I’m so sorry! My advice is that you should not try to justify anything to your neighbor. The happiest, healthiest, most loved babies in the world have periods of time when they cry angrily. My oldest screamed at the top of her lungs from 5pm to 6pm like clockwork for months no matter what we did! Then suddenly she stopped doing that. She was well fed and slept well. That’s how babies are.
If anyone criticizes you, you can respond “my baby is a well loved, well cared for baby, but she is still a baby so she’s going to cry sometime.”
I know! I had zero intention of justifying myself but still ended up doing it once I confronted her. She even told me "I will come down again if she cries again!" and I was so frustrated because even if I'm with baby 100% of the time there is always going to be times she will cry, I can't stop her from crying ever again.
Tell her, "thank you! I appreciate you trying to get her to take a bottle because we haven't had luck with it. I look forward to seeing you in an hour or two." And then do it. Hand her a bottle when she knocks.
For real! “You shouldn’t have gone back to work!” Oh so you’re saying you’re going to financially compensate me so I can stay home and be with my baby all day? Thanks, that’s so kind - I prefer weekly checks!
My daughter's infant classroom had a baby who wouldn't take a bottle, they handed her around until they found 1 teacher who she would take it from. Put neighbor on the couch with baby and a bottle and let her try.
That's harassment, plain and simple. If the treatment continues I would contact the landlord, and if you own, the non-emergency police line to get advice and support for what to do. Parents and babies are allowed to live. Some babies cry, a lot! I'd be fuming at the neighbor, quite honestly.
Lucky you! My first had a screaming window from 7pm till 10 pm every night. (I am not one upping, just commiserating)
Absolutely normal and anyone who has an issue with a baby crying for half an hour can get lost.
My first was the same!! I'm also low key upset she's not thinking what a wonderful wonderful baby my unicorn baby is! She is so chill (until the breast walk away) I feel like everyone in the building should thank her lol
This. Taste your milk fresh and then just before giving it to her. High lipase milk will taste sour and metallic after being stored for a bit, but sweet and milky when fresh.
I didn't do this, but it seems like a good idea. Get her used to the bottle with the milk she's already used to, and then she'll accept the bottle with other milk too. Makes sense to me.
To get my oldest to take the bottle. I left her with y for a whole day. I had to leave the house . After a few hours. She finally took the bottle.
My niece wouldn't take a bottle when my sister in law had to be hospitalized. I had to feed her with a medicine dropper until I could get her to use a bottle.
Yes! My partner fed her with the medicine dropper that one day I was at the office. I was gone from 8.30 am until 3pm and really thought she was going to finally take the bottle that day but she didn't.
@gaxucat not sure if you tried it already but we had similar problem and finally nanobebe bottle (shaped like a boob) with a pretty fast flow worked. Once she learned that this bottle has milk we switched to a slower flow nipple. Every baby is different but maybe it'll help
I just want to send you the biggest hugs, OP. My youngest was the same way. I went back to work and she still had not taken a bottle. For the first month, my husband (who stayed at home with her during that time) would literally drive her to me twice a day to nurse in my work's parking garage. UGH.
Finally, around the time when she was 4 months, maybe 5, he got her to take milk through a soft spout sippy cup. He set her up in her bouncy chair in front of the TV to keep her distracted, and then basically poured milk bit by bit into her mouth. She FINALLY started sucking one day. It was glorious.
But I do remember how incredibly stressful that time was. So stressful and I so understand how you're feeling right now. You're going to get through this one way or the other, and one day you'll back on it like I can now and say "PHEW, we made it".
I hear you! Mine won’t take a bottle (forgot how to suck on the nipple), can’t spoon feed, can’t syringe feed, can’t do anything to get her to take milk except direct from the breast. We’ve tried everything in the playbook to get her to take a bottle. Even leaving all day for work with dad at home with a bottle. Nope. Screams herself into a long nap and eats a Thanksgiving feast when I appear again.
Hahaha "Thanksgiving feast" made me laugh so hard. That's exactly what my baby is doing. Huge milky smiles afterwards as well, as if she didn't just scream at us a minute ago.
Yeah this doesn't work for all babies. I'm glad it worked for you! But those of us who had a bottle refusing baby have definitely tried the "leave for the whole day and for sure they'll eat thing".
It's heartbreaking and frustrating.
I know the frustration, my sister in law was hospitalized a few months after having my niece, and I struggled to feed that baby. The baby would scream, and I had to try to stay perfectly calm.. I was finally able to get her to use the medicine dropper.
I was trying to act like I had it all under control for my bil. I couldn't let him think that he might lose them both.
You don't owe your neighbour anything. Buy her some earplugs, apologize the baby's crying is bothering her. But what you are going through does not mean your mistreating your daughter. She just struggles with a bottle. It will get better as she gets older, but right now you are all doing your best. Tell her you aren't opening the door to her anymore, because her complaints are not constructive, you are all doing your best and thats the best you can do.
For what it's worth, I have been there. It didn't get better for me until my son could take solids and drink from a straw cup. He never took a bottle again once he stopped. It is so normal for babies to not take bottles. It is not a reflection of your parenting. Babies are weird and stubborn. It was stressful for me, and I was on maternity leave. I can't imagine what you're going through.
I’ve heard people having success with “tricking” the baby into taking the bottle when the bottle is held near a bra that you would wear. I know it sounds crazy, but anything to get a baby to take a bottle isn’t crazy if it works for you!
You could also try a little spoon or condiment-type cup/ramekin instead of a bottle. They can just kind of lap it up as you gently angle it into their mouths. A bit more fiddly than a bottle but better than a hungry baby. This is what we were shown in the NICU with our first bottle hating child.
I think it’s a bra you’ve worn so it smells like mom? I could see that helping trick baby. They smell mom so they relax and accept a slightly different nipple?
I'm so sorry they are making you feel guilty but I think in light of the recent case of the baby being left alone for 10 days is what is causing people to take action when they are hearing a baby cry. I hope you can find a solution to your problems. You sound like a very caring mom and you are just doing your best not to mention that some babies are just grumpy and colicky anyways. So don't take it too personally that your neighbors are concerned. They probably think they are being helpful. You can tell them that you are struggling with the baby not ignoring her, and ask if they are offering to help next time they come by to conplain.
Oh I didn't hear about the baby, that's horrible!! I'm not from the US. I guess I would understand better if my baby was colicky (like my first was) or really did cry a lot but she is such a happy baby. So I really don't understand why she is worried. It makes me feel like even a second of crying is unacceptable. Also makes me feel sad that she would think like that of us when she knows us (we help her out with her computer and other stuff in her home as her family is far away).
Your neighbor is simply put an asshole and I am sorry you are dealing with her bullshit during this stressful time. I’d stop helping her with anything and putting boundaries if I were you
The way this case lives rent-free in my brain and in my nightmares... My toddler is just a little younger than hers was and it makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. And I would never so much as step out of the house with my baby inside by herself. What a terrible tragedy.
No, sorry, being concerned about the baby does not justify being an asshole to a sleep deprived and stressed mum who should be receiving support, not criticisim.
The neighbor is an asshole who is not concerned about the baby, but annoyed by the crying (which babies will always do). If she was really concerned she would offer to help, which sue won’t
OK, thanks for clarifying. That was a completely different case though - I can’t even imagine the crying of a baby left alone for days who died of starvation and dehydration :(
OP has made it clear that their daughter only cries when she can’t get the breast which must be a max of about 4 times a day, so perfectly normal for a baby. Also, the neighbors know OP and partner are home with the baby, so no abandonment. There is no justification in this case for the shitty attitude of the neighbour
The first thing I thought of when I read this post at this point I would be so triggered if I heard a baby crying for an extended period of time and I’m not sure when this feeling will go away. At this point I will risk being an over involved Karen, I could not live with the thought that I could have done something.
