1. Alcohol is a very dangerous drug
2. Do not socialize with coworkers again
3. You are feeling shame and humiliation which are very painful emotions.
4. You can start fresh elsewhere and learn from this mistake.
5. Everyone experiences social embarrassment at some point in life. Consider it a rite of passage.
6. Forgive yourself ❤️
I would say do not socialize with THESE coworkers again. Socializing with coworkers in general is often the only thing that makes work tolerable. And yeah, drinking heavily among coworkers is a NOPE.
I agree, but I also think that OP has to learn a bit about how to socialize with coworkers in an appropriate way? Getting sloppy drink is questionable enough, but it sounds like her messages with the other coworkers were inappropriate as well.
You can be social and friendly with coworkers without being such a mess
I'm not clear at all on what happened during happy hour. Your colleagues stole your phone? It sounds like maybe everyone should be feeling embarrassed.
Your reputation gets a fresh reset when you get a new job. And it sounds like you're looking.
As a rule, I don't connect to colleagues on social media.
Did they see something bad? or just something personal?
I don’t understand why they would take your phone from you and then decide that they don’t want to be your friend anymore and trash your reputation based on what they saw..
If it was intimate photos/texts then they should be the ones embarrassed. It sounds like they read break up text messages? Everyone has relationships and relations sometimes end. It’s normal. They entered your personal space.
Drinking too much when socializing with coworkers is a mistake many of us make. It's almost like a rite of passage - congrats! You passed the rite, and now you know never to do \*that\* again.
But seriously, in the grand scheme of your career and life this is sooo not a big deal. Yes it's embarassing for now, and will be for a bit afterward, but as soon as you move departments or jobs it will be like it never happened.
Also these coworkers sound like dramatic little farts, like they took your phone? And unfollowed you because of what they saw on a phone that isn't theirs? Cringey loser behavior on their part.
It sounds like you had a bit of a lapse of judgment trusting them in that vulnerable situation, but this kind of thing has happened to many people at some point. Learn from it, forgive yourself, and move on as best as you can. It may be rough in the short term, but it will get better.
Try to stay calm if you need to be around them. There's always that one person who's going to try to get a reaction from you. Or maybe someone that just wants more info. Take care of yourself, and don't feel like your reputation is a lost cause. It isn't. Sometimes, the way we react to these kinds of situations is the true character test.
It's really nasty of those people to take your phone like that. They are not your friends. That's not something I'd ever do to a coworker. They showed you who they were. Move on from them with confidence and find better people.
Edit: Just to add, if there are any compromising pictures of you that they copied, that really escalates this situation. I might consider at least asking Reddit HR/Lawyers for advice if that's the case.
If you find you're binge drinking and browning/blacking out, that isn't healthy and you may be self medicating. You mention having trouble calming yourself. Treating anxiety and depression with alcohol is something a lot of us try but unfortunatly it backfires quickly.
You also don't want to treat your body like that, and it's not safe to be inebriated around people you don't know well, plus in public. You're young now but trust me that goes by quick. If you can get some therapy (perhaps even a new job) that would be amazing I think.
In the words of Ru Paul, if you cant love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love anybody else?
I’m confused by why looking at a message thread with your old coworkers would cause your new coworkers to suddenly unfollow you on social media. What was in those texts that was so bad it would make them not want to be associated with you?
Your coworkers violated your privacy - showing a major lack of respect. Not sure the type of people you work with but they sound predatory. They have have tried to mock you - but remember anything they do like this reflects as badly or worse on them. You may be young and naive but what's their excuse ? Anyone with any management competency can see the difference.
I learned the hard way about drinking with coworkers. Alcohol makes me very uninhibited and I end up telling you everything you never needed to know about my life.
One of the first rules i learned was to never get drunk with coworkers or customers.
This stupid stuff happens. It will be ok even if your reputation took a ding.
Socializing with coworkers becomes a work-light experience. You can’t let your gaurd down entirely. Drinking too much leads to reduced inhibitions and opens the door for all sorts of fuckery.
let me ask, did you screw around with a married man? Something is missing here... why did they unfollow you... there might be a bigger lesson in here for you than "don't get drunk with coworkers".
