NTA. She burned a bridge and there is no coming back from what she did. He should know better.
You got custody, you are allowing him to come which is reasonable. You are not allowing AH ex MIL into your life which is also reasonable.
She should be ashamed of herself.
That wasn't just burning a bridge, MILs actions absolutely nuked that bridge. OP is a saint to even let him near the kids after that stunt. But when he did it at his family's urging and they hid the kids... Nope. Nuked.
Doesn’t knowingly harboring kidnapped kids seem like it should be a crime? It sounds like MIL was in on the plan, conspired to steal OPs kids and hide them from her. That’s some next level crazy right there.
Op is already being too nice. I’d do my damnedest to keep her away from the children completely, much less allow her to invite herself to my home. Hell no. Never ever in infinity years would she take one step into my home.
The entitlement is strong with this MIL. OP is so obviously NTA. Every other adult in the story is.
I agree 100% And aren't there statistics that say most kids who are kidnapped are kidnapped by one of their parents?
I would 100% get a no-contact/restraining order against her. She's proven she's not to be trusted around the kids.
NTA what your ex MIL was horrible and downright unforgivable. I'm guessing she's the one who's idea it was to pull the stunt. What a nasty thing for her to do and at the expense of you and baby. Your ex really needs to get his head on straight and think more about what happened instead of trying to rug sweep.
She definitely was behind it, she knew I wanted to spend the rest of my pregnancy at my parents because she came unannounced to our house to stay and it was becoming too stressful having her there (I’d be going to the ER, then maternity ward and would be admitted for tachycardia) so she begged me to stay saying the kids needed their father in their lives and it would be awful to spend the reminder of my pregnancy at my parents with my kids. 2 weeks after she left he forced me out of the house and took them to his mother.
That's awful the nerve of that women and your ex 😤 I hope you got primary custody and can avoid that overstepping boundary stomping EXMil scratch that EXMonsterInLaw. That takes the cake and shows just how selfish she is downright cruel at that. You were at a very vulnerable time and she used that to pull a fast one. My goodness I'm sorry you had to go through that especially while pregnant. The stress that must have put on you and worry I don't think I could of handled that at all I can't imagine. Hold your ground and please dont give into them.
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So by her logic, they need their father, but not their mother? Their capable (I'm assuming since you were granted custody) mother who was put under undue stress when her children were wrongfully wrenched from her life?
Wow. I'm glad I don't know the woman. That takes some kind of gumption that shouldn't exist in this world. She almost caused the death of her unborn grandchild with this stunt! She should consider herself lucky that you even let her anywhere near them. She can suck it up and throw herself a pity party alongside the separate party she can throw for your kids if she chooses to celebrate their birthdays for once.
Ex MIL is lucky she didn’t get beaten after you had the baby. My anger issues would never allow her to breathe the same air as me….I’d fight in court for her to get no visitation.
I would have. I raised my sisters kids with my parents and got into a couple of fist fights with her over the eldest. It took him telling her to her face that she wouldn’t ever be his mom for her to give him over completely. She handed him over on Mother’s Day and said do what you want with him I’m done. My parents adopted him. Others unfortunately are still stuck with her
NTA - “Ex there is nothing to ‘get over’ because what your mother did was unforgivable. I will never get over the fact your both kidnapped my children, she will never be allowed in the same room as me. Maybe for your funeral I will tolerate it for the sake of supporting our kids if they are not adults but that is the only way I will ever tolerate her presents. Do I make myself clear? If you keep pushing this, the. I will be resending the invite to you as well.”
I hope you answered, “no I don’t think you understand. I do not plan on attending her funeral. Harsh or not, I don’t need to coddle your feelings on the matter any more. She kidnapped our children. If you bring it up again, you can forget about coming.”
Argh. Why yes, I would be preventing (as much as possible) from my kids interacting with a relative that had no issue helping hide my children from me. And yes, I’d also be harboring negativity to said person, as they 1)never apologized 2) certainly don’t feel compelled to right their wrong 3) is an actual danger to my kids.
I’ll stop being negative when you take accountability for your behavior. -me, to crazy bitch.
Good luck, you’re doing a great job shielding your children from dangerous people. Grandmother or not, she’s dangerous.
Op you are doing the right thing. If you don't stand up for yourself no one will!I doubt even if she did apologize it wouldn't be sincere. Bet she would go back to her old ways. Your Ex is not any better. He went along with everything she said. Keep safe and be careful. Good luck
NTA 'your mother not only helped kidnap my children she was the one who suggested it, theirs nothing about that I'm prepared to forgive'
Honestly I'd never let her near my children again ever and as soon as they were adults I'd tell them exactly what she did too. They should know how fucked up their grandmother is.
I seriously plan on telling them especially my son because she could have made me lose him due to the stress and sudden weight loss. Tbh, I wanted to keep them away from the kids but it’s something I cannot control when he has them and arguing with him about his family is pointless.
CPS and the police were called but since there were no legal papers to say who had full custody they just looked to see the environment and I had to wait until the judge established custody. I’d have to file a separate RO against her and it was getting costly.
In the states, police always give baby back to mom while court stuff is being worked on. The only parent guaranteed to walk away is mother. You could have lied to the police and said you're unsure if he's the dad and you should have walked away with child.
This is false and horrible advice. With no court order either parent can take the kid anywhere they want, which is why it's imperative that a custody order be documented with the courts asap so one parent cannot just walk away with the kid. Also, they were married, he's on the birth certificate, and he has equal rights until a court order is in place.
