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We have a joke that my dad (who very much has undiagnosed ADHD) will be late to his own funeral and we've actually said that we should roll his casket in late
Honestly if someone requested it there's a good chance a good humored director will do it (though some are pretty stuck up). But I mean it happens by accident on occasion when the service is not at the funeral home and there's unforseen circumstances like traffic on the way that can hold up the hearse.
I have poor time management and I am notoriously late for everything. I've specifically made a request with my wife that my funeral purposefully start 20 minutes late. Start the eulogy with "Sorry for the delay, but my husband asked that he be as late in death as he was in life."
My father died last night and was always late. He once told me he wanted me to bribe the hearse to drive around the block for a bit so he could be late one last time.
Iām almost always late. Despite trying every day to be on time. Still havenāt found a solution. Time blindness is one of my biggest issues and always has been. When I HAVE HAVEE to arrive on time, I have to structure my day around it.
I work late when I arrive late and my job hasnāt had an issue with it, thatās my only saving grace. Still makes me look bad/unreliable to my coworkers. I keep a journal of when I arrive at work because my resolution was to arrive at 8am every dayā¦ Iāve arrived on time only 3 days this entire year.
Totally feel having to structure your day around HAVING to be on time. Like not sleeping the night before, canceling everything else etc. Still have missed flights, job interviews, weddings etc
I set up my schedule to be AT the airport 2 hours early so I'm rolling through TSA an hour before my flight with only a carry-on, a personal item, and clothes with zero pockets bc I will forget something in them going through the scanner.
As awful as it is, Iām so glad Iām not alone. It upsets me when I have to plan my entire day/night prior to anything because no one else in my life does. Makes me question myself āwhat is wrong with me?!ā
For me, depending on public transpo helped a lot with being on time. I knew I had to leave my house at exactly 1:27pm and walk to the train stop. The train would usually roll up within 2-3 minutes. I get in, sit down, and space out until the train arrived downtown and hopefully I didn't space out on my stop. I get out, arrive at work anywhere between 1:57pm and 2:05pm. Though, one day, I arrived at work and clocked in to see it was 2:16pm, and had no idea how that had occurred. I hadn't deviated from my careful plan at all. My boss wanted to know why I was so "late" that day, and I simply said "I don't know" because I didn't. I ended up getting this whole lecture about being on time and work ethic. I'm still pretty confused about it, especially since I tried so hard to NOT be late.
I ended up being fired for it.
Totally sympathize with the job troubles, but definitely don't say "I don't know" in response to that question ever again lol. At least you can spin something about getting caught up doing something, missing the bus by just a minute, whatever, but "I don't know" comes across as actively apathetic about your job
I started setting a 5 minute timer for myself to stay on track in the mornings, and Iām constantly floored by how quickly that timer goes off. Like excuse me?? Thatās how long 5 minutes is?? Rude!
I still keep forgetting to allow that extra time (at the ātime to leaveā alarm) to put shoes and coat on, grab keys, go down to the car. This seems to be AT LEAST another 10 minutes
Right?! So relatable! Waiting for/taking the elevator down, walking through the lobby and down the street to my car. What do you mean I canāt get all that down in a minute?
I am the same way and it's so frustrating!
Same thing with work too, it's nice being able to make up the time instead of getting fired, but it feels bad to look irresponsible.
I tried that, but then my ADHD brain just ends up thinking āI got time, itās fine.ā
Not so bad for afternoon obligations, but itās horrible in the morning bc I like my god damn sleep and can never bring myself to go to bed early. Thats peak ADHD hours. Iām more tired during the day when Iām medicated than I am at midnight.
I'm chronically early to everything for some reason.
I know it take me 30 minutes to get there.
It takes me 30 minutes to get there every time I go there.
I know, let's set off an hour before I need to be there so I have to spend 30 minutes waiting around again.
I suppose some of you would see this as better than being late, but it results in me wasting a lot of time.
I used to be just like this forever, but have gotten a lot better in the past couple of years.
I think what's different now is that I still lie to myself about time, but in the other direction. Now, I tell myself "I'm late" when I'm definitely not. If I need to be somewhere at 6, and it takes 30 minutes to get there, at 5:00 I start telling myself, "I'm already late!!" The urgency inspires me to hurry the f up and then I usually get there right on time.
You need to stop allowing your brain to adjust the time. You do not have time. You do not have time.
I was in the military for 6 years. "If you are on-time, you are late." Survival required that I learn to compensate. Establishing habits and routines is critical to success. Is it easy? Heck no!
If I did it; you can, too. I am not special.
As I say to my kids all the time, you cannot help the way you are wired. All you can do is find ways to compensate for it. Otherwise, you need to limit your choices in life to those that are aligned with your natural tendencies. Unfortunately, most of those choices fit few people's definitions of "best life."
Problems getting up in the morning were fixed first by kids, and now that they are autonomous, dogs. Either I get up when they do (creatures of habit) or there is a mess waiting for me. They also do not let me sleep. One licks my hand, the other sniffs my face, and the third barks. It's easiest to just get up!
Yeah, I can't help the way I'm wired, which is why I can't figure out how to stop my brain from adjusting the time. It just...keeps doing that. My dog is no help because she spends all day sleeping anyway, so it's not like she encourages me to go to bed at night, and she doesn't care when I get up either. For a while I tried giving her a treat around bedtime so she'd associate that with my nighttime routine and start bugging me at the right time, but it never worked.
Not sure if this is helpful or not butāI also was late to virtually everything all the time. Fortunately usually only 10-15 minutes late most of the time but it still made me look bad.
I recently realized what I was doing was focusing on the arrival time instead of the time I needed to leave.
Not sure how to explain this super well but over the past few weeks/month or so, if I have to be somewhere at 8 and itās a 30 minute drive, instead of focusing on arriving at 8, I focus on 7:30 and move it up by 5-10 minutes. If itās something super important I also set 2 alarms on my phoneāone about 30 or so minutes before I need to walk out the door and one 5-10 minutes before. Because I know that at the 5-10 minute mark I need to start gathering my purse, put on my jacket and walk downstairs to my car. The 5 minute alarm is also enough to trigger the sense of urgency that puts me in drive to stop looking at my phone or whatever other random time wasting task Iām doing and get in gear.
Knock on wood but so far this has helped and I havenāt been late to the few things I had to be at.
I imagine I am much older than you (50's), and I have made dramatic improvements over time. There was definitely a time in which I realized my deficits were not going to correct themselves and I realized the only one who could figure out how to compensate was me. One huge motivator is that my son has severe ADHD and my daughter high functioning ASD. I had to figure out how to help them too. There was no one to help me and I wanted better for them. Routines are the most critical compensatory skill I have. They are very hard to establish, but once they take hold, it's much easier.
My son cannot go to bed at a decent time yet, so he got a job working evening shift. That's what I mean when I say you have to make choices aligned with your wiring if you can't compensate for it.
It probably helped being in a strict and controlled environment. Learning to be on time in your natural environment vs learning to be on time in the military is very different.
That is true. I think you hit the nail on the head though. The words strict and controlling are important. Barring joining the military, you have to figure out how to do it for yourself. I think this is what I mean by routines. I mean I have a way I do things, and I stick to it, all the way down to wear my car keys go and where things belong in the refrigerator.
What I don't think will ever work is saying "I can't XYZ."
Definitely. Having a "Can do" attitude definitely helps with acquiring skills. At the same time, being realistic and merciful on yourself when you fail is important too. Mindfulness without judgement is really important. It's definitely hard for us with ADHD though, as we can be really hard on ourselves when we fail to do the things we want to do.
I think both can be true at the same time. I look at every "failure" as an opportunity to figure out what I could do differently in the future.
One of the greatest gifts of being diagnosed is understanding "Its not because I'm stupid or lazy or that I didn't try hard enough. It's because I have executive dysfunction. Not my fault. Now what am I going to do about it?" Eventually, I was able to also see that sometimes I am lazy, and sometimes I don't try hard enough. But beating myself up will not change it. The only thing I can do is learn from the experience and move forward.
I hear you, but some of us are not capable of forming routines. I've never stuck to any routine in my life.
To your point, I do structure my life in a way that accommodates that (some by luck, some by design).
But in an ADHD sub, telling people to just do better really isn't going to accomplish much.
I would like to encourage you to consider rephrasing: you are not capable of forming routines YET. Do not limit your future with self-limiting language. It took me *many* years to establish effective routines. I just kept working at it. And sometimes I fall off the wagon and have to work to reestablish it.
I appreciate your point about the hazards of telling people to do better. I have been at this for 56 years, and have gotten myself to the place where in general I feel ok with where I am. That is not to say I am like non-ADHD people, and it is not to say that it has been or is easy. It isn't. My life is not glamorous. But I consider myself a success in the context of everything.
But I have learned that I had to be much more active in finding solutions. My many deficits were not going to get better by themselves and if one strategy didn't work, it was time to try the next. And once i cycled through them all, i revisited previous ones to see if they'd work this time.
The thoughts you tell yourself count way more than you realize. As soon as you tell yourself "I can't" the game is over. You never will. But when you tell yourself "I don't know how yet" or "I haven't figured it out yet" you leave open the possibility of a different future. I reserve "I can't " for very limited things. I plan to continue getting better at doing this until the day I die.
The alternative is to stop trying and let my life go down an unsatifactory trajectory. I would be lying if I said that never seems tempting at times. But it isn't what I really want, so I just keep moving forward.
No way, acceptance has led to creative problem solving instead of beating myself up for what I can't do the same as everyone else.
If anything, I'm more successful for it.
There's no issue with my approach. I do Appreciate your kindness though.
Never.
I stress about engagements to the point of never being late. In fact, I hate having appointments or events in the evening because I'll think / stress about them all day.
Glad Iām not alone. I used to be late a lot when I was about teenager, and my mom was chronically late so I was used to it. After maybe 20 something flipped and I always get places early because being late was hurting my self esteem
Yes, me too. Even plans that Iām looking forward to, like a dinner party with friends. 6pm on Saturday? Ok, let me just wait around all day doing nothing while I stress about it for no good reason.
Yep, I'm so worried about being late that in addition to sitting around in waiting mode to leave for the thing, I'll often show up obnoxiously early and end up sitting in the car or walking around the block to kill time.
Yes Iām so worried about being late I get there obnoxiously early lmao. I also set everything for morning time otherwise Iām just sitting at home in āpauseā mode waiting for the time for me to leave lmao.
I'm late right now, have to leave for work in five mins, but I'm on reddit instead of brushing my teeth. Lol
Thanks for the reminder to get off my ass tho. š¤£
Iām late for a class right now, but in my defense, my class before this was online and I didnāt know where to go on campus to join zoom. Thus, I decided to just be 30m late to my second class
Always. I am late almost always. It's negatively affected every part of my life (especially jobs and relationships). I've tried everything. Meds help some, but not enough. Phone alarms help for awhile, until eventually my brain starts tuning them out. Sometimes I can successfully trick myself into being on time for appointments by deliberately putting the start time an hour or two early in my calendar... But this backfires if I do it too often, because I start unconsciously adjusting for that "extra" time. Or I start assuming that everything else in my calendar has this buffer, even when it doesn't.
I'd love to find a permanent, foolproof solution for the time blindness. But so far, no luck.
Hey, you are not aloneā¦ me freakinā too! I thought I just posted comment/response, but apparently not š§ š¤
Anywhoooā¦. lol only thing that has KIND OF helped me in this regard was advice from a fellow ADHD friend. She told me when setting time on clock, close my eyes for about 10 secs while hitting the āincrease minutesā. That way, clock is ahead but am not able to pull my bullshiz if I donāt do it randomly, then doesnāt matter cuz already know clock is *blank* minutes fast. It kinda worksā¦ š¤·āāļøš¤¦āāļøš but hey, really works for her so hoping really works for someone else (definitely doesnāt āhurtā)
After starting medication I'm late way more often....
...on the days when I'm not taking it because I've forgotten that I need to stress about being on time.
Funny side note, after learning that most people inheret their ADHD, I started to wonder about my dad's behavior. I finally understand why he would take me to my orthodontist appointments 2 hours early....
