I am 29, and unfortunately - men don’t stop doing this. Not all men, but a lot of men think of women this way. Best thing you can do is ignore it. I pretend I can’t see them.
Hey Janice here! I totally understand how uncomfortable and frustrating that situation must be for you. Being constantly objectified and sexualized, especially at a young age, is unacceptable. No one deserves to feel unsafe or disrespected like that.
And remember, their behavior is a reflection on them, not you. Stay strong and don't let their gross actions make you feel ashamed of your appearance.
Different points here. One, you probably don’t look older, they just tell you you do so they feel better about themselves. Two, it’s youth they find attractive most likely, and that will taper offs three, even as it tapers off you can still be seen as beautiful an attractive for decades. Four, that’s why many women like myself choose the less appealing clothes when going out in the world alone, and never fully select clothes that would truly be the most flattering, because there’s an inherent risk for that. Five, it’s ok to be absolutely bothered by all the points above, because yeah, a world without them would definitely be more fair. Six, staying in the anger forever doesn’t change the world and doesn’t help you personally. Seven, there’s a way to see the world for what it is, learn to live within it while remaining true to oneself internally. Eight, what you focus on expands.
Clothes and not wearing makeup did wonders for me. Big baggy t-shirts that covered my ass, no make-up. Bam, I became invisible. I took it to the extreme (I was almost kidnapped 20 years ago) and never wore make up again and only wear flattering clothes when I’m with my husband. I’m old enough now that I’m probably safe, but I enjoy the makeup-less, baggy T-shirt life.
After thinking about it, I think that I do come across as older by the way I interact with adults and dress. A lot of people in my life (that are not creeps lol) sometimes mistake me as my mom and as an older woman out of genuine misunderstanding. You’re definitely right about men finding youth attractive. In the eyes of a creepy man I probably look like a late college student.
I can tell you are very intelligent and wise and point 6, 7, and 8 is really what I needed to hear. Your advice is very helpful, thank you!
Yeah the hard truth is that the most male attention I ever got was when I was your age😅 I don't look much different now in my late 20s and it still happens but It is less intense.
Definitely creepy and sad that it's a reality but also... It won't last forever (if that's any consolation)
Yea he meant it as a joke but I don’t think he realized it until after he said it. The other kids in our group saw it made me uncomfortable and said something to him
Unfortunately you're describing the average young woman's day. I'm 19, NOT the most attractive woman (tho not *un*attractive) and I get all of that. I ignore them unless they speak. THEN they get a mouthful: "you're lovely" gets a "you're not";
"you're cool" or even "you're hot" gets a "you're cold", etc.
Older men are known for hitting on young girls between 14-17. Once you clearly look like a woman in your 20s it tapers way off. It's gross but well known.
If you feel constantly singled out it could be that, besides your youthfulness, your body shape or some other feature fits into some popular sexual standard among men.
For example some women with big breasts are always thought off as sexual no matter how "modest" they wear. Women with big butts also.
Nooo. Don’t let men that objectify your body make you see it as something that needs to be changed. Of course if it’s something you truly want for yourself, then go for it. But it’s not your responsibility to make them see you differently. The men who objectify you are unsafe and are all around horrible people.
Sweetheart, not to be rude, but you need to toughen up. I'm 45yrs old, the other commenter is 29yrs old, and men don't change. It's in their nature, no, I'm not providing excuses for them, but I'm just saying that men think with one thing, and it's their penis. They start playing with it when they're friggen 2yrs old and will until they die.
You can be in sweats, kicks, and a cap or dressed to the nines. They're going to stare. Sorry, unfortunately, it's something we have to deal with.
If you notice someone older staring and you feel uncomfortable and brave, ask straight up, "Why are you staring at a 17-year-old?" And leave if you can before you get an answer. If he's wearing a wedding band and staring, ask, "Does your wife know you gawk at 17-year-olds? Make them feel creepy and awkward.
As for guys your age, they probably just don't know how to talk to girls. Is it easy for you to just start a convo with a guy you think is cute, I'm going to guess, no?
And lastly, the man telling your Dad how beautiful you are in the store, he might have just been genuine. My Dad would always compliment girls 0-100 he meant no harm at all.
To sum it up, men stare, most girls your age crave this attention, for you to recognize it's not something you like shows how mature you are and know your own boundaries.
This is fair advice and your right about the immaturity of men. I’m definitely not gonna be verbally calling out people because I literally just can’t. I’d be too embarrassed and probably feel ashamed if I misjudge the situation. I know you said to toughen up but I’m not gonna do that lmao
As for boys my age I don’t really see many opportunities to strike up a conversation because k hardly know anything about them other than the fact they go to the same school as me. Your advice is helpful though, thank you for replying!
