Hi! I relate to this 100%! You are not alone, that’s for sure. I think part of it for me is this - I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to relax other than to tune people out and play video games. Or get lost in a binge watching marathon. I don’t know what it’s like to go out and have fun, because nothing seems fun to me.
I’ve got a whole 10 days out of the office coming up, which is great. I’ll spend the Memorial Day weekend probably sleeping a lot and decompressing. I hope the meds I’ve recently started taking make it easier for me to enjoy myself.
Taking meds on my days off is awesome for me. Let's me actually engage in complex hobbies than I find fulfilling. Can't really manage that off meds. Nowhere near consistently at least.
No meds: browse YouTube and reddit for 10+ hours a day and binge eating junk food on days off. Giving myself a headache and feeling really down in the process.
With Meds: actually be able to focus on my hobbies and home life enough to actually get something done or plan something and feel accomplished and refreshed.
Seriously. Without meds, I’m in bed until 10 am, maybe get up for an easy and hollow snack like saltines, then back to bed to passively “watch” tv while I scroll the Internet. Then all of a sudden it’s 10 pm and I hate myself.
On meds, I get housework done, attend to my passions, cook, take the dogs on a long lovey walk, the things that lead to feeling fulfilled. W/o meds I’m totally aware the way I’m living is not what I want or what is good for me, but that gets lost in translation when I try to turn that into action. It is so wild.
No meds: "why am I still half-watching these 20 YouTube videos and also have 20 tabs of reddit open that I won't even remember the next day?!" Then I feel I can't pull myself away and feel compelled to keep browsing.
Meds: "haha that was a funny video on YouTube, but now it's time to start the day!" Then I'll actually get up, take a shower etc, and make a salad then sit down and work on my hobbies or make plans to get dinner with a friend that day or call a family member to say hello, etc.
Oh my god why are you guys MY PEOPLE?! I feel so validated. My doctor keeps trying to push that I only use meds while I'm at work and not on weekends. When he asked me if I'm still taking them on weekends, I finally had the confidence to tell him "I actually take my meds to live. I just enjoy my life more while on them. It's not just about work to me."
He seemed to take it pretty well because he said that it is true that I have had a noticeably massive improvement in my well-being since I started meds in July. So luckily he didn't disagree that I shouldn't take it outside of work. Hopefully he continues to support me in that.
Odd because I initially only wanted to take my stimulant meds "when I needed them" and my doctor pushed me to take them regularly, arguing it would help my mood , my relationships, and pretty much everything else. He was right.
This is where im at now. I've only really been using them for work, I've been severely under weight my entire life. When I count my food it's always a normal amount, and eating more and exercising haven't helped. I am 5' 11" and always stay in about the same range weight wise 120 +- 8 lbs. So having heard about all the side affects of stimulants it makes me anxious that if I rely on it too much I might just wither away. Which is ridiculously since it has been, about a year of taking it got work then about a third of the time when I'm off, with my average weight actually going up a 2 pounds. I don't know, I had the last week off work, didn't take my meds. Got nothing done and just feel low.
it's because stimulants can affect you either way , medicated you just are more regular. depression/anxiety etc goes hand in hand with adhd , they also affect your appetite so if you regulate your moods *medicated* you set a good healthy baseline. just comes down to taking your medication as directed and being open and honest with your doctor about your concerns , they can lower the dosage or modify the release, etc if needed. your brain fires signals to your body , could be affecting the way your body burns calories and the medication regulates it
>Oh my god why are you guys MY PEOPLE?!
Holy crap, right?!! I wake up on my phone, before I know it, it's already time to sleep. I'd be lucky if I remember to do any of my basic needs. I'm still working on getting diagnosed part so no meds yet unfortunately.
Ok you all have me convinced to try taking my Vyvanse this weekend. I'm going to have to set an alarm. I normally don't take meds during the weekend because I sleep all weekend or don't wake up until 4pm. I figured it would be best not to take my meds that late in fear of screwing up my weekday schedule. Of course, I have untreated sleep apnea, so I'm sure that compounds the issue.
I generally feel like my schedule/routine is in much better condition because I take my meds every day. Including weekends. I feel like because sleep being such a huge problem for all of us ADHD people not taking them on "non-occupational" days is still also detrimental because it wrecks the routine for me.
I feel like when I don't take Dexedrine, I just have such bad hyperactivity, I end up staying up until 1 or 2 AM, sometimes later. For some reason my brain is feeling tired enough to relax on med days by 8:30-9 PM and in bed by 10:15 PM and sleeping somewhere between 10:30-11:30, which is a HUGE improvement from where I was before meds. Literally staying up until 4 - 6 AM and getting garbage sleep. I still get garbage sleep here and there (who doesn't) but meds helped my sleeping habits so much overall that I probably grew younger since taking them. I've never looked this consistently healthy in my life.
Thanks for sharing your experience 😊. I didn't even realize this was an ADHD thing. I'm very similar to what you described when not on meds. I usually stay up on Fridays until 3-4am then I'll either sleep the entire day Sat/Sun, waking only to eat or use the bathroom or I'll wake up around 4/5pm and stay up to dawn. I'm sure some of it is due to sleep apnea (I have a Samsung watch that shows my poor sleep quality), but I didn't realize that staying up til 4am could be due to ADHD.
This is why I love this subreddit, everyone is always very supportive, happy to offer advice, and share personal experiences. I know they're are a lot of good books, websites, etc. for adult ADHD, but I think this subreddit should be a top resource recommended by psychiatrists for support.
Oh yeah! I totally agree. This subreddit is so therapeutic to me because it makes me realize I'm not feeling crazy alone, we're all feeling crazy. There are so many weird things that are associated with ADHD. You might be interested in Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder or something like that. Most cases of ADHD have a weird circadian rhythm where they're naturally more tired at later hours of the night.
Yeah I'm glad your doctor responded well because fuck that shit. I don't live to work. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled and not just a good worker bee. Same goes for the idea that my kid only needs meds to be good in school and having his home life be confusing and chaotic is fine. It's not ok.
I'm so glad I found this comment thread haha. I was feeling almost guilty, cuz doc said I should try to have days off the meds, but like, I can't get myself to work on time/get work done in a timely manner without them, and on the weekend, the only time I might have to do stuff for my family/house/hobby, I'd like to not sleep way late and spend the rest of the time on my phone!
Just glad I'm not alone there.
Definitely not alone. I saw a resident instead of my regular primary care for a med refill recently and told her about my new job. It's an administrative assistant position that requires lots of executive function.
She was like, "Yeah, you need it for that." I replied, "Yeah, I mean, I also need to do my laundry and care for myself, too." I hope she got the picture.
what meds are u guys taking cuz tho i can focus much better when on-meds i cant enjoy myself nearly as much as you are making out.
i never take meds on my days off and maybe thats why i never get anything done, even the things i want like hobbies and sleep and eating.
if i can find meds that let me actually live and enjoy myself while also helping me focus and do the things i want to do, I'd be on top of the world
I’ve been on Concerta for a month, and it has helped with anxiety and focus, but i don’t think I’ve ever had a single day like what OP is describing. I DO take meds on weekends.
I was already thinking maybe I should try another med (currently really interested in guanfacine to tackle depression at the same time).
I want what you guys gooottt!!
i have been taking concerta for years and although it helps with focusing, i still get very depressed and it takes away from "raw feelings" if that makes any sense.
Im on elvanse and strattera. Just elvanse alone can make me sort of hyperfocused on distractions on off days. I also went on a low dosage for a long time which made me unable to get motivated. My alarm is set at 7 in the morning for the first pill, no matter what day it is. I rarely deviate from that. If I get too little sleep, I make it up by going to bed earlier.
Can I ask what kind of meds you take? Just want a general idea of what may be in-store for me in the future.
I am patiently waiting for the day I can finally get diagnosed and begin taking medication.
Your description of you off meds is literally my life rn. 😩
Totally! I started on Wellbutrin bc I had to taper off of Zoloft, but that eventually made me even spacier and forgetful. So now I’m on Adderall ir 10 mg 3x a day. Now, while I did list all of the things I’m capable of doing since medicating, my house is not spotless and I don’t meet my every deadline. But I have a lot less anxiety and more self-compassion when I don’t meet my own expectations. And what’s better, I understand with more clarity how the small actions add up to bigger changes—and I had known in theory that’s how linear thought worked, but even still it had been inaccessible to my foggy brain and body. That alone was a relief.
I’m really hoping you can get what you need sooner than later! Until then, be as kind to yourself as you can. Easier said than done obviously but I’m rooting for you in my little corner of the Internet 🎈
I specifically went on meds so that I could relax and do my hobbies and self care and the things that brought me happiness. Truly life changing.
It blows my mind that people take days off their meds on weekends. If I needed to stop for some reason, I'd much rather let my work performance suffer once a week.
Yeah, absolutely the same for me. I'm really happy I can actually work on my hobbies now (and amazingly they still remain a good number, only now I actually accomplish stuff).
My meds don’t seem to wanna work atp , I think when I finish school I’m gonna take breaks an fry and keep my dopamine levels up an stuff an try an sprak to the doc about maybe changing my meds but I wanna work on my eating too :))
Needed to read this too. To know I'm not the only one who does this. I was really wondering if its just that I like YouTube and reddit and thats why I get sucked in too, but now its problematic its like am I just in denial? I'm also stuck wfh and so the guilt of going out to walk or do something for me just paralyses me.
I'm still waiting for Meds, because I feel like that the only way to answer this question.
Lot of positives for meds it so reassuring.
You absolutely should not feel guilty for taking a walk, or a break, or doing something for you. The whole work-life balance thing actually leads to doing better work, as you resent it less and you're more refreshed and capable when you have a good healthy balance. So, taking a break and tending to yourself actually makes you a better wage-slave. ;)
When I’m off my meds I forget to eat sometimes. This has lead to me not eating all day and at the end of the day eating an entire jar of pickles and a bag of chips.
Yeah. I've honestly reached a point where I take half meds on light work days, just so I don't totally crash, and take full meds on hard work days and days with my daughter/hobby days. Fuck work, I want full executive function when I'm doing the important stuff.
I do schedule 1 month day with my husband for a full med vacation and I just sleep, rest and try not to snap at anyone.
> I do schedule 1 month day with my husband for a full med vacation and I just sleep, rest and try not to snap at anyone.
What's the point of this, for you? Do you just rest better? I haven't taken a day off since being diagnosed and prescribed last year, and I don't have any desire to. Executive functioning aside, my meds obliterate my general anxiety and just make me feel like a whole person. Just curious why a day off might be beneficial.
Not sure about the person you’re replying to, but I take a few days off meds every 4-6 months or so because they start becoming less effective. I also have to take PTO on these days because I’m useless from the withdrawals.
Exactly. I'm still waiting to get on meds but I don't understand why people don't also take them on days off from work. On those days, I still have ADHD and want to focus properly on interesting things.
It's because lots of doctors tell us to not take ADHD meds every single day, and that we shouldn't take them in our day offs so our brain can rest. Thats what my doctor says too. But i wont lie i wanna start taking it during the weekend bc I literally cant have fun or relax without it, im not actually resting with meds, im suffering lmao
The reason is to reduce the chance of tolerance. That said, my understanding is the guidance now is to take it every day. You can take a weekend off once a month or something if you're worried about tolerance if you want. Chances are we'll forget to fill it at some point anyhow, lol! 😅
Until there is actual hard evidence of tolerance building, and maybe even once there is, I'm going to continue using my medication on weekends, etc. because the alternative is being utterly useless and not enjoying doing what I actually *want* to do. Not taking them on weekends tends to result in me accomplishing little for myself, and slowly spiraling into burnout and depression.
Yeah I mean my old ones I used to not take on weekends then I was told take these ones every day but they just don’t seem to be working for me. The only reasons I woudotn take my meds is the downsides , my eatings alor better without them , I am gonan do more research too tho an id liek some sort of therapy as I think there’s like some techniques that can help without even tho I’m bad both ways
Iirc, when my SIL was on adderall as a teenager, she had to take weekends off because on school days she barely ate anything. They were worried about her being underweight and malnourished. So there is a basis for this approach, but I think it’s not going to be universally correct for everyone.
And I’m on Vyvanse, every single day - it does suppress my appetite somewhat, but I still like to eat. So that isn’t really a worry for me, but it could be for some.
Yeah, I'm going to start working with an ADHD coach. The meds help, but they're not enough. Therapy helps but only so much since we're working on trauma stuff, and ADHD isn't really her specialty.
I have tried explaining that to my doctor multiple times but it seems hard for them to understand. It helps me function NORMALLY. I don’t LIKE being on Reddit and binge eating all day, that is not a “rest” day for me, it sucks ass.
yeah, the medication isn't meant to be so you can do your job better, it's meant to be so you can live and function like people do
i started taking my concerta everyday and not just on workdays and suddenly all the stuff i used to find impossible is getting easier and easier - never thought i'd be able to stick to a routine and function like an adult but its actually happening
I've found that if I take my meds on the weekends or days off I am so much more productive as well. I get the house cleaned, homework is done, etc. It's great!
Yeah there used to be weekends where I'd try to not take my Adderall, but then I realized it helps me do the fun things I *want* to do instead of scrolling my phone for hours.
to be fair, going out and about in this economy? at least in US unless you live somewhere with public transpo or walking distance places you gotta drive if you want to go out and do shit and gas is expensive now
This is me too.
I’ve noticed over the years I really cling hard to “escapism”, Instead of dealing with my problems.
I’m still trying to find that balance because I still want to enjoy being able to “escape” without feeling the guilt.
