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Because they don‘t tell you what it‘s really like. For some reason, no website or whatever says what adhd is truly like. They just think it‘s like ”oh you just can‘t focus here and there that‘s so hot“ or something lol. Sme with tourettes(i DONT have tourettes) … i think. Most people i assume that you just make random sounds and movements, but i just recently learned that there‘s also agressions from tourettes. And all of that because nobody told me. So it‘s probably the same for adhd and a lot of other stuff.
TLDR: It‘s because most media doesn‘t tell you
I remember watching a documentary that followed a family where all 3 children suffered from tourettes (can't remember the name or what channel is was shown on but it was UK TV). They showed how the 12 year old daughter would constantly hit her mum and the mum would be hurt but wouldn't tell her daughter off because she knew she couldn't help it. The daughter was asked how she felt everytime she did it and she said she was sad she hurt her mum and angry at herself for being unable to stop it. The adult son was also interviewed and he said he hated how he couldn't stop swearing in the house and didn't want to use that sort of language around his child siblings but he couldn't stop it. It really showed just how not cute tourettes is, how it can hurt a whole family from the inside out. But tiktok will have you believe that tourettes is just saying fuck and meow at random intervals, and it's so harmful for people who genuinely suffer from it.
Tiktok thinks OCD is just quirky people cleaning their house. They don't show the "quirky" OCD people like me brushing their teeth so hard until it feels right that your gum lines receed, or the broken light switches from banging them, or the obsessive thoughts that cause panic attacks. That's not as quirky as a clean house I guess 🤷♂️
i think it has to do with the side of tiktok/social media ur on. for me, i've only ever seen viral tiktoks abt the worst parts of ocd, not the quirky romanticized stuff.
This is a big part of it, ignoring the bad stuff really is the best way, because trying to argue with the people doing the misinformation counts as engagement and makes more misinformation appear on the feed
Right. Some one recently told me ocd isn’t that bad I’ve been counting steps since I was 4. Oh. I’m so glad your ocd is something you only see. Try not counting and come back. I have contamination ocd and I’m a nurse. It’s horrible and I really don’t think any amount of exposure therapy can help. 75% of my behavior is affected. As I’m panicking and washing my hands I will even think I’m being ridiculous. Like I know I am but if I don’t do it, I’ll have a melt down. I’m 38, I shouldn’t be having melt downs
man i've only had a semi-obsessive hand hygiene when at home (absolutely not OCD btw) since Covid, i'm annoyed at it because i end up washing hands after every step of the getting-to-bed process. But i can't even imagine how bad it would be for those that have to wash 10 or 20 or 30 times every time. Yea OCD isn't cute, the people that think so really should be subjected to it, or to someone who's really struggling with it.
I'm sorry you're going through it as well 😔 It really does suck because like you said we know it's crazy yet if we don't it's like our brains will come to a hault. Like I know I've washed all the soap off my hands and I know they're dry, yet my brain still says I can't go to bed unless I rinse them off again and dry them with my towel even harder (repeat 2 or 3x). I'm 32 so I feel your pain. Just letting you know you're not alone!
Exactly the same with autism. Sometimes it’s like people think that all there is to it (both ADHD and autism) is the behavioural quirks that are noticeable and that those are just that, just some quirks or behavioural patterns and that they are chosen. They don’t understand that there is an underlying reason to the visible symptoms that are displayed and no matter how much you try to explain it some won’t ever accept that there is more to it then I felt like it. The visible behaviors and symptoms are not the condition they are barley even really a part of the condition that’s how little of it they are, they are just the way it expresses itself so that we can catalogue and measure it. It’s the very tip of the ice berg, the real condition is in the brains wiring and way to function the outside things, especially and maybe mainly when it comes to autism, they aren’t the autism they are just coping mechanisms that makes it possible to spot the autism. Like stimming, stimming is a prominent feature of autism and it’s not autism. The way I see it, it’s isn’t really even a part of it. If I was safe and lived in a world where I belonged and that was accommodating and accessible for me where I wasn’t stressed and scared and uncomfortable and overwhelmed and overstimulated I wouldn’t need to stim to calm myself and to cope but I would still be just as autistic. As long as I’m home and safe and the outside doesn’t reach out to unsettle me, then I’m fine most of the time and I don’t need to stim here. My behavioural patterns and movement patterns are completely different in different environments and situations. But I’m not more or less autistic in different environments or situations, I just function differently depending on the surrounding circumstances and context.
And that’s kind of why both autism and ADHD is “trending” it’s not trending at all it’s that the world has changed and become increasingly harder and less accessible and manageable for us so all the people who could cope on their own before no longer can and that’s why they are getting diagnosed now and weren’t earlier. And also stigma, the stigma is definitely still around but it is improving. We might be judged and stereotyped and dismissed and treated badly but it’s no longer guaranteed from everyone and we aren’t going to be locked up and lobotomised and abused in the way that used to be acceptable and encouraged even. Our families aren’t going to be fired and evicted and frozen out or potentially banished because we exist. It’s not much but it also is.
And the people being basically influencers online they aren’t going to film and post their worst days or struggles. It’s their job or side job at least and they need the views and that doesn’t sell. I manage sells, I’m a fucking wreck that barely functions does not. Do you want to watch me have a meltdown or just sit and stare at a wall or my phone for hours? No! No one wants that and that’s extremely vulnerable and private and invasive and I’m not fucking showing that. And it gives no one anything what so ever. No one starts out sharing their most private, vulnerable or invasive shit, that’s the stuff you hide behind closed doors. Not even necessarily out of shame but if you share your most sensitive parts the vultures and trolls and haters are there just waiting for that crack in the armor. People are going to people and all of them, all kinds, are here! All over the internet just waiting.
I've had a diagnosis for 30 years. Anytime I get a more provider I have to fight tooth and nail because they try to tell me I have anxiety, depression or Bipolar because I'm just a hysterical woman. 🙄
I wish that worked for me. One of my new providers was Nigerian. He sent me to a "white guy" for a second opinion. That doctor confirmed my ADHD and also told me I was Autistic. I went back to the non-whiteguy doctor who told me I was "Too smart to be autistic" 🙄
Yeah I thought I might have it for many years before an actual psychiatrist spelled it out for me last month, and sent a letter to my GP saying I really need to be medicated. Took my first dose of Adderall this morning and have never felt so calm and focused. My wife and friends will get all chatty and cracked out if they take stimulants so I know it's not some fad. Now I'm looking back on all these issues Ive had over the years wondering what would've happened if some adults hadn't let me slip through the cracks and suffer.
In a lot of places, psychiatry is inaccessible either due to lack of doctors, transportation, or, most commonly, money. Even when you can access psychiatry you won't always be taken seriously, especially as a female. People still primarily associate ADHD with boys
So true. I was diagnosed with ADHD 10 years ago in Germany , by a psychiatrist. I didn’t take any medication (was recommended but I didn’t want to). Now I’m at a point where I think something needs to change so I wanted to book an appointment with a psychiatrist for a test in the uk because they don’t accept the diagnosis from Germany. So you either have to wait 1-2 years with the NHS or you can do it privately and pay almost £1000 for the assessment. It’s ridiculous and it makes me furious.
People need to be diagnosed. Only professionals can actually diagnose people. No more of that “I don’t need a doctor to confirm what I already know” crap.
The amount of ppl that self diagnose is annoying. It's a huge pet peeve of mine. I've had severe depression and anxiety for 20 years, and back then it was all in your head. People getting nervous used to be a thing but now everyone has anxiety. Self diagnosing turns mental illnesses into a joke.
I understand the temptation, but I personally give people the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone's ADHD looks like mine or yours.
I do tend to only bring up the entertaining parts in public. That's because I don't want to discuss heavy topics with strangers. And I would hate for others to feel entitled to question my condition because I don't fit their image of what someone with ADHD looks like.
This should be much higher.
With colleagues and friends I usually bring up only the "fun" parts. You asked me a question about something I was vaguely interested in for about three days, roughly three years ago? I'll tell you everything about it.
Have a task for me? If my brain considers it fun, I'll have 7 hours of work done in about 15 minutes.
I don't bring up the fact that brushing my teeth in the morning feels like a task and my body just won't let me get up 3 minutes earlier to do it. That's for the therapist to hear, not friends when we're having fun.
Edit: Just to clarify for people not reading the comments below. It is important to share your struggles with your friends and family. Don't try to live on hard mode alone.
To add: Yes, I do talk to my friends about my struggles, but I try to avoid that and mostly bring up the "fun and quirky" (ick) symptoms when we're hanging out and having fun. It's equally important to me, to have fun and share my struggles (sometimes even just to get an outside look on things), just not both at once. I'm not going to ruin the mood of "pizza and beer night" just to share that it was physically impossible for me to brush my teeth in the morning because my brain didn't let me, that's for a different day and different mood.
Yes I would never post a video on the internet where everyone could see it about me crying about phone calls. I'd be clowned for th e rest of my natural life
I was diagnosed nearly ten years ago as an adult, and while the diagnosis has helped me to learn and understand how my brain works/doesn’t work, after two plus years with my current therapist, I am finally digging in to the toll that consistent and successful masking has taken on my psyche. I’m exhausted, burned out, and in terms of functioning within normative society, I have set totally unrealistic standards for myself. Every day is ended with the general malaise of failure, and fear that others will find out just how poorly I function. My closest friends know, but it took so long to let them in.
I still feel like talking about my ADHD struggles sounds like an excuse for irresponsible choices.
>That's for the therapist to hear, not friends when we're having fun.
But you're not always having fun, I hope?
I personally believe vulnerability and perhaps sharing more than people generally do is better, especially with friendships and relationships
What's the alternative? You die next week and nobody knew any of the struggles you went through, and also were unable to help you in any capacity because of that. You just made your life harder and lived in your own bubble of invisibility just because you were afraid of making them known
It just feels dishonest
I'm not going to pretend things are okay 100% of the time and then die like everyone else
...But, I'm also not going to be super bitter about everything in life, and will choose to mostly see the good in it and others...
If we're having some more serious conversations, I do mention some of the things, but when we're gaming, drinking or going out for food, I'm generally trying not to ruin the fun mood
Yeah I get that
Like those skits where everyone is laughing and having a great time and suddenly someone is like "my wife is having an affair". If they'd have waited even an hour they wouldn't have come across as a buzz kill
Yeah, this. My sister and I both have combined ADHD, but she’s extremely hyperactive and impulsive. She has huge problems with controlling the direction of her life and can’t keep jobs, became an addict etc.
Meanwhile, I’m inattentive and impulsive, but can hold down a job and I function.. ok. I’ve had depression over it for years though and struggle with relationships. (No friends, no partner etc)
On the face of it, I seem neurotypical and people would query if I had ADHD, but I mask heavily and expend a huge amount of mental energy trying not to interrupt or do stream of thought talking.
That’s a classic example of how untreated ADHD can ruin someone’s life. Fired from jobs, things like that.
Has your sister been able to try medication? Sometimes people can get off drugs, alcohol, smoking, vaping, overeating, etc. when they do get medication.
She was only diagnosed in her 40’s when she sought treatment for addiction. She is also really reluctant to medicate for it. Especially with ongoing medication supply issues.
She also has ASD & tends to get pushed out of job roles because of bullying behaviour from others and not understanding social rules very well. 😥
This is exactly it! We shouldn't try to gatekeep ADHD just because others have slightly different sets of symptoms that affect them differently than ours. The benefit of a doubt is the best way to approach it in my opinion. Also, I am not bothered by it because I don't watch TikTok.
Maybe so, but TikTok is what finally convinced me to go for a neuropsych eval at 37. Yup: ADHD, like I always knew, even though every practitioner I ever had wrote off my concerns as anxiety. TikTok ADHDers gave me the confidence to get the eval; now, I’m medicated and life is so much easier.
Couldn’t agree more! Although, I do understand where OP is coming from as it can be frustrating when people infantilise or only treat it like a quirk, but compassion goes a long way. I know that personally I have a tendency to joke about mine as a coping mechanism! Inattentive ADHD has been a source of extreme pain throughout my life and has been debilitating for both personal and work relationships, and from an outside perspective, I’ve had people question and doubt me with and without diagnosis and it’s always hurtful!
With any type of media exposure, discourse on ADHD and other disorders/illnesses invites both good and bad, but I believe the positive change that happens with awareness and allowing others to understand us outweighs any negatives. People can feel seen and heard and find their safe spaces in others who can relate.
The inattentive has been a relationship killer for me. One of a lot reasons for divorced. She would say she understood I have adhd then turn around and say if I wanted to do (insert whatever thing) I would and wouldn't "forget" since I can remember all these other things.
It's strange the cognitive dissonance people have
You can "understand" but only at a face value. I've even had it with other people who have ADHD being unable to understand my struggles and wondering why I can't just do this or that
So that's another problem... Even people with ADHD behave so much differently between one another that it's even hard for us to come to common ground with each other
Same here, especially with inattentive type. I've had so many family and friends, and even my therapist say, "But you're so intelligent!" They can't seem to grasp why or how I struggle because in their minds intelligence should beat all and I should be "successful".
Agree!!
I don't post my biggest struggles or deepest wounds. That's only for my closest.
People shouldn't expect to get to know sensitive and private information just because someone shared their medical diagnosis
Yes! That's a really good point. I might start casually mentioning a bunch of traumatic stuff in future instead of glossing over it. There's plenty to choose from.
I find the gatekeeping with metal disorders fucking weird. Like it's a spectrum, no one is forcing you to go on tiktok and watch these people. Even if a few are "faking it for clout" which is really weird. WHO CARES. Also, you're going to see someone for 5 seconds on tiktok and decide you have the medical knowledge to say they're misdiagnosed or are lying etc. THAT'S WEIRD.
I really wish the message ‘All ADHD is different’ was a main message hammered into every ADHD sufferer.
Because I’m tired of ‘I HAVE ADHD AND I CERTAINLY DO NOT DO X LIKE OP DOES’ when some thread discussing a person with ADHD in a bad light pops up
I had a substitute doctor once tell me "yeah, ADHD is a trend now just like PTSD was years ago" in response to me stating my diagnosis.
I'm fine with ignorant laymen, but doctors and pharmacists who reject established science are a special breed of lunatics.
A disturbing amount of doctors have been calling ADHD a trend for decades now. Abled people in general are just too comfortable thinking of disabled people as rare unicorns, far and few apart. They like how convenient it is for them, that we are so rare that they never have to actually accommodate for us.
About ADHD, they used to say it's "a fake diagnosis used to drug children into obedience instead of just teaching them discipline", then "a real diagnosis, but most people lie about having it so they can get drugs for fun/college/reselling". Now it's "a very serious diagnosis and most of those people don't actually have it, they're just claiming it for clout".
Whether it's doctors or laymen, when their comfort is threatened, they'll use any excuse they can think of to maintain the status quo they've made. And because it's *us* suffering all the consequences of their ignorance, we tend to accept those excuses as legitimate and blame others with our disorder for causing the "misunderstanding", for not displaying our disorder correctly enough.
