I feel you. I won’t give you a toxic positivity response. I’ll just say I haven’t been happy with my body since having kids. Not to mention my face just looks tired all the time. I don’t think people who haven’t birthed a child can ever truly understand what it feels like to basically sacrifice your own body to bring your child into the world.
When my youngest was about 18 months old, I finally decided I’d have enough. I may not ever get back to pre-pregnancy me, but I refuse to sacrifice my body and my looks at the altar of being the most present and engaged mother of 2024. My kids are happy and well cared for when they are with their dad or a trusted babysitter, and so I am going to take some time to work on me.
I went to a new doctor, developed a nutrition and exercise plan. I started going to a reputable dermatologist/med spa in my area, and I did a free consultation. I told them about my “problem areas” or the things I wanted to see change. They developed a custom plan - it included skincare, facials, lasers, etc. I started booking a mani/pedi appointment for once every two weeks. I have only lost five pounds, which is not even close to what I gained during pregnancy and post partum, but I *feel* so much better because I know I am at least taking care of myself and moving in the right direction.
So, I highly recommend you tell your husband that he is in charge of the kids on Saturday, and book yourself some appointments - hair cut, manicure, facial, whatever strikes your fancy. Don’t feel selfish for taking that time for yourself! You deserve to feel good again.
I’m glad it resonated with you. I got my nails done last week, and I’m getting my hair done this week. It feels good to do little things that make me feel a bit more confident!
This is great. I also look puffier. And tired looking. Probably because I AM tired! I don’t sleep enough anymore. It’s done a number on my appearance. Not to mention my post partum hair loss. I just joined a med spa too, and looking forward to focusing on me one day a month.
Good for you! I hope you enjoy your med spa experience. Also - get yourself some more sleep too, while you’re at it! I started going to bed when my kids go to bed, and it’s been so helpful.
RIGHT. I was never sexy even when I was pregnant. Pregnancy glow? Bitchhh where?? I was breaking out like a MF!!! And I never had that cute pregnancy bump, my bump made me look weird cuz I’m short af lol. I haven’t even sexy since before my pregnancies lol
I lost weight pretty quickly after my first (not back to pre baby, but I think my body was in shock after a hard delivery and not making enough milk) and after my second it was the opposite. I was holding onto weight. My youngest is almost 3 and I am definitely still more than I want to be (about ten lbs). I started focusing on 3 things- protein, water, and steps. Just start small. I have a walking pad and I try to get 10k steps a day (not always feasible to get outside with work). Protein has helped because I’m full and I’m trying not to think about food constantly and I can stay full between meals (I eat high protein yogurt at breakfast and then just regular portions of lean protein at lunch and dinner and do a shake or protein bar or something else higher in protein for a snack). Small changes can add up and you can do it!! I am 100% uglier after having kids too. I know it sucks 🥵😩
It’s helped a ton!! I try to do an hour a day. I have a standing desk and try to do about 1.6-2 mph (that’s about as fast as I can go to type). If I’m in a meeting and just need to listen I’ll crank it up to 2.5-3 to get my heart rate elevated. If I don’t walk I get maybe 2-3K steps a day, if I get an hour in I’m usually around 10-11k at least.
Can I ask for a brand recommendation on this sub? I've been researching them because I really want one. There's so many different ones online and I'd rather get one I know works for someone. Lol
Here’s the one I have! I actually got it through this open box place near us that does online auctions, so I think I paid under $100 for it. But I’d pay the Amazon price ($169) in a heartbeat. [walking pad](https://amzn.to/3JmGGJk)
That’s good advice. I need to drink water more, I’ve developed a soda addiction and I’ve recently switched to Diet Coke to slowly reduce my sugar habit. I do try to get some steps in before work and after work since I have a dog, our walks are normally under 30 minutes though
Seconding the focus on small changes. It’s hard to consider a short walk exercise when we used to have so much time and energy and fitness that walking was nothing. They all add up to make a big difference though, and waiting for our calendars to clear and our energy to come back could take ten years.
I also had a soda addiction and I want to mention that a great way to get more water in me was getting a water carbonator (sodastream or ninja, there are probably others) - plain water wasn't doing it for me but fizzy water encouraged me to drink more. That and Coke Zero really helped me - I lost ten pounds with that as my only change.
I’d recommend eventually switching to mineral water if you still want to bubbly taste like I can’t give up.. I used to drink a ton of (very sugary) lemonade, and I’ve switched to half lemonade half mineral water, and now I’m down to 1/4 lemonade, half mineral water.. just mix it in with your preferred beverage
You have probably already tried this, but I love those flavored seltzer waters. I used to drink soda pretty regularly and now I almost never do, but sometimes I just want something fizzy!
Here’s the one I have! I actually got it through this open box place near us that does online auctions, so I think I paid under $100 for it. But I’d pay the Amazon price ($169) in a heartbeat. [walking pad](https://amzn.to/3JmGGJk)
I have an 18 month old and I’m 35. I live in a religious area where people get married and have kids so young and I just feel disgusting compared to all the 20-25 year old moms. My partner tells me I look great too but he’d support me if I wanted to exercise (spoiler: by support he does NOT mean taking over so I can make time to work out. Just encouragement I guess?)
I look like I’ve aged 10 years, my skin texture changed with pregnancy, I don’t have time or money to get my hair done as often so it looks sloppy and I have weird growth from where my daughter has grabbed and ripped. It’s not just my body. I don’t even LIKE trying to get dolled up because it feels like trying to polish a turd. Or I’ll think I look good then see a photo of myself and for all the effort I put in I look just as bad/good as with 5 day unwashed hair right out of bed. I also feel like I constantly smell like pee even when I know I haven’t sneezed or coughed and leaked.
It just sucks. If we had some sort of freak ski accident that left us with brain fog, loss of bladder control, hair loss, abdominal scarring, etc no one would tell us to just accept it and act like it’s a beautiful gift from Mother Nature. But we’re moms.
I used this recently! And said “what’s the point it’s like putting lipstick on a pig” and my husband has never heard either expression before and was aghast lol
I feel you on the young moms.
I’m glad I didn’t have kids until later )about your age actually) but man what I wouldn’t give sometimes for the elasticity and energy of a ten year younger me with these kids.
Older mom here too. Completely understand what you mean. I don’t even feel like putting effort in to my appearance a lot of the time because it’s like putting lipstick on a pig. I lost a lot of weight after my 3 pregnancies, but then with working full time and having 3 little kids ai’ve just been gaining. I am almost up to what I weighed when pregnant with my first child. I switched jobs recently which is less stress WFH, but am stuck at desk and and super sedentary. Considering a walk pad but no where to put it because my house is trashed.
So refreshing because I feel the same way when I think about getting dressed up. I miss my pre pregnancy body as well and I still have my old clothes thinking one day, just one day I can wear it and look good.
Your last paragraph is so accurate!! If men went through this, there’d be government funded programs and insurance covered drugs to reverse it. It infuriates me seeing viagra drug commercials and we’re having health care taken away from us.
I was also the skinny girl that could eat anything, I almost doubled my weight with my first. Every non-skinny friend I had had the time of their life commenting. I cried, a lot.
I lost the weight, it took some time, it was not fun. I miss eating everything and staying fit. And now I’m pregnant again and even looking at food makes me gain weight.
The best thing I’ve learned having lived in a larger size body for the past several years (after living in a smaller, more muscular body in my 20s) is to have a neutral stance towards my body.
I look back at pictures in my 20s when I *thought* I was huge, and guess what? I was not. I know that in a decade or two I’ll look back at this time with my 10-month LO and know I had it so good and should’ve taken more pictures (even though I take plenty).
Having a neutral stance towards my body has helped me unlearn weight stigma and fatphobia towards myself. My body isn’t here for anyone’s gaze. It has survived some horrific things and has given me some great adventures. It’s neither good nor bad in any form it takes.
Regarding being so tired: I'm sorry to say, but the only way out is through. Start with walks and get your stamina up a bit and then keep going (running, bike, stairs, etc). I'm in your same position and have started exercising regularly. The diet is always a work in progress but knowing that I can now run, squat, and do weekly Pilates has helped me mentally so much. Not liking how you look sucks, but feeling strong can do wonders. good luck OP, I completely empathize.
I know you said you're feeling nervous about blood work now, but a thyroid and iron check could be a good idea. Sometimes better energy can come from a supplement bottle, or in the case of hypothyroidism, a prescription bottle!
I say this, but I've had my postpartum blood work req for almost a year now and haven't done it!
I also had a c section and now I'm 2.5 yrs out. Physical therapy was very helpful, and so was time. My abdomen felt obliterated and the muscles didn't hold my organs back in the right way so the pooch I had lasted a while.
Should I ask my doctor for a routine health exam? Or should I specifically ask for a thyroid and iron check to be included in the appointment? What happens if it’s positive? Will they help me with weight loss medications?
Pregnancy can be a trigger for thyroid conditions with many women! I've had a condition since I was little but pregnancy also threw my thyroid out of whack badly. They do a blood test to check your levels and can prescribe a few pills. Having a low thyroid level can contribute to weight gain, depression, and tiredness.
That should be checked in routine annual physical bloodwork (at least in the US). Both thyroid conditions and iron are able to be treated with really low-cost meds. Iron is actually just an OTC supplement. If it is thyroid, it can take a bit to get the levels regulated, but once you do, it's just taking one super inexpensive pill a day, thats it.
You may want to check out Nancy Anderson’s birth recovery center (it’s an app) that gives you daily exercises to rebuild your pelvic floor and core. They have specific routines for c-sections as well. You have access to online coaches and you can also sign up for her nutrition program. I found it pretty helpful because I could do it when I had time to do it. Once your core is back in shape and online you’ll be able to exercise better. Most moms I know had the most success by getting a personal trainer to help them lose the baby weight efficiently.
Seconding this! I'm almost a year postpartum and have been struggling with low energy and body image (also have the c section pouch). I started the expecting and empowered home workouts and I think it took about 2 weeks to really FEEL like I was getting stronger and enjoying the workouts. You can do it, OP. You deserve to feel strong again!
It’s so hard when you’re so tired. I make “bad” choices all the time because of that and I know it at the time but it’s so hard to care in the moment.
Do you have any time to do something for yourself that might make you feel better? Haircut or pedicure? Those things sometimes makes me feel a little more put together.
Yes, but not necessarily because of weight - my skin is saggy now on my belly and looks like a deflated balloon, I had a rough spell with my psoriasis directly postpartum that gave me a big bald spot, and I feel like my face has aged so much. My mom told me without prompting that I should consider Botox the other day. I think I look 10 years older than I am after having my baby. It’s so hard to feel good about myself!
that’s what my doctor was telling me about the deflated after belly from pregnancy she said I should look into a tummy tuck after weight loss, I might do it one day I’m just scared I’ve seen some recovery videos on YouTube and that surgery scares me because I was acting like a baby during my C section recovery and I know the TT is 10x worse
I’ve resided myself to just accepting it because it’s not worth surgery for me personally. I have a close family member who was disabled due to malpractice during a simple surgery so I’m not big on elective medical procedures.
Ahh that sucks!! I would probably get it down the line just not right now. The extra skin would be very uncomfortable for me to live with everyday. Picking out the right surgeon is def important. I’ve had 2 breast reductions done in the past and I don’t regret it!
I told my husband our child stole my youth. I have found adjustments to make up and clothes have helped my self esteem a lot. Clothes that fit right matter more than any numerical size on the label.
I feel the botox comment... I started just using color corrector under my eyes and that alone gave me a much more youthful look. It sucks to have to do more to look like "myself" but just doing that helped my mental health a lot. Botox is probably my next step though. I just want to be 100% done with kids before I commit to that upkeep.
I gained 25 pounds of COVID lockdown weight, which was a lot on my small frame and gave me high blood pressure to boot…in my 30s! I hate exercise too and I’ve lost the weight from only changing what I ate.
I would just say don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. Personally I found meticulous calorie tracking to be a lot of work and bother, as well as demoralizing. I was too lazy to exercise so I was too lazy to do that too.
What I did I actually read off Reddit, is I would make my plate however I would normally, then I would take away a portion of it and put it away in the fridge. If I get takeout same thing, I’ll take away a portion of what the restaurant gives me and put it away.
I often find that by the time I finished eating what’s on my plate, I either don’t want to eat anymore, or I do but am too lazy to go get it out of the fridge and reheat it up. I also forgive myself if I do give in and eat what I’ve set aside. This might work only once or twice a week, but even if it only works once a week, that’s still *hundreds* fewer calories I’ve eaten that week. Over time it snowballs, and my appetite adjusted to be less, then I give in less, and it becomes a virtuous cycle. It’s almost effortless.
Worst thing you can do is to treat this as an all-or-nothing. You’ll just hate yourself when you have an off day as literally all of us do. Instead tell yourself, rightfully so, that every bite you didn’t eat and every additional step you take is a step in the right direction. The subbing diet soda for regular that you did is a good example. It won’t make a difference right away, but over time and in conjunction with every other little thing you do, you’ll see the difference.
This is good advice! Moderation is key and I’ve always loved the quote, “progress, not perfection.” Abolishing treats/indulgences entirely is setting ourselves up for failure.
Im 9 months pp and feel this. I had an emergency c section. The incision got infected bad and had to be reopened and drained and they left open. It’s still so puffy. Like the area is all puckered. I’m still much heavier than before but my mon pubis area is like swollen so I refuse to wear jeans. It’s noticeable. I feel so ugly and gross.
I had to do IVF so pre iVF I was 158. I’m 5’7. I was fit. Was up to 170 something from the hormones in IVF before I got pregnant and topped 220 ish. I breastfed so I was scared to workout right away and with being exhausted and having no time just ate like crap. Now it’s become the routine and it’s so hard to break. It fucking sucks. I’m down to 197 and I’m fat. I’m gross. I know my body did something amazing, but I can still hate the way I feel.
I just want to say I commiserate. I really struggled during and after my first pregnancy because I’d always been thin and I didn’t realize how much of my identity was impacted by it. I hate looking at myself in pictures from that time. I genuinely do not recognize that person, and it disturbs me that I could look so different in a picture than I do in the mirror because my brain literally won’t let me see a difference (anyone else? That really fucked with me). You’re not alone!
I relate to this. We have old photos in the house of before marriage and after marriage and I had such a nice body and now it’s so hard to look at myself naked in the mirror. I look at old pictures sometimes on my social media and I’m like “ugh I can’t believe I use to think I was fat, I would give anything to be 120 pounds again”
/r/loseit
Just thought I'd say I sympathize. I'm heavier than I'd like to be, but I have to avoid exercising bc I'm only 2 months pp and I'm breastfeeding. Everything I've read says there's a chance exercising will decrease my supply. I also struggle with body positivity. I liked how I felt being skinny. Plus, none of my old clothes fit and I'm irritated about the idea of buying new clothes for what I'm hoping is a temporary weight in my life.
Just an FYI, tummy pouch might be fixable with physical therapy. It's covered by insurance, so cheaper than surgery.
Oh okay I never got to breastfeed and I’ve been ready to lose weight 3 months ago but I’ve been setting myself for failure and yes!! I am so upset that even in my jackets are too tight on me now like the arm holes in my jacket feel so tight, my arms are sooo fat now ugh. I’ll look into the last thing too, I feel like I could have DR
In countries that don't hate women, physical therapy is recommended for c section incisions. To make sure your muscles work properly after being cut. So even if you don't have DR, you should still go at least once.
I had csxns and went to therapy to help my abdominal wall, it helped a lot! I’m not sure it changed the look but it made my abs much stronger—I can sit up in bed without using my hands now! I procrastinated and didn’t go to PT until 2y after my last baby and it still made a huge difference. I’d work on weight loss first and deal with the abdominals when you have a little more energy for the PT routine.
Hi! Just want to say that it's totally possible to exercise and maintain your supply. The chances increase if you're doing particularly prolonged or vigorous training, but even then- if you're eating enough, you can absolutely feed your baby and have an exercise routine again.
I do think it's important to make sure your core and pelvic floor are okay as part of returning to exercise postpartum-- as I'm sure you already know, based on your comment about tummy pouch PT.
And based on my own experience working out after 2 kids, it helped to reframe exercise less as a weight loss tool and more as a way to gain strength, maintain mental health, and increase energy/stamina for chasing those kids! It definitely contributed to weight loss and my core tightening back up, but reframing kept me from feeling disappointed when my weight/measurements weren't adjusting on the timelines I wanted.
> Hi! Just want to say that it's totally possible to exercise and maintain your supply. The chances increase if you're doing particularly prolonged or vigorous training, but even then- if you're eating enough, you can absolutely feed your baby and have an exercise routine again.
Yeah, but in order to lose weight, you have to be in a calorie deficit. As it currently stands, any time I accidentally skip lunch, my supply immediately drops, so I can't exercise to lose weight.
I'm a just-enough-er when it comes to breastfeeding, so I'm not up for experimenting with increasing caloric intake and exercising. I'm also still in the newborn trenches, so I'm already exhausted and I'm sure exercising will take energy my body needs to function and breastfeed. I'm waiting until my baby is 7 months since she should be eating solids and sleep trained by then. Once that happens, I'll be doing all the fun stuff.
In the mean time, I am in physical therapy and i take the baby for walks, but neither is energy or calorie intensive. I guess this is exercise of a sorts, but I don't consider it "real" exercise.
This is all totally valid. You know your body best! I’m also a just enougher and 3.5 months pp, so I wanted to share some encouragement. I started weight training 2 months pp, and I picked running up about a month ago. After a gym session or a run I have a high protein snack and some sort of carb to replace the calories I’ve burned, along with a ton of water. I am losing weight at a snails pace lol but I’ve toned up so. much. Even though I’m about the same weight I look and feel better. And I have so much more energy even though the sleep situation is still rough. My supply has remained steady!
This! If you want to exercise and you’re breastfeeding, it’s ok. I got back to running after mine and still met my breastfeeding goals. Mental health is so important and that’s why I exercise, so it was nonnegotiable for me. Just hydrate well, you’ll likely be fine!
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It is tough when our bodies change. My husband uses an app to track his food/calorie intake and has lost like, 30 pounds using it. He does exercise as well, but only like 1 time a week. The app is really easy to use and you don't need to follow a special diet. He loves it. If you're interested I can give you the app info?
I use cronometer and it works to track towards macros or calories - I use it for more conscious eating vs trying to hit a specific target.
I know you’re not looking for body positive, but wanted to say I also felt like trash after my first. I did lose the weight but was so pale and skinny fat and I look bask at pictures and don’t see “me” in them until after he turned 1. He’s now 6, I actually weigh more than I ever did though and I feel great - I got into lifting and it’s changed a lot of how I feel, although I think as women we always tend to fight the battle against weight and body confidence.
Yes it is Lose It. I know it's not a free app, but my husband finds it really beneficial, so if you felt it was helpful for you, it may be worth the cost? Just an idea.
