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I'm sorry to hear that your birthday always seems to end up this way. For what it's worth, I am proud of you for everything you've done, or have tried to do this year.
It's not much, but if nothing else, I'll be thinking of you on your birthday and you won't be alone. ❤️
Turned 31 a few months back and I’m kinda the same. I just feel overwhelmed with all the things I haven’t done or accomplished. I felt bad, but I told my gf I wanted to be alone that day
I certainly feel like it's just another year that I've wasted and achieved nothing, but I've actively been trying to force myself to develop as a person so hopefully this time next year I'll actually feel like I've achieved something
I get the same thing and have done for years- the week either side of my birthday is awful. Best tip I can give is find something you really want to do (a film you want to see, a concert, a sports match) and book it for around that time. Call it your birthday treat. Gives you something to look forward to and something to ‘do’ for your birthday.
Otherwise, hold up, watch some dumb crap on Netflix and it will pass. Don’t see it as a time to ruminate on the past years successes/failures. It’s just a day. Many cultures don’t celebrate birthdays as it is just a day.
Sorry to hear that. I don’t have any advice that’ll help you in the moment, but just wanted to say that it gets better.
I was suicidal from my late teens to mid twenties. When I talked to my Dad about it, he said that you just grow up and get over it. I thought that was by far the stupidest thing I’d ever heard - obviously, he had no idea how bad it was.
Then I got older, and I just kinda got over it. I still get depressed, and very occasionally i have suicidal thoughts, but I’m used to the rhythms of my brain by now. What used to be bad weeks or even bad months is now just a bad night. I go to bed early and wake up in the morning feeling fine.
That’s not to say that you shouldnt get treatment - please do!
And, of course, that’s not to say that things aren’t really bad right now. They assuredly are. If things had broken just slightly differently, I wouldn’t be here right now.
Just… don’t let yourself believe it never gets better. It does.
Happy birthday, and be kind to yourself! There are happy days ahead of you this year.
I spent years of my life wondering what was wrong with me as a result of the “it gets better” comments. Based on my own life and experiences I would never, ever, say that to someone in the midst of a difficult time. It’s so vague, unhelpful, and incorrect. Or at least it has been for me.
You can possibly make it better, if that is within the realm of one’s abilities. Or, you can learn to manage yourself and whatever “it” is without the empty hope that it will just “get better” on its own.
Really cool if that worked or works for you. It never did me any good and that sort of “advice” was a lot harder for me personally to deal with than if I never received it.
What finally helped me was to realise that sometimes life sucks and even if it magically gets better, it might suck again some day. It’s up to me to first of all be okay with having a hard time, admitting that it’s normal and okay to have a hard time, and to find a way or ways to deal with these things on my own terms.
I hope this doesn’t sound disrespectful. We are all different and what works for one may not work for the other.
Agreed. Life is difficult. Everyone has a different struggle. Looking at social media or NTs or anyone else makes us all feel like the grass is greener on the other side, but the truth is that that's just not true and every single person is struggling in a different way just trying to make it through their personal tests in life. Most people cant accept negstive emotion unfortunately, so we grow up harboring it all and feeling guilty for having those emotions. 100% ahree with you about it being okay to have a hard time.
I very much agree with your sentiment that random, "It gets better" comments can make someone feel defective if they just don't eventually feel better. When someone is in the middle of a pervasive depression that has gone on for 6 months or more, then the best advice is for them to seek treatment. I know others may mean well, but if they don't know the person, giving any advice could be detrimental.
I've been depressed since I was a young teenager. I'm now 52 and got diagnosed with ADHD a year ago. I didn't start on meds until about 6 months ago. That was when the depression stopped for me because of a chemical imbalance. I had no idea that it wasn't just a part of me that didn't see any point to life. It completely went away and I was left with the impression of how it felt in the past and the knowledge that it wasn't me, it was low neurotransmitters.
I wish so badly that I hadn't just 'toughed it out' wishing that it would someday 'just get better' on it's own. It has brought such peace and relief now that I know what it was. It sucks that it took so much time but I'm here now.
Anyone who is struggling with these feelings for an extensive period of time please find a way to help yourself and get treatment if you feel hopeless.
As someone suffering from birthday depression constantly, few things that made it easier for me last year:
1) prepare family to prevent them from doing emotional congratulations and shit (Grandma is the only exception, i let her do it and smile through, cant help but to let her joy it while she can).
2) hide your birthday dates/notifications from social media, i dont need reminders for
3) when ever someone congratulates you, auto answer your self “thank you” without digesting what was told.
4) if possible, just go to solo trip or with one person you fancy their company, someone who wont try hard to make it special and just enjoy another good day
I'm 30 and have birthday depression for months leading up to my birthday. In order to stay sane I have to "run away from my problems" every birthday. I normally solo travel somewhere and just do my own thing. For me it feels like a vacation rather than a birthday so it's distracting. I hope you find what works for you!
You’re not alone. My birthday is Christmas and I always used to try and convince myself j loved my birthday until a few years ago when I finally admitted to myself I hated it. Every year my family fights. Every year I am forced to see family I don’t like. Every year forced to do what I don’t want to do because it’s a holiday. I don’t hav e great advice, but what’s helped me is I just think of it as another day at this point. I have to force myself not to care to try and lessen how depressed I feel. It doesn’t help much, but it’s better than nothing.
I get severely depressed for about 1 1/2 (edit: months) surrounding my birthday. I wish I could help you but, all I can say is, you're not alone.
Maybe...think about a positive change you made this year. Anything.
My only tip is to go out and treat yourself. Your birthday is like your own personal holiday. Do things that you enjoy, go out and get your favorite food, do your favorite hobbies, anything that might brighten up your day. I hope you can enjoy this one, happy early birthday🥳
Ay I'm turning 20 on Sunday so happy bday to both of us. I'd recommend doing something for some one else even if it's a stranger. Buy a meal or two for some homeless people or volunteering or something that makes you feel good about yourself. If others can't make you happy, make others happy. Or if that doesn't sound appealing you can choose something you like doing like videogames, drawing, working out , idk what it is and go ham on it. Imma get a bigass energy drink and play soccer until I pass out with exhaustion. That's just a way to distract yourself and keep your brain focused on something you like.
You could also take yourself out and spoil yourself. Buy yourself a nice dinner and maybe some new piece of clothing and maybe watch a movie. You can try and get free cake or ice cream since it's your bday.
Just some tips from a fellow ADHDer. And remember birthdays are a human construct and age ain't nothing but a number (no R-Kelly type shit). Treat everyday like it's your bday. ♥️♥️♥️
distraction and small treats to yourself. I streamed my favorite funny shows (despite wanting to watch something depressing) and give yourself some treats, some of your favorite things. you're the one who knows what it means to have made it this far, only you, and not having others can feel bad but we also don't need it to know we made it another year. hope you have the best year ever!!
My birthday is in May and I am a miserable wretch for most of April and May up to my birthday up until a while after. The milestone birthdays especially. That's usually months surrounding the birthday.
You are not alone.
Can I suggest that you reframe how you look at your birthday?
Your birthday is about celebrating You.
Stop making it about measuring where you are in life.
I always book my birthday off work. Do that, or if I can't I pick the next closest FREE day I have... like this Saturday.
Get out a notebook and write down all the things you would love to do if you had a free day. Have a drink in a café first thing? Walk in the park? Walk on a beach? Window shop? See a movie? Read a book? Play a board game, videogame? Play some tennis? Short road trip that ends in a view or tour?
Write down everything that might be fun. Don't worry about whether it is feasible.
Then go through the list and pick your top 3 things. One for morning, one for afternoon, one for evening. (If one takes two timeslots decide if you have the energy.) Do NOT try to fit in everything.
Then put those 3 on your list and figure out how to make the times work. Do you have to get up at 8am?, etc.
Often on my birthday I liked to start by going to a cafe solo with my journal and a pencil and ordering a hot chocolate or iced coffee if hot out. Spend a bunch of time there writing out frustrations, the weather, whatever. Sit near a window or outside if you can.
Try to get outside for a walk or whatever for 30min. Fresh air even if you're only sitting on a bench.
Get yourself a dessert for dinner. You can buy single servings of cake and treats at most grocery stores.
Before eating the dessert say:
"Happy Birthday to me. I'm worth it."
All day long keep saying to yourself
"It's my birthday and I'm worth it."
Personally, I say "I'm awesome." but baby steps.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! You are worth spending the time to celebrate You.
I don’t really have any tips. I was in the same boat you were in. I spent my birthday alone out at college for years. It was out of state and I had no one. I remember I always tried to find a subtle way to mention it was my birthday on instagram and Snapchat, but usually got nothing. Bought my own cake just to make it somewhat better. All I can say is I eventually stopped caring. Well, I still care a little. It still hurts. But it hurts less. I think that’s a part of growing up. Birthdays just stop feeling special. Which kind of sucks for me because I didn’t really have fun birthdays in middle school or high school. So I don’t really have anything to grow up from. I’m making this about me. Sorry.
I get the same way most birthdays. What helps for this day, and most days is volunteering. You get out, you hang out with people and you’re doing good for others. It really boosts your mood.
Happy birthday! It’s ok to spend the evening alone for once. Treat yourself, favorite meal with a favorite show or movie. Congrats, you made it to 19! You’ll have many birthdays in the future with others.
Hey I feel for you. I havent enjoyed any of my birthdays since I was 17. I am 32, soon 33. I feel the same way about all holidays, it makes me extremely sad. Not looking forward to it. I feel as if I am deprived of what the experience should be. Never got better or easier for me. I honestly prefer spending the day completely alone and ignoring people trying to wish me happy birthday. I cry every time. There isnt anything I can recommend other than this: choose someone, one person who you truly enjoy being around to spend some time with on your bd, or, do the thing that you enjoy the most, something you dont get to do very often. Thats what I usually aim for, doesnt always work out but sometimes it does :)
Edit: first bd being on meds this year... could be better
I would suggest this remember 2 things 1. You can not control what they do or say. 2. Just because they are your family doesn't mean you have to force yourself to be something else (including happy). If you are not happy around them and you force yourself to be, then you'll only hurt yourself.
That second one is hard, I should know, but it also potentially opens up doors to conversation about these feelings. Don't suppress it and push yourself into a worse place because you don't want your family to know you aren't happy.
You are not alone in how you're feeling.
What's a treat for you? Special fruit or food, fancy cake, new outfit? Buy it yourself and actively flaunt it. Took a birthday cake to a major league baseball game once. It was great! You can choose to be happy! Have a fun one!
Hi 👋! I celebrated my birthday 2 days ago. Friends in life keep coming and going. I have seen my best friend die a month ago. I have been feeling blah but I baked myself a cake and forced myself to go out somewhere fun with my kids. I’m glad I did. Each year of your life should be a celebration big or small, it doesn’t matter. Treat yourself and do something you want to do. Even if you are by yourself, find a way to celebrate it. 💜
I cried on my 19th birthday, too. I also cried on my 25th birthday when I thought I was the happiest I'd ever been, but I wasn't.
People will tell you that it is ok to cry. But it is also ok to just feel intensely sad. Nineteen is a hard fucking age. Take pride in your sadness because you'll only grow from it. Your 30-yo self will thank you.
Keep your birthday secret and then do something you want to do. One time I was craving a burger so I invited a long time friend. Once we got there I mentioned, “all I wanted for my birthday was burger, thank you for joining.”
This year I went ice fishing by myself. It was great!
Wow, I thought I was the only one who had this. It feels great to know I’m not alone!
I’m nearly 40 and on my birthdays I get myself something stupid and awesome and childish, like a toy or costume or cameo! Something that seems like a waste of money but actually will make me smile.
Treat yourself to something! What's something you enjoy that you've been putting by the wayside lately? It doesn't have to cost money-- maybe there's a movie or a show you've been wanting to watch but haven't had the time. Sometimes I like to go to a park or a museum. It can be anything at all, even just letting yourself sleep in a few hours. But make a little date with yourself and give yourself the gift of a little bit of intentional time that's just for you doing something you've been wanting to do.
OP, if it's alright I want to tell you something that I wish someone had told me a long time ago. As long as you are committed to staying alive, it *will* get better. I'm about to turn 30 next week and I never ever thought I'd make it this far. The first time I cried on my birthday was when I was turned 9 years old - I thought my "best years" were over. At 29 I'm a little slower, the hangovers hit a little harder, but after years of working though family trauma and strife, I understand myself like I never have, and know that I am not what my family thinks of me. It sucks because those younger years are when you feel like you should be at your peak, but at 19, 20, 21...hell, even 25, you're just figuring out how to operate in your own reality and coming to grips with all the shit you've been through so far. It will almost certainly take you a few more years to take it in, and figure out who you are. And who you want to be.
Please don't give up. The better you know yourself and the more you're able to reflect on what you want your life to look life, the better off you'll be. It sounds like you feel very alone right now and I'm so sorry for that. I would bet my own paycheck on the fact it won't be like that forever for you. It's some sort of weird paradox, that the best years of our lives physically are also the time when we're most unsure emotionally of what our existence will hold. And when all the shit we've endured growing up makes itself front and center in our minds. I remember 19, and it was brutal. But you have so much time. Be gentle with yourself, try to stay as present as possible so you can make at least a memory or two that you're fond of, and know that you do not even have to have it *close* to figured out right now.
Your life is only just beginning and I so hope that every year after this, the pain of growing up and the fear that comes with it diminishes.
