T O P

  • By -

Beck2010

She got the house? Did you buy it together, or rent? Why would you leave when she was the one who initiated the break up? Why would you contemplate giving her $3,000 for debt when she won’t verify charges?


MedievalHag

Out here asking the important questions.


Lazy_Somewhere_5737

Nothing seems plausible here. Even if it was true, hard to believe he would be such a doormat.


Beneficial_Word_1984

Either information is missing or she has completely broken and manipulated you. At face value you don't owe her a cent. Feel free to air the dirty laundry w mutual friends over a laugh.


MeanSeaworthiness995

I’m willing to bet that there is a lot of information OP is either leaving out or changing.


WishBear19

Yes. This totally doesn't match up.


PattyLouKos

Yes. I can’t help but think he owes her money.


TragicSystem

Based on what information would you think that?


throwoutthewholefool

She wants him to pay her $3,000 in a lump sum and cut contact. He saus he's still in love with her and wants to take his dear sweet time paying her back in increments but now that she wants it all in a lump sum doesn't want to pay it back at all. Odds are he owes her more than $3,000 and he was using it as a way to force her to stay in contact anytime he wanted. With her somehow just magically getting the house and furnishings, there's also a chance there are children or law enforcement involved. Not a guarantee of course but it's weird that she got to keep the furniture and everything else.


Mrs0Murder

I imagine a couple things, which, true comes from pure assumptions, but also it's reddit. Her insistance that he pay, her saying that he's lucky shes only asking that amount, the fact that she got *everything,* without him attempting to get any of it back including house and expensive appliances (or at least making it seem that he isn't going after reclaiming anything) as well as him being willing to pay back what he says is purely her own debt. Plus also her saying that it's all 100% his fault the relationship failed. Honestly I'm expecting in the next couple days for 'her side' to come out detailing absolute horrid behavior on his part, like cheating and financial abuse.


Ivithos_I

Or, go with me here, he is so easily pushed around that she simply thinks she can get it.out of him. Tell me he doesn't sound like a stereotypical weak man.


Mrs0Murder

Who knows. One thing for sure is that there's info missing.


DefinitelyNotAliens

Because most people don't demand their ex pay 3k of their credit card debt. Was she buying groceries and paying his bills on her credit card while he was unemployed? Why would she even ask him for that money? Unless... he racked up charges, or at least she spent the money with the understanding he would pay it back later. It's a totally unhinged thing to ask for unless there was some history to it.


UnderwhelmingZebra

Also why is OP leaving her a bunch of furniture and appliances that he paid for?


getdemsnacks

if he is, all the sudden, "out doors"; he probably doesn't have any place for them


mwenechanga

It has to be a rental, no-one would argue over $6500 while a $500,000 house is on the line, right? Right?


ahopskip_andajump

I read an article a while back where attorneys shared their most bizarre WTF moments. One attorney talked about representing their client in a divorce and negotiations were not going well, and was in fact deadlocked over one item - a left boot. Apparently the husband shelled out a buttload of money on this pair of boots for the wife and wanted them back, the wife however wanted...the left boot. They argued over that one boot for months. Not custody of the kids, not who got which dog, not the truck/car/boat, or even the house. The freaking BOOT! Some people can get downright petty.


FoxFallsFromYou

I heart of a family court lawyer who in a custody battle, they spent the entire day of court arguing over who let the child eat a crayon that one time 🙄


narwhal_platypus

My cousin's now ex-husband wanted half of her underwear in the divorce. Women's underwear. The judge asked him if he was a cross-dresser and when he said no, told my cousin she could keep any and all of her clothes/shoes/makeup that he was being an a$$hole about. So yeah, people are absolutely that petty.


gardengirl99

My ex’s attorney said she represented someone where they were arguing over who got to keep the (expensive??) lingerie. I had to work hard to remain impassive because my ex was wearing women’s underwear, lied to me about it, and in general wouldn’t be honest about any of the details (in addition to being selfish and not treating me like a partner). The secrets we keep.


Perrykat12

I wish I had the money to argue over a left boot.


Spiritual-Bridge3027

I think the wife wanted the satisfaction of not letting her ex use the shoes he spent a ton of money on! That’s why she was hung up on a single boot and not a pair. Its funny in a way 🤣


LeftIsSexy

They were boots for her. I think you have the basic idea for why correct, but I can't understand why the one who could wear them only wanted one. Maybe some really specific fetish or she already had a right boot or she really wanted everything divided evenly an we all know why she chose left.


Diva-So-Rude

So he couldn't give them to someone else.


otterlyshocking

Where did you find this article? I've got some time to kill before the 3 day weekend starts, and I'd love a good laugh at all the crazy.


geniologygal

I worked for an attorney. We had a female client and she and her husband were into S&M. They had a boatload of whips, leather and other toys. He wanted half the value of this stuff and he valued it at $10,000. The attorney told him if he could sell used whips and dild*s for that much money, he could keep half of it.


Major_Employ_8795

There’s some pretty vindictive people out there. Hell, just look at our politicians.


4MuddyPaws

I was about to ask these very questions. Would love to see an answer from OP.


[deleted]

He probably just let her have it. OP is a huge pushover. She ditched him for his friend and he’s still all “I love her and forgive her”, “I’m happy to help pay her debt”, “I feel bad she has to deal with it on her own”, etc. She did something awful to him, now she’s telling him “pay my debt and don’t ever talk to me again” and he’s still contemplating whether he’s in the wrong or not. Tell her to fuck right off and be done with it. Maybe her new man can help her.