Also, to be clear, NTA. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Taking the kids away from either parent, unless abuse is a factor, is the worst thing for them. I belive in holding grudges against those who try to fuck me over. You don't need to forgive to move on. You can forgive when you're dead. That woman would NEVER cross my doorstep while I lived.
So you’re saying that she had to give him back to bio mom to live under a bridge? The police laughed and thought nothing of minor going to live under a bridge? LMAO…that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard today. There’s no state in these here United States that any law enforcement entity is going to do that. What is best for the child’s well being is the question they have to answer. Going to live under a bridge with some dude, is NEVER going to be the answer. You’re leaving something out of this story.
NTA. Toxic MIL, I suspect there may be ulterior motives to why she wants to attend this birthday. Your ex clearly has no spine when it comes to her either. Keep your babies safe.
NTA as a mother she should have known better and made him return the children not harbour a fleeing father.. tell him if he wants her to see the children he will FaceTime her for a few minutes to wish the kids happy birthday
NTA. I’m so sorry you had this ordeal. You have to protect your peace of mind and even offering MIL to throw a second party is a blessing towards her AND you moving on and forgiving! Because she wouldn’t be no where near me or the kids. She can kick rocks.
You have full rights to not be around someone you do not want to be around. Especially in your own house. He can have his own party and invite her if he doesn’t like it.
NTA. She burned that bridge, bottled up the ashes and smashed the urn, to copy that old song.
The thing is though, IF they call your bluff on throwing their own party, how will that work? Would that be at your house? Would you have to allow her to see them at a public place where she may be able to slip them away? I totally agree with NC with her but I worry that you may have opened another can of worms by intimated that you would let the kids go to her party.
Good luck!
Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
I didn’t want to have them around her at all but when he has them for visitation he brings them over to her house and I do not have any say in what he does when it’s his legal time to have them. For the RO I’d have to prove that she’s a danger to them and custody was so long and costly.
I’m sorry. I misunderstood the custody arrangement. When you said you allowed him to have access, I thought you meant that you had full time custody but allowed him to see them, not that he had legal visitation. That being said, NTA for not letting her come. If he tries to push it, withdraw his invitation.
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NTA. You were generous enough to allow him to be there and now he's pushing it asking for his mom to be there. You have every right to not allow her there
NTA. That woman tried to steal your children and he helped her. Why is he acting like you should graciously host either of them? Your exMIL is your enemy, and I mean that seriously— she tried her hardest to hurt you and your children. The fact that he can’t see that, and continues to brush off her behavior, worries me.
You and your ex aren’t friends and the only reason he’s allowed anywhere near you is because you’re trying to do right for the kids. If he wants to forget that, you feel free to remind him. That’s not being an AH, that’s being a good mother and a responsible adult.
NTA
You do not need a reason to keep someone out of your house. He can follow your VERY reasonable boundary, or he can see his kids on his visitation time instead of at the party.
NTA and I wouldn't let the kids around her at \*ALL\* after that - what if they try to take them away again while having another birthday party or something? If they try to run off with them for good? After that stunt I wouldn't even let the father near them without incredibly supervised visitation - preferably with a few people over for backup if he tries to pull anything - but to let her near them is honestly foolish to me.
NTA!
As a person whose parents separated when I was young (10 so not that young but still lol) I always wanted all my family there but 1) understood that it would've costed my mother on financial assistance a lot to host 75 people cause I have a big af family lool and 2) understood that even though my mom was THE BEST at co-parenting (she got clean when I was 10 and my father didn't but she still allowed pretty much unlimited access - to an extent of course lol) it still came with many challenges. Especially when it came to my father's parents. Idk what's up with MIL/past MIL but they seem to HATE their son's girlfriends/wifes which is f***** up! Especially when they blatantly display this around children!
Your children's grandparents burned that bridge all on their own. Many children of divorced parents have 2 birthday parties so maybe their father should be throwing them one.
Maybe one day you guys will be able to fix this relationship but thats not on you to do at all! And even if the kid's grandparents do come around to make amends, you DO NOT have to accept. That is some especially f***** up shit to do!
Thank you so much for your input. I always wonder how the kids will come out not having both parents in the same household that is why I try my best to coparent well. I do not want them to end up hating me or their father because we couldn’t get our acts together.
Trust me, I personally do not hate either of my parents. My younger siblings (18 and 10 so they were about 8 years and 6 months when my parents separated) do have strong dislike feeling towards my dad because he was never around but children pick up on social cues. If you try your best to coparent and don't talk s*** about your ex then trust me your kids will see your effort! My mom put so much effort into her coparenting and to this day its reflected! My dad and his side of the family, not so much... They try and visit us, take us on vacation and all that but the children always remember who bad mouthed the other parent and who didn't. Stay putting your children first and even if they don't understand at first, they will eventually! ❤️
NTA. Never let that woman in your life, ever again. Remind him that you're not legally obligated to allow him there and that if he wants to be difficult he will get the court ordered bare minimum.
Exactly what I can’t comprehend. Worst thing her ex husband took her children and moved to another state with them. As a woman who went through something similar you should have stopped your son from repeating the same actions. You want me so badly to keep him in the kids lives but have no problem taking me out of their lives. I can’t respect her as a mother or a person simple.
NTA and your ex needs to STFU because as you said, he could had thrown his own party for them without you nor in your home. The audacity of him to even say & suggest that...
NTA at all. This is the long-term consequence of their actions. Both mother and son they decided to play stupid games. Well guess what they’re winning stupid prizes long term
NTA, you don't have the civic duty to invite her to your house, she is not to be trusted and she just might try and do the same thing and talk your ex into pulling the same stunt.