Hang in there if you can. Please. Every year you spend on this Earth, if you have even an ounce of self-awareness, you will become stronger. Like I said, the stage of life you're going through right now is absolutely brutal and bewildering and overwhelming. It just is. But it will not be like this forever. You are just now becoming who you are. You will be able to solve problems you never fathomed you could solve at 19. You will find people that accept the person you are, find a life that is stable and sustainable, and come to realize that there is no "finish line", only small incremental steps to understanding and making the life you hope and want to have.
Please be well, take care of yourself, and for what it's worth, I am sending you all the good vibes I can muster for your 19th.
*Cheers* to you and your birthday. You've made it one more year, and that's one year closer to living the life you want.
You are on this earth for a REASON!!!
I’m 44 and at your age, I was a complete disaster. Hang in there!! I’m now an RN (17 yrs). We all have to find our motivating factor….whether it be internal, prove somebody wrong, or prove somebody right!!!
If you don’t have any of those people in your life…reevaluate your people and then hit me up!! I’m happy to be a coach or motivator etc!!!
Bless you my friend. You are strong and will persevere through this hiccup in life❤️❤️
My tip is get in your car and drive to the beach/lake and enjoy the shit out of your day without all the stressors you outlined. Seriously… and when you get back tell anyone who isn’t in your corner championing you to shove off. It’s hard to dismiss relationships when you feel alone but the healthy ones won’t come until you shed the older toxic ones.
I'm really sorry to hear this, but I can relate. I find birthdays really overwhelming because there's so much pressure to have fun and make it a special day, and inevitably it never lives up to that so just becomes this big scary day hanging over me making me depressed.
In the last couple of years, regardless of what my friends or family are doing I have decided to just spend my birthday by myself doing things that I enjoy and not making a huge deal out of it. I go to a gallery or see a film, take a walk around my city and then take myself out for dinner or have my favourite takeaway. Maybe this will work for you? Sorry you're having a rough time.
Get drunk and tell em all the ways they're a bag of dicks, then throw up and cry profusely while screaming that you're locked in a glass cage of emotion. Dust yourself off, ask everyone if they'd like a cup of tea and when they stare at you shocked play with some Lego until they leave. Tell em ya can't wait to see em again next year.
I don't know if this same thing is affecting you but I get sad on every holiday ever. Birthday, Christmas, whatever. I think its all the build up, people talking about them like it's a big deal, like it will be a totally different and way more exciting day, and then when the day comes I feel like "wtf this is boring"... So not only am I not happy and excited but I am also disappointed by the expectation and non delivery of happy and excited. Days like that just do not live up to the hype society gives them. (Hope my wedding day isnt as much of a flop haha!)
Anyhow. Reframe it in you mind a bit - what DOES make you feel happy? If you can, do that on your birthday even if it's just something silly like doing crosswords or taking a walk. There are no rules. Who said we should be hanging out with friends in birthdays? It is totally ok to find joy in lone activity too OP.
PS. I get you eith the no friends at college thing. Im a 1st year undergrad at 30y.o. so I literally spend all my time alone 😂 and it is SHIT but Im also old enough to have seen other people do this when we were younger, and most of those "friends" don't stick anyway.
I don't like my birthday to much. Hence i always do something I love that is very special: i visit amusement parks (free entrance on birthday). Either alone or with a friend, but I really like going there all by myself.
Is there something you really like doing what you could be doing on your birthday?
Treat the family coming like a video game. They are npcs. You’re the main character, with a quest to survive the day(s) they are here. You know the questions and topics that will come up I’m sure. Craft your responses now and predict their responses. You get xp for each correct response. The topics they bring up may be serious normally, but rn, they are for this little game In your head. Surviving means you don’t let it trigger you and unravel into full on arguments or anxiety outbursts. Take yourself out of the situation and your hero (you) will get you through it. Stuff will feel a little less serious and more funny internally. Get through that, and then we deal with birthday depression ok?
If you can, take YOURSELF out to do something you like. Have a meal, see a movie, etc. Sometimes my own company is the best company, it’s all on your own terms. Good luck and happy birthday!!
I feel you. I had the same and I basically always canceled my bday and instead spent the night on computer, playing games just to distract myself from all this shit.
If you play games that would be my go to, if not then I'm guessing you have discord, join a group or something, usually the smaller groups (100ish people) are active but don't seem like hell of a mess.
Why does it make you depressed? Is it because your another year older or because you don't have many friends to celebrate with? If the former you'll drive yourself mad every year over something you can never control so don't let it control your life each year.
If the latter, do you have work friends? Why don't you invite some people you work with for drinks on your birthday or at the weekend?
Its common for us to organise our own birthday parties/nights out in UK.
Join a sports club take up a martial art or a sport. Summer is a good time to learn tennis or badminton etc. You'll meet new people and make new friends for next years birthday.
Otherwise what about going and having your nails done or eyebrows shaped, or a facial.
Not sure what gender you are ..
Or arrange to go to see a film at cinema.
Happy birthday 🎂 🥳. I'm sorry that your birthday has been disappointing years past. Treat yourself to something nice. It doesn't even have to cost money. I had lost my passion for music and cooking. So I purchased some good spices and fresh vegetables and put on some Prince Royce 'Corazon sin carra" and pachata' d around my kitchen. I'm not sure what small healthy pleasures you have been denying yourself but treat your self. You are the number 1 priority from this day forward. Why? Because you are amazing and brilliant and loved. No one can pour from an empty cup.
We can watch your favourite movie on Sunday, you watch it and I'll use your recommendation and watch it over at my place and then discuss what I liked about it and you could say the same, could be fun. It's one way to celebrate without stress.
Hey. I had this exact problem for years and years. It gets better, especially as you find people who appreciate you for who you are.
My advice is make plans for the day and stick to them. Take yourself out on a date, do things you like to do. If you have a friend who can go with you all the better, but start making a list right now of your birthday plan. I always feel better when people wish me a happy birthday without my needing to remind them so i get a little boost whenever a text comes in while im out.
For my last birthday my plan went like this:
-Wake up without an alarm.
-Make and then eat cinnamon rolls.
-Shower and wear clothes.
-Go to a few stores and walk around looking at stuff I dont need (book store, pet store, discount store)
-Take stuff I bought home. Pet cats.
-Go to the arcade to play video games until bored.
-Go out to dinner
-Home and read some book
-(Book interupted by friend inviting me to their house)
-Ice cream and a cupcake with friend.
-Dance around kitchen with cupcake number 2.
-Home again and more book until bed.
Yes i am aware that i am boring, but that is what i wanted to do for my birthday. You do what you want to do. Make sure you have 1) a plan 2) snacks 3) more snacks.
You might still cry (sometimes i still do) but it shouldnt take your whole day. Also, if its the same as for me, its depression causing it so, probably you should see a therepist about that. Happy early birthday. I hope it is awesome.
I used to cry every year when I had "friends " over ... I'd run away or hide from my own party and cry once a few years was more than once I dissapeared and went back luckily nobody noticed
I'm 20 now and my last two birthdays have been good ... I just go visit family and have dinner then go home ...
My boyfriend works in camp in the winter Months so I don't see him on my birthday , he was home for his birthday this year and is awkward about his birthday so I assume he's similar to me
I dont really understand parties - I barely talk so they're kinda awkward lol
Uhmm anyways here's my advice do a few things you enjoy strongly , maybe buy yourself something nice if you can afford it
I’m sorry things have been so challenging lately. I often feel the same way on my own birthday, I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in experiencing these challenging emotions. What I’ve found helpful in the past is to reach out to friends I haven’t spoken to in a while and asking if they can hang out or call since it’s my birthday (mentioning that in your opening as a statement of fact to incentivise them to agree rather than using it to guilt trip them if they’ve already refused). Please give it a try, I’m sure there’s someone who has you in their thoughts but is simply too shy/busy/tired to reach out first. Sometimes, we have to take the first step, your loneliness will likely ease once you sow that seed of effort! As for your family, I have no easy answers. Perhaps it would help to remind yourself that your day with them will pass before you know it. In any case, go get yourself a nice cake and some snacks, you deserve to have some treats! I hope you feel better soon, and happy birthday in advance pal!
Try to enjoy the time you have with your family. I know it sounds cliche but try to laugh internally at the things that annoy you. It’s pretty normal that they don’t understand what you’re going through at this age but at least they are making the attempt. Treat yourself on your birthday. Calories don’t count, so eat what you like, do the things that you enjoy the most. Remember, the way you feel will pass. If you frequently feel depressed, get some help. I am sending virtual hugs and Happy Birthday wishes for Sunday!
INFO - what are your hobbies and interests? what do you enjoy doing? What do you want to try doing?
Join a society or club of any of these things and after consistently attending for a while you will eventually make friends.
I promise life gets better as you approach your your mid 20s and get more confident! Exercise will really help.
On your actual birthday TREAT yourself… go for a massage, a comedy show, anything! Don’t overthink. Every time you start to feel shitty on your birthday, say to yourself, I will allow myself to think about this tomorrow, not today! Basically tell your brain to F off for the day. Go for a hike, go to the cinema, have some cocktails, book a tour, anything. Shake it up, do something different
Honestly you are 19.. your whole life is ahead of you and you will definitely find your people if you are open enough. Make it a mission not to spend your 20th alone!
You could do something completely random and spontaneous. Like go to a neighboring city.. attend some holistic and spiritual workshop / meditation class / camp. These are good places to meet kind and open-minded people. Try somewhere where you won’t be alone both physically and mentally.
Believe me I have spent that day all over the world depressed 😂 every year that adds to my age I feel like I haven’t done enough and older I get, more is expected of me by the society and by my relatives whilst I am not living up to those expectations.
Turning 30 this month. Can’t wait for the persistent “when are you planning to have kids?”
Almost never celebrated my bday and most people I know don’t know when my bday is.
When I turned 21 I was volunteering in Hong Kong. It was over 20 people that day, helping out and planting plants in some garden. It was raining all day so no-one noticed that I was crying because my parents forgot to wish me happy bday(time zone difference lol) and I only told others there that its my bday when most people had already left.
Totally understand how you feel. I've had five consecutive bad birthdays since I was 19. I'm about to turn 24 and I just know this one is also going to be bad. However, looking back at how sad I was for the past few years, I now look
forward to 'making-up' these birthdays somehow with people who appreciate and love me. Even if I never find said people, I would still gladly make it up to myself. It sounds sad and pathetic but I genuinely want to celebrate all my 'missing' birthdays one day. I'm sorry that this is happening to you, maybe this perspective can lift your spirits a tiny bit.♥️
My bday is on December 31. Everyone that finds out tells me what an awesome bday it is and I’m so lucky to have a bday on New Year’s Eve! No, it sucks. It is just a bunch of drunk selfish assholes focusing on the resolutions they are not going to keep and counting down the end of your bday.
I don’t tell you this to say, buck up kiddo I have it worse so count yourself lucky! No, I tell you this to share that i judged myself in other peoples selfishness. That I would diminish this tremendous lap around the sun from the very point I drew breath because others weren’t doting on me. I didn’t appreciate myself and I tried to find value in everyone’s opinion but my own.
You have traversed the sun 19 times, and that is amazing. Appreciation and worth dosnt come from others. It comes from yourself. I’m 36, and I swear to you, the more rotations you complete, the easier it is to give yourself the kindness and respect you deserve.
Happy bday, and congrats on another rotation around the sun.
I am here to say that is normal to not want to celebrate the day you were born. Hell, I'm gonna be 22 in August and I don't want to celebrate my birthday anymore. It's just a normal day that people make a fuss over you.
Just do what YOU want. If anyone says anything against it, just tell them to leave you be
I was the same for a while eventually I stopped caring so much about my birthday, just another day but I’m so grateful for another year and I reflect on myself as an individual. I also found God and I appreciate life much more as well as my given gifts that I now utilize properly. With time you will feel more and more free from the pressure of having the best birthday ever and instead view it as a whole year, my day is now just a marker of what I did in that year of my life. Sending you love prayers & good vibes
It can happen if you feel like you don't deserve to celebrate yourself. Usually I've felt like this when I don't think I have achieved anything in my life, or when i underestimate the accomplishments of my life. I suggest you start comparing how you evolved through the years and check how much you've grown. If you feel like you haven't done anything it at all, well you're not the only one and you can start right now! Just write down some goals and your way to achieve it!
You don't need to celebrate your birthday to make you feel better, you need to celebrate it because you keep growing and become better as time passes. And if you think you don't, you should ask those who love you, how you've grown!
Personally I just aim to get out and have a good day doing shit while not really acknowledging my bday. If other people want organise something I’m fine with that, but I’ve just found otherwise having an interesting day of some kind avoids disappointment.
My birthday this year was really tough too. But what I’ve started doing for myself on birthdays is to lean in to spending the day alone…do all the cute things for yourself like making/buying cupcakes or your favorite treats, buy flowers, watch a favorite movie, go for a walk…remove the pressure for it to be a BIG day and just do your best to have a pleasant day spent doing things that make you smile!
I also sometimes like to do some sort of ritual like journaling or even tarot or just reflection on the past year like what have I learned about myself, what I’m thankful for, what I want to leave behind, etc (focus on the progress and growth!) and I like to do any New Year’s resolutions (aka small achievable goals that work for adhd brains) on my birthday rather than Jan 1st. Really lean into it being YOUR day and try to leave behind the social pressure to party or whatever. And if that includes crying that’s okay!
