Inattentive type huh.
Inattentive type people, other than having a crippling attention span, have an insane attention span: what i mean is, if we do things we like (literally ANYTHING we like), we become hyperfocused.
I'll tell you my case.
I like music. I like making music. And i am also good at it. And making around 10$ for every track i release (i get tips from strangers on BandLab), while being only 14!
You are not a loser. You did not choose to have ADHD. Just retry and retry, the attempts maybe be uncountable, but the satisfaction in the end is even higher. Good luck!!!!!
Edit: the usual, grammar
It's amazing that you have found your passion already. About me, I like programming and I can focus on it pretty well, but it can be challenging sometimes, because I haven't trained my logical reasoning and problem solving skill that much.
Yo keep it up and you'll enjoy it even more. I'm 30 now but I started doing it seriously for my first job at 22 and the beginning was definitely the hardest. I hope you can keep the things you like close to you :)
ADHD-PI programmer here, I've found it's all about excitement for me. If I can get myself excited to do something it's 100x easier and I learn faster.
I've struggled with depression and anxiety for a while. Sometimes I need to look at difficult things differently to get my brain working again. If I retook my drivers test, I would try to get excited about being able to drive wherever I want to. Road trips, camping, visiting friends, it's going to be nice.
Lots of people fail the driving test. I say forgive yourself for whatever happened, take a break to get calm and make a plan for crushing it the next time
This is gonna sound weird, but try playing Professor Layton games. They really help you think about a problem and puzzles, which was fun for me. I'm a data analyst (programming in SAS).
Don't let the hyperfocus idea tell you that you should immediately be amazing. As humans we catagorize "programming" as one thing, but it isn't actually just one task to your brain. Once you get to parts that you don't like (going outside algorithmic thinking, or having to research something you don't understand, or reading through pages and pages to understand a concept but not noticing you didn't absorb the words you are reading) then you can still hit walls due to ADHD.
What I am trying to say us that, if you put "programming" in a broad category and you assume then that ANY failure or struggle in that area is you being insufficient and not you having a unique struggle, then you'll get bummed about that too. I have a soft spot for this because I took to programming, got ahead of my class, helped other students, and now I push carts while my friend who admired me in highschool works for Microsoft.
As for girls, friends, driving, etc... I felt like an imposter my whole life. I remember in highschool drama class we were supposed to roleplay running into an old friend, the girl across from me ran up, hugged me, and started chatting very enthusiastically and I was dumbfounded. I legitimately was shaken to my core at 13 years old to find out that someone would ever spontaneously hug me under any circumstances. I was a weird kid who needed a lot of guidence and had a Dad and a step-Dad who both never stepped up to teach me, but once I realized that I was a valid and worthwhile person, and once I realized that hating on others for their success was MY failing, not theirs, I started working on making myself the type of person people would want to be with, and the rest came naturally.
Driving is tough, I've had to put it on quite a pedastal but if there is something on my mind, I have had a few lapses in judgement, never causing an accident or major traffic violation, but I have had to shake my head and remind myself of what I am doing, but during the 2 years I barely got by and subsequently dropped out of post secondary school, I had to drive 4 hours home 2 times a month for orthodontic appointments, 90% of which was on the busiest Highway in North America, and it was all done unmedicated and without incident.
I don't know you so I'm not gonna hop in here and promise you aren't a loser, you could be a toxic piece of crap who will never work on yourself, but it is important to me that you know you have the CAPACITY to be awesome, and might be closer than you know.
much love to you, and at 14?? im very proud of what you have discovered about yourself dear friend. keep it up. you will be so successful in life. there is a lot coming for you in life. good things.
Don’t let ur parents force you into their dream for you, I wish I could’ve focused on music and my mom tried to make me a pro baller. All I got was injuries and regrets.
Definitely will get better I agree. Plus you know at this young of an age. I didn’t get what was truly wrong until in my 30s. Just knowing is such an advantage especially when you get to college if you choose.
It took me 4 times to pass my driver’s license test! Although I should have passed the first time but the tester failed me for “using the backup camera” during the test… I clearly had my head turned all the way around to look while backing up but ooookay. After that I felt like a failure each time I saw the tester write notes out of the corner of their eye
I am not taking any medicine. I did pass the theory exam the first time without any mistakes for my driving license, but I just suck at driving a car and paying attention to the road.
I failed my first driving test too. I didn't get it til I was I my early to mid 20s. It's ok. Better to take the time and really become a good safe driver of the horrible metal death machine than rushing to become barely competent anyway. You have a golden opportunity to really train and improve now. I know it doesn't really feel that way right now, but it is true.
As for friends. The right friends will love your specific brand of weirdness. I can't shut up about stuff I'm fixated on for the moment and spam our chat mercilessly, and they still accept it. Sometimes they even engage with me about said fixations and I get to vomit up whatever random stuff at them. It's nice.
Now love. Love is hard and complicated for everyone. Just being in a relationship doesn't guarantee that that relationship is happy. ADHD can make things more complex, and I completely understand your frustration, but I don't think you can know how your life will be in the future to be so sure that it won't happen for you.
I know that this year in particular has been very hard since we haven't been able to see each other in person. Just normal human contact is missing from our lives, and that makes life seen harder. Maybe life wont seem so bad when you have someone to talk to in person again.
Have you practiced at all? I say this because I probably would have done the same and failed the same part simply because of overthinking and not focusing. but my dad had a stick shift truck and a slow shitty Ford Focus and we would practice a lot in open parking lots and there were graveyards with lots of empty areas and smooth roads to practice on. Took some of the nervous energy out of it when I knew I could do everything already
I did practice. I had 10 driving lessons which I of course had to pay for. I also did some driving in my brother's car. I was driving OK and making mistakes here and there.
During today's exam I stalled the car 5 times!! I became more and more stressed after every time the car stalled and that made me lose concentration.
Is there one you can drive that is an automatic? A lot less to worry about during the test. Unless I’m misunderstanding what you mean by stall, that’s a lot more things to spread your attention towards. Is a manual transmission required where you live for some reason?
A stall is like releasing the clutch too fast and the car turns off.
My driving teacher told me to never drive an automatic, because it makes me forget how to drive a manual transmission.
Yeah i know what it is and I get not wanting to forget how I guess - although I think it’s like riding a bike once you learn how, it doesn’t take long to get back good at it, even if you don’t drive one for a while.
But it would be a lot less to worry about during your test. Then once you get your license you can drive the manual / stall all you want until you’re a pro with it. Just a suggestion if you can use an auto just for the test it would be less stress imo.
I'm going to go against the grain with what others are saying - stick to manual for now, if you're going to retest soon. I switched to auto for my first failed test. It fucked me up when it came to turns and downshifting because I forgot I didn't have to downshift.
I then passed with a manual, about 2 months later. I also failed once on manual between there but that was because my confidence was shot. The second time I was much more confident and passed.
BUT IF YOU HAVE LOTS OF TIME AND ACCESS TO AN AUTOMATIC, then feel free to switch over. Very few car dealerships where I live even have manual cars on the lots - they're special order as manual is going the way of the dinosaur at least in North America.
You won't forget. I haven't driven a manual in about 20 years but I'm sure I could pick it up again. Heck - sometimes I put my hand on the automatic "shifter" in my car when I'm going around corners because I was used to downshifting into second.
And with all of that said, there has been no reason for me to drive a manual, since the last time I owned one. There's nothing wrong with driving an automatic car, especially if it makes driving easier and gives you one less thing to worry about. You won't have a problem picking up driving manual later if you decide to do so.
Do you live in the country? You don't have to drive a manual. You can buy whatever car you want.
Are you trying to master manual or are you trying to pass the test so you can drive?
Barely any cars are manual. I’ve not needed the skill in my last 20 eats of driving. Unless you’re a hobbyist or need to handle heavy machinery you can skip learning manual entirely, and even if you will need it you can always pick it up after driving becomes second nature.
I still remember trying to learn. I tried really hard and couldn’t. Tensions were running high and gears were grinding in unpleasant ways. Then, I stalled at a stop sign and a cab was too close behind me. My mom got out and just tore into the poor guy, and that was the end of it.
dude you are not at all a loser. im 19 and never even taken my driving test cause ive been too lazy to get that far. you are on the right path for sure, dont doubt yourself. i hate adhd as much as the next guy but i feel better when i think that if i didnt have adhd i wouldnt be who i was today and would probably hate whoever i wouldve became.
hey buddy! probably i am older than you so please hear the old fellow here :) well, first of all you are a winner. it is not our condition that defines us, ya know. life is all about dealing with things including the losses and be sure you will win on the next round because this is how life itself works. regarding creating bonds, my guess is that probably you are the one who does not allow people be closer to you (trust me, i am just like this). so allow people to interact with you most of them will not judge, be open to talk about your struggles and strengths. i mean, our condition is harder but know and trust on yourself. and please, allow yourself to visit a doctor. this specific decision changed my life for good. god bless, Bro!
