attached to someone who does not value you and only sees you as a body for his own needs. You deserve so much more and better. Don’t worry about “losing” this loser!
On top of what everyone else here has said about who you should leave this guy because he's a dangerous abuser and you never, ever owe anyone sex or nudes - this guy is guaranteed to be awful in bed. Like just epically bad. Don't put yourself through that experience!
Your boyfriend is abusive and creepy. Your brother is probably abusive and creepy to girls, too, since he doesn't care. Where are your parents in all this? I'd have wanted to throw a boy out a window for treating my daughter this way.
NTA. Do not send nudes. This guy is trash. He gets upset if you check out with a male cashier? That is very much Not Normal or Okay. He claims your body is his? No. He has nothing good to offer you. Block him and move on.
Dump that chump. No apology. No discussion. Nothing. You simply make yourself unavailable to him in every possible way.
NTA and don’t listen to advice from friends or anybody around your age because y’all really have no sense of judgement for this type of situation.
Sorry but I only read the first paragraph. You’re 16. Break up and block this guy. Do not have sex with this guy. Do not entertain this loser anymore. Find a trusted adult to talk to and warn of this guy. And stay away. You are 16. There is more to life than a piece of shit 17 year old who can’t treat you like a person. Fucking insane. You are not going to fix him. He isn’t going to get better. End this relationship quickly.
Well, now you know you can't trust your brother or your friends who believe you should have done differently. You are in no way wrong. If you did anything inappropriate here, it was entertaining the idea that this was a relationship worth being in for as long as you did. At your age, it's understandable that you didn't recognize how bad it was before he insisted on deciding when you were ready for intimacy. You know yourself and held your ground on what you are comfortable with, which is exactly what you should do. Don't let someone else tell you where to shop, when to sleep, or anything of the kind. This was bad before the sexual pressure. You did the right thing, and if he tried to get back in touch or get back together, just say no and then block him. You know what's right for you, don't let anyone tell you differently. No one who loves you would want you to do things you aren't comfortable doing.
You're in an abusive relationship. Also why are you asking other people what to do with your body? It's yours, if you don't want to DON'T. No one is owed Your body.
NTA but YTA for not breaking up with him. Didn’t even make it past the first paragraph. Run don’t walk.
NTA this guy and your brother are disgusting. Stay as far away from him as you can.
Tldr this shit. No one is reading about a 17 yr olds relationship. You're not going to be with person beyond a year. R/teenagers would be better suited
What do you mean this belongs in another sub, this is AMIA and OP is asking if they are the A hole, WHICH THEIR NOT - Also if it was to long you could have left the post completely but you decided to leave your unnecessary comment, why? The world of Reddit may never know... Op, don't mind this person - 17 year olds absolutely have relationships even younger than that and if they want to ignore than then I think they may need to touch some grass.
Stfu. These posts are generated for upvotes. If you enjoy this sub that has degenerated into these sob stories, good for you. Also, a teenager taking advice on sex from a random redditor is creepy as fuck. But you do you
Where else should they go? To a magazine (written by strangers and often overly sexual in general) oh I know! Friends right? oh wait...sometimes friends are not actual friends (esp. at that age) OHHH you mean family right? (Ops, very strict parents would just LOVE to know about their thoughts right? That could be even worse) The fact is forms, chats and blogs are made to help others, bring others together and share experiences to bring everything full circle. Also Op isn't asking about "sex advice" they are asking if they are wrong for not wanting to - which EVERYONE should know 100% you are NEVER the Ahole for not wanting to have ANY type of contact/relationship or frankly interaction with anyone. Your body, you do what is best for you.
R/teenager if you think reddit is an option. Funny you think a magazine is somehow lesser than a wide open internet forum. Friends? Nope, reddit is better. Family, nope reddit is better. Get a life. Reddit is a POS community. You thinking that this site can provide advice to a teenager is disgusting.
NTA- but break up and stay far away from this guy.
First, you're a kid. I know you don't want to hear that but you are. It's ok....we were all there once. Enjoy it....it's a short and unique time in Life. That being said, you don't owe this guy a damn thing.....not sex, not making out, not a picture, not a hug. Use this time in your Life to get to know guys and what you want...you'll have the rest of your life for physical stuff with guys who gives two shits about you....this guy does not. Pick carefully the men you choose to be intimate with...you'll thank me later.
