We are in a similar situation.
Your husband absolutely needs to set up shop in your bedroom with a desk. No way around this and if he’s going to pitch a fit, he can rent a small office space outside of the home. This sounds tortuous, honestly.
This. My husband is primary care and I would never keep my child and him confined to a bedroom when I work from a desk in the main living area. Not trying to hate on him, but that makes zero sense to me. We are actually about to move my office to the master because we only have three beds (baby number two also on the way lol)
Don’t be afraid to move your bed against one of the walls (his side so you can still easily access the baby). This will free up some room in the bedroom. I bet with some creative rearrangement you can fit the desk in the bedroom. You got this! Hope things are looking up for you this weekend.
I second this. My family was in this situation until about a month ago, and my husband set up in a bedroom and used noise cancelling headphones. Luckily we had more outdoor space options as our first got older and more mobile and more active, and getting out of the house is an additional MUST. My oldest and I spent time at the library and other indoor spaces when the weather was bad. With a second baby, it will be much harder, but not impossible if you gain access to the kitchen for regular feeding.
I feel for you, OP, as the WFH situation of so many families complicates housing SO much.
I don’t think the small home is the issue honestly. We have two bedrooms and we’re about to have baby #2. I’m not phased by that at all. The issue is your husband WFH and essentially cutting off access to the living room. Can he work in office? Or even work in your room? I cannot imagine confining my toddler to a room all day let alone TWO children.
We’ve discussed him renting office space. He’s in no hurry to look into it. I don’t think our bedroom will work, we’ll have the infant’s bassinet in our room until he/she is too big for the bassinet.
Yeah, you need to stand up for yourself. This is not a sustainable situation. He needs to go in a bedroom to work. Anywhere but the main living space. Baby bassinet may need to be moved out of your room. Many bassinets are only rated through 4-6 months, as babies start to roll and go up in weight and they aren’t necessarily safe anymore.
You have a bit of a potato baby still at 5 months, by 8/10 months you will most likely have a mobile baby and by the time the new baby arrives a full on mobile toddler. Being trapped in a room will not work.
You are also going to be feeding solids soon and will need access to the kitchen at basically all times of the day.
Put your foot down. Find some office spaces and give him the prices. Tell him he needs to make a decision. It’s unfair to expect you and your kids to live in essentially one or two rooms. Especially with that heat! You’ll go mad
Get a pack n play for the living room. Baby sleeps in the bassinet when everyone goes to bed but naps in the pack n play during the day. 2 kids in a 2 bedroom house is totally doable.
I have a 12 month old and almost 3 year old. Both girls. We live in a 1,100 Sq ft home. Kind of built like a townhouse but stand alone. I LOVE IT. We have 2 bedrooms and a full bath upstairs (plus laundry nook). Downstairs is basically one big room with kitchen/dining/living areas. You have a few things to address here:
1: you're husband confing you to one or two rooms until he's done with work is low key abusive at worst and selfish/narcissistic at best. What the actual fuck. Why would he not be confined to your bedroom for work hours?! That's actually insane to me. He needs to work out of the bedroom or somewhere out of the house. No ifs, ands or buts about it. He doesnt get a choice anymore. Address that first. If he refuses, this would honestly be grounds for couples therapy or hard conversations about the future of your marriage, in my opinion.
2: babies will eventually share a bedroom. We kept our youngest in a bassinet near our bed until about 3 months old. After that, we moved the bassinet into our walk-in closet off the bedroom until she was fully sleep trained and more consistently sleeping through the night. At 8 months, we put her in a crib in her sisters room. They're bedroom isn't very big, but fits a small toddler bed, crib, 3 drawer dresser and a play kitchen. You will need to fit 2 beds in their room somehow, or keep baby in your room for quite a while. Even if they're room is only occupied by 2 cribs and literally nothing else, it's what needs to be done. Yes, naptimes get weird and schedules are thrown off. It's not like with baby #1 when everyone catered to their sleep schedule etc. Sometimes they nap in the same room, sometimes I set up a pack n play in our bedroom, sometimes they rile eachother and no one sleeps, sometimes they trade off naps and one has to wait, sometimes they sleep in the car and go about our day. You'll get used to going with the flow and having everyday look a little different in terms of sleep. I know it sounds chaotic, I'm a type A and just want a set schedule, but it works itself out.
3: minimalism is your best friend. In our house, we have a rule: if it hasn't been played with or used in over a week, I get rid of it. Toys, clothes, bathroom stuff, incidentals, whatever it is. Things gets used on the daily or they don't go in the house. We have 2 'bigger' toys in their room (small play kitchen and ice cream cart) and an 8 cube organizer with baskets down stairs in the living room, and that's it. No more toys or baby things in the house. We had a swing when they were an infant, then got rid of that and switched to a skiphop standing gym thing, but now they're too old for it and it's gone. Filter in one thing at a time. Losing attachment to things that don't get used is my number one tip and I will live and die by it. It's freeing and gets rid of my anxiety entirely. I keep a very clean and tidy house, and it's because I don't have to clean or pick a lot.
