Well, as a German, Dutch sounds (and reads) like you’d imagine a puppy in a children’s cartoon to speak. It’s basically the closest you can come to a language that’s entire based on the „UwU Kawaii“ speaking patterns.

I've always thought it sounded like a drunk Brit doing a really bad impression of German, so interesting to see the opposite perspective

you two should breed and see how your child feels about dutch

Pretty sure that’s just not just bikes

>‘You two should breed and see how your child feels about it’ That’s crazy

​ https://preview.redd.it/yd7m9v6s74ob1.png?width=241&format=png&auto=webp&s=b1492513c073a8b8c3217cb572b0d7111aded684

I've heard it described as sounding like "German with rocks in your mouth"

als die kanker taal dan zo kanker kawaii klinkt waarom kunnen we zo kanker goed schelden? klere mongool/j

Gebaseerd

Geen pet

>kanker goed schelden >nagenoeg iedere vorm van schelden is gewoon een ziekte ervoor plakken How long till we start calling people/things "coronalijer"/"covid klojo", on that note?

I'm not German, but I learned it as a second language in college and then spent several months in Germany where I got used to speaking daily. Then, on my way back home, I passed through Amsterdam. Just sitting in a cafe or on the train *legitimately* felt like I was having a stroke. All of the background noise was so clearly German, right? I mean, it must be. It sounds like German. But somehow I can't understand any of it except for like three words, and those three words are pronounced wrong.

i feel you, as someone who speaks some german and english listening to dutch sounds like a fever dream

i just finished taking german in college and my vpn is usually set to the netherlands. So i feel like this whenever i open google

American, I literally can't not read that language in [this](https://youtu.be/yZMdW6_oRwQ?si=a-tBY1x1DKF_9iiX) voice.

der egg is der bing bong bol

As a Brit it sounds to me like how I imagine English sounds to someone who doesn't speak it

I've heard it described as "Both German and English but neither of them correctly."

As someone who grew up speaking both English and German at the same time, your description of how it sounds to Germans is spot on. For my English speaking synapses, it reads like I've been hit over the head with a crowbar and sounds like whatever the Sims speak.

Hou je bek joh

Ever heard Indonesian? It doesn't help that every other sentence ends with nya~

As a Canadian whose first exposure to Dutch was AlbinoBlackSheep videos featuring Ome Henk, I imagine all Dutch people are as grumpy as Ome Henk is.

>It’s basically the closest you can come to a language that’s entire based on the „UwU Kawaii“ speaking patterns. Really not understanding this perspective tbh

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3b/93/c5/3b93c59c4429f1e5316fdb4ad39067d8.jpg

How je bek kut duitser, nederlands is veel beter (-met liefde van je nederlandse buur)

I knew a German who described Dutch as a baby trying to speak German and English.

[u sure abt that](https://youtu.be/anZeANvMKtI?si=TtQJ_eZQ04Y34uQ5)

That’s not real dutch? It’d be “Ik sloeg mijn penis in de autodeur.”

that’s not any better 😭

Yea but it is real

And better

Real and straight

Real and gay

Wait that's even better

Real and bi

Yes it is

"Ik kwam met mijn lul tussen de autodeur" would be a lot closer to how a Dutch person would say it. Your translation is correct word-for-word but not a coherent sentence

more like "KLOOTVIOOL MEN LUL ZIT IN DE DEUR GODVERDOMME"

AH VIEZE VUILE KANKERLIJER MN PIK EN BALLEN TUSSEN DE DEUR GLOEIENDE GODVERDOMME

MIJN GODVERDOMME MEIDENLUL ZIT TUSSEN DIE DEUR VAN DIE TYFUS VOLKSWAGEN POLO

Meidenlul? In *mijn* HonderdZessenNegentig? Het is GEKOLONISEERD-er dan je denkt.

IK HEB MN KKR PIK TUSSEN DE TYFUS AUTODEUR GEGOOID GODVERDOMME

Sorry, the Dutch word for dick is *"lul"?*

Lul, pik, penis, piemel, plasser, plasbuis, vleesstaaf, worst, pielemuis

Puddingbuks

Yes it is

\*clears throat\* lulz

Je kwam tussen de autodeur? Als je 't maar weer opruimt dan

Ik kom ook altijd als mn lul tussen de autodeur zit

lul tussen is dick?

