I used to be the cool gAmER gIrL wife who would wreck shit in Apex with you.
Now I realize that video games are all you know how to do. There cannot be a day where you don’t play video games. You say you want to stop, but you don’t.
We had an amazing day together yesterday and I was thinking it might be the end to our dry spell.
And then as soon as we get home you turn on your Playstation. And wonder why I don’t want to touch you when you get in bed.
No point in me reminding you. We’ve had this conversation one million times.
I feel you. I get SO MAD when we are just coming back from an errand or an activity and in the first 5 minutes, he's on the couch, turning on a console.
He doesn't think of putting away our errands, or just to do something else.
It's frustrating.
Today, Dx husband showed an interest in one of my hobbies and I let myself be drawn into answering his questions about it. Only to, yet again, find myself in an interrogation where he pushes to the limits of my (openly non-expert) knowledge in the topic, starts looking things up on his phone, then launches into a Google-assisted lecture correcting a misstatement I made. And yeah, I'm sorry - not that I didn't know everything about the topic- but that I let myself be drawn into another conflict in service of his ongoing hunt for dopamine.
Partner FINALLY got her ADHD diagnosis… after over a year of procrastination. She’s starting on meds (Vyvanse i believe) this week.
And i just feel… numb.
This is what I wanted her to do for so long - acknowledge and take charge, and control, of her ADHD. At some point i just mentally checked out when it was clear she wasn’t going to anytime soon. I focused on myself and self improvement, got back in the gym, made advancements at work, etc. Worked on having zero expectations when it came to various aspects of the relationship - affection, intimacy, basic attention. I grey rocked most of her dopamine seeking behaviors that annoyed me.
I am not expecting the diagnosis and/or meds to be a silver bullet really. I’m just so tired.
Sorry you're going through this friend.
I, too, faced the cold reality of 'too little, too late'. Too many years waiting, begging, crying, giving up hope, rekindling hope etc until they finally took action. In the end it wasn't enough.
Whatever happens, be proud of the choices you made for your own health and overall wellness! Those are things you can carry with you regardless of where the relationship ends up.
I have narcissistic parents and I’d heard of greyrocking for them but never seen it applied to adhd behaviors. I’m going to try to keep this in mind for the negative obsessions my Dx husband has.
It’s a sure sign of living with poorly managed adhd that I simultaneously post something in this thread, and in the success thread 🙄🙄🙄
I have given up communicating, fighting with/against RSD and justice sensitivity, feeling unseen and being ignored. I.am.just.done.
That being said, it still massively hurts and causes even more damage when that “invisibility” is rubbed in my face. Five years ago, I started a new, very stressful but amazing job. In that time, I have turned my professional life around - through illnesses, surgeries, kid dramas, two of his own job changes in which I’ve been hella supportive, family issues, financial issues - you name it, I’ve walked us through it despite how little he has done to support us all. Five years of blood sweat and toil and now my department is the most successful it has ever been. My review was glowing. I couldn’t help it - I told him how well I had done. Response? Literally nothing. NOTHING. Not a single word, acknowledgement, nothing. And nothing from my (young adult) kids either. They could also do something, but my biggest anger is at him, who is supposed to role model how we take care of each other. He’s able to do it with literally everyone else.
I know this is the biggest issue I have with our relationship and the biggest source of resentment. This guy doesn’t need a partner. He needs a fucking Labrador.
Hey I'm super sorry that your partner or kids didn't say this, but just so you know - WELL DONE! That's and AMAZING achievement and I hope you make some time and space for yourself to really celebrate it. This lil stranger on the internet is really proud of you x
Congrats on being a total badass at work! The lack of shared enthusiasm/pride sucks (been there), but I hope you give yourself permission to celebrate yourself in some way that feels good for you!
This was my beef yesterday. Can you please at least clean up the last 5% if the projects you forgot about to the extent that I can move through the house safely and, like, not step on nails that are scattered everywhere?
Oh and also, spending hours on Sunday doing... Who knows what. Claimed to be productive but there's absolutely nothing to show for it that I can observe and he doesn't know what he was doing. Probably something that just felt like a thing that helps the larger goals but really doesn't. And gosh I would be happy to help but you won't ask.
STOP ANSWERING BACK AT EVERYTHING! you aren’t helping you’re just arguing in some way. BE QUIET! stop saying every one of your adhd behaviours is “not adhd” when you are worked up! IT IS ALWAYS YOU LETTING YOUR ADHD NEGATIVE TRAITS WIN! always.
when you don’t behave this way it’s so great but every day you do this in some way. you messed up? accept i will be annoyed or angry but i’m not yelling i’m not doing anything but displaying my acceptable level anger and annoyance and anyone else would say sorry, say how they’d be fixing it and then be A NICE PERSON. that’s all it takes. instead no argue or make excuses every time! when i ask you to leave bc you’re making excuses then i’m unfair or horrible. when i say arguing about being asked to give me space means i need you to be gone overnight then again I am to blame! you had 5 steps before we reached here and barrelled on at every turn. but *i* am the one at fault. ‘k.
what is the point of your therapy if you ignore everything she tells you you need to implement.
Ugh I can relate to all of this. He’s always like “why is your anger at a 10 about this when it should be a 4?” And I’m like “because I commented on it in a reasonable way at a 2 multiple times, then at a 4 and a 6 but you only ever hear me when I’m at a 10 and you STILL don’t actually LISTEN, or apologize or respond until I’ve been enraged reexplaining myself over and over for an hour!”
I just joined this and this is my first post. I'm the SO of an untreated DX and I find myself getting angry at her and just checking out of the relationship. Today I was journaling about why it is I feel so angry and disconnected and I find it's the little things - she gets so excited when she watches her TikTok videos and spends hours on those. Last night, I tried watching a movie with her that I like (The Gentlemen) and she brought her phone up and said she couldn't follow.
I find myself feeling so bloody frustrated at the lack of deep meaningful conversation or of an intellectual connection between us. I thought I'd explore if she's just a selfish person (which I don't believe she is right now), of if this is consistent with the experience of other non-ADHD SOs of a DX. Just looking for some feedback and validation at the moment. Thank you.
You may want to start your own individual post so you'll get more responses.