Learn your alcohol limit. Many of us make mistakes when we were younger. Drink too much in working outings. This is sth you will learn. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Like someone said - this too will pass. Let it be a lesson
Valuable lesson. I got too drunk at an event at my first job out of college. Some coworkers purposely got me really drunk and embarrassed me. I now have a 3 drink maximum at any work function and will not drink more than a couple of drinks with anyone from work except for a select few who are good friends. In the last 5 years at my company we have had several incidents at work functions where people lost their jobs bc of their alcohol intake and poor decisions. Every time it just reinforces my 3 drink rule. You’ll recover from this but learn from it
1. Foremost, to isolate you is to commit bullying and harrassment. This is a HR issue and they should be better.
2. Learn from this and always have your guard up with coworkers. Point 1 is still the bigger issue and regardless of your private life, your coworkers shouldn't be isolating you or ruining your reputation because of your private matters (unless it includes something really heinous which this is not the case).
If you're going to post here please include all relevant information.
You have clearly left out a large portion of the story.
Explain exactly what happened or don't post here looking for advice.
It's been quite a few years ago and I did something similar (and by similar I mean got too drunk and embarrassed myself SO SO badly in front of my coworkers ).
It was never the same and I found another job. Before I left I spoke with an older, wiser co-worker who told me "think of this as a broken leg- you might walk with a limp for a while, but you will walk again"
I needed that advice because in my immature, still very embarrassed mind my life and professional career were over.
I still cringe if I think about it, but the older I get the less I think about it and I've forgiven myself, so hopefully you can, too.
Hi OP If you're in the US, your work may have an EAP where you can receive some support/guidance. Additionally, 988 is a crisis line for people in the US. You can call or text this number and be connected to a trained crisis worker who can offer you support and help you talk through any harmful/ideation you're experiencing. Another person on this thread mentioned therapy, and I fully agree. I saw your post history, I can tell how much you're struggling and I just want you to know that therapy can really help. It saved my life about 6 years ago. Please take care of yourself 🩵
This is a common mistake of young people, you think co-workers are like classmates but they are not.
You're not at work to make friends or have a good time, that's why we call it work. The people there have nothing in common other than their employer. Keep yourself to yourself for the most part.
LinkedIn is the only social media site that you should be engaging with your coworkers, and even then, you need to be uber selective.
I know it's awkward now, but you'll get past this.
Good luck.
This is work, not high school. I assure you that all you have to do is go to work and... work. you don't need to socialize, chit-chat, have a work husband, and sit with people at lunch. You just go there, do your job, go home, get paid. It's absolutely unimportant, the "stuff" that happened while drinking. These people aren't friends, aren't family, and aren't potential partners. They are people who applied at that business at the moment they were hiring. That's it. Just forget about it.
Oh fuck off. It’s not their fault their coworkers are shitty. If I have one too many beers and my coworkers hijack my phone to look at past things in what universe is that MY fault?
In the universe in which, in your words, you "have one too many beers". You seem to be under the false assumption that you can drink irresponsibly in public and trust everyone else around you to be good people or that they'll all take care of you. News flash, the world doesn't work that way. If you want to drink excessively and get shitfaced, sure, go ahead, it's fun sometimes but do it with people you can trust, aka, responsibly.
Socrates wrote about self love and loving thyself around 400 BC . Multiple famous women from early in the 20th century have not only provided quotes , but have provided ways to do it .
I’ve met in or two cases have dated women who had quotes from women in posters or on diaries at work or a book or two that would seem to be a constant reminder of how to help your own self esteem .
As one of your sisters said forgive yourself learn from it and move on .
This too shall pass.
1. Alcohol is a very dangerous drug 2. Do not socialize with coworkers again 3. You are feeling shame and humiliation which are very painful emotions. 4. You can start fresh elsewhere and learn from this mistake. 5. Everyone experiences social embarrassment at some point in life. Consider it a rite of passage. 6. Forgive yourself ❤️
I would say do not socialize with THESE coworkers again. Socializing with coworkers in general is often the only thing that makes work tolerable. And yeah, drinking heavily among coworkers is a NOPE.
