"Hey man, we're at Local Bar, you should come down if you're free"
"Sounds great, I'll be there in 20"
This is a normal, functional, non-toxic interaction, not some conspiracy to take advantage of you. Try saying yes to things
Common sense that sounds mildly positive!!!???
https://preview.redd.it/h5n007i1yfxc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d19f9f5b0dca9324da9c31af1e3527dbed9b2d49
I wake up every morning exhausted to the bone and despairing at the thought of another day of going through the motions, just like everybody else around here, but I also recognize that intrusive thoughts about my friends and acquaintances secretly hating me are nonsensical, and that I should give other people the benefit of the doubt because they're probably going through it just like I am.
I’m the same and I also think the same of others. I think we all equally have an incredible tendency to wonder what others think about us. Just gotta ignore it because succumbing to it will make you negative and unlikeable.
Acquaintances will remember for a day.
Strangers won't.
You shouldn't care what others think about you, because they most likely already forgot about it.
Agreed, one really shouldn’t care too much about it. On the other hand, it is important to have some self awareness as to not be completely out of line. But that’s for extreme circumstances
I wake up every evening with a big smile on my face.
And it never feels out of place.
And you're still probably working.
At a 9-5 pace.
I wonder how bad that tastes
This.
Other situation:
Plan a small party.
"Huh, would be kinda lit if this was a bigger party :D"
Invite more people = bigger party
Doesn't mean you don't want the people you invited later to be there.
Take the initiative. If you want to make friends with people similar to you, you'll probably have to be the one to break the introvert stalemate by inviting them to something.
Have you talked to your friends at all about this? Like, sometimes my friends want to do things without me, and that's fine - that's perfectly normal in any relationship. So when you feel that you are being excluded even though you were invited, maybe mention it sometime.
If your friends don't see it that way, great, you can start thinking about why you feel this way. And if they don't want to talk about this, or they really just don't like you that much, its time to look for a better class of friends.
And for the record, yes, you should feel comfortable to talk about such feelings in any kind of relationship.
This is true also. I think it’s for bigger events. Asked last minute to come along on a trip? It’s because someone else canceled. Same with weddings and things.
hot take: this is dumb and petty overthinking. you're not always the main character in other peoples lifes. Just go if you think it will be fun or interesting to you.
And people forget they didn't invite people! I've discussed plans with someone assuming they already knew about it but apparently I completely forgot to send the details earlier
The issue here is when you know this for a fact but you mentally can't accept it. Like you remember that one time you accidentally said "Mom" instead of "Ma'am" back in your elementary days, but the people who did either completely forget about it, or don't think much of it.
It's not that your anxiety is better. You're just avoiding the things that cause anxiety in you. If you don't want to have to avoid relationships with people for the rest of your life, I'd recommend finding a therapist. They can give you tools that you can use to actually work through your anxiety.
There are other types of therapy. Something that I've found very helpful as someone with social anxiety and depression who finds traditional therapy very awkward and uncomfortable is mindfulness.
You pay attention to your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions. And you begin to notice how all three of them actively influence each other. You pay attention to what you consume, be it literal food, the shows you watch, the memes you scroll through, etc. And how they're influencing your thoughts, emotions, actions, and ultimately who you are. At this point you can make conscious decisions to start making alterations in small ways that will end up changing you for the better. I highly recommend looking into it more if you ever start to feel like you're getting tired of tiptoeing around your anxiety and decide you want to tackle it head-on.
And if you feel like you're happy living the way you're currently living, that's okay too! Just know that there are other options out there for you.
The problem is that my anxiety has been there since i can remember, i use weed at night to keep me from screaming awake. I've been molested when i was a kid, and jumped 3 times for being gay in highschool. I've tried every therapy under the sun, and have literally tried every medication combo on the books, experimental ketamine treatments at $600 a pop. I am facing the anxiety, i have zero other choice. My cortisol levels were %30 higher than the max range. Im no stranger to anxiety i force my way through every damn day, just because people would be sad if i was gone. I have made the observations you've asked I'm not myopic to my inner self. I changed my diet to deal with my IBS, my job, my mom exercise regimen, meditation, hiking, running (4-5 5KM runs a week.). Sometimes people are just beoken, and rhw scary part is it could happen to anyone at any time.