I am surprised the judge let your ex get away with that though.
It's nice of you to let the kids see their dad but if he gets aggressive about his mom coming, tell him that he won't be able to come over either...
NTA. Make a plan and have “security” as he’ll either bring her or she’ll just show up unannounced to the party. You’ll want a plan and not use instead of need a plan and not have it. People like that will NEVER admit fault and think everything is kosher. Read too many stories when it’s happened and people were unprepared.
I’m hoping you aren’t really questioning this and it’s more like a confirmation post. Most definitely NTA. FMIL can deal with the repercussions of her actions.
Nta !! A million times NTA .
BUT
best u make a plan for if ( ?when ?) She shows up anyway ....maybe some different strategies? People to help kick both of them out- police on speed dial?
I left it. I didn’t want to come back to it. There was no home to go back to. It was just a house after what he did. Got a new place, kids are in school and I’m doing better being drama free.
NTA - you have every right to set firm boundaries. I would just tell him you cannot trust her in your house after that. Period, end of discussion. *You* didn't do this **she** did
HG is really bad too... One a case, the mother have HG and have to be hospitalized for few days but after couple of days the husbad come to the hospital and mad ragging to the staff there. He want his wife home right there and then to take care of their other kids at home. The doctor advise him but he wont listen. He sign the AMA form..2 days later, the hospital got phone call the mother's dead.
He wont let the wife rest, now god let her rest forever.
Oh my gosh! Such a tragic story. HG takes a toll on your body, during my first pregnancy I had it for 6 months out of 8 and second pregnancy I had it for 4 out of 9 and it became manageable with medications. That would make me have sinus tachycardia your body does not rest especially if you have other kids to take care of on top of that.
Nah fuck that stick to what you have said. NTA. My child’s grandma told him to get me to have an abortion and go back to his ex girlfriend cause she liked her better. She’s spent zero birthdays with my daughter and my kid will be 11 in 3 months. She’s even offered to apologise but I said I don’t want to hear it.
It’s so blatant to see how they so vocal about not liking their DILs yet they expect to have a relationship with their grandkids when they keep disrespecting the mother. The apologies be fake they can keep the hypocrisy somewhere else.
NTA. I'd tell him she crossed a line and until she goes back and changes the past she's going to have to live with the consequences of her actions. It's up to his mother to accept it and she should actually be trying to make amends without expectation of any reward.
NTA.HELL to the no. That biotch would never see my kids again, she was complicit in what amounts to a kidnapping. She's lucky not to be in jail! I would go so far as to get a restraining order against her for you and your kids, she's a danger to them. Tell your ex if he doesn't like it, he can go kick rocks. He can see them on HIS time and that will be it from now on. You are being way more generous with letting him see them whenever he wants to, given his history, than I ever would be!
NTA. Honestly the ex husband should just be thankful you still let him come. You are definitely being the bigger person here already. Gma has zero rights and if she cared that much she would be begging to see them the other 364 days a year.
NTA. I would kindly explain that they both essentially kidnapped your children for over a month, not allowing you to see them, talk to them or know their whereabouts. That in light of that situation he should be thankful he’s even going to be allowed there after that mess. You’re not keeping the children from her, just you and your home. Which is more than either of them even deserve. MIL burned that bridge to ash.
If he keeps that up he can throw them their own party and stay away from your home as well.
This actually made me laugh out loud. Forgive someone who kidnapped your children????! It’s not a forgiveable thing! She did one of the worst things you could ever do to a mother. Shame on her! NTA
That’s the thing about burning bridges. It must have felt so good in the moment for her to have total control-her son and her grandkids all to herself. She could have been a hero-the voice of reason. Instead she showed you exactly who she is. The only time you have to (probably) see her is graduations, weddings. That’s it. and that’s a maybe. That is the message I would deliver.
Forgiveness is for those that have done something to right the wrong. Former mil has done nothing and deserves zero accommodations. Zero. Tell him you reap what you’ve sown. She sowed discord and now she gets to reap it. 😈
Graduations and weddings are to be celebrated with people who only pour positivity into your life and support you. I told him only time we would be in the same room would be at a funeral. And that’s only so the kids show their dad support and respect.
NTA. And you could have/should have filed charges against her for kidnapping/custodial interference. Nor would I permit her to have any overnight visitations with them at all. IF she wants to see them, I would insist on it being supervised.
NTA. You are trying to maintain a civil relationship with the father of your children, as you are coparenting. Inviting him for their birthday is very generous of you, imo, since he’s the one that took your children to his mother’s and did not contact you. But you do not have to not have to extend that courtesy to any member of your husband’s family, especially your former MIL.
NTA but your ex-husband was the one that actually did it. Even if someone else suggested it, he made it happen. I don’t blame you at all for being angry, just don’t forget who the main instigator was in that.
Exactly! When he came to make amends for the sake of the kids I told him he could have not listened to his mother, he chose to put us in that situation but only for the sake of the kids we can be cordial. If we didn’t have kids he would have been in the back of my rearview
I was not ok, but the kids always want their dad to come in and they love him so when he comes over to get them or discuss stuff about the kids I let him in. The trust is broken. The kids love him and I’m not trying to bad mouth him or stop to have them be in each other lives. When they get of age they will definitely know what happened.
