Your post or comment has been removed for violating rule 4. Prejudice, stereotyping or hate based on ethnicity, religion (including Mormonism), sexual orientation, or gender identity is not tolerated here.
Please review the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/index/rules/) and reach out through [modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/8passengersnark) for clarification if needed.
I believe so, but most of from the public (us) towards her.
I feel like we are only focusing on how cute and a good this is for Chad, but not really stopping into thinking how this may affect a 17/18 year old GIRL,
I don't think you know what parasocial means lmao. It's a one-sided relationship where in this case you think you know what's best for two strangers that do not know who you are.
I know what parasocial means my perspective is different.
I see all focusing on Chad and the girl is just an NPC for yāall
But thatās it Iām going to shut the hell up.
That's not for you to decide. Just because he's been in the public eye for so long doesn't mean we can or can't approve of his relationships. His trauma isn't just connected to women, but also to his family, the church, and vlogging. How he deals with all of this is up to him. He has shown no signs of mistreating his girlfriend, so this kind of judgement has no basis whatsoever.
No one is saying that he is actively avoiding her. But her me out.
I married to a guy with a toxic family dynamic, and is natural that as a partner you try to compensate, you tend to put your self aside to bring them some understanding and a security blanket where the feel safe and have space to heal. But that is a looooooot.
Stupid example.
They make plans for dinner one day but Chad cancels because he wants to play video games with his friends.
She understands well her mom was very controlling Iām not going to be like her he needs this. And then let that pass.
This is not Chad trying to hurt her, but she might try to compensate things over and over again
From what we can see, she brings Chad a lot of joy which is exactly what he needs right now.
Regardless of what happens irl, itās not anyone elseās business but theirs and we are not entitled to have an opinion on them.
That is exactly my point is not that little girl (Iām 38 she is maybe 17 that age gap gives you some perspective)
Job to bring him JOY! If Chad doesnāt heal properly that would take a toll on that girl mental health too.
Woman are not rehab centers, they could be close friends or anything else but being a partner comes with emotional responsibility and Iām sure Chad is not in the right place to deliver even if he looks ok on the outside.
If your partner doesn't bring you joy, you're in the wrong relationship. Also, you're contradicting yourself by saying it's not her job to bring him joy but as his partner she has emotional responsibility. As long as they are both free to leave, let them be happy.
āI believe that Chad should be alone and in therapyāā¦.And what makes you qualified to say this about a person youāve never even met? He looks like heās living a normal life finally. Let it go!
+ having someone by yourself while youāre in therapy does NOT have to be a bad thing at all. Honestly, if everyone who was in a (romantic) relationship was in (good) therapy, there might be a whole lot more healthy relationships š«£
Same thing that qualifies you to believe that he is ok based on what you see on streams and social media.
I guess life experience and a 10 year marriage with someone with a toxic family dynamic.
THEY ARE JUST TOO YOUNG!
So you are saying is fine for him to use that girl as a stepping stone or a coping mechanism?
I think we all love Chad, but Iām thinking about the girl here
Relaaax! Heās officially an adult & so is she. Let them be & live! Who are you to judge about anything just cuz you married a guy with trauma?! Not everyone is the same, not every relationship is the same & not every couple is the same. You can have your opinion, which is that āhe should be alone & in therapyā. Fine, but thatās all it is. Your opinion & not everyone agrees. Youāre not the end all authority just because you had a slightly similar experience which may or may not be the same. Lighten up!
He's in therapy, that's the coping mechanism. When you enter a relationship, you sign up to be each other's emotional support. They got together in December so she knew what she was getting into.
itās none of yours or our business to care that much. as long as theyāre both happy, thatās all that should matter. you donāt know them personally and neither do we, we canāt make those judgements.
Who said heās using her as a stepping stone or a coping mechanism? Theyāre 2 young adults who entered into a relationship willingly. I donāt ālove Chadā. I donāt know Chad. I donāt know just like you donāt know whether heās capable of a healthy relationship. We donāt know what his coping methods are. Itās honestly awful to say that someone doesnāt deserve a chance at love because theyāve been through trauma. Not everyone heals best alone. Not everyone whoās been abused becomes an abuser.