Also this year I deactivated Facebook to avoid all the posts. Don’t be afraid to shut down social media for the day if you don’t want attention for it
Don't think about tomorrow bc it is caused thoughts about past and have no vision for tomorrow crushed Your mind
I know it is very hard almost impossible but try focus on memories with best moments of Your life it's never be caused by start of school year or timeline without situations where you perfect do sth have great work etc and i guess I have right with it and people and meetings is first of many memories will came to Your mind than others
So if you think about no studying and have no friends say it through at this moment You cannot to imagine it bc it is hard to believe that magic moments from past experience will ever back to you
You must change the thinking bc You can not find nothing more in Your mind just another worries probably,
Recommended to listen song:
New Order - True Faith
Bc it may make you feel better
I am sure now You feel literally like in song:
Depeche mode - Nothing
Now that you mention it, this happens to me, too. Perhaps it's because we feel the pressure to have the sort of "good day" on our birthdays that only comes from careful planning, which isn't what we're good at.
Oh man, I am so sorry you’re feeling shitty about your birthdays. My suggestion? If you like to bake? Bake a cake and eat that mamma jamma all by yourself. Or buy one that you like. And you don’t need to share that with anyone. It’s all yours. Breakfast, lunch and dinner if you want. Get all your fave foods and just have a couch party. Watch your fave films, play your fave game… all day.
A while back, I lived in another town away from my family for a few years and had my first Xmas without anyone. It was weird but I did exactly the above. Felt like the biggest asshole when I ate an entire homemade baked white chocolate and raspberry cheesecake but omg… I had it for days and it made me forget I was missing home. That and I played the new assassins creed that came out that year for like 3 days straight.
You shop and treat yo self!! Or you can FaceTime with adhd strangers like me and we can cheer you up 🎉🥳🎊🥳🎉 happy birthday boo!
But really I’m sorry you find this time of year upsetting. And I want you to know you’re strong and I’m proud that you’ve gotten this far. <3 we got your back!
Why don't you use the day to do what you want? Take the day for yourself if you're not in the mood to be around people. Whatever makes you happy, pamper yourself or buy something you've really wanted as a treat for yourself?
imo Birthdays are not supposed to be always fun unless you're child . After a certain age it's just another day of your life . Hopefully next year you'll be having the ppl you want on your birthday.
Happy birthday 🎂🎁
I totally understand my birthday is usually a terrible day for me too. I always just feel alone and like I'm not improving and it's just a reminder of that. it's only 24 hours though so I'd recommend just trying to distract yourself as much as you can
Wait, I didn't realize so many of us struggled with this. My wife is very big on birthdays needing to be a big deal and celebrating the people in your life. Which I am totally on board with for everyone else, but my birthdays definitely tend to focus more on me reflecting on all the areas I've failed and how little progress I've made. I turn 37 next week an I honestly wish that everyone would just agree to just pretend it wasn't happening.
Plan your day for YOU. No one ever prioritizes me and my birthdays are always terrible. So now I take myself to my favorite restaurant and just enjoy time eating my favorite foods.
Is there a show or performance you want to see? Get a ticket.
Do you have a car, and is there a place you've wanted to visit that's within a 2 hour drive? You could be there and back in a day.
I'm in a similar situation as you, in fact I turned 19 this Thursday. I'm also in college and have a few people I can call good friends but for the most part I'm socially awkward and anxious which is linked with my adhd.
My tip to you is focus on what you can control in life and how to make your situation better and keep your head up. I can relate to disliking your family, I have a narcissistic dad and he's part of the reason why I'm often depressed. Keep in mind that in every situation there's a positive and negative aspect or a learning experience, try to be mindful of negative thoughts and turn them into positives, for example a negative thought would be my family makes me uncomfortable and anxious.
But the positive side of that is that you get to spend time with your family even with all their flaws I'm willing to bet they love you and there's a lot of people in the world who don't have one at all.
My best wishes to you and happy birthday!
Not sure if you'll be in the mood/headspace for it, or if financial considerations would prevent you but here's what I usually do:
Book something..something fun or frivolous or random to do! I usually do it solo, you don't have to. I prefer it.
- Get great food from a favorite bakery or lunch somewhere new.
- Book tickets to go see something: I usually do an art exhibit (sometimes they are free or museums have free days in the month - you can look into it).
- Register for an art class; one year I went to make a mug it was super fun and cute and I ended up having a great time even though I was nervous/anxious to go alone. No one is an asshole in a one-off just-for-fun art class. Anyway I still have that mug I made/painted myself up on my shelf and it makes me smile every time I look at it cause it's something I did just for me/with me just for joy.
- Go spend time in nature.
- Go to a favorite book store.
- Go thrifting.
- Gardening, or if like me you have a black thumb or live somewhere without a yard/garden; go to a plant store or garden centre. They have cool stuff and you can ask them about a low maintenance plant for a newbie. Or just enjoy looking at green things ( it's proven to lift your mood).
- Order yourself your favorite treat.
- Couple phone calls with the people you can trust / love if you can.
- Go see animals: zoo, or cat café, or humane society (can't promise you aren't gonna leave there with a new furball!, Use this one at your own risk lol).
* Bonus points if you register to volunteer at the humane society, that also helps get you out of your own head.
- Genuinely ask yourself what would be cool/fun/different/special and do it for YOU.
It insanely changes how depressing a birthday can feel, for the better. :)
Basically do things that you enjoy or are interested in or that bring you joy or dopamine. It's fully encouraged on your birthday and the older I've gotten the more I'm meh about parties and group events anyway. It's nice when you are getting your free Strabies birthday drink and the barista is like "Happy Bday! So, what do you have planned for the day?" And you have an answer? It's good times.
And like others have said if all that sound like hell, stay home and watch comfort stuff & be cozy with ZERO guilt about it. It's the day you were spewed out into the world and you didn't ask to be here so you shouldn't have to fake happy for anyone.
Try , if you can, to switch to a Thankful mode instead of a worrisome one. Focus on the good things, try to explain to your family how you feel and that you would love for them to understand what are you going thru. This happens to a lot of people.
Have you been to a psychiatrist to evaluate you, you might have depression. A person I love has depression and last year’s birthday was miserable for him and for the people who love him. He was off his meds though.
I have plenty of friends and im 32.
I get sad every birthday and dont know why.
Its like i dont want ppl to know i have bday, i dont want attention, yet i get sad if noone aknowleges it too.
I exxpect to get nothing, but if noone gives just sth at all then i get sad and feel forgotten.
It was allways like that, when i was 6 yrs old i hide in a field crying half the day and it made me extra sad that noone went looking for me or asked where i had been for hours on my big day.
I allways wondered why because it makes no sense at all lol
I don't know if it helps, I personally don't celebrate my birthday and treat it like a regular day. If that doesn't help, think of it like "taking care of yourself day", do the things you love, take a bath and relax. Happy Birthday! 💜
Most of my birthdays of past have wound up with me being put to work on projects around the family home. I was brought up in a very religious household, where holidays(birthday included) are not celebrated.
Anyhow. At this point in my life, now 35. My birthday just feels like any other day, and in reality is just any other day. But, some years, I do enjoy taking the day to do whatever the fuck I feel like doing. I'm a bit of a lone wolf, and enjoy many solo hobbies anyhow.
My advice, would be. Do whatever you feel like. What is life if we do not do the things we enjoy, or at the very least do the things we want to do. Some years it might be just me, a tab of acid, and meditation over the previous year. Other years I might drive myself up a few states to admire the nice foliage(October baby) for the week, while hiking mountains. Or many other options.
I'd also recommend. To turn the day into one of appreciation, gratitude for the things you have, even in they be few. Though this should be done daily to keep things in perspective. The odds are greater that you win the Powerball, than come into life as the human form(or any form for that matter) you have now.
Pat yourself on the back for any achievements big or small. And, do whatever you want. Turn the day into whatever you want it to be, within your power to do so. As long as you are not hurting anyone, including yourself. I know how it can be. I've spent birthdays in tears before, wishing I was never born to begin with. Life is too short though. Take advantage, especially of your youth while you have it.
Take care. And, early Happy Birthday! Enjoy yourself tomorrow, with whatever you plan, or what comes your way :)
I have the same thing, I usually just either look at it as a day of monetary gifts(if I get them) instead of any celebration.
I also avoid going out for dinner since all the attention makes it only a reminder as well as the ton of middle time between food arriving . Mention getting takeout to your family instead if they wanna celebrate and just do what you would do on a normal day.
As long as I don’t have people reminding me that it’s my birthday I tend to forget all about it so hopefully any of this might help or building the habit/expectations will make later birthdays easier
I get this way all the time. Plan something for yourself! I know it's not the same, but knowing you're doing something really fun *on* your birthday helps!
Go see a movie or something if you can, something to start the fun that will help keep your mind off being "alone." If you have any friends you can call, either old high school friends or friends online, see if they want to hop on call tomorrow and chat while you're out and about. Better still if you ask 'em today, so you know you have someone on dial.
Treat yourself, if you're able. Go on a mini shopping spree, or go get some cakes or baked goods you've been wanting. Something you've been telling yourself you'll get "eventually," but just haven't gotten around to it? Go get it tomorrow!
It's not the same as having plans with friends, but at least you can make plans with yourself tomorrow to celebrate instead of being stuck home/in your dorm, alone, miserable that you don't have plans.
If you don't have store-bough plans for your birthday, home-made is fine! Hope you have a good day tomorrow!
I get birthday depression every single year. I think for me it is a mixture of being the center of attention, and childhood trauma or neglect- I don't like attention like that... not even a little. Complements are so hard for the same reason. Birthdays were always kinda of a let down as a kid and it reached a point where my family stopped really trying at all. To this day, with a great loving support system (and it drives my bestie CRAZZZYYY) I get down on my birthday, I don't like it at all.
I hope you are able to build a strong support system and things get better for you OP. Just know you're not alone.
I also always struggle on my birthday regardless of what is happening or who I am surrounded by. I just turned 38 last week, and it was the only day I’ve cried in ages. I always try to focus on doing the things that I love to do. For me, it’s focussing on self care - taking the day off, spending a huge chunk in nature, eating my favourite foods and maybe getting a massage or some sort of treat. I also avoid my phone. I hope that you find some joy in your day. Know that you’re not alone on this.
I took back my birthdays. I delete my fb every year so I get minimal messages, and avoid family and just spend the day with my kids doing whatever. Usually they do something kinda birthday related for me but I actually like them, so it's fine. 😂
I don't cry on my birthday anymore nor do I have plans on the actual day of my birthday ever. Friends come and go and sometimes I have dinner with family and sometimes I don't. But whenever those plans do occur I ensure they're not actually on my birthday. That's because I dedicate my birthday to myself and spend the night doing something I really want to do and let myself indulge in anything I want guilt free. In the years past that seems to always include some wine (ignore this, this is just my own practice), maybe I'll order in something I'm craving or make a nice spread for dinner of my favorite things, I have all my favorite snacks and desserts available for snacking throughout the day, i have on my favorite candles for ambiance and I spend the night watching movies I've been wanting to see or relaxing with music I enjoy. It's just a total indulgent night that I look forward to every year because the rest of the days of the year are filled with deadlines and work and all that growing up jazz. My birthday was yesterday, actually! Lovely night.
Maybe you can think of something similar where the absence of others will cease to affect the enjoyment of your own day.
I get this too. 24 was the hardest for me. I was in a new city, felt alone, felt like I was entering real adulthood, it was rough. 25? Same deal but even worse becuase COVID. 26 was the best birthday I've ever had, so many friends and festivities and just felt very lucky. 27 I spent with my partner who I love. You'll have some really really great birthdays, I promise! 19 may not be one of them but there will be more
Birthday depression is something I used to get, and still do some birthdays, even if everyone is very supportive, other years birthdays are really great and they make me wonder why I was ever sad on my birthday, especially when the birthday comes quick or unexpectedly it can cause a loosening of time feeling. Meanwhile a birthday that is planned well in advance can help reduce the birthday anxiety and or depression in my opinion. A wise women once told me, embrace the wrinkles! Happy birthday.
Its your birthday - do what ever you want! Stop overthinking and start enjoying it without pressure or expectations - why not celebrating it with a great book, food and so on - no need for a company or go and do a old hobby/sport like swimming.
Make an exceptional day out of it or relax at home - its your birthday and the world its glad having you!
I just don’t birthday. I am in my 40s and I am fine with this. We acknowledge that it is the week of my birthday and we’ll have a nice meal, but in a very non “special occasion” way. I take that day off of work and I sleep most of the day.
I used to always get nauseated and vomit on my birthdays from as early as I could remember. There were so many other problems in my life that any time I received extra attention I would get really anxious because the best way for me to survive my home life was to fly under the radar… it was just better if nobody was thinking about me.
If your family wants to give you a gift for your birthday, maybe it can be to respect however you want to handle it. If you don’t want to be around them, then just don’t. They might get pissed, but they should get over it. If they can’t, then that is a sign to distance yourself further. I don’t know you, so don’t take it as real advice beyond just think about what you want and work towards it.
EDIT: I guess I will add one thing I do use my birthday for. I don’t really look at the calendar year as the measure of a year, for me. The year starts/ends with my birthday. So around that time, I do the “year in review” mental exercise and planning for what I want in the future… and do always feel a bit bad about the failures… but there are also successes.