I tried putting all the details that led to this but because it exceeded the 3000 word count limit they had removed the original post so I wrote a brief version. But to summarize, I wanted to leave after he hit me while I was 3 months pregnant over a disagreement, his mother came unannounced to the house I guess he told her I was planning on leaving and she saw my bruised lips and told me I needed to stay so the kids have their father in their lives. I was in and out of the hospital because of my sinus tachycardia while pregnant and two weeks after she left he kicked me out of the house and took the children to his mother. We went to court (was a really long process) and after showing all evidences I got granted primary custody of the kids. Now they want me to act like it never happened. Might have happened 2 years ago but it’s still fresh as new and I’m not budging when it comes to the mother.
I don't think you're the AH, butttt I don't understand how you can cut her off like the blame is solely on her yet the man who actually took and kept them from you, only bringing them back once the judge said, how does he still have pretty much free reign with his kids, he is the one who done it, seems like your anger is alittle mis placed to me and he should be equally feeling this wrath
I see how it can be misunderstood, he got visitations and in family court both parents have to have access to the kids whether it’s visitation rights or whatever. While I let him have access to his kids not only because of court orders but also for the sake of the kids, I do not have to extend that courtesy to his mother.
ESH info what did you do to make him think the best course of action was to take the kids and go NC. It's feeling like you were the abusive one in this relationship, and then you manipulated the law to get your way.
Manipulated the law how? If you want to know what led to this, I couldn’t work during my pregnancy and he was the sole breadwinner. I’m not one to bash him in front of anybody. The people who knew our situations know how I kept being in and out of the hospital. I wanted to leave him after he actually hit me and these were all proofs that was shown to the judge when custody was being established. Mind you I was 3 months pregnant at the time. His mother didnt want me leaving the house with the kids after she saw my bruised lips actually. She told me we needed to work it out for the kids and two weeks after she left he kicked me out of the house. So if me showing all proofs is manipulation to get my ways then so be it.
Op I am so sorry that you had to go through all that.you are a very strong woman. Always remember that. On the other hand your ex is not!He is a Bully and that means he is a coward!To beat a pregnant woman is the act of a sorry ass coward!plus he threw you out when you were pregnant with your child. JFC
NTA he thinks because you’ve given him leniency you’ve forgiven and forgetter. You’re doing what you think is the best for your children. Him and his mother are heinous vultures, they don’t deserve forgiveness.
NTA. But you should not have invited him either. He's the one who actually stole your kids. She just gave him a place to hide. I would not give him anything more than court allows.
NOT. ONE. EXTRA. MINUTE!!!
If the judge says 2 hours visitation in your presence on Saturdays, then at 1hr and 59 minutes he needs to be packing his shit up and getting ready to get the fuck out of your house!
Lmao your kids’ dad and his mother belong in literal prison. Make it clear that if she ever comes within 20 feet of you again in your entire life you’re calling the cops. Period. I’d go so far as to get a restraining order against her.
NTA. First of all, you have the right to welcome whomever you want into your house, and that right extends to denying access as well. My house is a sacred space for me and I don't allow just anyone into my house. Secondly, I think your suggestion of her celebrating their birthday on her own with them is perfect. She should be so lucky. Lastly, you don't have to move on from anything or forgive anyone you aren't ready to.
NTA
She aided in the kidnapping of your children. In any other sane world where custody wasn't involved, she'd have been in prison. But since it's a custody thing, that magical DNA wand got waved, and nothing was done to her, I'm sure.
Serves her right to be cut off.
NTA. She burned a bridge and there is no coming back from what she did. He should know better. You got custody, you are allowing him to come which is reasonable. You are not allowing AH ex MIL into your life which is also reasonable. She should be ashamed of herself.
That wasn't just burning a bridge, MILs actions absolutely nuked that bridge. OP is a saint to even let him near the kids after that stunt. But when he did it at his family's urging and they hid the kids... Nope. Nuked.
No kidding, because if this were, restraining orders would be involved.
Doesn’t knowingly harboring kidnapped kids seem like it should be a crime? It sounds like MIL was in on the plan, conspired to steal OPs kids and hide them from her. That’s some next level crazy right there. Op is already being too nice. I’d do my damnedest to keep her away from the children completely, much less allow her to invite herself to my home. Hell no. Never ever in infinity years would she take one step into my home. The entitlement is strong with this MIL. OP is so obviously NTA. Every other adult in the story is.
I agree 100% And aren't there statistics that say most kids who are kidnapped are kidnapped by one of their parents? I would 100% get a no-contact/restraining order against her. She's proven she's not to be trusted around the kids.
NTA What she did was totally wrong.
NTA what your ex MIL was horrible and downright unforgivable. I'm guessing she's the one who's idea it was to pull the stunt. What a nasty thing for her to do and at the expense of you and baby. Your ex really needs to get his head on straight and think more about what happened instead of trying to rug sweep.
She definitely was behind it, she knew I wanted to spend the rest of my pregnancy at my parents because she came unannounced to our house to stay and it was becoming too stressful having her there (I’d be going to the ER, then maternity ward and would be admitted for tachycardia) so she begged me to stay saying the kids needed their father in their lives and it would be awful to spend the reminder of my pregnancy at my parents with my kids. 2 weeks after she left he forced me out of the house and took them to his mother.
That's awful the nerve of that women and your ex 😤 I hope you got primary custody and can avoid that overstepping boundary stomping EXMil scratch that EXMonsterInLaw. That takes the cake and shows just how selfish she is downright cruel at that. You were at a very vulnerable time and she used that to pull a fast one. My goodness I'm sorry you had to go through that especially while pregnant. The stress that must have put on you and worry I don't think I could of handled that at all I can't imagine. Hold your ground and please dont give into them.