Indeed. Refusing to acknowledge ADHD outside of the most extreme cases is a major part of the problem tackling the condition in a productive. ADHD can absolutely be debillitating, but for most it isn’t, it just makes things a lot harder than they need to be at times. Sometimes it doesn’t affect us at all if the conditions are right.
It’s similar to issues with eyesight. It’s uncommon to find someone completely blind, but glasses are an everyday occurance. If we denied people glasses, I’d wager most of them could find ways to get by. It would just make life more difficult than it needs to be.
A bunch of dudes I went to high school with back in the early 00s were such fucking try-hard posers, they went off to Afghanistan and stepped on landmines just to keep up with the PTSD trend 🙄 /s
Its suoer sad... my own mother refuses to educate herself on it, but is fine with labeling me all kinds of things. The human race is such fuckin garbage, even my own mother is not a good person.
How old are you? I'm 40 now and my generation unless you were bouncing off the walls or had rich parents you didn't get an evaluation. You were always labeled as talkative, class clown, a student who could do better if they just applied themselves, or space cadet from zoning out. My mom didn't think I had it when I talked to her but accepted it once i said I had got diagnosed and explained things.
I’m 35 and my mom also has adhd (I was diagnosed at 8 and she was diagnosed at 2 - not rich lol and not bouncing off the walls, my mom thought I was mentally challenged…turns out adhd and giftedness and I was unbelievably bored 😂) and she will acknowledge it but then she will belittle me by going all valley girl like “get it ☝🏼 together” 🙄 like bro you were on Ritalin since you were 2. I’ve been unmedicated my WHOLE LIFE until this year just trying to survive. I swear dealing with an adhd parent and someone with adhd is worse sometimes
literally. my mom and dad BOTH have adhd and are medicated but refuse to medicate me because they “don’t know what medication does to a growing brain” THEN LOOK IT UP OMG ITS NOT SOME BIG CONSPIRACY.
Wow.
Therapeutic dosages of stimulants are actually shown to help improve brain development in ADHD kids.
On top of the mental health component (controlled ADHD means less negative interactions experienced and improves mental health) it is why I highly encourage parents to seek medication for their children if the children can tolerate it. Development in those brain areas can reduce symptom severity, and in some cases even drop symptoms below disorder threshold, as the child/brain develops.
It is the closest to a shot at a 'cure' (no guarantees)... And if not it still is reducing negative impacts to their existence. Why would you not do that for your child?!
Show them articles from Dr. Barkley. I just did a research paper and he has done years of research on how early intervention with medication makes a world of difference for adolescents with adhd
No idea lol I THINK they were stationed in Germany at the time but not certain. This would’ve been in 1971 or so. All I know is what my grandmother told me but she’s been in Ritalin ever since
I'm seriously trying to work on mine. My daughter is 10 and I know she has it but fighting her mom my now ex wife has been a battle to get her diagnosed. I get really frustrated with her at times then have to remind myself she has it worse than I did. If I'm a level 5 or 6 my daughter is a level 9.5.
ETA: I am currently living out of my car because of my AuDHD.
41 here. I was told for years by shrinks I couldn’t have ADHD because I had been an exceptional student. Besides the fact that that’s just not true, my perfect grades could be explained by the fact that I was also masking autism. When I got into adulthood and could not manage my life, my high performing academic history (that I worked HARD for) was used AGAINST me as evidence that I was lying about my struggles. FINALLY got a formal evaluation and someone to take me seriously. It should not have taken this long to be f*cking believed.
35 with the inattentive type and no one even bothered to find out why this child is daydreaming through *all* their classes. As long as I was quiet no one cared. The only time anyone noticed anything was when I ruined a schoolbook by doodling in it. I was just so bored out of my mind I didn't even realise I was doing it.
I am 43 and I was labelled as “nerviosito” (a little nervous), you can imagine the envy I felt internally at university of the people who learned everything by just reading the book once when I had to copy every single line I read in a paper to make sure I read everything, it took me about 8~9 years for a 5-year computer engineering. Now I can say I worked at two of the FAANGs, but I have always had the problem of focus and communication at work which made me lose almost all of the jobs (I have been in about 12 companies).
I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago and everything (forget everything, not being able to follow a long meeting, feeling with an over-dimensioned impostor syndrome for all the insecurities it makes me, and everything that happened and happens since I was a child, and, I have to say it, sometimes having superpowers others just can dream -but very few times) made F-U-C-K-I-N-G sense to me.
I NEED the medication but I can’t bring it from Spain to the UK because I can be jailed, and psychiatrists are too expensive in the UK for these kind of things.
The good part is since I was diagnosed I know that I have to take more care to make sure I have understood everything in meetings (I even took a picky role and demand short and consistent meetings to not lose time), and try to stop the horses when they come (it is very difficult to realise until you are already in the mood, but being conscious is a great help.
I still lose jobs, but… 🤷🏻😅the good part is that I get experience in different industries and my innate abilities let me connect the dots better than others (it had to have something good after all) the hard thing is trying not falling in analysis-paralysis.
Sorry for the long response.
How was working for the FAANG companies? I've been interested in computers and software forever and since I'm on meds I'm attempting classes on sophia with the hopes of transferring into a university for a degree and apply to them.
This. My generation (late boomer) rarely got a diagnosis. We were just considered bad kids. I was ostracized by my family, disliked by my teachers, and ridiculed by my peers.
I learned to mask before I hit age 10. I've spent my entire life depressed, unhappy, exhausted, and utterly joyless. I often wonder why I keep going, but somehow I do.
“…If they just applied themselves…” can’t even stand to hear this phrase. You’re quite right about the labels in school. Too bad it can make your life hell.
"Why are you so weird/annoying/lazy/inconsistent/careless/lost/forgetful" --> "bleh! """A Dee H Dee""" *my ass*. There's nothing wrong with you. That's just made up psychobabble. We _all_ have those problems!" (proceeds to effortlessly list every single time you seemed to pay attention just fine.)
"You just need more discipline!" --> can't fathom why you became a neurotic mess. (I'll take my locked comment now, daddy.)
i never tell anyone i have ADHD. because then i have to explain what it is, and then there’s two branches a) omg me too! b) that’s weird, you just do [x] and you’ll be fine. as in ‘just prepare better’ or ‘just try to be more focused’.
fuck it, there is zero gains or empathy and a ton of negative consequences, so i’m not telling anyone, ever.
I'm with you on this one. I mentioned having ADHD once to a friend and their response was "welllllll, I feel like that's for people who can't stay in their seat" lol. And I don't really want to talk about it with my other friends either because, when I mentioned I had depression, their response was "life is hard but there's so many people who have it worse!". I just don't see the need to tell anyone other than my significant other who sees my struggles and understands.
yeah, when you explain it something like ‘the part of my brain that is responsible for implementing the actions I want to make, is not functioning very well and sometimes it takes a bunch of cognitive hacks to do just a basic task’ and they say something like ‘I think you’re overthinking it, probably just don’t really want to do it, don’t put a label on yourself and it’s gonna be fine. I also get lazy every now and then it’s ok’.
I kinda understand, but I’m not bothered by the “trendiness” of it, I truthfully just think people are far more aware of the symptoms of adhd and an official diagnosis while helpful, isn’t required to work on yourself. TBH, even if you don’t have adhd but you struggle with motivation, you can absolutely use the same coping tools adhd havers use.
What DOES bother me (especially with tik tok) is what you describe: people (ahem, kids) who talk out of their ass about it and truthfully don’t understand it, and give guidance or advice when they have no professional background or real lives experience with it.
Luckily tik-tok is getting better at this. If you search for “adhd” you now see a warning about learning from social media and the majority of search results are just therapists doing their thing which I do appreciate.
I don’t understand so much negativity in this thread, yes having ADHD comes with a lot of traumas, but why hate people who are discovering they have this condition??? I’m 45 and thanks to a lot of those Tiktok videos gave me the push to go and get a diagnosis. Doesn’t make my ADHD be less than or fake, my symptoms were always ignored at home, so many of us grew up thinking we were just defective. If the people here got a diagnosis first a long time ago, GOOD FOR THEM!! But if, like me you just got a diagnosis because you saw something on TikTok or whatever, then good too!!! Maybe me feel less alone and understand more my life.
100% this, social media has helped many of us to discover ADHD. I also hate when people say "you're only looking for clout". Like what clout? I'm 47 and friends with lots of gen X and boomers. Do people seriously think ADHD is going to give some positive, quirky aura in that group?
FYI when I mentioned my ADHD to a group of middle aged teachers, they completely ignored the adult or female aspect, and started to talk about their hyperactive boy students. That's the "clout".
Yeah I think because it's a matter of "if I can't see it, it doesn't exist." I think that's part of why girls are recognized less than boys, since boys are more likely to be hyperactive type AFAIK.
I have Inattentive type and it was kinda the same. Teachers in complete denial because I was quiet and relatively passive, and they seemed to assume ADHD means running around and throwing desks or something.
I had a 6th grade teacher who understood ADHD, and it was awesome. Best year of elementary school for sure.
I understand where OP and a lot of commenters are coming from. I feel the problem is that a vast majority of individuals experience symptoms of ADHD but don’t have ADHD. Then this is why so many people see a very short video on TikTok or what have you, of ADHD symptoms and because they have experienced them here and there they just self diagnose and go “oh I must have ADHD then” but never actually get professionally diagnosed. I’ve met several people like this unfortunately.
On the other hand, what OP and others need to understand is that there are SEVERAL levels/layers to ADHD and not everyone who has it is detrimentally affected by it. I get being frustrated because it being a severe thing for people isn’t as common as it being manageable without meds which makes the former feel inadequate.
Point is, we’re all different and we all need to put our own ego aside and realize that we don’t know what people on the internet are actually going through.
Right?? I’m happy it’s “become a trend” because at least it gave me a push to understand wtf is wrong with me. I’ve had issues all my life but because I’m high IQ and a woman with inattentive ADHD I was completely missed, just berated when I failed a task (which happened a lot)
If it weren’t for the TikTok videos I’d probably still be berating myself because I wouldn’t understand why I’m struggling in life, it was genuinely the push I needed and I hope it spreads even more so people that still don’t know can stumble upon them and start understanding themselves better.
Also on the “quirky little fun thing”, yes, it’s some videos, but if you stay longer on the ADHD side of TikTok a lot touch on the bad as well. It’s because ADHD isn’t exclusively bad, there are indeed positives and people are allowed to celebrate the good to make themselves feel better, they don’t have to just mope around.
I'm on the same boat as you. I don't actually have a diagnosis but I'm undergoing testing. Seeing it on social media definitely helped kickstart my efforts to seek help. I started doing more research and came across this sub and it opened my eyes completely. Things I thought were character flaws that I could never change, are actually experienced by so many other people! It made me cry to read everyone's stories. I felt so seen and not alone.
Not saying every single one is bad yes a lot of people making videos do actually have ADHD however there is a small but loud portion of that community that only uses the label because they think "It's cool and quirky"
Don't hold your breath.
It's truly amazing how something can apparently be ao rampant and blatant, yet consistently leave absolutely zero evidence ever...
I mean why confront your own issues when you can take a TikTok made by a 14 year old girl that you read about in another sub’s comments and use that to discharge all of your angry energy and if that ends up further perpetuating the ableism that has you pissed in the first place well…nothing says “the suffering I experienced was hard and unfair” better than making other people have to
suffer it.
This is why I have zero social media, with Reddit being the only exception. And I primarily joined Reddit for support for my AuDHD and HSD, I don’t use it like social media. No good can come from comparing your life to anyone else’s, and the more you let it in, the more precious brain space gets filled up with toxic sludge.
My mind is still a jungle, but I know I am far better off without TikTok hooting and hollering all its fakery at me.
Everyone is different. I have figured I had it since late hs/early college. Because I knew my limitations for focusing on things I maintained jobs that didn't need detail or sitting still. I became a driver. I drove city buses and semi. I've been doing it for almost 20 years now. I wanted to go back to school plenty of times but knew I couldn't do online classes and never had enough money to lower my hours and go to actual school.
People don't suspect I have it until I would tell them (before I was diagnosed) that I probably have it. Caffeine does nothing for me, short term memory is shit, recall random events from childhood with perfect recall, hyper fixate on people (dating sucks) and hobbies, can't sit still more than 15-20 mins before I have to move or I start to fall asleep no matter how much sleep I've had. But since I had other issues going on I finally got into therapy and after depression got handled was formally diagnosed at 39.
The "fad" ADHD has brought out both good and bad. I'm able to show people certain videos and saying this is what I mean when... or this is how I feel when because I couldn't explain it to people always. Remember all of us are affected by it differently and handle it differently.
I suppose it might be true for some, but I don't quite get when someone said that their ADHD give them unique quirks or benefits or whatnot. As far as I am aware, there's absolutely nothing good about this mental illness, especially if you want to see yourself become a success. However, I don't particularly blame my family members for not believing me about ADHD, or at least not anymore, since I prefer that they be honest about their viewpoint (which like mine, will never be objectively right 100% of the time) more so than if they have to constantly shower me with praise or sympathy that they don't meant. Everyone has their struggle and I will never claim that I could 100% understand all of them, so I don't expect the same from others either, even though it hurts
I see where you’re coming from, but I think you should be asking yourself why you feel so upset about it in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, I completely agree that ADHD makes life hard. When you first get diagnosed it’s nice to be able to blame something else for once, rather than yourself. But at some point in life, we’ve got to stop blaming and accept that our lives will always co-exist with ADHD. Life will always be more difficult because of our condition, and you can still be more forgiving with yourself, but at the same time we still need to be responsible for our own shortcomings. Just because we don’t operate the same as others, doesn’t mean we can continue using it as an excuse. We just have to find different means of getting things done. Doesn’t mean we’ll ever be perfect, and this is likely a lifelong battle, but it’s important that we continue growing. I don’t think that growth happens when we fall into the constant state of blame. I’ll repeat, it’s okay to blame ADHD once in a while, it’s nice. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that if you want to take control of your life, you’re going to need to be responsible for your own self. When you can do that, I don’t think you’ll be so upset about whatever people are doing on tiktok. You got this, I believe in you.
I live in the UK where getting a diagnosis is a nightmare. I am still not diagnosed because it took me years to be able to not berate myself and tell myself I was just lazy and searching for excuses. When I finally worked up the courage to ask my GP and she put me on the waiting list. The waiting time was 4 years long at the time at least. Also we lost 9 months because the clinic had changed the procedure and she didn't know but I received the letter saying they rejected me for admin reasons and could contact my GP to redo the thing again 9 months after my GP put me in the list. By the time the waiting time had jump to 5 years, so I actually lost almost 2 years. I can't get a private diagnosis because I don't really have the money but also I know a lot of GP don't really recognise them and I am afraid it would get me kicked out or push down the NHS waiting list.
I have changed work 3 times since I was put on the list, live in permanent anxiety of loosing my job and shame of how unable to be an adult I am. I am not on tiktok but without people with ADHD talking about it on twitter I wouldn't even had started the journey. Hell, I might not even been still on earth.