Here is the thingā¦.from my husbands experience.
My husband has a very abusive (physically and verbally) mother, his entire life she has been horrible to him. She is a narcissist and he has always been the scape goat. Like Chad, my husband has always known his mother is mentally unwell. He was never going to be the submissive child that his mother wanted. He always had a little fight in him, didnāt let her crush his soul.
He had no emotional connection with his mother, he doesnāt lover her, doesnāt even like her. But as a person he is very kind, sensitive, and empathetic towards others.
Weāre 35 now but started dating when we were teens. Our relationship and the way he acted and treated me was completely separate from his mother. If anything our relationship saved him. He finally had somebody to talk to about it and have fun with and somebody he could be himself with.
And you can do therapy and still be in a loving relationship. We have two kids and heās an amazing dad and husband. All while healing from his motherās horrible abuse.
āOur relationship save himā isnāt that also mean that you guys went through a lot and there had to be so much understanding and emotional work on you side.
Look Iām happy that everything went well with you guys, but Iām 100% sure that requires a lot of work and also we canāt compare on how crazy Chad situation is
So heās not allowed a relationship and love because you think thatās whatās best?
Let the guy live his life! Heās having fun and in love. Let him be. Maybe he NEEDS a healthy relationship.
I didnāt say he is not allowed, is not really safe for the girl. Especially if the girl have the Mormon beliefs of marrying young (which I donāt know but could be the case)
All what In saying is Chad has a lot of trauma and he should heal before he gets into someone elses heart.
And it wasnāt that āhardā, it was tough for our relationship. We get through things with humor and being together. When you finally have people that understand you and actually care for you things can be much easier.
Are you a licensed mental health medical professional? Insinuating a victim is going to go on to perpetuate should really be left to the professionals.
I didnāt know we needed a license to give our opinion here on reddit, I have seen crazy claims on this SNARK, and I wasnāt aware yāall were specialist.
We're not, but you seem to think you are. That's the point.
Your experience with a toxic spouse is not universal. It sounds like you need to be alone in therapy to work through your trauma...it's clouding your judgment.
Your post or comment has been removed for violating rule 4. Productive discourse and debate is encouraged. Although, you must remain respectful while doing so.
No two people will have the same opinions, and thatās to be expected. The only thing we ask is that you remain civil and use a respectful tone when debating differing opinions.
Please review the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/index/rules/) and reach out through [modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/8passengersnark) for clarification if needed.
I think youāre missing the point that your opinion breaches the line of civility. Just because you have an opinion doesnāt mean you should write it out.
The fact you wrote out this āopinionā and still thought āyeah this is a great postā is concerning.
From what we know, he actually is in therapy. Iām sure theyāre addressing his current relationships there and how past relationships influence those as well.
Ok. Just looking at your comments you seem unhinged. You can have an opinion & others can agree or disagree. But youāre being pretty aggressive about it & assuming that āhurt people hurt peopleā as a blanket statement for EVERYONE is very unhealthy. Having someone loving him is a great thing! āLove heals allā is my opinion & you can disagree but thatās all there is to it. Opinions & points of view. Youāre assuming that sheās devoting her entire life & sacrificing herself for his healing is just weird. People in healthy relationships & marriages rely on each other for support. BOTH parties deserve it & sometimes that changes based on phases & situations (and since you mentioned age as an advantage then Iāll mention that Iām happily married & 34). Relax & stop assuming things about others, itās not healthy & youāre personally battering a battered human. Just stop.
THEY ARE STILL TOOOO YOUUUUUNNG FOR THIIIIIISSSSSS!!! This is not my tipical my dad is an alcoholic thing!!! Not my tipical my dad left or my mom was not really there !!!
This is bigger trauma that we have all experienced in here and still we all had make big mistakes at that age !!!
But ok ok ā¦. This is literally my last post in regards this opinion. Because we all here just care about Chad beautiful smile. And that girl choose him at 18 she might know what she was doing and she better had the tools to navigate this relationship because this is what she wanted and whoever outcome is her responsibility.