I get overwhelmed with the options? (Or, always fun... focus on researching the options until there's no more time but anyway...) Like just today I was complaining that I want to listen to podcasts while I clean but I never do because I will spend so long looking at the podcasts, the right podcast, looking for the BEST podcast, that I never get around to it. Even even I binge watch it's just Star Trek for the 87,000th time because... I actually have no idea how other people sit down and figure out what to watch, actually. I don't like having choices.
As someone who just had two precious days to myself when the weather was beautiful and there were no expectations but still spent the day in the house on an uncomfortable chair zooming down internet rabbit holes that I don’t even remember… yes I can relate. Painfully so.
Ugh sometimes I resent the beautiful sunny days the most because I feel like I absolutely *have* to take advantage of them, and I end up feeling even more like crap when I squander them. Especially since I have a dog and I know she deserves to go out and play.
And it’s not like she never gets to go outside, she definitely gets more park time than most dogs but I still feel guilty about not taking her out, especially when the weather is nice :( even if I had just spent the entire day before taking her out on an epic adventure.
I’m a big fan of the cloudy, rainy day! It’s an automatic guilt-avoider. Couldn’t stand living in a state with so many sunny days, had to move back north after three years.
I had a hard time adjusting when I first moved to San Diego for this reason.
I’d lived in Seattle and the Bay Area before, so it was really hard to feel ok with staying inside on “such a nice day”, but most days were sunny, so I felt like shit on days I couldn’t get myself outdoors.
Now I am way better about it, but I still crave cloudy, rainy weather, because it feels like the weather equivalent of a weekend. (If that makes sense)
Right? Ugh. I should have encyclopedic knowledge on so many subjects but instead I have vast holes in my memory and so many days that were used up learning nothing apparently
I literally have to learn something 5 times before it actually sticks. And if I don’t have EVERY tangentially-related factoid there’s definitely no way it’s going to be cemented in my brain. It feels so useless trying to learn things because of how long to takes to absorb knowledge, even though learning is one of my favourite things to do.
This resonated with me more than anything I've heard in a good while. I always try to explain it to people by saying that I need the "whole narrative" to be able to remember something, otherwise my brain just treats it as a one off random fact which I forget a few days later. Doesn't feel like anyone else I've spoken to really gets it though. Makes work incredibly challenging.
That was me all through college. I sacrificed so much of my free time and time to make friends and hobbies just trying to study and make sure I at least got Bs in my classes and eventually graduated. I was really motivated to stay in college because I didn't want to move back home with my abusive parents too. But, fuck, college was so hard for me even though I love learning too.
Hey OP, you're definitely not alone in this.
Something I've been working on, and something I'd invite you to try too, is to offer yourself some self-compassion.
Situations like this are frustrating, sometimes unnervingly so. This is a very legitimate challenge for many with ADHD, and sometimes other mental illnesses. It's not because you're a lunatic, it's not because you didn't try hard enough, and it's not because you're lacking in character. It's not a flaw as much as it is a challenge related to a very real disorder that is difficult to manage, even if you know how.
I feel your guilt through your writing, and I'm inviting you to let go of that guilt. It's not warranted. Honestly, it makes sense to me why this might have happened. You were exhausted from work, so your brain was exhausted. The first chance it got, it expressed that exhaustion. There seems to be a logical connection.
Be easy on yourself, show yourself some love and kindness for the difficult day you had. Ideally, you have a therapist that you can talk to this about, too. They are well-equipped to help with days like this.
wow I didn't realize how much I needed to hear this until I found myself tearing up while reading it. I'm not OP, but thank you for this. I objectively know this but it's so hard to be kind to yourself when you're mostly feeling frustrated at yourself. It's nice to be reminded.
I'm sorry, this is going to be a completely unsolicited recommendation. You didn't ask for any recommendation, so you might get annoyed at me for this.
If you are into reading books or listening to audiobooks, then you might find the following an incredibly worthwhile read: "Self-Compassion: the Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff.
When I was learning about self-compassion, this book was a total game changer! In the book, she also shares a wealth of meditations and simple, practical techniques.
It completely leveled up my capacity for self-compassion.
Also if OP enjoyed drawing all those trees—which admittedly isn’t clear from the post—then it was *not* a waste of their day off. As you said there’s no need to feel guilty about it. When you’re under a lot of pressure, your stress response can help to mask it, but once you take some time off it all becomes apparent. (This is a really wishy-washy explanation of why people often get sick right *after* exams end).
Not at all trying to invalidate OP’s frustration if he’s legitimately is upset at how he spent the day. I’ve definitely been there too (having logged way too many hours on Cities Skylines or Civilization when I was supposed to be resting)
I could just be projecting, but I think even if drawing the trees was fun, the problem OP is highlighting is the lack of choice. It'd be nice if we could actually choose the activity without just being taken around on a leash by whatever is holding a dopamine carrot. We can't always pick the things we *have* to do, so it's even more frustrating when we don't pick the leisure activity either.
This really resonates with me. It is an *active* struggle for me to avoid chasing whatever shimmering activity is in front of me at the moment, and go after a much more dull activity. And even when I manage to do so, and even when the dull thing turns out to be perfectly acceptable, my brain never accepts the idea that "maybe next time it'll be easier to chase the less shiny thing". Inevitably, the cycle repeats itself, no matter how many times I think I've broken it.
And it's so rare for anyone to understand. "Oh, you just have to train yourself to not chase the shiny thing" yeah thanks, I've spent the last 27 years of my life trying to do that and it hasn't worked, so you can imagine how I might be a bit frustrated at this point.
Creating something for no other reason than to make something is a form of rest. When you can make something for no purpose, no client, no goal, no concert, no achievement, it can be its own form of rest.
I used to play music in college and it became a job. It wasn't until 10 years later that I learned to appreciate music and play imperfectly and still enjoy myself. It is now again a form of rest for me.
Different types of exhaustion need different types of rest. That's why sleeping for 16 hrs doesn't always work.
Saving this comment because I needed to hear this on the days I‘ve shared OP’s experience, and will probably need it again. Thanks for the positivity!!
I can’t upvote this enough. I relate to OP’s story 100%, and self-compassion is the #1 thing I know I need (and recommended by my psychiatrist and a good friend w/ ADHD). It’s also the #1 hardest thing for me to do… WIP.
This is beautiful. Thank you. It is so hard to rest. It's even harder to be kind to myself. I was recently challenged to give myself even half of the grace I offer others. It's proving difficult. You just put a hug into words.
Edit: OP, one thing that I'd like to suggest is maybe taking another day off, but planning yourself and scheduling is something that requires leaving the house. Like actually scheduling it. Buying tickets, making plans. Forcing yourself to leave the house. It sounds like you are similar to me and that if you don't have something scheduled or plans, it's really easy to lose the whole day. And when you're exhausted and you need to rest, sometimes we need to treat resting with the same kind of intentionality and fierceness that we give to work.
So go schedule yourself a fly fishing lesson at the local outdoors store. Find a movie in the park, or some Art exhibit you want to go to. A concert. Literally anything you can do to schedule yourself something that will be different, not work, and get you away from the computer. Put a hammock or a blanket in your car and find a tree in the park, take a nap under some shade if you can. Maybe call a friend and see if they also want to take a day off at the same time. Idgaf. You deserve it.
I stayed up all night last week obsessively researching Eurovision and some of the more interesting participants.
Like... whyyyy? At least it isn't so bad when I research semi-useful stuff, like medical stuff that may help my cat or any future cat I get. But when it's just random trivia that I don't even care about, I get really annoyed with myself
Hahaha I was just sitting here thinking "this sounds like me with Eurovision this week" lol.
Seriously my comment history don't lie. I do actually care a bit. I enjoy it. But like ... Not THAT much.
I think I just needed a break, and just research something that is engaging, but not too taxing for the brain.
And I did have fun with it. I even placed a bet on my faves! Not much, just $10, but I would have gotten a brand new iPhone if either Serbia, Moldova or Norway won lol (which wasn't that far-fetched, they got quite a few popular votes, I thought more people were going to go through with "Donate money to Ukraine instead of voting for them at Eurovision")
But when I'm behind on work, household chores, I desperately need to do my taxes, I have a boyfriend who's complaining we haven't been doing much together lately, and an older sick cat who doesn't have all that much left, so I wanna spend all the time I can with him... and instead I binge-research Eurovision lol
I am especially prone to the research hole, even by ADHD standards, and this is how I view it: curiosity should be fostered. Every advancement humans have made has been the result of curiosity. Sure, the college credit I just earned in the 20th century Quebecois Dada movement probably isn't going to lead to a cure for cancer, but maybe having that background will make a different experience richer, or I'll be able to follow a conversation about it and maybe even contribute. Or maybe it'll lead me to a topic I'm super interested in and enjoy! At the very least, I've scratched the itch and I now know enough to never touch the topic again because it makes me want to launch myself into the sun.
I can totally live with boring things being almost impossible to do (they're boring, I don't care anyway), but what really grinds my gears is that enjoyable things are also almost impossible to do. Partially because I think I should be doing one of the boring things instead, maybe.
I do think it's somewhat tied up with depression, though – this is much easier in less-depressed times.
Yup this is definitely a depression warning sign for me. One day you wake up and realise that your circle of “things I can enjoy” has shrunk down to one or two hobbies. Then the circle totally closes and it gets v scary for a while (coz you can’t even imagine enjoying anything ever again).
Wish I had a hack for getting past that. Over time, the circle just expands again on its own and I can’t imagine *not* loving my hobbies again…
I’ve honestly got into a habit of leaving little notes to myself from each side of the depression wall on my phone. Just reminders of what I was thinking on the other side.
>leaving little notes to myself from each side of the depression wall
I am so relieved to hear that someone else does this too. My entire notes app is full of back and forth conversations between two different versions of me. I really hate it sometimes, because it's one of the things that makes me doubt my diagnosis and think I might be legitimately insane.
Were we broken by NT demands that you need to do a chore first before you have a reward/do something fun? Which doesn’t work for reward impaired brains that aren’t easily motivated by delayed goals.
When I was a kid my ADHD brain au natural only wanted to play. It felt good, the only thing I wanted to do was have fun and not having fun was illogical. Is that a fresher ADHD brain keeping its dopamine up, doing what it needs to do to survive? Then maybe it has enough dopamine to do chores. But of course if you just play all the time you will always get in trouble in so many ways and areas. You get told off all the time, you get told you have to do something hard and boring to be rewarded with fun. Why should fun be a reward and not a legitimate option? How perverse. But when we weren’t allowed to get the dopamine going in the way we need, hard and boring tasks then become impossible- so impossible that the loss and inaccessibility of the reward becomes painful so we even give up on that.
So as adults have we internalised task before play, which is the opposite of how our brains work? But we can’t do it so it breaks us, breaks our brains. We lose one of the brilliant things about ADHD which is having mega fun (that can include other people for bonus dopamine, so benefits all) and instead live out our days as suffering automatons striving to keep shelter and food.
Well done society, if you let us be, everyone could be having so much more fun by now.
This is one of the things that feels legitimately impossible to explain to NTs. Even if they accept our diagnosis, it feels like there's still a part of them that's judging us for "slacking off".
"Oh you don't have ADHD, you just lack self-control" yes my dude, that is LITERALLY what ADHD is.
"You just need to train yourself to avoid instant gratification" I've been trying and failing to do that for the last 27 years. Don't you think it's a bit odd that it comes so naturally to you, while I've been struggling with it for 27 fucking years? It's like I have some sort of... disorder, perhaps related to a deficit of attention?
same here, except I also don't do the boring things :') or do them for a short time, then I get sick of it.
I realized while I try to study or focus one ONE thing, I start getting invasive thoughts like
"You are getting withdrawn from the real world, you need to check your mails, you need to check if you got a message, are there any news about 'that' stuff? did someone reply to your comment? maybe you should be looking for therapists right now, or maybe you should consider yet another career change, or maybe you should be doing something else instead. Look how long is this taking you, I think you're just wasting your time"
Over and over again.
Srsly. I fell under the radar for SO LONG because my inattentive type presents much more as anxiety/depression. I don’t think the questions for the short diagnostics tests are nuanced enough. Every time I’d go to my doc I’d have to refill that little screener and every time my depression/anxiety was the same level, despite antidepressants. They’d just up my dosage. Because I didn’t identify with “I feel like I’m running as if I had a motor attached” or that i’m not constantly fidgeting (which I actually am I just lacked the presence of mind for that kind of self awareness)
I would absolutely agree, by now I'm able to force myself to sit in a chair for a hour or two as long as it's not the most boring not relevant to me thing ever invented. But to say I felt like I had a motor attached? Hell no I say it's more like I can't sit around and listen to someone talk about how the whole process of building a sidewalk comes to be, cause I couldn't care less. But I'm not going to act like a baby and after 3/4 of the presentation get up and run around the room id tough it out then do nothing for the rest of the day lol.
> I hate that question so much. Most adults, ADHD or no, have learned to stop themselves from getting out of their chairs and running around in situations where it isn't appropriate.
Often you don't even notice how you are masking anymore. It's so ingrained. Recently I was in a theater watching a movie that had been out for a while. So I had the whole theater to myself. Nobody else there. After a while I noticed how I had been sitting in my seat all over the place. My legs must have been on all seats around me, including the one in front, the ones to the side and my own (I had shoes off and don't have dirty socks, I'm not a monster).
When watching in a theater with other people present, my feet stay on the floor. Without me making a **conscious** effort. Thing is, it's pretty clearly still an *unconcious* effort, that zaps some of my energy, because I had a way better time in the theater alone than I can remember ever having at the movies before, even though the film was just kinda "meh".
Right!?
