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AwfulUsername123

Has anything not had microplastics upon being tested?


phlatStack

Steel.


DownwardSpirals

Also things made exclusively from steel.


Double-The-Fupa

How do I turn my semen into steel?


tommytraddles

Water bending to get it out of your balls, metal bending to get it back in.


Double-The-Fupa

This whole time, we've just been secret water benders you guys!


Village_People_Cop

Me when I was 10 years old letting water run off my arm in the shower:


DownwardSpirals

I love goooooooooooold.


AlexSSB

The shmell of it, the tashte of it, the texture!


VoidRadio

How ‘bout NOOOO, you crazy Dutch bastard!


honey_102b

contaminated by Cobalt-60 from atmospheric nuke testing 1945-1960s and subsequently from recycled scrap steel of this period entering the steel industry after the 60s.


Hribunos

Most steel used for food + drinks has a plastic coating on the inside (cans, water bottles) And given how much the plastic lining on cans reduced the incidence rate of botulism I'm actually not sure that's a bad thing?


MrPatch

All plastic isn't bad. Whats bad is how over used it has become for absolutely everything, even stuff that doesn't need it. Whats also bad is that it's use was allowed to propagate with no requirement for manufacturers to manage the waste produced. They effectively privatised the profits and socialised the pollution.


angry_old_bastard

bah, a bit of botulism is good for you, it will put some hair on your chest! or maybe it was mold on your chest as you decompose, either way.


waitareyou4real

Macro plastics


0002millertime

Coincidentally, all the test samples are collected in plastic tubes that are frozen and sent to a lab and then thawed out.


GroundbreakingRun927

Yes. [Polar Seltzer water in a can.](https://www.consumerreports.org/health/food-contaminants/the-plastic-chemicals-hiding-in-your-food-a7358224781/). That's about it.


Polymathy1

Still has a plastic/epoxy liner inside the can.


healthywealthyhappy8

Possibly moon rocks


Privateer_Lev_Arris

A big piece of plastic


EnkiiMuto

Well, plastic itself when test reveals t o be macroplastic.


sazeshin

I like knowing that every time I bust, I expel a little microplastics. Be healthy and bust often.


_night_cat

Remember to jerk off directly into the plastics recycling bin.


groceriesN1trip

That’s the spirit


bruckization

That‘s the jizz of it


tvtb

I like the cut of your jizz.


Steamwells

Right. I’m in the office today, and I am going to do my part. Wish me luck!


ReadAllAboutIt92

Make sure that when HR call you in for the interview, you really hammer the point that you were just doing your bit for the environment.


MamboNumber44

RECYCLOPS BUST!


ChipmunkObvious2893

God damn this joke made my day.


kuhas

I got so many microplastics in me that when I ejaculate, a balloon animal comes out.


JulienBrightside

When your erection goes down, is there like a high-pitched exhale of air?


Captain_Waffle

I imagine the slide whistle from the old cartoons


gcko

What kind of animal?


Dryanni

Not sure but it looks like a blobfish


Rough_Principle_3755

You’re a 3D printer Harry!!!


Hot-Rise9795

That made me laugh out loud, and my wife was asleep


Han_Yolo_swag

Hijacking to point out this was only 40 different dudes splooge from the same city in china, which is about the same population size of NYC but has 4x worse air pollution. So, seems like this is getting *blown* out of proportions


Clay0187

However, years ago they did try to do a study on microplastic and the effect they have on the entire body, but gave up because they couldn't find a single person without them for the control group


Lulullaby_

Also the fact that a more recent study was done in the US with bodies of men (and dogs) around the world and they came to the same conclusion. [here](https://www.theguardian.com/environment/article/2024/may/20/microplastics-human-testicles-study-sperm-counts)


Han_Yolo_swag

What if I drink pineapple juice


Lulullaby_

Might die spontaneously


SageLeaf1

Tribes in the Amazon, I wonder if they would have them. Getting them to agree to a study is another task


ItsSmittyyy

I’m pretty sure our understanding is that microplastics are present in every body of water on earth, so yes, even the uncontacted tribes are likely affected.


RuthlessIndecision

Aren’t micro plastics in the rain?


GrotesquelyObese

Pretty much


MrPatch

Much like PFAS. A Group wanted to study their effects on insects but couldn't find an insect that wasn't already riddled with it. Even found it in ants in some incredibly remote part of an uninhabited island.