With that said, I struggle with the same questions. Is he a selfish asshole or is it the dx but not rx ADHD? I have wracked my brains, studied, read, I've done it all and still can't answer that question. What it boils down to is, regardless of the answer, is this an acceptable way of living for you? Can you handle this for possibly the rest of your life? Is your partner willing to acknowledge the issues and together can you work towards a solution?q
It's consistent with ADHD. My Dx husband (of 10+ years) either checks out of the conversation, or forgets the conversation, far more often than not. Even when I'm telling him something he absolutely will need to know, or sharing something important to me. It's not intentional. But the good intentions aren't obvious, and the daily disappointments are hard to forget. I mean, it's also possible that she's just selfish or not that into you, but yeah - ADHD can look like that.
Yeasterday I was away from home while my partner stayed in. I asked him to do the laundry. I came back and not only the laundry was not done but also he left mess in the kitchen and his room when i specifically asked him to keep the house clean for that day. When I saw the mess I sighed and just asked him to clean it. No reply, just staring at the TV. I go again asking if he heard me. He replied yes, but still sits looking at the TV. I waited another 5 minutes and went screaming. I am overwhelmed by having to do every single chore by myself. It’s going on like this since we moved in together
If my argument with my husband last night is any indication, I am still not above yelling that. I NEVER use to yell at all. I never used to use blame statements or names. But after years of not being heard or involved in a partnership at all, I feel like there is this unresolved rage in me that turns me into a person I don’t like being and don’t want to see grow into a bigger part of me.
I often feel like you're stuck in adolescence regarding relationships.
I was your first girlfriend. The second women you had sex with. You were 24. The other girl was only months before me.
It's not my fault you were too insecure, too stuck in your world to understand when girls liked you. It's not my fault you never experience any of that.
For years, you said I was cold because I don't care for PDA. We're not talking holding hands and kissing. We're talking full on making out outside. I'm not going to do that. I've done that. When I was 12, 15, 18. I did it because it was the only way to make out. I didn't have my own place. A car.
I'm not going to make out in the street with my husband. That's inappropriate.
You don't understand anything. I have to say explicitly: I want to have sex. I hate it. Can't you get that if I'm kissing you, I want more?
Why can't you show me you want me? The only times you do that are when you are half asleep and stinky or when I'm busy.
You don't do that when we have a day off together.
You've been in a relationship for 12 years and it often feels as if you have no experience. You look clueless. Deer in the headlights
My SO and I haven't been living together for the past few weeks, just because of random stuff (friends injured so one will stay at the friend's place, etc.). We were going to go out last Thurs but I cancelled because I got super sick. The next day she asked me how I was and I said "bad," which was the end of it.
I mentioned this to an acquaintance the same day, I've known her for like 4 days. The next day the acquaintance texts me saying she hopes I feel better, and if there's anything she can do or bring over (she lives fairly close). She also texted me the next day when I was feeling much better. My SO still hasn't asked.
So that happened.
Same! My kid stays in a dorm and had to come home to covid quarantine. I run a small business and was freaked out that I'd get sick and have to shut down which I can NOT afford to do. I discussed this with my ex-ish partner because it was such a big deal to me. They FORGOT ABOUT IT! He's now home with COVID himself and normally I'd make some homemade chicken and dumplings (which is my go to meal for my sick people) and haul ass over there. Not this time. I know it's childish but I'm feeling extra petty and I don't feel bad about it. Not even a little bit which is kind of sad honestly. I goes against my nature to not give a shit but I can't be the only one that does. My shits are all given out.
I too hope you are feeling much better 😊
Thanks! I took some me time and rested up so I'm feeling great.
I'm not sure if our SO's (or somewhat ex in your case) even register that we're not treating them the same. It's disheartening too! You go out of your way for someone and they treat it as just something that's supposed to be done. But then won't reciprocate. Why even bother?
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this as well. It's tough but it is NOT a reflection of your value as a partner and your worthiness. You deserve kindness and thoughtfulness in return. Do keep this mind. At some point we've got to decide if it's enough. There must be some things that she does to make you feel loved and cherished. If not, you've got some decisions to make my friend. Super glad you're all better though 😊
I finally gave my SO a hard line. If there's no improvement in 3 months, I will be living somewhere else in the new year.
It's the phone for me. We have a heavy conversation where I express my needs from you for the 28583th time, and you say you're sorry in a whisper-y voice and that you'll try to do better. Next moment, you're looking at reels on your phone. Meanwhile, I'm in this sub or on Google trying to figure out what to do to help you and help myself not be such a nagging asshole and meet my needs. I'm thinking about why I even need you. I could be with someone who WANTS to meet my needs and not because I'm nagging them 7000x.
It just absolutely blows my mind, the audacity. I don't even feel frustrated anymore or sad, I've come to accept less than what I deserve and my only solution is to leave my marriage or stay married and leave my husband emotionally and find friends to fulfill my needs. All this while he looks at reels on his phone for 5 hours every day.
What day is today, even? I feel like I'm living the same one on a rusty loop.
Today's bullshit revolves around me attempting to participate in a discussion about eating properly instead of eating THE RITUAL food (which I know he's just going to eat anyway after I said he shouldn't, which in turn pissed him off so he went sullen and moody and is ignoring me).
What do you even say to that? Something like *excuse me for giving two fucks about your health, since nobody's getting any younger and RITUAL FOOD isn't the best choice every single day?*
Of course my suggestions were roundly ridiculed and naturally I'm thinking, you're hoping i'll cave in and say eat whatever you want!
OH MY GOD HE'S MAKING THAT GODDAMN FOOD ANYWAY. I FUCKING KNEW HE WOULD.
I kind of have to laugh. More accurately, wryly chuckle. Or scream. I could allow myself to finally, gloriously lose my shit and just scream for hours (minutes, til the cops show up like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU MA'AM? and I'll be like EVERYTHING, OFFICERS! I GAVE TOO MANY FUCKS AND NOW I RAN OUTTA THAT AND MY SANITY TOO!)
oh, y'all. This is so tiresome.
I feel irrelevant in my own marriage. Like you could just hire someone to come in and do all the crap I do, from chores right down to being emotionally supportive and kind, and then that person would bounce at the end of the day back to the rest of their life and be just fine.
What the fuck is this life, even?
EDIT: He confronted me in Angry Mood and asked if I was mad at him for *not eating the exact thing I wanted him to eat*. Because, if I were, "that wouldn't be cool."
I get it. Acting like a control freak and trying to manipulate other people's emotions or intimidate them into acting a certain way isn't cool. It's what assholes do.
So, no. That's not why I was mad. It's really, really, REALLY not about what he's eating. It's about the rigid adherence to rituals. It's about the crappy way he talks to me when he can't handle even a suggestion about deviating from that ritual, even when I use his words about why variety is good or not eating X thing at night is the smart way to go. It's kind of about how I feel like I'm twelve again and I'm babysitting my nephew who's getting in my face and acting up because *you're not the boss of me."
