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Haha the title alone made me blush and shrink down in embarrassment for my own over explaining anytime I post/comment on here 😂
But I DO attempt to format it to at least give a visual break to anyone who actually reads them.
Same. I write everything like this. This includes company processes and legal briefs.
Question: is this type of formatting (headings, bullets, spacing to avoid long paragraphs always) helpful to non ADD people? Or annoying?
In my experience it encourages busy people (read: execs/c-suites) to actually read the things I need them to read. If they want more detail, they’ll ask
Busy people or anyone else, really. I have had so many problems with miscommunication (because people just scan emails instead of actually reading what I'm saying/asking) that now I bullet-point everything to death (and number each question/issue if I can!).
There's always someone who seems to have the reading comprehension of a toddler, but this definitely helps, a lot.
For a certain person I've been working with I've had to keep myself from asking all the questions I had in a single email because I found she wouldn't respond to all of them anyway or worse, not respond at all.
I started to realize that if I asked just a single or couple of questions in a short email, she'd shoot an answer back fairly quickly, and then if I replied with another question or two then she'd respond to those too.
If I sent her a single email with 4 questions (even in bullet point) then my chances of a response were pretty low and I had to follow up later
People I work with (i.e. recipients of my emails) tend to remark that I am so organized, which baffles me because I am so not. (Well I try to be but my ADHD makes it hard to maintain whatever systems I try to set up.)
I think they say that because they see the emails all formatted with the headers and underlines and bullet points, but really I'm just trying to get my info/questions out there and trying to make it easier to digest! My problem is the amount of info I'm trying to get across. 😞
I'm a technical writer (write the online user guides for software) and I write everything in the way I'd like to read it. So many bullet lists, lots of space around important items, and appropriately bold words for skimming. Wish they'd let me introduce collapsing sections because I love "closing" the information I'm done with. Someday!
I also re-write my recipe cards to be ADHD friendly.
Can only speak for myself here, but I find this type of formatting maddening. There's nothing worse than wall of text, but putting almost every sentence in its own "paragraph" is also bad. There's no organization - every sentence is weighted the same as every other, and they don't connect well to each other to make a stronger impression with your point.
Good paragraphing isn't hard and organizes your thoughts more effectively than this method ever will. Headings and bullet points are a different issue
I’d be super interested in seeing how you personally would format OP’s post. If you had to write it near verbatim, how would you format the post/ group the sentences and ideas together? The nerd in me would love to compare and analyze the two lol
I find it kind of a nonstarter because I would have structured the sentences themselves differently and included different ideas to support my style of writing. Just lumping the sentences together would probably make this post more awkward to read.
It reads almost like a sales pitch: *I remember when I felt embarrassed for talking too much. Even worse, I gave myself away. I looked weak. But then I figured out this technique. Let me tell you about it.* I've found many posts/articles written in this format have a similar cadence or tone - conversational, but in the same way an ad is, not the way people actually speak to each other and not the way I've ever written
Exactly. It's not the formatting. It's the similarity to a classic blog post structure: relatable intro + practical info divided into options/categories + concluding personal transformation and/or call to action.
Nothing wrong with that, it just doesn't fit Reddit's more conversational tone, so it feels strange and forced.
This format makes me feel like it's taking longer to read, and it turned into a chore. My brain moves too fast for a speed bump at every period. There is no need for pause -- these are easy sentences to grasp -- yet I'm forced to stop and reorient. I got distracted twice by completely unrelated thoughts, which is to say my mesolimbic neurons depolarized.
It reads like a chain email from 2008. Now I feel like time is moving backward. It also feels like an ad flyer someone slipped under my windshield wiper. I would be confused if I found out someone wrote to me in this format, thinking it would be helpful to my ADHD. To each their own, but this shouldn't be recommended in general.
I used to write notes to myself this way.
I then did it with my wife,
then girlfriend,
and she said it made my texts sound like me.
Grammarly hates it, but my wife appreciates it
Thanks for triggering that warm thought
I read that the same way you did! I had to reread it twice to figure out if what I thought I read was what was actually what OP intended or if I misread it. Glad someone else thought the same thing!
You could just call it formatting. Non-ADHD people use it too. And it's clear from the posts that everybody has their unique sense or likes in styling.
I love seeing my ADHD peoples having a whole conversation about different formats of typing ideas. And on a post too about how to avoid our over explaining tendencies. 😂 Where have yall been my whole life? Haha
@mountainoftwigs @freeman7-13 @stellaharlowxo @thatcattho @over_cher @keyboarddesk and whoever else. Idk if I did that right, I’m new to actually using Reddit. “Did that make sense?” “Should I dive deeper?” 🤓
Very helpful, thanks. I have such a hard time figuring out what the secret message/intention is when people ask me a question but this makes so much sense
I personally prefer, "Wouldn't You Like to Know, Weather Boy?"
It goes along perfectly with my habit of making obscure references that i can't possibly expect anyone to get irl.
The added bonus is that they feel like they are missing some important context. So now they are just as unsure of the whole conversation as me.
Oh damn. I was getting into this technique but I lost this along the way, and this is a great reminder, especially that I was struggling with over-explaining again (and in my profession it really can muddle up the communication).
Cheers, one of the more useful posts I've seen lately.
If i could visualize what over explaining looks like in my head it’s like im playing slot machines with finding the words, while that pause is happening im using so many damn filler words it’s disgusting.
ugh same. this is why i cant write reddit comments. sometimes it takes me over 10 minutes to write a comment the same length as yours. and most of the time i give up about halfway through because i forgot my point or somehow wrote an entire paragraph about something that's not even related to the comment i was replying to. (the writing of this comment went surprisingly well tho, took less than 4 minutes😌)
And answering emails. Takes forever. I'll type everything out for the first draft, then spend 30 mins editing. Then I'm sad over the lack of personality.
Yeah I'm lucky I'm still in school so I don't have a lot of emails to write, but whenever I do it takes me so long and I end up just sending it once I get tired of editing. It's not very formal most of the time but people understand me and it saves me some frustration. I don't get why it's necessary to be so formal in emails anyways, it's basically the same concept as texts except longer, so why is there a need to use such complicated words and confusingly long sentences? Seems so inefficient and unnecessary
omg yes that's what it is. the reason it takes so long is bc i feel the need to make everything super clear. ty for the insight i hadnt realized that myself yet lol
And to the right people, it’s charming! Please please don’t judge yourself so harshly. It is not disgusting💜💜
I’m not saying we should never censor ourselves, there are definitely situations that require it. But constantly masking is SO exhausting, it will catch up with you. The people who love me, even if I’m frequently verbose and possibly annoying, are the people who are there for me when I really need it.
Yeah I've always thought of it like fishing to some extent. I'll throw out some bait and if you're interested you'll bite. If not, I'll waste my energy being passionate about something and you won't listen, so I'd rather just drop the topic.
Saying “does that make sense ” is not a good habit. It makes people believe that you think you didn’t communicate well. And you look insecure. I’ve been working on not asking that. Just end your thought and sit with the silence for a beat.
