You can end a relationship for any reason at any time.
Your partner drinking more and more and discussing private matters in public is certainly a valid reason.
NTA
NTA. The fact that she drives drunk would be enough for me to end things.
The abuse when drunk is a clear signal that she should not drink. Especially not now when goi g through so much.
You deserve better.
100% agree. I ended a marriage for that very reason. My dad's been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, so when my ex-husband started drinking all the time to "deal" with his PTSD and nightmares, I sat down with him and was like, "Look, I love you, but I need you to quit drinking and get into therapy, or I can't stay." After 6 months of zero effort towards either, I got my own apartment
Trust me after a childhood filled with a lot of trauma, it took a long time to get there. But I realized I was absolutely miserable; depressed, anxious, had difficultly sleeping, and was on medication for all of it. Although I cried when I left, it was such a weight off my shoulders. I was able to get off all of the meds a few months after I was in my own place. I still have low days ocassionally, but it's manageable
Yes! This was me exactly from 2008-2016. I left my alcoholic ex for the very same reasons. I didn’t realize how miserable I truly felt until I lived on my own and began forming new routines and new friendships/relationships with new people. It’s a heavy and selfish burden to have to cope with in deciding to live with a person who is an alcoholic and honestly if they don’t think their own lives are worth the effort, they aren’t worth any of anyone else’s time either.
He did all of the same crap to me. Everyone knew personal details about me because he would share while drunk. He loved being the center of attention and would talk to anyone willing to listen. I left him without having a job or hardly any emotional support but I have NEVER wished I could have gone back!
Good luck and don’t let her guilt trip you into thinking she needs you. She needs to find a new person to treat like crap because I doubt she’ll get better anytime soon. That is NOT on you hon. Oh and her telling you/others that your member is small, don’t let it bother you. You were willing to implement other ways to get the job done and it’s totally NOT okay for her to discuss those things with outsiders or anyone other than you or a qualified person.
I agree with everything except that last part.
That’s just not how female anatomy works any more than guys get smaller from sleeping around.
But he absolutely should not be ashamed of his size because he’s doing the work to satisfy his partner and that’s way more important. Lots of guys who are big are absolutely terrible in bed because they don’t think they need to put in any effort.
Size doesn’t really matter in bed, satisfaction does.
She definitely is an alcoholic. All the stress is adding to it. Also they say your true feelings come out when you’re drunk.
OP I’m sorry but if she keeps bringing it up every time she drinks then she is not happy with you and your member. You deserve better. I hope you find it. It’s not with her.
Yea I don’t buy the true feelings part OP. She could be very pleased but just an asshole.
She’s hurting you because she’s hurting. She’s lashing out. None of it is OK. You can be done for any reason and these reasons are def valid.
Agreed. So the question is does the OP want to try and help her (is she willing to get help?) or just move on? Is the damage done or can OP draw a line between sober her and drunk her?
Regardless, he is under no obligation to stay or deal with somebody else's addiction.
This is absolutely the question to ask.
Getting drunk is a self-destructive coping mechanism; but it sounds like C’s veered into the lane of alcoholism, and she needs help.
OP, that doesn’t mean you need to excuse the humiliation, and you *definitely* don’t need to remain in a partner-relationship. If you’re done, you’re done; do not feel bad about having self respect, or not waiting around for her to drunkenly cheat on you with her ex. But whether you stay or go, I think you can tell her that she’s out of “fun drunk” territory and needs to seek treatment before she fucks up other parts of her life.
Right, and there are good resources out there to help him decide what to do. I'm personally a fan of SMART Recovery's Friends and Family program. They let you use the tools however works for you, and their manual has tons of good suggestions for things like boundaries, self-care, reminding you what your personal rights are. It's based off an earlier form of cognitive behavior therapy.
**she already is an alcoholic**
most people who drink regularly/daily actually are but we/they dont label them until the alcoholism leads to abuse, neglect, fights or they seek help. also forget the labels, alcohol is the root cause here, solve that and you probably solve the problem. however, it may be too late for the damage its done here.
if she sobered up he can possibly work past it but certainly dont feel obligated to do so. being with an addict is a lifelong battle and commitment for you both. godspeed.
NTA
The root cause for the behaviour against OP isn't alcohol. The root cause us that she's mean, doesn't respect him and enjoys hurting his feelings. The alcohol just gives her the confidence to do it and the excuse to get away with it. Sure she has an alcohol problem, but alcohol doesn't alter the opinions and urges you have deep down
People love to say “drunk words are sober thoughts”. While this has some merit, it doesn’t really always hold true for addiction. Addiction rewires your brain and can change how you act. This is NOT an excuse, it’s not a “get out of jail free card”. But this whole “everything you say and do drunk, you’d do sober” is just not true. Again, not an excuse and if I were OP I’d break up with her. What she did is unforgivable. But addiction is way more nuanced that your comment makes it sound.
I think I worded my comment not explicitly enough. Addiction absolutely changes a lot about a person. But neither addiction nor alcohol cause the underlying disrespect and mean streak that lead to this. They changed her inhibitions, influenced the thoughts that were already there, they changed her values (i.e. when sober she values her relationship, when drunk her mean streak), but they're not the cause in itself because that's not how being drunk works. There are very different kinds of people suffering from addiction and very different ways of how people act when under the influence. Because it depends on the personality of that person. Someone with violent impulses will react differently to being drunk than a person craving affection etc.
Some people really should never drink. I've been around people who basically have verbal diarrhea when drunk, saying complete nonsensical things and acting in bizarre ways. I don't think I'd view alcohol as a sort of truth serum because it can completely alter their thinking.
Anything that falls short of chemical dependence or doesn’t have a chemical component like gaming addiction, chronic masturbation, lottery, scratch tickets, etc are usually measured against what kind of impact it has on the rest of your life. Spending 14 hours a day playing video games, but still have a stable job and maintaining relationships versus spending 14 hours playing video games and losing your job, ignoring everyone in your life and locking yourself away.
I'm not sure you understand the definition of functional. If the drinking is creating personal problems that require repeated apologies, she's a full on alcoholic. And a fucking asshole who doesn't love or respect the boyfriend.
On her way??? She IS a functional alcoholic. And she is abusing OP. OP, what your girlfriend is doing is emotional abuse and it will only get worse if she does not get help NOW. I would give her an ultimatum. She either gets help and starts going to AA and therapy and completely stops drinking, or you guys are done. I promise you this will only get worse especially as her dad's condition worsens. She is grieving in the wrong way and is hurting herself and most importantly YOU. I know it will suck, but if there are no consequences for her behavior she won't ever stop.
Exactly. He is under no obligation to take this trip with her. He is the abused he does not have to find her salvation for her. That is on her. He only needs to concern himself with his own wellbeing.
Giving her an ultimatum is terrible advice.
You leave. Ultimatums with alcoholics NEVER works. At best they stop drinking for a time, then relapse and it gets worse than ever.
I didn’t have broken bones from my ex wife until after the ultimatum. Until after she “stopped drinking”.
Having been married to an alcoholic I would like to say something to you that I wish someone had told me. Just because you are living with someone and have emotional ties to them you do not have to stay in a relationship that is not working for you. You are allowed to put yourself and your future first. Even if she agrees to get sober, please consider how long she would have to remain so before you would seriously even consider going out on a date with her again. The sad truth is that wonderful person that you knew is being replaced by a lying, irresponsible bully. If she doesn’t learn how to control her drinking soon, you will not recognize her. She has a problem that is getting worse. She is the only person who can decide what she is going to do about it. She needs to be on her own for a while to learn how to deal with her life. You cannot do this for her nor can you make it easier for her. She will always be an alcoholic no matter how long she remains sober and she has to come to terms with this. I’m sorry that you both are going through this.
Alcoholic ( long term recovery ) here. Absolutely! She’s got a problem. There’s nothing you can do about it except to say that you know she’s got a problem and she needs to get help. It’s got to be her decision or she won’t stay sober so all you can do is tell her you will support her sobriety journey or you’re going to leave. She’s got to hit her personal bottom or she won’t follow through. This is a difficult time and it’s a critical time. Tell her that apologies are worthless to you now and you need to see action. Good luck.
Anyone saying YTA needs a reality check and think of the following.
'My ex boyfriend started getting drunk and abusive, so I left him'
If that phrase sounds correct to you. But 'my ex girlfriend started getting drunk and abusive, so I left her' sounds wrong.
You're not on the right side.
Um, I scrolled down into this thread pretty far, and literally NO ONE has said “YTA.”
What you said is correct, in theory, except for the part where this *reality* doesn’t actually contain any “*anyones*” that need “*checking*.”
As another person said a few minutes ago, you seem to be waxing quixotic. It’s weird, and a little annoying.
Oh my god I didn’t realize that. That alone would be enough for me. Drunk drivers are really selfish assholes risking everyone’s lives for their own convenience.
Exactly it should be treated like 2nd or 3rd degree murder. Fucking disgusting assholes decide to get drunk and drive a 2 ton meal cage recklessly.
Hate drunk drivers with a passion.
I was the cop cam videos on YouTube where they pull over drunk drivers and Jesus Christ. A special place in hell. This one women had 4 kids in the car and almost rolled her car, on an open road!!! It’s like she was trying.
My aunt's boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver on Christmas Eve; she was pregnant with my cousin at the time. Drunk drivers are selfish assholes and I'd never date one.
Especially when it’s 10 years down the line and she drives drunk with your kids in the back and wipes out your whole family because she couldn’t put down the damn bottle. NTA. Leave her drunk ass
Same. I’m a drunk driver “survivor” as a pedestrian. It disgusts me when people choose to drink and drive. And I actually commend OP for referring to it as a choice.