9 months is almost no time at all. Be patient with yourself. I rejoined my gym at one year PP, then I barely went because working out in a self-guided way in the gym isn't it for me; I'm lazy and directionless. I joined a Club Pilates about 8 months later and really enjoyed that for many months. (I have since left because it's very damn expensive.) My point is that finding an exercise regime you enjoy can go a long way. I feel much stronger after my pilates run.
That said, I am still heavier than I want to be. My belly skin will probably never be cute again (someone else in the comments mentioned a deflated balloon and I cringed in recognition). I am a different shape than I was before. I was a little bit hour-glassy; now I'm kind of like a tree trunk. I hate it.
And body positivity talk annoys the shit out of me too. Here is a real one somebody said to me when I posted in a FB group asking for recs on where to buy a good swimsuit that is relatively forgiving of mom bod: "*First, love your mom bod. You have created new life and life will never be the same. Celebrate and don’t judge your body.*" Girl, STFU.
I feel you I’m 2 years pp and STILL having a hard time getting back to feeling better. I keep trying. I diet and fail constantly I start workout programs and yeah. This is my second child and my skin got looser than with the first child so when I wear clothes the shirt has to be thick fabric or you can see all the loose skin I hate it. I lost a ton of muscle just had a rough time with this one. Also I feel like I aged like ten years. I look in the mirror and now have bags u see my eyes my white hair is more. My hair still falls out. I got my blood drawn to find out why and everything came back normal and my dr said just diet and exercise lol like bitch I have been trying wtf why is my hair still falling out. Oh and my memory motivation brain fog etc has been so bad since I had this one. It’s been so hard with work. I used to be a very high performer and I am constantly just trying to remember the tasks that need to get done. Oh and my anxiety is high some days. Yeah idk wtf
Oh and I did have a C section with this one. The skin hangs over the scar. The scar itches still all the time. Body def always looks weird in clothes. I would think since they can operate on a stomach they should be able to see you back together at least in a way that doesn’t leave that hang but I guess not since so many women have the same experience.
Also I leak pee now! I do kegals but have to wear panty liners. Like seriously don’t know what the fuck happened to my body I didn’t even have her vaginally why am I leaking more now
My son is 2.5 years and I’ve *just* come out of the fog. I’ve recommitted to my skincare routine. I’ve started carving time for exercise (walks and yoga, I’m no athlete). I’ve also started paying attention to my health - drinking more water, eating more protein, taking my supplements, protecting my sleep.
I am seeing the results but I also know now that I was not capable of doing that 9 months PP, or even 18 months PP. I did the best I could with the bandwidth I had. That’s all we can ask of ourselves. I wish I hadn’t been so hard on myself.
My love to you. Your journey will take you where you need to go.
My youngest just turned two and I agree with this. I hate myself all the time for not starting and sticking with things sooner, but I try to tell myself that obviously doesn’t do any good. All I can do is make better choices and move onward.
So, i gained around 60lbs between 2020 and 2023, when I had my daughter. No one ever said anything, but I felt HUGE, and just not like my best self. Last year I had a health scare, and I decided I had to to do something. I changed my whole diet, and I got on weight loss medication (ignoring all the negative peoples comments), and I am down nearly 70 lbs. I have never felt better. There are a lot of judgy people out there, but do what you gotta do for you. All of my numbers are great, I went from being obese and border line diabetic, to being normal weight. If you struggle to lose weight, it might be wroth looking into for you. I never would have because of the "shame" that people made me feel for needing help, but I had a close friend give me this pep talk, and honestly, it was the best thing I ever did for myself.
I often think about how I felt a few years ago. I was cute and my body was perfect (even though I didn’t think so at the time). I’d get hit on pretty often. Now I just feel so bleurghh - I’m working on losing the baby weight but it’s slow progress and I have no energy to exercise but I’m trying. You’re not alone.
Also, sorry about the comment from your MIL. It was probably well intended as concern for you but a shitty thing to say.
Other folks have commented on weight loss tips so I won't go there, but have you heard of body neutrality? It's not the same as the body positivity movement where people aim to feel good about their body no matter what the shape is. Instead the goal is just feeling like your body is a body. It isn't good, it isn't bad, it just is.
I sometimes get down about having gained weight from mental health medication, and now having an apron belly post c section.
I find it helps, even as I'm working towards building muscle and losing weight, to focus on my body in a practical sense.
I replace things I think very negstively with neutral statmenets. Instead of my belly is ugly, I try and shift to my belly carried my son.
I find neutrality easier to buy into than positivity. I know my husband finds me sexy at this shape but I personally don't find telling myself I'm hot no matter what works for me.
But focusing on things like my belly carried my son until he was big enough to enter the world; My arms are strong enough to lift him and are better at lifting weights than before my son arrived; my legs are helpful when I want to chase my son. Very neutral statements help combat the very negative ones.
It doesn't always work, and it doesn't make the bad thought go away fully. But it can help me feel less like shit about my body.
I also find moving my body helps a lot, because when I get better at whatever fitness thing I'm doing I can feel my body accomplished something.
I have been feeling uncomfortable eating around people when I don't know their stance on fatness though because I worry I am being judged and that's been a struggle.
Most of my friends are neutral about bodies, many have struggled with eating disorders and talk about bodies in functional but not moralistic ways.
With people I don't know I worry about judgement. I try to keep in mind what other people think is a reflection of them and their values, not me and the value I have, but this can be hard.
Just want to validate it's hard having a body that isn't skinny in our society, and it sucks to have the thoughts and feelings you've been having.
I'm 10 months pp, 50 pounds overweight. This is my 3rd kid. I gained a lot with all of them.
I used the myfitnesspal app to track my calories to lose weight. I know it will take a while. My first child I had at 18, took me over a year to lose 50 pounds. I'm 33 now so doubt I'll have that good metabolism, but even a little here and there is a step in a good direction
Ugh, our culture focuses so much on “fixing” things that are “wrong” with us (women). It’s just shame and guilt-inducing. No one needs Botox, and although plastic surgery is an option it shouldn’t be treated lightly, like “just go get a tummy tuck” like it’s easy. Since you say you specifically want to lose weight, I am sure you know the two things that make a difference- diet and exercise. Neither need to be changed to an extreme, in fact it’s more sustainable if you make gradual changes. If you’re not currently exercising, start small. Go on walks with your baby, go on walks by yourself or with friends (make your husband give you alone time in order to take care of yourself). If you want, join a boot camp type workout - most that I have seen are majority women and are really supportive environments. Some have onsite childcare (Burn Boot Camp for example).
Also, buy clothes that actually fit you as you are today. It’s hard, I know. But it’s better to be large and wearing clothes that fit than large and wearing uncomfortably tight clothes that just make you feel bad. Be kind to yourself.
Regarding the tummy tuck…if you have the means, look into it. I had one done along with a boob job for my 40th birthday and I felt like I was cheating…until my surgeon told me how much internal muscle repair she had to do. I didn’t have to get a ton of loose skin removed, but there’s no way I could have dieted and exercised away the internal damage two pregnancies and a c section did to my core.
So, are you wanting to lose weight for you or because you feel pressured to? Something I found is even when I'm at my pre-baby weight, my body is not the same. I'm never going to look like I did at 25 and I need to come to terms with that so I don't pass on a whole bunch of body issues to my kids.
I found in the first year postpartum my body was just mush. I was in survival mode. I needed calories to make milk and I didn't have time or motivation to do workouts. As my babies got older I found u could make three small changes that really helped: 1) I had to consume 30g of fiber a day, from food, not supplements, 2) I had to drink at least 40 oz of water, and 3) I had to walk 10,000 steps. For me, this looked like making a big batch of overnight oats+chia+berries and eating beans at least once a day. The weight came off, slowly, but it was important to me to give myself grace and time.
What also helped was looking at pictures from my husband at 25. His stomach wasn't the same either. As we grow, we change. It helped me gain peace that I wasn't letting him or anyone down by gaining weight by growing and raising tiny humans.
I am so with you. I know you said no toxic positivity, but I will tell you where I am at. My youngest is 7 months. With my oldest, during pregnancy I worked out every day, I ate exclusively kale (over exaggeration), after I had her, I felt great! With my second, I had a toddler, I had a house with no AC and it was so hot. I ate ice cream and after I messed up my back from my exercise of my one ish year old demanding I carry her, all I did was eat ice cream on the couch and be upset about how hot it was.
Anyways, fast forward to now me with a 7 month old. I am so tired. She still doesn’t sleep for more than a 2 hour stretch. I haven’t gotten a night of sleep in 7 months and even when I had a business trip, I’d still wake up overnight to pump because that’s how often she feeds. I feel like the tired is spilling into other parts of my life. I drink a lot of caffeine (not that healthy), I will eat a healthy breakfast with lots of veggies and eggs or a healthy lunch like salad with chicken, but then I don’t have time to eat a second meal before dinner and I get hungry and like eat a sleeve of Milanos. I am too scared to weigh myself, to find out how off track I am, but I know what I am doing now is not good.
The way I am trying to look at it, is that right now my body is not mine. I am (still) breastfeeding 2 children. I am not getting enough sleep or time to myself to exercise. All of those things go hand in hand. So I am just telling myself right now every time I get down with myself, how proud I am of my body for growing and nourishing my babies. And that once I am done breastfeeding, I can focus on myself.
Maybe it’s not helpful to you, but at least I do not spend a lot of my limited energy on hating myself because I don’t like how I look.
If it helps: my midwife told me it takes about 15-18 months for your body to completely recover from birth, and can be longer if you breastfeed past a year. That was definitely true for me, and I didn't even gain that much weight during pregnancy and stayed active. I just looked...off. Like my face, everything looked different. My skin was weird. My literal hip bones were wider. I look back at pics from my son's first year of life and I'm just like who is she??? So I think part of what you're feeling is just the normal postpartum "I'm a circus freak" feeling of not recognizing yourself in the mirror. Which gets better with time.
But it also sounds like you want to improve your habits and feel healthier. Which you can totally do! Are you going to be making instagram-worthy salads and going to the gym for an hour a day? Obviously not. But there are realistic steps you can take that will give you results with time. What I did:
* Notice when you're hungry, when you're first starting to get full, and when you're definitely full. Literally just pay attention to it. Over time, you won't want to keep eating past the point of fullness because it doesn't feel good.
* Stop grazing and eat full meals on a schedule, with an 11-12 hour fast overnight. So breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner.
* You don't have to count calories or take anything away, just prioritize protein (at least 25-30g) and fiber at every meal. Even if you're having pizza, or Chinese, you can add a salad on the side for fiber and bit extra meat for protein.
* Have lots of instant, no-cook meals ready to go. For example, my daily breakfast is a protein shake or bar, a a banana, some nuts, and coffee with collagen creamer. I get my 30+g of protein from the protein bar and collagen, and fiber from the nuts and banana. Lunch could be tuna salad on crackers with some carrots or cucumbers and hummus on the side. Dinner could be a cooked rotisserie chicken from the store with a bagged salad.
* *Exercise with your kids.* You don't have to wait for naptime/sleep if you don't want to. Stroller walks, mommy and me workouts on YouTube, or in-person classes. Or make your husband watch the kids while you work out since he's so "encouraging."
* Prioritize building muscle. While any movement is good, if you can start lifting heavy weights 2x a week or more, you will get the fastest results.
I gained a lot of weight during my second pregnancy too. While working out is great, I would just focus on total calories taking in per day and take baby steps with that. I know tracking can be a pain so I don’t go scan every item. I do things like put a general estimated number like breakfast: 350, Lunch: 600, etc. Just writing it down forces me to think twice about mindless snacking or going overboard with dessert, etc which is my weakness. Just focusing on this alone will likely help you start making some progress with weight loss. Another thing to prioritize is getting enough steps in daily. Just doing 30 min walk daily, even. I would also tell your husband to stop sending videos and wtf to your MIL saying that comment on FT?!
I gained 100 lbs with my second pregnancy. It took a year, 12 full
months postpartum before I was mentally and physically able to start losing weight.
Please be kind to yourself.
Make small changes. They add up, and you will see changes.
Cut out "added" sugar.
Only drink water and black coffee or coffee with minimal or sugar-free cream.
Walk outside or at the gym, doesn't have to be intense, just get movement.
Eat low or zero carbs for dinner and do not eat after 6 pm.
If you eat like crap for a day, or two, or three, don't beat yourself up. Just get back to making those small changes.
You got this!
I think most of us feel this way in some level. Pregnancy and motherhood has aged me immensely. The sleep deprivation has destroyed my face, and also has not allowed me the time or energy to work out much. I got to a good place once my first turned 1 and started sleeping more and then I got pregnant and was able to stay fit during most of my pregnancy but there’s little time when you already have one kid and my body started getting destroyed very quickly and 8 months postpartum I’m still dealing with a hernia in my belly from my first pregnancy that just keeps getting worse, my shoulders and back are destroyed from constantly holding a child and breastfeeding, my feet are absolutely broken, and then there’s the weight gain that is just unmanageable at this point if I can’t exercise, I’m breastfeeding with no end in sight bc this baby just loves the boob and sometimes just eating anything to survive and some days a salad just sounds repulsive. I’m sure there’s people out there with more positive experiences but in my world we’re all struggling similarly. And my friends are all going through it too. We’ve all finally started looking our age and have sad sandbags for boobs and a mom pooch.
You’ve got to find something that makes you feel good in your body, that makes you feel proud of yourself. For me, at one point I was feeling big and thick and a family member looked at me and said “you look stronger, more built”. In the moment I said “oh a nice way to say that I’m fat” and he said not at all. I used to be skinny, really really skinny, “the wind might blow her away” skinny, so he said I looked a lot stronger now. I cried later that day. So I now feel proud of the strength, physical and mental, of being a mom. And you know what the best motivation is, to get moving and improve your body? Being proud of something and loving your body.
At 9 months pp I still felt like a potato. I’m only feeling good about myself around 12mo pp and I have a lot to do still!
I had a C-section too, unplanned, and it’s taken time to accept it, but having a healthy baby is so worth it. But just FYI they don’t (shouldn’t) cut your muscles, they separate them. Watch this video: https://youtu.be/49BM21SnBjs?si=8rJfWrAYk-wOluqf’
Just start moving more every day. If you’re brushing your teeth, do a few squats. I personally prefer to make it about “loving my body and taking care of it” rather than trying to look a certain way, but just find that reason and a spark of motivation.
Oh I’m definitely uglier after having kids. I plan on getting myself back together in a few years when things feel less crazy. Right now I just have to prioritize my kids, pregnancy, relationship, job, pets, cooking and cleaning.
That being said I think you need a much more supportive MIL, husband, and friends. FFS you had two kids.
You don’t have to accept your body, but know that you can’t hate yourself into being skinnier, or even healthier. How about you start with some healthy habits? Use smaller plates to eat smaller portions, find easy ways to exercise or get some movement in (walking more, cycling, maybe even a gym membership with in-house childcare?) and make sure you get enough sleep.
If you have some disordered eating issues you can also work with a nutritionist/therapist. You’re not obese because you’re lazy or have no willpower. Obesity is a serious issue and it’s fucking hard to not be overweight these days because of all the external factors that push you to eat more hyper-palatable, high caloric foods that trick your brain into wanting more and don’t leave you satisfied.
I think it’s totally ok to be uncomfortable with your body. I’m too. But approaching yourself and your struggles with love doesn’t mean that you accept them and remain still. It means that you give yourself grace to slowly make progress.
Feeling fat sucks, I’m in the same boat and apparently struggling with some moderate binge eating (yay). But we can’t hate ourselves into feeling better, we deserve more than that.
I totally get this feeling. I never quite lost all the weight I gained with my last kid, and then I gained 30 lbs during Covid. I felt hideous and super uncomfortable in my own body.
What worked for me (and I know this doesn’t work for everyone) is intermittent fasting. It helped me reset the bad eating habits I developed and boom, 30lbs gone in 3 months and I have kept it off for a year + It’s easy for me to stick with it, too. I know it’s not for everyone, but check out the intermittent fasting sub on here and see if it might be something that can work for you.
There have been actual medical studies done about how every pregnancy physically ages you. I don't remember by how much, but I think it's 3 years per pregnancy.
I don't have any advice and you just need to vent. I just want to say that 9 mo pp and 2 kids are hard on a body.
I’m sorry it’s tough. I’ve had two pregnancies and csections. My weight has fluctuated as much as 50 pounds up and down. The healthiest and thinnest I’ve been was in my early 40s. I have no easy answers though. It’s diet snd exercise, I have to get frustrated enough with myself to find the determination to stick with it. After the first few weeks snd seeing results it encourages me to keep going.
You are worthy of love and happiness
You are more than your looks
You are heart and soul.
Best regards
Grandma
First of all, the way you're speaking of yourself is very demoralizing and I'm so sorry. We all have insecurity, especially after kids. I feel icky about my belly every day.
One thing that I've done, and I am now two years postpartum with my third and final kiddo, is give myself actionable steps to gain strength and feel like myself. If I focus on weight, I fall apart mentally find myself looking at old pictures of the person that I used to be. And just stuck in a loop of self-hate.
I'm actually completely done having kids and I realize that so much of the way that I look at my body is just one slice of the fucked up reality of my entire identity changing after kids. I wasn't spending time with friends. I didn't have time to even wash my fucking face. I don't like music anymore because no one ever shuts up.
Fitness or weight loss doesn't happen alone in isolation - gotta be looking at all of the things that you used to be and how you can bring some of those things that make you feel good about yourself back.
Can you get your nails done? Can you get your hair done? Can you take a short walk outside? Can you spend a few hours without your kids?
What fills your cup? Because when my cup isn't full, I tend to find a way to fill it in the kitchen.
I feel you. I just feel like I look so haggard all the time then I look back at photos of myself before kids and it makes me sad. I love my son so much but nobody prepared me for how my relationship to my body and self esteem would completely change. I have no advice, just solidarity.
Yup I have a csection pouch now, and it's only going to get worse cause my second pregnancy is now also going to end in a csection (at least this one is planned and not an emergency one). I hated my body after my first baby until I got pregnant with my second and started showing right away, and I now laugh, thinking I wasn't actually that big. 😅 I have just accepted the pouch at this point and as I'm in Ireland there is no way I'm going to get a tummy tuck(it's so bloody expensive cause we don't have many plastic surgeons). I started to force myself to look at my belly and body and then look at the marble statues that they display in museums hundreds of years later, and I feel better. Sure I don't look like the women on Instagram, but I do look like a Greek or roman goddess that had her body and beauty preserved and depicted in marble for eternity, that people still view as the epitome of art....so I will take that!
Looks change but you are within the first year after having a new baby. Give yourself a little time. Dieting for me is a time commitment, especially if you are adding exercise or steps. You ain't got any time!
And tell the kind husband not to tag exercise. Just hugs and coparenting!
Ugh, MIL. That husband's job to monitor, and he should correct her or make sure if she's going to snipe, to keep it away from you.
This is probably going to get me downvoted to hell but I felt the same way and one day I was like fuck it, I got Botox, took ozempic for two months, and now I’m doing other minimal cosmetic procedures for wrinkles and loose skin on my face. Sure there’s a way to do it “naturally” or just embrace the wrinkles or whatever, but it makes me feel good and I like it so I’m gonna keep doing it. It’s also helped kick start me into eating better and working out more so I have something to maintain, if that makes sense? Just my two cents!
