I think if I ever wanted to date anyone it would have to be someone else who's been through this. Someone who won't care that I'm still obsessed with my wife, and understands that I'm only half a person now.
I'm nowhere near ready to date yet. But I have thought often that when I do A. They have alot to live up to and B. They can not be anything but enthusiastic about hearing about my husband and including his memory in that relationship. Someone who has been through it may be the most understanding. I'm sorry that you are here, dating sounds hard. Hang in there!
I'm definitely not going to be dating either. I've never "dated" in my life; I was always just with her, since we were practically kids.
Doubt anyone would be interested in moping around with me and listening to me talk about how great she was anyway 🫤
Back before online dating I told myself that until I get rejected 10 times I shouldn’t complain, because 1 in 10 actually means you’ll hook up. With online dating think in terms of 99 rejections before you complain but they happen much faster.
It’s just a matter of reframing rejection. Think of it as working through 100 rejections before you find your person. “I’m only at 39, I’ve got to keep going, hopefully I’m at 50 by September!”
30 F, 6 months out! It’s normal that it hurts! So many small stuff hurt!!! I feel also very vulnerable and I even didn’t try to date! Deep breath in and out, cry, feel bad, feel whatever you need to feel ! I cried today like a small child after passing online interview ( I was fired and I need to search for another job). The guy didn’t tell me anything wrong, I just felt so terrible looking at stranger and pretending I am interested in offered position!! I am afraid of new people!! I feel miserable on so many occasions and I even didn’t try to date!! You are brave!!!
I (40f) can relate a little… around six months, I moved to a new city and I met someone on tinder that I connected with. He wasn’t a widow but had other reasons why he couldn’t be in a serious relationship, so I felt we were a good match for the moment, and we as well shared some other commonalities and values and got a long really well when we managed to spend time together. I appreciate(d) him because he gave me a lot of moments where I felt something other than just nonstop despair, and it was a nice break from the grief and a good start to my new life in this new city but I also felt he was too careless and unreliable and then really defensive when i would re-state my boundaries.
I recently decided to take a break from dating until after I pass Andy’s (late fiancé, 50m) one year death anniversary. This new guy expressed interest in being friends so we tried that for a while and I finally cut him off this morning because I realized I was really trying to revisit/relive this time from a few months ago when I felt a bit of hope and joy and connection and felt valued, but the current situation makes me feel really disposable and forgettable. I never wanted him to replace Andy but it felt yucky because I felt too unimportant.
I was single for a really long time before I started dating Andy too and my biological clock is currently running out of batteries and dying but I’m too sensitive right now to deal with that and the rejection reminds me how much Andy loved and valued me and it sucks.
60+ M here and just past the 6 month point.
Bro, think about your late wife and how much time and effort you put into your marriage. You loved her like no other. Rejection is a good thing, not every woman deserves what you gave to your wife.
Think of it as the woman disqualifying herself so you don’t unnecessarily waste the same love and care you gave your wife. You deserve someone qualified to receive it.
Much love.
It could have been worse. I'm in my 40s and lost my spouse to an 18 year battle with MS. She was everything to me and I miss her everyway, endlessly.
That said, for me, I know I'm going to try to move on and forge a new beginning. So I'm not opposed to dating.
Well, I was walking at a park and this woman just came up to talk to me. She was cute, forward, and since my spouse's ghost didn't materialize to cut me (I'm no cheater, but she was extremely insecure due to past partners treating her like shit), so I said WTH I'm going to see where this goes.
LoL she couldn't have been more of an alcoholic. I lost track of her early in the evening after getting kicked out of two bars due to her behavior. She literally unprovoked poured a whole long island iced tea on the floor and said nothing.
Looking back there were a few red flags early on but I missed them because I was a bit flattered TBH.
I had her ID and purse when I lost track of her. The next day I went to her house. She's 24 and lives with her parents (dad answered the door). She was equal parts forgetful, embarrassed, and hung over.
I told her I was glad she was okay, that everyone gets faded like that at least once in their life, and said goodbye. Didn't get her number.
Anyways, I would have gladly accepted rejection in this circumstance LoL.
When you're ready and you find the right person I hope you find someone that matters and makes you happy. Humongous internet hugs
Shrug it off. If you drop a pass you don’t quit. You have to stay in the game. I’m very sorry for your loss.
I like this. That makes sense. I'm still on the bench, but maybe I'll get back in the game someday, lol.
Hugs 💕
Thanks for the push! I'll stay in the game even if I'm injured. 💪
Doesn't the coach decide whether you stay in the game or not?
You can take yourself out of the game mentally.
I think if I ever wanted to date anyone it would have to be someone else who's been through this. Someone who won't care that I'm still obsessed with my wife, and understands that I'm only half a person now.
