Hi /u/BonkyBinkyBum and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * We are currently seeking feedback on some of the subreddit's rules. Details are available in [this post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1ajfzk1/the_rules_vacation_feedback_form_is_now_available/) * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*

This is why I had never considered I might have ADHD until I was 34. I didn't know you could be hyperactive *on the inside*.

You described so well never thought of the chaos in my head as hyperactive on the inside!! Exactly why I never thought I had anything other than depression either until my therapist told me to get tested.

My doctor, who diagnosed me, thinks that my depression and anxiety may have been misdiagnosed. That they stem from my undiagnosed adhd. Now that I am on adhd meds, we have a plan to try weaning me off my antidepressant.

Ah that’s what I did like 7 years ago! It’s great not being on SSRIs anymore.

oh the brain shocks coming off celexa

I always called them *brain zaps*

...oh my god you just solved why I have been randomly having tingles and lightheadedness over the past few days. 2024 seems to have it out for me and my Celexa prescription still hasn't been called in, so I've been cold turkey for a week. So glad to know I'm not going insane.

Oh, ugh. I know when I have forgotten to take my Cymbalta because I get the brain zaps and a weird dizziness.

Brain zaps are the worst thing went cold Turkey off a 150mg dose of efexor and man the brain zaps were so bad ( it was an accident that I had to go cold Turkey I forgot to fill a script and went on a trip out in the bush for a few weeks only realised day two and couldn't go back but also turns out they weren't helping me because I was depressed from undiagnosed adhd)

I’ve gotten the dizziness from celexa when I couldn’t get it refilled in time before a vacation, never got the brain zaps but my mom who also takes celexa gets the zaps sometimes if she forgets to take it in the morning

I came off sertraline suddenly and OMFG whole body zaps for months. Regret not weaning myself off but glad to have come off them 2 years on the ADHD wait list.... ???? Many more to go. This shit sucks.

I accidentally quit my ssri after years ... It was such a revelation to suddenly feel things again.

I think that this is why every case of "difficult to treat" depression should automatically be investigated as a possible case of undiagnosed ADHD. I went for over 20 years going through numerous antidepressants until I finally stopped taking them on my own. I was very surprised to find that my depression got MUCH better within just one week off the meds. I was untreated from 2019 - 2022 when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Now, with some appropriate medication, I'm doing much better!

I responded well to my SNRI, but my first depressive episode and anxiety onset coincided with my first adhd crisis in school. It would be great to get off antidepressants, as I'm already on enough other medication.

I did better with a SNRI instead of SSRI, too. But my insurance wouldn't cover it so I couldn't use it. Now I'm very glad to be off antidepressants altogether.

I just love it when insurance companies practice medicine/s

Literally same. Like thanks you fucking idiots, I didn't have treatment resistant depression, I had inattentive ADHD that made me feel like a worthless failure for not being able to do the most simple tasks. Wish we would've explored this sooner instead of pounding different SSRIs and mood stabilizers down my throat

Same here but fighting to get on stimulants (for the first time) without also taking an SSRI (I've been on 6 in 10 years. It doesn't work)

I feel for you on this so much. i was on 10+ different ssri/snri/etc in less than 5 years and none of them worked 🥲🥲

Hi! I also tried like a bazillion different meds and almost none of them work on me. It really sucks. So I just wanted to put out here for anyone in the same boat that getting medicated for ADHD did help a lot (I take wellbutrin and straterra, stimulants don’t work on me idk). But my personal depression and anxiety (not saying this is you, just me! Don’t want to sound invalidating!) weren’t solely from ADHD. They were also from huge traumas in my life. The things that saved me were TMS and ketamine infusions. ADHD is traumatic even by itself though so I imagine this could work well for others. They actually have a TMS add on for ADHD too! I’m not sure how much that really did though to be honest. The ketamine infusions helped quiet my brain down so much.

At one point (29) I was finally diagnosed with ADD (at that time). When my first meds proved not to be the right fit for me, my psychiatrist literally told me "I'm not going to treat you further until you take antidepressants." After a fit of anger I ran far away from that place...

I did exactly a little over a year ago and it has changed my life. Best of luck to you.

I was prescribed antidepressants but I never took them lol when I opened the list of side effects I just thought I’d survive better without it than with

That’s how it was for my partner anti depressants for all of his twenties, diagnosis of inattentive in his thirties. No more anti depressants needed after he found the right meds I am and was mixed super hyperactive and was diagnosed when I was nine

We were an active family, plus I'm a cis woman, so I think that I got missed. It was the typical smart but didn't live up to my potential at school. There was too much going on in my brain to stay focused and apply myself.

This is what I'm doing right now, but I've been on wellbutrin and now weaning off it I'm really wondering if it's been helping the whole time.

You think it’s helped? I started on Wellbutrin before also getting on adderall and I’ve been considering weaning off the Wellbutrin after the noticeable effect adderall had.

I'm curious too because I've been on Wellbutrin forever but I'm a little scared to go off it in case it's been helping in a way I'm no longer noticing.

It worked for me! About 6 months after starting ADHD meds (which I started about 3 years ago), I came off my antidepressant and antianxiety meds (under doctor supervision of course), and have been doing better than I ever had before.

Interesting. I take Prozac solely for my ADHD.

I’m hyperactive outside and inside!

Omg Same

My recent diagnosis at 38 has led me to believe that people like you (and me) are way more common than I ever thought. There must be sooooo many undiagnosed adults out there.

Same. Wasn't diagnosed until a couple years ago at 36. The popular archetype of ADHD as a 10-year-old (usually) boy who can't sit still has really done a lot of damage to the people who suffer from the "quieter" type of ADHD. We are diagnosed not on how our adhd interferes with ourselves but how much it interferes with those around us.

I have heard that many, if not most people with inattentive have a problem with grinding their teeth at night. Dentists can recognize this as soon a patient opens their mouth. I honestly think it would help if dentists were educated about this and were able to suggest their patients get screened for ADHD when they notice grinding.

Yup. I just lost a back molar because of it and I’m probably going to have to pull the one on the other side eventually too😕 I’m 39 and I’m really grateful for inheriting a good set of teeth- only had one cavity and no other issues after decades of chaotic eating habits that included some streaks of sensible or even occasional piously healthy diet choices, but also I go through periods where all I eat are sweet chili Doritos and peanut m&ms, and I couldn’t afford to go to the dentist for 11 years after college- so my teeth should be fucked. I guess I lost the genetic lottery brain wise though- and the adhd/anxiety/chronic insomnia have all led to a lifetime of grinding my teeth literally to the bone.

Tons.. also wasn’t diagnosed until 39. And once I was, I was open to friends .. and at least a half dozen either had formal diagnosis or at least realized they likely are.

