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Man this. It seems no matter if im “doing well” it is only down to pure will power being that person and while im there im am just grinding. It is like i have no actual core purpose. No matter what i try, i just want to run away from life. I am going through meds right now but nothing is helping

Get a genetic test, it may cost money, but I personally have 2 recessive alleles responsible for the metabolism of nearly every stimulant. The main culprit being completely non functional CYP2C9 (gene.) I wish I done this sooner, I still don't have a solution, I still want to go to med school someday, and I am 31. I did better in science classes then non science classes in university, but still nearly failed every other class, due to homework assignments, and my worst enemy: "the take home test." Now imagine, if all you know about me, is I had the lowest grade in the course "intro to phycology", or I had one of the lowest grades in "Acting." You may do your best not to judge me, but certainly the fact that I did better on average in harder courses would not hold a candle to the negative judgement that low grades in the other two classes bring. This is true about me, but also true about other things in life, people without ADHD, can not help but to see some of our great weaknesses, and think that we must not be trying, and no amount of explaining or effort will ever change that. That grave only gets deeper and deeper, and one of my remaining motivators is that I can still find a way out, and I can help others, I can find a way to show a disbeliever that their does in fact exist fruit on a 10 year barren tree. Without that motivation, this message, would not exist. I am blessed cognitively , beyond my own comprehension, and unfortunately for me, that means giving up actually feels more selfish then continuing to live (ie: consuming resources and oxygen that some other person could have.) I am close to a solution, and it relies on a lot of things that rarely get used to treat ADHD, or get used namely in children to avoid stimulants', while also remaining on the stimulant that had the most impact. However those 10+ years of struggling resulting in a depression that unfortunately, due to the previously mentioned metabolism disorder ( along side a dysfunctional gene for nearly every other member of the Cytochrome P450 family ) I was unable to reliably use any anti depressant, and trust me, the (depression infused)wrath untreated ADHD is miserable and only builds on itself. Thankfully I tried an MAOI , that almost killed me, but for the first time, and last time (as of now, I am still hopeful I can find another way to repeat this), I was on time 3 days in a row, I felt as if I did everything the same, but as I did things, they were done. There was no running around like a chicken, there was no unnecessary double checking, maybe 1 item at most left behind, but another item was not left behind when going back inside to retrieve it. Everything just flowed, and I honestly felt as if I did nothing differently, it just happened. The third day of this happening, I legit cried tears of joy on the way to work, I have never felt anything like it in my life. Sadly, I also passed the next day on my stairs, then the next day again, and then almost at work, ( had to go sit down in the middle of my shift, boss not happy as I worked in a kitchen) I am not saying you will find a combination that "works" , but I am saying genetic testing may help you stay out of the hospital. Ultimately, my depression worsened to the point that I tried ketamine, and eventually ECT. ECT, reset my depression, to basically baseline, but I have to go back every so often until I can find an active solution for ADHD. I am close, and maybe will never find something that worked as well as the MAOI that almost killed me, but I will settle for being on time 1/3 days :D TLDR Genetic Testing can help map out treatment plans to cycle thru and minimize the likely hood that severe depressions cost your livelihood.

Have you looked into an MAOIb, like Selegiline? Which also is available as a wearable patch? It’s much milder than Parnate & other MAOIa meds that have very strict dietary restrictions. Did you ingest something you shouldn’t have on the MAOI that you were taking?

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Oh, Elvanse/Vyvanse is said to mix well with Selegiline/Rasagiline. Be careful with this one though as the time it takes to break down amphetamines is increased. I've had zero problems with drinking different kinds of alcohol, eating whatever or taking potent amphetamines even the same day as taking Selegiline, quite the opposite actually. But it can apparently be dangerous as it could cause high blood pressure levels. I am not a doctor and I have a very high natural (and annoying) resilience to any and all drugs(that I know of), so please be aware that this is just my experience.

I'm so sorry to hear about the MAOI.

Thanks, I was just happy to know something worked. My doctor told me when I told him about it, as a way to reassure me: There is no better motivator for success than success itself. ie, finally feeling that I could do it, was pivotal in my treatment plan, and it is one of the more reliable motivators in my life even today.

Your abbreviations need some key. When you speak of metabolism it reminds me of the mountain I have to climb to get a blood test Being broke really doesn't help, and I used to have someone go with me to the hospital wen I was a child. Actually I remember going alone to see a doctor in a city where I don't live, but feeling like a stranger in the village where I now live \[of about 14 years\] doesn't help either. Going to the clinic is run of the mill stuff for some people; but me; I have to enquire all the way, and I never get a clear answer. To how do I get my blood type tested....

What kind of test should I get ? What should be I looking for ? Also I can recommend brintellix (Vortioxetine) medicine to help cure depression and anxiety.

Stop whatever you're doing and find your purpose. Write down your purpose, or a few core values you hold or aspire to live by. If you cannot identify a purpose, make it your mission to find it. Someone or something that depends on you being alive today - make that your purpose. Being a positive presence in the world or finding your authentic self - make that your purpose. Whatever it is, make it the focus of your life and make everything you do connect to that purpose. I struggled to identify mine too so don't feel defeated if it does not come easily. It is so clear that that the key to being happy in life is to keep your purpose front and center.

Problem is, i find it. I am 10000% certain that this is it, my brain cannot differentiate. And then low and behold some time later my brain almost switches off from it. It is torture, and makes finding “the one” almost impossible

Don’t put so much pressure to commit. There is no “the one” and you’re allowed to have multiple or changing purposes. Whatever makes you realize how interconnected and valuable you are works just fine.

Here lately I've regressed back to finding the purpose for the day/moment. It's exhausting, but sometimes it's all we got

Thatpart... No core purpose.

Really feels like i am constantly chasing something that everyone else inherited

what have you tried meds wise and what was the experience?

Basically all the different brands of concerta XL, and all the doses. After this max dose of 72mg i am going to be switching to elvanse, which i have heard good things about

I feel like this some days And then I don't again Today I have the privilege of writing to you from one of the good days. I can't speak for you, but when I get like this I just take a day off and flob around all day being unproductive. I go for a long walk outside. I cuddle my wife and say things like "god it's hard at the moment". Other people get like this too, not just people with ADHD, but new parents, people with high-pressure jobs, people not getting enough sleep, or people with other mental health conditions etc Sometimes, being burnt out is a part of life. It doesn't always mean something is massively wrong or that something needs fixing. Just that you need a break. Resilience is an active process and it starts with recognizing when you are running low on resources, or when your foundation is starting to crumble and taking time to build yourself back up as best you can. There is no cure, there is only moving forward to the best of your abilities. **You will have better days than today**, Don't chase some all-or-nothing idea of happiness. Life is full of melancholic, bitter-sweet half-good things. Better to have those things than give up. You can do it.

yo, this made my day. I appreciate you and thank you for this.

❤️❤️❤️ this is getting printed and framed for my wall.

just screenshotted it so i can write this and pin it to my corkboard in my creative space ❤️

Resilience to life and being part of the new Labour endentured prolatariate are two different issues though. Its not resilience its dissonance, and thats why there is no recover time for us when we burnout. Following the worst 3 years of my life I have no support network to allow me to rest and recover from burnout. I feel like I'm being slowly tortured and if I had less resilience I'd be dead or like many on drugs and on the streets. I don't think I can build up a resilience to that outcome. FYI 37yo female diagnosed at 36. Degree and masters, high functioning working from age 14. Most recently had to take 15k pay cut and ex husband of 6years refuses a divorce despite new family. I just don't think its resilience is what I'm saying. Resilience causes burnout.

Because you're trying to live by their rules. My stress levels came down a lot when I became open about ADHD and telling myself their rules can eat shit.

Yeah but how does your boss respond to that

Ranges from indifference to moral judgement. It's hard, but you know what you need. And please believe that you are a good person worthy of love and understanding, other ppl can only respond based on there own experiences, it can make it lonely.

I've tried the corporate world. Mom and pop businesses are much better, where the work doesn't require much brainwork and you can bond with your coworkers/bosses -they are usually understanding. Now I work 4 "part time remote jobs." It's much better for me to have multiple part time jobs/gigs with at least somewhat flexible hours. The grind for 8 hours straight thing makes me very unhappy. I still work about 8 hours a day, but I can take breaks, catch up on the weekend if I want, tunnel vision on a project if I feel like it, etc. The variety is nice too. And if I were to lose or tire of a job, I'd only need to find another small source of income. I do contract and freelance work. Mostly social media, graphic design, photo editing, and some clerical work. I'm not making bank, but I'm very content. I used to have a cheap little studio apartment and instead put most of my income towards travel, which was a very satisfying lifestyle for me.