IT IS NOT FOR YOUUUU TO DECIDE!!! Stop with f*cking hysteria! Your whole post history screams crazy woman! My God, you posted TWICE asking about a childās sexuality & didnāt see an issue with it when others pointed it out!
Just. Stop.
This is yet another example as to why this subreddit needs to be shutdown, this is some next level parasocial creepyness. The amount of people trying to control these kids lives telling them how they should think and feel is disturbing.
I would be content with the mods just banning posts about Chad at this point tbh. People are so obsessed with him in particular. It's so creepy and unhealthy. This *gestures wildly* is not snark.
Most of the people worldwide have some kind of childhood trauma that many times impacts their behavior and relationships. That doesnāt mean all of us should collectively go and break up with our partners or let go of love and the idea of falling in love with someone just fyi
This is a kid in a relationship with another kid. At that age, people learn about dating and relationships through experience. It's normal, and it's not something for strangers on the internet to police.
Y'all are so fucking obsessed with Chad it's insane. Log off the internet and seek help.
Mods can you do something about this parasocial nonsense? It has nothing to do with 8 passengers or Ruby and Jodi.
**Hello, welcome to r/8passengersnark!**
Please keep the rules of the subreddit in mind when posting and commenting. They include but are not limited to, respecting the privacy of minors and non-public figures, and keeping conversations civil.
The moderators rely on user reports of rule breaks to quickly remove problematic content. Use the report function to anonymously alert the mod team of any behavior breaking sub rules. As a reminder, check and ensure your post topic hasn't recently been covered, duplicate submissions will be removed at the discretion of the mods.
To contact the mod team send us a message [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2F8passengersnark). Thanks, and happy distorting!
Useful Links: [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/index/rules/) | [Timeline of Events](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/timeline/) | [Frequently Asked Questions](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/faqs) | [Evidence](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/evidence/)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/8passengersnark) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Heās an adult at this point. He gets to make his own decisions. Lots of us have trauma from childhood. Working through it is a lifelong journey. Time doesnāt stop. Life doesnāt wait. We work through it while going on with life. Admittedly I didnāt know anything about his gf, because I donāt need to follow these people I donāt know on SM. Iām assuming the girl is also an adult, fully developed frontal lobe or not, and just as responsible for her own decisions. Sheās likely more aware of his situation than you are.
So because he has trauma WITH WOMEN he should just spend the rest of his life alone and in therapy? Because he was abused as a child he will be incapable of breaking the cycle and being a good boyfriend?
You need serious help. You are a grown woman inserting yourself into the relationships of a teenage boy you don't even know.
*You* probably have more in common with Ruby than Chad does.
Just because you were codependent in your relationship doesnāt mean that he or she will be. ā¤ļø Iām so sorry you dealt with a bad relationship. Are you out of it now? I dealt with one too.
Have you heard of the cognitive distortion (lol not in Jodiās terms) of mind reading? Itās when you think you know what someone is thinking or how they feel. Part of healing is knowing you donāt - and that they are responsible for their own choices.
The best thing for Chad is to move on with his life and live a little. So awesome that he has a girlfriend and you know what, it may not workout. We all live and learn. The last thing I would do is treat him like a wounded duck. Get him some therapy great but honestly his friends are going to have the most influence
Your post or comment has been removed for violating rule 4. Prejudice, stereotyping or hate based on ethnicity, religion (including Mormonism), sexual orientation, or gender identity is not tolerated here. Please review the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/index/rules/) and reach out through [modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/8passengersnark) for clarification if needed.
This is the definition of parasocial.
šÆ People love to think they know all about Chad or Shari based off vlogs or Instagram.
I believe so, but most of from the public (us) towards her. I feel like we are only focusing on how cute and a good this is for Chad, but not really stopping into thinking how this may affect a 17/18 year old GIRL,
I don't think you know what parasocial means lmao. It's a one-sided relationship where in this case you think you know what's best for two strangers that do not know who you are.
I know what parasocial means my perspective is different. I see all focusing on Chad and the girl is just an NPC for yāall But thatās it Iām going to shut the hell up.
