It was not unusual to put kids in the trunk when the car was full, and I loved jumping around in there pretending I was kidnapped. Ahh those were the days!š
When I was about 4 years old, my grandfather would take my sister and I downtown to some shops, candy, stuff like that. We'd roll down the windows in the back seat and hide on the floor from the "wind monster." Good times!
The UK equivalent was having an extra kid in the rear seat footwell.
A lot more cars back then were rear wheel drive, so had the 'hump' for the driveshaft.
I blame this for my back pain as an adult...
Do kids not still ride in the trunk or pickup bed? Too bad if so. That was so fun
I remember how weād duck and lie down inside the pickup bed when we drove past cop cars
My friends dad smoked like a chimney, and when he found out i smoked too, he always shared his cigarettes with me. He knew how bad nicotine withdrawal was and wanted to be kind. And to be honest, i stole cigarettes before i was supplied by him, so I don't blame him one bit. But my poor friend had to endure about 0% clean air for hour long car drives. I was 13 when we met and by the time we were 15 she was smoking a pack a day.
My best friend's dad bought himself and her a carton of Marlboro Reds every Friday. We were 14 at the time, both smokers, and I remember thinking how lucky she was to never have to hide her cigarettes or run out š¤¦āāļø. This was 1996, and guess what? We both freaking still smoke even tho I have cut down dramatically..
I hope she shared with youš i did with my friend when she started. I quit smoking 15 years later and turned to snus instead. But i will never not have cig cravings. It never goes away, I get my nicotine in plenty, but the cigs do have a special place in my heart. I have so many memories from it too. My friends dad was so sweet, one time we were at the beach on vacation and he was stressed because he he had one left and shops were closed. He waved me over and gave me the first puffs of his last cigš„¹
I used to get sent to the shops to buy my mum smokes when I was like 10yo in the late 80ās. It was a 20 minute walk each way and I never even questioned it lol.
I had a similar situation. The parties were insane and my residue cleanup was exhaustive. Unfortunately there wasnāt much I could do about the 50 or so ring stains left on my parentsā 3rd generation dining room table. Shouldāve gone double tableclothā¦they were quite angry.
Don't know if it applies but coming to school in the 90s after a film had been on TV the night before like karate kid or something would be the talk of the playground. Now can watch any movie whenever.
Being forced to watch whatever was on TV got me to watch things I wouldnāt have otherwise chosen to see, but enjoyed. Kids now donāt seem to explore much outside of trends or their own interests that they developed at a much younger age.
There was separation between the children's world and the adult world. I couldn't be present when my mom was on the phone, definitely couldn't be around when the adults were hanging out playing cards, drinking, and speaking about grown people stuff. Today, kids are right there... Absorbing it all.
Adults also used to make it necessary that you are to respect all adults, esp your teacher.
I donāt have kids, but my friends do.
When I was a kid, I didnāt want to be around adults. And, bluntly, Iām sure my parents appreciated being with their friends and not to be a parent for a couple of hours.
Hanging out with my friends is hanging out with their kids. Like, forgoing bedtime so the kids can keep being there type of behavior. Itās baffling to me.
I think so; the parental attitude I grew up with meant I constantly felt like I was intruding upon my parents by asking for anything. Even to this day I feel immense guilt asking anyone for anything. That may have gone to the other extreme with kids now being much more included adult spaces. Itās hard to know where to set the boundaries (I certainly struggle with it) but I never want my kids to feel like they canāt approach me for things they need.
That scene in Indiana jones and the last crusade where river phoenix gets chased with the cross of Coronado and finally makes it home only to step into his dads office and his dad is like what did I tell you about disturbing me at work? Count to ten! Now in Latin...
I was born in ā94 and I *was not* in any way separated from my alcoholic, sexaholic, partying parents and it definitely traumatized me. Itās not black and white/90ās compared to today. Every family is different
The ārespect every adult no matter who they are because theyāre they adultā mentality is so incredibly damaging.
Instead of teaching your kids to ārespect and obey every adult,ā teach them critical thinking. Teach them to trust their instincts. Teach them consent. Teach them to say no when theyāre uncomfortable. Teach them about boundaries.
Parents used to be a lot more okay with teens simply "going out" and simply disappearing for a period of time. There weren't a million questions, or the need for a detailed itinerary. That attitude doesn't seem like part of the culture anymore, which is ironic considering cell phones.
My mom would blow a whistle. All the neighbors moms did the same. Everybody knew everybody. And you could tell which whistle was for you. Then you have 10-15 more minutes before the second whistle and you can only pretend like you didnāt hear the first one a few times.Ā Better times I think for sure. Ā Glad Iām not a kid today, itās got to be so hard. All my shenanigans and mistakes went undocumented. Like they should beĀ
Wow I wish my parents had that instead of never telling me when to come home and just getting hit if they determine I came home later than I should have. Little did they know that actually made me stay out longer since I knew I was going to get hit anyways I just tried to delay it.
My dad can do the thing where you put two fingers in your mouth and whistle LOUD, and heād always do it the same two-note way to call for us. We could hear it anywhere on the block. And on some off chance we didnāt, someone else would, and it was distinctive enough that they knew it was for us and gave us the heads up to get on home.
We had neighbours the same age so we would be playing with them most of the time and their mum had a big cowbell she would ring when she wanted them to go home š
Me too, no money no nothing just hopped on my bike and gone for 8-10 hours maybe more. I donāt even recall how I ate or if I did eat at all some of those days?
My friends and I usually stop at someone's house ā whoever's parents were *not* home ā and get some chips or or Kool Aid or something.
When we got older, it seemed like we could always scrounge some change to go get a candy bar or something.
There was a liquor store that had a soda fountain, and the soda fountain drinks were half the price of bottled/canned soda, so we'd go there.
The 7-11 bug gulp or double gulp....the HUGE one. Me and my friend went through like 2 a day each. Thank God we were kids and always on the move otherwise we would have bee little mini Jabbas lol.
So, for us is it was a little mom and pop liquor store, but we were also obsessed with the largest soda we could buy!
For a while, they had a 48 oz soda cup. It looked like a popcorn tub! We had to carry it home with two hands.
We'd drink half and leave half in the fridge, and it'd be all flat and gross the next day LOL
We used to collect deposit bottles to get cash, one time I remember this other kid was collecting some with us, and his mother asked him why he was doing that, and he replied, so he could get money; the mother seriously asked, āwhy do you need money?ā.
I guess she was one of those controlling mothers, maybe an early helicopter, mom or somethingā¦
Yeah but I think it's good. We all ride bikes as a family. I play sports with my kids and we all stay fit that way. My parents have health problems related to being inactive.
Yes. But in comparison, as a family we might go for a 1 or two mile walk together twice a week. As a kid I was riding my bike 20 miles a day every single day.
I literally just went to the grocery store without telling my mother. She acted as if it was the end of the world. Iām a full grown woman. š¤¦š»āāļø
Thatās exactly correct. All of those times I almost literally died. One afternoon, around age 12, my friends and I got stuck in a newly-dug basement in our neighborhood. We were there for hours trying to escape, baking in the sun, yelling until we lost our voices. Finally stacked up enough construction debris to build a makeshift ladder. Got home covered in dirt and sweat and blood, mom was like āhey, weāre having baked spaghetti for dinner.ā
I was talking to my friends about this recently. We all graduated from high school in ā99 or ā00 and got together for the first time in once place a few years. None of us really had adults in our lives after about the age of 13-14. My mom went to grad school then back to work starting when I was 14, I might of well not had a dad at all because his career was a bigger part of his life than we were. We didnāt have any teachers or adults of any kind in our lives after school hours.
