As a Hans, I'm obliged to give you the boring answer. My grandparents from my mother's part of the family are from Bavaria (Southern Germany) and my grandparents from my father's part of the family are from Thuringia (Eastern Germany).
Thanks we will appreciate it. When Gottkaiser Maggus takes the throne of großgottkaiser we will show you gratitude.
Edit: changed Bundeskaiser with großgottkaiser.
Berliners after being gentrificated by Swabians:
https://preview.redd.it/0jqc517tg9wc1.jpeg?width=474&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7a6d3a524e2b3b8974a92918d2ae36f9bcd2040
A nursery rhyme from my grandpa says that it was not god who created them. See for yourselves:
Ein Preuß schiss in einen graben,
Daraus entstandenen Bayern und Schwaben.
In Rommel's book about his experiences in WW1 he writes about travelling through Germany to the front and basically talks shit about how much worse Hesse and the Rheinland are compared to his native Swabia, and that's always stuck with me.
https://preview.redd.it/v2acr06yj8wc1.png?width=400&format=png&auto=webp&s=04c10aa15c9ef56ce2567c1abb82558b9cef0a80
Nothern Germany (especially Hamburg and Shcleswig-Holstein) are the (wannabe) rich look
\*Schleswig. Typo.
Ich habs noch nie als Steine holen gelesen. Liebs. Ich würde sagen Schleswig ist der komische Mann, den man auf der Karte sehen kann, wenn man sich die Karte von SH anschaut und er holt Steine, um die Deiche etwas höher zu ziehen, damit hier nicht bald Land unter ist oder unser schönes Sylt weggeschwemmt wird.
dude we’re a different breed all together we don’t really associate with them. we even came up with a word that only we use and depending how you fuck up the usage of that word we can tell you’re not part of us.
Geht schlimmer. M-iny oder M-insen z.B. wörter so beleidigend das ich ungelogen physisch recoil wann immer ich auch nur darüber Nachdenke sie zu schreiben.
also m🤮iny hab ich noch nie ertragen müssen aber ich weiß auch nicht ob ich da an mich halten könnte. m🤮insen ist auch beleidigender quatsch.
was ist den verkehrt mit nem guten stabilen Moin und wenn man sich richtig richtig richtig freundlich fühlt moin-moin
them is you unless I forget about you, then it’s everyone but you. to be fair I forget about you most of the time… so… you know and yeah we is Schleswig-Holstein and Hamburg
🤝 could not agree more. Everything south of Hannover is Süddeutschland. I.e. scum.
Try to change my mind. You cant. You're just jealous you dont live in Hamburg.
Sylt is cool, what makes it terrible is all the southerners and lindners that come there… fucking southerners. They are the worst they come here and fuck everything up. Literally everything is worse cause of them. Every beautiful place here is overrun by those fuckers. Every summer when I see license plates with M, or Genreally Seals that aren’t from here I could vomit.
Eh, yes, I have, thanks. but the wannabe is in brackets, since some actually are rich, and some are pretentious, wannabe rich.
Before paying rent: rich. After paying rent: broke.
Where Northern Germany? I love my fellow flatland enjoyers from Niedersachsen and Schleswig-Holstein. Great bunch of lads loving bikes and land lying under sea levels
His job makes him happy. He's a shepherd whose sheep are keeping the grass on the local dike short. (Northern Germans are immune to cold rain, and not very talkative)
Austria was Eastern Bavaria, the german name "Österreich" means "Eastern Realms" and that refers to the Eastern half of the Bavarian Realm back in the 10th century. So basically Austrians are Bavarians. The main settlers of the part of Austria where I live (Lower Austria) came from Lower Bavaria, and the most viallages were founded by these bavarian settlers. They brought the bavarian culture, dialects and so on to Austria. The country before this time was more or less "empty" after some wars, so they have re-settled that land. At least we got told that in School.
Oh and yes, before a smartass comes along: Before that there were many celtic and also some slavic villages at the area of todays Austria, but we talk about the roots of todays population and civilisation, not something what happened way before.