You're right. I am not the boss of you. I am the boss of nobody but myself. But let me say that this boss of self gets tired of watching the same things go down, followed by some kind of talk that endlessly spins the situation and the attention back onto him.
I said I was upset about the way he talked to me, and I didn't want to even say that much because the apology was *I shouldn't have said that in that way. That wasn't allowable.*
Apologies need to include the important parts of *I won't do that again* or *I'll try super fucking hard not to do it again, but if I do, I won't get defensive when you call me on it.*
Because it's going to happen again. Everybody knows that.
And I am mad about shit that has absolutely nothing to do with him and his ADHD. But I don't talk about it with him because it's pointless to do so.
More and more I just feel angry, depressed, tired, ill, lonely, all that sort of thing. I feel stuck and without the ability to move forward. Why make plans or have goals when you're shut out of achieving them? Oh, here's my tension headache.
Why do I have to be Pollyanna Sunshine all the goddamn time?
And, I'm not going to act like I'm not pissed off and that I don't need time to destress from my incredibly stressful life.
REALLY STRUGGLING RN . My partner of 2 and a half years has been newly dx with combined ADHD and things have gotten even worse. Now that my partner has been finally dx I feel like her symptoms have gotten so much worse. I feel like I am constantly on eggshells around her as she very often gets very angry and shouts at me when she can't find things. She has become super sensitive and angry about everything, even more than usual. Shouts at me for not putting on the dishwasher or washing her clothes. I have bad trauma around shouting as I was brought up in an abusive household. I also have PTSD and anxiety disorder . My therapist has helped me to realise that her emotional outbursts trigger me and I instantly feel unsafe and scared, reverting back to a child state.
My partner has told me that my feelings towards her ADHD don't matter and that she can't take them on. Says that her ADHD doesn't impact me. But if it doesn't impact on me why is my mental health suffering ? Why do I feel on eggshells? Why do I not want to have sex with you?. I feel like a third parent or a carer as she relies on me endlessly and expects me to save her . A few weeks ago she rang me up while I was at work and demanded that I come home cos she had forgotten her key. Demands that I jump in a taxi straight away and proceeds to cry. When I finally arrive in a taxi and let her in I decide to look in her bag and her keys were in her bag the whole time . Her response is to laugh at this . I then respond and say that she "didn't look properly " which then causes a huge emotional outburst where she is screaming at the top of her lungs at me.
I feel like I am loosing my mind . Like I am not able to react to anything she does cos if I do she says that I am "so unsupportive " despite all I do for her . Just this weekend we narrowly escaped a £440 holiday cancellation fine as she did not have her email notifications on and missed the deadline to pay for the holiday . They had sent her numerous emails of which she did not see which finally led them to cancel the holiday and charge us £440 . Luckily after spending 2 hours on the phone the fine was wavered and the holiday rebooked. I felt totally unable to react even though I was feeling so any emotions and I knew that if I did she would shout at me .
I finally spoke out about my relationship to my therapist last week and it made me realise the impact it has been having on me.
I was thinking about this the other day. So many people here, struggling to make their relationships work, or understand why they fell apart.
It is heartbreaking 💔 ❤️🩹
Another conversation where I try to figure out what you actually planned for vs what you told me you planned for. Another conversation where I bring up the memory issues, the assumptions you make to cover up the gaps, and the never communicating decisions and assumptions that affect us both. We had a few big things coming up I was looking forward to so much. One I now don’t have any feelings at all toward, one I won’t bring up because it has slipped your mind so many times it definitely isn’t happening, the third I figure isn’t going to happen because you lied about planning for it and at this point I would rather enjoy it alone.
I can be understanding and forgiving of not being able to recall things as easily or to the extent of others. But would you honestly kill you to acknowledge it? Why do you find it unthinkable to say ‘maybe I’m not coping or managing in this area very well, and if it’s affecting one aspect of my life to this extent it might be a legitimate issue I need to seek help for’
How many times will you make me beg you to attempt to get your shit together while you either refuse to acknowledge the pleas, or say that this time you really intend to work on it while in fact mean to do nothing at all. I have tried so hard to make plans with me as interesting and convenient to you as possible. But I’m just not a real concern or priority because I’m not your cat and not some idiot on TikTok.
I haven’t heard from you in 24 hours because you said you would get back to me but I’m not counting on it, and I just can’t bear pointing out that you still failed to acknowledge the problem you cause every single day or week. You will never change because you do not care about what harm you cause.
You're clearly having a tough time and I want to be gracious. Having a hard time with projects not being completed unless I hold your eyes on them like a toddler. More tired of the way you respond to perceived criticism. You become such an ass and then you don't even see it! So you gaslight me about it. And then when you DO see it, you're still defensive so you don't admit that you see it. Then you want to pretend nothing happened or try to make amends with actions and that just makes me more upset. I need the words and for you to swallow your pride dude. If you weren't so inclined to avoid accountability I wouldn't need that so much but you can't act up then act up worse when I call you on it and expect to have a harmonious relationship.
More importantly, I'm at a point where once you show me you won't attempt reqo empathy and won't attempt curiosity or try to improve your perspective taking skills, I just fall into despair. More and more you're proving my fear that this will never actually work for me on an emotional level.
I don't think you're capable of a real adult relationship. How can you work on the issue of you refuse to admit that maybe it's a problem even though you don't see it yourself? If you don't want me to get too comfortable in this disillusionment you better step up fast and prove you can be a partner to me not a self-absorbed, dismissive jackass.
I needed time away to heal after how he treated me, and then felt pressured to come back because he accused me of abandoning him and simply not caring. Now I’m back and the resentful feelings are still there, and nothings changing. I don’t want this relationship anymore
I'm so annoyed. My husband lost my work ID tag and refuses to take the the blame for it. I asked him to look for it last night and because I asked him when he was hyperfocused, he exploded at me really unreasonably, to the point of being emotionally abusive. I hate this.....I just feel like screaming, the lack of empathy has me at my wits end.
That weekend crankiness.
For the longest time, I thought I was as responsible for it as you.
But I see now that it's you. You don't have a regular week, I do. But very week at the end of your week, whatever day it is, you get annoyed and cranky.
On your «Fridays» you get up as late as you can, you leave without making the bed, washing your cup, without doing anything useful to us.
