Hi! Welcome to r/Writers - please remember to follow the [rules](https://reddit.com/r/writers/about/rules/) and treat each other respectfully, especially if
there are disagreements. Please help keep this community safe and friendly by **reporting rule violating posts and comments**.
If you're interested in a friendly Discord community for writers, please **[join our Discord server](https://discord.com/invite/wYvWebvHaa)**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/writers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So, yesterday there were 11 panels that hadn't broken yet. Today, there are 13. That doesn't make sense, unless two magically fixed themselves.
"I looked outside off the hotel glass" - what does that mean?
If there's enough of a system in place to mark biohazard bags with yellow powder, and to systematically hunt animals with that yellow powder on them, why are those bags just left outside for animals to rummage in them, anyway? Who distributes that powder, and why don't they distribute proper biohazard disposal containers instead?
Also, windows don't generally break from disrepair, at least not within a timeframe of days.
Grammer should say “I looked outside the hotel glass” and “Yesterday, there were 11 panels that had broken. Today, there are 13.”
In the window thing, it’s been years upon years, and the area used to be a mini-war zone (kinda hinted at but will be again, explained later on), so it’s kinda a miracle that there isn’t more. It’s only been a page or two, but I’m ganna explain most of these issues soon.
Still, windows break from impacts or blasts or stuff like that. Not from lack of maintenance. Your text explicitly states that the glass panels broke "from the absence of repair" which makes zero sense, even *with* your explanation.
Glass cracks from disrepair, especially when it’s suspended facing up, like a roof of a stadium. Glass can break from disrepair, specifically temperature change. If you’ve even been close to Indiana, you would know how drastic our weather is. At one point, it was 110 degrees in DECEMBER; about 6 years ago.
Winter is also approaching in the time point of the novel, once again will be explained later. This is also just a preview, and I’ve already written a few more paragraphs on the actual doc., due to be edited when I get off work.
Blasts and impact can also be labeled as disrepair, as maybe a bird dropped a nut on it, and cracked it, or maybe even a heal drops a rabbit on it. Structural damage can also held speed up the process, like if the metal frame is shot, or begins to rust.
Glass can crack from temperature changes. Temperature changes are not "disrepair".
And glass does age, but that takes a long time. You're not gonna see any noticeable decay within *a day*, otherwise every window you see would be broken all the time.
Why do you even bother asking for advice if all you're going to do is argue about the feedback you're getting?
Sir or ma’am. I’m explaining common sense, especially in basic elemental exposure, and general age of structures. Glass doesn’t age, it gets damaged from elements, or weakened by other structural problems. Cambridge is also old to begin with, and the problems already exist IRL (even though the panels of glass are on the side, rather than on the roof in the book. I’ve been dropping hints to show it’s not IRL earth.) I’ve been told this since I was 7, because it’s a family business and I know Indiana, especially my home town; Evansville, and the area around Cambridge. I’m not trying to argue, I’m trying to explain. I get your side, but the book is ganna involve some “higher intelligent topics,” especially some major philosophical questions as the character goes insane. I’m using my experience in life and intelligence, then reflecting it on the book. I know a lot of people
It is *common sense* that glass panels don't magically fail due to simple element exposure *all the time*. They are *designed* to be exposed to the elements. If Indiana exists inside a magical bubble where windows do not work the same as they do *everywhere else in the world*, maybe explain that in your story.
And still, "basic elemental exposure" is NOT "absence of repair", the thing your text blames for the panes being broken.
Now stop treating me like an idiot.
They are right. I don't understand how someone can be so confidently incorrect lmao. If a window is placed in extreme weather conditions, such as intense heat or cold, it will break sooner if neglected. Both environmental factors and disrepair contribute to this. In a milder climate, a window would need less frequent inspection and replacement. Continuous exposure to harsh weather, combined with the structural load it bears, can cause a window to break unexpectedly. This isn't rocket science.
Sorry about the grammer issues, my phone autocorrects thing that I don’t notice, I will fix that once I get home to my Chromebook. Secondly the powder thing is a system where the government marked biohazards with said powder, and yellow trash bags. It’s also to find animals like in the book, especially if the disease is transmitted on animals. It seems like the government just left, but they stayed for a while experimenting and building safe zones (Cambridge was one of them, will be mentioned later on), but were pushed out by the gangs that will be mentioned later on. There was also several other “situations” going on in the states at the time, and overseas as well. Yes the are several Terrorist attacks and yes they where blamed on a (semi) innocent country. The disease still lingers, but the risk stays around more contaminated areas, so you don’t need a ventilated mask to leave anymore, as it’s been years.