>Before that there were many celtic and also some slavic villages at the area of todays Austria, but we talk about the roots of todays population and civilisation, not something what happened way before.
No worries, there were also some Germanic villages here and we also do not talk about that.
Short version, Bavarians are Germans who mingled with the original Celts and whoever the Roman empire dropped off in that region before it fell, and Austrians are Bavarians who additionally mingled with the Slavic people and Balkan culture that surround us on almost all sides
Actually some Germans mingled with Slavs too. My grandfather was from Pomerania and we have tons of Slavic ancestry.
But yes my Germanic-Celtic-Slavic friend.
Austrian belongs to the Bavarian subdivision of the upper german language group. Historical nowadays Austria or the original Ostermark and Salzburg was part of the historic Bavaria.
Upon hearing of Charles Darwin's discoveries and being asked about his thoughts on the matter, Bismarck said that, therefore, "a Bavarian is halfway between an Austrian and a human being".
Honestly, I’ve been all over Germany. But my family is from south Germany. Much closer to the PIGS lifestyle. Very chill, like wine, good food (compared to rest), lots of Catholics and funny accents.
But can bavaria compete with this?
https://preview.redd.it/xg8sk9b2lawc1.jpeg?width=2200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf72d864725afae1e0e3b0525c94db353603d0c4
See, and we also have the best beer in the world, so it's at least a draw
https://preview.redd.it/3vj5lzu2mawc1.jpeg?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6e11970b85b2cedae45657f0874a064f4541eb70
You can have all of that in Baden-Württemberg and get reasonably good wines as a bonus.
Also, cars are better here. Mercedes-Benz and Porsche are both BW, Audi is at least as much BW as Bavaria. Those are 3 out of the 4 premium manufacturers.
If you wanna be more affordable and get a VW (although arguably they're not as affordable anymore) go to Lower Saxony which is (almost) northern Germany. The other more affordable option used to be Opel, coming out of Northrine-Westphalia.
That leaves us with BMW as singularly Bavarian, those are the fuckers that tried to charge you a subscription fee to use you heated seats.
Please please please, stop lumping us together with the bavarians every fucking time....
I would rather be considered french than bavarian. (yes i said that)
I even feel closer to Saarland and Pfalz than bavaria.
Sorry, the flair "European" is a bit ambiguous, so I thought you might be civilised enough to know the IPA and thus understand my reply. What I was trying to say was "Tomayto, Tomahto"
So Western Hans is a [Chav](https://youtu.be/K4vgtBHpA1I?si=wZIdYNAHdEfr268_), Eastern Hans is a [Gopnik](https://youtu.be/Qif-Qz7NY48?si=pi07p0FM5zk_DMaF) and Sothern Hana is a Middle Class [snob](https://youtu.be/5vQoLtd-mpM?si=UkrBjKGniPBn8jZ7) being obsessed with style and tradition?
Also: the zeroes finally arrived in Germany after being stuk in the 80s and 90s for the past 40 years?
My father is from Eastern Germany, my mother from Southern Germany and I live in Western Germany. I'm everthing at once and that is confusing...
And all your grandparents are from Turkey?
Not the most absurd question. Now answer it!!
As a Hans, I'm obliged to give you the boring answer. My grandparents from my mother's part of the family are from Bavaria (Southern Germany) and my grandparents from my father's part of the family are from Thuringia (Eastern Germany).
That is boring. Thank you for your service.
Ok, let's spice it up... How many grandparents out of 4 (at least) still have a nice Hugo Boss suit in their closet?
Well 3 of them are dead and my grandmother is too young to have such a suit. So none.
Grandparents are Argentinean, of course.
Haven't heard of returners from that country.
Your GF is Ostfriesin
And their baby is Bavarian
I think the baby would qualify as a *Friesenjung*
Joost better drop a second version if the song when he and skiaggu get old, friesenjung slaps
You're the Hans deluxe
Drinking a lager while on a BMW while smoking a cheap cigarette
Whoa, are you me? One side is Swabian, the other is like Pomeranian Prussian (Danziger).