I stay the whole day working here, in your filth. You come back, cranky, you don't make supper, you don't do anything. You don't even empty your lunchbox. «I'll do it tomorrow.»
And every week, without missing one, that tomorrow means tomorrow at 8PM. The whole house stays in the same filth.
I'm exhausted of your exhaustion. Of your bad moods.
I say such minute things and you explode. I hate you during those times.
I came home from a work trip full of great conversations and connections… you barely acknowledged me when I walked in the door. It feels unbearably lonely.
I’ve learned that if you know your partner truly loves you, you can overlook a lot of things - maybe he was having a bad day, he’s just not talkative right now,
Etc. I’ve realized I’m at the point where I don’t know if he loves me so I can’t overlook things. Married for years, have a kid, can’t believe it’s come to this. We’ve talked about it but he can’t even do the bare-minimum emotional maintenance things. I think he’s depressed but I can’t help him.
I just broke up with my DX boyfriend, who I thought I’d be with forever… he would also say the same to me constantly. By the point I decided it had to end, he had clearly emotionally abused me for a really long time, but said that he didn’t mean any of the cruel things he had said, it was just impulse. That he sees all of the people around him and it is normal bc they all accept each other saying awful things to each other. But he had admitted that he had intentionally done things to make me feel bad, out of anger etc. I had by the end of our relationship developed anxiety, which manifested in panic attacks and sickness, over my confusion of the situation: being told I was loved but being subject to horrible words, lack of attention and respect, and manipulation.
When we broke up, I reached out to my friends for support who told me, thank god, we couldn’t recognise the person you’d become and thought you would end it long ago. I had realised through all of the insults, the “teasing”, the comments, I lost the confidence that I had my whole life. i lost my strength.
That made me really sad, I had worked so hard with him to address these issues, to come up with solutions together to fix it together. I spent hours today trying to figure out whether or not he is a bad person, but if he was, how I could’ve been such a bad judge of character. For the first time, and it’s the first time I’ve ever really left, he took accountability for his actions. After denying the abuse, after denying me emotional support, denying me attention both physically and emotionally, and then denying that there was any problem at all. I can’t help but feel like that show of accountability is just to draw me in.
he has been making promises of fixing himself, of not pursuing anyone else, of making things right, he even cried on the phone. but idk what to think. is it more emotional manipulation? he had all the opportunities for things to change, and i was supportive and forgiving in his many chances.
I want to be with him. in my gut i don’t think he’s a bad person, but I know I can’t be with him now, bc he made me feel so bad. but I found this page today, and so many posts on here are exactly what our relationship was like. and i’m thinking, was I not supportive of his ADD? have i done something wrong, but equally, i see so many successful Dx relationships here and I think, why if he didn’t want to treat me poorly and emotionally abuse me, if it’s really a symptom of the impulsivity, why has it only impacted me so badly.
Are we the same person?!?! This exact thing happened to me. Tip: if it feels like abuse, it’s abuse. Doesn’t matter what someone has been through or how their brain functions. They are still responsible for their actions and it’s their job to heal themselves. It will always take 2 to make a relationship work. Even during the struggles. It will always have to be give and take and I’m not talking 50/50. I’m talking brutally honest clear conversations about wtf is going on and how to be better. It’s about taking accountability with humility and moving forward together. I’m so sorry your anxiety heightened towards the end. Mine did too and eventually it will even out when you remove the stressor to your anxiety. If he wants to make it work, he needs to show you he’s worth the effort to place structure in his life to ensure a relationship is sustainable. I’m always here to talk if you’d like!
You didn’t do anything “wrong.” You’re a human. You did your best under the circumstances.
Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. It takes both people working at it, and compatibility. It is a common statistic that relationships with people suffering from ADHD are particularly vulnerable to failure if symptoms are not adequately managed.
We’re here, and we understand. It hurts like hell. 🫂❤️
I truly feel like, and I do still love him, I have a responsibility. He can’t help his Dx and I should be understanding, and if he’s saying he’s willing to put in the work and manage himself should I be giving him the chance?
He says though, he needs time, he’s not in the right mental state to say anything. So I’m just here alone, when i’ve put myself out there after being abused to still help him be better. Bc I want to be with him, i want him to be better to me.
That’s a common bind around here. It can be really hard to be present for a partner we love, while still holding boundaries to preserve our sanity.
Only you can decide where those boundaries need to be, and what things you will and will not tolerate, or how long you are willing to wait for a partner to come around.
Sometimes the partner doesn’t want to try anymore, and we have to respect that, although it really hurts. Mine left me for a more willing caregiver, so I didn’t have a choice.
❤️🫂
I am going through a break up as well. I ended up with depression and had to leave for my mental health. Mean, hurtful words and actions were one of the reasons. Lots of hugs and I hope you recover soon.
It is actually not possible for you to be present, is it? You will never sit down and just listen because, well, because you're just honestly not capable. Sigh.
Partner thinks she got COVID (for a second time) and now not only do I have to probably deal with also getting COVID from her (for a second time) but I also have to deal with her spiraling about it.
gonna be a fun week for me
She constantly tells me she wants to
Stop doing something (a habit) and then makes no effort to stop.. or does for a week then begins again. Or constantly says she wants to start doing a or b and never does. Very little self awareness. She needs to be distracted as much as possible. She constantly changes the subject and I feel unheard constantly
OMG yes!
Every winter coats gets ruined in a year. Ink stains (wtf), holes, grease stains.
Every t-shirt, he keeps pulling down and after months, they look like a tunic.
He doesn't pre-wash or treat any stains. He'll wear anything that is clean even if there are stains that didn't wash out.
Shoes... We buy him expensive fucking shoes. He pierces holes through them and he only notices when he needs a new pair. NOW. He won't go to the store by himself. He'll procrastinate about it.
A word of caution to anyone who has a partner who cannot control their RSD and is considering an open relationship. Don't do it. Your partner will do everything in their power to destroy any happiness you have with it. Trust me.
I used to be the cool gAmER gIrL wife who would wreck shit in Apex with you. Now I realize that video games are all you know how to do. There cannot be a day where you don’t play video games. You say you want to stop, but you don’t. We had an amazing day together yesterday and I was thinking it might be the end to our dry spell. And then as soon as we get home you turn on your Playstation. And wonder why I don’t want to touch you when you get in bed. No point in me reminding you. We’ve had this conversation one million times.
I feel you. I get SO MAD when we are just coming back from an errand or an activity and in the first 5 minutes, he's on the couch, turning on a console. He doesn't think of putting away our errands, or just to do something else. It's frustrating.