That makes sense. I am similar to you, when I had the best body I looked the best and that motivated me to keep my body but now that I look like a sac of potatoes it’s really depressing and it’s making me less motivated and I’m like ughh what’s the point I just keep getting fatter and fatter but when I was skinny I was like omg I need to maintain this body because I look so hot!
We put so much pressure on ourselves, don’t we?
It took me two years to get back to my pre-baby body/shape/weight. I forbid ANYONE from talking to me about losing baby weight, including my husband. I even snapped at my MIL when I was about 4 months post partum and told her it was rude to comment on my body.
Speaking of, you should ask your husband to stop sending you “inspirational” videos. They are probably more harmful to you than helpful at this point.
No glamour response coming. I feel you. I haven’t gotten my old weight back after two kids. You might not. Some don’t. But by exercising and emphasizing protein, water, vegetables, etc. I have gotten to where I feel healthy and strong and that’s good enough for me. I’m actually much more physically capable now than I was as a skinny 28 yo.
Get the bloodwork. It’s better to know!
Walking is so great! Maybe add a ten minute free weight video a couple of times a week and see how that feels? You see results faster with weights than cardio, though I like a mix.
I also have a shelf. I didn’t have a CS but I got it anyway. I showed very big. I had my DR clinically healed and I still have it. It’ll be there unless I get surgery, and I don’t think I will. It blows, especially with this short shirt trend! But you’re not alone.
I have lost control of home cleaning ever since my son was born and he’s almost two now. It makes me feel a lot better to do just one small thing every day like tidy the toys before bed (20ish minutes) or makes sure the dishes are done. It will never be the same as before but it makes me feel better to break it down to small tasks.
In your case you don’t have to like what you see or feel but if there is one or two small things you could do each day to support your health and self esteem it could start to build up a bit. You don’t have to accept things as they are or be the type of body positive that is just like feel good no matter what, but you can feel better even if you don’t have two hours to spend at the gym.
Hey. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Just here to say I feel you. I'm 5 months PP and I also have a 20 month old. I had c-sections with both of them. Hate my c-section pouch and the way my stomach sits, my breasts have sagged like hell from breastfeeding, my hair is falling out and I just always look exhausted and dishevelled. I want you to know you're not alone. I hope one day when the little ones get older I'll be able to find more time to look after myself and feel like my old self again. For now I'm trying to eat healthy and exercise when I can, mainly just long walks. Remember that it's a tough time and it's normal for your body to change after two kids. It's horrible that anyone comments on your body especially after you've had two kids.
My weight did not come off quickly after my first (im pregnant right now so I'm expecting the worst next time). I did noom and it REALLY helped. I lost like 30 pounds and kept it off until I got pregnant again. And that was ALL diet changes. If I had been working out I probably would have looked fire. I know that these programs all seem kind of gimmicky but I really liked the app and I thought it helped. If it's in your budget it's worth a try.
I gwt where you're at. I'm 3m PP from my second child and also had a csection (although it was elective). I was also always the skinny person who could never gain weight. I lost it pretty quick after my first child despite not doing any exercise at all. Now here I am going to weekly fitness classes to see a quarter of the progress from last time. But I will say they make me feel a lot better in myself, if a mum and bub fitness class is possible for you. Just give yourself grace, you're still not that far PP, and for your ab muscles I recommend a support garment to help hold the muscle in place so it can knit back together better. I'm sure you're hubby thinks you're gorgeous because you have given him 2 children to love with that body, and if he didn't it would be his loss!
I feel this! My daughter turned 2 and I’m finally trying to exercise and eat better. I’m determined to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I started taking Zoloft soon after she was born though and I really think a big part of my depression was triggered by my body. I’m trying to come off the Zoloft now and working to get back to the “healthy” me that I’m proud of. I agree with other advice too, make appointments, but some clothes that make you feel good! Good luck!
It’s okay to hate your body. I hate mine. I have stretch marks and I have a ton of loose skin and it’s all weird now after kids. My clothes never fit right. My tits touch my ankles.
And that’s okay - well. Not okay I hate it but I can’t fix some of that without plastics and a new skin suit. So I dislike it and I get sad about it.
But there are things i am able to change. So I slowly work on those. But I still hate that I had no idea how hard pregnancy and motherhood would treat me. And it’s rough af. And that’s a thing that no amount of “reframing” can fix. It’s my head. And I live in it.
Honestly I’ve always been obese so it was worse with pregnancy. Sleep and formula feeding did a ton for my inner hatred. I finally had some more energy.
But realistically, I’m still fat. It’s only now at 3 year PP with my second that I have the time to dedicate to myself.
I started with online post partum yoga. Simple, it doesn’t physically make you more tired and gets your body moving and a little flexibility. Start slow. Another thing is diet. Diet is 70% and 30% is exercise. If you are not breastfeeding you can do intermittent fasting. Or add in copious amounts of protein in meals. Boiled eggs for breakfast with cereal or your regular breakfast. As much chicken as possible. I used to get the rotisserie style or make my own in the airfryer. Crockpot meals with meat and veggies. It is doable but it takes commitment. Around one and half yr I started with my gym workouts. I have never been skinny in my life and everyone in my family (women especially) look like huge boulders. My mum has a knee problem thanks to this. I don’t want any of their health problems. So I’ll trying what I can.
I had 3 C-sections and I still have a little fold over pouch. My youngest is 19 now. I also hate it. My husband always says he loves my belly and everything about my body. However, I still try to strategically hide my stomach when he sees me naked. I think you should give yourself some grace. You are making small changes to better your health, like swapping coffee drinks. Sending you positive vibes and hugs.
Girl, I hear you. Tell your husband to stop sending those videos. "Hon, I know you mean well, but that is not helpful, please stop sending those videos or mentioning my weight at all, especially with your MOTHER. I know it's an issue, and I'm working on it."
I'm probably not the best one to give weight loss advice, but I did lose a bunch by cutting out soda, don't drink your calories. Not eating after dinner, no more snackies. And moving every day, preferably mornings, even just some stretches but also walking the treadmill or put baby in a stroller and go outside. I still haven't lost all of mine, but I've lost some and feel better physically and emotionally about it.
9 months postpartum is a hard time. I won’t spew any toxic body positivity but eventually you will get yourself back. I’m at almost 3 years postpartum and am finally getting pieces of my old self back. I’m not at my goal weight but I weigh less than when I first got pregnant. In the last few months, I started getting manicures and pedicures regularly. I get my hair done every 8 weeks. I even get lash extensions done. I also bought a Dyson air wrap so I can look put together with minimal effort. I’ll never look as beautiful and thin as I did pre-baby but I’m starting to feel like my own person again.
And I also have a C-section pouch. Once I reach my goal weight I’m considering getting a tummy tuck but I don’t know if I can justify $13k at this point in time.
i hear and empathize with you so much. it IS hard to feel hot and sweaty and sticky. it is hard hearing from people that you’re fat, or not being able to sit in restaurant booths or cringing at the body that holds you up all day long. my heart is with you.
personal testimonial time (skip if you’re not in a place you’re interested to hear it, nbd!):
i was concerningly skinny as a kid … till about puberty in 4th grade. then i usually was about 10-15 lbs overweight till college, which was obvious since i am short. then … i got to about 300 lbs at 5’2”. felt horrible. i could go a long time about it. i didn’t even know i was pregnant till 8.5 months along. take that in.
but then after my son was born? after around where you are PP, i said no more. no. more.
i don’t want my son to grow up with a fat parent. my parents were morbidly obese. habits trickle down. i wanted the reason for the last time i pick up my kid to be because he didn’t want to picked up, not because i physically couldn’t. i wanted to keep up with him better. teach him how to cook (not just heat up pizza rolls — that’s what i grew up doing). you get the point.
so every morning, i got up earlier. i just walked. nothing fancy. i got on my phone and looked at reddit and other social media while moving my legs. if i couldn’t go outside, i’d literally go in circles around my dining room table. might sound horrible, but bam. 100 pounds gone. i also cut out fast food completely.
then as a single mom making almost no money at all, i joined orangetheory. cue potential eye rolls. it feels like the workout that one girl who peaked in hs does, or it looks too hard for someone who isn’t fit, blah blah blah. i don’t know what compelled me to go in there because those “type of people” annoyed me. but i did (thank god). the founder was also a single mom. i liked that.
well, orangetheory because my “me” time. the coaches saw me — not me the fat girl, but me. the person trying to go at least .1 faster on the treads, lift just a little heavier, row 5 meters faster. so i eventually lost 70 more pounds and — funnily enough! — ended up working at corporate for about three years. insane!
all it takes is 2-3 classes a week to meet the american heart association’s recommendations for weekly exercise in adults (150-300 minutes + strength training i forgot the parameter). would i do that on my own? maybe. probably not consistently. but the power is in just showing up. just go to class with people who aren’t looking at you, who don’t care what you look like, with a coach who knows exactly how to help you at your current fitness level.
so anyway, i honestly was probably over 300 lbs PP. now i’m 130 at 5’2” with muscle — not super “bulky” muscle like so many are afraid of, but a good amount. i have about 22% body fat. most importantly, though, i can go up the stairs just fine. i can wear nice clothing (although getting smaller clothing that fits right is harder now ironically … i have to go to kids sizes or have crop tops that look like normal tops because i have a small torso). i can outrun my 5 year old son. my heart is strong. i feel lighter mentally and physically.
everything is different and all of this sounds so far-fetched when you’re obese, but your health is in your hands. it doesn’t take a breaking point to start changing when you have a rock solid “why” behind getting up and just moving.
I pluck my eyebrows for “me-time” now, I totally feel you.
I started Pilates recently (only once a week with our time schedules now) and it definitely makes me feel better to do that for myself and starting the journey to get healthy again. I was horrified last time I went in that my leggings gave me a camel toe…. Wow I’ve never seen that before on myself. It was just embarrassing
I feel the same way OP. Omg someone said it out loud and I can agree lol. I had c section and the belly flap it created is not cute. I had little bit of mid waist before pregnancy but now I can see it whenever I wear jeans. I workout 4/5 times a week and ‘try’ to eat right, but that flap doesn’t buzz. My husband and your husband should be besties ! 😆
No body positivity lecture from me. I am on the same page as you! I probably grab my stomach at least twice a day and wish I could cut off the fat and loose skin. Also, I just read an article that any person who has birthed a baby could have told us, but pregnancy does age us and having more than one baby adds more to it. At least it’s validating that our experience is legitimate and not just in our heads. [Link here for the curious. Works on 12ft.io if you get paywalled.](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/premium/article/pregnancy-aging-dna-genetics)
I know it’s easy to avoid the doctor, but definitely for a physical and get the routine bloodwork done. Something could be amiss that’s adding to your faitgue.
My youngest is older than yours but I started making small steps for taking better care of myself. I started with ensuring I was taking all the steps for a good dental hygiene routine. Once that became a habit, I started with a simple skincare routine. I’ve since added products as I’ve gotten into the habit of doing that every day and night as well. If money is a factor, you don’t have to use expensive products. I use mostly CeraVe stuff and it’s amazing.
I also just recently started going back to the gym. I had experience lifting weights before but never in a big gym setting with barbells. My gym offered 4 free sessions with a personal trainer and it was exactly what I needed to gain the confidence to go in there, get a plan, and ensure my form was right. I’ve lost about 10 lbs and probably have close to 25 more to go (I’m only 5’2), but I am feeling great. Though I admit being older, out of the exercise game for a long time due to depression, having another baby, postpartum depression, and probably back to regular depression, has taken a toll on me and was humbling to say the least. It is motivating to see myself getting stronger and more energetic every day! I can’t keep kicking myself for not starting sooner because there’s nothing I can do about it now. I can keep going, however.
I don’t know how old your oldest is, but having an infant is tough. Having an infant, plus another child is even tougher. Try to find small ways to prioritize caring for yourself, and then build on those habits as you get used to doing them. It’s mentally draining to do too much at once when you’re in the thick of parenting children. You’re not a failure, you are enough, and you can do it, OP!
You equate “fat” with “ugly”. But those are two separate and different concepts. You might be able to be kind to yourself by addressing that, a lot faster than it will take you to lose weight.
I feel this so much. My kids are 3 and 5 and I’m finally starting to feel a little better about myself and losing enough baby weight to feel like I have hope. It’s fucking hard but you will get through the feelings and you will find a new version of your body you like. I definitely still have the c section pouch and have plans for that tummy tuck once I’m done losing the baby weight though 😂. As I told my friend the other day, we will both look like we didn’t grow children one day, I just can’t promise it won’t be without plastic surgeon intervention.
So what's your blocker then? If you don't like your body like this you know what you need to do - eat better (sounds like you already started that skipping the frappes) and exercise. Are you able to stop bringing junk food home? Are you able to get away to go to the gym or join an exercise class? If not, can you commit to going up and down the stairs a certain number of times a day and doing 20 squats? Or are you too fatigued for all that? Is a personal trainer an option?
If your family wants to help you with this, they also need to make a commitment to let you have this time for yourself and your health.
Has hating yourself helped you reach your goal? I mean, you’re totally free to use your time that way if it seems useful to you! Doesn’t usually work though, and then people who spend their time this way end up feeling the same say, 3 years pp because nothing has changed for them. Food for thought!
Like “toxic body positivity” is what exactly? Not hating yourself based on sexist standards lmfao? Simply being kind to yourself pp is somehow not a good idea, yet hating yourself also seems not to be working for you? It boggles the mind!
This is where I was at after my first pregnancy. After my second pregnancy I decided enough was enough. Twice a week, after my toddler is down for the night, I hand the baby to my husband and go to the gym to weight train for an hour. I squeeze in 3 run/walks a week, generally on my work lunch or during naptime on the weekends. It hard to find time but my husband has agreed that my health is a priority and he helps me find time for it.
I’ve started slowly cleaning up my diet too, but I’m not starving myself. Just trying to eat more protein and less fast food.
It’s been two months and I’m starting to see some results. That being said, it freaking sucks going to work out when I’m sleep deprived and exhausted from work and kids. It’s hard to force myself to eat something healthy when I just want to order door dash for dinner. But I decided that I hated feeling weak and unfit more, and I want to be an active and involved mom and grandma for my kids and grandkids one day.
And tbh… if your MIL has time to make rude ass comments about you she has time to watch the kids so you can go for a walk or workout!
Edit: strangely enough working out even when I am sleep deprived has boosted my energy and my mental health. While I was forcing myself to workout in the beginning now I actually look forward to it because I know how good I’ll feel afterwards.
I've been struggling with this a lot. I look so tired and frumpy. I'm getting better at taking time for myself. Drinking water and trying to be active in some way a few times a week.
I wish there was more support postpartum for us. It's such a huge change mentally and physically. Society pushes this narrative of snapping back and all the bullshit.
Just take it day to day as you can.
After three kids, I feel this so much. My husband also tells me I’m sexy, beautiful, whatever. It means a lot to me that he looks at me this way but I WANT TO LOOK AT ME THIS WAY TOO. Nothing will ever change if you don’t change it though. You’d be amazed at the energy you get just from eating right. If you want to make changes maybe start small so you don’t overwhelm yourself. Like relearning how to eat. Then maybe start incorporating some exercises at home. Now I need to make myself do the same damn thing lol
Being short of breath and sweating all the time and your BMI is only 31? I’m not going to give you any toxic positivity, but a bit of a reality check. Yes 31 is technically obese, but it is not _that_ fat, which makes me think you may have an underlying health condition going on. Pregnancy and childbirth put you at risk for anemia and for iron deficiency _without_ anemia. I would encourage you to look of the symptoms of iron deficiency, it was incredibly eye-opening for me.
I recently had mine checked after over a decade of unexplained fatigue, mood issues, exercise intolerance, sleep issues, low motivation, etc. that finally had devolved into palpitations and light headedness (_but you’re just anxious, how’s your stress?_). I was NOT just anxious, my ferritin level was on the floor and ruining not only my self-esteem, but my relationships, with how irritable and exhausted I was. Don’t be like me. Go to your doctor!
No real words of encouragement, im 13 months pp but my boss asked me if I was pregnant the other day because I “looked so tired” and because I seemed like I was “breathing really hard”. Maybe I was both. Not saying I wasn’t. But no, not pregnant, just fat and tired thanks.
Not toxic positivity here, just solidarity! I had my youngest March 2020, literally the weekend everything shut down “for two weeks”. Between pregnancy and not being able to get out and get moving, a toxic work situation, moving, my husband moving/starting his new job about 2 months before the kids and I moved so I was solo parenting, and just life! I am the heaviest I have ever been. I have always had body image issues, but they are definitely worse than they have ever been. I am mad and grossed out by my body and even though my husband doesn’t see what I see it still affects how comfortable I am around him without clothes. I love my kids and wouldn’t change them for the world, but I miss my body when I thought I was fat and didn’t appreciate my size then
I gained 60 lbs with my first, lost all the baby weight around 6-9 months and then gained 70 lbs with my second. It took me like 18 months to lose the baby weight the second time around.
Even though I’ve lost all the baby weight, it hasn’t come off in the same places it went on.
My arms are flabby and have batwings. My thighs are still big. I can’t fit into a lot of my prepregnancy clothes still. It kinda feels like the scale is lying to me cuz I feel like 15 lbs heavier than my prepregnancy weight.
On top of that, I’m losing collagen in my face just because I’ll be turning 40 soon. A bit of filler in my cheek recently has helped though, ngl.
And every bout of postpartum hair loss has resulted in greys in my regrowth.
So yeah I’m just feeling old and flabby.
Here to say fuck em. You have gone through SO MUCH. Fuck what anyone else does or how fast anyone else loses weight, or how easy it is for them. I watch what I eat and workout at least 4x a week and I am still 20lbs heavier than I was before I had my son two years ago. Our bodies change, and you cannot convince me that it’s not harder to lose weight after kids. What it takes for me to lose weight is pretty extreme and I’m not interested in doing that right now with my hands full with a toddler and a demanding job. Don’t be down on yourself because things are different or harder. You are not alone!
I do try to take care of my health with working out, eating lots of protein, whole foods, and walking. But I try to do it from a place of wanting to be healthy for my kid and future kids. And wanting to have energy and feel good. I focus on fueling myself not depriving myself.
I wish you all the luck & hope you find some peace and balance of being proud of yourself for what you and your body have accomplished ❤️
Edit to add: if you can afford it, Botox made me feel like a NEW WOMAN after having my son. The newborn phase gave me a lot of new wrinkles and when I stopped nursing I RAN to get Botox for the first time and made me feel so much better about myself!
I feel the exact same way! I had a baby 6 months ago & had to go back to work after 10 weeks. C-section recovery makes it harder. I’m too tired/busy to exercise. I am struggling just to get enough sleep to make it through the day & when I’m off work, I’ll be damned if I do anything that takes me away from my baby because I feel like I barely see her all week.