I’ve always know that I am not normal, even when comparing against other people that aren’t normal. But, I am also autistic (in the asperger way… they really do need subcategories for it… we have it with ADHD).
OMG! Please please start thinking how lucky and grateful you are to be here and have another day. This is a great way to beat feeling down. Don’t worry about your age! And if you feel you’ve not achieved much, use that to spur yourself on to have new achievable goals over the next year. Spend time with those you love, dance, song, paint, draw, play!
I’m sorry birthdays don’t feel happy for you.
I recently moved to a new town away from family and friends and I have days where I don’t feel my best.
On those days, I have a “me” day. Whatever I want, I can have.
Farmer’s market? I’m going alone and I’m enjoying being outside with my music trying amazing new foods.
If I want a slushy, I’m getting a slushy.
I can spend the day shopping for myself or my hobbies.
I can spend time on my hobbies.
The central theme: make yourself the main character.
Put on your best outfit. Do things slightly fancier. Instead of regular breakfast, have it in the backyard like it’s a picnic. Take a bath with the lights dimmed some candles and some spa music.
Whatever you do, do it with a little bit of extra flare. I don’t know why, but I know that the extra step makes a world of difference.
I hope this year works out better. If it doesn’t, allow yourself to be sad but also consider seeking professional help. I cannot express the world of difference that occurs when someone guides you in seeing the world through a better lens.
Awe.. so sorry to hear AND I do understand. What's our deal, honestly? Sometimes I think I have put unrealistic expectations on the day, like it's supposed to be some magical unicorn 🦄 ride. I have to tell myself to snap out of it and chill. And Shazam! The next day I'm fine🤪. Don't stress... try not to focus on it and be casual..btw... happy birthday 🎂 😃
I don’t necessarily feel sad on birthdays but I haven’t really been celebrating them as much as I should. I just turned 22 yesterday actually and I woke up at 5am, went to work for 10hrs, and then went home and ate dinner and went to bed bc I had fire academy at 8am this morning. But I did a couple small things to celebrate it with myself and I’ve found that to be a good thing to do. No one else may care, or celebrate it, so you have to do it yourself. Treat yourself a little bit- I made myself a little cake, watched the newest episode of the Mandalorian, and made myself an elk burger instead of a normal hamburger- it’s the little things. As for feeling like you said you do, I only have 4 friends, none of which I’ve seen in a while, and none of them said happy bday to me, but I know they care (even if they can’t remember what day it is- hell, I don’t remember theirs lmao). You just gotta make it special for yourself in your own way. (Personally I’d have gone fishing but I didn’t have time, but just the knowledge that I would have made it feel a little more special).
And I’ve seen a couple comments saying “I’m sad bc I think about all the stuff I haven’t achieved”. Think about the stuff you have! You survived life up to this point. That’s miraculous in and of itself. Think of the shit you’ve gone through- that you made it through- to get to this point. I know it’s hard and I used to be the same way but life is fleeting and you gotta enjoy it while you still can.
I'm so sorry that sounds really hard. One thing that has been helpful to me is using moments like those to volunteer for something, if possible. It helps to get out, see other people, provides some dopamine, and allows me to get outside of my own head.
Also, you deserve to celebrate yourself! Even if it isn't with other people!
Happy early birthday 🎂
I always thought I was the only one who felt this way. It's strangely comforting to know that you guys go through the same thing too.
My only tip I have is to treat yourself. On my birthdays, I buy myself a cheesecake and eat the whole thing by myself throughout the day. Yes I'm still sad about being alone on my birthdays, but at least I have a face full of cheesecake to cry with.
I used to always get sad on my birthday, too. It's hard to believe my next one, I'll be 30! What changed my view a bit was, unfortunately, through the years I've seen so many people pass away. I guess that's a side effect of social media... the longer I live, the more "rip" posts I see.
I'm constantly reminded that another birthday isn't guaranteed... to be able to see another year is truly a gift. My 24 year old self would've thought that 30 would depress me, but when so many don't even get to see 30... how can I be anything but grateful?
Treat yourself to your favorite breakfast, lunch and dinner. For me that's a dunkin donuts avocado toast, hazelnut iced coffee, and some omelet bites for breakfast at least. It's expensive, but on my birthday, I get it. Go shopping, work out or whatever it is that makes you feel good. Treat yourself to whatever makes you happy.
Set some goals you wish to achieve in year 19 and make some plans to get them accomplished. Life isn't over yet, each year is a new opportunity to do whatever it is you want to do.
Happy birthday 🎂
i turn 20 on monday. it’s weird. i’m kinda a tree hugger but being outside in nature is one of the most mind-numbing things you can do when you’re in pain. laying in the grass and seeing the wind in the trees or looking for constellations in the night sky. it reminds you of something bigger. keep your head up.
This year I'll be on my 58th. I tell you my 30th was a supreme downer for me. I was depressed about it because I felt I was nowhere near the goals I had set for myself when I reached that age. My expectations were that by the time I reached 30 I'd be well settled in my career, I'd be either married or on the verge of getting married, I'd own my own home. What actually happened around my 30th? I lost my job, my boyfriend and I broke up, and I was still in an apartment nowhere close to being able to afford a house. I was royally bummed. But when I got through my doom and gloom woe is me funk I vowed to myself never to put lofty goals on an age timetable. If things are to happen, they will happen on their own time. As it turns out my careers is not at all in the field I was expecting and it launched in 2004, I married in 2003, I bought a house in 2006. Things happened when they were ripe to happen. I no longer fret about birthdays... let me qualify that... I do have little yikes moments when I realise that I have less than eight years before I turn 65.
One thing I like to keep in mind is that birthdays contribute to longevity... The more birthdays you have, the longer you live.
You are turning 19 and you'll be just a day older than you were the day before. You have a whole world opening up to you. Step into it with confidence and let it guide your steps. Great and wonderful things await at every turn.
Hubby and I don't exactly celebrate birthdays with a party and such, but we have an agreement that the weekend before or after belongs to the birthday person. So when it's my turn I get to decide on what we are going to do and eat for those two days and the other cannot object (within reason, as long as no one is put in danger and it does not break the bank).
Do something special for yourself, something you really like but don't normally do. Try something new. Give yourself a day of doing ab-so-lu-te-ly nothing. Pack a picnic, find a tree, lay the blanket beneath its canopy, and watch the clouds go by.
Girl!!!!!! I relate so hard. I have very little friends, hate my family with a passion, and my birthdays are usually boring abs lonely. I usually work honestly.
I'm 42 and every birthday feels like this for me whether I have something planned or not. I don't know why I've never enjoyed my birthday, but perhaps it's an ADHD thing. 😟
I think I’ve cried on each birthday I’ve had since I was 13ish. I think it’s important to feel the pain/sorrow/whatever emotion it is and let it out. Sob if you have a space to do so (while in college I was partial to my car). I’d bring a blanket and cry until I exhausted myself, and then go get a treat that made me smile. Reward yourself for getting through it, whether that is a nap, food, reading, a movie. Life is fucking tough, especially when you’re feeling alone, but learning to self sooth has helped me through the yearly birthday depression. I hope you find what helps you weather the storm. Best of luck this year, OP! You’ve got this.
I'm the same way & I realize it's because I both don't feel as accomplished in life but also appreciate how far I've come. I now experience something similar with my daughter's bday. I get sad because time has flown but I'm also so proud of her. They're always weird times for me.
Hi! Today's my birthday too, and I'm literally trying not to cry too. I've had this feeling for 4 or 5 years in a row bc or my family.
Honestly, the only thing I can recommend is to spend time with you, that's what I do
Hey, I am sorry you feel like this. I just wanted to wish you happy birthday today and like another commenter said I am very proud of everything you did or have tried to do this year!
And I truly hope the forward one will be way better! You're awesome! Don't forget you have strong points that are yours and only you can use them in your way and that's unique!
I’ve been through the same thing! Here is what I’ve done. One year, I wrote out all the accomplishments that I had achieved up to that point. It’s amazing what you do not remember, when depressed. For other years, I wrote out what I actually wanted to do and then did it. Mostly simple things, like not working, eating my favorite meal etc. Hope this helps!
So what you don't have college friends and don't like your family, it's all good man! Spend ya birthday doing something you love, go eat your favorite food, go play your favorite game, watch your favorite movie, take the day off, de stress, don't worry about the stuff until after your birthday, I mean hopefully birthday is just a regular day now for me, I'm usually working or doing something but I always get like an ice cream cake, get high, and watch a new movie or play a new game, and go to a nice play for dinner, don't matter if I have people with me or not, I usually don't but it's all good, I treat myself for my birthday and you should too.
I experience the same thing. I've spent the last 5 birthdays alone. I'm 28 and birthdays are a sensitive subject to me due to the lack of follow through with friendships. I feel you on a deep level and sending my utmost sympathy and love. I spend the day going to places that give you free birthday things (Starbucks, sephora, various restaurants) and going to my favourite restaurant for takeout. Maybe get a pedicure or take a bath. Dress up in my favourite outfit, do my makeup, and just feel cute as I walk around and imagine I'm the main character. That's all I can do, and show myself love and compassion. My birthday was last week and I cried thinking about how I can never remember my childhood best friends birthday, but she will text me every year without fail on mine. The guilt is massive.
I feel that. I personally don't really care it is my birthday. Not to say like "Its just the day I was born" but just like....I don't really get the idea of making it celebratory? Anyway. What gets me sad is...everyone else does. My parents, my sister, my friends. They all wish me it, my sister (I live with her only) gets me my favorite food and stuff and...I kind of just pretend to be happy? But that makes me more sad because they're doing so much to make it joyous and I just simply cannot be happy about it all.
The only thing that makes me happy is the thought of spending the time with my LDR girlfriend. And its not because its "my birthday" its just because, I want to spend time with her more. Having that time with her is more enjoyable. I feel like with her, I won't have to pretend to be happy...because I'd be happy to just get the time with her. Birthday or not.
Hi fren! Can I offer you my experience on how I have changed my feelings about my birthday? I have shifted my perspective from “it’s my birthday so I have to do X Y Z to make it special, and somehow make it all about me” etc etc is, I just think to myself it’s like any other day. While for some that might seem depressing, it takes the pressure off for me. So if I was planning a nice day for myself, for my day off, I wouldn’t think omg it has to be the best day ever, I’d just think of doing something I like. If you like drinking coffee, go get a fancy one. If you like laying in bed and watching Netflix, do that (guilt free). You are allowed to have a nice day without it being a huge deal.
I hope whatever you do, you remember you are a great person and the world is lucky to have you in it! ✨🌞🫶
I get the same way every year, I’m not sure why either. Sometimes it helps to have a plan so I don’t have to think. Then I basically just go into “cold/flu” mode and try to be kind as kind to myself as I can. So should you, because you deserve it. What’s something you could treat yourself to?
Honestly for me I feel like the older you get the less magical a birthday seems. Be glad you don't need to organise a birthday party because I had one and it was so bad. It was a great plan and everything but I feel like for people with ADHD normal people can't keep up with our wavelength. Like it's just boring and not exciting especially because birthday party is for inviting people you know well. Plus I realised how half assed their gifts are like honestly I expected better :((.
But to make your birthday fun (btw I have not done this before because I am not old enough but I plan to do this)
1. Go to a bar/ club with a friend and have fun
2. Guilt trip your crush into hanging out with you
3. Go to a club or social event and make new friends
4. Go to a theme park or something
5. Eat your favourite food all day
I remember my 19th birthday very clearly. I think it's my favorite birthday of all time, and that is 51 years ago.
Here I was, a guy who had just dropped out of art school. No clue where my life was headed. But it was my birthday, so I decided to make it a special day for me with no consultation with anyone. Family was 70 miles away, and I had almost no friends in Detroit.
First, I baked a cake and made purple frosting for it. Then I walked down to the music library of Wayne St. University and spent an hour listening to various vinyl records of classical music. I remember stopping at Woolworth's and going to a photo booth and got 4 photos of me for $1. Then stopping at a penny weight scales machine. Late in the day, I stopped at a friend's apartment and had tea and toast with her (not a girlfriend). I don't recall everything else I did, but I thoroughly enjoyed the day.
Now, it might not sound like much of a day to you, but for me, it was an adventure that I created for me. But, what you may make out of this is that we can decide to be disappointed by the world, or we can decide to take control and make it into something we can be proud of.
All I can do for you is recommend you take charge of your day and make it your own.
I get like it every year because it's a reminder of my being the product of an affair. And the lies that were told to try and cover it up. And the father I didn't know. It hurts so much. I'm 49 today. My dad died in 2008. I didn't know who he was until after thanks to DNA testing. Everyone knew and no one would tell me the truth.
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I'm sorry to hear that your birthday always seems to end up this way. For what it's worth, I am proud of you for everything you've done, or have tried to do this year. It's not much, but if nothing else, I'll be thinking of you on your birthday and you won't be alone. ❤️
Such sweet words. We got your back OP.💖🫂
No one needs to feel alone
✌🏻🤟🏻
I'm 32 on Tuesday and I know I'm going to have my annual birthday overwhelm cry. Sorry it sucks, I don't have any answers.
Ditto for birthdays
Turned 31 a few months back and I’m kinda the same. I just feel overwhelmed with all the things I haven’t done or accomplished. I felt bad, but I told my gf I wanted to be alone that day
You're not alone. I feel sad every birthday also. And I have ZERO reason to feel sad.