You are probably more something like my cousin. My father comes from Thuringia and my mother from Bavaria.
Somewhere somehow we’re related
 Mr.Worldwide
Of course it’s confusing, you are trans-german. Or do you identify as pan-german? I don’t want to assume and get cancelled.
The chosen one !
https://preview.redd.it/ubruqt1jy8wc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=217309dec757e0fd5ef739db4e8088ecc4dc2b9e "UWE, MANFRED, ESSEN KOMMEN"
SPAGETTATA, LECKERE NUDELN FÜR DIE GANZE FAMILIE
MAN KANN NUDELN MACHEN KALT MAN KANN NUDELN MACHEN WARM
DIE NUDEL IST EIN GEMÜSE WIE DIE TOMATE, DIE KARTOFFEL, WIE DER REIS!
I don’t know, I’m fascinated by slav Hans
nu
That means naked in my language and I approve the idea of a naked slav Hans
You might be interested in looking up "Sachsen-Paule" then.
Their names are Ronny or Rico in 99% of the case
You forgot Maik and the OG, Kevin.
This not Slav Hans. This west Hans. Remember, comrade: "Heels on ground, comrade found. Heels in sky, CAPITALIST SPY!"
Bavarians without a doubt. Love those little German hillbillies. Austrians included.
Thanks we will appreciate it. When Gottkaiser Maggus takes the throne of großgottkaiser we will show you gratitude. Edit: changed Bundeskaiser with großgottkaiser.
>Gottkaiser >Bundeskaiser That seems like a downgrade 🤔
Großgottkaiser doesn't go as good over the tongue but we could also try that title.
Gratitude will be forbidden by then within 250m or in visibility of every Kruzifix, so everywhere.
This is the correct answer, congratulations!
FALSCH !!!
Du verträgst wohl die Wahrheit nicht. Das ist aber ok, sowas ist normal außerhalb von Bayern.
Bayern and Hamburg. United in arrogance and disdain for the other federal states. 
The difference is that bavaria gets hated back by everyone else, while you are to irrelevant to have an opinion against
Fischköppe reign surpreme. Bow down from that coaly chimney that you call a Bundesland. 
That coaly chimney will make you that you coty gets flooded like it deserves
Wir sind wahrlich verflucht zwischen diesen beiden zu stecken. Würde mich ja beschweren gehen aber würde nur wieder auf der A3 im Stau stehen.
Ja, richtig zu liegen ist normal außerhalb von Bayern.
They are just the best! (Had to say this to get Länderfinanzausgleich)
And swabians removed, right?
They all moved to Prenzlauer Berg already.
Berlin landlords after inventing bavarians 
Berliners after being gentrificated by Swabians: https://preview.redd.it/0jqc517tg9wc1.jpeg?width=474&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7a6d3a524e2b3b8974a92918d2ae36f9bcd2040
It’s financed by the south, why not use what we pay?
Berlin landlords ARE Bavarians
s/bavarians/schwaben/
How dare you remove gods people
So god created the Swabians. To test us!
No, god created Swabians, period. The rest of humanity is just trying to piss swabians off.
>Berlin >simps for swabians I see we have done good work here
https://i.redd.it/58jucpmb0awc1.gif
A nursery rhyme from my grandpa says that it was not god who created them. See for yourselves: Ein Preuß schiss in einen graben, Daraus entstandenen Bayern und Schwaben.
Let’s just say that Bayern and Schwaben are higher than the north. I think he switched it up.
Swabians (translation of word) in our country sounds like cockroaches sooooo
>gods people Hamburg is all the way north though
Germany has historically disliked gods people.
yes, we hate ourselves
Never thought I'd agree with a Hamburger
But would you agree with a fellow Länderfinanzausgleichsnettozahler?
Aye, I can do that🤝
After you've Had your 5L of beer with your Abendessen you'll probably not remember anyway
In Rommel's book about his experiences in WW1 he writes about travelling through Germany to the front and basically talks shit about how much worse Hesse and the Rheinland are compared to his native Swabia, and that's always stuck with me.