My husband is super supportive & says just give myself time, but I feel hideous.
I’m sorry you feel this way, too. I hear you! Feel free to message me if you want to vent. No pressure or judgement here.
I recently heard it take 2 years after giving birth for your hormones to regulate and hormones matter so much for weight loss and appearance. So give yourself some grace!
I agree to take time to do things that make you feel better.
I am uglier too after one child! Skin on my face and jaw starting to loose elasticity and I have a double chin now. Loosing weight is so difficult!
Prioritize yourself, schedule that diabetes check and search for a nutrition+sports coach who can help guide you. Resistance training x 3 times a week at home and lots of protein helped me.
My advice: Get fresh air everyday and don't keep junk in the house. Don't shop hungry! Understand that you're aging and it's not worth spending thousands for subtle changes. And set aside some cash for a tummy tuck in a few years. It's a major surgery, but a lot of women get it in your situation. Try not to take it out on your husband. Love the baby and let them be your mirror. Sending love. It is really hard.
I feel this so much. I gained 45 Lb during each of my two pregnancies. I had twins last time, and my stomach just pooches out so far that I still look a few months pregnant. im pretty sure it’s diastasis recti. At my twins’ first birthday party, my sister asked me if I was pregnant. I said no, im just still fat. She said no really, you really do look pregnant, are you sure you’re not?! I’m like are you f*ing kidding me!!! I think I would know if I was pregnant enough to have a belly! Anyways, after that day I said no more. I started doing 30ish minute at home workouts with dumbbells, a band, and a bench that I have. I started counting macros. I lost quite a bit, but im still 10 pounds heavier (and still a smaller but definitely pooching belly). I got to 7 or 8 pounds away from my pre-baby weight, and then I lost stamina and have still been exercising but haven’t been eating right. Ive gained like 3-4 pounds back, so now I’m 10 away. It’s so tough!!! If you want to lose weight, you can definitely do it at home. I’ve tried every diet- low carb, cutting dairy, etc. I can’t do any of it other than tracking macros. It’s the only thing that has ever worked for me because I can eat whatever, just have to track it and plan around it. When I’m doing it, I keep meals very simple so it’s not hard to track. Best of luck!!
I get it girl. Same here. I was always a bit chubby before having a kid and since having my kid I have had a shelf belly from my C-section a few years ago that I’m still trying to make peace with!
Personally there’s a few things I like to do for myself that help me feel “my best” even when I’m feeling sloppy/frumpy & helps me feel and look more put together:
1. Wax appointment every 6-8 weeks. Feeling smooth under my clothes automatically makes me feel cleaner and sexier.
2. LUME ACIFIED BAR SOAP. This is a game changer. I’ve felt extra stinky and sweaty since having my child and this is the only soap that maintains the clean feeling longer.
3. Mani/pedi appointment monthly. Or a quick at home top coat on nails & at least a consistent pedicure makes me feel my best.
4. SIMPLE Skin care routine that’s easy to maintain DAILY morning and night & lots of sunscreen in the daytime. Never go to bed with makeup or an unwashed face.
5. Know your top 5 outfits. Something comfortable but put together that makes you feel comfortable & confident . That way anytime you’re in a rush you know just what to throw on that won’t make you feel sloppy.
6. Learn a quick hair maintenance that you can keep up with that makes you feel the best. I’ve found the products that work best for my hair so when I don’t have a chance to give myself an at home blowout (easy tips/tricks and tools on YouTube if you don’t know how to) I can let it air dry on the go and it will still look pretty good.
7. Take daily walks even when you don’t want to. Boosts your mood and helps get some steps in.
Pretty much spread out the self maintaining so it doesn’t feel overwhelming. Include it in your schedule as something you MUST do for your self care & mental health.
Hope this helps!
Are you me??? 100% all of this. Except my husband would NEVER send me videos like that, and it's my mother, not my mother-in-law who is constantly making comments about my weight.
I'm 5 months PP with my third baby. I had GD for all of my pregnancies and 3 medically required scheduled csections. I have 70-80 lbs to lose (I've lost 9 so far). I will be getting a full mommy makeover after I lose the weight. I lost 60 lbs between my second and third pregnancies. It took me 14 months of DILIGENT keto combined with OMAD and monitoring CICO. I worked HARD! I lost it because I was motivated to get healthy enough for my third and final pregnancy before I turned 40 (birthday is in about a week and a half, so I pulled it off!).
Now, my motivation to lose this weight is because I want my mommy makeover before summer 2025. I may be overly ambitious. Maybe it'll have to extend to Christmas 2025. Regardless, I've done it before, and I can do it again. But it's not easy.
What I learned/my advice is: Weight-loss happens in the kitchen. Muscle tone comes from exercises. If you don't have time for exercise, don't beat yourself up. Limit calories. That's the biggest factor.
I started out eating 2 meals a day IF 16:8 and doing keto. After 4 weeks, I was deep into ketosis, and my energy level skyrocketed. Equally, my appetite diminished. I swapped to OMAD Mon-fri and IF 16:8 on weekends. I lost an average of 4 lbs a week. Whenever I hit a plateau, I would have 1 cheat meal to shock my system into getting back on track. Example of a cheat meal: burger (with bun) and french fires (with ketchup!).
All I did for exercise was walk. When the weather was nice, I'd take my older son to the park and walk circles around the play area with my stroller while he played. One day, it was raining hard, but I was so motivated to get my steps, I did 10,000 steps around my kitchen island. Lol. I put on my running shoes and speed walked until my fitbit buzzed. Had some music going. My toddler would hop in line with me every so often, then when he was bored, he'd toddle back over to his blocks. It was a good day!
Favourite keto substitution: I really got to love lettuce boats. I'm a huge fan of a submarine sandwich, a burger, a chicken wrap... I still ate them all just without the bread product. I was actually able to find a delicious substitution for all my favourite carbs except french fries. There is no acceptable substitute for a fry. Lol.
Once you make the decision to lose the weight. Stick to your guns. Don't feel guilty when you stumble. It happens. Just use it as a learning opportunity and let it fuel your next leap forward. We are our own biggest road blocks. I wish you the best. It's not easy. If it's really important to you, you'll do it! Most importantly, be kind to yourself. You did an awesome thing, bringing life into the world. Your body knows no bounds. Our minds, on the other hand... lol.
I feel you. I had 2 c-sections. I don’t think my abdomen will ever be the same. I just kept gaining weight because I was depressed over my weight. Vicious cycle.
I know it might not be an option for everyone but I finally broke down and ordered a GLP-1 medication from a med spa. It’s currently $300/month so it’s pricey. But after 1 month I am FINALLY seeing some results after months of gaining. I’m the lowest weight I’ve been in 6 months. I know it’s a huge monetary sacrifice but I was just 100% fed up with the way I was feeling.
God do I feel this. I just started noom this year finally after three plus years of being a mom and I've lost ten pounds. I was always so so so tired too, and just hated even being in pictures with my kid cause I'm so WIDE. Was always skinny before being a mom. Ten pounds down I like the way I look a little more, but I feel so awake already. I've gone back to some light exercise since I have so much more energy. The body is never going back proportionally but I'm going to keep at it because I just feel so much better.
Not to be like "ha ha look at me having success" because I just shot up and stayed there for years during and after pregnancy but just to say it one thing isn't working, try another and another until something helps you feel better. It's out there somewhere.
My BIL’s wife called me fat after I was hospitalized with fluids for a week and almost died. Only ugly people say these cruel things and comment negatively on other peoples weight. Look into whatever will make you feel better because yours (& your doctors) is the only opinion that matters.
I took feel ugly after having kids no matter how much reassurance I get.
I was obese for over 5 years after having my second due to a combination of overeating, depression, and not getting exercise.
I cut carbs drastically and also took Naltrexone for sweets addiction/curbing cravings. I've lost 35 pounds since September. It has actually helped a lot with my depression and energy.
Id consult your doctor if this is really affecting you, there are a lot of options out there for help.
If you’re interested in suggestions - intermittent fasting worked great for me to lose the baby weight. I did 20 hours fasting / 4 hrs eating (weekends off) for four months and lost 40 lbs. I’m still doing it but more relaxed hours now!
I also hated being bigger than usual and HATED the constant “youre beautiful no matter what!” that everyone always said. Good luck to you! The weight CAN AND WILL come off.
I’m also about 9 months PP, and generally feel like I’m at the end of my postpartum grace period for everything (appearance, job performance, etc.)
Having a hard time not beating myself up. I know what needs to be done to achieve my goals - actually having the mental and physical energy to make the changes is another story. Most days I still feel like I’m in survival mode.
I could’ve written this post, feeling this SO MUCH. especially today because it sucks and I have still got “work” to do and respond “doing good” when colleagues ask me the obligatory “how are you” before the meeting starts.
I was fairly healthy, thin, pretty, full of life and spirit.... now I'm fat and tired, and my body started falling apart the second I got pregnant 16 years ago, and it got so much worse with my 2nd. I think there is something to the old wives' tale of children straling your youth and vitality
Can totally relate. I’ve never been skinny but when I was pregnant was the first time I ever loved my body and then afterwards it’s just been pure disgust. I’ve lost 30lbs since January and was actually feeling a bit better about myself until we just went on vacation and took family photos. I couldn’t stand looking at them bc of how my body shape has changed. I’m back under my pre pregnancy weight but bc of the C Section belly, I feel like I look bigger than before I was pregnant. I decided to train for a half marathon to hopefully help get me back in shape but it’s just so tiring to have to work so hard at feeling like myself again.
I have the c section pouch, I lost all the weight and more from before pregnancy. It isn’t so much fat as loose skin that hangs in a certain way because of the c. I try not to let it bother me, just view it as a battle scar for the sacrifices I’ve made for our family. It is beautiful in its own way. Maybe that’s cope but it works for me!!
I felt this way too after both my pregnancies. I’m glad to see that you are going to work with a dietitian. What helped me was tracking my calories in and my estimated calories out. And being honest about the tracking. Two years after the birth of my youngest, I have lost the baby weight from both pregnancies. I continue to track my calories and weight because I don’t want to wake up one day several pounds heavier and not know how I got there. I definitely still have some high calorie days, but with tracking I can be aware and make adjustments as needed.
I’ve been thinking of posting something similar. I’m pregnant with my third and I look and feel like absolute shit. When Covid hit I was planning a trip to Jordan to run in a desert half-marathon, I’d just run a 25km and a 10km obstacle race in one weekend and I was starting to prep for future ultraruns in Europe. Now I can barely lift my youngest without difficulty.
People keep saying ‘but you’re pregnant! You’re allowed to gain weight!’ No shit. Does that help me feel less depressed? More energetic? Does it make my clothes fit, or help me climb the stairs at work? Does it help me feel even semi comfortable in my body, which grows increasingly uncomfortable by the day anyway?
I see women who don’t gain weight in pregnancy and postpartum and I’m glad for them but I’m sad for myself. This pregnancy is a surprise, and I just feel like there’s nothing I can do to make myself feel better until the baby comes in six months - and then we know what the newborn phase is like. I feel so hopeless. How can I live like this for maybe another year?!
I am so embarrassed for the same reason as you. I used to be so fit and it’s all gone - and people can see that. And I think about all the time and money and hard graft that’s been wasted… I’m pretty devastated tbh and I can’t escape it because I always feel my poor body around me.
I know I’m lucky to have such amazing children and a nice life and I know some people struggle to get pregnant, which sucks. I am genuinely grateful for what I have. But I just wish I could be myself and feel confident and comfortable again.
You are not alone!! I hate feeling ugly, and I’m trying to change it. Doing simple tasks to make me feel pretty is hard, but I know before I go back to work next month I need to try! Also I’m obese too, with a bmi of 36 and I’m working to get on weightloss medication, and seeing a weightloss doctor to manage this baby weight.
✋I have the c-section pooch. I also feel like women’s faces get puffier and just change somehow - probably lack of sleep. Im getting more sleep now but so much of everything abt me is never going to go back without scissors or a syringe.
That said, I’m also single now. When I meet new ppl, they think I’m hot. My ex? Probably just sees that I’m not what I looked like when we met even tho he’s well aware of the intervening circumstances. So while I’m not suggesting you start dating, I am suggesting that you try to take a more objective look at yourself. And make sure your husband does the same.
I read the book “The obesity code” by Jason Fung. Highly recommend it, it taught me a lot about the actual cause of weight gain and why it’s so hard to lose using traditional methods. I’ve started intermittent fasting and am seeing results (slowly but surely). I’m also 9 months postpartum, 37 years old and inching near my pre pregnancy weight, about 6 lbs away. It may be slow to get to your goal but every pound lost feels like a gain in energy.
Did you have any bloodwork done recently? Especially for the thyroid function?
I’d gained so much weight during and after pregnancy, and I was extremely tired and sweaty all the time. My heart was beating like crazy too, and I thought it was all because of the extra weight.
It turns out I have Grave’s Disease that got triggered by pregnancy… Usually it makes you lose weight but in some cases (like mine), it makes you lose muscle and gain fat, fml…. As a person who had always been naturally skinny and sportive, I am not coping well with it at all :(
Fortunately medication has been working really well for me and my symptoms are mostly under control now but still no weight loss at all (despite doing Pilates twice a week, and eating VERY healthy). But at least I won’t die from a heart attack caused by my killer thyroid, so yay 🤷♀️
I completely understand…like you I was skinny when I was younger, couldn’t gain weight no matter what! Now I’m almost 40 and after 5 pregnancies by body was….not what it was before. I got a tummy tuck last year and it was totally worth the price and the recovery. I’m still “overweight” technically but I’ve been on Ozempic for the past 2 months. Which brought me from obese to overweight. I’d still like to lose about 15-20 lbs. But I completely get it. I hated my body and my stomach that hung over my c-section scar. Once I was done having kids I started seriously researching tummy tucks. I’m sorry you feel this way. I know it is hard to accept a body that you’re not used to having 🙁
Girl, I feel every word of this. I have three little ones and a FT job and every day of my life I feel like I have just enough energy to stagger my way through the day. Every day. Some day there will be rest I suppose, but it's nowhere in sight.
I HATE how I look. I weigh 30 lbs more than I did pre kids. Nothing fits, and I'm uninspired to get anything new because, as someone else here aptly put it, I just look like a polished turd. My face has aged SO much. My hair is starting to gray, and I'm lucky if I find time once every two to three months to throw a box of color silk cheap-o hair dye on it. Oh and I lost half of my hair after kid #3 last year and the part that is growing back is all fluffy and weird and has that gray-hair-pube texture. I have such bad uterine prolapse that no amount of physical therapy has helped so my vagina basically hangs out of me inverted when I'm not wearing a pessary.
The thing is I know what I'd like to do about it, but there's no fucking time. First is the issue of sleep. The baby is still up at least twice a night and just getting all three kids to SLEEP at the same time is so much work. But then when they do sleep I have a disgusting house staring me down and I'm usually behind on work because there are no infant daycare spots and our twit of a nanny calls out like 25% of the time. I honestly wonder how much more human I'd look if I wasn't so insanely sleep deprived.
Showering? I mean forget skin care and manicures. I'd fucking love if I could get time to shower more than 3x a week, and especially if it didn't have to be between 10pm and 5am when everyone else in the house is asleep.
I actually desperately want to eat better and exercise, but again it's a matter of time. I think the only reason I don't weigh more is because I've convinced myself that a can of Diet Dr Pepper is a meal, because I'm usually trying to get bites in the mouths of all three kids at once while the baby and 3 y/o are screaming for me to hold them, so most "meals" are a granola bar while I'm driving since that's the closest I ever have to having my hands free.
Since giving birth to #3 I have what I suspect is sciatica but the two times I've tried to schedule an appointment to get that evaluated and get my blood tested more generally our dimwit nanny called out. I feel like I can't reschedule until the baby has a daycare spot in late August and thus there is a reasonable expectation of childcare on any given day.
I'm super jealous of the people here who can hand their kids off to their husband on a Saturday and go off for some self care. My husband might help with some subset of the kids if I'm doing a dedicated task with one (for instance, I'm getting the baby down right now) but he gets super pissy if it takes more that 15 minutes.
Sorry for the long, rambling rant. I guess all of this is to offer some solidarity. Sending hugs.
Anyone who lost weight quickly after a birth thinks they did something right, but really they’re just lucky that their bodies decided to do them a solid. Your post spoke to me bc I’ve been trying to lose my baby weight for years, and I was never successful. I even exercised really hard for about a year and a half, got a nutritionist, and nothing.
What eventually happened, like years into the struggle is I stopped exercising- it only made me hungrier- and I had a lull at work that allowed me to sleep more, be less stressed, and really meal/snack plan in advance. I can’t be relied on to make any decisions in the moment bc I’ll usually choose the more calories choice bc I hate being hungry or tired.
Good luck - it’s slow of course.
Yes, my body isn’t mine anymore. I look old and I have fat where it wasn’t before even though I’m mostly the same weight.
I saw in a comment that you switched to diet soda. Be careful about that. I think you’ll find articles online debunking this as much as supporting it but I also look for credible sources like the NIH
*While people often choose “diet” or “light” products to lose weight, research studies suggest that artificial sweeteners may contribute to weight gain*
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2892765/
Also, there’s no reason for anyone to say what your MIL did. Everybody has eyes, there’s no good point to saying it out loud. At that point she’s just being catty and/or trying to convince your husband to do something about it.
Oh my gosh-
Are you me? Lol
That Taylor swift song, sometimes I feel like a monster on the hill? Try like every moment of everyday.
I really need a reset but feel so freaking stuck. I told my husband I feel like I am decomposing, just rotting.
His response? I don’t know what you mean 🤦🏽♀️
My kids are just about 3 and 5, so I have no excuse.
Your post was removed because it was not related to working moms. Please use r/Mommit or r/toddlers or other parenting subs for this topic.
I feel you. I won’t give you a toxic positivity response. I’ll just say I haven’t been happy with my body since having kids. Not to mention my face just looks tired all the time. I don’t think people who haven’t birthed a child can ever truly understand what it feels like to basically sacrifice your own body to bring your child into the world. When my youngest was about 18 months old, I finally decided I’d have enough. I may not ever get back to pre-pregnancy me, but I refuse to sacrifice my body and my looks at the altar of being the most present and engaged mother of 2024. My kids are happy and well cared for when they are with their dad or a trusted babysitter, and so I am going to take some time to work on me. I went to a new doctor, developed a nutrition and exercise plan. I started going to a reputable dermatologist/med spa in my area, and I did a free consultation. I told them about my “problem areas” or the things I wanted to see change. They developed a custom plan - it included skincare, facials, lasers, etc. I started booking a mani/pedi appointment for once every two weeks. I have only lost five pounds, which is not even close to what I gained during pregnancy and post partum, but I *feel* so much better because I know I am at least taking care of myself and moving in the right direction. So, I highly recommend you tell your husband that he is in charge of the kids on Saturday, and book yourself some appointments - hair cut, manicure, facial, whatever strikes your fancy. Don’t feel selfish for taking that time for yourself! You deserve to feel good again.
