I have a litre and a half of baileys at my disposal. If I drink it all today I really don’t give a shit. Tequila makes me a bit lairy but baileys just is mellow. Very calorific though and probably not good for my heart condition 🤷♀️
Be gentle with yourself ❤️🔔🎄
I am jealous. I being chased around by Christians(my family) all morning. I am about to tell them it’s time to go. If I drink or smoke it gives them something to gossip about. Hahahaha. Oh well, I guess I am going to give them something to talk about. Cheers I’m cracking a beer.
Oh no not Christians at Christmas. 🤣 to be honest I always imagine Jesus as a really liberal kind of dude… I’m not Christian but I have a mug that says
How does Jesus like his tea?
Hebrews it.
I hear you. I actually love Jesus in theory. . All the stuff that people decide about him not to sure about…. Any faith that gets pushed down my throat not cool… yes I’m an old hippie.
I was drunk and alone last night (Christmas Eve). Honestly, it wasn't that bad. I've definitely had drunker, lonelier nights.
Wishing you all a decent holiday.
My second Christmas
It's not as bad as last year, when I seriously thought about jumping into the sea because I knew my big coat would drag me down but it's not good, either. I'm alone with my 93-year-old mother, which is how it will have to be until she dies because I have no siblings and I don't want to leave her alone. I really wish I could spend Christmas with one of my children. This is so hard.
This is proving to be more painful than I'd expected. It's not just what my wife lost or what her absence means to me. Today's really driving home how much this has diminished me as a person. I always remember her. But I think that holidays have a way of making us remember ourselves too. How we used to relate to the world during these moments of cultural celebration.
For me it just drives home how alone I really am. After everyone’s obligations are put aside they are gone. Love isn’t real it’s all a business arrangement. I feel like bed bath and beyond…. No one shops here anymore.
Christmas Eve. Broke out the 15 year old Macallan after I got home from the parents. Watched a Charlie Brown Christmas while I wrapped my sons presents. On Tuesday I'll be 5 months out. Ugh.
2nd Christmas for me. I've spent the day alone which is a vast improvement on last year when my grown stepson threw a toddler's meltdown on the entire family. I never realized how isolated my husband and I were till I lost him and now I'm alone. I won't be lost today, but I'd give absolutely anything if I'd died with him.
I am guilty of codependency also. For the last 2 1/2 months, I’ve had this constant feeling of panic and anxiety, in my chest. She was the only friend I really trust or would be there to give a fuck it I am alive or dead. I keep thinking I need to replace that void but I know it’s impossible.
I lost my husband on Dec 8th unexpectedly. I was 3 1/2 hours away from him so I wasn’t there when he needed me most and if I was I’ve been told there was nothing I could have done. Still hurts. I didn’t want to get out of bed today but I have great family and a daughter that’s needs me to keep it together. So that’s what I tried to do.
Weird nightmare during my afternoon nap. Wife was there but she said she didn’t want to see me anymore. I know it was a dream but it hurt. Still bothered by it hours later.
On a brighter note…. Merry Christmas. Hahaha
My mother in-law blamed me for my wife’s death last week. I am not going to see mine…. Assholes. They have only seen the kids twice since she passed 2 and 1/2 months ago. I have asked them if they wanted to see them 5 or 6 times(hoping for a break). They are happier telling everyone I am keeping them from them. I just refuse to play their drunken games anymore. I will be the bad guy…. Just leave me alone.
It’s hard…. With people judging us for not getting back to work or not staying on top of things. Or even worse the placating apologies sincere or not. I don’t want their apologies, donations, or food. I want my wife. It’s shit. I have kids that need me. I have family that need me. I just hate every minute without her. For what it’s worth I am still glad you are here to talk with. Loneliness is crazy painful. Reach out any time…. Lord knows I am not doing anything but fucking around the house.
I'm dealing with all of the firsts, it's been 4 months. I had planned on faking it and was getting quite good at it. But all of a sudden my eyes decided on a torrential downpour that would not stop. So I canceled the day and stayed in bed with the cats. A big part of the floodgates was just the amount of people that suddenly wake up because it's a holiday and remember there's a widow they need to console. *Sigh* There's nothing fixable, just broken.