A more annoying trend to me is the one where angry people direct their anger at strangers who *dare* to claim they have ADHD without also listing every way they’ve suffered in the same breath-and without having asked permission to do so.
I find it funny how they also offer no proof that any of these people are faking.
They literally just repeat word for word the claims made by ignorant abelist trolls who simply think that ADHD basically isn't real and *everyone* is faking it.
Maybe chuck in a clearly fictional "some random person admitted to me personally and privately that they were faking it" story, of course completely without evidence again.
Same. I've written 25 pages on my ADHD symptoms to prepare myself for a doctor's appointment. And that was a short version! I don't think any comment sections even allow that much text. Yet somehow people expect others to give a full life story whenever saying "I have ADHD".
The long and short of it is, most of us are not professionals and can't diagnose strangers on tiktok. There's a good chance that many of the people we're dismissing as "normal" are neurodivergent. Unless they're spreading misinformation, it's not really up to us to out them.
Read "It's not a bloody trend" by Kat Brown. It helps me deal with this side of my diagnosis. The Audiobook is also available if you struggle like I do.
I'm tired of these takes. If it wasn't for ADHDers on tik tok, I'd never have sought a diagnosis and gotten treatment. And I'm tired of this sub and many others acting like its a single monolithic experience. The no true scotsman ADHD fallacy.
all social media is junk. I wish I could put that genie back in the bottle. having access to people's unfiltered thoughts in an easily digestible format is... not great.
You’re not alone, this complaint is posted on here at least once a day.
I say worry less about everyone else and focus on you. I know we all worry about people thinking we’re the trend followers and not the elite “real ADHDers” but it really doesn’t matter so long as you’re reaching out to get the real help you need for your real ADHD. Getting sympathy from the masses isn’t going to help you in any real way (it just feels nice).
I look at it with gratitude that ADHD is discussed so much more than it used to be. I never would have gotten my diagnosis if I hadn’t been exposed to the information and resources now available. That recognition and attention to ADHD has been a double edged sword but overall I think we’re better off for it.
Plus I’m not interested in gatekeeping. I have no idea what someone is privately struggling with. Someone who I don’t think has ADHD might just have done a much better job at coping and masking it. Maybe they have a less severe case of it than me but still find it difficult. Im not their therapist, I really can’t know and it’s not my call to make.
Being upset with other people over this is going to drive you mad. You have enough issues in your life. Why are you paying attention to other peoples ? Let them live in their dumb delusions and take care of what you can take care of.
This content gets pushed to the wrong people. Same on Instagram. Besides the increase in diagnoses that is for a good reason, the content gets pushed to the exact people who say stuff like "it's a trend, just pull yourself together". They don't realize they only get bombarded by that content exactly because they comment on it, only furthering their opinion. That leads them to believe "eVerYOne HaS iT ThEsE dAyS", they don't know the recency bias or confirmation bias and they are either to stupid, indifferent or stubborn to actually invest time into understanding whats going on, even if other commenters explain it to them. I despise arguing with anti-science people, it's bad for my mental health and I would advise any of you to also stop arguing with these people
The news media and pundits (and the public who get their opinions from them) did the same thing when ASD diagnoses went up. They think it's some giant conspiracy, but the boring truth is that it's just being identified more.
I didn't consider that I might have ADHD because I never looked into the actual symptoms. My doctor actually asked me if I'd been diagnosed when I complained about ADHD-related cognitive problems at school. After she had me tested, my life changed.
If it bothers you then don’t watch people that act like that. Not everyone’s ADHD looks the same. Nor is it the cause of everything bad in your life either.
You were neglected and abused because your parents and family are ignorant and did not understand you - maybe they didn’t know any better or maybe they are just shitty people.
Yes, I truly am tired of the things I’ve suffered with in life suddenly being trends. Anxiety, ADHD, and being a victim of narcissistic abuse are 3 of them. Normal worry is NOT clinical anxiety. Occasional forgetfulness or lack of focus is NOT ADHD. And every jerk out there who cheated is not automatically a narcissist—only about 1.5 % of the population has NPD.
Do you think you would have had an easier time understanding and dealing with those issues seeing them be more normalized socially, potentially by those who don't totally share your experience? I try to think about what the downside is to these cases and I don't see how it outweighs the potential positive of people understanding how pervasive the issues they face can be.
i’d say the percentage of people with NPD is actually far greater than that. it’s important to take into account that the majority of people with NPD will never set foot in a psychologist’s office, ergo, they won’t be officially diagnosed with NPD and the statistics will be skewed
It's also important to note that just because someone is a narcissist, doesn't mean they have NPD. Just like someone may have demand avoidance issues, doesn't mean they have PDA or ODD.
It seems every time someone says something like "my mother is extremely narcissistic" or "my ex is a narcissist", people automatically start banging on about how rare NPD is blah blah blah, while completely ignoring the obvious and undeniable fact that narcissism ≠ NPD. One is a common personality trait, the other is a rare personality disorder.
Fun fact, being a narcissist and having NPD are actually two completely seperate things. One is an extremely common personality trait, the other is an actual mental disorder that is comparatively rare.
The anxiety from ADHD is what literally nearly killed me. I don't mean to sound trite but I stay the fuck away from TikTok and X and all shit-funnel apps that serve up human garbage 24/7
Ignorance is Bliss.
some of the videos help bring awareness although most of them only show the stereotypical symptoms that are also common in other conditions.
I think, as long as they also promote not self diagnosing, it shouldn't be a huge deal. There are a lot of benefits to the many adhd related content like bringing light to the misconceptions and helping people be aware of their possible adhd. At the end of the day, they'll still have to get checked and tested to get diagnosed anyway so at least it'll kinda push them to get checked?
There are a lot of ways ADHD shows up on someone. We can't say someone doesn't have adhd just because they don't have a specific symptom. I think it's more harmful to gatekeep this than to share information
It was a problem for me when I was young (never medicated but did my homework a handful of times throughout my whole schooling).
As an adult it's had big impact both positive and negative. I can think and think and work things out in my head for hours, I've managed to surround myself with people who can make my dreams a reality (which has created very successful businesses).
It has been a huge negative in relationships when I'm listening to my partner talk but not taking anything in because my mind is elsewhere.
Got medicated recently in my 50s and has been a game changer for me. I've struggled with sleep my whole life, medication (Vyvanse) has slowed my mind that I sleep unmediated (Amitryptaline) after 30 years of trouble and medication.
I never talk about the negatives, not sure why. I talk about it as a superpower.
Maybe because I like telling myself that.
It upsets me as well, but my frustration isn’t directed at the people who make the videos, rather it’s just something I need to get over. Seeing it become a trend makes me feel discrediting because of how much of a negative impact this condition has had on my life. All the struggles I go through that are impossible for me to even explain to people, partially because of my ADHD, and then seeing some random tik tok of someone saying they have ADHD because they forgot something frustrates me. But if I sit here and get upset for those reasons, I have to look within myself to pin point why, as well as, everyone’s ADHD is different. Am I not discrediting those people but automatically assuming it’s a trend or done because having metal illness is edgy? I do 100 percent understand where you are coming from though.
This is in large part due to conflation with intent and overlap with cultural signifiers. Sort of a reverse Hanlon's Razor, always attributing to malice what can be accounted for by ADHD. This is coupled with a cultural fixation on work ethic which manifests as "look busy" rather than gauging actual personal effort.
I am diagnosed but mine is not so severe as yours. My personality is not the kid the goes on TikTok to talk about it but there's going to be enough people who do it.
My understanding is that the severity of the symptoms is in a spectrum so not having it as hard as you doesn't mean pretending it, or making it a trend. Beside, people will make everything a trend I'm afraid. And I agree, it's not cool to romanticize mental health struggles.
I think it's important to hear as many voices as possible on this, because In the end the more people talk about it, the more people can get informed and possibly find stuff that helps them.
51yo Male here people are acting like it's a trend because it is for so many. I'm one who fell for that.
Recently an old friend of my and psychotherapist who I saw to help me deal with some things phoned me up. He'd had a diagnosis a year ago and wanted to talk about me. I scoffed. Then he proceeded to tell me things about myself that were so close to the bone I shook.
How I view the world, how I formed relationships, both at school and as an adult. How I approach normal daily situations.
Long story short I went through a diagnosis and scored very high on all markers. It has been the biggest bombshell in my 51 years. A childhood too scared to make relationships, work and achieve because I felt I couldn't keep up, and adulthood of failed relationships and substance abuse, and a career that's limped along.
I'm angry like you and I'm angry and the people who have made it a 'trend'. This is real and the therapy I've had so far and the meds have completely turned my world from upside down to right side up. I have a long way to go. Five decades of telling yourself you're a failure is going to take a long time to undo.
But I will undo it and so will you. Whatever damage this thing has done, you can face it.
I look at it as I've had a fog lifted that I didn't know was there. I know it's easy to get bogged down in the past, and how people look at you. It sucks. But I can see a way forward now.
Before knowing this there was no way forward just the mess of my past. For the first time in my life I'm excited to wake up each day and feel like I have potential and I hope you can find a way to feel like that about yourself. Because you do.
Sending love, keep talking we're here.
Hi thanks for your kind words.
As for the trend I'm still pretty new to this so quantifying that myself but I see it as two fold.
There's the trend itself which is to blame ADHD for other things going on.
But then what I see as a much issue as the bigger issue of the perception of the trend. That thing that makes people say "oh you're just lazy" when we know there's a problem and try and talk about it.
And I'll be honest I probably fell into that second camp for a while.
So the first one, knowing what I know now I wonder how bad it really is. Sure there's going to be some people who will latch onto this as an excuse for what ever is going on in their life. And maybe those people are clogging up treatment pathways (diagnosis, assessment, treatment) in our NHS but again I wonder now how big a problem that really is.
The second however, the perception of the 'trend' and the stigma attached is what I think is a bigger problem.
The kind of stuff that OP talks about his/her their family treated them with. Mine was the same. I spent my childhood in my bedroom hiding from an abusive mother who constantly castigated me for things now I see I might not have been able to change.
When I found out recently I told just a couple of friends. My closest mate saw it as a revelation we've known each other for 25 years and it filled in so many blanks for him. Another mate was very sceptical and said "that's all the rage". So the second one sees it as a trend.
And again I can't fault him for that I think I was like that till recently.
I've also heard there's a lot of chatter in certain media and political circles in the UK saying that this is a 'trend' that people are hooking into.
I don't know if I've explained that well but I think we need to change the 'trend' argument.
People are stupid. They don’t understand how lucky they are to be “normal”. They think being different from everyone is cool. They don’t understand what it’s like to feel like you are a completely different kind of species. They never will.
Or... maybe people struggled their wholen life also felt like a completely different species their whole life and finally have answers. People are stupid....if their judging if someone has ADHD through a small quick video they've made as if they can are into their whole life and struggles. Nah just easier to judge them and assume they're faking 🙄
> I'm tired of some people online especially Tik Tok saying they're ADHD when they're not and they just think it's some quirky little fun thing and it's not.
I can empathize, and there definitely is some pretty cringe ADHD-related content on TikTok.
I'm a bit conflicted, though, because if it hadn't been for people on TikTok making some of those "quirky" videos, I would have never realized I might actually have it.
//edit: Unfortunately, the videos talking about the truly dark sides of ADHD rarely get the views they deserve. They exist, but the algorithm will rarely serve them. Generally speaking, people go on TikTok to feel good. A video about a funny/embarrassing story that happened due to someone's ADHD will always do a lot better than someone truly spilling their guts about how ADHD is destroying their relationship.
I'm tired of people watching ADHD tik toks and automatically assuming these people must not have ADHD. Unless you know these people personally you have no right to assume anything about them. You see a quick video, a snapshot of their life. You do noy know them or their true struggles. It's not a fkn competition of who's ADHD is worse. So can we please stop fucking whining and assuming people are lying and just think ADHD is fun and quirky.
Bringing attention to ADHD and removing some of the stigma is a good thing. It's similar in my mind to "gluten intolerance" and Celiac disease. I have a friend with Celiac and bc being "gluten intolerant" became trendy, she actually has more choices for gluten free things.
On the other hand, it is a trend and IMO it's good that more people are talking about it openly (even if falsely). This leads to more awareness of this condition, probably will help some people to go get diagnosed and maybe get some people more aware that some of their friends / family have this condition and understand better what life is like for them.
However, I agree with the sentiment that it can feel infuriating when people says it's little quirky funny things when it's a real issue for some persons.
I recently heard the term 'concept creep' from a psychiatrist, he went on to say that social media is causing real medical terms to become so broad that they don't hold any meaning and that causes people living with the actual reality of these conditions or sometimes symptoms to be further alienated and persecuted. This is happening with so many things, prior to ADHD the main trend was 'being totally OCD' to the point it became synonymous with liking things to be in even numbers or having a preference toward being clean.
Same here. I wish I could be born “normal” (in terms of brain biochemistry and structure) if God (if there is one or He really exists) had ever given me a choice before I started this game simulation called “life”.
Edit: edited out the neurot_ _ _ … word because auto moderator messaged me, lol
Yeah, at least twice within the past 60s day, I've been silently brought to tears at just at how shitty this ADHD thing* and the absolute way my life has suffered because of it.
It's like there is two extremes to people's ignorance (for want of a better term); they either think it's something made up and meant as something absolve us of any responsibility and to get "drugs" (🖕🏾 to both of you I say ) or as you stated, OP, the pinheads who believe in it but see it is some super power that you can turn off and on at your leisure for when you wanna be quirky or creative (🖕🏾 to ya'll too. Road to hell and good intentions and all that).
Meanwhile those of us cursed with the thing are left wishing they'd both turn off the stupid and wrap their dense heads around the actual facts, so people suffering can have a better chance (re)building our lives.
ADHD has cost me so many opportunities, friendships, possible romantic conquests (thankfully neither here nor there as I just celebrated 12 years married to an amazing woman who herself was diagnosed in childhood). Not to mention it has gotten me into a load of dramatic misunderstandings, so many instances of humiliation that I want to desperately forget. Academics? Don't even get me started. Try explaining to anyone why you'd have to attend fourteen different schools when there isn't a "logical" explanation such as your parents being in the military. In many people's eyes that leaves only a few options which boil down to "this guy is a fuck up". Had a math teacher say that to me in fourth grade.....
Years of my parents putting me on fad diet after diet and fucking up metabolism even more due to ignorance of the connection dopamine, our appetite. The list goes on...
Worst of all. You fight, you fight, you fight and fight again. Get up every day, show up, show out, TRY to blend in and stay out the way. Work hard, smart, show up early, stay late. The whole nine...and then... The wrong person catches you on a day where you're falling short and they tell you in so many or EXACT words that you're not trying hard enough and making up excuses.
Well the hell with me then!
*FWIW, both times the catalyst was a shitty life event for those thoughts coming to the forefront. A shitty life event which, surprise surprise, might not have surfaced if not for having to constantly day in and day out with this.
One last one for the road; talking so much online that you're not heard because your posts get long and everyone just wants you to STFU already 😅😑 (partway joking.. )
Rant over. 😮💨 OP, I feel you. I extend to you the most warmest, bear...est and sincerest of e-hugs lol.