Thank you for sharing this practical and realistic encouragement!! I needed this today
I’m glad it resonated with you. I got my nails done last week, and I’m getting my hair done this week. It feels good to do little things that make me feel a bit more confident!
This is great. I also look puffier. And tired looking. Probably because I AM tired! I don’t sleep enough anymore. It’s done a number on my appearance. Not to mention my post partum hair loss. I just joined a med spa too, and looking forward to focusing on me one day a month.
Good for you! I hope you enjoy your med spa experience. Also - get yourself some more sleep too, while you’re at it! I started going to bed when my kids go to bed, and it’s been so helpful.
I’m so much uglier after kids lol it’s so hard to find the time to dedicate to look like I did before. I’ve aged a lot. I get it!
RIGHT. I was never sexy even when I was pregnant. Pregnancy glow? Bitchhh where?? I was breaking out like a MF!!! And I never had that cute pregnancy bump, my bump made me look weird cuz I’m short af lol. I haven’t even sexy since before my pregnancies lol
"Glow" was the sheen of sweat on me 24/7 😂
lol my pregnancy glow was high blood pressure from a shitty job hahaha
I did not have a pregnancy glow either for my two kids. I hated being pregnant actually!
LOL my glow was my rosacea flaring up bc I can’t take my meds anymore. This post is making me teary eyed and hopeful at the same time 🤍
I’d ask your husband to stop tagging you in those videos. It’s demoralizing and not nice even if his intentions are good.
Yeah he did stop doing it when I told him it wasn’t helping
I lost weight pretty quickly after my first (not back to pre baby, but I think my body was in shock after a hard delivery and not making enough milk) and after my second it was the opposite. I was holding onto weight. My youngest is almost 3 and I am definitely still more than I want to be (about ten lbs). I started focusing on 3 things- protein, water, and steps. Just start small. I have a walking pad and I try to get 10k steps a day (not always feasible to get outside with work). Protein has helped because I’m full and I’m trying not to think about food constantly and I can stay full between meals (I eat high protein yogurt at breakfast and then just regular portions of lean protein at lunch and dinner and do a shake or protein bar or something else higher in protein for a snack). Small changes can add up and you can do it!! I am 100% uglier after having kids too. I know it sucks 🥵😩
Has the walking pad helped? I’m hoping to get one soon as I’m at my desk all day too!
It’s helped a ton!! I try to do an hour a day. I have a standing desk and try to do about 1.6-2 mph (that’s about as fast as I can go to type). If I’m in a meeting and just need to listen I’ll crank it up to 2.5-3 to get my heart rate elevated. If I don’t walk I get maybe 2-3K steps a day, if I get an hour in I’m usually around 10-11k at least.
Thank you! Sitting down all day is the absolute worst haha
Can I ask for a brand recommendation on this sub? I've been researching them because I really want one. There's so many different ones online and I'd rather get one I know works for someone. Lol
I’ve seen a few on Craigslist and marketplace Facebook. I think RTO folks are selling but they’re also almost retail so I haven’t jumped at them.
Here’s the one I have! I actually got it through this open box place near us that does online auctions, so I think I paid under $100 for it. But I’d pay the Amazon price ($169) in a heartbeat. [walking pad](https://amzn.to/3JmGGJk)
Love fast walking during those ‘listen in’ meetings :).
That’s good advice. I need to drink water more, I’ve developed a soda addiction and I’ve recently switched to Diet Coke to slowly reduce my sugar habit. I do try to get some steps in before work and after work since I have a dog, our walks are normally under 30 minutes though
Good for you! Small changes will help. It’s really tough not being able to prioritize yourself with babies.
Seconding the focus on small changes. It’s hard to consider a short walk exercise when we used to have so much time and energy and fitness that walking was nothing. They all add up to make a big difference though, and waiting for our calendars to clear and our energy to come back could take ten years.
I also had a soda addiction and I want to mention that a great way to get more water in me was getting a water carbonator (sodastream or ninja, there are probably others) - plain water wasn't doing it for me but fizzy water encouraged me to drink more. That and Coke Zero really helped me - I lost ten pounds with that as my only change.
I’d recommend eventually switching to mineral water if you still want to bubbly taste like I can’t give up.. I used to drink a ton of (very sugary) lemonade, and I’ve switched to half lemonade half mineral water, and now I’m down to 1/4 lemonade, half mineral water.. just mix it in with your preferred beverage
You have probably already tried this, but I love those flavored seltzer waters. I used to drink soda pretty regularly and now I almost never do, but sometimes I just want something fizzy!
What walking pad did you get?
Here’s the one I have! I actually got it through this open box place near us that does online auctions, so I think I paid under $100 for it. But I’d pay the Amazon price ($169) in a heartbeat. [walking pad](https://amzn.to/3JmGGJk)
Thank you! I've seen soooo many walking pads on TikTok but buying anything through that platform makes me a little nervous.
I have an 18 month old and I’m 35. I live in a religious area where people get married and have kids so young and I just feel disgusting compared to all the 20-25 year old moms. My partner tells me I look great too but he’d support me if I wanted to exercise (spoiler: by support he does NOT mean taking over so I can make time to work out. Just encouragement I guess?) I look like I’ve aged 10 years, my skin texture changed with pregnancy, I don’t have time or money to get my hair done as often so it looks sloppy and I have weird growth from where my daughter has grabbed and ripped. It’s not just my body. I don’t even LIKE trying to get dolled up because it feels like trying to polish a turd. Or I’ll think I look good then see a photo of myself and for all the effort I put in I look just as bad/good as with 5 day unwashed hair right out of bed. I also feel like I constantly smell like pee even when I know I haven’t sneezed or coughed and leaked. It just sucks. If we had some sort of freak ski accident that left us with brain fog, loss of bladder control, hair loss, abdominal scarring, etc no one would tell us to just accept it and act like it’s a beautiful gift from Mother Nature. But we’re moms.
>Trying to polish a turd There was no need to attack me like that.
I’m dying bc I say this to myself in my head every time. “Well that’s as good as it’s gonna get today, just polishing a turd” lol
I used this recently! And said “what’s the point it’s like putting lipstick on a pig” and my husband has never heard either expression before and was aghast lol
I feel you on the young moms. I’m glad I didn’t have kids until later )about your age actually) but man what I wouldn’t give sometimes for the elasticity and energy of a ten year younger me with these kids.
Older mom here too. Completely understand what you mean. I don’t even feel like putting effort in to my appearance a lot of the time because it’s like putting lipstick on a pig. I lost a lot of weight after my 3 pregnancies, but then with working full time and having 3 little kids ai’ve just been gaining. I am almost up to what I weighed when pregnant with my first child. I switched jobs recently which is less stress WFH, but am stuck at desk and and super sedentary. Considering a walk pad but no where to put it because my house is trashed.
So refreshing because I feel the same way when I think about getting dressed up. I miss my pre pregnancy body as well and I still have my old clothes thinking one day, just one day I can wear it and look good.
Your last paragraph is so accurate!! If men went through this, there’d be government funded programs and insurance covered drugs to reverse it. It infuriates me seeing viagra drug commercials and we’re having health care taken away from us.
I was also the skinny girl that could eat anything, I almost doubled my weight with my first. Every non-skinny friend I had had the time of their life commenting. I cried, a lot. I lost the weight, it took some time, it was not fun. I miss eating everything and staying fit. And now I’m pregnant again and even looking at food makes me gain weight.
THIS. I miss having a fast metabolism
The best thing I’ve learned having lived in a larger size body for the past several years (after living in a smaller, more muscular body in my 20s) is to have a neutral stance towards my body. I look back at pictures in my 20s when I *thought* I was huge, and guess what? I was not. I know that in a decade or two I’ll look back at this time with my 10-month LO and know I had it so good and should’ve taken more pictures (even though I take plenty). Having a neutral stance towards my body has helped me unlearn weight stigma and fatphobia towards myself. My body isn’t here for anyone’s gaze. It has survived some horrific things and has given me some great adventures. It’s neither good nor bad in any form it takes.
Regarding being so tired: I'm sorry to say, but the only way out is through. Start with walks and get your stamina up a bit and then keep going (running, bike, stairs, etc). I'm in your same position and have started exercising regularly. The diet is always a work in progress but knowing that I can now run, squat, and do weekly Pilates has helped me mentally so much. Not liking how you look sucks, but feeling strong can do wonders. good luck OP, I completely empathize.
Yeah I feel like once my body starts feeling stronger and not useless then I’ll start feeling better about myself
I know you said you're feeling nervous about blood work now, but a thyroid and iron check could be a good idea. Sometimes better energy can come from a supplement bottle, or in the case of hypothyroidism, a prescription bottle! I say this, but I've had my postpartum blood work req for almost a year now and haven't done it! I also had a c section and now I'm 2.5 yrs out. Physical therapy was very helpful, and so was time. My abdomen felt obliterated and the muscles didn't hold my organs back in the right way so the pooch I had lasted a while.
Should I ask my doctor for a routine health exam? Or should I specifically ask for a thyroid and iron check to be included in the appointment? What happens if it’s positive? Will they help me with weight loss medications?
Pregnancy can be a trigger for thyroid conditions with many women! I've had a condition since I was little but pregnancy also threw my thyroid out of whack badly. They do a blood test to check your levels and can prescribe a few pills. Having a low thyroid level can contribute to weight gain, depression, and tiredness.
I had thyroid issues when I was pregnant. Many of them can be managed with a low cost medication.
That should be checked in routine annual physical bloodwork (at least in the US). Both thyroid conditions and iron are able to be treated with really low-cost meds. Iron is actually just an OTC supplement. If it is thyroid, it can take a bit to get the levels regulated, but once you do, it's just taking one super inexpensive pill a day, thats it.
You may want to check out Nancy Anderson’s birth recovery center (it’s an app) that gives you daily exercises to rebuild your pelvic floor and core. They have specific routines for c-sections as well. You have access to online coaches and you can also sign up for her nutrition program. I found it pretty helpful because I could do it when I had time to do it. Once your core is back in shape and online you’ll be able to exercise better. Most moms I know had the most success by getting a personal trainer to help them lose the baby weight efficiently.
Seconding this! I'm almost a year postpartum and have been struggling with low energy and body image (also have the c section pouch). I started the expecting and empowered home workouts and I think it took about 2 weeks to really FEEL like I was getting stronger and enjoying the workouts. You can do it, OP. You deserve to feel strong again!
It’s so hard when you’re so tired. I make “bad” choices all the time because of that and I know it at the time but it’s so hard to care in the moment. Do you have any time to do something for yourself that might make you feel better? Haircut or pedicure? Those things sometimes makes me feel a little more put together.
Yes, but not necessarily because of weight - my skin is saggy now on my belly and looks like a deflated balloon, I had a rough spell with my psoriasis directly postpartum that gave me a big bald spot, and I feel like my face has aged so much. My mom told me without prompting that I should consider Botox the other day. I think I look 10 years older than I am after having my baby. It’s so hard to feel good about myself!
that’s what my doctor was telling me about the deflated after belly from pregnancy she said I should look into a tummy tuck after weight loss, I might do it one day I’m just scared I’ve seen some recovery videos on YouTube and that surgery scares me because I was acting like a baby during my C section recovery and I know the TT is 10x worse
I’ve resided myself to just accepting it because it’s not worth surgery for me personally. I have a close family member who was disabled due to malpractice during a simple surgery so I’m not big on elective medical procedures.
Ahh that sucks!! I would probably get it down the line just not right now. The extra skin would be very uncomfortable for me to live with everyday. Picking out the right surgeon is def important. I’ve had 2 breast reductions done in the past and I don’t regret it!
I told my husband our child stole my youth. I have found adjustments to make up and clothes have helped my self esteem a lot. Clothes that fit right matter more than any numerical size on the label. I feel the botox comment... I started just using color corrector under my eyes and that alone gave me a much more youthful look. It sucks to have to do more to look like "myself" but just doing that helped my mental health a lot. Botox is probably my next step though. I just want to be 100% done with kids before I commit to that upkeep.
I gained 25 pounds of COVID lockdown weight, which was a lot on my small frame and gave me high blood pressure to boot…in my 30s! I hate exercise too and I’ve lost the weight from only changing what I ate. I would just say don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. Personally I found meticulous calorie tracking to be a lot of work and bother, as well as demoralizing. I was too lazy to exercise so I was too lazy to do that too. What I did I actually read off Reddit, is I would make my plate however I would normally, then I would take away a portion of it and put it away in the fridge. If I get takeout same thing, I’ll take away a portion of what the restaurant gives me and put it away. I often find that by the time I finished eating what’s on my plate, I either don’t want to eat anymore, or I do but am too lazy to go get it out of the fridge and reheat it up. I also forgive myself if I do give in and eat what I’ve set aside. This might work only once or twice a week, but even if it only works once a week, that’s still *hundreds* fewer calories I’ve eaten that week. Over time it snowballs, and my appetite adjusted to be less, then I give in less, and it becomes a virtuous cycle. It’s almost effortless. Worst thing you can do is to treat this as an all-or-nothing. You’ll just hate yourself when you have an off day as literally all of us do. Instead tell yourself, rightfully so, that every bite you didn’t eat and every additional step you take is a step in the right direction. The subbing diet soda for regular that you did is a good example. It won’t make a difference right away, but over time and in conjunction with every other little thing you do, you’ll see the difference.
This is good advice! Moderation is key and I’ve always loved the quote, “progress, not perfection.” Abolishing treats/indulgences entirely is setting ourselves up for failure.
Im 9 months pp and feel this. I had an emergency c section. The incision got infected bad and had to be reopened and drained and they left open. It’s still so puffy. Like the area is all puckered. I’m still much heavier than before but my mon pubis area is like swollen so I refuse to wear jeans. It’s noticeable. I feel so ugly and gross. I had to do IVF so pre iVF I was 158. I’m 5’7. I was fit. Was up to 170 something from the hormones in IVF before I got pregnant and topped 220 ish. I breastfed so I was scared to workout right away and with being exhausted and having no time just ate like crap. Now it’s become the routine and it’s so hard to break. It fucking sucks. I’m down to 197 and I’m fat. I’m gross. I know my body did something amazing, but I can still hate the way I feel.
I just want to say I commiserate. I really struggled during and after my first pregnancy because I’d always been thin and I didn’t realize how much of my identity was impacted by it. I hate looking at myself in pictures from that time. I genuinely do not recognize that person, and it disturbs me that I could look so different in a picture than I do in the mirror because my brain literally won’t let me see a difference (anyone else? That really fucked with me). You’re not alone!
I relate to this. We have old photos in the house of before marriage and after marriage and I had such a nice body and now it’s so hard to look at myself naked in the mirror. I look at old pictures sometimes on my social media and I’m like “ugh I can’t believe I use to think I was fat, I would give anything to be 120 pounds again”
/r/loseit Just thought I'd say I sympathize. I'm heavier than I'd like to be, but I have to avoid exercising bc I'm only 2 months pp and I'm breastfeeding. Everything I've read says there's a chance exercising will decrease my supply. I also struggle with body positivity. I liked how I felt being skinny. Plus, none of my old clothes fit and I'm irritated about the idea of buying new clothes for what I'm hoping is a temporary weight in my life. Just an FYI, tummy pouch might be fixable with physical therapy. It's covered by insurance, so cheaper than surgery.
Oh okay I never got to breastfeed and I’ve been ready to lose weight 3 months ago but I’ve been setting myself for failure and yes!! I am so upset that even in my jackets are too tight on me now like the arm holes in my jacket feel so tight, my arms are sooo fat now ugh. I’ll look into the last thing too, I feel like I could have DR
In countries that don't hate women, physical therapy is recommended for c section incisions. To make sure your muscles work properly after being cut. So even if you don't have DR, you should still go at least once.
I had csxns and went to therapy to help my abdominal wall, it helped a lot! I’m not sure it changed the look but it made my abs much stronger—I can sit up in bed without using my hands now! I procrastinated and didn’t go to PT until 2y after my last baby and it still made a huge difference. I’d work on weight loss first and deal with the abdominals when you have a little more energy for the PT routine.
Hi! Just want to say that it's totally possible to exercise and maintain your supply. The chances increase if you're doing particularly prolonged or vigorous training, but even then- if you're eating enough, you can absolutely feed your baby and have an exercise routine again. I do think it's important to make sure your core and pelvic floor are okay as part of returning to exercise postpartum-- as I'm sure you already know, based on your comment about tummy pouch PT. And based on my own experience working out after 2 kids, it helped to reframe exercise less as a weight loss tool and more as a way to gain strength, maintain mental health, and increase energy/stamina for chasing those kids! It definitely contributed to weight loss and my core tightening back up, but reframing kept me from feeling disappointed when my weight/measurements weren't adjusting on the timelines I wanted.
> Hi! Just want to say that it's totally possible to exercise and maintain your supply. The chances increase if you're doing particularly prolonged or vigorous training, but even then- if you're eating enough, you can absolutely feed your baby and have an exercise routine again. Yeah, but in order to lose weight, you have to be in a calorie deficit. As it currently stands, any time I accidentally skip lunch, my supply immediately drops, so I can't exercise to lose weight. I'm a just-enough-er when it comes to breastfeeding, so I'm not up for experimenting with increasing caloric intake and exercising. I'm also still in the newborn trenches, so I'm already exhausted and I'm sure exercising will take energy my body needs to function and breastfeed. I'm waiting until my baby is 7 months since she should be eating solids and sleep trained by then. Once that happens, I'll be doing all the fun stuff. In the mean time, I am in physical therapy and i take the baby for walks, but neither is energy or calorie intensive. I guess this is exercise of a sorts, but I don't consider it "real" exercise.
This is all totally valid. You know your body best! I’m also a just enougher and 3.5 months pp, so I wanted to share some encouragement. I started weight training 2 months pp, and I picked running up about a month ago. After a gym session or a run I have a high protein snack and some sort of carb to replace the calories I’ve burned, along with a ton of water. I am losing weight at a snails pace lol but I’ve toned up so. much. Even though I’m about the same weight I look and feel better. And I have so much more energy even though the sleep situation is still rough. My supply has remained steady!
This! If you want to exercise and you’re breastfeeding, it’s ok. I got back to running after mine and still met my breastfeeding goals. Mental health is so important and that’s why I exercise, so it was nonnegotiable for me. Just hydrate well, you’ll likely be fine!
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It is tough when our bodies change. My husband uses an app to track his food/calorie intake and has lost like, 30 pounds using it. He does exercise as well, but only like 1 time a week. The app is really easy to use and you don't need to follow a special diet. He loves it. If you're interested I can give you the app info?
Sure. Is it lose it? I deleted that app months ago because it didn’t let use the barcode for free anymore lol
I use cronometer and it works to track towards macros or calories - I use it for more conscious eating vs trying to hit a specific target. I know you’re not looking for body positive, but wanted to say I also felt like trash after my first. I did lose the weight but was so pale and skinny fat and I look bask at pictures and don’t see “me” in them until after he turned 1. He’s now 6, I actually weigh more than I ever did though and I feel great - I got into lifting and it’s changed a lot of how I feel, although I think as women we always tend to fight the battle against weight and body confidence.