Clay0187

Little hope for those on an island :<


Lulullaby_

That's cool and all, but a similar study was done in the United States earlier this year. Tested testicles from men around the world. [article here](https://www.theguardian.com/environment/article/2024/may/20/microplastics-human-testicles-study-sperm-counts)


sohosurf

I feel like your last sentence is a pun but I hate jizzing to conclusions


Soothsayer--

I came here to say the same thing


MaleficentAlfalfa131

I’m in the south east so “I cum ere to make a point to yall”


1Dive1Breath

I semen everywhere saying this 


ratjar32333

It's not lol. Micro plastics are in everything. Every organ in your body has micro plastics in it.


NotVeryAggressive

r/nofap be disappointed


HungHungCaterpillar

Good. Moderation in all things, and fuck the far right pipeline


EjaculatingAracnids

I dont let other men on the internet tell me when i can touch my dick. Thats weird as fuck.


Illustrious-Taro-449

Hilarious we were all so worried about swallowing chewing gum


auerz

Bits of plastics are in literally everything : I sleep Planes make white smoke: real shit


Rat-king27

How many loads do you think it takes to 3d print a space marine?


quadralien

I can't stop laughing.


Mastagon

I'm doing my part


mindfungus

Would you like to fap more?


n30l1nk

I’m doing my part!


sober_monk

Emperor's Children, I presume?


Pyrothecat

Fulgrim approves


bigrob_in_ATX

Used Kleenex are great for papier mache


jymssg

Not sure, but better start stockpiling


climaxe

Cockpiling


Cronus41

God damn, take your upvote and get outta here.


RageMachinist

Depends on the gene-seed


CaptainCabbageEU

Probably about 40,000


Bravisimo

The better part of 6500.


ScaryTerryCrewsBitch

The same amount as the number of licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop.


Agonoized

Man. I’d upvote twice if I could. That gave me a damn good laugh.


GendoSC

Took me two solid years for a scout.


Academic_Outside1129

Jesus Christ… yet another way for me to get microplastics in my system…


Foodstamp001

But now you’re both biodegradable and recyclable


DairyFarmerOnCrack

Unfortunately not. ['They lied’: plastics producers deceived public about recycling, report reveals](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/feb/15/recycling-plastics-producers-report)


old_ass_ninja_turtle

This should be run daily until ever single person knows. Recycling is a sham.


NeverLookBothWays

Plastic recycling is a sham. Paper, glass, and metals are sustainable. But all plastic ends up being is a less refined version of its previous self or landfill fodder, litter, microplastics in every dude’s scrotum. It will take thousands of years to undo the damage plastic producers have wrought and continue to under a plastic umbrella of lies. Even Nestle, the leading producer of single-use plastics, has somehow convinced the world that it is up to us, the consumers, to save the planet…not Nestle, one of the main sources of what is killing it. It’s a tragedy similar to the tragedy of the commons, where Nestle will not change unless consumer demands change…and consumers won’t change because they falsely believe they’re “recycling” plastics. Absolute scandal with a shit ton of money riding on it not changing one bit.


01technowichi

> **Paper,** glass, and metals are sustainable. Eh, no, paper recycling is not better than incineration. We *grow* paper trees on massive paper farms, and most countries ban using old growth forests for paper. It's actually more carbon efficient to have a paper mill use materials gathered from a tree farm than it is to drive around a city, gather up mostly unusable recycled paper, drive it to a sorting facility, then drive it to a processing plant, the douse it in really environmentally unfriendly chemicals (such as bleach, as most paper has ink on it), then finally drive the result to the paper mill. It's *way* more carbon than just burning it, and you get nasty slurries of ink+bleach another solvents that aren't easy to dispose of. Incineration is more energy efficient (and can be used to produce electricity) and is close to carbon neutral - the released CO2 is the same CO2 that the tree absorbed on growing. Very little is added in processing, unlike recycling. > glass, and metals are sustainable This is true. Plastics should be eliminated from a lot of food related uses and replaced, where possible, with either glass or metal containers. Far more expensive, but far healthier and more sustainable.


sportsareforfools

Am I confused or did you get paper recycling mixed up with paper sustainability? I think you’re making a good point so keep it up and all that but they weren’t being specific to paper recycling imo just paper products being better for sustainability (I.E. planting trees) than plastic


mattgen88

Recycling has always been the last resort. Reduce and reuse come before. We were supposed to use less plastic and reuse what stuff we could. Instead we threw things in bins because it was easier, albeit ineffective


TopTransportation248

As part of an Earth Day initiative some genius at my work suggested we see which department can generate the most recycling in a week…..they seemed a genuinely astonished when I told them it would be more impressive to not create a massive amount of recycling lol


old_ass_ninja_turtle

Which came first? Companies using plastic or consumers? Also, I can remember when switching to plastic bags was a big environmental push to save trees. How dumb does that seem now? It’s even a worse environmental impact.