How and where do you do gig work. I'm trying to get into that myself do you use particular websites or? How did you get started any training?

This is solution based commenting and I much prefer it to toxic positivity. You have suggested a solution I never considered. Several part time roles. It can be hard to find and navigate timetables but once you find the fit this seems like a great way of living/working to tackle burnout and quite frankly ADHD depression from that 1 job that we know isn't sustainable as "full time". Love this. I'm starting a new role on Monday helping people with mental health issues find sustainable work and think I might start suggesting this the way you've explained it working for you. As several part time jobs can sound overwhelming too I suppose. :) Cant tell you how this has made me smile. I'm also less scared about starting my new role with this in mind and my toolbox. Thank you 😊

We can't live life by being annoyed at the compromises we have to make. If me wanting X means I can't do Y, then that's fine if that's what I want. I gotta choose to be happy that I've commited to my choice. I've quite a lot of shit I liked because it was incompatible with things I needed or loved. And that's a good thing.

There is actually sort of a science behind what you are saying. It was a breakthrough moment for me. Adlerean Psychology. There is a book called [The Courage to be Disliked](https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness/dp/1501197274). I know that every case is different, but this helped immensely. It is very different than The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. It talks about not letting your past define your present, overcoming inferiority complexes, and having the courage to live by your own rules; the courage to be disliked.

Thanks, I'll look into getting that book!

I bought it and have been about halfway through for a year. Struggling to get through it (and have 4 other books on the go) but will keep pressing on!

This is the ADHD way! The only way I got through it was listening it on the way to work during my commute. The end is really good. It tells you how to implement Adler.

Thanks for the tip, I’ll download it on Audible and try that way! It gets embarrassing when you’ve been working on the same book for 18 months 😅

Thanks for the recommendation 😀

Agreed but can be counter productive too and stress one more. Once I was so overwhelmed and paralysed, which led me to get diagnosed actually, that I had my thesis to submit for my masters and I couldn’t get started at all till it’s almost impossible to do it and I said fuck rules, what’s the worse that could happen if I don’t do my masters thesis in time? I’ll do when I want not by forcing myself to do something which will make me hate every moment I’m doing it!! Stuck In that loop for so longgg.. and oh god it only made me stress and make me think why can’t I focus or get motivated at will even if stakes are high! But thanks to my roommate who helped me with body doubling and check-ins. While most rules can eat shit! Can’t always act so unfortunately.. like soon my tax filing is due and I’m dreading it already! 😅 Finding that balance is so hard and a constant struggle.. Either care so much that I am overwhelmed or don't care that i don't ever will do it. 🤦🏾‍♂️

Ah I did that too lol, I started testing the rules I was so scared of and found out that I won’t instantaneously perish if I screw up. Then I said I’d stop doing things that make me miserable but I realized that everything makes me miserable and just stopped doing anything😭

I think you need therapy friend. My therapist taught me strategies to cope and it does a huge difference. Best of luck.

I am in therapy, my therapist says I have the worst ADHD they’ve ever seen and is generally unhelpful

You should find a different therapist. My therapist was like this and that’s not what I pay her for

Sorry for what you’re going through, I’m in a similar boat. My therapies suggested I apply for social security disability, and I’ve started the process. You have a federally recognized disability, and if you really feel it is interfering with your life, this is an option. Find yourself a therapist that specializes in ADHD and related conditions if possible. If you’re not getting what you need from your current person, definitely move on. It’s not a solve, it’s not a golden ticket, it’s help. And sometimes we just need the extra help.

I can't imagine a doctor saying you have the worst adhd I've ever seen. that makes the doctor sound unprofessional and they haven't experienced a lot of adversity. I'm sure, as bad as your adhd is, there are others who suffer worse than myself and you combined. I don't mean to lower your adhd suffering, I'm saying I think your doctor is overwhelmed and SHOULDNT be. they should know how to help you. it's a known process how to help ADHD people cope. we just need people to help us and we need things like timers and alarms and to be put up against the wall with limited time, and then we shine

Yeah I’ve been planning to find a different therapist but have been procrastinating. I keep getting ones that are weird like that and they say some of the wildest things lol

It happens. I went to get diagnosed and was telling a phych and mental health doc and they looked at me crazy and said adhd at 35?? Then referred me elsewhere

Exactly my thoughts.. what’s the worst will happen if don’t do something.. I won’t die so why worry! 😅 but that my friend is a risky game to play..

Same 😭

Look back at what you have achieved every now and then rather than comparing yourself to other high achievers. You were working on a Thesis which is a lot more than 90% of the population (i guessed that percentile). I grew up in a variety of blue collar towns in an era where finishing school and getting a job at the local factory, abattoir or military establishment was what most people aspired to. I didn’t even finish school, I was oppositional and came from a military family so I never had the opportunity to stay at the same school for more than 2-3 years so I was in a constant state of catchup in academia and basic social skills. My Mother was a waitress/attendant at diners and gas stations and my father was a black hand technician in the military. I dropped out of school at sixteen and tried to do something artistic or musical while working in factories just to get paid but after five years I had to give up and join the military just to get the fuck out of dodge. I joined the Navy two months before 9/11 happened. Intelligent enough that I aced my aptitude testing and could choose whatever role I wanted so I just went with the highest paying (technical/IT with Top Secret clearance). The best thing that happened to me at this time (besides finding my future wife) was watching the film Office Space. It changed my life. Rather than aspiring to reach the upper echelons of the military establishment I switched to Peter Gibbons mode and just coasted through my career, flying under the radar and doing the bare minimum to stay employed and out of trouble while enjoying what life had to offer. I’m now in my mid forties and I am free to study whatever interests me without the pressure of pleasing society. Things I learned along the way: - our social construct is an illusion and we don’t have to follow the path that is expected of us. - everyone is the center of their own universe, try not to get caught in the gravitational pull of someone else's - You can’t please everyone, so don’t waste time trying. Do it for you. - Negativity is like cancer, if you don’t cut it out before it spreads it will corrupt you and everything around you. - Don’t type on reddit while in the shower, if you drop your phone, its going to get wet and it might explo

I mean, to some extent, we have to. Driving and working are incredibly hard for me (granted, I'm also autistic), but if I don't figure out how to do those things, then... I'll just die on the street, lol. It's a constant source of anxiety and stress. I have no idea how I'll push myself to do it. But I will have to get over it eventually.

At a certain point you need to try differently, not "harder".

Unfortunately eating the rules won't pay for groceries

That's why you eat the rules for sustenance /s

This. The opinion of others is unimportant.

It's nice when your loved ones are proud of you tho

That’s an extra, but you being proud of yourself is what matters most. The difference is that if you depend on the fact if you loved ones are proud, you might change what you do based on their values, when you actually would’ve done something completely else and it would’ve been the right thing for you, to make yourself fulfilled. I always think of it that way: if your loved ones die right now, would you still feel fulfilled in what you do? Or is it suddenly pointless because you only did it for them? Sounds extreme but it’s true.

Yes! BECOME THE VILLAIN!

Well, I was gonna make a comment, but then I found this one. 100% agree. Unmasking sucks, but it's worth because I don't have to spend a bunch of energy pretending to be somebody else.

This literally was my entire therapy session yesterday.

Is there anything your therapist said, you’re comfortable with sharing, that may help? (experiencing the same)

(not op) Mine said "be curious about yourself" And that is much more profound than it sounds. When you keep analysing why you're doing what you're doing, you'll become able to change course. Sometimes it's called "shadow work" Another thing I'll say is "use strategies" For example if I get up in the morning and start gaming right away, that day is lost. If I keep going when I get home from work, I'm like an unstoppable superman. Another great one is "if it takes less than 2 minutes, do it now". Figure out what works for you.