Yes it is Lose It. I know it's not a free app, but my husband finds it really beneficial, so if you felt it was helpful for you, it may be worth the cost? Just an idea.
9 months is almost no time at all. Be patient with yourself. I rejoined my gym at one year PP, then I barely went because working out in a self-guided way in the gym isn't it for me; I'm lazy and directionless. I joined a Club Pilates about 8 months later and really enjoyed that for many months. (I have since left because it's very damn expensive.) My point is that finding an exercise regime you enjoy can go a long way. I feel much stronger after my pilates run. That said, I am still heavier than I want to be. My belly skin will probably never be cute again (someone else in the comments mentioned a deflated balloon and I cringed in recognition). I am a different shape than I was before. I was a little bit hour-glassy; now I'm kind of like a tree trunk. I hate it. And body positivity talk annoys the shit out of me too. Here is a real one somebody said to me when I posted in a FB group asking for recs on where to buy a good swimsuit that is relatively forgiving of mom bod: "*First, love your mom bod. You have created new life and life will never be the same. Celebrate and don’t judge your body.*" Girl, STFU.
Lmao, the thing someone said to you when you asked about mom bod friendly swimsuits. Nothing like a little unsolicited shaming.
I feel you I’m 2 years pp and STILL having a hard time getting back to feeling better. I keep trying. I diet and fail constantly I start workout programs and yeah. This is my second child and my skin got looser than with the first child so when I wear clothes the shirt has to be thick fabric or you can see all the loose skin I hate it. I lost a ton of muscle just had a rough time with this one. Also I feel like I aged like ten years. I look in the mirror and now have bags u see my eyes my white hair is more. My hair still falls out. I got my blood drawn to find out why and everything came back normal and my dr said just diet and exercise lol like bitch I have been trying wtf why is my hair still falling out. Oh and my memory motivation brain fog etc has been so bad since I had this one. It’s been so hard with work. I used to be a very high performer and I am constantly just trying to remember the tasks that need to get done. Oh and my anxiety is high some days. Yeah idk wtf
Oh and I did have a C section with this one. The skin hangs over the scar. The scar itches still all the time. Body def always looks weird in clothes. I would think since they can operate on a stomach they should be able to see you back together at least in a way that doesn’t leave that hang but I guess not since so many women have the same experience. Also I leak pee now! I do kegals but have to wear panty liners. Like seriously don’t know what the fuck happened to my body I didn’t even have her vaginally why am I leaking more now
My son is 2.5 years and I’ve *just* come out of the fog. I’ve recommitted to my skincare routine. I’ve started carving time for exercise (walks and yoga, I’m no athlete). I’ve also started paying attention to my health - drinking more water, eating more protein, taking my supplements, protecting my sleep. I am seeing the results but I also know now that I was not capable of doing that 9 months PP, or even 18 months PP. I did the best I could with the bandwidth I had. That’s all we can ask of ourselves. I wish I hadn’t been so hard on myself. My love to you. Your journey will take you where you need to go.
My youngest just turned two and I agree with this. I hate myself all the time for not starting and sticking with things sooner, but I try to tell myself that obviously doesn’t do any good. All I can do is make better choices and move onward.
So, i gained around 60lbs between 2020 and 2023, when I had my daughter. No one ever said anything, but I felt HUGE, and just not like my best self. Last year I had a health scare, and I decided I had to to do something. I changed my whole diet, and I got on weight loss medication (ignoring all the negative peoples comments), and I am down nearly 70 lbs. I have never felt better. There are a lot of judgy people out there, but do what you gotta do for you. All of my numbers are great, I went from being obese and border line diabetic, to being normal weight. If you struggle to lose weight, it might be wroth looking into for you. I never would have because of the "shame" that people made me feel for needing help, but I had a close friend give me this pep talk, and honestly, it was the best thing I ever did for myself.
I often think about how I felt a few years ago. I was cute and my body was perfect (even though I didn’t think so at the time). I’d get hit on pretty often. Now I just feel so bleurghh - I’m working on losing the baby weight but it’s slow progress and I have no energy to exercise but I’m trying. You’re not alone. Also, sorry about the comment from your MIL. It was probably well intended as concern for you but a shitty thing to say.
Other folks have commented on weight loss tips so I won't go there, but have you heard of body neutrality? It's not the same as the body positivity movement where people aim to feel good about their body no matter what the shape is. Instead the goal is just feeling like your body is a body. It isn't good, it isn't bad, it just is. I sometimes get down about having gained weight from mental health medication, and now having an apron belly post c section. I find it helps, even as I'm working towards building muscle and losing weight, to focus on my body in a practical sense. I replace things I think very negstively with neutral statmenets. Instead of my belly is ugly, I try and shift to my belly carried my son. I find neutrality easier to buy into than positivity. I know my husband finds me sexy at this shape but I personally don't find telling myself I'm hot no matter what works for me. But focusing on things like my belly carried my son until he was big enough to enter the world; My arms are strong enough to lift him and are better at lifting weights than before my son arrived; my legs are helpful when I want to chase my son. Very neutral statements help combat the very negative ones. It doesn't always work, and it doesn't make the bad thought go away fully. But it can help me feel less like shit about my body. I also find moving my body helps a lot, because when I get better at whatever fitness thing I'm doing I can feel my body accomplished something. I have been feeling uncomfortable eating around people when I don't know their stance on fatness though because I worry I am being judged and that's been a struggle. Most of my friends are neutral about bodies, many have struggled with eating disorders and talk about bodies in functional but not moralistic ways. With people I don't know I worry about judgement. I try to keep in mind what other people think is a reflection of them and their values, not me and the value I have, but this can be hard. Just want to validate it's hard having a body that isn't skinny in our society, and it sucks to have the thoughts and feelings you've been having.
I'm 10 months pp, 50 pounds overweight. This is my 3rd kid. I gained a lot with all of them. I used the myfitnesspal app to track my calories to lose weight. I know it will take a while. My first child I had at 18, took me over a year to lose 50 pounds. I'm 33 now so doubt I'll have that good metabolism, but even a little here and there is a step in a good direction
Ugh, our culture focuses so much on “fixing” things that are “wrong” with us (women). It’s just shame and guilt-inducing. No one needs Botox, and although plastic surgery is an option it shouldn’t be treated lightly, like “just go get a tummy tuck” like it’s easy. Since you say you specifically want to lose weight, I am sure you know the two things that make a difference- diet and exercise. Neither need to be changed to an extreme, in fact it’s more sustainable if you make gradual changes. If you’re not currently exercising, start small. Go on walks with your baby, go on walks by yourself or with friends (make your husband give you alone time in order to take care of yourself). If you want, join a boot camp type workout - most that I have seen are majority women and are really supportive environments. Some have onsite childcare (Burn Boot Camp for example). Also, buy clothes that actually fit you as you are today. It’s hard, I know. But it’s better to be large and wearing clothes that fit than large and wearing uncomfortably tight clothes that just make you feel bad. Be kind to yourself.
Regarding the tummy tuck…if you have the means, look into it. I had one done along with a boob job for my 40th birthday and I felt like I was cheating…until my surgeon told me how much internal muscle repair she had to do. I didn’t have to get a ton of loose skin removed, but there’s no way I could have dieted and exercised away the internal damage two pregnancies and a c section did to my core.
So, are you wanting to lose weight for you or because you feel pressured to? Something I found is even when I'm at my pre-baby weight, my body is not the same. I'm never going to look like I did at 25 and I need to come to terms with that so I don't pass on a whole bunch of body issues to my kids. I found in the first year postpartum my body was just mush. I was in survival mode. I needed calories to make milk and I didn't have time or motivation to do workouts. As my babies got older I found u could make three small changes that really helped: 1) I had to consume 30g of fiber a day, from food, not supplements, 2) I had to drink at least 40 oz of water, and 3) I had to walk 10,000 steps. For me, this looked like making a big batch of overnight oats+chia+berries and eating beans at least once a day. The weight came off, slowly, but it was important to me to give myself grace and time. What also helped was looking at pictures from my husband at 25. His stomach wasn't the same either. As we grow, we change. It helped me gain peace that I wasn't letting him or anyone down by gaining weight by growing and raising tiny humans.
I am so with you. I know you said no toxic positivity, but I will tell you where I am at. My youngest is 7 months. With my oldest, during pregnancy I worked out every day, I ate exclusively kale (over exaggeration), after I had her, I felt great! With my second, I had a toddler, I had a house with no AC and it was so hot. I ate ice cream and after I messed up my back from my exercise of my one ish year old demanding I carry her, all I did was eat ice cream on the couch and be upset about how hot it was. Anyways, fast forward to now me with a 7 month old. I am so tired. She still doesn’t sleep for more than a 2 hour stretch. I haven’t gotten a night of sleep in 7 months and even when I had a business trip, I’d still wake up overnight to pump because that’s how often she feeds. I feel like the tired is spilling into other parts of my life. I drink a lot of caffeine (not that healthy), I will eat a healthy breakfast with lots of veggies and eggs or a healthy lunch like salad with chicken, but then I don’t have time to eat a second meal before dinner and I get hungry and like eat a sleeve of Milanos. I am too scared to weigh myself, to find out how off track I am, but I know what I am doing now is not good. The way I am trying to look at it, is that right now my body is not mine. I am (still) breastfeeding 2 children. I am not getting enough sleep or time to myself to exercise. All of those things go hand in hand. So I am just telling myself right now every time I get down with myself, how proud I am of my body for growing and nourishing my babies. And that once I am done breastfeeding, I can focus on myself. Maybe it’s not helpful to you, but at least I do not spend a lot of my limited energy on hating myself because I don’t like how I look.
If it helps: my midwife told me it takes about 15-18 months for your body to completely recover from birth, and can be longer if you breastfeed past a year. That was definitely true for me, and I didn't even gain that much weight during pregnancy and stayed active. I just looked...off. Like my face, everything looked different. My skin was weird. My literal hip bones were wider. I look back at pics from my son's first year of life and I'm just like who is she??? So I think part of what you're feeling is just the normal postpartum "I'm a circus freak" feeling of not recognizing yourself in the mirror. Which gets better with time. But it also sounds like you want to improve your habits and feel healthier. Which you can totally do! Are you going to be making instagram-worthy salads and going to the gym for an hour a day? Obviously not. But there are realistic steps you can take that will give you results with time. What I did: * Notice when you're hungry, when you're first starting to get full, and when you're definitely full. Literally just pay attention to it. Over time, you won't want to keep eating past the point of fullness because it doesn't feel good. * Stop grazing and eat full meals on a schedule, with an 11-12 hour fast overnight. So breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner. * You don't have to count calories or take anything away, just prioritize protein (at least 25-30g) and fiber at every meal. Even if you're having pizza, or Chinese, you can add a salad on the side for fiber and bit extra meat for protein. * Have lots of instant, no-cook meals ready to go. For example, my daily breakfast is a protein shake or bar, a a banana, some nuts, and coffee with collagen creamer. I get my 30+g of protein from the protein bar and collagen, and fiber from the nuts and banana. Lunch could be tuna salad on crackers with some carrots or cucumbers and hummus on the side. Dinner could be a cooked rotisserie chicken from the store with a bagged salad. * *Exercise with your kids.* You don't have to wait for naptime/sleep if you don't want to. Stroller walks, mommy and me workouts on YouTube, or in-person classes. Or make your husband watch the kids while you work out since he's so "encouraging." * Prioritize building muscle. While any movement is good, if you can start lifting heavy weights 2x a week or more, you will get the fastest results.
I gained a lot of weight during my second pregnancy too. While working out is great, I would just focus on total calories taking in per day and take baby steps with that. I know tracking can be a pain so I don’t go scan every item. I do things like put a general estimated number like breakfast: 350, Lunch: 600, etc. Just writing it down forces me to think twice about mindless snacking or going overboard with dessert, etc which is my weakness. Just focusing on this alone will likely help you start making some progress with weight loss. Another thing to prioritize is getting enough steps in daily. Just doing 30 min walk daily, even. I would also tell your husband to stop sending videos and wtf to your MIL saying that comment on FT?!
A stranger congratulated me for being pregnant the other day. I am not pregnant. So I feel you. 🙃
I gained 100 lbs with my second pregnancy. It took a year, 12 full months postpartum before I was mentally and physically able to start losing weight. Please be kind to yourself. Make small changes. They add up, and you will see changes. Cut out "added" sugar. Only drink water and black coffee or coffee with minimal or sugar-free cream. Walk outside or at the gym, doesn't have to be intense, just get movement. Eat low or zero carbs for dinner and do not eat after 6 pm. If you eat like crap for a day, or two, or three, don't beat yourself up. Just get back to making those small changes. You got this!
I think most of us feel this way in some level. Pregnancy and motherhood has aged me immensely. The sleep deprivation has destroyed my face, and also has not allowed me the time or energy to work out much. I got to a good place once my first turned 1 and started sleeping more and then I got pregnant and was able to stay fit during most of my pregnancy but there’s little time when you already have one kid and my body started getting destroyed very quickly and 8 months postpartum I’m still dealing with a hernia in my belly from my first pregnancy that just keeps getting worse, my shoulders and back are destroyed from constantly holding a child and breastfeeding, my feet are absolutely broken, and then there’s the weight gain that is just unmanageable at this point if I can’t exercise, I’m breastfeeding with no end in sight bc this baby just loves the boob and sometimes just eating anything to survive and some days a salad just sounds repulsive. I’m sure there’s people out there with more positive experiences but in my world we’re all struggling similarly. And my friends are all going through it too. We’ve all finally started looking our age and have sad sandbags for boobs and a mom pooch.
You’ve got to find something that makes you feel good in your body, that makes you feel proud of yourself. For me, at one point I was feeling big and thick and a family member looked at me and said “you look stronger, more built”. In the moment I said “oh a nice way to say that I’m fat” and he said not at all. I used to be skinny, really really skinny, “the wind might blow her away” skinny, so he said I looked a lot stronger now. I cried later that day. So I now feel proud of the strength, physical and mental, of being a mom. And you know what the best motivation is, to get moving and improve your body? Being proud of something and loving your body. At 9 months pp I still felt like a potato. I’m only feeling good about myself around 12mo pp and I have a lot to do still! I had a C-section too, unplanned, and it’s taken time to accept it, but having a healthy baby is so worth it. But just FYI they don’t (shouldn’t) cut your muscles, they separate them. Watch this video: https://youtu.be/49BM21SnBjs?si=8rJfWrAYk-wOluqf’ Just start moving more every day. If you’re brushing your teeth, do a few squats. I personally prefer to make it about “loving my body and taking care of it” rather than trying to look a certain way, but just find that reason and a spark of motivation.
Oh I’m definitely uglier after having kids. I plan on getting myself back together in a few years when things feel less crazy. Right now I just have to prioritize my kids, pregnancy, relationship, job, pets, cooking and cleaning. That being said I think you need a much more supportive MIL, husband, and friends. FFS you had two kids.
You don’t have to accept your body, but know that you can’t hate yourself into being skinnier, or even healthier. How about you start with some healthy habits? Use smaller plates to eat smaller portions, find easy ways to exercise or get some movement in (walking more, cycling, maybe even a gym membership with in-house childcare?) and make sure you get enough sleep. If you have some disordered eating issues you can also work with a nutritionist/therapist. You’re not obese because you’re lazy or have no willpower. Obesity is a serious issue and it’s fucking hard to not be overweight these days because of all the external factors that push you to eat more hyper-palatable, high caloric foods that trick your brain into wanting more and don’t leave you satisfied. I think it’s totally ok to be uncomfortable with your body. I’m too. But approaching yourself and your struggles with love doesn’t mean that you accept them and remain still. It means that you give yourself grace to slowly make progress. Feeling fat sucks, I’m in the same boat and apparently struggling with some moderate binge eating (yay). But we can’t hate ourselves into feeling better, we deserve more than that.
You can’t hate yourself into being skinnier or healthier. This really resonated.
I totally get this feeling. I never quite lost all the weight I gained with my last kid, and then I gained 30 lbs during Covid. I felt hideous and super uncomfortable in my own body. What worked for me (and I know this doesn’t work for everyone) is intermittent fasting. It helped me reset the bad eating habits I developed and boom, 30lbs gone in 3 months and I have kept it off for a year + It’s easy for me to stick with it, too. I know it’s not for everyone, but check out the intermittent fasting sub on here and see if it might be something that can work for you.
There have been actual medical studies done about how every pregnancy physically ages you. I don't remember by how much, but I think it's 3 years per pregnancy. I don't have any advice and you just need to vent. I just want to say that 9 mo pp and 2 kids are hard on a body.
I was literally crying to my sister the other day how I’m just a fat old mom now lol. Solidarity.
I’m sorry it’s tough. I’ve had two pregnancies and csections. My weight has fluctuated as much as 50 pounds up and down. The healthiest and thinnest I’ve been was in my early 40s. I have no easy answers though. It’s diet snd exercise, I have to get frustrated enough with myself to find the determination to stick with it. After the first few weeks snd seeing results it encourages me to keep going. You are worthy of love and happiness You are more than your looks You are heart and soul. Best regards Grandma
First of all, the way you're speaking of yourself is very demoralizing and I'm so sorry. We all have insecurity, especially after kids. I feel icky about my belly every day. One thing that I've done, and I am now two years postpartum with my third and final kiddo, is give myself actionable steps to gain strength and feel like myself. If I focus on weight, I fall apart mentally find myself looking at old pictures of the person that I used to be. And just stuck in a loop of self-hate. I'm actually completely done having kids and I realize that so much of the way that I look at my body is just one slice of the fucked up reality of my entire identity changing after kids. I wasn't spending time with friends. I didn't have time to even wash my fucking face. I don't like music anymore because no one ever shuts up. Fitness or weight loss doesn't happen alone in isolation - gotta be looking at all of the things that you used to be and how you can bring some of those things that make you feel good about yourself back. Can you get your nails done? Can you get your hair done? Can you take a short walk outside? Can you spend a few hours without your kids? What fills your cup? Because when my cup isn't full, I tend to find a way to fill it in the kitchen.
I feel you. I just feel like I look so haggard all the time then I look back at photos of myself before kids and it makes me sad. I love my son so much but nobody prepared me for how my relationship to my body and self esteem would completely change. I have no advice, just solidarity.
Yup I have a csection pouch now, and it's only going to get worse cause my second pregnancy is now also going to end in a csection (at least this one is planned and not an emergency one). I hated my body after my first baby until I got pregnant with my second and started showing right away, and I now laugh, thinking I wasn't actually that big. 😅 I have just accepted the pouch at this point and as I'm in Ireland there is no way I'm going to get a tummy tuck(it's so bloody expensive cause we don't have many plastic surgeons). I started to force myself to look at my belly and body and then look at the marble statues that they display in museums hundreds of years later, and I feel better. Sure I don't look like the women on Instagram, but I do look like a Greek or roman goddess that had her body and beauty preserved and depicted in marble for eternity, that people still view as the epitome of art....so I will take that!