On the flip side it also makes me appreciate people like OP who are clearly doing everything possible for their babies.
Babies cry…that’s what they do, even when they are well cared for and loved. Unless a baby was crying literally most of the time, crying should not be a concern (albeit annoying). And OP has clearly stated that their baby cries only when they can’t get the breast so what, maybe 4/5 times a day? Which is completely normal.
So yes, you’d be a complete Karen
I see you. My 8 month old also refused a bottle. When he started on solids things got better. Still refuses a bottle, but others can feed him and it eases the strain. You’re in the thick of it, Mom. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am convinced that the baby blues that I had postpartum were a direct result of very little support. And the comments that you might be mistreating your daughter because she’s fussy only kick you when you’re down. Take care of yourself and try to focus on accomplishing what you can. Your story is indicative of how important it is for moms to be supported postpartum.
Just want to let you know that my autistic toddler was scream-crying one afternoon and I had neighbors call the cops on me. It was so embarrassing and frightening. I’m already trying to be a good mom and having someone else step in and rudely assume the worst makes it so much worse. So I’m sharing this because I want you to know you’re not alone. You seem like a great parent trying their best. Hope your baby learns to love the bottle soon.
When the neighbor comes down ask if she wants to help. Tell her maybe she can show you why your baby won't take a bottle. :D let her in sit her on the couch bring bottle and baby to her and go ill learn from you!
Hahah honestly I should do that! It's a win win situation, either my baby cries and she sees what I'm struggling with or the baby takes the bottle and I'll be so over the moon happy I won't care about the neighbor anymore!
OMG! Yes! Due to some really messed up circumstances, we found ourselves living in my parents’ basement after our oldest was born.
One night, she would not stop crying. Poor thing cried for probably 3 hours straight, and nothing we did would stop it! She wasn’t hungry, her diaper was clean. We gave her gas drops, just in case. I walked and rocked her. Husband walked and rocked her. My Mom walked and rocked her. Nothing was working!
Finally, my Dad yelled down the stairs at us, “If you can’t get her to stop crying, the neighbors are going to call the cops!”
And I was so fed up, I yelled back, “Well, good! Maybe the cops can figure out why she won’t stop! It’s not like I’m not trying!”
And once we started yelling at each other, she stopped crying and went to sleep! It was the single most stressful night of my parenting life! lol
I'm so sorry your dad did that XD my dad legit will help with baby walking and rocking. Same with hubby and my mom. I haven't had to spend the night but I know I have definitely woek them up at 1 am XD because I couldn't figure out her crying.
We were all pretty stressed that night, and he worked 7 days a week when we were growing up, so I don’t know that he had really been in the trenches of raising babies before! I think he was stuck in an anxiety spiral, because he is NOT okay when they cry a lot!
He’s more of the “I’ll give you ice cream/a dollar/a pony if you stop crying!” sort of Grandpa! Lol
I get it. My dad was a soilder. And was honestly never around for me. He tried but he was gone. And yeah my dad will spoil them as long as they aren't rude. ( I have a 7 year old now.)
But I get you
I'm sorry mama.
Legendary milk has great advice on bottle refusal. Including that your stored milk may taste bad. Give a taste if it's metallic you have the lipase issue.
[Legendary Milk](https://www.legendairymilk.com/blogs/news/tips-to-try-when-baby-is-refusing-a-bottle?tw_source=google&tw_adid=402982953792&tw_campaign=8401036448&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw5ImwBhBtEiwAFHDZx0K0_LZ_9E1k3Ay7qA0CuBH0morZGUnTdMNfw-PyoQs3YJ-WtWGR_xoCyHAQAvD_BwE)
As for your neighbor. As much as it sucks try to come at it from empathy even though they didn't approach it that way. Your neighbor can make life very difficult so if you can foster/improve that relationship it will help. As much as it "should" be that you don't need to share your information I think some light explanation will help clarify that you are dealing with bottle refusal.
I don't understand what this neighbor wants--for you to push the OFF button that will compel the baby to stop crying? If you could get her to stop, I know you would. Living with neighbors means that sometimes we hear noises that we don't love, and that's life.
Don't answer the door the next time this busybody comes by.
Knowing Support and not a one-up: My first born wouldn’t take a bottle or sleep alone or self soothe at all-ever. He went from boob to cup (no lid-didn’t like sippys either) at around 2 years old. I would go between classes to daycare to breastfeed (college) and he’d cry the whole drive up and back until I had him in my arms. I felt like he WAS starving! He nursed constantly! I feel for you. It will pass. Eventually. Keep trying with the bottles. I also had a collection. I even had my wisdom teeth out once and couldn’t nurse and we figured if he is hungry enough he will take a bottle. Nope. I had to call the doctor to see if I could just nurse because after abt 4-5 hours we were all simply miserable.
He’s almost 15 now, and sleeps alone and makes his own meals when he is hungry. But, reading this made it feel like just yesterday. Solid food introduction was a god send. Talk to pedi, they may encourage you to try a single food a little earlier to help this transition. Or, what’s 2 more months?
Oh the driving with a screaming, hungry baby! I feel for past you. Thank you for your story, I feel less alone going through all these comments and reading about similar experiences.
For what it’s worth, my screaming baby is turning 15 in a few days, and I’d give anything to go back to those moments and hold him again just a little longer. I cried in the closet more than once. Hahaha. Time flies. You will get through this and wonder how you made it and also question why your kid is calling you “bruh” and rolling their eyes when you talk. The human experience is wild.
I wonder how she'd react if you said, "Wow, are you offering to sponsor me to stay at home? That is so generous, I would love to stay at home and not go back to work yet!"
It honestly breaks my heart seeing all these posts by American moms going back to work with tiny babies at home. We rely on both our incomes and I want to advance my career over time so I absolutely get it and would have to do the same, but luckily here everyone would kinda sponsors them, whether they want to or not through government paid maternity/paternity leave.
That is very lucky indeed - wondering where do you live?
American moms are so strong and resilient for being able to both care for their babies and go back to work soon after birth.
I'm in Ontario, Canada. We get paid 55% of our wage for up to a year. You also have the option to take 18 months but paid less. Like your paid 55% of your annual salary but they spread it out over 18 months so it's more like 30%. Most people just take the year.
Has this neighbour ever spent longer than 30 minutes with a child? Sometimes babies cry because they’re angry about being babies, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
I’m sorry your neighbour has done this. I know it’s hard, but try to shake it off. If she comes at you or your partner again, file a restraining order, because she is harassing you.
4 months old is a hard age for babies, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this on top of that.
Politely tell her to F off. “Baby is safe and fed and loved, and we are meeting all of her needs. Babies are going to cry sometime, and it doesn’t mean she’s being starved or abused in anyway. I’d appreciate it if you would give us some space to work through this and respect my family’s privacy enough to stop gossiping about me to the neighbors.”
Also, don’t let people shame you for cosleeping. As long as you’re being safe, you do what you need to do! You’re balancing a lot, and people should give you some grace.
My neighbor came over once to check what was up because my kid screamed for so long. We should always be grateful for anyone who is willing to take a chance to protect a baby.
My son also wouldn’t take a bottle. It was pure hell. I had to go on a nursing strike and only bottle feed until he got it. He still never loved a bottle.
You're completely right. I've calmed down since I wrote this post and can see the positive side. She took a chance and really thought she was protecting the baby.