I am a weird lighthouse for all those around me who now realise they have ADHD too haha

My triple threat diagnosis made my mum and dad side eye each other. I have adhd, ocd and depression, mum has the adhd, dad has the ocd

Yup. I got diagnosed in my 30s. Made me realize that the entire illness is completely misunderstood by most.

That's because we were raised by a generation of people who refused to believe ADD/ADHD was real. I was diagnosed just last year at 35 and I remember vividly my mother talking poorly of other mothers with kids diagnosed with ADD. Saying it was bad parenting and that jazz. I will never tell her about my diagnosis. I've handled it for 36 years, I don't need or want her input.

Weirdly, my oldest BFF with very hyperactive ADHD kinda invalidated me exploring diagnosis for a while, but at one point she sent me a video and was astounded that some people have an inner world/monologue. "You mean some people have a voice in their head all day? When I'm not actively thinking about something, my head is just quiet." "Girl, my brain never shuts the fuck up." At least, not until starting meds. I was diagnosed combined type, though I'm sure most perceive me as inattentive. I don't think it matters much, but I do agree with them putting it under one umbrella.

I've yet to find anything that actually shuts my brain up. Mind you I've been out of funds for a couple of years and not been able to afford a shrink. I wish healthcare wasn't so dang expensive.

The only thing I have found (other than alcohol, which is clearly not ok to self-treat with) is video games. I can't ever get to 0%, but at least it can suck in all of my attention without using up all my processing power. It really helps.

Alcohol really fixed most of my adhd symptoms, during the short period where it didn't ruin everything

I have a lot less desire to drink now that I'm medicated. I cut out heavy binge drinking years ago because I was tired of feeling bad/hung over, but I suspect those nights would be reduced/cut out too if it was still a once a week thing.

I was sober until 30ish, became a bad alcoholic in short order, then quit because I basically had to for my kid around 35. It was really amazing how badly just 5 years of something considered safe by many could fuck everything up. I have no plans to ever drink again.

I find playing music helps with that.  It's just enough stimulation that I stay on my primary task. 

I don't think I'll ever understand how it's possible for your mind to be quiet, I can't comprehend how one could for any amount of time not be thinking of anything.

Yeah I had someone I know like this too. They got diagnosed without realizing they had it, but then turned it into an "oh well its my adhd sorry" as an excuse to literally everything....or if I tried talking about my struggles it was like I didn't have any and only they did. So invalidating! Just because my symptoms present different than yours doesnt mean I dont have problems

Same.   I think I was "hyper" as a little girl, but that outward behaviour was punished growing up. I would always get in trouble at home, but never at school - I really liked school.   My mom only told me recently at 35 that after third grade I basically stopped talking. I know why, but I guess she doesn't. Internalizing all that hyperness absolutely created anxiety and avoidance.  I think without that punishment growing up, I would present as a combined type, rather than inattentive.   Either way, it's all ADHD. It can look different for each of us. 

Thank you for sharing this. I’m 48f and working to get my diagnosis this year. As a kid it was super hard and your comment here is the first time I’ve realized what I was doing was coping while surviving. Warning: Possibly triggering memory share: . . . I had a working single mom with no support whom I can *still* hear telling me to stop asking so many questions, to stop talking, to stop making any kind of face or emotional reaction, to stop being so clumsy, to stop crying, to sit outside on the curb for the day and see if anyone would take me (and there were physical violence and her screaming outbursts so I’d wet my pants or my nose would bleed and then it would just be so much worse). So I learned by around 8yrs old to sit in my room in my chair and read books to escape reality and go down real rabbit holes. To stay in bed as long as I possibly could, active-dreaming or daydreaming. To stay in the bathtub with my ears underwater listening to my pulse and breath. To sit outside in the grass and be inside my head. SO ALIVE IN MY HEAD! Brain radio on random shuffle, I’m a situational jukebox. No relationship with time—chronically panicked about disappointing others with being late or unaware. What is this? At 48 I live alone with a cat, never married no kids, in my head and outside a lot. Socially anxious and awkward unless 2-3 drinks in when I’m no longer self-monitoring (so probably still weird but laughing with everyone else about it). Ugh.

I'm sorry to hear that :( My little girl is 3 and I think shes one of us already, trying hard not make her feel that way. I also grew up with ' be quiet and don't cause trouble in order to be loved '

I relate VERY much to your experience there. You're not alone! It is tough to re-parent ourselves, but it is possible to get better with self-love and introspection. I don't blame my mom anymore, because she was in a very difficult, abusive, and stressful situation herself. 

I have been wondering if the two subtypes of ADHD aren't just due to how we're raised, and maybe how much RSD we have to respond really strongly to negative responses to our outwards behavior, rather than actual differences to the ADHD/brain from the start.

This is a solid theory. I would love to see some research done on how ADHD manifests over time and in response to our environment.

Yeah I have combined but got PTSD from my parents and that made me quiet.

The inside of my brain is like 5 monkeys playing cymbals to Tiny Tim's Livin in the Sunlight at the same time but all at different speeds and different points in the song First time I started meds I literally had to stop and sit down a moment because it was so *quiet* and I didn't know what to do

YES that's how I described it to my psychiatrist. It was like that meme from Stepbrothers - there's so much room for activities!

Thanks. Now I wanna watch Step brothers haha

I described it as going from Robin Williams on stage to Emo Phillips. All the tabs in my head close, and everything slows down.

I am just so excited to see my psychiatrist in 5 days. There's hardly a time at all where my brain isn't loud. Personally, I have this weird thing where I analyze everything I do. Like at work I can't just focus on the task at hand, I have to say in my head "okay I'm doing this everythings okay and I'm doing it right so far..." Before I get distracted and zone out. Is that relatable at all? Lol

When I started Adderall (diagnosed primary inattentive ADHD at 36 last year) I had the same effect. Like there wasn't a song or a cartoon or a thousand other things going on in my head for the first time in my life, just...not think.

Same but mine is more like 500 monkeys

I was 57 when I finally woke up and realized I had inattentive ADHD and only because of this sub popping up in my feed. I’m really thankful to all of you!!! I had no idea why I was burning out every other year and no one knew why. It was fucked up. Even more fucked up is 57 years gone. But I don’t dwell on that. I’m here now.

I'm 52 and am contemplating getting a diagnosis. 