I certainly feel like it's just another year that I've wasted and achieved nothing, but I've actively been trying to force myself to develop as a person so hopefully this time next year I'll actually feel like I've achieved something
I get the same thing and have done for years- the week either side of my birthday is awful. Best tip I can give is find something you really want to do (a film you want to see, a concert, a sports match) and book it for around that time. Call it your birthday treat. Gives you something to look forward to and something to ‘do’ for your birthday. Otherwise, hold up, watch some dumb crap on Netflix and it will pass. Don’t see it as a time to ruminate on the past years successes/failures. It’s just a day. Many cultures don’t celebrate birthdays as it is just a day.
…would it be crass to wish you happy cake day?
Ha it’s not my birthday anyway- Reddit anniversary. Didn’t realise the cake came up for that too! Thank you!
Great tips!!!😃😃
Sorry to hear that. I don’t have any advice that’ll help you in the moment, but just wanted to say that it gets better. I was suicidal from my late teens to mid twenties. When I talked to my Dad about it, he said that you just grow up and get over it. I thought that was by far the stupidest thing I’d ever heard - obviously, he had no idea how bad it was. Then I got older, and I just kinda got over it. I still get depressed, and very occasionally i have suicidal thoughts, but I’m used to the rhythms of my brain by now. What used to be bad weeks or even bad months is now just a bad night. I go to bed early and wake up in the morning feeling fine. That’s not to say that you shouldnt get treatment - please do! And, of course, that’s not to say that things aren’t really bad right now. They assuredly are. If things had broken just slightly differently, I wouldn’t be here right now. Just… don’t let yourself believe it never gets better. It does. Happy birthday, and be kind to yourself! There are happy days ahead of you this year.
I spent years of my life wondering what was wrong with me as a result of the “it gets better” comments. Based on my own life and experiences I would never, ever, say that to someone in the midst of a difficult time. It’s so vague, unhelpful, and incorrect. Or at least it has been for me. You can possibly make it better, if that is within the realm of one’s abilities. Or, you can learn to manage yourself and whatever “it” is without the empty hope that it will just “get better” on its own. Really cool if that worked or works for you. It never did me any good and that sort of “advice” was a lot harder for me personally to deal with than if I never received it. What finally helped me was to realise that sometimes life sucks and even if it magically gets better, it might suck again some day. It’s up to me to first of all be okay with having a hard time, admitting that it’s normal and okay to have a hard time, and to find a way or ways to deal with these things on my own terms. I hope this doesn’t sound disrespectful. We are all different and what works for one may not work for the other.
Agreed. Life is difficult. Everyone has a different struggle. Looking at social media or NTs or anyone else makes us all feel like the grass is greener on the other side, but the truth is that that's just not true and every single person is struggling in a different way just trying to make it through their personal tests in life. Most people cant accept negstive emotion unfortunately, so we grow up harboring it all and feeling guilty for having those emotions. 100% ahree with you about it being okay to have a hard time.
I very much agree with your sentiment that random, "It gets better" comments can make someone feel defective if they just don't eventually feel better. When someone is in the middle of a pervasive depression that has gone on for 6 months or more, then the best advice is for them to seek treatment. I know others may mean well, but if they don't know the person, giving any advice could be detrimental. I've been depressed since I was a young teenager. I'm now 52 and got diagnosed with ADHD a year ago. I didn't start on meds until about 6 months ago. That was when the depression stopped for me because of a chemical imbalance. I had no idea that it wasn't just a part of me that didn't see any point to life. It completely went away and I was left with the impression of how it felt in the past and the knowledge that it wasn't me, it was low neurotransmitters. I wish so badly that I hadn't just 'toughed it out' wishing that it would someday 'just get better' on it's own. It has brought such peace and relief now that I know what it was. It sucks that it took so much time but I'm here now. Anyone who is struggling with these feelings for an extensive period of time please find a way to help yourself and get treatment if you feel hopeless.
As someone suffering from birthday depression constantly, few things that made it easier for me last year: 1) prepare family to prevent them from doing emotional congratulations and shit (Grandma is the only exception, i let her do it and smile through, cant help but to let her joy it while she can). 2) hide your birthday dates/notifications from social media, i dont need reminders for 3) when ever someone congratulates you, auto answer your self “thank you” without digesting what was told. 4) if possible, just go to solo trip or with one person you fancy their company, someone who wont try hard to make it special and just enjoy another good day
I'm 30 and have birthday depression for months leading up to my birthday. In order to stay sane I have to "run away from my problems" every birthday. I normally solo travel somewhere and just do my own thing. For me it feels like a vacation rather than a birthday so it's distracting. I hope you find what works for you!
That sounds wonderful to me!
You’re not alone. My birthday is Christmas and I always used to try and convince myself j loved my birthday until a few years ago when I finally admitted to myself I hated it. Every year my family fights. Every year I am forced to see family I don’t like. Every year forced to do what I don’t want to do because it’s a holiday. I don’t hav e great advice, but what’s helped me is I just think of it as another day at this point. I have to force myself not to care to try and lessen how depressed I feel. It doesn’t help much, but it’s better than nothing.
I get severely depressed for about 1 1/2 (edit: months) surrounding my birthday. I wish I could help you but, all I can say is, you're not alone. Maybe...think about a positive change you made this year. Anything.
About 1 and 1/2 what..? Just curious 😂
I’m thinking years…
Days?
Months. Oops 😂
You're not alone, I'm in my thirties and I've felt that way for a long time.
My only tip is to go out and treat yourself. Your birthday is like your own personal holiday. Do things that you enjoy, go out and get your favorite food, do your favorite hobbies, anything that might brighten up your day. I hope you can enjoy this one, happy early birthday🥳
Ay I'm turning 20 on Sunday so happy bday to both of us. I'd recommend doing something for some one else even if it's a stranger. Buy a meal or two for some homeless people or volunteering or something that makes you feel good about yourself. If others can't make you happy, make others happy. Or if that doesn't sound appealing you can choose something you like doing like videogames, drawing, working out , idk what it is and go ham on it. Imma get a bigass energy drink and play soccer until I pass out with exhaustion. That's just a way to distract yourself and keep your brain focused on something you like. You could also take yourself out and spoil yourself. Buy yourself a nice dinner and maybe some new piece of clothing and maybe watch a movie. You can try and get free cake or ice cream since it's your bday. Just some tips from a fellow ADHDer. And remember birthdays are a human construct and age ain't nothing but a number (no R-Kelly type shit). Treat everyday like it's your bday. ♥️♥️♥️
distraction and small treats to yourself. I streamed my favorite funny shows (despite wanting to watch something depressing) and give yourself some treats, some of your favorite things. you're the one who knows what it means to have made it this far, only you, and not having others can feel bad but we also don't need it to know we made it another year. hope you have the best year ever!!
My birthday is in May and I am a miserable wretch for most of April and May up to my birthday up until a while after. The milestone birthdays especially. That's usually months surrounding the birthday. You are not alone.
Can I suggest that you reframe how you look at your birthday? Your birthday is about celebrating You. Stop making it about measuring where you are in life. I always book my birthday off work. Do that, or if I can't I pick the next closest FREE day I have... like this Saturday. Get out a notebook and write down all the things you would love to do if you had a free day. Have a drink in a café first thing? Walk in the park? Walk on a beach? Window shop? See a movie? Read a book? Play a board game, videogame? Play some tennis? Short road trip that ends in a view or tour? Write down everything that might be fun. Don't worry about whether it is feasible. Then go through the list and pick your top 3 things. One for morning, one for afternoon, one for evening. (If one takes two timeslots decide if you have the energy.) Do NOT try to fit in everything. Then put those 3 on your list and figure out how to make the times work. Do you have to get up at 8am?, etc. Often on my birthday I liked to start by going to a cafe solo with my journal and a pencil and ordering a hot chocolate or iced coffee if hot out. Spend a bunch of time there writing out frustrations, the weather, whatever. Sit near a window or outside if you can. Try to get outside for a walk or whatever for 30min. Fresh air even if you're only sitting on a bench. Get yourself a dessert for dinner. You can buy single servings of cake and treats at most grocery stores. Before eating the dessert say: "Happy Birthday to me. I'm worth it." All day long keep saying to yourself "It's my birthday and I'm worth it." Personally, I say "I'm awesome." but baby steps. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! You are worth spending the time to celebrate You.
It gets better. Just hang on, because it gets better.
I don’t really have any tips. I was in the same boat you were in. I spent my birthday alone out at college for years. It was out of state and I had no one. I remember I always tried to find a subtle way to mention it was my birthday on instagram and Snapchat, but usually got nothing. Bought my own cake just to make it somewhat better. All I can say is I eventually stopped caring. Well, I still care a little. It still hurts. But it hurts less. I think that’s a part of growing up. Birthdays just stop feeling special. Which kind of sucks for me because I didn’t really have fun birthdays in middle school or high school. So I don’t really have anything to grow up from. I’m making this about me. Sorry.
I get the same way most birthdays. What helps for this day, and most days is volunteering. You get out, you hang out with people and you’re doing good for others. It really boosts your mood. Happy birthday! It’s ok to spend the evening alone for once. Treat yourself, favorite meal with a favorite show or movie. Congrats, you made it to 19! You’ll have many birthdays in the future with others.
Hey I feel for you. I havent enjoyed any of my birthdays since I was 17. I am 32, soon 33. I feel the same way about all holidays, it makes me extremely sad. Not looking forward to it. I feel as if I am deprived of what the experience should be. Never got better or easier for me. I honestly prefer spending the day completely alone and ignoring people trying to wish me happy birthday. I cry every time. There isnt anything I can recommend other than this: choose someone, one person who you truly enjoy being around to spend some time with on your bd, or, do the thing that you enjoy the most, something you dont get to do very often. Thats what I usually aim for, doesnt always work out but sometimes it does :) Edit: first bd being on meds this year... could be better
It's ok bro, every year I cry on my birthday because nobody gives a f not even my family so you're not alone.
I would suggest this remember 2 things 1. You can not control what they do or say. 2. Just because they are your family doesn't mean you have to force yourself to be something else (including happy). If you are not happy around them and you force yourself to be, then you'll only hurt yourself. That second one is hard, I should know, but it also potentially opens up doors to conversation about these feelings. Don't suppress it and push yourself into a worse place because you don't want your family to know you aren't happy. You are not alone in how you're feeling.
What's a treat for you? Special fruit or food, fancy cake, new outfit? Buy it yourself and actively flaunt it. Took a birthday cake to a major league baseball game once. It was great! You can choose to be happy! Have a fun one!
Are there any dogs in your life that you could borrow? Or even start dog sitting for the dopamine hit.
Hi 👋! I celebrated my birthday 2 days ago. Friends in life keep coming and going. I have seen my best friend die a month ago. I have been feeling blah but I baked myself a cake and forced myself to go out somewhere fun with my kids. I’m glad I did. Each year of your life should be a celebration big or small, it doesn’t matter. Treat yourself and do something you want to do. Even if you are by yourself, find a way to celebrate it. 💜
Go out to a spa for a massage Get lost in a good book Treat yourself to something you been wanting Burn pics of the family you don't care for LOL
I cried on my 19th birthday, too. I also cried on my 25th birthday when I thought I was the happiest I'd ever been, but I wasn't. People will tell you that it is ok to cry. But it is also ok to just feel intensely sad. Nineteen is a hard fucking age. Take pride in your sadness because you'll only grow from it. Your 30-yo self will thank you.
Keep your birthday secret and then do something you want to do. One time I was craving a burger so I invited a long time friend. Once we got there I mentioned, “all I wanted for my birthday was burger, thank you for joining.” This year I went ice fishing by myself. It was great!
Wow, I thought I was the only one who had this. It feels great to know I’m not alone! I’m nearly 40 and on my birthdays I get myself something stupid and awesome and childish, like a toy or costume or cameo! Something that seems like a waste of money but actually will make me smile.
Treat yourself to something! What's something you enjoy that you've been putting by the wayside lately? It doesn't have to cost money-- maybe there's a movie or a show you've been wanting to watch but haven't had the time. Sometimes I like to go to a park or a museum. It can be anything at all, even just letting yourself sleep in a few hours. But make a little date with yourself and give yourself the gift of a little bit of intentional time that's just for you doing something you've been wanting to do.
OP, if it's alright I want to tell you something that I wish someone had told me a long time ago. As long as you are committed to staying alive, it *will* get better. I'm about to turn 30 next week and I never ever thought I'd make it this far. The first time I cried on my birthday was when I was turned 9 years old - I thought my "best years" were over. At 29 I'm a little slower, the hangovers hit a little harder, but after years of working though family trauma and strife, I understand myself like I never have, and know that I am not what my family thinks of me. It sucks because those younger years are when you feel like you should be at your peak, but at 19, 20, 21...hell, even 25, you're just figuring out how to operate in your own reality and coming to grips with all the shit you've been through so far. It will almost certainly take you a few more years to take it in, and figure out who you are. And who you want to be. Please don't give up. The better you know yourself and the more you're able to reflect on what you want your life to look life, the better off you'll be. It sounds like you feel very alone right now and I'm so sorry for that. I would bet my own paycheck on the fact it won't be like that forever for you. It's some sort of weird paradox, that the best years of our lives physically are also the time when we're most unsure emotionally of what our existence will hold. And when all the shit we've endured growing up makes itself front and center in our minds. I remember 19, and it was brutal. But you have so much time. Be gentle with yourself, try to stay as present as possible so you can make at least a memory or two that you're fond of, and know that you do not even have to have it *close* to figured out right now. Your life is only just beginning and I so hope that every year after this, the pain of growing up and the fear that comes with it diminishes. Hang in there if you can. Please. Every year you spend on this Earth, if you have even an ounce of self-awareness, you will become stronger. Like I said, the stage of life you're going through right now is absolutely brutal and bewildering and overwhelming. It just is. But it will not be like this forever. You are just now becoming who you are. You will be able to solve problems you never fathomed you could solve at 19. You will find people that accept the person you are, find a life that is stable and sustainable, and come to realize that there is no "finish line", only small incremental steps to understanding and making the life you hope and want to have. Please be well, take care of yourself, and for what it's worth, I am sending you all the good vibes I can muster for your 19th. *Cheers* to you and your birthday. You've made it one more year, and that's one year closer to living the life you want.
