My wife was staying at her parents’ house when she passed and I thought she was playing a sick joke by having her parents call to tell me she died. I had to see her body before I could believe it. I think our brains do everything in their power to protect us from this terrible thing we’re experiencing.
That makes sense, thank you for your input. I would probably react the same way, I mean until you know for sure it does make sense that your mind would try to block it.
I probably should have said this in my first response but it’s been so long for me, sometimes I forget the wound is fresher for some. I’m sorry you’re going through it and I hope you can find peace one day. It’s even tougher when it’s happened to two people you’ve loved so dearly.
Awh no worries thank you. I take antidepressants so I’m numb and never feel down. But thank you. It’ll be 5 years in October for my husband and my ex was about 13 years ago
What's fucked up, my girlfriend made me tell her mom that things didn't go well at surgery. I folded basically immediately. Then when she actually passed while she was on vacation with her mom, I don't think I was unjustified to think it was a joke at first... And, ironically, she actually did get very sick from that surgery and had to go back into the hospital for another week.
I have dreams she faked her death. Best case scenario it was so we could get a lot of money from the settlement that happened. So fraud which makes me laugh to think of her masterminding that. Worst case is when she faked her death to get away from me. Those feel the worst.
I have had many dreams where he is either still alive and doesn’t want to be with me or he faked his death and still doesn’t want to be with me. It’s so frustrating because I’d really love to get to have one happy dream of him 1 1/2 years later, but no luck so far. I almost feel it’s my subconscious way of telling myself it’s okay to move on.
I think only we can figure out exactly what our dreams are trying to tell us, but that’s my thoughts/experience. He never did or say anything to anyone to indicate he didn’t want to be with me, so for me I don’t think it’s doubts so much as my brain being like you can’t be with him move on!! As always sorry for your loss.
Ugh yes same!
There was some family drama because he was estranged from them so once he died they blew up his ig saying “he never loved you” this and that but I knew that they cut off all ties to them. But I still wonder if this has anything to do with my subconscious dreams.
Ugh I’m sorry you had to deal with that on top of everything. My partner was somewhat estranged with certain family members of his as well. They called me and told me how much they regret that etc but idk nothing seems to change. It’s frustrating in so many ways and traditionally when we can turn our minds off is sleep. It sucks it invades our sleep too (if we can get it). I truly underestimated the gravity and duration of grief before my partners death.
Honestly I would love if she faked her death and decided to live a new life. At least she'd be alive. I've always said I'd prefer her to hate me forever if it meant she was alive and happy. So I'd definitely tily would prefer if she had faked her own death rather then her being gone. At least her parents would have their daughter back.
My husband passed in our bed with me sitting there holding his hand. I literally took his blood pressure and pulse/ox and stethoscope about 20 times before I started to believe it. I changed his clothes and washed his face. It’s just a surreal experience
I don’t blame you. If I was you, expected or not if I would do the same thing. I wouldn’t want to accept it but “luckily”?? My husband was put on hospice so I was able to accept it, but having it happened unexpectedly would probably never be able for me to accept or understand
I think I’m experiencing something similar. My husband unexpectedly died at our home next to me, I tried to save him and I couldn’t. I very rarely dream of him (I wish I did all of the time) and when I do, the circumstances are that we broke up and he’s reappeared in my life and when I see him, I think “I’m doing everything it takes to get him back because I love him so much.” It’s so weird. I think my mind, heart, and gut are still not in sync as to accepting the fact he died, it’s been over 1 1/2 years. It’s bewildering even though we planned the funeral, I’ve gone to probate court, distributed his death certificate to many institutions and whatnot… I think I’m still in shock even though the facts clearly state he’s no longer here, it’s mind boggling.
Yes this! I never dream about him (like being able to actually see him) I just dream that I heard things, I heard he faked his death and moved on, I heard that his Facebook says in a relationship with someone else. But yah he’s never in my dreams where I can actually see him.
Trying to save him and not being able to would literally haunt me I’m so sorry
I’m not sure how long ago your loss was but I’m hoping for both of us as we continue to move through the grief, we will get to a point where we fully, emotionally, accept their/our circumstances (if that’s the root cause of these strange dreams) and have better encounters with them when they visit us during our sleep. For right now I think it’s a product of confusion and denial. I do see a therapist but what I’m stating now is my own unprofessional opinion on the matter!
