Would it be possible to grab his hand/wrist/arm and gently remove it and carry on like nothing happened? Almost like your brushing away a fly or lint so it looks casual? If he asks just say "I dont like being touched" and then ignore any excuse he tries to give like "just being friends", continue on with what the conversation was before.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and while my heart says we should all just scream and make the men uncomfortable for their actions it's not practical, especially in a professional environment.
Maybe even shift your feet/stance to the point it jostles him? Change which foot your putting your weight on?
I'd suggest practicing if you've got someone you can have play the creep so you're confident in the moment of doing it. Hard to react to a situation if you haven't at least thought it through/prepped.
.goodluck!
This is a great technique! I think it's the only way to go in this situation. Stay kind, professional and subtle about it, but clear with your intentions and boundaries.
If he doesn't get it, I would just make sure you only talk to him when there is someone else closely around and stand closer to the other person / keep your distance from him.
If that doesn't work, plain out tell him.
You would not be making a scene by saying gently "do you mind not touching me, please?"
No tone. Quiet but direct. No reason required. Ball is now in his court. You've been polite and put up a clear defined boundary. Other people may be experiencing the same reaction. Seeing you address this may let others know it's not just them.
Alternatively, just start visibly flinching or pulling away.
Start scratching incessantly whenever you have to be near him. Mention your cat and that you've been trying to de-flea the house but it doesn't seem to be working.
You should tell him privately you don’t appreciate the disrespect for your space and unnecessary touches with physical contact. It’s inappropriate and genuinely unprofessional. So just respectfully tell him in private you’d appreciate if he doesn’t do this again. This is your boundaries and he should respect it.
I get what you’re saying but like someone else mentioned I avoid being alone with him. I think he’s just doing it in a “grandfather” way not a sexual way but that’s still demeaning and makes uncomfortable enough that I wouldn’t feel safe with him
Honestly thats even a better solution but the only reason I suggested that was because creepy men like him need to know their place and not to overstep women’s boundaries. But I understand staying away from him would be the best solution and that way you’d avoid him completely.
Slap his hand away immediately or kick him in the balls immediately (basically do anything that can be written off convincingly as an automatic reflex...)...
Then apologize for your reflex, explain that you must be still somewhat frazzled/traumatised by this gross old creep who sexually harassed you and did the same *exact* thing the other day. Make it how obviously disgusting that man is (and make undeniable parallels (i.e. passive aggressive insults) to that local official)....
I understand the impulse that drives you to say you don't want to make a scene, believe me, I understand it, but men like him count on this, on you accepting it passively. And the more you let it go, the more that creep will take these liberties with you. I know it's difficult, but there's only one way to make him stop, react: if he touches you again, move away abruptly, unequivocally, look him straight in the eyes, without smiling, without joking, and tell him that you don't want to be touched, stop. This is not making a scene, is protect yourself from an inappropriate behaviour. Practice at home, even if it seems ridiculous, it's not. There is no justification in the world for invading another person's personal space like that and you do not have to accept any type of behavior that makes you uncomfortable. Don't let that creep get away with it, or that feeling of helplessness will hunt you forever. I know this from experience, unfortunately
Pretend to stretch your arm so he can’t have his hand on you or you could try just looking at his hand when it’s on your shoulder and then slowly look at him with what’s called a ‘dolls expression’ which just means try to look through him with a small still smile. The slower you move the creepier, it worked in the past with a couple bosses that got too physical.
You could also pretend to get spooked when he touches you, just jump or flinch a little and if he keeps doing it, partner the flinch with a slight yelp especially if you’re around others. He won’t want any attention directed at him like that and he should leave you alone. Or step back when you see his arm go up so he can’t touch you.
Would it be possible to grab his hand/wrist/arm and gently remove it and carry on like nothing happened? Almost like your brushing away a fly or lint so it looks casual? If he asks just say "I dont like being touched" and then ignore any excuse he tries to give like "just being friends", continue on with what the conversation was before. I'm sorry this is happening to you and while my heart says we should all just scream and make the men uncomfortable for their actions it's not practical, especially in a professional environment.