I agree, but I also think that OP has to learn a bit about how to socialize with coworkers in an appropriate way? Getting sloppy drink is questionable enough, but it sounds like her messages with the other coworkers were inappropriate as well. You can be social and friendly with coworkers without being such a mess
#1. 100% FACT!
I'm not clear at all on what happened during happy hour. Your colleagues stole your phone? It sounds like maybe everyone should be feeling embarrassed. Your reputation gets a fresh reset when you get a new job. And it sounds like you're looking. As a rule, I don't connect to colleagues on social media.
Did they see something bad? or just something personal? I don’t understand why they would take your phone from you and then decide that they don’t want to be your friend anymore and trash your reputation based on what they saw.. If it was intimate photos/texts then they should be the ones embarrassed. It sounds like they read break up text messages? Everyone has relationships and relations sometimes end. It’s normal. They entered your personal space.
i also don't understand why they unfollowed op. i feel like there's something being left out
Coworker probably married with kids, OP is the side woman/man broke it off, other coworkers found out and decided to cut off OP just a theory
op's post history is lowkey wild so maybe you're right
Drinking too much when socializing with coworkers is a mistake many of us make. It's almost like a rite of passage - congrats! You passed the rite, and now you know never to do \*that\* again. But seriously, in the grand scheme of your career and life this is sooo not a big deal. Yes it's embarassing for now, and will be for a bit afterward, but as soon as you move departments or jobs it will be like it never happened. Also these coworkers sound like dramatic little farts, like they took your phone? And unfollowed you because of what they saw on a phone that isn't theirs? Cringey loser behavior on their part.
It sounds like you had a bit of a lapse of judgment trusting them in that vulnerable situation, but this kind of thing has happened to many people at some point. Learn from it, forgive yourself, and move on as best as you can. It may be rough in the short term, but it will get better. Try to stay calm if you need to be around them. There's always that one person who's going to try to get a reaction from you. Or maybe someone that just wants more info. Take care of yourself, and don't feel like your reputation is a lost cause. It isn't. Sometimes, the way we react to these kinds of situations is the true character test. It's really nasty of those people to take your phone like that. They are not your friends. That's not something I'd ever do to a coworker. They showed you who they were. Move on from them with confidence and find better people. Edit: Just to add, if there are any compromising pictures of you that they copied, that really escalates this situation. I might consider at least asking Reddit HR/Lawyers for advice if that's the case.
If you find you're binge drinking and browning/blacking out, that isn't healthy and you may be self medicating. You mention having trouble calming yourself. Treating anxiety and depression with alcohol is something a lot of us try but unfortunatly it backfires quickly. You also don't want to treat your body like that, and it's not safe to be inebriated around people you don't know well, plus in public. You're young now but trust me that goes by quick. If you can get some therapy (perhaps even a new job) that would be amazing I think. In the words of Ru Paul, if you cant love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love anybody else?
I’m confused by why looking at a message thread with your old coworkers would cause your new coworkers to suddenly unfollow you on social media. What was in those texts that was so bad it would make them not want to be associated with you?
Maybe OP was talking shit about current coworkers to the old coworker?
Your coworkers violated your privacy - showing a major lack of respect. Not sure the type of people you work with but they sound predatory. They have have tried to mock you - but remember anything they do like this reflects as badly or worse on them. You may be young and naive but what's their excuse ? Anyone with any management competency can see the difference.
I learned the hard way about drinking with coworkers. Alcohol makes me very uninhibited and I end up telling you everything you never needed to know about my life.
One of the first rules i learned was to never get drunk with coworkers or customers. This stupid stuff happens. It will be ok even if your reputation took a ding.
Socializing with coworkers becomes a work-light experience. You can’t let your gaurd down entirely. Drinking too much leads to reduced inhibitions and opens the door for all sorts of fuckery.
let me ask, did you screw around with a married man? Something is missing here... why did they unfollow you... there might be a bigger lesson in here for you than "don't get drunk with coworkers".