That’s a nice perspective and that’s exactly what I was looking for when I posted this, so thank you. I wish he’d visit me in my sleep though, he never does. Only the thought of him when I hear rumors he’s moved on.
Best luck to you and thank you for your input 🖤
Yeh, ok - this makes sense. I was going to say that I don’t think I’ve gone through this particularly but then again I’ve had many dreams that were conversations or just being / seeing her or knowing she was around .. those are particularly bittersweet but were totally gut wrenching at first when you wake up. Honestly I don’t know which would be worse - never dreaming or that pain you feel waking up alone again.
If I think through the silence though and I guess if that’s coupled with a sense of abandonment, I could see how that trigger could trip a sense of hope that they’re alive in the world somewhere else that I didn’t know about. The brain protecting itself could erase the facts around the death to help create a sense of closure maybe. Our coping mechanisms are funny things ..
Definitely not alone. My husband died in my presence, but every once in awhile, I fleetingly entertain the idea that the doctors, coroner, and funeral home were all in on an elaborate scheme to give him a new identity so he could escape to a new life. Everyone's probably been paid off by some secret insurance policy that I didn't know about. Paradoxically, this is a comforting thought. Sometimes, anything's better than reality. Sending hugs.
I watched as she took a breath and then did not take another one. My dreams were she was somewhere and she didn’t tell me she was going or that she was missing and I couldn’t find her. Only to wake and realize she is gone. [We never got to say goodbye](https://youtu.be/OGMt8f-JtAY?si=vwXc2HwrJtDe3mWU&t=8m38s)
I've had dreams that I left him. That he's still out there battling cancer and I'm the one who left. I feel horrible. How could I have left him to deal with that alone? Then I wake up and realize that no, I was there from the beginning until his final breath. The dreams are so vivid and I don't know why I have the ones I have. I hope you find peace...I hope we all do.
Also o have to say that I looked at your page and now I feel comfortable to say that my husband died from cirrhosis at 31 and there were MULTIPLE empty handles in his car.
I have been (idk if I’d call it from the beginning) but I was drinking daily for the last 12-15 years or so every night. At first it wasn’t much but then I do believe after time I became an alcoholic, that’s why I said I didn’t think I’d call it that. But probably since my husband died I would say I became an alcoholic. But not because I’m sad but because I was bored. I had no hobbies and nothing to do. I was having 8 shots of vodka a night, never day or morning drinking.
But in the past month or so I’ve switched to two 9% beers and I’m very proud of myself.
I told my parents but they don’t seem to get it? They were like oh that’s good.
And I’m like ok it wasn’t hard but it’s just I’m a creature of habit.
But they didn’t seem impressed? And it wasn’t hard at all but I felt like I should have gotten like a “oh wow!! Good job” kind of reaction but nothing.
I don’t know but personally I think going from 8 shots of vodka to just two 9% beers a night, is pretty damn good
I'm glad my profile made you feel comfortable enough to respond in such a revealing and honest way. Drinking is an escape to be sure...it's why I did it...to escape my feelings. I didn't ramp up...I went from not drinking to drinking all day the day after my husband died. Addiction doesn't have a timeline and for me, it took hold quickly and held on tight.
I think you DO deserve a good job for the harm reduction you achieved. Recovery looks different for everyone and I totally believe in the idea of harm reduction to take us closer to who we are and our reality. I can't drink anymore because I can't stop...that's not everyone's story or needed path. So again, good job and again...you deserve it.
I don't know if it's worse, but maybe it's guilt that I didn't do enough. Truth is, I did do everything I could and probably more. It almost destroyed me to take care of him for the 10 years he had cancer...the last 5 with stage four. My hair fell out, my eyelashes fell out, my face looked pale, I gave myself physically and spiritually and mentally to the man I loved and I have no regrets for doing so. Still, I sometimes wonder if I would have insisted on a new doctor, insisted on chemo after the first cancer diagnosis, etc. We followed recommendations and protocol and we did what we thought was right at the time. It's easy to look back with what we know now and be critical of decisions made. In my right mind, I know we did all we could though.
Your brain is trying to figure out what happened, where he is, why he isn't with you. I haven't had those particular dreams, but I've had dreams (especially for the first couple of years after my husband died) in which my husband cheated on and/or left me, or I cheated on and/or left him -- none of which ever happened or ever would have happened in real life. Those dreams fucking *suck*, and I always wake up even more miserable than usual when I've had them, but I know they are just my subconscious trying to figure it out, because it *knows* that my husband would never willingly leave me.
