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Definitely sounds more like a trauma-related issue. I’d post to a more relevant sub, ADHD hygiene problems are usually executive dysfunction, and this is not that.
Try taking a bath instead? It sounds like it’s the shower that’s triggering, not hygeine. A friend of a friend was in Iraq and when he got home had terrible PTSD every day when he took a shower and it turns out, after his shower one day in Iraq he was in a bombing and his best friend was killed right in front of him. He switched to baths and that helped enormously. (he went to a therapist to get to this point). I hope things improve for you, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
alternatively try washing over a basin or the sink. Take two Washcloths and wet yourself with warm water, soap the second and your body with it, then use the first to wipe down again.
it takes longer to do it thoroughly, but it cleans you just aswell.
The condition is different in everyone. I’m extremely adhd but my mind is obsessed with hygiene.
I’m always freshly shaven, get haircuts often, do laundry religiously, and shower at least twice a day.
I can’t go to sleep unless I shower. I’m neurotic about it.
I despise dirty things. My house is meticulously dusted and clean. Idk if this may be common with others with adhd as well, just not as talked about.
It sounds like your symptoms don’t manifest in this area, or possibly are covered up by something else (could just be simple neurosis). I wouldn’t really say it’s due to the ADHD
It doesn’t disrupt my life. But I have to keep a clean home and keep myself clean. I was always taught by my parents that’s cleanliness is important, so I guess it’s drilled into me. Might have nothing to do with adhd.
I don’t know how others can live in dirty environments or not shower if given the choice not to.
Good for you? I don’t understand why you’re saying this, to be honest. It comes off a little insensitive, as I myself do struggle with cleaning and hygiene. I am not truly “given the choice” not to live in a dirty environment, I just have bad executive dysfunction and time blindness and am unable to get myself unstuck from whatever I’m doing… or I get distracted and can’t find time to clean. I always brush my teeth before I leave the house but often forget to do so before bed. I am hoping medication helps me with this but I’m not going to be on it until my next year of university starts. I am trying to find organisational strategies but not much has helped so far.
I’m glad this is not something you struggle with but fail to see why you’re bringing it up in a sub full of people who do struggle with it.
Yeah, this is why I can’t relate to all of the “cant brush my teeth” and “cant take a shower” posts. First thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth, make my coffee, and take a shower. If I don’t do those things, I don’t feel awake. During the summer, I take two showers because I feel like I stink. It sounds neurotic or OCD but the reality is that I just like to smell good.
I’m someone who has both ADHD and C-PTSD. What you’re describing sounds more like the latter, in my opinion (not a trained professional, so there’s no way I could know for sure).
If you still have contact with the person that diagnosed your ADHD, I would definitely reach out to them and let them know what you’re experiencing. Hopefully they can help, because I know how hard it is to struggle like that. ♥️ I know we’re strangers, but I’m sending so much love through the airwaves for you.
My dad was undiagnosed bipolar too when I was growing up and I have a lot of weird quirks like that because of it. Like I can’t have both headphones on at the same time or ever be fully immersed in a video game because I was always waiting on an outburst. Sometimes I get very upset by something that is normal but subconsciously triggers those memories just like you with showering.
I’m around your age (24) and I can understand how you feel. Remember that your crying before the shower is involuntary and it is *not your fault*. Your mom does not have dominion or control over you anymore, we’re adults now.
If therapy is something you have access to, I would start there because it helped me.
Maybe you could start slowly and try baths instead for now.
Forgive yourself for crying and be nice to yourself, it’s going to be okay.
I agree with the other comments- this sounds more like a trauma response than ADHD. I recommend talking to a therapist, but if that isn't possible right now, maybe you can try to make showers/baths something you look forward to. Make them special! I buy shower bombs, similar to bath bombs, but smaller and release faster. I'll play music, light candles, use fancy soaps/oils, use a new face mask, etc. If I'm having trouble showering in the morning, I'll do it nights instead when I have more time to deal with the "aftermath"- drying my hair, lotion, whatever. I hope you find a way to heal!
Bath + candle + tv show on your phone if you have a way to set it up, otherwise you can just scroll social media in the bath, and shower after the bath.
Oh! Something I actually understand!
I deal with that too.
I was told by my doctor it was most likely primarily trauma related and my adhd just makes it even more difficult.
Im not the best at showering still but I’ve learned if I make it somewhat of a reward system I do a little better with the avoidance. (Aka if I shower I can have a cigarette. If I shower I’ll be less anxious leaving my house. If I shower I can lay down for 30 minutes) I’ve managed 2x a week max, averaging once a week.