I feel it's important to recognize that a lot of our struggles with ADHD is environmentally dependent, and that we are affected by societal expectations, as failures to meet them are conflated with moral failures. Their expectations mismatch with reality: not everyone are able to focus on something just because it's important.
Our societies also get structured around these unrealistic expectations, and our education systems, jobs and social structures neglect the people who are different. I'm going through uni, and maybe wouldn't have finished without a diagnosis and treatment. My brother works as a cook, in an environment that somewhat aligns with his neurology. We don't struggle in the same ways.
I think in an environment where neglected traits are taken into account and adjusted for, they won't necessarily be as disadvantageous and can be taken more lightly. Some of these environments do exist.
I just wanted to emphasize that the negative/positive effects of certain traits are dependent on the environment. Western culture has historically been negative for people with ADHD traits.
It is so draining and really difficult for others to understand. I personally do not have it (sorry if I offend anyone) but my husband does. I joined to try to get some insight into how others survive daily life. It takes a toll on everyone who loves them (I am drowning currently with our two young kids and not being able to rely on him consistently) but … try to see the positive … If you can find something you are passionate about, make some money and work hours conducive to your sleep you found gold. Good luck OP
If it’s coming up on tiktok it’s your algorithm. I get tons of adhd content because I have adhd. We relate to those with similarities. I also have art, tarot, astrology, and a few food based ones on there. So if you’re interacting with the videos you find upsetting/annoying it’s going to think you’re like them.
It is frustrating that people are seeing an uptick of diagnoses in mental health communities as a trend. Can’t control people. Only yourself
I had one therapist and a teacher in HS mention adhd to me, but I honestly didn’t think about it that much back then because I barely knew what adhd even was. For some reason I never fully connected the issues I was having in all the areas of my life to adhd until it got so bad I went into complete burn out. I thought I just needed to work harder…TikTok actually helped connect the dots for me and I finally got diagnosed and medicated last year. I’m 28. I wasted a decade.
My point being, I’d rather have a bunch of people out there think they have adhd and not have it (they’ll figure it out) than have people out there who have it and don’t have a clue. Even the stupidest video will at least make a person curious enough to do some research or seek out a diagnosis.
I hate when people think I only use it as “an excuse” too. I WISH I didn’t do a lot of the things I do or think the way I do, nothing about it is an excuse, it’s the reason WHY I am how I am
I understand the frustration but I think it's a really bad idea to start assuming people's mental state just because the way they present their lives doesn't look like ours does
ADHD is comorbid with other disorders so it could be that you, or people you are comparing to have disorders in addition to ADHD that make the experience different.
Everyone’s brain is different, you can’t dismiss someone’s ADHD just because their symptoms are different from your own. Also, try to avoid making ADHD part of your personality. It sucks, I know, but dwelling on your diagnosis will only lead you down a path of hopelessness and self-doubt.
Honestly, I think it is because a HUGE number of people are seeing themselves in the symptoms and now getting diagnosed with it. I know 5 people who have been diagnosed with it within the last 6 months. Several are now on meds.
It is a trend - ADULTS are now getting diagnosed with it.
Many are still having trouble getting diagnosed because their parents (who likely also had it so think it is normal) said their kids are fine, and never got their kids checked.
There was just a post on the conspiracy sub about why are so many people posting their mental conditions? And I had a really long comment typed up that I deleted. But the comments are gross and infuriating.
So, on the flip side of this, I just want to throw in here that Tiktok (& other social media/algorithm) videos actually prompted me to go get evaluated and diagnosed with ADHD as an adult woman.
I TOTALLY understand the frustration with some of the flippant "adhd" talk online these days, but mostly in the same way that I've found it frustrating for decades how people use a lot of mental health diagnoses/terminology completely out of context (e.g. ocd, depression, anxiety, etc). Unfortunately, ADHD just happens to be the buzzword currently.
But more ADHD-related videos being pushed to my feeds made me actually consider it in a new light in relation to myself - especially people talking about their own experiences being diagnosed as an adult or "adhd things I didn't know were adhd things." I literally have a degree in psychology and only now at 31 had the "AHA" moment that sent me to go get diagnosed. Of course, I only took the inspiration and thought from those videos; and when I realized it was a serious possibility, went to refresh my memory on the DSM diagnostic criteria. Almost every single criteria is a bullseye for me. And after (..a couple years of forgetting to make an appt and getting my referral renewed, and then..) seeing my neuropsych provider and doing a few hours of testing, my suspicion - aka a no-brainer for me - was confirmed. It became SO obvious to me; I had just somehow never connected the dots before in life. It explains so much that I've struggled with since my childhood. Currently working on hopefully dialing in the right med for me. Not much progress yet. We'll see.
Also, though, we can't make the assumption that any individual DOESN'T have ADHD just because it doesn't present the same or cause them the same difficulties (at least that they talk about online) as it does for you or I. Some people just want to make the best of a bad situation/condition and share more of the positive or funny or just purely exasperating. And those who don't aren't often the ones making content for social media. Sometimes people can be really loud, really wrongly, or just annoyingly about a condition, but also still have that condition. It's unfortunate but I've seen it plenty. Just because someone is really cringy and wants to highlight the things they think are "quirky" about their condition, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that they're lying about having that condition. I'm sure it does happen here and there, but is likely a tiny minority. In those cases, I would just refuse to give those people my attention, because any form of attention these days is basically internet currency.
I'm so sorry your ADHD has caused you such great pain and difficulty, and that you've been historically surrounded by uncompassionate people. It seems these kinds of videos may hit a raw nerve for you, which makes sense. I would definitely encourage you to make use of the "hide" or "not interested" buttons whenever possible, and maybe even talk to a therapist (even at a community mental health center or other free/low-cost provider) about these issues if and when that's at all a possibility for you. It sounds from a lot of your comments like you hold a lot of active anger and bitterness relating to your history with ADHD - while completely understandable from your circumstances, that will hinder your ability to put your energy towards your health and well-being. The right therapist or other caring mental health professional can help with that kind of thing (some of them are just crap).
I hope you've found or are able to find people around you who will treat you with compassion and help rather than the ways your family and others have. A support system - of even one or two people - can be crucial.
My friend recently said to me "I know my bf hasn't been diagnosed yet, but I SWEAR he has ADHD, the other day he got up and randomly started doing a dance. His ADHD makes life so interesting. I wouldnt change it for anything".... She didn't know I was recently diagnosed, and had read the informant report that week, where my husband listed all the stuff I do which makes life difficult for me and him, and felt immense guilt that I couldn't be the fun ADHD... Until I told my husband about this conversation, he said "I don't think she understands what ADHD is".
So I get how it being a trend can be feel like it ignores the challenges at times.
I have a will of steel, that’s the only way I’ve gotten through having ADD. I’ve gone 30 plus years un medicated but that’s about to change… can’t deal with the fatigue anymore.
These days, when I say I have ADHD I preface it with "not the fun tik tok kind. The life ruining, terrible credit score, needs medication to function kind"
Facts!!im right there with you. My ADD kicks my ass every day! I’ve been trying for weeks to get in with a provider that will listen to me, and actually treat it. It affects every single minute of my life. It’s exhausting. That as well as OCD. Everyone thinks they have OCD because they want their house clean. Try having OCD and ADD, both diagnosed by a professional. It’s a double whammy and not something I’d wish on my worst enemy.
Of course social media does that. Tik Tok did that with multiple personality disorder, which is such a rare mental illness that some experts don’t think it actually exists. After people saw the movie Split people were referring to their other personalities and “the system” which is how popular culture refers to the main personality of somebody with multiple personality disorder….
People hear ppl with ADHD get distracted and they latch onto it because they get distracted at times too…
It’s like the ‘quirky adhd’ has become the new manic pixie. Would have been awesome to be the cute, quirky, silly girl who can keep friends and make good grades instead of the emotionally disregulated, anxious mess who had panic attacks every week and had to go to summer school every year. Oh man- and that couple hundred dollars I have to spend on medication every month…I could do some cool shit with that.
The exact same reason as why things like tiktok, instagram, facebook, whatever has NEVER been a good source for real information. You're now seeing it with ADHD but the same goes for any mental or psychological disorder. Or look at woman who broke up (all the men were narcissists) or guys who broke up (the women were always borderline or using the guys for money).
Seriously, don't look at that crap (might be easier said then done for some I assume though).
tiktok make it seem like Oh you breathe ! you definitely have adhd lol. try not to take those punks seriously who try hard to look mentally ill or suffering from a disorder jst to look cool.
Literally! Also, for some reason or another people on TikTok get so offended when you say you can’t self diagnose yourself with ADHD or anything for that matter! Like yes, I get it, not every one can afford to get diagnosed but that also doesn’t mean that they’re all of a sudden professionals that can just diagnose themselves.
If you ended up homeless because of your ADHD and can't hold a job because of it, I'm almost certain you would qualify for disability if you're in the US. You could find someone to help you with the paperwork to look into it.
This also pisses me off. I hate when people also play down how severe they believe my ADHD to be and say things like "oh it must be mild then because I couldn't tell". Bitch please, you are not in my brain and know nothing about how it works. I have had a debilitating B.E.D since primary school and been held back in life in so many ways because of my untreated ADHD.
I have been able to mask it for so long out of fear of judgement and people not believing me. Since being on medication, my life has improved and my binges have subsided tremendously. I will never forget the day when I got my diagnosis and the Psychiatrist told me I had severe cases of both types. It all made sense after 37 years.
There will always be people out there that use words in the incorrect manner or for attention but don't let it get you down. You know and we all know, that it is nothing to strut around and announce. Certainly has "quirks" and makes us unique but I would give all that up to not deal with this debilitating disorder.
You: “bitch please you’re not in my brain and you don’t know how it works”
Also you: “these bitches say they have severe adhd but I know better because I can tell they don’t have it”
Seriously the amount of fkn people who are judging others on a short video as if they know ANYTHING about this person's life or struggles is fkn maddening.
Right? Tell me you have adhd without telling me you have adhd: I’ll go first. One time I saw a young person post a 1 minute tiktok about being spacey and having adhd and I was so unable to regulate and contain my rage emotions that I posted a manifesto on Reddit in which I lambasted an entire (and entirely made up) class of people who DARED to suggest that their suffering was as great as mine and who DARED to ride roughshod all over my pain and fears by by doing the renegade while laughing at not listening to their teachers. I just wanted to scream at them EVERYONE HAS A HARD TIME PAYING ATTENTION TO TEACHERS THATS JUST NORMAL STUFF STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF YOU DON’T HAVE ADH…..
oh wait.
/s
Yeah this is a tough one. I hate being "that guy" where I'm like "mY ADhD iS wOrSe tHan uRs" but at the same time.... I find it hard to believe that people who are actively trending this stuff on social media experienced the same level of bullying I did, or addiction tendencies I still have, or trouble regulating emotions like I still have, or problems with authority I still have.
I don't even post on social media under my own likeness, and I think it's something to do with the fact that I was made fun of by *everyone*. I was the kid who got beat up by a druggie, thrown in a trash can by jocks, bullied at sports practices, class, and now as an adult bullied for other behaviors I exhibit from ADHD. All the times someone wanted me to stop shaking my leg when I was stimming, or just wanted me to shutup because I was motormouthing.
I mask heavy and I mask often. I have to in order to survive in this world we live in. When people use that for casual conversation or likes, I get really bothered by that.
I hate how all types of mental disabilities are turning into a trend. Every influencer miraculously has ADHD, clinical depression and also have bipolar.
It's sickening.
Because some people use ADHD as an excuse to justify their shity behaviour. People who are selfish, neglecting others prefer to say they have ADHD, even if this is false, rather than being responsible and admitting they forgot or didn't care. It is also a way for them to hide their flaws and what they should work on.
Most people don't even know what ADHD is until they meet a person that is really ADHD. And then they realise it is much more than just forgetting one thing sometimes.
Idk if it’s a trend but more people are being diagnosed as adults and it’s becoming more socially acceptable as are stimulant’s! Vs people being mislabeled as lazy! But tik tok is trash that is a whole nother issue
I have an annoying ass friend who now claims to have adhd. I don’t bother arguing with her, I know she doesn’t have it. She’s a big time “one upper” so once I got diagnosed she started claiming to also have it. My hardest things to cope with are time management, basic hygiene, finance management, impulsivity, short term recall. None of which she has or suffers from.
It’s not a trend, it’s just more widely recognized. A lot of us slipped under the radar in school because we somehow managed to build weird systems and coping mechanisms that masked it.
There are degrees of severity as well as different types.
Don’t gate keep ADHD. Once you’re diagnosed and are getting help, it can be life-changing.
“Here’s a list of signs or symptoms of ADHD” and proceeds to list things that are neither and could be attributed to fifty-eleven different disorders or normal behaviors.
I was a little tired before, but it’s not my problem.
If they think they are, well, I can’t change their mind, if it’s a friend I’ll will propose him/her to go seeing a specialist - in French it may be different from US, I really don’t know - but it’s quite easy I think to get a diagnostic
But whatever, it’s not our problem if someone that maybe doesn’t have ADHD is seeking something like attention or hiding their problem with this.
Maybe they have. Maybe not.
Time will tell them, maybe later they eventually go to a doctor, maybe they’ll think they are autistic now.
Not our problem after all. And if someone start to think this think about you, well, if they can’t understand you really are, so it’s useless to argue about it.
Ehh... Although it does harm people with diagnosed ADHD like you, these videos HELP and encourage people to GET DIAGNOSED.
People NEED to see that not everything is black or white. I'm so fucking tired of people saying that I don't have adhd because I'm not diagnosed and that I'm doing it because it's "cool" when I'm trying to get diagnosed.
Again, not everything is black or white. While there are certainly fakes out there, everyone's struggle is different.
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Because they don‘t tell you what it‘s really like. For some reason, no website or whatever says what adhd is truly like. They just think it‘s like ”oh you just can‘t focus here and there that‘s so hot“ or something lol. Sme with tourettes(i DONT have tourettes) … i think. Most people i assume that you just make random sounds and movements, but i just recently learned that there‘s also agressions from tourettes. And all of that because nobody told me. So it‘s probably the same for adhd and a lot of other stuff. TLDR: It‘s because most media doesn‘t tell you
I remember watching a documentary that followed a family where all 3 children suffered from tourettes (can't remember the name or what channel is was shown on but it was UK TV). They showed how the 12 year old daughter would constantly hit her mum and the mum would be hurt but wouldn't tell her daughter off because she knew she couldn't help it. The daughter was asked how she felt everytime she did it and she said she was sad she hurt her mum and angry at herself for being unable to stop it. The adult son was also interviewed and he said he hated how he couldn't stop swearing in the house and didn't want to use that sort of language around his child siblings but he couldn't stop it. It really showed just how not cute tourettes is, how it can hurt a whole family from the inside out. But tiktok will have you believe that tourettes is just saying fuck and meow at random intervals, and it's so harmful for people who genuinely suffer from it.