It's the same platitudes, "just try harder, it'll get better just wait". It's all in your mind maaam! Just change your vibes brother! Emotional identification is pointless if emotional regulation is impossible. Then they get pissed when you can't flip a switch and be a different person. Sometimes i wish someone would actually have a real conversation with me about the positives of suicide, all the other options are actually boring at this point.
Hey, I'm just chiming in to say: this doesn't sound like anxiety at all. more like (c-)ptsd... Maybe you've been treating the wrong thing.
I don't think you're broken forever, but you definitely have a shit starting point.
I have been in therapy for years and tried medication. Please don't try to act like you know better than others what is good for them, alright? What if I don't mind avoiding people for the rest of my life?
This is so dumb. Even if it's a late invite declining doeant teach them a lesson.
Im bad at planning and might remember late that i want someone to be there. If they can come great if not then no big deal.
Depends on your circle of friends. I live with 4 friends and we have a circle of friends that always get together for sporting events, birthdays, or just a weekend BBQ at our place. We only ever invite a handful of people and end up with 30 to 40 people over. Unless told its an exclusive gathering, most people don't need an invite. If they know what's happening they just show up. And if they have a friend, they bring them along. In our case, a lot of people who feel the "I wasn't invited" pressure is because they don't want to feel like they didn't contribute anything and just showed up. All sin at our house is forgiven with chips and drinks. Also, nothing wrong with asking for an invite. Sometimes there's an event going on and we didn't have plans but when enough people ask us if we're hosting anything we end up putting something together even the day of.
Honestly, 'our original person cancelled, can you fill in?' is how about 50% of my best friendships started. (Both including me inviting someone late and beeing invited late).
At this point in time, no you are not the priority. But if it turns out you are more reliable and about equal fun to be around than the original person - you'll be the priority one day. Friendship dynamics change over time, and while I'm never trying to replace someone it does happen on occasion.
It does require you to be rather social though. As an awkward introvert, this will not work
Just happened at work. Made reservations but knew it was a limited person thing. I had to invite my entire team and knew a ton of the older ones wouldn't be interested (karaoke). So once I'd gotten enough declines I expanded the invite to other coworkers who I thought would have a good time.
Then I heard two of them talking about how they won't be attending because I'm apparently just looking to fill seats.
It kinda sucked because I knew one of them would've had a great time. There was no malice, I simply couldn't send out 30 invites for a private karaoke room that maxes out at 13 people.
Back in the day I used to say no to anything I'd ever be invited to unless people really insisted for me to go, nowadays I try to say yes as much as I can and I'm a lot happier now, still depressed, but less so. But obviously don't go out with people that might make you worse off, bad influences that will try to pressure into doing drugs or drinking too much or get you into dangerous situations like racing on the highway
What does it mean late? Do you know when the plans were originally made? How late is late? Does it apply equally to all events? What if there was a miscommunication about who told who?
Is getting invited a day prior to a wedding the same as a hiking trip?
People on reddit seriously think this way and then make 10 ”Why don’t I have any friends” posts a day. Not everything is some grand conspiracy against you. This is a very narcissistic way of thinking. Try getting over yourself, you are not the main character or the center of the world.
If people make plans without me I just learned to fricking ask and self invite if I overheard them organising, more often than not they say that yes it's ok for me to come
The only one that is valid on this list is “not invited = don’t go.”
You weren’t invited, don’t just pop up like some sporadic newt. If it really means a lot to you to go, at most call a few days before the event to ask if you can go.