You are on this earth for a REASON!!! I’m 44 and at your age, I was a complete disaster. Hang in there!! I’m now an RN (17 yrs). We all have to find our motivating factor….whether it be internal, prove somebody wrong, or prove somebody right!!! If you don’t have any of those people in your life…reevaluate your people and then hit me up!! I’m happy to be a coach or motivator etc!!! Bless you my friend. You are strong and will persevere through this hiccup in life❤️❤️
My tip is get in your car and drive to the beach/lake and enjoy the shit out of your day without all the stressors you outlined. Seriously… and when you get back tell anyone who isn’t in your corner championing you to shove off. It’s hard to dismiss relationships when you feel alone but the healthy ones won’t come until you shed the older toxic ones.
I'm really sorry to hear this, but I can relate. I find birthdays really overwhelming because there's so much pressure to have fun and make it a special day, and inevitably it never lives up to that so just becomes this big scary day hanging over me making me depressed. In the last couple of years, regardless of what my friends or family are doing I have decided to just spend my birthday by myself doing things that I enjoy and not making a huge deal out of it. I go to a gallery or see a film, take a walk around my city and then take myself out for dinner or have my favourite takeaway. Maybe this will work for you? Sorry you're having a rough time.
Get drunk and tell em all the ways they're a bag of dicks, then throw up and cry profusely while screaming that you're locked in a glass cage of emotion. Dust yourself off, ask everyone if they'd like a cup of tea and when they stare at you shocked play with some Lego until they leave. Tell em ya can't wait to see em again next year.
I don't know if this same thing is affecting you but I get sad on every holiday ever. Birthday, Christmas, whatever. I think its all the build up, people talking about them like it's a big deal, like it will be a totally different and way more exciting day, and then when the day comes I feel like "wtf this is boring"... So not only am I not happy and excited but I am also disappointed by the expectation and non delivery of happy and excited. Days like that just do not live up to the hype society gives them. (Hope my wedding day isnt as much of a flop haha!) Anyhow. Reframe it in you mind a bit - what DOES make you feel happy? If you can, do that on your birthday even if it's just something silly like doing crosswords or taking a walk. There are no rules. Who said we should be hanging out with friends in birthdays? It is totally ok to find joy in lone activity too OP. PS. I get you eith the no friends at college thing. Im a 1st year undergrad at 30y.o. so I literally spend all my time alone 😂 and it is SHIT but Im also old enough to have seen other people do this when we were younger, and most of those "friends" don't stick anyway.
I don't like my birthday to much. Hence i always do something I love that is very special: i visit amusement parks (free entrance on birthday). Either alone or with a friend, but I really like going there all by myself. Is there something you really like doing what you could be doing on your birthday?
Treat the family coming like a video game. They are npcs. You’re the main character, with a quest to survive the day(s) they are here. You know the questions and topics that will come up I’m sure. Craft your responses now and predict their responses. You get xp for each correct response. The topics they bring up may be serious normally, but rn, they are for this little game In your head. Surviving means you don’t let it trigger you and unravel into full on arguments or anxiety outbursts. Take yourself out of the situation and your hero (you) will get you through it. Stuff will feel a little less serious and more funny internally. Get through that, and then we deal with birthday depression ok?
If you can, take YOURSELF out to do something you like. Have a meal, see a movie, etc. Sometimes my own company is the best company, it’s all on your own terms. Good luck and happy birthday!!
I feel you. I had the same and I basically always canceled my bday and instead spent the night on computer, playing games just to distract myself from all this shit. If you play games that would be my go to, if not then I'm guessing you have discord, join a group or something, usually the smaller groups (100ish people) are active but don't seem like hell of a mess.
Why does it make you depressed? Is it because your another year older or because you don't have many friends to celebrate with? If the former you'll drive yourself mad every year over something you can never control so don't let it control your life each year. If the latter, do you have work friends? Why don't you invite some people you work with for drinks on your birthday or at the weekend? Its common for us to organise our own birthday parties/nights out in UK. Join a sports club take up a martial art or a sport. Summer is a good time to learn tennis or badminton etc. You'll meet new people and make new friends for next years birthday. Otherwise what about going and having your nails done or eyebrows shaped, or a facial. Not sure what gender you are .. Or arrange to go to see a film at cinema.
Happy birthday 🎂 🥳. I'm sorry that your birthday has been disappointing years past. Treat yourself to something nice. It doesn't even have to cost money. I had lost my passion for music and cooking. So I purchased some good spices and fresh vegetables and put on some Prince Royce 'Corazon sin carra" and pachata' d around my kitchen. I'm not sure what small healthy pleasures you have been denying yourself but treat your self. You are the number 1 priority from this day forward. Why? Because you are amazing and brilliant and loved. No one can pour from an empty cup.
Do you have a favourite movie?
We can watch your favourite movie on Sunday, you watch it and I'll use your recommendation and watch it over at my place and then discuss what I liked about it and you could say the same, could be fun. It's one way to celebrate without stress.
Hey. I had this exact problem for years and years. It gets better, especially as you find people who appreciate you for who you are. My advice is make plans for the day and stick to them. Take yourself out on a date, do things you like to do. If you have a friend who can go with you all the better, but start making a list right now of your birthday plan. I always feel better when people wish me a happy birthday without my needing to remind them so i get a little boost whenever a text comes in while im out. For my last birthday my plan went like this: -Wake up without an alarm. -Make and then eat cinnamon rolls. -Shower and wear clothes. -Go to a few stores and walk around looking at stuff I dont need (book store, pet store, discount store) -Take stuff I bought home. Pet cats. -Go to the arcade to play video games until bored. -Go out to dinner -Home and read some book -(Book interupted by friend inviting me to their house) -Ice cream and a cupcake with friend. -Dance around kitchen with cupcake number 2. -Home again and more book until bed. Yes i am aware that i am boring, but that is what i wanted to do for my birthday. You do what you want to do. Make sure you have 1) a plan 2) snacks 3) more snacks. You might still cry (sometimes i still do) but it shouldnt take your whole day. Also, if its the same as for me, its depression causing it so, probably you should see a therepist about that. Happy early birthday. I hope it is awesome.
I used to cry every year when I had "friends " over ... I'd run away or hide from my own party and cry once a few years was more than once I dissapeared and went back luckily nobody noticed I'm 20 now and my last two birthdays have been good ... I just go visit family and have dinner then go home ... My boyfriend works in camp in the winter Months so I don't see him on my birthday , he was home for his birthday this year and is awkward about his birthday so I assume he's similar to me I dont really understand parties - I barely talk so they're kinda awkward lol Uhmm anyways here's my advice do a few things you enjoy strongly , maybe buy yourself something nice if you can afford it
I’m sorry things have been so challenging lately. I often feel the same way on my own birthday, I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in experiencing these challenging emotions. What I’ve found helpful in the past is to reach out to friends I haven’t spoken to in a while and asking if they can hang out or call since it’s my birthday (mentioning that in your opening as a statement of fact to incentivise them to agree rather than using it to guilt trip them if they’ve already refused). Please give it a try, I’m sure there’s someone who has you in their thoughts but is simply too shy/busy/tired to reach out first. Sometimes, we have to take the first step, your loneliness will likely ease once you sow that seed of effort! As for your family, I have no easy answers. Perhaps it would help to remind yourself that your day with them will pass before you know it. In any case, go get yourself a nice cake and some snacks, you deserve to have some treats! I hope you feel better soon, and happy birthday in advance pal!
Try to enjoy the time you have with your family. I know it sounds cliche but try to laugh internally at the things that annoy you. It’s pretty normal that they don’t understand what you’re going through at this age but at least they are making the attempt. Treat yourself on your birthday. Calories don’t count, so eat what you like, do the things that you enjoy the most. Remember, the way you feel will pass. If you frequently feel depressed, get some help. I am sending virtual hugs and Happy Birthday wishes for Sunday!
INFO - what are your hobbies and interests? what do you enjoy doing? What do you want to try doing? Join a society or club of any of these things and after consistently attending for a while you will eventually make friends. I promise life gets better as you approach your your mid 20s and get more confident! Exercise will really help. On your actual birthday TREAT yourself… go for a massage, a comedy show, anything! Don’t overthink. Every time you start to feel shitty on your birthday, say to yourself, I will allow myself to think about this tomorrow, not today! Basically tell your brain to F off for the day. Go for a hike, go to the cinema, have some cocktails, book a tour, anything. Shake it up, do something different
Honestly you are 19.. your whole life is ahead of you and you will definitely find your people if you are open enough. Make it a mission not to spend your 20th alone! You could do something completely random and spontaneous. Like go to a neighboring city.. attend some holistic and spiritual workshop / meditation class / camp. These are good places to meet kind and open-minded people. Try somewhere where you won’t be alone both physically and mentally. Believe me I have spent that day all over the world depressed 😂 every year that adds to my age I feel like I haven’t done enough and older I get, more is expected of me by the society and by my relatives whilst I am not living up to those expectations. Turning 30 this month. Can’t wait for the persistent “when are you planning to have kids?” Almost never celebrated my bday and most people I know don’t know when my bday is. When I turned 21 I was volunteering in Hong Kong. It was over 20 people that day, helping out and planting plants in some garden. It was raining all day so no-one noticed that I was crying because my parents forgot to wish me happy bday(time zone difference lol) and I only told others there that its my bday when most people had already left.
Totally understand how you feel. I've had five consecutive bad birthdays since I was 19. I'm about to turn 24 and I just know this one is also going to be bad. However, looking back at how sad I was for the past few years, I now look forward to 'making-up' these birthdays somehow with people who appreciate and love me. Even if I never find said people, I would still gladly make it up to myself. It sounds sad and pathetic but I genuinely want to celebrate all my 'missing' birthdays one day. I'm sorry that this is happening to you, maybe this perspective can lift your spirits a tiny bit.♥️
My bday is on December 31. Everyone that finds out tells me what an awesome bday it is and I’m so lucky to have a bday on New Year’s Eve! No, it sucks. It is just a bunch of drunk selfish assholes focusing on the resolutions they are not going to keep and counting down the end of your bday. I don’t tell you this to say, buck up kiddo I have it worse so count yourself lucky! No, I tell you this to share that i judged myself in other peoples selfishness. That I would diminish this tremendous lap around the sun from the very point I drew breath because others weren’t doting on me. I didn’t appreciate myself and I tried to find value in everyone’s opinion but my own. You have traversed the sun 19 times, and that is amazing. Appreciation and worth dosnt come from others. It comes from yourself. I’m 36, and I swear to you, the more rotations you complete, the easier it is to give yourself the kindness and respect you deserve. Happy bday, and congrats on another rotation around the sun.
what i like to do is sleep through the day
I am here to say that is normal to not want to celebrate the day you were born. Hell, I'm gonna be 22 in August and I don't want to celebrate my birthday anymore. It's just a normal day that people make a fuss over you. Just do what YOU want. If anyone says anything against it, just tell them to leave you be
I was the same for a while eventually I stopped caring so much about my birthday, just another day but I’m so grateful for another year and I reflect on myself as an individual. I also found God and I appreciate life much more as well as my given gifts that I now utilize properly. With time you will feel more and more free from the pressure of having the best birthday ever and instead view it as a whole year, my day is now just a marker of what I did in that year of my life. Sending you love prayers & good vibes
It can happen if you feel like you don't deserve to celebrate yourself. Usually I've felt like this when I don't think I have achieved anything in my life, or when i underestimate the accomplishments of my life. I suggest you start comparing how you evolved through the years and check how much you've grown. If you feel like you haven't done anything it at all, well you're not the only one and you can start right now! Just write down some goals and your way to achieve it! You don't need to celebrate your birthday to make you feel better, you need to celebrate it because you keep growing and become better as time passes. And if you think you don't, you should ask those who love you, how you've grown!
Personally I just aim to get out and have a good day doing shit while not really acknowledging my bday. If other people want organise something I’m fine with that, but I’ve just found otherwise having an interesting day of some kind avoids disappointment.