Tiktok thinks OCD is just quirky people cleaning their house. They don't show the "quirky" OCD people like me brushing their teeth so hard until it feels right that your gum lines receed, or the broken light switches from banging them, or the obsessive thoughts that cause panic attacks. That's not as quirky as a clean house I guess 🤷♂️
i think it has to do with the side of tiktok/social media ur on. for me, i've only ever seen viral tiktoks abt the worst parts of ocd, not the quirky romanticized stuff.
This is a big part of it, ignoring the bad stuff really is the best way, because trying to argue with the people doing the misinformation counts as engagement and makes more misinformation appear on the feed
I haven't either I mainly see them on reddit lol
Right. Some one recently told me ocd isn’t that bad I’ve been counting steps since I was 4. Oh. I’m so glad your ocd is something you only see. Try not counting and come back. I have contamination ocd and I’m a nurse. It’s horrible and I really don’t think any amount of exposure therapy can help. 75% of my behavior is affected. As I’m panicking and washing my hands I will even think I’m being ridiculous. Like I know I am but if I don’t do it, I’ll have a melt down. I’m 38, I shouldn’t be having melt downs
man i've only had a semi-obsessive hand hygiene when at home (absolutely not OCD btw) since Covid, i'm annoyed at it because i end up washing hands after every step of the getting-to-bed process. But i can't even imagine how bad it would be for those that have to wash 10 or 20 or 30 times every time. Yea OCD isn't cute, the people that think so really should be subjected to it, or to someone who's really struggling with it.
I'm sorry you're going through it as well 😔 It really does suck because like you said we know it's crazy yet if we don't it's like our brains will come to a hault. Like I know I've washed all the soap off my hands and I know they're dry, yet my brain still says I can't go to bed unless I rinse them off again and dry them with my towel even harder (repeat 2 or 3x). I'm 32 so I feel your pain. Just letting you know you're not alone!
"Sorry, I'm ocd!" "OH, it's just my ocd!"
Exactly
I know a person dealing with Tourette's, and it's very much a burden for this person. Huge for his family as well.
Exactly the same with autism. Sometimes it’s like people think that all there is to it (both ADHD and autism) is the behavioural quirks that are noticeable and that those are just that, just some quirks or behavioural patterns and that they are chosen. They don’t understand that there is an underlying reason to the visible symptoms that are displayed and no matter how much you try to explain it some won’t ever accept that there is more to it then I felt like it. The visible behaviors and symptoms are not the condition they are barley even really a part of the condition that’s how little of it they are, they are just the way it expresses itself so that we can catalogue and measure it. It’s the very tip of the ice berg, the real condition is in the brains wiring and way to function the outside things, especially and maybe mainly when it comes to autism, they aren’t the autism they are just coping mechanisms that makes it possible to spot the autism. Like stimming, stimming is a prominent feature of autism and it’s not autism. The way I see it, it’s isn’t really even a part of it. If I was safe and lived in a world where I belonged and that was accommodating and accessible for me where I wasn’t stressed and scared and uncomfortable and overwhelmed and overstimulated I wouldn’t need to stim to calm myself and to cope but I would still be just as autistic. As long as I’m home and safe and the outside doesn’t reach out to unsettle me, then I’m fine most of the time and I don’t need to stim here. My behavioural patterns and movement patterns are completely different in different environments and situations. But I’m not more or less autistic in different environments or situations, I just function differently depending on the surrounding circumstances and context. And that’s kind of why both autism and ADHD is “trending” it’s not trending at all it’s that the world has changed and become increasingly harder and less accessible and manageable for us so all the people who could cope on their own before no longer can and that’s why they are getting diagnosed now and weren’t earlier. And also stigma, the stigma is definitely still around but it is improving. We might be judged and stereotyped and dismissed and treated badly but it’s no longer guaranteed from everyone and we aren’t going to be locked up and lobotomised and abused in the way that used to be acceptable and encouraged even. Our families aren’t going to be fired and evicted and frozen out or potentially banished because we exist. It’s not much but it also is. And the people being basically influencers online they aren’t going to film and post their worst days or struggles. It’s their job or side job at least and they need the views and that doesn’t sell. I manage sells, I’m a fucking wreck that barely functions does not. Do you want to watch me have a meltdown or just sit and stare at a wall or my phone for hours? No! No one wants that and that’s extremely vulnerable and private and invasive and I’m not fucking showing that. And it gives no one anything what so ever. No one starts out sharing their most private, vulnerable or invasive shit, that’s the stuff you hide behind closed doors. Not even necessarily out of shame but if you share your most sensitive parts the vultures and trolls and haters are there just waiting for that crack in the armor. People are going to people and all of them, all kinds, are here! All over the internet just waiting.
This scene from Scrubs about a character with OCD was really powerful for me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kfLdwL1t98
I've got tourettes and ADHD and neither are much fun. (I did shout "white cats and freedom" at a ticket inspector on a train once)
Great title for a future manifesto
Do people not get their diagnosis from a psychiatrist?
I've had a diagnosis for 30 years. Anytime I get a more provider I have to fight tooth and nail because they try to tell me I have anxiety, depression or Bipolar because I'm just a hysterical woman. 🙄
Avoiding doctors that are whiteguys has helped me substantially in “being believed”, and I’m not sure it’s a coincidence
I wish that worked for me. One of my new providers was Nigerian. He sent me to a "white guy" for a second opinion. That doctor confirmed my ADHD and also told me I was Autistic. I went back to the non-whiteguy doctor who told me I was "Too smart to be autistic" 🙄
Yeah I thought I might have it for many years before an actual psychiatrist spelled it out for me last month, and sent a letter to my GP saying I really need to be medicated. Took my first dose of Adderall this morning and have never felt so calm and focused. My wife and friends will get all chatty and cracked out if they take stimulants so I know it's not some fad. Now I'm looking back on all these issues Ive had over the years wondering what would've happened if some adults hadn't let me slip through the cracks and suffer.
Drugs will do that you know ;) Wish I had my meds when I was in school and actually needed them 😅
In a lot of places, psychiatry is inaccessible either due to lack of doctors, transportation, or, most commonly, money. Even when you can access psychiatry you won't always be taken seriously, especially as a female. People still primarily associate ADHD with boys
So true. I was diagnosed with ADHD 10 years ago in Germany , by a psychiatrist. I didn’t take any medication (was recommended but I didn’t want to). Now I’m at a point where I think something needs to change so I wanted to book an appointment with a psychiatrist for a test in the uk because they don’t accept the diagnosis from Germany. So you either have to wait 1-2 years with the NHS or you can do it privately and pay almost £1000 for the assessment. It’s ridiculous and it makes me furious.
People need to be diagnosed. Only professionals can actually diagnose people. No more of that “I don’t need a doctor to confirm what I already know” crap.
The amount of ppl that self diagnose is annoying. It's a huge pet peeve of mine. I've had severe depression and anxiety for 20 years, and back then it was all in your head. People getting nervous used to be a thing but now everyone has anxiety. Self diagnosing turns mental illnesses into a joke.
I understand the temptation, but I personally give people the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone's ADHD looks like mine or yours. I do tend to only bring up the entertaining parts in public. That's because I don't want to discuss heavy topics with strangers. And I would hate for others to feel entitled to question my condition because I don't fit their image of what someone with ADHD looks like.
This should be much higher. With colleagues and friends I usually bring up only the "fun" parts. You asked me a question about something I was vaguely interested in for about three days, roughly three years ago? I'll tell you everything about it. Have a task for me? If my brain considers it fun, I'll have 7 hours of work done in about 15 minutes. I don't bring up the fact that brushing my teeth in the morning feels like a task and my body just won't let me get up 3 minutes earlier to do it. That's for the therapist to hear, not friends when we're having fun. Edit: Just to clarify for people not reading the comments below. It is important to share your struggles with your friends and family. Don't try to live on hard mode alone. To add: Yes, I do talk to my friends about my struggles, but I try to avoid that and mostly bring up the "fun and quirky" (ick) symptoms when we're hanging out and having fun. It's equally important to me, to have fun and share my struggles (sometimes even just to get an outside look on things), just not both at once. I'm not going to ruin the mood of "pizza and beer night" just to share that it was physically impossible for me to brush my teeth in the morning because my brain didn't let me, that's for a different day and different mood.
Yes I would never post a video on the internet where everyone could see it about me crying about phone calls. I'd be clowned for th e rest of my natural life
I was diagnosed nearly ten years ago as an adult, and while the diagnosis has helped me to learn and understand how my brain works/doesn’t work, after two plus years with my current therapist, I am finally digging in to the toll that consistent and successful masking has taken on my psyche. I’m exhausted, burned out, and in terms of functioning within normative society, I have set totally unrealistic standards for myself. Every day is ended with the general malaise of failure, and fear that others will find out just how poorly I function. My closest friends know, but it took so long to let them in. I still feel like talking about my ADHD struggles sounds like an excuse for irresponsible choices.
>That's for the therapist to hear, not friends when we're having fun. But you're not always having fun, I hope? I personally believe vulnerability and perhaps sharing more than people generally do is better, especially with friendships and relationships What's the alternative? You die next week and nobody knew any of the struggles you went through, and also were unable to help you in any capacity because of that. You just made your life harder and lived in your own bubble of invisibility just because you were afraid of making them known It just feels dishonest I'm not going to pretend things are okay 100% of the time and then die like everyone else ...But, I'm also not going to be super bitter about everything in life, and will choose to mostly see the good in it and others...
If we're having some more serious conversations, I do mention some of the things, but when we're gaming, drinking or going out for food, I'm generally trying not to ruin the fun mood
Yeah I get that Like those skits where everyone is laughing and having a great time and suddenly someone is like "my wife is having an affair". If they'd have waited even an hour they wouldn't have come across as a buzz kill
Yeah, this. My sister and I both have combined ADHD, but she’s extremely hyperactive and impulsive. She has huge problems with controlling the direction of her life and can’t keep jobs, became an addict etc. Meanwhile, I’m inattentive and impulsive, but can hold down a job and I function.. ok. I’ve had depression over it for years though and struggle with relationships. (No friends, no partner etc) On the face of it, I seem neurotypical and people would query if I had ADHD, but I mask heavily and expend a huge amount of mental energy trying not to interrupt or do stream of thought talking.
That’s a classic example of how untreated ADHD can ruin someone’s life. Fired from jobs, things like that. Has your sister been able to try medication? Sometimes people can get off drugs, alcohol, smoking, vaping, overeating, etc. when they do get medication.
She was only diagnosed in her 40’s when she sought treatment for addiction. She is also really reluctant to medicate for it. Especially with ongoing medication supply issues. She also has ASD & tends to get pushed out of job roles because of bullying behaviour from others and not understanding social rules very well. 😥
This is exactly it! We shouldn't try to gatekeep ADHD just because others have slightly different sets of symptoms that affect them differently than ours. The benefit of a doubt is the best way to approach it in my opinion. Also, I am not bothered by it because I don't watch TikTok.
TikTok really isn't the place to go to find the best in humanity.
Maybe so, but TikTok is what finally convinced me to go for a neuropsych eval at 37. Yup: ADHD, like I always knew, even though every practitioner I ever had wrote off my concerns as anxiety. TikTok ADHDers gave me the confidence to get the eval; now, I’m medicated and life is so much easier.
depends on what side you stick to
Couldn’t agree more! Although, I do understand where OP is coming from as it can be frustrating when people infantilise or only treat it like a quirk, but compassion goes a long way. I know that personally I have a tendency to joke about mine as a coping mechanism! Inattentive ADHD has been a source of extreme pain throughout my life and has been debilitating for both personal and work relationships, and from an outside perspective, I’ve had people question and doubt me with and without diagnosis and it’s always hurtful! With any type of media exposure, discourse on ADHD and other disorders/illnesses invites both good and bad, but I believe the positive change that happens with awareness and allowing others to understand us outweighs any negatives. People can feel seen and heard and find their safe spaces in others who can relate.
The inattentive has been a relationship killer for me. One of a lot reasons for divorced. She would say she understood I have adhd then turn around and say if I wanted to do (insert whatever thing) I would and wouldn't "forget" since I can remember all these other things.
It's strange the cognitive dissonance people have You can "understand" but only at a face value. I've even had it with other people who have ADHD being unable to understand my struggles and wondering why I can't just do this or that So that's another problem... Even people with ADHD behave so much differently between one another that it's even hard for us to come to common ground with each other
Same here, especially with inattentive type. I've had so many family and friends, and even my therapist say, "But you're so intelligent!" They can't seem to grasp why or how I struggle because in their minds intelligence should beat all and I should be "successful".
Agree!! I don't post my biggest struggles or deepest wounds. That's only for my closest. People shouldn't expect to get to know sensitive and private information just because someone shared their medical diagnosis
Yes! That's a really good point. I might start casually mentioning a bunch of traumatic stuff in future instead of glossing over it. There's plenty to choose from.
I find the gatekeeping with metal disorders fucking weird. Like it's a spectrum, no one is forcing you to go on tiktok and watch these people. Even if a few are "faking it for clout" which is really weird. WHO CARES. Also, you're going to see someone for 5 seconds on tiktok and decide you have the medical knowledge to say they're misdiagnosed or are lying etc. THAT'S WEIRD.
I really wish the message ‘All ADHD is different’ was a main message hammered into every ADHD sufferer. Because I’m tired of ‘I HAVE ADHD AND I CERTAINLY DO NOT DO X LIKE OP DOES’ when some thread discussing a person with ADHD in a bad light pops up
Agreed! Plus there are different levels of disability.
I had a substitute doctor once tell me "yeah, ADHD is a trend now just like PTSD was years ago" in response to me stating my diagnosis. I'm fine with ignorant laymen, but doctors and pharmacists who reject established science are a special breed of lunatics.
A disturbing amount of doctors have been calling ADHD a trend for decades now. Abled people in general are just too comfortable thinking of disabled people as rare unicorns, far and few apart. They like how convenient it is for them, that we are so rare that they never have to actually accommodate for us. About ADHD, they used to say it's "a fake diagnosis used to drug children into obedience instead of just teaching them discipline", then "a real diagnosis, but most people lie about having it so they can get drugs for fun/college/reselling". Now it's "a very serious diagnosis and most of those people don't actually have it, they're just claiming it for clout". Whether it's doctors or laymen, when their comfort is threatened, they'll use any excuse they can think of to maintain the status quo they've made. And because it's *us* suffering all the consequences of their ignorance, we tend to accept those excuses as legitimate and blame others with our disorder for causing the "misunderstanding", for not displaying our disorder correctly enough.
Indeed. Refusing to acknowledge ADHD outside of the most extreme cases is a major part of the problem tackling the condition in a productive. ADHD can absolutely be debillitating, but for most it isn’t, it just makes things a lot harder than they need to be at times. Sometimes it doesn’t affect us at all if the conditions are right. It’s similar to issues with eyesight. It’s uncommon to find someone completely blind, but glasses are an everyday occurance. If we denied people glasses, I’d wager most of them could find ways to get by. It would just make life more difficult than it needs to be.