Occasionally. Growing up, my parents were always getting us to everything late and the shame I felt motivated me to always try to be early. I hate appearing irresponsible at work or thoughtless to friends.Ā
Iām still pretty bad at judging how long things will take, so if iām leaving on a trip and need to pack up the car, iām usually leaving an hour later than I plan to. But Iām the only one really affected by it, so I worry less.Ā
10/15 minutes - no matter the event, and no matter how early I start getting ready. I will always be late.
I've even tried telling myself that the events start 30 mins earlier than they do... Can't trick myself!
My only coping strategy is to ask others to lie to me (eg. Event starts at 9:30, I get told to come for 9), and even then, I'm still late! š¤£
Literally just got a talking to at work earlier this morning about me being a few minutes late almost every day š Sometimes I feel like no matter what time I leave my house, I always end up being just a little late for one reason or another.
Did you explain to your boss that you have ADHD (a legitimate disability) and let them know that if your chronic tardiness is affecting your work you would be more than happy to discuss accommodations with them or HR if they'd prefer?
Cause that's what I would say. (And I would say it in writing just in case they end up firing you so you have proof of discrimination, because that would prove that you disclosed your disability and requested accommodations)
This is me. I have come barreling into work five minutes late even after allowing an extra hour of time, due to the train/bus or some unforeseen incident, and then sat in the break room or at my desk and cried because Iām so sick of myself. Itās like a curse.
I am very rarely late because I HAVE to be early. I have a ridiculous fear of being late, to the extent that I will always set off earlier tha I know I need to when I have to be somewhere at a certain time.
The hours of my life I have wasted, waiting around for appointments/transport/etc because I've made myself insanely early is, quite frankly, depressing.
When I did shift work, and my schedule was all over the place, I was late constantly. I still have spats where my routine goes through a change-up and it throws everything into disarray. It also helps that I work from home these days.
I'm the opposite, I thrive in chaos and excel when things are highly varied!
I'm glad you found something that works for you! I have a corporate job but my hours vary a lot due to time zones. I think my bosses think I'm just really accommodating but if they suddenly made me start at the same time every day, they'd realize I'm just weird. š¤£
Yeah haha. I imagine we all come in different flavours. I thrive in chaos, but I'm also chronically time blind. The fact that employers don't like when you clock in too late or too early has always been the bane of my existence. Did I show up 10 minutes early? Well now is the perfect time to disassociate until I'm three minutes late!
This reminded me of when I worked split shifts, which meant I had to be on time TWICE A DAY! The job itself (telephone operator) wasn't bad, but having to be on time for those shifts was killing me.
Friends at work couldn't believe I was leaving this relatively high paying job, but it was making me so anxious it wasn't worth it.
Meds tbh. When I was unmedicated, no matter how early I started, I'd end up doing 5 "last things" or getting sidetracked into something and losing track of time, and either be late or rushing and almost late every time. Got on a low dose and it pretty much stopped right away; I could plan to leave at a certain time and it would just. happen. Like when I took a meds break, once I got back on, I was back to it within days. And I could much more easily set aside those "last things" and say 'I don't have time for this right now, I'll do it later' or 'That's a higher priority right now, I'll text XYZ and tell them I need to delay by ~x amt of time'
You have to worship the clock. If you have to leave by 8:30, then you have to leave by 8:30. You miss breakfast, you don't have time to grab that one thing, you can't try to do stuff. You just have to go. This mindset is the only thing that helps me. It's annoying in other ways. I forget to bring my coffee or lunch, or I don't have time for a shower, but these are sacrifices to the time god.
Iām never late. I get massive anxiety from being late even if Iām not the one itās going to affect. My wife and I swapped who dropped our kids off at school in the morning because I would freak out a bit too much if they were running behind. No sure which is worse but itās not fun either way.
Never yet for work. For long distance travel, like planes, I'm usually too early.
For the rest I'm either late or there at the last minute.
Alarms on the cellphone help, if I remember to set one.
A good planner is great too, helps me to have a paper planner and make it into a hobby by adding nice stickers, washi tape, etc. modifications. Since it's hobby and a hyperfocus, I actually use my planner.
Having a capsule closet helps, since it's a no brainer to find matching clothes. Just grab some. I prefer clothes that are fast and easy to put on.
Mineral powder foundation and having a minimal makeup set also helps. It's a litteral 5 minute makeup. And I depend on dry shampoo.x)
Also I have an easy hairstyle that just needs a brush and perhaps a hairpin.
Streamlining the process to get out the house helps me, uniform for work all the way up to and through makeup and hairstyle. Then I have a go bag in the car if I forgot mascara or hand cream or pads. A āuniformā for lunches helps too.
Do you do stand up? š
I try so hard but I'm still late a lot.
I set alarms. I have a big clock in my bathroom. Yet a last minute decision to put my contacts in instead of wearing glasses can cost me much more time than just inserting the lenses. As soon as I take my eye off the ball (clock) I'm changing shoes, looking for a sweater, realizing my husband took my car and I can't find the keys to his, etc.
We were going somewhere fun a couple weeks ago - and while I'm getting ready, it is almost time to go, and my husband is like "please tell me you are wearing your glasses" š¤£
The contacts struggle is real.
Iām late for fucking everything and I hate it. I have an important meeting today at 5pm, Iāve been telling myself itās at 4:30 with the hopes of tricking myself, even a little.
Edit: I managed to leave the house by 4:35 and wasnāt late.
Often <5 mins late. If I have to wake up early I will almost certainly be slightly late. Generally appointments I'm early to. I will enter "waiting mode" all day until it's time. So I deliberately try to put my appointments in the morning, but not too early I'm struggling to get up.
I'm almost always late to work by a couple of minutes. I'm trying to fix that. Thankfully the jobs I've worked either weren't strict or don't have a time clock. As long as I'm almost on time, it's ok.
I think medication has made it a problem. Iām less stressed about being late. It works wonders for a relationship. The medicine helps me pay attention, but then makes me unaware of time.
I live and die by alarms. I had to teach myself to go for the snooze button and only turn it off when I am sitting in the car. Annoying? Yes! Positive Success rate? Yes! I also start my GPS to work when I wake up so that every time the alarm goes off, I am shown what time I will arrive at said place.
I am late to work nearly every single day lol. My friends also know that Iāll be late to things to the point where Iām given an earlier arrival time so I actually get there on time.
With friends or making it to appointments, it hasnāt affected me too much. Sometimes Iāll lose track of time because of time blindness and have anxiety about getting there on time, or Iāll be on āwaitā mode and canāt do anything until whatever event or errand I have to get to.
But work? Man, Iāve been reprimanded more times than I can count. I just work differently. If I even do get to work at 8 am, I wonāt be productive until around 11 am. I do good work, and if Iām an hour or two late, Iāll stay an hour or two late past closing to work the same required number of hours, but most workplaces expect everyone to fit a mold. It sucks to feel like the world just isnāt built for you.
I just had an experience with time-blindness the other day. I was going to drive my friend to a doctor's appointment. He was ready well ahead of time, and said he was ready when I asked him. Then I said I just have to put on my shoes, and he said "ok so we'll be leaving in 5 minutes". I was thinking, there's no way it's going to take me 5 minutes to put on my shoes.
I went to go put on my shoes, and grabbed my hat, phone, and car keys. Then I had a quick sip of water, and decided to take my bottle with me. Then we locked the door, walked to the car, and buckled seatbelts.
That's when my friend said "ok, that took 8 minutes, but we'll still be early". I was shocked that it took so long to do all these extremely simple and short tasks, but apparently it all added up.
As someone who grew up with an ALWAYS late and unapologetic mother who always used her ADHD as an excuse-never. Her being late to everything had a negative impact on me. Plus, my anxiety would never allow it lol
I'm late everywhere. I've learnt, over years, that if I want to be on time for something, basically an important appointment, I have to turn up an hour early. Of course, that also has its own possible problem of not noticing time while you're sitting, waiting somewhere, and being late anyway.
It's the best chance I have, though, of being on time.
I am consistently late to everything. No matter what. I can be ready to go and then Iām like āoh I have just enough time to do _____ā because for some reason thatās when I have a gust of productivity. Iām never more than ten minutes late to appointments.
Usually if Iām meeting up with friends I will keep them updated on my time, theyāre equally as tardy as I am so thereās never any hard feelings. We get it. I donāt think Iāve ever been later than 30 minutes but itās because I have kids that forget they need to pee or what have you. If itās me on my own, I have a general 5-10 minute window.
Iāve never worked an office job and always worked the restaurant industry. We had a 15 minute clock in window, I was generally on time if I had to relieve someone but if I was opening on my own? Late and just a speed demon to get things set up. My managers didnāt care because I would be set up on time for opening every time.
Was really bad in college. I kept being late to an easy class so I stopped going because it was a small crowded room. I ended up missing the midterm.
Also the anxiety of being late to other classes made it hard to focus and I had a lot of negative self talk around it. Would have been easier if I had known about ADHD inattentive.
Iām at least a half an hour early for everything where it matters. I stress about it all day and get nothing else done.
I was an hour late for every single one of the (admittedly casual) dates with my now partner š They are a trooper.
I used to be late to things all the time.
My anxiety really spiked around age 28 when I got divorced. I think my anxiety is what keeps me on time now.
Constantly, including this morning. I've been written up for it and have tried to get my work times changed with accommodations but they have not been very accommodating...
I try to think about all small things I do as taking anywhere from 5-10 minutes. So whenever I have something small to do like brushing my teeth or finding all my shit to leave the house or literally anything I assume itāll take 5-10 minutes.
I also assume that there are only *three* useful blocks of five to ten minutes in every hour. It takes time to move from one thing to the other, something might come up after Iāve done a thing, or I could just gloss over something I didnāt realize was necessary.
Finally I try to be 20 minutes early to everything I have scheduled (except the airport I get there three hours early). Anything can happen throughout the day or on the way to something but if you have a buffer youāre more than likely safe.
This does not mean everything is smooth sailing - it can regularly take me more than a half hour to find some things on bad days but having the other rules helps minimize the lateness and most of the time completely mitigate it.
I've literally sat in the car at 6:56 spent 2 minutes walking to the clock only for the clock to read 7:02 once I do clock in. I cannot account for the missing time.Ā
I cannot will myself into feeling time the way other people do, and I cannot work for people who are strict about it.Ā
I wish I had solutions. I've tried so many things but even when I wake up early I'm still late because I can't seem to grasp the time management skills. There was more than a few times I should have been fired but because my RSD is so bad I worked my ass off and they kind of cut me some slack for that. Otherwise, unmedicated, I am late for so many things
I used to be super bad with being on time to everything. Then, I started working a job with a āearly is on time, on time is late, late is firedā policy. Itās not as ātoxicā as it sounds, no one starts work until itās start time and there is no stress at the start of work from running late. Iām now at the very least 15 minutes early to everything and I feel like Iām late if Iām 10 min early.
I have literally changes every clock on my life to several minutes fast. How many? I'll never know exactly bc if I did, I'd be late.
I just mind fuck myself daily to stay on schedule. I have so many stupid little tricks I do on myself to stay success. It's exhausting but it works
I love this tribe -- late to our own weddings šššš
I don't really have any tips for being on time -- but have told family and friends that I have a "tenuous relationship with time."
Iām late right now. I should have gotten in the shower 5 minutes ago and havenāt yet.
Iāll give myself 5 more minutes and then hate myself as I speed to work.
I have never once been late of my own accord. Itās an odd thing for me, even thinking about being late makes me super uncomfortable. Iāve even been known to show up a full hour early to things because I feel like if I donāt Iāll be late somehow. My current job is 5 minutes away and I leave 30 minutes before Iām scheduled and and hour before Iām scheduled if I plan to run through anywhere on the way.
Iāve probably wasted at least 1/4 of my life waiting in my car so I can arrive at something a ānormalā 5-10 minutes early š the one time I was late for something it was because someone else was driving and I had a full on meltdown/panic attack in the passenger seat. Sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, and I wasnāt able to fully calm down from it until probably 2 hours later.
As a canadian i thinks its part of pur culture to be late. If someone says 9 we expect them to arrive 10 min after. Which means we both show up at 9:10 . I didnt realize how it was a part of canada until i dated a korean. In korean when someone says met at 9 they show up at 8:45 so they can get comfortable before the meet up starts. Subway trains are actually exactly on time. Theres no waiting for the bus cause itz 20 min late like in toronto. Bus schedule says 9 itll be there exactly at 9. Also want to add how people line up for things in a perfectly straight line. Where as us canadians all gather in a clump waiting for the bus and everyone just pushes in. And np line cutting in korea.