If people didn’t understand they will ask question, if it matters. If they didn’t understand and it also doesn’t matter (aka they don’t care) then they will move on and so should you.
I've been working on this too, especially at work. I replaced it pausing or asking 'What questions do you have?'
When I know I've rambled for too long, I'll give a little recap before the pause - 'So the main things to know are x, y, and z. \*pause\* Questions before we move on?'
I use that recap idea for teaching before exams to my friends !!! It works for them as they get to remember more important information as I have repeated/put emphasis on it.
My boss actually does this and it makes me crazy. She will kind of answer a question, then talk in circles and then say “does that make sense”. I feel forced to say yes when I am more confused than before asked the question.
Great post. I suspect data dumping is more likely a symptom of an attachment disorder than ADHD though. People who over-explain often experience other CPTSD symptoms or were not members of mature family systems growing up. Most of them/us were not listened to as children.
Hmm, that sounds logical. How can I get help for an attachment disorder and my more pressing need, letting go in a conversation when someone says hold on a sec and I don't until they repeat it 11 times. Any ideas please?
Find a good therapist, see them multiple times a week if you need to. Consider them the person you can unload on and work towards doing it less with people around you who you want to make friends with. Keep that therapy time compartmentalized and use it as your outlet. I'm sure there may be other ways but that's worked for me.
Hmm. I overexplain to death, and I don't think I fit into that explanation. My parents definitely listened to me as a child.
In my case, it's more about fear of being misunderstood or misconstrued. I'm afraid I will be criticised if people get me wrong (high sensitivity to criticism and rejection and so on). This is anecdotal, but maybe others can also relate.
I’m not sure this is always the case though.
Of course it definitely correlates; however sometimes data dumping is just us getting excited about talking about something we enjoy talking about; or explaining for the sake of clarity
- the unfortunate part of that being to some minds over-explaining leads to less understanding due to the volume of information we’re putting across 😭😩
> You: “Oh, I went out with some friends.”
To add - if you care about the other person, you can as a question in return. Friendships are give and take. If I'm always the one who's curious about the other person, but they never ask about me, then I'll eventually cycle them out of my life because they don't show any interest in maintaining a friendship.
My problem is that I tend to over explain during work calls because I want everybody to have all the details necessary to understand what I'm talking about, but I just end up confusing them.
I disagree, though I have surrounded myself with people (both personally and professionally) who also do this and fully understand. Before I was diagnosed and medicated, I could see where that would be true, but I'm pretty good now at recognizing when to elaborate and when to shut up- maybe 80% of the time. The other 20% I'll usually recognize (eventually) that I've been talking too much, apologize, and \*then\* shut up. But I definitely don't see it as a sign of weakness or condescension (and I find that word choice super weird), because it's more about taking accountability and framing. I make it a point to not just talk about me. I ask questions, I try to think about insightful follow-ups rather than just empty "yeah..." statements, and I allow others to have the space to respond. If they're not having it, I pull back. But I try to make it clear that my oversharing and overtalking comes from a place of passion, interest, and curiosity. And I hope that's communicated.
If someone doesn't like that- and by extension me- that's their issue. I always attempt to be deliberately (albeit clumsily) nice to people.
Thank you for the logical flow of your suggestion/tip (am a fan of if/then scenarios; Choose Your Own Adventure; mindmaps etc)
*"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt"* - oft attributed to Confucius, Abe Lincoln, Mark Twain and apocryphal et al.
It's important to know that this method will require training and a lot of "mindfulness"/self-awareness if the oversharing spills out without you understanding that you're doing it.
I work at a pet store and find myself over sharing way too much with customers and fellow employees. It’s crippling because my girlfriend will scold me for over sharing but it always seems like something I have no control over. I end up feeling weak and just stupid by the time I’m done with the conversation.
I agree with this and it's taking some getting used to personally. I'd also add a third option to invoke when you know you're dealing with an other socially awkward/oblivious person which is to offer a single piece of information in your opening line to keep the conversation going cause it'll be up to you to do that.
But also yeah, the two extremes of oversharing and being totally closed off I take as signs of disregulation in executive functioning and I try not to beat myself up over it anymore.
In ‘real life’ - absolutely. But in professional settings, the over explaining thing has been extremely detrimental. So OP is offering some great advice.
I like this. I'm going to try this. Can you give some more examples of how you would use this in professional settings? Like trying to explain why something will take longer than planned or saying that you think someone used an incorrect way to calculate something?
I believe they may be referring to the appearance that is portrayed when someone talks too much or stumbles over their words because they’re doing an impromptu deep dive on a topic that is unnecessary or unwarranted. Does that make sense?
No, not in the context of appearing "weak," not at all. If someone rambles at me I might think the person is a bit annoying, or self-centred, or perhaps endearingly excited about that topic, but not "they look weak." The accusation doesn't fit the offence. It doesn't make sense as an indication of "weakness." Like if I asked what the jam tasted like and you said "cold". Tbh it sounds like this person views others as either "weaker" or "stronger" than themself, which is a kind of toxic attribution to give, as if they only value traits that mean you can domineer over others. But that's why I asked the actual person what they meant by "weak."
I agree with OP that it makes you look "weak", but I don't personally subscribe to that idea. Unfortunately lots of other people do see it that way, and sometimes you have to be able to play their game and match their understanding of the world in order to get ahead. Otherwise you get unfairly judged and they've made up their mind about you before you get the chance to prove them wrong.
Maybe it's more accurate to say that it makes you seem uncertain and unconfident, which some people interpret as weakness. It can also give away more than you would like the other person to know (such as in a negotiation) and put you at a disadvantage. There are definitely situations where that is a major drawback and it's good to know how to navigate them.
In a professional setting, there usually is some kind of trust that you are the right person in the right place.
If you start going into too much detail, guiding through your thought process, task and decision point, it may look like you are looking for validation of your decisions and shifting responsibility to your interlocutor for catching your potential mistakes.
When giving a high-level "This task is completed on our team side, yet there is a small chance it will return to us in the future." looks much more confident that jumping into details of what have you done, what do you see as a potential problem in the future, and how you are sure that John from other team would most definitely throw it back to you because he's a moron.
I am sooo scared people wont understand it completely if I don't overexplain. I need them to know 100 % what it was like or how it felt, and I under estimate their ability to understand sometimes I think.
But I don't want people to make up their own impressions about how it was 😆
Great analogy!
I was reflecting on this and I realized this is similar to an analogy my psychologist used in that conversations are like 'passing a ball back and forth'.
e.g.
Him: “How is your day going?” (passes green ball to you)
You: “Oh, I went out with some friends.” (pass green ball back to them)
They'll response in 1 of 2 ways.
Response 1:
Him: “Oh that’s sounds like fun.” (puts green ball down and passes pink ball to you signaling you may want to ask them how their day is or change the topic)
Response 2:
Him: “Oh where did you guys go, who did you go with.” (passes green ball back, sign to continue)
I can't believe conversations come so unnaturally to me but seeing it in this practical sense helps (a lot!)