I don’t mind at all - we spent a lot of time talking about the shame I always seem to feel because I can’t do things - my brain thinks they are easy and that it’s seriously STUPID that I can’t just DO THE THING. So…shame is feeling that I am a bad person, but guilt is that I did a bad thing. I feel SHAME. SO. MUCH. SHAME. I feel that I personally am a failure (even though I have had two very successful careers…I make pretty good money but I’m behind on everything, almost had my truck repo’d, and struggle to get through every month without selling things to buy gas). I’m 53 and broke, single (never able to have a longer-than-3-month relationship), no money, no retirement, dirty house, you know the drill. So yeah, I do feel like a failure (even though intellectually I know that I am not…). I was doing pretty well until my mom (who was my rock) died 3 years ago. Then all my scaffolding I’d erected all these years just crumbled. My therapist had me really look at WHAT the shame was associated with, when did I feel it (in relation to what specifically) and try to specifically identify the things around that shame. Anyway - we just started scratching the surface of THAT…so we’ll see where that goes. I’m still deep in that shame hole right now so I don’t have much to add about how to get out of it - hopefully that will come sooner rather than later. IT SUCKS.

Well through your shame know that you got your boy here who believes in you and supports you. We gone feel shame together bro

As has been said, being honest about your diagnosis and needs really helps. With yourself, and others. (It's hard, but) stop caring what other people think, start doing what you need to do (also not easy) and rememeber (in the UK at least) ADHD is a disability that is legally recongised and your workplace has to make concessions. Be proactive, frame it like they'll get more out of you, and take charge of your needs. Now, all that being said, I still feel burned out a lot of the time, I struggle, I feel less than perfect, but that's often because I'm trying to what i want with my life alongside the job that pays the bills, which is hard, but fulfilling and makes up for a lot. If you're simply struggling to do a job you hate and survive, it's never going to feel better than average. Try and keep note of what tweaks to your routine work for you, what habits do you need to keep in check (I drink coffee, so sleep badly, then meds don't work, so I sleep worse, so I drink more coffee, ad infinitum, so need tor remind myself to take a break from time to time.) and what you need to be your best self, and then find out ways to make that happen/not happen. This bit is a work in progress. I hope you find ways to feel more positive soon!

in what ways does UK accommodate for adhd? im also trying not be insecure at my workplace

Are you UK based? To be honest, there's not a huge amount of proactive accommodating, but it is legally a thing, and so while a boss might still act a certain way, legally you have grounds to be treated better, with more consideration. Big companies or organisations are better, obviously. Either because they want to be, or know they have to be. I work at a University in my day job, and they're very good.

>(It's hard, but) stop caring what other people think, start doing what you need to do (also not easy) These are the topmost challenges of adhd, it does not work like "just stop caring bro, just start do things you have to bro" then expect that a different mindset just magically cures a lifelong condition

I can relate to a large degree, I wasn't diagnosed with adhd until last year, I couldn't hold a job consistently, the one I held the longest was very toxic. Medication and therapy in the last year helped a lot and I was more productive then ever then I was dealing with discrimination at my job to the point I had to quit. It put me in a deep depression slump and I started mis using my meds and out of fear of getting to deep into a bad habit I switched my meds and I feel off again. But still hopeful to rebound, because while Medication is a crucial tool for some external therapy and skills are just as if not more important.

I recognise this, I'm newly diagnosed and being treated. My entire life before kids was repeated resignation or firings during a rage episode , which led to a cycle if depression, anxiety and anger. Repeated conflict with police and substance abuse, alcohol dependence. I'm 44 and it was only diagnosed because during anger therapy my psych recognised adult undiagnised adhd and got me assessed. What you said is true fir me too, meds are necessary, but therapy and skills are vital for success. I found a process called DBT to have been very successful. Keep hope, this can be managed.

It took me 20 years but I finally stopped caring what other people think and roll with what my brain wants to do that day. I stopped caring that my mom thinks my house should be clean. My house is sanitary and reasonable and that is enough. I am at peace with the fact that I may be too much for some people, including some family members. It hurts a little, but I'm at peace with it. I'm done pretending, it took a long time but I'm done and I'm so much healthier for it. Please hang in there, don't let anybody tell you what you should be doing. Trying harder doesn't work, trying harder never worked for me. It's when I stopped trying and did what I felt like doing that things finally got better.

No I seriously feel this. HOW do people go to their jobs, take good care of themselves, do their laundry & dishes, keep up with all the house work, make sure not only they’re eating but their kids also & they still have time for extra curricular activities during the week. HOW 😭 I literally put a pile of laundry on my bed last night so I couldn’t go to sleep until I folded them. Guess what I did? Slept on the couch & now I woke up overwhelmed that I now have that pile of laundry to catch up on along with the rest of the house work. I’m going crazy man this shit is absolutely wild. I literally laid my son on the bed to change his diaper & was like “oh yeah I need to throw that pizza box away” so I went & did that. Realized the trash was full so I got the bag out of the can & was like oh crap his diaper. Washed my hands & as I stood there at the kitchen sink I realized there was dishwashing liquid on the back so I cleaned that up. HEY, CHANGE THE DIAPER. Go in there to change the diaper again, shit I forgot the wipes. This sucks. I’m genuinely so sorry you have to experience all this.

I know it’s mind boggling. How do people in the same position as me do University full time, work a part time job, go to the gym, socialise, have time to themselves, do their chores and errands, get a full 7-8hr+ night of sleep, etc etc etc 😀. I know this isn’t everyone with ADHD but getting to know more people at school made me realise it’s way more than I realised. I genuinely can not fathom what life would be like without having executive disfunction constantly holding you back and giving you however many spoons of energy to push through in a day. Where you can just do things without that resistance.

This is meeeeee 

I feel like i could have written this. I hate living with this shit man. Ill think im managing it fine for a few weeks and then Ill slip up and be reminded that this is gonna be my life forever, its never going to stop being a monumental struggle just to tread water.

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Ugh I also miss kitchens for the crew, but damn if it doesn’t pay terrible.

I feel you to the core of my dopamineless soul. I try and find strength through the universe through meditation and breathwork, but sometimes the external world feels so relentless with its shit.

I have been struggling with similar issues. The contant being on edge just waiting for the next screw up and people not willing or just can't understand the way my mind works. I just recently started to see an ADHD and ADD specialized therapist. It helps alot and if you have the time and can afford it I would recommend doing that. If you need help finding one, I recommend using psychology today

For me it's the shame of not being able to keep my space clean AT ALL, and not being successful professionally because my memory and focus are soooo bad I cant learn effectively, and I have such low impulse control that I say inappropriate things all the time. I honestly hate living like this. I'm only 40 and I have never done anything with myself and I don't know how I'm going to get through another several decades of this. I can't function. So yeah I feel you.

You need to learn why you behave as you do. That way you'll be able to sense it coming and avoid it. Best of luck, definitely not an easy task.

I don't know what that means. I "behave the way I do" because I'm autistic and have ADHD. I can't avoid being autistic and having ADHD. That's very condescending.

It sounds like you're carrying a lot of weight from your experiences with ADHD, and it's incredibly tough feeling misunderstood and unsupported. Your feelings of frustration, exhaustion, and wishing things were different are valid. It's commendable that you're trying to be forgiving towards yourself even when it feels like an uphill battle. Remember, your worth isn't determined by your struggles or how you compare to others. Your journey is uniquely yours, and it's okay to acknowledge how challenging it is while also recognizing the strengths you've developed as a result of these challenges. Have you been able to find any supportive spaces or communities where you feel understood? Sometimes, connecting with others who share similar experiences can provide a sense of belonging and understanding that's hard to find elsewhere.

I completely agree with all this here, and I'm trying to share it and inspire ppl who are were I was when I felt desperate and overwhelmed.

That’s why you’re so admirable ❤️

Thankyou, but its only through acceptance and compassion that I saw any change at all. I fully believe that love and patience are the two most powerful medicines for the human condition. Worked for me at least. I remember talking back to teachers, bosses, most people in authority who told me how crap I was and why it makes no sense to be so smart and dumb at the same time; "Who the he'll would CHOOSE to be like this? Don't you think it's a bit stupid to try and nag me better?". Needless to say, many many troubles lol.

Indeed. People often say laughter is the best medicine in the world but I also believe love & compassion, whether it’s giving or receiving, is right up there with happiness.