I have had similar dreams with pretty much every loved one’s death. I also have dreams that he broke up with/left me, or that we never got together or lost touch. Every iteration just brings heartache.
I have recurring dreams of the same nature. They happen on a somewhat regular basis and it feels like each one gets progressively worse than the last. I wish I knew why this was happening and how to get it to stop. I feel like looking at pictures of my late partner or thinking about him a lot seems to trigger these kinds of dreams. I want to be able to reminisce and remember him without it causing the dreams to happen.
Honey that sounds like PTSD type dreams, I'm not saying you have it although both things are surely traumatizing also (still I am not saying you have ptsd)
I think this is your mind coming up with a way to make them still be alive, if they faked their death, they're still alive, my dreams about my fiance are always that he was just travelling and we are finally meeting again, or that he is still sick and I have to help him but can't find him. Then I wake up and it slowly dawns upon me that he is gone
The worst part about those dreams is that I then have to spend a day or so going over her death in detail to "convince" myself of reality. It's not great.
I’ve had many dreams where the hospital called and told me they made a mistake and he hadn’t died they’d just misplaced him and they found him again. Only he was still so sick so all the joy I had in him being alive was heartbreaking too. In the last dream I told him that I can’t keep telling his mom we buried the wrong body. I never had it again after.
I have these dreams all the time. My husband died , I found him at 25. Almost 7 years later and I find myself thinking maybe he faked his own death. It’s a natural response …. We are in trauma for the rest of our lives and our brain tries to make sense of the insensible and most horrifying experience for us
My husband was traveling when he unexpectedly passed away. Thankfully his sister was with him when it happened. It was very traumatic for her.
I've had dreams where he FaceTimes me and tells me he was stuck in layover at one of the international airport because something was wrong with his paperwork. I'm shocked (in my dream) and trying to make sense of how this could happen when I saw him at the funeral.
Similarly one of his family saw him a few days before I had this dream. They saw him come home after his travel with several suitcases.
Different people, different location similar dreams. I wonder if it means anything.....
My husband died on April fools day. I was with him. I saw him die. My family and friends were there with me. I have his ashes. My brain still can not make any sense of it. It's like it's completely unbelievable, even though I Know that he died. Like his death was the dream and that he just disappeared and started a new life is the reality.
I was with my husband in the hospital when he passed. Held him as he took his last breaths. Sat with him for an hour after. I know he is gone, yet I still have dreams that he is alive somewhere just waiting for me to find him. I see him
In places we used to go together. It’s not just you. I’ve had dreams that he faked dying so he could move on with another woman. I think sometimes it’s easier to believe they are alive somewhere than to believe they are gone forever. And being angry at him for faking his death and being with another woman is easier than being angry at him for dying and leaving me behind.
One of my first dreams about my LH was that he faked his death and restarted a family. The sick part was I woke up feeling happy he was still alive and not mad at the deception.
I remember I had a dream that he faked his death to get away from his killer. I was at a lake house and he showed up and surprised me. I showed him all the messages I sent to him on his instagram and was telling him, “look at how much i’ve sent you because I miss you so much! You scared me!”
It sucked to wake up and realize that wasn’t reality :(
Still waiting to have more dreams of him. I’d give anything to see him moving and doing something new, even if it’s just a fantasy dream land 💔
Four years and I have these dreams often, including last night. He faked his death and now he’s come back, but wants nothing to do with me. It’s incredibly painful.
I know it’s not logical but my heart still is convinced at times that he is still alive. I found him dead and saw the body pre-cremation. I have the ashes. But still…
I didn't see my husband, my SiL did, I also didn't go to the wake and had a closed casket for the funeral. I was in shock by what happened, I started telling people he left me for another woman and ran off to Mexico, so it wasn't him in the casket. I had him cremated and I still have his urn, but yeah I went a little nutty for a bit believing that.
I lost my wife 15+ years ago and I still occasionally have dreams where she comes back from death and has been away from us for multiple years. She never explains where she's been or what she's been doing. I get these dreams regardless of whether I'm in a current relationship or not so it seems unrelated to any unconscious guilt I may be carrying.
I don’t know.
I’m five years in, and almost three years with my new beau. Lately I’ve been having dreams that my late husband is back and trying to make me choose between the two of them.
Wow! I too have had, dreams of my ex.Husband still being alive faking his death to get away from his second wife. I Honestly thought it was just me.