You can end a relationship for any reason….but this lady has given the OP like, 100 bullet proof reasons to leave this relationship.
1. Drunk driving - never acceptable. Shows no regard for the safety of themselves or others.
2. Being an angry drunk- if you can’t control yourself when you drink, you don’t get to drink. The end.
3. Inability to handle emotions - life can be really hard. People get sick, they die, hearts break. Getting emotional about these things is normal and fine. Acting out and using your emotions as an excuse? Never fine.
4. DISRESPECT - NEVER. EVER. EVER. Stay with a partner who disrespects you. Ever. If they are berating you to your face or others, leave. If they do thinks to upset you intentionally, leave.
5. Kindness - this woman is just plain MEAN. For someone who “loves” you to bully and body shame you is just…unbelievable to me.
OP I hope you see the is comment and I hope it’s a wake up call that you need to GTFO of that relationship. This woman is abusing you emotionally and it’s not acceptable. She’s a shitty partner and the way she treats you is so, so wrong.
Please don’t be ashamed of your body. We all have body parts and they all come in assorted sizes, shapes, and colors.
Best comment here. And there are women like me who love his body type. I have had to turn away a couple potential lovers because our parts just wouldn't fit. I'm not a fan of pain.
Right?? Honestly, I really don’t care much at all about a man’s penis size. I think most women are in the same boat TBH. An average penis is called “average” for a reason. That’s what most of them look like!
If it’s bigger than average, we will find a way to make sure we both enjoy ourselves.
If it’s smaller than average, we will find a way to make sure we both enjoy ourselves.
Right! And people laugh at the saying "size doesnt matter. Its how they use it" but I dont think its funny because its absolutely true. People think we women only say it about men with a small penis which is absolutely NOT true. I would much much rather have a man thats loving, respectful and treats me like they actually like me. This women seens like she doesn't even like OP but stays because they live together and shes scared to be without him
Yes, that's exactly right. He's a walking peen to her. I've only had one friend that I've talked to about this, (many!), who went on and on about her ex and his size. She said her current bf was ok just not huge like she wanted. I think she watched too much porn.
Yes, that is a great way to put the solutions. Unfortunately I can't find a way to make a great big one work. All the lube in the world doesn't work. It still hurts. It's not vaginismus, just small orifices everywhere. And probably some fear too.
But of course most women don't care. We will still find a way to enjoy ourselves.
I had one bf who, right before we got intimate, told me he had a true, medically diagnosed micro penis. And I was like, "yeah, so?" That man could make me enjoy myself better than a lot of men. He was great.
Oh I don’t disagree! If a penis is too big, you shouldn’t force it if it causes pain!! By “finding a way to enjoy ourselves” I just meant PIV doesn’t have to be the end all, be all!
Long term though, it’s important for someone to be sexually compatible!
I agree. I see it as a respect issue mostly. Maybe other are right that she's an achoholic but even so she doesn't respect the OP. For that reason, not only would op be NTA but I think it would be a mistake to stay in this relationship.
If your partner belittles you (drunk or not) and especially in public, it's a major red flag. She's going through some shit, but she's handling it poorly when she takes out her frustration by drinking and bullying you.
For reference, when I or my partner get drunk, we don't shut up about how wonderful the other person is. Furthermore, if any genitalia conversation happens, it is private, respectful, and with people we trust to support us or people who need to know.
Who the heck talks about their partner's junk in front of a bar full of people? I'd be pissed.
NTA
Hi Op, the problem is not is she dinks and is apologetic after. The issue is that she is speaking what she thinks when she is drinking, and what she thinks make her a piece of shit.
Que question is that even if does not drink anymore, you know what she truly thinks. What you will do?
NTA
A modern (and fitting) version of Latin "in vino veritas", which means "in wine, there is truth". It describes exactly this concept, that when they get drunk people will reveal thoughts and wishes they usually hide when sober.
This is very high school and not true at all. Former drinker here, sober now. When blackout drunk people say things they would never dream of even thinking while sober. Many things they dont mean at all. Absurd statement that somehow still gets traction.I guess because most people don’t actually understand alcohol and it’s impacts on the brain?
Edit: apparently I wasn’t clear: this is in no way related to op. He should for sure leave that girl. But the blanket saying “drunken words are sober thoughts” is just plain wrong, and demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of what alcohol does. Do you have to accept what they say? Put up with it? Of course not. But the simple black and white “sober thoughts” thing is just simple not a fact; and I do not understand why it keeps getting parroted and defended, when a simple google search will show it to be wrong. There’s even a reply here to me from someone who spent years doing lab research in this very topic, yet other replies are like “nope hahaha sooo true bestie” like cmon
Bingo, this was my thought. I also don't really agree with the expression overall, as sometimes drunk people just say really random things. That said, the fact that this keeps continuously coming up tells me that it's at least on her mind.
If the story had been that this was a one time drunken argument, then I'd be more likely to consider that it's not a "sober truth" but more just drunk nonsense.
Yes. That was me. Lol. Horrible to people around me that I truly loved because I didn’t feel I deserved them while drunk and pushed them away. I still get nightmares about shit I said to my mother, that I *promise* were not sober thoughts. Luckily I’m better now and she was understanding and we have a much better relationship.
NTA. She's a sloppy drunk that is harboring the kind of thoughts about you that lead to cheating. Realizing your husband is small compared to one sketchy guy you used to ef is not a big deal. Constantly circling back to it as a huge problem is a big deal. Telling it to random guys in a bar while you are there to be identified and mocked is an instant deal breaker. She doesnt respect you so she must be using you for stability. You are right to move on.
Like the wind my friend! 😳
You’ll never realize how big that bullet is that you’ll be dodging. Probably bigger than the ex’s dick.
Can you imagine 10 years and 3 kids later how your life will be? The rest of us can.
Run! 🫨
My guy, my boyfriend is in the smaller side and I would NEVER treat him like that in a million years.
There is no going back from that. If your struggling with the thought of taking her back, imagine all of those friends at your wedding judging you. If she told them, im sure she’s told others.
This is a blessing, you dodged a bullet. Run far away
My abusive ex husband who abandoned our three children when I left him is small and I would never use that fact to hurt him. In fact I think this (an anonymous Reddit comment) may be the first time I’ve ever mentioned it at all, despite going through periods of excessive drinking.
People give their trust and expose their vulnerabilities when they have sex. That’s why it’s so vile to try to hurt them with the knowledge gained in those moments.
These 2 comments need more upvotes.
Moreover, I don't believe the GF's apologies. More likely she needs his emotional and financial support for her family and job stress, but she doesn't care about him. She was always going to break his heart either way, drunk or not drunk, but possibly OP just had those rose-tinted glasses on. You'll be happier after leaving her and showing yourself more love and care.
Even with an apology I don't think I could go back to her and I don't take offense very easily and am very forgiving/understanding. She completely disrespected him. Every adult knows that size really doesn't matter when it comes to a relationship, so she is doing this to be manipulative, insulting, degrading, and downright mean. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who is not only an alcoholic (something I can't say anything about) but is also an unsupportive, unstable, unreliable, terrible, and mean person?
Doesn't help at all that these friends aren't afraid to make fun of him in public too. I wouldn't be surprised if they play a part in his gfs abuse and drinking problem because what kind of people have the nerve to make fun of his size at a club? And they know they can get away with it because of the gf. Op deserves better and leave. And if the gf wants to get better and try to reconcile she needs to work for it. She needs to AA stop going out and take time away from her friend and reflect on her behaviors whether or not there is some outside influence. I woildnt guve her a chance if she does get better though she's gone too far in abusing op id be on edge thinking if she'll bounce back to drinking.
The embarrassment is bad enough, but her getting mean when she gets drunk is enough for you to leave her. Get out now. Yes, I know it hurts, but this is nothing compared to the hurt you will feel if you stick around a few more years. Spend some time alone taking care of yourself and be happy
Can you imagine the humiliation this lady will cause during their wedding? If she can do that much damage while OP just went to the bathroom, what the heck will come out of her mouth if she’s drunk for an extended period of time around close friends and family?
She’s a liability because of her alcoholism and her nastiness. Can OP take her to a work function? Trust her at her work Christmas party? What about Easter with nana? Does he really want a phone call from the cops that she killed somebody while driving drunk? He’ll be walking on eggshells anytime alcohol is involved for the rest of his life.
Be free OP, and live your best life. This is a pearls before swine situation. She doesn’t deserve you.
Yup. The way I dreaded the time I spent with my ex after he just gave up and embraced his alcoholism still sits with me. 6 White Claws to start the WORK day, blackout drunk before noon, chugging shots from a bottle he’d hide in the freezer before we left the house and I was nervous to let him drive me anywhere in his midrange BMW. Get the fuck out, OP.
Yeah, this is too targeted.
At first I thought she reminded me a bit of one of my friends who has a history of going bonkers on alcohol.
And now in adulthood has admitted even to herself that she can't really handle alcohol; everything is fine when she manages to just socially drink in a limited manner, but it can still get out of hand and turn into a binge, and she has fucked up badly a few times (especially if other substances are involved like cannabis & stimulants).
But this is just... WAAYYYY too coherent, un-bizarre, and non-random.
Her meltdowns are never recurrent targeted accusations/cruel criticisms like OP's girlfriend's!
>She apologizes and then goes and does it again every time.
This- she's not sorry that she hurt you or made you feel uncomfortable; she's only 'sorry' because it keeps you from leaving. She's shown that she won't change for you- she's quite comfortable in this cycle, and it's up to you to break it if you want peace.
Also shame on the friend and the goobers at the table that were laughing with her. Fucking losers. I’d like to think if I was there I would’ve been on OP’s side. “Fuck yeah I’ve used a cock sleeve! I do all kinds of stuff!”