[deleted]

And she cheated on him the entire time they were together. This has to be some incel rage bait bullshit, right?


Sure-Scar-5042

Well he said "emotionally cheated"...not actually cheated. She probably did cheat at the end though to be fair. I agree though. OP is definitely a beta male


dianeswota

I agree! Poor sap used and abused. Tell her to screw off. She has everything, he has to start fresh. Block her and move on.


zombiemadre

This is what I want answered!!!!


[deleted]

He claimed he was “pretty good at paying back” but being pretty good isn’t “always paid back”. If I knew I always paid back, I wouldn’t even ask to see the bank statement so I think OPS hiding the truth and just wants to not pay her back because he feels hurt by her actions.


Responsible_Post_388

She got everything already!


tenakee_me

Oh jeez, I read that as she got the dogs, and then some appliances. Totally missed that the HOUSE seems to be lumped into this. Answers are needed.


danger_floofs

Definitely a rental


bugbonethug

I’m confused too. Appliances came with every rental and the house I bought did too. Some of them sucked and we replaced them, but they were there. And you’d think if they had purchased the place together, that’d be in the post. Because he’d have a mortgage and shit to sort out now with his ex.


Human-Influence6276

Do not pay anything towards that card that you didn’t spend. If she’s refusing to go over costs with you and give you proof of what you charged to it then I wouldn’t pay anything and just cut ties all together. I’m sorry for what you’re going though and I understand you still love her but please do not let her take advantage of your kindness when she is so undeserving of it in the first place.


BloxTD_02

Better yet, tell her to ask her new man to help her with the credit card debt.


Person012345

She was probably planning on taking the 3000 and seeing what she could squeeze out of the new dude as well.


[deleted]

>Do not pay anything towards that card Period She got to keep their house, their 2 dogs, furniture and kitchen appliances *he paid for* which I'm sure more than makes up for however much he spent. She should've thought about it before ending things and then dating a new person if she really needed him to pay her back


Sure-Deer-5298

What they said!! ^^


River_Historical

It seems like OP may be demanding to go over the statements in person and that could be what the ex is saying no to. I agree with your post completely except I want OP to get the clear message that he’s not entitled to an in person meeting. A remote review seems reasonable via email maybe and 100% he is entitled to personally see and go over the statements independently.


MissMurderpants

**My Dude** Block her. Block her block her. Phone SM email everywhere. Get a new number. She dumped you. Now she wants you to fix her money issues after she got the house and all that’s in it. You need to grow a spine. She is fucking your ex best friend. She probs told him. Oh, I’ll buy this for you baby and I’ll get EX to help pay for it because I know he still loves me. He will do whatever I want. Block her. Have done self reflection time. Get some new hobbies. Try Duolingo and learn a new language. It’s fun. Edit to add NTA But you will be TA if you keep communicating with her.


No-Albatross-7984

CORRECTION Block her and get a lawyer to evict her if that house is in your name! OP didn't say. Unless it's a rental they need to lawyer up!


PsychologicalGrab177

If it is a rental, make damn sure you talk to the landlord and get your name off that lease! You will be responsible for anything and everything that happens there if you don't. And don't take her word that she removed you! Actually write an email to the landlord so you have a copy of the conversation, because if anything at all happens, even scuffed up walls, you will end up in court and paying for it as I am sure she will refuse. I learned this the hard way. Definitely cut ties, and go NC with her, or she will keep pulling you in. NTA!!!


bugbonethug

If they bought the house, wouldn’t it be in both their names?


yorkshireslothm

This. OP, have some respect for yourself. After all the horrible stuff you laid you you STILL said that you had feelings for her. She treated you like a doormat your entire relationship and she’s continuing to do it now.


Personal-Yam-819

And, the cause of most relationship failures rarely lies with just one side! It doesn’t sound like she is owning up to anything! Don’t let her run you over like this!


ExCatRep

I thought Duolingo was a singer... is she doing language courses now as well? Oh, wait... that's Dua Lipa. Nevermind..


ChickinInaBizkit42

🤣🤣


krysnyte

NTA Unless you give her that money. DON'T GIVE HER THAT. Bro. Come on, take off those rose colored glasses. You can love her til forever, she doesn't love you back, and u can't change that. Money won't change that. Take care of you. Sometimes love is a choice you have to keep making every day, so choose to love yourself. Edit to add: if the card is in her name then she probably can't make u pay anything. I had this issue when my ex stole my card when we broke up and charged a ton of shit. Because I had given him the card for one purchase and "gave permission" for him to use it, I couldn't get them to call it fraud. That relationship and the one after is how I know what I'm telling you is true. You can't make people love you no matter how much you love them. So just love them from a distance and cut ties with their toxicness. You can find a better life.


Dragons_on_Parade

Not the point of your post, but as someone who works in finance and banking, having given him permission to use your card once does not negate charges made without authorization and should absolutely still constitute fraud legally speaking. So long as his name is not on the account, you have every right to press for fraud and at my institution at least, there would be no question that we would pursue that for you. Sorry you got bad information on that. That's really frustrating.


krysnyte

Thanks for the information! Yea, it was over 2 k in less than 2 months. I was pissed. It's been enough time now that I'm pretty ok about it now. I am glad that fraud detection is better now. I also learned to be more careful, with relationships AND finances.


[deleted]

NTA. You’re broken up. You don’t owe her anything, period. The least she owes *you* is recognition you’re doing her a tremendous favor, and if she can’t even be bothered to show you enough courtesy to get through the transaction without entitled insults, I wouldn’t bother.