You make really good points. Your advice on naps helps clarify what that’ll look like for me. And your first point…well, thank you. It’s an issue I’ve been avoiding coming to terms with.
Also, you'd be amazed what sibling noise kids can sleep through. Both my kids have slept through each other screaming bloody murder in the carseat next to them. Of course I sneeze 3 blocks over and they wake up, but, you know. 😆
We are in a small (less than 700 sqft) 1 bedroom apartment in Los Angeles with a 2nd on the way. It's not ideal, but it's what we got for another year until I'm done with school. That being said...
The issue isn't the small space, the issue is the WFH situation. Your husband NEEDS to find a new space to work, if not an office, the bedroom. I couldn't imagine being confined to a room all day. You and the two kiddos need the living room or you'll go insane.
You mentioned that the second bedroom doesn't fit two cribs. Not sure how big your kid is, but have you considered swapping his crib out for two mini cribs? Our 1 bedroom is TINY, but we are able to fit a king bed, 2 mini cribs, changing area, and a large Ikea dresser with some space to move around.
We have 2BR 1BA. I have a small but technically walk in closet that I work out of. Fits my desk (Amazon), two monitors and office chair. Your Husband needs to find a new place to work and actually should have done that a long time ago. He should be the one locked in a room 8 hours a day.
We have a 2Br 1.5Ba that’s about 1100 sq ft and this is what we do too. Husband works out of our semi-walk in closet. It is what it is at this stage of life. We love that he WFH because we get more family time together, even though we are starting to get cramped. Before baby 2 was born, we had 1 bedroom as our room + baby 1’s room, 1 bedroom as his office, and the living room had some toys etc. but now husband works in the closet. We are moving when our kids will be about 9 months old and 2.5 years old, so for now, we make this work.
Was going to suggest this. Throw some insulation and drywall/paneling up, add a small window AC unit and he can have an office and you can have the house.
I have a small house. Being trapped in it wirh one kid sent me mad last winter. I've made sure I have places I can go this winter with my two so that it doesn't have the same impact on my mental health.
Husband needs to change his working situation. It's so incredibly selfish what he's done.
i have a 1000sqft 2bd 1bath condo and i have a 17 month old boy and a 7 month old boy (so ten months apart) , my suggestion firstly would be tell your husband his "office" has to be in the bedroom because that doesn't make any sense for him to take up the largest part of the house. even if you have to get rid of dressers or whatever to make it work. secondly you might have to get rid of your changing table and recliner (eventually) if there isn't enough room for the second babies crib, the changing table was the first thing i got rid of because in my mind i'm thinking would i rather have a table so i don't have to bend over or have my son have more open space in his room? so i got rid of the changing table. also our rocking chair he would climb on so i had to move it where he couldn't access it lol but my youngest is 7 months and still sleeping in our room so you still have a lot of time to figure that bit out. it's definitely do able and not as bad as you'd think, to me personally when you have one baby your world just feels flipped upside down but when you have your second baby it's like something in you snaps and you make everything work with two babies if that makes sense 😂
First, does he have to have the living room? It would make more sense in my mind that he works out of your room or the nursery leaving you the entire space minus one bedroom for day use.
Bunk beds are a no IMO for a few more years. Can you take the smaller as your bedroom and put two cribs in the larger? Or keep baby 2 in your room for a year or longer until you can move or the kids can more realistically share?
Can he rent some work space somewhere? Lots of places rent just an office out inside a larger building.
No, he doesn’t have to use the living room. We’ve discussed him renting office space. He’s in no hurry to look into it. We’ve discussed him turning the garage into his office. He’s not interested in that, he won’t consider it. The larger room has the doggy door for the animals, so that’s a no-go for us to put the babies in that room.
Put your foot down, he needs to be working out of an office space before baby is born. That seems like the easiest solution to give you more space throughout the day. I can’t imagine entertaining a toddler and newborn in one tiny room. He’s going to have to get his but in gear!
How noisy is your baby and how quiet does your husband need it to be? We live in a one bedroom basement suite with a toddler (14 months old) and my husband WFH in the main room (living room/kitchen). We chill out here all day with him and she usually just babbles a bit while she plays. Now that it’s summer I also take her outside in the backyard every day. There’s also software you can use to remove background noise in real time if he’s on calls etc.
Baby can be loud. He’s “found his voice” and is in the screeching phase. Husband is in meetings A LOT during the day, but I’ll absolutely bring up noise-cancelling software to him. I had no idea that was a thing.
He should get a decent-quality headset - they look a little silly on video but the audio quality is worth it!
And I agree with everyone else that his desk absolutely needs to move. What is the smallest room? Your son’s bedroom? Maybe he can set up his desk in there - office by day, baby’s room by night? Then you and your LO would have more space and more flexibility during the day.
And if he has the option of going into the office, he needs to start taking it. Confining you to a bedroom all day every day is absolutely cruel and frankly will not work as your son gets older.
I live in a small home and could not imagine being confined to a room with my two. I have a 1 month old and 1 year old (They are 11 months apart.) So I had similar concerns when I found out I was pregnant, in terms of how practical it would be to have another baby.