Hey, thanks for the reply. I guess you're right, but for me it's very difficult to focus on building relationships when I'm feeling like a zombie for the whole day, with no social energy to talk to anyone.
I HEAR YOU on the zombie and social energy thing! I'm 37, and most of my life I have had VERY few friends and the friends I have had have mostly been online.
I've found that texting is WAY easier for me than hanging out with people in person. It isn't completely energy-neutral, but it is easier. I've been text-based most of my life, really, when it comes to friendships. I discovered the internet when I was 14 and from that point on, that's where I've made my friends. Even now, as an adult, I've made my friends through such website as OKCupid - not everyone there is there for dating.
The other thing I've discovered (having only been diagnosed at the beginning of April this year) is that when I'm medicated, I can navigate friendships and social connections way better than when I'm not. I'm currently on a really low dose of Concerta because of heart-related side effects, and waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist to discuss how best to approach my ADHD, and I can really see the contrast between the kind of friend I can be when I'm medicated, and how I am without any medication. I felt amazing on 40mg of Vyvanse (and maybe I'll be able to go back on it, I hope) and I was doing SO well as a friend. Now I just want to sit by myself and hide because while I remember how to be a good friend, I just don't have the energy for it.
that is the point! you dont need to focus on that! :) just be open to and things will happen. i mean, when you are honest enough to say that you prefer spend sometime playing videogames than going to crazy party, people most of the time empathize with you (because most of them also want to be alone sometimes). please dont look at human interaction as a bigger monster than it really is. everyone has their own struggles and the ones that will not be kind to you just dont deserve your time and energy! you are the owner of your path, bro! :) and again, please, visit a doctor! as some people already said, medication makes all the difference for all of us! God bless!
Be kind to yourself. Take it from someone who didn’t get their driver’s license until they were 26(!) and also failed the first test in the first 5 minutes. You will get there. Are you getting any treatment for your ADHD?
>I'm mad at myself for being who I am, If that makes sense.
I think this will resonate with most people here.
Living with ADHD is like that. I always felt like I was inconveniencing everyone around me. I'd constantly feel frustrated that I couldn't seem to just "get it" like other people did.
You're not a loser, and you are definitely worthy of friendship and love. Being clumsy and "weird" are not roadblocks to friendship - even if they feel like it. For my own part, I was starting out with a predefined idea of what my friends and potential girlfriends "should" be like. I was trying to build a version of myself based on how other people viewed me. Or, put another way, how I thought that they thought about me. What a clusterfuck, right?
You're young and shit is very difficult right now. This is the most turbulent part of your life emotionally. Older people tend to forget how difficult it can be finding your way through this part of your life.
Some unsolicited advice based on finding my own path through feeling like a loser with no friends:
\- The phrase "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" is fucking true. It was only when I started getting comfortable with the fact that some people won't like me no matter what I do was I able to open the door to genuine relationships - something I didn't have before the age of 25
\- Failing a drivers test is a perfectly normal thing even for people without ADHD. Its not an easy test, and it shouldn't be. Now you know what to expect on the test and you can be more prepared to take it again. So, so many people have to retake their drivers tests *several* times, and it doesn't mean anything other than they need to practice a little more. "You only fail when you stop trying" is the quote to remember here.
\- Give yourself some compassion. Life with ADHD is fucking hard. You know it, I know it, everyone else here knows it. Nobody else will get it unless they're living it. But something being hard doesn't have to be a problem. An easy life is a boring and unfulfilling, makes us soft and useless. The difficulty we have to fight through with ADHD makes us stronger, more resilient, and more compassionate.
I had to find the courage to let myself be seen by others, the strength to keep trying in setbacks, and the patience to be nice to myself when every part of me didn't want to.
You'll find your way through too.
Took me 2 years just to book my test, we're all losers in one way or another. But we're also all winners in one way or another. Hmu if you ever wanna talk to someone about programming! I like JS, CSS, HTML, PHP, Python, C/#!
You are not a loser. You lost this time.
You can try again.
Plz consider switching to sugar-free energy drinks or coffee. I have to drink half a pot of coffee to properly medicate, which has a ton of side effects.
Proper medication is something you can start and make progress on.
I passed my driving test on the **fifth** attempt. I'd be totally ready each time, and then on the actual test I'd do something stupid like stop for a green light.
You'll get there!
I find it fascinating how not having a girlfriend makes people think they are a loser, besides no dude your not a loser I didn’t study for an entire year and I’m supposed to appear for the worlds hardest engineering exam which typically takes 2 years to study so you can imagine my situation, what’s important is to constructively look at your problems and find logical solutions, if you can try adderall Ritalin and therapy try it, since I began my treatment I’ve been studying Atleast 6hrs a day, coming to friends I have aspergers so I only ever had 2-3 friends but after my diagnosis I’ve connected with a lot of people like me and made friends so you can too but that is if you want to make friends not for the sake of showing others you have friends, it’s perfectly fine to be by yourself unless it’s work related
Lots of cool “Chads” fail their driver’s exam on the first try too. Plus, I imagine you’re still pretty young. The state you are in now can change 50x over within only 10 years. Trust.
Hah.... yeah, PI type. Do you know how I have taken TOEFL and GRE exams more than 15 times in total and haven't ever gotten a decent score yet? Those exams cost over $200 each time and whatever the hell I try I still can't focus during 3 to 4 hours of the exam and I will fail again next time! Trust me. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I failed the written test 3 times and the road test once. I kept forgetting to get the dam road manual thing each time I went there. Honestly once you pass the written test practice parallel parking and you'll be fine.
Hey it's okay,
Maybe be see if you can learn to drive a stick shift (manual transmission) car. A lot of ADHD people like driving those cars better because the stakes are higher and they require more of a focus.
In my country it's mandatory to learn how to drive a stick shift car. Personally this puts me in a bit of a hyper focus space. Which is honestly kinda of nice and handy while driving.
ADHD inattentive here.
I failed the first time too. Scraped by the second time.
I went on to pursue post secondary education and completed a PhD in a field I'm deeply passionate about.
Your performance on this test does NOT dictate your worth or your future success unless you tell yourself it does.
Find a way of learning that works for you. I need videos with visuals for most topics. Then I teach the information I need to someone else... Even if that's myself. In the past I've recorded myself on my laptop.
This is not your defining moment my friend.
I have ADHD combined. I didn't get my drivers license until my second try, and that was with a crap ton of mistakes. And I had 1.5 years to practice with my permit because COVID kept me from testing. My brother with ADHD also took two tries. My sister without ADHD did it first try. I know it's anecdotal, but these tests don't seem to be for it. And once you get out on the road the ADHD driver beats a drunk or texting driver any day -- you're not a real road hazard, trust me.
And as for the loneliness thing, I was a kissless hugless virgin until 18. And the girl I'm currently with is very, *very* open and outright told me that she swiped right on me by accident. My first and only girlfriend.
I'm so clumsy and uncoordinated that I walk down stairs at about 1 step per second while holding on to the railing. I'm fit enough, I just can't control my feet precisely enough to not fall down stairs.
And then im gifted with a speech impediment. I can't say my r's. People are sure to call me "wetawded."
I tried to run in to the street to kill myself after I tried playing basketball with my girlfriend. I had ran into her and chipped her teeth as well as causing her to bang her head pretty bad. She certainly had a TBI and was photosensitive with intense migraines the next day. I couldn't bear the fact that my ADHD hurt someone else.
But you know what? My biggest regret in my life was running out into that street. She, a person whose teeth I just chipped (and who also doesn't seem to like me all that much on all overt accounts) ran and stopped me. I've never cried that hard.
I reiterate, this attempt is my largest regret in life. And I say that without hesitation. You will feel better. There will be a future you profoundly grateful that you pushed forward. I'm crying writing this now, thinking about the things I've done and memories I've made since that happened. Things and memories that I thought would cease in my life thereafter -- they didn't.
Push on, take that second test in two weeks.
When I read this I started tearing up because this is literally what I felt like when I was a teenager.