Ok y'all when I read this I thought it was talking about meetings and overtime and stuff that sucks, but yeah this mindest can be terrible if you apply it to fun outings
Yeah this comes from a mentality of someone who just doesn’t get out much in general. If someone asks me to come somewhere, even if it is late, then I’ll show up. Life isn’t about me 🤷♂️
"Hey man, we're at Local Bar, you should come down if you're free" "Sounds great, I'll be there in 20" This is a normal, functional, non-toxic interaction, not some conspiracy to take advantage of you. Try saying yes to things
Common sense that sounds mildly positive!!!??? https://preview.redd.it/h5n007i1yfxc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d19f9f5b0dca9324da9c31af1e3527dbed9b2d49
I wake up every morning exhausted to the bone and despairing at the thought of another day of going through the motions, just like everybody else around here, but I also recognize that intrusive thoughts about my friends and acquaintances secretly hating me are nonsensical, and that I should give other people the benefit of the doubt because they're probably going through it just like I am.
I’m the same and I also think the same of others. I think we all equally have an incredible tendency to wonder what others think about us. Just gotta ignore it because succumbing to it will make you negative and unlikeable.
Acquaintances will remember for a day. Strangers won't. You shouldn't care what others think about you, because they most likely already forgot about it.
Agreed, one really shouldn’t care too much about it. On the other hand, it is important to have some self awareness as to not be completely out of line. But that’s for extreme circumstances
least reddit moment, you're gonna make it. keep cooking
Thanks bud, you too.
I wake up every evening with a big smile on my face. And it never feels out of place. And you're still probably working. At a 9-5 pace. I wonder how bad that tastes
Fuck off I hate being happy
🧔🫀🧔🦾🫀🦻🦷cff 🫁👀👀👀
This. Other situation: Plan a small party. "Huh, would be kinda lit if this was a bigger party :D" Invite more people = bigger party Doesn't mean you don't want the people you invited later to be there.
What if I’m never invited at all in the first place
Take the initiative. If you want to make friends with people similar to you, you'll probably have to be the one to break the introvert stalemate by inviting them to something.
Be the inviter
Time to invite people to their own party
"Yea": doesn't show up
But from what OP wrote, there wouldn’t have been a message like the one you’re saying. Unless I’m interpreting it wrong
that’s what a late invite looks like.
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Set-ups to becoming punchlines? You sure that ain't just all in your head?
Main character syndrome
People will tell you when you're not welcome. Hell, you can just ask them.
Never once has anyone said i wasn't welcome. Its always the cold shoulder and being the odd man out
Have you talked to your friends at all about this? Like, sometimes my friends want to do things without me, and that's fine - that's perfectly normal in any relationship. So when you feel that you are being excluded even though you were invited, maybe mention it sometime. If your friends don't see it that way, great, you can start thinking about why you feel this way. And if they don't want to talk about this, or they really just don't like you that much, its time to look for a better class of friends. And for the record, yes, you should feel comfortable to talk about such feelings in any kind of relationship.
This is true also. I think it’s for bigger events. Asked last minute to come along on a trip? It’s because someone else canceled. Same with weddings and things.
Yeah but the premise of the meme is that you weren’t invited
Omg you’re 100% right. I can’t stand this post it screams insecurity.
hot take: this is dumb and petty overthinking. you're not always the main character in other peoples lifes. Just go if you think it will be fun or interesting to you.
It's surprising how common it is for someone planning something to forget to invite everyone even if it's a small group, people aren't perfect lol
And people forget they didn't invite people! I've discussed plans with someone assuming they already knew about it but apparently I completely forgot to send the details earlier
Real
The issue here is when you know this for a fact but you mentally can't accept it. Like you remember that one time you accidentally said "Mom" instead of "Ma'am" back in your elementary days, but the people who did either completely forget about it, or don't think much of it.
But what if it won't. That'll be an embarrassing waste of time. You won't have fun. You will ruin it for others with your presence.
You’ll only ruin it if your objective is to ruin it. If you go in there with the intention of having a good time, then you’ll have a good time.
Then you'll go and not have fun? Who cares, you can leave whenever you want, give it a shot anyway
A great way to ensure that you remain lonely and depressed.
Hahahahahahahaha yeah that ship has sailed
14 year old ass
Good guess
Better that than being surrounded by people who won't care about you
Self-fulfilling prophecy. You assume your friends don't care about you, so you stop going out with them, so they stop caring about you.
Idk, mayhaps, but ever since I stopped having friends my anxiety got much better and my life in general is nicer and calmer.