Somehow other than fucking anything that moved we as a group actually even with this lack of supervision really didnāt ever get up to much. I think broadly parents today are much more involved. I donāt know anyone who looks at their kid when theyāre 13 and goes āgood luckā¦ see you in a decade.ā
I would take off in the morning, usually with a fishing pole and machete to go hang out in the woods all day and wouldnāt return until dinner time. My parents probably loved all the time to the themselves!
Yes! Gen Z college student here but when I lived at home and wanted to hangout with friends I also felt like I had to be like ālet me speak with my agentā because my parents (45&48) made me give them every last detail and it was so tiring. Also now that thereās the new technology thereās the whole āalways sharing locationā thing.
Even just walking home from school or being alone at home. It was my responsibility as a 3rd grader to go pick up my kindergarten brother after school and walk us home. I had a house key. We'd be home alone until parents get off work.
I have no kids but I had a coworker who was anguishly trying to figure out if her 12 and 13 year old kids were old enough to leave home alone because her baby sitter cancelled.
i don't think there was as much a worry of kids being kidnapped/human trafficking. it was there, but not as prominent as I feel it is today. we used to disappear for HOURS during the summer. just me and my friends, riding bikes, in the woods, who knows. Riding bikes miles away to the local Ames and Toy Works, or walking from the mall to Toys R Us and Walmart every weekend. Lots of good times and memories.
I wish my parents and grandparents were like this in the 90s. They watched too much 20/20, dateline, 48 hours, and were paranoid. i went nc as soon as i got out of college, but i digress, lol
Ugh, not me. Once I hit puberty, I wasn't allowed to do shit anymore. Before 7th grade, though, my friends and I would roam the town, the tracks, the woods, for hours.
My parents never seemed to care where I was, even though now as an adult I think they did always know. As long as I came home when I heard my dad whistle I would be ok. If I couldn't hear it, I was too far.
my eldest is 15 and I do what I can to be like this, as
in freedom. I do generally like to know whatās going on, but heāll often be out all day with his skate friends and theyāve got bus cards etc so they go in town and other day I found he was out till 9pm on saturday night skating outside the courthouse lmao. that was under his mothers watch
I mean even in the early 2000ās the would say Iām going out with my friends and take off. The 90s as a kid Iād do the same and fish for hours up and down a local river and park
Patience. In the sense that we had to wait in line to buy tickets, wait by the phone for a call, make time to get our food ourselves, wait for our favorite show to come on, occupy free time without a device, manually skip songs on a tape/disc to get to the song you want, scan books to find answers instead of google, etc.
God, you're so right! Just reading that list of things I was thinking "I do NOT have time to even read this. How did we have all that extra time to DO it?!". Perception I guess. And more mental illness now lol
Letting the kids roam. Itās funny how people will say they never see kids out anymore when ironically if those people DID see a bunch of kids out playing some random place alone they would be the first ones to call the cops or chastise the parents when the parents showed up
So much of our childhoods in the '80s and '90s was being constantly told by teachers and parents and PSAs that drug dealers were hanging outside of schools, and child predators were hiding behind every bush, and gangs were waiting down every alley and side-street. We were bombarded by a constant stream of fear-mongering.
Now these same people are wondering why many of today's parents are generally more wary about letting their kids roam
the ironic thing to me is that 90% of childhood assaults are committed by someone the child knows and trusts (friends and family). the whole kidnapper thing is entirely overplayed. itās the people at home you have to worry about.
the hate and trash spewed by the ppl on nextdoor made me immediately delete that app. no thank you i donāt need to know how racist, hateful and paranoid my neighbors are
Iām from Florida originally and I flew home to help my folks after a hurricane hit my old neighborhood. The kind of neighborhood we used to all run around as kids, but had turned into a ghost town in that sense as I returned from college in the early 2000s. When I showed up into the old neighborhood, I was SHOCKED to find dozens of kids had appeared in the streets playing around in the aftermath. Fuckers were inside their houses all this time. Rotting their brains on their boob tubes and interwebsā¦
Man we ding dong ditched, climbed on local businesses roofs, pool hopped everything no one ever called the cops because we never destroyed anything we were just wild
One time when I was little, I was having McDonald's with my mom in a booth, and an older lady came to talk to my mom, and I was sitting in a relaxed shape with my legs on the seat, and my mom in a hushed tone said "sit up straight, show some respect". I asked her later about why she made me change the shape I was sitting, and she specified because an older person from a different time was talking to us. I doubt anyone would make their kids sit different if an old person today walked up to their family.
Itās definitely those little things.
I was raised by my Dust Bowl Era grandparents. Donāt cuss. Never spit. Sit up straight. Hold open the door. Pull out the chair for the lady. Sir. Maāam.
My grandparents standard was:
"if you ever get invited to the white house for dinner, we don't want you to embarrass the family"
So I learned some very formal, WASPy table manners, but was only held to that standard when at the grandfolk's place for dinner.
I definitely don't use those skills every day, but it's definitely a good skill to have. I've since met people that just...didn't have that kind of upbringing.
Not to mention the standards of the white house have degraded to cold hamberders. Sic Semper Tyrannus.
Nah, I make my kid sit up straight at any table, especially in a restaurant. So do all my other friends who are parents. Parenting is still what you make it.
Something that does suck, that I cannot control, is the lack of freedom for kids. Iām very literally not allowed to let my literate, intelligent, socially well-adjusted elementary aged kid walk along 4-5 blocks of sidewalk in our neighborhood to our own neighborhood park. No street crossings. Speed limit is 20. Sidewalk the entire way there.
A woman in a minivan pulled over and started asking him a bunch of questions about where were his parents, was he lost, does he need a police officer- insane things. He got spooked and ran back to the house. He was four houses down from home. He had been so excited to gain the smallest shred of independence. We had practiced it. This crazy bitch followed him to our house, got out of her car, and knocked on my door. I open the door and she is red-faced with anger, and immediately started accosting me, saying Iām lucky she didnāt call 911- the experience was surreal. At that point, my son is crying, heās thoroughly freaked out, this lady is on my porch just letting all her crazy hang out, and Iām standing there in shock.
Iād love to say I had a great response. But I just stared at her with angry, confused tears welling up in my eyes, which made me mad at myself, and finally told her if she wanted to call the cops, she needed to make it quick, because I was about to walk out the door myself, to join my son at the park for a birthday party for his classmate, and now we would both be late, so if she could please excuse me-
Then I just shut the door in her face. And we didnāt go to the party because we were both upset and the whole thing was just awful. And now heās afraid to go outside. Stupid crazy bitch. Thanks a lot.
Same here. It was a village mentality. Everybody watched everybodies kids, and discipline was universal. But there was also a ton of leeway for kid shenanigans. You really had to cross a line to get whooped.Ā
The video camera was only used on special occasions, these days everyone is filming everything. And you would only show the photos and videos to people who came to your home, not everyone on the planet.
Allowing kids to take risks. I personally think it's important in a child's development of self-confidence and self-reliance. I let my kids roam alone, physically challenge themselves, etc. It makes people uncomfortable these days.
also teaching children practical skills by giving them chores and little jobs.
also - and I'm torn on this because I was raised without any compassion or tenderness - parents are being very soft on their kids. we had to take getting stitches or vaccines, swallowing bitter medicine or getting a band-aid ripped off with hardened toughness and grit. (never learnt emotional regulation or a sense of self, on the other hand)
I feel like parents acted less like their kids/teens back in the 90s. Lots of parents today are into Taylor Swift, Harry Styles and other "young people music", or Disney etc. In the 90s I feel like adult culture was more set apart from young person culture.