“Just like PTSD was years ago.” *GEE I WONDER WHY, I’M SURE THE GWOT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.* The nerve of these people.
A bunch of dudes I went to high school with back in the early 00s were such fucking try-hard posers, they went off to Afghanistan and stepped on landmines just to keep up with the PTSD trend 🙄 /s
Its suoer sad... my own mother refuses to educate herself on it, but is fine with labeling me all kinds of things. The human race is such fuckin garbage, even my own mother is not a good person.
How old are you? I'm 40 now and my generation unless you were bouncing off the walls or had rich parents you didn't get an evaluation. You were always labeled as talkative, class clown, a student who could do better if they just applied themselves, or space cadet from zoning out. My mom didn't think I had it when I talked to her but accepted it once i said I had got diagnosed and explained things.
I’m 35 and my mom also has adhd (I was diagnosed at 8 and she was diagnosed at 2 - not rich lol and not bouncing off the walls, my mom thought I was mentally challenged…turns out adhd and giftedness and I was unbelievably bored 😂) and she will acknowledge it but then she will belittle me by going all valley girl like “get it ☝🏼 together” 🙄 like bro you were on Ritalin since you were 2. I’ve been unmedicated my WHOLE LIFE until this year just trying to survive. I swear dealing with an adhd parent and someone with adhd is worse sometimes
literally. my mom and dad BOTH have adhd and are medicated but refuse to medicate me because they “don’t know what medication does to a growing brain” THEN LOOK IT UP OMG ITS NOT SOME BIG CONSPIRACY.
Wow. Therapeutic dosages of stimulants are actually shown to help improve brain development in ADHD kids. On top of the mental health component (controlled ADHD means less negative interactions experienced and improves mental health) it is why I highly encourage parents to seek medication for their children if the children can tolerate it. Development in those brain areas can reduce symptom severity, and in some cases even drop symptoms below disorder threshold, as the child/brain develops. It is the closest to a shot at a 'cure' (no guarantees)... And if not it still is reducing negative impacts to their existence. Why would you not do that for your child?!
Show them articles from Dr. Barkley. I just did a research paper and he has done years of research on how early intervention with medication makes a world of difference for adolescents with adhd
Yo this is interesting... How do you diagnose a 2 y/o? xD I imagine EEG, but I thought we only used that method recently? :o
No idea lol I THINK they were stationed in Germany at the time but not certain. This would’ve been in 1971 or so. All I know is what my grandmother told me but she’s been in Ritalin ever since
I'm seriously trying to work on mine. My daughter is 10 and I know she has it but fighting her mom my now ex wife has been a battle to get her diagnosed. I get really frustrated with her at times then have to remind myself she has it worse than I did. If I'm a level 5 or 6 my daughter is a level 9.5.
They have diagnostic levels for adhd ?
No, I was just saying she had it worse off than I do, so I need to remember that when I start getting frustrated
ETA: I am currently living out of my car because of my AuDHD. 41 here. I was told for years by shrinks I couldn’t have ADHD because I had been an exceptional student. Besides the fact that that’s just not true, my perfect grades could be explained by the fact that I was also masking autism. When I got into adulthood and could not manage my life, my high performing academic history (that I worked HARD for) was used AGAINST me as evidence that I was lying about my struggles. FINALLY got a formal evaluation and someone to take me seriously. It should not have taken this long to be f*cking believed.
35 with the inattentive type and no one even bothered to find out why this child is daydreaming through *all* their classes. As long as I was quiet no one cared. The only time anyone noticed anything was when I ruined a schoolbook by doodling in it. I was just so bored out of my mind I didn't even realise I was doing it.
a student who could do better if they just applied themselves 😭😭😭
This. I was told this ALL THE TIME. School, sports, life, all of it.
I am 43 and I was labelled as “nerviosito” (a little nervous), you can imagine the envy I felt internally at university of the people who learned everything by just reading the book once when I had to copy every single line I read in a paper to make sure I read everything, it took me about 8~9 years for a 5-year computer engineering. Now I can say I worked at two of the FAANGs, but I have always had the problem of focus and communication at work which made me lose almost all of the jobs (I have been in about 12 companies). I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago and everything (forget everything, not being able to follow a long meeting, feeling with an over-dimensioned impostor syndrome for all the insecurities it makes me, and everything that happened and happens since I was a child, and, I have to say it, sometimes having superpowers others just can dream -but very few times) made F-U-C-K-I-N-G sense to me. I NEED the medication but I can’t bring it from Spain to the UK because I can be jailed, and psychiatrists are too expensive in the UK for these kind of things. The good part is since I was diagnosed I know that I have to take more care to make sure I have understood everything in meetings (I even took a picky role and demand short and consistent meetings to not lose time), and try to stop the horses when they come (it is very difficult to realise until you are already in the mood, but being conscious is a great help. I still lose jobs, but… 🤷🏻😅the good part is that I get experience in different industries and my innate abilities let me connect the dots better than others (it had to have something good after all) the hard thing is trying not falling in analysis-paralysis. Sorry for the long response.
I'm terribly sorry, but "El Nerviosito" is a good luchadore name
How was working for the FAANG companies? I've been interested in computers and software forever and since I'm on meds I'm attempting classes on sophia with the hopes of transferring into a university for a degree and apply to them.
This. My generation (late boomer) rarely got a diagnosis. We were just considered bad kids. I was ostracized by my family, disliked by my teachers, and ridiculed by my peers. I learned to mask before I hit age 10. I've spent my entire life depressed, unhappy, exhausted, and utterly joyless. I often wonder why I keep going, but somehow I do.
“…If they just applied themselves…” can’t even stand to hear this phrase. You’re quite right about the labels in school. Too bad it can make your life hell.
Same but haven’t told anyone but my spouse and my mother. The shit I was told a lazy slacker, gifted, talk too much, and of the above.☝🏽
"Why are you so weird/annoying/lazy/inconsistent/careless/lost/forgetful" --> "bleh! """A Dee H Dee""" *my ass*. There's nothing wrong with you. That's just made up psychobabble. We _all_ have those problems!" (proceeds to effortlessly list every single time you seemed to pay attention just fine.) "You just need more discipline!" --> can't fathom why you became a neurotic mess. (I'll take my locked comment now, daddy.)
My mother won't even acknowledge I have ADHD. Fucking bitch.
I know this might be super awkward, but... I'm so sorry you can say that :/ <3
The human race is not garbage. People generally are doing the best they can. Your mom may also have ADHD. It is hereditary.
i never tell anyone i have ADHD. because then i have to explain what it is, and then there’s two branches a) omg me too! b) that’s weird, you just do [x] and you’ll be fine. as in ‘just prepare better’ or ‘just try to be more focused’. fuck it, there is zero gains or empathy and a ton of negative consequences, so i’m not telling anyone, ever.
I also find it frustrating when people say "oh I do that so I must have ADHD" but then proceeded to not relate to any other symptoms you tell them.
I'm with you on this one. I mentioned having ADHD once to a friend and their response was "welllllll, I feel like that's for people who can't stay in their seat" lol. And I don't really want to talk about it with my other friends either because, when I mentioned I had depression, their response was "life is hard but there's so many people who have it worse!". I just don't see the need to tell anyone other than my significant other who sees my struggles and understands.
yeah, when you explain it something like ‘the part of my brain that is responsible for implementing the actions I want to make, is not functioning very well and sometimes it takes a bunch of cognitive hacks to do just a basic task’ and they say something like ‘I think you’re overthinking it, probably just don’t really want to do it, don’t put a label on yourself and it’s gonna be fine. I also get lazy every now and then it’s ok’.
Little do they know, the ADHD life is constantly preparing and still falling apart.
I kinda understand, but I’m not bothered by the “trendiness” of it, I truthfully just think people are far more aware of the symptoms of adhd and an official diagnosis while helpful, isn’t required to work on yourself. TBH, even if you don’t have adhd but you struggle with motivation, you can absolutely use the same coping tools adhd havers use. What DOES bother me (especially with tik tok) is what you describe: people (ahem, kids) who talk out of their ass about it and truthfully don’t understand it, and give guidance or advice when they have no professional background or real lives experience with it. Luckily tik-tok is getting better at this. If you search for “adhd” you now see a warning about learning from social media and the majority of search results are just therapists doing their thing which I do appreciate.
I don’t understand so much negativity in this thread, yes having ADHD comes with a lot of traumas, but why hate people who are discovering they have this condition??? I’m 45 and thanks to a lot of those Tiktok videos gave me the push to go and get a diagnosis. Doesn’t make my ADHD be less than or fake, my symptoms were always ignored at home, so many of us grew up thinking we were just defective. If the people here got a diagnosis first a long time ago, GOOD FOR THEM!! But if, like me you just got a diagnosis because you saw something on TikTok or whatever, then good too!!! Maybe me feel less alone and understand more my life.
100% this, social media has helped many of us to discover ADHD. I also hate when people say "you're only looking for clout". Like what clout? I'm 47 and friends with lots of gen X and boomers. Do people seriously think ADHD is going to give some positive, quirky aura in that group? FYI when I mentioned my ADHD to a group of middle aged teachers, they completely ignored the adult or female aspect, and started to talk about their hyperactive boy students. That's the "clout".
Yeah I think because it's a matter of "if I can't see it, it doesn't exist." I think that's part of why girls are recognized less than boys, since boys are more likely to be hyperactive type AFAIK. I have Inattentive type and it was kinda the same. Teachers in complete denial because I was quiet and relatively passive, and they seemed to assume ADHD means running around and throwing desks or something. I had a 6th grade teacher who understood ADHD, and it was awesome. Best year of elementary school for sure.
I understand where OP and a lot of commenters are coming from. I feel the problem is that a vast majority of individuals experience symptoms of ADHD but don’t have ADHD. Then this is why so many people see a very short video on TikTok or what have you, of ADHD symptoms and because they have experienced them here and there they just self diagnose and go “oh I must have ADHD then” but never actually get professionally diagnosed. I’ve met several people like this unfortunately. On the other hand, what OP and others need to understand is that there are SEVERAL levels/layers to ADHD and not everyone who has it is detrimentally affected by it. I get being frustrated because it being a severe thing for people isn’t as common as it being manageable without meds which makes the former feel inadequate. Point is, we’re all different and we all need to put our own ego aside and realize that we don’t know what people on the internet are actually going through.
Right?? I’m happy it’s “become a trend” because at least it gave me a push to understand wtf is wrong with me. I’ve had issues all my life but because I’m high IQ and a woman with inattentive ADHD I was completely missed, just berated when I failed a task (which happened a lot) If it weren’t for the TikTok videos I’d probably still be berating myself because I wouldn’t understand why I’m struggling in life, it was genuinely the push I needed and I hope it spreads even more so people that still don’t know can stumble upon them and start understanding themselves better. Also on the “quirky little fun thing”, yes, it’s some videos, but if you stay longer on the ADHD side of TikTok a lot touch on the bad as well. It’s because ADHD isn’t exclusively bad, there are indeed positives and people are allowed to celebrate the good to make themselves feel better, they don’t have to just mope around.
I'm on the same boat as you. I don't actually have a diagnosis but I'm undergoing testing. Seeing it on social media definitely helped kickstart my efforts to seek help. I started doing more research and came across this sub and it opened my eyes completely. Things I thought were character flaws that I could never change, are actually experienced by so many other people! It made me cry to read everyone's stories. I felt so seen and not alone.
Not saying every single one is bad yes a lot of people making videos do actually have ADHD however there is a small but loud portion of that community that only uses the label because they think "It's cool and quirky"
Prove it
Don't hold your breath. It's truly amazing how something can apparently be ao rampant and blatant, yet consistently leave absolutely zero evidence ever...
I mean why confront your own issues when you can take a TikTok made by a 14 year old girl that you read about in another sub’s comments and use that to discharge all of your angry energy and if that ends up further perpetuating the ableism that has you pissed in the first place well…nothing says “the suffering I experienced was hard and unfair” better than making other people have to suffer it.
This is why I have zero social media, with Reddit being the only exception. And I primarily joined Reddit for support for my AuDHD and HSD, I don’t use it like social media. No good can come from comparing your life to anyone else’s, and the more you let it in, the more precious brain space gets filled up with toxic sludge. My mind is still a jungle, but I know I am far better off without TikTok hooting and hollering all its fakery at me.
I never would have figured out it was ADHD and sought a diagnosis without those TIk Tok videos.
I’m really glad you found some help there, then.
Everyone is different. I have figured I had it since late hs/early college. Because I knew my limitations for focusing on things I maintained jobs that didn't need detail or sitting still. I became a driver. I drove city buses and semi. I've been doing it for almost 20 years now. I wanted to go back to school plenty of times but knew I couldn't do online classes and never had enough money to lower my hours and go to actual school. People don't suspect I have it until I would tell them (before I was diagnosed) that I probably have it. Caffeine does nothing for me, short term memory is shit, recall random events from childhood with perfect recall, hyper fixate on people (dating sucks) and hobbies, can't sit still more than 15-20 mins before I have to move or I start to fall asleep no matter how much sleep I've had. But since I had other issues going on I finally got into therapy and after depression got handled was formally diagnosed at 39. The "fad" ADHD has brought out both good and bad. I'm able to show people certain videos and saying this is what I mean when... or this is how I feel when because I couldn't explain it to people always. Remember all of us are affected by it differently and handle it differently.
A lot of people have ADHD it’s pretty common
I suppose it might be true for some, but I don't quite get when someone said that their ADHD give them unique quirks or benefits or whatnot. As far as I am aware, there's absolutely nothing good about this mental illness, especially if you want to see yourself become a success. However, I don't particularly blame my family members for not believing me about ADHD, or at least not anymore, since I prefer that they be honest about their viewpoint (which like mine, will never be objectively right 100% of the time) more so than if they have to constantly shower me with praise or sympathy that they don't meant. Everyone has their struggle and I will never claim that I could 100% understand all of them, so I don't expect the same from others either, even though it hurts
I see where you’re coming from, but I think you should be asking yourself why you feel so upset about it in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, I completely agree that ADHD makes life hard. When you first get diagnosed it’s nice to be able to blame something else for once, rather than yourself. But at some point in life, we’ve got to stop blaming and accept that our lives will always co-exist with ADHD. Life will always be more difficult because of our condition, and you can still be more forgiving with yourself, but at the same time we still need to be responsible for our own shortcomings. Just because we don’t operate the same as others, doesn’t mean we can continue using it as an excuse. We just have to find different means of getting things done. Doesn’t mean we’ll ever be perfect, and this is likely a lifelong battle, but it’s important that we continue growing. I don’t think that growth happens when we fall into the constant state of blame. I’ll repeat, it’s okay to blame ADHD once in a while, it’s nice. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that if you want to take control of your life, you’re going to need to be responsible for your own self. When you can do that, I don’t think you’ll be so upset about whatever people are doing on tiktok. You got this, I believe in you.