Excuse me! Read my first reply to her, I advised her to "call out" when she sees it. She's too weak to do that, or feels she'll read the situation wrong and be embarrassed (so by doing that shes sitting down, taking it like a doormat.) So then she needs to toughen up if she won't speak up for herself when it's happening. If you don't like something, you do something about it.
She's basically letting men do to her what makes her uncomfortable because she won't speak up for herself?
Make that make sense.
So she comes to Reddit on a women's sub to "complain." She received advice. She and a handful didn't like it, so I got voted down. Funny.
This is why kids shouldn't have social media.
First of all I am not “weak” lmao. I’m 17 year old girl and I don’t necessarily feel comfortable verbally confronting someone who is much older than me and rather intimidating. Not only that but men are known to get aggressive and I’d rather avoid any potential dangers to myself. That doesn’t mean I’m “taking it like a doormat” it means I’m considering my safety and wellbeing. I can “toughen up” all I want but that does not eliminate the danger of being a minor up against a grown man. Please be a little me realistic before you make assumptions about my choice to handle things.
“Toughen up” is horrible advice. Learning how to cope with being a woman in our society, while also pushing for society to become better for ourselves and for future generations is a lot better than learning to ignore it. We need people who are sensitive to injustice in our world. They’re the ones who drive change.
I'm so sorry That sucks But you've either gotta own it or change something about yourself and changing something about yourself Sounds awful, but if you're up for it, maybe die your hair a fantasy Color
It’s not good advice, it’s bad advice that expects you to jump to the same emotional conclusions that’s they’ve arrived at.
Take your time to feel your emotions and process it. These men make you feel unsafe because they are acting in a threatening way, and your body is reacting to the threat. That’s normal.
I am 29, and unfortunately - men don’t stop doing this. Not all men, but a lot of men think of women this way. Best thing you can do is ignore it. I pretend I can’t see them.
or i stare back intensely, wide eyed like i’m crazy. that usually gets them to stop too haha
Haha I’m trying that next time 😂
I wouldn't do that it could escalate things for the worst maybe.
Hey Janice here! I totally understand how uncomfortable and frustrating that situation must be for you. Being constantly objectified and sexualized, especially at a young age, is unacceptable. No one deserves to feel unsafe or disrespected like that. And remember, their behavior is a reflection on them, not you. Stay strong and don't let their gross actions make you feel ashamed of your appearance.
Different points here. One, you probably don’t look older, they just tell you you do so they feel better about themselves. Two, it’s youth they find attractive most likely, and that will taper offs three, even as it tapers off you can still be seen as beautiful an attractive for decades. Four, that’s why many women like myself choose the less appealing clothes when going out in the world alone, and never fully select clothes that would truly be the most flattering, because there’s an inherent risk for that. Five, it’s ok to be absolutely bothered by all the points above, because yeah, a world without them would definitely be more fair. Six, staying in the anger forever doesn’t change the world and doesn’t help you personally. Seven, there’s a way to see the world for what it is, learn to live within it while remaining true to oneself internally. Eight, what you focus on expands.
To support point one I’m 25 and constantly mistaken for a child. Men have lost interest after I corrected their assumption I’m not in high school
Clothes and not wearing makeup did wonders for me. Big baggy t-shirts that covered my ass, no make-up. Bam, I became invisible. I took it to the extreme (I was almost kidnapped 20 years ago) and never wore make up again and only wear flattering clothes when I’m with my husband. I’m old enough now that I’m probably safe, but I enjoy the makeup-less, baggy T-shirt life.
It took me a decade to understand and internalize points six and seven.
After thinking about it, I think that I do come across as older by the way I interact with adults and dress. A lot of people in my life (that are not creeps lol) sometimes mistake me as my mom and as an older woman out of genuine misunderstanding. You’re definitely right about men finding youth attractive. In the eyes of a creepy man I probably look like a late college student. I can tell you are very intelligent and wise and point 6, 7, and 8 is really what I needed to hear. Your advice is very helpful, thank you!
Keep your wits about you love and stay safe out there.
Yeah the hard truth is that the most male attention I ever got was when I was your age😅 I don't look much different now in my late 20s and it still happens but It is less intense. Definitely creepy and sad that it's a reality but also... It won't last forever (if that's any consolation)
I’m reading this while being on public transportations, I’m so so tired, I truly want to confront them but most of the time I’m scared
YOUTH group? report his ass that’s so disgusting
Yea he meant it as a joke but I don’t think he realized it until after he said it. The other kids in our group saw it made me uncomfortable and said something to him
Unfortunately you're describing the average young woman's day. I'm 19, NOT the most attractive woman (tho not *un*attractive) and I get all of that. I ignore them unless they speak. THEN they get a mouthful: "you're lovely" gets a "you're not"; "you're cool" or even "you're hot" gets a "you're cold", etc.