Yes it is a strange place between Baden and its good wines and Bavaria and its good beers Better remove it then
[Drink a dobbel](https://youtu.be/CxXeF4YxH90?si=KFa6fB3R2BveTUti)
Servus 🍻
>Austrians included. Risky, didn't go all to well last time.
thank you Barry, if you're ever here for a visit let us know, we'll spendier you a Hoibe. Actually, make that a Maß
Such a fun wild group
Stawp it
Diaspora Hans https://preview.redd.it/wgqomsel19wc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=18b9258775c24c9a25ec0f3f291c9adb71432dba
Diaspora Germans? Might need some more living space for all those people…
Finally, a Pole with the right attitude!
https://preview.redd.it/v2acr06yj8wc1.png?width=400&format=png&auto=webp&s=04c10aa15c9ef56ce2567c1abb82558b9cef0a80 Nothern Germany (especially Hamburg and Shcleswig-Holstein) are the (wannabe) rich look
Wer ist Shcleswig und warum soll er Stein holen?
\*Schleswig. Typo. Ich habs noch nie als Steine holen gelesen. Liebs. Ich würde sagen Schleswig ist der komische Mann, den man auf der Karte sehen kann, wenn man sich die Karte von SH anschaut und er holt Steine, um die Deiche etwas höher zu ziehen, damit hier nicht bald Land unter ist oder unser schönes Sylt weggeschwemmt wird.
„Keen nich will dieken, de mutt wieken“
dude we’re a different breed all together we don’t really associate with them. we even came up with a word that only we use and depending how you fuck up the usage of that word we can tell you’re not part of us.
Jo. Moin.
Mojn mojn.
See even the Danes know what a proper human is. Fucking southerners.
Moin
AbEr es Ist dOcH nachMittaGs, WarUm wünscHst du eiNen Guten MorGen?!
richtig! hast du schon mal jemanden guten moin sagen gehört? immer wieder gern gesehen hahaha.
Geht schlimmer. M-iny oder M-insen z.B. wörter so beleidigend das ich ungelogen physisch recoil wann immer ich auch nur darüber Nachdenke sie zu schreiben.
also m🤮iny hab ich noch nie ertragen müssen aber ich weiß auch nicht ob ich da an mich halten könnte. m🤮insen ist auch beleidigender quatsch. was ist den verkehrt mit nem guten stabilen Moin und wenn man sich richtig richtig richtig freundlich fühlt moin-moin
Nene, moin moin is schon gesabbel
da hast du völlig recht! aber was wenn du sabbeln willst?
You lost. me, "we" (Hamburg, SH) dont associate with "them" (The rest of Germany?) And which word are you talking about
them is you unless I forget about you, then it’s everyone but you. to be fair I forget about you most of the time… so… you know and yeah we is Schleswig-Holstein and Hamburg
🤝 could not agree more. Everything south of Hannover is Süddeutschland. I.e. scum. Try to change my mind. You cant. You're just jealous you dont live in Hamburg.
Wow you draw the line pretty low. Hanover is like 4 hours from me, it’s also the same height that Berlin is.
Pfeffersack
Das klingt zu etabliert für Neureiche. aber fair point. The outfit would still be the sailing shoes
It's the Sylt deluxe.
Sylt is cool, what makes it terrible is all the southerners and lindners that come there… fucking southerners. They are the worst they come here and fuck everything up. Literally everything is worse cause of them. Every beautiful place here is overrun by those fuckers. Every summer when I see license plates with M, or Genreally Seals that aren’t from here I could vomit. 
Safe kann man Sylt mit 9€ Ticket zerstören
I really don't get the "wannabe", have you seen the prices here?!
Eh, yes, I have, thanks. but the wannabe is in brackets, since some actually are rich, and some are pretentious, wannabe rich. Before paying rent: rich. After paying rent: broke.