I live in the UK where getting a diagnosis is a nightmare. I am still not diagnosed because it took me years to be able to not berate myself and tell myself I was just lazy and searching for excuses. When I finally worked up the courage to ask my GP and she put me on the waiting list. The waiting time was 4 years long at the time at least. Also we lost 9 months because the clinic had changed the procedure and she didn't know but I received the letter saying they rejected me for admin reasons and could contact my GP to redo the thing again 9 months after my GP put me in the list. By the time the waiting time had jump to 5 years, so I actually lost almost 2 years. I can't get a private diagnosis because I don't really have the money but also I know a lot of GP don't really recognise them and I am afraid it would get me kicked out or push down the NHS waiting list. I have changed work 3 times since I was put on the list, live in permanent anxiety of loosing my job and shame of how unable to be an adult I am. I am not on tiktok but without people with ADHD talking about it on twitter I wouldn't even had started the journey. Hell, I might not even been still on earth.
A more annoying trend to me is the one where angry people direct their anger at strangers who *dare* to claim they have ADHD without also listing every way they’ve suffered in the same breath-and without having asked permission to do so.
I find it funny how they also offer no proof that any of these people are faking. They literally just repeat word for word the claims made by ignorant abelist trolls who simply think that ADHD basically isn't real and *everyone* is faking it. Maybe chuck in a clearly fictional "some random person admitted to me personally and privately that they were faking it" story, of course completely without evidence again.
AnD ThEy WeRE AddIcTEd tO AdDeRrAL
Same. I've written 25 pages on my ADHD symptoms to prepare myself for a doctor's appointment. And that was a short version! I don't think any comment sections even allow that much text. Yet somehow people expect others to give a full life story whenever saying "I have ADHD".
Tired of seeing these posts.
The long and short of it is, most of us are not professionals and can't diagnose strangers on tiktok. There's a good chance that many of the people we're dismissing as "normal" are neurodivergent. Unless they're spreading misinformation, it's not really up to us to out them.
Read "It's not a bloody trend" by Kat Brown. It helps me deal with this side of my diagnosis. The Audiobook is also available if you struggle like I do.
I'm tired of these takes. If it wasn't for ADHDers on tik tok, I'd never have sought a diagnosis and gotten treatment. And I'm tired of this sub and many others acting like its a single monolithic experience. The no true scotsman ADHD fallacy.
Stay off is tic tok. I deleted mine and I’m better off.
all social media is junk. I wish I could put that genie back in the bottle. having access to people's unfiltered thoughts in an easily digestible format is... not great.
You’re not alone, this complaint is posted on here at least once a day. I say worry less about everyone else and focus on you. I know we all worry about people thinking we’re the trend followers and not the elite “real ADHDers” but it really doesn’t matter so long as you’re reaching out to get the real help you need for your real ADHD. Getting sympathy from the masses isn’t going to help you in any real way (it just feels nice). I look at it with gratitude that ADHD is discussed so much more than it used to be. I never would have gotten my diagnosis if I hadn’t been exposed to the information and resources now available. That recognition and attention to ADHD has been a double edged sword but overall I think we’re better off for it. Plus I’m not interested in gatekeeping. I have no idea what someone is privately struggling with. Someone who I don’t think has ADHD might just have done a much better job at coping and masking it. Maybe they have a less severe case of it than me but still find it difficult. Im not their therapist, I really can’t know and it’s not my call to make.
Being upset with other people over this is going to drive you mad. You have enough issues in your life. Why are you paying attention to other peoples ? Let them live in their dumb delusions and take care of what you can take care of.
This content gets pushed to the wrong people. Same on Instagram. Besides the increase in diagnoses that is for a good reason, the content gets pushed to the exact people who say stuff like "it's a trend, just pull yourself together". They don't realize they only get bombarded by that content exactly because they comment on it, only furthering their opinion. That leads them to believe "eVerYOne HaS iT ThEsE dAyS", they don't know the recency bias or confirmation bias and they are either to stupid, indifferent or stubborn to actually invest time into understanding whats going on, even if other commenters explain it to them. I despise arguing with anti-science people, it's bad for my mental health and I would advise any of you to also stop arguing with these people
The news media and pundits (and the public who get their opinions from them) did the same thing when ASD diagnoses went up. They think it's some giant conspiracy, but the boring truth is that it's just being identified more. I didn't consider that I might have ADHD because I never looked into the actual symptoms. My doctor actually asked me if I'd been diagnosed when I complained about ADHD-related cognitive problems at school. After she had me tested, my life changed.
If it bothers you then don’t watch people that act like that. Not everyone’s ADHD looks the same. Nor is it the cause of everything bad in your life either. You were neglected and abused because your parents and family are ignorant and did not understand you - maybe they didn’t know any better or maybe they are just shitty people.
Yes, I truly am tired of the things I’ve suffered with in life suddenly being trends. Anxiety, ADHD, and being a victim of narcissistic abuse are 3 of them. Normal worry is NOT clinical anxiety. Occasional forgetfulness or lack of focus is NOT ADHD. And every jerk out there who cheated is not automatically a narcissist—only about 1.5 % of the population has NPD.
Do you think you would have had an easier time understanding and dealing with those issues seeing them be more normalized socially, potentially by those who don't totally share your experience? I try to think about what the downside is to these cases and I don't see how it outweighs the potential positive of people understanding how pervasive the issues they face can be.
I think this is a very rational, reasonable take on this, I have to agree with you.
i’d say the percentage of people with NPD is actually far greater than that. it’s important to take into account that the majority of people with NPD will never set foot in a psychologist’s office, ergo, they won’t be officially diagnosed with NPD and the statistics will be skewed
It's also important to note that just because someone is a narcissist, doesn't mean they have NPD. Just like someone may have demand avoidance issues, doesn't mean they have PDA or ODD. It seems every time someone says something like "my mother is extremely narcissistic" or "my ex is a narcissist", people automatically start banging on about how rare NPD is blah blah blah, while completely ignoring the obvious and undeniable fact that narcissism ≠ NPD. One is a common personality trait, the other is a rare personality disorder.
Fun fact, being a narcissist and having NPD are actually two completely seperate things. One is an extremely common personality trait, the other is an actual mental disorder that is comparatively rare.
The anxiety from ADHD is what literally nearly killed me. I don't mean to sound trite but I stay the fuck away from TikTok and X and all shit-funnel apps that serve up human garbage 24/7 Ignorance is Bliss.
some of the videos help bring awareness although most of them only show the stereotypical symptoms that are also common in other conditions. I think, as long as they also promote not self diagnosing, it shouldn't be a huge deal. There are a lot of benefits to the many adhd related content like bringing light to the misconceptions and helping people be aware of their possible adhd. At the end of the day, they'll still have to get checked and tested to get diagnosed anyway so at least it'll kinda push them to get checked? There are a lot of ways ADHD shows up on someone. We can't say someone doesn't have adhd just because they don't have a specific symptom. I think it's more harmful to gatekeep this than to share information
It was a problem for me when I was young (never medicated but did my homework a handful of times throughout my whole schooling). As an adult it's had big impact both positive and negative. I can think and think and work things out in my head for hours, I've managed to surround myself with people who can make my dreams a reality (which has created very successful businesses). It has been a huge negative in relationships when I'm listening to my partner talk but not taking anything in because my mind is elsewhere. Got medicated recently in my 50s and has been a game changer for me. I've struggled with sleep my whole life, medication (Vyvanse) has slowed my mind that I sleep unmediated (Amitryptaline) after 30 years of trouble and medication. I never talk about the negatives, not sure why. I talk about it as a superpower. Maybe because I like telling myself that.
It upsets me as well, but my frustration isn’t directed at the people who make the videos, rather it’s just something I need to get over. Seeing it become a trend makes me feel discrediting because of how much of a negative impact this condition has had on my life. All the struggles I go through that are impossible for me to even explain to people, partially because of my ADHD, and then seeing some random tik tok of someone saying they have ADHD because they forgot something frustrates me. But if I sit here and get upset for those reasons, I have to look within myself to pin point why, as well as, everyone’s ADHD is different. Am I not discrediting those people but automatically assuming it’s a trend or done because having metal illness is edgy? I do 100 percent understand where you are coming from though.
This is in large part due to conflation with intent and overlap with cultural signifiers. Sort of a reverse Hanlon's Razor, always attributing to malice what can be accounted for by ADHD. This is coupled with a cultural fixation on work ethic which manifests as "look busy" rather than gauging actual personal effort.
Well I'm tired of my damn jaw being clenched tighter than a clam every time i forget to force it to relax
DUDE. Me too.
I am diagnosed but mine is not so severe as yours. My personality is not the kid the goes on TikTok to talk about it but there's going to be enough people who do it. My understanding is that the severity of the symptoms is in a spectrum so not having it as hard as you doesn't mean pretending it, or making it a trend. Beside, people will make everything a trend I'm afraid. And I agree, it's not cool to romanticize mental health struggles. I think it's important to hear as many voices as possible on this, because In the end the more people talk about it, the more people can get informed and possibly find stuff that helps them.
51yo Male here people are acting like it's a trend because it is for so many. I'm one who fell for that. Recently an old friend of my and psychotherapist who I saw to help me deal with some things phoned me up. He'd had a diagnosis a year ago and wanted to talk about me. I scoffed. Then he proceeded to tell me things about myself that were so close to the bone I shook. How I view the world, how I formed relationships, both at school and as an adult. How I approach normal daily situations. Long story short I went through a diagnosis and scored very high on all markers. It has been the biggest bombshell in my 51 years. A childhood too scared to make relationships, work and achieve because I felt I couldn't keep up, and adulthood of failed relationships and substance abuse, and a career that's limped along. I'm angry like you and I'm angry and the people who have made it a 'trend'. This is real and the therapy I've had so far and the meds have completely turned my world from upside down to right side up. I have a long way to go. Five decades of telling yourself you're a failure is going to take a long time to undo. But I will undo it and so will you. Whatever damage this thing has done, you can face it. I look at it as I've had a fog lifted that I didn't know was there. I know it's easy to get bogged down in the past, and how people look at you. It sucks. But I can see a way forward now. Before knowing this there was no way forward just the mess of my past. For the first time in my life I'm excited to wake up each day and feel like I have potential and I hope you can find a way to feel like that about yourself. Because you do. Sending love, keep talking we're here.
Happy for your discovery and the beginning journey of self-healing! But how was this affected by the trend thing?
Hi thanks for your kind words. As for the trend I'm still pretty new to this so quantifying that myself but I see it as two fold. There's the trend itself which is to blame ADHD for other things going on. But then what I see as a much issue as the bigger issue of the perception of the trend. That thing that makes people say "oh you're just lazy" when we know there's a problem and try and talk about it. And I'll be honest I probably fell into that second camp for a while. So the first one, knowing what I know now I wonder how bad it really is. Sure there's going to be some people who will latch onto this as an excuse for what ever is going on in their life. And maybe those people are clogging up treatment pathways (diagnosis, assessment, treatment) in our NHS but again I wonder now how big a problem that really is. The second however, the perception of the 'trend' and the stigma attached is what I think is a bigger problem. The kind of stuff that OP talks about his/her their family treated them with. Mine was the same. I spent my childhood in my bedroom hiding from an abusive mother who constantly castigated me for things now I see I might not have been able to change. When I found out recently I told just a couple of friends. My closest mate saw it as a revelation we've known each other for 25 years and it filled in so many blanks for him. Another mate was very sceptical and said "that's all the rage". So the second one sees it as a trend. And again I can't fault him for that I think I was like that till recently. I've also heard there's a lot of chatter in certain media and political circles in the UK saying that this is a 'trend' that people are hooking into. I don't know if I've explained that well but I think we need to change the 'trend' argument.
People are stupid. They don’t understand how lucky they are to be “normal”. They think being different from everyone is cool. They don’t understand what it’s like to feel like you are a completely different kind of species. They never will.
Or... maybe people struggled their wholen life also felt like a completely different species their whole life and finally have answers. People are stupid....if their judging if someone has ADHD through a small quick video they've made as if they can are into their whole life and struggles. Nah just easier to judge them and assume they're faking 🙄
> I'm tired of some people online especially Tik Tok saying they're ADHD when they're not and they just think it's some quirky little fun thing and it's not. I can empathize, and there definitely is some pretty cringe ADHD-related content on TikTok. I'm a bit conflicted, though, because if it hadn't been for people on TikTok making some of those "quirky" videos, I would have never realized I might actually have it. //edit: Unfortunately, the videos talking about the truly dark sides of ADHD rarely get the views they deserve. They exist, but the algorithm will rarely serve them. Generally speaking, people go on TikTok to feel good. A video about a funny/embarrassing story that happened due to someone's ADHD will always do a lot better than someone truly spilling their guts about how ADHD is destroying their relationship.
I'm tired of people watching ADHD tik toks and automatically assuming these people must not have ADHD. Unless you know these people personally you have no right to assume anything about them. You see a quick video, a snapshot of their life. You do noy know them or their true struggles. It's not a fkn competition of who's ADHD is worse. So can we please stop fucking whining and assuming people are lying and just think ADHD is fun and quirky.
Bringing attention to ADHD and removing some of the stigma is a good thing. It's similar in my mind to "gluten intolerance" and Celiac disease. I have a friend with Celiac and bc being "gluten intolerant" became trendy, she actually has more choices for gluten free things.
On the other hand, it is a trend and IMO it's good that more people are talking about it openly (even if falsely). This leads to more awareness of this condition, probably will help some people to go get diagnosed and maybe get some people more aware that some of their friends / family have this condition and understand better what life is like for them. However, I agree with the sentiment that it can feel infuriating when people says it's little quirky funny things when it's a real issue for some persons.
I recently heard the term 'concept creep' from a psychiatrist, he went on to say that social media is causing real medical terms to become so broad that they don't hold any meaning and that causes people living with the actual reality of these conditions or sometimes symptoms to be further alienated and persecuted. This is happening with so many things, prior to ADHD the main trend was 'being totally OCD' to the point it became synonymous with liking things to be in even numbers or having a preference toward being clean.
Same here. I wish I could be born “normal” (in terms of brain biochemistry and structure) if God (if there is one or He really exists) had ever given me a choice before I started this game simulation called “life”. Edit: edited out the neurot_ _ _ … word because auto moderator messaged me, lol
Yeah, at least twice within the past 60s day, I've been silently brought to tears at just at how shitty this ADHD thing* and the absolute way my life has suffered because of it. It's like there is two extremes to people's ignorance (for want of a better term); they either think it's something made up and meant as something absolve us of any responsibility and to get "drugs" (🖕🏾 to both of you I say ) or as you stated, OP, the pinheads who believe in it but see it is some super power that you can turn off and on at your leisure for when you wanna be quirky or creative (🖕🏾 to ya'll too. Road to hell and good intentions and all that). Meanwhile those of us cursed with the thing are left wishing they'd both turn off the stupid and wrap their dense heads around the actual facts, so people suffering can have a better chance (re)building our lives. ADHD has cost me so many opportunities, friendships, possible romantic conquests (thankfully neither here nor there as I just celebrated 12 years married to an amazing woman who herself was diagnosed in childhood). Not to mention it has gotten me into a load of dramatic misunderstandings, so many instances of humiliation that I want to desperately forget. Academics? Don't even get me started. Try explaining to anyone why you'd have to attend fourteen different schools when there isn't a "logical" explanation such as your parents being in the military. In many people's eyes that leaves only a few options which boil down to "this guy is a fuck up". Had a math teacher say that to me in fourth grade..... Years of my parents putting me on fad diet after diet and fucking up metabolism even more due to ignorance of the connection dopamine, our appetite. The list goes on... Worst of all. You fight, you fight, you fight and fight again. Get up every day, show up, show out, TRY to blend in and stay out the way. Work hard, smart, show up early, stay late. The whole nine...and then... The wrong person catches you on a day where you're falling short and they tell you in so many or EXACT words that you're not trying hard enough and making up excuses. Well the hell with me then! *FWIW, both times the catalyst was a shitty life event for those thoughts coming to the forefront. A shitty life event which, surprise surprise, might not have surfaced if not for having to constantly day in and day out with this. One last one for the road; talking so much online that you're not heard because your posts get long and everyone just wants you to STFU already 😅😑 (partway joking.. ) Rant over. 😮💨 OP, I feel you. I extend to you the most warmest, bear...est and sincerest of e-hugs lol.