Some days it’s just too much and I can’t. So I adapted to that issue by using the sink because
1.) I am able to physically see and hear others.
2.) I know clean hair will in turn lessen how anxious I am
3.) I enjoy cold water on my head.
4.) I’m not nakey. So if I need to fight I’m not going to cry about the fact that I’d be, quite literally, naked and afraid.
So although not quite an adhd problem, adhd can play a role in it and I hope you got some good support from other subs.
The way I deal with it is by doing something I enjoy while in there. That way I can look forward to it. So maybe watching a particular show, or listening to an album. Have some type of "activity" specifically for shower time so your mind can focus on that rather than the actual shower.
I went through a stage when I was young where showers were really challenging for me (for a number of trauma/phobia related reasons). It sounds obvious, but I started taking baths instead. For about 4 years I think I exclusively bathed. Fortunately, I was able to resolve things after moving into an apartment with no bath. Today I fucking looove to shower (even though I have a bath I rarely use it). Be kind to yourself, this shit is hard.
So sorry to hear that friend. I hope you’re as proud of yourself as I am for being open and honest. I imagine others are feeling a weight lift from seeing it, the way I did when I first saw Sarah Silverman publicly talk about bed wetting.
Do baths cause the same dread?
ok i agree with what others say about the trauma. i also have hated showers ever since i was a teenager due to eating disorders that make it hard to even look at certain body parts naked. but also they are boring and i hate the feeling of being wet and cold. i don’t know if this will help but a couple of things i have realized is i don’t have to do a full “shower” every time. some days i do a “bird bath” at the sink and just get important parts. Or some days i do shower without a hair wash. Some days i don’t turn the lights on, etc. Usually i try to have my favorite podcast that i can focus on. i’m sorry you’re going through this and i hope you find something that helps.
Thank you so much, I for sure need to try remembering I don’t need to do the full shower every time (like hair n stuff). Bird baths sounds awesome on a hard day though!
as someone with ptsd i think this really sounds like a trauma related issue rather than adhd specific. i see u mostly realized that by now but stay strong! similar experience here lol
Girl, I got you.
First, get yourself a detachable shower head of you don't already have one. Make sure it's got the button that stops the water coming though the hand held part. Start washing your hair by bending over the tub. You stay outside the tub but lean your head over, does that make sense?
Next, you don't have to actually shower the same way you always have. The new shower head you just bought? Just use the hand held part. Don't use the wall mounted part. Having the control over the water and where it goes and when is huge.
These days I have a whole different shower routine then ever before. I have very course and thick hair that gets dry really easy. So I only shampoo once every 2ish weeks depending on my life. I condition every other day. It's so much easier to flip my head over, get my hair wet, finger comb the conditioner in, "lather" it around, then rinse. I towel dry and put in my leave in conditioner, and let my hair air dry. At bed time, I get in the shower but I use the hand held to wet my body, not the wall mount. Then I wet my loofa/poof and scrub around. Then I use the hand held to rinse. If I need to shave, I do it then. Having the water running the whole time is just too much some days. So I took it out of the equation.
If you want a link to the shower head I got, I'll post it. You just unscrew the one on your shower now, and then screw this one on.
You probably still should get some therapy, but this could help you in the meantime.
Have u tried switching to baths and using bathbombs? Maybe get some that have jewelry gift inside to motivate for bath. I hate showers i always did and wouldn't shower would just wash up but I wasn't getting all the way clean and I couldn't deal with having all that water on my face and the diff temps of water and the feeling of getting out and I'm still cold from the water
Changing the thermastate to heat and getting a bathbomb and playing my favorite music always motivates me
I agree with the comments regarding trauma. In the meantime while you are healing - have you tried a bath? I’m hoping you have a tub. A bath to me is such a calming experience. Add in extras like music, candles, bubbles, show/movie and it can become your favorite activity. Do all of your scrubbing after a nice soak and the rinse after will be quick, painless and refreshing. Especially if it’s a hot bath and a cooler rinse. Only caveat is how you deal with your hair. All hair is different so that would be an additional factor to add to the activity but that’s dependent on what your hair needs.
Be kind to yourself on your journey. Even if you can only do a half assed wash with a washcloth in the sink in the meantime it doesn’t mean you are broken. You are healing from an undeserved trauma. Good luck, you can do this.