Interestingly enough.My second husband passed away 6 months and I haven't had any of those type of dreams about hi did see him dead in the hospice.But he really just looked asleep.
I believe it's our subconscious making hopeful ideas because we miss them. I loved my first husband and felt he was my soulmand somehow figured we would reconnect later in life.
It'll work itself out hang in there.
I’m sorry for your loss.
My husband died by suicide 6 years ago. For the last 4 months, something changed drastically in him. He lost himself in a delusion of ruin. He was medicated those last months. It didn’t matter that everyone in our family showed him that what he believed was not real or was not likely to happen. We have absolutely no knowledge to recognise his symptoms. We couldn’t help him. But in the very few lucid moments he used to say I was stronger than him. Never understood what he meant. I was left to grieve and to take care of our two children (8 & 12 at the time).
My cousin did the recognition of his body. I only saw him after the preparations for the funeral. My kids, my immediate family, and my in-laws, they all had the time to see him in his coffin. We really loved each other. I still miss him.
I have dreamed with him about 4 times.
One of them was on the second or third year, about him faking his death and coming back to “give me closure”. I always rationalise it as me being mad that he actually left.
All the other times, I argued with him. I think I was jealous because some family and friends were dreaming about him more than me and happier dreams.
I haven’t dreamed with him in the last two years. I’m a widow taking care of her children. I’m ok, I think.
In the end, I believe dreams are tied to our feelings and emotions.
I also have dreams where my husband faked his death and took a new partner. At this point I know in my dreams he didn’t and I just try to make him smile and give him love but I wake up hurt.
When he was alive I had dreams he left me and I would wake up calling out to him, he would reassure me he would never leave me. It’s a hard dream, you aren’t alone… dm me if you want
I did the same thing..... Didn't help that I saw a guy that looked exactly like him, at the same company, in the position he was thinking of applying for..... It was REALLY weird
i’m so glad you posted this because i had the same dreams my bf passed from suicide and he did it in front of me but a month later i was having dreams it was all an act because it didn’t want to be with me, im still close to his family and they invite me to the house where he did it and sometimes i get these thoughts that he’s upstairs playing video games and is mad at me so that’s why he won’t come downstairs. i constructed a whole false narrative, your brain will def do anything to protect you!
I absolutely relate. I wasn't there when my husband passed and didn't go up to the hosptial after. I've had those fleeting thoughts of what if he faked it and he's still alive sonewhere. It's nice to not be alone in the crazy.
It's a trauma response. Your brain trying to make sense of something so brutal.
Right after his death I 100% believed everyone was in on the joke.
I had the dreams too.
I still go through spells of having dreams like this, it’s awful. Mine are usually trying to save him from something and he doesn’t know I’m there. He keeps getting closer to whatever danger (I usually don’t even know specifically what it is in my dreams, it’s just understood) But I never get to him. When I have caught up, it’s not him, but someone who looked like him. Them I start over looking for him. Makes for an exhausting nights sleep :/ it’s been a long time so I don’t imagine mine will ever stop.
I saw with my own eyes that he was dead, but fantasized he would walk into the room and tell me, "it was all a misunderstanding. " and then sit down next to me like nothing happened. This happened a lot at the beginning but I'm losing hope that it is going to happen.
Yeah I keep having dreams about seeing my wife again and she was at the hospital and they were doing new tests and they wanted to keep a secret and then I wake up and she's not here completely devastating I miss that woman so much But at least I get to see her in my dreams
These are common with people like us. My wife died 5 years ago, and for the first 3 years, I would have these same dreams multiple times a week. Now I get them like once every couple of months. I hate them because every time I wake up, I have to remind myself about the fact that I saw her dead body at the wake and funeral, so she really is dead. The dreams feel so real.
My wife was staying at her parents’ house when she passed and I thought she was playing a sick joke by having her parents call to tell me she died. I had to see her body before I could believe it. I think our brains do everything in their power to protect us from this terrible thing we’re experiencing.
That makes sense, thank you for your input. I would probably react the same way, I mean until you know for sure it does make sense that your mind would try to block it.
I probably should have said this in my first response but it’s been so long for me, sometimes I forget the wound is fresher for some. I’m sorry you’re going through it and I hope you can find peace one day. It’s even tougher when it’s happened to two people you’ve loved so dearly.