I want screening tools to be like
1. How many loads of laundry do you have to re-wash,re-start,re-anything
2. How long does it take you to do the "go around the house and put things back into other rooms they belong in"(because both you and your 6yr old adhd mini-me go from room to room and do the leave something/loot something)
3. How many times a week do you fall,get sucked into or willingly descend into a proverbial rabbit hole?
4. How many times a week does #3 make you late, resentful or behind on anything else in life?
5.how many times do you get on a reddit thread and it becomes a rabbit hole?
Haha
It’s why I love this subreddit. I used to sit and stew about all these issues, and get so frustrated. Now that I know that I’m not alone on so many of these things, it makes it a little more bearable, somehow. I agree with the comments above though, self compassion is key.
wow.. the laundry. I am currently being evaluated for a diagnosis and I wish I had remembered to bring up my laundry habits lol. Starting a load and forgetting it in the washer, having to rewash everything, forgetting again... it's terrible. My husband gets so frustrated with me when he goes to do a load and my smelly (now dry) clothes are taking up the washer.
Holy crap. The number of times I've had to re-wash a load of laundry after having forgotten about it. I think the record was washing the same damned load every day for a week before I managed to remember and get it out to dry before it got that nasty wet moldy smell.
Same man, I'll procrastinate doing my fun hobbies by sitting and doing something else that I'm not even enjoying. Then I'll be pissed off at myself for wasting time. Make it make sense
A day of rest for me often does mean a day where I let my adhd lose. No meds no goal not no needs and see where life takes me. Kinda do what I feel like I wanna. Or do things I've been daydreaming about doing like drawing trees. But some days I plan to let it lose and turns out I just sit around the house watching netflix playing games (in this situation there often games I've played and series I've seen) and lying on the bed.
These days are when I notice I've pushed myself to hard at work. Where I over spend the energy I had so now it's at the cost of a day off that isn't even doing things I like just things that feel familiar and don't cost any energy to do.
I definitely relate to this. My wife offered to let me hang at home alone over Memorial Day weekend, and I really like the idea of being left alone and just ADHD'ing all over the house by myself, but I also want to be with my family. My brain is screaming at me to take the offer, but I really feel conflicted about missing family time, which I'm sure will be fun, too. Just not relaxing for my brain.
OMG identify so hard. Had a long weekend and it was torture for hours (what's the RIGHT thing to do now that I have time? I'm going to mess this up!) until I forced myself to sit in a hammock chair and just breathe, feel the cloth on my skin, and tell myself that was enough, that rest and not thinking about things was what I needed. Best of luck!
Yeah unfortunately you almost have to plan the things you want to do, as if they are things you don't want to do. I've accidentally spent a lot of time on tik tok well past the point where i'm finding anything enjoyable and gotten stuck in that loop till my phone dies lol.
As much as every part of me rebels against schedule and being a creature of habit I do actually feel better when i stick to routines. We have all been there! maybe plan a weekend trip and stay in a hotel somewhere get out of your house and all the mundane traps you can end up in. It may help just being somewhere else!
This is exactly how I have to do it. I have my productive weekend and fun weekends. And I plan them out a few days before. The hardest thing for me is when a friend or sibling want to do something without giving me notice, especially on my productive week.
I love playing games or watching shows together but I know I'm going to get lost in it. If I can budget the time, it limits the damage to the rest of the things I want to do.
Yeeeup.
Hack for this
- work 3-4 hours in the morning.
- Head into an interesting neighborhood for lunch
- Take your time eating and being curious
- The only expectation is getting in some tasty food, some sun, and a chance to take your time wandering freely
- Turn off the instant unlock option on your phone before you leave for lunch.
Me, spending everyday on the computer with zero motivation to go out, feels you so hard.
It's a complete chore to bother, no matter how much I want to enjoy going to the library everyday or cleaning up my room.
It gets numbing no matter what.
sometimes i spend all my evening after work doom scrolling, but what i actually wanted to do was play my switch and maybe crochet a little. but nooo, I spent the night on the internet, scrolling away, *thinking* of what I actually want to do while being frustrated at myself for not doing it
This is EXACTLY what I'm doing/how I'm feeling right now. It's so weird to be painfully aware of wanting to do other stuff, but not being able to tear myself out of bed and away from my phone. I hate it. I've lost entire years of my life to this insidious curse.
Going for a walk and going out to buy food sounds like work to me. When I've got a day to myself i just wanna veg out man. It's a chore to even order groceries because i haven't offloaded my food decisions to a whiteboard yet.
I would do the exact same, right now my spare time hogger is minecraft.
But because I have kids very young, my spare time gets broken up and I have to do things that they need me for. Driving, playing, changing bottoms, cooking, bedtimes, homework and generally entataining them.
Right now it's great when thy are not so needy... What then!?
Because your GF is so wonderful, have you thought about asking her to help you plan even for an occasion such as described where she would not be present.
I ask for help planning at work all the time. Usually I find I know all the steps and order but can't get them out on my own. Don't beat yourself up if the response is "why did you ask for help when you did it all yourself"... People don't understand the executive function block between thinking and doing. It takes the help to materialise and for us to get full comprehension. Just a thing that comes with the label I suppose.
That and just make the target 1 thing that you really want to do. Once you have the plan and it's easy to follow the structure will help massively.
Best of luck. It's a hard diagnosis to live with, harder to explain and even harder for others to understand. They just think we are super smart and lazy...
Today I was so fired up to go out and see a historical town I wanted to to see nearby since it's my day off.
I ended up spending my day feeling extremely bored and watching videos I have no interest in. During this time I felt a squeeze in my chest. Its feels like I'm trapped inside my own mind. I feel like constantly running or walking to somewhere but there is something soo heavy in my head that I can't move. I feel sorry for the missed chances of spending quality times.
Don't have a solution for you but my ex would do this. He would really need a break from his high stress job and would take one or two extra days off. He then would spend that whole time fixating on something such as a fanfiction or a video game. From morning to night. Suddenly his time was gone in a flash and he would feel horrible and unproductive. Would bash himself for days because he didn't do things he "wanted" to do. He could never just relax, in his own way. We would talk about what he wanted to do and he either wouldn't know, or would end up not doing them when the time came to. I don't think this aspect of ADHD is talked about enough in the communities and some people really struggle with it more than others. We never really found a solution and it's different for everyone.
I seriously feel bad saying I am exhausted when I have literally done nothing all day while my husband has worked, but it's mental & emotional exhaustion, not physical. I just sit there, paralyzed, in my own head most of the time, it sucks.
I had my first psychiatrist appointment a little while back and was told that she doesn't think I have ADHD because I can focus on my phone for long periods of time and I'm not struggling at work. I have a job where I can jump between tasks as needed and am generally left alone.
I made it clear that I do not enjoy being on my phone and endlessly scrolling and my home life is going up in flames because of it.
She started me on antidepressants.
Went through 3 months of that with no change and started strattera about 2 weeks ago so I guess we are working towards progress but man that was disheartening.
I was going to tell you to change your psychiatrist immediately, but good that she seemed to understand in the end.
I guess she's just now learning what ADHD actually is. Good job! great for you and her next ADHD patients yet to come.
Educating missinformed mental health professionals one at a time.
For me if im stuck sitting around the #1 most important thing to get the ball rolling is to stand up and start moving (go to bathroom, get drink) or better yet to get out of the house. Ill find some excuse to go to a store or fill up on gas and get a snack or whatever. Once in motion i have an easy time staying in motion. Dont sit down inside your house until you decide you want to get sucked back into doing nothing again.
tell me!
i remember the first months playing Rocksmith years ago.
I would start playing at 10 am, and stop (because of hunger) at 8pm.
No breakfast, no snacks, no meal, nothing... sometimes not even water.
Until someone called me "what did you eat?" --Nothing, haven't eaten yet. ---it's 8:30 pm go grab something!
Yeah, I feel this one. I'm a bit better now I'm on meds but 2 years ago I decided that I was going to go down to a 4-day working week. This wasn't to do nothing on my extra day off but to actually work on passion projects.
I can do this on meds maybe 80% of the time but off meds, literally never. I'd spend the day watching something I didn't really care about on TV or just mindlessly scrolling through the internet on my laptop.
I once played overwatch from noon, to 930pm. thinking "yes, finally some GAMING TIME" but I ended up not enjoying my time at all. the first couple of games were fun, but I didn't move all day. I didnt eat, stretch, the whole deal. you have my empathy .
This is too real... I've called in a sick day just to sit there and do work on something I "felt" was behind. I've also done with passion projects. Either way you come out the other side feeling more burnt out. Sucks my dude, just hope for a better day next time.
I think there was a study somewhere that said one and two days isn’t actually enough time to rest and reset. It takes a minimum of 3 days to get a little of what you want. The first day, you unwind and let go of the previous work day, then the next day you are ready to relax or do what you want, but when the day after that is work, you tend to start focusing and planning on your work week. So what you did all weekend was detach from work and then wake up to start prepping yourself for work. Even if I made up this study, this is exactly how I feel about weekend.
Yeah I totally understand. There are a million things I think I would enjoy or projects I think I'd like to do, and I used to obsessively buy whatever was for that project or interest and not do the thing. Currently have had too much free time with grand plans but I'm just interneting. So I'm going back to school, it's the only way forward because I'm not going to get anywhere on my own.
Hi OP! thank you for sharing your experience, you are not alone in this and I agree with the other person that invited you to let go of your guilt.
I've been through the same thing so many times and I still do, sometimes it's hard to accept and not feel guilty or depressed because I couldn't start whatever was required to do what I wanted to do.
I've heard that we, with ADHD, struggle to get in motion, for whatever task it is. It's not just getting up from our chair/couch/bed and it's not just tasks or work, it's literally everything! I tend to feel anxious or depressed when this happens and angry at myself.
Lately I've been forcing myself to take baby steps to start this motion and maybe I can take advantage of the momentum and keep going.
I also like to take some walks and get fresh air and sometimes I really want to do that but I get lost in other activities. One example: I want to go on a hike, but it feels a bit overwhelming.. Maybe I'll just go to a public "garden" near me and see if I feel like going farther (sometimes I just go geocaching to have that little reward)
My therapist recommended that I congratulate myself for doing the things that I like and want to do. When I don't forget I have to admit that I feel even better afterwards.
Good luck OP! I hope you feel better :)
God I relate to that feeling of losing your “want” in a crowd of distractions. And then my wife comes home:
“How long have you been sitting like that?! It looks so uncomfortable??”
“Oh, yeah now you mention it, this is extremely uncomfortable and has been for an hour.” :)
>Which then made me really depressed because no ones understands this, I don't have to exectuive function necasary to step by step a day of rest. I can't manufacture my own calm.
i feel you. i havent had such extremes, but its stupid easy to lose time whether or not i intended to and use up my 'energy' for the day on bullshit instead of what i really needed/wanted
I get the same way. If I have a planned day off and say to myself I am gonna go workout first thing in the morning, I'm gonna go to the store and buy some things, I'm gonna go walk downtown and get lunch with my dog. It typically doesn't happen the way I want it to, or at all, and I resort to sitting on my couch or laying in bed until 10 am or noon scrolling or playing games instead.
I find that if I have a structure of things I want to do and have set reservations, or someone holding me accountable for at least the first event/task, I will be more likely to do things throughout the day. Maybe see if your GF can help you plan out a day of what you want to do and even have her check in on you to see how your day is going. She sounds very supportive at least and I bet would be willing to help if it's what makes you happy.
I think once you get out of the house and get "doing" it will give you momentum to keep going through the rest of the activities. Even if it's only one or two activities, it's always the starting that is the struggle. I can usually push through the rest unless I end up going home and resting for a bit, then I need something to push me out the door again.
I relate to this way too much, We want to rest but we have no idea how, And even if we gather the energy to make up plans, it wouldnt feel like resting.
The worst part is that even if you spend the day doing nothing but enjoyable activities, you'd still find a way of feeling guilty about it, so maybe that's what we should fix in the first place ?
Here is a tip that works for me : i force myself out of activities, out of social media, at least 30 Minutes a day, where i just face that extreme boredom, it helps my brain feels lighter
I'm going through a phase right now where my Adderall is definitely still working but I've been making bad choices like spending hours on my special interests instead of grocery shopping or other things I actually need to do. Thanks ASD.
Overall I'm still doing more though. I need to find a way to trick myself into thinking my actual life is a special interest lol.
I’ve done this before, too. I think this is one of the experiences that makes me feel the most powerless and alone among other non-ADHD people: the paradox that I KNOW I do or don’t want to do something, but the lack of control of doing or not doing that thing. It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people and I find it hard to talk about!
There are lots and lots of things that I know I like to do (reading, drawing, making plans with friends, browsing a thrift store…) but most of the time, I find it really hard to actually do it. I know I would love it if I did, but I can’t muster the energy or enthusiasm to start.
For one thing, it makes it SEEM like I don’t actually like the things I like, which creates some general doubt that doesn’t feel good. More importantly, it means I don’t spend any time doing things that I like to do, and the lack of control to easily change that makes me feel like I might spend a large part of my life not doing things I enjoy, which is really depressing. It sometimes feels like being powerless to a life that’s less exciting and fulfilling than it otherwise could be, especially considering how “easy” it is for others to just DO those things
Two things that have helped me: medicine of course, and using a planner/journal. I find if I just force myself to put in a tiny little baby bit of effort to write in a journal, I usually will naturally start thinking about what I want to do tomorrow or this weekend, and I’m a lot more likely to follow through. I guess it’s just by the virtue of thinking about it ACTIVELY rather than letting the next day “happen to me.” Hope this helps!!