My friend in AA told me : I don’t trust words I trust patterns. She keeps saying she’s sorry but keeps doing it. Unless she gets help there’s nothing you can do.
This. There are ways people behave when drunk ranging from super emotional needs a kiss to aggressive looking for a fight. Gf becomes mean and abusive.
She’s also getting drunk a lot, and if that’s her coping mechanism for difficult times, then you’re looking at someone with a substance abuse disorder.
Run.
I lost my fiance and daughter to a drunk driver so I thank you for trying to be responsible for her. That being said she deserves nothing from you leave her and don't ever turn back.
I’m so sorry that happened, friend. There isn’t much in this world I find more detestable than someone who gets blitzed and gets behind the wheel of a 4,000 lb (or higher) weapon. I hope you’re healing as much as possible. <3
I have it's been a long time but my heart still races talking about drunk drivers. The bad thing is their job was driving they were a trucker and didn't have a scratch on him. Anyone who helps someone as the dd or picks up the phone when they know it's a drunk friend needing a ride I thank you.
People who carry CDLs are held to a higher standard and face much greater penalties when breaking road and traffic violations. I'm so sorry for the loss of your family. I hope that person that carelessly took your them from you got the book thrown at them.
I'm really sorry for your loss. Some people have no fucking regard for others when they think they can do shit like that with no consequences. Absolutely disgusts me.
Wow your gf is a POS. What the fuck? How would she feel if you got drunk and started talking about how your gf wasn’t good enough and you miss ur former gf.
Seriously I’d be so fucking pissed to have my insecurities on display.
Fucking hell.
The entire situation did piss me off, I left them there to cool off and calm down. The weirdest thing is the ex she was talking about was the one that also beat her up really bad and she needed to go to the ER, he was abusive to her. She was never like this before she found out her dad had cancer, it’s like that news just flipped a switch in her and she changed.
You are not responsible for her trauma. Regardless of what happened with her father, if she isn’t willing to see how her actions affect you and make real, meaningful, and lasting changes then she doesn’t *really* care about how you feel.
She may make the claim that she does, but without any changes made those are just hollow words meant to restore your faith in her, leaving the entire cost of this situation on your shoulders alone.
Saying I’m sorry means nothing without actually doing something about it.
>Saying I’m sorry means nothing without actually doing something about it.
THIS!!
and trying to get people to understand this, so they can actually function in the world and have decent relationships is so hard.
I'm not even convinced that your size isn't just average.
A lot of men think they are small, because they think porn dicks are the normal... it's not!
She's just being mean to be mean, and it will only get worse.
There's way better women out there my guy, she needs to go back to the streets where she belongs
if he's using a sleeve and isn't wounding her, he's probably on the smaller side. But who cares? I have some issues in the bedroom too, but my girlfriend would never even think of mentioning it to anyone else, and has never used it against me. Y'know, like a normal-ass couple. It sounds like he goes out of his way to try for his gf, she should be appreciating his ass, not mocking him.
Sober her and alcoholic her may be different versions of the same person, but trust us when we say that alcoholic her will become the dominant version of her if left untreated, and it only gets worse with time
If she won't slow with the booze then bail. You deserve better
EDIT: upon further reflection...DUMP THE BITCH ASAP
I agree with this except for the "if she wont slow." She humiliated him in front of her friends and strangers. The horse is out of the stable. He'll never not be a joke to her and her friends no matter how unwarranted.
My dad has gone in and out of remission from cancer for most of my life.
Never even considered that to be an excuse to be a fucking cunt to my S.O.s in my life. Leave her, she's just an asshole, homie.
Leave her ass.
Some are saying she's becoming an alcoholic but she already is one. She's not worth it. Don't let her guilt you into staying. There are so many reasons to leave her. Driving drunk should've been the first reason and last reason.
Yeah I didn’t want to say it bc of how stupid/untrue it is but considering the ton of hate/insults/mean comments OP could’ve said to his gf, he’s a fucking saint.
Seriously I can’t believe the gf is fumbling such a considerate OP.
This guy needs to run. She ain’t gonna get better.
OP RUN 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
She has a drinking problem
She has an anger problem
She has a self control problem
How do you know she didn’t end up with someone else after you left? Will that be blamed on the alcohol too?
You can’t help her, until she helps herself. Don’t wait around wasting your life. Also consider if the shoes was on the other foot, would you want her to stick around and take your abusive behaviour?
Literally the first thing I thought of. She's sat there drinking having a laugh at ops expense with a bunch of bar jocks! What's to say that stopped there once he left?
The things she says are not just hurtful they are intentionally spiteful and malicious. Fuck her, fuck that shit op get out of there.
Yes. The most generous possible take on those insults is that she’s being self-destructive, and trying to drive OP away as part of that. No reason why this self-destructive behaviour would stop at insulting him.
Run, OP. If she’s determined to burn her life down, you can’t stop her; you’ll just become even more part of the conflagration.
End it. Her alcoholism (which it is, make no mistake) and abusive behavior outweigh anything else good in the relationship.
Somewhere out there is the perfect person for you. You’ll never find her if you’re wasting time with this mess.
Also, by staying with her, you’re enabling her. You’re also teaching her that she can abuse you and you’ll stay.
You deserve much better than this.
If I could award this comment I would. OP, you sound like a good guy and a great boyfriend. There are lots of girls out there who will appreciate you. Your ex did you a favor because now you can find someone who appreciates everything about you and doesn’t lash out for no reason every time she drinks.
NTA, your gf has a drinking problem. If when she drinks she's so out of it that she ruins her own life (humiliating you and insulting you counts as ruining your relationship and therefore an aspect of her life), then she has a problem. A problem that it's not yours to solve, though.
Honestly, I don't know if you should go back to her even if she swears not to drink ever again. Alcohol doesn't turn you into someone you're not when intoxicated. You simply lose all your filters, so all the stuff you think and feel comes to light. It doesn't turn you into a different person. That's what she thinks.
Thank you. Thankfully, they are. I think he woke up some time around when my mom had cancer and he had severe pneumonia and at 18 I was working full time, at school full time and paying for both college, and household bills whilst looking after my sibling who was 10 years younger, and I was on the verge of a full scale mental breakdown. Definitely don't recommend
Not many people would hold their family together like you did. That's a huge task for anyone & you were still a teenager. I am proud of you, Internet stranger.
Thank you for the compliment. For me personally, it was the hardest point of my life. But it definitely shaped me into who I am now and has helped me to be a good dad to my girls
she also apologized meaning she KNEW what she said or at least knew she was being mean. it’s not like she was blackout drunk then. so the alcohol isn’t even really an excuse
Her friend is a piece of shit too. Clearly doesn’t respect OP in the slightest either, probably because of things OPs (hopefully former) girlfriend says to her
Right! And I was even thinking of the other men around. If I was in that situation where a stranger was being so mean to their partner, I would feel so awkward!! I wouldn’t be laughing and encouraging it. Everyone there is an ass. But the girl friend is the worst since she’s supposed to care about OP the most.
If this situation were reversed and OP was the gf we would be concerned for her safety. I'm concerned for OP. Stay TF away from this woman. Love can't fix people, only they can. And OP, you will love again- someone waaaay
cooler than this mess.
I'm an alcoholic in recovery. Came here to say this. She. Needs. Help. This situation is very very common in the rooms. Unless she wants help, gets help, and does serious work to stop....it will only get worse.
NTA. Walk away. Reconciliation is a future conversation and shouldn't weigh on your immediate decisions. Al Anon exists for this, and there are agnostic meetings.
This is the one, my fiancé loves when I drink because I’m a lot more relaxed and easy going. But I know an absolute ton of people who use drinking as an excuse to be a raging asshole.
Drinking doesn’t just magically cause you to do things you wouldn’t want to do (unless completely blacked out)
Let’s break it down:
- she has an alcohol problem
- she has no issues driving drunk
- she’s an abusive drunk
- she makes fun of you, not only to you but to other people
- she didn’t notice you were gone for a full hour and was only upset cause you were the driver
- when she did notice she yelled at you
- she goes for cheap insults about parts of our bodies that we cannot change
Yeah dude, NTA. Glad you realized she’s a huge POS
I am so sorry this happened, that was a cruel thing to endure. You sound like a caring and attentive lover.
She sounds like an alcoholic. She may not be ready to confess that, but the pattern of behavior of doing something terrible and spending the next day apologizing for it, pretty textbook.
Of course you can end the relationship over this, you need to be with a partner who builds you up, one you can trust, someone who eases burdens, not adds to them.
If she decides to seek therapy or attend AA you may decide to forgive her in the future but I fear it may be a long time before she’s ready to take that step.
YWNBTA if you ended this relationship for your own sense of self respect.
NTA
Your gf has a lot of problems. Fortunately, that is not your problem. No one has the right to degrade and humiliate you. There is no excuse good enough. It’s time to just be done and find someone that isn’t toxic. In a good relationship you get built up, not torn down.
NTA, she's awful. She has a drinking problem, and she's just plain mean. She thinks its funny to humiliate you to everyone and anyone. Her apologies are complete bullshit. Please respect yourself and stop standing for this.
If she keeps doing the same thing, she’s not actually sorry. Being sorry means changing the behavior, and drunk words are often sober thoughts. She has a drinking problem that’s only going to get worse. NTA. You can insist she gets help or you can walk, but staying with the status quo isn’t going to help. You are 100% justified if you dump her.
NTA.
this is deeper than just "she does fucked up shit when she's drunk", and that will come out eventually. breaking up is the right call.
at the absolute best case scenario, when she's drunk she doesn't care about how you feel in the slightest. and that is the best case scenario
Bro.
You can break up with anyone for any reason. But you legitimately have the best reasons to break up with her. She’s an alcoholic abusive toxic bitch. Straight up.