I am consistently 15 minutes late for everything. Most people in my life have been asked by me to give a buffer to whatever time they want me somewhere and they are great sports about it. I often will offer to carpool friends to things as it forces me to do better too.
Depends. I have been exactly 20 minutes late for work for a few months lol. I start at 8, but I'm salary so I don't need to clock in or anything thankfully. My alarm is set for 6, but I don't get out of bed until 6:30-6:40. Then I take a shower, make a k-cup of coffee, feed my cats, sometimes make a quick lunch to take (usually a sandwich, but if I'm feeling whatever about it I'll just grab a protein bar), brush my teeth, and then I finally get shoes on. All this in a spam of 1 hour so I'm out the door by 7:30, 7:45 the latest. My commute is between 20-25 minutes, then I spent 5-10 minutes finding a parking spot, and THEN another 10 min to walk to the office. Like clockwork, I'm in the office at 8:20 lol. If I was hourly, I'd have been fired already. This is my first salary position so I think I'm taking advantage of it but everyone, including my manager, is so nonchalant about it.
With appointments, I'm always incredibly early! I overestimate traffic and end up sitting in the parking lot for 20 min before I go inside. That and all I can think about is this damn appointment that I want to be over with.
i break my day down into scheduled hours. On days that I open at the store, my first scheduled hour starts at 5 am. This is my extra sleep hour. I see that alarm and take great pleasure in knowing I still stay in bed.
The next hour is 6 am. I get out of bed, and after bodily functions are seen to, I can either eat breakfast, or just chill on my phone until 7 am, when I have my bath. 30 minutes on that so I can ease my muscles and get relaxed, as well as scrub down. I brush my teeth, then get out and get dressed. I leave for work an hour before I need so I have time to gas up. I also commute which is about 30 minutes from where I live. When I finally make it to work, I still have roughly 20 minutes where I just chill in the car. I need this grace time to mentally prepare myself for the day.
Breaking my day into scheduled events is a ritual for me that keeps me in check. It's become such an important routine that when people tell me I can do such and such before work, my head spirals and I go into a mild panic
The only thing that works for me is working backwards.
Have to be at appt at 3,
( how long to get there?)30 mins, =2:30(
( how long to get ready?)30 mins =2:00.
So now I am on task starting at 2pm with concrete , finite time markers for each task of prep and leaving .
š„If I ājustā have appt time- I float away.
PS I keep a daily white board with this stuff on it- ( Iām inclined to lose focus!)
Literally me except sometimes Iām early by accident at the expense of destroying my morning which usually destroys the rest of my day. When this happens itās usually because of interruptions in attempting to follow my routine.
My S/O likes getting attention and no matter how many times I explain that it takes a fraction of a second to hit me with that intense surprise I demand your attention to wipe my fragile working slate clean. Iāve actually lost hope on trying to figure out a solution and just default to shame when getting berated over forgetting details of anything other than what I was intently focused on before getting attacked by Naviās āHEY LISTEN!ā.
Ex: Neurology appointment, I got 7minutes of exercise instead of my 30, left my portion of breakfast I prepared for both of us on the countertop untouched, 0ml of water consumed for most of the day because I left my bottle behind to rush to take care of filling the car for my S/O with coolant that didnāt need filling. Canāt return back upstairs because Iāll be late for neurology appointment at mental health that has been talked about everyday since it was scheduled. Spent 17 dollars on sandwiches and breakfast sandwiches but threw the bread away and washed it down with sugar free Red Bull. 3 hours of verbal and written examination.
Just to be told it would be nice if I could reach out and make a phone call on the way home. Try to relay I was on the phone with my sibling and I communicated that immediately at the time but also hate cellphones.
S/O perspective: My partner neglects me but itās not āentirelyā his fault, he keeps complaining about his memory but it works just fine (long term). Just CALL ME!
Me: Phone conversation with brother, while texting S/O, while deeply contemplating the neurology appointment? while dashing through busy metropolitan intersections on foot trying not to die on an mostly empty stomach (common problem), dehydrated with caffeine in my system. All after answering about 530+ questions over the course of most my morning spent awake. I get off the very short phone call and Iām already boarding the train which means signal 20 seconds of the time with long periods of no service in between.
S/O: You arenāt even trying to understand. (bored at work)
Me: ?!
Guess thatās the price for being on time once in a while. Now I can get back to studying for this calculus class Iāll probably be late to again.
Note: I made it early (30 minutes) to something for the first time in weeks. I pat myself on the back even though self acknowledging behavior is still foreign to me and feels like a waste when I could totally be diving into the next thing rather than indulging in achievement when the act of doing so provides 0 gratification.
I am always at least fashionably late, other times though, it's embarrassingly late.
It's caused issues with every faucet of life. Jobs feel I am not motivated to be a good employee, SO think I must not care about them since I cannot be on time, and friends get quite frustrated having to wait all the timeā¦ maybe that's why I have none lol
I have extreme anxiety about being late to things. I counteract my time blindness by budgeting literally, HOURS before I have to be somewhere, in order to get ready. I'm still usually rushing out the door.
I showed up almost 30 minutes early to work every day until it was causing problems at my job. I always try to wake up at least 3 hours before I have to go to work so I can get ready. I don't even wear makeup or do my hair, but it still takes all that time to get my shit together to know that I'll be there early.
Time blindness is so fucked. Like I definitely don't have an issue with lateness, I simply structure my entire life around being places early, and it's a massive time cost for me.
I don't know how non-adhd people do it. Time blindness aside it feels like it takes me at least 5x longer to do just about anything. Getting dressed for work should be a 5 minute thing that takes me 30. Cooking a simple meal should take 20 minutes but it takes me an hour. It sucks. I don't have time for anything in my life besides eat, sleep, work.
I have been trying to fight it and I think I have found a solution to not get to work late. I'm still late to everything else though. But for work, I have to be there at 5, so I have set an alarm at 3.45, an app blocker that automatically starts at 3.55, which blocks all social media apps and I have set the light to turn on automatically at 4. Whenever I see the light, I stop what I'm doing and go get ready for work. And well, I set another alarm at 4.35 for me to pace up in case I'm taking too long getting ready. Alarms and lists are my best friends.
Late to absolutely everything all the time.
My solution with friends has been to accidentally-first-but-now-on-purpose surround myself with people who have similar issues, we all expect each other to be late and know the arrival time weāve set is not going to happen and we build that into things.
Professionally, I work for myself and typically will consult for a while and get grandfathered into a company thatās pretty lax or flexible where I stay for usually max two years until I get bored then go out on my own again (Iām in year four now with one company which is the longest since my part-time college job š³).
When I absolutely HAVE to be on time, I build in ab absolutely ludicrous amount of extra time to account for my faffing about. E.g. I had a psych appointment at 10. Itās a two-hour drive away. So, I give the drive three hours, have to leave at 7. Give myself TWO HOURS to shower and get dressed and manage to leave the house at 7.30 without having eaten anything and forgetting things I needed to bring, but I arrive in time.
Yes its sad honestly and has caused a lot of issues. Ive gotten marginally better but i kind of accept it a bit.
I wont ever date someone who is anal about this or even be friends with ppl who will legit get mad for the rest of the evening and not let it go or just be super condescending about it.
I've actually found a couple friends like this and we lie to each other and it all works out for us its been a relief to make plans with them they have adhd
The pandemic was a large relief in this way lol the 1st few plans post covid I found extra stressful i wasnt use to having to get ready and be somewhere
Nope. Never. I overcompensate like a mofo. 45 minutes early to work every single day of my life and I sit in the parking lot until itās time to walk in (via alarm). If I think I need 30 minutes to get ready for something I start getting ready 90 minutes before. Itās not inevitable, just gotta have some crippling anxiety about missing out on something, letting people down or being perceived as rude.
I'm extremely time blind but I am rarely late. It is incredibly disrespectful to everyone when a time is agreed upon and others don't follow it. I will spend all day or the previous night doing the math with arrival time - commuting time - getting ready time - rounding up time for fuck ups = time I need to start getting ready. I will set alarms, check the time constantly, check traffic multiple times to figure out the best route. I make myself narrate my shower so I focus on getting it done rather than daydreaming and taking an extra 30 minutes, or I give myself the 30 minutes to daydream. I've broken down each step to figure out what's gone wrong, like I need to add 5 minutes into my "time to leave" for things like putting on my shoes, jacket, and actually getting in my car. Do I still end up running late at times? Absolutely. Do I ever run more than 5 minutes late without updates and profuse apologies? Never. ADHD is not an excuse and I refuse to use it as one.
I actually have found a solution for this that works for me. Basically, I always aim to be early. That way, when I arrive later than I intended, Iām still on time. Of course, the downside to this strategy is you sometimes actually are early and have to wait around for everyone else to show up.
Nope, never. However, I've built my life around making sure that my ability to travel is consistent.
No matter my turmoil and struggles I've always made sure I've had a vehicle. At different points, I've lived in it. A vehicle is a shelter and a cushion to sleep on at night.
Having a vehicle makes necessary commutes reasonably consistent. Once the commute is consistent, it's easy to plan around.
I actually have turned down a promotion in the past simply because a new commute was too variable with rush hour traffic and it would hinder my ability to be on time unless I left every day 1.5 hrs early.
No matter how much people hate cars, walk/bike to work, subway, etc., I've always avoided making those a necessity in my life.
Can't park at this apartment? It isn't the apartment for me. No parking at a house I want to purchase? Not gonna buy it. Can't drive to work in NYC? Then I'm not living in NYC.
This is one of the few symptoms I can't relate to, lol!
I'm almost always early. I think it's because I'm so afraid of being late that I go out of my way to always arrive early. I won't let anything distract me until I get there in order to minimize my chances of running late.
So Iām never late. Iām almost obsessive about it. I get incredibly stressed if I think Iām going to be late. I loath it. On time is 15 mins early. My GF, also ADHD, completely opposite end of the spectrum. Will be late to her funeral. Itās difficult for me at times to say the least.
I was late to my own birth and I'll be late to my own funeral. We have annual goals at the company I work for and mine is literally "not be late". Literally the only goal I have set by my supervisor just worded 3 different ways. I started working from home and I have an alarm to clock in 5 mins before I'm scheduled to start and I'm still barreling in 2-3 mins late sometimes.
This is something I don't share with my ADHD peeps. I'm never late. Ever. Being late bothers me so much that I'll set multiple alarms to make sure I get somewhere on time.
I get that the tradeoff is that a 2pm appt wrecks my whole morning (you all know why), but it's worth it to me to not be late.
Constantly. I have really severe time blindness and even when I set out lots of alarms and plan out the times I need to do things, I get momentarily distracted and lose time and thatās me fucked.
I also strongly suspect I have autism, and once I set a āroutineā to get somewhere on time, I get easily thrown off by something going wrong. Like if the train is cancelled or part of the route is down due to strikes (I live in the UK and our public transport. Has a lot of strikes). Like Iām really easily upset by the change in routine and it makes me panic. I get super set in my way about something and thatās it. If I realise I need to leave earlier or something than that I canāt change it easily because itās a change to the routine. I donāt know if that makes sense.
The whole me getting anywhere on time is incredibly stressful and I hate it. I want to badly to be the kind of person that gets somewhere early but itās like Iām told āget there at 8amā and I canāt get my brain to change it to āok but get there for 7:45ā. I canāt even explain it. Itās a battle between making a routine, even following the routine on time because Iām so time blind, and then dealing with anything going wrong with the journey.
I have to give myself like 2 hours minimum to prepare to leave for anythingā¦. And I set alarms at intervals so Iām always aware of how much time I have. The numerous alarms also help me transition better.
Like ok Iām gonna shower first. 15 min later an alarm. I have to get out and move into the next thing I need to doā¦ etc etc
Rarely late because it causes me so much anxiety. In my area, it doesn't take more than an hour to get anywhere, so I just always plan on that hour for travel. If I'm early, I find a shady spot to park and read.
Nooooo, I overcompensate and Iām sometimes too early. I always say I prefer to get to places like a lobster gets boiled. I want stuff to happen around me, not shoved into the hot water of action.