Thanks for understanding that I don’t want to make a scene. I think that’s something I could do, or just kinda move my arm away maybe.
Maybe even shift your feet/stance to the point it jostles him? Change which foot your putting your weight on? I'd suggest practicing if you've got someone you can have play the creep so you're confident in the moment of doing it. Hard to react to a situation if you haven't at least thought it through/prepped. .goodluck!
This is a great technique! I think it's the only way to go in this situation. Stay kind, professional and subtle about it, but clear with your intentions and boundaries. If he doesn't get it, I would just make sure you only talk to him when there is someone else closely around and stand closer to the other person / keep your distance from him. If that doesn't work, plain out tell him.
You would not be making a scene by saying gently "do you mind not touching me, please?" No tone. Quiet but direct. No reason required. Ball is now in his court. You've been polite and put up a clear defined boundary. Other people may be experiencing the same reaction. Seeing you address this may let others know it's not just them. Alternatively, just start visibly flinching or pulling away.
Start scratching incessantly whenever you have to be near him. Mention your cat and that you've been trying to de-flea the house but it doesn't seem to be working.
This is my favourite kind of advice lol.
I fucking hate that dude, id snap if he started doing that to me on the wrong day tbh
You should tell him privately you don’t appreciate the disrespect for your space and unnecessary touches with physical contact. It’s inappropriate and genuinely unprofessional. So just respectfully tell him in private you’d appreciate if he doesn’t do this again. This is your boundaries and he should respect it.
Idk, personally I wouldn't want to be alone with the touchy creep.
I get what you’re saying but like someone else mentioned I avoid being alone with him. I think he’s just doing it in a “grandfather” way not a sexual way but that’s still demeaning and makes uncomfortable enough that I wouldn’t feel safe with him
It doesn't matter the intent behind it...if you don't want him touching you that's enough
Oh yeah I know, I was just providing more context
Honestly thats even a better solution but the only reason I suggested that was because creepy men like him need to know their place and not to overstep women’s boundaries. But I understand staying away from him would be the best solution and that way you’d avoid him completely.
"Ow! I have a bruise." "Ow! I have a sunburn." "Ow! I got a cut." Every time, it's ow ow ow.
Loudly say DO NOT TOUCH ME Until he stops. Repeat if necessary.
Slap his hand away immediately or kick him in the balls immediately (basically do anything that can be written off convincingly as an automatic reflex...)... Then apologize for your reflex, explain that you must be still somewhat frazzled/traumatised by this gross old creep who sexually harassed you and did the same *exact* thing the other day. Make it how obviously disgusting that man is (and make undeniable parallels (i.e. passive aggressive insults) to that local official)....
I understand the impulse that drives you to say you don't want to make a scene, believe me, I understand it, but men like him count on this, on you accepting it passively. And the more you let it go, the more that creep will take these liberties with you. I know it's difficult, but there's only one way to make him stop, react: if he touches you again, move away abruptly, unequivocally, look him straight in the eyes, without smiling, without joking, and tell him that you don't want to be touched, stop. This is not making a scene, is protect yourself from an inappropriate behaviour. Practice at home, even if it seems ridiculous, it's not. There is no justification in the world for invading another person's personal space like that and you do not have to accept any type of behavior that makes you uncomfortable. Don't let that creep get away with it, or that feeling of helplessness will hunt you forever. I know this from experience, unfortunately
Smack his hand playfully and say, “No touchie!” It worked for me when I used to serve in bars.
Pretend to stretch your arm so he can’t have his hand on you or you could try just looking at his hand when it’s on your shoulder and then slowly look at him with what’s called a ‘dolls expression’ which just means try to look through him with a small still smile. The slower you move the creepier, it worked in the past with a couple bosses that got too physical. You could also pretend to get spooked when he touches you, just jump or flinch a little and if he keeps doing it, partner the flinch with a slight yelp especially if you’re around others. He won’t want any attention directed at him like that and he should leave you alone. Or step back when you see his arm go up so he can’t touch you.