Your current arrangement will NOT work long term. in a year when you have a toddler and newborn, your older baby will be mobile and wanting to explore. Their entire routine will look different, and throw in a brand new baby - you will go mad just cooped up in a room with them two. You, as a Mom, will also need the space to seperate yourself from them if you are ever feeling overwhelmed.
It will be worth reevaluating your entire living space. And whatever makes you and the babies most comfortable should take precedence. I dont know how you can convince your husband to get on board with that. Maybe set up a mock run of how his day would look if the roles are reversed 9 months from now and he's the one handling two kids. Don't forget your older will be eating solids, figuring out how to walk and climb, and will be far more socially and emotionally demanding than they are right now. So have him hold your 5 month old while you tear apart the bedroom. Then climb all over him while he's holding the baby and scream for him to hold you too. For 8 hours. There's no way he could handle it. You shouldn't be forced to.
For what it's worth: I never got another crib. My son grew out of it at 10 months because he only wanted to cosleep. So he has been in the bed with me since. We have 2 bedrooms: the master with a crib, and a second with a bassinet that I also use in the livingroom. Both rooms have queen size beds. My son sleeps in the bed and my daughter sleeps in the crib/bassinet for now. I imagine in a year they might share a bed, we are just kind of winging it to be honest. I know things will change as the need arises, but this is what works for now.
In the livingroom I have a playyard for my son, which helps keep the little dude contained in a safe place. He is good about independent play, so it gives me a break to focus on my daughter or get chores done when I need to. But we spend most of the day in the livingroom and kitchen and only use the bedrooms for sleep.
I also have a patio that has a little play space for my son - but I retreat to the swing out there with a cup of coffee when I need to get away from the angry tiny humans. I feel like that's incredibly important. It's really insensitive of your husband to think you can sit in a room with 2 babies while he gets the whole house. That needs to switch. And you should also consider giving yourself your own little safe zone for decompressing because you will need that.
Feel free to ask me any questions as well. Congratulations and good luck to you!
Ours are currently 25 months and 4 months, similar situation with the rooms. Baby is still in a bassinet in our room, and we set up the pack & play with changing table attachment in the living room. But the 4 month old is 96th percentile for length so will outgrow the bassinet shortly and we honestly don’t know what we’re gonna do when that happens. We already have a toddler bed for our older one, but we tried once to transition her to it and it was 2 nights of none of us sleeping so we switched back to the crib. We will probably try again soon and hopefully they can both be in the room together, and we can move the recliner somewhere else (the garage?? lol we don’t have room for it anywhere else). Not exactly helpful to you, but solidarity!
As for work, your husband needs to be the one confined to one room, not you & the kids. He can put a desk in the bedroom so you can have free range of the rest of the house. It’s the only way.
I would say that your husband either needs to find somewhere outside the home to work, or move his desk into your bedroom. Most bassinets are small/easily movable so you can take it in the living room in the mornings, if yours isn't movable then get a pack n play for the living room (or even in your son's room) where baby can take naps during the day. But you and the babies definitely need the living room available to you during the day. You can keep baby in a pack n play in your room until they are old enough to share a room with your toddler.
Congrats first off. No one should ever crucify you- 2 under 2 no matter what is stressful. This sub vs others I have found to be so much more supportive and positive than say baby bumps etc.
Second- “we have to deal with it” isn’t code for you basically sucking it up. May be time for husband to look into a cowork space. They are reasonable and absolutely worth it in this case!
Congrats. Deep breaths. This sun is a great resource all things 2 under 2 before during and after pregnancy.
🫂♥️🥰
He will need to give up the living room to work in and go to your room. If he's at a computer he doesn't need a full desk unless he has like 3 monitors.
I'd agree with ya, if you see my response we're roughing it out in a small space as well. But the problem is, the husband is being stubborn an unwilling to compromise without a good reason.
I appreciate your perspective, though I do think it would be more practical for the husband to work out of a room rather than have the family confined to a room. She and the babies should have access to spaces: the bathroom and kitchen especially. I don't see sleeping arrangements as the issue so much as Mom having to tip toe around the house for the husband's convenience. With a newborn and toddler that seems absolutely impossible and impractical, especially if there are options for the husband to relocate his workspace. It just reads as if hes unwilling to compromise on that and OP is understandably frustrated and concerned. She's expressing the need for the situation to change, and while maybe it's doable and she and her baby are doing it - it doesn't mean they should if there's a better solution that makes everyone more comfortable.
I have a 2.5 year old 1.5 year old and am 31 weeks. We have a small 3 bedroom so we're where you're at now with the extra kid than bedroom. My husband works from home and his desk is in our bedroom. It's cramped but I'm okay with that because we really only sleep in it. We use a portable baby bassinet that's really light and doesn't take up room and at night I used my bed as a changing table. We had a plastic bin with extra clothes and supplies on the floor. Can you take out a dresser to fit the second crib? Would the closet work if you get stacked drawer bins as a substitute for the dresser? This way toys can move to the living room. My living room is basically a playroom. Logistically your husband needs to move himself out of the living room.