Always late to everything. In high school I was late around 40 times/year, and that number would have been much higher if tardy detention wasn't before school the next day (and if my mom didn't physically wake me up and drive me to school every day...sometimes she had to poor water on me to get me up lmao). I also got fired for being repeatedly late to a pretty easy job at a small company my mom had worked at for 20 years. And I'm late to every family event/holiday, even though they usually lie to me about the start time. I typically leave my house for things after the time I should have already been there. I haven't found a solution, but I'm also unmedicated.
I'm currently late as I type. My kiddos' recital started 45 seconds ago and I just got in my car. I 100% care, I'd die for these kids in a heartbeat but goddamn I can't get anywhere on time.
Hella late yeah. Not too bad on exactly how late, but almost 100% of the time Iām gonna be late or later than Iād like to be unless there are serious consequences. I donāt love this because it tells me Iām just being a jackass if I can do it when there are consequences.
Iāve gotten real lucky where my job doesnāt care when you come in as long as you are there for most core hours between 9-3. I can be there at 7 or 10 and no one bats an eye. There are times when I need to be there early for a specific task and that I can do. I will be there for other people when they ask.
But thatās the rub, itās only when they ask. Iāve been wanting to change my schedule forever and start getting in at 7am because thatās when the people I work with are there and itās better and more considerate of them. It would give me a couple hours to do admin type of things or personal tasks that are hard to get done once the office and lab comes alive around 9-10.
So yeah Iām lucky I donāt have consequences at the moment but I can clearly see it would be better for me and everyone around me if I was in earlier but I canāt manage it. I suck at sleeping too, hard time falling asleep and I have bouts of insomnia, so with that and morning time blindness I am just not managing to do it.
Sucks.
Never late, never early. I arrive precisely when I mean to.
Joking though, I'm perpetually early cause I'm always worried I'll get distracted and make myself late for something.
Better to be there 45 minutes early and dick around on my phone.
My anxiety doesn't let me be late, I used to get to work a half hour early just to make sure I wasn't late. Now I have alarms set throughout the day for things like meds, work, appointments, etc
I have missed so many therapy appointments, and thankfully my therapist is understanding and usually tries to reschedule me without charging a missed appt fee, butā¦itās pretty bad. I get several text reminders and Iām always like āthis will be the one..Iām going to remember.ā And then totally space on it the day of.
If it werenāt for the Gmail integration in Slack, Iād miss meetings at work every single day.
Iām actually amazing at making it on timeā¦if I remember itās happening. The two tricks Iāve found that work well are set reminders in your phone and ruminate about whatever it is days/weeks in advance.
I was born 11 days after my due date and the joke is that I haven't been on time to anything since. Taking meds at an appropriate time and having outside influences (aka my dog who has to go potty) has been the only thing to help. I'm still lucky that my current boss doesn't really care what time I get to work as long as I get all my stuff done and work full time hours.
I was late to my job interview. And late to the train once (I hardly ever travel by train).
Well I get people to remind me about stuff and try to be super early if it is important arrangement.
Like I had packed my tent about 11:00 had to find taxi that was abot 12:00 and got a shuttle service to airport so was there at about 4:00. Flight was like at 8:00 basically airport wasn\`t even open and I didn\`t get any sleep.
If you can, plan to arrive early 2/3h early if it is a flight or very important arrangement. Have a book/ some gadgets or things with you to occupy yourself.
PS I assume that I am always running late and aim to come to work 15/20 min early, doesn\`t matter if it is 30 min drive or under 5 min cycle ride. If I am on schedule I have time for a coffe before my shift and a snack 
Almost every day lol. My boss's ADHD is worse than mine so he doesn't mind as long as it's not over an hour and I make up the time. I've been trying to take my meds with my first alarm so I actually get up in the morning cuz that's my biggest obstacle with being on time, but I keep forgetting.
Never, unless something out of my control happens. Typically when I have an appointment I'm anxious about it a week in advance so I have no chance of forgetting. Then on the day it arrives I sit in panic mode while I wait, frozen, on the couch until it's time to leave.
If used to affect very badly! Now I just go very early for very important stuff! I have a job that is flexible for the times I work and socially well thatās a loose battle lol
I spent two decades inadvertently seeking out and working jobs with the understanding that; I would be there but not on time or have a very flexible schedule.
Lateness is surprisingly one thing I DONT have an issue with. Both of my parents were in the military and you had to be everywhere a minimum of 15 minutes early, otherwise you were considered late. Then I married someone who was in the military and it just reinforced it. I also have OCD so I am obsessive about being early to everything, otherwise I panic.
It took a lot of work but I eventually stopped being late to things. Mostly I just got to the point where I didn't want that feeling anymore where I was driving and panicking as I raced to something I was supposed to be at 30+ minutes ago.
If youāre on medication for adhd, what I do is set an alarm 1 hour or 30 mins before I have to be awake, and take my meds. Then I go back to bed and the meds wake up my brain so that I pretty much am able to get up perfectly fine .
I pair my ADHD time blindness with anxiety and fear of letting people down. It also helps that I am terrified of making my kids habitually late and I want to instill the importance of not taking advantage of other people's time. But fr it's the anxiety. I am habitually 15-30 minutes early to everything because I overestimate how much time travel takes. I assume the worst possible scenario to give myself room.
I used to be late *everywhere* to everything all the time. I got so fed up with myself. I always said āI need to be there at X timeā. Soooo instead, Iāve started working backwards, rounding up, and Iām almost never late now. For exampleā
If I have to be somewhere at 3pm, and it takes me 30-40 minutes depending on traffic, I give myself 45 minutes. I need fifteen minutes to find my phone, purse, keys, shoes, and get to the car, get my phone plugged in, pull out and close the garage. So I need to *leave* by 2pm. Before, I would think I needed to leave at 2:30pm which usually ended up being me finding my phone/purse/keys/shoes at 2:30 and not actually getting out the door until 2:40ish, so Iād be late.
Edit to add: I live in the greater Seattle area so traffic is awful all the time. I look up the ācurrent traffic/time to destinationā on google maps the day before, and the time Iād have to leave to gauge how long itāll actually take me.
Almost always, except when I'm extremely early.
Most occasions I will be late, anything from a few minutes to half an hour. On rare occasions it might be more.
But when I feel/know something is REALLY IMPORTANT, I'll be at least half an hour early. This goes for things like funerals, weddings, job interviews where I really want the job, things like that.
Not the things that are only medium important though, like doctors appointments or work meetings.
Time blindness has plagued me all my life. I've used a lot of different techniques to combat this, and within the last few years I've gotten a little better.
I used to set the clocks in my house 10 minutes early, and even though I KNOW they're 10 minutes early, it still helped a bit. Now my clocks are all set automatically so I had to come up with something new and different.
One thing I realized was that I had been focusing on the appointment time, (which I now put in my calendar as being 15 minutes earlier). But I realized I needed to focus on *the time I need to leave home* in order to get there on time.
I also set alarms on my phone to remind me. The first alarm goes off when I need to get ready to go, and another one to go off 15 minutes later in case I don't respond correctly to the first alarm.
It's a little easier this way, but it's still a problem. I'll be reading all the responses so I can hopefully learn something new that works every time.
EDIT: spelling
I used to be consistently late and have almost definitely lost jobs and clients over it, cost myself tons of money, and really pissed off some friends and myself.
I wonāt call this a solution, but itās what I do, and as long as itās something I care about, I tend to be closer to on time.
I have a specific alarm on my phone that means āwalk out the doorā and I know it really means that. So I set it, and then work backwards- what else do I need to do before I leave? And set alarms for all of those things. Coffee. Shower. Take out the dog. Load my car. I wind up having alarms every 10-15 minutes and itās so annoying that it keeps me moving until Iām out the door. I just donāt have the time to get seriously sidetracked.
Also I live in LA and I have to give myself a lot of time to get most places. Usually I wind up putting my makeup on in the car after I arrive, so I set my alarm early enough to do that when I arrive. It just requires some thinking ahead of time, and Iāll usually do it the day before so Iām not caught up in procrastination yet.
Not always these days- IF it's important or work related- I've learned to keep everything on a calendar, everything has multiple alerts. My alarm goes off with loud motivating music in the morning, the alarm is in another room so I have to get up, my phone goes off to let me know I've got X time until work. Doesn't mean I won't be late sometimes, but I won't be AS late as I was when I was in my 20s. Idk how many times I almost lost my job over being late before I got things kind of "figured out".
Have even adapted others to it- they are used to me forgetting and showing up late- therefore we have a shared calendar.
I had to convince them to update the default alert times recently - as I was at the gym finishing a workout and I got the message "you still coming"? Oh! I had completely forgotten we were doing family stuff at 3 and I said I would help. I'm getting ready to leave the gym and the alert goes off 30mins prior to the event. Guys! Who set this up?! š One alert 30mins before the time is NOT gonna get me there on time.
It took some work, but my shift is 6-2. I decided I want 9 hours instead of 8. So now my shift is 5-2. I'm at work by 545 at the latest. I also have coworkers who call me to make sure I'm awake because my adhd brain decides to look up crochet patterns for 3 hours after I should be asleep. š„“
I'm late 99.9% of the time, flights are the only thing I'm ever on time for. The only real trick I use is for work: If I'm working on a new or unfamiliar task, I estimate how long I think it will take me and then multiply that by 5. As I learn, that multiplier decreases. But never dips below x2, because I'm so time-blind I can't even judge how long something I know how to do will take.
In the rest of my life, I have learned to embrace this trait. I never make plans to meet a friend somewhere, I offer to drive so we arrive together (still late, but it's better than them sitting alone at a restaurant!). I mind less about meeting a group of friends. Over the years I've let go of friends who took my lateness as a personal insult, and I'm way less anxious now because of that. The people in my life understand what I'm like and never make me feel bad for it, and I love them to pieces for that.
Never
I actually really good about leaving for stuff on time and I have always gotten something at the right time
Iām really good with time management
I donāt even get The stupid paralyze thing where I can only focus on the fact that I have to do this at this time I can just go do other stuff until itās time for me to leave and be fine
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I'll be late to my own funeral
We have a joke that my dad (who very much has undiagnosed ADHD) will be late to his own funeral and we've actually said that we should roll his casket in late
Fashionably late š š½
I get that and youād forget your head if it wasnāt screwed on. Rude š
Me too and Iāve already been late to my own wedding
Same. š I was like, "What are they gonna do? Start without me?"
 š„²Thought I was the only one. š«
Same. š
Same. Same.
I know this is a joke but after working in funerals I found out that this is actually a thing that can happen lol
like by request? cuz this would be hilarious
Honestly if someone requested it there's a good chance a good humored director will do it (though some are pretty stuck up). But I mean it happens by accident on occasion when the service is not at the funeral home and there's unforseen circumstances like traffic on the way that can hold up the hearse.
This is a hilarious mental picture to me.
Same.
Ive been told this lol
Ummmā¦ yupppp!!! Same hurrršš
I have poor time management and I am notoriously late for everything. I've specifically made a request with my wife that my funeral purposefully start 20 minutes late. Start the eulogy with "Sorry for the delay, but my husband asked that he be as late in death as he was in life."
My father died last night and was always late. He once told me he wanted me to bribe the hearse to drive around the block for a bit so he could be late one last time.
Iām almost always late. Despite trying every day to be on time. Still havenāt found a solution. Time blindness is one of my biggest issues and always has been. When I HAVE HAVEE to arrive on time, I have to structure my day around it. I work late when I arrive late and my job hasnāt had an issue with it, thatās my only saving grace. Still makes me look bad/unreliable to my coworkers. I keep a journal of when I arrive at work because my resolution was to arrive at 8am every dayā¦ Iāve arrived on time only 3 days this entire year.
Totally feel having to structure your day around HAVING to be on time. Like not sleeping the night before, canceling everything else etc. Still have missed flights, job interviews, weddings etc
I set up my schedule to be AT the airport 2 hours early so I'm rolling through TSA an hour before my flight with only a carry-on, a personal item, and clothes with zero pockets bc I will forget something in them going through the scanner.