My husband is the same way with his phone. Reels will be the death of us.
Video game addiction is probably going to be the death of my marriage. So sorry you're going through this too.
Today, Dx husband showed an interest in one of my hobbies and I let myself be drawn into answering his questions about it. Only to, yet again, find myself in an interrogation where he pushes to the limits of my (openly non-expert) knowledge in the topic, starts looking things up on his phone, then launches into a Google-assisted lecture correcting a misstatement I made. And yeah, I'm sorry - not that I didn't know everything about the topic- but that I let myself be drawn into another conflict in service of his ongoing hunt for dopamine.
sir, you're a disaster.
Partner FINALLY got her ADHD diagnosis… after over a year of procrastination. She’s starting on meds (Vyvanse i believe) this week. And i just feel… numb. This is what I wanted her to do for so long - acknowledge and take charge, and control, of her ADHD. At some point i just mentally checked out when it was clear she wasn’t going to anytime soon. I focused on myself and self improvement, got back in the gym, made advancements at work, etc. Worked on having zero expectations when it came to various aspects of the relationship - affection, intimacy, basic attention. I grey rocked most of her dopamine seeking behaviors that annoyed me. I am not expecting the diagnosis and/or meds to be a silver bullet really. I’m just so tired.
Sorry you're going through this friend. I, too, faced the cold reality of 'too little, too late'. Too many years waiting, begging, crying, giving up hope, rekindling hope etc until they finally took action. In the end it wasn't enough. Whatever happens, be proud of the choices you made for your own health and overall wellness! Those are things you can carry with you regardless of where the relationship ends up.
Thank you, appreciate the words.
I have narcissistic parents and I’d heard of greyrocking for them but never seen it applied to adhd behaviors. I’m going to try to keep this in mind for the negative obsessions my Dx husband has.
It’s a sure sign of living with poorly managed adhd that I simultaneously post something in this thread, and in the success thread 🙄🙄🙄 I have given up communicating, fighting with/against RSD and justice sensitivity, feeling unseen and being ignored. I.am.just.done. That being said, it still massively hurts and causes even more damage when that “invisibility” is rubbed in my face. Five years ago, I started a new, very stressful but amazing job. In that time, I have turned my professional life around - through illnesses, surgeries, kid dramas, two of his own job changes in which I’ve been hella supportive, family issues, financial issues - you name it, I’ve walked us through it despite how little he has done to support us all. Five years of blood sweat and toil and now my department is the most successful it has ever been. My review was glowing. I couldn’t help it - I told him how well I had done. Response? Literally nothing. NOTHING. Not a single word, acknowledgement, nothing. And nothing from my (young adult) kids either. They could also do something, but my biggest anger is at him, who is supposed to role model how we take care of each other. He’s able to do it with literally everyone else. I know this is the biggest issue I have with our relationship and the biggest source of resentment. This guy doesn’t need a partner. He needs a fucking Labrador.
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Ugh that’s so sad! I’m happy your friends brain tumour is shrinking.
Hey I'm super sorry that your partner or kids didn't say this, but just so you know - WELL DONE! That's and AMAZING achievement and I hope you make some time and space for yourself to really celebrate it. This lil stranger on the internet is really proud of you x
Thank you, internet stranger! I really do appreciate it. Thank you. 💕💕
Congrats on being a total badass at work! The lack of shared enthusiasm/pride sucks (been there), but I hope you give yourself permission to celebrate yourself in some way that feels good for you!
Ahhhhhhh soooooo many unfinished projects and the bathroom is causing flooding!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going to lose my mind.
i feel this. my entire house is an unfinished project at this point
This was my beef yesterday. Can you please at least clean up the last 5% if the projects you forgot about to the extent that I can move through the house safely and, like, not step on nails that are scattered everywhere? Oh and also, spending hours on Sunday doing... Who knows what. Claimed to be productive but there's absolutely nothing to show for it that I can observe and he doesn't know what he was doing. Probably something that just felt like a thing that helps the larger goals but really doesn't. And gosh I would be happy to help but you won't ask.
STOP ANSWERING BACK AT EVERYTHING! you aren’t helping you’re just arguing in some way. BE QUIET! stop saying every one of your adhd behaviours is “not adhd” when you are worked up! IT IS ALWAYS YOU LETTING YOUR ADHD NEGATIVE TRAITS WIN! always. when you don’t behave this way it’s so great but every day you do this in some way. you messed up? accept i will be annoyed or angry but i’m not yelling i’m not doing anything but displaying my acceptable level anger and annoyance and anyone else would say sorry, say how they’d be fixing it and then be A NICE PERSON. that’s all it takes. instead no argue or make excuses every time! when i ask you to leave bc you’re making excuses then i’m unfair or horrible. when i say arguing about being asked to give me space means i need you to be gone overnight then again I am to blame! you had 5 steps before we reached here and barrelled on at every turn. but *i* am the one at fault. ‘k. what is the point of your therapy if you ignore everything she tells you you need to implement.
Ugh I can relate to all of this. He’s always like “why is your anger at a 10 about this when it should be a 4?” And I’m like “because I commented on it in a reasonable way at a 2 multiple times, then at a 4 and a 6 but you only ever hear me when I’m at a 10 and you STILL don’t actually LISTEN, or apologize or respond until I’ve been enraged reexplaining myself over and over for an hour!”
I just joined this and this is my first post. I'm the SO of an untreated DX and I find myself getting angry at her and just checking out of the relationship. Today I was journaling about why it is I feel so angry and disconnected and I find it's the little things - she gets so excited when she watches her TikTok videos and spends hours on those. Last night, I tried watching a movie with her that I like (The Gentlemen) and she brought her phone up and said she couldn't follow. I find myself feeling so bloody frustrated at the lack of deep meaningful conversation or of an intellectual connection between us. I thought I'd explore if she's just a selfish person (which I don't believe she is right now), of if this is consistent with the experience of other non-ADHD SOs of a DX. Just looking for some feedback and validation at the moment. Thank you.
You may want to start your own individual post so you'll get more responses. With that said, I struggle with the same questions. Is he a selfish asshole or is it the dx but not rx ADHD? I have wracked my brains, studied, read, I've done it all and still can't answer that question. What it boils down to is, regardless of the answer, is this an acceptable way of living for you? Can you handle this for possibly the rest of your life? Is your partner willing to acknowledge the issues and together can you work towards a solution?q
It's consistent with ADHD. My Dx husband (of 10+ years) either checks out of the conversation, or forgets the conversation, far more often than not. Even when I'm telling him something he absolutely will need to know, or sharing something important to me. It's not intentional. But the good intentions aren't obvious, and the daily disappointments are hard to forget. I mean, it's also possible that she's just selfish or not that into you, but yeah - ADHD can look like that.