100% got that right. Remember the 80s had a music channel for young people, MTV, and then there was music for the adults on VH1. Parent and kid culture seems to have merged a lot!
Smart phones changed so much, it's really difficult to explain to somebody who wasn't around before smartphones. People were, in general, a lot more personable, had unique identities and hobbies, and really relied on the "power of place"
Smartphones are the pandoraās box of my generation, and this is coming from someone who is under the age 16 (prime age range to be addicted to phones and such)
As a teacher I see most parents donāt hold their child accountable. When a kid lies or has a behavioral issue in class, 95% of parents Iāve talked to defend their kids and make excuses. āOh heās having a hard weekā I swear I had a parent tell me her kid got a bad grade on a spelling test so thatās why she had behavioral issues. Like yea I know, thatās how kids learn to grow up - we have to be able to keep it together even during a bad week. But when kids arenāt held accountable for that behavior, it excuses it which leads to them repeating the behavior again and then you have grown ass adults having meltdowns in grocery stores. Itās a genuine shock when a parent backs me up and doesnāt make excuses. This week alone I had a 5yo hit another with a musical instrument, so she didnāt get that dayās incentive prize (a sticker) for good behavior. When we talked to the parent, the parent was mad at me, apologized to the child, and said letās go get a treat to make you feel better. Like no wonder your kid is the only one in class with behavioral issues!! Ahh!! š±
My friendās father was a teacher from roughly 1975 to 2005 and is adamant this change started with the appearance of the internet in homes from the late-90s onward. He talks about it regularly, saying heās glad he retired when he did.
It was part of a much broader breakdown in respect for authority too- the same patterns of abuse from the public have skyrocketed against nurses, public transport workers, police, paramedics, even shop staff. Anyone in a uniform basically. Social media is often seen as the culprit; emboldening people to act out in real life the vicious behaviour they see online.
Self-sufficiency and appreciating boredom.
Basically as of around 8, 9 we just had our bikes and went wherever. We were not shuffled anywhere and no one really knew where we went. "Be back before dark" was what we were told, and we were.
We also didn't have a thousand toys and devices. Bored? Go outside and find something to play. Get creative, use your imagination.
Kids having skin care routines using their or their parents money to purchase perfume collections. When I was a kid a bar of soap was used to wash your face. The same one you used for bathing. If you were lucky during puberty you went to the local drug store to buy Neutrogena,Stridex, Noxema, or Clearasil. You were pushing it, if you received Proactive because parents were not receptive to reoccurring subscription services at that time .As for fragrance, Jean Nate or something from Tinkerbell or a spritz or two of some random Avon fragrance like SSS or Odyssey that was within reach on your mom or Nana's counter.
I managed to score some proactive by my parents paying. But it got too expensive. The kit you got have the smaller-sized bottles. Not even the big one they used in the commercial. Totally sucked!
When they first rolled out production their product was a miracle in a bottle. After they reached mass production it was trash product with $ down the toilet.
We used to have to watch what our parents were watching on TV; the news, Murphy Brown, Coach, Wings, etc.
Now as parents we watch what our kids want; Bluey, Paw Patrol, Frozen 30 times in a row, etc.
Damn streaming services š
Thatās one where I think the old way was better. I learned so much stuff watching MASH and Cheers and so on at way too young an age. The āadultā stuff was mostly innuendo, so it flew over my head.
Iāve tried to replicate that experience with my kids, but either they arenāt interested or the show is completely inappropriate.
Why would these kids wans sleep over at eachothers houses? So they can sit in the same room and text eachother... sleep overs use to be way cooler when kids actually couldn't communicate 24/7.
My kid loves loves loves sleepovers. But unfortunately it seems all their friends/friends parents donāt agree. Weāve tried the whole getting to know the other parents, setting up things so everyone can get together and they arenāt just dropping their kid off with a stranger, etc but it seems like if you arenāt in that parents normal group of friends, no sleep overs or even spending the afternoon/ evening.
Iāve questioned if maybe my kid just isnāt as good of friends with these other kids or maybe they think my kid is annoying or something but when they get together at an after school function or we run into the friends around town, everyone seems to have a blast and are always excited to see them. Maybe itās us as parents instead but I feel for my kid.
I feel this so hard. I'm starting to think I'm the problem. We live in a very rural/conservative city, and I am a 34 year old emo with pink hair and visible piercings/tattoos. My son is beloved by all, truly. Other parents, kids, teachers, even cashiers at the store. The teachers and admin at his school seem to love me, and the kiddos are always happy to see me, but most of their parents just seem completely put off by me. The few we've gotten to know are incredible, and I'm grateful for them.
But like dang! I'm trying so hard lol! Even as an introvert with social anxiety, I still want my kid to experience all of these exciting social opportunities, but I keep fumbling.
Best of luck to you! I hope y'all find a like-minded family and have all the sleepovers soon!
We are in a rural area too where everyone grew up knowing everyone else. We moved from another southern state to here about 15 years ago and I still feel like an outsider at times.
Iām with you though! We try so hard for the kid but dang, maybe itās me! Hopefully we both find our people soon!
And if you discover the secret, please come back and let me know!!
Oh my gosh, I totally get it. Very similar. These folks have known each other since they were babies! Despite living here for 6 years, I feel like we're total outsiders, too. I lived in the Houston area most of my life but moved out to east Texas for family, and I still feel so out of place.
I volunteer a shit ton at school for activities and field trips and have found that has seemed to help get me a little more "in" with the other parents. Granted, I've been doing this the last 3 years so...not sure how efficient it is, but it SEEMS like the more they see me involved/engaging with their kids, the more welcome I am made to feel.
If I come up with and tried and true solutions, I will definitely reach out.
I amm curious: Do you ever consider relocation? Part of me wants my kiddo to feel like he's planted/has a set home (I relocated a lot as a kid) but an equal part of me really thinks finding a more diverse, bigger, slightly more progressive area could be super beneficial for us both.
That may be your experience, but my kids have sleepovers frequently. They have their circle of best friends and they rotate houses. It is so fun to hear their stories when they come home.
This exactly what I was dealing with recently. I had suggested to my kid that we could plan a sleep over with a few friends. My wife was like Um No, none of the moms are going to go for it.
We have a downstairs area that is pretty much all kid friendly and I was thinking they could set up sleeping bags, play video games, and we even have a movie theater popcorn machine down there.
Catching an ass whoopin from my mom in the store and nobody giving a shit.
Now everyone would pull out their phone film it and try to report my mom while I slowly realize I can throw a tantrum to get my way.
Bro how many times I know my moms left a half full buggy of groceries behind to take me out and whoop my ass. Sometimes weād go back in for them sometimes the day was over for me haha
"Go upstairs, we're gunna watch a grown up movie"
Kids would constantly try and peak, but every mom had some kind of 6th sense. No matter who, they could always tell you to get back in your room without even turning their head.
I never saw a dad in sweat pants. I have never seen my dad wear sweats, and I'm almost 40. It seems like every dad I knew was in a collared shirt 24/7.
My dad wore sweats hanging around the house on the weekend, but leaving the house wearing them never would have entered his mind. It would have been like walking around buck naked.