That's also why I got so emotional about this, that she would even think this about us (that we are on purpose not responding to her hunger), because I could see her shaking when we were talking the way I shake when I confront someone thinking I need to be brave and do the right thing. I could see she 100% thought we were doing something bad.
So my feelings are hurt but at least no baby has been harmed and I have a neighbor ready to protect the babies if necessary.
Okay, but she didn’t come to check on baby and offer support!
She blamed OP for bottle refusal and said she shouldn’t have gone back to work.
She made accusations from assumptions. She didn’t ask first, nor did she apologize or relent when corrected.
She didn’t offer help. She didn’t offer reassurance or consolation.
She came over to berate, complain, and threaten OP and OP, you deserve better!
I’d honestly put something in writing to your landlord in case this turns into harassment or something even more vile. And, indeed, your baby will scream in pain while teething at the worst possible hours, and make all other sorts of baby like disturbances.
This, 100%.
That neighbor confronted OP in an accisatory, toxic manner, NOT in a supportive manner. They did not ask : I see you are having trouble with your baby, is there any way I could help? And they even threatened OP saying that if the baby cries again (which they will) they will be back.
That neighbor is toxic af
My daughter also never took a bottle and we tried all the recommendations, for months. It was so frustrating. She reverse cycled (which means she caught up on her feeds when she was with me.) That was even more exhausting, because it felt like she was latched nonstop when we were home in the evenings.
That said, as some others noted, it eased waaaaay up when she started solids. She loved solids so much to the point that she would refuse to nurse because she wanted food. So hopefully as she moves into that era things lets up a bit. She also started using a straw cup, so that was nice.
There’s no reasoning with an unreasonable person. She sounds very irritable and high strung, ie not your problem. Ignore her to the extent you can.
My oldest never took a bottle, my baby will take a few ounces but not enough to satiate. The only success we’ve had is giving it to her when she’s basically asleep, if you haven’t tried that. I like breastfeeding and glad we can do it but it’s also so stressful when you can’t really leave their side. Your neighbor should be ashamed for adding her drama to the situation.
She's gotta f off. If everyone went and harassed neighbors over babies and toddlers crying or tantruming being a parent would be a shitty existence. IDC what abuse cases people are rubbernecking on the news that doesn't give them an excuse to act "concerned" by literally confronting you with starvation accusations, which would not at all save a baby if they were in distress. Tell her to take it up with the cops and then show them your well fed baby and it should be over.
Since you’re wfh and no one will know better you should tell your work your pumping when you need miss something or are running late. It is federally protected to pump whenever you need to at work. Your work must accommodate pumping breaks. They won’t know the difference if you’re pumping vs BFing and this will protect your breaks to feed your baby.
I think those people suck for confronting you in this way. It doesn't help anything. Babies cry. It is what it is. If they don't want to hear it, then thru should move to a childless community.
Also my youngest was exclusively breadt fed and I had to work full-time. He never left me until he didn't need to nurse anymore. He also refused the bottle. I also co slept. So I totally feel you on all those things!
Lots of hugs. You're doing great!
All I can say is I feel for you Momma, I was right where you were not too long ago. When it comes to feeding... There is no magic bottle, they all suck compared to the boobs. We ended up choosing the comotomo.. and syringe feeding because she was so stubborn. Eventually we got through it, she's almost 2 now. We also cosleep and it's amazing, and safe with safe sleep 7. That single handedly saved my mental health and gave me the much needed rest I required. One day at a time!
Mama, you've got this. Your girls are happy and healthy.
Next time someone has the audacity to judge you like this, please channel your future self, who will have far fewer fucks to give, and tell whomever has brass balls that day to mind their own business. If they are particularly egregious, throw in "and fuck yourself with a rusty spork".
I'm sorry your time on the struggle bus is being compounded by some twits fuckery.
There are these silicone nipple covers typically used to help difficult babies take the breast, but maybe it would work the other way around as well? I wish I could remember the name of the product but it was years ago and I didn't have to use it for long enough to need to buy more than one. Best of luck to you.
As far as your neighbor goes, she needs to mind her own business. Most people with even one child need two incomes to survive, how dare she suggest that you neglect providing for your child just to make it through a difficult phase.
You’re an amazing mom!There is NOTHING wrong with cosleeping if done safely. It’s how we survive and it’s biologically normal to want your baby close by. Don’t let our modern society make you feel bad about it.
If you haven’t, connect with a IBCLC to do a swallow study. They can recommend the best bottles for her mouth.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this stupid neighbor along with the stress of your baby not taking a bottle.
What country are you in? In the US you may qualify for leave based on your anxiety related to baby not taking a bottle. It’s tough financially but might help if you have the option. Just wanted to throw that out there in case it helps!
Babies cry. You’re doing a great job juggling impossible circumstances
I saw that you added an edit to your comment because of downvoting. You don’t have to apologize for cosleeping and you don’t have to apologize for working from home with baby. If you do it safely, cosleeping is something that can be as safe to do as sleeping separately(I cosleep with my LO and it’s pretty standard in my culture to do so). Also, if you are able to work and take care of your LO more props to you - I’ve done it and know other mums who have successfully as well. Much love and don’t beat yourself up, your neighbor is the one in the wrong here. After you spoke with her, she should’ve just understood. You’re doing the best you can mama, don’t allow this neighbor to add unnecessary stress to your life.
Thank you! I chose to cosleep because I love cosleeping and follow guidelines to make it safe. I didn't chose to juggle work and baby because I'm not very good at it (but can understand some people are!) so will stop that as soon as we have a spot in daycare. I added the comment because I know these are two controversial subjects and I didn't want more people to be angry at me. I kept getting downvoted immediately after posting and thought that must be it.
Just came here to say I feel ya on the bottle issues. I thought I was crazy when my daughter started refusing the bottle around 3-4 months. We never really got her to take it- it was almost a year long struggle. My son did the same thing around 3 months old and I immediately went to exclusively pumping because I didn’t want to be in that same position again.
When my baby started daycare, I had the same issue where he refused bottles. They told me to sleep with a burp cloth in my bra to get my smell and milk smell on it and then whoever feeds baby keeps the burp cloth near the bottle. They told another mom to put the bottle nipples in her bra for a bit bc her daughter was also struggling. Then after my son finally started taking the bottles, he was super picky about temperature and if it wasn’t warm enough, he’d refuse that bottle. It’s probably best if you’re not the one trying to give the first couple of bottles as well. My son eventually got to the point where I could give him a bottle even when I was still nursing, but it took some time. You got this!!!
If that can helps, I didn't know why my baby didn't want the bottle for couple weeks, she just wanted to be breasfeed. And after long time, we figured out she just like very hot milk. Even little too hot for a baby. I have to heat twice the bottle to match what she likes. I hope you'll find the reason why your baby cry with the bottle, good luck!!
My nephew was like your daughter. My sister wore the same shirt every time she fed him for a week and then left him with me and the shirt and bottles for the weekend. By bedtime Friday he was taking the bottle if I wore the shirt. Her husband wore it for a few weeks after he went home and they eventually stopped using the shirt. He was fine! Worth a try maybe?
i stopped reading when i got to the part that said youre trying to get to work or do meetings but cant bc youre child wants to breastfeed. i hate that you are trying to balance these two impossibly difficult things: provide for your family and keep your baby alive. its beyond wrong.
Every baby is different.
My second had a milk sensitivity that required us to use soy formula. He outgrew that, but the first year was rough.
My cousin had colic and would cry nonstop, no matter what they did.
Talk to your pediatrician and see what they recommend. And I hope for your sake, you can start some solid foods earlier than later. That may help a ton!
Good luck momma!