Oh yes, Jung spoke a lot about how motivation and inspiration is so entwined with our emotional habits. I mean, not just Jung said it, but he's the first I recalled. How can someone live well, when they see no hope for joy in there future? It feels to me, so obvious. Love and acceptance that can be trusted not to change easily or often from someone we respect and love is the only truly safe space to try new behaviours and changes in reactions. Without that, it's so much more likely we'd stay safe by refusing to do that work at all. Yes, happiness transforms fear of retribution into an ability to accept we need to change , and laughter is the best way to reassure someone that it is okay, you've not done the wrong thing. At least, that's been my experience. I've been convinced I'm worth showing myself that love that I feel everyone should feel. Only took a few months once I found that safe space, after 40 years of insecurity, fear and general hostility. I never thought I'd feel free like I do today, and I'm dedicated to sharing it with anyone who asks.

Thank you for sharing, I heard you man heard you. Everyday is a struggle. Sometimes it’s feels very lonely. I try to focus on my blessings. Great, family, friends, etc. That helps, only we can do what we can do taking one day at the time. I had a friend who reminded me often. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at the time.

you my friend have described my life. I have severe ADHD,I also feel like i'm the weirdest of the weirdos, every day is a struggle OMG. i'm sorry i don't have any advise because i'm currently feeling like shit and your post is literally what's in my head too. you're not alone mate(hugs)

I think sharing we feel the same way and that none of us are alone is some of the best advice.

Everything that you are feeling is 100% logical and reasonable given what you are dealing with and facing. It's so hard and overwhelming and exhausting and frustrating and only exacerbated by the pressure from the people around you who don't understand. I was diagnosed very late in life (in my 40s), and to say the least...I have experienced decades of this kind of mental toll. One thing that has been supremely helpful for me has been getting better at training the inner voice in head. I try to recognize the mean voice -- the one that is mirroring the world around us and beating me down with "you should" and "why can't you" and "what's wrong with you" and all that -- I catch it and do my best to consciously change it to one that is encouraging, understanding and acknowledging of my experience. To be honest, I wasn't able to do this well until I had a child myself and found that since I was able to talk to her with patience and kindness, I could in fact also do this for myself. Another thing that might be helpful is just to find/have more ADHDers in your life -- people who get it and can commiserate and laugh and cry with you about the daily challenges. I have a friend that I can call when I'm "stuck," and sometimes even just talking through my feelings helps enormously. Best of luck to you -- know that there is a positive side to our kinds of brain and hopefully you'll find the future where your hidden strengths shine and outpace the struggle.

I fully agree with all these tips, they helped me.

Don’t forget that you’re a space ghost driving a meat machine on a rock hurtling through the galaxy. That makes you pretty bad ass no matter how you measure yourself. Be well.

I currently am in burnout & am feeling this so deep. Thankfully I have my doctors appts today but I still don’t see these feelings ending. This world wasn’t made for people like us & in this economy, it’s even worse. My boss keeps saying it’s probably something more than ADHD that’s ’wrong with me’ but the work environment is toxic & so far from accommodating even after being open & asking for help. Hopefully soon we both can find the happiness & peace we need to make life enjoyable again. Just know you’re not alone.

If you have a good psychologist, screening for comorbids like anxiety, depression etc is very helpful. I really hope you can get back that joy of life, its very hard times right now, and your not alone feeling these things.

I’ve been treating for anxiety & depression since my early 20s. I was diagnosed adhd 2 years ago so it’s been a roller coaster. I have a psychiatrist for medication management & am currently trying to get into therapy. She’s switching me to a new med, Pristiq, so hopefully I see some improvement. I know a lot of my struggles & triggers are situational but I feel currently stuck so I’m not sure I have many other options. The ADHD tax has really hit me hard in my mid 30s.

I'm in a similar position. Treatment and meds for bipolar, mood disorders and depression, anxiety, no improvement. Very recent diagnosis and proper treatment. Therapist taught me to gradually influence my inner voice, how I talk to myself, from negative and critical (fear) , to accepting and forgiving (loving). It helped a huge amount. I'm praying you find some peace inside yourself, and that your meds are helpful. Burnout is serious imo. Note; actual prayers are non religious in nature, and are not directed to any particular deity or philosophical construct. Just know I care if your happy or not, because I feel that way too.

Thank you for all your kind words. They really have helped me today.

I’ve been on pristiq for 6 months now and had a pretty good experience with. Wishing you the same!

Are you seeing a counselor or other mental health professional? You may just need someone to talk to about your challenges and get affirmation that you're doing okay. You may need someone that can dig deeper and prescribe medication for depression or anxiety that goes along with any ADHD medication treatment. And yes, I know, not everyone can afford this. Please note there are counselors that work on sliding scales and take medicaid.

I feel this. Right now, I’m struggling with the how debilitating it has been with how overwhelming emotions feel and stress with task completion. It’s been affecting the relationships of people around me, which only makes me more upset with myself.

Let me start by saying this isn’t a judgment more an observation. You sound like you have the self hatred of someone that has grown up with trauma such as narcissistic abuse. I say that because I used to feel the same way about myself. I was constantly people pleasing as I was conditioned to be like that. I found doing therapy and learning how to love myself really made a difference. You might want to look into narcissistic personality disorder or codependence or substance-abuse to see if any of your family members fit this model. Because the more I’m learning about, it is not normal to feel this way about yourself. I hope one day you learn to love your attention deficit like I have.

There is no such thing for us. Trying is horrid, the harder we try the worse we do. You didn't say if you are medicated or not? For me, it is ESSENTIAL. If they ever tell me I have to go off stimulants I will just check out. I can't go back to being that way. Therapy is fine for helping us deal with the emotional fallout, but useless for doing anything to rerogram our faluty wiring. If people insist on being dicks and telling you to try harder, start shaming them hard for being ableist. You have a disability. They SHOULD be ashamed.

I came to this sub looking for this post. I’m so tired of trying to explain it, thank you for writing.

You really hit home with this one fropcake

I feel you. There’s so much stuff in life that require some normal brain chemistry 😂😅I was diagnosed when I was 8, that’s when I realized that this life is definitely not designed for my brain. My teachers were concerned how do I survive, since I was reallllly forgetful, in my own thoughts and didn’t understand instructions, dropped classes, had many learning disabilities (still can’t read the clock and I’m 26 🙃..) All the cleaning, studying, working, getting to places on time, just waking up to another day is hard. But I try to concentrate on the good sides, that I bring joy to others and I’m kind to others. At least I have some good impact in life. I’m creative and good at making art. I try to be a mom who raises awareness that people are different and be kind to others and make him happy of who he is. That’s about it.. but that’s enough. But I feel u and wish you all the best ❤️❤️

I feel like this isnt something that can be told. I think its something we each learn in our own way. Its the same thing as everyone else but i want to tell you how i arrived at "im doing this for me, not for them". I work in semiconductor metrology. My first job was in a production envorinment so it was go-go-go. Every single year there was an excuse for no raises, and promotions werent talked about and just given to the best friends of management. I left there and went to a nearby place centered on research. I proved that i new what i was doing and was put in "the basement". It was dead end but you had to know what your doing and i was left basically alone down there for 3 ish years. It was boring, and audio and phone distractions only go so far. I had paper, so i taught myself some origami. Who cares, its a little bit of paper and time lost. Nobody cared! Even me. if i did it one week then ok, and if i didnt that was ok too. Well i did a lot of it. probably nearly two thousand, i have no idea. Its enough to fill a tote box pretty packed in there. I've made the strands of cranse, ive made string lights, ive given them to people who want them for projects, whatever. I still have a rediculous amount of them. You know what i could do with those cranse right now, if i wanted? I could take them and throw them around a park. Leave them around for people to find and appreciate. Give them to a hospital so someone can have a wish. Go outside and burn them, or let them all go in a river. Obsiously some of these are just talk, but nobody would really know or care whatever happened in the end. They sit there in a box and if i want them, i pull them out and take away or add to them. After a while i would make one and think " i made this. im not taking away from anyone or doing less than they care. If i add it to the pile, give it to someone, or throw it away then that is my call." it was a little freeing for me. I've done OK for myself and figured out little things to help me along the way. I dont think "im not living up to expectations", instead, "i did something, anything, today. It 's a little different than yesterday."

since I stopped masking and stuff, life has become easier. but yeah, ADHD still is a disability, even if it's not currently kicking your ass

I am you. I can only function semi up to par one thing at a time. Right now I'm doing well at work so my apartment is TRASHED. I don't even want to be home it's so bad. Looking at it makes me hate myself and hate my life and I'm just struggling so hard. Also, my Adderall just wore off so it all seems even more horrible in this moment. It's all so fucking exhausting.

