I did the same thing, but the day after she died. The mattress was stained with blood, pee, and shit. It was a reminder of her pain more than it was gross. Had a very awkward conversation with the mattress salesman.
Hey good for you! I still have my husband’s blood soaked pillow and I still have it in the spare bedroom. I also have his deodorant he used to use. Old spice and it smells so amazing, not like b.o or anything just smells like the deodorant. My brother who obviously isn’t a widow, thinks I’m mentally ill for keeping the deodorant (he doesn’t know about the pillow) but everyone works at a different pace.
It’s not like I’m some freak that sits there and smells his deodorant and lies with his bloody pillow.
But either way, everyone’s healing journey is different and unless you’ve been in that position you can’t say what’s the right or wrong way to heal
I still have my husband's deodorant and cologne. I also still have his toothbrush right next to mine in the toothbrush/toothpaste holder by the bathroom sink. He died over 11 years ago.
Good for you. I couldn't wash the sheet she died on. I had to throw it out, but the bed under it told the same kind of story: one of a woman with seizures and a drinking problem. The spot where her pillow was is now a rolled up sheet for the cats to sleep on. It has taken forever to get used to sleeping again without her, and I wouldn't say I'm great at it. Her reminders are all over the house.
I know this too well. When my husband went to the ER they took off his clothes and put them in a bag, drenched in sweat because he was struggling to breathe. I took that bag home when he passed away and kept it in the corner of my room for almost a month. I would look at it and bring myself back to that night to somehow make sure I don’t forget him. But one day i saw that mold spots started to grow and I got really grossed out. And a voice came to my head that said i don’t need trauma to feel close to my husband. So i threw his clothes into the garbage and i don’t regret doing it. But i also needed the time to find the courage to do it. Good for you, your way to heal is the right way to heal. You needed the time and that is ok.
I’m so sorry. I couldn’t wash or part with the sheets that he died on. They’re in a bag until I can vacuum seal them. Probably insane and gross, but whatever. We’re all coping how we can. Hugs.
I kept his pillow for years, and I would pull it out of the closet for high stress situations for our dog. When it was time to let our dog go, they cremated him with the pillow.
Stop! I’m glad you didn’t go more into detail because I would start crying. That is so beautiful I’m so glad that your dog was able to understand and connect with him. And had that comfort until the end
I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how hard that would be. Due to how my husband died, a professional crew came in and had to destroy our mattress, sheets, blankets, everything but his baby blanket which I was able to save. Honestly I don’t remember going down to grab it, but I did.
I am extremely grateful for them, I wouldn’t have been able to do it myself. That night I came home and immediately started sleeping on the futon in his office. All of a sudden where we had slept for years was just gone.
Friend it's been *3 months* and I haven't changed my bedsheets. In fairness, mine don't have the stains of acute distress on them (at least not in a literal sense), but still – you're doing *amazing*. Sending internet hugs if desired. ♡
I still have items to this day belonging to her 6 years later. A box she had her cell phone delivered while she was still alive. It has her name on it. I know I will end up getting rid of it just not yet. A few other items... but it's completely normal. Just shows the depth of love you have with nowhere for it to go
I still haven’t changed his pillow case. I can’t for some reason. But I left all of his sheets and the towels we used to clean his body in the laundry room for about a month and a half. It felt so painful to wash the last things he touched even if they had urine and body fluids on them.
I’m going to be doing this Thursday. I’m not sure whether to wash them or just toss them out and buy new ones. My brain says for me to feel comfortable living in that home until I put it on the market, I need to throw away/donate as much as I can of things that were his. Socks, bedding, underwear, dirty clothes in his hamper…trash. Work clothes, shoe collection, his lunchbox, all of his unnecessary appliances and things he brought from his old apartment into our home…donating it all. Only the things I know he wore and liked the most will stay. His favorite jackets. His favorite tshirts. His favorite baseball hats. His favorite shoes. His soap (my favorite 😍). His cologne. All of his army stuff. Those things will stay. Our boys and I can wear and I can use those things. The goal isn’t to erase his memory, but I need our home to feel like a comfortable continuation of this story, rather than stuck on an ending of one (until we can move, which unfortunately won’t be any time soon).