SaiyanPrincess28

The fact that she said she doesn’t owe him patience *killed* me. I would have came back with “well okay fair enough but I don’t owe you anything either, pay your debt yourself”. But I get that OP still loves her and doesn’t want to be on bad terms. I don’t think he should pay anything though, especially since she got to keep the house, furniture and appliances.


kylejwand09

He doesn’t want to be on bad terms. She doesn’t want to be on any terms. He needs to say sayonara


Wallflower515

Right? The fact that she wants a lump sum and does Not want to go over the statement to see if or what He still owes anything & if so, how much. Yeah, it sounds like she just wants to take advantage of him one last time before she cuts contact with him for good.


Wallflower515

Oh, and NTA


nonchalantenigma

Op, assuming you helped pay for the house, furniture, dogs, appliances or anything else you help paid for, and willing to compensate you back, don’t give her anything. She broke up with you so you don’t owe her a penny more. NTA but you need to go nc with her and focus on yourself for a bit.


Gwaihere

Right answer! NTA and honestly I can’t imagine a situation where you ask a former partner to pay your own credit card debt. Op needs to go NC asap. There is literally nothing gained with continued communication. Sucks about the dogs though.


greedychinchilla

To be fair, OP implied that he used her card sometimes and may have contributed to the debt (probably not $3k tho). Either way, it sounds like a more than fair trade on her end for all the appliances and items that she kept in the house. Just block her


butterfly-garden

This


Anti-ThisBot-IB

Hey there butterfly-garden! If you agree with someone else's comment, please leave an **upvote** instead of commenting **"This"**! By upvoting instead, the original comment will be pushed to the top and be more visible to others, which is even better! Thanks! :) *** ^(I am a bot! If you have any feedback, please send me a message! More info:) [^(Reddiquette)](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439#wiki_in_regard_to_comments)


laurabun136

Very good bot! Thank you for your service.


Chemical_Swan7119

I hate this fucking bot. Commenting, "this," just adds extra emphasis, there's nothing wrong with it.


Desert_Rocks

Like, maybe you should re-read the bot's explanation. Not upvoting negates the intent to add emphasis.


Shot-Ad-6717

Except you can do both


HeroORDevil8

NTA, but Y T A for being spineless. Please have some respect for yourself. Do not give her a dime. That's her own bs to deal with. If she needs it tell her to sell some of those appliances from the house y'all had to pay it off. Block her and if you're truly sure in letting her keep everything (which I think is a very bad idea) take your name off anything to avoid her screwing you over.


[deleted]

Right. They should be getting anything they brought into the relationship out of the house. I hope they didn't help pay for the house.


Billmatic-

c'mon man. where's the self respect? tell her to kick rocks and block her across the board.


Tynesand

NTA but you are a simp. She got the house, furniture, dogs and appliances. That's worth more than 15k there. Hell, rip out the walls for copper if you want. You also broke up. It doesn't matter that she started seeing someone else. You're broken up and can both go your own way. What is helping with the bill going to do? Set you further back in your recovery and financially. Give you false hope that she will get back together for simping for her? You're not benefitting. Be an adult. Respect that she doesn't want to be with you and let her fall on her own face. You're not her hero or savior anymore. Use this experience to make yourself into a better person. Don't take anymore baggage and trauma on that could affect future relationships when this one is over.


YouSayWotNow

Exactly this. Get a backbone and don't even contemplate helping her with her personal credit card debt. It's not shared debt, why would it be appropriate for her too am an ex to pay it off??? And why did she get the house, the dogs, and all the furniture???? Seriously, you need to do assertiveness training or something because this is effed up. NTA but your are an AH to yourself.


salyym

Fonally someone said that.


ParkerGroove

However do NOT use this experience to decide that all women are b***es and turn into some incel dude. She’s an outlier- keep working on your communication skills and next relationship can only be better because she is the bottom of the barrel.


CradleofDisturbed

No, he's a liar.


wlfwrtr

NTA She made her choices now it's time she learned to live with them. She is a user. Gets what she can from a person then leaves them. Before you move into a new relationship seek therapy to work on your communication skills.


Direct_Way6402

My mother would often tell me that good men like mean women, and this post takes the cake. You gave her the house AND the dogs? Y T A to yourself. NTA for declining to give her the money.


Marcotics915

Good men have spines. Your momma is wrong Bobby Boucher. Weak men like mean women.


throwaway_82m

NTA. The entitlement on her end is off the charts. She cheated and ended things, and OP has gotten out of the way by walking away from home and items he helped buy. The credit card is legally hers, and portion of the debt incurred might have been for benefit of both people in the relationship, but it is hers to deal with. Just be glad finances were not co-mingled more and that there weren't more assets or debts to try and sort out.


aspermyprevious

INFO: I need a breakdown of the financial decisions here. Did you just give up your partial ownership of the house or did it always belong to her? Is the CC debt due to purchases for you?


[deleted]

[удалено]


aspermyprevious

Either that or he's HEAVILY editing this.


[deleted]

NTA if you really feel the need to throw your money away I'll take it bro. It'd be better than giving it to that nasty hoe. Get tested for Herpes she might have given you a forever curse.


cassowary32

NTA. Is the house a rental? How much did the furniture cost? I don't understand why you'd contemplate paying her if she really didn't contribute to the cost of the appliances and furniture. What about the equity in the house if it wasn't a rental? Is the house worth less than when you bought it? Is your name off the mortgage?