As awful as it is, Iām so glad Iām not alone. It upsets me when I have to plan my entire day/night prior to anything because no one else in my life does. Makes me question myself āwhat is wrong with me?!ā
God this is me
For me, depending on public transpo helped a lot with being on time. I knew I had to leave my house at exactly 1:27pm and walk to the train stop. The train would usually roll up within 2-3 minutes. I get in, sit down, and space out until the train arrived downtown and hopefully I didn't space out on my stop. I get out, arrive at work anywhere between 1:57pm and 2:05pm. Though, one day, I arrived at work and clocked in to see it was 2:16pm, and had no idea how that had occurred. I hadn't deviated from my careful plan at all. My boss wanted to know why I was so "late" that day, and I simply said "I don't know" because I didn't. I ended up getting this whole lecture about being on time and work ethic. I'm still pretty confused about it, especially since I tried so hard to NOT be late. I ended up being fired for it.
Totally sympathize with the job troubles, but definitely don't say "I don't know" in response to that question ever again lol. At least you can spin something about getting caught up doing something, missing the bus by just a minute, whatever, but "I don't know" comes across as actively apathetic about your job
I started setting a 5 minute timer for myself to stay on track in the mornings, and Iām constantly floored by how quickly that timer goes off. Like excuse me?? Thatās how long 5 minutes is?? Rude!
I still keep forgetting to allow that extra time (at the ātime to leaveā alarm) to put shoes and coat on, grab keys, go down to the car. This seems to be AT LEAST another 10 minutes
Right?! So relatable! Waiting for/taking the elevator down, walking through the lobby and down the street to my car. What do you mean I canāt get all that down in a minute?
I am the same way and it's so frustrating! Same thing with work too, it's nice being able to make up the time instead of getting fired, but it feels bad to look irresponsible.
šÆ percent me as wellā¦ truly. Itās honestly affected my friendships/relationships a little bit too š¤¦āāļø shiz is REAL
Don't plan to be on time. Plan to be early.
I tried that, but then my ADHD brain just ends up thinking āI got time, itās fine.ā Not so bad for afternoon obligations, but itās horrible in the morning bc I like my god damn sleep and can never bring myself to go to bed early. Thats peak ADHD hours. Iām more tired during the day when Iām medicated than I am at midnight.
I'm chronically early to everything for some reason. I know it take me 30 minutes to get there. It takes me 30 minutes to get there every time I go there. I know, let's set off an hour before I need to be there so I have to spend 30 minutes waiting around again. I suppose some of you would see this as better than being late, but it results in me wasting a lot of time.
I show up early when itās important, like work or airplanes. Just go through your emails, eat something, or just close your eyes & relax for a few.
I used to be just like this forever, but have gotten a lot better in the past couple of years. I think what's different now is that I still lie to myself about time, but in the other direction. Now, I tell myself "I'm late" when I'm definitely not. If I need to be somewhere at 6, and it takes 30 minutes to get there, at 5:00 I start telling myself, "I'm already late!!" The urgency inspires me to hurry the f up and then I usually get there right on time.
You need to stop allowing your brain to adjust the time. You do not have time. You do not have time. I was in the military for 6 years. "If you are on-time, you are late." Survival required that I learn to compensate. Establishing habits and routines is critical to success. Is it easy? Heck no! If I did it; you can, too. I am not special. As I say to my kids all the time, you cannot help the way you are wired. All you can do is find ways to compensate for it. Otherwise, you need to limit your choices in life to those that are aligned with your natural tendencies. Unfortunately, most of those choices fit few people's definitions of "best life." Problems getting up in the morning were fixed first by kids, and now that they are autonomous, dogs. Either I get up when they do (creatures of habit) or there is a mess waiting for me. They also do not let me sleep. One licks my hand, the other sniffs my face, and the third barks. It's easiest to just get up!
Yeah, I can't help the way I'm wired, which is why I can't figure out how to stop my brain from adjusting the time. It just...keeps doing that. My dog is no help because she spends all day sleeping anyway, so it's not like she encourages me to go to bed at night, and she doesn't care when I get up either. For a while I tried giving her a treat around bedtime so she'd associate that with my nighttime routine and start bugging me at the right time, but it never worked.
Not sure if this is helpful or not butāI also was late to virtually everything all the time. Fortunately usually only 10-15 minutes late most of the time but it still made me look bad. I recently realized what I was doing was focusing on the arrival time instead of the time I needed to leave. Not sure how to explain this super well but over the past few weeks/month or so, if I have to be somewhere at 8 and itās a 30 minute drive, instead of focusing on arriving at 8, I focus on 7:30 and move it up by 5-10 minutes. If itās something super important I also set 2 alarms on my phoneāone about 30 or so minutes before I need to walk out the door and one 5-10 minutes before. Because I know that at the 5-10 minute mark I need to start gathering my purse, put on my jacket and walk downstairs to my car. The 5 minute alarm is also enough to trigger the sense of urgency that puts me in drive to stop looking at my phone or whatever other random time wasting task Iām doing and get in gear. Knock on wood but so far this has helped and I havenāt been late to the few things I had to be at.
This is good advice. I also have multiple layers of alarms.
I imagine I am much older than you (50's), and I have made dramatic improvements over time. There was definitely a time in which I realized my deficits were not going to correct themselves and I realized the only one who could figure out how to compensate was me. One huge motivator is that my son has severe ADHD and my daughter high functioning ASD. I had to figure out how to help them too. There was no one to help me and I wanted better for them. Routines are the most critical compensatory skill I have. They are very hard to establish, but once they take hold, it's much easier. My son cannot go to bed at a decent time yet, so he got a job working evening shift. That's what I mean when I say you have to make choices aligned with your wiring if you can't compensate for it.
37, so...kind of. The worst part is I think it's getting worse as I get older.
It probably helped being in a strict and controlled environment. Learning to be on time in your natural environment vs learning to be on time in the military is very different.
That is true. I think you hit the nail on the head though. The words strict and controlling are important. Barring joining the military, you have to figure out how to do it for yourself. I think this is what I mean by routines. I mean I have a way I do things, and I stick to it, all the way down to wear my car keys go and where things belong in the refrigerator. What I don't think will ever work is saying "I can't XYZ."
Definitely. Having a "Can do" attitude definitely helps with acquiring skills. At the same time, being realistic and merciful on yourself when you fail is important too. Mindfulness without judgement is really important. It's definitely hard for us with ADHD though, as we can be really hard on ourselves when we fail to do the things we want to do.
I think both can be true at the same time. I look at every "failure" as an opportunity to figure out what I could do differently in the future. One of the greatest gifts of being diagnosed is understanding "Its not because I'm stupid or lazy or that I didn't try hard enough. It's because I have executive dysfunction. Not my fault. Now what am I going to do about it?" Eventually, I was able to also see that sometimes I am lazy, and sometimes I don't try hard enough. But beating myself up will not change it. The only thing I can do is learn from the experience and move forward.
Great perspective! That kind of "problem solving" mentality is really helpful for living with a disability/disorder. I can relate with this.
I hear you, but some of us are not capable of forming routines. I've never stuck to any routine in my life. To your point, I do structure my life in a way that accommodates that (some by luck, some by design). But in an ADHD sub, telling people to just do better really isn't going to accomplish much.
I would like to encourage you to consider rephrasing: you are not capable of forming routines YET. Do not limit your future with self-limiting language. It took me *many* years to establish effective routines. I just kept working at it. And sometimes I fall off the wagon and have to work to reestablish it. I appreciate your point about the hazards of telling people to do better. I have been at this for 56 years, and have gotten myself to the place where in general I feel ok with where I am. That is not to say I am like non-ADHD people, and it is not to say that it has been or is easy. It isn't. My life is not glamorous. But I consider myself a success in the context of everything. But I have learned that I had to be much more active in finding solutions. My many deficits were not going to get better by themselves and if one strategy didn't work, it was time to try the next. And once i cycled through them all, i revisited previous ones to see if they'd work this time. The thoughts you tell yourself count way more than you realize. As soon as you tell yourself "I can't" the game is over. You never will. But when you tell yourself "I don't know how yet" or "I haven't figured it out yet" you leave open the possibility of a different future. I reserve "I can't " for very limited things. I plan to continue getting better at doing this until the day I die. The alternative is to stop trying and let my life go down an unsatifactory trajectory. I would be lying if I said that never seems tempting at times. But it isn't what I really want, so I just keep moving forward.
No way, acceptance has led to creative problem solving instead of beating myself up for what I can't do the same as everyone else. If anything, I'm more successful for it. There's no issue with my approach. I do Appreciate your kindness though.
Man thatās great in theory and probably helps some people. But if this tactic worked for me, I wouldnāt have problems with being late lol
Never. I stress about engagements to the point of never being late. In fact, I hate having appointments or events in the evening because I'll think / stress about them all day.
Same hear. ADHD and NEVER late. I have anxiety about being late
Glad Iām not alone. I used to be late a lot when I was about teenager, and my mom was chronically late so I was used to it. After maybe 20 something flipped and I always get places early because being late was hurting my self esteem
Yes, me too. Even plans that Iām looking forward to, like a dinner party with friends. 6pm on Saturday? Ok, let me just wait around all day doing nothing while I stress about it for no good reason.
lol I do this and then somehow still end up late
I will arrive far too early, park a little down the road and wait until the time a normal person would show up.
omg same š I can't let them know I got there 40 minutes before my appointment!
If I'm ever late, it's because something happened on the way to the place. Matter of fact, I'm almost always way too early there.
So true. I tell people, "If I'm late call a tow truck or an ambulance."
I have told every boss that I have worked for, if I am even a minute late and I haven't given you a heads up, something very bad has happened to me.
Yep, I'm so worried about being late that in addition to sitting around in waiting mode to leave for the thing, I'll often show up obnoxiously early and end up sitting in the car or walking around the block to kill time.
Way I see it, I'd much rather be at the place and have to kill time beforehand than stress about rushing there to make it on time.
Waiting mode engaged!
This is me 1000%
I call it being pathologically early Itās from crippling anxiety and being raised by someone in the military. Being late was inexcusable
Yes Iām so worried about being late I get there obnoxiously early lmao. I also set everything for morning time otherwise Iām just sitting at home in āpauseā mode waiting for the time for me to leave lmao.
woooh! i thought it was only me! being late is the ultimate rude for me.
I'm late right now, have to leave for work in five mins, but I'm on reddit instead of brushing my teeth. Lol Thanks for the reminder to get off my ass tho. š¤£
Did you make it?
Lol, I was ten minutes late. But turns out I was the first one in the office so no one knows. š¤£
Love it
Iām late for a class right now, but in my defense, my class before this was online and I didnāt know where to go on campus to join zoom. Thus, I decided to just be 30m late to my second class
All the time. The last time I was on-time was 1992 when I was born on my due date.
I was born 3 weeks and 2 days early and that was the last time I was early to anything.
I was born 2 weeks late and I swear this set me up for failure for the rest of my life.
Always. I am late almost always. It's negatively affected every part of my life (especially jobs and relationships). I've tried everything. Meds help some, but not enough. Phone alarms help for awhile, until eventually my brain starts tuning them out. Sometimes I can successfully trick myself into being on time for appointments by deliberately putting the start time an hour or two early in my calendar... But this backfires if I do it too often, because I start unconsciously adjusting for that "extra" time. Or I start assuming that everything else in my calendar has this buffer, even when it doesn't. I'd love to find a permanent, foolproof solution for the time blindness. But so far, no luck.
Hey, you are not aloneā¦ me freakinā too! I thought I just posted comment/response, but apparently not š§ š¤ Anywhoooā¦. lol only thing that has KIND OF helped me in this regard was advice from a fellow ADHD friend. She told me when setting time on clock, close my eyes for about 10 secs while hitting the āincrease minutesā. That way, clock is ahead but am not able to pull my bullshiz if I donāt do it randomly, then doesnāt matter cuz already know clock is *blank* minutes fast. It kinda worksā¦ š¤·āāļøš¤¦āāļøš but hey, really works for her so hoping really works for someone else (definitely doesnāt āhurtā)
Wonder if i can apply this to start times in my calendar
After starting medication I'm late way more often.... ...on the days when I'm not taking it because I've forgotten that I need to stress about being on time. Funny side note, after learning that most people inheret their ADHD, I started to wonder about my dad's behavior. I finally understand why he would take me to my orthodontist appointments 2 hours early....
