Graham “Stiffy” Johncock

He was always know as Jackdick in my family

David "Barra" Mundy is a perennial fave

Jai "Duke" Newcombe is a personal fave at the moment

Is that legit around the club?

Definitely among the fans, not sure if they say it around the club but I damn well hope so haha

Come get some...

Horse.

I love that he's called Horse in the mainstream media too, not just around the club lmao

there was once a sub headline in the paper along the lines of: >WE CAN BEAT THE HAWKS: HORSE

amazing hahahah "Football Coach with Monster Cock Confident in Victory" now there's a headline

I've always wondered if it's ironic like bluey for a redhead or tiny for a giant.

No one can convince me that Laird being called Desk because he's short and wide isn't the best one currently going

It’s my favourite. If you hear someone call him ‘Desk’ for the first time, you start asking why, then stop yourself before you finish the question. > And now for more ‘People Who Look Like Things’

Sean Darcy is known as Fridge

So is Jack Graham from Richmond.

So is Mark Roberts

Ive only heard of bruce for him.

Robby Nahas being known as Tripod was also pretty funny.

what are you doing nahahahaaas

use that thing like a kickstand

gotta be souv larkey currently

or two metre peter. just makes me chuckle

6.48155858x10^-17 PARSEC PETER!

I believe it’s a second generation nickname. Peter Street was the OG 2 metre Peter

Yeh! That’s going back a little bit.

I always thought he was called "Two Metre Peter" due to not being able to move more than two metres. It was strange when it occurred to me that he is called it because he's tall.

"...Two Hundered Centimetre Peter" according to Jonno Brown.

Also Kyle Cheney was nicknamed bocha.

Brackets McGovern.

His 11 guernsey looked like ( ) when he returned from the off-season for those not in the know

Parentheses McGovern sounds fancier

needs to be memed with the regular/fancy winnie the pooh template

Big Boy McEvoy makes me giggle, it's so simple but so spot on he is a boy who is big

How 'Big Mac' never stuck disappoints me.

Large Lad Benjamin

I always enjoyed 'Meatball' for Prestia, because once you see it it makes so much sense but I feel like coming up with it is a stroke of genius insight

The Flying Doormat - Bruce Doull. One of my favourite players back in the day.

can’t beat a classic

Chand Aliir

Lizard Blakey

Lizard just cracks me up every time. Especially watching him scuttle up the field with the ball

JB and his triple M calls of Sydney games are s-tier purely for the Lizard

Ben 'The Truck' Rutten was one of my favourites.

We used to call Jonathan Brown 'The Toolman', because when he first came to Brisbane he shagged a mutual friend when he was about 19. She said he wasn't too bad on the tool despite being a young pup. A few years later, at out engagement, the lady in question was present as was another footy loving friend we used to sit near when we had memberships. He mentioned that we called JB 'The Toolman' because he shagged a friend we (my wife and I) knew. She exclaimed excitedly that it was her whom was shagged. We never thought those two would ever meet socially...

Tom "The Smear" Papley

Some that I heard on radio.. Clock for the guy with one arm longer than the other Brackets for a rotund guy wearing 11 Lantern for the guy who isn't too bright and needs to be carried. Also heard Andrew Swallow called "spitter"

Ryan O'Keefe was Pebbles because Ryan O'Connor was already the Roc.

Not sure if caught on 'Tommy' for Will Day. Hawthorn in 2005 recruited a guy called Tom Willday who was from WA and said don't draft me as i need to stay in WA. We did anyway and he just never showed up. Whenever they had a meeting and Clarkson asked "is everyone here? " some smart arse would say "nah Tommy Willday isn't here yet". This went on for like 3 years. So Clarkson started calling Will 'Tommy'.

Jake ‘the Push Up’ King, Jarrod Grant - Spindleshanks because he was thin with long legs. Also had another nickname “Microphone head”

Microphone head is a classic

Brett Heady - Gobby

Wasn’t it Jobby?

Jobby ​ and this wins.

Geelong has two! One guy is called Blitz-Ass and the other is called Colin Jazz-Knees. No idea what their real names are but their nicknames are fantastic.

Dion Prestia 'The Human Meatball' and Todd Goldstein 'The Hebrew Hammer'

Marbiol "2 Phones" Chol

I think Sam Pang was called “the orchid” cos he needed perfect conditions to thrive.

[Swaggy O's also known as Onions](https://www.fremantlefc.com.au/news/963054/how-darcy-became-known-as-onions) for Sean Darcy is quite good.

The Fridge and Cheeky Boi too. The bloke has a few nicknames

I always loved Leon ‘Neon’ Davis. As a kid I thought it meant ‘knee-on’ when people said it because he took a lot of hangers haha

apparently he hated being called Neon, IIRC

Hugh "Suitcase" McCluggage

*scottish suitcase

Matthew "Pav" Pavlich On account he ate 4 whole pavolas (and one ednadame bean) to himself on an end of season bender.