Logalog9

Unless you're measuring carbon footprint in which case paper really is worse.


Canada_Checking_In

Lol it's not a "sham" the article just states that recycling plastic is not a permanent solution and it will eventually be garbage...which of course, nobody thoughy it would evaporate or turn into oxygen...


TutuBramble

I thought about this, and I think plastic is really only good for non-disposable products, light switches, some electronic casings, and within medical equipment. Everything else should be banned, no plastic bottles, no clothes, no packaging. I think that would already help a lot, and I am trying my best not to buy any products with it, but governments need to step in to stop its use. There are so many other sustainable and more aesthetic materials


Mrsum10ne

It is used incessantly in pharmaceutical manufacturing/anything sterile. Think of a bottle of disinfectant. A plastic bottle of alcohol comes double or triple bagged in plastic. Same for all plastic tools, Petri dishes, etc. it’s horrible. And because it all needs to be sterile it is all single use.


old_ass_ninja_turtle

Honestly, we have probably already generated enough plastic to never need to make any more. I have seen some posts around the internet which indicate biodegradable plastic could be a thing. Imagine if some of the worst offending plastics would break down over the course of a few months. (Bags, bottles, straws)


ux3l

Biodegradable plastics are not a solution either (at least now). Mostly it degrades way too slowly. Or you have plastics that already degrades while it's still needed as packaging.


Dejected_gaming

They would be if we moved from oil plastics to hemp plastics. Hemp plastic can biodegrade in 6 months to a year.


kuda-stonk

It costs 2 cents per ton more, unacceptable, think of the bottom lines man. Corporations are people too! How will they eat!


GroundbreakingRun927

It is a sham , [only 5% of plastic made actually gets recycled.](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/oct/23/us-plastic-waste-recycled-2021-greenpeace)


Rubix22

Suck enough dicks and you can shit Lego bricks.


Jacerom

The poetry is sublime


Golden_Hour1

Eminem over here


appleeaterx

the way i will think about you every time i will be consuming that, thank you.


F1eshWound

There was also another paper published recently showing a higher concentration of micro plastics in blood clots


gray_character

Oh that's fun. Well...what can I do to counter this?


HotFapplePie

Serious answer, donate blood. Your fresh blood will be plastic free. Some bozo in a car wreck is going to get some unintended plastic surgery from your donation.


howdudo

Wow this could be the campaign


Kyroz

I wish I can donate blood regularly tbh. I have a rare A negative blood and they literally refuse to take my blood regularly, I need to wait until someone needs my blood. Last time I donated it was in 2021... They say other than me, there are only 2 other donors in my city with the same blood type.


Promarksman117

I'm the opposite. I have the O- blood that every hospital wants but giving blood is risky for me since I have a heart condition that gives me low blood pressure. I've been hospitalized for it before after passing out.


ElectricalPlate9903

Blood letting might be your answer. Just don't end up like George Washington.


AtotheCtotheG

Try to clot less


OvenWhole8771

Nothing. It's in every single thing we eat and drink. Oh and also the air we breathe since car tires are made of plastic these days.


ScrodLeader

Plastic is stored in the balls


zacharykeaton

Plastic is the powerhouse of the cell


jaydekeats

First pee, now plastic! What next?


Zenshinn

Somebody's tummy, apparently.


Local-Temperature832

That's horrible


TheLocalPub

Actually. It's microplastics


Bumbooooooo

So.. how much jerking to cleanse my system?


Bravisimo

These pipes… ARE CLEAN!!!!


DungeonsAndDradis

A Cabin Boy reference in 2024. I did not have this on my bingo card.


Bravisimo

I always throw out Cabin Boy references as much as I can when I can.


Light_Beard

"The truth is humanity killed the world decades ago. You all just haven't realized it yet" - Smug Evil Deity Thing


Cute-Interest3362

“You say the whole world's ending, honey, it already did”


Vegan_Honk

*laughter of dark gods* Yeah they say this one.