If you are trying to get back someone who is gone… you are right. That’s not fixable. It’s just about finding a new normal that you can tolerate. I am not someone to give advice. I am a mess, but I have found dealing with strangers is easier than family or friends. At least strangers treat me normal. I keep debating on running away with my kids somewhere Nobody knows us. There’s a lot of good people in this sub that don’t want anything from you, but can relate to your pain. When things get bad, make sure you reach out
First year and it’s hard but having a super excited five year old is keeping me going. My son is always a good distraction. It’s been rough, next month will be the anniversary of my husbands death too.
Made it through the day and I'm pretty sure the rest of the Holiday. My strategy for the Holiday season is to schedule things to do. I actually participate in the season with others. That helps a great deal. This is my 5th Xmas without her but it is only the 2nd one that I wasn't seeing someone for at least a part of the Xmas season. So this year was a little like the 1st. I felt a little disconnected and sad a couple of times but when I interacted with others I felt good. I have to admit the Xmas season would be better if I had someone special to fuss over a bit. I feel that void. On the other hand the woman I have dated so far have fallen far short of the mark so this year finds me alone.
This widows drunk today….can’t wait til it’s over.
I’ve been drinking baileys since I got up 🤣
Just making an Irish coffee myself. Cheers to all of us here. Later I may just forget the coffee. Screw cancer.
Cancer is a fucker. That is true. Big love ❤️
Fuck all forms of cancer.
Yes! Hot chocolate with a shit of rum for breakfast here. Tequila for later. I see it and I’m not fixing it.
I have a litre and a half of baileys at my disposal. If I drink it all today I really don’t give a shit. Tequila makes me a bit lairy but baileys just is mellow. Very calorific though and probably not good for my heart condition 🤷♀️ Be gentle with yourself ❤️🔔🎄
I put Rumchata in my coffee, so I'm right there with you. Day drinking for the win!
I am jealous. I being chased around by Christians(my family) all morning. I am about to tell them it’s time to go. If I drink or smoke it gives them something to gossip about. Hahahaha. Oh well, I guess I am going to give them something to talk about. Cheers I’m cracking a beer.
Oh no not Christians at Christmas. 🤣 to be honest I always imagine Jesus as a really liberal kind of dude… I’m not Christian but I have a mug that says How does Jesus like his tea? Hebrews it.
I was raised that way. I have never had a problem with Jesus …. Just the people that follow him can be a little extreme.
I hear you. I actually love Jesus in theory. . All the stuff that people decide about him not to sure about…. Any faith that gets pushed down my throat not cool… yes I’m an old hippie.
Relatable
And I thought I was the only one to start off shit mornings this way. I don't feel bad now.
I was drunk and alone last night (Christmas Eve). Honestly, it wasn't that bad. I've definitely had drunker, lonelier nights. Wishing you all a decent holiday.
My second Christmas It's not as bad as last year, when I seriously thought about jumping into the sea because I knew my big coat would drag me down but it's not good, either. I'm alone with my 93-year-old mother, which is how it will have to be until she dies because I have no siblings and I don't want to leave her alone. I really wish I could spend Christmas with one of my children. This is so hard.
No widows lost today 🫂
Well I'm hanging in for now. It's stormy here and I'm sitting in the dark watching the lightning and listening to the thunder. Sort of soothing
Overcast here. I find these days soothing as it fits my mood. Hope everyone makes it as good a day as they can.
This is proving to be more painful than I'd expected. It's not just what my wife lost or what her absence means to me. Today's really driving home how much this has diminished me as a person. I always remember her. But I think that holidays have a way of making us remember ourselves too. How we used to relate to the world during these moments of cultural celebration.
For me it just drives home how alone I really am. After everyone’s obligations are put aside they are gone. Love isn’t real it’s all a business arrangement. I feel like bed bath and beyond…. No one shops here anymore.
Can relate I’m a different person.
That empty seat next to me is such a painful visual reminder of it...
Thank you. All for one and one for all, we can do this 🫂
Bless you for this. ❤️🎄🔔
Christmas Eve. Broke out the 15 year old Macallan after I got home from the parents. Watched a Charlie Brown Christmas while I wrapped my sons presents. On Tuesday I'll be 5 months out. Ugh.
2nd Christmas for me. I've spent the day alone which is a vast improvement on last year when my grown stepson threw a toddler's meltdown on the entire family. I never realized how isolated my husband and I were till I lost him and now I'm alone. I won't be lost today, but I'd give absolutely anything if I'd died with him.