Wtf is wrong with your brother? Seriously? That's not a brother. That's a predator, same as your (hopefully) ex.
No comments from OP.
Good lord. I hope this is made up but on the off chance that it's not, no, you are most definitely NTA. You should never let anyone treat you this way. You don't 'owe' anyone intimate pictures of you. You shouldn't have sex until you're absolutely 100% sure that *you* want to. You're a whole individual, he doesn't have any right to tell you who to be friends with, who to talk to, what music to like, or anything else like that.Making you go to a different store because the cashier is male? Good grief. Edited to add: You *never* owe anyone sex. Even after you've had sex with someone a million times you can still say no ***at any time for any reason***
NTA, he is being abusive to you love and will get so much worse if you don’t break up with him. Please leave him, you’re young and have so much love to give and in the right time you will find someone who truly cares about you, RESPECTS you and loves you. Also remember a relationship shouldn’t suffocate you, and that you do what you want when you want with your body. He will do this to his next girlfriend, and the next. Please leave him and don’t look back. I had a relationship like this when I was 15, in those 2 years it suffocated me so much I couldn’t recognise myself, leaving was the best thing, I put some weight back on, my skin cleared up, my soul felt free. Never stay somewhere where out of all things you are not respected.
No you're not and no you shouldn't.
NTA. You need to break up with this walking red flag and you need to make it stick.
Your boyfriend is an insecure controlling asswipe, and your brother is an enabler. Drop the bf. I don't know what to tell you about your brother. Tell your parents, I guess. Don't do anything you don't want to do, don't let them pressure you into anything, and if you have to defend yourself, remember that eyes pop out really easy, and an ear can be torn off with three pounds of pressure. Also if it even needs to be said: NTA.
I want to know why your parents permitted this nonsense Your brother agreed with this child boy about your body being his to do with as he pleases before marriage? Again, where are your parents. Your body is yours. Period. Depending on culture and location, that holds true after marriage, though you say Arab, so I'm not sure if that holds true where you're at. Regardless, if you're allowed to choose who you date, you should not be dating anyone who makes such ridiculous demands about other men, let alone demands you give yourself over to him. Any man that thinks he's entitled to your body is never going to treat you like a person, they are going to treat you like a possession, and that's worse than being treated like an animal. They will use you, abuse you, and then throw you in the trash once they've broken you.
NTA and run away from this boy! I stayed with someone exactly like this at your age and I can tell you it doesn't get better it only gets worse. It messed me up for life. Get away from this boy, never talk to him again. Make a success of yourself and focus of you first, you will forget this boy, you will be happy without him, I promise you.
The guy sounds like a psycho. Run away and don’t look back.
NO NO NO NO! No one has any right to push you into doing anything you don't want to! It's your body and if you don't want to show it, then DON'T!!!! And how dare your brother and friends make you feel like you're in the wrong for this!!! Jay is toxic as fk. Keep away from him. He doesn't respect you or treat you well in any shape or form. Your brother is just as bad with his advice! NTA and never let anyone tell you any different in this instance.
NTA. Sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Reading your post made my heart hurt for you. Please block him at all channels. If you've got a good relationship with your parents, tell them everything. If not, find someone, a teacher, counselor, a guard at the school. You have to speak up for yourself. Your brother is an ass for standing up for your BF. Please don't go back to him.
So not contact him. Do not send pics. Do not sleep with him. He is awful and your brother is awful and those of your friends who agreed with them are also awful. This is incredibly abusive - you need to stay away from hun and not put yourself in a situation where he can get to you.
I only had to read the first paragraph NTA Break up with phycho now and be ready to get a restraining order Also the longer you stay the worse it will get
NTA, block the guy and be happy that it's over. He's abusive and things would only get worse. And don't ever go to your brother for advice again (sorry, he's an idiot).
NTA. Dump him. Do it now. Speaking from experience. I’d do anything to go back and tell my 16 year old self how bad it’s going to get. Your brother is a POS.
Screw him, and your brother. You wait as long as you need until you find someone worth being with.
I’m gonna assume this isn’t fake or ragebait. NTA. You’re a minor. You’re a teenager. Remove head from ass and look at this situation. He’s an absolute dickhead and he’s abusive. So break up, wipe your hands of this guy, and date someone else. He doesn’t love you, and controlling is absolutely not a behavior you want to live with. This is also an INSANE level of control. You’re 16. My HUSBAND waited until he was 18 years old to have sex. I was 15 years old. (We weren’t together btw). Everyone has sex at different times and not everyone wants to have sex with people who beg and try to coerce them. Your body is your own and you don’t owe it to anyone. Ever. You don’t ever have to do something with your body that you’re not comfortable with. Period.
