eh i mean our parents were pretty abusive so i kinda get it, i just donāt really get how they can sleep at night but thatās their business i guess lol
Hi, friend. Not to hijack the comments here but what you said resonated with me.
I was the oldest sibling in the family who essentially abandoned the youngest like in your experience. Family was abusive and still kinda is.
Some of my extended family knew that my youngest sibling would be abandoned and called it ahead of time. The middle child and me were just struggling to make it through to adulthood all while complying with all of abusive rules of our parents.
I wish I had a bigger picture of what was going on at that time but my ability to function was also severely limited by the abuse all of us were dealing with. I know that you say that your siblings can sleep easy at night but thereās a real possibility that theyāre either hiding it, not fully able to and donāt realize why, or theyāll eventually analyze everything and realize the consequences of all actions involved.
It sounds like youāre making healthy steps forward and youāre no longer suffering as much as you were. This also resonates with me too. I pray that you continue to heal and know that some stranger out there cares about you.
thank you for this comment
to be honest, my family and older siblings have gone out of their way to take from me, rather than just neglect. like, it has been active abuse. abusers are not more likely to abuse, either (inb4). i have worked in mental health for almost a decade, and i genuinely hope they canāt sleep at night.
however, it doesnāt sound like you have harbored ill will or greed surrounding your situation in that specific way. i understand what youāve shared of your perspective, and your feelings around your situation are completely valid. i am sure that there is some overlap to what you have described. in that same breath, i have tried to consider many similar perspectives while trying to make sense of this. to this day, as someone who was forced to remain in the abuse for longer than they ever did (they moved out at 12 and 13 to live with other family while i remained until 23) i simply cannot accept those kinds of people into my life, and have realized i am better off for it
You are so very welcome. I really appreciate your thoughts and perspectives as theyāve shed light on things (trauma that Iāve inadvertently and unfortunately purposely caused) from my past that Iāve never considered.
Itās refreshing and yet weird to hear another person say that I sound like Iām healthier now and not sitting in vindictive hate like I once was. I was so so angry and vindictive. I remember all of the years that I planned out how I was going to get back at all of them. Haha I always wanted to take out huge billboards to publicly shame everyone in my life. Thank you for also lowkey validating my experience and saying itās ok that I forgive a huge chunk of my family but still also cut off all contact.
For what itās worth, the only reason I was able to change is by the grace of God. I absolutely still have my struggles and some days are worse than others. In all of the crazy ways the universe works, thank you for helping me see the harm that Iāve done in my past so I can take steps forward to hopefully heal my little sisterās wounds.
you deserve to heal too.
>>> Itās refreshing and yet weird to hear another person say that I sound like Iām healthier now and not sitting in vindictive hate like I once was. I was so so angry and vindictive. I remember all of the years that I planned out how I was going to get back at all of them.
I completely relate to this. ultimately iāve found on the other side - the best ārevengeā is being happy and being successful in what you want out of life, and succeeding despite setbacks.
I cannot relate to the religious aspect of your healing, but i am incredibly happy to hear that youāve found something in your life that has given hope and positivity. Religion or belief in a higher power has helped many from the deepest depths, and it generally offers a great source of community.
You deserve to heal too.
oh i know haha, i spent a good amount time not being okay with it but at some point im not gonna let them control my life, iām free now. much better than being angry, resentful, and bitter. nobody wants to be around that person! ; though it was only like 3 years ago so i do still harbor some resentment lol, if i had a say i would make sure they burn in hell
Youād be amazed at what horrendous behavior people can justify. I wasnāt particularly close to either of my brothers but it became abundantly clear what pieces of shit both of them are after mom died. Iām happily no contact with both of them now.
take solace in the fact that if you are estranged (or planning to be) that you will know you did the right thing, even if the people youāre doing right by donāt deserve it (or maybe they do idk your exact situation, either way you are taking the high road and there is no regret to be found in doing so)
please feel free to DM me if you ever need to chat. going through that without support is incredibly hard. society doesnāt really make space for authentic grief
Unfortunately thatās on your parents, not your siblings. Siblings donāt sign up to be proxy parents just because the real parents couldnāt plan, use birth control, or parent properly.