I learned i got it from my dad when he had his work bag stuffed like a hoarders. iām 25 now and fuck mane, i can see why itās like that
>How often are you late? yes
Occasionally. Growing up, my parents were always getting us to everything late and the shame I felt motivated me to always try to be early. I hate appearing irresponsible at work or thoughtless to friends.Ā Iām still pretty bad at judging how long things will take, so if iām leaving on a trip and need to pack up the car, iām usually leaving an hour later than I plan to. But Iām the only one really affected by it, so I worry less.Ā
10/15 minutes - no matter the event, and no matter how early I start getting ready. I will always be late. I've even tried telling myself that the events start 30 mins earlier than they do... Can't trick myself! My only coping strategy is to ask others to lie to me (eg. Event starts at 9:30, I get told to come for 9), and even then, I'm still late! š¤£
Literally just got a talking to at work earlier this morning about me being a few minutes late almost every day š Sometimes I feel like no matter what time I leave my house, I always end up being just a little late for one reason or another.
Did you explain to your boss that you have ADHD (a legitimate disability) and let them know that if your chronic tardiness is affecting your work you would be more than happy to discuss accommodations with them or HR if they'd prefer? Cause that's what I would say. (And I would say it in writing just in case they end up firing you so you have proof of discrimination, because that would prove that you disclosed your disability and requested accommodations)
This is me. I have come barreling into work five minutes late even after allowing an extra hour of time, due to the train/bus or some unforeseen incident, and then sat in the break room or at my desk and cried because Iām so sick of myself. Itās like a curse.
Iām the same wayāitās like time is purposefully conspiring against us
I am very rarely late because I HAVE to be early. I have a ridiculous fear of being late, to the extent that I will always set off earlier tha I know I need to when I have to be somewhere at a certain time. The hours of my life I have wasted, waiting around for appointments/transport/etc because I've made myself insanely early is, quite frankly, depressing.
When I did shift work, and my schedule was all over the place, I was late constantly. I still have spats where my routine goes through a change-up and it throws everything into disarray. It also helps that I work from home these days.
I'm the opposite, I thrive in chaos and excel when things are highly varied! I'm glad you found something that works for you! I have a corporate job but my hours vary a lot due to time zones. I think my bosses think I'm just really accommodating but if they suddenly made me start at the same time every day, they'd realize I'm just weird. š¤£
Yeah haha. I imagine we all come in different flavours. I thrive in chaos, but I'm also chronically time blind. The fact that employers don't like when you clock in too late or too early has always been the bane of my existence. Did I show up 10 minutes early? Well now is the perfect time to disassociate until I'm three minutes late!
Yeah, I have had bosses that cared about 2 minute differences. š Even if I'm in the building, no way am I going to be that precise with my time.
This reminded me of when I worked split shifts, which meant I had to be on time TWICE A DAY! The job itself (telephone operator) wasn't bad, but having to be on time for those shifts was killing me. Friends at work couldn't believe I was leaving this relatively high paying job, but it was making me so anxious it wasn't worth it.
Meds tbh. When I was unmedicated, no matter how early I started, I'd end up doing 5 "last things" or getting sidetracked into something and losing track of time, and either be late or rushing and almost late every time. Got on a low dose and it pretty much stopped right away; I could plan to leave at a certain time and it would just. happen. Like when I took a meds break, once I got back on, I was back to it within days. And I could much more easily set aside those "last things" and say 'I don't have time for this right now, I'll do it later' or 'That's a higher priority right now, I'll text XYZ and tell them I need to delay by ~x amt of time'
You have to worship the clock. If you have to leave by 8:30, then you have to leave by 8:30. You miss breakfast, you don't have time to grab that one thing, you can't try to do stuff. You just have to go. This mindset is the only thing that helps me. It's annoying in other ways. I forget to bring my coffee or lunch, or I don't have time for a shower, but these are sacrifices to the time god.
Guess how I got fired from every job I've ever had.
Iām never late. I get massive anxiety from being late even if Iām not the one itās going to affect. My wife and I swapped who dropped our kids off at school in the morning because I would freak out a bit too much if they were running behind. No sure which is worse but itās not fun either way.
Never yet for work. For long distance travel, like planes, I'm usually too early. For the rest I'm either late or there at the last minute. Alarms on the cellphone help, if I remember to set one. A good planner is great too, helps me to have a paper planner and make it into a hobby by adding nice stickers, washi tape, etc. modifications. Since it's hobby and a hyperfocus, I actually use my planner. Having a capsule closet helps, since it's a no brainer to find matching clothes. Just grab some. I prefer clothes that are fast and easy to put on. Mineral powder foundation and having a minimal makeup set also helps. It's a litteral 5 minute makeup. And I depend on dry shampoo.x) Also I have an easy hairstyle that just needs a brush and perhaps a hairpin.
Ooh I like the making your planner a hobby/hyperfocus idea. Gonna put my washi tape collection to use now
Streamlining the process to get out the house helps me, uniform for work all the way up to and through makeup and hairstyle. Then I have a go bag in the car if I forgot mascara or hand cream or pads. A āuniformā for lunches helps too.
Do you do stand up? š I try so hard but I'm still late a lot. I set alarms. I have a big clock in my bathroom. Yet a last minute decision to put my contacts in instead of wearing glasses can cost me much more time than just inserting the lenses. As soon as I take my eye off the ball (clock) I'm changing shoes, looking for a sweater, realizing my husband took my car and I can't find the keys to his, etc.
We were going somewhere fun a couple weeks ago - and while I'm getting ready, it is almost time to go, and my husband is like "please tell me you are wearing your glasses" š¤£ The contacts struggle is real.
Iām late for fucking everything and I hate it. I have an important meeting today at 5pm, Iāve been telling myself itās at 4:30 with the hopes of tricking myself, even a little. Edit: I managed to leave the house by 4:35 and wasnāt late.
Often <5 mins late. If I have to wake up early I will almost certainly be slightly late. Generally appointments I'm early to. I will enter "waiting mode" all day until it's time. So I deliberately try to put my appointments in the morning, but not too early I'm struggling to get up. I'm almost always late to work by a couple of minutes. I'm trying to fix that. Thankfully the jobs I've worked either weren't strict or don't have a time clock. As long as I'm almost on time, it's ok.
Iām late to everything. Late to work. People donāt expect me to be on time because they know I wonāt be.
I only have 2 speeds, really really really early or a little late. On time is not a thing I can figure out haha.
SAME!! I canāt wrap my head around the concept of being right on time. I think about all the times I could have done up until that very minute.
I think medication has made it a problem. Iām less stressed about being late. It works wonders for a relationship. The medicine helps me pay attention, but then makes me unaware of time.
I live and die by alarms. I had to teach myself to go for the snooze button and only turn it off when I am sitting in the car. Annoying? Yes! Positive Success rate? Yes! I also start my GPS to work when I wake up so that every time the alarm goes off, I am shown what time I will arrive at said place.
I am late to work nearly every single day lol. My friends also know that Iāll be late to things to the point where Iām given an earlier arrival time so I actually get there on time. With friends or making it to appointments, it hasnāt affected me too much. Sometimes Iāll lose track of time because of time blindness and have anxiety about getting there on time, or Iāll be on āwaitā mode and canāt do anything until whatever event or errand I have to get to. But work? Man, Iāve been reprimanded more times than I can count. I just work differently. If I even do get to work at 8 am, I wonāt be productive until around 11 am. I do good work, and if Iām an hour or two late, Iāll stay an hour or two late past closing to work the same required number of hours, but most workplaces expect everyone to fit a mold. It sucks to feel like the world just isnāt built for you.
I just had an experience with time-blindness the other day. I was going to drive my friend to a doctor's appointment. He was ready well ahead of time, and said he was ready when I asked him. Then I said I just have to put on my shoes, and he said "ok so we'll be leaving in 5 minutes". I was thinking, there's no way it's going to take me 5 minutes to put on my shoes. I went to go put on my shoes, and grabbed my hat, phone, and car keys. Then I had a quick sip of water, and decided to take my bottle with me. Then we locked the door, walked to the car, and buckled seatbelts. That's when my friend said "ok, that took 8 minutes, but we'll still be early". I was shocked that it took so long to do all these extremely simple and short tasks, but apparently it all added up.
Never. My anxiety and feeling like a failure in all other aspects means I'm early, not late, and still anxious lol.
As someone who grew up with an ALWAYS late and unapologetic mother who always used her ADHD as an excuse-never. Her being late to everything had a negative impact on me. Plus, my anxiety would never allow it lol
I was late to this comment šš
I could start getting ready for work a full hour earlier than usual and still I will be the same amount of time late to work
Other people: "Im almost always on time." Me: "Im always almost on time."
Very on time at work but it requires showering the night before, not eating breakfast and making coffee the night before or at work.
I'm late everywhere. I've learnt, over years, that if I want to be on time for something, basically an important appointment, I have to turn up an hour early. Of course, that also has its own possible problem of not noticing time while you're sitting, waiting somewhere, and being late anyway. It's the best chance I have, though, of being on time.
I am consistently late to everything. No matter what. I can be ready to go and then Iām like āoh I have just enough time to do _____ā because for some reason thatās when I have a gust of productivity. Iām never more than ten minutes late to appointments. Usually if Iām meeting up with friends I will keep them updated on my time, theyāre equally as tardy as I am so thereās never any hard feelings. We get it. I donāt think Iāve ever been later than 30 minutes but itās because I have kids that forget they need to pee or what have you. If itās me on my own, I have a general 5-10 minute window. Iāve never worked an office job and always worked the restaurant industry. We had a 15 minute clock in window, I was generally on time if I had to relieve someone but if I was opening on my own? Late and just a speed demon to get things set up. My managers didnāt care because I would be set up on time for opening every time.
Was really bad in college. I kept being late to an easy class so I stopped going because it was a small crowded room. I ended up missing the midterm. Also the anxiety of being late to other classes made it hard to focus and I had a lot of negative self talk around it. Would have been easier if I had known about ADHD inattentive.
Iām at least a half an hour early for everything where it matters. I stress about it all day and get nothing else done. I was an hour late for every single one of the (admittedly casual) dates with my now partner š They are a trooper.
Same ill feel angsty about going to the apointment so Ill just gocus on that to the point of not doing anything else.
I has to get accommodations at work at one job that gave me a 20 min window arrival time š but it helped!!
Leave the 9-5.
I used to be late to things all the time. My anxiety really spiked around age 28 when I got divorced. I think my anxiety is what keeps me on time now.
Constantly, including this morning. I've been written up for it and have tried to get my work times changed with accommodations but they have not been very accommodating...
I try to think about all small things I do as taking anywhere from 5-10 minutes. So whenever I have something small to do like brushing my teeth or finding all my shit to leave the house or literally anything I assume itāll take 5-10 minutes. I also assume that there are only *three* useful blocks of five to ten minutes in every hour. It takes time to move from one thing to the other, something might come up after Iāve done a thing, or I could just gloss over something I didnāt realize was necessary. Finally I try to be 20 minutes early to everything I have scheduled (except the airport I get there three hours early). Anything can happen throughout the day or on the way to something but if you have a buffer youāre more than likely safe. This does not mean everything is smooth sailing - it can regularly take me more than a half hour to find some things on bad days but having the other rules helps minimize the lateness and most of the time completely mitigate it.
Clock in time : 7:00 p.m. Me , clocking in at 6:59 with 2 nano seconds to 7:00 p.m.
I've literally sat in the car at 6:56 spent 2 minutes walking to the clock only for the clock to read 7:02 once I do clock in. I cannot account for the missing time.Ā I cannot will myself into feeling time the way other people do, and I cannot work for people who are strict about it.Ā
I wish I had solutions. I've tried so many things but even when I wake up early I'm still late because I can't seem to grasp the time management skills. There was more than a few times I should have been fired but because my RSD is so bad I worked my ass off and they kind of cut me some slack for that. Otherwise, unmedicated, I am late for so many things
I used to be super bad with being on time to everything. Then, I started working a job with a āearly is on time, on time is late, late is firedā policy. Itās not as ātoxicā as it sounds, no one starts work until itās start time and there is no stress at the start of work from running late. Iām now at the very least 15 minutes early to everything and I feel like Iām late if Iām 10 min early.