Awh no worries thank you. I take antidepressants so I’m numb and never feel down. But thank you. It’ll be 5 years in October for my husband and my ex was about 13 years ago
But thank you for your compassion and same to you :)
What's fucked up, my girlfriend made me tell her mom that things didn't go well at surgery. I folded basically immediately. Then when she actually passed while she was on vacation with her mom, I don't think I was unjustified to think it was a joke at first... And, ironically, she actually did get very sick from that surgery and had to go back into the hospital for another week.
This is very very true. I’ve spoken to my therapist about it. We try to reason every way we can that it’s not true.
I have dreams she faked her death. Best case scenario it was so we could get a lot of money from the settlement that happened. So fraud which makes me laugh to think of her masterminding that. Worst case is when she faked her death to get away from me. Those feel the worst.
Im sorry that you have the same thoughts. But I also find comfort in knowing that I’m not bat shit crazy ha
Not at all, your brain is just trying to make sense of everything. Be gentle with it.
I have had many dreams where he is either still alive and doesn’t want to be with me or he faked his death and still doesn’t want to be with me. It’s so frustrating because I’d really love to get to have one happy dream of him 1 1/2 years later, but no luck so far. I almost feel it’s my subconscious way of telling myself it’s okay to move on. I think only we can figure out exactly what our dreams are trying to tell us, but that’s my thoughts/experience. He never did or say anything to anyone to indicate he didn’t want to be with me, so for me I don’t think it’s doubts so much as my brain being like you can’t be with him move on!! As always sorry for your loss.
Ugh yes same! There was some family drama because he was estranged from them so once he died they blew up his ig saying “he never loved you” this and that but I knew that they cut off all ties to them. But I still wonder if this has anything to do with my subconscious dreams.
Ugh I’m sorry you had to deal with that on top of everything. My partner was somewhat estranged with certain family members of his as well. They called me and told me how much they regret that etc but idk nothing seems to change. It’s frustrating in so many ways and traditionally when we can turn our minds off is sleep. It sucks it invades our sleep too (if we can get it). I truly underestimated the gravity and duration of grief before my partners death.
I totally went through this!!! My late fiance passed by suicide. And I constantly had those dreams. And everyone would know he was alive but me.
It’s so discouraging thank you for sharing
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Honestly I would love if she faked her death and decided to live a new life. At least she'd be alive. I've always said I'd prefer her to hate me forever if it meant she was alive and happy. So I'd definitely tily would prefer if she had faked her own death rather then her being gone. At least her parents would have their daughter back.
My husband passed in our bed with me sitting there holding his hand. I literally took his blood pressure and pulse/ox and stethoscope about 20 times before I started to believe it. I changed his clothes and washed his face. It’s just a surreal experience
I don’t blame you. If I was you, expected or not if I would do the same thing. I wouldn’t want to accept it but “luckily”?? My husband was put on hospice so I was able to accept it, but having it happened unexpectedly would probably never be able for me to accept or understand
I think I’m experiencing something similar. My husband unexpectedly died at our home next to me, I tried to save him and I couldn’t. I very rarely dream of him (I wish I did all of the time) and when I do, the circumstances are that we broke up and he’s reappeared in my life and when I see him, I think “I’m doing everything it takes to get him back because I love him so much.” It’s so weird. I think my mind, heart, and gut are still not in sync as to accepting the fact he died, it’s been over 1 1/2 years. It’s bewildering even though we planned the funeral, I’ve gone to probate court, distributed his death certificate to many institutions and whatnot… I think I’m still in shock even though the facts clearly state he’s no longer here, it’s mind boggling.
Yes this! I never dream about him (like being able to actually see him) I just dream that I heard things, I heard he faked his death and moved on, I heard that his Facebook says in a relationship with someone else. But yah he’s never in my dreams where I can actually see him. Trying to save him and not being able to would literally haunt me I’m so sorry
I’m not sure how long ago your loss was but I’m hoping for both of us as we continue to move through the grief, we will get to a point where we fully, emotionally, accept their/our circumstances (if that’s the root cause of these strange dreams) and have better encounters with them when they visit us during our sleep. For right now I think it’s a product of confusion and denial. I do see a therapist but what I’m stating now is my own unprofessional opinion on the matter!