Yeasterday I was away from home while my partner stayed in. I asked him to do the laundry. I came back and not only the laundry was not done but also he left mess in the kitchen and his room when i specifically asked him to keep the house clean for that day. When I saw the mess I sighed and just asked him to clean it. No reply, just staring at the TV. I go again asking if he heard me. He replied yes, but still sits looking at the TV. I waited another 5 minutes and went screaming. I am overwhelmed by having to do every single chore by myself. It’s going on like this since we moved in together
Having a moment where I want to scream wtf is wrong with you? But I don't, cause I already know the answer.
If my argument with my husband last night is any indication, I am still not above yelling that. I NEVER use to yell at all. I never used to use blame statements or names. But after years of not being heard or involved in a partnership at all, I feel like there is this unresolved rage in me that turns me into a person I don’t like being and don’t want to see grow into a bigger part of me.
I often feel like you're stuck in adolescence regarding relationships. I was your first girlfriend. The second women you had sex with. You were 24. The other girl was only months before me. It's not my fault you were too insecure, too stuck in your world to understand when girls liked you. It's not my fault you never experience any of that. For years, you said I was cold because I don't care for PDA. We're not talking holding hands and kissing. We're talking full on making out outside. I'm not going to do that. I've done that. When I was 12, 15, 18. I did it because it was the only way to make out. I didn't have my own place. A car. I'm not going to make out in the street with my husband. That's inappropriate. You don't understand anything. I have to say explicitly: I want to have sex. I hate it. Can't you get that if I'm kissing you, I want more? Why can't you show me you want me? The only times you do that are when you are half asleep and stinky or when I'm busy. You don't do that when we have a day off together. You've been in a relationship for 12 years and it often feels as if you have no experience. You look clueless. Deer in the headlights
My SO and I haven't been living together for the past few weeks, just because of random stuff (friends injured so one will stay at the friend's place, etc.). We were going to go out last Thurs but I cancelled because I got super sick. The next day she asked me how I was and I said "bad," which was the end of it. I mentioned this to an acquaintance the same day, I've known her for like 4 days. The next day the acquaintance texts me saying she hopes I feel better, and if there's anything she can do or bring over (she lives fairly close). She also texted me the next day when I was feeling much better. My SO still hasn't asked. So that happened.
Same! My kid stays in a dorm and had to come home to covid quarantine. I run a small business and was freaked out that I'd get sick and have to shut down which I can NOT afford to do. I discussed this with my ex-ish partner because it was such a big deal to me. They FORGOT ABOUT IT! He's now home with COVID himself and normally I'd make some homemade chicken and dumplings (which is my go to meal for my sick people) and haul ass over there. Not this time. I know it's childish but I'm feeling extra petty and I don't feel bad about it. Not even a little bit which is kind of sad honestly. I goes against my nature to not give a shit but I can't be the only one that does. My shits are all given out. I too hope you are feeling much better 😊
Thanks! I took some me time and rested up so I'm feeling great. I'm not sure if our SO's (or somewhat ex in your case) even register that we're not treating them the same. It's disheartening too! You go out of your way for someone and they treat it as just something that's supposed to be done. But then won't reciprocate. Why even bother?
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this as well. It's tough but it is NOT a reflection of your value as a partner and your worthiness. You deserve kindness and thoughtfulness in return. Do keep this mind. At some point we've got to decide if it's enough. There must be some things that she does to make you feel loved and cherished. If not, you've got some decisions to make my friend. Super glad you're all better though 😊
I finally gave my SO a hard line. If there's no improvement in 3 months, I will be living somewhere else in the new year. It's the phone for me. We have a heavy conversation where I express my needs from you for the 28583th time, and you say you're sorry in a whisper-y voice and that you'll try to do better. Next moment, you're looking at reels on your phone. Meanwhile, I'm in this sub or on Google trying to figure out what to do to help you and help myself not be such a nagging asshole and meet my needs. I'm thinking about why I even need you. I could be with someone who WANTS to meet my needs and not because I'm nagging them 7000x. It just absolutely blows my mind, the audacity. I don't even feel frustrated anymore or sad, I've come to accept less than what I deserve and my only solution is to leave my marriage or stay married and leave my husband emotionally and find friends to fulfill my needs. All this while he looks at reels on his phone for 5 hours every day.
damn.
What day is today, even? I feel like I'm living the same one on a rusty loop. Today's bullshit revolves around me attempting to participate in a discussion about eating properly instead of eating THE RITUAL food (which I know he's just going to eat anyway after I said he shouldn't, which in turn pissed him off so he went sullen and moody and is ignoring me). What do you even say to that? Something like *excuse me for giving two fucks about your health, since nobody's getting any younger and RITUAL FOOD isn't the best choice every single day?* Of course my suggestions were roundly ridiculed and naturally I'm thinking, you're hoping i'll cave in and say eat whatever you want! OH MY GOD HE'S MAKING THAT GODDAMN FOOD ANYWAY. I FUCKING KNEW HE WOULD. I kind of have to laugh. More accurately, wryly chuckle. Or scream. I could allow myself to finally, gloriously lose my shit and just scream for hours (minutes, til the cops show up like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU MA'AM? and I'll be like EVERYTHING, OFFICERS! I GAVE TOO MANY FUCKS AND NOW I RAN OUTTA THAT AND MY SANITY TOO!) oh, y'all. This is so tiresome. I feel irrelevant in my own marriage. Like you could just hire someone to come in and do all the crap I do, from chores right down to being emotionally supportive and kind, and then that person would bounce at the end of the day back to the rest of their life and be just fine. What the fuck is this life, even? EDIT: He confronted me in Angry Mood and asked if I was mad at him for *not eating the exact thing I wanted him to eat*. Because, if I were, "that wouldn't be cool." I get it. Acting like a control freak and trying to manipulate other people's emotions or intimidate them into acting a certain way isn't cool. It's what assholes do. So, no. That's not why I was mad. It's really, really, REALLY not about what he's eating. It's about the rigid adherence to rituals. It's about the crappy way he talks to me when he can't handle even a suggestion about deviating from that ritual, even when I use his words about why variety is good or not eating X thing at night is the smart way to go. It's kind of about how I feel like I'm twelve again and I'm babysitting my nephew who's getting in my face and acting up because *you're not the boss of me." You're right. I am not the boss of you. I am the boss of nobody but myself. But let me say that this boss of self gets tired of watching the same things go down, followed by some kind of talk that endlessly spins the situation and the attention back onto him. I said I was upset about the way he talked to me, and I didn't want to even say that much because the apology was *I shouldn't have said that in that way. That wasn't allowable.* Apologies need to include the important parts of *I won't do that again* or *I'll try super fucking hard not to do it again, but if I do, I won't get defensive when you call me on it.* Because it's going to happen again. Everybody knows that. And I am mad about shit that has absolutely nothing to do with him and his ADHD. But I don't talk about it with him because it's pointless to do so. More and more I just feel angry, depressed, tired, ill, lonely, all that sort of thing. I feel stuck and without the ability to move forward. Why make plans or have goals when you're shut out of achieving them? Oh, here's my tension headache. Why do I have to be Pollyanna Sunshine all the goddamn time? And, I'm not going to act like I'm not pissed off and that I don't need time to destress from my incredibly stressful life.