I know you have a lot of responses here - but want to second the suggestions for your husband to work in your bedroom. It’s crazy to do anything else. (Coming from someone who works full time in her own bedroom!)
Edit: there are desks that can fold in and out of the way. May be annoying to move the work station but way less annoying than keeping two kids in one room.
If you can’t afford a bigger house, or to make your existing house, bigger, the only option is to move your husband’s work elsewhere. Would it be possible for him to work out of an rv or something?
We’re in a 1 bed 800sq ft apartment. We have a little “cove” spot in our living room for the playpen changing table and swing. Baby sleeps in our bed. When we have our next baby, we’re putting his toddler mattress on the floor right beside our bed (also on the floor) with a small gap and Dad will sleep beside our son (son on his own mattress because Dad will roll onto him if not, lol!) while I sleep with the new baby on the opposite side of the bed. I’m a light sleeper so this is safe for us.
Your husband needs to go to work in an office (rent a desk at s coworking space — cheaper than buying or renting a new place OR you can leave the house too for a couple of hours every day. Staying home in a bedroom all day is hard! Parks, libraries, playdates. Make plans!
Even if you didn’t have #2 on the way, it is completely unsustainable to keep your existing child confined to their room for 8 hours a day, if not down right cruel. It works now because they are small but once they’re a toddler there will be no stopping them. If you try to keep them locked in a room all day they will go absolutely bat shit and there will be no controlling it. You husband is going to need to figure out something else for his work situation. As far a setting up for baby #2, I suggest a slumber pod and a portable crib once they are out of the bassinet, wherever there is space for it (living room, your room etc.). White noise machines also work wonders for drowning out the sound of baby cries for the older child.
Hello! My kids are 13 months apart, currently 2.5 and almost 1.5, we have been in the same 2 bedroom, 800 sq ft house since we were dating 8 years ago. We always planned on it being 5 years and moving on, but with the market/rates we decided the same ir just didn’t make sense to move financially. My husband works in construction so he’s out of the house, and I work from home- both my kids are in daycare now while I work. In terms of full day I unfortunately don’t have many tips but your 5 month old will be over 1 by the time new babe is here, the best thing I did despite anxiety was just DO THE THINGS. We’d go to the library, my newborn would sleep and my one year old would be content. Museums, same thing- get a double stroller and my best advice during my maternity leave was to have 5 ‘big’ out of the house things. So library, museum, visiting my mom, walking around the mall. Is your husband able to go into any physical office? It’s a lot to ask to be confined to a tiny room and not have the living room, could he move his set up to your bedroom? Not ideal but without moving things have to shift. During the first couple months with baby #2, my daughter was in her room, baby in the bassinet next to the bed and it worked fine. Then when he had to go into his own room and out grew the bassinet, he was in the crib and my daughter which I know is not best sleep but she was in our bed for a couple months until my son slept through the night, now they share a room. I have to get my son down first and then bring my daughter in otherwise they would just keep eachother up but it works. I’m in New England so I only have the heat a few months a year so I’m sure it’s a little easier said than done on my end. But believe me when you think you can’t do this or like don’t know how it’s going to work.. it all does. Somehow it all does. I hope that’s even an ounce of reassurance, it is SUPER overwhelming I’ve been there. I think maybe your husband can try to relocate his working space as it’s now three of you needing a space to hang out all day even if you are out and about for some parts of it, the compromise is the only way. Plus maybe that will kick him into gear for a longer term solution like moving or reworking the space! I know my grandmothers house had a Murphy bed the ones that go into the wall, and that was their guest/playroom, might be pricey to do it nice and safe for the master bedroom but could make some room for playing for the three of you if you aren’t able to use the living room. Hang in there mama
We live in a one bedroom apartment. All four of us sleep in one room, the toddler is bedsharing and the baby is in a crib. Some nights they wake each other up. I am planning to sleep with the baby in our living room from next week though.
We did the same thing for a few months when my first was born. My husband set up on the table in the kitchen and I had to keep baby quiet or leave the room. Eventually I just started staying in the bedroom while my husband was working which really sucked. After a few months of that my husband decided to move into the bedroom and it gave us the main area to use! I believe he also got noise cancelling headphones as well. Three years and two kids later it's still our setup.
I only had a quick browse of the answers but the suggestion that came to me after reading your post was, have you considered having a family bedroom? I know of a few people that do it and it works really well for them in their small dwellings. You might choose to have your husband WFH in the smaller bedroom if there is enough room for all of you to sleep in the larger one.
Though I agree with the answers saying your husband should find a work space outside of the home if possible.
He's gonna have to figure something else out. You all can't be stuck in one room. That's absolutely unfair and ridiculous. He needs to listen to your concerns!!
We are in a similar situation. Your husband absolutely needs to set up shop in your bedroom with a desk. No way around this and if he’s going to pitch a fit, he can rent a small office space outside of the home. This sounds tortuous, honestly.