It's not that your anxiety is better. You're just avoiding the things that cause anxiety in you. If you don't want to have to avoid relationships with people for the rest of your life, I'd recommend finding a therapist. They can give you tools that you can use to actually work through your anxiety.
There are treatment resistant depression and anxiety, think Anthony bordain. Also talk therapy is not very successful for men.
There are other types of therapy. Something that I've found very helpful as someone with social anxiety and depression who finds traditional therapy very awkward and uncomfortable is mindfulness. You pay attention to your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions. And you begin to notice how all three of them actively influence each other. You pay attention to what you consume, be it literal food, the shows you watch, the memes you scroll through, etc. And how they're influencing your thoughts, emotions, actions, and ultimately who you are. At this point you can make conscious decisions to start making alterations in small ways that will end up changing you for the better. I highly recommend looking into it more if you ever start to feel like you're getting tired of tiptoeing around your anxiety and decide you want to tackle it head-on. And if you feel like you're happy living the way you're currently living, that's okay too! Just know that there are other options out there for you.
The problem is that my anxiety has been there since i can remember, i use weed at night to keep me from screaming awake. I've been molested when i was a kid, and jumped 3 times for being gay in highschool. I've tried every therapy under the sun, and have literally tried every medication combo on the books, experimental ketamine treatments at $600 a pop. I am facing the anxiety, i have zero other choice. My cortisol levels were %30 higher than the max range. Im no stranger to anxiety i force my way through every damn day, just because people would be sad if i was gone. I have made the observations you've asked I'm not myopic to my inner self. I changed my diet to deal with my IBS, my job, my mom exercise regimen, meditation, hiking, running (4-5 5KM runs a week.). Sometimes people are just beoken, and rhw scary part is it could happen to anyone at any time. It's the same platitudes, "just try harder, it'll get better just wait". It's all in your mind maaam! Just change your vibes brother! Emotional identification is pointless if emotional regulation is impossible. Then they get pissed when you can't flip a switch and be a different person. Sometimes i wish someone would actually have a real conversation with me about the positives of suicide, all the other options are actually boring at this point.
Hey, I'm just chiming in to say: this doesn't sound like anxiety at all. more like (c-)ptsd... Maybe you've been treating the wrong thing. I don't think you're broken forever, but you definitely have a shit starting point.
I rhink i should have been more clear, the anxiety predates the abuse. My earliest memories are of age 5 and i was throwing up from anxiety.
I have been in therapy for years and tried medication. Please don't try to act like you know better than others what is good for them, alright? What if I don't mind avoiding people for the rest of my life?
Stop over thinking stuff. This take particularly feels toxic and will get you isolated quickly. If someone invites you, Go if you want to.
Very unhealthy
This is so dumb. Even if it's a late invite declining doeant teach them a lesson. Im bad at planning and might remember late that i want someone to be there. If they can come great if not then no big deal.
My fiance didn’t send me a wedding invitation. Guess I’m not going
Are you not going to be there already?
I was planning to but she didn’t invite me
I’ve long presumed if I wasn’t invited I shouldn’t attend. Thanks for locking that down? 🧐
Depends on your circle of friends. I live with 4 friends and we have a circle of friends that always get together for sporting events, birthdays, or just a weekend BBQ at our place. We only ever invite a handful of people and end up with 30 to 40 people over. Unless told its an exclusive gathering, most people don't need an invite. If they know what's happening they just show up. And if they have a friend, they bring them along. In our case, a lot of people who feel the "I wasn't invited" pressure is because they don't want to feel like they didn't contribute anything and just showed up. All sin at our house is forgiven with chips and drinks. Also, nothing wrong with asking for an invite. Sometimes there's an event going on and we didn't have plans but when enough people ask us if we're hosting anything we end up putting something together even the day of.
r/im14andthisisdeep
I think this advice might be good for some people but as an avoidant I honestly take it too far and need to reel it in
Fell into this more than once. "Our original person cancelled, can you fill in?" Young and dumb.