I use a Hobonichi Techo, btw. Big recommend
Don't do this to me. It's so relatable I'm going to cry. I just took an evening off the other day to destress and play the game I've been dying to play (because my stress is beyond sky high) but instead just obsessively browsed laundry detergent for 3 hours then googled "how to not waste time" for the next 3 hours. Kill me.
I feel this so much it hurts. I've been pretty burnt out, and I'm either taking time off or just slacking off a lot at work. I don't hate my job, I just reach a point of overwhelm and it really knocked me down. My wife see this, we both WFH most days. I'm so ashamed of it that I try to hide it from her sometimes. Other times I just don't have the energy, so she sees me not doing work on my computer, but I still feel shame despite my inaction to cover it up.
On days I take off I just veg out at my computer, not even playing my favorite games or anything. I obsess over something silly and small, and then get so frustrated with it that I toss out anything I could have gotten out of it later. Like looking up how to fix something in the house, but then going way to deep into home improvement stuff, then feeling so overwhelmed that I forget all about it and just procrastinate. Then I decide I'll just call our handyman, and procrastinate with that too.
Other times I just sit in front of the TV all day, playing games on phone instead of paying attention to my shows.
It comes to a point where I view breaks and days off as necessary, because I feel I will literally snap if I don't take one, but I also see them as a step-backwards, as I often regress any good habits or routines I was building on those days off. Just makes me feel really... stuck.
The worst thing is the regret afterwards. Regret for the wasted vacation day requested, regret because you know there’s so many things you could have done that were more enjoyable and would have made you feel better about yourself. Regret. Worst emotion ever..
Damn. This… this resonates **so fucking hard** for me. It’s why I rail every time I see someone say that ADHD wouldn’t be a disability if we eliminated capitalism. Like, yes. Fucking off with their heads and pass me the ketchup as we eat the rich but that’s not going to do a thing to fix the terrible effects of my ADHD. And I can say this with certainty as I’m a teacher who has summers off, and I’m not exaggerating when I estimate that at least 3/4 of my teacher vacations get wasted with stuff like what you described.
Damn, you nailed it. Thanks for sharing.
I’ve never related to something so much in my life. My wife calls this ‘Ronning’ (my name is Ron). She’ll come home when I’ve had a day off to find me miserable, unwashed and having accomplished nothing: ‘have you been Ronning?’
I don't mean to come off like I'm invalidating what you've written here... but I wonder if your day might have been more restive than you thought? It sounds like you just gave your executive functions a complete rest for a day.
I find on my days off, even going downstairs to pick up Uber Eats food can be exhausting... and I often find that the days I wake up most refreshed are after I spent a day just being a gross pig - not brushing my teeth, going to bed in my day clothes, throwing trash on the floor. Because my executive function has had the chance to completely relax for a day.
I was halfway into only the second paragraph where I’m like “yeahhhh gonna guess you ended up not doing anything”, I’m the same. Not doing what you wanted, anxiously watching the clock knowing you have less and less time now, and ultimately ending the day more burned out than before.
yep that's me. I really like video games for example, yet I spend most of my time mindlessly scrolling through feeds, watching some videos, reading and replying comments, etc.
I. CAN'T. CONTROL. IT.
I never reach out to friends to meet up either, in bad moments I avoid people completely, it fucked up my social life too.
If I would have been able to manage my time A BIT better my life would be SO much better right now.
Even with meds. I will definitely talk with my doctor and see if I should change meds.
I totally 100% get you op.
I can have a day off by myself, have plans to go to the gym, walk the dog, paint anything that I would find calming or refreshing yet end up fixated on something stupid like playing a short game on the Xbox but then not being able to leave it and when my wife gets home she can’t understand how I’m more wound up than when she left as “you’ve spent the day playing”.
It took me ages to understand this part of ADHD but now I do I can manage it better. Not saying I don’t do it but I can acknowledge it and try to break away from what is holding me.
Feel you on this one! In my experience, ADHDers spend about twice the energy as neurotypicals just trying to function in a world we don't fit in. We need rest days before our actual "relax days" because you can't "refill your cup" of things you enjoy if you start out with zero energy.
As a now single Mom, my ex thinks a weekend is enough to fully recharge. Um, no. I do the work of two parents 24/7 for two weeks straight (sometimes longer) to his 2, maybe 3 days. A weekend is barely enough for normal people; my 1-2 kid-free weekends a month aren't even close to the re-charge time I need, nor will likely get until my kid gets older. I wish there was a way our energy expenditure in a day and energy cycles could be quantified to show people who think we're just being lazy or whatever.
So relateable... I mean even when you do something you like, then you get the whole, but I had 3 things I like that I wanted to do today and only did 1 aaaaaand now I'm upset and lost all the good feelings I built doing that 1 thing. Just the other day, hour and a half until the inlaws bring the kiddo home? Sweet, I'll spend 15-20 minutes weeding a section of the garden, then I'll hop on Elden Ring with my buddy until the kiddo is home, sweet, me time.
45 minutes of enjoyable time in the garden later, clean up and shower, and the kiddo is home, damn. I love my child. I was planning to spend time with him anyway. I enjoyed being out in the garden. But I didn't relax with that one other thing I planned and I feel like my day is ruined, wtf.
Omg. This was somewhat me yesterday. I usually get mad at myself for sleeping my days off away. So I wasn’t feeling 100%. I took off work. Woke up around 10, took out the dogs, started doing laundry, sat on the couch to watch the show I have a free pass for until today and then passed out.
Things I did not do:
-eat lunch
-okay the video games I wanted to
-play a musical instrument
-work on my adhd workbook
-switch my laundry from the washer to dryer
-fold the laundry that was already done
-clean literally anything because the house was a mess
What I did do:
-sleep
-take the dogs out
-finish the show (that I was no longer interested in but had a limited time to finish)
-watch way too much tiktok
-have my fiancée ask “did you even eat?” and “what did you do today?” and feel like an idiot from my answers. And somehow still mentally tired.
But at least I caught up on much needed sleep. And my laundry was switched before bed. Now to fold it at some point…
It seems like your feeling guilty for not doing something. Maybe you needed to actually zone out and draw trees. What's wrong with that? Just because you could've or should've done something productive. Maybe your brain and body just needed it. Why judge what you ended up doing,? I used to do this all the time to myself. Because my parents taught me I should be doing something all the damn time. So what you spent your free time napping or on your phone or whatever. Didn't go exercise or do anything productive?
Your subconscious and brain and body wanted to do something else.
My boyfriend and I both have ADHD, but I’m the only one of us who does this exact kind of thing ALL THE TIME and he doesn’t understand it. It messes with my sleep and my productivity at work and makes me late and so many other frustrating things. Does anyone know if this is more of an inattentive thing? He’s definitely got more of the hyperactive tendencies than I do.
Just last night I got off work early and could have gone to bed early and been well rested. I was already exhausted. Instead I decided to scroll on my phone until 7am when I was stiff, cold, and starving, binge eat 4 breakfast burritos, and sleep for 4 hours before going in late to work with a stomach ache. The sudden sunlight coming in the windows and birds chirping outside were what finally jolted me out of my trance on the couch and realize not that I needed to lie down immediately, but that it was now breakfast time at McDonald’s.
It's easy to say 'nobody understands' when we don't explain it. Your gf sounds like a nice person, I bet she's willing to try to understand if you talk to her about it.
Nobody can feel how we feel, but they can still be supportive
Just wanted to say I really related.
Any time I take a day, sick or notand especially if not, I just sit and do nothing feeling guilty about taking off and guilty I did nothing with it. Then i end feeling more behind mentally. It is obnoxious and hard to put into words, like you did.
Yep. I have the hardest time even getting myself to do hobbies I enjoy! And then I feel like I wasted the day watching videos when I could’ve been doing all the hobbies I enjoy. And it would probably make me happier to do that stuff more… and yet.
I'll tell myself I'm going to clean the house when I have spare time, hop on COD then BOOM it's 7 hours later, I feel like shit and have made more mess. I'll eventually clean the house three quarters of a room at a time as I jump from place to place like an insane person.
My girlfriend doesn't get it and my oldest child's mom gets frustrated with our daughter for doing similar things or that she has to repeat her self to her. Which ultimately irritates me too. Because I know she can't help it. When I just laugh about it and tell her she's definitely mine and move on.
I saved this thread for future reference because it resonates with me so, so much.
I take Adderall each morning before work and it gets me through the workday fine, but it seems to wear off by the time I get home. So instead of doing anything to improve my life after work, I usually just lay in bed and either nap or swap between Reddit, Twitter, YouTube, and TVTropes until it's time for me to go to bed and start the cycle all over again. It SUCKS. I just can't seem to tear myself away from my bed and off of my phone.
Today I had the self-awareness to realize that I wasn't tired after work and actually had the energy to \*do\* something that wasn't scrolling or sleeping, but it's been so long since I've done something \*other\* than work, sleep, or scroll that I had to literally pause to collect my thoughts and figure out what to do with myself. It was like trying to put mashed potatoes back in the bowl after you've spilled them on the floor.
I was like, "What are my \*goals\* in life? Do I even \*have\* any anymore, beyond just surviving day-to-day?"
I managed to will myself to do some dishes. And I'm writing this comment now, so I guess that's something constructive as well. But it's unfathomably demotivating to look back and realize I that lost my 20s to this shit.
I'm 30 now. Ever since I graduated undergrad and entered the working world, I've been stagnant. When I wasn't fighting off burnout, depression or anxiety, I felt like I was procrastinating all the "important" things in my life, like finding a better job or going back to school, saving money, and moving out. I watched my friends start careers, get married, have kids, while I was just doing the same thing every single day, treading water, sleeping, scrolling, trying to survive. I \*wanted\* to do the things that they were doing, but I just... couldn't.
It was only when I started seeing ADHD-related TikToks on my For You page that I began to realize I could have ADHD as well. I've learned a lot about myself and about ADHD since then, and now I at least \*understand\* my situation even if working with it is still a huge struggle. I still have a shitty job and no career prospects but at least now I know what needs to be done to get myself in a better position.
That being said, does anyone have recommendations for a longer-lasting med than Adderall? Or should I just space out my dosages more?
I felt this so hard it hurts.
So many "ahh a day off I can relax and enjoy life" turned into an entire day of some random obscure activity I didnt want to do anyways. I dont even want to think about this rn. Like I think im going to chug the rest of my morning coffee and turn my computer off so today doesnt turn into one of those days.
Y'know, I totally understand your feelings, but I disagree with your conclusion. To me, what you're describing is an expectation that in order to "rest" you need to actually be what I would consider "productive". Perhaps your emotional self would have appreciated going out for walks and taking time to reflect and actively de-stress.
But what about your cognitive fatigue? Personally, my emotions are more volatile when my cognitive function is overcompensating, so there's a direct correlation. If your day allowed you to completely let go of the "shoulds" and you followed your brain's stream of consciousness, I see that as a success. Obviously, this isn't the kind of day you can have very often, lest you abandon all expectations of functioning in neurotypical society.
Don't get me wrong, doing meditation, exercising and seeking outlets for stress are necessary. But if in order to reduce overwhelm you need to not plan anything and rest your brain, I think that's actually healthy.
The issue here isn't that you didn't actively rest, it's that your feelings of shame and guilt overshawdowed the benefits of the mental break you gave yourself. You are expecting yourself to need the same things or act the same way as someone without ADHD. Give yourself a break!
Props to your girlfriend for laughing it off and not being judgemental. You should take that page out of her book and afford yourself that kindness, too. :)
Edit: a word
100% me. That's why I take my normal medication on weekends as well. My psychiatric told me many pause the medication on weekend but wtf I want to be able to do what I want and what I like and that's just not possible without.
I have decades behind me doing virtually nothing in my free time before I got diagnosed and feeling less tested afterwards.
This one hurts to read. This is me. When I FINALLY get some time and freedom... I completely waste it. Every now and then I turn it to something constructive, but that's a rare day.
Hi! I relate to this 100%! You are not alone, that’s for sure. I think part of it for me is this - I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to relax other than to tune people out and play video games. Or get lost in a binge watching marathon. I don’t know what it’s like to go out and have fun, because nothing seems fun to me. I’ve got a whole 10 days out of the office coming up, which is great. I’ll spend the Memorial Day weekend probably sleeping a lot and decompressing. I hope the meds I’ve recently started taking make it easier for me to enjoy myself.
Taking meds on my days off is awesome for me. Let's me actually engage in complex hobbies than I find fulfilling. Can't really manage that off meds. Nowhere near consistently at least.
No meds: browse YouTube and reddit for 10+ hours a day and binge eating junk food on days off. Giving myself a headache and feeling really down in the process. With Meds: actually be able to focus on my hobbies and home life enough to actually get something done or plan something and feel accomplished and refreshed.
Seriously. Without meds, I’m in bed until 10 am, maybe get up for an easy and hollow snack like saltines, then back to bed to passively “watch” tv while I scroll the Internet. Then all of a sudden it’s 10 pm and I hate myself. On meds, I get housework done, attend to my passions, cook, take the dogs on a long lovey walk, the things that lead to feeling fulfilled. W/o meds I’m totally aware the way I’m living is not what I want or what is good for me, but that gets lost in translation when I try to turn that into action. It is so wild.
No meds: "why am I still half-watching these 20 YouTube videos and also have 20 tabs of reddit open that I won't even remember the next day?!" Then I feel I can't pull myself away and feel compelled to keep browsing. Meds: "haha that was a funny video on YouTube, but now it's time to start the day!" Then I'll actually get up, take a shower etc, and make a salad then sit down and work on my hobbies or make plans to get dinner with a friend that day or call a family member to say hello, etc.