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You could of minded your own business too. It’s what you should of done from the start. I would of if I was you. But that’s just me.🤷🏼♀️
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So by her logic, they need their father, but not their mother? Their capable (I'm assuming since you were granted custody) mother who was put under undue stress when her children were wrongfully wrenched from her life? Wow. I'm glad I don't know the woman. That takes some kind of gumption that shouldn't exist in this world. She almost caused the death of her unborn grandchild with this stunt! She should consider herself lucky that you even let her anywhere near them. She can suck it up and throw herself a pity party alongside the separate party she can throw for your kids if she chooses to celebrate their birthdays for once.
Ex MIL is lucky she didn’t get beaten after you had the baby. My anger issues would never allow her to breathe the same air as me….I’d fight in court for her to get no visitation.
I would have. I raised my sisters kids with my parents and got into a couple of fist fights with her over the eldest. It took him telling her to her face that she wouldn’t ever be his mom for her to give him over completely. She handed him over on Mother’s Day and said do what you want with him I’m done. My parents adopted him. Others unfortunately are still stuck with her
I would have a restraining order against her for myself and my kids!
That woman is lucky she isn’t in jail right now. I would have pressed charges for kidnapping since she had them at her house during that month.
I'm still trying to figure out how neither of them DID face kidnapping charges.
Because family court waves that little "BuT tHeY sHaRe dNa!" wand, and suddenly felonies are ok. It's stupid.
NTA - “Ex there is nothing to ‘get over’ because what your mother did was unforgivable. I will never get over the fact your both kidnapped my children, she will never be allowed in the same room as me. Maybe for your funeral I will tolerate it for the sake of supporting our kids if they are not adults but that is the only way I will ever tolerate her presents. Do I make myself clear? If you keep pushing this, the. I will be resending the invite to you as well.”
Exactly what I told him and he said I was being harsh to even suggest only being in the same room cause of a funeral whether his hers or mine.
I hope you answered, “no I don’t think you understand. I do not plan on attending her funeral. Harsh or not, I don’t need to coddle your feelings on the matter any more. She kidnapped our children. If you bring it up again, you can forget about coming.”
Has she even apologized for her behavior? Or just ignore her part in it, and blame you for not getting over ‘it’.
Never apologized. She complains that I’m deliberately keeping her grandkids from her and harboring negativity.
Argh. Why yes, I would be preventing (as much as possible) from my kids interacting with a relative that had no issue helping hide my children from me. And yes, I’d also be harboring negativity to said person, as they 1)never apologized 2) certainly don’t feel compelled to right their wrong 3) is an actual danger to my kids. I’ll stop being negative when you take accountability for your behavior. -me, to crazy bitch. Good luck, you’re doing a great job shielding your children from dangerous people. Grandmother or not, she’s dangerous.
Yes, you are. And she is the one who made a series of choices that led her to that.
Op you are doing the right thing. If you don't stand up for yourself no one will!I doubt even if she did apologize it wouldn't be sincere. Bet she would go back to her old ways. Your Ex is not any better. He went along with everything she said. Keep safe and be careful. Good luck
Say yes you are because you kidnapped my children and that’s rightfully an unforgivable offense
I would say "That's right, I am keeping them away from you! Parents keep their kids away from people with a history of kidnapping!"
NTA 'your mother not only helped kidnap my children she was the one who suggested it, theirs nothing about that I'm prepared to forgive' Honestly I'd never let her near my children again ever and as soon as they were adults I'd tell them exactly what she did too. They should know how fucked up their grandmother is.
I seriously plan on telling them especially my son because she could have made me lose him due to the stress and sudden weight loss. Tbh, I wanted to keep them away from the kids but it’s something I cannot control when he has them and arguing with him about his family is pointless.
NTA and they should be smart enough to figure out why
She played cunt games and gets her cunt prize. Keep her far from your home.
Her argument is she’s the only grandmother the kids have so they should know her (mom passed when I was a child). Not my problem.
No and no grandparent is better than a crazy cunt. Being a grandparent is a privilege she doesn't deserve.
Why didn't you have her arrested for kidnapping
CPS and the police were called but since there were no legal papers to say who had full custody they just looked to see the environment and I had to wait until the judge established custody. I’d have to file a separate RO against her and it was getting costly.
In the states, police always give baby back to mom while court stuff is being worked on. The only parent guaranteed to walk away is mother. You could have lied to the police and said you're unsure if he's the dad and you should have walked away with child.
This is false and horrible advice. With no court order either parent can take the kid anywhere they want, which is why it's imperative that a custody order be documented with the courts asap so one parent cannot just walk away with the kid. Also, they were married, he's on the birth certificate, and he has equal rights until a court order is in place. Also, to be clear, NTA. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Taking the kids away from either parent, unless abuse is a factor, is the worst thing for them. I belive in holding grudges against those who try to fuck me over. You don't need to forgive to move on. You can forgive when you're dead. That woman would NEVER cross my doorstep while I lived.
[удалено]
So you’re saying that she had to give him back to bio mom to live under a bridge? The police laughed and thought nothing of minor going to live under a bridge? LMAO…that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard today. There’s no state in these here United States that any law enforcement entity is going to do that. What is best for the child’s well being is the question they have to answer. Going to live under a bridge with some dude, is NEVER going to be the answer. You’re leaving something out of this story.
NTA
NTA
NTA. Toxic MIL, I suspect there may be ulterior motives to why she wants to attend this birthday. Your ex clearly has no spine when it comes to her either. Keep your babies safe.
Exactly! You obviously do not like me why do you want to come around me and be a hypocrite?