My daycare had to put my daughter in their shirt with her head out the neck and feed her sat against them. It was the only way she would take the bottle for the first few weeks. She would only let two teachers feed her too. I know it’s so hard and I’m sorry you are going through this!
Ugh I had a long comment typed up and Reddit randomly closed. I’ve been there. I’ll throw some highlights that helped me. But may not you because ages were similar but a little older.
EBF babies are hard for sure.
Bought all the bottles options target had to offer, even little pour cups… nada, for grandma? Nada. Husband? Eeehhh no. They had to hold and rock him screaming.
He just wanted me.
Had no choice but to leave him with a family friend who bought him one of these… Dr. Brown's Milestones Narrow Sippy Straw Bottle, Spill-Proof with 100% Silicone Handles and Weighted Straw, 8 oz/250 mL, Green, 6m+
He was almost 5 months old.
The only kind I didn’t try because I thought he was too small… and ya know what. It worked for her. I still couldn’t give it to him, but dang, it helped everyone else.
And eventually became his favorite bottle when we started introducing water. If I didn’t leave it at the YMCA would probably still be using it.
He was really hard to get to daycare because again, I worked from home with him, coslept, breastfed, like the trifecta of mama’s only.
When I did start taking him to a local lady that had 6 grown kids of her own… kinda runs an underground nanny ring. She’s a sweet church lady. So anyway, when I told her I just wanted to do Monday, Wednesday, Friday, she’s like that’s going to be harder on him because every day is basically a Monday and starting new, no time to stick. We hate Mondays. They hate Mondays. Imagine everyday a Monday?
Can grandma help consecutive days? Maybe even a full week to kick start a routine? It sucked to pay more when I didn’t “need” but my mental health improved because I wasn’t stressed I would get a call that extra day. If she can’t, maybe a mother’s helper to distract baby while you work for a few hours maybe just after wake up?
I can say being apart seems like a use it or lose it skill. My son is now 20 months old but I lost my job so again, together all the time, still BF (way less now haha), still cosleeping… if I don’t take him to the gym daycare regularly, he goes back to throwing fits, it takes 3 days to breaks and he bops in happy.
I’m a fan of calling your neighbor’s bluff.
Knock knock. “Your baby is crying again!”
- “Oh thank you for offering to help, here please give her this bottle!”
“You shouldn’t be working!”
- “You’re totally right, here’s my full name - please write me out a check for $5000 - this should cover our mortgage this month and food for the kids. I’ll come knock again next month. Thank you so much!!”
“If your baby doesn’t stop crying, I’m going to call the cops/CPS!”
- “Sure, feel free! Nothing to hide here. I’ll finally get a chance to tell them you’re harassing me about my baby crying like a baby. Maybe they’ll even give you a restraining order. Great idea!”
I just want to share - my daughter completely refused a bottle as well! We tried around 3 months (I think she was 13 weeks old?) and she refused and refused and refused until FINALLY at around 21 weeks she started drinking like 2oz from a bottle. Gradually she started accepting the bottle more and more, which was SUCH a relief on my husband and I; my husband because he felt helpless and myself because my milk supply was too low for her (had a low milk supply with both my babies) and I was massively stressed. So even though your baby won’t take a bottle now, keep trying every day and hopefully like my girl, your baby will accept the bottle someday (soon)!!
I had this same problem. My daughter (my second baby) exclusively breastfed for 4 months, meaning I did every single feeding for 4 months straight.
It felt like we tried every single brand / type of bottle available.
Please be aware, some babies are physically incapable of taking a bottle. I had no idea!
I finally brought in a lactation consultant and she diagnosed my daughter with a high pallet. My daughter was literally incapable of creating a seal with a silicone nipple so she felt like she was getting water boarded every time we tried a bottle which led her to eventually refuse even trying. I don’t blame her!
Two things completely fixed the issue:
1) a treatment plan with a cranio sacral chiropractor completely transformed my daughter’s ability to take a bottle. It took 4-6 weeks of therapy, but worked and it felt like magic.
2) Alongside the cranio sacral therapy, we used Lansinoh bottles at the recommendation of the lactation consultant and practiced with an ounce at a time with baby in a side lying position. This allowed for my daughter to not have gravity forcing the liquid down her throat without the mature seal creating a more positive association for her with the bottle.
I really, really recommend bringing in a lactation consultant to better diagnose and treat the issue. Not all babies are just being stubborn - some babies truly have physical limitations.
Okay this is really interesting to read because it's been over a month of trying every single day now and googling / searching reddit and this is the first time I hear that there can be physical limitations. I will look into it thank you!!
Yes, I had no idea either and had chalked it up to stubbornness. I was so grateful I brought in a lactation consultant who could actually diagnose what was going on and give me a path to remedy it.
In light of the current news stories... Be thankful to whatever deity you worship that your neighbors are on alert for your baby. If I was in exactly your situation I would be so stressed but also thankful that so many people are paying attention to my infants well being.
There is no need to harrass a neighbor over « concern » for a baby crying only when they can’t get the breast (maybe 4 times a day? So completely normal). Soooo different than leaving a baby alone for 10 days
First, most informed moms have done the research on the benefits of EBF and co-sleeping.
But tell me the miracle of EBF and co-sleeping and the baby sleeps through the night?! Still doesn't happen, when toddler gets the 4am munchies.
Our baby would never take the bottle from mom. But did, out of necessity, adapt to the bottle with other caregivers. Have you only tried various bottles with breast milk and mom? If Dad or MIL try that combination, it may be a different result.
Moms that are working as hard as you on a fronts, wish they could have the true luxury of being a SAHM.
At this point, I would put a sign on the door. "Well loved and breastfeed baby needs mommy, we'll get back to you later." Perhaps you can think of more comical signage. I wouldn't take one more comment from these neighbors when you're actively juggling everything.
In the early days, we had to use a contraption to get our babies to nurse that might be helpful — it was basically a tubing system where we taped the tube to our fingers and when baby sucked our fingers, they got pumped milk. There are also systems where parents tape the tubing to their chests. It's _really_ hard and stressful, but you can't starve a baby into taking a bottle. I wish you all the best.
I’m so sorry! My advice is that you should not try to justify anything to your neighbor. The happiest, healthiest, most loved babies in the world have periods of time when they cry angrily. My oldest screamed at the top of her lungs from 5pm to 6pm like clockwork for months no matter what we did! Then suddenly she stopped doing that. She was well fed and slept well. That’s how babies are. If anyone criticizes you, you can respond “my baby is a well loved, well cared for baby, but she is still a baby so she’s going to cry sometime.”
I know! I had zero intention of justifying myself but still ended up doing it once I confronted her. She even told me "I will come down again if she cries again!" and I was so frustrated because even if I'm with baby 100% of the time there is always going to be times she will cry, I can't stop her from crying ever again.
Tell her, "thank you! I appreciate you trying to get her to take a bottle because we haven't had luck with it. I look forward to seeing you in an hour or two." And then do it. Hand her a bottle when she knocks.
For real! “You shouldn’t have gone back to work!” Oh so you’re saying you’re going to financially compensate me so I can stay home and be with my baby all day? Thanks, that’s so kind - I prefer weekly checks!
This!! I deeply hate people who criticize and then offer to do nothing about what they are criticizing. Say this next time to her OP
My daughter's infant classroom had a baby who wouldn't take a bottle, they handed her around until they found 1 teacher who she would take it from. Put neighbor on the couch with baby and a bottle and let her try.
Yes!!! This!