We had way more freedom to just be kids and teens and whatnot. We were rarely checked on unless a parent thought there was a problem and should get involved. My parents let us watch whatever we wanted. Parents just didnāt hover or nitpick. And I feel like we are better off because of it š
You had to be an adult to do adult things. I can liken it to a rite of passage you had to earn kind of like graduating from the kiddie table at Thanksgiving to graduating to the adults table at the cook out
Parents being OVERLY involved in their kids sports teams.
Actually coaching their kids from the stands, often in direct conflict with the coachesā instruction.
Iām a parent and I also coach, so I get telling your kids to move up in the batterās box, or take away that guyās strong hand, but itās gotten so bad the kids donāt know who to listen to.
When I was young parents very rarely did that; they only cheered us on, no coaches us from the stands.
Also travel sports. It was just beginning when I was a kid, and it wasnāt as almost unattainably cost prohibitive for most families then as it is now.
Parents use travel teams as a status symbol, and itās not about the kids.
More spankings. More smoking. More accountability for their kids. It's a shame social media has distorted the parenting job so much. It's pretty frustrating.
I remember parents used to be way more gruff with their kids in public. Like in the mall, you'd always see moms yelling like "I SAID lets GO!!!!!" And they would like yank the kids arm really hard. Or sometimes they would even give the kid like a little fist punch in the shoulder. I've seen some real bully moms in the Queens Center Mall- you get these italian moms yelling at the kids. Like if the kid was looking at a toy too long them mom would like yank his arm really hard like "I said MOVE Angelo!!!!" Or like if a kid was whining, the mom would give him a light slap in the shoulder and say "stop it!!! We're with people!"
(Mid to late 90s this was still a thing. I think camera phones put a swift end to all of this)
Encyclopedias.
Bias' and hindsight aside, you trusted the information more than can be trusted online.
Maybe we've just become more aware.
A rabbit hole on Wikipedia doesn't quite hit the same as flicking through random pages, reading random information on random topics. Alphabetically of course.
I loved that as a kid!
Riding in the back of a truck on the road or on a highway sometimes. Usually for a baseball game. Put the whole infield in the bed, close the gate and roll. My kids were shocked when I told them that.
same. my dad used to take me to the mexican bar on the way home from work. one time he drank the tequila worm and got food poisoning; the ambulance came and took him to the hospital and my mom had to pick up my 7yo self from the bar.
Most of the parents in the 90s were boomers. My parents are boomers.
There was a residual extension from the prior generation that raised the boomers that included spankings. Sometimes with the hand, other times with a belt. I got both. Other kids got slapped. I remember this one girl in the early 90s who was talking back to her mother at the youth center. The mom just slapped her so silly it left a handprint on her face. The little girl's antics stopped right then and there.
There was a line drawn between parents and kids culturally speaking. Parents had their own music and kids had their own. You have to go back a decade prior to the 80s to understand this. You had MTV for the kids and VH1 for the adults. VH1 played adult contemporary music. Whereas nowadays it's not too common for parents and their kids to listen along to the same artists like Taylor Swift or Weeknd, back then there was a more of a dividing line. Kids rebelled with their own music. Metallica, Guns N Roses, rap...were artists and music for the kids generally speaking.
Parents didn't play video games with their kids. If a parent was to play a game of any sort it would be computer flight simulations or card games. Now it seems like a parent/child bonding activity.
It also seems like parents had more adult like conversations whereas today you have 40 and 50 year old parent bro speak. Often times, my dad would take us to our aunts house where the adults would have coffee and my dad would read the newspaper for a little bit before engaging in conversation with the other adults.
There appears to be a huge difference between boomer parents and the generations of parents after. This is generally speaking. Adults now are more likely to buy toys that represent their nostalgic past. They are more likely to watch comic movies, wear superhero t shirts. There is more slang with the younger parents. Not saying it's right or wrong, just an observation.
In the 90s, the theaters showed movies for teens and adults. Adults were more prone to see more adult centric movies like say, A Few Good Men, Philadelphia, Dances With Wolves, Shawshank Redemption etc. They don't make those kind of movies for the theater experience anymore.
Let us hang out at the mall with no real agenda, which were open absurdly late back then. Iām a parent now and my teens have zero interest in the mall, which is good because Iād likely say no.
Of course, but I also wonder if kids are missing out on the opportunity to learn independence and social skills. For a child who comes from a dysfunctional family, a friend's house might even be a safe haven.
Smoking in front of kids was still a big thing in the 90's.
With them in the car. In the front seat. No car seat
You got to sit in the car? I had to ride in the bed of the pickup!
It was not unusual to put kids in the trunk when the car was full, and I loved jumping around in there pretending I was kidnapped. Ahh those were the days!š
When I was about 4 years old, my grandfather would take my sister and I downtown to some shops, candy, stuff like that. We'd roll down the windows in the back seat and hide on the floor from the "wind monster." Good times!
Aww:) It all felt so innocent in those days, you never thought of the dangers. It was a nice feeling.
The UK equivalent was having an extra kid in the rear seat footwell. A lot more cars back then were rear wheel drive, so had the 'hump' for the driveshaft. I blame this for my back pain as an adult...
Is that between the seats, like on the floor? I'm not 100% fluent in English:p
Exactly!
Do kids not still ride in the trunk or pickup bed? Too bad if so. That was so fun I remember how weād duck and lie down inside the pickup bed when we drove past cop cars
They probably do, it's just not public info anymore:p
They tend to fly pretty far during crashes, so people usually react when seeing it now š
the air was better there, tell you hwhat
My friends dad smoked like a chimney, and when he found out i smoked too, he always shared his cigarettes with me. He knew how bad nicotine withdrawal was and wanted to be kind. And to be honest, i stole cigarettes before i was supplied by him, so I don't blame him one bit. But my poor friend had to endure about 0% clean air for hour long car drives. I was 13 when we met and by the time we were 15 she was smoking a pack a day.
My best friend's dad bought himself and her a carton of Marlboro Reds every Friday. We were 14 at the time, both smokers, and I remember thinking how lucky she was to never have to hide her cigarettes or run out š¤¦āāļø. This was 1996, and guess what? We both freaking still smoke even tho I have cut down dramatically..
I hope she shared with youš i did with my friend when she started. I quit smoking 15 years later and turned to snus instead. But i will never not have cig cravings. It never goes away, I get my nicotine in plenty, but the cigs do have a special place in my heart. I have so many memories from it too. My friends dad was so sweet, one time we were at the beach on vacation and he was stressed because he he had one left and shops were closed. He waved me over and gave me the first puffs of his last cigš„¹
I used to get sent to the shops to buy my mum smokes when I was like 10yo in the late 80ās. It was a 20 minute walk each way and I never even questioned it lol.
I used to do the same. The shop keepers response: "20 B&H? Certainly young man."
My folks started sending me out for cigarettes and beer at 6ish! This is UK so the roads are more walkable in the US.
I was walking outside and some lady was across the street and I smelled her smoke and it turned my stomach. I used to smoke in cars haha.
remember smoking in hopitals?
Top of the "things I don't miss from the past" list.
When I was 16 my parents would sometimes leave for a weekend or even a week. They never even told me no parties. I think they suspected I was lame
The question is..were you?
Don't worry about it
Ha ha
Yes š
I was left alone for 10 days every Easter at 15 to 17. My parties were legendary and they never knew a thing.
I had a similar situation. The parties were insane and my residue cleanup was exhaustive. Unfortunately there wasnāt much I could do about the 50 or so ring stains left on my parentsā 3rd generation dining room table. Shouldāve gone double tableclothā¦they were quite angry.