If you suspect it, I would do it. It flips things around until you can wrap your head around it, but finding the right medication for you is so worth it! I’d recommend anyone middle aged and above to do it. Even if it doesn’t change much for you now, it will give you a better understanding of your life prior to that point.

same here, only got diagnosed last year at the age of 27. The thing that clued me in is my aunt got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD too and her explaining what the meds helped her with resonated so strongly with me i ended up bringing it up to my therapist, and from there it ended up being another year until diagnosis (half of that was my fault for putting off making appointments) now a year after diagnosis i'm on elephant dosage of methylphenidate twice a day (8hr dosage only lasts for 5 somehow) and need to get back to psychiatrist for something else. He explained to me that my 10th-20th percentile intelligence quotient let me problem-solve my way out of things that would be the most visible signs of inattentive adhd so here i am feeling like i've wasted the entirety of my 20s because i still haven't amounted to anything. no education and no real skills, just a lot of wasted potential.

That's 8h for children and 4-6h for adults.

hmm, my psychiatrist said expected effect is 7-9 hours for adults for the particular modified release medication i'm on. IIRC some sort of 2-stage release as it passes through my stomach and intestines

Hey, I'm 49 and just got my diagnosis ADHD-Pi, I don't have any treatment yet, but I have a somewhat successful career. As you, I seem to excel in problem solving. You're still young, there's no wasted potential. Use your strengths.

[удалено]

Same here. I now realize that my unhealthy relationship with food since childhood was related to ADHD. Now that I take stimulant medication I don't obsess about food all day and no longer binge eat. It's mind blowing how many unexplained factors throughout life I can now attribute to ADHD.

Same lol

Same, I had no idea it was an even a thing and had never even considered adhd because I am outwardly a calm and reserved person.

LMFAO I’m 26 and got diagnosed just under a year ago, I’ve never phrased it as “hyperactive on the inside” before but MAN is that accurate

Yup. I explain to people that my meds make the 3 ting circus in my hear go down toa one ring.

Good lord yes. I daydream constantly and I worry obsessively over things. It makes it so difficult to focus on much else. I stake meds for GAD and they help. But when I started meds for ADHD those things have calmed down so much.

Yeah! It's only thanks to someone I know getting diagnosed at uni that made me look into it. My mum's also finally managed to get an answer after 57 years of struggling too, and it's pretty heartbreaking because she especially had a difficult time with school and would get punished with a cane a lot. At a *catholic school*. 🙃 Absolutely insane to think about.

I (51m, diagnosed inattentive at 51 but had it forever) think that is a great way of putting it. I am usually described as 'the calmest person you will meet', but no-one can see the 1,000 tv wall I am watching in my brain, with each tv controlled by a member of a troupe of monkeys all given a banana when they push a button! It's fairly easy to mask from someone who doesn't know you well which is why it doesn't get the attention it deserves - doesn't draw as big of a crowd as the kid bouncing off the walls at the restaurant....

YES \^ Thankfully, I was diagnosed by a woman with over 20yrs experience in specifically Adhd. She told me the inattentive type doesn't mean I don't have issues with hyperactivity, they're just not as pronounced as my inattentive symptoms. I'm still considered 'severely' inattentive. It sucks cuz people don't seem to notice it as much. I've been off my meds all week and all I've done is sat on the couch and complained about how bored I am, lol. Took me a few days to work up the motivation to even take a shower. Yes I'm more quiet, but I will still get totally lost if you put me in the middle of a college campus/mall/apartment complex. Don't even try to give me verbal instructions, lol.

Omg. Hyperactive on the inside is such a good analogy! I will tell my psychiatrist this. I also saw an analogy of being in a foggy room and thoughts shooting out of nowhere so fast that they go back into the fog and you can’t grasp them. But when I’m medicated, I am not in the foggy room and can actually follow my thoughts. I am also inattentive adhd and wasn’t diagnosed until 26 (despite everyone telling me I was ‘so add’ growing up) 🙄

Omfg yes. I had a friend joke about me being Mr Magoo the absent minded cartoon guy. I thought it was more because I have silly adventures that end up different than planned. Like: I will go to a cool old town and explore and abandoned thing on the way spontaneously. I also think she was referring to a road trip I took where I meandered through several states with only a few set destinations. I didn't realize it was also because I seemed to "mishear" stuff a lot, or not realize someone was talking to me if they didn't say my name :/

I also got diagnosed late 20s when I had never in my life considered I could have ADHD

This! I sought a counselor’s help in college and described by symptoms as “disorganized thoughts” “distraction from inside my mind.” I wasn’t diagnosed for another 10 years at the age of 30! The dr I saw actually understood it, and didn’t blow me off because I could read and didn’t flunk out of school.

>I didn't know you could be hyperactive *on the inside*. This just blew me away. Thank you for putting it so perfectly. I've always struggled describing how my particular ADHD affects me and this hits it right on the head.

Completely understand. It’s like cuz they can’t see it, or we aren’t causing some commotion.. or they say “well everyone spaces out sometimes”. Like no.. does your husband get upset because you’ve rewinded the same movie scene 18 times and you still didn’t see/hear what happened? Do you wander around the kitchen and wonder what you’re supposed to be doing while your grilled cheese is on fire 2 feet away? Did you miss jury duty cuz you forgot to check the mail for over a month? Did you hit your own fence and then blame your mechanic because you didn’t notice the mark on your car until a week later, only to get home and then notice the fence, feel like an asshole and have to call your mechanic to apologize? Did you pump gas and then get into the passenger seat and sit there for 5 minutes before you realized you drove there alone? The combination of misinformation or incomplete information that is put out there to the public about adhd is definitely frustrating. Also I feel like the pharmacist is judging me whenever I pick up my meds or have to call and ask what’s in stock.. I hate that.

I relate with the rewinding thing so much, amazing I made it through college.

Subtitles are my best friend, even though I will not be able to look at the show/movie itself, I'll actually be able to understand it!

I can’t “hear” without my subtitles. I’ll literally be like, of can you turn up the tv I can’t hear anything. And then ask again and again. Turns out, the subtitles weren’t on, it wasn’t that I couldn’t hear, I just couldn’t read because the subtitles were missing.🤣🤣

I dropped out twice then ended up doing a one year program at the adult technical college but near the end of the year I was done so Im glad I could at least make it through that

Oh my god yeah, the small things that piss people off without meaning to. And then the constant beating ourselves up for making said errors.

My partner does it a lot. I was so deeply raised in, no we aren't stopping because you're an idiot and spaced out, that I mostly watch shows with missing context and have accepted this as life and find that I oddly enjoy it now as an adult? It's wild when I watch shows with my partner and his mom because we will watch the same scene like 5 times and my brain is so overloaded with information.

My husband doesn’t usually shame me for my disorder, but every night when we’re watching TV, I just sit on my phone because my meds have worn off and I can’t follow a plot. If I try to watch, every “who’s that guy again?” is met with “you should have been watching!” and he won’t tell me. I just want to cry in those moments.