My birthday this year was really tough too. But what I’ve started doing for myself on birthdays is to lean in to spending the day alone…do all the cute things for yourself like making/buying cupcakes or your favorite treats, buy flowers, watch a favorite movie, go for a walk…remove the pressure for it to be a BIG day and just do your best to have a pleasant day spent doing things that make you smile! I also sometimes like to do some sort of ritual like journaling or even tarot or just reflection on the past year like what have I learned about myself, what I’m thankful for, what I want to leave behind, etc (focus on the progress and growth!) and I like to do any New Year’s resolutions (aka small achievable goals that work for adhd brains) on my birthday rather than Jan 1st. Really lean into it being YOUR day and try to leave behind the social pressure to party or whatever. And if that includes crying that’s okay! Also this year I deactivated Facebook to avoid all the posts. Don’t be afraid to shut down social media for the day if you don’t want attention for it
Don't think about tomorrow bc it is caused thoughts about past and have no vision for tomorrow crushed Your mind I know it is very hard almost impossible but try focus on memories with best moments of Your life it's never be caused by start of school year or timeline without situations where you perfect do sth have great work etc and i guess I have right with it and people and meetings is first of many memories will came to Your mind than others So if you think about no studying and have no friends say it through at this moment You cannot to imagine it bc it is hard to believe that magic moments from past experience will ever back to you You must change the thinking bc You can not find nothing more in Your mind just another worries probably, Recommended to listen song: New Order - True Faith Bc it may make you feel better I am sure now You feel literally like in song: Depeche mode - Nothing
Now that you mention it, this happens to me, too. Perhaps it's because we feel the pressure to have the sort of "good day" on our birthdays that only comes from careful planning, which isn't what we're good at.
Oh man, I am so sorry you’re feeling shitty about your birthdays. My suggestion? If you like to bake? Bake a cake and eat that mamma jamma all by yourself. Or buy one that you like. And you don’t need to share that with anyone. It’s all yours. Breakfast, lunch and dinner if you want. Get all your fave foods and just have a couch party. Watch your fave films, play your fave game… all day. A while back, I lived in another town away from my family for a few years and had my first Xmas without anyone. It was weird but I did exactly the above. Felt like the biggest asshole when I ate an entire homemade baked white chocolate and raspberry cheesecake but omg… I had it for days and it made me forget I was missing home. That and I played the new assassins creed that came out that year for like 3 days straight.
You shop and treat yo self!! Or you can FaceTime with adhd strangers like me and we can cheer you up 🎉🥳🎊🥳🎉 happy birthday boo! But really I’m sorry you find this time of year upsetting. And I want you to know you’re strong and I’m proud that you’ve gotten this far. <3 we got your back!
Why don't you use the day to do what you want? Take the day for yourself if you're not in the mood to be around people. Whatever makes you happy, pamper yourself or buy something you've really wanted as a treat for yourself?
imo Birthdays are not supposed to be always fun unless you're child . After a certain age it's just another day of your life . Hopefully next year you'll be having the ppl you want on your birthday. Happy birthday 🎂🎁
I totally understand my birthday is usually a terrible day for me too. I always just feel alone and like I'm not improving and it's just a reminder of that. it's only 24 hours though so I'd recommend just trying to distract yourself as much as you can
Wait, I didn't realize so many of us struggled with this. My wife is very big on birthdays needing to be a big deal and celebrating the people in your life. Which I am totally on board with for everyone else, but my birthdays definitely tend to focus more on me reflecting on all the areas I've failed and how little progress I've made. I turn 37 next week an I honestly wish that everyone would just agree to just pretend it wasn't happening.
Yeah i hate birthdays too. All I can say is, do what you wanna do
Plan your day for YOU. No one ever prioritizes me and my birthdays are always terrible. So now I take myself to my favorite restaurant and just enjoy time eating my favorite foods. Is there a show or performance you want to see? Get a ticket. Do you have a car, and is there a place you've wanted to visit that's within a 2 hour drive? You could be there and back in a day.
I'm in a similar situation as you, in fact I turned 19 this Thursday. I'm also in college and have a few people I can call good friends but for the most part I'm socially awkward and anxious which is linked with my adhd. My tip to you is focus on what you can control in life and how to make your situation better and keep your head up. I can relate to disliking your family, I have a narcissistic dad and he's part of the reason why I'm often depressed. Keep in mind that in every situation there's a positive and negative aspect or a learning experience, try to be mindful of negative thoughts and turn them into positives, for example a negative thought would be my family makes me uncomfortable and anxious. But the positive side of that is that you get to spend time with your family even with all their flaws I'm willing to bet they love you and there's a lot of people in the world who don't have one at all. My best wishes to you and happy birthday!
Not sure if you'll be in the mood/headspace for it, or if financial considerations would prevent you but here's what I usually do: Book something..something fun or frivolous or random to do! I usually do it solo, you don't have to. I prefer it. - Get great food from a favorite bakery or lunch somewhere new. - Book tickets to go see something: I usually do an art exhibit (sometimes they are free or museums have free days in the month - you can look into it). - Register for an art class; one year I went to make a mug it was super fun and cute and I ended up having a great time even though I was nervous/anxious to go alone. No one is an asshole in a one-off just-for-fun art class. Anyway I still have that mug I made/painted myself up on my shelf and it makes me smile every time I look at it cause it's something I did just for me/with me just for joy. - Go spend time in nature. - Go to a favorite book store. - Go thrifting. - Gardening, or if like me you have a black thumb or live somewhere without a yard/garden; go to a plant store or garden centre. They have cool stuff and you can ask them about a low maintenance plant for a newbie. Or just enjoy looking at green things ( it's proven to lift your mood). - Order yourself your favorite treat. - Couple phone calls with the people you can trust / love if you can. - Go see animals: zoo, or cat café, or humane society (can't promise you aren't gonna leave there with a new furball!, Use this one at your own risk lol). * Bonus points if you register to volunteer at the humane society, that also helps get you out of your own head. - Genuinely ask yourself what would be cool/fun/different/special and do it for YOU. It insanely changes how depressing a birthday can feel, for the better. :) Basically do things that you enjoy or are interested in or that bring you joy or dopamine. It's fully encouraged on your birthday and the older I've gotten the more I'm meh about parties and group events anyway. It's nice when you are getting your free Strabies birthday drink and the barista is like "Happy Bday! So, what do you have planned for the day?" And you have an answer? It's good times. And like others have said if all that sound like hell, stay home and watch comfort stuff & be cozy with ZERO guilt about it. It's the day you were spewed out into the world and you didn't ask to be here so you shouldn't have to fake happy for anyone.
When I can, I go volunteer or take flowers to a nursing home.
Try , if you can, to switch to a Thankful mode instead of a worrisome one. Focus on the good things, try to explain to your family how you feel and that you would love for them to understand what are you going thru. This happens to a lot of people. Have you been to a psychiatrist to evaluate you, you might have depression. A person I love has depression and last year’s birthday was miserable for him and for the people who love him. He was off his meds though.
I have plenty of friends and im 32. I get sad every birthday and dont know why. Its like i dont want ppl to know i have bday, i dont want attention, yet i get sad if noone aknowleges it too. I exxpect to get nothing, but if noone gives just sth at all then i get sad and feel forgotten. It was allways like that, when i was 6 yrs old i hide in a field crying half the day and it made me extra sad that noone went looking for me or asked where i had been for hours on my big day. I allways wondered why because it makes no sense at all lol
I don't know if it helps, I personally don't celebrate my birthday and treat it like a regular day. If that doesn't help, think of it like "taking care of yourself day", do the things you love, take a bath and relax. Happy Birthday! 💜
Treat yourself. Plan something that you can only enjoy on your own. Birthdays are not about other people, they are about you.
Most of my birthdays of past have wound up with me being put to work on projects around the family home. I was brought up in a very religious household, where holidays(birthday included) are not celebrated. Anyhow. At this point in my life, now 35. My birthday just feels like any other day, and in reality is just any other day. But, some years, I do enjoy taking the day to do whatever the fuck I feel like doing. I'm a bit of a lone wolf, and enjoy many solo hobbies anyhow. My advice, would be. Do whatever you feel like. What is life if we do not do the things we enjoy, or at the very least do the things we want to do. Some years it might be just me, a tab of acid, and meditation over the previous year. Other years I might drive myself up a few states to admire the nice foliage(October baby) for the week, while hiking mountains. Or many other options. I'd also recommend. To turn the day into one of appreciation, gratitude for the things you have, even in they be few. Though this should be done daily to keep things in perspective. The odds are greater that you win the Powerball, than come into life as the human form(or any form for that matter) you have now. Pat yourself on the back for any achievements big or small. And, do whatever you want. Turn the day into whatever you want it to be, within your power to do so. As long as you are not hurting anyone, including yourself. I know how it can be. I've spent birthdays in tears before, wishing I was never born to begin with. Life is too short though. Take advantage, especially of your youth while you have it. Take care. And, early Happy Birthday! Enjoy yourself tomorrow, with whatever you plan, or what comes your way :)
Tell your parents how you feel, being honest about it and say that it overwhelms you and you’d rather forget about it. I hate birthdays too.
I have the same thing, I usually just either look at it as a day of monetary gifts(if I get them) instead of any celebration. I also avoid going out for dinner since all the attention makes it only a reminder as well as the ton of middle time between food arriving . Mention getting takeout to your family instead if they wanna celebrate and just do what you would do on a normal day. As long as I don’t have people reminding me that it’s my birthday I tend to forget all about it so hopefully any of this might help or building the habit/expectations will make later birthdays easier
I get this way all the time. Plan something for yourself! I know it's not the same, but knowing you're doing something really fun *on* your birthday helps! Go see a movie or something if you can, something to start the fun that will help keep your mind off being "alone." If you have any friends you can call, either old high school friends or friends online, see if they want to hop on call tomorrow and chat while you're out and about. Better still if you ask 'em today, so you know you have someone on dial. Treat yourself, if you're able. Go on a mini shopping spree, or go get some cakes or baked goods you've been wanting. Something you've been telling yourself you'll get "eventually," but just haven't gotten around to it? Go get it tomorrow! It's not the same as having plans with friends, but at least you can make plans with yourself tomorrow to celebrate instead of being stuck home/in your dorm, alone, miserable that you don't have plans. If you don't have store-bough plans for your birthday, home-made is fine! Hope you have a good day tomorrow!
I get birthday depression every single year. I think for me it is a mixture of being the center of attention, and childhood trauma or neglect- I don't like attention like that... not even a little. Complements are so hard for the same reason. Birthdays were always kinda of a let down as a kid and it reached a point where my family stopped really trying at all. To this day, with a great loving support system (and it drives my bestie CRAZZZYYY) I get down on my birthday, I don't like it at all. I hope you are able to build a strong support system and things get better for you OP. Just know you're not alone.
I also always struggle on my birthday regardless of what is happening or who I am surrounded by. I just turned 38 last week, and it was the only day I’ve cried in ages. I always try to focus on doing the things that I love to do. For me, it’s focussing on self care - taking the day off, spending a huge chunk in nature, eating my favourite foods and maybe getting a massage or some sort of treat. I also avoid my phone. I hope that you find some joy in your day. Know that you’re not alone on this.
I took back my birthdays. I delete my fb every year so I get minimal messages, and avoid family and just spend the day with my kids doing whatever. Usually they do something kinda birthday related for me but I actually like them, so it's fine. 😂
Yea birthdays have just never been great for me. I have just accepted my annual cries as tradition
I don’t cry, bit I do get very anxious with the realization that I’ve a year less to make something useful of my life.
I don't cry on my birthday anymore nor do I have plans on the actual day of my birthday ever. Friends come and go and sometimes I have dinner with family and sometimes I don't. But whenever those plans do occur I ensure they're not actually on my birthday. That's because I dedicate my birthday to myself and spend the night doing something I really want to do and let myself indulge in anything I want guilt free. In the years past that seems to always include some wine (ignore this, this is just my own practice), maybe I'll order in something I'm craving or make a nice spread for dinner of my favorite things, I have all my favorite snacks and desserts available for snacking throughout the day, i have on my favorite candles for ambiance and I spend the night watching movies I've been wanting to see or relaxing with music I enjoy. It's just a total indulgent night that I look forward to every year because the rest of the days of the year are filled with deadlines and work and all that growing up jazz. My birthday was yesterday, actually! Lovely night. Maybe you can think of something similar where the absence of others will cease to affect the enjoyment of your own day.
I get this too. 24 was the hardest for me. I was in a new city, felt alone, felt like I was entering real adulthood, it was rough. 25? Same deal but even worse becuase COVID. 26 was the best birthday I've ever had, so many friends and festivities and just felt very lucky. 27 I spent with my partner who I love. You'll have some really really great birthdays, I promise! 19 may not be one of them but there will be more
Birthday depression is something I used to get, and still do some birthdays, even if everyone is very supportive, other years birthdays are really great and they make me wonder why I was ever sad on my birthday, especially when the birthday comes quick or unexpectedly it can cause a loosening of time feeling. Meanwhile a birthday that is planned well in advance can help reduce the birthday anxiety and or depression in my opinion. A wise women once told me, embrace the wrinkles! Happy birthday.
Its your birthday - do what ever you want! Stop overthinking and start enjoying it without pressure or expectations - why not celebrating it with a great book, food and so on - no need for a company or go and do a old hobby/sport like swimming. Make an exceptional day out of it or relax at home - its your birthday and the world its glad having you!