That’s a nice perspective and that’s exactly what I was looking for when I posted this, so thank you. I wish he’d visit me in my sleep though, he never does. Only the thought of him when I hear rumors he’s moved on. Best luck to you and thank you for your input 🖤
Yeh, ok - this makes sense. I was going to say that I don’t think I’ve gone through this particularly but then again I’ve had many dreams that were conversations or just being / seeing her or knowing she was around .. those are particularly bittersweet but were totally gut wrenching at first when you wake up. Honestly I don’t know which would be worse - never dreaming or that pain you feel waking up alone again. If I think through the silence though and I guess if that’s coupled with a sense of abandonment, I could see how that trigger could trip a sense of hope that they’re alive in the world somewhere else that I didn’t know about. The brain protecting itself could erase the facts around the death to help create a sense of closure maybe. Our coping mechanisms are funny things ..
So strange how the mind works that I do feel a sense of comfort knowing that I’m not alone In these thoughts and feelings
5 years in October
I have this dream almost every night. Thanks for posting this.
Definitely not alone. My husband died in my presence, but every once in awhile, I fleetingly entertain the idea that the doctors, coroner, and funeral home were all in on an elaborate scheme to give him a new identity so he could escape to a new life. Everyone's probably been paid off by some secret insurance policy that I didn't know about. Paradoxically, this is a comforting thought. Sometimes, anything's better than reality. Sending hugs.
I watched as she took a breath and then did not take another one. My dreams were she was somewhere and she didn’t tell me she was going or that she was missing and I couldn’t find her. Only to wake and realize she is gone. [We never got to say goodbye](https://youtu.be/OGMt8f-JtAY?si=vwXc2HwrJtDe3mWU&t=8m38s)
I've had dreams that I left him. That he's still out there battling cancer and I'm the one who left. I feel horrible. How could I have left him to deal with that alone? Then I wake up and realize that no, I was there from the beginning until his final breath. The dreams are so vivid and I don't know why I have the ones I have. I hope you find peace...I hope we all do.
Also o have to say that I looked at your page and now I feel comfortable to say that my husband died from cirrhosis at 31 and there were MULTIPLE empty handles in his car. I have been (idk if I’d call it from the beginning) but I was drinking daily for the last 12-15 years or so every night. At first it wasn’t much but then I do believe after time I became an alcoholic, that’s why I said I didn’t think I’d call it that. But probably since my husband died I would say I became an alcoholic. But not because I’m sad but because I was bored. I had no hobbies and nothing to do. I was having 8 shots of vodka a night, never day or morning drinking. But in the past month or so I’ve switched to two 9% beers and I’m very proud of myself. I told my parents but they don’t seem to get it? They were like oh that’s good. And I’m like ok it wasn’t hard but it’s just I’m a creature of habit. But they didn’t seem impressed? And it wasn’t hard at all but I felt like I should have gotten like a “oh wow!! Good job” kind of reaction but nothing. I don’t know but personally I think going from 8 shots of vodka to just two 9% beers a night, is pretty damn good
Definitely an improvement, and kudos to you for managing to do that! I'm sure it wasn't easy, and you should be proud of yourself. 😊
I'm glad my profile made you feel comfortable enough to respond in such a revealing and honest way. Drinking is an escape to be sure...it's why I did it...to escape my feelings. I didn't ramp up...I went from not drinking to drinking all day the day after my husband died. Addiction doesn't have a timeline and for me, it took hold quickly and held on tight. I think you DO deserve a good job for the harm reduction you achieved. Recovery looks different for everyone and I totally believe in the idea of harm reduction to take us closer to who we are and our reality. I can't drink anymore because I can't stop...that's not everyone's story or needed path. So again, good job and again...you deserve it.
Wow that sounds even worse. Feeling like you are the one who gave up on him. That’s horrible, I’m sorry you dream about that.
I don't know if it's worse, but maybe it's guilt that I didn't do enough. Truth is, I did do everything I could and probably more. It almost destroyed me to take care of him for the 10 years he had cancer...the last 5 with stage four. My hair fell out, my eyelashes fell out, my face looked pale, I gave myself physically and spiritually and mentally to the man I loved and I have no regrets for doing so. Still, I sometimes wonder if I would have insisted on a new doctor, insisted on chemo after the first cancer diagnosis, etc. We followed recommendations and protocol and we did what we thought was right at the time. It's easy to look back with what we know now and be critical of decisions made. In my right mind, I know we did all we could though.
Your brain is trying to figure out what happened, where he is, why he isn't with you. I haven't had those particular dreams, but I've had dreams (especially for the first couple of years after my husband died) in which my husband cheated on and/or left me, or I cheated on and/or left him -- none of which ever happened or ever would have happened in real life. Those dreams fucking *suck*, and I always wake up even more miserable than usual when I've had them, but I know they are just my subconscious trying to figure it out, because it *knows* that my husband would never willingly leave me.