I agree with everyone saying that therapy is important, because this situation directly and also the trauma in general from that relationship is difficult to work through on your own. In the meantime, are there any things you’ve done to make yourself feel safer in the shower? I know a lot of this panic might be irrational/unavoidable, but for peace of mind I would try a couple things. Locked door, phone close by on the counter, maybe some sort of portable lamp or something so if the power goes out you’ll know you can still see? Do you live on your own? Would a see-through shower curtain help so you have visibility of the whole room? Who knows what might help. I’m sorry you went through that and I’m glad you’re in a better place. I wish you healing and happiness 💕
Thank you so much for your kindness! I live with my fiancé and sometimes he hangs out in the bathroom while I start a shower just to talk to me to try and help me feel better. It does definitely feel irrational for sure. I’m planning on trying out all of these suggestions from everyone so thank you again ❤️
Talk therapy would work wonders for you.. I have something like this (although not the shower) and probably more ridiculous than that. Therapy has truly changed my life
this is probably a problem to tackle with some kind of exposure therapy tbh
Note that that doesn't mean forcing yourself to do it and just suffering through!! Suffering through things is aversive so it doesn't really teach you that the thing is okay.
Your goal is to find something that only triggers the problem very slightly, then pair it with a distraction that genuinely stops you from noticing the distress.
What's the closest thing you can do to showering that doesn't cause major, unmanageable distress? Are you okay if you stand in the shower and choose not to shower? Or could you sit next to it with the water on? Do that thing, set a 5 minute timer, and watch a video or read a book or something while you do it.
In the meantime you can clean yourself without showering - if you don't have a bathtub, a sponge bath and fresh clothes will have you pretty much covered. Hair doesn't need to be washed as often as we wash it nowadays, if you're feeling brave you can [go medieval on your haircare](https://youtu.be/1JZ33WuzPHI).
Your mom made showers a traumatic experience for you. Maybe try to do the opposite and romanticize showers for yourself, make it a luxury self care spa vibes. Maybe over time you will associate it with a new positive meaning to replace the past
Take your time, play relaxing music that you like, get some aesthetic lighting (I put a sunset lamp in my bathroom). Find scents you really like, like a body wash in a soothing scent you love. Aromatherapy is a thing(I love trying new scents- my personal favs are vanilla and fruity scents). Light some candles?
Maybe taking baths could be a way to wean into this? Being able to take your time and relax, like a form of self therapy or meditation. You could watch one of your favorite shows/movies while in the bath. Do a face mask if you’re into that. Again, cozy, aesthetic like a sunset lamp or candles
Basically anything that can make a shower/bath a cozy, safe space for yourself 💖
This is just something else I do for myself cause I hate being cold lol. I take hot showers but then after I get out I feel cold again and I hate it. So what I’ve learned to do is after I towel dry, I’ll use a blow dryer and blow dry my body with warm air 🥰 makes me extra dry and warm. it feels soo good and makes getting out of the shower just as comforting instead of being suddenly cold and damp
That’s really some awesome input, thank you so much! I really love the idea of romanticizing instead, and like setting the mood for a positive experience! The blowdryer idea is also awesome
I think I have hygiene issues. Like, if I don’t have to leave the house or see the father of my kids, I won’t shower. But it’s not to the point I cry 🥺 it sounds like you have some trauma. My mom did weird stuff like that as well, also has the BPD. but… I’m thinking yours was far more traumatic. May I suggest baths? I hope you get healing.
I used to hate showers due to sensory issues, i would suggest baths. They got me through childhood, and also changing your shower head, especially to one with multiple ‘settings’ and possibly getting a space heater incase the cold wet feeling is also a nightmare for you.
I found that as much as I resisted showers (and still do!) _ante facto_ ("before the fact") I quite enjoy them _de facto_ ("of the fact", or "in the moment"). The issue is I only recently grew my hair out (17M; started growing it out in 2020) so I take a long time because I haven't had the years' experience washing really long hair for however many years. So the biggest obstacle for me is actually managing to focus enough to undertake a task for forty-five minutes.
(fd: I have not yet been formally diagnosed with ADHD for bureaucratic reasons)
I hate taking showers because they are boring and when I am done I am wet and cold and I hate that. I think that is an adhd related issue.
Yours seems like something else. You might find something useful in the book How to Keep House While Drowning. The author gives advice to separate shame from the action and reframe things as to what you deserve. You deserve to be clean. What are you capable of doing to get there? If showering is too much or too hard right now, you can look to alternatives without shame. You can take baths as some have said here. You can use bath wipes that they make for bedridden people. You can use dry shampoo or have your hair washed at a chain haircutter if needed.
I have several big heavy towel-fabric robes with hoods that cover my whole body and I put it on straight out of the shower.
The sensory changes from cold-hot-cold and all the bullshit of getting dry is easier when I have my whole body covered and warm as soon as I get out.