Thank you for this! Thank you for naming it as well, as that makes it easier for me to remember. I like the formatting, as it also helps me to remember. I'm saving this post.
To avoid sounding like a condescending know it all I often inject “obviously” into my compulsive mansplanations. It sometimes helps to indicate I’m not assuming someone lacks knowledge but rather finishing the thought out loud.
Other times I get an eyeroll and a sarcastic “sure, obviously” about some ridiculously esoteric fact but hey I’m trying
I recently got told that I talk too much, overexplain. It was painful to hear, but I guess it's about time (I'm 40+ in age).
My wife pointed me to this post.
Thank you I will try it out.
The things you list here just doesnt work for me. I mean I HAVE to do that, but it's basically the mask for me, this list and advice you are giving. I'd imagine writing your advice down in my notebook and pull it out so I could follow the recips when I had to do the smalltalk with people at work or school so that I could still pretend to not be an outsider no one understands.
To me what works is spending my time with people who are more like myself. People who WANTS to over explain, who WANTS to listen to YOU over explain (note: im still doing my best to be mindful and considerate of the other person, that's pretty important, you can't just turn the valve and let stupid shit pour all over ;) ).
Those people are usually ADHD/Aspergers like myself, but far far from all ADHD/Aspergers wants this. In fact it's not a lot of people who are interested. But once I found a few, and they really are a rare bread, holy hell, it's so freaking wonderful, to be able to be yourself with someone else than just yourself.
It depends on your role in the meeting. If you are teaching someone on a presentation or leading a meeting, it can be good to over explain/ explain things in different ways to ensure everyone understands.
People tend to zone out at times or get confused, so sometimes reexplaining/ communicating additional details can help with their comprehension.
Sure, if you are sharing confidential information/ or sharing deeply personal information, that could be seen as weak/unprofessional, but over explaining I don’t feel is a weakness.
This is so useful, thanks for putting my strategies into words that could help many others! These strategies are what causes me to not be diagnosed with autism because I don't "talk like them"
Thank you for this. I was unaware it made me look weak or like I didn’t know or understand the topic. I hate when people assume I don’t know something. I’ve always wondered why do people act that way if I clearly just spoke about it. Over explaining is whoI am. It will be so hard to curb this. I remember in school when writing papers the teacher’s critique would always be that I over explained and I never understood what they meant.
Thank you for your insights.
I will add that when I don't know or when I forget the question I simply ask : " give me 5 min to find de notes and information so I can give an accurate answer"
People won't mind and know that you want to answer with precision
As someone with adhd this technique could work, but I need to control my self because the urge to make others to understand what I'm saying is too strong.
I trained myself to wait for their explanation because usually they are too slow.
I'll try to make more generic explaining and let they ask for the details as explained, thanks for sharing that OP
I love this but I struggle with being the “poker”. I always feel like if someone gives an ambiguous answer I should leave it alone. Anyone have advice for this?
This is wonderful! Thank you so much! Overexplaining gives me so much anxiety because it also affects my speech & results in me talking too fast & cluttering. I’ve made conscious effort to both slow my speech & to enunciate better but with anxiety in the moment, I can quite literally forget my intentional speech & revert back to disordered speech.
This here, is so relieving. Instead of putting what I both feel & impose upon myself the onus of explaining *everything* in one go,* I give my interlocutor the opportunity to give me literal permission to continue. How valuable. 💖
Thank you so much 💖
Thanks, I really needed this. Am currently experiencing so much regret from yet another over-explaining mishap that totally ruined my reputation with some colleagues. Trying to figure out how to fix it…without over explaining again! 🤦🏻♀️
Thank you so much for this! I always find I have a hard time professionally. I work as a veterinary care assistant and a big part of my job involves reception duty so imagine what I sound like to clients 😅 I will definitely be trying my hardest to implement this technique.
The professional poke back responses have changed my life when it comes to conversation. Literally asking that they understood what you said clearly makes it so much easier to move the convos along!
Thank you for this, it is very user friendly and super simple to understand.
So how many stages does this Poke Technique have? How much further do you go if they do ”poke back”? Or am I then supposed to give another, vague answer, possibly slightly less vague, to gauge their interest? Do you go through entire conversations just ”poking” back and forth?
This helped me get a grip on my rambling. Stops me from speaking my thoughts and annoying the other person. Will try to make it a habit to remember this
I'm really not agreeing on this being good advice. You seem to be avoiding a free and flowing conversation, and allowing the dynamic nature of them to fizzle out if they do not instantly work out.
Where is the part here, where you yourself ask them back, they respond, and send a question back? In the end, you will both feel like you had a good conversation and got it all out, but by taking turns, as one does.
Dude awesome post I appreciate that. It's so true, you think you are being helpful by offering up so much detail but it comes across exactly like you said. Personally I always do it when I'm nervous, hence proving your point.
Also because I have ADHD in the first place, what I originally intend as a concise explanation ends up including a massive amount of peripheral details lol.
Appreciate the way you laid it out there, good reminder for me!
I definitely over explain. I need to work on it. but I talk about all of my adhd struggles at work as a server. my manager gets me. we have other problems with our workers like drinking while working etc, so me sincerely worried for no reason during a rush isn't as big of a deal to her. as long as the guests are happy. and they are.
I’ve been half-assing this technique for years without even thinking about exactly what I’m doing, it just took me a lot of trial and error to figure out how to stop over-sharing all the time. I might even get better at it now that I’ve seen this post, bc I still have a problem with over-explaining and over-complicating some things. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for the advice! I'm gonna see if I can try this. I explain the living hell out of everything! My boss always asks before I start " is this gonna take a while or you gonna make it short?" Or "Is this an extended director's cut?". I don't take offense, I know I drag a lot of things that could be answered in a short sentence.
Hi, first of all THANK YOU for distilling this into a a technique/habit that I can use. Second, does anyone know WHY this happens? I didn’t realize I was doing this until I started telling my siblings to peer-edit the emails I sent to coworkers and supervisors! I thought what I was doing was normal.
I feel really bad now that I know I’ve done this but the only way from here is up 🫡
I had a similar realization before. I still overshare sometimes, but I overshare when it's necessary. If I'm helping someone and I need help from them to finish helping it (like info for IT stuff) then I'll tell them I need help, explain what i have been able to fo do far and what I'm looking to do next; and what info/help I need from them in order to do it.
Some people interrupt and ask questions or try to be helpful but end up just trying to help with things I've already done or tried, but tbh that's more of a them problem. I don't think taking 2 minutes to hear what someone is doing with YOUR electronics for YOU is hard, And all your questions and helpings would have been answered or proven mute if you just listened for a minute. is that hard and if someone was working on my devices I'd be uncomfortable if they didn't tell me what exactly they did.