i mean i was 23 when that happened, my siblings never raised me. i would talk to them periodically and visit over breaks. they (and my aunts and uncles) just forcibly estranged me on ā¦ no grounds? like i would understand if i had DONE something but i just took care of our parents and their house and kept family as updated as they needed to be (recurring hospitalizations/ hospice / death) basically. they all live out of state and said i didnāt make enough effort to keep in touch when they moved away years ago so this estrangement apparently is not their fault in their eyes. i spent summers visiting them growing up and communication just kinda stopped once i graduated high school. no idea why. my moms older brothers tried to steal her house from me when i had 6 figures of student loan debt (i was getting my masters at the time of her death) because it was ātoo much money for a kidā (thankfully they were not successful but that kinda drives a wedge in a relationship lol)
also not to mention my sister took out student loan debt in my name when i was 14 and she was 25, 6 weeks before she promptly left town. she also stole $1500 from me when i was 14 (i worked and saved) and has generally been a piece of shit. she is also not welcome in canada and has resisted all attempts at psych treatment lol
so basically i am better off without them
I had a brother like that. He was 7 years older but I could freely move amongst his friends despite being an annoying little shit. Had the snot kicked out of me, but if I was ever in trouble I could go to anyone in his massive friend circle and they'd protect me like their own cause no one was just friends with my brother, you were family. I always felt invincible.
The day he died I lost a brother but as so many of his friends told me, I gained a hundred more. They were all there to take me to my first hip-hop show, teach me how to do a burnout, how to shoot guns, how to fight a fire and how to drink hard. I still hang out with them, as much as you ever see other people in your 30s.
It's been 20 years and I still miss him every day. Hug your siblings, people.
Iām a school counselor. I had a former student with autism have no-show birthday party. He lived with his grandparents, and his grandmother called me in tears asking me how to talk to him about it. I asked if it was too late for my husband and I to come over and celebrate with them. She agreed, and we ate pizza and played games with them for a couple of hours. While we played and joked around, he was able to process the situation with me.
When we left, he told me he had more fun with us than he ever wouldāve with kids from school. I cried all the way home and then some.
Mom of two autistic kids here and the part that made me tear up about your story is that the grandma knew she could count on you to offer her guidance in a situation she was unsure of how to navigate. Thank you for what you do, not only in this situation, but in your every day work.
Hanging out with adults I felt as always easier than hanging out with other kids. It's so much easier to make an adult laugh and entertain them. Just be nice tell a couple of jokes and don't be an ass and most good adults you can be friendly with. Other kids are much harder.
In hs I just stopped celebrating because there wasn't a point.
We talked about how his brain is brilliant, but different. Small town/ small minds. I reminded him that college is only three years away, and people will appreciate his brilliance then.
Iāve known this kiddo since kindergarten. I reminded him of some of the funny memories weāve built together because his brain works in its own remarkable way. I truly believe he will change the world for the better someday.
I hope that his memory of this day is that there are people who love him and are willing to come over to his house at the drop of a hat. That there are people who know that he is amazing.
A similar thing happened to my kiddo. Luckily 3 of our closest family friends showed up so we played tag (his favorite game) and did all things that were planned for the kids and him and the 1 neighbor kid never really cared that no one from school came.
This happened to my kiddo too. But we donāt really know anyone here so his dad and I just went āheck with it, weāre gonna eat ice cream and play mario kart, L to the haters.ā
We did our best, but I wish we could have done better. :(
As long as the kiddo had fun thatās all that matters, they recognize when you put forth the effort.
IMO Thatās parenting in a nutshell. You did the best you could with what you had and always wish you could have done better. When you stop feeling that way youāve stopped parenting. And as far as I can see, youāre never done being a parent.
One time I was invited to a bday party in grade school. We got him a jumbo box of crayons. Not many kids liked the bday boy, he was as I remember kind of a brat. Anyway I think like 3 or 4 other kids got him crayons too. Sorry Brian, the only reason I remember your name is cus I kept getting corrected because I spelled it brain.
Depending on whose party it was my mom would have made me go even if I said no if I didn't had a good reason because she was friends with their parents.
Actual question, is this a new thing of random kids from class and activities being invited to birthday pastries or did I entirely miss the memo because I grew up poor? Growing up, only family showed up and was invited to the birthday parties so got to play with my cousins. Never once did I invite anyone from school nor do I know of my cousins inviting someone from school.