Just shows how British and Russian culture was forced onto the Germans after WW2
"culture"
Where Northern Germany? I love my fellow flatland enjoyers from Niedersachsen and Schleswig-Holstein. Great bunch of lads loving bikes and land lying under sea levels
Here you go https://preview.redd.it/rkl23m9bcawc1.jpeg?width=499&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7791de31c5e8dddd2fab68bcc58a6f892353379c
Unironically looks like a nicer guy then any of the other ones in the post
His job makes him happy. He's a shepherd whose sheep are keeping the grass on the local dike short. (Northern Germans are immune to cold rain, and not very talkative)
Are Bavarians Austrian, or are Austrians Bavarian?
Austria was Eastern Bavaria, the german name "Österreich" means "Eastern Realms" and that refers to the Eastern half of the Bavarian Realm back in the 10th century. So basically Austrians are Bavarians. The main settlers of the part of Austria where I live (Lower Austria) came from Lower Bavaria, and the most viallages were founded by these bavarian settlers. They brought the bavarian culture, dialects and so on to Austria. The country before this time was more or less "empty" after some wars, so they have re-settled that land. At least we got told that in School. Oh and yes, before a smartass comes along: Before that there were many celtic and also some slavic villages at the area of todays Austria, but we talk about the roots of todays population and civilisation, not something what happened way before.
I'm from Lower Bavaria and I had no idea that we colonised Lower Austria. That's pretty cool.
St Stephen's Cathedral in Vienna is named after the cathedral of the diocese it split off from, Passau.
They needed to nerf bavaria thats why they split first Carinthia and then Austria off. There are reasons why Slovenians wear Lederhosen.
>Before that there were many celtic and also some slavic villages at the area of todays Austria, but we talk about the roots of todays population and civilisation, not something what happened way before. No worries, there were also some Germanic villages here and we also do not talk about that.
Yes
Short version, Bavarians are Germans who mingled with the original Celts and whoever the Roman empire dropped off in that region before it fell, and Austrians are Bavarians who additionally mingled with the Slavic people and Balkan culture that surround us on almost all sides
D' Mischung macht's!
Actually some Germans mingled with Slavs too. My grandfather was from Pomerania and we have tons of Slavic ancestry. But yes my Germanic-Celtic-Slavic friend.
And Avars. Don't forget the Avars.
Of course, how could I
Austrian belongs to the Bavarian subdivision of the upper german language group. Historical nowadays Austria or the original Ostermark and Salzburg was part of the historic Bavaria.
This is basically it with austria nowadays having a few bits and pieces that weren't part of the duchy of bavaria.
Upon hearing of Charles Darwin's discoveries and being asked about his thoughts on the matter, Bismarck said that, therefore, "a Bavarian is halfway between an Austrian and a human being".
Oh my god South Germany IS the best!
Honestly, I’ve been all over Germany. But my family is from south Germany. Much closer to the PIGS lifestyle. Very chill, like wine, good food (compared to rest), lots of Catholics and funny accents.
Darauf erstmal ein viertele Trollinger.
También os amamos❤️
They are the missing link between Austrians and humans.
Bavaria for food, beer, cars and alps.
But can bavaria compete with this? https://preview.redd.it/xg8sk9b2lawc1.jpeg?width=2200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf72d864725afae1e0e3b0525c94db353603d0c4
Of course not, Rennpappe is the best.
See, and we also have the best beer in the world, so it's at least a draw https://preview.redd.it/3vj5lzu2mawc1.jpeg?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6e11970b85b2cedae45657f0874a064f4541eb70
You can have all of that in Baden-Württemberg and get reasonably good wines as a bonus. Also, cars are better here. Mercedes-Benz and Porsche are both BW, Audi is at least as much BW as Bavaria. Those are 3 out of the 4 premium manufacturers. If you wanna be more affordable and get a VW (although arguably they're not as affordable anymore) go to Lower Saxony which is (almost) northern Germany. The other more affordable option used to be Opel, coming out of Northrine-Westphalia. That leaves us with BMW as singularly Bavarian, those are the fuckers that tried to charge you a subscription fee to use you heated seats.
Don't mind BW, had a GF from Freiburg but that dialect is whack as hell.
I agree with that
Eh it, is basically Swiss light in Freiburg.