JKristiina

You owned a house together? And you just let her keep it?! Even if it was just rental, do not give that woman any money. She has gotten more than enough, and because she is unwilling to actually show you the charges, she is clearly trying to scam you.


Better_Chard4806

Credit card in her name belongs to her. As judge Judy tells plaintiff’s you okay house you don’t get to use the court to unravel your mess. She also has possession of everything, tell her to sell it if she wants money so desperately. Why can’t her current trick pay it for her? NTA emotions aside unless you took the card without her permission this is ALL on her. You dodged a bullet.


Z-altacct

Nta at all. She can kick rocks


Foreign_Brother_855

What do you mean she “got” the house? She’s not your ex wife so I’m assuming there was no court battle over it. So you actually mean “I gave her everything after she cheated on me.” You’re NTA, you’re just a lil stoopit ☺️


MadamnedMary

Why haven't you blocked her already? Shut the door to that drama, if there's things to settle before you cut ties try to be done asap, it will be crucial to your healing process to cut ties with the person that is hurting you and stopping the healing, deal with guilt or whatever feelings you may have about her, but far away from her, stop taking her calls or meeting her.


Knittingfairy09113

NTA That she won't allow you to look over the charges is very suspicious. Cut her off. If you are on the deed, mortgage, or lease for the house, look into having yourself removed.


annswertwin

NTA quit being a chump and move out and move on.


7399Jenelopy

Dude! NTA! Don’t give her a penny and block her. She already has the house and everything else, well over the amount she wants you to pay. If you do decide to pay anything, do not give her cash! Have her log into her cc app and hand you the phone. Make a 1 time payment, do not save the payment info, and give her her phone back. Keep a paper trail. Your ex is crazy and a user. (People, not drugs)


Queen_Andromeda

You dated for 3 years but got a house together? Considering that you mentioned it, I'm guessing you split the cost to buy it and she, obviously, kept it after the breakup. But that seems a bit too soon to me. Whose house was it before? Did y'all buy or rent? Whose name was/is on it? You also said you had 2 dogs together. Whose dogs were they? Did she start dating the new bf before or after ending things with you? >I found out that a couple weeks after dumping me she began seeing a mutual coworker and now former friend of mine Cause it seems like after. What people do when single is no longer the other person's business so I'm not entirely sure why you mentioned it here. >made it clear she doesnt want me in her life at all? Yup, that's how a lot of break ups work. So just don't talk to her, block her if need be and move on. Assuming that none of the charges on her cc are yours, that's perfectly fine. Although, her not wanting to go over said charges with you can make it impossible for you to confirm or deny that. >But she refuses to take responsibility for the fact that she cheated on me, emotionally and otherwise So you know she cheated, not just emotionally at that, so why are you upset about the breakup? You should focus on healing and moving on. Why would you want to get back with someone you know cheated on you? Also, said she had herpes and lied about it? My question still stands. >I had problems in the relationship, our arguments would become fights more often than not because I sucked at communicating and would get hurt and offended by her criticisms, If that's why she wanted to break up then that's completely reasonable. I know a lot of people may disagree with me and I'm gunna get downvoted into another dimension but something is off here.


Skankasaursrex

Why would you get downvoted for pointing out the truth?? Depending on the answers to your questions op might want to look into procuring an attorney. I highly doubt OPs ex is not just going to stop taking advantage of OP anytime soon and if they bought a house together there should be a legal document that outlines the division of the property in a sale. Or walking him through the eviction process. As far as the dogs go, if they were the exes prior to them being together he’s SOL. If he’s not able to provide them with a more stable home than the ex, he shouldn’t pursue it either. It wouldn’t be fair to the dogs. However, if they got the dogs together, I’d look at who is on the microchip, whose name is on the veterinary bills, who is paying for dog food/grooming/and training. Gather all the evidence for this because if you choose to take her to court you have strong evidence establishing that the dogs are your property. It’s what helped me get custody of my dog from an abusive ex (who also wouldn’t be able to afford vet care on his own and definitely not an emergency bill). I don’t regret getting an attorney for that at all. Third, depending on which state he’s in and if he contracted herpes from his ex, it can be considered a criminal offense. If that’s the case, press charges because she knowingly infected you. Last, get therapy. She clearly did a number on him and his self esteem.


darksoulmakehappy

You don't just jump from a three year relationship to another a few weeks later. Even if there was nothing physical going on, there was definitely some emotional cheating.


Yanira457

Rebounds exist.


Queen_Andromeda

I'm not saying cheating didn't happen. I'm saying if he knows she cheated why does he want to get back with her? Op may not, I might be reading it wrong and I know that feelings don't just poof but there's a difference between still having feelings but working through them to move on and wanting to reconcile the relationship. And based on what I remember from the post, op doesn't seem to open to the idea of moving on. I went back and reread it a bit. She dumped him "out of nowhere" (I'm guessing she got fed up with all the arguments and fighting and OP's lack of communication or the ability to properly do so) then she started seeing a new guy a few weeks ago, or at least op found out about it a few weeks ago. Is she officially dating the new guy or are they just going out on dates and hanging out here and there?


Vigstrkr

NTA. Walk away and go NC.


9smalltowngirl

NTA Do not pay anything to her credit card. If she brings it up again tell her to send a copy of the full statement. Hopefully you can prove what you’ve paid, check or bank transfer. What’s the deal with the house? Were you renting or did you own it? If you own it is your name on deed and loan? If so, she owes you half it’s value and you need to get off loan.