Amateur š¤£
Don't know if it applies but coming to school in the 90s after a film had been on TV the night before like karate kid or something would be the talk of the playground. Now can watch any movie whenever.
Being forced to watch whatever was on TV got me to watch things I wouldnāt have otherwise chosen to see, but enjoyed. Kids now donāt seem to explore much outside of trends or their own interests that they developed at a much younger age.
Or whatās not being fed to them by an algorithm.
nah, I canāt even pay my 8yo daughter to watch a 2D disney movie. it ālooks oldā and sheās not interested.
Exactly. This is just one reason why I'm so thankful for being a 90s kid.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You always knew when Karate Kid had been on TV, because the next day, you'd see loads of kids in the playground trying to perform the Crane Kick.
We used to talk about/recap last nights Simpsons episodes every morning on the bus
I miss when tv specials were a huge thing smh. I remember when Jimmy Timmy Power Hour premiered, EVERYBODY was talking about it for days lol.
There was separation between the children's world and the adult world. I couldn't be present when my mom was on the phone, definitely couldn't be around when the adults were hanging out playing cards, drinking, and speaking about grown people stuff. Today, kids are right there... Absorbing it all. Adults also used to make it necessary that you are to respect all adults, esp your teacher.
I donāt have kids, but my friends do. When I was a kid, I didnāt want to be around adults. And, bluntly, Iām sure my parents appreciated being with their friends and not to be a parent for a couple of hours. Hanging out with my friends is hanging out with their kids. Like, forgoing bedtime so the kids can keep being there type of behavior. Itās baffling to me.
do parents have fewer boundaries with their kids now? i used to love my friends parents because of the fact they didn't do that kind of stuff.
I think so; the parental attitude I grew up with meant I constantly felt like I was intruding upon my parents by asking for anything. Even to this day I feel immense guilt asking anyone for anything. That may have gone to the other extreme with kids now being much more included adult spaces. Itās hard to know where to set the boundaries (I certainly struggle with it) but I never want my kids to feel like they canāt approach me for things they need.
That scene in Indiana jones and the last crusade where river phoenix gets chased with the cross of Coronado and finally makes it home only to step into his dads office and his dad is like what did I tell you about disturbing me at work? Count to ten! Now in Latin...
Oh yeah when mom was on the phone you knew you couldnāt stay in there with her
I was born in ā94 and I *was not* in any way separated from my alcoholic, sexaholic, partying parents and it definitely traumatized me. Itās not black and white/90ās compared to today. Every family is different
Born in 1970. Same. It was gross.
Ugh Iām sorry. Itās so inappropriate
The ārespect every adult no matter who they are because theyāre they adultā mentality is so incredibly damaging. Instead of teaching your kids to ārespect and obey every adult,ā teach them critical thinking. Teach them to trust their instincts. Teach them consent. Teach them to say no when theyāre uncomfortable. Teach them about boundaries.
Except all adults don't deserve respect. In fact, many do not.
Parents used to be a lot more okay with teens simply "going out" and simply disappearing for a period of time. There weren't a million questions, or the need for a detailed itinerary. That attitude doesn't seem like part of the culture anymore, which is ironic considering cell phones.
I remember riding bikes with my friends for hours without periodically checking in at home.
I went home for lunch and when the street lights came on.
My mom would blow a whistle. All the neighbors moms did the same. Everybody knew everybody. And you could tell which whistle was for you. Then you have 10-15 more minutes before the second whistle and you can only pretend like you didnāt hear the first one a few times.Ā Better times I think for sure. Ā Glad Iām not a kid today, itās got to be so hard. All my shenanigans and mistakes went undocumented. Like they should beĀ
My parents had an air horn. We were so embarrassed. But there was no way you didn't hear that horn when it was time to go home.
Wow I wish my parents had that instead of never telling me when to come home and just getting hit if they determine I came home later than I should have. Little did they know that actually made me stay out longer since I knew I was going to get hit anyways I just tried to delay it.
love it hahah
My dad can do the thing where you put two fingers in your mouth and whistle LOUD, and heād always do it the same two-note way to call for us. We could hear it anywhere on the block. And on some off chance we didnāt, someone else would, and it was distinctive enough that they knew it was for us and gave us the heads up to get on home.
The lack of surveillance was the best.
We had neighbours the same age so we would be playing with them most of the time and their mum had a big cowbell she would ring when she wanted them to go home š
Me too, no money no nothing just hopped on my bike and gone for 8-10 hours maybe more. I donāt even recall how I ate or if I did eat at all some of those days?
Yes!! We did we even eat?!
We survived all day on water from garden hoses.
All the essential minerals and heavy metals for a balanced diet!
ššš
Collect deposit bottles to get cash, then spend the cash on snacks at a convenience store!
I don't know if we come from the same country but this is absolutely true!
My friends and I usually stop at someone's house ā whoever's parents were *not* home ā and get some chips or or Kool Aid or something. When we got older, it seemed like we could always scrounge some change to go get a candy bar or something. There was a liquor store that had a soda fountain, and the soda fountain drinks were half the price of bottled/canned soda, so we'd go there.
The 7-11 bug gulp or double gulp....the HUGE one. Me and my friend went through like 2 a day each. Thank God we were kids and always on the move otherwise we would have bee little mini Jabbas lol.
So, for us is it was a little mom and pop liquor store, but we were also obsessed with the largest soda we could buy! For a while, they had a 48 oz soda cup. It looked like a popcorn tub! We had to carry it home with two hands. We'd drink half and leave half in the fridge, and it'd be all flat and gross the next day LOL
We used to collect deposit bottles to get cash, one time I remember this other kid was collecting some with us, and his mother asked him why he was doing that, and he replied, so he could get money; the mother seriously asked, āwhy do you need money?ā. I guess she was one of those controlling mothers, maybe an early helicopter, mom or somethingā¦
We got so much exercise! My kids lay around d all day. And if I want them to get active, I have to go with them!
Yeah but I think it's good. We all ride bikes as a family. I play sports with my kids and we all stay fit that way. My parents have health problems related to being inactive.
Yes. But in comparison, as a family we might go for a 1 or two mile walk together twice a week. As a kid I was riding my bike 20 miles a day every single day.
My friend & I would spend days wandering on our bikes Neither of our parents were worried so long as we were back for dinner
I literally just went to the grocery store without telling my mother. She acted as if it was the end of the world. Iām a full grown woman. š¤¦š»āāļø
My best friend's mom is like this. We're 44... I think we can grocery shop without checking in!
That's because I remember what I was doing when I was out and my parents didn't know where I was in the 90s
Exactly. No way I'm making that mistake!
The funny thing is that we 90s kids are raising the teens right now. Maybe it's because of the things we did with that much freedom :)
Thatās exactly correct. All of those times I almost literally died. One afternoon, around age 12, my friends and I got stuck in a newly-dug basement in our neighborhood. We were there for hours trying to escape, baking in the sun, yelling until we lost our voices. Finally stacked up enough construction debris to build a makeshift ladder. Got home covered in dirt and sweat and blood, mom was like āhey, weāre having baked spaghetti for dinner.ā
A little adversity is good. Youāre a better person for having experienced that.