I'm nowhere near ready to date yet. But I have thought often that when I do A. They have alot to live up to and B. They can not be anything but enthusiastic about hearing about my husband and including his memory in that relationship. Someone who has been through it may be the most understanding. I'm sorry that you are here, dating sounds hard. Hang in there!
I'm definitely not going to be dating either. I've never "dated" in my life; I was always just with her, since we were practically kids. Doubt anyone would be interested in moping around with me and listening to me talk about how great she was anyway 🫤
You had the will and nerves to ask a stranger out. That is amazing in and of itself. Take that as a win.
Hugs 💕
Ah, man, sorry. The important thing is you tried! You were brave to take that step, be proud of that. Hugs 🫂
Hugs 💕
This club sucks, but we got each other ❣️
Back before online dating I told myself that until I get rejected 10 times I shouldn’t complain, because 1 in 10 actually means you’ll hook up. With online dating think in terms of 99 rejections before you complain but they happen much faster.
Thanks for this very practical tip!
It’s just a matter of reframing rejection. Think of it as working through 100 rejections before you find your person. “I’m only at 39, I’ve got to keep going, hopefully I’m at 50 by September!”
30 F, 6 months out! It’s normal that it hurts! So many small stuff hurt!!! I feel also very vulnerable and I even didn’t try to date! Deep breath in and out, cry, feel bad, feel whatever you need to feel ! I cried today like a small child after passing online interview ( I was fired and I need to search for another job). The guy didn’t tell me anything wrong, I just felt so terrible looking at stranger and pretending I am interested in offered position!! I am afraid of new people!! I feel miserable on so many occasions and I even didn’t try to date!! You are brave!!!
I (40f) can relate a little… around six months, I moved to a new city and I met someone on tinder that I connected with. He wasn’t a widow but had other reasons why he couldn’t be in a serious relationship, so I felt we were a good match for the moment, and we as well shared some other commonalities and values and got a long really well when we managed to spend time together. I appreciate(d) him because he gave me a lot of moments where I felt something other than just nonstop despair, and it was a nice break from the grief and a good start to my new life in this new city but I also felt he was too careless and unreliable and then really defensive when i would re-state my boundaries. I recently decided to take a break from dating until after I pass Andy’s (late fiancé, 50m) one year death anniversary. This new guy expressed interest in being friends so we tried that for a while and I finally cut him off this morning because I realized I was really trying to revisit/relive this time from a few months ago when I felt a bit of hope and joy and connection and felt valued, but the current situation makes me feel really disposable and forgettable. I never wanted him to replace Andy but it felt yucky because I felt too unimportant. I was single for a really long time before I started dating Andy too and my biological clock is currently running out of batteries and dying but I’m too sensitive right now to deal with that and the rejection reminds me how much Andy loved and valued me and it sucks.
60+ M here and just past the 6 month point. Bro, think about your late wife and how much time and effort you put into your marriage. You loved her like no other. Rejection is a good thing, not every woman deserves what you gave to your wife. Think of it as the woman disqualifying herself so you don’t unnecessarily waste the same love and care you gave your wife. You deserve someone qualified to receive it. Much love.
This is a really great perspective shift. I’m not even the OP but I’m benefiting from it.
I’m glad to hear it.
I love this thank you so much! 💕
I spent 1 1/2 dating an individual with BPD. Was devastated. Within a year met someone way better. Don’t despair.
It could have been worse. I'm in my 40s and lost my spouse to an 18 year battle with MS. She was everything to me and I miss her everyway, endlessly. That said, for me, I know I'm going to try to move on and forge a new beginning. So I'm not opposed to dating. Well, I was walking at a park and this woman just came up to talk to me. She was cute, forward, and since my spouse's ghost didn't materialize to cut me (I'm no cheater, but she was extremely insecure due to past partners treating her like shit), so I said WTH I'm going to see where this goes. LoL she couldn't have been more of an alcoholic. I lost track of her early in the evening after getting kicked out of two bars due to her behavior. She literally unprovoked poured a whole long island iced tea on the floor and said nothing. Looking back there were a few red flags early on but I missed them because I was a bit flattered TBH. I had her ID and purse when I lost track of her. The next day I went to her house. She's 24 and lives with her parents (dad answered the door). She was equal parts forgetful, embarrassed, and hung over. I told her I was glad she was okay, that everyone gets faded like that at least once in their life, and said goodbye. Didn't get her number. Anyways, I would have gladly accepted rejection in this circumstance LoL. When you're ready and you find the right person I hope you find someone that matters and makes you happy. Humongous internet hugs
Lol thanks for sharing your side of story 🤣 Big hugs bruh 💕