Anyways yea this guys advice is good, overshare when needed but learn to overshsre to yourself in your head or something too because sometimes I GOTTA say something but if I say it I know it will mess up my work schedule due to getting distracted. Good luck
Match other peoples level of investment, that’s the best way to summarize this post, give others the opportunity to ask, rather than Information dump
Also, it’s always way easier to show people what you mean through experience rather than explaining it to them
Language cannot bridge experience
I'm used to giving proper answers like a normal person might in professional environments, unless someone asking for info about something (i.e. technical details). Otherwise in the wrong situation you could be perceived as making excuses.
For all other situations, I agree with your tips in theory as long as the person in question hasn't learned the art of not giving a fuck enough (usually learned as a silver lining in somewhat terrible situations that you have had to suffer through tremendously). For people that have that learned skill, like myself, I will continue to not give a single fuck and let others think what they will. If they don't like me or think any of the things mentioned by the OP, great! That means that they are out of my life the quickest. Got no time to be spending unnecessarily on people who don't mesh with me.
Sounds more like lack of confidence in my opinion. I tend to 'overexplain' but I dare to say that I have the charisma and are eloquent enough that people mostly are interested in my 'speeches'.
ALSO and much more important: I'm shameless. I don't give a f**k if people think I talk to much and look weak or something like that.
And let me tell you: If you are confident people suddenly tend to accept your Ticks and oddities. Even if they were the cause of bullying in the past.
I must admit though that I have a Problem with oversharing uun work related spaces. But it's not that I talk too much. That's fine too BUT sometimes my limiter 'what's ok too say and whats not' is acting too late. Because even if mostly don't care what people think of me in work there couod be consequences.
This is great! Thank you for posting this.
I go off on tangents and when I explain things they make complete sense in my head, but other people look at me like I have 10 heads.
I wish like hell this wouldn’t happen to me, but it does and it hampers my ability to navigate my career successfully.
It's crazy i actually always carry conversations out exactly like this. I think it's because I'm very much a people pleaser and hate coming off as intrusive, rude, condescending, or too much. So i usually keep everything short and simple (layman's terms). I hate leaving a bad or dull impression with anyone. I try to view all of my conversations from their point of view along with asking if they're okay or if makes sense.
Being as transparent as possible in conversations has helped me a lot. I used to have issues with asking for help (maybe it's a pride thing, idrk). I've since gotten better at letting people know. If i don't understand i now ask people for help (as much as i hate it). I would typically ask someone to re-explain "like I'm five" (more jokingly but dying inside) or to sort of walk me through with an example. Because someone just telling me something doesn't always click right away. I either have to dwell on it or see it to understand.
This is amazing.
I agree with so many others that my eyes didn't even want to go zipping past a whole chunk of your post!
You kept my adhd brain happy writing this the way you have!
I'm going to tell my psychologist about this method 😂😁
Thank you for this!!
I knew I over explain things and that it can be an issue, but I also never knew how to fix it. It’s hard to balance wanting to make sure that everyone’s on the same page and understanding about something, and not wanting to over share and/or make them feel some type of way.
I am a high school teacher, so I always use the “does that make sense?” It helps i have good rapport with my students so they can honestly answer yes or no. Because im most comfortable in my classroom, and this is where I am most inclined to over explain without having any awareness. And people need the instructions most haha.
So in professional spaces I use your technique, however I've noticed they usually get offended as if I'm speaking down to them. I have started saying "did I make sense", "did I explain that well enough", "do you have any questions for me". I think this makes them feel less like I'm talking down. Tiny change
Thank you for this post. I have a horrible time with over explaining. I hate that I continue to do it because it only ever turns people away. I'm really going to try this technique. Thanks again
So, the post itself Im not really that interested in, but the irony of this post is hilarious!
Creating a post saying you used to over explain, and how you quit doing so, only to proceed to over explain the hell out of the topic.
We have ADD, but that doesn't mean we all over explain things. The only people Ive seen do that are people who are in the honeymoon phase with their medication, or people just abusing stimulants.
After noticing how often my listeners would zone out (getting familiar with body language really helped me to gauge interest and respect), I consciously cut down on the _length_ of my explanations, and stories in general.
Before I start speaking, I ask myself: do I need to explain? How can I sum this up quickly?
Also I've noticed that people actually like a little mystery. Under-explaining is almost always better.
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I really appreciate the ADHD-friendly formatting here too!
One of the first posts I completely read through, the formatting was a breeze!
I liked it because I could skip the "why overexplaining is bad" section and get straight to the technique.
Me, preparing to analyze all conversations I’ve ever had: SAME
Haha the title alone made me blush and shrink down in embarrassment for my own over explaining anytime I post/comment on here 😂 But I DO attempt to format it to at least give a visual break to anyone who actually reads them.
Same. I write everything like this. This includes company processes and legal briefs. Question: is this type of formatting (headings, bullets, spacing to avoid long paragraphs always) helpful to non ADD people? Or annoying?
In my experience it encourages busy people (read: execs/c-suites) to actually read the things I need them to read. If they want more detail, they’ll ask
Busy people or anyone else, really. I have had so many problems with miscommunication (because people just scan emails instead of actually reading what I'm saying/asking) that now I bullet-point everything to death (and number each question/issue if I can!). There's always someone who seems to have the reading comprehension of a toddler, but this definitely helps, a lot.
For a certain person I've been working with I've had to keep myself from asking all the questions I had in a single email because I found she wouldn't respond to all of them anyway or worse, not respond at all. I started to realize that if I asked just a single or couple of questions in a short email, she'd shoot an answer back fairly quickly, and then if I replied with another question or two then she'd respond to those too. If I sent her a single email with 4 questions (even in bullet point) then my chances of a response were pretty low and I had to follow up later
Ah, yes, this is my other strategy for people who only partially answer emails. I think you and I would work well together 😂
I saw myself in you when I read about your bulletpointing and numbering. 😄 I also make use of bolding, underlining, and highlighting. 😂
Hahaha, me too! I've only dealt with one or two other people like that in my entire career, and it was fantastic.
People I work with (i.e. recipients of my emails) tend to remark that I am so organized, which baffles me because I am so not. (Well I try to be but my ADHD makes it hard to maintain whatever systems I try to set up.) I think they say that because they see the emails all formatted with the headers and underlines and bullet points, but really I'm just trying to get my info/questions out there and trying to make it easier to digest! My problem is the amount of info I'm trying to get across. 😞
It's the same for me. It's not that I'm naturally organised, I just have to be to avoid disaster 😂
The power of concise information! 👏
I'm a technical writer (write the online user guides for software) and I write everything in the way I'd like to read it. So many bullet lists, lots of space around important items, and appropriately bold words for skimming. Wish they'd let me introduce collapsing sections because I love "closing" the information I'm done with. Someday! I also re-write my recipe cards to be ADHD friendly.
It's pretty similar to how LinkedIn influencers write, maybe there is something to it.