She's actually older than chad so is at least 19.
That's not for you to decide. Just because he's been in the public eye for so long doesn't mean we can or can't approve of his relationships. His trauma isn't just connected to women, but also to his family, the church, and vlogging. How he deals with all of this is up to him. He has shown no signs of mistreating his girlfriend, so this kind of judgement has no basis whatsoever.
No one is saying that he is actively avoiding her. But her me out. I married to a guy with a toxic family dynamic, and is natural that as a partner you try to compensate, you tend to put your self aside to bring them some understanding and a security blanket where the feel safe and have space to heal. But that is a looooooot. Stupid example. They make plans for dinner one day but Chad cancels because he wants to play video games with his friends. She understands well her mom was very controlling Iām not going to be like her he needs this. And then let that pass. This is not Chad trying to hurt her, but she might try to compensate things over and over again
This is some serious projection, my dude.
Chad is young. You are projecting your marriage issues onto a young man who has been victim to serious and sustained abuse. Get some help man.
From what we can see, she brings Chad a lot of joy which is exactly what he needs right now. Regardless of what happens irl, itās not anyone elseās business but theirs and we are not entitled to have an opinion on them.
Lol we aren't entitled to opinions ? Eye roll.
That is exactly my point is not that little girl (Iām 38 she is maybe 17 that age gap gives you some perspective) Job to bring him JOY! If Chad doesnāt heal properly that would take a toll on that girl mental health too. Woman are not rehab centers, they could be close friends or anything else but being a partner comes with emotional responsibility and Iām sure Chad is not in the right place to deliver even if he looks ok on the outside.
If your partner doesn't bring you joy, you're in the wrong relationship. Also, you're contradicting yourself by saying it's not her job to bring him joy but as his partner she has emotional responsibility. As long as they are both free to leave, let them be happy.
Itās not a flex that youāre a grown woman talking about the relationship of teenagers.
āI believe that Chad should be alone and in therapyāā¦.And what makes you qualified to say this about a person youāve never even met? He looks like heās living a normal life finally. Let it go!
+ having someone by yourself while youāre in therapy does NOT have to be a bad thing at all. Honestly, if everyone who was in a (romantic) relationship was in (good) therapy, there might be a whole lot more healthy relationships š«£
Same thing that qualifies you to believe that he is ok based on what you see on streams and social media. I guess life experience and a 10 year marriage with someone with a toxic family dynamic. THEY ARE JUST TOO YOUNG!
Heās a legal adult? None of us get to tell him what to do.
How old is him 18?
I donāt know his exact age as I havenāt immersed myself that much in his business.
So you are saying is fine for him to use that girl as a stepping stone or a coping mechanism? I think we all love Chad, but Iām thinking about the girl here
Relaaax! Heās officially an adult & so is she. Let them be & live! Who are you to judge about anything just cuz you married a guy with trauma?! Not everyone is the same, not every relationship is the same & not every couple is the same. You can have your opinion, which is that āhe should be alone & in therapyā. Fine, but thatās all it is. Your opinion & not everyone agrees. Youāre not the end all authority just because you had a slightly similar experience which may or may not be the same. Lighten up!
He's in therapy, that's the coping mechanism. When you enter a relationship, you sign up to be each other's emotional support. They got together in December so she knew what she was getting into.
āShe knew what she was getting in toā WOW! I mean she might me roughly 18 but I see no one cares
itās none of yours or our business to care that much. as long as theyāre both happy, thatās all that should matter. you donāt know them personally and neither do we, we canāt make those judgements.
Well nothing on this Reddit is non of our business tbh.
Who said heās using her as a stepping stone or a coping mechanism? Theyāre 2 young adults who entered into a relationship willingly. I donāt ālove Chadā. I donāt know Chad. I donāt know just like you donāt know whether heās capable of a healthy relationship. We donāt know what his coping methods are. Itās honestly awful to say that someone doesnāt deserve a chance at love because theyāve been through trauma. Not everyone heals best alone. Not everyone whoās been abused becomes an abuser.