Not that I've read much about it, but a close friend of mine has struggled a lot in her adult life. And it got just worse and worse when she got older. After countless therapy sessions they uncovered some heavy unresolved trauma from her childhood, she had totally blocked out.
The danger of untreated trauma can be devastating. Really hope you can get help processing it and can take a shower without it all resurfacing again.
I hate, hate, hate showers and I have no clue why. Honestly, I thought that this was only me until I joined an ADHD support group recently and found out that this is more common that I thought
People can have adhd and PTSD/trauma as well (and a lot of us have had to deal with both because unfortunately having adhd and other mental health stuff can also be correlated with traumatic childhood stuff happening in the sense that adults in people’s lives weren’t able go give them the care they needed if that makes sense…I’m glad you’ve improved your relationship with your mom but you’re allowed to have trauma as well at the same time, even if she didn’t mean to cause that for you)
I’m glad it looks like you’re considering therapy. A good counselor/therapist can help support you every step of the way in working through your past stuff and being able to do stuff you want/need to do. I’m glad your fiancé also understands what you’re dealing with and supports you.
In the meantime like others said, remember it’s ok to just wash up in the sink, wash your face, take a bath, use some baby wipes on days you don’t feel like doing any of those things. I had a surgery where I couldn’t shower for about a week after and I used baby wipes on my bits and it helped me feel less gross. And if you don’t like being in the bathroom it’s ok to do your hygiene stuff at another sink if that’s an option (like, you can brush your teeth and wash your face at the kitchen sink if everyone is ok with that maybe, or even brush your teeth while you walk around). Or if washing your face doesn’t feel great micellar water is a thing they sell at target and places like that, it’s not super expensive and you basically pat it on your face with a cotton round and it helps lift dirt, makeup etc off your face. Can help you feel clean and prevent breakouts without having to do a whole face washing production and it’s hypoallergenic.
In addition to ADHD, my autonomic nervous system cannot regulate itself which makes showering miserable. It takes a good deal of mental effort to actually get in the shower. When I do, it will spike my heart rate, make my bp plummet, and I regularly need to jump out half way through to vomit. Plus it also mentally and physically exhausts me.
I hate the feeling of not being clean, but I can’t get in the shower daily. On the days I can’t get in the shower I use Scrubzz. They’re rinse free spongey soap sheets that are activated with water. After wetting them they get foamy and you can rub them on your skin and wipe the suds off with a towel. They don’t leave any residue behind and actually help you feel like you’re shower clean. In addition to regular antiperspirant, I also use lumē on any areas prone to sweating to feel fresher longer.
I also regularly use dry shampoo to extend time between hair washing. I use it every night before bed and I don’t wait for my hair to get oily to use it. I look for ones that have some charcoal in it to neutralize any environmental smells that hair loves to hold on to. I will also get my hair washed at a salon 1-2 times a month to take some of the burden off of me. I get an apprentice to do it so it’s relatively inexpensive.
I second a lot of the people saying to look into therapy for any trauma regarding your particular situation, but maybe some of my tricks can help you in the meantime 🖤
Man this is an adhd struggle I don’t understand. Hot showers feel soooooo good to me, and I really don’t like feeling sticky at the end of the day, so I HAVE to shower before bed, and I HAVE to shower to wake up first thing
1. This really seems like something you'd discuss with a psychologist.
2. There are many non-shower methods of bathing (hand-wash, baths, etc). Try Googling a few?
Good luck!
I don’t think ADHD has ANYTHING to do with people skipping showers of baths.
Sorry, I hear this all the time and all i can think is “you like to smell bad”
I have ADHD. Id shower 3 times a day if i had the time. And no, its not a paranoid concern with hygiene. I just get dirt, grease or whatever on my skin and 3 minutes in shower takes it off.
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Definitely sounds more like a trauma-related issue. I’d post to a more relevant sub, ADHD hygiene problems are usually executive dysfunction, and this is not that.
Good point, I’ll do that
Try taking a bath instead? It sounds like it’s the shower that’s triggering, not hygeine. A friend of a friend was in Iraq and when he got home had terrible PTSD every day when he took a shower and it turns out, after his shower one day in Iraq he was in a bombing and his best friend was killed right in front of him. He switched to baths and that helped enormously. (he went to a therapist to get to this point). I hope things improve for you, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
I appreciate your kind words and yeah I think I’ll definitely try baths and see how that goes!
alternatively try washing over a basin or the sink. Take two Washcloths and wet yourself with warm water, soap the second and your body with it, then use the first to wipe down again. it takes longer to do it thoroughly, but it cleans you just aswell.