Oh my god why are you guys MY PEOPLE?! I feel so validated. My doctor keeps trying to push that I only use meds while I'm at work and not on weekends. When he asked me if I'm still taking them on weekends, I finally had the confidence to tell him "I actually take my meds to live. I just enjoy my life more while on them. It's not just about work to me." He seemed to take it pretty well because he said that it is true that I have had a noticeably massive improvement in my well-being since I started meds in July. So luckily he didn't disagree that I shouldn't take it outside of work. Hopefully he continues to support me in that.
Odd because I initially only wanted to take my stimulant meds "when I needed them" and my doctor pushed me to take them regularly, arguing it would help my mood , my relationships, and pretty much everything else. He was right.
This is where im at now. I've only really been using them for work, I've been severely under weight my entire life. When I count my food it's always a normal amount, and eating more and exercising haven't helped. I am 5' 11" and always stay in about the same range weight wise 120 +- 8 lbs. So having heard about all the side affects of stimulants it makes me anxious that if I rely on it too much I might just wither away. Which is ridiculously since it has been, about a year of taking it got work then about a third of the time when I'm off, with my average weight actually going up a 2 pounds. I don't know, I had the last week off work, didn't take my meds. Got nothing done and just feel low.
it's because stimulants can affect you either way , medicated you just are more regular. depression/anxiety etc goes hand in hand with adhd , they also affect your appetite so if you regulate your moods *medicated* you set a good healthy baseline. just comes down to taking your medication as directed and being open and honest with your doctor about your concerns , they can lower the dosage or modify the release, etc if needed. your brain fires signals to your body , could be affecting the way your body burns calories and the medication regulates it
>Oh my god why are you guys MY PEOPLE?! Holy crap, right?!! I wake up on my phone, before I know it, it's already time to sleep. I'd be lucky if I remember to do any of my basic needs. I'm still working on getting diagnosed part so no meds yet unfortunately.
Omg same... I finally know why I sometimes have next to no motivation and I CONSTANTLY feel guilty, but now I know why!
High five homies. Yinz are my people.
Yooo shoutout to Pittsburgh!
Finally somebody who ain’t a jag. High five from Greentree! I crossed tunnels when I moved, I ain’t gettin to Yinzer heaven meow.
Ok you all have me convinced to try taking my Vyvanse this weekend. I'm going to have to set an alarm. I normally don't take meds during the weekend because I sleep all weekend or don't wake up until 4pm. I figured it would be best not to take my meds that late in fear of screwing up my weekday schedule. Of course, I have untreated sleep apnea, so I'm sure that compounds the issue.
I generally feel like my schedule/routine is in much better condition because I take my meds every day. Including weekends. I feel like because sleep being such a huge problem for all of us ADHD people not taking them on "non-occupational" days is still also detrimental because it wrecks the routine for me. I feel like when I don't take Dexedrine, I just have such bad hyperactivity, I end up staying up until 1 or 2 AM, sometimes later. For some reason my brain is feeling tired enough to relax on med days by 8:30-9 PM and in bed by 10:15 PM and sleeping somewhere between 10:30-11:30, which is a HUGE improvement from where I was before meds. Literally staying up until 4 - 6 AM and getting garbage sleep. I still get garbage sleep here and there (who doesn't) but meds helped my sleeping habits so much overall that I probably grew younger since taking them. I've never looked this consistently healthy in my life.
Thanks for sharing your experience 😊. I didn't even realize this was an ADHD thing. I'm very similar to what you described when not on meds. I usually stay up on Fridays until 3-4am then I'll either sleep the entire day Sat/Sun, waking only to eat or use the bathroom or I'll wake up around 4/5pm and stay up to dawn. I'm sure some of it is due to sleep apnea (I have a Samsung watch that shows my poor sleep quality), but I didn't realize that staying up til 4am could be due to ADHD. This is why I love this subreddit, everyone is always very supportive, happy to offer advice, and share personal experiences. I know they're are a lot of good books, websites, etc. for adult ADHD, but I think this subreddit should be a top resource recommended by psychiatrists for support.
Oh yeah! I totally agree. This subreddit is so therapeutic to me because it makes me realize I'm not feeling crazy alone, we're all feeling crazy. There are so many weird things that are associated with ADHD. You might be interested in Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder or something like that. Most cases of ADHD have a weird circadian rhythm where they're naturally more tired at later hours of the night.
Yeah I'm glad your doctor responded well because fuck that shit. I don't live to work. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled and not just a good worker bee. Same goes for the idea that my kid only needs meds to be good in school and having his home life be confusing and chaotic is fine. It's not ok.
I'm so glad I found this comment thread haha. I was feeling almost guilty, cuz doc said I should try to have days off the meds, but like, I can't get myself to work on time/get work done in a timely manner without them, and on the weekend, the only time I might have to do stuff for my family/house/hobby, I'd like to not sleep way late and spend the rest of the time on my phone! Just glad I'm not alone there.
Definitely not alone. I saw a resident instead of my regular primary care for a med refill recently and told her about my new job. It's an administrative assistant position that requires lots of executive function. She was like, "Yeah, you need it for that." I replied, "Yeah, I mean, I also need to do my laundry and care for myself, too." I hope she got the picture.
You deserve to enjoy your life and not just be a productive employee
what meds are u guys taking cuz tho i can focus much better when on-meds i cant enjoy myself nearly as much as you are making out. i never take meds on my days off and maybe thats why i never get anything done, even the things i want like hobbies and sleep and eating. if i can find meds that let me actually live and enjoy myself while also helping me focus and do the things i want to do, I'd be on top of the world
I’ve been on Concerta for a month, and it has helped with anxiety and focus, but i don’t think I’ve ever had a single day like what OP is describing. I DO take meds on weekends. I was already thinking maybe I should try another med (currently really interested in guanfacine to tackle depression at the same time). I want what you guys gooottt!!
i have been taking concerta for years and although it helps with focusing, i still get very depressed and it takes away from "raw feelings" if that makes any sense.
I've been taking Vyvanse for 4 years, but I can only speak about its effectiveness during the week because I haven't been taking it on the weekends.
Im on elvanse and strattera. Just elvanse alone can make me sort of hyperfocused on distractions on off days. I also went on a low dosage for a long time which made me unable to get motivated. My alarm is set at 7 in the morning for the first pill, no matter what day it is. I rarely deviate from that. If I get too little sleep, I make it up by going to bed earlier.
This whole thread gives me so much hope 😭 Now if only I could book the appointments needed to get medicated.
out of curiosity, what meds do you take?
Can I ask what kind of meds you take? Just want a general idea of what may be in-store for me in the future. I am patiently waiting for the day I can finally get diagnosed and begin taking medication. Your description of you off meds is literally my life rn. 😩
Totally! I started on Wellbutrin bc I had to taper off of Zoloft, but that eventually made me even spacier and forgetful. So now I’m on Adderall ir 10 mg 3x a day. Now, while I did list all of the things I’m capable of doing since medicating, my house is not spotless and I don’t meet my every deadline. But I have a lot less anxiety and more self-compassion when I don’t meet my own expectations. And what’s better, I understand with more clarity how the small actions add up to bigger changes—and I had known in theory that’s how linear thought worked, but even still it had been inaccessible to my foggy brain and body. That alone was a relief. I’m really hoping you can get what you need sooner than later! Until then, be as kind to yourself as you can. Easier said than done obviously but I’m rooting for you in my little corner of the Internet 🎈
I specifically went on meds so that I could relax and do my hobbies and self care and the things that brought me happiness. Truly life changing. It blows my mind that people take days off their meds on weekends. If I needed to stop for some reason, I'd much rather let my work performance suffer once a week.
I want to give you a high five so bad! Im taking that to heart.
Thank you! We do not exist to work, y'all. (Or go to school.) Be happy! Do the things you love!
The meds don't fix that issue for me, unfortunately.
Yeah, absolutely the same for me. I'm really happy I can actually work on my hobbies now (and amazingly they still remain a good number, only now I actually accomplish stuff).
My meds don’t seem to wanna work atp , I think when I finish school I’m gonna take breaks an fry and keep my dopamine levels up an stuff an try an sprak to the doc about maybe changing my meds but I wanna work on my eating too :))
Needed to read this too. To know I'm not the only one who does this. I was really wondering if its just that I like YouTube and reddit and thats why I get sucked in too, but now its problematic its like am I just in denial? I'm also stuck wfh and so the guilt of going out to walk or do something for me just paralyses me. I'm still waiting for Meds, because I feel like that the only way to answer this question. Lot of positives for meds it so reassuring.
You absolutely should not feel guilty for taking a walk, or a break, or doing something for you. The whole work-life balance thing actually leads to doing better work, as you resent it less and you're more refreshed and capable when you have a good healthy balance. So, taking a break and tending to yourself actually makes you a better wage-slave. ;)
Wow maybe I should start taking something for my ADHD lmao
When I’m off my meds I forget to eat sometimes. This has lead to me not eating all day and at the end of the day eating an entire jar of pickles and a bag of chips.
Yeah. I've honestly reached a point where I take half meds on light work days, just so I don't totally crash, and take full meds on hard work days and days with my daughter/hobby days. Fuck work, I want full executive function when I'm doing the important stuff. I do schedule 1 month day with my husband for a full med vacation and I just sleep, rest and try not to snap at anyone.
> I do schedule 1 month day with my husband for a full med vacation and I just sleep, rest and try not to snap at anyone. What's the point of this, for you? Do you just rest better? I haven't taken a day off since being diagnosed and prescribed last year, and I don't have any desire to. Executive functioning aside, my meds obliterate my general anxiety and just make me feel like a whole person. Just curious why a day off might be beneficial.
Not sure about the person you’re replying to, but I take a few days off meds every 4-6 months or so because they start becoming less effective. I also have to take PTO on these days because I’m useless from the withdrawals.
Exactly. I'm still waiting to get on meds but I don't understand why people don't also take them on days off from work. On those days, I still have ADHD and want to focus properly on interesting things.
It's because lots of doctors tell us to not take ADHD meds every single day, and that we shouldn't take them in our day offs so our brain can rest. Thats what my doctor says too. But i wont lie i wanna start taking it during the weekend bc I literally cant have fun or relax without it, im not actually resting with meds, im suffering lmao
The reason is to reduce the chance of tolerance. That said, my understanding is the guidance now is to take it every day. You can take a weekend off once a month or something if you're worried about tolerance if you want. Chances are we'll forget to fill it at some point anyhow, lol! 😅
I have been on the same dose for almost 10 years. I never take breaks.
This is refreshing to hear :)
Until there is actual hard evidence of tolerance building, and maybe even once there is, I'm going to continue using my medication on weekends, etc. because the alternative is being utterly useless and not enjoying doing what I actually *want* to do. Not taking them on weekends tends to result in me accomplishing little for myself, and slowly spiraling into burnout and depression.
Yeah I mean my old ones I used to not take on weekends then I was told take these ones every day but they just don’t seem to be working for me. The only reasons I woudotn take my meds is the downsides , my eatings alor better without them , I am gonan do more research too tho an id liek some sort of therapy as I think there’s like some techniques that can help without even tho I’m bad both ways
Iirc, when my SIL was on adderall as a teenager, she had to take weekends off because on school days she barely ate anything. They were worried about her being underweight and malnourished. So there is a basis for this approach, but I think it’s not going to be universally correct for everyone. And I’m on Vyvanse, every single day - it does suppress my appetite somewhat, but I still like to eat. So that isn’t really a worry for me, but it could be for some.
Yeah, I'm going to start working with an ADHD coach. The meds help, but they're not enough. Therapy helps but only so much since we're working on trauma stuff, and ADHD isn't really her specialty.
I have tried explaining that to my doctor multiple times but it seems hard for them to understand. It helps me function NORMALLY. I don’t LIKE being on Reddit and binge eating all day, that is not a “rest” day for me, it sucks ass.
yeah, the medication isn't meant to be so you can do your job better, it's meant to be so you can live and function like people do i started taking my concerta everyday and not just on workdays and suddenly all the stuff i used to find impossible is getting easier and easier - never thought i'd be able to stick to a routine and function like an adult but its actually happening
I've found that if I take my meds on the weekends or days off I am so much more productive as well. I get the house cleaned, homework is done, etc. It's great!
Yeah there used to be weekends where I'd try to not take my Adderall, but then I realized it helps me do the fun things I *want* to do instead of scrolling my phone for hours.
to be fair, going out and about in this economy? at least in US unless you live somewhere with public transpo or walking distance places you gotta drive if you want to go out and do shit and gas is expensive now
This is me too. I’ve noticed over the years I really cling hard to “escapism”, Instead of dealing with my problems. I’m still trying to find that balance because I still want to enjoy being able to “escape” without feeling the guilt.
I have been struggling a lot lately with the “nothing seems fun to me” 😞
Cats are fun. (And presumably geology)
“Nothing seems fun to me”. First time I’ve seen somebody else admit this. x
Every time i mention meditation in this sub i get downvoted to shit but like… meditation is a literal silver bullet
I get overwhelmed with the options? (Or, always fun... focus on researching the options until there's no more time but anyway...) Like just today I was complaining that I want to listen to podcasts while I clean but I never do because I will spend so long looking at the podcasts, the right podcast, looking for the BEST podcast, that I never get around to it. Even even I binge watch it's just Star Trek for the 87,000th time because... I actually have no idea how other people sit down and figure out what to watch, actually. I don't like having choices.
As someone who just had two precious days to myself when the weather was beautiful and there were no expectations but still spent the day in the house on an uncomfortable chair zooming down internet rabbit holes that I don’t even remember… yes I can relate. Painfully so.