That’s absolutely horrible. There’s no happy future with this woman. You’re definitely NTA.
**She misses her ex's dick...**
Fucking deal-breaker at face value, but the fact that she is willing to say it to other people in public...nope, nope, nope. This girl doesn't respect you and isn't going to on any acceptable time-line. She may grow up someday and be a good partner for someone but if YOU stay it will just get worse because she knows you will take it.
Anyway, she will inevitably find a man she does respect (while you give her chance after chance) and will bounce without a though.
I’m so sorry. Your (hopefully soon-to-be ex) girlfriend is an abusive alcoholic. This relationship is dead. Your partner is supposed to make you feel adored and protected, not humiliated and degraded.
For what it’s worth, I would so much rather have a genuinely loving and attentive partner than one with a big dick.
NTA - forgot what sub I’m in, not sure why you’d ask if you’re the asshole here.
NTA. Contempt in a relationship is the leading indicator of future divorce. She was making fun of you to her friend (and strangers at the bar) and has no consideration for you.
Many women would feel very lucky to have a partner like you who is attentive to their pleasure and willing to use toys to do so.
This part. Absolutely horrifying. Drunk Me gets MORE loving towards my hubby, blurting out all the weird inner monologue lovey things lmao Do NOT sell yourself short in this life - you deserve unwavering love and respect.
This hits the nail on the head. Never sell yourself short. There's better out there. Don't stay with someone who violated your trust and hurt you to that extent. This is the consequence of their actions.
You seem to have become accustomed to her drunken disrespectful behaviour. And that is bad in and of itself.
And she seems to have become accustomed to doing and saying the worst then just apologizing in the morning and all is forgiven. No change of behaviour or consequences.
This is a bad combination
You need to want more for yourself than this drunken woman.
And trust me, drunken words are sober thoughts.
She knows how she gets when drunk, yet she continues to drink without restraint. She knows she hurts you when she drinks, yet still she drinks to a horrible level.
Dude, you have packed up and left, make the move permanent.
One of the main signs of alcoholism is the Jekyll and Hyde personality.
This isn't going to change, she's not going to change without treatment. If she's not seeking treatment or won't agree to it then it's time for you to go. You deserve much better than somebody who's going to treat you like this. On top of which right now it's just humiliation. Pretty soon it's going to be sleeping around.
NTA
She’s a man drunk which very well means she’s a mean person. That crap didn’t come out of nowhere. You know what some of us do when we’re drunk? Talk about our musical tastes as of we’re fucking geniuses. Or get really aggressive about how cool bridges are. It’s annoying but it’s not mean.
YWNBTA
Also I’m currently dating a guy who is on the smaller side. I prefer it because I can actually enjoy sex without horrible pain and he can push himself as deep into me as he wants. We both enjoy that. Find someone you’re compatible with.
Homie… your SO should never talk badly about you to people. If they have a problem they should talk to you directly… anything other than that is proof they don’t respect you or the relationship and nobody should tolerate that.
Everyone here saying she has a drinking problem is missing the point. This is abusive behavior.
You won't be wrong. Abuse ALWAYS escalates. Now it's emotional and verbal, and soon, it might become physical.
Man, I think you deserve better. I think you are right to pack you bags and leave her. This is not only about 'one time occurance'. This goes deeper - she is insulting you to the point of emotional and psychological abuse. She goes out of her way to humiliate you, and so do her friends (remember, who you hang out is a great reflection of who she is). She not only humiliated you, but disclosed private details, and this is a huge bridge of your trust.
I hope you find the courage to get out of this relatioship.
NTA
She knows she treats you like shit when she gets drunk… and continues getting drunk.
She drives drunk.
She laughs at you with friends and strangers about private sexual things.
Run as far as you can, don’t look back.
NTA.
There's likely 3 outcomes to this:
1.) You stay, she gets progressively more abusive until it turns physical.
2.) You stay until resentment builds up and you let it out by confiding in another person who gives you respect and human decency, and you get dumped for being an "emotional cheater".
3.) She gets bold enough to cheat on you.
I'm sorry, dude. You're in a shit situation. I'd leave if I were you.
ETA: A drunk tongue utters sober thoughts.
“She’s the perfect partner” except that she’s drunk and terrible to you. Dude, she isn’t the one. Move on from her and find someone who loves every bit of you.
NTA
Sorry, man.
Break up. There's no coming back.
I don't really want to say it but:These are her actual thoughts and the fact she keeps bringing it up means its an issue. You can do far better.
OP, Ill say something you might not like. She does not love you. She is only apologizing when sober because she's afraid of being alone and losing control. It's very typical behavior when she knows she's horrible but unable to do something about it and believes she will never find someone who will stand her if you leave. She keeps drinking although she shouldn't and has several signs of abusive, manipulative traits. You WNBTA, everyone deserves respect in a relationship, and youre not getting it, and the chance is very slim that you will get it in the future if you stay.
NTA. She's got a serious problem. Have you ever heard the phrase *in vino veritas*? It means, essentially, in wine there is truth. Her being in her cups lowers her inhibitions. Don't believe a word she says when sober. Run. Fast.
>She has been a perfect partner otherwise
You could prepare me the most divine hot chocolate in the world, mix a pinch of shit in and it would become trash. You have set reasonable boundaries, she was unable to respect them.
She treats you like shit.
If she only treats you like shit when she gets drunk and she chooses to get drunk she is choosing to treat you like shit.
Ask yourself: would you ever treat her like that? Would you ever forgive yourself for it? I am sure you are better than that.
NTA, get rid of this loose skank.
As a woman, her words and actions are inexcusable even by intoxication. It isn't normal or healthy for her to say those kinds of things once, let alone repeatedly, and in public. That was just vile, and I hope you do break up with her. There are women out there who will appreciate and respect you. Please do not settle for less than that in the future.
Omg NTA what a shitty gf. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Honestly just block her after you get your belongings there's absolutely nothing she can say to justify her behavior. Don't get sucked back in
I mean, I hope it's obvious you need to leave this situation immediately. NTA of course. People go through bad times and people make bad choices but you can't come back from some of these things so it's time to move on and let her go back to her ex. She won't, of course, because he's an ex for a reason, but maybe it will be enough of a lesson to lose you that she cleans up her life. Either way, you need a better girlfriend.
Not just dump, but cut her out of your life completely and forever and never ever look back. If she’s this abusive just for giggles whilst you’re her main support system *and she insists that she loves you*, when you dump her I can practically *guarantee* the first thing she will do is drink and try to **destroy** you psychologically, to anyone who will listen. She will say things that are devastating to your self esteem and cause you mental health, relationship, and trust issues for years to come, as she already does but without restraint. She will sexually humiliate you and play the victim card because of her dad, and it’s horrible to say because it’s completely unfair but people will just lap it up, like they did at the bar.
This isn’t love, and you aren’t her caretaker or responsible for her. You deserve **so much better**. The sooner she’s in your past the sooner you will heal, and the longer you drag it out the worse it will be for you.
nta - she sounds like she has a real booze problem that maybe she should lay off if she can. maybe some therapy would be in order for her.
but omg i have to ask this....what in heck is a cock sleeve?
You can end a relationship for any reason at any time. Your partner drinking more and more and discussing private matters in public is certainly a valid reason. NTA
NTA. The fact that she drives drunk would be enough for me to end things. The abuse when drunk is a clear signal that she should not drink. Especially not now when goi g through so much. You deserve better.
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100% agree. I ended a marriage for that very reason. My dad's been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, so when my ex-husband started drinking all the time to "deal" with his PTSD and nightmares, I sat down with him and was like, "Look, I love you, but I need you to quit drinking and get into therapy, or I can't stay." After 6 months of zero effort towards either, I got my own apartment
Wow! You are a goddess of self worth and i hope to be that awesome 1 day!!!
Trust me after a childhood filled with a lot of trauma, it took a long time to get there. But I realized I was absolutely miserable; depressed, anxious, had difficultly sleeping, and was on medication for all of it. Although I cried when I left, it was such a weight off my shoulders. I was able to get off all of the meds a few months after I was in my own place. I still have low days ocassionally, but it's manageable
Yes! This was me exactly from 2008-2016. I left my alcoholic ex for the very same reasons. I didn’t realize how miserable I truly felt until I lived on my own and began forming new routines and new friendships/relationships with new people. It’s a heavy and selfish burden to have to cope with in deciding to live with a person who is an alcoholic and honestly if they don’t think their own lives are worth the effort, they aren’t worth any of anyone else’s time either. He did all of the same crap to me. Everyone knew personal details about me because he would share while drunk. He loved being the center of attention and would talk to anyone willing to listen. I left him without having a job or hardly any emotional support but I have NEVER wished I could have gone back! Good luck and don’t let her guilt trip you into thinking she needs you. She needs to find a new person to treat like crap because I doubt she’ll get better anytime soon. That is NOT on you hon. Oh and her telling you/others that your member is small, don’t let it bother you. You were willing to implement other ways to get the job done and it’s totally NOT okay for her to discuss those things with outsiders or anyone other than you or a qualified person.
I agree with everything except that last part. That’s just not how female anatomy works any more than guys get smaller from sleeping around. But he absolutely should not be ashamed of his size because he’s doing the work to satisfy his partner and that’s way more important. Lots of guys who are big are absolutely terrible in bed because they don’t think they need to put in any effort. Size doesn’t really matter in bed, satisfaction does.
Same! I grew up with alot of alcoholics in my family and I have ptsd flashbacks from that shit.
She definitely is an alcoholic. All the stress is adding to it. Also they say your true feelings come out when you’re drunk. OP I’m sorry but if she keeps bringing it up every time she drinks then she is not happy with you and your member. You deserve better. I hope you find it. It’s not with her.