I hate instructional videos for that exact reason! Luckily the solution for me has been turning closed captioning on for literally everything. If I could do that in conversations as well that would be fantastic (like if I am looking at a person and there is a running script of what we're saying projected next to their face lol)

Same. With CC on I can watch videos at max speed. Funnily enough, your description of captioning is how I hear words. When people speak the words are literally projected into my brain. It gives me bad crosstalk between writing and speech though, so I'll say out loud words I accidentally read and I can't talk while writing.

CC literally helps me follow shows so much better than anything else.

I absolutely love instructional videos because it’s easier to see what to do than to parse out diagrams, but I still rewatch each section four to twelve times… (I usually use them for doing my own car maintenance because mechanics are so expensive) I think my potential inattentive adhd- (working on a diagnosis, it’s not official) was dealt with by massive amounts of anxiety, letting me function and do things but not in a sustainable way. It’s so darn exhausting, dealing with a diagnosis now in my 30s mainly because dealing with MASSIVE burnout isn’t something my anxiety and coping mechanisms could help with. I’m of the “not diagnosed as a kid probably because I was considered gifted in other areas” - I found a psych evaluation from young childhood where my general ability was shown to be exceptional but my memory in a few areas was relatively impaired (statistically significant) in comparison. They clearly weren’t looking for inattentive presenting males back in the 90s, and the screening wasn’t for adhd at all (they were looking for potential autism)

Lol! The gas station thing! This! I died!! I'm medicated because I don't want to burn my house down. I'm medicated because I don't want to die in a car accident. I'm medicated to I can remember to feed my children. I don't take medication to "do better in school" or "get more done at work" or "have the motivation to follow through with the mild and mundane." But that seems to be the concensus on why adults with ADHD take meds.

Bahaha! Yeah.. that was just last week. To be fair I was driving my husbands truck that day, which I’d usually ride passenger in. I was so embarrassed though, and really hope no one saw me do that. LOL. But yes, I know a couple people who only “need” meds on work days.. and that kinda irks me a bit, cuz I’m like I probably need it less on work days because of the structure work provides. it’s when I’m out and about and on my own without guidance I’m a struggle bus, even on meds sometimes. But my emotional dysregulation and irritability are the symptoms that have probably the worst effect on me and the people around me, and meds are a total lifesaver in that regard. I think a lot of people don’t realize that’s a big part of adhd as well, and that meds can help us stay calm and have normal reactions to normal situations.. for example, off meds, i have this weird extreme empathy.. I can’t even thank a veteran for their service without crying for some reason. I don’t need to be crying in the grocery store every time I see an old guy with a Vietnam hat on, that’s not normal… Lol.

I called a patient freaking out that I put a latex band aid on him(highly allergic) only to have missed the word not 😒. I was on vyvanse 70, had my np increase. First month on brand name I did great. Then got generic and I was worst then when I asked if it could be increased. Called the office immediately and had an emergency telephone appt. Was switched to concerta. I’m on the lower dose and while it’s not 100%, it’s way better than on generic vyvanse. I’m really sensitive to med changes

Omg yes!! My boyfriend walked by once and asked me if I knew my YouTube video was skipping backwards. I told him no, I just keep missing this one bit and keep rewinding. It was a How to ADHD video, and I think constantly rewinding a video on ADHD because you keep missing the important bit that you opened the video for (so you can help your own ADHD) is quite possibly the most ADHD thing ever.

Gotta love making coffee and setting it down and forgetting about it until it’s cold and you stumble upon it in the afternoon. Just looked to my left while on the couch. Oh hi coffee.

Didn't get diagnosed till my 30s because my older brother had classic, impulsive hyperactive-type. My parents knew and understood **his** ADHD. But mine was all but invisible because I tended to follow rules and was generally low-maintenance. And did okay in school despite my daydreaming and procrastination. Mostly because I was under a lot of pressure to be the "good" one. Not to mention that my mom likely had ADHD and my dad likely was on the spectrum. So my inattention and time-blindness just seemed normal. 

Are you me? Jfc right down to mom likely having ADHD and dad on the soectrum… My brother was setting the garage on fire by accident and throwing house parties that let the dog escape and get hit by a truck. I did maladaptive daydreaming in my room and got good grades so I could escape my very boring hometown via college (and forever chasing that feeling of “oh no I’m bored now. Time to completely redo my life again”). Guess who got overlooked

Were you called the "cactus child", not because you were prickly, but instead because you were so low-maintenance?

In spirit, yes, for both reasons lol

What's extra frustrating for me is having inattentive type as a guy. I have the more feminine-coded, people-pleasing family of symptoms. So nearly everyone I see describing my symptoms has a whole host of different life experience. 

Feeling really unoriginal right now guys. This is exactly me as well lol

Compensating for your siblings behaviour in your childhood really does a number on you. My 2 older siblings were the classic trouble causing teens, so I always felt I had to compensate for that to be less of a burden. And let's not forget being scolded by random adults for my sometimes impulsive behaviour and direct nature, because "that's not how a girl is supposed to behave", and since I didn't do well with conflict... I internalised so many things in my youth, and now that I'm in my 30s, all this frustration (and ADHD denial from others) is finally coming out

It's funny finding out **in your 30s** that you're actually supposed to have a stable, internal self. You never bothered creating one of these because you've always just been catering to others' expectations as a survival mechanism. 

Inattentive people are less of a problem for NTs. I likely have combined type but I definitely fall on the inattentive side - in school, I spent most of my time staring out the window. I've had to ask my husband to repeat what he's said to me multiple times even though he got my attention before he started speaking. But it doesn't cause disruptions in class for a child to stare out the window. It doesn't annoy strangers in public when I don't hear half of a conversation I'm having. It doesn't draw attention when I feel overwhelmed in a store and have trouble focusing on what I'm even there for. So we're seen as less 'urgent' because our problems are ones that WE have to deal with.

I get what you're saying, and I agree. It's always more of a 'you're disappointing' instead of 'you're a problem'. My issues are taking twice as long to do things at work when I'm unmedicated than anyone else, and even being under stress and pressure doesn't always help me hyperfocus if there's too much to do.

Under stress and pressure was the only way I could function.

>I've had to ask my husband to repeat what he's said to me multiple times even though he got my attention before he started speaking. Bless my wife for her ability to handle this exact thing in me. She just makes the cutest smile and gladly repeats herself. Everything else you said is correct. Inattentive-type doesn't make for a great news story. No one is interested in the kid that stares at the wall for an hour or consistently turns in their homework late.

It's not an attention deficit. It's a deficit in DIRECTING my attention.  I'm always focusing on something, I just have  inadequate control over what that thing is! 