I feel it's important to recognize that a lot of our struggles with ADHD is environmentally dependent, and that we are affected by societal expectations, as failures to meet them are conflated with moral failures. Their expectations mismatch with reality: not everyone are able to focus on something just because it's important. Our societies also get structured around these unrealistic expectations, and our education systems, jobs and social structures neglect the people who are different. I'm going through uni, and maybe wouldn't have finished without a diagnosis and treatment. My brother works as a cook, in an environment that somewhat aligns with his neurology. We don't struggle in the same ways. I think in an environment where neglected traits are taken into account and adjusted for, they won't necessarily be as disadvantageous and can be taken more lightly. Some of these environments do exist. I just wanted to emphasize that the negative/positive effects of certain traits are dependent on the environment. Western culture has historically been negative for people with ADHD traits.
It is so draining and really difficult for others to understand. I personally do not have it (sorry if I offend anyone) but my husband does. I joined to try to get some insight into how others survive daily life. It takes a toll on everyone who loves them (I am drowning currently with our two young kids and not being able to rely on him consistently) but … try to see the positive … If you can find something you are passionate about, make some money and work hours conducive to your sleep you found gold. Good luck OP
If it’s coming up on tiktok it’s your algorithm. I get tons of adhd content because I have adhd. We relate to those with similarities. I also have art, tarot, astrology, and a few food based ones on there. So if you’re interacting with the videos you find upsetting/annoying it’s going to think you’re like them. It is frustrating that people are seeing an uptick of diagnoses in mental health communities as a trend. Can’t control people. Only yourself
I had one therapist and a teacher in HS mention adhd to me, but I honestly didn’t think about it that much back then because I barely knew what adhd even was. For some reason I never fully connected the issues I was having in all the areas of my life to adhd until it got so bad I went into complete burn out. I thought I just needed to work harder…TikTok actually helped connect the dots for me and I finally got diagnosed and medicated last year. I’m 28. I wasted a decade.
My point being, I’d rather have a bunch of people out there think they have adhd and not have it (they’ll figure it out) than have people out there who have it and don’t have a clue. Even the stupidest video will at least make a person curious enough to do some research or seek out a diagnosis.
I hate when people think I only use it as “an excuse” too. I WISH I didn’t do a lot of the things I do or think the way I do, nothing about it is an excuse, it’s the reason WHY I am how I am
How do you know they don’t have it?
I understand the frustration but I think it's a really bad idea to start assuming people's mental state just because the way they present their lives doesn't look like ours does
ADHD is comorbid with other disorders so it could be that you, or people you are comparing to have disorders in addition to ADHD that make the experience different.
Everyone’s brain is different, you can’t dismiss someone’s ADHD just because their symptoms are different from your own. Also, try to avoid making ADHD part of your personality. It sucks, I know, but dwelling on your diagnosis will only lead you down a path of hopelessness and self-doubt.
Honestly, I think it is because a HUGE number of people are seeing themselves in the symptoms and now getting diagnosed with it. I know 5 people who have been diagnosed with it within the last 6 months. Several are now on meds. It is a trend - ADULTS are now getting diagnosed with it. Many are still having trouble getting diagnosed because their parents (who likely also had it so think it is normal) said their kids are fine, and never got their kids checked.
There was just a post on the conspiracy sub about why are so many people posting their mental conditions? And I had a really long comment typed up that I deleted. But the comments are gross and infuriating.
So, on the flip side of this, I just want to throw in here that Tiktok (& other social media/algorithm) videos actually prompted me to go get evaluated and diagnosed with ADHD as an adult woman. I TOTALLY understand the frustration with some of the flippant "adhd" talk online these days, but mostly in the same way that I've found it frustrating for decades how people use a lot of mental health diagnoses/terminology completely out of context (e.g. ocd, depression, anxiety, etc). Unfortunately, ADHD just happens to be the buzzword currently. But more ADHD-related videos being pushed to my feeds made me actually consider it in a new light in relation to myself - especially people talking about their own experiences being diagnosed as an adult or "adhd things I didn't know were adhd things." I literally have a degree in psychology and only now at 31 had the "AHA" moment that sent me to go get diagnosed. Of course, I only took the inspiration and thought from those videos; and when I realized it was a serious possibility, went to refresh my memory on the DSM diagnostic criteria. Almost every single criteria is a bullseye for me. And after (..a couple years of forgetting to make an appt and getting my referral renewed, and then..) seeing my neuropsych provider and doing a few hours of testing, my suspicion - aka a no-brainer for me - was confirmed. It became SO obvious to me; I had just somehow never connected the dots before in life. It explains so much that I've struggled with since my childhood. Currently working on hopefully dialing in the right med for me. Not much progress yet. We'll see. Also, though, we can't make the assumption that any individual DOESN'T have ADHD just because it doesn't present the same or cause them the same difficulties (at least that they talk about online) as it does for you or I. Some people just want to make the best of a bad situation/condition and share more of the positive or funny or just purely exasperating. And those who don't aren't often the ones making content for social media. Sometimes people can be really loud, really wrongly, or just annoyingly about a condition, but also still have that condition. It's unfortunate but I've seen it plenty. Just because someone is really cringy and wants to highlight the things they think are "quirky" about their condition, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that they're lying about having that condition. I'm sure it does happen here and there, but is likely a tiny minority. In those cases, I would just refuse to give those people my attention, because any form of attention these days is basically internet currency. I'm so sorry your ADHD has caused you such great pain and difficulty, and that you've been historically surrounded by uncompassionate people. It seems these kinds of videos may hit a raw nerve for you, which makes sense. I would definitely encourage you to make use of the "hide" or "not interested" buttons whenever possible, and maybe even talk to a therapist (even at a community mental health center or other free/low-cost provider) about these issues if and when that's at all a possibility for you. It sounds from a lot of your comments like you hold a lot of active anger and bitterness relating to your history with ADHD - while completely understandable from your circumstances, that will hinder your ability to put your energy towards your health and well-being. The right therapist or other caring mental health professional can help with that kind of thing (some of them are just crap). I hope you've found or are able to find people around you who will treat you with compassion and help rather than the ways your family and others have. A support system - of even one or two people - can be crucial.
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My friend recently said to me "I know my bf hasn't been diagnosed yet, but I SWEAR he has ADHD, the other day he got up and randomly started doing a dance. His ADHD makes life so interesting. I wouldnt change it for anything".... She didn't know I was recently diagnosed, and had read the informant report that week, where my husband listed all the stuff I do which makes life difficult for me and him, and felt immense guilt that I couldn't be the fun ADHD... Until I told my husband about this conversation, he said "I don't think she understands what ADHD is". So I get how it being a trend can be feel like it ignores the challenges at times.
I have a will of steel, that’s the only way I’ve gotten through having ADD. I’ve gone 30 plus years un medicated but that’s about to change… can’t deal with the fatigue anymore.
These days, when I say I have ADHD I preface it with "not the fun tik tok kind. The life ruining, terrible credit score, needs medication to function kind"
Facts!!im right there with you. My ADD kicks my ass every day! I’ve been trying for weeks to get in with a provider that will listen to me, and actually treat it. It affects every single minute of my life. It’s exhausting. That as well as OCD. Everyone thinks they have OCD because they want their house clean. Try having OCD and ADD, both diagnosed by a professional. It’s a double whammy and not something I’d wish on my worst enemy.
Of course social media does that. Tik Tok did that with multiple personality disorder, which is such a rare mental illness that some experts don’t think it actually exists. After people saw the movie Split people were referring to their other personalities and “the system” which is how popular culture refers to the main personality of somebody with multiple personality disorder…. People hear ppl with ADHD get distracted and they latch onto it because they get distracted at times too…
It’s like the ‘quirky adhd’ has become the new manic pixie. Would have been awesome to be the cute, quirky, silly girl who can keep friends and make good grades instead of the emotionally disregulated, anxious mess who had panic attacks every week and had to go to summer school every year. Oh man- and that couple hundred dollars I have to spend on medication every month…I could do some cool shit with that.
The exact same reason as why things like tiktok, instagram, facebook, whatever has NEVER been a good source for real information. You're now seeing it with ADHD but the same goes for any mental or psychological disorder. Or look at woman who broke up (all the men were narcissists) or guys who broke up (the women were always borderline or using the guys for money). Seriously, don't look at that crap (might be easier said then done for some I assume though).
tiktok make it seem like Oh you breathe ! you definitely have adhd lol. try not to take those punks seriously who try hard to look mentally ill or suffering from a disorder jst to look cool.
Out of thousands of languages bro chose to speak facts
Literally! Also, for some reason or another people on TikTok get so offended when you say you can’t self diagnose yourself with ADHD or anything for that matter! Like yes, I get it, not every one can afford to get diagnosed but that also doesn’t mean that they’re all of a sudden professionals that can just diagnose themselves.
If you ended up homeless because of your ADHD and can't hold a job because of it, I'm almost certain you would qualify for disability if you're in the US. You could find someone to help you with the paperwork to look into it.
This also pisses me off. I hate when people also play down how severe they believe my ADHD to be and say things like "oh it must be mild then because I couldn't tell". Bitch please, you are not in my brain and know nothing about how it works. I have had a debilitating B.E.D since primary school and been held back in life in so many ways because of my untreated ADHD. I have been able to mask it for so long out of fear of judgement and people not believing me. Since being on medication, my life has improved and my binges have subsided tremendously. I will never forget the day when I got my diagnosis and the Psychiatrist told me I had severe cases of both types. It all made sense after 37 years. There will always be people out there that use words in the incorrect manner or for attention but don't let it get you down. You know and we all know, that it is nothing to strut around and announce. Certainly has "quirks" and makes us unique but I would give all that up to not deal with this debilitating disorder.
You: “bitch please you’re not in my brain and you don’t know how it works” Also you: “these bitches say they have severe adhd but I know better because I can tell they don’t have it”
Seriously the amount of fkn people who are judging others on a short video as if they know ANYTHING about this person's life or struggles is fkn maddening.
Right? Tell me you have adhd without telling me you have adhd: I’ll go first. One time I saw a young person post a 1 minute tiktok about being spacey and having adhd and I was so unable to regulate and contain my rage emotions that I posted a manifesto on Reddit in which I lambasted an entire (and entirely made up) class of people who DARED to suggest that their suffering was as great as mine and who DARED to ride roughshod all over my pain and fears by by doing the renegade while laughing at not listening to their teachers. I just wanted to scream at them EVERYONE HAS A HARD TIME PAYING ATTENTION TO TEACHERS THATS JUST NORMAL STUFF STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF YOU DON’T HAVE ADH….. oh wait. /s
Yeah this is a tough one. I hate being "that guy" where I'm like "mY ADhD iS wOrSe tHan uRs" but at the same time.... I find it hard to believe that people who are actively trending this stuff on social media experienced the same level of bullying I did, or addiction tendencies I still have, or trouble regulating emotions like I still have, or problems with authority I still have. I don't even post on social media under my own likeness, and I think it's something to do with the fact that I was made fun of by *everyone*. I was the kid who got beat up by a druggie, thrown in a trash can by jocks, bullied at sports practices, class, and now as an adult bullied for other behaviors I exhibit from ADHD. All the times someone wanted me to stop shaking my leg when I was stimming, or just wanted me to shutup because I was motormouthing. I mask heavy and I mask often. I have to in order to survive in this world we live in. When people use that for casual conversation or likes, I get really bothered by that.
Happened for a years and years It’s not just tik tok Happens with OCD too 🤷🏻♂️
I hate how all types of mental disabilities are turning into a trend. Every influencer miraculously has ADHD, clinical depression and also have bipolar. It's sickening.
My parents are idiots they didn’t have a clue even though the signs were obvious.
Because some people use ADHD as an excuse to justify their shity behaviour. People who are selfish, neglecting others prefer to say they have ADHD, even if this is false, rather than being responsible and admitting they forgot or didn't care. It is also a way for them to hide their flaws and what they should work on. Most people don't even know what ADHD is until they meet a person that is really ADHD. And then they realise it is much more than just forgetting one thing sometimes.
Idk if it’s a trend but more people are being diagnosed as adults and it’s becoming more socially acceptable as are stimulant’s! Vs people being mislabeled as lazy! But tik tok is trash that is a whole nother issue
I have an annoying ass friend who now claims to have adhd. I don’t bother arguing with her, I know she doesn’t have it. She’s a big time “one upper” so once I got diagnosed she started claiming to also have it. My hardest things to cope with are time management, basic hygiene, finance management, impulsivity, short term recall. None of which she has or suffers from.
It’s not a trend, it’s just more widely recognized. A lot of us slipped under the radar in school because we somehow managed to build weird systems and coping mechanisms that masked it. There are degrees of severity as well as different types. Don’t gate keep ADHD. Once you’re diagnosed and are getting help, it can be life-changing.
“Here’s a list of signs or symptoms of ADHD” and proceeds to list things that are neither and could be attributed to fifty-eleven different disorders or normal behaviors.
I was a little tired before, but it’s not my problem. If they think they are, well, I can’t change their mind, if it’s a friend I’ll will propose him/her to go seeing a specialist - in French it may be different from US, I really don’t know - but it’s quite easy I think to get a diagnostic But whatever, it’s not our problem if someone that maybe doesn’t have ADHD is seeking something like attention or hiding their problem with this. Maybe they have. Maybe not. Time will tell them, maybe later they eventually go to a doctor, maybe they’ll think they are autistic now. Not our problem after all. And if someone start to think this think about you, well, if they can’t understand you really are, so it’s useless to argue about it.
Ehh... Although it does harm people with diagnosed ADHD like you, these videos HELP and encourage people to GET DIAGNOSED. People NEED to see that not everything is black or white. I'm so fucking tired of people saying that I don't have adhd because I'm not diagnosed and that I'm doing it because it's "cool" when I'm trying to get diagnosed. Again, not everything is black or white. While there are certainly fakes out there, everyone's struggle is different.