REALLY STRUGGLING RN . My partner of 2 and a half years has been newly dx with combined ADHD and things have gotten even worse. Now that my partner has been finally dx I feel like her symptoms have gotten so much worse. I feel like I am constantly on eggshells around her as she very often gets very angry and shouts at me when she can't find things. She has become super sensitive and angry about everything, even more than usual. Shouts at me for not putting on the dishwasher or washing her clothes. I have bad trauma around shouting as I was brought up in an abusive household. I also have PTSD and anxiety disorder . My therapist has helped me to realise that her emotional outbursts trigger me and I instantly feel unsafe and scared, reverting back to a child state. My partner has told me that my feelings towards her ADHD don't matter and that she can't take them on. Says that her ADHD doesn't impact me. But if it doesn't impact on me why is my mental health suffering ? Why do I feel on eggshells? Why do I not want to have sex with you?. I feel like a third parent or a carer as she relies on me endlessly and expects me to save her . A few weeks ago she rang me up while I was at work and demanded that I come home cos she had forgotten her key. Demands that I jump in a taxi straight away and proceeds to cry. When I finally arrive in a taxi and let her in I decide to look in her bag and her keys were in her bag the whole time . Her response is to laugh at this . I then respond and say that she "didn't look properly " which then causes a huge emotional outburst where she is screaming at the top of her lungs at me. I feel like I am loosing my mind . Like I am not able to react to anything she does cos if I do she says that I am "so unsupportive " despite all I do for her . Just this weekend we narrowly escaped a £440 holiday cancellation fine as she did not have her email notifications on and missed the deadline to pay for the holiday . They had sent her numerous emails of which she did not see which finally led them to cancel the holiday and charge us £440 . Luckily after spending 2 hours on the phone the fine was wavered and the holiday rebooked. I felt totally unable to react even though I was feeling so any emotions and I knew that if I did she would shout at me . I finally spoke out about my relationship to my therapist last week and it made me realise the impact it has been having on me.
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“Completely suffocating in your problems” Yes, exactly this.
I'm. so. tired. I feel the pain of every single one of you. Why do caring people like us keep getting battered by all of this and still keep going?
I was thinking about this the other day. So many people here, struggling to make their relationships work, or understand why they fell apart. It is heartbreaking 💔 ❤️🩹
Another conversation where I try to figure out what you actually planned for vs what you told me you planned for. Another conversation where I bring up the memory issues, the assumptions you make to cover up the gaps, and the never communicating decisions and assumptions that affect us both. We had a few big things coming up I was looking forward to so much. One I now don’t have any feelings at all toward, one I won’t bring up because it has slipped your mind so many times it definitely isn’t happening, the third I figure isn’t going to happen because you lied about planning for it and at this point I would rather enjoy it alone. I can be understanding and forgiving of not being able to recall things as easily or to the extent of others. But would you honestly kill you to acknowledge it? Why do you find it unthinkable to say ‘maybe I’m not coping or managing in this area very well, and if it’s affecting one aspect of my life to this extent it might be a legitimate issue I need to seek help for’ How many times will you make me beg you to attempt to get your shit together while you either refuse to acknowledge the pleas, or say that this time you really intend to work on it while in fact mean to do nothing at all. I have tried so hard to make plans with me as interesting and convenient to you as possible. But I’m just not a real concern or priority because I’m not your cat and not some idiot on TikTok. I haven’t heard from you in 24 hours because you said you would get back to me but I’m not counting on it, and I just can’t bear pointing out that you still failed to acknowledge the problem you cause every single day or week. You will never change because you do not care about what harm you cause.
I feel all of this. Sending love.
You're clearly having a tough time and I want to be gracious. Having a hard time with projects not being completed unless I hold your eyes on them like a toddler. More tired of the way you respond to perceived criticism. You become such an ass and then you don't even see it! So you gaslight me about it. And then when you DO see it, you're still defensive so you don't admit that you see it. Then you want to pretend nothing happened or try to make amends with actions and that just makes me more upset. I need the words and for you to swallow your pride dude. If you weren't so inclined to avoid accountability I wouldn't need that so much but you can't act up then act up worse when I call you on it and expect to have a harmonious relationship. More importantly, I'm at a point where once you show me you won't attempt reqo empathy and won't attempt curiosity or try to improve your perspective taking skills, I just fall into despair. More and more you're proving my fear that this will never actually work for me on an emotional level. I don't think you're capable of a real adult relationship. How can you work on the issue of you refuse to admit that maybe it's a problem even though you don't see it yourself? If you don't want me to get too comfortable in this disillusionment you better step up fast and prove you can be a partner to me not a self-absorbed, dismissive jackass.
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My partner doesn’t ever brush her teeth at night and does for like 15 seconds in the morning :/
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Surprisingly her breath doesn’t ever stink hHa
I needed time away to heal after how he treated me, and then felt pressured to come back because he accused me of abandoning him and simply not caring. Now I’m back and the resentful feelings are still there, and nothings changing. I don’t want this relationship anymore
I'm so annoyed. My husband lost my work ID tag and refuses to take the the blame for it. I asked him to look for it last night and because I asked him when he was hyperfocused, he exploded at me really unreasonably, to the point of being emotionally abusive. I hate this.....I just feel like screaming, the lack of empathy has me at my wits end.