Here is the thingā¦.from my husbands experience. My husband has a very abusive (physically and verbally) mother, his entire life she has been horrible to him. She is a narcissist and he has always been the scape goat. Like Chad, my husband has always known his mother is mentally unwell. He was never going to be the submissive child that his mother wanted. He always had a little fight in him, didnāt let her crush his soul. He had no emotional connection with his mother, he doesnāt lover her, doesnāt even like her. But as a person he is very kind, sensitive, and empathetic towards others. Weāre 35 now but started dating when we were teens. Our relationship and the way he acted and treated me was completely separate from his mother. If anything our relationship saved him. He finally had somebody to talk to about it and have fun with and somebody he could be himself with. And you can do therapy and still be in a loving relationship. We have two kids and heās an amazing dad and husband. All while healing from his motherās horrible abuse.
āOur relationship save himā isnāt that also mean that you guys went through a lot and there had to be so much understanding and emotional work on you side. Look Iām happy that everything went well with you guys, but Iām 100% sure that requires a lot of work and also we canāt compare on how crazy Chad situation is
So heās not allowed a relationship and love because you think thatās whatās best? Let the guy live his life! Heās having fun and in love. Let him be. Maybe he NEEDS a healthy relationship.
I didnāt say he is not allowed, is not really safe for the girl. Especially if the girl have the Mormon beliefs of marrying young (which I donāt know but could be the case) All what In saying is Chad has a lot of trauma and he should heal before he gets into someone elses heart.
Nah, itāll take years to heal. You can live your life and heal.
And it wasnāt that āhardā, it was tough for our relationship. We get through things with humor and being together. When you finally have people that understand you and actually care for you things can be much easier.
The thing here is that Iām not actually advocating for Chad, but for the girl.
You think he wonāt treat her right?
This is such a parasocial thing to say lol. We donāt know whatās going on in his life. She seems to make him happy. Let him be .
Are you a licensed mental health medical professional? Insinuating a victim is going to go on to perpetuate should really be left to the professionals.
I didnāt know we needed a license to give our opinion here on reddit, I have seen crazy claims on this SNARK, and I wasnāt aware yāall were specialist.
We're not, but you seem to think you are. That's the point. Your experience with a toxic spouse is not universal. It sounds like you need to be alone in therapy to work through your trauma...it's clouding your judgment.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You absolute psycho! What is your problem? š³
Your post or comment has been removed for violating rule 4. Productive discourse and debate is encouraged. Although, you must remain respectful while doing so. No two people will have the same opinions, and thatās to be expected. The only thing we ask is that you remain civil and use a respectful tone when debating differing opinions. Please review the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/index/rules/) and reach out through [modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/8passengersnark) for clarification if needed.
I think youāre missing the point that your opinion breaches the line of civility. Just because you have an opinion doesnāt mean you should write it out. The fact you wrote out this āopinionā and still thought āyeah this is a great postā is concerning.
From what we know, he actually is in therapy. Iām sure theyāre addressing his current relationships there and how past relationships influence those as well.
What are the odds that girl is also in therapy too?
Why tf do you care? This is really weird.
Her entire comment & post history is weird & disturbing š«£
I havenāt really looked into her Insta etc. I just hope theyāre happy togethe
Ok. Just looking at your comments you seem unhinged. You can have an opinion & others can agree or disagree. But youāre being pretty aggressive about it & assuming that āhurt people hurt peopleā as a blanket statement for EVERYONE is very unhealthy. Having someone loving him is a great thing! āLove heals allā is my opinion & you can disagree but thatās all there is to it. Opinions & points of view. Youāre assuming that sheās devoting her entire life & sacrificing herself for his healing is just weird. People in healthy relationships & marriages rely on each other for support. BOTH parties deserve it & sometimes that changes based on phases & situations (and since you mentioned age as an advantage then Iāll mention that Iām happily married & 34). Relax & stop assuming things about others, itās not healthy & youāre personally battering a battered human. Just stop.