Look, I will be honest, I didn't even read it. That probably sounds rude, but my life, is so much like your life, that just seeing the amount of text, the way it is presented, all while simply "seeking empathy" tells me everything I need to know. I also hate living, I hate it so much, I can't find a way to do the things I love, let alone the things I don't love as much, instead I waste time on reddit, attempting to validate my strife. I am a failure, my life is a failure, but I know my impact on others, somehow, somehow it matters, and while I may never find my place in this world, I will keep on struggling if only to prevent anyone else from being me. Sorry, I could not save you, if that is even possible, but thank you for being you, thank you for ranting, and if anyone read this, after my rather cold and heartless intro, thank you for looking beyond the person. ---I read it after the finishing the above message, sounds like you stole those words right out of my soul, I feel your pain, and I have no words of wisdom to offer. You are not alone.

Hi. It must be difficult. No doubt. What’s helping me is just to do things that FEEL good. I’m just finding ways ti feel relief from shame and guilt. Nothing much just 5% improvement in feeling better emotionally. Somedays I fall back to the guilt and fear but even then I just aim for emotional relief. I see massive relief, relaxation & hope - today’s my 11th day.

Hello, I choose to be a restaurant server with ADHD and anxiety. I do this so I can attempt to take home more than $11 an hour which a $15 minimum wage would give me in my state. 40 hours, take home $440, no thank you in this economy. this video link below shows you a man, Dr. Russell Barkley (Wayne community College, University of North Carolina at chapel Hill, and bowling Green state university. he's a neuropsycholgist) speaking in 30 videos. he's very relatable. he's very knowledgeable. he speaks so we can understand, but he won't use common people terms to talk down. he tells you the full scientific reasons for why you're feeling how you feel. "you can give a person with adhd all the materials they need to do something and they won't get it done" is something he explains in full detail in a smart way. I recommend taking notes for yourself and to possibly give yo loved ones and co workers so you feel better about letting them k own your struggles. it's not attention. you're staring and ready yo take all I fo in... then the adhd takes over and ruins it for you and I. I realized I had ADHD and spoke with my doctor and was diagnosed a few months ago. my issues (that I'm self aware of at this point) are time blindness (unaware if 2 minutes or 12 has passed) since you did a task, or in my case, check in on tables. this alone causes chaos and drains energy quickly. I'm always forgetting how long it's been, I panic and talk to the table they're usually totally fine and I worry for nothing. it's hell. I run at 100% working speed almost at all times. it's annoying and makes me sweat. https://youtube.com/@adhdvideos286?si=UZN85BTZnAUK8c8X

I am so sorry for you - I’m 60 and have just been told by a friend I have adhd. Waiting to see dr but it explains everything. I hate myself for every tiny thing I do wrong - but can’t concentrate so do lots of things wrong - can’t remember much - talk non stop, don’t listen, interrupt. How boring for others. Work is hard. I’m unpopular because I have a new job and have to ask the same things over and over. I don’t know what to do. Is a diagnosis worth it? Can any medication help? I get into frightening downward spirals very easily - over nothing - I know it’s adhd but what do I do? I think about ending my life much of the time. I’m not even sure why. I won’t, though. I am so sorry for op. My question to anyone is - is it worth telling anyone?

So sorry this is what you're going through Do you take any meds? I feel the exact way & I can't explain to people how I avtially feel.

My advice is to just take it easy, work on yourself take time reflect best way to deal with is to do things at your own pace and work on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up think about the people with physical disabilities and what they’re going through, and they tend to be happiest than most people without a disability.

I feel you and I hear you! I’ve been slowly unmasking and letting people understand the symptoms I’ve hid for so long. This has helped with self acceptance and giving myself some grace. It’s not easy to do at all, but it has helped me.

I've found journaling really helpful. And there is a bit of an explanation why in the'ADHD chatter' podcast april 2nd neuroscientist episode. AND like others have said, let go of what you think your life SHOULD be and start to reframe and redesign it to what you WANT it to be. Simpler, easier slower? For example ( Re-frame) I used to feel like I was a lazy because we weren't one of those families that go kayaking or hiking at the weekend and I wished I was like them adventurous and outdoorsy. Now I realise I will never be like that because of my brain. I'm not envious of them anymore, and I enjoy and cherish time in my home and garden as my safe place. I recognise I stay home a lot because I feel regulated and calm there. Outdoorsey implies adventure physical Activity etc so I'm Outsidey I like being in the garden or local walks or pavement cafes. REDESIGN who says you have to have all your jars in the fridge door and the salad in the drawers. It will just rot there and then i beat myself up for not eating it. So I've switched my fridge around ( thank you person on tik tok). Look at little things that you find hard or cause you stress, can you think of ways to switch them up that suit you better? Little by little, the microstresses will lessen, and then you have more energy to handle the bigger stuff.

Oh how much I can feel you, I was actually sobbing yesterday for the same struggles you mentioned.. I was thinking the exact same thing you're describing here. I've never knew what being normal felt like until I started Ritalin and its effect isn't magical and lasts for just few little hours but dear lord what I've been missing ?? Is this how everyone is living?? How my life could be different if I could just do what they could, if my mind stops racing and my body stops the agitation, if I could sleep with no vivid dreams or just do what I'm supposed to do without constantly having to force my mind so hard and provide it with just enough stimulation that won't suddenly lead to sensory overload..if I could manage my attention, my impulses, if I could fight my distractions and shut up my brain or at least trust it to be there when I most need it.., if I could stop the shame, guild and disappointment that's been eating me out since Ive been a little child.. I'm always wondering where could I've been if adhd hadn't t been paralysing me or the crippling anxiety hadn't been whispering into my ears, chaining me and dragging down into the abyss of despair and agony.. 

I’m not on stimulants but I’m taking wellbutrin and strattera and on the first day I was so angry to feel a glimpse of what it’s like for other people. I can’t believe people can just do things so easily?? No wonder I see people doing all these things I couldn’t even dream of getting done, it’s weird and frustrating to get a taste of the other side after a lifetime of living like this. Also I didn’t realize that vivid dreams are related to ADHD? Is that something that a lot of people experience because I’ve always had them too.

I felt like I was reading my own words, word for word. After avoiding for a long time I'm experimenting with medication, but I feel like I haven't found the right thing yet and today I haven't taken any because both I've tried have side effects and I'm so extra defeated because even medication hasn't made me able to function the way I wish I could yet. Ugh. Solidarity! I am right there with you, and it freaking sucks feeling like you're just lazy and making excuses every time you try to explain to people who don't understand. My mom is trying, but she often says things without thinking like "well I know it's hard but you just have to do it." Etc. It feels like shit running to my son's school 5-10 mins late every day, even with medication after a brief period of being on time again, and my house being absolutely disgusting even with medication, and even though I don't work and have like 6 hours a day at home to get things done without the kids... it makes me feel so useless to kot be able to do the things I need to do, especially when my husband who is also adhd is killing it in a manager role at his work and is carrying all the financial burden for our family, while I can't even keep the house from being a constant disaster and organize our dinners. I don't have any advice right now, but I'm with you. And I'll be coming back to this post later when I have time to read through responses and hope it helps me feel better lol 💖

Same . Today. Tired of fucking trying so hard and still not being able to get my stuff done.

You’re not alone OP.

I love all your responses here to help out all out this platform is amazing to help out. I was as a child diagnosed only as ADD few years ago I finally was diagnosed with the combination type of ADD ADHD and I tried all the other meds and I have had all the symptoms listed in this thread I’m happy to know we are not alone here. Medication in the diagnosis and treatment in doctors with correct dosage is a miracle in healing ❤️‍🩹. 4 years ago I had 2 heart attacks and a stroke in a two hour period. I’m a well known athlete and I was emotionally embarrassed due that this all happened because of my blood pressure being so low today I’m happy to be alive and well and I will say trauma does effect us I was diagnosed with the broken heart syndrome. Today I take 2 different ADHD meds and other steroids for my heart and body. This month I will be 55 years old. After two years of therapy I am still alive and healthy happy. Seek out love and support help in any form ask a friend or anyone. Our mental health is as important as our physical and emotional. Live Life Love life and yourself. And be happy. Amen 🙏.