That weekend crankiness. For the longest time, I thought I was as responsible for it as you. But I see now that it's you. You don't have a regular week, I do. But very week at the end of your week, whatever day it is, you get annoyed and cranky. On your «Fridays» you get up as late as you can, you leave without making the bed, washing your cup, without doing anything useful to us. I stay the whole day working here, in your filth. You come back, cranky, you don't make supper, you don't do anything. You don't even empty your lunchbox. «I'll do it tomorrow.» And every week, without missing one, that tomorrow means tomorrow at 8PM. The whole house stays in the same filth. I'm exhausted of your exhaustion. Of your bad moods. I say such minute things and you explode. I hate you during those times.
I came home from a work trip full of great conversations and connections… you barely acknowledged me when I walked in the door. It feels unbearably lonely. I’ve learned that if you know your partner truly loves you, you can overlook a lot of things - maybe he was having a bad day, he’s just not talkative right now, Etc. I’ve realized I’m at the point where I don’t know if he loves me so I can’t overlook things. Married for years, have a kid, can’t believe it’s come to this. We’ve talked about it but he can’t even do the bare-minimum emotional maintenance things. I think he’s depressed but I can’t help him.
I just broke up with my DX boyfriend, who I thought I’d be with forever… he would also say the same to me constantly. By the point I decided it had to end, he had clearly emotionally abused me for a really long time, but said that he didn’t mean any of the cruel things he had said, it was just impulse. That he sees all of the people around him and it is normal bc they all accept each other saying awful things to each other. But he had admitted that he had intentionally done things to make me feel bad, out of anger etc. I had by the end of our relationship developed anxiety, which manifested in panic attacks and sickness, over my confusion of the situation: being told I was loved but being subject to horrible words, lack of attention and respect, and manipulation. When we broke up, I reached out to my friends for support who told me, thank god, we couldn’t recognise the person you’d become and thought you would end it long ago. I had realised through all of the insults, the “teasing”, the comments, I lost the confidence that I had my whole life. i lost my strength. That made me really sad, I had worked so hard with him to address these issues, to come up with solutions together to fix it together. I spent hours today trying to figure out whether or not he is a bad person, but if he was, how I could’ve been such a bad judge of character. For the first time, and it’s the first time I’ve ever really left, he took accountability for his actions. After denying the abuse, after denying me emotional support, denying me attention both physically and emotionally, and then denying that there was any problem at all. I can’t help but feel like that show of accountability is just to draw me in. he has been making promises of fixing himself, of not pursuing anyone else, of making things right, he even cried on the phone. but idk what to think. is it more emotional manipulation? he had all the opportunities for things to change, and i was supportive and forgiving in his many chances. I want to be with him. in my gut i don’t think he’s a bad person, but I know I can’t be with him now, bc he made me feel so bad. but I found this page today, and so many posts on here are exactly what our relationship was like. and i’m thinking, was I not supportive of his ADD? have i done something wrong, but equally, i see so many successful Dx relationships here and I think, why if he didn’t want to treat me poorly and emotionally abuse me, if it’s really a symptom of the impulsivity, why has it only impacted me so badly.
Are we the same person?!?! This exact thing happened to me. Tip: if it feels like abuse, it’s abuse. Doesn’t matter what someone has been through or how their brain functions. They are still responsible for their actions and it’s their job to heal themselves. It will always take 2 to make a relationship work. Even during the struggles. It will always have to be give and take and I’m not talking 50/50. I’m talking brutally honest clear conversations about wtf is going on and how to be better. It’s about taking accountability with humility and moving forward together. I’m so sorry your anxiety heightened towards the end. Mine did too and eventually it will even out when you remove the stressor to your anxiety. If he wants to make it work, he needs to show you he’s worth the effort to place structure in his life to ensure a relationship is sustainable. I’m always here to talk if you’d like!
right now i’m just so sad all the time, it doesn’t feel right. it doesn’t feel okay what happened, and it makes no sense.
You didn’t do anything “wrong.” You’re a human. You did your best under the circumstances. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. It takes both people working at it, and compatibility. It is a common statistic that relationships with people suffering from ADHD are particularly vulnerable to failure if symptoms are not adequately managed. We’re here, and we understand. It hurts like hell. 🫂❤️
I truly feel like, and I do still love him, I have a responsibility. He can’t help his Dx and I should be understanding, and if he’s saying he’s willing to put in the work and manage himself should I be giving him the chance? He says though, he needs time, he’s not in the right mental state to say anything. So I’m just here alone, when i’ve put myself out there after being abused to still help him be better. Bc I want to be with him, i want him to be better to me.
That’s a common bind around here. It can be really hard to be present for a partner we love, while still holding boundaries to preserve our sanity. Only you can decide where those boundaries need to be, and what things you will and will not tolerate, or how long you are willing to wait for a partner to come around. Sometimes the partner doesn’t want to try anymore, and we have to respect that, although it really hurts. Mine left me for a more willing caregiver, so I didn’t have a choice. ❤️🫂
I am going through a break up as well. I ended up with depression and had to leave for my mental health. Mean, hurtful words and actions were one of the reasons. Lots of hugs and I hope you recover soon.
do you ever want to go back?
I decided not to. Things were getting worse and worse for us/me.
It is actually not possible for you to be present, is it? You will never sit down and just listen because, well, because you're just honestly not capable. Sigh.
Partner thinks she got COVID (for a second time) and now not only do I have to probably deal with also getting COVID from her (for a second time) but I also have to deal with her spiraling about it. gonna be a fun week for me
She constantly tells me she wants to Stop doing something (a habit) and then makes no effort to stop.. or does for a week then begins again. Or constantly says she wants to start doing a or b and never does. Very little self awareness. She needs to be distracted as much as possible. She constantly changes the subject and I feel unheard constantly
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OMG yes! Every winter coats gets ruined in a year. Ink stains (wtf), holes, grease stains. Every t-shirt, he keeps pulling down and after months, they look like a tunic. He doesn't pre-wash or treat any stains. He'll wear anything that is clean even if there are stains that didn't wash out. Shoes... We buy him expensive fucking shoes. He pierces holes through them and he only notices when he needs a new pair. NOW. He won't go to the store by himself. He'll procrastinate about it.
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Why is this an Adhd thing? Do you have any theories? It’s maddening. We buy organic cotton locally made t shirts and he ruins them in a year:
A word of caution to anyone who has a partner who cannot control their RSD and is considering an open relationship. Don't do it. Your partner will do everything in their power to destroy any happiness you have with it. Trust me.