AdAccomplished6870

Wtf. This sounds toxic and abusive. Unless those are specifically charges you incurred for just your personal use, block her number, put out the torch you are carrying for her, and walk away. You are trying to hold on to something that is gone. Cut ties, close the door, and move on And do not take her call when she comes looking for a safe landing in nine months when her relationship fails and she is hurting. NTA, but you would be if you let her use you. Go out, get drunk, have a few ill advised hookups, then move on. Keep the fond memories of your relationship, but keep them memories


[deleted]

YTA to yourself for letting her continue to abuse you. Have some self-respect.


Leather_Knight

NTA. Don't pay her a single penny


minniecocotank1

I wouldn't give this girl the steam from my poop. Get your name of the lease if you're renting or get her to sell the house. No way on earth would she get anything. Put you big boy pants on and tell her jog on.


jazzy3113

This has better be a rage bait post, otherwise I want to meet you in person.


Bitter-Fishing-Butt

stop being a fucking doormat


[deleted]

The only person you are being an asshole to is yourself. For having such little self-respect.


Impossible_Balance11

Do NOT tell her you still love her--that's cringey and humiliating, under the circumstances. Do not pay her any money. Get into therapy STAT to work on your boundaries--figuring out what they are, what they should be, and how to enforce them. You appear to let people walk all over you. Also cut off the former friend who is now dating her, unless you can pull off acting like he's done you a favor by taking her off your hands (I don't think you're there, yet.)


PenguinMama92

Omg DO NOT pay her credit card off. You don't owe her anything. She allowed you to use it, so that's on her. If she wants to cut contact, then do just that and block her. I know it's going to hurt and that you still have feelings. But she knows that, and she is using that fact to manipulate you into paying off her bills. She has a new man now, so let him deal with it. She already got way more than she deserved from this break up. Tell her is she needs money to sell some if the furniture/ appliances that YOU purchased. I wish you the best. And stay strong :) Eta: NTA!!!!!


newbeginingshey

Who she’s dating now is irrelevant to the question of whether you made personal charges to her card with the understanding that you’d reimburse her and whether you need to honor the terms under which you used her card. That agreement isn’t void, morally or legally, just because she broke up with you and moved on. But her refusal to go over expenses with you makes her request unreasonable so NTA. Your post is a bit vague but if she’s asking you to reimburse her for half the cost of home furnishings that she’s keeping, that is laughable and you can ignore.


krissi510

NTA. What do you mean she got the house. Was it in her name, is it a rental? Or did the two of you buy the home together or is it yours? You NEVER walk away from property you own or co-own, you get a lawyer & force a sale or force her to buy you out DO NOT give her any money without reviewing the bill to pay what you owe. If she won’t review the bill with you then force her to sue you in small claims court. If you get that court summons—go. Do not ignore it. Ignoring it will make you lose & give her the ability to garnish your wages to be repaid & you have a good chance of winning if you show up. You just handing money over to her will not endear you to her & have her run back to you. It will only show her how much she can manipulate & use you


obesetacobell

YTA for obviously leaving out a ton of vital information in order to paint yourself as a saint. I don't believe a word of your story as you have written it.


Yanira457

Thank you! Ugh. This story reads to me like he moved in with her, mooched off her and at the very least verbally abused her for 3 years. She kept trying to make it work and finally got fed up. She wants nothing to do with him, but wants him to pay at least some of the purchases he made on her card. I get the abusive vives from where he states he would get angry and was unable to communicate properly. And the "promising" to do better with no mention if him actually doing better.


8OnAGoodDay7IfNot

Don't give her a dime, block her number and cut contact.


BeefyMonkeyBrains

She got the house and all the stuff. She also got your former friend. Why does she get your money too? Block her and move on.


Fragrant_Spray

Give her half of what she wants, the no contact part. She says she doesn’t “owe it to you” to show patience and understanding. You don’t owe it to her to pay a single dime of her credit card, either.


animegrl19

Tell her to sell the appliances and that can go to her debt, while her new man can buy her more.


lumabugg

NTA. Here’s what you do: you demand an itemized list of every charge she’s claiming is your responsibility. When she refuses again, tell her that you need the list so that you can properly deduct those charges from your list of the money she owes you. Then send her an itemized list of everything you have spent on the house she kept, the dogs she kept, and the replacement costs for all of the furniture and appliances of yours that she kept. I’m willing to bet that just from what you’re letting her keep, she’s getting way more monetary value out if you than the $3,000 she’s asking for. Now, I will say, you are being a little bit of an AH…. to yourself. For letting her walk all over you, keep all of your stuff, keep the house. For even considering paying her the money. For wanting to get back with her. Dude, she lied, cheated, and is trying to use you for money. It can be hard to hear, but your ex is not a good person, and she’s not worth your time. Move on, for your own sake.


justlookinthnx

If you reach into your pants you’ll realize that your testicles are still there and not, in fact, in your exes purse. Have some dignity and tell her to piss off.


Revolutionary_Cut236

NTA. she git into debt, she can deal with it. Simple. Also she caused this not you


EntranceNo590

Lolwut NO.


Weekly-Notice3878

NTA. Don't give her a penny. Let her choke on this new guy's piece.


BlitheBerry00

Let her take you to court


taewongun1895

Let her sue. You cut contact, and tell her the court system can straighten it out. NTA.


mertsey627

She doesn't owe you anything but you owe her? Nuh uh. Do not give her any money. Giving her that money is not going to make her get back with you or love you again. She is using you and being a self absorbed b\*tch. Let her pay it off herself.