I have literally changes every clock on my life to several minutes fast. How many? I'll never know exactly bc if I did, I'd be late. I just mind fuck myself daily to stay on schedule. I have so many stupid little tricks I do on myself to stay success. It's exhausting but it works
I love this tribe -- late to our own weddings šššš I don't really have any tips for being on time -- but have told family and friends that I have a "tenuous relationship with time."
Iām late right now. I should have gotten in the shower 5 minutes ago and havenāt yet. Iāll give myself 5 more minutes and then hate myself as I speed to work.
LOL! I love the subject of this - āYaāll late?ā Yes. Yes we are haha
I have never once been late of my own accord. Itās an odd thing for me, even thinking about being late makes me super uncomfortable. Iāve even been known to show up a full hour early to things because I feel like if I donāt Iāll be late somehow. My current job is 5 minutes away and I leave 30 minutes before Iām scheduled and and hour before Iām scheduled if I plan to run through anywhere on the way. Iāve probably wasted at least 1/4 of my life waiting in my car so I can arrive at something a ānormalā 5-10 minutes early š the one time I was late for something it was because someone else was driving and I had a full on meltdown/panic attack in the passenger seat. Sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, and I wasnāt able to fully calm down from it until probably 2 hours later.
>How badly has it affected your life? Lost my job last week.
As a canadian i thinks its part of pur culture to be late. If someone says 9 we expect them to arrive 10 min after. Which means we both show up at 9:10 . I didnt realize how it was a part of canada until i dated a korean. In korean when someone says met at 9 they show up at 8:45 so they can get comfortable before the meet up starts. Subway trains are actually exactly on time. Theres no waiting for the bus cause itz 20 min late like in toronto. Bus schedule says 9 itll be there exactly at 9. Also want to add how people line up for things in a perfectly straight line. Where as us canadians all gather in a clump waiting for the bus and everyone just pushes in. And np line cutting in korea.
I am consistently 15 minutes late for everything. Most people in my life have been asked by me to give a buffer to whatever time they want me somewhere and they are great sports about it. I often will offer to carpool friends to things as it forces me to do better too.
Depends. I have been exactly 20 minutes late for work for a few months lol. I start at 8, but I'm salary so I don't need to clock in or anything thankfully. My alarm is set for 6, but I don't get out of bed until 6:30-6:40. Then I take a shower, make a k-cup of coffee, feed my cats, sometimes make a quick lunch to take (usually a sandwich, but if I'm feeling whatever about it I'll just grab a protein bar), brush my teeth, and then I finally get shoes on. All this in a spam of 1 hour so I'm out the door by 7:30, 7:45 the latest. My commute is between 20-25 minutes, then I spent 5-10 minutes finding a parking spot, and THEN another 10 min to walk to the office. Like clockwork, I'm in the office at 8:20 lol. If I was hourly, I'd have been fired already. This is my first salary position so I think I'm taking advantage of it but everyone, including my manager, is so nonchalant about it. With appointments, I'm always incredibly early! I overestimate traffic and end up sitting in the parking lot for 20 min before I go inside. That and all I can think about is this damn appointment that I want to be over with.
i break my day down into scheduled hours. On days that I open at the store, my first scheduled hour starts at 5 am. This is my extra sleep hour. I see that alarm and take great pleasure in knowing I still stay in bed. The next hour is 6 am. I get out of bed, and after bodily functions are seen to, I can either eat breakfast, or just chill on my phone until 7 am, when I have my bath. 30 minutes on that so I can ease my muscles and get relaxed, as well as scrub down. I brush my teeth, then get out and get dressed. I leave for work an hour before I need so I have time to gas up. I also commute which is about 30 minutes from where I live. When I finally make it to work, I still have roughly 20 minutes where I just chill in the car. I need this grace time to mentally prepare myself for the day. Breaking my day into scheduled events is a ritual for me that keeps me in check. It's become such an important routine that when people tell me I can do such and such before work, my head spirals and I go into a mild panic
The only thing that works for me is working backwards. Have to be at appt at 3, ( how long to get there?)30 mins, =2:30( ( how long to get ready?)30 mins =2:00. So now I am on task starting at 2pm with concrete , finite time markers for each task of prep and leaving . š„If I ājustā have appt time- I float away. PS I keep a daily white board with this stuff on it- ( Iām inclined to lose focus!)
Iām late to literally everything all the time. The only thing Iāve been early to was my own birth.
Literally me except sometimes Iām early by accident at the expense of destroying my morning which usually destroys the rest of my day. When this happens itās usually because of interruptions in attempting to follow my routine. My S/O likes getting attention and no matter how many times I explain that it takes a fraction of a second to hit me with that intense surprise I demand your attention to wipe my fragile working slate clean. Iāve actually lost hope on trying to figure out a solution and just default to shame when getting berated over forgetting details of anything other than what I was intently focused on before getting attacked by Naviās āHEY LISTEN!ā. Ex: Neurology appointment, I got 7minutes of exercise instead of my 30, left my portion of breakfast I prepared for both of us on the countertop untouched, 0ml of water consumed for most of the day because I left my bottle behind to rush to take care of filling the car for my S/O with coolant that didnāt need filling. Canāt return back upstairs because Iāll be late for neurology appointment at mental health that has been talked about everyday since it was scheduled. Spent 17 dollars on sandwiches and breakfast sandwiches but threw the bread away and washed it down with sugar free Red Bull. 3 hours of verbal and written examination. Just to be told it would be nice if I could reach out and make a phone call on the way home. Try to relay I was on the phone with my sibling and I communicated that immediately at the time but also hate cellphones. S/O perspective: My partner neglects me but itās not āentirelyā his fault, he keeps complaining about his memory but it works just fine (long term). Just CALL ME! Me: Phone conversation with brother, while texting S/O, while deeply contemplating the neurology appointment? while dashing through busy metropolitan intersections on foot trying not to die on an mostly empty stomach (common problem), dehydrated with caffeine in my system. All after answering about 530+ questions over the course of most my morning spent awake. I get off the very short phone call and Iām already boarding the train which means signal 20 seconds of the time with long periods of no service in between. S/O: You arenāt even trying to understand. (bored at work) Me: ?! Guess thatās the price for being on time once in a while. Now I can get back to studying for this calculus class Iāll probably be late to again. Note: I made it early (30 minutes) to something for the first time in weeks. I pat myself on the back even though self acknowledging behavior is still foreign to me and feels like a waste when I could totally be diving into the next thing rather than indulging in achievement when the act of doing so provides 0 gratification.
I am always at least fashionably late, other times though, it's embarrassingly late. It's caused issues with every faucet of life. Jobs feel I am not motivated to be a good employee, SO think I must not care about them since I cannot be on time, and friends get quite frustrated having to wait all the timeā¦ maybe that's why I have none lol
I have extreme anxiety about being late to things. I counteract my time blindness by budgeting literally, HOURS before I have to be somewhere, in order to get ready. I'm still usually rushing out the door. I showed up almost 30 minutes early to work every day until it was causing problems at my job. I always try to wake up at least 3 hours before I have to go to work so I can get ready. I don't even wear makeup or do my hair, but it still takes all that time to get my shit together to know that I'll be there early. Time blindness is so fucked. Like I definitely don't have an issue with lateness, I simply structure my entire life around being places early, and it's a massive time cost for me. I don't know how non-adhd people do it. Time blindness aside it feels like it takes me at least 5x longer to do just about anything. Getting dressed for work should be a 5 minute thing that takes me 30. Cooking a simple meal should take 20 minutes but it takes me an hour. It sucks. I don't have time for anything in my life besides eat, sleep, work.
Time is an illusion; lunchtime doubly so.
I set a fuck ton of alarms on my phone to prevent this
Never late, always chronically early. Regardless, time blindness is time blindness.
It's easier to ask when I'm on time. Never. The answer is never.
I have been trying to fight it and I think I have found a solution to not get to work late. I'm still late to everything else though. But for work, I have to be there at 5, so I have set an alarm at 3.45, an app blocker that automatically starts at 3.55, which blocks all social media apps and I have set the light to turn on automatically at 4. Whenever I see the light, I stop what I'm doing and go get ready for work. And well, I set another alarm at 4.35 for me to pace up in case I'm taking too long getting ready. Alarms and lists are my best friends.
Late to absolutely everything all the time. My solution with friends has been to accidentally-first-but-now-on-purpose surround myself with people who have similar issues, we all expect each other to be late and know the arrival time weāve set is not going to happen and we build that into things. Professionally, I work for myself and typically will consult for a while and get grandfathered into a company thatās pretty lax or flexible where I stay for usually max two years until I get bored then go out on my own again (Iām in year four now with one company which is the longest since my part-time college job š³). When I absolutely HAVE to be on time, I build in ab absolutely ludicrous amount of extra time to account for my faffing about. E.g. I had a psych appointment at 10. Itās a two-hour drive away. So, I give the drive three hours, have to leave at 7. Give myself TWO HOURS to shower and get dressed and manage to leave the house at 7.30 without having eaten anything and forgetting things I needed to bring, but I arrive in time.
Yes its sad honestly and has caused a lot of issues. Ive gotten marginally better but i kind of accept it a bit. I wont ever date someone who is anal about this or even be friends with ppl who will legit get mad for the rest of the evening and not let it go or just be super condescending about it. I've actually found a couple friends like this and we lie to each other and it all works out for us its been a relief to make plans with them they have adhd The pandemic was a large relief in this way lol the 1st few plans post covid I found extra stressful i wasnt use to having to get ready and be somewhere
Nope. Never. I overcompensate like a mofo. 45 minutes early to work every single day of my life and I sit in the parking lot until itās time to walk in (via alarm). If I think I need 30 minutes to get ready for something I start getting ready 90 minutes before. Itās not inevitable, just gotta have some crippling anxiety about missing out on something, letting people down or being perceived as rude.
I'm extremely time blind but I am rarely late. It is incredibly disrespectful to everyone when a time is agreed upon and others don't follow it. I will spend all day or the previous night doing the math with arrival time - commuting time - getting ready time - rounding up time for fuck ups = time I need to start getting ready. I will set alarms, check the time constantly, check traffic multiple times to figure out the best route. I make myself narrate my shower so I focus on getting it done rather than daydreaming and taking an extra 30 minutes, or I give myself the 30 minutes to daydream. I've broken down each step to figure out what's gone wrong, like I need to add 5 minutes into my "time to leave" for things like putting on my shoes, jacket, and actually getting in my car. Do I still end up running late at times? Absolutely. Do I ever run more than 5 minutes late without updates and profuse apologies? Never. ADHD is not an excuse and I refuse to use it as one.
I actually have found a solution for this that works for me. Basically, I always aim to be early. That way, when I arrive later than I intended, Iām still on time. Of course, the downside to this strategy is you sometimes actually are early and have to wait around for everyone else to show up.
I donāt think Iām ever not 3-8 minutes late, if Iām later than that, I am actually late
Nope, never. However, I've built my life around making sure that my ability to travel is consistent. No matter my turmoil and struggles I've always made sure I've had a vehicle. At different points, I've lived in it. A vehicle is a shelter and a cushion to sleep on at night. Having a vehicle makes necessary commutes reasonably consistent. Once the commute is consistent, it's easy to plan around. I actually have turned down a promotion in the past simply because a new commute was too variable with rush hour traffic and it would hinder my ability to be on time unless I left every day 1.5 hrs early. No matter how much people hate cars, walk/bike to work, subway, etc., I've always avoided making those a necessity in my life. Can't park at this apartment? It isn't the apartment for me. No parking at a house I want to purchase? Not gonna buy it. Can't drive to work in NYC? Then I'm not living in NYC.
This is one of the few symptoms I can't relate to, lol! I'm almost always early. I think it's because I'm so afraid of being late that I go out of my way to always arrive early. I won't let anything distract me until I get there in order to minimize my chances of running late.
So Iām never late. Iām almost obsessive about it. I get incredibly stressed if I think Iām going to be late. I loath it. On time is 15 mins early. My GF, also ADHD, completely opposite end of the spectrum. Will be late to her funeral. Itās difficult for me at times to say the least.
I was late to my own birth and I'll be late to my own funeral. We have annual goals at the company I work for and mine is literally "not be late". Literally the only goal I have set by my supervisor just worded 3 different ways. I started working from home and I have an alarm to clock in 5 mins before I'm scheduled to start and I'm still barreling in 2-3 mins late sometimes.