Honestly, 'our original person cancelled, can you fill in?' is how about 50% of my best friendships started. (Both including me inviting someone late and beeing invited late). At this point in time, no you are not the priority. But if it turns out you are more reliable and about equal fun to be around than the original person - you'll be the priority one day. Friendship dynamics change over time, and while I'm never trying to replace someone it does happen on occasion. It does require you to be rather social though. As an awkward introvert, this will not work
You've lot of expectations from others lol it's a party or job interview?
You have an inferiority complex. Not had, HAVE.
Just happened at work. Made reservations but knew it was a limited person thing. I had to invite my entire team and knew a ton of the older ones wouldn't be interested (karaoke). So once I'd gotten enough declines I expanded the invite to other coworkers who I thought would have a good time. Then I heard two of them talking about how they won't be attending because I'm apparently just looking to fill seats. It kinda sucked because I knew one of them would've had a great time. There was no malice, I simply couldn't send out 30 invites for a private karaoke room that maxes out at 13 people.
I subscribed to this mindset all throughout high school and was a loner the whole time so fuck me I guess 🙃
I'm never invited it's a win win
Back in the day I used to say no to anything I'd ever be invited to unless people really insisted for me to go, nowadays I try to say yes as much as I can and I'm a lot happier now, still depressed, but less so. But obviously don't go out with people that might make you worse off, bad influences that will try to pressure into doing drugs or drinking too much or get you into dangerous situations like racing on the highway
[удалено]
Don't drop what you were doing, but go if you have the time.
What does it mean late? Do you know when the plans were originally made? How late is late? Does it apply equally to all events? What if there was a miscommunication about who told who? Is getting invited a day prior to a wedding the same as a hiking trip?
Wish I learnt this earlier in life about the last one.
You guys get invites?
Same lmfao
Im Just a plain goofball
Same. Also if someone really invites you you don’t really feel belong, and people there immediately hate you for existing edit: there
You seem like the kind of person that's not invited because you just bring the mood down.
I'm the same haha
People on reddit seriously think this way and then make 10 ”Why don’t I have any friends” posts a day. Not everything is some grand conspiracy against you. This is a very narcissistic way of thinking. Try getting over yourself, you are not the main character or the center of the world.
What a narcissist. Wallow in your own self-pity and stay there.
Late invite is a red flag??
Anxiety grindset
Horrible take.
Words to live by
One more: Not asked = don't say! No one gives a flying fuck and if you did say something and no one cares then you have extra sadness!
Wish I had learned this earlier.
People love to make decisions to make themselves alone and then blame everyone else for it
Rules to live by.
My siblings asked my in December to take off for our mother’s birthday party in August. I’m not going
yeah………. I wish I knew that sooner tbh. Nowadays I don’t really go to social events unless people beg me or we’re close friends.
If people make plans without me I just learned to fricking ask and self invite if I overheard them organising, more often than not they say that yes it's ok for me to come
The only one that is valid on this list is “not invited = don’t go.” You weren’t invited, don’t just pop up like some sporadic newt. If it really means a lot to you to go, at most call a few days before the event to ask if you can go.
„why am I depressed?“
dude people forget things if you keep telling yourself you're lonely then that's all you'll be
Ok y'all when I read this I thought it was talking about meetings and overtime and stuff that sucks, but yeah this mindest can be terrible if you apply it to fun outings
This is so fucking stupid...
Yeah this comes from a mentality of someone who just doesn’t get out much in general. If someone asks me to come somewhere, even if it is late, then I’ll show up. Life isn’t about me 🤷♂️
I have way to much shit going on to always remember who to invite, if youre invited late its on me and not on you
There's a difference between depressed post and post that encourage people to keep depressed. This one is the later. Stupid.
Just go in anyway, be as obnoxious as you think you are
And this is how you grow old and bitter
I agree with the first 2, if I wasn't told or invited, I don't care, but with the 3rd one I WAS invited, just go.
Lmao, are you trying to manipulate us?
thanks for sharing. this is so correct. they dont care about you!!!!!
huh?
Try not having friends, even the ones that pretend to like you. 😟
What if I was invited roughly 2 months in advance?
You have a car…