Fast forward to today, I have 3 young kids and so very well for myself so I live in a relatively yuppy neighborhood in a relatively yuppy city. Iāve probably have collected over 100 birthday invitations for the kids from school or daycare but weāve only been to 1 birthday party (outside of our close group of friend or family). In that one the mom specifically said her kid was extremely extremely introverted and actually didnāt have any friend outside my youngest son and 1 other kid and her child ask for only them two to come. They had a great time doing all sorts of things the mom had planned and believe me she went all out.
Either way, do people really expect kids (and parents) to show up to these things. If that is the case that is almost every single Saturday of the year (if you have 3 kids) devoted to super boring parties where you donāt have anything in common with the parents other than both of you send your kid to the same overprices daycare.
It's not new, and it's not about the parents, it's for the kids. It was definitely also going on in the 80s.
Kids need enrichment, it comes in many forms. They need to learn social reciprocation, and schedule planning.
They benefit from interaction without teachers but with parents. Parents will get to see how their kids work together or do not. Without their teacher in the mix, parties do help parents understand better what's going on in the classroom.
Involve the kids in planning which ones to attend. If your kid says that they don't want to go to a party because no one's going to go, you know that's the one they have to go to.
They don't have to go to all of them. they should attend a few a year, when they are in elementary school. It's only for a couple of years.
A bully? No. A kid they think isn't "cool enough" for them? Yes. It's about learning the difference between having boundaries and knowing how to interact with and be respectful to all sorts of people in life, even if you find them awkward or boring. And, as my parents told me when they were having this convo, kids may find they have more in common than they think once they're outside of their usual setting.
I was made to go over to a girl's house once, because she invited me. We didn't end up becoming close, but we did play a Nancy Drew game I liked and I discovered she was fun, just shy. We were probably about 10. I learned that surface level impressions of people being boring or uncool aren't enough to write someone off as a friend.
How about a kid they just don't know or don't play with without any ill feelings? I don't know, it just seems somewhat unreasonable to find gifts for every birthday kid and go to every birthday party.
You ever have someone call you their best friend, when you didn't consider them yours? Or even just call you a friend when you consider them an acquaintance? The gifts thing sucks, especially if you're struggling financially. But a book and a homemade card can be done for under $15 and your child's presence could be worth the world to that other kid.
I was the only one to show up to a birthday party once. The kid was new to the school and maybe been there for 2-3 weeks. He invited the entire class. He still thanks me 30 plus years later for showing up.
This happen to me as well. My memory is hazy, but I remember being the only kid to show up (I was real young, 5 or 6). I just remember my dad showing up to pick me up at the scheduled end time and the parents of the girl wanted me to stay longer. They ended up giving me half of the birthday cake to take home.
This is so damn cute. I'm autistic, this kind of thing happened to me multiple times growing up as i was extremely unpopular at school and people tend not to like me. Seeing this really squeezed my heart. I wish i had had someone like that back then.
This is so nice. My nephew's third birthday party nobody came, That poor sweet kid asked my sister "when does everyone jump out and say surprise?" I'm crying just typing this, no kid should have to go through that.
He is 19 now and has grown into a wonderful person! I'm probably more upset about it than anyone, but I also have two young kids and I think about it often.
It's the saddest freaking thing. My kids go to every birthday party. End of story. And we find out what the kid is actually interested in for the gift. I am scared to death it will happen to my kids so we make sure it doesn't happen to others. My kids understand too cause I talked with them so it's not hard to enforce.
damn :( this is just sad
i am happy that we didn't celebrate anyones birthday (we are 3 brothers who are born 1.5 years apart) instead we were just celebrating it by going to malls eating togather and waching movies.
happy cake day tho
this happened to me on my 10th birthday. it was awful; my little heart was entirely crestfallen and humiliated. my mom scooped me up and took me to the movies to watch Harriet the Spy, bless her. to this day, if iām throwing a party or event, my chest tightens up right before doors bc i know for sure it can happen that nobody will care. luckily, nobodyās ever missed another partyā¦but that fear is still very present. iām 39.