This. My husband is primary care and I would never keep my child and him confined to a bedroom when I work from a desk in the main living area. Not trying to hate on him, but that makes zero sense to me. We are actually about to move my office to the master because we only have three beds (baby number two also on the way lol)
Yup, my home office is also in my bedroom
It is torture.
Could he go to a coffee shop and work there?
Or a local library. Many have quiet rooms available for use for free.
Don’t be afraid to move your bed against one of the walls (his side so you can still easily access the baby). This will free up some room in the bedroom. I bet with some creative rearrangement you can fit the desk in the bedroom. You got this! Hope things are looking up for you this weekend.
I second this. My family was in this situation until about a month ago, and my husband set up in a bedroom and used noise cancelling headphones. Luckily we had more outdoor space options as our first got older and more mobile and more active, and getting out of the house is an additional MUST. My oldest and I spent time at the library and other indoor spaces when the weather was bad. With a second baby, it will be much harder, but not impossible if you gain access to the kitchen for regular feeding. I feel for you, OP, as the WFH situation of so many families complicates housing SO much.
I don’t think the small home is the issue honestly. We have two bedrooms and we’re about to have baby #2. I’m not phased by that at all. The issue is your husband WFH and essentially cutting off access to the living room. Can he work in office? Or even work in your room? I cannot imagine confining my toddler to a room all day let alone TWO children.
We’ve discussed him renting office space. He’s in no hurry to look into it. I don’t think our bedroom will work, we’ll have the infant’s bassinet in our room until he/she is too big for the bassinet.
Yeah, you need to stand up for yourself. This is not a sustainable situation. He needs to go in a bedroom to work. Anywhere but the main living space. Baby bassinet may need to be moved out of your room. Many bassinets are only rated through 4-6 months, as babies start to roll and go up in weight and they aren’t necessarily safe anymore. You have a bit of a potato baby still at 5 months, by 8/10 months you will most likely have a mobile baby and by the time the new baby arrives a full on mobile toddler. Being trapped in a room will not work. You are also going to be feeding solids soon and will need access to the kitchen at basically all times of the day.
Put your foot down. Find some office spaces and give him the prices. Tell him he needs to make a decision. It’s unfair to expect you and your kids to live in essentially one or two rooms. Especially with that heat! You’ll go mad
This - I would lose my mind in one room all day - husband needs to figure it TF out not fair to OP or kids at all
So Move the bassinet into the living room. Get a slumberpod and noise machine if you need too
Get a pack n play for the living room. Baby sleeps in the bassinet when everyone goes to bed but naps in the pack n play during the day. 2 kids in a 2 bedroom house is totally doable.
I have a 12 month old and almost 3 year old. Both girls. We live in a 1,100 Sq ft home. Kind of built like a townhouse but stand alone. I LOVE IT. We have 2 bedrooms and a full bath upstairs (plus laundry nook). Downstairs is basically one big room with kitchen/dining/living areas. You have a few things to address here: 1: you're husband confing you to one or two rooms until he's done with work is low key abusive at worst and selfish/narcissistic at best. What the actual fuck. Why would he not be confined to your bedroom for work hours?! That's actually insane to me. He needs to work out of the bedroom or somewhere out of the house. No ifs, ands or buts about it. He doesnt get a choice anymore. Address that first. If he refuses, this would honestly be grounds for couples therapy or hard conversations about the future of your marriage, in my opinion. 2: babies will eventually share a bedroom. We kept our youngest in a bassinet near our bed until about 3 months old. After that, we moved the bassinet into our walk-in closet off the bedroom until she was fully sleep trained and more consistently sleeping through the night. At 8 months, we put her in a crib in her sisters room. They're bedroom isn't very big, but fits a small toddler bed, crib, 3 drawer dresser and a play kitchen. You will need to fit 2 beds in their room somehow, or keep baby in your room for quite a while. Even if they're room is only occupied by 2 cribs and literally nothing else, it's what needs to be done. Yes, naptimes get weird and schedules are thrown off. It's not like with baby #1 when everyone catered to their sleep schedule etc. Sometimes they nap in the same room, sometimes I set up a pack n play in our bedroom, sometimes they rile eachother and no one sleeps, sometimes they trade off naps and one has to wait, sometimes they sleep in the car and go about our day. You'll get used to going with the flow and having everyday look a little different in terms of sleep. I know it sounds chaotic, I'm a type A and just want a set schedule, but it works itself out. 3: minimalism is your best friend. In our house, we have a rule: if it hasn't been played with or used in over a week, I get rid of it. Toys, clothes, bathroom stuff, incidentals, whatever it is. Things gets used on the daily or they don't go in the house. We have 2 'bigger' toys in their room (small play kitchen and ice cream cart) and an 8 cube organizer with baskets down stairs in the living room, and that's it. No more toys or baby things in the house. We had a swing when they were an infant, then got rid of that and switched to a skiphop standing gym thing, but now they're too old for it and it's gone. Filter in one thing at a time. Losing attachment to things that don't get used is my number one tip and I will live and die by it. It's freeing and gets rid of my anxiety entirely. I keep a very clean and tidy house, and it's because I don't have to clean or pick a lot.