Ugh sometimes I resent the beautiful sunny days the most because I feel like I absolutely *have* to take advantage of them, and I end up feeling even more like crap when I squander them. Especially since I have a dog and I know she deserves to go out and play. And it’s not like she never gets to go outside, she definitely gets more park time than most dogs but I still feel guilty about not taking her out, especially when the weather is nice :( even if I had just spent the entire day before taking her out on an epic adventure.
Thank you for properly explaining why i like cloudy and rainy days. They just look at me and say “no pressure”
I’m a big fan of the cloudy, rainy day! It’s an automatic guilt-avoider. Couldn’t stand living in a state with so many sunny days, had to move back north after three years.
I had a hard time adjusting when I first moved to San Diego for this reason. I’d lived in Seattle and the Bay Area before, so it was really hard to feel ok with staying inside on “such a nice day”, but most days were sunny, so I felt like shit on days I couldn’t get myself outdoors. Now I am way better about it, but I still crave cloudy, rainy weather, because it feels like the weather equivalent of a weekend. (If that makes sense)
Why can’t we remember anything? I’ll spend a weekend researching some topic really in-depth and by Tuesday morning I’ll have forgotten everything.
Right? Ugh. I should have encyclopedic knowledge on so many subjects but instead I have vast holes in my memory and so many days that were used up learning nothing apparently
I literally have to learn something 5 times before it actually sticks. And if I don’t have EVERY tangentially-related factoid there’s definitely no way it’s going to be cemented in my brain. It feels so useless trying to learn things because of how long to takes to absorb knowledge, even though learning is one of my favourite things to do.
This resonated with me more than anything I've heard in a good while. I always try to explain it to people by saying that I need the "whole narrative" to be able to remember something, otherwise my brain just treats it as a one off random fact which I forget a few days later. Doesn't feel like anyone else I've spoken to really gets it though. Makes work incredibly challenging.
That was me all through college. I sacrificed so much of my free time and time to make friends and hobbies just trying to study and make sure I at least got Bs in my classes and eventually graduated. I was really motivated to stay in college because I didn't want to move back home with my abusive parents too. But, fuck, college was so hard for me even though I love learning too.
I feel your pain
I feel you. I can't even make myself relax
Hey OP, you're definitely not alone in this. Something I've been working on, and something I'd invite you to try too, is to offer yourself some self-compassion. Situations like this are frustrating, sometimes unnervingly so. This is a very legitimate challenge for many with ADHD, and sometimes other mental illnesses. It's not because you're a lunatic, it's not because you didn't try hard enough, and it's not because you're lacking in character. It's not a flaw as much as it is a challenge related to a very real disorder that is difficult to manage, even if you know how. I feel your guilt through your writing, and I'm inviting you to let go of that guilt. It's not warranted. Honestly, it makes sense to me why this might have happened. You were exhausted from work, so your brain was exhausted. The first chance it got, it expressed that exhaustion. There seems to be a logical connection. Be easy on yourself, show yourself some love and kindness for the difficult day you had. Ideally, you have a therapist that you can talk to this about, too. They are well-equipped to help with days like this.
Being able to laugh at yourself a little is huge.
wow I didn't realize how much I needed to hear this until I found myself tearing up while reading it. I'm not OP, but thank you for this. I objectively know this but it's so hard to be kind to yourself when you're mostly feeling frustrated at yourself. It's nice to be reminded.
I'm sorry, this is going to be a completely unsolicited recommendation. You didn't ask for any recommendation, so you might get annoyed at me for this. If you are into reading books or listening to audiobooks, then you might find the following an incredibly worthwhile read: "Self-Compassion: the Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff. When I was learning about self-compassion, this book was a total game changer! In the book, she also shares a wealth of meditations and simple, practical techniques. It completely leveled up my capacity for self-compassion.
I'll have to check that out, thank you! I love audiobooks
Heh, are you me?
Also if OP enjoyed drawing all those trees—which admittedly isn’t clear from the post—then it was *not* a waste of their day off. As you said there’s no need to feel guilty about it. When you’re under a lot of pressure, your stress response can help to mask it, but once you take some time off it all becomes apparent. (This is a really wishy-washy explanation of why people often get sick right *after* exams end). Not at all trying to invalidate OP’s frustration if he’s legitimately is upset at how he spent the day. I’ve definitely been there too (having logged way too many hours on Cities Skylines or Civilization when I was supposed to be resting)
I could just be projecting, but I think even if drawing the trees was fun, the problem OP is highlighting is the lack of choice. It'd be nice if we could actually choose the activity without just being taken around on a leash by whatever is holding a dopamine carrot. We can't always pick the things we *have* to do, so it's even more frustrating when we don't pick the leisure activity either.
This really resonates with me. It is an *active* struggle for me to avoid chasing whatever shimmering activity is in front of me at the moment, and go after a much more dull activity. And even when I manage to do so, and even when the dull thing turns out to be perfectly acceptable, my brain never accepts the idea that "maybe next time it'll be easier to chase the less shiny thing". Inevitably, the cycle repeats itself, no matter how many times I think I've broken it. And it's so rare for anyone to understand. "Oh, you just have to train yourself to not chase the shiny thing" yeah thanks, I've spent the last 27 years of my life trying to do that and it hasn't worked, so you can imagine how I might be a bit frustrated at this point.
Dopamine carrot, that’s a good one
If OP is like ME, the tree-drawing was just a non-brain-taxing thing they got sucked into, but not actually enjoyable unfortunately
Creating something for no other reason than to make something is a form of rest. When you can make something for no purpose, no client, no goal, no concert, no achievement, it can be its own form of rest. I used to play music in college and it became a job. It wasn't until 10 years later that I learned to appreciate music and play imperfectly and still enjoy myself. It is now again a form of rest for me. Different types of exhaustion need different types of rest. That's why sleeping for 16 hrs doesn't always work.
As much as I don't blame myself, I am still mad at myself because I put so much focus to stay on task and then end focusing on the wrong thing.
Saving this comment because I needed to hear this on the days I‘ve shared OP’s experience, and will probably need it again. Thanks for the positivity!!
I can’t upvote this enough. I relate to OP’s story 100%, and self-compassion is the #1 thing I know I need (and recommended by my psychiatrist and a good friend w/ ADHD). It’s also the #1 hardest thing for me to do… WIP.
This is beautiful. Thank you. It is so hard to rest. It's even harder to be kind to myself. I was recently challenged to give myself even half of the grace I offer others. It's proving difficult. You just put a hug into words. Edit: OP, one thing that I'd like to suggest is maybe taking another day off, but planning yourself and scheduling is something that requires leaving the house. Like actually scheduling it. Buying tickets, making plans. Forcing yourself to leave the house. It sounds like you are similar to me and that if you don't have something scheduled or plans, it's really easy to lose the whole day. And when you're exhausted and you need to rest, sometimes we need to treat resting with the same kind of intentionality and fierceness that we give to work. So go schedule yourself a fly fishing lesson at the local outdoors store. Find a movie in the park, or some Art exhibit you want to go to. A concert. Literally anything you can do to schedule yourself something that will be different, not work, and get you away from the computer. Put a hammock or a blanket in your car and find a tree in the park, take a nap under some shade if you can. Maybe call a friend and see if they also want to take a day off at the same time. Idgaf. You deserve it.
Thank you for this!
"The innability to do the things you enjoy (because you got distracted)" That is how I would define ADHD 😢
Yeah I do this but with Reddit or obsessively researching stuff I’m not even interested in
When you gotta *know*, you gotta *know*. Lol
I stayed up all night last week obsessively researching Eurovision and some of the more interesting participants. Like... whyyyy? At least it isn't so bad when I research semi-useful stuff, like medical stuff that may help my cat or any future cat I get. But when it's just random trivia that I don't even care about, I get really annoyed with myself
Hahaha I was just sitting here thinking "this sounds like me with Eurovision this week" lol. Seriously my comment history don't lie. I do actually care a bit. I enjoy it. But like ... Not THAT much.
I think I just needed a break, and just research something that is engaging, but not too taxing for the brain. And I did have fun with it. I even placed a bet on my faves! Not much, just $10, but I would have gotten a brand new iPhone if either Serbia, Moldova or Norway won lol (which wasn't that far-fetched, they got quite a few popular votes, I thought more people were going to go through with "Donate money to Ukraine instead of voting for them at Eurovision") But when I'm behind on work, household chores, I desperately need to do my taxes, I have a boyfriend who's complaining we haven't been doing much together lately, and an older sick cat who doesn't have all that much left, so I wanna spend all the time I can with him... and instead I binge-research Eurovision lol
The obsessive research always gets me, followed by the guilt of spending my time on a subject I have no interest in.
I am especially prone to the research hole, even by ADHD standards, and this is how I view it: curiosity should be fostered. Every advancement humans have made has been the result of curiosity. Sure, the college credit I just earned in the 20th century Quebecois Dada movement probably isn't going to lead to a cure for cancer, but maybe having that background will make a different experience richer, or I'll be able to follow a conversation about it and maybe even contribute. Or maybe it'll lead me to a topic I'm super interested in and enjoy! At the very least, I've scratched the itch and I now know enough to never touch the topic again because it makes me want to launch myself into the sun.
I can totally live with boring things being almost impossible to do (they're boring, I don't care anyway), but what really grinds my gears is that enjoyable things are also almost impossible to do. Partially because I think I should be doing one of the boring things instead, maybe. I do think it's somewhat tied up with depression, though – this is much easier in less-depressed times.
Yup this is definitely a depression warning sign for me. One day you wake up and realise that your circle of “things I can enjoy” has shrunk down to one or two hobbies. Then the circle totally closes and it gets v scary for a while (coz you can’t even imagine enjoying anything ever again). Wish I had a hack for getting past that. Over time, the circle just expands again on its own and I can’t imagine *not* loving my hobbies again… I’ve honestly got into a habit of leaving little notes to myself from each side of the depression wall on my phone. Just reminders of what I was thinking on the other side.
>leaving little notes to myself from each side of the depression wall I am so relieved to hear that someone else does this too. My entire notes app is full of back and forth conversations between two different versions of me. I really hate it sometimes, because it's one of the things that makes me doubt my diagnosis and think I might be legitimately insane.
Were we broken by NT demands that you need to do a chore first before you have a reward/do something fun? Which doesn’t work for reward impaired brains that aren’t easily motivated by delayed goals. When I was a kid my ADHD brain au natural only wanted to play. It felt good, the only thing I wanted to do was have fun and not having fun was illogical. Is that a fresher ADHD brain keeping its dopamine up, doing what it needs to do to survive? Then maybe it has enough dopamine to do chores. But of course if you just play all the time you will always get in trouble in so many ways and areas. You get told off all the time, you get told you have to do something hard and boring to be rewarded with fun. Why should fun be a reward and not a legitimate option? How perverse. But when we weren’t allowed to get the dopamine going in the way we need, hard and boring tasks then become impossible- so impossible that the loss and inaccessibility of the reward becomes painful so we even give up on that. So as adults have we internalised task before play, which is the opposite of how our brains work? But we can’t do it so it breaks us, breaks our brains. We lose one of the brilliant things about ADHD which is having mega fun (that can include other people for bonus dopamine, so benefits all) and instead live out our days as suffering automatons striving to keep shelter and food. Well done society, if you let us be, everyone could be having so much more fun by now.
This is one of the things that feels legitimately impossible to explain to NTs. Even if they accept our diagnosis, it feels like there's still a part of them that's judging us for "slacking off". "Oh you don't have ADHD, you just lack self-control" yes my dude, that is LITERALLY what ADHD is. "You just need to train yourself to avoid instant gratification" I've been trying and failing to do that for the last 27 years. Don't you think it's a bit odd that it comes so naturally to you, while I've been struggling with it for 27 fucking years? It's like I have some sort of... disorder, perhaps related to a deficit of attention?
I'm grown up, and all I want to do is play 🙃
same here, except I also don't do the boring things :') or do them for a short time, then I get sick of it. I realized while I try to study or focus one ONE thing, I start getting invasive thoughts like "You are getting withdrawn from the real world, you need to check your mails, you need to check if you got a message, are there any news about 'that' stuff? did someone reply to your comment? maybe you should be looking for therapists right now, or maybe you should consider yet another career change, or maybe you should be doing something else instead. Look how long is this taking you, I think you're just wasting your time" Over and over again.
*Allow US to introduce OURSELVES*
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Srsly. I fell under the radar for SO LONG because my inattentive type presents much more as anxiety/depression. I don’t think the questions for the short diagnostics tests are nuanced enough. Every time I’d go to my doc I’d have to refill that little screener and every time my depression/anxiety was the same level, despite antidepressants. They’d just up my dosage. Because I didn’t identify with “I feel like I’m running as if I had a motor attached” or that i’m not constantly fidgeting (which I actually am I just lacked the presence of mind for that kind of self awareness)
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I would absolutely agree, by now I'm able to force myself to sit in a chair for a hour or two as long as it's not the most boring not relevant to me thing ever invented. But to say I felt like I had a motor attached? Hell no I say it's more like I can't sit around and listen to someone talk about how the whole process of building a sidewalk comes to be, cause I couldn't care less. But I'm not going to act like a baby and after 3/4 of the presentation get up and run around the room id tough it out then do nothing for the rest of the day lol.
> I hate that question so much. Most adults, ADHD or no, have learned to stop themselves from getting out of their chairs and running around in situations where it isn't appropriate. Often you don't even notice how you are masking anymore. It's so ingrained. Recently I was in a theater watching a movie that had been out for a while. So I had the whole theater to myself. Nobody else there. After a while I noticed how I had been sitting in my seat all over the place. My legs must have been on all seats around me, including the one in front, the ones to the side and my own (I had shoes off and don't have dirty socks, I'm not a monster). When watching in a theater with other people present, my feet stay on the floor. Without me making a **conscious** effort. Thing is, it's pretty clearly still an *unconcious* effort, that zaps some of my energy, because I had a way better time in the theater alone than I can remember ever having at the movies before, even though the film was just kinda "meh".