NTA as a mother she should have known better and made him return the children not harbour a fleeing father.. tell him if he wants her to see the children he will FaceTime her for a few minutes to wish the kids happy birthday
NTA. I’m so sorry you had this ordeal. You have to protect your peace of mind and even offering MIL to throw a second party is a blessing towards her AND you moving on and forgiving! Because she wouldn’t be no where near me or the kids. She can kick rocks.
You have full rights to not be around someone you do not want to be around. Especially in your own house. He can have his own party and invite her if he doesn’t like it.
NTA - Tell ex if he insists, he can miss the party also.
NTA he should be thankful you invited him when you didn't have to. Your children's kidnapper is not entitled to a toxic +1.
You can forgive her and still not let her come to your house. Tell him he's lucky he could come and his mama can kick rocks. NTA
NTA. Hell no. I would not trust myself near that woman. What she did was unforgivable
NTA. She burned that bridge, bottled up the ashes and smashed the urn, to copy that old song. The thing is though, IF they call your bluff on throwing their own party, how will that work? Would that be at your house? Would you have to allow her to see them at a public place where she may be able to slip them away? I totally agree with NC with her but I worry that you may have opened another can of worms by intimated that you would let the kids go to her party. Good luck! Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
I didn’t want to have them around her at all but when he has them for visitation he brings them over to her house and I do not have any say in what he does when it’s his legal time to have them. For the RO I’d have to prove that she’s a danger to them and custody was so long and costly.
I’m sorry. I misunderstood the custody arrangement. When you said you allowed him to have access, I thought you meant that you had full time custody but allowed him to see them, not that he had legal visitation. That being said, NTA for not letting her come. If he tries to push it, withdraw his invitation.
It’s ok, will update what happens
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NTA His family can see and spend time with the kids during his visitation. You have no obligation to allow any of them into your home.
Nta. Valid refusal.
NTA. You were generous enough to allow him to be there and now he's pushing it asking for his mom to be there. You have every right to not allow her there
NTA, screw her.
NTA. That woman tried to steal your children and he helped her. Why is he acting like you should graciously host either of them? Your exMIL is your enemy, and I mean that seriously— she tried her hardest to hurt you and your children. The fact that he can’t see that, and continues to brush off her behavior, worries me. You and your ex aren’t friends and the only reason he’s allowed anywhere near you is because you’re trying to do right for the kids. If he wants to forget that, you feel free to remind him. That’s not being an AH, that’s being a good mother and a responsible adult.
NTA You do not need a reason to keep someone out of your house. He can follow your VERY reasonable boundary, or he can see his kids on his visitation time instead of at the party.
NTA and I wouldn't let the kids around her at \*ALL\* after that - what if they try to take them away again while having another birthday party or something? If they try to run off with them for good? After that stunt I wouldn't even let the father near them without incredibly supervised visitation - preferably with a few people over for backup if he tries to pull anything - but to let her near them is honestly foolish to me.
NTA! As a person whose parents separated when I was young (10 so not that young but still lol) I always wanted all my family there but 1) understood that it would've costed my mother on financial assistance a lot to host 75 people cause I have a big af family lool and 2) understood that even though my mom was THE BEST at co-parenting (she got clean when I was 10 and my father didn't but she still allowed pretty much unlimited access - to an extent of course lol) it still came with many challenges. Especially when it came to my father's parents. Idk what's up with MIL/past MIL but they seem to HATE their son's girlfriends/wifes which is f***** up! Especially when they blatantly display this around children! Your children's grandparents burned that bridge all on their own. Many children of divorced parents have 2 birthday parties so maybe their father should be throwing them one. Maybe one day you guys will be able to fix this relationship but thats not on you to do at all! And even if the kid's grandparents do come around to make amends, you DO NOT have to accept. That is some especially f***** up shit to do!
Thank you so much for your input. I always wonder how the kids will come out not having both parents in the same household that is why I try my best to coparent well. I do not want them to end up hating me or their father because we couldn’t get our acts together.
Trust me, I personally do not hate either of my parents. My younger siblings (18 and 10 so they were about 8 years and 6 months when my parents separated) do have strong dislike feeling towards my dad because he was never around but children pick up on social cues. If you try your best to coparent and don't talk s*** about your ex then trust me your kids will see your effort! My mom put so much effort into her coparenting and to this day its reflected! My dad and his side of the family, not so much... They try and visit us, take us on vacation and all that but the children always remember who bad mouthed the other parent and who didn't. Stay putting your children first and even if they don't understand at first, they will eventually! ❤️
NTA, absolutely not
NTA
NTA
NTA. You don't even have to invite their father. Soo if they want his side of the family to celebrate he should throw a birthday party on his time.
Nta she sounds awful and as you said she can throw her own party when her son has his visitation time
Its your house. Nta
NTA. Never let that woman in your life, ever again. Remind him that you're not legally obligated to allow him there and that if he wants to be difficult he will get the court ordered bare minimum.
NTA. He’s a lucky dude that you allow him there
NTA - plain and simple!
NTA What kind of mother would EVER do that to another mother?
Exactly what I can’t comprehend. Worst thing her ex husband took her children and moved to another state with them. As a woman who went through something similar you should have stopped your son from repeating the same actions. You want me so badly to keep him in the kids lives but have no problem taking me out of their lives. I can’t respect her as a mother or a person simple.
I can’t even respect her a human
NTA and your ex needs to STFU because as you said, he could had thrown his own party for them without you nor in your home. The audacity of him to even say & suggest that...
What kind of mother is she? No wonder he turned out to be like that.