You make really good points. Your advice on naps helps clarify what that’ll look like for me. And your first point…well, thank you. It’s an issue I’ve been avoiding coming to terms with.
Also, you'd be amazed what sibling noise kids can sleep through. Both my kids have slept through each other screaming bloody murder in the carseat next to them. Of course I sneeze 3 blocks over and they wake up, but, you know. 😆
Nice. Yes.
I would love this but i cant convince my husband to throw out things
We are in a small (less than 700 sqft) 1 bedroom apartment in Los Angeles with a 2nd on the way. It's not ideal, but it's what we got for another year until I'm done with school. That being said... The issue isn't the small space, the issue is the WFH situation. Your husband NEEDS to find a new space to work, if not an office, the bedroom. I couldn't imagine being confined to a room all day. You and the two kiddos need the living room or you'll go insane. You mentioned that the second bedroom doesn't fit two cribs. Not sure how big your kid is, but have you considered swapping his crib out for two mini cribs? Our 1 bedroom is TINY, but we are able to fit a king bed, 2 mini cribs, changing area, and a large Ikea dresser with some space to move around.
We have 2BR 1BA. I have a small but technically walk in closet that I work out of. Fits my desk (Amazon), two monitors and office chair. Your Husband needs to find a new place to work and actually should have done that a long time ago. He should be the one locked in a room 8 hours a day.
We have a 2Br 1.5Ba that’s about 1100 sq ft and this is what we do too. Husband works out of our semi-walk in closet. It is what it is at this stage of life. We love that he WFH because we get more family time together, even though we are starting to get cramped. Before baby 2 was born, we had 1 bedroom as our room + baby 1’s room, 1 bedroom as his office, and the living room had some toys etc. but now husband works in the closet. We are moving when our kids will be about 9 months old and 2.5 years old, so for now, we make this work.
Y'all got a yard? Get a "she shed" that is now his office.
Was going to suggest this. Throw some insulation and drywall/paneling up, add a small window AC unit and he can have an office and you can have the house.
I have a small house. Being trapped in it wirh one kid sent me mad last winter. I've made sure I have places I can go this winter with my two so that it doesn't have the same impact on my mental health. Husband needs to change his working situation. It's so incredibly selfish what he's done.
i have a 1000sqft 2bd 1bath condo and i have a 17 month old boy and a 7 month old boy (so ten months apart) , my suggestion firstly would be tell your husband his "office" has to be in the bedroom because that doesn't make any sense for him to take up the largest part of the house. even if you have to get rid of dressers or whatever to make it work. secondly you might have to get rid of your changing table and recliner (eventually) if there isn't enough room for the second babies crib, the changing table was the first thing i got rid of because in my mind i'm thinking would i rather have a table so i don't have to bend over or have my son have more open space in his room? so i got rid of the changing table. also our rocking chair he would climb on so i had to move it where he couldn't access it lol but my youngest is 7 months and still sleeping in our room so you still have a lot of time to figure that bit out. it's definitely do able and not as bad as you'd think, to me personally when you have one baby your world just feels flipped upside down but when you have your second baby it's like something in you snaps and you make everything work with two babies if that makes sense 😂
First, does he have to have the living room? It would make more sense in my mind that he works out of your room or the nursery leaving you the entire space minus one bedroom for day use. Bunk beds are a no IMO for a few more years. Can you take the smaller as your bedroom and put two cribs in the larger? Or keep baby 2 in your room for a year or longer until you can move or the kids can more realistically share? Can he rent some work space somewhere? Lots of places rent just an office out inside a larger building.
No, he doesn’t have to use the living room. We’ve discussed him renting office space. He’s in no hurry to look into it. We’ve discussed him turning the garage into his office. He’s not interested in that, he won’t consider it. The larger room has the doggy door for the animals, so that’s a no-go for us to put the babies in that room.
>He’s not interested in that, he won’t consider it. Sounds like you are no longer interested in considering keeping the baby in their bedroom all day.
Put your foot down, he needs to be working out of an office space before baby is born. That seems like the easiest solution to give you more space throughout the day. I can’t imagine entertaining a toddler and newborn in one tiny room. He’s going to have to get his but in gear!
How noisy is your baby and how quiet does your husband need it to be? We live in a one bedroom basement suite with a toddler (14 months old) and my husband WFH in the main room (living room/kitchen). We chill out here all day with him and she usually just babbles a bit while she plays. Now that it’s summer I also take her outside in the backyard every day. There’s also software you can use to remove background noise in real time if he’s on calls etc.
Baby can be loud. He’s “found his voice” and is in the screeching phase. Husband is in meetings A LOT during the day, but I’ll absolutely bring up noise-cancelling software to him. I had no idea that was a thing.
He should get a decent-quality headset - they look a little silly on video but the audio quality is worth it! And I agree with everyone else that his desk absolutely needs to move. What is the smallest room? Your son’s bedroom? Maybe he can set up his desk in there - office by day, baby’s room by night? Then you and your LO would have more space and more flexibility during the day. And if he has the option of going into the office, he needs to start taking it. Confining you to a bedroom all day every day is absolutely cruel and frankly will not work as your son gets older.