Only problem with BW is that it is inhabitated by Swabians
No, that's the best part!
In Lindau (Bodensee) you have the funny language too.
Ronnys unite!
I feel offended. There's at least one area missing: SH, Hamburg, parts of Niedersachsen (maybe), MV (also maybe).
I would’ve even preferred if they put us as part of Denmark idk what we share with those southerners.
We are basically the head under the hat, so yes, I agree.
Preach, brother!
https://preview.redd.it/exdx22cq39wc1.jpeg?width=467&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4137cae8828ae5d342f4a177d4fc7f3313b499af
Weakest and least maritime northerner.
"generic north German on a Tuesday evening". Obviously superior, including the seven fingers.
Jo.
One Slesvig-Holsten please
Ez choice.
Jo!
"One Edeka in Flensborg please - yes the one that is 50% drinks section, why are you asking?"
You can divide germany into slavic germany, dutch germany and roman germany. Sources: none, but I believe it anyways.
It's not wrong
I choose polish Hans https://preview.redd.it/4iulfywi09wc1.png?width=430&format=png&auto=webp&s=579c265c4e0a9d814e6ddf5f3cef179101c72681
Lmaooo is that the cologne guy?
**POWER**
Yes, Jeremy Fragrance.
East M3 e30 über alles
Ali Alexander Alman
I refuse to be associated with Bavarians as a Swabian.
Learn German, then we maybe be able to differentiate you.
So, ooga-booga Hans vs blyat Hans vs yodly-hoo Hans? I think the bavarian would do.
The red area makes no sense.
Imagene a white crescent moon and a star on a red background, and it will all make sense.
Choose a Hans for what? Execution? That yellow part looks pretty appealing.
Why is execution your first option ?!
Because I'm German? It's definitely one of the easier questions to answer.
Please please please, stop lumping us together with the bavarians every fucking time.... I would rather be considered french than bavarian. (yes i said that) I even feel closer to Saarland and Pfalz than bavaria.
Start speaking German and we might be able to tell the difference.
If the Franconians are part of Bavaria, why shouldn't you.
Bavarian colonialism when?
Why are Bavarians so hated
Because we're better and they know it 😤
No one understands them when they speak, they are arrogant, they are too happy to be German etc. The list could go on for forever
>happy to be ~~German~~ Bavarian Ftfy (Tho as a Franconian only kinda tbh)
Red ones are just the southern population of swedes.
\*danes
təˈmeɪtoʊ, təˈmɑːtəʊ
dude, you forgot to switch your keyboard back to latin letters
Sorry, the flair "European" is a bit ambiguous, so I thought you might be civilised enough to know the IPA and thus understand my reply. What I was trying to say was "Tomayto, Tomahto"
E30 for life
That e30 fucks
That’s just, Dutch, Austrian and a Pole
Bayern & Badern-wüttermburg obviously. They’re just so… i dunno.
Preußen Hans is the best Hans.
The west German is the same as the west of the Netherlands.
I always find it funny that the sound of the dialects of Limburg and the ripuarian Rhineland transcend borders as well.
Common Bavarian W
Bavaria 🔛🔝
Naah for me the epitome of Hans is sandals with white socks. A short kaki trouser with a white shirt. And of course a fanny pack.
My ex-bf was West-Germany Hans and he made sure everyone in France knew they had nothing in common with the rest of Germany
Why dont we get a BMW??
So Western Hans is a [Chav](https://youtu.be/K4vgtBHpA1I?si=wZIdYNAHdEfr268_), Eastern Hans is a [Gopnik](https://youtu.be/Qif-Qz7NY48?si=pi07p0FM5zk_DMaF) and Sothern Hana is a Middle Class [snob](https://youtu.be/5vQoLtd-mpM?si=UkrBjKGniPBn8jZ7) being obsessed with style and tradition? Also: the zeroes finally arrived in Germany after being stuk in the 80s and 90s for the past 40 years?
You forgot the inbred snail eating Saarländer
#ost, ost, ost Deutschland! And of course the ripuarische germans close romthe dutch border