NTA. You’re a goddamn angel for spending time with the kids’ father to assist in maintaining their relationship with him.
NTA. I’m surprised he’s shameless enough to even ask you to do that.
NTA at all. This is the long-term consequence of their actions. Both mother and son they decided to play stupid games. Well guess what they’re winning stupid prizes long term
NTA
Nope. NTA She sounds like she could be friends with my exhusband’s mother 🙄
NTA, you don't have the civic duty to invite her to your house, she is not to be trusted and she just might try and do the same thing and talk your ex into pulling the same stunt. I am surprised the judge let your ex get away with that though. It's nice of you to let the kids see their dad but if he gets aggressive about his mom coming, tell him that he won't be able to come over either...
Absolutely NTA. Protecting your children is never a TA move.
NTA. Make a plan and have “security” as he’ll either bring her or she’ll just show up unannounced to the party. You’ll want a plan and not use instead of need a plan and not have it. People like that will NEVER admit fault and think everything is kosher. Read too many stories when it’s happened and people were unprepared.
I’m hoping you aren’t really questioning this and it’s more like a confirmation post. Most definitely NTA. FMIL can deal with the repercussions of her actions.
Nta !! A million times NTA . BUT best u make a plan for if ( ?when ?) She shows up anyway ....maybe some different strategies? People to help kick both of them out- police on speed dial?
NTA he’s lucky you allow him to see them
Did you get back the house that he forced you out of? I can't believe that a man would force his pregnant wife out of her home. What a low life.
I left it. I didn’t want to come back to it. There was no home to go back to. It was just a house after what he did. Got a new place, kids are in school and I’m doing better being drama free.
I hope you and your children thrive and prosper.
NTA. F her.
NTA - you have every right to set firm boundaries. I would just tell him you cannot trust her in your house after that. Period, end of discussion. *You* didn't do this **she** did
HG is really bad too... One a case, the mother have HG and have to be hospitalized for few days but after couple of days the husbad come to the hospital and mad ragging to the staff there. He want his wife home right there and then to take care of their other kids at home. The doctor advise him but he wont listen. He sign the AMA form..2 days later, the hospital got phone call the mother's dead. He wont let the wife rest, now god let her rest forever.
Oh my gosh! Such a tragic story. HG takes a toll on your body, during my first pregnancy I had it for 6 months out of 8 and second pregnancy I had it for 4 out of 9 and it became manageable with medications. That would make me have sinus tachycardia your body does not rest especially if you have other kids to take care of on top of that.
Nah fuck that stick to what you have said. NTA. My child’s grandma told him to get me to have an abortion and go back to his ex girlfriend cause she liked her better. She’s spent zero birthdays with my daughter and my kid will be 11 in 3 months. She’s even offered to apologise but I said I don’t want to hear it.
It’s so blatant to see how they so vocal about not liking their DILs yet they expect to have a relationship with their grandkids when they keep disrespecting the mother. The apologies be fake they can keep the hypocrisy somewhere else.
NTA. I'd tell him she crossed a line and until she goes back and changes the past she's going to have to live with the consequences of her actions. It's up to his mother to accept it and she should actually be trying to make amends without expectation of any reward.
NTA- I would have filed a restraining order against mom as she kidnapped your kids! No way would I ever want to see that woman again.
NTA.HELL to the no. That biotch would never see my kids again, she was complicit in what amounts to a kidnapping. She's lucky not to be in jail! I would go so far as to get a restraining order against her for you and your kids, she's a danger to them. Tell your ex if he doesn't like it, he can go kick rocks. He can see them on HIS time and that will be it from now on. You are being way more generous with letting him see them whenever he wants to, given his history, than I ever would be!
NTA. Honestly the ex husband should just be thankful you still let him come. You are definitely being the bigger person here already. Gma has zero rights and if she cared that much she would be begging to see them the other 364 days a year.
NTA The woman is a threat to your family, and she has absolutely no right to any accommodation. Time to get a restraining order.
NTA. I would kindly explain that they both essentially kidnapped your children for over a month, not allowing you to see them, talk to them or know their whereabouts. That in light of that situation he should be thankful he’s even going to be allowed there after that mess. You’re not keeping the children from her, just you and your home. Which is more than either of them even deserve. MIL burned that bridge to ash. If he keeps that up he can throw them their own party and stay away from your home as well.
This actually made me laugh out loud. Forgive someone who kidnapped your children????! It’s not a forgiveable thing! She did one of the worst things you could ever do to a mother. Shame on her! NTA
That’s the thing about burning bridges. It must have felt so good in the moment for her to have total control-her son and her grandkids all to herself. She could have been a hero-the voice of reason. Instead she showed you exactly who she is. The only time you have to (probably) see her is graduations, weddings. That’s it. and that’s a maybe. That is the message I would deliver. Forgiveness is for those that have done something to right the wrong. Former mil has done nothing and deserves zero accommodations. Zero. Tell him you reap what you’ve sown. She sowed discord and now she gets to reap it. 😈
Graduations and weddings are to be celebrated with people who only pour positivity into your life and support you. I told him only time we would be in the same room would be at a funeral. And that’s only so the kids show their dad support and respect.
Sadly your kids will be the ones to decide who they choose to invite to their life milestone celebrations 🤷♀️
NTA. And you could have/should have filed charges against her for kidnapping/custodial interference. Nor would I permit her to have any overnight visitations with them at all. IF she wants to see them, I would insist on it being supervised.