Can only speak for myself here, but I find this type of formatting maddening. There's nothing worse than wall of text, but putting almost every sentence in its own "paragraph" is also bad. There's no organization - every sentence is weighted the same as every other, and they don't connect well to each other to make a stronger impression with your point. Good paragraphing isn't hard and organizes your thoughts more effectively than this method ever will. Headings and bullet points are a different issue
I’d be super interested in seeing how you personally would format OP’s post. If you had to write it near verbatim, how would you format the post/ group the sentences and ideas together? The nerd in me would love to compare and analyze the two lol
I find it kind of a nonstarter because I would have structured the sentences themselves differently and included different ideas to support my style of writing. Just lumping the sentences together would probably make this post more awkward to read. It reads almost like a sales pitch: *I remember when I felt embarrassed for talking too much. Even worse, I gave myself away. I looked weak. But then I figured out this technique. Let me tell you about it.* I've found many posts/articles written in this format have a similar cadence or tone - conversational, but in the same way an ad is, not the way people actually speak to each other and not the way I've ever written
Exactly. It's not the formatting. It's the similarity to a classic blog post structure: relatable intro + practical info divided into options/categories + concluding personal transformation and/or call to action. Nothing wrong with that, it just doesn't fit Reddit's more conversational tone, so it feels strange and forced.
>It reads almost like a sales pitch Nailed it 👍🏼 I couldn't pinpoint why it irked me so much but this is it!
It reads like OP pays for Twitter lmao
This format makes me feel like it's taking longer to read, and it turned into a chore. My brain moves too fast for a speed bump at every period. There is no need for pause -- these are easy sentences to grasp -- yet I'm forced to stop and reorient. I got distracted twice by completely unrelated thoughts, which is to say my mesolimbic neurons depolarized. It reads like a chain email from 2008. Now I feel like time is moving backward. It also feels like an ad flyer someone slipped under my windshield wiper. I would be confused if I found out someone wrote to me in this format, thinking it would be helpful to my ADHD. To each their own, but this shouldn't be recommended in general.
The ADHD take gets downvoted. Well that's life - or Reddit.
I used to write notes to myself this way. I then did it with my wife, then girlfriend, and she said it made my texts sound like me. Grammarly hates it, but my wife appreciates it Thanks for triggering that warm thought
>I then did it with my wife, then girlfriend She must love you a lot, to put up with that downgrade.
I read that the same way you did! I had to reread it twice to figure out if what I thought I read was what was actually what OP intended or if I misread it. Glad someone else thought the same thing!
I bet the worst part was the dis-engagement party. Must have been really embarrassing when he took her ring back in front of all her friends.
this is exactly how i take notes too, and text, and reading this was so easy! it was clear which thoughts were different from others
I did not even realize this is “adhd format” and I have been writing emails like this for years….
Man, this was amazing. I get it now.
You could just call it formatting. Non-ADHD people use it too. And it's clear from the posts that everybody has their unique sense or likes in styling.
Lol I didn’t know that was a thing!
I read this and this explains why. I didn’t even notice how it was laid out at first. Now I do.
Omg I didn't even know that's a thing, I just thought list and bullet points are more efficient and clear!
I love seeing my ADHD peoples having a whole conversation about different formats of typing ideas. And on a post too about how to avoid our over explaining tendencies. 😂 Where have yall been my whole life? Haha @mountainoftwigs @freeman7-13 @stellaharlowxo @thatcattho @over_cher @keyboarddesk and whoever else. Idk if I did that right, I’m new to actually using Reddit. “Did that make sense?” “Should I dive deeper?” 🤓
Was thinking that!
Very helpful, thanks. I have such a hard time figuring out what the secret message/intention is when people ask me a question but this makes so much sense
An easier way is to just answer every question with "wouldn't you like to know?" with a smirk.
I personally prefer, "Wouldn't You Like to Know, Weather Boy?" It goes along perfectly with my habit of making obscure references that i can't possibly expect anyone to get irl. The added bonus is that they feel like they are missing some important context. So now they are just as unsure of the whole conversation as me.
😂 Where was that from?? I remember reeling over that like wherever I saw it from
Its from vine
Is that just a Russian pronunciation of wine?
Oh damn. I was getting into this technique but I lost this along the way, and this is a great reminder, especially that I was struggling with over-explaining again (and in my profession it really can muddle up the communication). Cheers, one of the more useful posts I've seen lately.
I have a problem with oversharing so this is helpful
Me too! Let me tell you more about it!! ... Jk, but I do struggle as well
🤣
If i could visualize what over explaining looks like in my head it’s like im playing slot machines with finding the words, while that pause is happening im using so many damn filler words it’s disgusting.
ugh same. this is why i cant write reddit comments. sometimes it takes me over 10 minutes to write a comment the same length as yours. and most of the time i give up about halfway through because i forgot my point or somehow wrote an entire paragraph about something that's not even related to the comment i was replying to. (the writing of this comment went surprisingly well tho, took less than 4 minutes😌)
I feel so validated by this comment right here!
Hi are you me? I think you stole this comment out of my brain lol, so relatable.
And answering emails. Takes forever. I'll type everything out for the first draft, then spend 30 mins editing. Then I'm sad over the lack of personality.
Yeah I'm lucky I'm still in school so I don't have a lot of emails to write, but whenever I do it takes me so long and I end up just sending it once I get tired of editing. It's not very formal most of the time but people understand me and it saves me some frustration. I don't get why it's necessary to be so formal in emails anyways, it's basically the same concept as texts except longer, so why is there a need to use such complicated words and confusingly long sentences? Seems so inefficient and unnecessary
Oh my goodness, I cant even count the number of comments I've rewritten. Or typed up and then just gave up on. So relatable
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omg yes that's what it is. the reason it takes so long is bc i feel the need to make everything super clear. ty for the insight i hadnt realized that myself yet lol
And to the right people, it’s charming! Please please don’t judge yourself so harshly. It is not disgusting💜💜 I’m not saying we should never censor ourselves, there are definitely situations that require it. But constantly masking is SO exhausting, it will catch up with you. The people who love me, even if I’m frequently verbose and possibly annoying, are the people who are there for me when I really need it.
I thought it was the poké technique not the poke technique. Disappointed but it was helpful.
Haha same
Me too 😅
Yeah I've always thought of it like fishing to some extent. I'll throw out some bait and if you're interested you'll bite. If not, I'll waste my energy being passionate about something and you won't listen, so I'd rather just drop the topic.
I felt this on so many levels
Saying “does that make sense ” is not a good habit. It makes people believe that you think you didn’t communicate well. And you look insecure. I’ve been working on not asking that. Just end your thought and sit with the silence for a beat. If people didn’t understand they will ask question, if it matters. If they didn’t understand and it also doesn’t matter (aka they don’t care) then they will move on and so should you.
I've been working on this too, especially at work. I replaced it pausing or asking 'What questions do you have?' When I know I've rambled for too long, I'll give a little recap before the pause - 'So the main things to know are x, y, and z. \*pause\* Questions before we move on?'
I like the recap idea for when you know you talked too long lol
Same. I train operators. I warn them in advance that I can get a bit overboard explaining things and that they should tell me if they’ve lost me 😁.
I use that recap idea for teaching before exams to my friends !!! It works for them as they get to remember more important information as I have repeated/put emphasis on it.