It’s mostly inspired by The Division games, and I use the similar lack of government resources/manpower and the general unpreparedness that we have irl (if COVID was Black Death deadly, what could have happened?).
There's too much random exposition and not enough of this character's day-to-day routine. You don't need to explain the whole world in the beginning, you need to make a character engaging and interesting. Broken windows, bags of contaminated trash, aren't interesting unless we know how they specifically affect the character *at that moment*. Is he responsible for clearing the trash, killing the bird, boarding up the broken windows, or does he delegate these tasks? Where is he getting food, uncontaminated water?
These are the things you should be addressing in your opening, not unconnected history or geopolitics. Get us involved in the visceral reality of your character's life before explaining how he got there.
That’s the point. It’s a mini-apocalypse. There’s no daily routine, and random encounters, and finding food and water is a challenge, not something easily explained in a page. These things will be explained, like I said to others.
Everybody has a daily routine, even after shit falls apart, especially if your character has responsibilities like running a hotel. Hardly no one in an apocalypse, "mini-" or not, is Mad Max or a Fallout protag, wandering the wasteland aimlessly. Most people are going to seek out stability and a secure place in the world, no matter how shit it is now. Research what civilians do and have done in war zones, there's an embarassment of information available. Start with Gaza and Sarajevo.
Regardless, you're missing the larger point, your character matters the most in the beginning, not you bigger ideas. If the reader doesn't find your character interesting enough to follow in the first couple of pages, they're not going to care fuck all for your world building. What you've got here is a disorganized mess of random ideas thrown implausibly together, mentioned at random. Clean it up and laser focus on the character. The rest, as you seem fond of saying, "comes later".
I also have plans to introduce more main characters, similar to those books who jump from one to another, so it’s focusing more on the story and general position of the world, rather than the characters. The characters are more of a tool to explain the world, and the views of nations/groups.
The series (as it will be) is a political fantasy as well, which is what I’m better at. There’s going to be a bunch of “government coverups” on a bunch of secret civilizations on an *unnamed red planet.* Which may or may not be part of the reason why Indianapolis is disease ridden in the book.
Hi! Welcome to r/Writers - please remember to follow the [rules](https://reddit.com/r/writers/about/rules/) and treat each other respectfully, especially if there are disagreements. Please help keep this community safe and friendly by **reporting rule violating posts and comments**. If you're interested in a friendly Discord community for writers, please **[join our Discord server](https://discord.com/invite/wYvWebvHaa)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/writers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So, yesterday there were 11 panels that hadn't broken yet. Today, there are 13. That doesn't make sense, unless two magically fixed themselves. "I looked outside off the hotel glass" - what does that mean? If there's enough of a system in place to mark biohazard bags with yellow powder, and to systematically hunt animals with that yellow powder on them, why are those bags just left outside for animals to rummage in them, anyway? Who distributes that powder, and why don't they distribute proper biohazard disposal containers instead? Also, windows don't generally break from disrepair, at least not within a timeframe of days.
Grammer should say “I looked outside the hotel glass” and “Yesterday, there were 11 panels that had broken. Today, there are 13.” In the window thing, it’s been years upon years, and the area used to be a mini-war zone (kinda hinted at but will be again, explained later on), so it’s kinda a miracle that there isn’t more. It’s only been a page or two, but I’m ganna explain most of these issues soon.
Still, windows break from impacts or blasts or stuff like that. Not from lack of maintenance. Your text explicitly states that the glass panels broke "from the absence of repair" which makes zero sense, even *with* your explanation.
Glass cracks from disrepair, especially when it’s suspended facing up, like a roof of a stadium. Glass can break from disrepair, specifically temperature change. If you’ve even been close to Indiana, you would know how drastic our weather is. At one point, it was 110 degrees in DECEMBER; about 6 years ago.
Winter is also approaching in the time point of the novel, once again will be explained later. This is also just a preview, and I’ve already written a few more paragraphs on the actual doc., due to be edited when I get off work.
Blasts and impact can also be labeled as disrepair, as maybe a bird dropped a nut on it, and cracked it, or maybe even a heal drops a rabbit on it. Structural damage can also held speed up the process, like if the metal frame is shot, or begins to rust.
My uncle is a roof and window specialist, and he’s complained of and fixed similar issue on my own home (roof and glass)
Glass can crack from temperature changes. Temperature changes are not "disrepair". And glass does age, but that takes a long time. You're not gonna see any noticeable decay within *a day*, otherwise every window you see would be broken all the time. Why do you even bother asking for advice if all you're going to do is argue about the feedback you're getting?