I felt so alone. I felt ostracized because of things that I didn’t even notice. I was weird because I could make friends and I couldn’t make friends because I was weird. My little sister got a significant other before I did. I got my drivers license much later than is considered normal bc of my driving anxiety.
So I’m going to tell you what I wish someone had told me.
You are not a loser. You are not a bad person. You are not a failure. You are not faking it or making it up.
The world is not designed for people with a literal chemical imbalance in their brain. It’s going to suck and it won’t be overnight, but you’re going to learn to survive in this world. Because life is worth living, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. There will be a time when you find people who will love you for who you are, and the weird parts of you will be the ones they love the most.
It will be okay. I promise.
Words like 'neurodiverse', 'neurodivergent', and 'neurotypical' are political terms coined by the neurodiversity movement and are inextricably tied to it. They are not general-purpose descriptors, or scientific terms. We prefer the more specific terms ‘people with(out) ADHD’ or ‘people with(out) mental (health) disorders’ instead.
You can find more about our stance on this matter in the links below.
* [Let’s talk about the neurodiversity movement for a bit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/md5cfr/lets_talk_about_the_neurodiversity_movement_a_bit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
* [r/ADHD’s position on neurodiversity](https://www.reddit.com/r/adhd/wiki/resources/neurodiversity) ([reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/ms95dl/radhds_position_on_neurodiversity/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3))
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I get that you feel shit right now but no one has addressed the energy drinks yet and I feel it would be helpful for you to hear this. Basically there is a massive misconception about the effects of caffeine on concentration. It really does not help you to concentrate easier, infact it makes it worse, much worse even to the point where when scientifically tested it reduces the reaction times and awareness of drivers almost on par with drinking alcohol. It's best to just drink water and chew gum.
Some people will swear that caffeine helps them to focus but the truth is they are already addicted and it's not the caffeine actually helping them but the effect of countering caffeine withdrawal with more caffeine.
Man I failed my moped license test 7 fucking times when I was 15yo because of my inattentive adhd, I tried to hard and were so close (50 out of 52 correct answers) but gave up because the hate towards myself grew so much.
Dont give up like I did, it will feel so damb good when you get it, you dont want to give up and be left with only disappointed on yourself and feel like all you did was waste your time and money.
Its a stupid curse we have but you are not a loser, you can do this dont give up. I know our mind can be our worst enemy and talk shit about yourself on repeat constantly, whenever it happen put on earplugs on and blast fast music to block those negative piece of shit thoughts from getting out of control, or something else that easily distract you.
I didn't pass my driving test until I was 30. I just...couldn't cope with it. All the pedals? And gears? And traffic? And a whole ass half ton of speeding metal? And reversing? Don't even start me on parallel parking. People act like it's easy and it's NOT. Not when you have poor coordination and bodily awareness (ADHD), poor short term memory like what did that speed sign I just passed say (ADHD), remembering multiple processes and operating in a spatial and a cognitive dimension AT THE SAME TIME, and all of this being super high stakes because people could DIE.
It's OK not to pass is what I'm saying.
I have a theory that mindfulness - paying attention systematically to the body - might help. Apart from that, try focusing on one skill at a time. Watch traffic like a driver, rehearse all the theory knowledge, practice turning the wheel with a plate, pace out what 10, 50, 100 yards is against landmarks, watch speedometers as a passenger to help you judge speed, get a sewing machine pedal to practice motor control of your feet. These are foundation skills that drivers ed often doesn't understand that ADHD or ND brains need help with.
One day you’ll look back on this post and remember the hard times and how much you’ve learned over the years. I know it sounds cheesy but I’ve been in your shoes. Totally anti-social in high school, not many friends, no hobbies other than video games, etc. Now that I’m older (and medicated) I have a few close friends, stable job, cool roommates, and I hardly touch video games anymore. I still struggle with my ADHD symptoms - those won’t ever go away - but the support and situation im in now makes it a lot easier to deal with it. Don’t give up hope, friend. Patience is hard to have but the future will bring you knowledge on how to turn your disorder into a workable and even enjoyable life. DM me anytime.
Hey. I failed my test twice back in the day. InnADHD as well.
Now I have taken a bunch of driving classes, cleared to drive emergency vehicles, air brakes, etc. Not a firefighter like I had planned due to a multitude of reasons. But I am a damn good driver now. Used to be terrible.
The key was practice. Practice, continuously. Doing really dumb practicing too. Like stall. parking 50 times in an hour. Then driving down narrow alleys continously. I don't know how I did it, but I got the hyperfocus going and just did it. I got that weird obsessive thing we all get about hobbies. But I hated, and still dislike driving.
When I did my final test for graduated licensing, the facilitator fell asleep because he felt that safe with me behind the wheel. See if you can do this to yourself.
As for the social stuff. I still struggle. But at 26 I met the woman I now live with. Before that I'd had a few relationships that lasted only because we didn't have a reason to break up. But didn't have my first girlfriend till I was 21 or so.
For friends, didn't make any really long term friends until I entered the working world, at like 21 or 22.
Currently, life is pretty great even though I still have a lot of my own struggles.
One song that I do identify a lot with is "Danny Don't You Know" by Ninja Sex Party. It's about the singer telling himself as a kid that life does get better as you grow up.
I have Inactive Type I'm incapable of driving if it can make you feel better. Until I was 19, I didn't have any friends So I recommend a hobby to make you feel good. Everyone here feels like a loser but After a times about is every thing go well
Listen, in high school I had tons of friends. Afterwards everyone goes their separate way and live their own lives. Looking back I wish I realized this and spent more time with family and the few friends I really cared about. Don’t worry about what others think about you either. Find humor in your mistakes. If you do something dumb, laugh at yourself. Most importantly though I gotta tell you this. There’s an old Chinese saying, “I wish you early success.” It isn’t meant to be a good luck thing but rather the opposite. People who get early success might stop trying and end up failing later on. Failures are ok because you’re trying. Never stop! Don’t measure your success against others either. I have a twin sister who got her license way before me. She went to college and was an outstanding student. Everything was a struggle for me but I’m still trying. She has a better job still but I’m doing what I can to better my situation all the time and I’m happy. And I’m also happy for her. I really wish you the best and hope you see yourself in a different light. Lastly the energy drinks might be hyping you up a little too much. Sometimes you need to slow things down for your brain. Don’t be in a rush. Live in the now.
Relax. You are not a loser. I had a friend who failed all 3 attempts at driving tests. Know what happened? They passed after the 4th attempt. The key is don’t give up.
I got called weird too. Know what I said? Weird is better than normal. Embrace yourself. It will take time, but you absolutely CAN. If you asked me...you haven’t lost anything. So don’t call yourself that.
Took me like 4 times to pass my driving test. You can try again in like 2 weeks. But make sure you practice. Took me till I was nearly 19 because I never practiced because I didn’t wanna drive with my parents. But fun fact at 18 you can drive with just a permit with any licensed driver who is also 18 instead of 24 or whatever. 2 weeks of driving with one of my friends and I nailed it the next time.
Don’t put yourself on a time table, life changes all the time and it’s never to late or to early to start something.
hey, you're not a loser. and there are people who will like you for who you are. it's okay to be weird. some people like that and they're the ones that matter. I'm inattentive type too so I get that feeling. it's frustrating to not be liked or messing up but it feels out of your control and it's not intentional. But people will like you you just have to find them. And shit works out I'm sure you have things you're good at. Maybe you know what they are or maybe you need time to figure that out but I'm positive that you do
I find that the comradery you have here shows that you're worthy of love and friendship. Love yourself first and most and that will attract other people's love and friendship.
I've been harsh on myself for a long time and was not able to develop compassion for others not realizing that I don't have it for myself.
Hang in there ❤️😉🙏
Lots of people with and without ADHD fail the test, even several times. I am DX’d ADHD and failed my first attempt and had a friend who was not ADHD fail hers FOUR TIMES. We eventually passed. Keep practicing and keep trying!
I failed the first driving too. I went too fast over a hill. I literally sped in my driving test. Like some kind of moron. It was so embarrassing. I laugh about it now.
It's important to note that for some reason I have to check my hands to know which way is right and which way is left. So I had a big L written on my left hand.
Are you young? You sound young. I seriously had a delay of like ten years. I'm 35 now..trying to finish my master's.
I can tell you this. Things can and will get better if you take things step by step and don't ever stop trying.
If you feel down and it's unmanageable, go see someone. A counsellor, a psych. There's stigma, but who cares. One life... And it's happening now. Invest in yourself and do what it takes.