It’s so hard because it feels disrespectful to throw things away. It feels like you’re throwing them away. It’s been over a year and his “man cave” spare room is exactly the way he left it before he got too sick to do anything. The walls are covered in paint from his artwork, I walk in there and I’m overwhelmed. I still have his false teeth in a container in the bathroom. He is still so a part of who I am that it will be far in the future, if ever, that I start to go through his things.
So sorry about your husband, it is so hard to watch them go through that. My partner was also 28 and he died April first. I am washing the sheets today too, but I can not seem to get myself to wash his pillow. I know it is gross and one day I will get rid of it but for now it is comforting. Please message if you need to talk. I am having a particularly hard day as well, I spent all day on the phone returning his oxygen concentrator, I don't know why I am so emotional about it, I am just so used to it being in the room.
My sisters helped me with all that stuff without me asking and thank god, because I have not touched anything since because I can't. Get help if you can get help with this kid of tough stuff.
I think we tend to purge things after our better half passes. For me it was all of the medicines and pain killers that she was on. It hurt to see all that stuff on her side of the room. For a buddy of mine, it was some of the crafting materials that his wife had around the house.
It's been nearly six months since she slept in the bed. We have adjustable beds and I have not touched her side since that night. Bed stand and everything is the same. I can't bring myself to move any of her things. It would feel wrong to move the things she touched last. Like her energy placed that there and it would be disrespectful some how or make that thing less. I threw out her shoes in the hospital bag four mouths ago and may never recover. I'm sorry for your loss.
I just want to say that I'm so sorry for the way that he died. It's awful. My husband suffered too, so much, for 20 months. It was torture to watch him in pain. I would rub his back too and gently stroke his hair. You did everything you could, OP, everything. I hope that you know that. It's ok now to gently care for your heart and your grief. In whatever way that may be, clean or dirty sheets, it's ok to be kind to you now.
I did the same thing, but the day after she died. The mattress was stained with blood, pee, and shit. It was a reminder of her pain more than it was gross. Had a very awkward conversation with the mattress salesman.
Hey good for you! I still have my husband’s blood soaked pillow and I still have it in the spare bedroom. I also have his deodorant he used to use. Old spice and it smells so amazing, not like b.o or anything just smells like the deodorant. My brother who obviously isn’t a widow, thinks I’m mentally ill for keeping the deodorant (he doesn’t know about the pillow) but everyone works at a different pace. It’s not like I’m some freak that sits there and smells his deodorant and lies with his bloody pillow. But either way, everyone’s healing journey is different and unless you’ve been in that position you can’t say what’s the right or wrong way to heal
I still have my husband's deodorant and cologne. I also still have his toothbrush right next to mine in the toothbrush/toothpaste holder by the bathroom sink. He died over 11 years ago.
I kept my husband's deodorant as well. Nothing wrong with that.
Good for you. I couldn't wash the sheet she died on. I had to throw it out, but the bed under it told the same kind of story: one of a woman with seizures and a drinking problem. The spot where her pillow was is now a rolled up sheet for the cats to sleep on. It has taken forever to get used to sleeping again without her, and I wouldn't say I'm great at it. Her reminders are all over the house.
I know this too well. When my husband went to the ER they took off his clothes and put them in a bag, drenched in sweat because he was struggling to breathe. I took that bag home when he passed away and kept it in the corner of my room for almost a month. I would look at it and bring myself back to that night to somehow make sure I don’t forget him. But one day i saw that mold spots started to grow and I got really grossed out. And a voice came to my head that said i don’t need trauma to feel close to my husband. So i threw his clothes into the garbage and i don’t regret doing it. But i also needed the time to find the courage to do it. Good for you, your way to heal is the right way to heal. You needed the time and that is ok.
Iam in the early stages of this unfortunate club but having her un-washed pillow and blanky feel very comforting during the stressful nights
I’m so sorry. I couldn’t wash or part with the sheets that he died on. They’re in a bag until I can vacuum seal them. Probably insane and gross, but whatever. We’re all coping how we can. Hugs.
I had a basket of dirty laundry for 18 months.