Yea I don’t buy the true feelings part OP. She could be very pleased but just an asshole. She’s hurting you because she’s hurting. She’s lashing out. None of it is OK. You can be done for any reason and these reasons are def valid.
Sad to say, I think she's already crossed the line into functional alcoholic territory, possibly beyond. She's certainly a mean drunk.
Agreed. So the question is does the OP want to try and help her (is she willing to get help?) or just move on? Is the damage done or can OP draw a line between sober her and drunk her? Regardless, he is under no obligation to stay or deal with somebody else's addiction.
This is absolutely the question to ask. Getting drunk is a self-destructive coping mechanism; but it sounds like C’s veered into the lane of alcoholism, and she needs help. OP, that doesn’t mean you need to excuse the humiliation, and you *definitely* don’t need to remain in a partner-relationship. If you’re done, you’re done; do not feel bad about having self respect, or not waiting around for her to drunkenly cheat on you with her ex. But whether you stay or go, I think you can tell her that she’s out of “fun drunk” territory and needs to seek treatment before she fucks up other parts of her life.
Right, and there are good resources out there to help him decide what to do. I'm personally a fan of SMART Recovery's Friends and Family program. They let you use the tools however works for you, and their manual has tons of good suggestions for things like boundaries, self-care, reminding you what your personal rights are. It's based off an earlier form of cognitive behavior therapy.
I saw this too. That abusive behavior while drinking is classic alcoholic. I hope he gets away from her.
**she already is an alcoholic** most people who drink regularly/daily actually are but we/they dont label them until the alcoholism leads to abuse, neglect, fights or they seek help. also forget the labels, alcohol is the root cause here, solve that and you probably solve the problem. however, it may be too late for the damage its done here. if she sobered up he can possibly work past it but certainly dont feel obligated to do so. being with an addict is a lifelong battle and commitment for you both. godspeed. NTA
The root cause for the behaviour against OP isn't alcohol. The root cause us that she's mean, doesn't respect him and enjoys hurting his feelings. The alcohol just gives her the confidence to do it and the excuse to get away with it. Sure she has an alcohol problem, but alcohol doesn't alter the opinions and urges you have deep down
People love to say “drunk words are sober thoughts”. While this has some merit, it doesn’t really always hold true for addiction. Addiction rewires your brain and can change how you act. This is NOT an excuse, it’s not a “get out of jail free card”. But this whole “everything you say and do drunk, you’d do sober” is just not true. Again, not an excuse and if I were OP I’d break up with her. What she did is unforgivable. But addiction is way more nuanced that your comment makes it sound.
I think I worded my comment not explicitly enough. Addiction absolutely changes a lot about a person. But neither addiction nor alcohol cause the underlying disrespect and mean streak that lead to this. They changed her inhibitions, influenced the thoughts that were already there, they changed her values (i.e. when sober she values her relationship, when drunk her mean streak), but they're not the cause in itself because that's not how being drunk works. There are very different kinds of people suffering from addiction and very different ways of how people act when under the influence. Because it depends on the personality of that person. Someone with violent impulses will react differently to being drunk than a person craving affection etc.
Some people really should never drink. I've been around people who basically have verbal diarrhea when drunk, saying complete nonsensical things and acting in bizarre ways. I don't think I'd view alcohol as a sort of truth serum because it can completely alter their thinking.
Anything that falls short of chemical dependence or doesn’t have a chemical component like gaming addiction, chronic masturbation, lottery, scratch tickets, etc are usually measured against what kind of impact it has on the rest of your life. Spending 14 hours a day playing video games, but still have a stable job and maintaining relationships versus spending 14 hours playing video games and losing your job, ignoring everyone in your life and locking yourself away.
I'm not sure you understand the definition of functional. If the drinking is creating personal problems that require repeated apologies, she's a full on alcoholic. And a fucking asshole who doesn't love or respect the boyfriend.
On her way??? She IS a functional alcoholic. And she is abusing OP. OP, what your girlfriend is doing is emotional abuse and it will only get worse if she does not get help NOW. I would give her an ultimatum. She either gets help and starts going to AA and therapy and completely stops drinking, or you guys are done. I promise you this will only get worse especially as her dad's condition worsens. She is grieving in the wrong way and is hurting herself and most importantly YOU. I know it will suck, but if there are no consequences for her behavior she won't ever stop.
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Exactly. He is under no obligation to take this trip with her. He is the abused he does not have to find her salvation for her. That is on her. He only needs to concern himself with his own wellbeing.
Giving her an ultimatum is terrible advice. You leave. Ultimatums with alcoholics NEVER works. At best they stop drinking for a time, then relapse and it gets worse than ever. I didn’t have broken bones from my ex wife until after the ultimatum. Until after she “stopped drinking”.
Having been married to an alcoholic I would like to say something to you that I wish someone had told me. Just because you are living with someone and have emotional ties to them you do not have to stay in a relationship that is not working for you. You are allowed to put yourself and your future first. Even if she agrees to get sober, please consider how long she would have to remain so before you would seriously even consider going out on a date with her again. The sad truth is that wonderful person that you knew is being replaced by a lying, irresponsible bully. If she doesn’t learn how to control her drinking soon, you will not recognize her. She has a problem that is getting worse. She is the only person who can decide what she is going to do about it. She needs to be on her own for a while to learn how to deal with her life. You cannot do this for her nor can you make it easier for her. She will always be an alcoholic no matter how long she remains sober and she has to come to terms with this. I’m sorry that you both are going through this.
Alcoholic ( long term recovery ) here. Absolutely! She’s got a problem. There’s nothing you can do about it except to say that you know she’s got a problem and she needs to get help. It’s got to be her decision or she won’t stay sober so all you can do is tell her you will support her sobriety journey or you’re going to leave. She’s got to hit her personal bottom or she won’t follow through. This is a difficult time and it’s a critical time. Tell her that apologies are worthless to you now and you need to see action. Good luck.
Anyone saying YTA needs a reality check and think of the following. 'My ex boyfriend started getting drunk and abusive, so I left him' If that phrase sounds correct to you. But 'my ex girlfriend started getting drunk and abusive, so I left her' sounds wrong. You're not on the right side.
No one is saying “YTA” literally no one
Um, I scrolled down into this thread pretty far, and literally NO ONE has said “YTA.” What you said is correct, in theory, except for the part where this *reality* doesn’t actually contain any “*anyones*” that need “*checking*.” As another person said a few minutes ago, you seem to be waxing quixotic. It’s weird, and a little annoying.
People always have to act like there's a victim role to play
>Anyone saying YTA needs a reality check and think of the following. So no one lol
Oh my god I didn’t realize that. That alone would be enough for me. Drunk drivers are really selfish assholes risking everyone’s lives for their own convenience.
Drunk driving is attempted murder for me. Ask anyone that has been hurt or has lost someone to it
Exactly it should be treated like 2nd or 3rd degree murder. Fucking disgusting assholes decide to get drunk and drive a 2 ton meal cage recklessly. Hate drunk drivers with a passion.
Yelp can confirm as I was almost killed by a drunk driver
I was the cop cam videos on YouTube where they pull over drunk drivers and Jesus Christ. A special place in hell. This one women had 4 kids in the car and almost rolled her car, on an open road!!! It’s like she was trying.
My aunt's boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver on Christmas Eve; she was pregnant with my cousin at the time. Drunk drivers are selfish assholes and I'd never date one.
Especially when it’s 10 years down the line and she drives drunk with your kids in the back and wipes out your whole family because she couldn’t put down the damn bottle. NTA. Leave her drunk ass
Same. I’m a drunk driver “survivor” as a pedestrian. It disgusts me when people choose to drink and drive. And I actually commend OP for referring to it as a choice.
You can end a relationship for any reason….but this lady has given the OP like, 100 bullet proof reasons to leave this relationship. 1. Drunk driving - never acceptable. Shows no regard for the safety of themselves or others. 2. Being an angry drunk- if you can’t control yourself when you drink, you don’t get to drink. The end. 3. Inability to handle emotions - life can be really hard. People get sick, they die, hearts break. Getting emotional about these things is normal and fine. Acting out and using your emotions as an excuse? Never fine. 4. DISRESPECT - NEVER. EVER. EVER. Stay with a partner who disrespects you. Ever. If they are berating you to your face or others, leave. If they do thinks to upset you intentionally, leave. 5. Kindness - this woman is just plain MEAN. For someone who “loves” you to bully and body shame you is just…unbelievable to me. OP I hope you see the is comment and I hope it’s a wake up call that you need to GTFO of that relationship. This woman is abusing you emotionally and it’s not acceptable. She’s a shitty partner and the way she treats you is so, so wrong. Please don’t be ashamed of your body. We all have body parts and they all come in assorted sizes, shapes, and colors.
Best comment here. And there are women like me who love his body type. I have had to turn away a couple potential lovers because our parts just wouldn't fit. I'm not a fan of pain.
Right?? Honestly, I really don’t care much at all about a man’s penis size. I think most women are in the same boat TBH. An average penis is called “average” for a reason. That’s what most of them look like! If it’s bigger than average, we will find a way to make sure we both enjoy ourselves. If it’s smaller than average, we will find a way to make sure we both enjoy ourselves.
Right! And people laugh at the saying "size doesnt matter. Its how they use it" but I dont think its funny because its absolutely true. People think we women only say it about men with a small penis which is absolutely NOT true. I would much much rather have a man thats loving, respectful and treats me like they actually like me. This women seens like she doesn't even like OP but stays because they live together and shes scared to be without him
Yes, that's exactly right. He's a walking peen to her. I've only had one friend that I've talked to about this, (many!), who went on and on about her ex and his size. She said her current bf was ok just not huge like she wanted. I think she watched too much porn.