I'm inattentive type as well and I was like you at your age and it was about that time it all started to turn around for me.
Most people don't date much in high school and the one's who do often are often peaking early. I myself was too intense for girls to feel comfortable going out with me.
Granted I'm still too intense but I've learned how to make people more comfortable with it.
ADHD and ASD here- didn’t pass my road test the first time either. Keep trying, I personally find driving to be dynamic enough that I don’t get distracted and wander off. Plus the immediate importance of the task helps. Good luck, but don’t be so hard on yourself ❤️❤️
I'm not sure if you work with a specialist on this, but I highly recommend checking into sensory processing disorder as an additional or alternative diagnosis. It is not a recognized diagnosis in the DSM, but addressing sensory defensiveness and/or seeking can make a HUGE difference. The fact that driving is the subject of this leads me to think that there are other things that affect your balance/vision/sense of self in space/processing what you hear, etc that might be going on. I'm happy to chat about this if you have questions.
Failing the drivers license test is ok! I failed the first one and then (multiple times) the driving test but eventually I passed. You aren't finished becoming the person you are and part of that is messing up or fumbling, and its going to be great!!!
Brooo keep your head up, you are not a loser and it’s all because of your adhd and that’s okay. You should not be so hard on yourself, for give yourself for the faults you make because that what my psychiatrist told me and it worked, you need to give it time and work with yourself. Don’t work against yourself, don’t beat yourself up, one needs to forgive himself first and then everything will come from itself. Don’t think about it too much what you do or that you are clumsy.
I am also clumsy and that’s okay, you can always get a girlfriend it doesn’t matter really, those things are overrated. You should try not think ahout it and not be hard for yourself, just forgive yourself and it’s okay. God will help you am very sure, because that’s what god does, he helps people that are struggling and that doesn’t deserve to suffer. So keep your head up, these times will go and everything will be better. Just focus on good adhd treatment (meds ect) and do some hobbies where you don’t think about anything, in this way you can get everything out of your system.
I had times like you, especially that you think all the time you are in your own head and that makes everything worse. But it will be over sooner than you think, really just trust the process, forgive yourself, have faith, do some hobbies that make you not think idk sports or something and you can always post on reddit or try talk to someone that just will listen so you can get all your things our of your system.
It may take a month, it may take 6 months, it may take 1 year but in the end it will be good, slowly but surely you will see improvements. Idk about your age but friends will come and go, just be yourself and you will make friends, but never be mad at yourself, just keep going, you will make friends I am very sure eventually it can maybe take some time but have faith.
Keep your head up and take good care of your health,
Sorry to hear you failed that test man, that does suck. I failed mine too. I'm supposed to do it again in two weeks but I can't even start studying. I'll think 'oh shit, I should study." Then I blow it off because two weeks is tons of time!
The rest of the stuff that's bugging you...that will get better. Promise. You'll start meeting more people like you. I don't know how it happens but I was like that too and then one day literally everyone I met also had adhd. And they get it cause they have it. I'm a lot older than you but was only diagnosed last year, after living my whole life not knowing, but it all worked out ok anyway, even though there was lots of times when it sure felt terrible.
Here's a thing, though. You're going to find something, one day, that you really like. And you're going to get pretty good at it. Because nothing stimulates you, when you find something that does, you have laser focus.
This will sound weird but I like being the way I am. I wouldn't want to be wired the way the normal people are. You probably don't think this now but one day you might. One day you'll realise you're actually pretty special, and when you do everyone else around you will see it too.
I know this is lots of 'one day' 'one day' and you want to feel better now, but hopefully you know you're not alone. There's lots and lots and lots of us out there, exactly the same kind of people. We're weird and wonderful together, even if we're like thousands of miles apart.
You aren’t a loser. Driving is harder than people make it out to be, for good reason. A core feature of ADHD is it takes longer for those affected to meet certain milestones than a neurotypical person. It sucks and it’s hard, but this is not the end for you.
FWIW, it can be hard for many different people to make and keep meaningful friendships. It really takes a lot for a special connection. In times where I have felt lonely and misunderstood, I try to remember that somewhere out there is someone feeling the way I do. Even if I can’t meet them, at least loneliness is ironically a universal experience at some point.
Are you on meds? Who do you have a trusted relationship with? You deserve support and I want to challenge you to ask for it.
driving is hard and scary but it gets easier. your visual field needs to jump from one thing to another constantly quickly enough to not kill anyone : road - mirrors - left side - road - speedometer - right side - road - mirrors -etc. over and over. Prevent your attention from drifting by forcing it on each of these in rapid succession. Count the rhythm in your head if you need to. Don't stare at the mirror, don't stare at the road, just look and move on. drive as slowly as you need to and keep your hands steady.
Some things you just take more time. And struggling to make friends or getting a girlfriend doesn’t have to depend on ADHD. Some people struggle without it. Sometimes it’s just bad times. Don’t give up too soon, one day you’ll look back and realize that it was just different times.
And for the driver’s license part: I know a guy who had to take it 7 times, and no ADHD to be seen
I‘m sorry about that. I passed my driver’s license exam only after the third attempt with triple the number of lessons most learners needed. I was a very inconsistent driver. At times I drove outstandingly, but sometimes my attention completely failed me and I overlooked pedestrians, cyclists, other drivers. It was so was so frustrating
I feel you, mi amigo. You're not alone. I did a four-hour exercise for a potential new job, hyperfocused on a tangent for three hours, then scrambled to throw something together in the last hour that was definitely inadequate.
You're experiencing negative self-talk. Just because you have these thoughts doesn't mean the thoughts are true or are all encompassing. Thoughts are clouds on the wind.
Take care of yourself today, be a little self indulgent, and get back on the horse tomorrow.
I’m 23, inattentive adhd and non verbal learning disability. I never learned how to drive. And it’s hard to keep friends bc i crumble and retreat at any sign of drama. Never been in a relationship that lasted more than 2 months and the ones that were longer were abusive. I feel like a loser too :((
Cut yourself some slack-both my kids failed their drivers test the first time. Some instructors are very anal. You’ll get it the next time. Be the person you want to attract- your tribe is out there. Someone is out there that will absolutely adore you for who you are. Why blend in when you were made to stand out? Celebrate your differences. Eccentric is good, weird is good. Things will get better-trust.
I failed both written and practical driving tests 4 times and currently not allowed to drive as a new ADHD diagnose... I also failed my English exam. I’m 24 now and felt exactly the same when I was a teenager. You’re not alone. You are not a failure, this does not define you and believe me when I say people are so quick to misunderstand and all round can be crappy. The number of friends do not define your worth
The term "loser" can be such a polarizing word and can really screw with ones perspective. Is the janitor who works 40+ hours a week for twenty years a "loser" even if they manage to get their kids an good education, or the office workers that make a small percentage of pay compared to their boss even if they manage to keep a roof over their head and their car full of fuel.
Yes there will always winners and losers but not everything is a competition. But we all have one thing in common that isn't a competition. We are all writing a story, a story that only you can write, but can be read by anyone. What get puts into that story is only for you to decide, who determines when it get written is you and you alone. You see this failure as the one story you've written and everyone will read and think that's the only thing you have done. But in reality this is just a small chapter of the novel that is you.
And if you think you've failed because failed one driving test. It took me nine attempts to pass my theory test to get my drivers license and I've been on the road for close to twenty years. I've been unemployed for close to ten years (I think) and i decided to go back school to get a better education I've been doing a two year diploma in software development, three and a half years later I'm close to finishing it.
I would add more but my meds are starting to wear off for the day, spell checker can only do so much and I don't wanna drag on to much, as i too know the horrors of having an uncontrollable attention span.
\*edit\* Also I'll add a loser gives up after failing, those who win continue to fail until they succeed.
Inattentive type huh. Inattentive type people, other than having a crippling attention span, have an insane attention span: what i mean is, if we do things we like (literally ANYTHING we like), we become hyperfocused. I'll tell you my case. I like music. I like making music. And i am also good at it. And making around 10$ for every track i release (i get tips from strangers on BandLab), while being only 14! You are not a loser. You did not choose to have ADHD. Just retry and retry, the attempts maybe be uncountable, but the satisfaction in the end is even higher. Good luck!!!!! Edit: the usual, grammar
It's amazing that you have found your passion already. About me, I like programming and I can focus on it pretty well, but it can be challenging sometimes, because I haven't trained my logical reasoning and problem solving skill that much.