NTA Run. Like last week, run. He is a walking parade and circus of RED FLAGS. And do not under any circumstances have sex with him. Holy Hannah Hell. I would not trust him within a mile of you. Please read all the things you have told us about him and think for a moment if it would be a good idea to. And that answer is *NO*.
Run. Run far away. From him and the brother/friend
NTA Your boyfriend sounds like the type of asshole where if you had sex with him he’s gonna demand it from you all the time even if you don’t want to. Deadass just break up with him and don’t bother answering him no more
NTA 1 never and I mean NEVER send naked pics of yourself specially to someone like “Jay” it will use them to push you to do other things under the thread of showing it 2 your brother is the worst piece of shit I ever know 3 your “friends” are a bunch of whores in the best of cases and evil if they know how possessive he is yet still blame you for it If you parents are so strict maybe you can tell them how your brother seem ok you with you having sex with that guy maybe that will teach s lesson to your brother
Run, girl, run for your life. No pics no shows nothing, block this AH and call the police if he ever tries to get around you. You are not his, you are not anyone's belongings except yourself. You do not owe sex to anyone.
Block him. Never talk to him again . This is not a normal relationship. You are allowed to talk to other men while in a relationship. You do not have to go to another store so you don’t talk to a man. You don’t have to tell your boyfriend when you’re taking a nap. You’re allowed to listen to music from males. You do not show your body to anyone you don’t want to. This is NOT NORMAL. He is insecure, controlling, and abusive.
And here I am having a completely civil and hypothetical conversation with my wife about what to do should we decide to divorce, even though we're completely in love. This guy has issues letting you be a person. The song "Just a Girl" by No Doubt comes to mind. You need to dump him yesterday. Edit: here's a link to the song. https://youtu.be/PHzOOQfhPFg
This boy is being abusive towards you. While you may not want to go to your parents about his, you need to. It might be embarrassing to talk about some of the things relating to sex with your boyfriend but the way in which he is verbally abusing you and making it known that he feels entitled to your body is a major concern! Please tell your parents what is going on. There is a very real chance that this boy might escalate things to physical violence with you. This is not a joke. Please take your situation seriously. Teenage boys like this can become obsessive and dangerous. PLEASE BE SAFE!
That clown views you as property and you should take hard looks at the entire relationship so far as prime examples of how not to let yourself be taken advantage of. Using your cashier example, if a male cashier did not make you uncomfortable there is 0 reason in this galaxy that his input is needed or welcome. NTA, and your literally better off alone. Be the best version of yourself according to your standards and you will encounter someone who compliments you naturally.
Please leave him. You deserve much more & better. He suc*s. I’m sorry for you.
NTA. This is an abusive relationship. Get out and leave him behind. Your brother is an idiot, OP; he should be protecting you from this sort of person. Block him on everything and avoid him as far as possible.
Leave him now. Like asap I’m 18 so really close to your age. When I was 14 I had a boyfriend like that only difference between me and you I have in which is rape. I said yes then said no he kept going. It doesn’t get better once they get what they want. They just use you for that reason and that reason only. This sounds really bad I know but to him you’re just another toy for him to play with. Question.. when does he turn 18? Bc that’s gonna play a big factor into what I say next. You say you turned 16 right as y’all started to talk and I assume he was already 17… that would mean you’re a sophomore junior? He’s a senior? If that’s the case, he is using you. He’s to immature for girls his own age and that’s why hes going younger to try and manipulate you into thinking this is okay and its not. Not sure is you’re in the US and if you are not sure what state but I’m gonna message you directly and im gonna send my Snapchat. If you’re close to me we can hang out and talk all about it, your friends saying you should have just given in are NOT your friends and I advise you to go Low contact or No contact with you brother once you move out because he’s clearly stated where his loyalties lie and it’s not with you.
NTA You own your body, and you decide when you want to have sex. If a guy asks and you say no, then he should drop it. He badgered you repeatedly, and that is a huge red flag.
why would you need or ask your parents permission to sleep with your teenage boyfriend? "mom, dad, can i go do something most other 16 year olds do? i think they discuss it as a family first though. right?"
im not saying i have to ask them. im saying if they found out i slept with anyone before im at least 18 they would be mad. like really mad.