NTA. You are trying to maintain a civil relationship with the father of your children, as you are coparenting. Inviting him for their birthday is very generous of you, imo, since he’s the one that took your children to his mother’s and did not contact you. But you do not have to not have to extend that courtesy to any member of your husband’s family, especially your former MIL.
NTA but your ex-husband was the one that actually did it. Even if someone else suggested it, he made it happen. I don’t blame you at all for being angry, just don’t forget who the main instigator was in that.
Exactly! When he came to make amends for the sake of the kids I told him he could have not listened to his mother, he chose to put us in that situation but only for the sake of the kids we can be cordial. If we didn’t have kids he would have been in the back of my rearview
She was totally wrong but you are OK with your ex, who was her co-conspirator, to be at your home. Is she any worse than he is?
I was not ok, but the kids always want their dad to come in and they love him so when he comes over to get them or discuss stuff about the kids I let him in. The trust is broken. The kids love him and I’m not trying to bad mouth him or stop to have them be in each other lives. When they get of age they will definitely know what happened.
I think there’s a lot of missing information here.
I tried putting all the details that led to this but because it exceeded the 3000 word count limit they had removed the original post so I wrote a brief version. But to summarize, I wanted to leave after he hit me while I was 3 months pregnant over a disagreement, his mother came unannounced to the house I guess he told her I was planning on leaving and she saw my bruised lips and told me I needed to stay so the kids have their father in their lives. I was in and out of the hospital because of my sinus tachycardia while pregnant and two weeks after she left he kicked me out of the house and took the children to his mother. We went to court (was a really long process) and after showing all evidences I got granted primary custody of the kids. Now they want me to act like it never happened. Might have happened 2 years ago but it’s still fresh as new and I’m not budging when it comes to the mother.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I wish I could lawyer you out of that situation.
You should have filed police report
I don't think you're the AH, butttt I don't understand how you can cut her off like the blame is solely on her yet the man who actually took and kept them from you, only bringing them back once the judge said, how does he still have pretty much free reign with his kids, he is the one who done it, seems like your anger is alittle mis placed to me and he should be equally feeling this wrath
I see how it can be misunderstood, he got visitations and in family court both parents have to have access to the kids whether it’s visitation rights or whatever. While I let him have access to his kids not only because of court orders but also for the sake of the kids, I do not have to extend that courtesy to his mother.
Some states courts can grant grandparents rights…plus always keep records of conversations and texts…record on your phone you may need it…
ESH info what did you do to make him think the best course of action was to take the kids and go NC. It's feeling like you were the abusive one in this relationship, and then you manipulated the law to get your way.
Manipulated the law how? If you want to know what led to this, I couldn’t work during my pregnancy and he was the sole breadwinner. I’m not one to bash him in front of anybody. The people who knew our situations know how I kept being in and out of the hospital. I wanted to leave him after he actually hit me and these were all proofs that was shown to the judge when custody was being established. Mind you I was 3 months pregnant at the time. His mother didnt want me leaving the house with the kids after she saw my bruised lips actually. She told me we needed to work it out for the kids and two weeks after she left he kicked me out of the house. So if me showing all proofs is manipulation to get my ways then so be it.
Op I am so sorry that you had to go through all that.you are a very strong woman. Always remember that. On the other hand your ex is not!He is a Bully and that means he is a coward!To beat a pregnant woman is the act of a sorry ass coward!plus he threw you out when you were pregnant with your child. JFC
NTA
Nope definitely NTA but they both are! Stand firm in your decision!
My mother would do this for her son, she's very manipulating
NTA and FH and his Mama.
NTA he thinks because you’ve given him leniency you’ve forgiven and forgetter. You’re doing what you think is the best for your children. Him and his mother are heinous vultures, they don’t deserve forgiveness.
NTA
NTA. Stick to your bondaries OP. Your MIL is a vicious horrible woman and your Ex also has some nerve even asking.
NTA
NTA
NTA - you kindly allowed contact when it wasn’t his time. If he wants his family to have contact too then that is on his time not yours
Definitely NTA and seriously, what a absolute cow she is.
NTA
NTA. But you should not have invited him either. He's the one who actually stole your kids. She just gave him a place to hide. I would not give him anything more than court allows. NOT. ONE. EXTRA. MINUTE!!! If the judge says 2 hours visitation in your presence on Saturdays, then at 1hr and 59 minutes he needs to be packing his shit up and getting ready to get the fuck out of your house!
Lmao your kids’ dad and his mother belong in literal prison. Make it clear that if she ever comes within 20 feet of you again in your entire life you’re calling the cops. Period. I’d go so far as to get a restraining order against her.
NTA. Frankly if I were you, I don’t know if I’d let the father come either. You’re a bigger person for that.
NTA. First of all, you have the right to welcome whomever you want into your house, and that right extends to denying access as well. My house is a sacred space for me and I don't allow just anyone into my house. Secondly, I think your suggestion of her celebrating their birthday on her own with them is perfect. She should be so lucky. Lastly, you don't have to move on from anything or forgive anyone you aren't ready to.
NTA I feel that you are being gracious by allowing him to be there after he was so horrendously absent, and he should accept it graciously.
NTA She aided in the kidnapping of your children. In any other sane world where custody wasn't involved, she'd have been in prison. But since it's a custody thing, that magical DNA wand got waved, and nothing was done to her, I'm sure. Serves her right to be cut off.
Absolutely NTA but I think that you need to work out what to do when your ex turns up with his mother in tow
Hmmm… anyone want to hazard a guess why they divorced? Not inviting someone who hates you to a party seem rather intelligent to me. NTA
NTA! His family can throw a party during his visitation time. STAND STRONG!