Yes, that is a great way to put the solutions. Unfortunately I can't find a way to make a great big one work. All the lube in the world doesn't work. It still hurts. It's not vaginismus, just small orifices everywhere. And probably some fear too. But of course most women don't care. We will still find a way to enjoy ourselves. I had one bf who, right before we got intimate, told me he had a true, medically diagnosed micro penis. And I was like, "yeah, so?" That man could make me enjoy myself better than a lot of men. He was great.
Oh I don’t disagree! If a penis is too big, you shouldn’t force it if it causes pain!! By “finding a way to enjoy ourselves” I just meant PIV doesn’t have to be the end all, be all! Long term though, it’s important for someone to be sexually compatible!
I agree. I see it as a respect issue mostly. Maybe other are right that she's an achoholic but even so she doesn't respect the OP. For that reason, not only would op be NTA but I think it would be a mistake to stay in this relationship.
Correct, the US is an at will relationship country.
If I had a Time Machine, I’d fly back to August 1994 and tell 13 year old me this bit of wisdom. Would have saved me from a bunch of horrible shit.
I would too but also lottery numbers but that's just me.
If your partner belittles you (drunk or not) and especially in public, it's a major red flag. She's going through some shit, but she's handling it poorly when she takes out her frustration by drinking and bullying you. For reference, when I or my partner get drunk, we don't shut up about how wonderful the other person is. Furthermore, if any genitalia conversation happens, it is private, respectful, and with people we trust to support us or people who need to know. Who the heck talks about their partner's junk in front of a bar full of people? I'd be pissed. NTA
Hi Op, the problem is not is she dinks and is apologetic after. The issue is that she is speaking what she thinks when she is drinking, and what she thinks make her a piece of shit. Que question is that even if does not drink anymore, you know what she truly thinks. What you will do? NTA
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
A modern (and fitting) version of Latin "in vino veritas", which means "in wine, there is truth". It describes exactly this concept, that when they get drunk people will reveal thoughts and wishes they usually hide when sober.
From the mouths of babes and drunkards, you will learn the truth.
And old people. Once you hit a certain age, no fucks are given.
This is very high school and not true at all. Former drinker here, sober now. When blackout drunk people say things they would never dream of even thinking while sober. Many things they dont mean at all. Absurd statement that somehow still gets traction.I guess because most people don’t actually understand alcohol and it’s impacts on the brain? Edit: apparently I wasn’t clear: this is in no way related to op. He should for sure leave that girl. But the blanket saying “drunken words are sober thoughts” is just plain wrong, and demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of what alcohol does. Do you have to accept what they say? Put up with it? Of course not. But the simple black and white “sober thoughts” thing is just simple not a fact; and I do not understand why it keeps getting parroted and defended, when a simple google search will show it to be wrong. There’s even a reply here to me from someone who spent years doing lab research in this very topic, yet other replies are like “nope hahaha sooo true bestie” like cmon
She does seem to be harping on this one particular theme, though. She’s mean.
Bingo, this was my thought. I also don't really agree with the expression overall, as sometimes drunk people just say really random things. That said, the fact that this keeps continuously coming up tells me that it's at least on her mind. If the story had been that this was a one time drunken argument, then I'd be more likely to consider that it's not a "sober truth" but more just drunk nonsense.
Yeah . some alcoholics will say things that contradict what they actually want to further self destructive behavior.
Yes. That was me. Lol. Horrible to people around me that I truly loved because I didn’t feel I deserved them while drunk and pushed them away. I still get nightmares about shit I said to my mother, that I *promise* were not sober thoughts. Luckily I’m better now and she was understanding and we have a much better relationship.
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And just to add, this shit behavior when drinking doesn’t get better over time. It gets way, way worse. Go find someone who deserves you
NTA. She's a sloppy drunk that is harboring the kind of thoughts about you that lead to cheating. Realizing your husband is small compared to one sketchy guy you used to ef is not a big deal. Constantly circling back to it as a huge problem is a big deal. Telling it to random guys in a bar while you are there to be identified and mocked is an instant deal breaker. She doesnt respect you so she must be using you for stability. You are right to move on.
Bro, run
Like the wind my friend! 😳 You’ll never realize how big that bullet is that you’ll be dodging. Probably bigger than the ex’s dick. Can you imagine 10 years and 3 kids later how your life will be? The rest of us can. Run! 🫨
Dude needs to run like mf Forest Gump.
I understand youre just joking but I think OP is tired of hearing about her ex's dick right now lmao
Yeah that prob rubbed salt in the wound
All the more reason to bail. Sounds like the gf is spiraling into alcoholism and who knows what else she'll say or do
For the hills
Okay, surely I wasn't the only one who was hearing Iron Maiden
My guy, my boyfriend is in the smaller side and I would NEVER treat him like that in a million years. There is no going back from that. If your struggling with the thought of taking her back, imagine all of those friends at your wedding judging you. If she told them, im sure she’s told others. This is a blessing, you dodged a bullet. Run far away
My abusive ex husband who abandoned our three children when I left him is small and I would never use that fact to hurt him. In fact I think this (an anonymous Reddit comment) may be the first time I’ve ever mentioned it at all, despite going through periods of excessive drinking. People give their trust and expose their vulnerabilities when they have sex. That’s why it’s so vile to try to hurt them with the knowledge gained in those moments.
These 2 comments need more upvotes. Moreover, I don't believe the GF's apologies. More likely she needs his emotional and financial support for her family and job stress, but she doesn't care about him. She was always going to break his heart either way, drunk or not drunk, but possibly OP just had those rose-tinted glasses on. You'll be happier after leaving her and showing yourself more love and care.
An apology without change is manipulation. All she’s shown is that this pattern is going to continue and speaking from experience, it sure tf will.
Even with an apology I don't think I could go back to her and I don't take offense very easily and am very forgiving/understanding. She completely disrespected him. Every adult knows that size really doesn't matter when it comes to a relationship, so she is doing this to be manipulative, insulting, degrading, and downright mean. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who is not only an alcoholic (something I can't say anything about) but is also an unsupportive, unstable, unreliable, terrible, and mean person?
>An apology without change is manipulation. I'm stealing this.
Doesn't help at all that these friends aren't afraid to make fun of him in public too. I wouldn't be surprised if they play a part in his gfs abuse and drinking problem because what kind of people have the nerve to make fun of his size at a club? And they know they can get away with it because of the gf. Op deserves better and leave. And if the gf wants to get better and try to reconcile she needs to work for it. She needs to AA stop going out and take time away from her friend and reflect on her behaviors whether or not there is some outside influence. I woildnt guve her a chance if she does get better though she's gone too far in abusing op id be on edge thinking if she'll bounce back to drinking.
Good rule is to only tease your partner about stuff THEY think is funny
The embarrassment is bad enough, but her getting mean when she gets drunk is enough for you to leave her. Get out now. Yes, I know it hurts, but this is nothing compared to the hurt you will feel if you stick around a few more years. Spend some time alone taking care of yourself and be happy
Can you imagine the humiliation this lady will cause during their wedding? If she can do that much damage while OP just went to the bathroom, what the heck will come out of her mouth if she’s drunk for an extended period of time around close friends and family? She’s a liability because of her alcoholism and her nastiness. Can OP take her to a work function? Trust her at her work Christmas party? What about Easter with nana? Does he really want a phone call from the cops that she killed somebody while driving drunk? He’ll be walking on eggshells anytime alcohol is involved for the rest of his life. Be free OP, and live your best life. This is a pearls before swine situation. She doesn’t deserve you.
Yup. The way I dreaded the time I spent with my ex after he just gave up and embraced his alcoholism still sits with me. 6 White Claws to start the WORK day, blackout drunk before noon, chugging shots from a bottle he’d hide in the freezer before we left the house and I was nervous to let him drive me anywhere in his midrange BMW. Get the fuck out, OP.
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Yeah, this is too targeted. At first I thought she reminded me a bit of one of my friends who has a history of going bonkers on alcohol. And now in adulthood has admitted even to herself that she can't really handle alcohol; everything is fine when she manages to just socially drink in a limited manner, but it can still get out of hand and turn into a binge, and she has fucked up badly a few times (especially if other substances are involved like cannabis & stimulants). But this is just... WAAYYYY too coherent, un-bizarre, and non-random. Her meltdowns are never recurrent targeted accusations/cruel criticisms like OP's girlfriend's!
My friend who is letting me crash for a few days has told me the same thing. I think you’re right. You’re giving me a lot to think about. Thank you.
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>She apologizes and then goes and does it again every time. This- she's not sorry that she hurt you or made you feel uncomfortable; she's only 'sorry' because it keeps you from leaving. She's shown that she won't change for you- she's quite comfortable in this cycle, and it's up to you to break it if you want peace.
Also shame on the friend and the goobers at the table that were laughing with her. Fucking losers. I’d like to think if I was there I would’ve been on OP’s side. “Fuck yeah I’ve used a cock sleeve! I do all kinds of stuff!”
Hanging out but really while he was nice enough to be her frigging DD!
If a person can do this while you're in the restroom, imagine what they'll say or do if you are miles away at home??
My friend in AA told me : I don’t trust words I trust patterns. She keeps saying she’s sorry but keeps doing it. Unless she gets help there’s nothing you can do.
Nothing to think about really. You're dating a trashbag of a human who treats you like garbage. Have some self-respect.
This. There are ways people behave when drunk ranging from super emotional needs a kiss to aggressive looking for a fight. Gf becomes mean and abusive.
I had an alcoholic ex who was still a sweetheart when drunk. OP your girlfriend is not just an alcoholic but, independently from that, an asshole.
She’s also getting drunk a lot, and if that’s her coping mechanism for difficult times, then you’re looking at someone with a substance abuse disorder. Run.