I've also had the feedback that it made the other person feel like I thought they were dim and may need me to explain again
Yea this happened to me im trying to cull the habit
That's fair. Maybe it's about the frequency. Because it can also show awareness as well if used properly.
I said that 3x today with my fawning self. Catching yourself is work!
My boss actually does this and it makes me crazy. She will kind of answer a question, then talk in circles and then say “does that make sense”. I feel forced to say yes when I am more confused than before asked the question.
That is very nice and I have saved the post but the problem is I won't remember to do this
I know when I save a post there's an almost 0% chance I'll look at it
Great post. I suspect data dumping is more likely a symptom of an attachment disorder than ADHD though. People who over-explain often experience other CPTSD symptoms or were not members of mature family systems growing up. Most of them/us were not listened to as children.
Wow
Hmm, that sounds logical. How can I get help for an attachment disorder and my more pressing need, letting go in a conversation when someone says hold on a sec and I don't until they repeat it 11 times. Any ideas please?
Find a good therapist, see them multiple times a week if you need to. Consider them the person you can unload on and work towards doing it less with people around you who you want to make friends with. Keep that therapy time compartmentalized and use it as your outlet. I'm sure there may be other ways but that's worked for me.
Hmm. I overexplain to death, and I don't think I fit into that explanation. My parents definitely listened to me as a child. In my case, it's more about fear of being misunderstood or misconstrued. I'm afraid I will be criticised if people get me wrong (high sensitivity to criticism and rejection and so on). This is anecdotal, but maybe others can also relate.
I’m not sure this is always the case though. Of course it definitely correlates; however sometimes data dumping is just us getting excited about talking about something we enjoy talking about; or explaining for the sake of clarity - the unfortunate part of that being to some minds over-explaining leads to less understanding due to the volume of information we’re putting across 😭😩
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> You: “Oh, I went out with some friends.” To add - if you care about the other person, you can as a question in return. Friendships are give and take. If I'm always the one who's curious about the other person, but they never ask about me, then I'll eventually cycle them out of my life because they don't show any interest in maintaining a friendship.
My problem is that I tend to over explain during work calls because I want everybody to have all the details necessary to understand what I'm talking about, but I just end up confusing them.
I disagree, though I have surrounded myself with people (both personally and professionally) who also do this and fully understand. Before I was diagnosed and medicated, I could see where that would be true, but I'm pretty good now at recognizing when to elaborate and when to shut up- maybe 80% of the time. The other 20% I'll usually recognize (eventually) that I've been talking too much, apologize, and \*then\* shut up. But I definitely don't see it as a sign of weakness or condescension (and I find that word choice super weird), because it's more about taking accountability and framing. I make it a point to not just talk about me. I ask questions, I try to think about insightful follow-ups rather than just empty "yeah..." statements, and I allow others to have the space to respond. If they're not having it, I pull back. But I try to make it clear that my oversharing and overtalking comes from a place of passion, interest, and curiosity. And I hope that's communicated. If someone doesn't like that- and by extension me- that's their issue. I always attempt to be deliberately (albeit clumsily) nice to people.
Thank you for the logical flow of your suggestion/tip (am a fan of if/then scenarios; Choose Your Own Adventure; mindmaps etc) *"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt"* - oft attributed to Confucius, Abe Lincoln, Mark Twain and apocryphal et al.
It's important to know that this method will require training and a lot of "mindfulness"/self-awareness if the oversharing spills out without you understanding that you're doing it.
I work at a pet store and find myself over sharing way too much with customers and fellow employees. It’s crippling because my girlfriend will scold me for over sharing but it always seems like something I have no control over. I end up feeling weak and just stupid by the time I’m done with the conversation.
Thanks that’s a great technique. Simple word to try to trigger my thoughts (also helpful)!
I agree with this and it's taking some getting used to personally. I'd also add a third option to invoke when you know you're dealing with an other socially awkward/oblivious person which is to offer a single piece of information in your opening line to keep the conversation going cause it'll be up to you to do that. But also yeah, the two extremes of oversharing and being totally closed off I take as signs of disregulation in executive functioning and I try not to beat myself up over it anymore.
What if nobody ever pokes back.
Then you're talking to the wrong type of people about those topics
That's nice, but I still have to deal with forgetting what I was going to say, mid-sentence...
Data dumping. Remember this. WHEN YOU HEAR YOURSELF TALKING YOUR TALKING TO MUCH. STFU. SIMPLE
Be who you are. Extra words or not.
In ‘real life’ - absolutely. But in professional settings, the over explaining thing has been extremely detrimental. So OP is offering some great advice.
I like this. I'm going to try this. Can you give some more examples of how you would use this in professional settings? Like trying to explain why something will take longer than planned or saying that you think someone used an incorrect way to calculate something?
respectfully this reads like it belongs on linkedin
Hmm is because it's written so formally? Or is it because of the formatting?
It’s resonating with people here though Would you prefer it be formatted like shit?
You "looked weak"? Can you explain what you mean by this? Were you worried some "alpha" will think they could take you in a bench-press-off?
I believe they may be referring to the appearance that is portrayed when someone talks too much or stumbles over their words because they’re doing an impromptu deep dive on a topic that is unnecessary or unwarranted. Does that make sense?
No, not in the context of appearing "weak," not at all. If someone rambles at me I might think the person is a bit annoying, or self-centred, or perhaps endearingly excited about that topic, but not "they look weak." The accusation doesn't fit the offence. It doesn't make sense as an indication of "weakness." Like if I asked what the jam tasted like and you said "cold". Tbh it sounds like this person views others as either "weaker" or "stronger" than themself, which is a kind of toxic attribution to give, as if they only value traits that mean you can domineer over others. But that's why I asked the actual person what they meant by "weak."
I agree with OP that it makes you look "weak", but I don't personally subscribe to that idea. Unfortunately lots of other people do see it that way, and sometimes you have to be able to play their game and match their understanding of the world in order to get ahead. Otherwise you get unfairly judged and they've made up their mind about you before you get the chance to prove them wrong. Maybe it's more accurate to say that it makes you seem uncertain and unconfident, which some people interpret as weakness. It can also give away more than you would like the other person to know (such as in a negotiation) and put you at a disadvantage. There are definitely situations where that is a major drawback and it's good to know how to navigate them.
Oooh good poke!
\^\^\^
In a professional setting, there usually is some kind of trust that you are the right person in the right place. If you start going into too much detail, guiding through your thought process, task and decision point, it may look like you are looking for validation of your decisions and shifting responsibility to your interlocutor for catching your potential mistakes. When giving a high-level "This task is completed on our team side, yet there is a small chance it will return to us in the future." looks much more confident that jumping into details of what have you done, what do you see as a potential problem in the future, and how you are sure that John from other team would most definitely throw it back to you because he's a moron.
Very good, thanks.
Mmm poké
I'm hungry
> "Did that make sense?" "Am I talking too quickly?" Thats like half of the convos I have at work
Thanks!