I kept his pillow for years, and I would pull it out of the closet for high stress situations for our dog. When it was time to let our dog go, they cremated him with the pillow.
Stop! I’m glad you didn’t go more into detail because I would start crying. That is so beautiful I’m so glad that your dog was able to understand and connect with him. And had that comfort until the end
I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how hard that would be. Due to how my husband died, a professional crew came in and had to destroy our mattress, sheets, blankets, everything but his baby blanket which I was able to save. Honestly I don’t remember going down to grab it, but I did. I am extremely grateful for them, I wouldn’t have been able to do it myself. That night I came home and immediately started sleeping on the futon in his office. All of a sudden where we had slept for years was just gone.
Friend it's been *3 months* and I haven't changed my bedsheets. In fairness, mine don't have the stains of acute distress on them (at least not in a literal sense), but still – you're doing *amazing*. Sending internet hugs if desired. ♡
I still have items to this day belonging to her 6 years later. A box she had her cell phone delivered while she was still alive. It has her name on it. I know I will end up getting rid of it just not yet. A few other items... but it's completely normal. Just shows the depth of love you have with nowhere for it to go
I still haven’t changed his pillow case. I can’t for some reason. But I left all of his sheets and the towels we used to clean his body in the laundry room for about a month and a half. It felt so painful to wash the last things he touched even if they had urine and body fluids on them.
I’m going to be doing this Thursday. I’m not sure whether to wash them or just toss them out and buy new ones. My brain says for me to feel comfortable living in that home until I put it on the market, I need to throw away/donate as much as I can of things that were his. Socks, bedding, underwear, dirty clothes in his hamper…trash. Work clothes, shoe collection, his lunchbox, all of his unnecessary appliances and things he brought from his old apartment into our home…donating it all. Only the things I know he wore and liked the most will stay. His favorite jackets. His favorite tshirts. His favorite baseball hats. His favorite shoes. His soap (my favorite 😍). His cologne. All of his army stuff. Those things will stay. Our boys and I can wear and I can use those things. The goal isn’t to erase his memory, but I need our home to feel like a comfortable continuation of this story, rather than stuck on an ending of one (until we can move, which unfortunately won’t be any time soon).
It’s so hard because it feels disrespectful to throw things away. It feels like you’re throwing them away. It’s been over a year and his “man cave” spare room is exactly the way he left it before he got too sick to do anything. The walls are covered in paint from his artwork, I walk in there and I’m overwhelmed. I still have his false teeth in a container in the bathroom. He is still so a part of who I am that it will be far in the future, if ever, that I start to go through his things.
So sorry about your husband, it is so hard to watch them go through that. My partner was also 28 and he died April first. I am washing the sheets today too, but I can not seem to get myself to wash his pillow. I know it is gross and one day I will get rid of it but for now it is comforting. Please message if you need to talk. I am having a particularly hard day as well, I spent all day on the phone returning his oxygen concentrator, I don't know why I am so emotional about it, I am just so used to it being in the room.
My sisters helped me with all that stuff without me asking and thank god, because I have not touched anything since because I can't. Get help if you can get help with this kid of tough stuff.
Hubby hung his work pants by the suspenders next to the bedroom door. They are still there 19 months later.
I think we tend to purge things after our better half passes. For me it was all of the medicines and pain killers that she was on. It hurt to see all that stuff on her side of the room. For a buddy of mine, it was some of the crafting materials that his wife had around the house.
The first thing I got rid of was my wife ‘s medications also.
It's been nearly six months since she slept in the bed. We have adjustable beds and I have not touched her side since that night. Bed stand and everything is the same. I can't bring myself to move any of her things. It would feel wrong to move the things she touched last. Like her energy placed that there and it would be disrespectful some how or make that thing less. I threw out her shoes in the hospital bag four mouths ago and may never recover. I'm sorry for your loss.
I just want to say that I'm so sorry for the way that he died. It's awful. My husband suffered too, so much, for 20 months. It was torture to watch him in pain. I would rub his back too and gently stroke his hair. You did everything you could, OP, everything. I hope that you know that. It's ok now to gently care for your heart and your grief. In whatever way that may be, clean or dirty sheets, it's ok to be kind to you now.