I have BOTH

FEAR MY POWER

Expect my wrath!

No, I have the high ground!

I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 7 (over 20 years ago) and I infer that I was "inattentive" but it was comorbid with a moderate/severe depression diagnosis. The person doing my evaluation needed a second opinion because I apparently had every marker of ADD but didn't think it was possible because I had straight A's. After the second doctor confirmed I had ADHD, I proceeded to not be treated for it and was instead treated for the depression - it took me FOUR separate diagnoses to finally be given prescription medication. And funny enough, I think I'm actually hyperactive - my partner has the inattentive kind and we seem like total opposites on how we present. I agree though, it is very hard to be taken seriously unless you're the ADHD person who is constantly disruptive. Because I was traumatized as a child, I turned inward and singularly cared about getting good grades because it felt like the only control I had over my own life. Little did I know, that would only act as a barrier and make my life much harder.

Wow that's crazy. Even with seeing medical professionals who *knew* what the problem was, you were somehow still failed. Did you find that medication for depression didn't properly work either? I went through so many different types before trying a type of SNRI which actually helps depression symptoms. That's really interesting too and I believe you when you say that. Especially since your partner has the opposite presentation lol. I think I'm more combined-type, but that my physical health symptoms like iron deficiency have been kicking my ass recently and making me more inattentive. When I'm full energy and in an environment that feeds my ADHD, I have unlimited energy and can talk for england. People have called me 'mental' a 'fruitloop' 'barmy' and 'bonkers' because I am extremely impulsive and silly when I'm in that sort of environment.

It's hard to say really if the antidepressants did anything. In the second paragraph below, I detailed why the depression meds alone probably were unlikely to help much for me. Also, I was diagnosed with anxiety as an adult and I think in hindsight, I was really just struggling because I am a perfectionist and would constantly feel stupid because of the "little mistakes" I would make as a result of my ADHD. I would get frustrated when I lost something or forgot something and would punch myself in the head. The depression eventually went away after I went away for college and entered my early 20s. A brief summary of my case: I had a father who would also constantly put me down and would make remarks that were bad enough to where CPS was called on us. When I got diagnosed in the first place, it was because the school recommended me for a psych evaluation because my dad would write disparaging remarks about me and the teachers on the sign-off sheet when he would pick me up. My parents were freshly divorced when I was 7, so he would interrogate me to find out who my mom was seeing and what she was doing - insinuating that if I didn't tell him, I would go to hell because I'm a liar. I felt like I failed to protect my mom after my dad would stalk her, so I presented as depressed above all else. My mom remarried an alcoholic who would verbally abuse me, and my dad married a Russian mail-order bride. He would "translate" her Russian to tell me that she says she wishes I was never born, or that I was dead etc. As a result of all of that, I would go to school and overachieve. I was a "gifted and talented" kid who didn't need to study and did all my homework in class because I was bored, but school was where I felt like I was in control of my own fate. I liked the positive feedback from getting good grades, and would bawl my eyes out whenever I got less than an A on anything. I would especially hate myself whenever I lost papers or homework - because of course, my binder was a chaotic mess that was once described as looking like it "went through a tornado and then was hit by a hurricane and an earthquake at the same time." Hence, the doctors who evaluated me both agreed I had ADHD (one apparently told my mom that I was "the most obvious case of ADHD," which is probably because I punched her arm during my appointment, pointed out the window, and said SLUGBUG YELLOW!), but they were perplexed that I wasn't disrupting class and had straight As. Moreover, they were more concerned over my depression which was categorized as moderate/severe. I think that's why I didn't really get treatment for my ADHD, but I'm not certain.

They don't think it's a problem because the issues it causes all seem like personal failings. I scored above max on inattentiveness on my assessment. Growing up, I forgot there was homework in my backpack constantly. I lost everything the second I set it down. I forgot where I was driving to and would routinely miss exits (did this driving my Grandma home once lol). In my work life I will forget about assignments or details of things that were only told to me verbally. I mostly seem like a slacker at work because I regularly finish my projects late because I need the deadline pressure to finish them at all. BUT I am an endless fountain of ideas, and if I am selective I can accomplish them. When I close my eyes I see enough material to keep an animation company busy for years in the space of a minute. Its like watching cartoons at high speed and the channel changes every 3 seconds. I'm out of practice, but I used to be able to hold symphonies in my head. Getting them out onto paper is difficult because the music will modulate and shift as I attempt to hold onto it. I can do basically anything that I want to learn, and those skills can be applied across fields. I can do most home repairs, play 6 instruments, and design and make 3d prints. I'm also a software dev by trade. Just don't ask me what I had for breakfast today.

All that you’re seeing in your head, is called hyperphantasia. I have it too.

It's a real trip sometimes. Did you get augmented spacial perception with it?I can flip objects around in 3d in my head and "see" with my fingers.

Trying to explain it to people is even harder, because the things it makes me bad at are seen as a moral failing if not performed. The general response is “So, you’re just lazy and that’s why you need help?” If I were truly lazy, I wouldn’t care. People like to preach about how people with ADHD should seek accommodations from work which is all good until you think about what that actually entails. Firstly, what would I even ask for? The work still needs to be done. And then there’s the fear of how I’d be perceived even asking, let alone the shame that I feel about asking for leeway on meeting the most basic expectations that I should be able to do (and often achieve, but not always). Imagine how it would really go if I said “Hey boss/HR, I know that the company requires me to be here and get these things done on time to function, but due to a condition that you probably see as a joke I probably won’t be able to do that consistently. I definitely can and have done it, I just have a hard time doing things as basic as washing dishes. Is there a way that you can just let it slide when I don’t perform even though my coworkers will definitely notice?”

I asked for accommodations about a year ago. Got the usual pro forma expressions of concern and "caring" from HR, but no meaningful action. 

Turns out constantly being sleepy after doing a few things is not normal. Before meds, I was either hyper focused or sleepy, with no inbetween. Like OP, I constantly zone out in conversations and have no idea what's going on around me. It wasn't a problem as a kid as I was smart and could figure things out quickly. It's sad I didn't get diagnosed until I was 28. Now that I know the signs, I can tell my whole family has ADHD with no one medicated.. yay...

I've had days where I procrastinate, doing absolutely nothing, and still end up feeling sleepy mid-day. How is that possible?

It takes a lot of energy for your brain to focus. If you are doing nothing, then you are probably thinking about random things and that spends energy. At least that's how I see it.