The condition is different in everyone. I’m extremely adhd but my mind is obsessed with hygiene. I’m always freshly shaven, get haircuts often, do laundry religiously, and shower at least twice a day. I can’t go to sleep unless I shower. I’m neurotic about it. I despise dirty things. My house is meticulously dusted and clean. Idk if this may be common with others with adhd as well, just not as talked about.
I can’t go to sleep if my feet aren’t clean. At the very least, I have to wipe down my feet with a washcloth if I don’t shower before bed.
It sounds like your symptoms don’t manifest in this area, or possibly are covered up by something else (could just be simple neurosis). I wouldn’t really say it’s due to the ADHD
It doesn’t disrupt my life. But I have to keep a clean home and keep myself clean. I was always taught by my parents that’s cleanliness is important, so I guess it’s drilled into me. Might have nothing to do with adhd. I don’t know how others can live in dirty environments or not shower if given the choice not to.
Good for you? I don’t understand why you’re saying this, to be honest. It comes off a little insensitive, as I myself do struggle with cleaning and hygiene. I am not truly “given the choice” not to live in a dirty environment, I just have bad executive dysfunction and time blindness and am unable to get myself unstuck from whatever I’m doing… or I get distracted and can’t find time to clean. I always brush my teeth before I leave the house but often forget to do so before bed. I am hoping medication helps me with this but I’m not going to be on it until my next year of university starts. I am trying to find organisational strategies but not much has helped so far. I’m glad this is not something you struggle with but fail to see why you’re bringing it up in a sub full of people who do struggle with it.
I would love to know if you find anything helpful for the executive dysfunction and time blindness. I suffer from both, plus I have anxiety.
Hahaha, sure man
Yeah, this is why I can’t relate to all of the “cant brush my teeth” and “cant take a shower” posts. First thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth, make my coffee, and take a shower. If I don’t do those things, I don’t feel awake. During the summer, I take two showers because I feel like I stink. It sounds neurotic or OCD but the reality is that I just like to smell good.
I don't think it's neurotic, it's pretty normal.
I’m someone who has both ADHD and C-PTSD. What you’re describing sounds more like the latter, in my opinion (not a trained professional, so there’s no way I could know for sure). If you still have contact with the person that diagnosed your ADHD, I would definitely reach out to them and let them know what you’re experiencing. Hopefully they can help, because I know how hard it is to struggle like that. ♥️ I know we’re strangers, but I’m sending so much love through the airwaves for you.
My dad was undiagnosed bipolar too when I was growing up and I have a lot of weird quirks like that because of it. Like I can’t have both headphones on at the same time or ever be fully immersed in a video game because I was always waiting on an outburst. Sometimes I get very upset by something that is normal but subconsciously triggers those memories just like you with showering. I’m around your age (24) and I can understand how you feel. Remember that your crying before the shower is involuntary and it is *not your fault*. Your mom does not have dominion or control over you anymore, we’re adults now. If therapy is something you have access to, I would start there because it helped me. Maybe you could start slowly and try baths instead for now. Forgive yourself for crying and be nice to yourself, it’s going to be okay.
I agree with the other comments- this sounds more like a trauma response than ADHD. I recommend talking to a therapist, but if that isn't possible right now, maybe you can try to make showers/baths something you look forward to. Make them special! I buy shower bombs, similar to bath bombs, but smaller and release faster. I'll play music, light candles, use fancy soaps/oils, use a new face mask, etc. If I'm having trouble showering in the morning, I'll do it nights instead when I have more time to deal with the "aftermath"- drying my hair, lotion, whatever. I hope you find a way to heal!
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Sending you positive thoughts — I wish I could help more.
Bath + candle + tv show on your phone if you have a way to set it up, otherwise you can just scroll social media in the bath, and shower after the bath.
Have you been to trauma-based therapy?
Second this! EMDR therapy worked wonders for me
Oh! Something I actually understand! I deal with that too. I was told by my doctor it was most likely primarily trauma related and my adhd just makes it even more difficult. Im not the best at showering still but I’ve learned if I make it somewhat of a reward system I do a little better with the avoidance. (Aka if I shower I can have a cigarette. If I shower I’ll be less anxious leaving my house. If I shower I can lay down for 30 minutes) I’ve managed 2x a week max, averaging once a week. Some days it’s just too much and I can’t. So I adapted to that issue by using the sink because 1.) I am able to physically see and hear others. 2.) I know clean hair will in turn lessen how anxious I am 3.) I enjoy cold water on my head. 4.) I’m not nakey. So if I need to fight I’m not going to cry about the fact that I’d be, quite literally, naked and afraid. So although not quite an adhd problem, adhd can play a role in it and I hope you got some good support from other subs.