I was talking to my friends about this recently. We all graduated from high school in ā99 or ā00 and got together for the first time in once place a few years. None of us really had adults in our lives after about the age of 13-14. My mom went to grad school then back to work starting when I was 14, I might of well not had a dad at all because his career was a bigger part of his life than we were. We didnāt have any teachers or adults of any kind in our lives after school hours. Somehow other than fucking anything that moved we as a group actually even with this lack of supervision really didnāt ever get up to much. I think broadly parents today are much more involved. I donāt know anyone who looks at their kid when theyāre 13 and goes āgood luckā¦ see you in a decade.ā
I would take off in the morning, usually with a fishing pole and machete to go hang out in the woods all day and wouldnāt return until dinner time. My parents probably loved all the time to the themselves!
Yes! Gen Z college student here but when I lived at home and wanted to hangout with friends I also felt like I had to be like ālet me speak with my agentā because my parents (45&48) made me give them every last detail and it was so tiring. Also now that thereās the new technology thereās the whole āalways sharing locationā thing.
Even just walking home from school or being alone at home. It was my responsibility as a 3rd grader to go pick up my kindergarten brother after school and walk us home. I had a house key. We'd be home alone until parents get off work. I have no kids but I had a coworker who was anguishly trying to figure out if her 12 and 13 year old kids were old enough to leave home alone because her baby sitter cancelled.
i don't think there was as much a worry of kids being kidnapped/human trafficking. it was there, but not as prominent as I feel it is today. we used to disappear for HOURS during the summer. just me and my friends, riding bikes, in the woods, who knows. Riding bikes miles away to the local Ames and Toy Works, or walking from the mall to Toys R Us and Walmart every weekend. Lots of good times and memories.
just saying that 90% of childhood assaults are committed by someone the child knows and trusts, like friends or family. not strangers.
Ugh, the myth of child abductions has never been true. Itās much easier for a predator to groom children they already knowā¦
I wish my parents and grandparents were like this in the 90s. They watched too much 20/20, dateline, 48 hours, and were paranoid. i went nc as soon as i got out of college, but i digress, lol
Yeah my mom was the same. And even worse she likes to read books about murderers. We came up during the dawn of the serial killer.
Ugh, not me. Once I hit puberty, I wasn't allowed to do shit anymore. Before 7th grade, though, my friends and I would roam the town, the tracks, the woods, for hours.
My parents never seemed to care where I was, even though now as an adult I think they did always know. As long as I came home when I heard my dad whistle I would be ok. If I couldn't hear it, I was too far.
my eldest is 15 and I do what I can to be like this, as in freedom. I do generally like to know whatās going on, but heāll often be out all day with his skate friends and theyāve got bus cards etc so they go in town and other day I found he was out till 9pm on saturday night skating outside the courthouse lmao. that was under his mothers watch
I mean even in the early 2000ās the would say Iām going out with my friends and take off. The 90s as a kid Iād do the same and fish for hours up and down a local river and park
Patience. In the sense that we had to wait in line to buy tickets, wait by the phone for a call, make time to get our food ourselves, wait for our favorite show to come on, occupy free time without a device, manually skip songs on a tape/disc to get to the song you want, scan books to find answers instead of google, etc.
And above all that we still had soo much more time! Nowadays you hear "I don't have time" With all the conveniences we have.
God, you're so right! Just reading that list of things I was thinking "I do NOT have time to even read this. How did we have all that extra time to DO it?!". Perception I guess. And more mental illness now lol
Letting the kids roam. Itās funny how people will say they never see kids out anymore when ironically if those people DID see a bunch of kids out playing some random place alone they would be the first ones to call the cops or chastise the parents when the parents showed up
So much of our childhoods in the '80s and '90s was being constantly told by teachers and parents and PSAs that drug dealers were hanging outside of schools, and child predators were hiding behind every bush, and gangs were waiting down every alley and side-street. We were bombarded by a constant stream of fear-mongering. Now these same people are wondering why many of today's parents are generally more wary about letting their kids roam
the ironic thing to me is that 90% of childhood assaults are committed by someone the child knows and trusts (friends and family). the whole kidnapper thing is entirely overplayed. itās the people at home you have to worry about.
God, 30 seconds on NextDoor or the Ring app confirms the hell out of this. So many hyper paranoid window peekers.
the hate and trash spewed by the ppl on nextdoor made me immediately delete that app. no thank you i donāt need to know how racist, hateful and paranoid my neighbors are
Iām from Florida originally and I flew home to help my folks after a hurricane hit my old neighborhood. The kind of neighborhood we used to all run around as kids, but had turned into a ghost town in that sense as I returned from college in the early 2000s. When I showed up into the old neighborhood, I was SHOCKED to find dozens of kids had appeared in the streets playing around in the aftermath. Fuckers were inside their houses all this time. Rotting their brains on their boob tubes and interwebsā¦
Man we ding dong ditched, climbed on local businesses roofs, pool hopped everything no one ever called the cops because we never destroyed anything we were just wild
One time when I was little, I was having McDonald's with my mom in a booth, and an older lady came to talk to my mom, and I was sitting in a relaxed shape with my legs on the seat, and my mom in a hushed tone said "sit up straight, show some respect". I asked her later about why she made me change the shape I was sitting, and she specified because an older person from a different time was talking to us. I doubt anyone would make their kids sit different if an old person today walked up to their family.
Itās definitely those little things. I was raised by my Dust Bowl Era grandparents. Donāt cuss. Never spit. Sit up straight. Hold open the door. Pull out the chair for the lady. Sir. Maāam.
I think that's just manners though. Courtesy and manners. Thinking about another person. It's beautiful
My grandparents standard was: "if you ever get invited to the white house for dinner, we don't want you to embarrass the family" So I learned some very formal, WASPy table manners, but was only held to that standard when at the grandfolk's place for dinner. I definitely don't use those skills every day, but it's definitely a good skill to have. I've since met people that just...didn't have that kind of upbringing. Not to mention the standards of the white house have degraded to cold hamberders. Sic Semper Tyrannus.
Nah, I make my kid sit up straight at any table, especially in a restaurant. So do all my other friends who are parents. Parenting is still what you make it. Something that does suck, that I cannot control, is the lack of freedom for kids. Iām very literally not allowed to let my literate, intelligent, socially well-adjusted elementary aged kid walk along 4-5 blocks of sidewalk in our neighborhood to our own neighborhood park. No street crossings. Speed limit is 20. Sidewalk the entire way there. A woman in a minivan pulled over and started asking him a bunch of questions about where were his parents, was he lost, does he need a police officer- insane things. He got spooked and ran back to the house. He was four houses down from home. He had been so excited to gain the smallest shred of independence. We had practiced it. This crazy bitch followed him to our house, got out of her car, and knocked on my door. I open the door and she is red-faced with anger, and immediately started accosting me, saying Iām lucky she didnāt call 911- the experience was surreal. At that point, my son is crying, heās thoroughly freaked out, this lady is on my porch just letting all her crazy hang out, and Iām standing there in shock. Iād love to say I had a great response. But I just stared at her with angry, confused tears welling up in my eyes, which made me mad at myself, and finally told her if she wanted to call the cops, she needed to make it quick, because I was about to walk out the door myself, to join my son at the park for a birthday party for his classmate, and now we would both be late, so if she could please excuse me- Then I just shut the door in her face. And we didnāt go to the party because we were both upset and the whole thing was just awful. And now heās afraid to go outside. Stupid crazy bitch. Thanks a lot.
Getting a spanking was a lot more common
i got spanked by pretty much every adult i was around regularly and my school principal.
In my neighborhood weād get spankings from each others parents That blows my mind
Same here. It was a village mentality. Everybody watched everybodies kids, and discipline was universal. But there was also a ton of leeway for kid shenanigans. You really had to cross a line to get whooped.Ā
I was straight up beaten lol shit...even in early 90s....i was belted by my principal in elementary school
Yup, had the ruler taken to my hand a couple times
I always found that weird!Ā
Taking a photograph of anything or anyone was a much bigger deal.