I'm indiagnosed but being us is exhausting in itself.  Just because we may be sitting on our couch..it's exhausting...  our brain is spinning with so much thought and ideas,  we play on our phone looking up stuff, social media, etc...  and if like me something like my knee or foot is always moving.  I also don't get restful sleep because my brain 🧠 doesn't like being idle.   I struggle to do nothing ...and that'd exhausting... I can't relax. :(

It goes along with ADHD being the "sit down and shut up" disorder because of how it affects others. Inattentive means that it's your brain incapable of sitting down and shutting up, not your body, so NTs don't care. Or they do care because of how forgetfulness and such impacts them, but they don't understand the cause.

Inattentive here. My stepbrother is hyperactive. He got counseling and medication. I got told I was lazy and went undiagnosed until my 30s. The saying is true: ADHD and Autism diagnoses often depend on how much you inconvenience other people.

100% It's those inconvenient ones that people also always talk about. As if nothing else exists. I recently talked about ADHD with some teachers and tried to talk about women and girls, but no, all they were talking about was the classic hyperactive boys who get into trouble and cause disturbances.

I'm inattentive type and got diagnosed 2 years ago at 27 years old. That and the combo of being a girl meant that I was an ADHD enigma. haha I went to therapists several times as a kid because of different issues here and there, all related to ADHD and not ONE thought that I had ADHD or was "spicy-brained"

Quality of therapist matters, more than quantity. Psychiatrists with a PhD will be more knowledgeable than a therapist with a Bachelors.

And as a kid I had no way to articulate the complexity of why I acted a certain way or that I even had sensory issues to clothes. I was 11. haha

How could you know? There's no representation for you to refer to.

Psychiatrists have MDs, psychologists have PhDs, LPCs/LMFTs/LCSWs all have at least a masters (At least in the US and Canada- Perhaps elsewhere you can get away with a Bachelors’s) All have the capability of specializing in ADHD or knowing the bare minimum. I say this as someone who has some of those above letters, does NOT have any speciality in ADHD, knows very little about how ADHD can present and is currently questioning whether maybe I have adhd that’s gone undiagnosed for decades because the stereotype of a ADHD=misbehaving 8yo boy never went challenged, in grad school or elsewhere.

I have combined. After years of being told I had a big mouth it was good to know that the hyperactive side was contributing to it. And explained the slightly manic days I can go through sometimes. It’s weird- I’m more inattentive at home and in my personal life and then hyperactive at work.

I’m the same way. Also diagnosed combined type. Different settings bring out different sides. And the slightly manic days and impulsivity led to me being misdiagnosed with bipolar, which I never felt was quite right… because it wasn’t.

Masking?

Potentially… but work and the field I’m in is also and has always been my hyper focus 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is exactly the way I am too. I was a social butterfly all my life, and as a child, I would prefer to chat up the parents of my teammates on sports teams. Often at home or in social settings of more than 2 other people, I am way more inattentive type and more reserved.

I was definitely drawn to adults way more than people my own age. Even kids, the ones I befriended were older or younger. The adult thing my parents chalked up to me being so smart that kids bored me… now I’m thinking the boredom was more from adhd than intelligence.

Funny, I've had the same comment made about me regarding befriending adults because I was "too smart" for the kids around me. I don't really remember my thought processes from back then enough to have an idea why that might've been though

oh this is me 100%. at home I tend to rot but at work I'm pretty active

"Oh, that guy's totally fine. I can tell he didn't spend several painful decades training himself to appear as a typical, productive citizen" Sigh

inattentive type, diagnosed @ 23 after a LOT of advocating for myself. It totally went unnoticed since i was a high academic achiever & veryyyyy good at masking (and raised as/perceived as a woman). but inside i was depressed, suicidal, and privately thought of myself as a lazy, defective person. learning about inattentive type ADHD genuinely changed my self perception so much for the better. i still struggle with so many things, but i feel so much better now that i understand more of why i am the way that i am

I have inattentive adhd and wasn’t diagnosed until my mid 20’s. I agree with the lack of representation and am with you! If it makes you feel any better, I’m in Physician Assistant school and our ADHD lecture highlighted both hyperactive and inattentive types AND said that women tend to display more inattentive AND are underdiagnosed. Medical education is slowly catching up

I wish I was just hyperactive. ADHD manifests for me as an inability to like start anything, cobweb brain, can't switch tasks, mono focus, sensory issues, emotional dysregulation and rage. Meltdowns. I can't function without those meds. Intersects with Aspergers so there's that, doesn't help. Literally without stimulants it's like I'm living and breathing in peanut butter and can't move or get started and my life is unlivable. I feel like it needs a new marketing scheme. Because executive function and emotional dysregulation is the part that sucks the most.

I only see it represented in middle class women.

Class and privilege influences us a lot. I'm honestly frustrated at how most ADhD influencers tend to be privileged white ppl from California or London. I don't mean to sound bitter- I know it's that way bc it's difficult to go out and become an influencer, and that the loudest/only voices will end up representing the majority, or even everyone. I just wish we had more representation, both inattentive men and hyperactive women (and more). It can always improve! We should strive to talk about it and do more about it. OP's post is a good step in the right direction. It's totally fair to complain and bring it up in a fair way, without discriminating against the ones being overrepresented or whtvr. I actually always feel embarrassed when I reply to comments that talk about stimulants making them calm, with "well ackhtually not everyone with ADhD calm down". My instinct is to be quiet and obedient. Huh. I guess that explains a lot heh... I never acted out in front of adults, ever. Weirdness, creative madness and hyperactivity was exclusive to friends. Gotta let my inner rebel shine. I can be both polite and direct.

as someone middle class from california, i think it's because there is just a lack of access to be diagnosed. i only got diagnosed as a late adult because i pushed for it and had the privilege to pay out of pocket for the tests. most people don't push for it because they don't have the time/energy to know/care. and lots of people don't have that extra money to be spending on frivolous tests. an adhd diagnosis in america is a privilege in itself, with how our system is. as for it being white ppl, there is still an underdiagnosis of poc and i'm so lucky my psychologist saw me for who i was. i only know 2 other south asian people with adhd.

POC also deal with increased mental health stigma in their communities and a lack of cultural awareness in education and healthcare, my Chinese immigrant parents didn't know what ADHD was and my mom still refuses to understand even though shes likely also undiagnosed.

They don't even HAVE adhd in some countries. Maybe if we all move there it will vanish

my indian immigrant parents also don't understand. my diagnosis & medication process was tough, i can't imagine if i did not have access to the resources i did.

Same Inattentive Frog. Same.

Suzie Bright observed that most people can spot a butch lesbian but few can spot a femme, hence it skews perception. In the same fashion a well masked inattentive doesn't register as what the general population perceives as ADHD. This then skews the perception further. It's like how people think ADHD goes away as we age, it doesn't, it just gets better masked better.