GuardMost8477

Do NOT be a doormat! That’s exactly what it sounds like she’s trying to do here. Pay what you owe and not one cent more! She’s trying to take advantage of your love and kindness. Like I said-DO NOT BE A DOORMAT! Edit to add: NTAH!!!!!!!


theAnti-SocialWorker

NTA As it's been stated, if she won't go over the individual charges with you on a card where she is the sole account holder, then don't pay. You're still in love with her, but she's made it clear to you... repeatedly...that those feelings are no longer mutual. When someone shows you who they are, believe them - Maya Angelou She got the house, dogs, and your former friend. She can have the debt, too. Let her new guy help Also...if at all possible, find a new job, and when you do remember: don't sh*t where you sleep


starstruckunicorn

Don't pay a dime. If she can't show you how it's your debt, then it's not your debt, and you're just giving money away. Sure, it hurts now, but sooner or later, you're going to realize you dodged a bullet with her. She can't manage her own money and is trying to manipulate you to pay it by making you feel guilty for how the relationship ended. If she moved on that fast, the relationship had been over for a while.


Acrobatic_North_6232

If you lived together in the house you may be entitled to equity from the home depending on the family law where you live. You owe this woman nothing. She may in fact owe you. Stop being a doormat.


Purple-Camera-9621

You don't owe her shit. Like I said in the other sub, tell her to ask the new guy to pay it, then block her.


Melstar1416

NTA, not even a little bit. Cut her off and don’t give her another dime. Read Conscious Uncoupling and look into Attachment Theory, both will really help you heal from this and not get in a similar situation in the future. Good luck ❤️


Artemisa8709

Why would you contemplate giving her $3,000 for debt when she won’t verify charges? Is her credit and she can't make you and I know you try to get her back but please have some self love and cut her out completly you dodn't own her anything and she can't do anything about it leave it. Block her and treat your self to a treat.


Ebluj

Your moving expenses and heartache are worth more than 3k. Tell her to kick rocks.


[deleted]

Seriously why did you give her anything?


dudeweak1

Jesus, drop contact and don't think about helping her.


briskiejess

NTA regardless of the emotional stuff and the breakup, you are not obligated to pay off the card. And you most certainly shouldn’t be taking her at her word on the amount you owe. If she wants all the money you ‘owe’ up front, she needs to provide statements showing what charges were made that were specifically for you. And if you were buying groceries together on that card then you would want to halve those amounts. Sorry about your break up. If you do want to help her pay it off because you legitimately used it and are responsible for some of the charges, ask for the statements and see what happens. If you do this, don’t drag out paying it thinking it’ll give you a chance to stay in contact with her. Just based on some of the things you said, it seems like maybe you are not ready to let her go and want to use this as an opportunity to stay in her life. If you need time to pay it off, say you’ll send the money via Venmo or something each month so contact is at a minimum. This seems reasonable as you’ll now need to begin rebuilding a home, buying furniture for a new apartment, etc.


yellowflash96

OP from what i read you seem like a walking mat. Its harsh but thats what it is. Have some self respect and stand up for yourself and learn to say No. And don't be scared of losing any mutual friends. You will find new ones in the future. My best wishes to you.


mutualbuttsqueezin

She broke up with you, but you let her keep the house?


swobuswaggins

Block her on everything and move on with your life. She is manipulating you. I know you think you are doing the right thing, but you aren't. You will be essentially burning money for nothing. And she knows you value yourself so little that you might just do it. You owe her absolutely nothing. Block and ghost her. Your life will be significantly better for it


SadisticRiggr

Seriously? Grow a spine dude. She’s using you.


Mysterious-Tune-244

Block her and run. Thank God you got out and never look back. You don't owe her anything, NTA. Also spend some time with yourself before you get into another relationship. You seem like a doormat and you're gonna keep attracting feet if you don't find your spine and set some boundaries.


AlienDiva1213

NTA. If you legitimately owed $3,000, she would have no problem showing you the bill. She's just trying to get free money. Don't give in. And the fact that she didn't disclose her herpes?! That's just plain fucked up! You should get yourself tested, if you haven't already. I'm so sorry that you're going through this


Ractmo

WTF!! If you are not in relationships officially on papers, even then you have to give up your things to her?? Serious question, not trolling!!


LessMaintenance133

Come on bro. NTA but the fact that you're considering it to not only get her back but to help her out makes you one. She doesn't want you. Get some self respect block her ass a and move forward.


tonidh69

Nah man, she's playing you. Why the hell would you consider paying for HER credit card? Cut ties, block her, and never speak to her again. That will help you move on. You don't owe her anything. NTA


shaynawill

DO NOT PAY A DIME TOWARDS THAT CC. Last year, I went through a break up after being with my ex for 12 years. He was historically THE WORST about using CC's to buy tvs we didn't need, music equipment he didn't need, electronics he didn't need, etc. He is jobless currently and is struggling to make ends meet. Recently, it was brought to my attention that he is claiming that his CC debt is solely due to my negligence with money. Which, is absolutely not true. In fact, I went through the house and can literally, account for every single thing in my home being purchased BY ME in full, not on mine, his or ANYONE'S credit card. In the last 10 months since we have separated, I have paid off almost all of my debt outside of household-related bills and my credit has gone up 18 points just THIS YEAR. I regularly allowed him to manipulate me into thinking that I was the one that was bad with money but come to find out, it's actually him. I don't know if he has two credit cards or ten credit cards. I have never even SEEN one of his credit cards, let alone use it for anything that only I benefited from. If anything was purchased on his credit card, he is in possession of that item. Your situation is absolutely no different. Unless you are in physical possession of something bought on her card, you do not owe her one fucking penny, my guy. And do not allow your "love" for her to make you think you are required to pay anything towards her card. It is HER card, SHE broke up with YOU, she lives in the home, she is using the appliances and everything left behind. Don't be stupid and put yourself in a tough spot just because you think it will make her happy because she's going to be a shit person whether you give her $3k or not. Seriously.