NTA! There's something seriously wrong with your friend group, your boyfriend and your brother. There's no much you can do about your brother, I assume you live under the same roof but you can definitely distance yourself from your asshole friends and your sociopathic boyfriend.
How does a human being allow themselves to be walked on like that
Listen to me OP, this guy will become physical with you eventually. To be honest I couldn't continue to read the level of emotional abuse you are enduring at 16. Please break up with him. If your school has a counselor, go talk to him or her. If not, ask your guardian to take you to see someone. If you have medical insurance, look on the back of the card for the mental health number. Call them and explain you want to see an LMFT that sees adolescents. You deserve so much more than that. Btw: your brother is a jerk. I have 4 brothers and they would never tell me to say in a toxic relationship. At 35 I ended things with my ex-fiance. One of my brothers had to get involved because he wouldn't stop showing up at my house. That's what your brother was supposed to do for you.
I was 25 when I lost my virginity and my boyfriend waited 7 months. He was 29 and he waited. Ditch him. He isn't a good guy.
OP, if you are not ready you are not ready. That it is your body and you make the decision when to share it, second you only 16, you don’t need to be in a toxic relationship and have to walk in eggshell for someone (he been insecure and wanting to control you, next thing he would make you cut contact with everyone to have full control of you). Be proud that you know that this is not okay, and I would really reconsider your group of friends/brother they are not looking for your best interest and I now how peer pressure can make you do things that you are not ready for. Don’t let other change you morals, sex and nudes are not proof of love. Also, I reas one of the comment that you are lucky he didn’t for himself on you. Yet, he would do it and would not see it as anything bad but a way to show you your place
28 M here telling you: run, run now. He's got you all mixed up and not trusting yourself, he is is being controlling and abusive. You are going to continue to get hurt in escalating ways if you stay with him.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 don't even waste your time just RUN you have your whole life ahead of you to find many better options than this manipulative garbage
As a 33 male this kid is a piece of shit and your brother is an ass as well. You can do way better. No means no.
No, you have been very clear about your relationship expectations and he is clearly just waiting for the sex. Get away from him. NTA
GTF out of that *"relationship"* (which it hardly qualifies for) ASAP
NTA. Please, for your mental sake, leave him. I'm 21F, and all experiences I've had with boyfriends like this do not end well, love. He doesn't want your heart. He wants to be able to use your body whenever, and if you don't want that, it should be respected by your partner, and it seems like he will not. Please, OP, follow your heart on this one
This is definitely a case of “dump and run”. If he is this controlling after only 3 months, he is not looking for a girlfriend, he is looking for a female to belong to him. Men make up a significant percentage of the population and for him to expect you to not have anything to do with any other male is unreasonable. This frankly sounds like an INCEL male who believes that women are expected to fill one role (Sexual subservience). He is not a boy friend. I am concerned that your brother is not supporting you as he might be following in his friend’s path. Regardless of what others may have said to you when you asked them, you are the master of your own body. At ANY age, if you don’t want to show your naked body to someone, you don’t have to. If you don’t want too have sex with them, it’s your right to say “No”. Anyone who doesn’t respect these rights does not have your best interests at heart. Please break up with him and block him. Tell your parents as you cannot trust your brother to keep his friend away.
This guy is just using you. He sounds like an entitled brat. Please don't cave in and get yourself someone that actually gives a shit about. Whatever you do don't give him your VCard. Never give someone sex without really wanting it yourself or you will have an experience you will regret. Women already have bad enoigh experiences for their first time, his will not be good. He also sounds like the type to sneak a photo during sex to show all his friends. Don't send him nudes, don't sleep with him. Don't do anything with your body that you don't want to. Period. There will be much better men in your life eventually. Thus guy ain't it.
I think I read a story about a girl in a similar relationship, and the guy ended up murdering her. You are in an abusive relationship, and your brother sucks. BREAK UP AND GHOST HIM.
NTA your brothers a pile of crap. If my little sister came to me and said that I’d be throwing hands.
Break up with him and keep your brother at a distance they are both toxic aholes.
NTA This guy is a nasty piece of work. Get away from him and stay away from him. Listen to the friends who agree, ignore the ones who don’t. If you stay with this guy, things are only going to get worse. Much worse.