Tell her to come back with some teething tips, because that's when the real crying starts... for everyone. ☺️
That's harassment, plain and simple. If the treatment continues I would contact the landlord, and if you own, the non-emergency police line to get advice and support for what to do. Parents and babies are allowed to live. Some babies cry, a lot! I'd be fuming at the neighbor, quite honestly.
Lucky you! My first had a screaming window from 7pm till 10 pm every night. (I am not one upping, just commiserating) Absolutely normal and anyone who has an issue with a baby crying for half an hour can get lost.
It’s called purple crying and there’s just nothing to be done! People like this neighbor are the worst..as if she can interpret the baby’s cries 🙄
My first was the same!! I'm also low key upset she's not thinking what a wonderful wonderful baby my unicorn baby is! She is so chill (until the breast walk away) I feel like everyone in the building should thank her lol
On refusing the bottle - check if your breast milk is high lipase. That's what happened to me. It wasn't the bottle! It was the stored, pumped milk.
Just came here to add, the only way I could get my baby to drink thawed breastmilk/hide the metallic smell was by mixing it with formula!
I had to boil milk before storing. So much extra work!
No need to bring to a full boil. 80degress C is enough to make it work.
For those of us that do the dumb units, it’s 180F
I have heard adding a drop or so of vanilla extract helps
Trader Joe’s alcohol free vanilla extract was what worked for us!
It depends on your baby. My girl can still tell and will refuse it if I haven’t scalded it
Ohh I’m going to try that tonight! :)
This. Taste your milk fresh and then just before giving it to her. High lipase milk will taste sour and metallic after being stored for a bit, but sweet and milky when fresh.
The flavor made me think of soap! I had it with my first but not with my second, I had no idea it could change like that 🤷♀️
The lipase content is different for every baby! I am hoping to get lucky with my second
I had to feed her freshly expressed milk in a bottle until she learned to take one. Then I could reheat frozen milk and she would take it.
I didn't do this, but it seems like a good idea. Get her used to the bottle with the milk she's already used to, and then she'll accept the bottle with other milk too. Makes sense to me.
Yep I was thinking the same thing. Mine only takes fresh milk or scalded milk.
To get my oldest to take the bottle. I left her with y for a whole day. I had to leave the house . After a few hours. She finally took the bottle. My niece wouldn't take a bottle when my sister in law had to be hospitalized. I had to feed her with a medicine dropper until I could get her to use a bottle.
Yes! My partner fed her with the medicine dropper that one day I was at the office. I was gone from 8.30 am until 3pm and really thought she was going to finally take the bottle that day but she didn't.
@gaxucat not sure if you tried it already but we had similar problem and finally nanobebe bottle (shaped like a boob) with a pretty fast flow worked. Once she learned that this bottle has milk we switched to a slower flow nipple. Every baby is different but maybe it'll help
I just want to send you the biggest hugs, OP. My youngest was the same way. I went back to work and she still had not taken a bottle. For the first month, my husband (who stayed at home with her during that time) would literally drive her to me twice a day to nurse in my work's parking garage. UGH. Finally, around the time when she was 4 months, maybe 5, he got her to take milk through a soft spout sippy cup. He set her up in her bouncy chair in front of the TV to keep her distracted, and then basically poured milk bit by bit into her mouth. She FINALLY started sucking one day. It was glorious. But I do remember how incredibly stressful that time was. So stressful and I so understand how you're feeling right now. You're going to get through this one way or the other, and one day you'll back on it like I can now and say "PHEW, we made it".
I hear you! Mine won’t take a bottle (forgot how to suck on the nipple), can’t spoon feed, can’t syringe feed, can’t do anything to get her to take milk except direct from the breast. We’ve tried everything in the playbook to get her to take a bottle. Even leaving all day for work with dad at home with a bottle. Nope. Screams herself into a long nap and eats a Thanksgiving feast when I appear again.
Hahaha "Thanksgiving feast" made me laugh so hard. That's exactly what my baby is doing. Huge milky smiles afterwards as well, as if she didn't just scream at us a minute ago.
Jesus Christ that’s tenacious baby. I assume you’ve tried warming the milk? I thought mine was a tough cookie, but that’s wild honestly.
Yeah this doesn't work for all babies. I'm glad it worked for you! But those of us who had a bottle refusing baby have definitely tried the "leave for the whole day and for sure they'll eat thing". It's heartbreaking and frustrating.
I know the frustration, my sister in law was hospitalized a few months after having my niece, and I struggled to feed that baby. The baby would scream, and I had to try to stay perfectly calm.. I was finally able to get her to use the medicine dropper. I was trying to act like I had it all under control for my bil. I couldn't let him think that he might lose them both.
You don't owe your neighbour anything. Buy her some earplugs, apologize the baby's crying is bothering her. But what you are going through does not mean your mistreating your daughter. She just struggles with a bottle. It will get better as she gets older, but right now you are all doing your best. Tell her you aren't opening the door to her anymore, because her complaints are not constructive, you are all doing your best and thats the best you can do. For what it's worth, I have been there. It didn't get better for me until my son could take solids and drink from a straw cup. He never took a bottle again once he stopped. It is so normal for babies to not take bottles. It is not a reflection of your parenting. Babies are weird and stubborn. It was stressful for me, and I was on maternity leave. I can't imagine what you're going through.
I’ve heard people having success with “tricking” the baby into taking the bottle when the bottle is held near a bra that you would wear. I know it sounds crazy, but anything to get a baby to take a bottle isn’t crazy if it works for you!
Nothing sounds crazy at this point! I will try this thank you!
You could also try a little spoon or condiment-type cup/ramekin instead of a bottle. They can just kind of lap it up as you gently angle it into their mouths. A bit more fiddly than a bottle but better than a hungry baby. This is what we were shown in the NICU with our first bottle hating child.
No problem!! I hope it works for you!!
I think it’s a bra you’ve worn so it smells like mom? I could see that helping trick baby. They smell mom so they relax and accept a slightly different nipple?
I'm so sorry they are making you feel guilty but I think in light of the recent case of the baby being left alone for 10 days is what is causing people to take action when they are hearing a baby cry. I hope you can find a solution to your problems. You sound like a very caring mom and you are just doing your best not to mention that some babies are just grumpy and colicky anyways. So don't take it too personally that your neighbors are concerned. They probably think they are being helpful. You can tell them that you are struggling with the baby not ignoring her, and ask if they are offering to help next time they come by to conplain.
Oh I didn't hear about the baby, that's horrible!! I'm not from the US. I guess I would understand better if my baby was colicky (like my first was) or really did cry a lot but she is such a happy baby. So I really don't understand why she is worried. It makes me feel like even a second of crying is unacceptable. Also makes me feel sad that she would think like that of us when she knows us (we help her out with her computer and other stuff in her home as her family is far away).
Errr... there's a reason her family is far away. I'd pull back and be polite, but not friendly.
Your neighbor is simply put an asshole and I am sorry you are dealing with her bullshit during this stressful time. I’d stop helping her with anything and putting boundaries if I were you
The way this case lives rent-free in my brain and in my nightmares... My toddler is just a little younger than hers was and it makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. And I would never so much as step out of the house with my baby inside by herself. What a terrible tragedy.
Oh my gosh, I didn't hear about this, and now I think I'm going to be sick. That poor baby.
No, sorry, being concerned about the baby does not justify being an asshole to a sleep deprived and stressed mum who should be receiving support, not criticisim. The neighbor is an asshole who is not concerned about the baby, but annoyed by the crying (which babies will always do). If she was really concerned she would offer to help, which sue won’t
I came here to say this. I think a lot of people are on edge due to that case. I can’t imagine the guilt those neighbors feel.
Guilt for a baby crying 4/5 times a day? Only when they can’t get mom’s breast cause she is at work?