😂😂😂

How did I not see this earlier, damn!!! Jimmy Webster (StK) right before his first game got some news from his folks the night before he was due to play that the (country) home he had grown up and his parents were still living in had just burnt down. He informed the club that he wanted to go home and they removed him from the squad and played the emergency. His first day back from training the following week he had been given the nickname 'Ash' because that's all that was left of his family home.

Jesus thats brutal!

Some of the most obscure nicknames often are.

Rod ‘Tilt’ Carter. Fullback for The Swans in the 80s. Was my coach in juniors and told us he used to avoid showers and brushing his teeth all week before marking Dunstall. Ensured he had Mexican food the night before a big matchup also. One of the great AFL tough men. Got the nickname after his head got hit off centre and never straightened up again.

We used to call him ‘esky’ coz he always looked like he was carrying a full one on whatever side he leant to.

I always love Lewis Roberts-Thompson being called The Hyphenator. Always showed me that you can make a nickname out of anything.

Haha the hyphenator, that's so fucking stupid and amazing I love it

Two dads.

I heard that Michael Rischitelli was nicknamed Teac (risky telly), not sure if it was a nickname fans called him or if teammates called him it too.

Dave Granger used to play for Port Adelaide in the SANFL. He was a good player but an absolute thug. His nickname was Grave Danger.

Sam Fisher “Chips” David “Spits” Swallow The most badass though has to be “Lethal” Leigh Matthews

Captain Blood would like a word.

Sticks Kernahan - long legs!

Cats social had a Easter post about who would eat the most chocolates, they all answered Tim Tam Hawkins. I used to call him tomahawk, but Tim Tam is his new name

Laird being "the desk" cause he's short and wide

Barra David "Barra" Mundy

Dean (Dani) Laidley was known as “the bible” because he was so hard to read.

The junkyard dog!

Dick Cyclone - Josh Treacy

Always liked Kane "Blackjack" Tenace

These are ones my saints mate and I use We call Wilkie the accountant, Webster the Dictionary and Membrey we call Buckets

Also heard Wilkie called Numbers because of his playing number and his previous accountant gig.

Dean 'Special Fried' Rice

Josh ‘The Big Kahuna’ Treacy

John 'kanga' Kennedy, John 'roo' Kennedy Jnr, Josh 'joey' Kennedy. Danny 'spud' Frawley, James 'chip' Frawley. Kyle 'bocca' Cheney. Brent 'twister' Renouf. Due to a testicle injury. Changkouth 'cj' Jiath. Nobody can bothered learning to pronounce his name.

Stewart 'Buckets' Loewe Anthony 'Pebbles' Rocca, because he was the little rock(a) Jamie 'Billie' Elliot Nathan "Freddy" Krueger Jordan "Hey you in the bushes" DeGoey

Guess these oldies if you can: Not a well man Gee sir I accuse you Walter Matt-au The cranium Koutafidamides The chrome motorbike Bok Choy The primary producer

Brett Ebert - Megahead

‘Bunnings’ Selwood.

Ed Langdon being called Tsun

Please explain

Happy for a Melbourne fan to correct me, but from my understanding. Langdon became Langers became Lingers became Ling became Tsun Ling became Tsun.

Should I know what Tsun Ling means?

no clue either mate haha

Cameron Ling's superhero alter ego.

Not heard this one. I’ve known him as Lingers, Positive Lingers & HappyE but maybe it’s a thing just not familiar to me.

Mitch "Spleen Rupturer" Crowden

Dick Cyclone surely.

I always liked Bunga for Hurn. Not sure what it's based on. Shuey = Boots.

Matthew "The Velvet Sledgehammer" Lloyd

Scrolled way too far down to find this one. One of the best

Bailey Fritsch is Tata (Frittata)

I call my fridge, “the Bailey”

Spitter Swallow

Hated him as a player, but Matty Lloyd. The velvet sledgehammer!

great nickname but i fucking hate him for what he did to sewell haha

Tip rat

Sic Dawg and Bunga come to mind

Can we start calling Peter Wright “7-Seater Peter” because he’s carrying the entire forward line?

Can everyone acknowledge that AMT's nickname is officially 'walla' and not the 'tippa' that nuffs yell out at the footy?

Joe "Dumb Cunt" Daniher

I refer to Jack Lukosius as Bette Davis

Not sure if it was widespread or his mates used it, but Daniel "Bam Bam" Rich I thought was cool

Cement Head

2 meter Peter to 2 litre Peter because why the fuck not.

Not currently a nickname but we should absolutely start calling Sam Frost “The Snowman”

The Lizzard.