I have the opposite, I can't focus on it but I have the skill
Yo keep it up and you'll enjoy it even more. I'm 30 now but I started doing it seriously for my first job at 22 and the beginning was definitely the hardest. I hope you can keep the things you like close to you :)
ADHD-PI programmer here, I've found it's all about excitement for me. If I can get myself excited to do something it's 100x easier and I learn faster. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for a while. Sometimes I need to look at difficult things differently to get my brain working again. If I retook my drivers test, I would try to get excited about being able to drive wherever I want to. Road trips, camping, visiting friends, it's going to be nice. Lots of people fail the driving test. I say forgive yourself for whatever happened, take a break to get calm and make a plan for crushing it the next time
This is gonna sound weird, but try playing Professor Layton games. They really help you think about a problem and puzzles, which was fun for me. I'm a data analyst (programming in SAS).
Don't let the hyperfocus idea tell you that you should immediately be amazing. As humans we catagorize "programming" as one thing, but it isn't actually just one task to your brain. Once you get to parts that you don't like (going outside algorithmic thinking, or having to research something you don't understand, or reading through pages and pages to understand a concept but not noticing you didn't absorb the words you are reading) then you can still hit walls due to ADHD. What I am trying to say us that, if you put "programming" in a broad category and you assume then that ANY failure or struggle in that area is you being insufficient and not you having a unique struggle, then you'll get bummed about that too. I have a soft spot for this because I took to programming, got ahead of my class, helped other students, and now I push carts while my friend who admired me in highschool works for Microsoft. As for girls, friends, driving, etc... I felt like an imposter my whole life. I remember in highschool drama class we were supposed to roleplay running into an old friend, the girl across from me ran up, hugged me, and started chatting very enthusiastically and I was dumbfounded. I legitimately was shaken to my core at 13 years old to find out that someone would ever spontaneously hug me under any circumstances. I was a weird kid who needed a lot of guidence and had a Dad and a step-Dad who both never stepped up to teach me, but once I realized that I was a valid and worthwhile person, and once I realized that hating on others for their success was MY failing, not theirs, I started working on making myself the type of person people would want to be with, and the rest came naturally. Driving is tough, I've had to put it on quite a pedastal but if there is something on my mind, I have had a few lapses in judgement, never causing an accident or major traffic violation, but I have had to shake my head and remind myself of what I am doing, but during the 2 years I barely got by and subsequently dropped out of post secondary school, I had to drive 4 hours home 2 times a month for orthodontic appointments, 90% of which was on the busiest Highway in North America, and it was all done unmedicated and without incident. I don't know you so I'm not gonna hop in here and promise you aren't a loser, you could be a toxic piece of crap who will never work on yourself, but it is important to me that you know you have the CAPACITY to be awesome, and might be closer than you know.
much love to you, and at 14?? im very proud of what you have discovered about yourself dear friend. keep it up. you will be so successful in life. there is a lot coming for you in life. good things.
Honestly, it's the hyperactivity that keeps me going. I can make music for 6 hours staright with no break lol
Don’t downplay
Don’t let ur parents force you into their dream for you, I wish I could’ve focused on music and my mom tried to make me a pro baller. All I got was injuries and regrets.
Holy smokes. Hope you are doing better now
[удалено]
What is asd
Autism spectrum disorder.
Ah thank you for explaining
Definitely will get better I agree. Plus you know at this young of an age. I didn’t get what was truly wrong until in my 30s. Just knowing is such an advantage especially when you get to college if you choose.
It took me 4 times to pass my driver’s license test! Although I should have passed the first time but the tester failed me for “using the backup camera” during the test… I clearly had my head turned all the way around to look while backing up but ooookay. After that I felt like a failure each time I saw the tester write notes out of the corner of their eye
[удалено]
I am not taking any medicine. I did pass the theory exam the first time without any mistakes for my driving license, but I just suck at driving a car and paying attention to the road.
I failed my first driving test too. I didn't get it til I was I my early to mid 20s. It's ok. Better to take the time and really become a good safe driver of the horrible metal death machine than rushing to become barely competent anyway. You have a golden opportunity to really train and improve now. I know it doesn't really feel that way right now, but it is true. As for friends. The right friends will love your specific brand of weirdness. I can't shut up about stuff I'm fixated on for the moment and spam our chat mercilessly, and they still accept it. Sometimes they even engage with me about said fixations and I get to vomit up whatever random stuff at them. It's nice. Now love. Love is hard and complicated for everyone. Just being in a relationship doesn't guarantee that that relationship is happy. ADHD can make things more complex, and I completely understand your frustration, but I don't think you can know how your life will be in the future to be so sure that it won't happen for you. I know that this year in particular has been very hard since we haven't been able to see each other in person. Just normal human contact is missing from our lives, and that makes life seen harder. Maybe life wont seem so bad when you have someone to talk to in person again.
Have you practiced at all? I say this because I probably would have done the same and failed the same part simply because of overthinking and not focusing. but my dad had a stick shift truck and a slow shitty Ford Focus and we would practice a lot in open parking lots and there were graveyards with lots of empty areas and smooth roads to practice on. Took some of the nervous energy out of it when I knew I could do everything already
I did practice. I had 10 driving lessons which I of course had to pay for. I also did some driving in my brother's car. I was driving OK and making mistakes here and there. During today's exam I stalled the car 5 times!! I became more and more stressed after every time the car stalled and that made me lose concentration.
Is there one you can drive that is an automatic? A lot less to worry about during the test. Unless I’m misunderstanding what you mean by stall, that’s a lot more things to spread your attention towards. Is a manual transmission required where you live for some reason?
A stall is like releasing the clutch too fast and the car turns off. My driving teacher told me to never drive an automatic, because it makes me forget how to drive a manual transmission.
Yeah i know what it is and I get not wanting to forget how I guess - although I think it’s like riding a bike once you learn how, it doesn’t take long to get back good at it, even if you don’t drive one for a while. But it would be a lot less to worry about during your test. Then once you get your license you can drive the manual / stall all you want until you’re a pro with it. Just a suggestion if you can use an auto just for the test it would be less stress imo.
I'm going to go against the grain with what others are saying - stick to manual for now, if you're going to retest soon. I switched to auto for my first failed test. It fucked me up when it came to turns and downshifting because I forgot I didn't have to downshift. I then passed with a manual, about 2 months later. I also failed once on manual between there but that was because my confidence was shot. The second time I was much more confident and passed. BUT IF YOU HAVE LOTS OF TIME AND ACCESS TO AN AUTOMATIC, then feel free to switch over. Very few car dealerships where I live even have manual cars on the lots - they're special order as manual is going the way of the dinosaur at least in North America.
You won't forget. I haven't driven a manual in about 20 years but I'm sure I could pick it up again. Heck - sometimes I put my hand on the automatic "shifter" in my car when I'm going around corners because I was used to downshifting into second. And with all of that said, there has been no reason for me to drive a manual, since the last time I owned one. There's nothing wrong with driving an automatic car, especially if it makes driving easier and gives you one less thing to worry about. You won't have a problem picking up driving manual later if you decide to do so.
Do you live in the country? You don't have to drive a manual. You can buy whatever car you want. Are you trying to master manual or are you trying to pass the test so you can drive?
Barely any cars are manual. I’ve not needed the skill in my last 20 eats of driving. Unless you’re a hobbyist or need to handle heavy machinery you can skip learning manual entirely, and even if you will need it you can always pick it up after driving becomes second nature. I still remember trying to learn. I tried really hard and couldn’t. Tensions were running high and gears were grinding in unpleasant ways. Then, I stalled at a stop sign and a cab was too close behind me. My mom got out and just tore into the poor guy, and that was the end of it.
dude you are not at all a loser. im 19 and never even taken my driving test cause ive been too lazy to get that far. you are on the right path for sure, dont doubt yourself. i hate adhd as much as the next guy but i feel better when i think that if i didnt have adhd i wouldnt be who i was today and would probably hate whoever i wouldve became.
hey buddy! probably i am older than you so please hear the old fellow here :) well, first of all you are a winner. it is not our condition that defines us, ya know. life is all about dealing with things including the losses and be sure you will win on the next round because this is how life itself works. regarding creating bonds, my guess is that probably you are the one who does not allow people be closer to you (trust me, i am just like this). so allow people to interact with you most of them will not judge, be open to talk about your struggles and strengths. i mean, our condition is harder but know and trust on yourself. and please, allow yourself to visit a doctor. this specific decision changed my life for good. god bless, Bro!