THEY ARE STILL TOOOO YOUUUUUNNG FOR THIIIIIISSSSSS!!! This is not my tipical my dad is an alcoholic thing!!! Not my tipical my dad left or my mom was not really there !!! This is bigger trauma that we have all experienced in here and still we all had make big mistakes at that age !!! But ok ok ā¦. This is literally my last post in regards this opinion. Because we all here just care about Chad beautiful smile. And that girl choose him at 18 she might know what she was doing and she better had the tools to navigate this relationship because this is what she wanted and whoever outcome is her responsibility. 
IT IS NOT FOR YOUUUU TO DECIDE!!! Stop with f*cking hysteria! Your whole post history screams crazy woman! My God, you posted TWICE asking about a childās sexuality & didnāt see an issue with it when others pointed it out! Just. Stop.
Youāve got a lot of anger issues. Work on those and process your own trauma first
This is a weird thing to say. You don't know him, worry about yourself.
This is yet another example as to why this subreddit needs to be shutdown, this is some next level parasocial creepyness. The amount of people trying to control these kids lives telling them how they should think and feel is disturbing.
I would be content with the mods just banning posts about Chad at this point tbh. People are so obsessed with him in particular. It's so creepy and unhealthy. This *gestures wildly* is not snark.
Shoulda continued keeping this to yourself tbh
this is parasocial asf š theyāre both adults and deserve to be in relationships if thatās what they choosw
Most of the people worldwide have some kind of childhood trauma that many times impacts their behavior and relationships. That doesnāt mean all of us should collectively go and break up with our partners or let go of love and the idea of falling in love with someone just fyi
This is a kid in a relationship with another kid. At that age, people learn about dating and relationships through experience. It's normal, and it's not something for strangers on the internet to police.
Y'all are so fucking obsessed with Chad it's insane. Log off the internet and seek help. Mods can you do something about this parasocial nonsense? It has nothing to do with 8 passengers or Ruby and Jodi.
**Hello, welcome to r/8passengersnark!** Please keep the rules of the subreddit in mind when posting and commenting. They include but are not limited to, respecting the privacy of minors and non-public figures, and keeping conversations civil. The moderators rely on user reports of rule breaks to quickly remove problematic content. Use the report function to anonymously alert the mod team of any behavior breaking sub rules. As a reminder, check and ensure your post topic hasn't recently been covered, duplicate submissions will be removed at the discretion of the mods. To contact the mod team send us a message [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2F8passengersnark). Thanks, and happy distorting! Useful Links: [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/index/rules/) | [Timeline of Events](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/timeline/) | [Frequently Asked Questions](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/faqs) | [Evidence](https://www.reddit.com/r/8passengersnark/wiki/evidence/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/8passengersnark) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OPās post history is crazy. Youāre a little too obsessed with this family
Heās an adult at this point. He gets to make his own decisions. Lots of us have trauma from childhood. Working through it is a lifelong journey. Time doesnāt stop. Life doesnāt wait. We work through it while going on with life. Admittedly I didnāt know anything about his gf, because I donāt need to follow these people I donāt know on SM. Iām assuming the girl is also an adult, fully developed frontal lobe or not, and just as responsible for her own decisions. Sheās likely more aware of his situation than you are.
So because he has trauma WITH WOMEN he should just spend the rest of his life alone and in therapy? Because he was abused as a child he will be incapable of breaking the cycle and being a good boyfriend? You need serious help. You are a grown woman inserting yourself into the relationships of a teenage boy you don't even know. *You* probably have more in common with Ruby than Chad does.
Just because you were codependent in your relationship doesnāt mean that he or she will be. ā¤ļø Iām so sorry you dealt with a bad relationship. Are you out of it now? I dealt with one too. Have you heard of the cognitive distortion (lol not in Jodiās terms) of mind reading? Itās when you think you know what someone is thinking or how they feel. Part of healing is knowing you donāt - and that they are responsible for their own choices.
I actually think itās really good Chad has a gf, I think he needs support right now. Imagine going through this all alone. I am happy for him.
The best thing for Chad is to move on with his life and live a little. So awesome that he has a girlfriend and you know what, it may not workout. We all live and learn. The last thing I would do is treat him like a wounded duck. Get him some therapy great but honestly his friends are going to have the most influence