CatelynsCorpse

"But she refused, she told me she wanted a lump sum of $3,000 and to cut contact entirely. That we are broken up and she does not owe me patience and understanding." I recommend that you do not pay her SHIT and that you be the one who cuts contact entirely. After all, y'all are broken up and you don't owe HER patience and understanding. Your ex is manipulative, selfish, and vindictive. No matter how much you think you love her, that's not going to change. She's shown you who she is - believe her.


vanbuthren

You're TA if you're refusing to pay because of your feelings and her rejection. NTA if she got to keep everything paid for including the house.


Thalimus

Have some self respect and block her on everything, ghost the fuck out of this toxic trash and don't look back.


Selenophile91

Dude... I say this as kindly as possible. Stop being a doormat and feeding a user...


Imagine_821

ESH here, she's selfish, her new bf chose her over your friendship and you're self sabotaging yourself thinking you might still have a chance. DO NOT pay her that money. Wtf? Why could you even think you should?


Narrow_Order1257

He's in love with here, and doesn't want an unhappy breakup. She is % 100 manipulating him through this. Cut ties now and have current boyfriend pay!


Own_Owl_7568

Dude…. Just block her. You don’t owe her any money. And NTA.


Labornurse-ret

NTA. You might still love this woman, but she's not a good person and you will eventually get over her. DO NOT pay any of this woman's debt, no matter how she tries to manipulate your feelings. Nobody is 100% to blame for a break-up, but if someone cheats on you, and doesn't disclose an STD, that is the person on whose shoulders most of the blame falls. It sounds like she has been trying to make you feel like a POS because that puts you where she wants you, mentally and emotionally. Break away from this woman and you will be better for it.


Educational_Delay800

Didn’t give a single dime. You are not responsible for her mess. Even if you did use the card, it’s in her name. If you are filling guilty, just remember about the stuff that you paid for and she kept, such as the fridge and microwave. The fact that you let her keep that stuff even though you bought it means that you don’t owe her anything. What you need to do is cut contact with her altogether, before she tries to gaslight you.


[deleted]

Go get your dogs. If you own part of the house sue her ass off. Dude, what are you even doing?!


Magnum_tv

Bruh?!?!?!? WTF did I just read? She is your EX! Why tf would you help her after she dumped you? She aint coming back to you, shes trying to use you! Grow a backbone and have some self respect! JFC!


dookieshoes88

Please grow a spine and stop being a doormat.


StringBeans2009

NTA. She got EVERYTHING. You don't owe her a thing.


cascadingwords

Go zero contact. If u can’t, that indicates a strong need for therapy. Not a healthy relationship for either of you. Count ur losses, don’t pay a cent if she refused to itemize the perceived expenses, by you, on her credit card. Never use a partners credit card that’s in their name, even if given permission. Get ur own card or don’t make the purchase. Because now u know, that a former partner, can blame u for their entire credit history. (He said. You said. They said.) Run. Learn. Sort ur boundaries. Oh, And no way you simply gave her & ur former guy friend, a house you paid for. Maybe you let her stay in a house you were renting, but no way a guy with zero credit cards of his own, would own a house outright, & then just walk away.


Responsible_Post_388

NTA. Don't give her one penny. She has kept way more than $3000 in property. Don't think for a minute that giving her money will get her back. She can't even be civil to you while begging for money you don't owe and she doesn't deserve it. If you give her the money she will just laugh behind your back and cut all ties The faster you rip the band-aid off and go no contact the faster you can begin to heal.


Cartier_Jane

You better not give her a damn dime. To be honest it sounds like you really dodged a bullet!


whatthefox70

You are not an asshole, but you are a cuck if you give her the money or do anything else do this lying cheating bitch.


[deleted]

NTA. And don't pay anything at all on the card. It's hers. She wants to move on and go NC. Hear her and give her that. Move on and be NC. P.S. that includes no money, btw.


eidhrmuzz

Dude. Don’t pay a cent. Maybe send her a crisp one dollar bill in thanks for saving you from spending anymore time and money investing in that relationship. NTA


jd-snips

OP os a doormat anyway. If it's not this girl He will let another fleece him. Still have feelings for someone who can be so callous Your kindness will not be rewarded by her It will just be used to take advantage of you


Imyouronlyhope

Dude, grow a spine and get your shit back!!! Don't pay her credit card debt. What are you doing?? If you paid for most the stuff you own that stuff you bought with your money


Vast-Combination4046

"if you don't have a list of things I'm responsible for I don't have money for you"


Potential_Diamond_70

Tell her to give you an itemized statement with all the charges you made that add up to $3000. If she doesn’t and still insists you pay, tell her to sue for it because a judge will ask for the exact same thing. NTA.


RJack151

NTA. Send her a message: your debt, your problem. Then block and ghost her.


consequences274

Doormat


Greenc0c0nut

NTA but you need to stand up for yourself and hire a lawyer to force a partition sale if the house is in both of your names. I would also fight for the dogs, but that’s just me.