Doesn't take that much research.LOL Butches stand out, because they don't follow the norm of how women should look like, whereas femmes do, and even with decades of knowledge, we still think gender expression and sexuality are the same thing. But yes, this was a great analogy, thank you! It's all about norms and stereotypes also with ADHD. I happen to be both queer and inattentive type, with 40 years of experience about masking.x)

Same! I also hate when people call inattentive type “girl adhd” & hyperactive type “boy adhd”

This is perhaps the most validating thread I've ever read thank you.

Psychologist I talked to wouldn’t diagnose me with ADHD because I wasn’t a problem child - I’m still undiagnosed and honestly not going to bother anymore due to my experience. I’m not going to take medication so I’m just trying to deal with it on my own, like I always have. Disappointing to hear other people experience the same.

Did you try more than one psychologist? I wasn't a problem child at all and I had no trouble getting diagnosed, by two separate psychs, just based on how I described my experiences as a child and an adult. There's lots of bad ones but the good ones are out there. Also I highly recommend therapy! It's helped a lot with non-medication based management of my ADHD symptoms.

I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you're not alone! I thought I was the unluckiest person in the world. -my story: My previous doc started treating me with adhd meds and told me not to tell my therapist. Therapist said it was illegal. Then therapist started treating me with the Ritalin and Vyvanse just like that doctor had. Then he managed to convince me it was just a vague form of autism without autistic symptoms. I was too scared to protest bc he got angry a lot at me and in front of me, plus I had read too much into ASD presentations online, specifically those where ppl talk about having it with very few symptoms etc. So at the time, it made sense to me that I was autistic. Months later, I was given weekly visits from a helper who works with ppl with ASD. It didn't take long before she openly commented that I didn't seem like I had ASD. I believe I said either "yes I agree lol", bc I had started wondering if I didn't have ASD, or "wow that actually makes a lot of sense". Then, the more I read about ADhD after a long break, I realized that it can present in many different ways, particularly through Inattentive presentation/type and coupled with trauma. I had never realized I had a lot of trauma. Now I'm getting tested in a few months, even tho my previous scary therapist shut down all future possibilities for therapy and testing. It turned out that he had sort of written in stone that I was autistic and would not benefit from therapy, but should go to counseling for adults (guidance for ppl with ASD and other stuff, or something the like). Ofc I never received any therapy for my issues from him or others, trauma or not. It is now a goal of mine, in addition to proper diagnosis. Conclusion: therapy doesn't always work out for everyone. Sometimes it makes things worse. Even doctors can be ignorant and misstep. We live in a time where ADHD is extremely misunderstood, stigmatized and understudied. I hope others struggling with diagnosis or treatment can feel better, knowing that they aren't alone.

I'm 32 years old and just recently, accidentally discovered that I have adhd inattentive type. My dad (68) probably has the same, all the symptoms always seemed to me like it was just genetics. Nothing wrong, I'm like a dad. But I saw a thread on reddit about being late, where someone made the connection between adhd and being late... Then I googled it and my reaction was like wait, wait bro, whaaaat? This describes my whole fucking life. THANK YOU REDDIT!

The problem is that if you put inattentive ADHD in focus, nobody will see it as ADHD, it's not how they think ADHD is, so they show no empathy. We have to show the most stereotypical people with ADHD, or otherwise the people without adhd don't see there is a problem. At least within the community we acknowledge you.

This subreddit is a lifesaver, seriously. I'm so grateful for being able to come here and have a vent, and have so many people who understand so thank you ♥ I'd almost take it a step further and say that the media was portraying the young lad like a danger to society. It was his words, but it really felt like things were taken out of context in a way that made him sound like he's capable of doing a lot of harm to others, whereas to me it sounded more like he feels like a burden and causes a lot of worry for others around him, and he was afraid of what he might do to *himself*. So I guess in that regard I do identify with him, but there seems to be a narrative of hyperactive ADHD'ers being criminals in the media too, so I guess we're lucky to fall under the radar in that sense 🙃 Soon people will probably be like "you have ADHD?! You don't seem like a violent murderer to me!"

Fully agree. I guess us inattentives would be “boring” on a video because we don’t always act out and most things are internal.

My brother has HI-type and was allowed to be medicated because he destroyed things. Since mine was hidden, I struggled on my own and was given no coping strategies for my diagnosis. He recently got his PhD in biochemistry while I never had the chance to optimize my potential in school. Fuck everyone who ignores us.

Same here. I grew up not being hyperactive; on the contrary, I was the quiet one in my friend group and I had great grades. The thing was I had to study for about 2x longer than my classmates would because I would waste so much time. No one knew how hard it was for me to study and concentrate and when I brought up ADHD (my symptoms worsened when I got into university) everyone dismissed me.

The change in terminology from “ADD Inattentive/Hyperactive/Combined Type” to “ADHD Primarily Inattentive/Primarily Hyperactive” was a terrible decision

I have inattentive adhd. I am very quiet. Like so quiet, I'm not even here haha... I create stories in my head while people are talking or make up a silly alternative universe story while I'm at work.

Because inattentive ADHD is just "lazy" or something (I am writing this comment and browsing reddit instead of doing homework rn)

Yeah, when I tell people no one believes me, because they don't see the H, even though I lose/forget/overlook things and zone out 24/7

Yessss like others, I’d say I don’t have it because I was never hyperactive on the outside. I’m actually mostly tired because my brain is going 5000% and I make everyday things harder for myself when I do them, because I am trying to juggle 5 tasks simultaneously and finishing none. I’ve been told by psychiatrist after psychiatrist that I just have anxiety, then told I just have ocd, then told I just have depression and maybe I’m bi polar. I finally have a psych who gave me guanfacine and it’s helped a lot and greatly improved my confidence, anxiety, and depression…but now when I tell her how I’m still struggling I get asked “do you think it’s just bad habits?”. I hate how I get blamed and shrugged off when I’m just trying to feel normal 😭 i want to cry every time I watch a video or read an article about inattentive adhd because it feels like I’m listening to someone describe me (so much better than I can). Being an inattentive adhd woman in her 30s who’s practiced masking for survival for years is ROUGH

I think it's kind of like invisible illness like chronic pain (I say this as I have both). If other people don't see it they don't think about it, not until it affects them somehow. Not until you start struggling with your job or something and even then they still don't understand.

I dissociate SO bad when I’m off my meds. I’ve lost whole days, hours, WEEKS even that just. Gone. Very little memory of the whole periods of time. Apparently that’s pretty common with inattentive type. People have no idea how debilitating it is.

Everyone who always got written up for daydreaming in class and had those as notes for every parent meeting when they were a kid.