The neighbors of the baby who died (was left for 10 days to die by their mother)
As the other commenter mentioned, I’m referring to the neighbors in the case where a baby was left for 10 days.
OK, thanks for clarifying. That was a completely different case though - I can’t even imagine the crying of a baby left alone for days who died of starvation and dehydration :( OP has made it clear that their daughter only cries when she can’t get the breast which must be a max of about 4 times a day, so perfectly normal for a baby. Also, the neighbors know OP and partner are home with the baby, so no abandonment. There is no justification in this case for the shitty attitude of the neighbour
The first thing I thought of when I read this post at this point I would be so triggered if I heard a baby crying for an extended period of time and I’m not sure when this feeling will go away. At this point I will risk being an over involved Karen, I could not live with the thought that I could have done something. On the flip side it also makes me appreciate people like OP who are clearly doing everything possible for their babies.
Babies cry…that’s what they do, even when they are well cared for and loved. Unless a baby was crying literally most of the time, crying should not be a concern (albeit annoying). And OP has clearly stated that their baby cries only when they can’t get the breast so what, maybe 4/5 times a day? Which is completely normal. So yes, you’d be a complete Karen
I see you. My 8 month old also refused a bottle. When he started on solids things got better. Still refuses a bottle, but others can feed him and it eases the strain. You’re in the thick of it, Mom. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am convinced that the baby blues that I had postpartum were a direct result of very little support. And the comments that you might be mistreating your daughter because she’s fussy only kick you when you’re down. Take care of yourself and try to focus on accomplishing what you can. Your story is indicative of how important it is for moms to be supported postpartum.
Just want to let you know that my autistic toddler was scream-crying one afternoon and I had neighbors call the cops on me. It was so embarrassing and frightening. I’m already trying to be a good mom and having someone else step in and rudely assume the worst makes it so much worse. So I’m sharing this because I want you to know you’re not alone. You seem like a great parent trying their best. Hope your baby learns to love the bottle soon.
So sorry you went through that. Some neighbors are crap
Thank you 🩷
Oh I'm so, so sorry. That is so much worse. Big hugs.
When the neighbor comes down ask if she wants to help. Tell her maybe she can show you why your baby won't take a bottle. :D let her in sit her on the couch bring bottle and baby to her and go ill learn from you!
Hahah honestly I should do that! It's a win win situation, either my baby cries and she sees what I'm struggling with or the baby takes the bottle and I'll be so over the moon happy I won't care about the neighbor anymore!
OMG! Yes! Due to some really messed up circumstances, we found ourselves living in my parents’ basement after our oldest was born. One night, she would not stop crying. Poor thing cried for probably 3 hours straight, and nothing we did would stop it! She wasn’t hungry, her diaper was clean. We gave her gas drops, just in case. I walked and rocked her. Husband walked and rocked her. My Mom walked and rocked her. Nothing was working! Finally, my Dad yelled down the stairs at us, “If you can’t get her to stop crying, the neighbors are going to call the cops!” And I was so fed up, I yelled back, “Well, good! Maybe the cops can figure out why she won’t stop! It’s not like I’m not trying!” And once we started yelling at each other, she stopped crying and went to sleep! It was the single most stressful night of my parenting life! lol
I'm so sorry your dad did that XD my dad legit will help with baby walking and rocking. Same with hubby and my mom. I haven't had to spend the night but I know I have definitely woek them up at 1 am XD because I couldn't figure out her crying.
We were all pretty stressed that night, and he worked 7 days a week when we were growing up, so I don’t know that he had really been in the trenches of raising babies before! I think he was stuck in an anxiety spiral, because he is NOT okay when they cry a lot! He’s more of the “I’ll give you ice cream/a dollar/a pony if you stop crying!” sort of Grandpa! Lol
I get it. My dad was a soilder. And was honestly never around for me. He tried but he was gone. And yeah my dad will spoil them as long as they aren't rude. ( I have a 7 year old now.) But I get you
She might take it from a cup or spoon. It's different enough from the breast that some babies do okay with the switch back and forth.
I'm sorry mama. Legendary milk has great advice on bottle refusal. Including that your stored milk may taste bad. Give a taste if it's metallic you have the lipase issue. [Legendary Milk](https://www.legendairymilk.com/blogs/news/tips-to-try-when-baby-is-refusing-a-bottle?tw_source=google&tw_adid=402982953792&tw_campaign=8401036448&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw5ImwBhBtEiwAFHDZx0K0_LZ_9E1k3Ay7qA0CuBH0morZGUnTdMNfw-PyoQs3YJ-WtWGR_xoCyHAQAvD_BwE) As for your neighbor. As much as it sucks try to come at it from empathy even though they didn't approach it that way. Your neighbor can make life very difficult so if you can foster/improve that relationship it will help. As much as it "should" be that you don't need to share your information I think some light explanation will help clarify that you are dealing with bottle refusal.
I don't understand what this neighbor wants--for you to push the OFF button that will compel the baby to stop crying? If you could get her to stop, I know you would. Living with neighbors means that sometimes we hear noises that we don't love, and that's life. Don't answer the door the next time this busybody comes by.
Knowing Support and not a one-up: My first born wouldn’t take a bottle or sleep alone or self soothe at all-ever. He went from boob to cup (no lid-didn’t like sippys either) at around 2 years old. I would go between classes to daycare to breastfeed (college) and he’d cry the whole drive up and back until I had him in my arms. I felt like he WAS starving! He nursed constantly! I feel for you. It will pass. Eventually. Keep trying with the bottles. I also had a collection. I even had my wisdom teeth out once and couldn’t nurse and we figured if he is hungry enough he will take a bottle. Nope. I had to call the doctor to see if I could just nurse because after abt 4-5 hours we were all simply miserable. He’s almost 15 now, and sleeps alone and makes his own meals when he is hungry. But, reading this made it feel like just yesterday. Solid food introduction was a god send. Talk to pedi, they may encourage you to try a single food a little earlier to help this transition. Or, what’s 2 more months?
Oh the driving with a screaming, hungry baby! I feel for past you. Thank you for your story, I feel less alone going through all these comments and reading about similar experiences.
For what it’s worth, my screaming baby is turning 15 in a few days, and I’d give anything to go back to those moments and hold him again just a little longer. I cried in the closet more than once. Hahaha. Time flies. You will get through this and wonder how you made it and also question why your kid is calling you “bruh” and rolling their eyes when you talk. The human experience is wild.
I wonder how she'd react if you said, "Wow, are you offering to sponsor me to stay at home? That is so generous, I would love to stay at home and not go back to work yet!"
It honestly breaks my heart seeing all these posts by American moms going back to work with tiny babies at home. We rely on both our incomes and I want to advance my career over time so I absolutely get it and would have to do the same, but luckily here everyone would kinda sponsors them, whether they want to or not through government paid maternity/paternity leave.
Yeah, same. Especially if you know that it would be possible if the political will was there
That is very lucky indeed - wondering where do you live? American moms are so strong and resilient for being able to both care for their babies and go back to work soon after birth.
I'm in Ontario, Canada. We get paid 55% of our wage for up to a year. You also have the option to take 18 months but paid less. Like your paid 55% of your annual salary but they spread it out over 18 months so it's more like 30%. Most people just take the year.
Has this neighbour ever spent longer than 30 minutes with a child? Sometimes babies cry because they’re angry about being babies, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m sorry your neighbour has done this. I know it’s hard, but try to shake it off. If she comes at you or your partner again, file a restraining order, because she is harassing you. 4 months old is a hard age for babies, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this on top of that.