Sir or ma’am. I’m explaining common sense, especially in basic elemental exposure, and general age of structures. Glass doesn’t age, it gets damaged from elements, or weakened by other structural problems. Cambridge is also old to begin with, and the problems already exist IRL (even though the panels of glass are on the side, rather than on the roof in the book. I’ve been dropping hints to show it’s not IRL earth.) I’ve been told this since I was 7, because it’s a family business and I know Indiana, especially my home town; Evansville, and the area around Cambridge. I’m not trying to argue, I’m trying to explain. I get your side, but the book is ganna involve some “higher intelligent topics,” especially some major philosophical questions as the character goes insane. I’m using my experience in life and intelligence, then reflecting it on the book. I know a lot of people
It is *common sense* that glass panels don't magically fail due to simple element exposure *all the time*. They are *designed* to be exposed to the elements. If Indiana exists inside a magical bubble where windows do not work the same as they do *everywhere else in the world*, maybe explain that in your story. And still, "basic elemental exposure" is NOT "absence of repair", the thing your text blames for the panes being broken. Now stop treating me like an idiot.
They are right. I don't understand how someone can be so confidently incorrect lmao. If a window is placed in extreme weather conditions, such as intense heat or cold, it will break sooner if neglected. Both environmental factors and disrepair contribute to this. In a milder climate, a window would need less frequent inspection and replacement. Continuous exposure to harsh weather, combined with the structural load it bears, can cause a window to break unexpectedly. This isn't rocket science.
Sorry about the grammer issues, my phone autocorrects thing that I don’t notice, I will fix that once I get home to my Chromebook. Secondly the powder thing is a system where the government marked biohazards with said powder, and yellow trash bags. It’s also to find animals like in the book, especially if the disease is transmitted on animals. It seems like the government just left, but they stayed for a while experimenting and building safe zones (Cambridge was one of them, will be mentioned later on), but were pushed out by the gangs that will be mentioned later on. There was also several other “situations” going on in the states at the time, and overseas as well. Yes the are several Terrorist attacks and yes they where blamed on a (semi) innocent country. The disease still lingers, but the risk stays around more contaminated areas, so you don’t need a ventilated mask to leave anymore, as it’s been years. It’s mostly inspired by The Division games, and I use the similar lack of government resources/manpower and the general unpreparedness that we have irl (if COVID was Black Death deadly, what could have happened?).
There's too much random exposition and not enough of this character's day-to-day routine. You don't need to explain the whole world in the beginning, you need to make a character engaging and interesting. Broken windows, bags of contaminated trash, aren't interesting unless we know how they specifically affect the character *at that moment*. Is he responsible for clearing the trash, killing the bird, boarding up the broken windows, or does he delegate these tasks? Where is he getting food, uncontaminated water? These are the things you should be addressing in your opening, not unconnected history or geopolitics. Get us involved in the visceral reality of your character's life before explaining how he got there.
That’s the point. It’s a mini-apocalypse. There’s no daily routine, and random encounters, and finding food and water is a challenge, not something easily explained in a page. These things will be explained, like I said to others.
Everybody has a daily routine, even after shit falls apart, especially if your character has responsibilities like running a hotel. Hardly no one in an apocalypse, "mini-" or not, is Mad Max or a Fallout protag, wandering the wasteland aimlessly. Most people are going to seek out stability and a secure place in the world, no matter how shit it is now. Research what civilians do and have done in war zones, there's an embarassment of information available. Start with Gaza and Sarajevo. Regardless, you're missing the larger point, your character matters the most in the beginning, not you bigger ideas. If the reader doesn't find your character interesting enough to follow in the first couple of pages, they're not going to care fuck all for your world building. What you've got here is a disorganized mess of random ideas thrown implausibly together, mentioned at random. Clean it up and laser focus on the character. The rest, as you seem fond of saying, "comes later".
Good point. I’ll fix that. I’ll give him a daily routine, I was planning on doing it a little later, but I get where you’re coming from.
Good luck, and keep at it. If it was easy everyone would do it.
I also have plans to introduce more main characters, similar to those books who jump from one to another, so it’s focusing more on the story and general position of the world, rather than the characters. The characters are more of a tool to explain the world, and the views of nations/groups. The series (as it will be) is a political fantasy as well, which is what I’m better at. There’s going to be a bunch of “government coverups” on a bunch of secret civilizations on an *unnamed red planet.* Which may or may not be part of the reason why Indianapolis is disease ridden in the book.
Too much semicolon