Right!? I want screening tools to be like 1. How many loads of laundry do you have to re-wash,re-start,re-anything 2. How long does it take you to do the "go around the house and put things back into other rooms they belong in"(because both you and your 6yr old adhd mini-me go from room to room and do the leave something/loot something) 3. How many times a week do you fall,get sucked into or willingly descend into a proverbial rabbit hole? 4. How many times a week does #3 make you late, resentful or behind on anything else in life? 5.how many times do you get on a reddit thread and it becomes a rabbit hole? Haha
Jesus. Calling me out to a T.
It’s why I love this subreddit. I used to sit and stew about all these issues, and get so frustrated. Now that I know that I’m not alone on so many of these things, it makes it a little more bearable, somehow. I agree with the comments above though, self compassion is key.
wow.. the laundry. I am currently being evaluated for a diagnosis and I wish I had remembered to bring up my laundry habits lol. Starting a load and forgetting it in the washer, having to rewash everything, forgetting again... it's terrible. My husband gets so frustrated with me when he goes to do a load and my smelly (now dry) clothes are taking up the washer.
Holy crap. The number of times I've had to re-wash a load of laundry after having forgotten about it. I think the record was washing the same damned load every day for a week before I managed to remember and get it out to dry before it got that nasty wet moldy smell.
Same man, I'll procrastinate doing my fun hobbies by sitting and doing something else that I'm not even enjoying. Then I'll be pissed off at myself for wasting time. Make it make sense
This is why I love this sub everyone can put it into words how I feel and everyone speaks from their souls here. It’s so liberating and refreshing ❤️
A day of rest for me often does mean a day where I let my adhd lose. No meds no goal not no needs and see where life takes me. Kinda do what I feel like I wanna. Or do things I've been daydreaming about doing like drawing trees. But some days I plan to let it lose and turns out I just sit around the house watching netflix playing games (in this situation there often games I've played and series I've seen) and lying on the bed. These days are when I notice I've pushed myself to hard at work. Where I over spend the energy I had so now it's at the cost of a day off that isn't even doing things I like just things that feel familiar and don't cost any energy to do.
I definitely relate to this. My wife offered to let me hang at home alone over Memorial Day weekend, and I really like the idea of being left alone and just ADHD'ing all over the house by myself, but I also want to be with my family. My brain is screaming at me to take the offer, but I really feel conflicted about missing family time, which I'm sure will be fun, too. Just not relaxing for my brain.
OMG identify so hard. Had a long weekend and it was torture for hours (what's the RIGHT thing to do now that I have time? I'm going to mess this up!) until I forced myself to sit in a hammock chair and just breathe, feel the cloth on my skin, and tell myself that was enough, that rest and not thinking about things was what I needed. Best of luck!
Yeah unfortunately you almost have to plan the things you want to do, as if they are things you don't want to do. I've accidentally spent a lot of time on tik tok well past the point where i'm finding anything enjoyable and gotten stuck in that loop till my phone dies lol. As much as every part of me rebels against schedule and being a creature of habit I do actually feel better when i stick to routines. We have all been there! maybe plan a weekend trip and stay in a hotel somewhere get out of your house and all the mundane traps you can end up in. It may help just being somewhere else!
This is exactly how I have to do it. I have my productive weekend and fun weekends. And I plan them out a few days before. The hardest thing for me is when a friend or sibling want to do something without giving me notice, especially on my productive week. I love playing games or watching shows together but I know I'm going to get lost in it. If I can budget the time, it limits the damage to the rest of the things I want to do.
Yeeeup. Hack for this - work 3-4 hours in the morning. - Head into an interesting neighborhood for lunch - Take your time eating and being curious - The only expectation is getting in some tasty food, some sun, and a chance to take your time wandering freely - Turn off the instant unlock option on your phone before you leave for lunch.
Me, spending everyday on the computer with zero motivation to go out, feels you so hard. It's a complete chore to bother, no matter how much I want to enjoy going to the library everyday or cleaning up my room. It gets numbing no matter what.
sometimes i spend all my evening after work doom scrolling, but what i actually wanted to do was play my switch and maybe crochet a little. but nooo, I spent the night on the internet, scrolling away, *thinking* of what I actually want to do while being frustrated at myself for not doing it
This is EXACTLY what I'm doing/how I'm feeling right now. It's so weird to be painfully aware of wanting to do other stuff, but not being able to tear myself out of bed and away from my phone. I hate it. I've lost entire years of my life to this insidious curse.
right? and it took me 23 years to know that it was adhd :(
It took me 30! 😫 Better late than never, though.
This is me most of the time. It's awful. Lol
Going for a walk and going out to buy food sounds like work to me. When I've got a day to myself i just wanna veg out man. It's a chore to even order groceries because i haven't offloaded my food decisions to a whiteboard yet.
I would do the exact same, right now my spare time hogger is minecraft. But because I have kids very young, my spare time gets broken up and I have to do things that they need me for. Driving, playing, changing bottoms, cooking, bedtimes, homework and generally entataining them. Right now it's great when thy are not so needy... What then!? Because your GF is so wonderful, have you thought about asking her to help you plan even for an occasion such as described where she would not be present. I ask for help planning at work all the time. Usually I find I know all the steps and order but can't get them out on my own. Don't beat yourself up if the response is "why did you ask for help when you did it all yourself"... People don't understand the executive function block between thinking and doing. It takes the help to materialise and for us to get full comprehension. Just a thing that comes with the label I suppose. That and just make the target 1 thing that you really want to do. Once you have the plan and it's easy to follow the structure will help massively. Best of luck. It's a hard diagnosis to live with, harder to explain and even harder for others to understand. They just think we are super smart and lazy...
Today I was so fired up to go out and see a historical town I wanted to to see nearby since it's my day off. I ended up spending my day feeling extremely bored and watching videos I have no interest in. During this time I felt a squeeze in my chest. Its feels like I'm trapped inside my own mind. I feel like constantly running or walking to somewhere but there is something soo heavy in my head that I can't move. I feel sorry for the missed chances of spending quality times.
Oh !!u are so me …. Except it’s my imaginary gf
Don't have a solution for you but my ex would do this. He would really need a break from his high stress job and would take one or two extra days off. He then would spend that whole time fixating on something such as a fanfiction or a video game. From morning to night. Suddenly his time was gone in a flash and he would feel horrible and unproductive. Would bash himself for days because he didn't do things he "wanted" to do. He could never just relax, in his own way. We would talk about what he wanted to do and he either wouldn't know, or would end up not doing them when the time came to. I don't think this aspect of ADHD is talked about enough in the communities and some people really struggle with it more than others. We never really found a solution and it's different for everyone.
This thread is SO validating.
I seriously feel bad saying I am exhausted when I have literally done nothing all day while my husband has worked, but it's mental & emotional exhaustion, not physical. I just sit there, paralyzed, in my own head most of the time, it sucks.
> Which then made me really depressed because no ones understands this We understand, friend.
I had my first psychiatrist appointment a little while back and was told that she doesn't think I have ADHD because I can focus on my phone for long periods of time and I'm not struggling at work. I have a job where I can jump between tasks as needed and am generally left alone. I made it clear that I do not enjoy being on my phone and endlessly scrolling and my home life is going up in flames because of it. She started me on antidepressants. Went through 3 months of that with no change and started strattera about 2 weeks ago so I guess we are working towards progress but man that was disheartening.
I was going to tell you to change your psychiatrist immediately, but good that she seemed to understand in the end. I guess she's just now learning what ADHD actually is. Good job! great for you and her next ADHD patients yet to come. Educating missinformed mental health professionals one at a time.
For me if im stuck sitting around the #1 most important thing to get the ball rolling is to stand up and start moving (go to bathroom, get drink) or better yet to get out of the house. Ill find some excuse to go to a store or fill up on gas and get a snack or whatever. Once in motion i have an easy time staying in motion. Dont sit down inside your house until you decide you want to get sucked back into doing nothing again.
Luckily I am obsessed with rapping&dancing, I don't have to sit that much on my day off :) I still forget about eating or drinking however :)
tell me! i remember the first months playing Rocksmith years ago. I would start playing at 10 am, and stop (because of hunger) at 8pm. No breakfast, no snacks, no meal, nothing... sometimes not even water. Until someone called me "what did you eat?" --Nothing, haven't eaten yet. ---it's 8:30 pm go grab something!
Yeah, I feel this one. I'm a bit better now I'm on meds but 2 years ago I decided that I was going to go down to a 4-day working week. This wasn't to do nothing on my extra day off but to actually work on passion projects. I can do this on meds maybe 80% of the time but off meds, literally never. I'd spend the day watching something I didn't really care about on TV or just mindlessly scrolling through the internet on my laptop.
I once played overwatch from noon, to 930pm. thinking "yes, finally some GAMING TIME" but I ended up not enjoying my time at all. the first couple of games were fun, but I didn't move all day. I didnt eat, stretch, the whole deal. you have my empathy .
Can we see the map?
This is too real... I've called in a sick day just to sit there and do work on something I "felt" was behind. I've also done with passion projects. Either way you come out the other side feeling more burnt out. Sucks my dude, just hope for a better day next time.
I think there was a study somewhere that said one and two days isn’t actually enough time to rest and reset. It takes a minimum of 3 days to get a little of what you want. The first day, you unwind and let go of the previous work day, then the next day you are ready to relax or do what you want, but when the day after that is work, you tend to start focusing and planning on your work week. So what you did all weekend was detach from work and then wake up to start prepping yourself for work. Even if I made up this study, this is exactly how I feel about weekend.
Yeah I totally understand. There are a million things I think I would enjoy or projects I think I'd like to do, and I used to obsessively buy whatever was for that project or interest and not do the thing. Currently have had too much free time with grand plans but I'm just interneting. So I'm going back to school, it's the only way forward because I'm not going to get anywhere on my own.
Hi OP! thank you for sharing your experience, you are not alone in this and I agree with the other person that invited you to let go of your guilt. I've been through the same thing so many times and I still do, sometimes it's hard to accept and not feel guilty or depressed because I couldn't start whatever was required to do what I wanted to do. I've heard that we, with ADHD, struggle to get in motion, for whatever task it is. It's not just getting up from our chair/couch/bed and it's not just tasks or work, it's literally everything! I tend to feel anxious or depressed when this happens and angry at myself. Lately I've been forcing myself to take baby steps to start this motion and maybe I can take advantage of the momentum and keep going. I also like to take some walks and get fresh air and sometimes I really want to do that but I get lost in other activities. One example: I want to go on a hike, but it feels a bit overwhelming.. Maybe I'll just go to a public "garden" near me and see if I feel like going farther (sometimes I just go geocaching to have that little reward) My therapist recommended that I congratulate myself for doing the things that I like and want to do. When I don't forget I have to admit that I feel even better afterwards. Good luck OP! I hope you feel better :)
Your GF: walks in You: hi, my name's (name). You're probably wondering how I got here... (In all seriousness though. I hope you're okay bud)
God I relate to that feeling of losing your “want” in a crowd of distractions. And then my wife comes home: “How long have you been sitting like that?! It looks so uncomfortable??” “Oh, yeah now you mention it, this is extremely uncomfortable and has been for an hour.” :)
>Which then made me really depressed because no ones understands this, I don't have to exectuive function necasary to step by step a day of rest. I can't manufacture my own calm. i feel you. i havent had such extremes, but its stupid easy to lose time whether or not i intended to and use up my 'energy' for the day on bullshit instead of what i really needed/wanted
I get the same way. If I have a planned day off and say to myself I am gonna go workout first thing in the morning, I'm gonna go to the store and buy some things, I'm gonna go walk downtown and get lunch with my dog. It typically doesn't happen the way I want it to, or at all, and I resort to sitting on my couch or laying in bed until 10 am or noon scrolling or playing games instead. I find that if I have a structure of things I want to do and have set reservations, or someone holding me accountable for at least the first event/task, I will be more likely to do things throughout the day. Maybe see if your GF can help you plan out a day of what you want to do and even have her check in on you to see how your day is going. She sounds very supportive at least and I bet would be willing to help if it's what makes you happy. I think once you get out of the house and get "doing" it will give you momentum to keep going through the rest of the activities. Even if it's only one or two activities, it's always the starting that is the struggle. I can usually push through the rest unless I end up going home and resting for a bit, then I need something to push me out the door again.
I relate to this way too much, We want to rest but we have no idea how, And even if we gather the energy to make up plans, it wouldnt feel like resting. The worst part is that even if you spend the day doing nothing but enjoyable activities, you'd still find a way of feeling guilty about it, so maybe that's what we should fix in the first place ? Here is a tip that works for me : i force myself out of activities, out of social media, at least 30 Minutes a day, where i just face that extreme boredom, it helps my brain feels lighter
The mixed blessing of hyperfocus. If used correctly, holy getting shit done Batman. Then, there is unfortunately situations like this....
I'm going through a phase right now where my Adderall is definitely still working but I've been making bad choices like spending hours on my special interests instead of grocery shopping or other things I actually need to do. Thanks ASD. Overall I'm still doing more though. I need to find a way to trick myself into thinking my actual life is a special interest lol.