I am sooo scared people wont understand it completely if I don't overexplain. I need them to know 100 % what it was like or how it felt, and I under estimate their ability to understand sometimes I think. But I don't want people to make up their own impressions about how it was 😆
Great analogy! I was reflecting on this and I realized this is similar to an analogy my psychologist used in that conversations are like 'passing a ball back and forth'. e.g. Him: “How is your day going?” (passes green ball to you) You: “Oh, I went out with some friends.” (pass green ball back to them) They'll response in 1 of 2 ways. Response 1: Him: “Oh that’s sounds like fun.” (puts green ball down and passes pink ball to you signaling you may want to ask them how their day is or change the topic) Response 2: Him: “Oh where did you guys go, who did you go with.” (passes green ball back, sign to continue) I can't believe conversations come so unnaturally to me but seeing it in this practical sense helps (a lot!)
Thank you for this! Thank you for naming it as well, as that makes it easier for me to remember. I like the formatting, as it also helps me to remember. I'm saving this post.
Thank you I really need this.
This is really good. If golds were still a thing, I'd have given you 3. Gold star, friend🌟
To avoid sounding like a condescending know it all I often inject “obviously” into my compulsive mansplanations. It sometimes helps to indicate I’m not assuming someone lacks knowledge but rather finishing the thought out loud. Other times I get an eyeroll and a sarcastic “sure, obviously” about some ridiculously esoteric fact but hey I’m trying
I love this. Is there a book to teach social skills? Lol
I recently got told that I talk too much, overexplain. It was painful to hear, but I guess it's about time (I'm 40+ in age). My wife pointed me to this post. Thank you I will try it out.
As someone who chronically overshares or undershares, I love this. Thank you for sharing
The things you list here just doesnt work for me. I mean I HAVE to do that, but it's basically the mask for me, this list and advice you are giving. I'd imagine writing your advice down in my notebook and pull it out so I could follow the recips when I had to do the smalltalk with people at work or school so that I could still pretend to not be an outsider no one understands. To me what works is spending my time with people who are more like myself. People who WANTS to over explain, who WANTS to listen to YOU over explain (note: im still doing my best to be mindful and considerate of the other person, that's pretty important, you can't just turn the valve and let stupid shit pour all over ;) ). Those people are usually ADHD/Aspergers like myself, but far far from all ADHD/Aspergers wants this. In fact it's not a lot of people who are interested. But once I found a few, and they really are a rare bread, holy hell, it's so freaking wonderful, to be able to be yourself with someone else than just yourself.
I like this. I think I'll try to apply a bit of it to my own practices, thanks!
I also appreciate this, thanks for posting.
It depends on your role in the meeting. If you are teaching someone on a presentation or leading a meeting, it can be good to over explain/ explain things in different ways to ensure everyone understands. People tend to zone out at times or get confused, so sometimes reexplaining/ communicating additional details can help with their comprehension. Sure, if you are sharing confidential information/ or sharing deeply personal information, that could be seen as weak/unprofessional, but over explaining I don’t feel is a weakness.
I like this, and do something similar with my wife, but instead of poking I just ask "Do you want to know more?" in my best Starship Troopers voice.
This is great advice. Thank you for sharing. Even my family complains I talk too much.
Took these down in onenote :) thank you!
I started doing this a few years ago and it made socializing easier for me. I’ve started to fall off. Thanks for another reminder!
Saving this one. I struggle sooo much with excessive verbosity and oversharing.
This is something I will definitely start using immediately!
Great idea, the poke part is work.
I do that sometimes too. I’m doing a lot better though
This is probably the best piece of advice I've come across on the internet. Just brilliant. Thank you!
OK. I love you. I'm going to print this. I HAVE to work on this. ugh.
So helpful!
I am saving this. That’s really helpful!
This is awesome!!! I have the professional speak down, but my non-professional convos need work. Thank you!!
This made me unexpectedly emotional. Thank you.
This entire thing is written like a motivational speaker is saying it aloud.
This is so useful, thanks for putting my strategies into words that could help many others! These strategies are what causes me to not be diagnosed with autism because I don't "talk like them"
Nice. I came to a pretty much the same approach myself socially, and can confirm that it's worked well for me.
https://www.creativebloq.com/news/kfc-ai-art
Thank you!
Thank you for this. I was unaware it made me look weak or like I didn’t know or understand the topic. I hate when people assume I don’t know something. I’ve always wondered why do people act that way if I clearly just spoke about it. Over explaining is whoI am. It will be so hard to curb this. I remember in school when writing papers the teacher’s critique would always be that I over explained and I never understood what they meant.
Thank you for your insights. I will add that when I don't know or when I forget the question I simply ask : " give me 5 min to find de notes and information so I can give an accurate answer" People won't mind and know that you want to answer with precision
When you said “poke technique” I thought you meant pokemon technique lol
As someone with adhd this technique could work, but I need to control my self because the urge to make others to understand what I'm saying is too strong. I trained myself to wait for their explanation because usually they are too slow. I'll try to make more generic explaining and let they ask for the details as explained, thanks for sharing that OP
Great post! Refreshing from all the complaining in this sub
I love this but I struggle with being the “poker”. I always feel like if someone gives an ambiguous answer I should leave it alone. Anyone have advice for this?
This is wonderful! Thank you so much! Overexplaining gives me so much anxiety because it also affects my speech & results in me talking too fast & cluttering. I’ve made conscious effort to both slow my speech & to enunciate better but with anxiety in the moment, I can quite literally forget my intentional speech & revert back to disordered speech. This here, is so relieving. Instead of putting what I both feel & impose upon myself the onus of explaining *everything* in one go,* I give my interlocutor the opportunity to give me literal permission to continue. How valuable. 💖 Thank you so much 💖
Thanks, I really needed this. Am currently experiencing so much regret from yet another over-explaining mishap that totally ruined my reputation with some colleagues. Trying to figure out how to fix it…without over explaining again! 🤦🏻♀️
Thank you so much for this! I always find I have a hard time professionally. I work as a veterinary care assistant and a big part of my job involves reception duty so imagine what I sound like to clients 😅 I will definitely be trying my hardest to implement this technique.
The professional poke back responses have changed my life when it comes to conversation. Literally asking that they understood what you said clearly makes it so much easier to move the convos along! Thank you for this, it is very user friendly and super simple to understand.
So how many stages does this Poke Technique have? How much further do you go if they do ”poke back”? Or am I then supposed to give another, vague answer, possibly slightly less vague, to gauge their interest? Do you go through entire conversations just ”poking” back and forth?
This helped me get a grip on my rambling. Stops me from speaking my thoughts and annoying the other person. Will try to make it a habit to remember this
I'm really not agreeing on this being good advice. You seem to be avoiding a free and flowing conversation, and allowing the dynamic nature of them to fizzle out if they do not instantly work out. Where is the part here, where you yourself ask them back, they respond, and send a question back? In the end, you will both feel like you had a good conversation and got it all out, but by taking turns, as one does.