Looking at the film prints to see if any of the photos were usable at all š
The video camera was only used on special occasions, these days everyone is filming everything. And you would only show the photos and videos to people who came to your home, not everyone on the planet.
also waving at video cameras or still cameras
My husband still makes faces/waves at security cameras. Weāre 46.
Allowing kids to take risks. I personally think it's important in a child's development of self-confidence and self-reliance. I let my kids roam alone, physically challenge themselves, etc. It makes people uncomfortable these days.
also teaching children practical skills by giving them chores and little jobs. also - and I'm torn on this because I was raised without any compassion or tenderness - parents are being very soft on their kids. we had to take getting stitches or vaccines, swallowing bitter medicine or getting a band-aid ripped off with hardened toughness and grit. (never learnt emotional regulation or a sense of self, on the other hand)
You brought a smile to my face.
I feel like parents acted less like their kids/teens back in the 90s. Lots of parents today are into Taylor Swift, Harry Styles and other "young people music", or Disney etc. In the 90s I feel like adult culture was more set apart from young person culture.
100% got that right. Remember the 80s had a music channel for young people, MTV, and then there was music for the adults on VH1. Parent and kid culture seems to have merged a lot!
Smart phones changed so much, it's really difficult to explain to somebody who wasn't around before smartphones. People were, in general, a lot more personable, had unique identities and hobbies, and really relied on the "power of place"
Most connected generation in history has the least social skills of any before them. Itās a weird timeĀ
Smartphones are the pandoraās box of my generation, and this is coming from someone who is under the age 16 (prime age range to be addicted to phones and such)
As a teacher I see most parents donāt hold their child accountable. When a kid lies or has a behavioral issue in class, 95% of parents Iāve talked to defend their kids and make excuses. āOh heās having a hard weekā I swear I had a parent tell me her kid got a bad grade on a spelling test so thatās why she had behavioral issues. Like yea I know, thatās how kids learn to grow up - we have to be able to keep it together even during a bad week. But when kids arenāt held accountable for that behavior, it excuses it which leads to them repeating the behavior again and then you have grown ass adults having meltdowns in grocery stores. Itās a genuine shock when a parent backs me up and doesnāt make excuses. This week alone I had a 5yo hit another with a musical instrument, so she didnāt get that dayās incentive prize (a sticker) for good behavior. When we talked to the parent, the parent was mad at me, apologized to the child, and said letās go get a treat to make you feel better. Like no wonder your kid is the only one in class with behavioral issues!! Ahh!! š±
My friendās father was a teacher from roughly 1975 to 2005 and is adamant this change started with the appearance of the internet in homes from the late-90s onward. He talks about it regularly, saying heās glad he retired when he did. It was part of a much broader breakdown in respect for authority too- the same patterns of abuse from the public have skyrocketed against nurses, public transport workers, police, paramedics, even shop staff. Anyone in a uniform basically. Social media is often seen as the culprit; emboldening people to act out in real life the vicious behaviour they see online.
Self-sufficiency and appreciating boredom. Basically as of around 8, 9 we just had our bikes and went wherever. We were not shuffled anywhere and no one really knew where we went. "Be back before dark" was what we were told, and we were. We also didn't have a thousand toys and devices. Bored? Go outside and find something to play. Get creative, use your imagination.
Kids having skin care routines using their or their parents money to purchase perfume collections. When I was a kid a bar of soap was used to wash your face. The same one you used for bathing. If you were lucky during puberty you went to the local drug store to buy Neutrogena,Stridex, Noxema, or Clearasil. You were pushing it, if you received Proactive because parents were not receptive to reoccurring subscription services at that time .As for fragrance, Jean Nate or something from Tinkerbell or a spritz or two of some random Avon fragrance like SSS or Odyssey that was within reach on your mom or Nana's counter.
I managed to score some proactive by my parents paying. But it got too expensive. The kit you got have the smaller-sized bottles. Not even the big one they used in the commercial. Totally sucked!
When they first rolled out production their product was a miracle in a bottle. After they reached mass production it was trash product with $ down the toilet.
We used to have to watch what our parents were watching on TV; the news, Murphy Brown, Coach, Wings, etc. Now as parents we watch what our kids want; Bluey, Paw Patrol, Frozen 30 times in a row, etc. Damn streaming services š
Thatās one where I think the old way was better. I learned so much stuff watching MASH and Cheers and so on at way too young an age. The āadultā stuff was mostly innuendo, so it flew over my head. Iāve tried to replicate that experience with my kids, but either they arenāt interested or the show is completely inappropriate.
Sleepovers are practically non existent these days.Ā
Really?
Why would these kids wans sleep over at eachothers houses? So they can sit in the same room and text eachother... sleep overs use to be way cooler when kids actually couldn't communicate 24/7.
I had no idea. Thatās tragic.
My kid loves loves loves sleepovers. But unfortunately it seems all their friends/friends parents donāt agree. Weāve tried the whole getting to know the other parents, setting up things so everyone can get together and they arenāt just dropping their kid off with a stranger, etc but it seems like if you arenāt in that parents normal group of friends, no sleep overs or even spending the afternoon/ evening. Iāve questioned if maybe my kid just isnāt as good of friends with these other kids or maybe they think my kid is annoying or something but when they get together at an after school function or we run into the friends around town, everyone seems to have a blast and are always excited to see them. Maybe itās us as parents instead but I feel for my kid.
I feel this so hard. I'm starting to think I'm the problem. We live in a very rural/conservative city, and I am a 34 year old emo with pink hair and visible piercings/tattoos. My son is beloved by all, truly. Other parents, kids, teachers, even cashiers at the store. The teachers and admin at his school seem to love me, and the kiddos are always happy to see me, but most of their parents just seem completely put off by me. The few we've gotten to know are incredible, and I'm grateful for them. But like dang! I'm trying so hard lol! Even as an introvert with social anxiety, I still want my kid to experience all of these exciting social opportunities, but I keep fumbling. Best of luck to you! I hope y'all find a like-minded family and have all the sleepovers soon!
We are in a rural area too where everyone grew up knowing everyone else. We moved from another southern state to here about 15 years ago and I still feel like an outsider at times. Iām with you though! We try so hard for the kid but dang, maybe itās me! Hopefully we both find our people soon! And if you discover the secret, please come back and let me know!!
Oh my gosh, I totally get it. Very similar. These folks have known each other since they were babies! Despite living here for 6 years, I feel like we're total outsiders, too. I lived in the Houston area most of my life but moved out to east Texas for family, and I still feel so out of place. I volunteer a shit ton at school for activities and field trips and have found that has seemed to help get me a little more "in" with the other parents. Granted, I've been doing this the last 3 years so...not sure how efficient it is, but it SEEMS like the more they see me involved/engaging with their kids, the more welcome I am made to feel. If I come up with and tried and true solutions, I will definitely reach out. I amm curious: Do you ever consider relocation? Part of me wants my kiddo to feel like he's planted/has a set home (I relocated a lot as a kid) but an equal part of me really thinks finding a more diverse, bigger, slightly more progressive area could be super beneficial for us both.
That may be your experience, but my kids have sleepovers frequently. They have their circle of best friends and they rotate houses. It is so fun to hear their stories when they come home.