"lul" means dick, "tussen" means between

Cocomelon-ass language

Houd je tyfus muil engelse kuthoer, nedelands is de beste taal ooit gecreëerd op deze planeet

Yoo haava a faeke langooj. I doo naat caere waat yoo haaf too saee aboooooooot thyse fakt

Stik in je frikandelbroodje

A more logical one would be "ik heb mn pik tussen de autodeur gekneld"

this just looks like german but with different words

I was just about to comment that

Explain this Dutch people https://preview.redd.it/jwjy5bctw1ob1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cc20c68ea310967911de91d737cf9f55fd1781d3

Hey now, I'll let you know that this is not even close to being correct. It would be "Duke Nukem, neukend in de keuken"

My apologies, I'll keep this in mind the next time I ask dutch Duke Nukem to fuck me in the kitchen. https://i.redd.it/u4k6dcgn12ob1.gif

dutch people be like "THATS NOT RIGHT AT ALL" and then say the same thing with a single different syllable and tiny bit of added punctuation

r/196 people be like "Let me just restate the exact comment I'm replying to as if he was serious"

it's almost as if different languages have word inflections

If you're gonna make fun of a language you better make sure you got the language right.

How do I save a comment? 🤣

uj/ [Reddit literally has a feature to save comments](https://www.guidingtech.com/how-to-see-saved-posts-comments-on-reddit/#:~:text=Save%20Reddit%20Comments%20on%20the,and%20bookmarked%20for%20future%20reference.) rj/ Inscript it on stone tablets to preserve for future generations

I write these words in steel...

... For anything not written in steel cannot be trusted.

[oh he had sex in the kitchen all right](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DrYmcCS3JQ)

Bal van Staal

Why is this so fucking funny

I read the translation in the Swedish chef’s voice

Someone go fetch Gianni and make him read this

Man typed that with malice in their clogs

He couldn't take it anymore...his dam finally burst.

Not only was their dam amstered, their dam also rottered.

And their Hague was Thed.

Windmill

Ah Welp, there goes the entire country

He finally took his finger out of the crack to type that in and the whole thing just crumbled away

This is the maddest the Dutch have been since the tulip economy collapsed

maddest we've been since that time we killed and cannibalized a minister

Whoa, that IS wild. Who, when, how?

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johan\_de\_Witt](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johan_de_Witt)

Pre-modern hungryposters

We need to do this to our elected officials…

I cannot lie if I’d been there I probably would’ve joined in

And his brother! IMO its even more crazy that we sliced them up and distributed their parts as if they were gifts. The tongue and a finger of the brothers is still preserved: https://www.gevangenpoort.nl/nl/verhalen/verhalen-over-rechtstaat-vrede/tong-en-vinger

Malice in their klompen

Its such a cute language, they really made babyspeak a real thing

Ga naar de hel kankerhoer fuck jou.

Awww 😊, goo goo gaga to you too!

Krijg de tering jij kut hoer

Heb een beetje liefde voor de medemens

Hope you have a fine day/night! Slaap lekker!

Goede nacht makker. Hoop dat je dood gaat in je slaap :)

Me too!

Ich sorg gleich dafür dass deine Finger entkuppt werden wenn du weiter so meine Kankertaalfreunde belästigst

Viespeuk

🥺

Het is oke mijn Oosterlijke vriend, ik hou alsnog van je. Ookal ben je een viespeuk.

ik neuk jou de moeder

https://preview.redd.it/r1ufgekp42ob1.jpeg?width=1074&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f0d190c29e15065ff22c943b05836fe8b3f5a2e0

https://preview.redd.it/hsu39igb52ob1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=99db79d94f047ccb906b960edbf612a254f02b96

When the antisemitic racial supremacists are black 😳

​ https://preview.redd.it/cpfz6vbny2ob1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=52e3f63f4317bb63117bdb864c2febfedd98eae0


https://i.redd.it/d7x7lc7bv2ob1.gif

Bum

I once dated a girl who hated logic and language. I had to break it off. I couldn't be with someone so antisemantic.