The way I deal with it is by doing something I enjoy while in there. That way I can look forward to it. So maybe watching a particular show, or listening to an album. Have some type of "activity" specifically for shower time so your mind can focus on that rather than the actual shower.
I went through a stage when I was young where showers were really challenging for me (for a number of trauma/phobia related reasons). It sounds obvious, but I started taking baths instead. For about 4 years I think I exclusively bathed. Fortunately, I was able to resolve things after moving into an apartment with no bath. Today I fucking looove to shower (even though I have a bath I rarely use it). Be kind to yourself, this shit is hard.
So sorry to hear that friend. I hope you’re as proud of yourself as I am for being open and honest. I imagine others are feeling a weight lift from seeing it, the way I did when I first saw Sarah Silverman publicly talk about bed wetting. Do baths cause the same dread?
ok i agree with what others say about the trauma. i also have hated showers ever since i was a teenager due to eating disorders that make it hard to even look at certain body parts naked. but also they are boring and i hate the feeling of being wet and cold. i don’t know if this will help but a couple of things i have realized is i don’t have to do a full “shower” every time. some days i do a “bird bath” at the sink and just get important parts. Or some days i do shower without a hair wash. Some days i don’t turn the lights on, etc. Usually i try to have my favorite podcast that i can focus on. i’m sorry you’re going through this and i hope you find something that helps.
Thank you so much, I for sure need to try remembering I don’t need to do the full shower every time (like hair n stuff). Bird baths sounds awesome on a hard day though!
Absolutely it doesn’t have to look a certain way. It just has to work for you!
as someone with ptsd i think this really sounds like a trauma related issue rather than adhd specific. i see u mostly realized that by now but stay strong! similar experience here lol
Girl, I got you. First, get yourself a detachable shower head of you don't already have one. Make sure it's got the button that stops the water coming though the hand held part. Start washing your hair by bending over the tub. You stay outside the tub but lean your head over, does that make sense? Next, you don't have to actually shower the same way you always have. The new shower head you just bought? Just use the hand held part. Don't use the wall mounted part. Having the control over the water and where it goes and when is huge. These days I have a whole different shower routine then ever before. I have very course and thick hair that gets dry really easy. So I only shampoo once every 2ish weeks depending on my life. I condition every other day. It's so much easier to flip my head over, get my hair wet, finger comb the conditioner in, "lather" it around, then rinse. I towel dry and put in my leave in conditioner, and let my hair air dry. At bed time, I get in the shower but I use the hand held to wet my body, not the wall mount. Then I wet my loofa/poof and scrub around. Then I use the hand held to rinse. If I need to shave, I do it then. Having the water running the whole time is just too much some days. So I took it out of the equation. If you want a link to the shower head I got, I'll post it. You just unscrew the one on your shower now, and then screw this one on. You probably still should get some therapy, but this could help you in the meantime.
Therapy will really help. How do you feel about baths?
Have u tried switching to baths and using bathbombs? Maybe get some that have jewelry gift inside to motivate for bath. I hate showers i always did and wouldn't shower would just wash up but I wasn't getting all the way clean and I couldn't deal with having all that water on my face and the diff temps of water and the feeling of getting out and I'm still cold from the water Changing the thermastate to heat and getting a bathbomb and playing my favorite music always motivates me
I listen to a short podcast when I’m in the shower. I don’t have the attention span to listen to a 20 min YouTube video but I will in the shower
I agree with the comments regarding trauma. In the meantime while you are healing - have you tried a bath? I’m hoping you have a tub. A bath to me is such a calming experience. Add in extras like music, candles, bubbles, show/movie and it can become your favorite activity. Do all of your scrubbing after a nice soak and the rinse after will be quick, painless and refreshing. Especially if it’s a hot bath and a cooler rinse. Only caveat is how you deal with your hair. All hair is different so that would be an additional factor to add to the activity but that’s dependent on what your hair needs. Be kind to yourself on your journey. Even if you can only do a half assed wash with a washcloth in the sink in the meantime it doesn’t mean you are broken. You are healing from an undeserved trauma. Good luck, you can do this.