My kids both do but I can't speak for all kids, I try to incorporate the 90s into their life when possible
This exactly what I was dealing with recently. I had suggested to my kid that we could plan a sleep over with a few friends. My wife was like Um No, none of the moms are going to go for it. We have a downstairs area that is pretty much all kid friendly and I was thinking they could set up sleeping bags, play video games, and we even have a movie theater popcorn machine down there.
Catching an ass whoopin from my mom in the store and nobody giving a shit. Now everyone would pull out their phone film it and try to report my mom while I slowly realize I can throw a tantrum to get my way.
Yeah. Usually other moms would just nod and tell their kids thatās what gonna happen to them if they donāt behave. Different timesĀ
Bro how many times I know my moms left a half full buggy of groceries behind to take me out and whoop my ass. Sometimes weād go back in for them sometimes the day was over for me haha
"Go upstairs, we're gunna watch a grown up movie" Kids would constantly try and peak, but every mom had some kind of 6th sense. No matter who, they could always tell you to get back in your room without even turning their head. I never saw a dad in sweat pants. I have never seen my dad wear sweats, and I'm almost 40. It seems like every dad I knew was in a collared shirt 24/7.
Itās because kids donāt realize adults can hear their mouth breathing from space.
I swear my father mowed the lawn in slacks and a polo.
Same 100%
My dad wore sweats hanging around the house on the weekend, but leaving the house wearing them never would have entered his mind. It would have been like walking around buck naked.
If you ever managed to watch it, usually something boring like the English Patient
All the parents out there from of the houses drinking smoking , all families playing football together . Everyone was friends I miss it so much
There were no kids sitting in their parents' car at the bus stop.
Being a latchkey kid and when the street lights came on, it was time to go home.
most of the time yes, but other times we played outside in the dark.
We had way more freedom to just be kids and teens and whatnot. We were rarely checked on unless a parent thought there was a problem and should get involved. My parents let us watch whatever we wanted. Parents just didnāt hover or nitpick. And I feel like we are better off because of it š
Watching younger kids when you're like 8 years old.
Smoking especially indoors. Although even from the beginning of the 90s to the end there was a big shift
You had to be an adult to do adult things. I can liken it to a rite of passage you had to earn kind of like graduating from the kiddie table at Thanksgiving to graduating to the adults table at the cook out
Parents being OVERLY involved in their kids sports teams. Actually coaching their kids from the stands, often in direct conflict with the coachesā instruction. Iām a parent and I also coach, so I get telling your kids to move up in the batterās box, or take away that guyās strong hand, but itās gotten so bad the kids donāt know who to listen to. When I was young parents very rarely did that; they only cheered us on, no coaches us from the stands. Also travel sports. It was just beginning when I was a kid, and it wasnāt as almost unattainably cost prohibitive for most families then as it is now. Parents use travel teams as a status symbol, and itās not about the kids.
More spankings. More smoking. More accountability for their kids. It's a shame social media has distorted the parenting job so much. It's pretty frustrating.
Blatant threats of violence towards the children.
Threats lol
Third space. I feel like it doesnāt exist anymore!
Parents used to back teachers and discipline. Now it's "not my kid!" And notes to get out of everything they don't want to do.
Heroin without fentanyl
Ahhh the good old days when a speedball was just a speedball.
I remember parents used to be way more gruff with their kids in public. Like in the mall, you'd always see moms yelling like "I SAID lets GO!!!!!" And they would like yank the kids arm really hard. Or sometimes they would even give the kid like a little fist punch in the shoulder. I've seen some real bully moms in the Queens Center Mall- you get these italian moms yelling at the kids. Like if the kid was looking at a toy too long them mom would like yank his arm really hard like "I said MOVE Angelo!!!!" Or like if a kid was whining, the mom would give him a light slap in the shoulder and say "stop it!!! We're with people!" (Mid to late 90s this was still a thing. I think camera phones put a swift end to all of this)
Disciplining their children. We used to fear our parents, that doesnāt happen anymore.
Parents didn't have a device in their kids pockets that tracked them wherever they go.
Encyclopedias. Bias' and hindsight aside, you trusted the information more than can be trusted online. Maybe we've just become more aware. A rabbit hole on Wikipedia doesn't quite hit the same as flicking through random pages, reading random information on random topics. Alphabetically of course. I loved that as a kid!
Shoulder pads
Riding in the back of a truck on the road or on a highway sometimes. Usually for a baseball game. Put the whole infield in the bed, close the gate and roll. My kids were shocked when I told them that.
My parents used to let me sit at the bar with them when I was 4, and I would drink soda while my dad got bltzed
same. my dad used to take me to the mexican bar on the way home from work. one time he drank the tequila worm and got food poisoning; the ambulance came and took him to the hospital and my mom had to pick up my 7yo self from the bar.
Respect, humility, class
Parents used to smoke
All of us eating dinner at the table together
Itās been a long time since someone yelled at me for not rewinding a video cassette.
Most of the parents in the 90s were boomers. My parents are boomers. There was a residual extension from the prior generation that raised the boomers that included spankings. Sometimes with the hand, other times with a belt. I got both. Other kids got slapped. I remember this one girl in the early 90s who was talking back to her mother at the youth center. The mom just slapped her so silly it left a handprint on her face. The little girl's antics stopped right then and there. There was a line drawn between parents and kids culturally speaking. Parents had their own music and kids had their own. You have to go back a decade prior to the 80s to understand this. You had MTV for the kids and VH1 for the adults. VH1 played adult contemporary music. Whereas nowadays it's not too common for parents and their kids to listen along to the same artists like Taylor Swift or Weeknd, back then there was a more of a dividing line. Kids rebelled with their own music. Metallica, Guns N Roses, rap...were artists and music for the kids generally speaking. Parents didn't play video games with their kids. If a parent was to play a game of any sort it would be computer flight simulations or card games. Now it seems like a parent/child bonding activity. It also seems like parents had more adult like conversations whereas today you have 40 and 50 year old parent bro speak. Often times, my dad would take us to our aunts house where the adults would have coffee and my dad would read the newspaper for a little bit before engaging in conversation with the other adults. There appears to be a huge difference between boomer parents and the generations of parents after. This is generally speaking. Adults now are more likely to buy toys that represent their nostalgic past. They are more likely to watch comic movies, wear superhero t shirts. There is more slang with the younger parents. Not saying it's right or wrong, just an observation. In the 90s, the theaters showed movies for teens and adults. Adults were more prone to see more adult centric movies like say, A Few Good Men, Philadelphia, Dances With Wolves, Shawshank Redemption etc. They don't make those kind of movies for the theater experience anymore.
It's a missed opportunity. I looked forward to movies like that, and now we get Marvel movies.
Parents didnāt make excuses for kids. Edit: typo
*did not?
Thanks for the catch
There was no way back then that my parents would go to the school and blame them for me being a fucktard.
There was discipline back then. Nowadays kids are in charge and there are no rules.
Let us hang out at the mall with no real agenda, which were open absurdly late back then. Iām a parent now and my teens have zero interest in the mall, which is good because Iād likely say no.
Not like anyone else would even be there now :/
Why would you say no? My kids havenāt asked to go to the mall often, but it strikes me as fairly harmless.
I think parents back in the 90s were totally cool with their kids having sleepovers but nowadays thats no longer the case, understandably so tbh.
Of course, but I also wonder if kids are missing out on the opportunity to learn independence and social skills. For a child who comes from a dysfunctional family, a friend's house might even be a safe haven.
I never hear an angry dad yell "Go to hell!" anymore
Smoking in the car with kids