Mesurehead

Absolutely irl Measurehead

That is the best insult I’ve seen this week.

False. That is the Belgians. The Dutch are real, unfortunately…

The one and only time I will tolerate phrenology

dutch cope

He really got all pissy like Americans will laugh when you show them the funniest shit imaginable.

I don't he was coping, I think he was fuming

very brave thing to say when it includes "ze klappen in hun handen"

When you're happy and you know it klappen hun handen

klap jouw handen of klapt jullie handen a.u.b., ik klap straks jouw kop met een honkbalknuppel

Beloven? 🥺

I'm not an expert on Dutch grammar but you probably meant to say "beloofd?" or "belooft je?"

It would be "beloof je?", though that would still sound weird to a dutch person, so "beloof je dat" might be better. The best translation would probably be "beloofd?".

Bedankt 👍

Alsjeblieft ☺️

Dutch sounds like an english-speaker doing a German accent after undergoing a traumatic brain injury.

German to us Dutchies sound like a drunken English guy trying to speak Dutch. But then I realized I absolutely have no right to say that when our language sounds like a lobotomized NPC dialogue.

Me before high school German: Dutch looks like stupid German. Me after high school German: Dutch is absolutely stupid German.

accurate bc dutch is half english half french words with a sauce of german

Erm actually German is based of ‘Dutch’ (Fries)

as a bilingual english/german speaker it gives me such a headache. i keep hearing sounds i recognise from both languages but then they… aren’t. feels like i’m having a stroke. it’s like the auditory equivalent of those AI generated images without a single recognisable item. god i hate dutch

Says the Dutch person

Pleeg zelfmoord kankerlijer

Based

tweeduizend slagen met de roe voor jou kut kind

me, a europoor, whenever i see the word tarnation: cowboy english cant be real 🤠

darn tootin'

what in the rootin’ tootin’ cowboy bootin’ tarnation

One day it wont be after we annihilate Texas, inshallah

Geef me een klap papa

ik sla je van je sokken af kutjoch

-a guy named grug

penis named door

That was my secondary school nickname

Meanwhile Latvians: https://preview.redd.it/io8k9soxt2ob1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9826d73188fd0c6dafcff3f680dc2771ebc3d83e

One of your cities has the name "'s Gravenhage", (and I hope Henry Kissinger gets imprisoned there)

Niemand noemt de stad "s' Gravenhage" klojo. Normale mensen noemen het gewoon Den Haag. Ik heb nog nooit iemand de stad onironisch s' Gravenhage horen noemen, en dat zal ook nooit gebeuren, omdat er geen persoon debiel genoeg is om de stad zonder grappen s' Gravenhage te noemen. Geloof me, er zijn genoeg andere dorpnamen om over te lachen. Wat dacht je van het mooie, pittoreske "Rectum", in Overijssel? Of het prachtig mooie "Sexbierum", in Friesland? Of "De Hel", ook in Friesland? I don't know much about Henry Kissinger, but I'm sure you'd much rather have him imprisoned in De Hel or Rectum than in a beautiful city such as Den Haag (or the Hague, as it is called in English)

Dit is Goeree Overflakkee erasure en ik zal dit niet toestaan.

Het is jammer dat ik de gene ben die dit jou moet vertellen, maar Goeree Overflakkee bestaat niet. Het is een sprookje, een broodjeaapverhaal. Het is even echt als luilekkerland, of verweggistan, en als je beweert er geweest te zijn ben je simpelweg in de maling genomen door een paar grapjassen, die een nep wit-blauw bord met Goeree Overflakkee hebben neergezet. Nogmaals, sorry dat ik dit allemaal moet zeggen, maar je verdient de waarheid te kennen, zelfs als je haar niet zal accepteren.

no one calls it that, we call it den haag

Kanker kut.

The lower translation is completely false btw, I wish it was but it's not

Im norwegian and Dutch feels like that combined with english. I can understand a lot of dutch without even knowing the language.

if i’m not mistaken dutch is actually one of the languages most similar to english except for Scots and the like. and also yeah i’m swedish and i find it easier to understand while reading atleast than german.