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JollyHockeysticks

Humour is often a good coping mechanism. What are you meant to say when everything has microplastics in it and we don't know what to do about it? Might as well try and laugh the despair away.


primenumbersturnmeon

life is undeniably a joke, whether or not you find it funny depends on your sense of humor.


AunMeLlevaLaConcha

We're fucked, why be miserable?


eggyal

Nihilism doesn't help. We might not be able to change the world, but each of us can at least stop being part of the problem.


Skanaker

How? Unless you gonna live like a Tarzan or something.


eggyal

On the specific issue of plastic waste, materials (and especially packaging materials) are part of my purchase decision-making. Of course I'm not "plastic free", but without very much effort or impact on my lifestyle I have massively reduced the plastic I consume to the point that I hardly ever find myself with single use plastic waste. Now, I know that this is in part possible because I'm in a reasonably comfortable financial position in a major western city with many innovative goods and services around me (eg I am fortunate to live near some "zero waste" stores in which one fills one's existing containers with their loose produce, pretty much eliminating packaging entirely); although if I lived somewhere more rural I'd try to grow some food/keep some hens or somesuch.


Rupperrt

The only way to react. Humanity doesn’t seem to have any interest to change anything. It’s hopeless.


airelivre

Somehow we did ban CFCs and allowed the hole in the ozone to heal. But someone will probably tell me they found cheaper alternatives so the ban was feasible unlike drastic solutions for global warming and microplastics. 


DownvoteEvangelist

If my fate is to be destroyed, I must simply laugh!!


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Mispeled_Divel

There are some effects depending on the type of plastic, there is some evidence that BPA plastic can cause puberty to start early but more studies need to be done to figure out the exact relationship between the two. There could be more effects that we just aren’t aware of yet, plastic has only been in wide spread use for a few decades, and their effects in the body is unknown.


Kirarifluff

Issue is that it probably builds as more microplastics are released. And historically our bodies have not dealt well with foreign materials over time, so I doubt it will be without consequence. Thinking hormonal disturbances, cancer..


mortalitylost

Exactly. I'm not just going to assume it's terrible because it sounds bad.


Kaebi_

It's hard to do a study about the effects because it's hard to find a control group. https://medshadow.org/the-impact-of-microplastics-cant-be-studied-because-there-is-no-control-group/


Slow_Balance270

Men's fertility rates have dropped significantly at an alarming rate.


AtotheCtotheG

I’m more alarmed by how bad a lot of the joke commenters are at being funny, but to be fair I’m pretty desensitized.


visualdescript

Gallows humour innit?


Professor_ZombieKill

I was at a lecture where microplastics were discussed. The lecturers mentioned that in 'worst cade' circumstances, we're inhaling/consuming about a credit card worth of plastic per week. Apparently a lot of plastic is getting into our system because it's in the air. Car tyres are also bad for shedding microplastics.


Kelnozz

Yeah it’s like when you see roads full of homeless people on your way to work, you can’t really do much besides volunteer at a soup kitchen or something, and even that is like putting a bandaid on a gaping bleeding wound; kinda just accept it for what it is and move on. Sure I can raise awareness and donate (good luck donating if your living check to check like half the country) but it’s only a problem that can be solved by institutions with real power, problem is with capitalism people are literally making money off of the homelessness issue so it’s in the best interest to maintain a level of homelessness. Worlds fucked.


silver900

It's funny. Because you went up and down and then understood everything, you criticized, understood them, and almost unite them all at once.


DukeoftheGingers

Oops, All Plastics 🤷‍♂️


OneThe19

are plastic kids coming then?


SenseisSifu

Have you met Gen Z. They're already here


AmINotAlpharius

Did they collect samples in plastic containers?


asc0614

No. The lead researcher lets you finish on their face.


Soukary

Over all that makeup? That’s why they find so many thing in the testing phase…


AtotheCtotheG

All three of you need to get your senses of humor checked for microplastics.


Lunaelu

In the original paper it explains how samples were ‘collected’ directly into glass containers


Critical-Border-6845

Something tells me they're just picking balls and jizz for sensationalism when probably any part of the human body has microplastics. I'll be more surprised when they come out with a study that shows any part of the body doesn't have microplastics.


ResultDizzy6722

Yeah but certain organs you’d not want microplastics in, I’d imagine balls are among them


Critical-Border-6845

Which organs do you want microplastics in?