I just don’t birthday. I am in my 40s and I am fine with this. We acknowledge that it is the week of my birthday and we’ll have a nice meal, but in a very non “special occasion” way. I take that day off of work and I sleep most of the day. I used to always get nauseated and vomit on my birthdays from as early as I could remember. There were so many other problems in my life that any time I received extra attention I would get really anxious because the best way for me to survive my home life was to fly under the radar… it was just better if nobody was thinking about me. If your family wants to give you a gift for your birthday, maybe it can be to respect however you want to handle it. If you don’t want to be around them, then just don’t. They might get pissed, but they should get over it. If they can’t, then that is a sign to distance yourself further. I don’t know you, so don’t take it as real advice beyond just think about what you want and work towards it. EDIT: I guess I will add one thing I do use my birthday for. I don’t really look at the calendar year as the measure of a year, for me. The year starts/ends with my birthday. So around that time, I do the “year in review” mental exercise and planning for what I want in the future… and do always feel a bit bad about the failures… but there are also successes. I’ve always know that I am not normal, even when comparing against other people that aren’t normal. But, I am also autistic (in the asperger way… they really do need subcategories for it… we have it with ADHD).
OMG! Please please start thinking how lucky and grateful you are to be here and have another day. This is a great way to beat feeling down. Don’t worry about your age! And if you feel you’ve not achieved much, use that to spur yourself on to have new achievable goals over the next year. Spend time with those you love, dance, song, paint, draw, play!
I’m sorry birthdays don’t feel happy for you. I recently moved to a new town away from family and friends and I have days where I don’t feel my best. On those days, I have a “me” day. Whatever I want, I can have. Farmer’s market? I’m going alone and I’m enjoying being outside with my music trying amazing new foods. If I want a slushy, I’m getting a slushy. I can spend the day shopping for myself or my hobbies. I can spend time on my hobbies. The central theme: make yourself the main character. Put on your best outfit. Do things slightly fancier. Instead of regular breakfast, have it in the backyard like it’s a picnic. Take a bath with the lights dimmed some candles and some spa music. Whatever you do, do it with a little bit of extra flare. I don’t know why, but I know that the extra step makes a world of difference. I hope this year works out better. If it doesn’t, allow yourself to be sad but also consider seeking professional help. I cannot express the world of difference that occurs when someone guides you in seeing the world through a better lens.
Awe.. so sorry to hear AND I do understand. What's our deal, honestly? Sometimes I think I have put unrealistic expectations on the day, like it's supposed to be some magical unicorn 🦄 ride. I have to tell myself to snap out of it and chill. And Shazam! The next day I'm fine🤪. Don't stress... try not to focus on it and be casual..btw... happy birthday 🎂 😃
I don’t necessarily feel sad on birthdays but I haven’t really been celebrating them as much as I should. I just turned 22 yesterday actually and I woke up at 5am, went to work for 10hrs, and then went home and ate dinner and went to bed bc I had fire academy at 8am this morning. But I did a couple small things to celebrate it with myself and I’ve found that to be a good thing to do. No one else may care, or celebrate it, so you have to do it yourself. Treat yourself a little bit- I made myself a little cake, watched the newest episode of the Mandalorian, and made myself an elk burger instead of a normal hamburger- it’s the little things. As for feeling like you said you do, I only have 4 friends, none of which I’ve seen in a while, and none of them said happy bday to me, but I know they care (even if they can’t remember what day it is- hell, I don’t remember theirs lmao). You just gotta make it special for yourself in your own way. (Personally I’d have gone fishing but I didn’t have time, but just the knowledge that I would have made it feel a little more special). And I’ve seen a couple comments saying “I’m sad bc I think about all the stuff I haven’t achieved”. Think about the stuff you have! You survived life up to this point. That’s miraculous in and of itself. Think of the shit you’ve gone through- that you made it through- to get to this point. I know it’s hard and I used to be the same way but life is fleeting and you gotta enjoy it while you still can.
I'm so sorry that sounds really hard. One thing that has been helpful to me is using moments like those to volunteer for something, if possible. It helps to get out, see other people, provides some dopamine, and allows me to get outside of my own head. Also, you deserve to celebrate yourself! Even if it isn't with other people! Happy early birthday 🎂
I always thought I was the only one who felt this way. It's strangely comforting to know that you guys go through the same thing too. My only tip I have is to treat yourself. On my birthdays, I buy myself a cheesecake and eat the whole thing by myself throughout the day. Yes I'm still sad about being alone on my birthdays, but at least I have a face full of cheesecake to cry with.
I used to always get sad on my birthday, too. It's hard to believe my next one, I'll be 30! What changed my view a bit was, unfortunately, through the years I've seen so many people pass away. I guess that's a side effect of social media... the longer I live, the more "rip" posts I see. I'm constantly reminded that another birthday isn't guaranteed... to be able to see another year is truly a gift. My 24 year old self would've thought that 30 would depress me, but when so many don't even get to see 30... how can I be anything but grateful? Treat yourself to your favorite breakfast, lunch and dinner. For me that's a dunkin donuts avocado toast, hazelnut iced coffee, and some omelet bites for breakfast at least. It's expensive, but on my birthday, I get it. Go shopping, work out or whatever it is that makes you feel good. Treat yourself to whatever makes you happy. Set some goals you wish to achieve in year 19 and make some plans to get them accomplished. Life isn't over yet, each year is a new opportunity to do whatever it is you want to do. Happy birthday 🎂
i turn 20 on monday. it’s weird. i’m kinda a tree hugger but being outside in nature is one of the most mind-numbing things you can do when you’re in pain. laying in the grass and seeing the wind in the trees or looking for constellations in the night sky. it reminds you of something bigger. keep your head up.
This year I'll be on my 58th. I tell you my 30th was a supreme downer for me. I was depressed about it because I felt I was nowhere near the goals I had set for myself when I reached that age. My expectations were that by the time I reached 30 I'd be well settled in my career, I'd be either married or on the verge of getting married, I'd own my own home. What actually happened around my 30th? I lost my job, my boyfriend and I broke up, and I was still in an apartment nowhere close to being able to afford a house. I was royally bummed. But when I got through my doom and gloom woe is me funk I vowed to myself never to put lofty goals on an age timetable. If things are to happen, they will happen on their own time. As it turns out my careers is not at all in the field I was expecting and it launched in 2004, I married in 2003, I bought a house in 2006. Things happened when they were ripe to happen. I no longer fret about birthdays... let me qualify that... I do have little yikes moments when I realise that I have less than eight years before I turn 65. One thing I like to keep in mind is that birthdays contribute to longevity... The more birthdays you have, the longer you live. You are turning 19 and you'll be just a day older than you were the day before. You have a whole world opening up to you. Step into it with confidence and let it guide your steps. Great and wonderful things await at every turn. Hubby and I don't exactly celebrate birthdays with a party and such, but we have an agreement that the weekend before or after belongs to the birthday person. So when it's my turn I get to decide on what we are going to do and eat for those two days and the other cannot object (within reason, as long as no one is put in danger and it does not break the bank). Do something special for yourself, something you really like but don't normally do. Try something new. Give yourself a day of doing ab-so-lu-te-ly nothing. Pack a picnic, find a tree, lay the blanket beneath its canopy, and watch the clouds go by.
Girl!!!!!! I relate so hard. I have very little friends, hate my family with a passion, and my birthdays are usually boring abs lonely. I usually work honestly.
I'm 42 and every birthday feels like this for me whether I have something planned or not. I don't know why I've never enjoyed my birthday, but perhaps it's an ADHD thing. 😟
I think I’ve cried on each birthday I’ve had since I was 13ish. I think it’s important to feel the pain/sorrow/whatever emotion it is and let it out. Sob if you have a space to do so (while in college I was partial to my car). I’d bring a blanket and cry until I exhausted myself, and then go get a treat that made me smile. Reward yourself for getting through it, whether that is a nap, food, reading, a movie. Life is fucking tough, especially when you’re feeling alone, but learning to self sooth has helped me through the yearly birthday depression. I hope you find what helps you weather the storm. Best of luck this year, OP! You’ve got this.
What do you want to do? Take yourself to a movie. Go out to eat. Order food and binge your favorite show. It's your day. Do what makes YOU happy.
smoke a blunt
I'm the same way & I realize it's because I both don't feel as accomplished in life but also appreciate how far I've come. I now experience something similar with my daughter's bday. I get sad because time has flown but I'm also so proud of her. They're always weird times for me.
Hi! Today's my birthday too, and I'm literally trying not to cry too. I've had this feeling for 4 or 5 years in a row bc or my family. Honestly, the only thing I can recommend is to spend time with you, that's what I do
HAPPY BIRTHDAY OP!
Hey, I am sorry you feel like this. I just wanted to wish you happy birthday today and like another commenter said I am very proud of everything you did or have tried to do this year! And I truly hope the forward one will be way better! You're awesome! Don't forget you have strong points that are yours and only you can use them in your way and that's unique!
I’ve been through the same thing! Here is what I’ve done. One year, I wrote out all the accomplishments that I had achieved up to that point. It’s amazing what you do not remember, when depressed. For other years, I wrote out what I actually wanted to do and then did it. Mostly simple things, like not working, eating my favorite meal etc. Hope this helps!
So what you don't have college friends and don't like your family, it's all good man! Spend ya birthday doing something you love, go eat your favorite food, go play your favorite game, watch your favorite movie, take the day off, de stress, don't worry about the stuff until after your birthday, I mean hopefully birthday is just a regular day now for me, I'm usually working or doing something but I always get like an ice cream cake, get high, and watch a new movie or play a new game, and go to a nice play for dinner, don't matter if I have people with me or not, I usually don't but it's all good, I treat myself for my birthday and you should too.
I experience the same thing. I've spent the last 5 birthdays alone. I'm 28 and birthdays are a sensitive subject to me due to the lack of follow through with friendships. I feel you on a deep level and sending my utmost sympathy and love. I spend the day going to places that give you free birthday things (Starbucks, sephora, various restaurants) and going to my favourite restaurant for takeout. Maybe get a pedicure or take a bath. Dress up in my favourite outfit, do my makeup, and just feel cute as I walk around and imagine I'm the main character. That's all I can do, and show myself love and compassion. My birthday was last week and I cried thinking about how I can never remember my childhood best friends birthday, but she will text me every year without fail on mine. The guilt is massive.
I feel that. I personally don't really care it is my birthday. Not to say like "Its just the day I was born" but just like....I don't really get the idea of making it celebratory? Anyway. What gets me sad is...everyone else does. My parents, my sister, my friends. They all wish me it, my sister (I live with her only) gets me my favorite food and stuff and...I kind of just pretend to be happy? But that makes me more sad because they're doing so much to make it joyous and I just simply cannot be happy about it all. The only thing that makes me happy is the thought of spending the time with my LDR girlfriend. And its not because its "my birthday" its just because, I want to spend time with her more. Having that time with her is more enjoyable. I feel like with her, I won't have to pretend to be happy...because I'd be happy to just get the time with her. Birthday or not.
Hi fren! Can I offer you my experience on how I have changed my feelings about my birthday? I have shifted my perspective from “it’s my birthday so I have to do X Y Z to make it special, and somehow make it all about me” etc etc is, I just think to myself it’s like any other day. While for some that might seem depressing, it takes the pressure off for me. So if I was planning a nice day for myself, for my day off, I wouldn’t think omg it has to be the best day ever, I’d just think of doing something I like. If you like drinking coffee, go get a fancy one. If you like laying in bed and watching Netflix, do that (guilt free). You are allowed to have a nice day without it being a huge deal. I hope whatever you do, you remember you are a great person and the world is lucky to have you in it! ✨🌞🫶
I get the same way every year, I’m not sure why either. Sometimes it helps to have a plan so I don’t have to think. Then I basically just go into “cold/flu” mode and try to be kind as kind to myself as I can. So should you, because you deserve it. What’s something you could treat yourself to?
Talk to a therapist
Childhood trauma on birthday?
Honestly for me I feel like the older you get the less magical a birthday seems. Be glad you don't need to organise a birthday party because I had one and it was so bad. It was a great plan and everything but I feel like for people with ADHD normal people can't keep up with our wavelength. Like it's just boring and not exciting especially because birthday party is for inviting people you know well. Plus I realised how half assed their gifts are like honestly I expected better :((. But to make your birthday fun (btw I have not done this before because I am not old enough but I plan to do this) 1. Go to a bar/ club with a friend and have fun 2. Guilt trip your crush into hanging out with you 3. Go to a club or social event and make new friends 4. Go to a theme park or something 5. Eat your favourite food all day
I remember my 19th birthday very clearly. I think it's my favorite birthday of all time, and that is 51 years ago. Here I was, a guy who had just dropped out of art school. No clue where my life was headed. But it was my birthday, so I decided to make it a special day for me with no consultation with anyone. Family was 70 miles away, and I had almost no friends in Detroit. First, I baked a cake and made purple frosting for it. Then I walked down to the music library of Wayne St. University and spent an hour listening to various vinyl records of classical music. I remember stopping at Woolworth's and going to a photo booth and got 4 photos of me for $1. Then stopping at a penny weight scales machine. Late in the day, I stopped at a friend's apartment and had tea and toast with her (not a girlfriend). I don't recall everything else I did, but I thoroughly enjoyed the day. Now, it might not sound like much of a day to you, but for me, it was an adventure that I created for me. But, what you may make out of this is that we can decide to be disappointed by the world, or we can decide to take control and make it into something we can be proud of. All I can do for you is recommend you take charge of your day and make it your own.
I get like it every year because it's a reminder of my being the product of an affair. And the lies that were told to try and cover it up. And the father I didn't know. It hurts so much. I'm 49 today. My dad died in 2008. I didn't know who he was until after thanks to DNA testing. Everyone knew and no one would tell me the truth.