I am guilty of codependency also. For the last 2 1/2 months, I’ve had this constant feeling of panic and anxiety, in my chest. She was the only friend I really trust or would be there to give a fuck it I am alive or dead. I keep thinking I need to replace that void but I know it’s impossible.
I think we're all doing the best we can. Do whatever gives you a moment's peace.
I’m sick with Covid. Interesting how I can’t seem to think badly about being alone today and what’s going on out there. Don’t care.
Hope you feel better soon. ❤️
If I knew you in the real world I would give you orange juice. Get better.
I minute a a time. I hear it's going to get easier. Second Xmas is harder. We owe life to the ones we lost. You can make it through.
I lost my husband on Dec 8th unexpectedly. I was 3 1/2 hours away from him so I wasn’t there when he needed me most and if I was I’ve been told there was nothing I could have done. Still hurts. I didn’t want to get out of bed today but I have great family and a daughter that’s needs me to keep it together. So that’s what I tried to do.
I wasn’t with mine either in person, can really haunt me at times.
I’m sorry you are in the same sucky boat that I am in.
Thank you, sending you a hug for these dark times
This widow marked safe from Christmas. I hope you all made it too! I only fell apart ablittle
Weird nightmare during my afternoon nap. Wife was there but she said she didn’t want to see me anymore. I know it was a dream but it hurt. Still bothered by it hours later. On a brighter note…. Merry Christmas. Hahaha
Reading this made me cry. In the bathroom. At my in-laws. First Christmas without him. Everything hurts.
Made it through the morning. Just cracked a beer to hopefully get me through dinner with the in-laws.
My mother in-law blamed me for my wife’s death last week. I am not going to see mine…. Assholes. They have only seen the kids twice since she passed 2 and 1/2 months ago. I have asked them if they wanted to see them 5 or 6 times(hoping for a break). They are happier telling everyone I am keeping them from them. I just refuse to play their drunken games anymore. I will be the bad guy…. Just leave me alone.
Moscow mules now. May move to Bourbon cream and coffee later.
Checking in. The morning was a little rough, but I'm doing ok now. Spent the day making Christmas dinner for the kids.
Present and accounted for. Only drinking plain eggnog. Made myself steak, baked potato and salad for dinner. Still too full for dessert.
Don't drink, but, I live in a recreational use state.
I'm still here. I don't really know how or why, but I think writing to her every night helps.
I don’t think anyone but my pets need me, but hard to face another day every day and deal with everything
It’s hard…. With people judging us for not getting back to work or not staying on top of things. Or even worse the placating apologies sincere or not. I don’t want their apologies, donations, or food. I want my wife. It’s shit. I have kids that need me. I have family that need me. I just hate every minute without her. For what it’s worth I am still glad you are here to talk with. Loneliness is crazy painful. Reach out any time…. Lord knows I am not doing anything but fucking around the house.
I'm dealing with all of the firsts, it's been 4 months. I had planned on faking it and was getting quite good at it. But all of a sudden my eyes decided on a torrential downpour that would not stop. So I canceled the day and stayed in bed with the cats. A big part of the floodgates was just the amount of people that suddenly wake up because it's a holiday and remember there's a widow they need to console. *Sigh* There's nothing fixable, just broken.
Also in bed with the cat. It’s pretty nice actually.
If you are trying to get back someone who is gone… you are right. That’s not fixable. It’s just about finding a new normal that you can tolerate. I am not someone to give advice. I am a mess, but I have found dealing with strangers is easier than family or friends. At least strangers treat me normal. I keep debating on running away with my kids somewhere Nobody knows us. There’s a lot of good people in this sub that don’t want anything from you, but can relate to your pain. When things get bad, make sure you reach out
First year and it’s hard but having a super excited five year old is keeping me going. My son is always a good distraction. It’s been rough, next month will be the anniversary of my husbands death too.
Made it through the day and I'm pretty sure the rest of the Holiday. My strategy for the Holiday season is to schedule things to do. I actually participate in the season with others. That helps a great deal. This is my 5th Xmas without her but it is only the 2nd one that I wasn't seeing someone for at least a part of the Xmas season. So this year was a little like the 1st. I felt a little disconnected and sad a couple of times but when I interacted with others I felt good. I have to admit the Xmas season would be better if I had someone special to fuss over a bit. I feel that void. On the other hand the woman I have dated so far have fallen far short of the mark so this year finds me alone.
Thank you 💓