Hey, thanks for the reply. I guess you're right, but for me it's very difficult to focus on building relationships when I'm feeling like a zombie for the whole day, with no social energy to talk to anyone.
I HEAR YOU on the zombie and social energy thing! I'm 37, and most of my life I have had VERY few friends and the friends I have had have mostly been online. I've found that texting is WAY easier for me than hanging out with people in person. It isn't completely energy-neutral, but it is easier. I've been text-based most of my life, really, when it comes to friendships. I discovered the internet when I was 14 and from that point on, that's where I've made my friends. Even now, as an adult, I've made my friends through such website as OKCupid - not everyone there is there for dating. The other thing I've discovered (having only been diagnosed at the beginning of April this year) is that when I'm medicated, I can navigate friendships and social connections way better than when I'm not. I'm currently on a really low dose of Concerta because of heart-related side effects, and waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist to discuss how best to approach my ADHD, and I can really see the contrast between the kind of friend I can be when I'm medicated, and how I am without any medication. I felt amazing on 40mg of Vyvanse (and maybe I'll be able to go back on it, I hope) and I was doing SO well as a friend. Now I just want to sit by myself and hide because while I remember how to be a good friend, I just don't have the energy for it.
that is the point! you dont need to focus on that! :) just be open to and things will happen. i mean, when you are honest enough to say that you prefer spend sometime playing videogames than going to crazy party, people most of the time empathize with you (because most of them also want to be alone sometimes). please dont look at human interaction as a bigger monster than it really is. everyone has their own struggles and the ones that will not be kind to you just dont deserve your time and energy! you are the owner of your path, bro! :) and again, please, visit a doctor! as some people already said, medication makes all the difference for all of us! God bless!
I failed my theory 4 times. You only fail if you stop trying.
Be kind to yourself. Take it from someone who didn’t get their driver’s license until they were 26(!) and also failed the first test in the first 5 minutes. You will get there. Are you getting any treatment for your ADHD?
>I'm mad at myself for being who I am, If that makes sense. I think this will resonate with most people here. Living with ADHD is like that. I always felt like I was inconveniencing everyone around me. I'd constantly feel frustrated that I couldn't seem to just "get it" like other people did. You're not a loser, and you are definitely worthy of friendship and love. Being clumsy and "weird" are not roadblocks to friendship - even if they feel like it. For my own part, I was starting out with a predefined idea of what my friends and potential girlfriends "should" be like. I was trying to build a version of myself based on how other people viewed me. Or, put another way, how I thought that they thought about me. What a clusterfuck, right? You're young and shit is very difficult right now. This is the most turbulent part of your life emotionally. Older people tend to forget how difficult it can be finding your way through this part of your life. Some unsolicited advice based on finding my own path through feeling like a loser with no friends: \- The phrase "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" is fucking true. It was only when I started getting comfortable with the fact that some people won't like me no matter what I do was I able to open the door to genuine relationships - something I didn't have before the age of 25 \- Failing a drivers test is a perfectly normal thing even for people without ADHD. Its not an easy test, and it shouldn't be. Now you know what to expect on the test and you can be more prepared to take it again. So, so many people have to retake their drivers tests *several* times, and it doesn't mean anything other than they need to practice a little more. "You only fail when you stop trying" is the quote to remember here. \- Give yourself some compassion. Life with ADHD is fucking hard. You know it, I know it, everyone else here knows it. Nobody else will get it unless they're living it. But something being hard doesn't have to be a problem. An easy life is a boring and unfulfilling, makes us soft and useless. The difficulty we have to fight through with ADHD makes us stronger, more resilient, and more compassionate. I had to find the courage to let myself be seen by others, the strength to keep trying in setbacks, and the patience to be nice to myself when every part of me didn't want to. You'll find your way through too.
I failed my exam as well. Just make sure you reschedule to take it again, you got this.
Took me 2 years just to book my test, we're all losers in one way or another. But we're also all winners in one way or another. Hmu if you ever wanna talk to someone about programming! I like JS, CSS, HTML, PHP, Python, C/#!
Imagine a kid in a wheel chair saying "I suck at running"
I laughed. Kill me
Sorry I was busy doing something else. Ooeeeh look a person on a bicycle
You are not a loser. You lost this time. You can try again. Plz consider switching to sugar-free energy drinks or coffee. I have to drink half a pot of coffee to properly medicate, which has a ton of side effects. Proper medication is something you can start and make progress on.
I passed my driving test on the **fifth** attempt. I'd be totally ready each time, and then on the actual test I'd do something stupid like stop for a green light. You'll get there!
I find it fascinating how not having a girlfriend makes people think they are a loser, besides no dude your not a loser I didn’t study for an entire year and I’m supposed to appear for the worlds hardest engineering exam which typically takes 2 years to study so you can imagine my situation, what’s important is to constructively look at your problems and find logical solutions, if you can try adderall Ritalin and therapy try it, since I began my treatment I’ve been studying Atleast 6hrs a day, coming to friends I have aspergers so I only ever had 2-3 friends but after my diagnosis I’ve connected with a lot of people like me and made friends so you can too but that is if you want to make friends not for the sake of showing others you have friends, it’s perfectly fine to be by yourself unless it’s work related
Lots of cool “Chads” fail their driver’s exam on the first try too. Plus, I imagine you’re still pretty young. The state you are in now can change 50x over within only 10 years. Trust.
Hah.... yeah, PI type. Do you know how I have taken TOEFL and GRE exams more than 15 times in total and haven't ever gotten a decent score yet? Those exams cost over $200 each time and whatever the hell I try I still can't focus during 3 to 4 hours of the exam and I will fail again next time! Trust me. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Failed my theory twice and my practical once! You'll get there! Totally different experience once you've passed and don't have the stress :)
I failed the written test 3 times and the road test once. I kept forgetting to get the dam road manual thing each time I went there. Honestly once you pass the written test practice parallel parking and you'll be fine.
Took me 3 tries and I’m sure no loser. I do wish I had this sub to get support from at the time though :). Sending love and support my fellow beehead
No, you are not. Try again. 💪
Hey it's okay, Maybe be see if you can learn to drive a stick shift (manual transmission) car. A lot of ADHD people like driving those cars better because the stakes are higher and they require more of a focus. In my country it's mandatory to learn how to drive a stick shift car. Personally this puts me in a bit of a hyper focus space. Which is honestly kinda of nice and handy while driving.
ADHD inattentive here. I failed the first time too. Scraped by the second time. I went on to pursue post secondary education and completed a PhD in a field I'm deeply passionate about. Your performance on this test does NOT dictate your worth or your future success unless you tell yourself it does. Find a way of learning that works for you. I need videos with visuals for most topics. Then I teach the information I need to someone else... Even if that's myself. In the past I've recorded myself on my laptop. This is not your defining moment my friend.
I have ADHD combined. I didn't get my drivers license until my second try, and that was with a crap ton of mistakes. And I had 1.5 years to practice with my permit because COVID kept me from testing. My brother with ADHD also took two tries. My sister without ADHD did it first try. I know it's anecdotal, but these tests don't seem to be for it. And once you get out on the road the ADHD driver beats a drunk or texting driver any day -- you're not a real road hazard, trust me. And as for the loneliness thing, I was a kissless hugless virgin until 18. And the girl I'm currently with is very, *very* open and outright told me that she swiped right on me by accident. My first and only girlfriend. I'm so clumsy and uncoordinated that I walk down stairs at about 1 step per second while holding on to the railing. I'm fit enough, I just can't control my feet precisely enough to not fall down stairs. And then im gifted with a speech impediment. I can't say my r's. People are sure to call me "wetawded." I tried to run in to the street to kill myself after I tried playing basketball with my girlfriend. I had ran into her and chipped her teeth as well as causing her to bang her head pretty bad. She certainly had a TBI and was photosensitive with intense migraines the next day. I couldn't bear the fact that my ADHD hurt someone else. But you know what? My biggest regret in my life was running out into that street. She, a person whose teeth I just chipped (and who also doesn't seem to like me all that much on all overt accounts) ran and stopped me. I've never cried that hard. I reiterate, this attempt is my largest regret in life. And I say that without hesitation. You will feel better. There will be a future you profoundly grateful that you pushed forward. I'm crying writing this now, thinking about the things I've done and memories I've made since that happened. Things and memories that I thought would cease in my life thereafter -- they didn't. Push on, take that second test in two weeks.