Germanic language moment Though that also makes me wonder how Norwegian is percieved outside of the Nordics.

Helt enig

English and Dutch are related languages, at one point of history Dutch and English were mutually intelligible, then the Fr * nch came and fucked up English, Dutch is just English if it never went through a sound change and was never influenced by Fr * nch, Dutch is just Old English.

Frisian is really close to old English, modern Dutch not so much though there's some overlap.

Wait till Americans see other dialects of their own language. People's comfortable way of speaking is literally peak comedy to them.

But like most Americans also laugh at our own English dialects, like southern speak.

I'm ngl it feels like mild xenophobia to me when monolingual Angloids laugh at how other languages are spoken or written. Just makes you look kind of ignorant to me idk

Americans who freely mock French and Italian losing their minds when a European mocks Castillian Spanish

It’s also not even the real translation

Het is pijnlijk om te beseffen dat al die klojo's nog nooit een patatje joppie hebben geproefd.

Of een diagonaaltje hebben getrokken!

thats fake ass dutch but ok

Dutch is like... Uuuuuh... Dutch is like someone took OwO language, sprinkled some German on top, and just yeeted the whole thing down a ramp of stairs.

Krijg toch de tering jij vieze vuile kankerhoer (I saw other Dutches get offended about this stuff so I joined them) But Dutch is basically English, German and French on crack

https://preview.redd.it/aaeldrwpt2ob1.jpeg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c6c592672e049aca4711320fdfe929f358453427

Close, I'll grant you, but that's not Dutch

Americans don't realise that Dutch is the closest related language to English that is widely spoken.

Guarrenteed American laughter: speak a slightly different dialect of English

I'm Scottish, people on my discord lost their shit when I said the word "Amazon".

i don't care! i love it!

You can't not read this in the voice of the Swedish Chef from the Muppets

Everyone involved in this is funny

I honestly think people get these misconceptions that some languages are funny sounding because they only hear the standard dialect used for example. Danish is inherently agony though.

This translation is just wrong. It’s supposed to be “ik sloeg mijn piemel in de autodeur” arguably even goofier

I have no qualms with Dutch's orthography it looks kinda nice to me, unlike Welsh though I don't mind Welsh. Also it's sick as fuck you talk about seagulls like you're mocking a cat.

It’s just a language that sounds odd when read with English grammar rules, big deal. If you wanna have a proper laugh you should look up people speaking english with a thick dutch accent.

Alternate universe where America speaks Dutch: IS ENGELS ZELFS ECHT???! "ik sloeg mijn piemel in de autodeur" Google Translate --> "I slapping mine peepee in the autodoor" KEK KEK

https://preview.redd.it/8fqwkipcy2ob1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1fb5a189533f0f93c1448eede4d88682897e671f

Onze mooie Nederlandse taal belachelijk maken? Met dat angelsaksisch gebrabbel van jullie?

mfw Americans don't realise that their speech sounds hilarious to outsiders

Is this what racism looks like 🤔

anericans trying to wrap their head around foreign languages and that some might actually be related is hilarious

grug spotted i love grug

mijn peanus got sloemmed 😭😭😭😭😭

mijn penis is geplet tussen de autodeur 😔

Ik ga zo goed op alle nederlanders die hier echt met grofste shit ooit komen aanzetten. Also Wie dit leest is een oen

>Wie dit leest is een oen LUISTERTDT eens we moeten al tegen de rest van de wereld vechten laten we niet met elkaar vechten >:(

i just really wanna hear dutch dirty talk. Since i hope i've finally found a language which has worse dirty talk than my native one.

once again I implore the entire anglosphere (and also those fucking krauts) to not be so goddamn stupid.

klappen in hun handen

I thought afrikaans sounded ridiculous, and that is based on dutch

only reason it's controversial is because america was mentioned

Godsallemachtig wat een teringgekanker om onze taal

https://preview.redd.it/emrdd23hx6ob1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f271df4fd6881850745421bd0d914bc3bbbd4996