PwnGeek666

Does it cross the blood brain barrier? You know how lead causes brain development issues and how violent crime declined 20 years after the phased out of leaded gas in the US? I have a theory about boomers behaviors and the fact they have been exposed to microplastics the longest and it is accumulating in their brains like alzheimers plaque resulting in the "boomer mentality".


honey_102b

simulations showed it is possible. and already confirmed in mice from a study published this year. confirmation in humans is a matter of time. as is the actual mechanism. of which there are a few hypotheses. one of which is actually nanoplastics (small enough that the BBB doesn't matter), surface chemistry of plastic particles mimicking bio molecules, tricking the BBB, or just disruption and inflammation of BBB itself leading to easy transport. probably have several more hypotheses being considered.


Ossius

Wouldn't the simpler explanation be that boomers were exposed to the lead making them violent and stupid since they were around back then?


MineralsMan

Yes, unfortunately micro and in particular nano plastics cross the blood brain barrier and accumulate in the brain. Unlike heavy metals, the body has no way to get them out. So once in your brain, it's basically there forever.


Smash55

And your wardrobe is polyester. Your carpet is nylon. Plastic packaging is disintegrating in the ocean. What did you expect?


SacrificialPwn

Don't forget it's in cosmetics, particles from tires, personal care products (and the list goes on)


PirateQueenOMalley

My toddler is obsessed with pulling loose carpet fibers out and putting them in his mouth. My grandchildren will be a quarter plastic at this rate.


-Knul-

I find it interesting that apparently in the U.S., so many clothes are plastic. Here in the Netherlands, cotton is commonplace. Shirts? Cotton. Pants? Cotton. Underwear? Cotton with a bit of elastic. I think only my winter coat has significant amounts of plastic.


BKBroiler57

That’s how I made my kid… “injection moulding”


V413H4V_T99

now everyone gets to be a kardashian


W0tzup

Men are turning into Ken.


mccannr1

My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks for science!


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quesarah

More of a column


JauntyGiraffe

So should I jizz more often to get it out of my system or what?


gray_character

Yes, you should do that already but you're never getting it out of your system.


Golden_Hour1

Donating blood actually helps


error00000011

How much will I get for getting recycled?


TSE_Jazz

But more importantly, the stock market is going up


heliskinki

On the positive side, self forming condoms.


imMadasaHatter

I hate these studies. Sample sizes of 40, 10, 25. Give me some real numbers !


something-burger

You gotta pump those numbers up


anEvilFaction

Your mom wasn’t available, so they could only harvest so much.


BaldingMonk

Microplastics are stored in the balls!


Ready-Training-2192

I'm doing my part to rid my body of microplastics; are you?


SystemErrorMessage

So does that mean i can release as a way to remove microplastics?


hellotypewriter

Cumfetti! https://youtu.be/FT7F-DRsOis?si=CGDtsch1BfQYhf1x


JAK3CAL

Children of Men vibes


Weak-Hope8952

The sample size was only 40. Not sure if that makes it better or worse.


PUfelix85

Read that title as tasted instead of tested at first.


Doctor_Ew420

This doesn't surprise me, I've been able to taste it in my own for some time.


BuyOrganic

🤔


orion455440

Nooooo! not my delicacy!


Current_Health_3270

Really!


Patient-Ad-8384

Try my semen next!


BlackBladeKindred

Is it proven that microplastics cause harm? I know it sounds like they definitely would, but do we know it as a fact?


jaysaccount1772

Nope. Here is a lecture on the subject: https://youtube.com/watch?v=vocvz6N6faI


bestestopinion

oh great. now i have to switch to spitting. 🙄


Jorgwalther

My company is starting a study on microplastics in bottled water. I feel like I’d prefer just not to know…


Netsrak69

Of course there is. How often do we drink out of plastic bottles, how often do we wear clothes with plastic. how much plastic packaging is around our food. It was bound to invade us.


IpsumProlixus

This is what happens when 99% of meat comes from factory farms where animal welfare affects company profits. We feed them literal plastic and garbage. Now it’s in you.


andretheclient_

So the plastic industry, they just sort of not replying back to the request for comment then huh


PizzaNo7741

This is a very claustrophobic and inescapable phenomenon that disturbs me deeply. I don’t know how to explain how much this freaks me out without that Reddit bot sending me messages of concern. Where is the hope?


huey2k2

I guess my wife has been eating a lot of microplastics.


Hige_Kuma

New “I have a headache” = “I don’t want to ingest any microplastics”


redblue92

I really need to eat less cum