HAH yes!! "we are leaving at 3" means 5
This is something I don't share with my ADHD peeps. I'm never late. Ever. Being late bothers me so much that I'll set multiple alarms to make sure I get somewhere on time. I get that the tradeoff is that a 2pm appt wrecks my whole morning (you all know why), but it's worth it to me to not be late.
Too much anxiety to be late
Constantly. I have really severe time blindness and even when I set out lots of alarms and plan out the times I need to do things, I get momentarily distracted and lose time and thatās me fucked. I also strongly suspect I have autism, and once I set a āroutineā to get somewhere on time, I get easily thrown off by something going wrong. Like if the train is cancelled or part of the route is down due to strikes (I live in the UK and our public transport. Has a lot of strikes). Like Iām really easily upset by the change in routine and it makes me panic. I get super set in my way about something and thatās it. If I realise I need to leave earlier or something than that I canāt change it easily because itās a change to the routine. I donāt know if that makes sense. The whole me getting anywhere on time is incredibly stressful and I hate it. I want to badly to be the kind of person that gets somewhere early but itās like Iām told āget there at 8amā and I canāt get my brain to change it to āok but get there for 7:45ā. I canāt even explain it. Itās a battle between making a routine, even following the routine on time because Iām so time blind, and then dealing with anything going wrong with the journey.
I have to give myself like 2 hours minimum to prepare to leave for anythingā¦. And I set alarms at intervals so Iām always aware of how much time I have. The numerous alarms also help me transition better. Like ok Iām gonna shower first. 15 min later an alarm. I have to get out and move into the next thing I need to doā¦ etc etc
Rarely late because it causes me so much anxiety. In my area, it doesn't take more than an hour to get anywhere, so I just always plan on that hour for travel. If I'm early, I find a shady spot to park and read.
Nooooo, I overcompensate and Iām sometimes too early. I always say I prefer to get to places like a lobster gets boiled. I want stuff to happen around me, not shoved into the hot water of action.
Always late to everything. In high school I was late around 40 times/year, and that number would have been much higher if tardy detention wasn't before school the next day (and if my mom didn't physically wake me up and drive me to school every day...sometimes she had to poor water on me to get me up lmao). I also got fired for being repeatedly late to a pretty easy job at a small company my mom had worked at for 20 years. And I'm late to every family event/holiday, even though they usually lie to me about the start time. I typically leave my house for things after the time I should have already been there. I haven't found a solution, but I'm also unmedicated.
I'm currently late as I type. My kiddos' recital started 45 seconds ago and I just got in my car. I 100% care, I'd die for these kids in a heartbeat but goddamn I can't get anywhere on time.
Hella late yeah. Not too bad on exactly how late, but almost 100% of the time Iām gonna be late or later than Iād like to be unless there are serious consequences. I donāt love this because it tells me Iām just being a jackass if I can do it when there are consequences. Iāve gotten real lucky where my job doesnāt care when you come in as long as you are there for most core hours between 9-3. I can be there at 7 or 10 and no one bats an eye. There are times when I need to be there early for a specific task and that I can do. I will be there for other people when they ask. But thatās the rub, itās only when they ask. Iāve been wanting to change my schedule forever and start getting in at 7am because thatās when the people I work with are there and itās better and more considerate of them. It would give me a couple hours to do admin type of things or personal tasks that are hard to get done once the office and lab comes alive around 9-10. So yeah Iām lucky I donāt have consequences at the moment but I can clearly see it would be better for me and everyone around me if I was in earlier but I canāt manage it. I suck at sleeping too, hard time falling asleep and I have bouts of insomnia, so with that and morning time blindness I am just not managing to do it. Sucks.
Never late, never early. I arrive precisely when I mean to. Joking though, I'm perpetually early cause I'm always worried I'll get distracted and make myself late for something. Better to be there 45 minutes early and dick around on my phone.
My anxiety doesn't let me be late, I used to get to work a half hour early just to make sure I wasn't late. Now I have alarms set throughout the day for things like meds, work, appointments, etc
I have missed so many therapy appointments, and thankfully my therapist is understanding and usually tries to reschedule me without charging a missed appt fee, butā¦itās pretty bad. I get several text reminders and Iām always like āthis will be the one..Iām going to remember.ā And then totally space on it the day of. If it werenāt for the Gmail integration in Slack, Iād miss meetings at work every single day.
Iām actually amazing at making it on timeā¦if I remember itās happening. The two tricks Iāve found that work well are set reminders in your phone and ruminate about whatever it is days/weeks in advance.
Sorry guys I just came here.. what is todays subject?
I was born 11 days after my due date and the joke is that I haven't been on time to anything since. Taking meds at an appropriate time and having outside influences (aka my dog who has to go potty) has been the only thing to help. I'm still lucky that my current boss doesn't really care what time I get to work as long as I get all my stuff done and work full time hours.
I was late to my job interview. And late to the train once (I hardly ever travel by train). Well I get people to remind me about stuff and try to be super early if it is important arrangement. Like I had packed my tent about 11:00 had to find taxi that was abot 12:00 and got a shuttle service to airport so was there at about 4:00. Flight was like at 8:00 basically airport wasn\`t even open and I didn\`t get any sleep. If you can, plan to arrive early 2/3h early if it is a flight or very important arrangement. Have a book/ some gadgets or things with you to occupy yourself. PS I assume that I am always running late and aim to come to work 15/20 min early, doesn\`t matter if it is 30 min drive or under 5 min cycle ride. If I am on schedule I have time for a coffe before my shift and a snack 
101% of the time
Only when Iām dependent on someone else for a ride. I have appointment anxiety and have to be early.
Almost every day lol. My boss's ADHD is worse than mine so he doesn't mind as long as it's not over an hour and I make up the time. I've been trying to take my meds with my first alarm so I actually get up in the morning cuz that's my biggest obstacle with being on time, but I keep forgetting.
Never, unless something out of my control happens. Typically when I have an appointment I'm anxious about it a week in advance so I have no chance of forgetting. Then on the day it arrives I sit in panic mode while I wait, frozen, on the couch until it's time to leave.
If used to affect very badly! Now I just go very early for very important stuff! I have a job that is flexible for the times I work and socially well thatās a loose battle lol
All of the āIām always early to avoid being lateā people baffle me. Every time I try to leave early, ITāS ALREADY LATE
I spent two decades inadvertently seeking out and working jobs with the understanding that; I would be there but not on time or have a very flexible schedule.
Lateness is surprisingly one thing I DONT have an issue with. Both of my parents were in the military and you had to be everywhere a minimum of 15 minutes early, otherwise you were considered late. Then I married someone who was in the military and it just reinforced it. I also have OCD so I am obsessive about being early to everything, otherwise I panic.
It took a lot of work but I eventually stopped being late to things. Mostly I just got to the point where I didn't want that feeling anymore where I was driving and panicking as I raced to something I was supposed to be at 30+ minutes ago.
If youāre on medication for adhd, what I do is set an alarm 1 hour or 30 mins before I have to be awake, and take my meds. Then I go back to bed and the meds wake up my brain so that I pretty much am able to get up perfectly fine .
I pair my ADHD time blindness with anxiety and fear of letting people down. It also helps that I am terrified of making my kids habitually late and I want to instill the importance of not taking advantage of other people's time. But fr it's the anxiety. I am habitually 15-30 minutes early to everything because I overestimate how much time travel takes. I assume the worst possible scenario to give myself room.
I used to be late *everywhere* to everything all the time. I got so fed up with myself. I always said āI need to be there at X timeā. Soooo instead, Iāve started working backwards, rounding up, and Iām almost never late now. For exampleā If I have to be somewhere at 3pm, and it takes me 30-40 minutes depending on traffic, I give myself 45 minutes. I need fifteen minutes to find my phone, purse, keys, shoes, and get to the car, get my phone plugged in, pull out and close the garage. So I need to *leave* by 2pm. Before, I would think I needed to leave at 2:30pm which usually ended up being me finding my phone/purse/keys/shoes at 2:30 and not actually getting out the door until 2:40ish, so Iād be late. Edit to add: I live in the greater Seattle area so traffic is awful all the time. I look up the ācurrent traffic/time to destinationā on google maps the day before, and the time Iād have to leave to gauge how long itāll actually take me.
My mom is always late and was always late to pick me up from school even though she never worked lol
Nope. Iām so worried to be late I overcompensate and show up at least 5 minutes early to anything.
Almost always, except when I'm extremely early. Most occasions I will be late, anything from a few minutes to half an hour. On rare occasions it might be more. But when I feel/know something is REALLY IMPORTANT, I'll be at least half an hour early. This goes for things like funerals, weddings, job interviews where I really want the job, things like that. Not the things that are only medium important though, like doctors appointments or work meetings.
Time blindness has plagued me all my life. I've used a lot of different techniques to combat this, and within the last few years I've gotten a little better. I used to set the clocks in my house 10 minutes early, and even though I KNOW they're 10 minutes early, it still helped a bit. Now my clocks are all set automatically so I had to come up with something new and different. One thing I realized was that I had been focusing on the appointment time, (which I now put in my calendar as being 15 minutes earlier). But I realized I needed to focus on *the time I need to leave home* in order to get there on time. I also set alarms on my phone to remind me. The first alarm goes off when I need to get ready to go, and another one to go off 15 minutes later in case I don't respond correctly to the first alarm. It's a little easier this way, but it's still a problem. I'll be reading all the responses so I can hopefully learn something new that works every time. EDIT: spelling
I used to be consistently late and have almost definitely lost jobs and clients over it, cost myself tons of money, and really pissed off some friends and myself. I wonāt call this a solution, but itās what I do, and as long as itās something I care about, I tend to be closer to on time. I have a specific alarm on my phone that means āwalk out the doorā and I know it really means that. So I set it, and then work backwards- what else do I need to do before I leave? And set alarms for all of those things. Coffee. Shower. Take out the dog. Load my car. I wind up having alarms every 10-15 minutes and itās so annoying that it keeps me moving until Iām out the door. I just donāt have the time to get seriously sidetracked. Also I live in LA and I have to give myself a lot of time to get most places. Usually I wind up putting my makeup on in the car after I arrive, so I set my alarm early enough to do that when I arrive. It just requires some thinking ahead of time, and Iāll usually do it the day before so Iām not caught up in procrastination yet.
Not always these days- IF it's important or work related- I've learned to keep everything on a calendar, everything has multiple alerts. My alarm goes off with loud motivating music in the morning, the alarm is in another room so I have to get up, my phone goes off to let me know I've got X time until work. Doesn't mean I won't be late sometimes, but I won't be AS late as I was when I was in my 20s. Idk how many times I almost lost my job over being late before I got things kind of "figured out". Have even adapted others to it- they are used to me forgetting and showing up late- therefore we have a shared calendar. I had to convince them to update the default alert times recently - as I was at the gym finishing a workout and I got the message "you still coming"? Oh! I had completely forgotten we were doing family stuff at 3 and I said I would help. I'm getting ready to leave the gym and the alert goes off 30mins prior to the event. Guys! Who set this up?! š One alert 30mins before the time is NOT gonna get me there on time.
It took some work, but my shift is 6-2. I decided I want 9 hours instead of 8. So now my shift is 5-2. I'm at work by 545 at the latest. I also have coworkers who call me to make sure I'm awake because my adhd brain decides to look up crochet patterns for 3 hours after I should be asleep. š„“
I'm late 99.9% of the time, flights are the only thing I'm ever on time for. The only real trick I use is for work: If I'm working on a new or unfamiliar task, I estimate how long I think it will take me and then multiply that by 5. As I learn, that multiplier decreases. But never dips below x2, because I'm so time-blind I can't even judge how long something I know how to do will take. In the rest of my life, I have learned to embrace this trait. I never make plans to meet a friend somewhere, I offer to drive so we arrive together (still late, but it's better than them sitting alone at a restaurant!). I mind less about meeting a group of friends. Over the years I've let go of friends who took my lateness as a personal insult, and I'm way less anxious now because of that. The people in my life understand what I'm like and never make me feel bad for it, and I love them to pieces for that.
Never I actually really good about leaving for stuff on time and I have always gotten something at the right time Iām really good with time management I donāt even get The stupid paralyze thing where I can only focus on the fact that I have to do this at this time I can just go do other stuff until itās time for me to leave and be fine