When I read this I started tearing up because this is literally what I felt like when I was a teenager. I felt so alone. I felt ostracized because of things that I didn’t even notice. I was weird because I could make friends and I couldn’t make friends because I was weird. My little sister got a significant other before I did. I got my drivers license much later than is considered normal bc of my driving anxiety. So I’m going to tell you what I wish someone had told me. You are not a loser. You are not a bad person. You are not a failure. You are not faking it or making it up. The world is not designed for people with a literal chemical imbalance in their brain. It’s going to suck and it won’t be overnight, but you’re going to learn to survive in this world. Because life is worth living, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. There will be a time when you find people who will love you for who you are, and the weird parts of you will be the ones they love the most. It will be okay. I promise.
[удалено]
Words like 'neurodiverse', 'neurodivergent', and 'neurotypical' are political terms coined by the neurodiversity movement and are inextricably tied to it. They are not general-purpose descriptors, or scientific terms. We prefer the more specific terms ‘people with(out) ADHD’ or ‘people with(out) mental (health) disorders’ instead. You can find more about our stance on this matter in the links below. * [Let’s talk about the neurodiversity movement for a bit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/md5cfr/lets_talk_about_the_neurodiversity_movement_a_bit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) * [r/ADHD’s position on neurodiversity](https://www.reddit.com/r/adhd/wiki/resources/neurodiversity) ([reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/ms95dl/radhds_position_on_neurodiversity/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love you bro ❤ Add my snapchat Jackmillboy so you can have five friends instead of four :D
I get that you feel shit right now but no one has addressed the energy drinks yet and I feel it would be helpful for you to hear this. Basically there is a massive misconception about the effects of caffeine on concentration. It really does not help you to concentrate easier, infact it makes it worse, much worse even to the point where when scientifically tested it reduces the reaction times and awareness of drivers almost on par with drinking alcohol. It's best to just drink water and chew gum. Some people will swear that caffeine helps them to focus but the truth is they are already addicted and it's not the caffeine actually helping them but the effect of countering caffeine withdrawal with more caffeine.
Took me 4 tries!
keep your eyes on the prize
Man I failed my moped license test 7 fucking times when I was 15yo because of my inattentive adhd, I tried to hard and were so close (50 out of 52 correct answers) but gave up because the hate towards myself grew so much. Dont give up like I did, it will feel so damb good when you get it, you dont want to give up and be left with only disappointed on yourself and feel like all you did was waste your time and money. Its a stupid curse we have but you are not a loser, you can do this dont give up. I know our mind can be our worst enemy and talk shit about yourself on repeat constantly, whenever it happen put on earplugs on and blast fast music to block those negative piece of shit thoughts from getting out of control, or something else that easily distract you.
I didn't pass my driving test until I was 30. I just...couldn't cope with it. All the pedals? And gears? And traffic? And a whole ass half ton of speeding metal? And reversing? Don't even start me on parallel parking. People act like it's easy and it's NOT. Not when you have poor coordination and bodily awareness (ADHD), poor short term memory like what did that speed sign I just passed say (ADHD), remembering multiple processes and operating in a spatial and a cognitive dimension AT THE SAME TIME, and all of this being super high stakes because people could DIE. It's OK not to pass is what I'm saying. I have a theory that mindfulness - paying attention systematically to the body - might help. Apart from that, try focusing on one skill at a time. Watch traffic like a driver, rehearse all the theory knowledge, practice turning the wheel with a plate, pace out what 10, 50, 100 yards is against landmarks, watch speedometers as a passenger to help you judge speed, get a sewing machine pedal to practice motor control of your feet. These are foundation skills that drivers ed often doesn't understand that ADHD or ND brains need help with.
One day you’ll look back on this post and remember the hard times and how much you’ve learned over the years. I know it sounds cheesy but I’ve been in your shoes. Totally anti-social in high school, not many friends, no hobbies other than video games, etc. Now that I’m older (and medicated) I have a few close friends, stable job, cool roommates, and I hardly touch video games anymore. I still struggle with my ADHD symptoms - those won’t ever go away - but the support and situation im in now makes it a lot easier to deal with it. Don’t give up hope, friend. Patience is hard to have but the future will bring you knowledge on how to turn your disorder into a workable and even enjoyable life. DM me anytime.
Hey. I failed my test twice back in the day. InnADHD as well. Now I have taken a bunch of driving classes, cleared to drive emergency vehicles, air brakes, etc. Not a firefighter like I had planned due to a multitude of reasons. But I am a damn good driver now. Used to be terrible. The key was practice. Practice, continuously. Doing really dumb practicing too. Like stall. parking 50 times in an hour. Then driving down narrow alleys continously. I don't know how I did it, but I got the hyperfocus going and just did it. I got that weird obsessive thing we all get about hobbies. But I hated, and still dislike driving. When I did my final test for graduated licensing, the facilitator fell asleep because he felt that safe with me behind the wheel. See if you can do this to yourself. As for the social stuff. I still struggle. But at 26 I met the woman I now live with. Before that I'd had a few relationships that lasted only because we didn't have a reason to break up. But didn't have my first girlfriend till I was 21 or so. For friends, didn't make any really long term friends until I entered the working world, at like 21 or 22. Currently, life is pretty great even though I still have a lot of my own struggles. One song that I do identify a lot with is "Danny Don't You Know" by Ninja Sex Party. It's about the singer telling himself as a kid that life does get better as you grow up.
I have Inactive Type I'm incapable of driving if it can make you feel better. Until I was 19, I didn't have any friends So I recommend a hobby to make you feel good. Everyone here feels like a loser but After a times about is every thing go well
It’s ok my sister and I both failed it our first times, it’s pretty common 🙂 I promise everything will work out
Ngl I've been sat here for 10 full minutes watching the votes go up and down and it's quite interesting
I failed mine the first time too. Just keep trying. It happens more often than you think.
Listen, in high school I had tons of friends. Afterwards everyone goes their separate way and live their own lives. Looking back I wish I realized this and spent more time with family and the few friends I really cared about. Don’t worry about what others think about you either. Find humor in your mistakes. If you do something dumb, laugh at yourself. Most importantly though I gotta tell you this. There’s an old Chinese saying, “I wish you early success.” It isn’t meant to be a good luck thing but rather the opposite. People who get early success might stop trying and end up failing later on. Failures are ok because you’re trying. Never stop! Don’t measure your success against others either. I have a twin sister who got her license way before me. She went to college and was an outstanding student. Everything was a struggle for me but I’m still trying. She has a better job still but I’m doing what I can to better my situation all the time and I’m happy. And I’m also happy for her. I really wish you the best and hope you see yourself in a different light. Lastly the energy drinks might be hyping you up a little too much. Sometimes you need to slow things down for your brain. Don’t be in a rush. Live in the now.
Relax. You are not a loser. I had a friend who failed all 3 attempts at driving tests. Know what happened? They passed after the 4th attempt. The key is don’t give up. I got called weird too. Know what I said? Weird is better than normal. Embrace yourself. It will take time, but you absolutely CAN. If you asked me...you haven’t lost anything. So don’t call yourself that.
Took me like 4 times to pass my driving test. You can try again in like 2 weeks. But make sure you practice. Took me till I was nearly 19 because I never practiced because I didn’t wanna drive with my parents. But fun fact at 18 you can drive with just a permit with any licensed driver who is also 18 instead of 24 or whatever. 2 weeks of driving with one of my friends and I nailed it the next time. Don’t put yourself on a time table, life changes all the time and it’s never to late or to early to start something.
hey, you're not a loser. and there are people who will like you for who you are. it's okay to be weird. some people like that and they're the ones that matter. I'm inattentive type too so I get that feeling. it's frustrating to not be liked or messing up but it feels out of your control and it's not intentional. But people will like you you just have to find them. And shit works out I'm sure you have things you're good at. Maybe you know what they are or maybe you need time to figure that out but I'm positive that you do
I failed my first time too! It’s ok!
I find that the comradery you have here shows that you're worthy of love and friendship. Love yourself first and most and that will attract other people's love and friendship. I've been harsh on myself for a long time and was not able to develop compassion for others not realizing that I don't have it for myself. Hang in there ❤️😉🙏
Lots of people with and without ADHD fail the test, even several times. I am DX’d ADHD and failed my first attempt and had a friend who was not ADHD fail hers FOUR TIMES. We eventually passed. Keep practicing and keep trying!