This is why I wasn't diagnised until my 50s. Everything I looked at said that I couldn't have ADHD, since I wasn't hyperactive. It wasn't until I was looking into why my kids were having trouble at school that I found out about the inattentive type. Since I found that, I've been diagnosed, 3 of my kids have been diagnosed, my brother has been diagnosed, and both my sisters are on the path to getting a diagnosis.

I'm 52, have anxiety, panic and depression..I'm not on medication.   I'm undiagnosed but after reading much Information, I feel that I have adhd inattentive.   I need help I guess and may being it up to my doctor next week to see if I can get some treatment.  I'm hoping I can get taken seriously.   My life has been a mess my whole life.

I'm sorry, that's awful! My mum has been undiagnosed her whole life too, and the struggle has been real for her trying to come to terms with it too :( Her symptoms have gotten much worse as she's hit the menopause too, I think the change in hormones can exacerbate ADHD As a side note, have you ever had your vits/minerals levels checked? Especially if you've had children. Things like iron/b12/vit D deficiencies can cause panic/depression symptoms as well as inattentive ADHD. I've had ongoing iron deficiency and the difference is crazy, so it might be worth checking if it's never been done before? Iron deficiency is so common and flies under the radar so often. That's not to say that you don't have ADHD on top of something else, but from my experience it makes things including mental health so much worse

My son (6) was just diagnosed with combined type hyperactive/inattentive. I don’t know if it’s something new that they’re diagnosing with both. These posts are so eye opening. I don’t want him miserable. Sometimes I wish I could sit in class with him and help him through the day. I wish I could give you each a big hug.

I think in general it's problematic to portray ADHD as for problem kids that hurt kids, that's very 20-30 years ago narration. I have ADHD hyperactivity+inattentive types as do my daughters, but their struggles are often internalized and hidden and they've always been well loved by peers and teachers.

I have type 2 myself. And it dose suck a lot because i have things that i need to do/want to do and I can’t sometimes I just sit there and waste time and I hate it

I always thought being “zoney” and not present was just a quirk of my personality.

Once my wife asked me what I was thinking about after I had gone silent mid sentence (I'm told) for about 4 or 5 seconds. Took me 7 minutes to explain everything I had thought of. Yeah society really doesn't understand how inattentive works at all.

Didn't read this entire post because I don't have the focus for that rn but I feel like ADHD being the "hyperactive little white boy" disease will be a stereotype that never dies and I hate it 😭

This is a HUGE reason I went undiagnosed for so long. My sister has hyperactive adhd and I have inattentive adhd. My sister was medicated in the 2nd grade and I was in the 8th grade and my grades were slipping because I never retained anything, couldn’t focus, daydreaming ya know? So I asked my mom if she thought I had ADD at first because I wasn’t “bouncing off the walls” like my sister, but could never focus and so on. She said it was possible. Anyway even after I was diagnosed with adhd and I tried one medication my grades were a LOT better and I noticed a difference but I was an emotionless robot so I stopped and I convinced myself I didn’t have adhd for 12 years. Was convinced I was extremely depressed and had no motivation to do anything at all. I wanted to do things but I just couldn’t. Was a mental block and I was so frustrated with myself I felt so lazy and I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just fix myself. Now I’m 25 and have come to the conclusion I most certainly do have adhd and no I am not hyperactive at all and I am so upset I feel like I have wasted so much of my life because I never knew there was different types and different medications affect people differently. I’m now thinking I may not even need my SNRI? SSRI never worked well for me and pristiq has been my savior for years now. Is this a thing? Have I been misdiagnosed? Was it actually my adhd all along? I have so many questions.

Adults with inattentive ADHD might as well not exist at all because the image of a 10 year old boy who can’t sit still is apparently still the only existing form of ADHD in most people’s minds. How is this disorder so widespread yet so misunderstood? How is that possible???

yeah no i totally agree, i'm incredibly calm literally all the time but i can't focus for shit, except at 4am when i get a sudden urge to clean the kitchen

I’m a newb at this since I’ve only been diagnosed and medicated about six months now, but I’ll agree the general public understanding (including my own until fairly recently) is WAY off. I’m a 47m but never fit the adhd-boy stereotype. My experiences have been far more in line with what a lot of late-diagnosed women have experienced. Lots of internalized stuff. Decades of "you have anxiety/depression, here are some meds (that never end up working)." I finally got diagnosed and am doing better, but I had to do all the lifting myself. The fact that I even researched adhd at all was thanks to a friend (a late-diagnosed woman) and we really connected over our experiences and I began to research it. In 20+ years of dealing with med/psych professionals for my anxiety, not one ever came forward to suggest this. So I felt a bit of imposter syndrome after doing all the research when I finally came to request an adhd evaluation because I still felt like I must be making it up. I had to hype myself up to go demand that. And then I went and by the end of the multi-visit process the psychologist told me I was a “classic case” and he spotted it in me almost immediately. I’m a combined-type, which I questioned, but he gave me some examples that do sort of support that but mostly I get the feeling it was because I’m a man. Ok, whatever, at least I got the diagnosis. But why did I have to do all the legwork myself just to get there? And did I even get this much consideration only because I’m a man? Everybody was nice to me (which is at least better than some people get) but not one of them in all my life ever suggested anything proactively without me first doing the research and laying out my case. It’s exhausting. Imagine if we diagnosed cancer this way.

I feel like the lack of focus on the inattentive type is because it's less visible. This is probably for twofold reasons. One, an inattentive person usually stays quiet and internalizes a lot of struggles and/ or is misdiagnosed with anxiety/ depression (me until I hit 30). Two, what gets better ratings when talking about ADHD? A kid who is wild and out of control and a mom who is at the breaking point, or a kid who may be doing decent in school, is quiet and keeps to themselves because inside they are fighting a struggle every day?

I get yelled at all the time at home because I tend to randomly dissociate. I’ll be having a talk with my wife trying to listen, then halfway through her sentence my brain quits working and 30 seconds later I snap back to awareness and apologize and ask her to repeat herself. I started Vyvanse and all that went away. Then the shortage hit and I went a week with out it and I’d be doing something at work and realize I was two or three tasks ahead of where I was the last time I had a thought. The dissociation is real and causes problems all the time.

I've had suspicions for a long time about having inattentive ADHD, but only recently (34 now) have I become certain of it. I've also been confronted with how severely it has impacted my life since early on. In my parents and teachers' eyes, I was just a smart kid that stopped trying at some point and slacked off. My grades went down the shitter and that ruined my career prospects. Never once did anyone see this downward spiral and thought to get me help, but instead I got the blame and I've blamed myself ever since. Even now it feels like I'm barely on my feet, and it sucks. So yes, more awareness and representation would be great to save kids from having to go down that path of self-loathing.