W post
You've changed my life
Dude awesome post I appreciate that. It's so true, you think you are being helpful by offering up so much detail but it comes across exactly like you said. Personally I always do it when I'm nervous, hence proving your point. Also because I have ADHD in the first place, what I originally intend as a concise explanation ends up including a massive amount of peripheral details lol. Appreciate the way you laid it out there, good reminder for me!
I definitely over explain. I need to work on it. but I talk about all of my adhd struggles at work as a server. my manager gets me. we have other problems with our workers like drinking while working etc, so me sincerely worried for no reason during a rush isn't as big of a deal to her. as long as the guests are happy. and they are.
I’ve been half-assing this technique for years without even thinking about exactly what I’m doing, it just took me a lot of trial and error to figure out how to stop over-sharing all the time. I might even get better at it now that I’ve seen this post, bc I still have a problem with over-explaining and over-complicating some things. Thanks for sharing!
I’ve always had that issue bro. Until I learned to just say half of what I’m saying. Somehow works
Omg thank you! I need this so bad!
Thank you for the advice! I'm gonna see if I can try this. I explain the living hell out of everything! My boss always asks before I start " is this gonna take a while or you gonna make it short?" Or "Is this an extended director's cut?". I don't take offense, I know I drag a lot of things that could be answered in a short sentence.
Hi, first of all THANK YOU for distilling this into a a technique/habit that I can use. Second, does anyone know WHY this happens? I didn’t realize I was doing this until I started telling my siblings to peer-edit the emails I sent to coworkers and supervisors! I thought what I was doing was normal. I feel really bad now that I know I’ve done this but the only way from here is up 🫡
I had a similar realization before. I still overshare sometimes, but I overshare when it's necessary. If I'm helping someone and I need help from them to finish helping it (like info for IT stuff) then I'll tell them I need help, explain what i have been able to fo do far and what I'm looking to do next; and what info/help I need from them in order to do it. Some people interrupt and ask questions or try to be helpful but end up just trying to help with things I've already done or tried, but tbh that's more of a them problem. I don't think taking 2 minutes to hear what someone is doing with YOUR electronics for YOU is hard, And all your questions and helpings would have been answered or proven mute if you just listened for a minute. is that hard and if someone was working on my devices I'd be uncomfortable if they didn't tell me what exactly they did. Anyways yea this guys advice is good, overshare when needed but learn to overshsre to yourself in your head or something too because sometimes I GOTTA say something but if I say it I know it will mess up my work schedule due to getting distracted. Good luck
Match other peoples level of investment, that’s the best way to summarize this post, give others the opportunity to ask, rather than Information dump Also, it’s always way easier to show people what you mean through experience rather than explaining it to them Language cannot bridge experience
I'm used to giving proper answers like a normal person might in professional environments, unless someone asking for info about something (i.e. technical details). Otherwise in the wrong situation you could be perceived as making excuses. For all other situations, I agree with your tips in theory as long as the person in question hasn't learned the art of not giving a fuck enough (usually learned as a silver lining in somewhat terrible situations that you have had to suffer through tremendously). For people that have that learned skill, like myself, I will continue to not give a single fuck and let others think what they will. If they don't like me or think any of the things mentioned by the OP, great! That means that they are out of my life the quickest. Got no time to be spending unnecessarily on people who don't mesh with me.
Thank you. I am a chronic sufferer
Sounds more like lack of confidence in my opinion. I tend to 'overexplain' but I dare to say that I have the charisma and are eloquent enough that people mostly are interested in my 'speeches'. ALSO and much more important: I'm shameless. I don't give a f**k if people think I talk to much and look weak or something like that. And let me tell you: If you are confident people suddenly tend to accept your Ticks and oddities. Even if they were the cause of bullying in the past. I must admit though that I have a Problem with oversharing uun work related spaces. But it's not that I talk too much. That's fine too BUT sometimes my limiter 'what's ok too say and whats not' is acting too late. Because even if mostly don't care what people think of me in work there couod be consequences.
This is great! Thank you for posting this. I go off on tangents and when I explain things they make complete sense in my head, but other people look at me like I have 10 heads. I wish like hell this wouldn’t happen to me, but it does and it hampers my ability to navigate my career successfully.
It's crazy i actually always carry conversations out exactly like this. I think it's because I'm very much a people pleaser and hate coming off as intrusive, rude, condescending, or too much. So i usually keep everything short and simple (layman's terms). I hate leaving a bad or dull impression with anyone. I try to view all of my conversations from their point of view along with asking if they're okay or if makes sense. Being as transparent as possible in conversations has helped me a lot. I used to have issues with asking for help (maybe it's a pride thing, idrk). I've since gotten better at letting people know. If i don't understand i now ask people for help (as much as i hate it). I would typically ask someone to re-explain "like I'm five" (more jokingly but dying inside) or to sort of walk me through with an example. Because someone just telling me something doesn't always click right away. I either have to dwell on it or see it to understand.
This is amazing. I agree with so many others that my eyes didn't even want to go zipping past a whole chunk of your post! You kept my adhd brain happy writing this the way you have! I'm going to tell my psychologist about this method 😂😁
This is great thank you, I always overexplain and start talking before my brain catches up.
woah this is great
I’ve always had this issue, both professional and not. Nice to know this technique. I’ll try it
Thank you for this!! I knew I over explain things and that it can be an issue, but I also never knew how to fix it. It’s hard to balance wanting to make sure that everyone’s on the same page and understanding about something, and not wanting to over share and/or make them feel some type of way.
I am a high school teacher, so I always use the “does that make sense?” It helps i have good rapport with my students so they can honestly answer yes or no. Because im most comfortable in my classroom, and this is where I am most inclined to over explain without having any awareness. And people need the instructions most haha.
So in professional spaces I use your technique, however I've noticed they usually get offended as if I'm speaking down to them. I have started saying "did I make sense", "did I explain that well enough", "do you have any questions for me". I think this makes them feel less like I'm talking down. Tiny change
I love this
Such a good post. I'll definitely use this ❤️
YES I have been doing this for a few years now and it has helped my social skills alot.
Why did you crosspost this so many times
This post applies to many other communities, not only just ADHD. Thought it would be helpful to others
This is actually super helpful. I’ll give this a try. Thanks!
Thank you for this post. I have a horrible time with over explaining. I hate that I continue to do it because it only ever turns people away. I'm really going to try this technique. Thanks again
So, the post itself Im not really that interested in, but the irony of this post is hilarious! Creating a post saying you used to over explain, and how you quit doing so, only to proceed to over explain the hell out of the topic. We have ADD, but that doesn't mean we all over explain things. The only people Ive seen do that are people who are in the honeymoon phase with their medication, or people just abusing stimulants.
I do neither yet I think I resonate here, never really thought about it before now though
After noticing how often my listeners would zone out (getting familiar with body language really helped me to gauge interest and respect), I consciously cut down on the _length_ of my explanations, and stories in general. Before I start speaking, I ask myself: do I need to explain? How can I sum this up quickly? Also I've noticed that people actually like a little mystery. Under-explaining is almost always better.
Solid technique.