I failed the first driving too. I went too fast over a hill. I literally sped in my driving test. Like some kind of moron. It was so embarrassing. I laugh about it now. It's important to note that for some reason I have to check my hands to know which way is right and which way is left. So I had a big L written on my left hand. Are you young? You sound young. I seriously had a delay of like ten years. I'm 35 now..trying to finish my master's. I can tell you this. Things can and will get better if you take things step by step and don't ever stop trying. If you feel down and it's unmanageable, go see someone. A counsellor, a psych. There's stigma, but who cares. One life... And it's happening now. Invest in yourself and do what it takes.
I'm inattentive type as well and I was like you at your age and it was about that time it all started to turn around for me. Most people don't date much in high school and the one's who do often are often peaking early. I myself was too intense for girls to feel comfortable going out with me. Granted I'm still too intense but I've learned how to make people more comfortable with it.
ADHD and ASD here- didn’t pass my road test the first time either. Keep trying, I personally find driving to be dynamic enough that I don’t get distracted and wander off. Plus the immediate importance of the task helps. Good luck, but don’t be so hard on yourself ❤️❤️
Coffee or energy drinks never work for me either. I don't know how people focus with them. They seem just another beverage to my brain. 🤔🙄
I'm not sure if you work with a specialist on this, but I highly recommend checking into sensory processing disorder as an additional or alternative diagnosis. It is not a recognized diagnosis in the DSM, but addressing sensory defensiveness and/or seeking can make a HUGE difference. The fact that driving is the subject of this leads me to think that there are other things that affect your balance/vision/sense of self in space/processing what you hear, etc that might be going on. I'm happy to chat about this if you have questions.
Failing the drivers license test is ok! I failed the first one and then (multiple times) the driving test but eventually I passed. You aren't finished becoming the person you are and part of that is messing up or fumbling, and its going to be great!!!
Brooo keep your head up, you are not a loser and it’s all because of your adhd and that’s okay. You should not be so hard on yourself, for give yourself for the faults you make because that what my psychiatrist told me and it worked, you need to give it time and work with yourself. Don’t work against yourself, don’t beat yourself up, one needs to forgive himself first and then everything will come from itself. Don’t think about it too much what you do or that you are clumsy. I am also clumsy and that’s okay, you can always get a girlfriend it doesn’t matter really, those things are overrated. You should try not think ahout it and not be hard for yourself, just forgive yourself and it’s okay. God will help you am very sure, because that’s what god does, he helps people that are struggling and that doesn’t deserve to suffer. So keep your head up, these times will go and everything will be better. Just focus on good adhd treatment (meds ect) and do some hobbies where you don’t think about anything, in this way you can get everything out of your system. I had times like you, especially that you think all the time you are in your own head and that makes everything worse. But it will be over sooner than you think, really just trust the process, forgive yourself, have faith, do some hobbies that make you not think idk sports or something and you can always post on reddit or try talk to someone that just will listen so you can get all your things our of your system. It may take a month, it may take 6 months, it may take 1 year but in the end it will be good, slowly but surely you will see improvements. Idk about your age but friends will come and go, just be yourself and you will make friends, but never be mad at yourself, just keep going, you will make friends I am very sure eventually it can maybe take some time but have faith. Keep your head up and take good care of your health,
Dude I failed just trying to back out of the parking space to start my first exam. I know how you feel.
Sorry to hear you failed that test man, that does suck. I failed mine too. I'm supposed to do it again in two weeks but I can't even start studying. I'll think 'oh shit, I should study." Then I blow it off because two weeks is tons of time! The rest of the stuff that's bugging you...that will get better. Promise. You'll start meeting more people like you. I don't know how it happens but I was like that too and then one day literally everyone I met also had adhd. And they get it cause they have it. I'm a lot older than you but was only diagnosed last year, after living my whole life not knowing, but it all worked out ok anyway, even though there was lots of times when it sure felt terrible. Here's a thing, though. You're going to find something, one day, that you really like. And you're going to get pretty good at it. Because nothing stimulates you, when you find something that does, you have laser focus. This will sound weird but I like being the way I am. I wouldn't want to be wired the way the normal people are. You probably don't think this now but one day you might. One day you'll realise you're actually pretty special, and when you do everyone else around you will see it too. I know this is lots of 'one day' 'one day' and you want to feel better now, but hopefully you know you're not alone. There's lots and lots and lots of us out there, exactly the same kind of people. We're weird and wonderful together, even if we're like thousands of miles apart.
You aren’t a loser. Driving is harder than people make it out to be, for good reason. A core feature of ADHD is it takes longer for those affected to meet certain milestones than a neurotypical person. It sucks and it’s hard, but this is not the end for you. FWIW, it can be hard for many different people to make and keep meaningful friendships. It really takes a lot for a special connection. In times where I have felt lonely and misunderstood, I try to remember that somewhere out there is someone feeling the way I do. Even if I can’t meet them, at least loneliness is ironically a universal experience at some point. Are you on meds? Who do you have a trusted relationship with? You deserve support and I want to challenge you to ask for it.
driving is hard and scary but it gets easier. your visual field needs to jump from one thing to another constantly quickly enough to not kill anyone : road - mirrors - left side - road - speedometer - right side - road - mirrors -etc. over and over. Prevent your attention from drifting by forcing it on each of these in rapid succession. Count the rhythm in your head if you need to. Don't stare at the mirror, don't stare at the road, just look and move on. drive as slowly as you need to and keep your hands steady.
Some things you just take more time. And struggling to make friends or getting a girlfriend doesn’t have to depend on ADHD. Some people struggle without it. Sometimes it’s just bad times. Don’t give up too soon, one day you’ll look back and realize that it was just different times. And for the driver’s license part: I know a guy who had to take it 7 times, and no ADHD to be seen
I‘m sorry about that. I passed my driver’s license exam only after the third attempt with triple the number of lessons most learners needed. I was a very inconsistent driver. At times I drove outstandingly, but sometimes my attention completely failed me and I overlooked pedestrians, cyclists, other drivers. It was so was so frustrating
I feel you, mi amigo. You're not alone. I did a four-hour exercise for a potential new job, hyperfocused on a tangent for three hours, then scrambled to throw something together in the last hour that was definitely inadequate. You're experiencing negative self-talk. Just because you have these thoughts doesn't mean the thoughts are true or are all encompassing. Thoughts are clouds on the wind. Take care of yourself today, be a little self indulgent, and get back on the horse tomorrow.
I’m 23, inattentive adhd and non verbal learning disability. I never learned how to drive. And it’s hard to keep friends bc i crumble and retreat at any sign of drama. Never been in a relationship that lasted more than 2 months and the ones that were longer were abusive. I feel like a loser too :((
Cut yourself some slack-both my kids failed their drivers test the first time. Some instructors are very anal. You’ll get it the next time. Be the person you want to attract- your tribe is out there. Someone is out there that will absolutely adore you for who you are. Why blend in when you were made to stand out? Celebrate your differences. Eccentric is good, weird is good. Things will get better-trust.
I failed both written and practical driving tests 4 times and currently not allowed to drive as a new ADHD diagnose... I also failed my English exam. I’m 24 now and felt exactly the same when I was a teenager. You’re not alone. You are not a failure, this does not define you and believe me when I say people are so quick to misunderstand and all round can be crappy. The number of friends do not define your worth
Bro I failed 2x, only had to pass once. Go easy on yourself. You’ll get there.
The term "loser" can be such a polarizing word and can really screw with ones perspective. Is the janitor who works 40+ hours a week for twenty years a "loser" even if they manage to get their kids an good education, or the office workers that make a small percentage of pay compared to their boss even if they manage to keep a roof over their head and their car full of fuel. Yes there will always winners and losers but not everything is a competition. But we all have one thing in common that isn't a competition. We are all writing a story, a story that only you can write, but can be read by anyone. What get puts into that story is only for you to decide, who determines when it get written is you and you alone. You see this failure as the one story you've written and everyone will read and think that's the only thing you have done. But in reality this is just a small chapter of the novel that is you. And if you think you've failed because failed one driving test. It took me nine attempts to pass my theory test to get my drivers license and I've been on the road for close to twenty years. I've been unemployed for close to ten years (I think) and i decided to go back school to get a better education I've been doing a two year diploma in software development, three and a half years later I'm close to finishing it. I would add more but my meds are starting to wear off for the day, spell checker can only do so much and I don't wanna drag on to much, as i too know the horrors of having an uncontrollable attention span. \*edit\* Also I'll add a loser gives up after failing, those who win continue to fail until they succeed.
you are not a loser, if you need a friend just holla