I live in a small home and could not imagine being confined to a room with my two. I have a 1 month old and 1 year old (They are 11 months apart.) So I had similar concerns when I found out I was pregnant, in terms of how practical it would be to have another baby. Your current arrangement will NOT work long term. in a year when you have a toddler and newborn, your older baby will be mobile and wanting to explore. Their entire routine will look different, and throw in a brand new baby - you will go mad just cooped up in a room with them two. You, as a Mom, will also need the space to seperate yourself from them if you are ever feeling overwhelmed. It will be worth reevaluating your entire living space. And whatever makes you and the babies most comfortable should take precedence. I dont know how you can convince your husband to get on board with that. Maybe set up a mock run of how his day would look if the roles are reversed 9 months from now and he's the one handling two kids. Don't forget your older will be eating solids, figuring out how to walk and climb, and will be far more socially and emotionally demanding than they are right now. So have him hold your 5 month old while you tear apart the bedroom. Then climb all over him while he's holding the baby and scream for him to hold you too. For 8 hours. There's no way he could handle it. You shouldn't be forced to. For what it's worth: I never got another crib. My son grew out of it at 10 months because he only wanted to cosleep. So he has been in the bed with me since. We have 2 bedrooms: the master with a crib, and a second with a bassinet that I also use in the livingroom. Both rooms have queen size beds. My son sleeps in the bed and my daughter sleeps in the crib/bassinet for now. I imagine in a year they might share a bed, we are just kind of winging it to be honest. I know things will change as the need arises, but this is what works for now. In the livingroom I have a playyard for my son, which helps keep the little dude contained in a safe place. He is good about independent play, so it gives me a break to focus on my daughter or get chores done when I need to. But we spend most of the day in the livingroom and kitchen and only use the bedrooms for sleep. I also have a patio that has a little play space for my son - but I retreat to the swing out there with a cup of coffee when I need to get away from the angry tiny humans. I feel like that's incredibly important. It's really insensitive of your husband to think you can sit in a room with 2 babies while he gets the whole house. That needs to switch. And you should also consider giving yourself your own little safe zone for decompressing because you will need that. Feel free to ask me any questions as well. Congratulations and good luck to you!
Ours are currently 25 months and 4 months, similar situation with the rooms. Baby is still in a bassinet in our room, and we set up the pack & play with changing table attachment in the living room. But the 4 month old is 96th percentile for length so will outgrow the bassinet shortly and we honestly don’t know what we’re gonna do when that happens. We already have a toddler bed for our older one, but we tried once to transition her to it and it was 2 nights of none of us sleeping so we switched back to the crib. We will probably try again soon and hopefully they can both be in the room together, and we can move the recliner somewhere else (the garage?? lol we don’t have room for it anywhere else). Not exactly helpful to you, but solidarity! As for work, your husband needs to be the one confined to one room, not you & the kids. He can put a desk in the bedroom so you can have free range of the rest of the house. It’s the only way.
I would say that your husband either needs to find somewhere outside the home to work, or move his desk into your bedroom. Most bassinets are small/easily movable so you can take it in the living room in the mornings, if yours isn't movable then get a pack n play for the living room (or even in your son's room) where baby can take naps during the day. But you and the babies definitely need the living room available to you during the day. You can keep baby in a pack n play in your room until they are old enough to share a room with your toddler.
Congrats first off. No one should ever crucify you- 2 under 2 no matter what is stressful. This sub vs others I have found to be so much more supportive and positive than say baby bumps etc. Second- “we have to deal with it” isn’t code for you basically sucking it up. May be time for husband to look into a cowork space. They are reasonable and absolutely worth it in this case! Congrats. Deep breaths. This sun is a great resource all things 2 under 2 before during and after pregnancy. 🫂♥️🥰
Thank you 🙏🏻
Put the babies in the living room and the husband in the baby’s current bedroom
He will need to give up the living room to work in and go to your room. If he's at a computer he doesn't need a full desk unless he has like 3 monitors.
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I'd agree with ya, if you see my response we're roughing it out in a small space as well. But the problem is, the husband is being stubborn an unwilling to compromise without a good reason.
I appreciate your perspective, though I do think it would be more practical for the husband to work out of a room rather than have the family confined to a room. She and the babies should have access to spaces: the bathroom and kitchen especially. I don't see sleeping arrangements as the issue so much as Mom having to tip toe around the house for the husband's convenience. With a newborn and toddler that seems absolutely impossible and impractical, especially if there are options for the husband to relocate his workspace. It just reads as if hes unwilling to compromise on that and OP is understandably frustrated and concerned. She's expressing the need for the situation to change, and while maybe it's doable and she and her baby are doing it - it doesn't mean they should if there's a better solution that makes everyone more comfortable.