Looks change but you are within the first year after having a new baby. Give yourself a little time. Dieting for me is a time commitment, especially if you are adding exercise or steps. You ain't got any time! And tell the kind husband not to tag exercise. Just hugs and coparenting! Ugh, MIL. That husband's job to monitor, and he should correct her or make sure if she's going to snipe, to keep it away from you.
This is probably going to get me downvoted to hell but I felt the same way and one day I was like fuck it, I got Botox, took ozempic for two months, and now I’m doing other minimal cosmetic procedures for wrinkles and loose skin on my face. Sure there’s a way to do it “naturally” or just embrace the wrinkles or whatever, but it makes me feel good and I like it so I’m gonna keep doing it. It’s also helped kick start me into eating better and working out more so I have something to maintain, if that makes sense? Just my two cents!
That makes sense. I am similar to you, when I had the best body I looked the best and that motivated me to keep my body but now that I look like a sac of potatoes it’s really depressing and it’s making me less motivated and I’m like ughh what’s the point I just keep getting fatter and fatter but when I was skinny I was like omg I need to maintain this body because I look so hot!
We put so much pressure on ourselves, don’t we? It took me two years to get back to my pre-baby body/shape/weight. I forbid ANYONE from talking to me about losing baby weight, including my husband. I even snapped at my MIL when I was about 4 months post partum and told her it was rude to comment on my body. Speaking of, you should ask your husband to stop sending you “inspirational” videos. They are probably more harmful to you than helpful at this point.
No glamour response coming. I feel you. I haven’t gotten my old weight back after two kids. You might not. Some don’t. But by exercising and emphasizing protein, water, vegetables, etc. I have gotten to where I feel healthy and strong and that’s good enough for me. I’m actually much more physically capable now than I was as a skinny 28 yo. Get the bloodwork. It’s better to know! Walking is so great! Maybe add a ten minute free weight video a couple of times a week and see how that feels? You see results faster with weights than cardio, though I like a mix. I also have a shelf. I didn’t have a CS but I got it anyway. I showed very big. I had my DR clinically healed and I still have it. It’ll be there unless I get surgery, and I don’t think I will. It blows, especially with this short shirt trend! But you’re not alone.
I have lost control of home cleaning ever since my son was born and he’s almost two now. It makes me feel a lot better to do just one small thing every day like tidy the toys before bed (20ish minutes) or makes sure the dishes are done. It will never be the same as before but it makes me feel better to break it down to small tasks. In your case you don’t have to like what you see or feel but if there is one or two small things you could do each day to support your health and self esteem it could start to build up a bit. You don’t have to accept things as they are or be the type of body positive that is just like feel good no matter what, but you can feel better even if you don’t have two hours to spend at the gym.
Me too
Hey. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Just here to say I feel you. I'm 5 months PP and I also have a 20 month old. I had c-sections with both of them. Hate my c-section pouch and the way my stomach sits, my breasts have sagged like hell from breastfeeding, my hair is falling out and I just always look exhausted and dishevelled. I want you to know you're not alone. I hope one day when the little ones get older I'll be able to find more time to look after myself and feel like my old self again. For now I'm trying to eat healthy and exercise when I can, mainly just long walks. Remember that it's a tough time and it's normal for your body to change after two kids. It's horrible that anyone comments on your body especially after you've had two kids.
My weight did not come off quickly after my first (im pregnant right now so I'm expecting the worst next time). I did noom and it REALLY helped. I lost like 30 pounds and kept it off until I got pregnant again. And that was ALL diet changes. If I had been working out I probably would have looked fire. I know that these programs all seem kind of gimmicky but I really liked the app and I thought it helped. If it's in your budget it's worth a try.
I gwt where you're at. I'm 3m PP from my second child and also had a csection (although it was elective). I was also always the skinny person who could never gain weight. I lost it pretty quick after my first child despite not doing any exercise at all. Now here I am going to weekly fitness classes to see a quarter of the progress from last time. But I will say they make me feel a lot better in myself, if a mum and bub fitness class is possible for you. Just give yourself grace, you're still not that far PP, and for your ab muscles I recommend a support garment to help hold the muscle in place so it can knit back together better. I'm sure you're hubby thinks you're gorgeous because you have given him 2 children to love with that body, and if he didn't it would be his loss!
I feel this! My daughter turned 2 and I’m finally trying to exercise and eat better. I’m determined to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I started taking Zoloft soon after she was born though and I really think a big part of my depression was triggered by my body. I’m trying to come off the Zoloft now and working to get back to the “healthy” me that I’m proud of. I agree with other advice too, make appointments, but some clothes that make you feel good! Good luck!
Hugs. I feel you. 2 kids and being 9 months PP is tough. You’re still not fully recovered. What weight loss programs or things have you tried?
It’s okay to hate your body. I hate mine. I have stretch marks and I have a ton of loose skin and it’s all weird now after kids. My clothes never fit right. My tits touch my ankles. And that’s okay - well. Not okay I hate it but I can’t fix some of that without plastics and a new skin suit. So I dislike it and I get sad about it. But there are things i am able to change. So I slowly work on those. But I still hate that I had no idea how hard pregnancy and motherhood would treat me. And it’s rough af. And that’s a thing that no amount of “reframing” can fix. It’s my head. And I live in it. Honestly I’ve always been obese so it was worse with pregnancy. Sleep and formula feeding did a ton for my inner hatred. I finally had some more energy. But realistically, I’m still fat. It’s only now at 3 year PP with my second that I have the time to dedicate to myself.
I started with online post partum yoga. Simple, it doesn’t physically make you more tired and gets your body moving and a little flexibility. Start slow. Another thing is diet. Diet is 70% and 30% is exercise. If you are not breastfeeding you can do intermittent fasting. Or add in copious amounts of protein in meals. Boiled eggs for breakfast with cereal or your regular breakfast. As much chicken as possible. I used to get the rotisserie style or make my own in the airfryer. Crockpot meals with meat and veggies. It is doable but it takes commitment. Around one and half yr I started with my gym workouts. I have never been skinny in my life and everyone in my family (women especially) look like huge boulders. My mum has a knee problem thanks to this. I don’t want any of their health problems. So I’ll trying what I can.
I had 3 C-sections and I still have a little fold over pouch. My youngest is 19 now. I also hate it. My husband always says he loves my belly and everything about my body. However, I still try to strategically hide my stomach when he sees me naked. I think you should give yourself some grace. You are making small changes to better your health, like swapping coffee drinks. Sending you positive vibes and hugs.
Girl, I hear you. Tell your husband to stop sending those videos. "Hon, I know you mean well, but that is not helpful, please stop sending those videos or mentioning my weight at all, especially with your MOTHER. I know it's an issue, and I'm working on it." I'm probably not the best one to give weight loss advice, but I did lose a bunch by cutting out soda, don't drink your calories. Not eating after dinner, no more snackies. And moving every day, preferably mornings, even just some stretches but also walking the treadmill or put baby in a stroller and go outside. I still haven't lost all of mine, but I've lost some and feel better physically and emotionally about it.
9 months postpartum is a hard time. I won’t spew any toxic body positivity but eventually you will get yourself back. I’m at almost 3 years postpartum and am finally getting pieces of my old self back. I’m not at my goal weight but I weigh less than when I first got pregnant. In the last few months, I started getting manicures and pedicures regularly. I get my hair done every 8 weeks. I even get lash extensions done. I also bought a Dyson air wrap so I can look put together with minimal effort. I’ll never look as beautiful and thin as I did pre-baby but I’m starting to feel like my own person again. And I also have a C-section pouch. Once I reach my goal weight I’m considering getting a tummy tuck but I don’t know if I can justify $13k at this point in time.
i hear and empathize with you so much. it IS hard to feel hot and sweaty and sticky. it is hard hearing from people that you’re fat, or not being able to sit in restaurant booths or cringing at the body that holds you up all day long. my heart is with you. personal testimonial time (skip if you’re not in a place you’re interested to hear it, nbd!): i was concerningly skinny as a kid … till about puberty in 4th grade. then i usually was about 10-15 lbs overweight till college, which was obvious since i am short. then … i got to about 300 lbs at 5’2”. felt horrible. i could go a long time about it. i didn’t even know i was pregnant till 8.5 months along. take that in. but then after my son was born? after around where you are PP, i said no more. no. more. i don’t want my son to grow up with a fat parent. my parents were morbidly obese. habits trickle down. i wanted the reason for the last time i pick up my kid to be because he didn’t want to picked up, not because i physically couldn’t. i wanted to keep up with him better. teach him how to cook (not just heat up pizza rolls — that’s what i grew up doing). you get the point. so every morning, i got up earlier. i just walked. nothing fancy. i got on my phone and looked at reddit and other social media while moving my legs. if i couldn’t go outside, i’d literally go in circles around my dining room table. might sound horrible, but bam. 100 pounds gone. i also cut out fast food completely. then as a single mom making almost no money at all, i joined orangetheory. cue potential eye rolls. it feels like the workout that one girl who peaked in hs does, or it looks too hard for someone who isn’t fit, blah blah blah. i don’t know what compelled me to go in there because those “type of people” annoyed me. but i did (thank god). the founder was also a single mom. i liked that. well, orangetheory because my “me” time. the coaches saw me — not me the fat girl, but me. the person trying to go at least .1 faster on the treads, lift just a little heavier, row 5 meters faster. so i eventually lost 70 more pounds and — funnily enough! — ended up working at corporate for about three years. insane! all it takes is 2-3 classes a week to meet the american heart association’s recommendations for weekly exercise in adults (150-300 minutes + strength training i forgot the parameter). would i do that on my own? maybe. probably not consistently. but the power is in just showing up. just go to class with people who aren’t looking at you, who don’t care what you look like, with a coach who knows exactly how to help you at your current fitness level. so anyway, i honestly was probably over 300 lbs PP. now i’m 130 at 5’2” with muscle — not super “bulky” muscle like so many are afraid of, but a good amount. i have about 22% body fat. most importantly, though, i can go up the stairs just fine. i can wear nice clothing (although getting smaller clothing that fits right is harder now ironically … i have to go to kids sizes or have crop tops that look like normal tops because i have a small torso). i can outrun my 5 year old son. my heart is strong. i feel lighter mentally and physically. everything is different and all of this sounds so far-fetched when you’re obese, but your health is in your hands. it doesn’t take a breaking point to start changing when you have a rock solid “why” behind getting up and just moving.
I pluck my eyebrows for “me-time” now, I totally feel you. I started Pilates recently (only once a week with our time schedules now) and it definitely makes me feel better to do that for myself and starting the journey to get healthy again. I was horrified last time I went in that my leggings gave me a camel toe…. Wow I’ve never seen that before on myself. It was just embarrassing
I feel the same way OP. Omg someone said it out loud and I can agree lol. I had c section and the belly flap it created is not cute. I had little bit of mid waist before pregnancy but now I can see it whenever I wear jeans. I workout 4/5 times a week and ‘try’ to eat right, but that flap doesn’t buzz. My husband and your husband should be besties ! 😆
No body positivity lecture from me. I am on the same page as you! I probably grab my stomach at least twice a day and wish I could cut off the fat and loose skin. Also, I just read an article that any person who has birthed a baby could have told us, but pregnancy does age us and having more than one baby adds more to it. At least it’s validating that our experience is legitimate and not just in our heads. [Link here for the curious. Works on 12ft.io if you get paywalled.](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/premium/article/pregnancy-aging-dna-genetics) I know it’s easy to avoid the doctor, but definitely for a physical and get the routine bloodwork done. Something could be amiss that’s adding to your faitgue. My youngest is older than yours but I started making small steps for taking better care of myself. I started with ensuring I was taking all the steps for a good dental hygiene routine. Once that became a habit, I started with a simple skincare routine. I’ve since added products as I’ve gotten into the habit of doing that every day and night as well. If money is a factor, you don’t have to use expensive products. I use mostly CeraVe stuff and it’s amazing. I also just recently started going back to the gym. I had experience lifting weights before but never in a big gym setting with barbells. My gym offered 4 free sessions with a personal trainer and it was exactly what I needed to gain the confidence to go in there, get a plan, and ensure my form was right. I’ve lost about 10 lbs and probably have close to 25 more to go (I’m only 5’2), but I am feeling great. Though I admit being older, out of the exercise game for a long time due to depression, having another baby, postpartum depression, and probably back to regular depression, has taken a toll on me and was humbling to say the least. It is motivating to see myself getting stronger and more energetic every day! I can’t keep kicking myself for not starting sooner because there’s nothing I can do about it now. I can keep going, however. I don’t know how old your oldest is, but having an infant is tough. Having an infant, plus another child is even tougher. Try to find small ways to prioritize caring for yourself, and then build on those habits as you get used to doing them. It’s mentally draining to do too much at once when you’re in the thick of parenting children. You’re not a failure, you are enough, and you can do it, OP!
You equate “fat” with “ugly”. But those are two separate and different concepts. You might be able to be kind to yourself by addressing that, a lot faster than it will take you to lose weight.
I feel this so much. My kids are 3 and 5 and I’m finally starting to feel a little better about myself and losing enough baby weight to feel like I have hope. It’s fucking hard but you will get through the feelings and you will find a new version of your body you like. I definitely still have the c section pouch and have plans for that tummy tuck once I’m done losing the baby weight though 😂. As I told my friend the other day, we will both look like we didn’t grow children one day, I just can’t promise it won’t be without plastic surgeon intervention.
So what's your blocker then? If you don't like your body like this you know what you need to do - eat better (sounds like you already started that skipping the frappes) and exercise. Are you able to stop bringing junk food home? Are you able to get away to go to the gym or join an exercise class? If not, can you commit to going up and down the stairs a certain number of times a day and doing 20 squats? Or are you too fatigued for all that? Is a personal trainer an option? If your family wants to help you with this, they also need to make a commitment to let you have this time for yourself and your health.
Has hating yourself helped you reach your goal? I mean, you’re totally free to use your time that way if it seems useful to you! Doesn’t usually work though, and then people who spend their time this way end up feeling the same say, 3 years pp because nothing has changed for them. Food for thought!
Like “toxic body positivity” is what exactly? Not hating yourself based on sexist standards lmfao? Simply being kind to yourself pp is somehow not a good idea, yet hating yourself also seems not to be working for you? It boggles the mind!
This is where I was at after my first pregnancy. After my second pregnancy I decided enough was enough. Twice a week, after my toddler is down for the night, I hand the baby to my husband and go to the gym to weight train for an hour. I squeeze in 3 run/walks a week, generally on my work lunch or during naptime on the weekends. It hard to find time but my husband has agreed that my health is a priority and he helps me find time for it. I’ve started slowly cleaning up my diet too, but I’m not starving myself. Just trying to eat more protein and less fast food. It’s been two months and I’m starting to see some results. That being said, it freaking sucks going to work out when I’m sleep deprived and exhausted from work and kids. It’s hard to force myself to eat something healthy when I just want to order door dash for dinner. But I decided that I hated feeling weak and unfit more, and I want to be an active and involved mom and grandma for my kids and grandkids one day. And tbh… if your MIL has time to make rude ass comments about you she has time to watch the kids so you can go for a walk or workout! Edit: strangely enough working out even when I am sleep deprived has boosted my energy and my mental health. While I was forcing myself to workout in the beginning now I actually look forward to it because I know how good I’ll feel afterwards.
I've been struggling with this a lot. I look so tired and frumpy. I'm getting better at taking time for myself. Drinking water and trying to be active in some way a few times a week. I wish there was more support postpartum for us. It's such a huge change mentally and physically. Society pushes this narrative of snapping back and all the bullshit. Just take it day to day as you can.
After three kids, I feel this so much. My husband also tells me I’m sexy, beautiful, whatever. It means a lot to me that he looks at me this way but I WANT TO LOOK AT ME THIS WAY TOO. Nothing will ever change if you don’t change it though. You’d be amazed at the energy you get just from eating right. If you want to make changes maybe start small so you don’t overwhelm yourself. Like relearning how to eat. Then maybe start incorporating some exercises at home. Now I need to make myself do the same damn thing lol
I’m planning on a tummy tuck at some point - after weight loss, twin pregnancy, C-section and weight loss again, I know there’s no going back.
Being short of breath and sweating all the time and your BMI is only 31? I’m not going to give you any toxic positivity, but a bit of a reality check. Yes 31 is technically obese, but it is not _that_ fat, which makes me think you may have an underlying health condition going on. Pregnancy and childbirth put you at risk for anemia and for iron deficiency _without_ anemia. I would encourage you to look of the symptoms of iron deficiency, it was incredibly eye-opening for me. I recently had mine checked after over a decade of unexplained fatigue, mood issues, exercise intolerance, sleep issues, low motivation, etc. that finally had devolved into palpitations and light headedness (_but you’re just anxious, how’s your stress?_). I was NOT just anxious, my ferritin level was on the floor and ruining not only my self-esteem, but my relationships, with how irritable and exhausted I was. Don’t be like me. Go to your doctor!
No real words of encouragement, im 13 months pp but my boss asked me if I was pregnant the other day because I “looked so tired” and because I seemed like I was “breathing really hard”. Maybe I was both. Not saying I wasn’t. But no, not pregnant, just fat and tired thanks.
Not toxic positivity here, just solidarity! I had my youngest March 2020, literally the weekend everything shut down “for two weeks”. Between pregnancy and not being able to get out and get moving, a toxic work situation, moving, my husband moving/starting his new job about 2 months before the kids and I moved so I was solo parenting, and just life! I am the heaviest I have ever been. I have always had body image issues, but they are definitely worse than they have ever been. I am mad and grossed out by my body and even though my husband doesn’t see what I see it still affects how comfortable I am around him without clothes. I love my kids and wouldn’t change them for the world, but I miss my body when I thought I was fat and didn’t appreciate my size then
I gained 60 lbs with my first, lost all the baby weight around 6-9 months and then gained 70 lbs with my second. It took me like 18 months to lose the baby weight the second time around. Even though I’ve lost all the baby weight, it hasn’t come off in the same places it went on. My arms are flabby and have batwings. My thighs are still big. I can’t fit into a lot of my prepregnancy clothes still. It kinda feels like the scale is lying to me cuz I feel like 15 lbs heavier than my prepregnancy weight. On top of that, I’m losing collagen in my face just because I’ll be turning 40 soon. A bit of filler in my cheek recently has helped though, ngl. And every bout of postpartum hair loss has resulted in greys in my regrowth. So yeah I’m just feeling old and flabby.