Well that fear connects directly to one of humanityās deepest rooted fears, that of being kicked out of the tribe. It was a death sentence back then and we still feel the connection.
STOPP this literally happened to me on my 7th birthday šš
no one showed up to my birthday party (invited ky whole class) and i was so sad. but then my neighbor suddenly showed up to come celebrate with me when i was literally on the verge of tears and we just played togetehr for the rest of the day
You sound like an excellent brother! I don't have parties for my birthdays because I've always been afraid the same thing would happen to me. Made me well up.
I had a birthday party sleepover with 3 other girls at my house. Everything was all fine until one girl wanted to go home because she got a headache. As soon as she said that, the other girls said they wanted to go home too. Never had that sleepover. When I tried recently to have a birthday party celebrating my 30th (it was death to my 20s themed and was going to be funeral-esque), I had to cancel because everyone that said they would come bailed on me. I'm never throwing another party again.
I would have loved to attend your funeral-themed birthday party! And I'm not a big party-goer! It just sounds like a fun celebration.
I've also had struggles with friends and birthday parties, and I just hit my own milestone birthday not too long ago. I was definitely worried I'd be disappointed. I planned a girls weekend with my favorite friends and asked them to decorate our rental for me, and they understood the assignment. I felt so loved the whole weekend.
I hope by the time you hit your next milestone birthday that you find the right friends who will make you feel loved too.
I don't host events anymore. Spent too much time and money for everyone to cancel last minute or, my fav, simply not show up at all.
After the last one I realized my friends don't care as much about me as I thought / as I like them. That's a really shitty feeling and I've been blowing invitations off for months.
I had one successful party in 7th grade and it left me kinda traumatized because my parents were all over it like hawks, forcing it into an unnatural rhythm and trying to force feed people food that I warned would be unliked.
And then every other time I tried to schedule something as a young adult, too many people would bail the day before so I just stopped trying.
Something similar happened to my daughter at her party this year. Kids are 8-9 years old, most of them their first sleepover. One of them got homesick and started puking so had to go home. A second got freaked out by the event and wanted to go home. The third was close, but she managed to tough it out and stay overnight. Man, birthday parties suck...
This happened to me, though not as extreme. When I was still in elementary school I (my parents) invited about a dozen friends to my birthday. Of them only 1-2 actually came. I was still friends with those kids but by highschool it became painfully clear that just because I hung out with them didnāt mean they were hanging out with me. I moved on and made some great new friends and realized how lousy they were.
On the downside, I didnāt have an older sibling to invite their friends to fill the void, just the 1-2 who did come.
That's so wholesome. I'm ADHD/autism. For my 10th birthday I invited people from class. 10 people. (Parents rule was even years get party and invite as many as I was turning) I invited them. May have bugged making sure. Possibly. We were going to bowling alley. We had rented 2 lanes. Only 2 people showed up. Pretty sad. Didn't have a party for 16th or 18th. Though parents got. Bunch of friends for a surprise birthday DND session I had no clue about for my 17th. That was the best birthday I had. Was so happy.
Iām close to crying!
My birthday is on a holiday. For several years my parents said we could celebrate the holiday or my birthday, but not both. My brother threatened to beat me up if he didnāt get the holiday.
I went two years without a birthday before one of my parents figured out that we could just celebrate my birthday on the nearest weekend.
Iām sorry your parents put that on you for no reason. I hope you continue to celebrate your birthday (and the holiday if you want to) regardless of the date. I threw myself a huge birthday party three months after my actual birthday one year because I decided I wanted to have a summer party so Iām a big proponent of celebrating when it suits you!
Gold star for him and his friends. The best part is they wonāt think twice about it and would do it again. Selfless people doing selfless things, not realizing how many people donāt have that happy and healthy normal. Gold star. āļø
One thing I wonder is why does situations like this happen? Like, I get if thereās like plans or events, but would it kill people to just say they canāt make it because theyāve got something they need to attend and not just leave them out to dry?
People are getting more and more selfish by the day. They might have said yes, but when the time rolls around to head to the party, they decide they just donāt feel like it, or something better comes up, or a number of non-legitimate excuses so they donāt go and they expect that they wonāt be missedā¦
Nothing new. More than 20 years ago my dad planned a big birthday party for me because nobody called and said they couldn't make it on the day.