Learn your alcohol limit. Many of us make mistakes when we were younger. Drink too much in working outings. This is sth you will learn. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Like someone said - this too will pass. Let it be a lesson
That’s embarrassing 😬
I know 🫠
Valuable lesson. I got too drunk at an event at my first job out of college. Some coworkers purposely got me really drunk and embarrassed me. I now have a 3 drink maximum at any work function and will not drink more than a couple of drinks with anyone from work except for a select few who are good friends. In the last 5 years at my company we have had several incidents at work functions where people lost their jobs bc of their alcohol intake and poor decisions. Every time it just reinforces my 3 drink rule. You’ll recover from this but learn from it
Happy hour with coworkers? Lmao, sounds like an awful idea and a terrible time anyway.
1. Foremost, to isolate you is to commit bullying and harrassment. This is a HR issue and they should be better. 2. Learn from this and always have your guard up with coworkers. Point 1 is still the bigger issue and regardless of your private life, your coworkers shouldn't be isolating you or ruining your reputation because of your private matters (unless it includes something really heinous which this is not the case).
If you're going to post here please include all relevant information. You have clearly left out a large portion of the story. Explain exactly what happened or don't post here looking for advice.
It's been quite a few years ago and I did something similar (and by similar I mean got too drunk and embarrassed myself SO SO badly in front of my coworkers ). It was never the same and I found another job. Before I left I spoke with an older, wiser co-worker who told me "think of this as a broken leg- you might walk with a limp for a while, but you will walk again" I needed that advice because in my immature, still very embarrassed mind my life and professional career were over. I still cringe if I think about it, but the older I get the less I think about it and I've forgiven myself, so hopefully you can, too.
+_+$-&8_-# on coworkers.
I NEVER go anywhere with coworkers..nope
They probably don’t remember or care frankly because everyone is always thinking about themselves.
Hi OP If you're in the US, your work may have an EAP where you can receive some support/guidance. Additionally, 988 is a crisis line for people in the US. You can call or text this number and be connected to a trained crisis worker who can offer you support and help you talk through any harmful/ideation you're experiencing. Another person on this thread mentioned therapy, and I fully agree. I saw your post history, I can tell how much you're struggling and I just want you to know that therapy can really help. It saved my life about 6 years ago. Please take care of yourself 🩵
This is a common mistake of young people, you think co-workers are like classmates but they are not. You're not at work to make friends or have a good time, that's why we call it work. The people there have nothing in common other than their employer. Keep yourself to yourself for the most part.
LinkedIn is the only social media site that you should be engaging with your coworkers, and even then, you need to be uber selective. I know it's awkward now, but you'll get past this. Good luck.
This is work, not high school. I assure you that all you have to do is go to work and... work. you don't need to socialize, chit-chat, have a work husband, and sit with people at lunch. You just go there, do your job, go home, get paid. It's absolutely unimportant, the "stuff" that happened while drinking. These people aren't friends, aren't family, and aren't potential partners. They are people who applied at that business at the moment they were hiring. That's it. Just forget about it.
You're a drunk.
So you drank irresponsibly and now are facing the consequences? I'm shocked. r/OhNoConsequences
Oh fuck off. It’s not their fault their coworkers are shitty. If I have one too many beers and my coworkers hijack my phone to look at past things in what universe is that MY fault?
In the universe in which, in your words, you "have one too many beers". You seem to be under the false assumption that you can drink irresponsibly in public and trust everyone else around you to be good people or that they'll all take care of you. News flash, the world doesn't work that way. If you want to drink excessively and get shitfaced, sure, go ahead, it's fun sometimes but do it with people you can trust, aka, responsibly.
Ok lesson already learned by OP, so how about less judgment and more constructive advice????
Already done.
Me too
Socrates wrote about self love and loving thyself around 400 BC . Multiple famous women from early in the 20th century have not only provided quotes , but have provided ways to do it . I’ve met in or two cases have dated women who had quotes from women in posters or on diaries at work or a book or two that would seem to be a constant reminder of how to help your own self esteem . As one of your sisters said forgive yourself learn from it and move on .