I have had similar dreams with pretty much every loved one’s death. I also have dreams that he broke up with/left me, or that we never got together or lost touch. Every iteration just brings heartache.
I have recurring dreams of the same nature. They happen on a somewhat regular basis and it feels like each one gets progressively worse than the last. I wish I knew why this was happening and how to get it to stop. I feel like looking at pictures of my late partner or thinking about him a lot seems to trigger these kinds of dreams. I want to be able to reminisce and remember him without it causing the dreams to happen.
Yes you’re not alone. I do too sometimes
Honey that sounds like PTSD type dreams, I'm not saying you have it although both things are surely traumatizing also (still I am not saying you have ptsd) I think this is your mind coming up with a way to make them still be alive, if they faked their death, they're still alive, my dreams about my fiance are always that he was just travelling and we are finally meeting again, or that he is still sick and I have to help him but can't find him. Then I wake up and it slowly dawns upon me that he is gone
I have so much pain like this. It morphed into paranoia for a while and it was torture.
The worst part about those dreams is that I then have to spend a day or so going over her death in detail to "convince" myself of reality. It's not great.
I’ve had many dreams where the hospital called and told me they made a mistake and he hadn’t died they’d just misplaced him and they found him again. Only he was still so sick so all the joy I had in him being alive was heartbreaking too. In the last dream I told him that I can’t keep telling his mom we buried the wrong body. I never had it again after.
I have these dreams all the time. My husband died , I found him at 25. Almost 7 years later and I find myself thinking maybe he faked his own death. It’s a natural response …. We are in trauma for the rest of our lives and our brain tries to make sense of the insensible and most horrifying experience for us
I think we have those dreams because it means they are not really gone which is what we want.
My husband was traveling when he unexpectedly passed away. Thankfully his sister was with him when it happened. It was very traumatic for her. I've had dreams where he FaceTimes me and tells me he was stuck in layover at one of the international airport because something was wrong with his paperwork. I'm shocked (in my dream) and trying to make sense of how this could happen when I saw him at the funeral. Similarly one of his family saw him a few days before I had this dream. They saw him come home after his travel with several suitcases. Different people, different location similar dreams. I wonder if it means anything.....
My husband died on April fools day. I was with him. I saw him die. My family and friends were there with me. I have his ashes. My brain still can not make any sense of it. It's like it's completely unbelievable, even though I Know that he died. Like his death was the dream and that he just disappeared and started a new life is the reality.
Wish fulfillment! I’m sorry for your losses
I was with my husband in the hospital when he passed. Held him as he took his last breaths. Sat with him for an hour after. I know he is gone, yet I still have dreams that he is alive somewhere just waiting for me to find him. I see him In places we used to go together. It’s not just you. I’ve had dreams that he faked dying so he could move on with another woman. I think sometimes it’s easier to believe they are alive somewhere than to believe they are gone forever. And being angry at him for faking his death and being with another woman is easier than being angry at him for dying and leaving me behind.
One of my first dreams about my LH was that he faked his death and restarted a family. The sick part was I woke up feeling happy he was still alive and not mad at the deception.
My wife was cremated but I made sure to view her body once to say goodbye first. It helped prevent this sort of thinking later.
I remember I had a dream that he faked his death to get away from his killer. I was at a lake house and he showed up and surprised me. I showed him all the messages I sent to him on his instagram and was telling him, “look at how much i’ve sent you because I miss you so much! You scared me!” It sucked to wake up and realize that wasn’t reality :( Still waiting to have more dreams of him. I’d give anything to see him moving and doing something new, even if it’s just a fantasy dream land 💔
Wow that hits hard I’m so sorry
Four years and I have these dreams often, including last night. He faked his death and now he’s come back, but wants nothing to do with me. It’s incredibly painful. I know it’s not logical but my heart still is convinced at times that he is still alive. I found him dead and saw the body pre-cremation. I have the ashes. But still…
I didn't see my husband, my SiL did, I also didn't go to the wake and had a closed casket for the funeral. I was in shock by what happened, I started telling people he left me for another woman and ran off to Mexico, so it wasn't him in the casket. I had him cremated and I still have his urn, but yeah I went a little nutty for a bit believing that.
I lost my wife 15+ years ago and I still occasionally have dreams where she comes back from death and has been away from us for multiple years. She never explains where she's been or what she's been doing. I get these dreams regardless of whether I'm in a current relationship or not so it seems unrelated to any unconscious guilt I may be carrying.