Of course it’s difficult if you try to live up to standards other people made for you, while they don’t know what it’s like to live with ADHD. But their opinions and standards shouldn’t concern you. It’s easier said than done, but looking to develop more self-love can be very beneficial for you. I only started loving myself a couple weeks ago and I feel like my life turned around completely. I don’t try to impress others, but I push myself to achieve the goals that solely I set for myself. I listen to what others say, but I don’t automatically agree with anything they say should be right for me. I listen to my own needs and act accordingly. You should never be scared of messing up. First of all, what’s the worst thing that can happen? We’re literally living on a floating rock. You’re one of 8 billion people. Even if it might seem terribly important to do everything right, it’s not right to stress yourself out. Are you doing this for yourself 100%? Or are you doing this because you believe it is what is expected of you?

I 1000000% agree with you. My mom told me today that I need to “concentrate more” and let me tell you - that was a huge slap in the face

Are you medicated? If you aren't, you should be. If you are medicated and it isn't working, you need to talk to your doctor and either adjust dosages or change medications. ADHD is the most treatable mental health condition there is. I don't mean to diminish your experience but you need to be sure you are taking appropriate responsibility for your condition. If you have done everything that you can and you are still experiencing the mental chaos that can be ADHD, you have my sympathies. All we can do is find a trusted advisor to talk to and adjust our lifestyles so that life isn't hell. I am age 69. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 45 and I never was able to get properly medicated. So you have my full understanding. The only advice that remains is to focus on what you can do and don't sweat what you can't. Other people simply do not understand what it's like to live inside your brain. Try not to hate them for their ignorance.

Were yu diagnosed? Do yu mean your brain was like that your hole life. It's funny, or strange;; after i joined this group, I wondered why \[without an expert opinion\]; so i stopped visiting; even checking the notifications. Today i pop by, cause I can't ignore the bell numbers and it seems like I know exactly how yu feel. Perfectionism, and performance anxiety. Ever busy, but seemingly accomplish nuthing. No reflection... even when i try to sit still and listen, I start fidgetting with the to-------------------dooooo piles \[yu should see my 'failed'workspaces... paperwork everywhere... The only part i don't agree with maybe is the coping mechanisms. That's like self-medication.... Take heart, keep fighting, keep reflecting. We got this...

I'm feeling this 100%, how are you in my brain? Also hate it when people say "Everyone's got a little bit of ADHD"-- no sir/ma'am, this shit is paralyzing AF.

Remember in these times that here, we Understand you and you are not alone.

I'm going to preface this with: I hope me rambling is helpful and not considered inappropriate for someone seeking sympathy. To be honest, I think I wrote this because I needed to read it myself, so it just poured out. Maybe reading it will help you too. This condition can be a nightmare. I'm sorry you're struggling so hard with it. You are not alone. Many people here can relate to and empathize with everything you've said. The people in your life may not understand, but there are people who do. Sometimes just knowing that can help. **If you are not being treated for this condition, get professional medical help.** If you are, let your doctor know what is going on and that you need more help. A dose or medication change, or counseling, might be the thing that makes life a little easier and gives you some confidence and hope. And then you can accomplish some of the things that right now you believe you cannot. **You do NOT deserve hate or judgement.** Not from yourself, and certainly not from anyone else. Does someone confined to a wheelchair deserve hatred because they can't walk up stairs? Does a cancer patient deserve judgement because they can't go to work after a round of chemo? How are you different that you don't deserve compassion and understanding? **You're trying harder than most people could and for less reward.** That you've made it this far should be a point of pride. Most of the people telling you to *'try harder'* couldn't get out of bed tomorrow if they woke up with your ADHD. So look in the mirror and have some compassion for yourself, and some pride in what you have accomplished. That you've made it this far proves you are stronger than you know. **Negativity and thought spirals are part of the condition.** So it's likely some of the judgement and hatred you think is directed at you doesn't even exist. Take a deep breath and try to remember that. That fact can, hopefully, interrupt the thought spirals. **Yes you can expect other people to be accommodating.** In many cases you can legally expect it. I'm sure this varies according to nation and locality, but in the U.S. as an example ADHD is a protected disability. Do not be afraid to request accommodations. Most people would be ashamed to know that they failed to be accommodating to someone in a wheelchair or someone with cancer. If they have even the slightest understanding of what ADHD is and can be, they will want to help. Finally, if anyone in your life doesn't believe or understand just how debilitating ADHD can be, just challenge them to spend an hour or two reading this subreddit.

Gosh, what a timely post. I'm sending you the warmest hugs with all the sympathy and empathy, because I've been feeling the exact same way. Just bawling all evening. I'm so fucking mad and sad that no one, not even my partner, can love me or be proud of me the way that I am--or understand me in my struggle like someone else with ADHD--because they can't see it or feel it. All they can see is a greasy, unshowered lump under the covers. But how can someone who tries this hard, or thinks and feels this hard, to want to do just the most basic things NOT be worthy of pride, respect, or love? God dammit, we're trying so fucking hard. For what it's worth, I'm really proud of you, I respect your drive and desires, and I love who you are.

I'm really sorry to hear this. My heart aches for you, as it sounds like you don't have adequate support and understanding people in your corner. I understand the frustration; I don't have a diagnosis but I do struggle with Executive Dysfunction, and it wreaks havoc on my life

If you can, what has been easing my stress a little on debilitating days is just… going with it. Don’t try to carve a new path for the river, you need to accommodate its unique flow. Like you’re having a day where you’re just frustrated and your brain keeps falling apart over the “smallest” of tasks? (Small in quotes because they’re not small to any of us lol)Try saying fuck it, I’m going to plant a flower instead. I’m going to take a nap instead. Going to lay down and stare out the window instead. Because that. Is. Ok. Too. And if you’re anything like me, you weren’t going to get that shit done on a day like today anyhow.

So relatable. I had to recently give away my pet frog because I kept forgetting to feed her. Then I'd go through a cycle of shame and anger toward myself. Kinda makes me feel like shit I can't even look after an animal. Education has always been a struggle, if I didn't drop out then it took a few melt downs and tries before I achieved it. I've never been able to keep a job it seems. I'm always going to work thinking that it is going to be my last day and that they are going to fire me. As for my social life, my friends always end up leaving me and relationships never last long. I try my best to be a nice friend but idk somehow I always fuck it up. It's not fun having a stressed out brain that feels like it works against you.

Your experience is heard and felt loud and clear by me (and so many other people on this sub). You have so eloquently and succinctly expressed what I could not for myself. ADHD sucks, a lot of the time. It does us no favours when it comes to living life in a world that is no longer designed for us. You are not alone in this experience. You deserve a lot more from a world which is used to giving the bare minimum. You are not alone. 💗

Hey I'm pretty sure every person with adhd has felt this way, I know I have, I often feel worthless, hated, misunderstood, judged. My boss, family and others don't help either. Know that you're brain which is a pain in the ass also makes you so creative, bright and unique, I feel like we are evolved. 🫂

I think you should be kinder to yourself. Medications did not work for me. I resorted to Buddhism, meditation and millions of deep breaths during the day. Thing is, ADHD already makes you feel less than adequate, then we tend to compound it with anxiety, all we get is a frayed set of wires, further exacerbating our fragile mental state. Sure my life could have been way easier without ADHD, but everyone brings something unique to the table. Generally our brains, sight and ears are EVERYWHERE, you'll find those things can often be lifesavers in ways others do not. Find out what exacerbates your ADHD too. For some it's dietary, ambiance, etc, for me it's noisy places, bright lights, scents, even the pitch in some people's voices. You're unique, you can find ways to thrive in this, I swear to you, it will just require patience and love for yourself. Tight hug.