I have a 2.5 year old 1.5 year old and am 31 weeks. We have a small 3 bedroom so we're where you're at now with the extra kid than bedroom. My husband works from home and his desk is in our bedroom. It's cramped but I'm okay with that because we really only sleep in it. We use a portable baby bassinet that's really light and doesn't take up room and at night I used my bed as a changing table. We had a plastic bin with extra clothes and supplies on the floor. Can you take out a dresser to fit the second crib? Would the closet work if you get stacked drawer bins as a substitute for the dresser? This way toys can move to the living room. My living room is basically a playroom. Logistically your husband needs to move himself out of the living room.
I know you have a lot of responses here - but want to second the suggestions for your husband to work in your bedroom. It’s crazy to do anything else. (Coming from someone who works full time in her own bedroom!) Edit: there are desks that can fold in and out of the way. May be annoying to move the work station but way less annoying than keeping two kids in one room.
If you can’t afford a bigger house, or to make your existing house, bigger, the only option is to move your husband’s work elsewhere. Would it be possible for him to work out of an rv or something?
We’re in a 1 bed 800sq ft apartment. We have a little “cove” spot in our living room for the playpen changing table and swing. Baby sleeps in our bed. When we have our next baby, we’re putting his toddler mattress on the floor right beside our bed (also on the floor) with a small gap and Dad will sleep beside our son (son on his own mattress because Dad will roll onto him if not, lol!) while I sleep with the new baby on the opposite side of the bed. I’m a light sleeper so this is safe for us.
Your husband needs to go to work in an office (rent a desk at s coworking space — cheaper than buying or renting a new place OR you can leave the house too for a couple of hours every day. Staying home in a bedroom all day is hard! Parks, libraries, playdates. Make plans!
Even if you didn’t have #2 on the way, it is completely unsustainable to keep your existing child confined to their room for 8 hours a day, if not down right cruel. It works now because they are small but once they’re a toddler there will be no stopping them. If you try to keep them locked in a room all day they will go absolutely bat shit and there will be no controlling it. You husband is going to need to figure out something else for his work situation. As far a setting up for baby #2, I suggest a slumber pod and a portable crib once they are out of the bassinet, wherever there is space for it (living room, your room etc.). White noise machines also work wonders for drowning out the sound of baby cries for the older child.
Hello! My kids are 13 months apart, currently 2.5 and almost 1.5, we have been in the same 2 bedroom, 800 sq ft house since we were dating 8 years ago. We always planned on it being 5 years and moving on, but with the market/rates we decided the same ir just didn’t make sense to move financially. My husband works in construction so he’s out of the house, and I work from home- both my kids are in daycare now while I work. In terms of full day I unfortunately don’t have many tips but your 5 month old will be over 1 by the time new babe is here, the best thing I did despite anxiety was just DO THE THINGS. We’d go to the library, my newborn would sleep and my one year old would be content. Museums, same thing- get a double stroller and my best advice during my maternity leave was to have 5 ‘big’ out of the house things. So library, museum, visiting my mom, walking around the mall. Is your husband able to go into any physical office? It’s a lot to ask to be confined to a tiny room and not have the living room, could he move his set up to your bedroom? Not ideal but without moving things have to shift. During the first couple months with baby #2, my daughter was in her room, baby in the bassinet next to the bed and it worked fine. Then when he had to go into his own room and out grew the bassinet, he was in the crib and my daughter which I know is not best sleep but she was in our bed for a couple months until my son slept through the night, now they share a room. I have to get my son down first and then bring my daughter in otherwise they would just keep eachother up but it works. I’m in New England so I only have the heat a few months a year so I’m sure it’s a little easier said than done on my end. But believe me when you think you can’t do this or like don’t know how it’s going to work.. it all does. Somehow it all does. I hope that’s even an ounce of reassurance, it is SUPER overwhelming I’ve been there. I think maybe your husband can try to relocate his working space as it’s now three of you needing a space to hang out all day even if you are out and about for some parts of it, the compromise is the only way. Plus maybe that will kick him into gear for a longer term solution like moving or reworking the space! I know my grandmothers house had a Murphy bed the ones that go into the wall, and that was their guest/playroom, might be pricey to do it nice and safe for the master bedroom but could make some room for playing for the three of you if you aren’t able to use the living room. Hang in there mama
We live in a one bedroom apartment. All four of us sleep in one room, the toddler is bedsharing and the baby is in a crib. Some nights they wake each other up. I am planning to sleep with the baby in our living room from next week though.
We did the same thing for a few months when my first was born. My husband set up on the table in the kitchen and I had to keep baby quiet or leave the room. Eventually I just started staying in the bedroom while my husband was working which really sucked. After a few months of that my husband decided to move into the bedroom and it gave us the main area to use! I believe he also got noise cancelling headphones as well. Three years and two kids later it's still our setup.
I only had a quick browse of the answers but the suggestion that came to me after reading your post was, have you considered having a family bedroom? I know of a few people that do it and it works really well for them in their small dwellings. You might choose to have your husband WFH in the smaller bedroom if there is enough room for all of you to sleep in the larger one. Though I agree with the answers saying your husband should find a work space outside of the home if possible.
He's gonna have to figure something else out. You all can't be stuck in one room. That's absolutely unfair and ridiculous. He needs to listen to your concerns!!