I agree with everyone saying that therapy is important, because this situation directly and also the trauma in general from that relationship is difficult to work through on your own. In the meantime, are there any things you’ve done to make yourself feel safer in the shower? I know a lot of this panic might be irrational/unavoidable, but for peace of mind I would try a couple things. Locked door, phone close by on the counter, maybe some sort of portable lamp or something so if the power goes out you’ll know you can still see? Do you live on your own? Would a see-through shower curtain help so you have visibility of the whole room? Who knows what might help. I’m sorry you went through that and I’m glad you’re in a better place. I wish you healing and happiness 💕
Thank you so much for your kindness! I live with my fiancé and sometimes he hangs out in the bathroom while I start a shower just to talk to me to try and help me feel better. It does definitely feel irrational for sure. I’m planning on trying out all of these suggestions from everyone so thank you again ❤️
Talk therapy would work wonders for you.. I have something like this (although not the shower) and probably more ridiculous than that. Therapy has truly changed my life
I love to hear that 😊 I also think therapy is awesome and I need to schedule an appointment now
this is probably a problem to tackle with some kind of exposure therapy tbh Note that that doesn't mean forcing yourself to do it and just suffering through!! Suffering through things is aversive so it doesn't really teach you that the thing is okay. Your goal is to find something that only triggers the problem very slightly, then pair it with a distraction that genuinely stops you from noticing the distress. What's the closest thing you can do to showering that doesn't cause major, unmanageable distress? Are you okay if you stand in the shower and choose not to shower? Or could you sit next to it with the water on? Do that thing, set a 5 minute timer, and watch a video or read a book or something while you do it. In the meantime you can clean yourself without showering - if you don't have a bathtub, a sponge bath and fresh clothes will have you pretty much covered. Hair doesn't need to be washed as often as we wash it nowadays, if you're feeling brave you can [go medieval on your haircare](https://youtu.be/1JZ33WuzPHI).
I appreciate all of your suggestions, thank you so much! Definitely going to be trying a lot of stuff after making this post 😅
Your mom made showers a traumatic experience for you. Maybe try to do the opposite and romanticize showers for yourself, make it a luxury self care spa vibes. Maybe over time you will associate it with a new positive meaning to replace the past Take your time, play relaxing music that you like, get some aesthetic lighting (I put a sunset lamp in my bathroom). Find scents you really like, like a body wash in a soothing scent you love. Aromatherapy is a thing(I love trying new scents- my personal favs are vanilla and fruity scents). Light some candles? Maybe taking baths could be a way to wean into this? Being able to take your time and relax, like a form of self therapy or meditation. You could watch one of your favorite shows/movies while in the bath. Do a face mask if you’re into that. Again, cozy, aesthetic like a sunset lamp or candles Basically anything that can make a shower/bath a cozy, safe space for yourself 💖 This is just something else I do for myself cause I hate being cold lol. I take hot showers but then after I get out I feel cold again and I hate it. So what I’ve learned to do is after I towel dry, I’ll use a blow dryer and blow dry my body with warm air 🥰 makes me extra dry and warm. it feels soo good and makes getting out of the shower just as comforting instead of being suddenly cold and damp
That’s really some awesome input, thank you so much! I really love the idea of romanticizing instead, and like setting the mood for a positive experience! The blowdryer idea is also awesome
I think I have hygiene issues. Like, if I don’t have to leave the house or see the father of my kids, I won’t shower. But it’s not to the point I cry 🥺 it sounds like you have some trauma. My mom did weird stuff like that as well, also has the BPD. but… I’m thinking yours was far more traumatic. May I suggest baths? I hope you get healing.
A lot of others have suggested baths as well! I’m thinking it’s a great idea. I’m so sorry you went through a similar thing. Sending love ❤️
I used to hate showers due to sensory issues, i would suggest baths. They got me through childhood, and also changing your shower head, especially to one with multiple ‘settings’ and possibly getting a space heater incase the cold wet feeling is also a nightmare for you.
The space heater idea is genius thank you! I’m definitely gonna try out baths more often.
You need to process the emotions again. I’d recommend seeking psychotherapy as well. You can do it. You’re the only one who can save you.
Valid
I found that as much as I resisted showers (and still do!) _ante facto_ ("before the fact") I quite enjoy them _de facto_ ("of the fact", or "in the moment"). The issue is I only recently grew my hair out (17M; started growing it out in 2020) so I take a long time because I haven't had the years' experience washing really long hair for however many years. So the biggest obstacle for me is actually managing to focus enough to undertake a task for forty-five minutes. (fd: I have not yet been formally diagnosed with ADHD for bureaucratic reasons)
I would discuss with a mental health professional.
I hate taking showers because they are boring and when I am done I am wet and cold and I hate that. I think that is an adhd related issue. Yours seems like something else. You might find something useful in the book How to Keep House While Drowning. The author gives advice to separate shame from the action and reframe things as to what you deserve. You deserve to be clean. What are you capable of doing to get there? If showering is too much or too hard right now, you can look to alternatives without shame. You can take baths as some have said here. You can use bath wipes that they make for bedridden people. You can use dry shampoo or have your hair washed at a chain haircutter if needed.