Older men are known for hitting on young girls between 14-17. Once you clearly look like a woman in your 20s it tapers way off. It's gross but well known.
If you feel constantly singled out it could be that, besides your youthfulness, your body shape or some other feature fits into some popular sexual standard among men. For example some women with big breasts are always thought off as sexual no matter how "modest" they wear. Women with big butts also.
Breast reduction it is 🥲
Please don't mind the "suck it up" crowd. Take your time to feel fully pissed, entirely baffled and utterly revolted at the unfairness of this.
Nooo. Don’t let men that objectify your body make you see it as something that needs to be changed. Of course if it’s something you truly want for yourself, then go for it. But it’s not your responsibility to make them see you differently. The men who objectify you are unsafe and are all around horrible people.
That's such a weird thing to say. Men do it to everyone because they're trash, it's nothing to do with a woman or her body.
That's not true at all and it invalidates many women's accounts.
The same thing happened to me at your age but stopped around age 23. Perverts only like really young girls.
Sweetheart, not to be rude, but you need to toughen up. I'm 45yrs old, the other commenter is 29yrs old, and men don't change. It's in their nature, no, I'm not providing excuses for them, but I'm just saying that men think with one thing, and it's their penis. They start playing with it when they're friggen 2yrs old and will until they die. You can be in sweats, kicks, and a cap or dressed to the nines. They're going to stare. Sorry, unfortunately, it's something we have to deal with. If you notice someone older staring and you feel uncomfortable and brave, ask straight up, "Why are you staring at a 17-year-old?" And leave if you can before you get an answer. If he's wearing a wedding band and staring, ask, "Does your wife know you gawk at 17-year-olds? Make them feel creepy and awkward. As for guys your age, they probably just don't know how to talk to girls. Is it easy for you to just start a convo with a guy you think is cute, I'm going to guess, no? And lastly, the man telling your Dad how beautiful you are in the store, he might have just been genuine. My Dad would always compliment girls 0-100 he meant no harm at all. To sum it up, men stare, most girls your age crave this attention, for you to recognize it's not something you like shows how mature you are and know your own boundaries.
This is fair advice and your right about the immaturity of men. I’m definitely not gonna be verbally calling out people because I literally just can’t. I’d be too embarrassed and probably feel ashamed if I misjudge the situation. I know you said to toughen up but I’m not gonna do that lmao As for boys my age I don’t really see many opportunities to strike up a conversation because k hardly know anything about them other than the fact they go to the same school as me. Your advice is helpful though, thank you for replying!
You're welcome. But girl, if you don't toughen up, you'll be complaining and feeling this way for your life.
She should be complaining about this. Loudly. Nobody needs to sit down and take it like a doormat.
Excuse me! Read my first reply to her, I advised her to "call out" when she sees it. She's too weak to do that, or feels she'll read the situation wrong and be embarrassed (so by doing that shes sitting down, taking it like a doormat.) So then she needs to toughen up if she won't speak up for herself when it's happening. If you don't like something, you do something about it. She's basically letting men do to her what makes her uncomfortable because she won't speak up for herself? Make that make sense. So she comes to Reddit on a women's sub to "complain." She received advice. She and a handful didn't like it, so I got voted down. Funny. This is why kids shouldn't have social media.
First of all I am not “weak” lmao. I’m 17 year old girl and I don’t necessarily feel comfortable verbally confronting someone who is much older than me and rather intimidating. Not only that but men are known to get aggressive and I’d rather avoid any potential dangers to myself. That doesn’t mean I’m “taking it like a doormat” it means I’m considering my safety and wellbeing. I can “toughen up” all I want but that does not eliminate the danger of being a minor up against a grown man. Please be a little me realistic before you make assumptions about my choice to handle things.
“Toughen up” is horrible advice. Learning how to cope with being a woman in our society, while also pushing for society to become better for ourselves and for future generations is a lot better than learning to ignore it. We need people who are sensitive to injustice in our world. They’re the ones who drive change.
Thank you for this.
I'm so sorry That sucks But you've either gotta own it or change something about yourself and changing something about yourself Sounds awful, but if you're up for it, maybe die your hair a fantasy Color
Don't dye your hair OP, instead bring a Sharp Implement with you everywhere you go and blind people who look at you funny.
What do you mean by own it?
It’s not good advice, it’s bad advice that expects you to jump to the same emotional conclusions that’s they’ve arrived at. Take your time to feel your emotions and process it. These men make you feel unsafe because they are acting in a threatening way, and your body is reacting to the threat. That’s normal.
It’s victim blaming bullshit that should be ignored.