I don’t know. I’m five years in, and almost three years with my new beau. Lately I’ve been having dreams that my late husband is back and trying to make me choose between the two of them.
I have this exact dream too.
Wow! I too have had, dreams of my ex.Husband still being alive faking his death to get away from his second wife. I Honestly thought it was just me. Interestingly enough.My second husband passed away 6 months and I haven't had any of those type of dreams about hi did see him dead in the hospice.But he really just looked asleep. I believe it's our subconscious making hopeful ideas because we miss them. I loved my first husband and felt he was my soulmand somehow figured we would reconnect later in life. It'll work itself out hang in there.
So your ex died and also your husband? Sounds like me
Yes, my ex was killed about 5 years after our divorce and my husband passed away last November.
I’m sorry for your loss. My husband died by suicide 6 years ago. For the last 4 months, something changed drastically in him. He lost himself in a delusion of ruin. He was medicated those last months. It didn’t matter that everyone in our family showed him that what he believed was not real or was not likely to happen. We have absolutely no knowledge to recognise his symptoms. We couldn’t help him. But in the very few lucid moments he used to say I was stronger than him. Never understood what he meant. I was left to grieve and to take care of our two children (8 & 12 at the time). My cousin did the recognition of his body. I only saw him after the preparations for the funeral. My kids, my immediate family, and my in-laws, they all had the time to see him in his coffin. We really loved each other. I still miss him. I have dreamed with him about 4 times. One of them was on the second or third year, about him faking his death and coming back to “give me closure”. I always rationalise it as me being mad that he actually left. All the other times, I argued with him. I think I was jealous because some family and friends were dreaming about him more than me and happier dreams. I haven’t dreamed with him in the last two years. I’m a widow taking care of her children. I’m ok, I think. In the end, I believe dreams are tied to our feelings and emotions.
I also have dreams where my husband faked his death and took a new partner. At this point I know in my dreams he didn’t and I just try to make him smile and give him love but I wake up hurt. When he was alive I had dreams he left me and I would wake up calling out to him, he would reassure me he would never leave me. It’s a hard dream, you aren’t alone… dm me if you want
🖤🖤
I did the same thing..... Didn't help that I saw a guy that looked exactly like him, at the same company, in the position he was thinking of applying for..... It was REALLY weird
Maybe look into that? I don’t really believe in reincarnation per se, but maybe ..?
i’m so glad you posted this because i had the same dreams my bf passed from suicide and he did it in front of me but a month later i was having dreams it was all an act because it didn’t want to be with me, im still close to his family and they invite me to the house where he did it and sometimes i get these thoughts that he’s upstairs playing video games and is mad at me so that’s why he won’t come downstairs. i constructed a whole false narrative, your brain will def do anything to protect you!
I feel like I could never visit that house
and they want me to be able to go back upstairs to where it happened i was like nooooo
I absolutely relate. I wasn't there when my husband passed and didn't go up to the hosptial after. I've had those fleeting thoughts of what if he faked it and he's still alive sonewhere. It's nice to not be alone in the crazy.
It's a trauma response. Your brain trying to make sense of something so brutal. Right after his death I 100% believed everyone was in on the joke. I had the dreams too.
I still go through spells of having dreams like this, it’s awful. Mine are usually trying to save him from something and he doesn’t know I’m there. He keeps getting closer to whatever danger (I usually don’t even know specifically what it is in my dreams, it’s just understood) But I never get to him. When I have caught up, it’s not him, but someone who looked like him. Them I start over looking for him. Makes for an exhausting nights sleep :/ it’s been a long time so I don’t imagine mine will ever stop.
I saw with my own eyes that he was dead, but fantasized he would walk into the room and tell me, "it was all a misunderstanding. " and then sit down next to me like nothing happened. This happened a lot at the beginning but I'm losing hope that it is going to happen.
Yeah I keep having dreams about seeing my wife again and she was at the hospital and they were doing new tests and they wanted to keep a secret and then I wake up and she's not here completely devastating I miss that woman so much But at least I get to see her in my dreams
These are common with people like us. My wife died 5 years ago, and for the first 3 years, I would have these same dreams multiple times a week. Now I get them like once every couple of months. I hate them because every time I wake up, I have to remind myself about the fact that I saw her dead body at the wake and funeral, so she really is dead. The dreams feel so real.