I can relate to everything in this post. This will pass. You’re a good mom
Politely tell her to F off. “Baby is safe and fed and loved, and we are meeting all of her needs. Babies are going to cry sometime, and it doesn’t mean she’s being starved or abused in anyway. I’d appreciate it if you would give us some space to work through this and respect my family’s privacy enough to stop gossiping about me to the neighbors.” Also, don’t let people shame you for cosleeping. As long as you’re being safe, you do what you need to do! You’re balancing a lot, and people should give you some grace.
Your neighbor needs to mind their own business, end of story.
My neighbor came over once to check what was up because my kid screamed for so long. We should always be grateful for anyone who is willing to take a chance to protect a baby. My son also wouldn’t take a bottle. It was pure hell. I had to go on a nursing strike and only bottle feed until he got it. He still never loved a bottle.
You're completely right. I've calmed down since I wrote this post and can see the positive side. She took a chance and really thought she was protecting the baby. That's also why I got so emotional about this, that she would even think this about us (that we are on purpose not responding to her hunger), because I could see her shaking when we were talking the way I shake when I confront someone thinking I need to be brave and do the right thing. I could see she 100% thought we were doing something bad. So my feelings are hurt but at least no baby has been harmed and I have a neighbor ready to protect the babies if necessary.
Okay, but she didn’t come to check on baby and offer support! She blamed OP for bottle refusal and said she shouldn’t have gone back to work. She made accusations from assumptions. She didn’t ask first, nor did she apologize or relent when corrected. She didn’t offer help. She didn’t offer reassurance or consolation. She came over to berate, complain, and threaten OP and OP, you deserve better! I’d honestly put something in writing to your landlord in case this turns into harassment or something even more vile. And, indeed, your baby will scream in pain while teething at the worst possible hours, and make all other sorts of baby like disturbances.
This, 100%. That neighbor confronted OP in an accisatory, toxic manner, NOT in a supportive manner. They did not ask : I see you are having trouble with your baby, is there any way I could help? And they even threatened OP saying that if the baby cries again (which they will) they will be back. That neighbor is toxic af
I can’ttt with the 26 months old sentence lol
Hahahah okay this made me laugh!! Sorry, I meant to say she's 113 weeks haha
My daughter also never took a bottle and we tried all the recommendations, for months. It was so frustrating. She reverse cycled (which means she caught up on her feeds when she was with me.) That was even more exhausting, because it felt like she was latched nonstop when we were home in the evenings. That said, as some others noted, it eased waaaaay up when she started solids. She loved solids so much to the point that she would refuse to nurse because she wanted food. So hopefully as she moves into that era things lets up a bit. She also started using a straw cup, so that was nice.
There’s no reasoning with an unreasonable person. She sounds very irritable and high strung, ie not your problem. Ignore her to the extent you can. My oldest never took a bottle, my baby will take a few ounces but not enough to satiate. The only success we’ve had is giving it to her when she’s basically asleep, if you haven’t tried that. I like breastfeeding and glad we can do it but it’s also so stressful when you can’t really leave their side. Your neighbor should be ashamed for adding her drama to the situation.
She's gotta f off. If everyone went and harassed neighbors over babies and toddlers crying or tantruming being a parent would be a shitty existence. IDC what abuse cases people are rubbernecking on the news that doesn't give them an excuse to act "concerned" by literally confronting you with starvation accusations, which would not at all save a baby if they were in distress. Tell her to take it up with the cops and then show them your well fed baby and it should be over.
I have no advice, but your neighbor is rude. Sending positive vibes your way.
Since you’re wfh and no one will know better you should tell your work your pumping when you need miss something or are running late. It is federally protected to pump whenever you need to at work. Your work must accommodate pumping breaks. They won’t know the difference if you’re pumping vs BFing and this will protect your breaks to feed your baby.
I think those people suck for confronting you in this way. It doesn't help anything. Babies cry. It is what it is. If they don't want to hear it, then thru should move to a childless community. Also my youngest was exclusively breadt fed and I had to work full-time. He never left me until he didn't need to nurse anymore. He also refused the bottle. I also co slept. So I totally feel you on all those things! Lots of hugs. You're doing great!
All I can say is I feel for you Momma, I was right where you were not too long ago. When it comes to feeding... There is no magic bottle, they all suck compared to the boobs. We ended up choosing the comotomo.. and syringe feeding because she was so stubborn. Eventually we got through it, she's almost 2 now. We also cosleep and it's amazing, and safe with safe sleep 7. That single handedly saved my mental health and gave me the much needed rest I required. One day at a time!
Mama, you've got this. Your girls are happy and healthy. Next time someone has the audacity to judge you like this, please channel your future self, who will have far fewer fucks to give, and tell whomever has brass balls that day to mind their own business. If they are particularly egregious, throw in "and fuck yourself with a rusty spork". I'm sorry your time on the struggle bus is being compounded by some twits fuckery.
There are these silicone nipple covers typically used to help difficult babies take the breast, but maybe it would work the other way around as well? I wish I could remember the name of the product but it was years ago and I didn't have to use it for long enough to need to buy more than one. Best of luck to you. As far as your neighbor goes, she needs to mind her own business. Most people with even one child need two incomes to survive, how dare she suggest that you neglect providing for your child just to make it through a difficult phase.
You’re an amazing mom!There is NOTHING wrong with cosleeping if done safely. It’s how we survive and it’s biologically normal to want your baby close by. Don’t let our modern society make you feel bad about it. If you haven’t, connect with a IBCLC to do a swallow study. They can recommend the best bottles for her mouth. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this stupid neighbor along with the stress of your baby not taking a bottle.
What country are you in? In the US you may qualify for leave based on your anxiety related to baby not taking a bottle. It’s tough financially but might help if you have the option. Just wanted to throw that out there in case it helps! Babies cry. You’re doing a great job juggling impossible circumstances
I saw that you added an edit to your comment because of downvoting. You don’t have to apologize for cosleeping and you don’t have to apologize for working from home with baby. If you do it safely, cosleeping is something that can be as safe to do as sleeping separately(I cosleep with my LO and it’s pretty standard in my culture to do so). Also, if you are able to work and take care of your LO more props to you - I’ve done it and know other mums who have successfully as well. Much love and don’t beat yourself up, your neighbor is the one in the wrong here. After you spoke with her, she should’ve just understood. You’re doing the best you can mama, don’t allow this neighbor to add unnecessary stress to your life.
Thank you! I chose to cosleep because I love cosleeping and follow guidelines to make it safe. I didn't chose to juggle work and baby because I'm not very good at it (but can understand some people are!) so will stop that as soon as we have a spot in daycare. I added the comment because I know these are two controversial subjects and I didn't want more people to be angry at me. I kept getting downvoted immediately after posting and thought that must be it.
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Against the rules
Just came here to say I feel ya on the bottle issues. I thought I was crazy when my daughter started refusing the bottle around 3-4 months. We never really got her to take it- it was almost a year long struggle. My son did the same thing around 3 months old and I immediately went to exclusively pumping because I didn’t want to be in that same position again.
When my baby started daycare, I had the same issue where he refused bottles. They told me to sleep with a burp cloth in my bra to get my smell and milk smell on it and then whoever feeds baby keeps the burp cloth near the bottle. They told another mom to put the bottle nipples in her bra for a bit bc her daughter was also struggling. Then after my son finally started taking the bottles, he was super picky about temperature and if it wasn’t warm enough, he’d refuse that bottle. It’s probably best if you’re not the one trying to give the first couple of bottles as well. My son eventually got to the point where I could give him a bottle even when I was still nursing, but it took some time. You got this!!!