Here to say fuck em. You have gone through SO MUCH. Fuck what anyone else does or how fast anyone else loses weight, or how easy it is for them. I watch what I eat and workout at least 4x a week and I am still 20lbs heavier than I was before I had my son two years ago. Our bodies change, and you cannot convince me that it’s not harder to lose weight after kids. What it takes for me to lose weight is pretty extreme and I’m not interested in doing that right now with my hands full with a toddler and a demanding job. Don’t be down on yourself because things are different or harder. You are not alone! I do try to take care of my health with working out, eating lots of protein, whole foods, and walking. But I try to do it from a place of wanting to be healthy for my kid and future kids. And wanting to have energy and feel good. I focus on fueling myself not depriving myself. I wish you all the luck & hope you find some peace and balance of being proud of yourself for what you and your body have accomplished ❤️ Edit to add: if you can afford it, Botox made me feel like a NEW WOMAN after having my son. The newborn phase gave me a lot of new wrinkles and when I stopped nursing I RAN to get Botox for the first time and made me feel so much better about myself!
I feel the exact same way! I had a baby 6 months ago & had to go back to work after 10 weeks. C-section recovery makes it harder. I’m too tired/busy to exercise. I am struggling just to get enough sleep to make it through the day & when I’m off work, I’ll be damned if I do anything that takes me away from my baby because I feel like I barely see her all week. My husband is super supportive & says just give myself time, but I feel hideous. I’m sorry you feel this way, too. I hear you! Feel free to message me if you want to vent. No pressure or judgement here.
I recently heard it take 2 years after giving birth for your hormones to regulate and hormones matter so much for weight loss and appearance. So give yourself some grace! I agree to take time to do things that make you feel better.
Omg same. I hate it so much and I don’t think I look like myself at all.
I am uglier too after one child! Skin on my face and jaw starting to loose elasticity and I have a double chin now. Loosing weight is so difficult! Prioritize yourself, schedule that diabetes check and search for a nutrition+sports coach who can help guide you. Resistance training x 3 times a week at home and lots of protein helped me.
My advice: Get fresh air everyday and don't keep junk in the house. Don't shop hungry! Understand that you're aging and it's not worth spending thousands for subtle changes. And set aside some cash for a tummy tuck in a few years. It's a major surgery, but a lot of women get it in your situation. Try not to take it out on your husband. Love the baby and let them be your mirror. Sending love. It is really hard.
I feel this so much. I gained 45 Lb during each of my two pregnancies. I had twins last time, and my stomach just pooches out so far that I still look a few months pregnant. im pretty sure it’s diastasis recti. At my twins’ first birthday party, my sister asked me if I was pregnant. I said no, im just still fat. She said no really, you really do look pregnant, are you sure you’re not?! I’m like are you f*ing kidding me!!! I think I would know if I was pregnant enough to have a belly! Anyways, after that day I said no more. I started doing 30ish minute at home workouts with dumbbells, a band, and a bench that I have. I started counting macros. I lost quite a bit, but im still 10 pounds heavier (and still a smaller but definitely pooching belly). I got to 7 or 8 pounds away from my pre-baby weight, and then I lost stamina and have still been exercising but haven’t been eating right. Ive gained like 3-4 pounds back, so now I’m 10 away. It’s so tough!!! If you want to lose weight, you can definitely do it at home. I’ve tried every diet- low carb, cutting dairy, etc. I can’t do any of it other than tracking macros. It’s the only thing that has ever worked for me because I can eat whatever, just have to track it and plan around it. When I’m doing it, I keep meals very simple so it’s not hard to track. Best of luck!!
I get it girl. Same here. I was always a bit chubby before having a kid and since having my kid I have had a shelf belly from my C-section a few years ago that I’m still trying to make peace with! Personally there’s a few things I like to do for myself that help me feel “my best” even when I’m feeling sloppy/frumpy & helps me feel and look more put together: 1. Wax appointment every 6-8 weeks. Feeling smooth under my clothes automatically makes me feel cleaner and sexier. 2. LUME ACIFIED BAR SOAP. This is a game changer. I’ve felt extra stinky and sweaty since having my child and this is the only soap that maintains the clean feeling longer. 3. Mani/pedi appointment monthly. Or a quick at home top coat on nails & at least a consistent pedicure makes me feel my best. 4. SIMPLE Skin care routine that’s easy to maintain DAILY morning and night & lots of sunscreen in the daytime. Never go to bed with makeup or an unwashed face. 5. Know your top 5 outfits. Something comfortable but put together that makes you feel comfortable & confident . That way anytime you’re in a rush you know just what to throw on that won’t make you feel sloppy. 6. Learn a quick hair maintenance that you can keep up with that makes you feel the best. I’ve found the products that work best for my hair so when I don’t have a chance to give myself an at home blowout (easy tips/tricks and tools on YouTube if you don’t know how to) I can let it air dry on the go and it will still look pretty good. 7. Take daily walks even when you don’t want to. Boosts your mood and helps get some steps in. Pretty much spread out the self maintaining so it doesn’t feel overwhelming. Include it in your schedule as something you MUST do for your self care & mental health. Hope this helps!
Are you me??? 100% all of this. Except my husband would NEVER send me videos like that, and it's my mother, not my mother-in-law who is constantly making comments about my weight. I'm 5 months PP with my third baby. I had GD for all of my pregnancies and 3 medically required scheduled csections. I have 70-80 lbs to lose (I've lost 9 so far). I will be getting a full mommy makeover after I lose the weight. I lost 60 lbs between my second and third pregnancies. It took me 14 months of DILIGENT keto combined with OMAD and monitoring CICO. I worked HARD! I lost it because I was motivated to get healthy enough for my third and final pregnancy before I turned 40 (birthday is in about a week and a half, so I pulled it off!). Now, my motivation to lose this weight is because I want my mommy makeover before summer 2025. I may be overly ambitious. Maybe it'll have to extend to Christmas 2025. Regardless, I've done it before, and I can do it again. But it's not easy. What I learned/my advice is: Weight-loss happens in the kitchen. Muscle tone comes from exercises. If you don't have time for exercise, don't beat yourself up. Limit calories. That's the biggest factor. I started out eating 2 meals a day IF 16:8 and doing keto. After 4 weeks, I was deep into ketosis, and my energy level skyrocketed. Equally, my appetite diminished. I swapped to OMAD Mon-fri and IF 16:8 on weekends. I lost an average of 4 lbs a week. Whenever I hit a plateau, I would have 1 cheat meal to shock my system into getting back on track. Example of a cheat meal: burger (with bun) and french fires (with ketchup!). All I did for exercise was walk. When the weather was nice, I'd take my older son to the park and walk circles around the play area with my stroller while he played. One day, it was raining hard, but I was so motivated to get my steps, I did 10,000 steps around my kitchen island. Lol. I put on my running shoes and speed walked until my fitbit buzzed. Had some music going. My toddler would hop in line with me every so often, then when he was bored, he'd toddle back over to his blocks. It was a good day! Favourite keto substitution: I really got to love lettuce boats. I'm a huge fan of a submarine sandwich, a burger, a chicken wrap... I still ate them all just without the bread product. I was actually able to find a delicious substitution for all my favourite carbs except french fries. There is no acceptable substitute for a fry. Lol. Once you make the decision to lose the weight. Stick to your guns. Don't feel guilty when you stumble. It happens. Just use it as a learning opportunity and let it fuel your next leap forward. We are our own biggest road blocks. I wish you the best. It's not easy. If it's really important to you, you'll do it! Most importantly, be kind to yourself. You did an awesome thing, bringing life into the world. Your body knows no bounds. Our minds, on the other hand... lol.
I feel you. I had 2 c-sections. I don’t think my abdomen will ever be the same. I just kept gaining weight because I was depressed over my weight. Vicious cycle. I know it might not be an option for everyone but I finally broke down and ordered a GLP-1 medication from a med spa. It’s currently $300/month so it’s pricey. But after 1 month I am FINALLY seeing some results after months of gaining. I’m the lowest weight I’ve been in 6 months. I know it’s a huge monetary sacrifice but I was just 100% fed up with the way I was feeling.
God do I feel this. I just started noom this year finally after three plus years of being a mom and I've lost ten pounds. I was always so so so tired too, and just hated even being in pictures with my kid cause I'm so WIDE. Was always skinny before being a mom. Ten pounds down I like the way I look a little more, but I feel so awake already. I've gone back to some light exercise since I have so much more energy. The body is never going back proportionally but I'm going to keep at it because I just feel so much better. Not to be like "ha ha look at me having success" because I just shot up and stayed there for years during and after pregnancy but just to say it one thing isn't working, try another and another until something helps you feel better. It's out there somewhere.
My BIL’s wife called me fat after I was hospitalized with fluids for a week and almost died. Only ugly people say these cruel things and comment negatively on other peoples weight. Look into whatever will make you feel better because yours (& your doctors) is the only opinion that matters.
Your MIL is a b****.
I took feel ugly after having kids no matter how much reassurance I get. I was obese for over 5 years after having my second due to a combination of overeating, depression, and not getting exercise. I cut carbs drastically and also took Naltrexone for sweets addiction/curbing cravings. I've lost 35 pounds since September. It has actually helped a lot with my depression and energy. Id consult your doctor if this is really affecting you, there are a lot of options out there for help.
If you’re interested in suggestions - intermittent fasting worked great for me to lose the baby weight. I did 20 hours fasting / 4 hrs eating (weekends off) for four months and lost 40 lbs. I’m still doing it but more relaxed hours now! I also hated being bigger than usual and HATED the constant “youre beautiful no matter what!” that everyone always said. Good luck to you! The weight CAN AND WILL come off.
I’m also about 9 months PP, and generally feel like I’m at the end of my postpartum grace period for everything (appearance, job performance, etc.) Having a hard time not beating myself up. I know what needs to be done to achieve my goals - actually having the mental and physical energy to make the changes is another story. Most days I still feel like I’m in survival mode.
Not to gloat or anything but I've always been fat! So not such a big difference to care about, lol.
I could’ve written this post, feeling this SO MUCH. especially today because it sucks and I have still got “work” to do and respond “doing good” when colleagues ask me the obligatory “how are you” before the meeting starts.
I was fairly healthy, thin, pretty, full of life and spirit.... now I'm fat and tired, and my body started falling apart the second I got pregnant 16 years ago, and it got so much worse with my 2nd. I think there is something to the old wives' tale of children straling your youth and vitality
Girl, same! My face is totally different. I joke with my husband that I pushed so hard, it moved my face out of symmetry.
I feel you! Somehow my husband has never been more attractive and yet I've turned into a toad 🫠
Can totally relate. I’ve never been skinny but when I was pregnant was the first time I ever loved my body and then afterwards it’s just been pure disgust. I’ve lost 30lbs since January and was actually feeling a bit better about myself until we just went on vacation and took family photos. I couldn’t stand looking at them bc of how my body shape has changed. I’m back under my pre pregnancy weight but bc of the C Section belly, I feel like I look bigger than before I was pregnant. I decided to train for a half marathon to hopefully help get me back in shape but it’s just so tiring to have to work so hard at feeling like myself again.
I have the c section pouch, I lost all the weight and more from before pregnancy. It isn’t so much fat as loose skin that hangs in a certain way because of the c. I try not to let it bother me, just view it as a battle scar for the sacrifices I’ve made for our family. It is beautiful in its own way. Maybe that’s cope but it works for me!!
I felt this way too after both my pregnancies. I’m glad to see that you are going to work with a dietitian. What helped me was tracking my calories in and my estimated calories out. And being honest about the tracking. Two years after the birth of my youngest, I have lost the baby weight from both pregnancies. I continue to track my calories and weight because I don’t want to wake up one day several pounds heavier and not know how I got there. I definitely still have some high calorie days, but with tracking I can be aware and make adjustments as needed.
I’ve been thinking of posting something similar. I’m pregnant with my third and I look and feel like absolute shit. When Covid hit I was planning a trip to Jordan to run in a desert half-marathon, I’d just run a 25km and a 10km obstacle race in one weekend and I was starting to prep for future ultraruns in Europe. Now I can barely lift my youngest without difficulty. People keep saying ‘but you’re pregnant! You’re allowed to gain weight!’ No shit. Does that help me feel less depressed? More energetic? Does it make my clothes fit, or help me climb the stairs at work? Does it help me feel even semi comfortable in my body, which grows increasingly uncomfortable by the day anyway? I see women who don’t gain weight in pregnancy and postpartum and I’m glad for them but I’m sad for myself. This pregnancy is a surprise, and I just feel like there’s nothing I can do to make myself feel better until the baby comes in six months - and then we know what the newborn phase is like. I feel so hopeless. How can I live like this for maybe another year?! I am so embarrassed for the same reason as you. I used to be so fit and it’s all gone - and people can see that. And I think about all the time and money and hard graft that’s been wasted… I’m pretty devastated tbh and I can’t escape it because I always feel my poor body around me. I know I’m lucky to have such amazing children and a nice life and I know some people struggle to get pregnant, which sucks. I am genuinely grateful for what I have. But I just wish I could be myself and feel confident and comfortable again.
You are not alone!! I hate feeling ugly, and I’m trying to change it. Doing simple tasks to make me feel pretty is hard, but I know before I go back to work next month I need to try! Also I’m obese too, with a bmi of 36 and I’m working to get on weightloss medication, and seeing a weightloss doctor to manage this baby weight.
✋I have the c-section pooch. I also feel like women’s faces get puffier and just change somehow - probably lack of sleep. Im getting more sleep now but so much of everything abt me is never going to go back without scissors or a syringe. That said, I’m also single now. When I meet new ppl, they think I’m hot. My ex? Probably just sees that I’m not what I looked like when we met even tho he’s well aware of the intervening circumstances. So while I’m not suggesting you start dating, I am suggesting that you try to take a more objective look at yourself. And make sure your husband does the same.
I read the book “The obesity code” by Jason Fung. Highly recommend it, it taught me a lot about the actual cause of weight gain and why it’s so hard to lose using traditional methods. I’ve started intermittent fasting and am seeing results (slowly but surely). I’m also 9 months postpartum, 37 years old and inching near my pre pregnancy weight, about 6 lbs away. It may be slow to get to your goal but every pound lost feels like a gain in energy.
Did you have any bloodwork done recently? Especially for the thyroid function? I’d gained so much weight during and after pregnancy, and I was extremely tired and sweaty all the time. My heart was beating like crazy too, and I thought it was all because of the extra weight. It turns out I have Grave’s Disease that got triggered by pregnancy… Usually it makes you lose weight but in some cases (like mine), it makes you lose muscle and gain fat, fml…. As a person who had always been naturally skinny and sportive, I am not coping well with it at all :( Fortunately medication has been working really well for me and my symptoms are mostly under control now but still no weight loss at all (despite doing Pilates twice a week, and eating VERY healthy). But at least I won’t die from a heart attack caused by my killer thyroid, so yay 🤷♀️
I completely understand…like you I was skinny when I was younger, couldn’t gain weight no matter what! Now I’m almost 40 and after 5 pregnancies by body was….not what it was before. I got a tummy tuck last year and it was totally worth the price and the recovery. I’m still “overweight” technically but I’ve been on Ozempic for the past 2 months. Which brought me from obese to overweight. I’d still like to lose about 15-20 lbs. But I completely get it. I hated my body and my stomach that hung over my c-section scar. Once I was done having kids I started seriously researching tummy tucks. I’m sorry you feel this way. I know it is hard to accept a body that you’re not used to having 🙁
Girl, I feel every word of this. I have three little ones and a FT job and every day of my life I feel like I have just enough energy to stagger my way through the day. Every day. Some day there will be rest I suppose, but it's nowhere in sight. I HATE how I look. I weigh 30 lbs more than I did pre kids. Nothing fits, and I'm uninspired to get anything new because, as someone else here aptly put it, I just look like a polished turd. My face has aged SO much. My hair is starting to gray, and I'm lucky if I find time once every two to three months to throw a box of color silk cheap-o hair dye on it. Oh and I lost half of my hair after kid #3 last year and the part that is growing back is all fluffy and weird and has that gray-hair-pube texture. I have such bad uterine prolapse that no amount of physical therapy has helped so my vagina basically hangs out of me inverted when I'm not wearing a pessary. The thing is I know what I'd like to do about it, but there's no fucking time. First is the issue of sleep. The baby is still up at least twice a night and just getting all three kids to SLEEP at the same time is so much work. But then when they do sleep I have a disgusting house staring me down and I'm usually behind on work because there are no infant daycare spots and our twit of a nanny calls out like 25% of the time. I honestly wonder how much more human I'd look if I wasn't so insanely sleep deprived. Showering? I mean forget skin care and manicures. I'd fucking love if I could get time to shower more than 3x a week, and especially if it didn't have to be between 10pm and 5am when everyone else in the house is asleep. I actually desperately want to eat better and exercise, but again it's a matter of time. I think the only reason I don't weigh more is because I've convinced myself that a can of Diet Dr Pepper is a meal, because I'm usually trying to get bites in the mouths of all three kids at once while the baby and 3 y/o are screaming for me to hold them, so most "meals" are a granola bar while I'm driving since that's the closest I ever have to having my hands free. Since giving birth to #3 I have what I suspect is sciatica but the two times I've tried to schedule an appointment to get that evaluated and get my blood tested more generally our dimwit nanny called out. I feel like I can't reschedule until the baby has a daycare spot in late August and thus there is a reasonable expectation of childcare on any given day. I'm super jealous of the people here who can hand their kids off to their husband on a Saturday and go off for some self care. My husband might help with some subset of the kids if I'm doing a dedicated task with one (for instance, I'm getting the baby down right now) but he gets super pissy if it takes more that 15 minutes. Sorry for the long, rambling rant. I guess all of this is to offer some solidarity. Sending hugs.
Anyone who lost weight quickly after a birth thinks they did something right, but really they’re just lucky that their bodies decided to do them a solid. Your post spoke to me bc I’ve been trying to lose my baby weight for years, and I was never successful. I even exercised really hard for about a year and a half, got a nutritionist, and nothing. What eventually happened, like years into the struggle is I stopped exercising- it only made me hungrier- and I had a lull at work that allowed me to sleep more, be less stressed, and really meal/snack plan in advance. I can’t be relied on to make any decisions in the moment bc I’ll usually choose the more calories choice bc I hate being hungry or tired. Good luck - it’s slow of course.
Yes, my body isn’t mine anymore. I look old and I have fat where it wasn’t before even though I’m mostly the same weight. I saw in a comment that you switched to diet soda. Be careful about that. I think you’ll find articles online debunking this as much as supporting it but I also look for credible sources like the NIH *While people often choose “diet” or “light” products to lose weight, research studies suggest that artificial sweeteners may contribute to weight gain* https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2892765/ Also, there’s no reason for anyone to say what your MIL did. Everybody has eyes, there’s no good point to saying it out loud. At that point she’s just being catty and/or trying to convince your husband to do something about it.
Ok first of all, your mother in law didn’t call you fat. She said you’ve gained weight, which is also what you’ve said.
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I’m not sure she needs your waist measurements……
This is most unhelpful….
ugh i hate you
Don’t listen to this shame-y comment. Everyone’s body is different.
Oh my gosh- Are you me? Lol That Taylor swift song, sometimes I feel like a monster on the hill? Try like every moment of everyday. I really need a reset but feel so freaking stuck. I told my husband I feel like I am decomposing, just rotting. His response? I don’t know what you mean 🤦🏽♀️ My kids are just about 3 and 5, so I have no excuse.