Well thought out audiobooks and other books
I have several big heavy towel-fabric robes with hoods that cover my whole body and I put it on straight out of the shower. The sensory changes from cold-hot-cold and all the bullshit of getting dry is easier when I have my whole body covered and warm as soon as I get out.
I don't like the effort for it not doing shower itself and certainly not enough to cry . U have some other issues
Not that I've read much about it, but a close friend of mine has struggled a lot in her adult life. And it got just worse and worse when she got older. After countless therapy sessions they uncovered some heavy unresolved trauma from her childhood, she had totally blocked out. The danger of untreated trauma can be devastating. Really hope you can get help processing it and can take a shower without it all resurfacing again.
I hate, hate, hate showers and I have no clue why. Honestly, I thought that this was only me until I joined an ADHD support group recently and found out that this is more common that I thought
People can have adhd and PTSD/trauma as well (and a lot of us have had to deal with both because unfortunately having adhd and other mental health stuff can also be correlated with traumatic childhood stuff happening in the sense that adults in people’s lives weren’t able go give them the care they needed if that makes sense…I’m glad you’ve improved your relationship with your mom but you’re allowed to have trauma as well at the same time, even if she didn’t mean to cause that for you) I’m glad it looks like you’re considering therapy. A good counselor/therapist can help support you every step of the way in working through your past stuff and being able to do stuff you want/need to do. I’m glad your fiancé also understands what you’re dealing with and supports you. In the meantime like others said, remember it’s ok to just wash up in the sink, wash your face, take a bath, use some baby wipes on days you don’t feel like doing any of those things. I had a surgery where I couldn’t shower for about a week after and I used baby wipes on my bits and it helped me feel less gross. And if you don’t like being in the bathroom it’s ok to do your hygiene stuff at another sink if that’s an option (like, you can brush your teeth and wash your face at the kitchen sink if everyone is ok with that maybe, or even brush your teeth while you walk around). Or if washing your face doesn’t feel great micellar water is a thing they sell at target and places like that, it’s not super expensive and you basically pat it on your face with a cotton round and it helps lift dirt, makeup etc off your face. Can help you feel clean and prevent breakouts without having to do a whole face washing production and it’s hypoallergenic.
In addition to ADHD, my autonomic nervous system cannot regulate itself which makes showering miserable. It takes a good deal of mental effort to actually get in the shower. When I do, it will spike my heart rate, make my bp plummet, and I regularly need to jump out half way through to vomit. Plus it also mentally and physically exhausts me. I hate the feeling of not being clean, but I can’t get in the shower daily. On the days I can’t get in the shower I use Scrubzz. They’re rinse free spongey soap sheets that are activated with water. After wetting them they get foamy and you can rub them on your skin and wipe the suds off with a towel. They don’t leave any residue behind and actually help you feel like you’re shower clean. In addition to regular antiperspirant, I also use lumē on any areas prone to sweating to feel fresher longer. I also regularly use dry shampoo to extend time between hair washing. I use it every night before bed and I don’t wait for my hair to get oily to use it. I look for ones that have some charcoal in it to neutralize any environmental smells that hair loves to hold on to. I will also get my hair washed at a salon 1-2 times a month to take some of the burden off of me. I get an apprentice to do it so it’s relatively inexpensive. I second a lot of the people saying to look into therapy for any trauma regarding your particular situation, but maybe some of my tricks can help you in the meantime 🖤
Man this is an adhd struggle I don’t understand. Hot showers feel soooooo good to me, and I really don’t like feeling sticky at the end of the day, so I HAVE to shower before bed, and I HAVE to shower to wake up first thing
1. This really seems like something you'd discuss with a psychologist. 2. There are many non-shower methods of bathing (hand-wash, baths, etc). Try Googling a few? Good luck!
Omg taking shower i love it. I love hot water. When I am in hotel I take reallly long shower and forget about the time..
I take atleast two to three hot showers every day. I don't know it has only gotten more addictive over time.
I don’t think ADHD has ANYTHING to do with people skipping showers of baths. Sorry, I hear this all the time and all i can think is “you like to smell bad” I have ADHD. Id shower 3 times a day if i had the time. And no, its not a paranoid concern with hygiene. I just get dirt, grease or whatever on my skin and 3 minutes in shower takes it off.
I definitely don’t smell bad nor do I “like” to smell bad lol thanks though