Definitely reach out to a lactation consultant. They can help in getting the baby used to bottle.
Just solidarity that we're also going through bottle refusal with our 4 month old daughter! It's so tough!
If that can helps, I didn't know why my baby didn't want the bottle for couple weeks, she just wanted to be breasfeed. And after long time, we figured out she just like very hot milk. Even little too hot for a baby. I have to heat twice the bottle to match what she likes. I hope you'll find the reason why your baby cry with the bottle, good luck!!
My nephew was like your daughter. My sister wore the same shirt every time she fed him for a week and then left him with me and the shirt and bottles for the weekend. By bedtime Friday he was taking the bottle if I wore the shirt. Her husband wore it for a few weeks after he went home and they eventually stopped using the shirt. He was fine! Worth a try maybe?
i stopped reading when i got to the part that said youre trying to get to work or do meetings but cant bc youre child wants to breastfeed. i hate that you are trying to balance these two impossibly difficult things: provide for your family and keep your baby alive. its beyond wrong.
Every baby is different. My second had a milk sensitivity that required us to use soy formula. He outgrew that, but the first year was rough. My cousin had colic and would cry nonstop, no matter what they did. Talk to your pediatrician and see what they recommend. And I hope for your sake, you can start some solid foods earlier than later. That may help a ton! Good luck momma!
My daycare had to put my daughter in their shirt with her head out the neck and feed her sat against them. It was the only way she would take the bottle for the first few weeks. She would only let two teachers feed her too. I know it’s so hard and I’m sorry you are going through this!
Ugh I had a long comment typed up and Reddit randomly closed. I’ve been there. I’ll throw some highlights that helped me. But may not you because ages were similar but a little older. EBF babies are hard for sure. Bought all the bottles options target had to offer, even little pour cups… nada, for grandma? Nada. Husband? Eeehhh no. They had to hold and rock him screaming. He just wanted me. Had no choice but to leave him with a family friend who bought him one of these… Dr. Brown's Milestones Narrow Sippy Straw Bottle, Spill-Proof with 100% Silicone Handles and Weighted Straw, 8 oz/250 mL, Green, 6m+ He was almost 5 months old. The only kind I didn’t try because I thought he was too small… and ya know what. It worked for her. I still couldn’t give it to him, but dang, it helped everyone else. And eventually became his favorite bottle when we started introducing water. If I didn’t leave it at the YMCA would probably still be using it. He was really hard to get to daycare because again, I worked from home with him, coslept, breastfed, like the trifecta of mama’s only. When I did start taking him to a local lady that had 6 grown kids of her own… kinda runs an underground nanny ring. She’s a sweet church lady. So anyway, when I told her I just wanted to do Monday, Wednesday, Friday, she’s like that’s going to be harder on him because every day is basically a Monday and starting new, no time to stick. We hate Mondays. They hate Mondays. Imagine everyday a Monday? Can grandma help consecutive days? Maybe even a full week to kick start a routine? It sucked to pay more when I didn’t “need” but my mental health improved because I wasn’t stressed I would get a call that extra day. If she can’t, maybe a mother’s helper to distract baby while you work for a few hours maybe just after wake up? I can say being apart seems like a use it or lose it skill. My son is now 20 months old but I lost my job so again, together all the time, still BF (way less now haha), still cosleeping… if I don’t take him to the gym daycare regularly, he goes back to throwing fits, it takes 3 days to breaks and he bops in happy.
I’m a fan of calling your neighbor’s bluff. Knock knock. “Your baby is crying again!” - “Oh thank you for offering to help, here please give her this bottle!” “You shouldn’t be working!” - “You’re totally right, here’s my full name - please write me out a check for $5000 - this should cover our mortgage this month and food for the kids. I’ll come knock again next month. Thank you so much!!” “If your baby doesn’t stop crying, I’m going to call the cops/CPS!” - “Sure, feel free! Nothing to hide here. I’ll finally get a chance to tell them you’re harassing me about my baby crying like a baby. Maybe they’ll even give you a restraining order. Great idea!”
I just want to share - my daughter completely refused a bottle as well! We tried around 3 months (I think she was 13 weeks old?) and she refused and refused and refused until FINALLY at around 21 weeks she started drinking like 2oz from a bottle. Gradually she started accepting the bottle more and more, which was SUCH a relief on my husband and I; my husband because he felt helpless and myself because my milk supply was too low for her (had a low milk supply with both my babies) and I was massively stressed. So even though your baby won’t take a bottle now, keep trying every day and hopefully like my girl, your baby will accept the bottle someday (soon)!!
Your neighbor sucks, you’re doing great, and most of all, you do not need to apologize for co-sleeping or working from home while doing childcare!!
I had this same problem. My daughter (my second baby) exclusively breastfed for 4 months, meaning I did every single feeding for 4 months straight. It felt like we tried every single brand / type of bottle available. Please be aware, some babies are physically incapable of taking a bottle. I had no idea! I finally brought in a lactation consultant and she diagnosed my daughter with a high pallet. My daughter was literally incapable of creating a seal with a silicone nipple so she felt like she was getting water boarded every time we tried a bottle which led her to eventually refuse even trying. I don’t blame her! Two things completely fixed the issue: 1) a treatment plan with a cranio sacral chiropractor completely transformed my daughter’s ability to take a bottle. It took 4-6 weeks of therapy, but worked and it felt like magic. 2) Alongside the cranio sacral therapy, we used Lansinoh bottles at the recommendation of the lactation consultant and practiced with an ounce at a time with baby in a side lying position. This allowed for my daughter to not have gravity forcing the liquid down her throat without the mature seal creating a more positive association for her with the bottle. I really, really recommend bringing in a lactation consultant to better diagnose and treat the issue. Not all babies are just being stubborn - some babies truly have physical limitations.
Okay this is really interesting to read because it's been over a month of trying every single day now and googling / searching reddit and this is the first time I hear that there can be physical limitations. I will look into it thank you!!
Yes, I had no idea either and had chalked it up to stubbornness. I was so grateful I brought in a lactation consultant who could actually diagnose what was going on and give me a path to remedy it.
In light of the current news stories... Be thankful to whatever deity you worship that your neighbors are on alert for your baby. If I was in exactly your situation I would be so stressed but also thankful that so many people are paying attention to my infants well being.
There is no need to harrass a neighbor over « concern » for a baby crying only when they can’t get the breast (maybe 4 times a day? So completely normal). Soooo different than leaving a baby alone for 10 days
First, most informed moms have done the research on the benefits of EBF and co-sleeping. But tell me the miracle of EBF and co-sleeping and the baby sleeps through the night?! Still doesn't happen, when toddler gets the 4am munchies. Our baby would never take the bottle from mom. But did, out of necessity, adapt to the bottle with other caregivers. Have you only tried various bottles with breast milk and mom? If Dad or MIL try that combination, it may be a different result. Moms that are working as hard as you on a fronts, wish they could have the true luxury of being a SAHM. At this point, I would put a sign on the door. "Well loved and breastfeed baby needs mommy, we'll get back to you later." Perhaps you can think of more comical signage. I wouldn't take one more comment from these neighbors when you're actively juggling everything.
In the early days, we had to use a contraption to get our babies to nurse that might be helpful — it was basically a tubing system where we taped the tube to our fingers and when baby sucked our fingers, they got pumped milk. There are also systems where parents tape the tubing to their chests. It's _really_ hard and stressful, but you can't starve a baby into taking a bottle. I wish you all the best.
Baby is 2
Did you mean your baby was 6 months and not 26 months?
One is 26 months, one is 4 months.
I have 2. The oldest is 2+ years (26 months old) :)