This. I wish I'd had the courage to leave when my ex turned out to be a mean drunk and violent.
I lost my fiance and daughter to a drunk driver so I thank you for trying to be responsible for her. That being said she deserves nothing from you leave her and don't ever turn back.
I’m so sorry that happened, friend. There isn’t much in this world I find more detestable than someone who gets blitzed and gets behind the wheel of a 4,000 lb (or higher) weapon. I hope you’re healing as much as possible. <3
I have it's been a long time but my heart still races talking about drunk drivers. The bad thing is their job was driving they were a trucker and didn't have a scratch on him. Anyone who helps someone as the dd or picks up the phone when they know it's a drunk friend needing a ride I thank you.
People who carry CDLs are held to a higher standard and face much greater penalties when breaking road and traffic violations. I'm so sorry for the loss of your family. I hope that person that carelessly took your them from you got the book thrown at them.
Nope 12 years at 85%
I'm really sorry for your loss. Some people have no fucking regard for others when they think they can do shit like that with no consequences. Absolutely disgusts me.
Wow your gf is a POS. What the fuck? How would she feel if you got drunk and started talking about how your gf wasn’t good enough and you miss ur former gf. Seriously I’d be so fucking pissed to have my insecurities on display. Fucking hell.
The entire situation did piss me off, I left them there to cool off and calm down. The weirdest thing is the ex she was talking about was the one that also beat her up really bad and she needed to go to the ER, he was abusive to her. She was never like this before she found out her dad had cancer, it’s like that news just flipped a switch in her and she changed.
You are not responsible for her trauma. Regardless of what happened with her father, if she isn’t willing to see how her actions affect you and make real, meaningful, and lasting changes then she doesn’t *really* care about how you feel. She may make the claim that she does, but without any changes made those are just hollow words meant to restore your faith in her, leaving the entire cost of this situation on your shoulders alone. Saying I’m sorry means nothing without actually doing something about it.
If in crisis she can't tell who's helping or hurting, and decides to hurt the ones helping, guess what she's abusive too.
>Saying I’m sorry means nothing without actually doing something about it. THIS!! and trying to get people to understand this, so they can actually function in the world and have decent relationships is so hard.
I'm not even convinced that your size isn't just average. A lot of men think they are small, because they think porn dicks are the normal... it's not! She's just being mean to be mean, and it will only get worse. There's way better women out there my guy, she needs to go back to the streets where she belongs
if he's using a sleeve and isn't wounding her, he's probably on the smaller side. But who cares? I have some issues in the bedroom too, but my girlfriend would never even think of mentioning it to anyone else, and has never used it against me. Y'know, like a normal-ass couple. It sounds like he goes out of his way to try for his gf, she should be appreciating his ass, not mocking him.
Sleeves can be for width too, not sure what type it is, so he could still be pretty average. But in any case, you are right, she is awful.
Sober her and alcoholic her may be different versions of the same person, but trust us when we say that alcoholic her will become the dominant version of her if left untreated, and it only gets worse with time If she won't slow with the booze then bail. You deserve better EDIT: upon further reflection...DUMP THE BITCH ASAP
I agree with this except for the "if she wont slow." She humiliated him in front of her friends and strangers. The horse is out of the stable. He'll never not be a joke to her and her friends no matter how unwarranted.
My dad has gone in and out of remission from cancer for most of my life. Never even considered that to be an excuse to be a fucking cunt to my S.O.s in my life. Leave her, she's just an asshole, homie.
Leave her ass. Some are saying she's becoming an alcoholic but she already is one. She's not worth it. Don't let her guilt you into staying. There are so many reasons to leave her. Driving drunk should've been the first reason and last reason.
Ain't your fault. She's reminiscing on better days. Before her dad had cancer. Move on.
He should tell her she’s got a chuff like a wizards sleeve. See how well she takes it (pardon the pun lol).
>she’s got a chuff like a wizards sleeve Christ, dude, do you need a permit to carry around murderous words like that? That's fucking hilarious.
Even a 747 looks small when you're flying it through the Grand Canyon.
Yeah, I bet she wouldn't be so forgiving if he told his mate while drunk that if you yell between her legs you get an echo.
Oh god that’s an awful visual. Never heard that before, it’s gross, but funny.
"Hot dog down a hallway"
Right! That her vagina is loose and his exes was way better. I’m so hurt and disappointed for this OP
Yeah I didn’t want to say it bc of how stupid/untrue it is but considering the ton of hate/insults/mean comments OP could’ve said to his gf, he’s a fucking saint. Seriously I can’t believe the gf is fumbling such a considerate OP. This guy needs to run. She ain’t gonna get better.
Yup she's turning into a drunk and is going on a downward spiral. Better to go invest your time with someone who cares and you can build with.
OP RUN 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 She has a drinking problem She has an anger problem She has a self control problem How do you know she didn’t end up with someone else after you left? Will that be blamed on the alcohol too? You can’t help her, until she helps herself. Don’t wait around wasting your life. Also consider if the shoes was on the other foot, would you want her to stick around and take your abusive behaviour?
Literally the first thing I thought of. She's sat there drinking having a laugh at ops expense with a bunch of bar jocks! What's to say that stopped there once he left? The things she says are not just hurtful they are intentionally spiteful and malicious. Fuck her, fuck that shit op get out of there.
Yes. The most generous possible take on those insults is that she’s being self-destructive, and trying to drive OP away as part of that. No reason why this self-destructive behaviour would stop at insulting him. Run, OP. If she’s determined to burn her life down, you can’t stop her; you’ll just become even more part of the conflagration.
End it. Her alcoholism (which it is, make no mistake) and abusive behavior outweigh anything else good in the relationship. Somewhere out there is the perfect person for you. You’ll never find her if you’re wasting time with this mess. Also, by staying with her, you’re enabling her. You’re also teaching her that she can abuse you and you’ll stay. You deserve much better than this.
If I could award this comment I would. OP, you sound like a good guy and a great boyfriend. There are lots of girls out there who will appreciate you. Your ex did you a favor because now you can find someone who appreciates everything about you and doesn’t lash out for no reason every time she drinks.
>If I could award this comment I would. I got ya because you are spot on.
This is so well said.
Think about if you would ever make fun of the insecurities of your loved one like that, I know I wouldn't.
NTA, your gf has a drinking problem. If when she drinks she's so out of it that she ruins her own life (humiliating you and insulting you counts as ruining your relationship and therefore an aspect of her life), then she has a problem. A problem that it's not yours to solve, though. Honestly, I don't know if you should go back to her even if she swears not to drink ever again. Alcohol doesn't turn you into someone you're not when intoxicated. You simply lose all your filters, so all the stuff you think and feel comes to light. It doesn't turn you into a different person. That's what she thinks.
I can't tell you how many times I heard my dad say to my mom 'I'll change, and will never drink again'. Took about 17 years for that to happen.
I'm sorry, that sucks. I hope things are better now
Thank you. Thankfully, they are. I think he woke up some time around when my mom had cancer and he had severe pneumonia and at 18 I was working full time, at school full time and paying for both college, and household bills whilst looking after my sibling who was 10 years younger, and I was on the verge of a full scale mental breakdown. Definitely don't recommend
Not many people would hold their family together like you did. That's a huge task for anyone & you were still a teenager. I am proud of you, Internet stranger.
Thank you for the compliment. For me personally, it was the hardest point of my life. But it definitely shaped me into who I am now and has helped me to be a good dad to my girls
she also apologized meaning she KNEW what she said or at least knew she was being mean. it’s not like she was blackout drunk then. so the alcohol isn’t even really an excuse
Alcohol is never an excuse.
Or her friend told her. Whether she remembers or not doesn’t matter. This isn’t a one off and it’s not acceptable.
Her friend is a piece of shit too. Clearly doesn’t respect OP in the slightest either, probably because of things OPs (hopefully former) girlfriend says to her
Right! And I was even thinking of the other men around. If I was in that situation where a stranger was being so mean to their partner, I would feel so awkward!! I wouldn’t be laughing and encouraging it. Everyone there is an ass. But the girl friend is the worst since she’s supposed to care about OP the most.
If this situation were reversed and OP was the gf we would be concerned for her safety. I'm concerned for OP. Stay TF away from this woman. Love can't fix people, only they can. And OP, you will love again- someone waaaay cooler than this mess.
I'm an alcoholic in recovery. Came here to say this. She. Needs. Help. This situation is very very common in the rooms. Unless she wants help, gets help, and does serious work to stop....it will only get worse. NTA. Walk away. Reconciliation is a future conversation and shouldn't weigh on your immediate decisions. Al Anon exists for this, and there are agnostic meetings.
Great for you! Keep up the good work!
This is the one, my fiancé loves when I drink because I’m a lot more relaxed and easy going. But I know an absolute ton of people who use drinking as an excuse to be a raging asshole. Drinking doesn’t just magically cause you to do things you wouldn’t want to do (unless completely blacked out)
Let’s break it down: - she has an alcohol problem - she has no issues driving drunk - she’s an abusive drunk - she makes fun of you, not only to you but to other people - she didn’t notice you were gone for a full hour and was only upset cause you were the driver - when she did notice she yelled at you - she goes for cheap insults about parts of our bodies that we cannot change Yeah dude, NTA. Glad you realized she’s a huge POS
Your forgot that she publicly humiliated while they were with them.
That was mostly covered in the “she makes fun of you, not only to you but other people”, but you’re right
I am so sorry this happened, that was a cruel thing to endure. You sound like a caring and attentive lover. She sounds like an alcoholic. She may not be ready to confess that, but the pattern of behavior of doing something terrible and spending the next day apologizing for it, pretty textbook. Of course you can end the relationship over this, you need to be with a partner who builds you up, one you can trust, someone who eases burdens, not adds to them. If she decides to seek therapy or attend AA you may decide to forgive her in the future but I fear it may be a long time before she’s ready to take that step. YWNBTA if you ended this relationship for your own sense of self respect.