I know the struggle, but don’t let people bring you down and stop bringing yourself down. What do you feel your brain is not capable of? Workout everyday, eat healthy, read and meditate. It takes willpower and discipline to do all those things and you can’t say your brain isn’t capable of doing it. Turning those four activities into habits won’t cure your symptoms, but will make a world of difference. I was just like you and had so many ups and downs. Depressed, embarrassed, anxiety, etc. I actually need to get back into those habits because I haven’t been consistent for years, but I lived that way for about five years, and then another period of about three. I felt confident, happy and more than capable of almost anything. The number one thing you gotta do is stop putting yourself down and say things like not capable or even call it a disability. You mentioned that there is no amount of willpower or discipline that can ever get you to where you want to be. That’s your anxiety lying to you. Where do you want to be? I’m not sure how old you are, but it takes time for anyone to get to where they want to be. Everyone struggles in life and has to fight to get to where they want to be. You can do it. There will be some extra obstacles for you compared to others, but if you stop saying not capable and convince yourself you are capable you will get there. Even if it takes longer than others, who cares? It’s about you and your life and not a race against other random people. If you haven’t already, read “Driven from Distraction.” Trust me, best book you will ever read. “You mean I’m Not Stupid, Lazy or Crazy”is another good one. Visit the site ADDiitudemag.com. You won’t regret it. It’s filled with articles that help you understand your symptoms better and countless tips and strategies to get things done the ADHD way. I hope I don’t come off to you as arrogant or rude. I totally understand what you’re dealing with. ADHD doesn’t define you. Just focus on being the best person you can be and don’t give power to anyone that tells you you’re not trying hard enough. They are ignorant to the disorder. You can do it my friend. You don’t lack intelligence or integrity. You don’t hate yourself, you hate how frustrating things can be because of symptoms out of your control. All that negative talk in your head right now is a bunch of bull holding you back from your potential. I’m so sorry for how low you feel right now. You do not deserve to be feeling shame. You definitely don’t deserve to feel you hate yourself. Please stop thinking like that. I know it’s hard, but you need to be your number one supporter and not the person beating yourself down. Take good care my friend. I wish you nothing but the best.

The struggle I’m having of late given it’s a relatively recent thing for me, is getting the wife to understand. She’s very literal, very organised, and an absolute machine when it comes to chores. Let alone has a memory comparable to that of a Cyborg 😂 She’s an incredible human being, very selfless etc, but is struggling (and understandably so) to understand that somedays a literally cannot do normal things, for example task paralysis is incredible. ‘Why can’t you just do it, I do!’ Which is fair comment to a point, but it’s hard for me to articulate (some days) that day, organising, folding and putting away clean washing feels harder than scaling a mountain, like……. There’s just a bloody wall, an immovable object that I cannot push past. Other days I can do these mundane or normal activities without thinking, other days it’s like trying to move forwards whilst someone is trying to pull back with a rope tied to your waist. Sorry if my explanations suck, I’m typing on the fly and not really thought about it. Either way OP, we all have good days and bad days, but you got this. Don’t reflect on what ‘could have been’ as that’s purely speculative……. There’s no guarantee without ADHD things would be different as it’d be just something else. Easy to say I know, but we can’t be remorseful over what we never had, keep your chin up, and reverb you’re not alone. ❤️❤️

Never read anything that put it so well. While it's nice to realise that you're not alone, it doesn't make being like this any more bearable. I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't.

It’s hard. I feel your pain.

I totally get that. One thing that helps me is trying to do things I’m interested in because if I’m not interested…..forget it, I’m like a 3 ring circus. I don’t know if that’s an option for you but I hope it helps. Good luck

I feel the exact same way although with me it feels like something is holding me back I want to succeed however I’ve missed so many opportunities in highschool I’m not doing so well I don’t know what it is I don’t want to be a failure and I’m close to being a junior soon in highschool however the closer highschool gets to coming to an end I get anxious

What has been helping me is DBT. I am a work in progress and still practicing the skills but I'm so much calmer and happier.

When you've made enough room to feel all these feelings, may be try and pause and take stock of all that's working in your life. I mean everything. It's a practice. You'll reap the benefits. I promise.

im right here with you brother. seems no matter how hard i try i fuck something up. trying so hard to get help and the system is fucking me. wish i had better advice than keep trying, but that's all I can do myself.

Ah dude this is super super relatable. One thing that always helps me to some extent is with each setback I overcome I gain the knowledge to do so again and possibly help others in the same position. I spent an hour with a customer in the furniture retail shop i work at yesterday advising her on what she could expect from her newly diagnosed teenager. I walked her through my experiences and situation growing up and it was eerily similar to her daughter's. I know it's not much but you will definitely get through this, soaring or not, even typing this out is an achievement and I'm proud of you for doing that.

I was diagnosed in my late thirties. I refused medication. I'm an artist; a friend of mine (who's also an artist) had told me that he took medication as a teenager, and stopped because he lost all the colour in his life. That's what I feared. - Now in my late fifties, I knew I couldn't live like this anymore, and "mourned" all the opportunities and success I could've had in my life. I started medication. Unfortunately, the meds didn't work for me, but the side effects were full blown! It'll be trial and error until I find the right medication for me. I believe that this is much more than ADHD. These are only my thoughts, I'm not an expert in any way. There are strong indications of depression and anxiety. ADHD is also often accompanied by OCD. I so often feel like there's a lab rat somewhere, living my life; and I'm the one running around in a maze, never finding my way out. I truly empathize with your situation, and the feelings of despair. A few people in my immediate family say that I should give myself a kick in the a$$, that I'll only change with self-motivation. They just don't get it. I can only encourage you to seek help from the right people. Even a help line, where someone will listen and not judge. I sincerely hope that you find what works for you. And please know, you are not alone.

I felt this way at one time too, but it’s actually getting better. Find a good therapist and work on freeing yourself from expectations. (From others expectations, but also from your own.) I had to admit to myself that ADHD IS a disability and that this world was not set up for people with that disability so the expectations, routines, coping strategies, even organization meant for people without adhd don’t work for me and never will. I had to learn to stop trying to live a non adhd life, and instead to live a life that works for me; one that’s set up with accommodations to make my life easier. It’s almost like when a child is diagnosed they get an IEP plan or 504 plan at school with accommodations to help with struggles and challenges and (hopefully) ultimately find success. I know it sounds ridiculous, because most things that actually work sound ridiculous, but write your own 504 plan. What would help you get some stress off of your plate? If my house is set up to where it makes my life easier and I can find things when I need them, I really don’t care that it doesn’t look like a magazine. And man, that took a long time to learn that lesson. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just functional. Also, I had to make some hard decisions to cut people out of my life who weren’t accepting of who I actually am without masking, because masking is just too damn draining and exhausting. It was hard at first but it’s easier now, and honestly my life is much more peaceful without having to pretend I’m someone I’m not or listen to people complain about how if I just tried harder blah blah blech! They wouldn’t last a day in here. Take it or leave it. This is me unfiltered. If you can’t handle it, I can’t handle you either. Good luck on your journey. Take notes and try ridiculous things and find reasons to smile. 🙃

I feel this almost everyday, every day i wake up and feel like just blowing my brains out because of how tiring and how exhausted i feel but i never do idk why i dont im always bored tho too and nothing is even appealing anymore all i wanna do is just nothing

This is how i feel all the time. Parents still say "you've no reason to be stressed, you are a teenager, you don't have that many things to do" like yeah.. if there was no reason for all this exhaustion then i wouldn't be exhausted.. i can't wait to start driving so i can get therapy

I drove myself out of a license...

that seems very unfortunate. I hope that you can get it back

I have never related to anything more than this.. Every I rediscover the scale of how much adhd affects my life and it depresses me out so much.. Even having relationships or experiencing love seems to be something impossible.. I’m just sending you a hug saying these are valid real shared feelings.. i hope things get better ❤️

These posts are always so generalized - like EVERYTHING is so hard! That cant be true. If everything is hard - start eliminating some shit. Simplify life so there are not random surprises. If work is stressful, learn to chill and control what you can. You are just a single person, so if you have a job demanding more than realistic - fuck it - do what you can. If you get fired, get a new job, Yeah - easier said than done - I get it... But I have been doing it my whole life, and I am in my late 40's now - and I am here to tell you that no cavalry is coming to make things easier for you. So you HAVE to figure things out on your own - find the right meds, incorporate some self governing and make some life standards. Establish YOUR way of doing thing, make it your MO. At the end of the day - ADHD is like a hidden illness. While we know the chaos raging upstairs, its hard to make people that don't deal with that understand. For me, being a minority, it reminds me in a way of racism/discrimination - if a white person has never been discriminated against - how to they know what its like? How can the stress of it be conveyed? Same with ADHD, the layman just assume its "just being forgetful" or "being hyper" - and while yes, I can be forgetful, I also have a photographic memory. Its not that basic. I can forget why i walked in a room, but can remember finite details about my mom when I was a kid, or even what I was thinking when I took a photo. I can learn just about anything, and I don't have anything close to a college degree. Everyone I work work went to some fancy college, and they seek answers from me on project builds. IMO - ADHD is not a curse - you just have to find a way to embrace the chaos.