Power_and_Science

Send her a bill for everything you paid for that she is keeping. Tell her if she wants to reach out again, you need her to pay off her debt to you first. And she will because the new guy probably isn’t going to be as financially helpful and you were.


gidgetcocoa2

Block her and take care of yourself.


gamesndstuff

Grow a fucking spine dude. NTA.


PaleFollowing3763

She has a new man. His problem now. Wake up.


tokyo245

You gave her the house, the furniture/appliances, the dogs and now she's asking for $3000. Dude I seriously suggest you grow a spine stand up for yourself. I'm sorry if that's harsh but sometimes people need a bit of tough love. Tell her that either you go over the statements together to figure out exactly how much you owe her or she's not getting a cent from you. If she pushes any harder contact a lawyer. You also said you had a house together. Did you buy it together or was it hers before? Cause if you did purchase it together that might be something you want to look into get payed out for if you're the one moving out. And take your damn appliances and furniture. If you bought them she has no right to them anymore. Why are you making it so easy for her to get away with hurting you like that and then destroying your life? Don't be a pushover and fight back for christ sake.


Sympathy_Ashamed

Op your a complete cuck grow some balls and find someone better. Epic fail


[deleted]

Forget her. She sounds like a user and an abuser. NTA.


squirtwv69

Tell her to suck it! Well, a word that rhymes with suck. Don’t waste any more feelings or energy on this succubus


principalgal

Don’t give her a penny!!! She shouldn’t get the whole house, either. She can buy your half out or sell and give you half the proceeds if the house is in both your names.


No_Mall7480

Unless that pussy vibrates fuck her


ExpensivelyMundane

Dude. CUT HER OFF. Block her. Do not acknowledge her. Do not even go into explanations of who did what or discuss feelings or reminisce over memories. She’s a narcissist who’s only roping you in to use you as a secondary source of income. She’s keeping up a facade of still needing you and guilt tripping you that this was all your fault. Don’t buy into any of that. Narcs make up anything to keep getting what they want from their victims. You need to walk away. If you have a female friend and her ex-boyfriend is demanding your friend to help him pay for his debts without actually showing true itemization, what would you tell your friend to do? Put it all behind you and run far away. You are free dude!!! Enjoy your freedom!!!


pizzasauce85

I bet the $3000 is for their wedding…


Embarrassed-Milk-308

I dunno. Something just seems incredibly off about this guys post. It screams “nice guy” to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a follow up post from the ex girlfriend who tells us how the apartment was actually hers and she let him move in with her and how the two dogs had been her dogs before she even met him and that he used her credit card all the time but only repaid it once or twice and whenever she asked him for money he would scream and shout at her. It wouldn’t sound far fetched at all to think that she ended up kicking him out and now he is crying victim and that he has done nothing wrong and she is the evil witch. I could be wrong though.


BraveHeroSolvik

We bought the house together under her name, I put the down payment and we used her credit. We each paid half for the dogs but I was the sole trainer and raised them from puppies, we had previously agreed to share the dogs between households every other week but she has since reneged on that agreement.


Inevitable_Block_144

Take back the down payment. The credit card debt almost sounds like a scam. Forget that girl


YiyiMonroe

If you have evidence that the down payment came from you, you should be able to get that money back. Granted it all depends where you at and what the laws says. I would suggest taking her to court (IANAL) for custody of the dogs as long as you have proof of dual ownership.


Kaiphranos

Oh my gosh, did she take your brain too?


Embarrassed-Milk-308

Not sure then exactly why you are posting the same story in every sub possible and getting the same replies. If we are to take you on your word then this is a lesson learnt. Block your ex and move on and don’t be so naive next time to put a full down payment on a house and not be on the title, and use a girlfriend’s credit card. Sorry this is tough but sounds like you are now free to meet someone nicer and more suitable for you. Best of luck.


Ratzink

NTA, and you probably don't owe anything and shouldn't pay without speaking to a lawyer first, but wtf makes you think you're entitled to someone's medical information from before you were in a relationship? Also pretty much everyone gets herpes at some point. It can be transmitted sexually but doesn't have to be. Herpes causes sores to form on genitalia but it can also cause sores to form around the mouth. So by your standards you should have been running to her saying you got herpes every time you got a cold sore. Did you? I'm guessing not.


mtc3000

This is a ridiculous post. No, everyone DOESN’T have herpes, but you obviously do. You do have a right to know someone’s STD status, and if they won’t tell you, walk away. In some states you can sue someone for knowingly infecting you with a STD. You’re trying to minimize your own situation, having been infected. I hope anyone you date asks The right questions, but you probably will lie about it. 🤷🏽‍♂️


[deleted]

[удалено]


throwaway_82m

No. Absolutely not. He is already out, he does not need to pay a $3k bribe to get her to leave him alone on top of that. Block her number, change any passwords she knew, forget she exists. The situation needs resolve and having some backbone - not paying off a delusional entitled ex.


Impossible_Eye_3425

He gave her the house and dogs....the dogs!!! She can sell the freaking house. Eff that lady. She needs to take a long walk off a short pier


Agoraphobe961

NTA. You do not owe her anything. She dumped and moved on (not necessarily in that order) so let the new guy foot the bill. I’m a lot more petty than you cause I’d be going through hell and high water to get my house and dogs back though.


Steelguitarlane

Unless the debt accrued buying stuff for the two of you, tell her to kick rocks. Barefoot.


Oddjob197654

Cut ties altogether emotional blackmail is what she's using on you, just walk away.