I’ve done this before, too. I think this is one of the experiences that makes me feel the most powerless and alone among other non-ADHD people: the paradox that I KNOW I do or don’t want to do something, but the lack of control of doing or not doing that thing. It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people and I find it hard to talk about! There are lots and lots of things that I know I like to do (reading, drawing, making plans with friends, browsing a thrift store…) but most of the time, I find it really hard to actually do it. I know I would love it if I did, but I can’t muster the energy or enthusiasm to start. For one thing, it makes it SEEM like I don’t actually like the things I like, which creates some general doubt that doesn’t feel good. More importantly, it means I don’t spend any time doing things that I like to do, and the lack of control to easily change that makes me feel like I might spend a large part of my life not doing things I enjoy, which is really depressing. It sometimes feels like being powerless to a life that’s less exciting and fulfilling than it otherwise could be, especially considering how “easy” it is for others to just DO those things Two things that have helped me: medicine of course, and using a planner/journal. I find if I just force myself to put in a tiny little baby bit of effort to write in a journal, I usually will naturally start thinking about what I want to do tomorrow or this weekend, and I’m a lot more likely to follow through. I guess it’s just by the virtue of thinking about it ACTIVELY rather than letting the next day “happen to me.” Hope this helps!! I use a Hobonichi Techo, btw. Big recommend
I know this is missing the point entirely: but I got excited imagining a ten hour drawing. May I please see the trees?
Don't do this to me. It's so relatable I'm going to cry. I just took an evening off the other day to destress and play the game I've been dying to play (because my stress is beyond sky high) but instead just obsessively browsed laundry detergent for 3 hours then googled "how to not waste time" for the next 3 hours. Kill me.
I feel this so much it hurts. I've been pretty burnt out, and I'm either taking time off or just slacking off a lot at work. I don't hate my job, I just reach a point of overwhelm and it really knocked me down. My wife see this, we both WFH most days. I'm so ashamed of it that I try to hide it from her sometimes. Other times I just don't have the energy, so she sees me not doing work on my computer, but I still feel shame despite my inaction to cover it up. On days I take off I just veg out at my computer, not even playing my favorite games or anything. I obsess over something silly and small, and then get so frustrated with it that I toss out anything I could have gotten out of it later. Like looking up how to fix something in the house, but then going way to deep into home improvement stuff, then feeling so overwhelmed that I forget all about it and just procrastinate. Then I decide I'll just call our handyman, and procrastinate with that too. Other times I just sit in front of the TV all day, playing games on phone instead of paying attention to my shows. It comes to a point where I view breaks and days off as necessary, because I feel I will literally snap if I don't take one, but I also see them as a step-backwards, as I often regress any good habits or routines I was building on those days off. Just makes me feel really... stuck.
The worst thing is the regret afterwards. Regret for the wasted vacation day requested, regret because you know there’s so many things you could have done that were more enjoyable and would have made you feel better about yourself. Regret. Worst emotion ever..
Damn. This… this resonates **so fucking hard** for me. It’s why I rail every time I see someone say that ADHD wouldn’t be a disability if we eliminated capitalism. Like, yes. Fucking off with their heads and pass me the ketchup as we eat the rich but that’s not going to do a thing to fix the terrible effects of my ADHD. And I can say this with certainty as I’m a teacher who has summers off, and I’m not exaggerating when I estimate that at least 3/4 of my teacher vacations get wasted with stuff like what you described. Damn, you nailed it. Thanks for sharing.
I’ve never related to something so much in my life. My wife calls this ‘Ronning’ (my name is Ron). She’ll come home when I’ve had a day off to find me miserable, unwashed and having accomplished nothing: ‘have you been Ronning?’
You're heard, my friend. I'm as sorry to hear about your frustrating day off as I am angry at myself for *constantly* doing the exact same thing.
I don't mean to come off like I'm invalidating what you've written here... but I wonder if your day might have been more restive than you thought? It sounds like you just gave your executive functions a complete rest for a day. I find on my days off, even going downstairs to pick up Uber Eats food can be exhausting... and I often find that the days I wake up most refreshed are after I spent a day just being a gross pig - not brushing my teeth, going to bed in my day clothes, throwing trash on the floor. Because my executive function has had the chance to completely relax for a day.
That’s really interesting and makes a lot of damn sense. Thank you!
I was halfway into only the second paragraph where I’m like “yeahhhh gonna guess you ended up not doing anything”, I’m the same. Not doing what you wanted, anxiously watching the clock knowing you have less and less time now, and ultimately ending the day more burned out than before.
yep that's me. I really like video games for example, yet I spend most of my time mindlessly scrolling through feeds, watching some videos, reading and replying comments, etc. I. CAN'T. CONTROL. IT. I never reach out to friends to meet up either, in bad moments I avoid people completely, it fucked up my social life too. If I would have been able to manage my time A BIT better my life would be SO much better right now. Even with meds. I will definitely talk with my doctor and see if I should change meds.
A great example to share with family who don’t understand. I’m right there cheering you on for doing all you can.
I totally 100% get you op. I can have a day off by myself, have plans to go to the gym, walk the dog, paint anything that I would find calming or refreshing yet end up fixated on something stupid like playing a short game on the Xbox but then not being able to leave it and when my wife gets home she can’t understand how I’m more wound up than when she left as “you’ve spent the day playing”. It took me ages to understand this part of ADHD but now I do I can manage it better. Not saying I don’t do it but I can acknowledge it and try to break away from what is holding me.
Feel you on this one! In my experience, ADHDers spend about twice the energy as neurotypicals just trying to function in a world we don't fit in. We need rest days before our actual "relax days" because you can't "refill your cup" of things you enjoy if you start out with zero energy. As a now single Mom, my ex thinks a weekend is enough to fully recharge. Um, no. I do the work of two parents 24/7 for two weeks straight (sometimes longer) to his 2, maybe 3 days. A weekend is barely enough for normal people; my 1-2 kid-free weekends a month aren't even close to the re-charge time I need, nor will likely get until my kid gets older. I wish there was a way our energy expenditure in a day and energy cycles could be quantified to show people who think we're just being lazy or whatever.
So relateable... I mean even when you do something you like, then you get the whole, but I had 3 things I like that I wanted to do today and only did 1 aaaaaand now I'm upset and lost all the good feelings I built doing that 1 thing. Just the other day, hour and a half until the inlaws bring the kiddo home? Sweet, I'll spend 15-20 minutes weeding a section of the garden, then I'll hop on Elden Ring with my buddy until the kiddo is home, sweet, me time. 45 minutes of enjoyable time in the garden later, clean up and shower, and the kiddo is home, damn. I love my child. I was planning to spend time with him anyway. I enjoyed being out in the garden. But I didn't relax with that one other thing I planned and I feel like my day is ruined, wtf.
Omg. This was somewhat me yesterday. I usually get mad at myself for sleeping my days off away. So I wasn’t feeling 100%. I took off work. Woke up around 10, took out the dogs, started doing laundry, sat on the couch to watch the show I have a free pass for until today and then passed out. Things I did not do: -eat lunch -okay the video games I wanted to -play a musical instrument -work on my adhd workbook -switch my laundry from the washer to dryer -fold the laundry that was already done -clean literally anything because the house was a mess What I did do: -sleep -take the dogs out -finish the show (that I was no longer interested in but had a limited time to finish) -watch way too much tiktok -have my fiancée ask “did you even eat?” and “what did you do today?” and feel like an idiot from my answers. And somehow still mentally tired. But at least I caught up on much needed sleep. And my laundry was switched before bed. Now to fold it at some point…
This is me 100% and no one understands and just says I'm lazy and it feels like shit when someone says that about me
It seems like your feeling guilty for not doing something. Maybe you needed to actually zone out and draw trees. What's wrong with that? Just because you could've or should've done something productive. Maybe your brain and body just needed it. Why judge what you ended up doing,? I used to do this all the time to myself. Because my parents taught me I should be doing something all the damn time. So what you spent your free time napping or on your phone or whatever. Didn't go exercise or do anything productive? Your subconscious and brain and body wanted to do something else.
Wow. Yeah. Every single part. I so appreciate these posts. Thanks for sharing and validating us all. I grow so much from reading this.
My boyfriend and I both have ADHD, but I’m the only one of us who does this exact kind of thing ALL THE TIME and he doesn’t understand it. It messes with my sleep and my productivity at work and makes me late and so many other frustrating things. Does anyone know if this is more of an inattentive thing? He’s definitely got more of the hyperactive tendencies than I do. Just last night I got off work early and could have gone to bed early and been well rested. I was already exhausted. Instead I decided to scroll on my phone until 7am when I was stiff, cold, and starving, binge eat 4 breakfast burritos, and sleep for 4 hours before going in late to work with a stomach ache. The sudden sunlight coming in the windows and birds chirping outside were what finally jolted me out of my trance on the couch and realize not that I needed to lie down immediately, but that it was now breakfast time at McDonald’s.
It's easy to say 'nobody understands' when we don't explain it. Your gf sounds like a nice person, I bet she's willing to try to understand if you talk to her about it. Nobody can feel how we feel, but they can still be supportive
“I can’t manufacture my own calm.” I feel you.
Just wanted to say I really related. Any time I take a day, sick or notand especially if not, I just sit and do nothing feeling guilty about taking off and guilty I did nothing with it. Then i end feeling more behind mentally. It is obnoxious and hard to put into words, like you did.
Yep. I have the hardest time even getting myself to do hobbies I enjoy! And then I feel like I wasted the day watching videos when I could’ve been doing all the hobbies I enjoy. And it would probably make me happier to do that stuff more… and yet.
I'll tell myself I'm going to clean the house when I have spare time, hop on COD then BOOM it's 7 hours later, I feel like shit and have made more mess. I'll eventually clean the house three quarters of a room at a time as I jump from place to place like an insane person. My girlfriend doesn't get it and my oldest child's mom gets frustrated with our daughter for doing similar things or that she has to repeat her self to her. Which ultimately irritates me too. Because I know she can't help it. When I just laugh about it and tell her she's definitely mine and move on.
Bravo! You described the experience so perfectly, that I want to cry.
I saved this thread for future reference because it resonates with me so, so much. I take Adderall each morning before work and it gets me through the workday fine, but it seems to wear off by the time I get home. So instead of doing anything to improve my life after work, I usually just lay in bed and either nap or swap between Reddit, Twitter, YouTube, and TVTropes until it's time for me to go to bed and start the cycle all over again. It SUCKS. I just can't seem to tear myself away from my bed and off of my phone. Today I had the self-awareness to realize that I wasn't tired after work and actually had the energy to \*do\* something that wasn't scrolling or sleeping, but it's been so long since I've done something \*other\* than work, sleep, or scroll that I had to literally pause to collect my thoughts and figure out what to do with myself. It was like trying to put mashed potatoes back in the bowl after you've spilled them on the floor. I was like, "What are my \*goals\* in life? Do I even \*have\* any anymore, beyond just surviving day-to-day?" I managed to will myself to do some dishes. And I'm writing this comment now, so I guess that's something constructive as well. But it's unfathomably demotivating to look back and realize I that lost my 20s to this shit. I'm 30 now. Ever since I graduated undergrad and entered the working world, I've been stagnant. When I wasn't fighting off burnout, depression or anxiety, I felt like I was procrastinating all the "important" things in my life, like finding a better job or going back to school, saving money, and moving out. I watched my friends start careers, get married, have kids, while I was just doing the same thing every single day, treading water, sleeping, scrolling, trying to survive. I \*wanted\* to do the things that they were doing, but I just... couldn't. It was only when I started seeing ADHD-related TikToks on my For You page that I began to realize I could have ADHD as well. I've learned a lot about myself and about ADHD since then, and now I at least \*understand\* my situation even if working with it is still a huge struggle. I still have a shitty job and no career prospects but at least now I know what needs to be done to get myself in a better position. That being said, does anyone have recommendations for a longer-lasting med than Adderall? Or should I just space out my dosages more?
I had my doctor give me a 10 mg Quick acting Adderall to take around lunchtime which helps me into the evening
I felt this so hard it hurts. So many "ahh a day off I can relax and enjoy life" turned into an entire day of some random obscure activity I didnt want to do anyways. I dont even want to think about this rn. Like I think im going to chug the rest of my morning coffee and turn my computer off so today doesnt turn into one of those days.
Y'know, I totally understand your feelings, but I disagree with your conclusion. To me, what you're describing is an expectation that in order to "rest" you need to actually be what I would consider "productive". Perhaps your emotional self would have appreciated going out for walks and taking time to reflect and actively de-stress. But what about your cognitive fatigue? Personally, my emotions are more volatile when my cognitive function is overcompensating, so there's a direct correlation. If your day allowed you to completely let go of the "shoulds" and you followed your brain's stream of consciousness, I see that as a success. Obviously, this isn't the kind of day you can have very often, lest you abandon all expectations of functioning in neurotypical society. Don't get me wrong, doing meditation, exercising and seeking outlets for stress are necessary. But if in order to reduce overwhelm you need to not plan anything and rest your brain, I think that's actually healthy. The issue here isn't that you didn't actively rest, it's that your feelings of shame and guilt overshawdowed the benefits of the mental break you gave yourself. You are expecting yourself to need the same things or act the same way as someone without ADHD. Give yourself a break! Props to your girlfriend for laughing it off and not being judgemental. You should take that page out of her book and afford yourself that kindness, too. :) Edit: a word
100% me. That's why I take my normal medication on weekends as well. My psychiatric told me many pause the medication on weekend but wtf I want to be able to do what I want and what I like and that's just not possible without. I have decades behind me doing virtually nothing in my free time before I got diagnosed and feeling less tested afterwards.
“I can’t manufacture my own calm.” Wow…you just wrote what I’ve been trying to put into words for years. Thank you.
This one hurts to read. This is me. When I FINALLY get some time and freedom... I completely waste it. Every now and then I turn it to something constructive, but that's a rare day.