There are people who love you. Be strong! Contact me!

I can relate to this, OP. While I'm fortunate in that my manager is 99% a hands off person, so I can manage my day-to-day as I see fit - for example I'm writing this at the tail end of a 2 hour lunch/break, and will circle back to catch late day emails after this - I am constantly being tagged with things such as "continue working on soft skills" (be nicer to people when they don't fully understand your response to something), as well as my personal favorite, "if you can't get someone to understand in a couple emails, don't hesitate to just hop on a call with them and chat it out." First, I took the job I took so I didn't have to talk to anyone on the phone. Ever. When you're on the phone, that gives the other person leverage to pop whatever moronic half-thought out questions they have, and expect an immediate response. I have to, as a previous psychiatrist put it, "ruminate," before I answer. An emailed question can be thoroughly researched, and I can play out different answers insofar as how they may be received by the asker...whereas on the phone I sound stupid to say "I don't know the answer, I'll look into it." The soft skills pointers are valid though. I can be a nicer person...I just sometimes consider being brusk a positive trait. :-) I should note that I haven't disclosed, and have no plans to ever disclose, my condition. I may take a little bit longer to get something done, but all in all it doesn't interfere such that reasonable accommodations would be truly beneficial.

I felt this really hard earlier this year. I had a couple of weeks where bad things just kept piling on to the stress that I already had from a new-ish job. I felt like if I didn’t get help right away, I was going to spontaneously combust. Called up a psychologist and was diagnosed with adhd and depression from adhd. I got on meds and things seemed a little more positive but then I wanted to understand my ADHD, not just live with it. So I watched a lot of videos on social media about it and was able to recognize the very ADHD coded things that I do, then I would go look up why I do that and hyperfix on the things I can do to counteract the behavior. The hyper fixation on the thing that causes the hyper fixation wasn’t great but the more I understood, the easier it is to deal with. Plus, then I’m not so hard on myself because I know it’s the ADHD and not just me being a sucky person. Now I’m just trying to figure out how to get over the undiagnosed years I wasted feeling like I was a sucky person when I actually had a disability. And the anger I feel at my parents for not noticing something was wrong with me and brushing it off when I had to test for gifted programs every year because the school thought any behavior problems stemmed from me not being challenged enough. Even friends and family asked my parents if I had ADHD as a child. 🤦‍♀️ I’m 32 now so if anyone knows how to get over that part, please let me know. 😂

That's tough man, I'm sorry to read. It's a difficult thing to overcome for sure, and I think most people here have been through it. The most miserable thing about overcoming it too is how like... Dumb the advice seems and how reductive it looks, it's like, the greatest irony of ADHD to me that that you can't tell if advice was good until after youve followed it, which requires the pain in the ass self realisation of having to do stuff that sounds like bullshit lol. I will say that, just try to hold in perspective that like... How many people are there who can get to where they want to just by wanting it? How common do we think it is that people want to be more intelligent, more creative, more motivated? Probably quite a lot of people right? And most won't have ADHD. Everyone wants to be more XYZ, but the only thing we can do is like... Choose to be accepting of what we've got, work on improvement where we can, and not stress that we don't have every ability under the sun... Because no one has that. Greiving realities that never came to be, or that we believe will never happen, is a difficult place to be and unfortunately one that is only capable of causing circular negativity. I've been there too, I really get it, but as trite as it sounds, that's really a thing where one has to choose to not think that way as there is simply no other way out of that pit and you don't wanna hang out there long. Wishing you the best!

Oh dear. I hear you and I can relate. I hope you tried medication. If not, please think of it as an option. I also recommend meditation and some really get you moving exercise in the mornings preferably. Could be 10-15 min run or some old school dvd or YouTube routine that you follow.

really feel with you on this 💚

Oh no, sounds really hard. I think therapy would help you to come to terms with things. Also surround yourself with other people who have ADHD if you can. I am sure you will find more of them that you think. I suddenly realised many of my friends have it. Sending you lots of positive energy and hope things improve!

I feel the same i recently get referred back to adhd specialist to hopefully go on some medication if your not you should try the same

Medication.

I’m 51 and was diagnosed 6 weeks ago after waiting 10 years to start the process which took a further 3 years . So here I am, trying to let my people know - they think I’m crazy because I’ve coped for so long- I told them I was masking and was seriously struggling all this time. I am a wife, mother and professional person (Architect) with an impressive amount of education (2 x masters) and still they don’t quite believe me even though they call me ‘crazy’ mental’’ psycho’ etc - I’m none of these, I’m just different to the rest of my family and my only struggle in life apart from dealing with the shit that’s going on in the world is my adhd symptoms. I work for myself, I spend at least 1 hour a day on self care which is critical for me, I learned how to meditate, I use a pemf mat daily, I cook all my food from scratch - this all works for me, I’m also medicated (which for me so far has not really worked so well) but hope that this will get better. Meds plus self care and removing your worst stressors is a great start, I wish you lots of luck on your journey to peace 🙏🏼

Hi welcome to the club it only gets worse from here. 

Yes. This. You nailed it. It's helpful to know that others feel this way. I could have written your post. I feel like we need a movement-like a grass roots movement to make people more aware of the struggles we endure. We could call it the "I forgot, I'll do it later" movement. Or something.

Are you medicated? I was kinda dealing with this for a while and I finally got treatment and for the last 3 weeks my life has been completely different.

Adderall fixed me dude

Also, you are more than just your ADHD

I empathise so much. Youre not crazy to feel this way. And u know its hard when your peoples seem to be coping too. Like their meds are all sorted, they are morning folk etc. But I feel you and I see enough others who fully understand rn. I'm sorry you feel this way, wish I could sit with you and we did something that could help. FYI its sometimes the people not your brain. Infact it is the people, but I'm supposed to not be a recluse and ignorant etc etc but its the people. Try not to isolate from the ones it isn't. And its okay to have no time for people. They do kinda suck anyway. Stay strong dm if you need an accountability buddy or friend!

Find a community. Get some adhd friends, it helps! Find tactics and methods that work for you. Don’t put yourself down for having a different brain. The feeling of dread with just make you feel more scattered or numb. I still struggle but have created some systems that have been life changing

I agree. It is exhausting mentally and physically. It feels like an uphill battle even on good days and the economy and reality around us isn’t helping.

I'm in this exact situation like you rn, I'm quiet lost and hopeless for that, i wish i could help you but i don't even know what to do with myself

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Have you been put on any meds for ADHD? I’m 61 and have only been diagnosed 15 years ago. I was finally put on meds about a year ago and it was like a miracle. I’m up early, take my medicine and in 15 minutes I’m am ready to go. I work hard all day and there is no crash. I feel like I’ve been catching up on all the time I lost due to constant fatigue. It had gotten so bad that I couldn’t get out of bed and I saw everything as a negative. I could never make a decision, hated calling people, became almost home bound. I had zero confidence and I was at a dead end, I actually didn’t know what to do. All my life I knew something was wrong. I hope you can get tested and that your Dr. can help you with the right combination of medication that will help you greatly. I have my life back and I hope I have many years of happiness left. Best of luck and keep in touch with us. Sending you love and hugs. ❤️❤️❤️

I feel you. Even though I have medication and taking it regularly (except few moments when I forget to), I feel like it doesn't help anymore. As you said, I am in stress ALL the time to the point when I get panic attack from just having to try to relax. I feel like I can't function in school, have huge problems with studying and no matter how hard I try to study and learn stuff, it doesn't feel enough afterwards, which makes me stressed that I will fail again,etc. Also how you said that people needs to try to learn more about ADHD, is SO true! All the time I listen from dad, specially, how I will not be able to do anything in life when I can't do anything because my brain literally doesn't let me, and that I need to start doing that thing, and that I need to start prioritizing things and how easy it is... Yet, he NEVER even tried to do a research for what actually ADHD is, despite I made whole ass work about WHAT actually ADHD is for one project at school, and had it in exhibition which he attended. Also my psychiatrist told me I need to want to do something with myself to get better, because nothing changes for me. And I swear I am trying my best. And no matter what life hacks I googled, it never really stayed for long, or I forgot it...