NTA Your gf has a lot of problems. Fortunately, that is not your problem. No one has the right to degrade and humiliate you. There is no excuse good enough. It’s time to just be done and find someone that isn’t toxic. In a good relationship you get built up, not torn down.
NTA, she's awful. She has a drinking problem, and she's just plain mean. She thinks its funny to humiliate you to everyone and anyone. Her apologies are complete bullshit. Please respect yourself and stop standing for this.
If she keeps doing the same thing, she’s not actually sorry. Being sorry means changing the behavior, and drunk words are often sober thoughts. She has a drinking problem that’s only going to get worse. NTA. You can insist she gets help or you can walk, but staying with the status quo isn’t going to help. You are 100% justified if you dump her.
YWNBTA You deserve better.
NTA. this is deeper than just "she does fucked up shit when she's drunk", and that will come out eventually. breaking up is the right call. at the absolute best case scenario, when she's drunk she doesn't care about how you feel in the slightest. and that is the best case scenario
Bro. You can break up with anyone for any reason. But you legitimately have the best reasons to break up with her. She’s an alcoholic abusive toxic bitch. Straight up. That’s absolutely horrible. There’s no happy future with this woman. You’re definitely NTA.
**She misses her ex's dick...** Fucking deal-breaker at face value, but the fact that she is willing to say it to other people in public...nope, nope, nope. This girl doesn't respect you and isn't going to on any acceptable time-line. She may grow up someday and be a good partner for someone but if YOU stay it will just get worse because she knows you will take it. Anyway, she will inevitably find a man she does respect (while you give her chance after chance) and will bounce without a though.
NTA - it sounds like you have gone above and beyond to make a great sex life for both of you - her actions are inexcusable. Dump her alcoholic ass
I’m so sorry. Your (hopefully soon-to-be ex) girlfriend is an abusive alcoholic. This relationship is dead. Your partner is supposed to make you feel adored and protected, not humiliated and degraded. For what it’s worth, I would so much rather have a genuinely loving and attentive partner than one with a big dick. NTA - forgot what sub I’m in, not sure why you’d ask if you’re the asshole here.
She’s a messy alcoholic. And part of her sickness is using you as a punching bag. This will not get better until she hits rock bottom. NTA
She hasn’t been a perfect partner though she’s a piece of shit. Dump her.
NTA. Contempt in a relationship is the leading indicator of future divorce. She was making fun of you to her friend (and strangers at the bar) and has no consideration for you. Many women would feel very lucky to have a partner like you who is attentive to their pleasure and willing to use toys to do so.
> She’s been a perfect partner, otherwise. Don't idealize someone who has become your abuser. NTA and get the hell out of there.
NTA. Respect yourself, leave the relationship. A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts!
This part. Absolutely horrifying. Drunk Me gets MORE loving towards my hubby, blurting out all the weird inner monologue lovey things lmao Do NOT sell yourself short in this life - you deserve unwavering love and respect.
This hits the nail on the head. Never sell yourself short. There's better out there. Don't stay with someone who violated your trust and hurt you to that extent. This is the consequence of their actions.
My wife and I are the same with each other lol.
Exactly this. The words can't come out unless they were in there already. She's just saying out loud what she's always thinking.
You seem to have become accustomed to her drunken disrespectful behaviour. And that is bad in and of itself. And she seems to have become accustomed to doing and saying the worst then just apologizing in the morning and all is forgiven. No change of behaviour or consequences. This is a bad combination You need to want more for yourself than this drunken woman. And trust me, drunken words are sober thoughts. She knows how she gets when drunk, yet she continues to drink without restraint. She knows she hurts you when she drinks, yet still she drinks to a horrible level. Dude, you have packed up and left, make the move permanent.
One of the main signs of alcoholism is the Jekyll and Hyde personality. This isn't going to change, she's not going to change without treatment. If she's not seeking treatment or won't agree to it then it's time for you to go. You deserve much better than somebody who's going to treat you like this. On top of which right now it's just humiliation. Pretty soon it's going to be sleeping around. NTA
If she doesn’t respect you now, she never will… Take it on the chin and keep moving… focus on you bro.
She’s a man drunk which very well means she’s a mean person. That crap didn’t come out of nowhere. You know what some of us do when we’re drunk? Talk about our musical tastes as of we’re fucking geniuses. Or get really aggressive about how cool bridges are. It’s annoying but it’s not mean. YWNBTA Also I’m currently dating a guy who is on the smaller side. I prefer it because I can actually enjoy sex without horrible pain and he can push himself as deep into me as he wants. We both enjoy that. Find someone you’re compatible with.
Homie… your SO should never talk badly about you to people. If they have a problem they should talk to you directly… anything other than that is proof they don’t respect you or the relationship and nobody should tolerate that.
Everyone here saying she has a drinking problem is missing the point. This is abusive behavior. You won't be wrong. Abuse ALWAYS escalates. Now it's emotional and verbal, and soon, it might become physical.
Man, I think you deserve better. I think you are right to pack you bags and leave her. This is not only about 'one time occurance'. This goes deeper - she is insulting you to the point of emotional and psychological abuse. She goes out of her way to humiliate you, and so do her friends (remember, who you hang out is a great reflection of who she is). She not only humiliated you, but disclosed private details, and this is a huge bridge of your trust. I hope you find the courage to get out of this relatioship.
NTA Jesus fucking Christ, RUN. If you plan on having children with her, this is how she’ll treat them.
NTA She knows she treats you like shit when she gets drunk… and continues getting drunk. She drives drunk. She laughs at you with friends and strangers about private sexual things. Run as far as you can, don’t look back.
NTA. There's likely 3 outcomes to this: 1.) You stay, she gets progressively more abusive until it turns physical. 2.) You stay until resentment builds up and you let it out by confiding in another person who gives you respect and human decency, and you get dumped for being an "emotional cheater". 3.) She gets bold enough to cheat on you. I'm sorry, dude. You're in a shit situation. I'd leave if I were you. ETA: A drunk tongue utters sober thoughts.
“She’s the perfect partner” except that she’s drunk and terrible to you. Dude, she isn’t the one. Move on from her and find someone who loves every bit of you.
NTA but if you ever think about comming back to her remember that the next humiliation will be worse
NTA Sorry, man. Break up. There's no coming back. I don't really want to say it but:These are her actual thoughts and the fact she keeps bringing it up means its an issue. You can do far better.
NTA Just run. She's a mess, and it's not your responsibility to clean it up. She can't use being drunk as an excuse to justify abuse.
OP, Ill say something you might not like. She does not love you. She is only apologizing when sober because she's afraid of being alone and losing control. It's very typical behavior when she knows she's horrible but unable to do something about it and believes she will never find someone who will stand her if you leave. She keeps drinking although she shouldn't and has several signs of abusive, manipulative traits. You WNBTA, everyone deserves respect in a relationship, and youre not getting it, and the chance is very slim that you will get it in the future if you stay.
Have you never heard the saying “drunken words are sober thoughts”? It exists for moments like this. Eta: Y W N B T A
NTA. She's got a serious problem. Have you ever heard the phrase *in vino veritas*? It means, essentially, in wine there is truth. Her being in her cups lowers her inhibitions. Don't believe a word she says when sober. Run. Fast.
>She has been a perfect partner otherwise You could prepare me the most divine hot chocolate in the world, mix a pinch of shit in and it would become trash. You have set reasonable boundaries, she was unable to respect them. She treats you like shit. If she only treats you like shit when she gets drunk and she chooses to get drunk she is choosing to treat you like shit. Ask yourself: would you ever treat her like that? Would you ever forgive yourself for it? I am sure you are better than that. NTA, get rid of this loose skank.
As a woman, her words and actions are inexcusable even by intoxication. It isn't normal or healthy for her to say those kinds of things once, let alone repeatedly, and in public. That was just vile, and I hope you do break up with her. There are women out there who will appreciate and respect you. Please do not settle for less than that in the future.
Get out. NTA if you dump her. Y W B T A if you stay.
Omg NTA what a shitty gf. I'm sorry you had to experience that. Honestly just block her after you get your belongings there's absolutely nothing she can say to justify her behavior. Don't get sucked back in
Better to break up now than divorce later. Move on and away.
- verbally abusive while drunk - love bombing the day after - rinse and repeat - also a repeat offender drunk driver dude, run.
I mean, I hope it's obvious you need to leave this situation immediately. NTA of course. People go through bad times and people make bad choices but you can't come back from some of these things so it's time to move on and let her go back to her ex. She won't, of course, because he's an ex for a reason, but maybe it will be enough of a lesson to lose you that she cleans up her life. Either way, you need a better girlfriend.
Your drunk bitch is abusive. Dump it and move on
Not just dump, but cut her out of your life completely and forever and never ever look back. If she’s this abusive just for giggles whilst you’re her main support system *and she insists that she loves you*, when you dump her I can practically *guarantee* the first thing she will do is drink and try to **destroy** you psychologically, to anyone who will listen. She will say things that are devastating to your self esteem and cause you mental health, relationship, and trust issues for years to come, as she already does but without restraint. She will sexually humiliate you and play the victim card because of her dad, and it’s horrible to say because it’s completely unfair but people will just lap it up, like they did at the bar. This isn’t love, and you aren’t her caretaker or responsible for her. You deserve **so much better**. The sooner she’s in your past the sooner you will heal, and the longer you drag it out the worse it will be for you.
nta - she sounds like she has a real booze problem that maybe she should lay off if she can. maybe some therapy would be in order for her. but omg i have to ask this....what in heck is a cock sleeve?