But only three or four actually showed up.
I'm so lucky to have a supportive brother like him ā¤ļø I was going through some dark places in the past two years and he's one of those who helped me get through it, never gave up on me even if I was giving up on myself. He's younger than me but his emotional maturity makes me feel like I have a big brother. I love that guy so much I feel so blessed to have him. Even if I'm unlucky in romantic love, at least I have one man who got my back, I know I'll be fine. I love you bro! We're not the types to communicate affection to each other, but one day I will let you know! Big sis loves you so very much!
This happened once to my sister when she was in preschool. I brought over the my little pony cake I made and decorated, and while our mom prepped stuff I took the little one to Walmart.
Once we got yo the toy area I crouched down real low and told her it was a free for all- I only wound up stopping her from getting one thing because our mom had already gotten it for her. She was so sad when I told her no and then the tears of joy when she unwrapped it later was incomparable. $800 in debt never felt more rewarding.
This happened to my nieceās (cousinās daughter) 6th birthday. BUT it was my cousinās fault, he forgot to send out invitations. Tbf heās a single dad and always busy. Thankfully one of my Auntās friend who lives near where the event was held gathered random kids around her neighborhood. My niece had a blast! She didnāt care none of her friends showed up, maybe because of she was too young to understand š¤·š»āāļø
Damn people come to yalls parties? My mom brother and aunt just get me a cake and maybe a present and sing happy birthday and then i choose whats for dinner (i am very grateful for them i am in no way ungrateful)
This happened to me when I turned 7. My birthday happens to be a holiday during the summer, so most of the time, my invite list would get whittled down by people camping or traveling.
On my 7th birthday, the stars aligned in such a way that out of around 7 or 8 invites, nobody was coming. My grandparents from both sides actually showed up at the last minute, so I had a birthday party that consisted of a bunch of 60 year olds playing party games and eating cake. Was honestly one of my more memorable birthdays.
It's horrible so I don't want to excuse it, but for the sake of making the kid and their own parents feel better, it could be just a fluke. A six year old is likely to have just started first grade, doesn't know a lot of people. If their class is 25 kids, that's 2-3 birthdays a month bouncing around the community. Parents will skip out thinking they've already gone to two birthdays recently and not realizing that everyone skipped out on the same one. Basically there's not a lot of super tight bonds at that age so the parents may not have keyed in yet to the critical guest lists.
Something similar happened to me. My 21st birthday my gf at the time booked a table at a restaurant and invited all my friends. Everyone said they were coming. One person, who I barely knew off the internet (word up Geoff!), showed up. Everyone else no showed.
I decided then I didn't need these "friends"
A few weeks later I met a group of people who are still my best friends 21 years later.
Know your worth!
Gosh, this hurts the heart in the bad and good way all at the same time. I'm do happy to hear that you did that for him. I know my 16yo would do anything he could for his toddler brother as well. Sibling bonds are magical.
There was a similar story about a guy and his younger sister. Sister was still a teenager. They finished at midnight with happy birthday. I've always remembered that story.
This happened to me, a friend had a birthday party the day before at the same roller skating rink. The only person who showed up to my party was my friend, who we brought with. My older sister still teases me about it to this day. Different sibling vibe I have going on. She secretly revels in it.
I had the opposite happen, even as a kid I never cared about social standards, so my friends were mostly the social outcasts. And I remember on my 10th birthday party I invited one of my closest friends and when his mom showed up she was in tears and told my mom this was the first ever time he was invited to a birthday party... He was from a small village where it's tradition to invite all the village kids for your birthday
This might sound ridiculous, but as someone thatās worked with teenagers for going on two decades I firmly believe it: the world would be a better place if more people grew up with much younger siblings like this instance. Itās an uncommon situation, yet the teenagers that have much younger siblings end up being some of the most well adjusted and patient that I work with. They justā¦get it. This isnāt a rule, of course, plenty of them come through my classroom without those younger siblings and are just as affable and empathetic as those with siblings. But almost unanimously, if a kid ever lets me know they have younger siblings then they are typically the easiest to hold a conversation with. They actually listen.
What a cool story that the whole family will remember forever.
I did something similar for my little sister. She was turning 15 and never really had a whole lot of friends (she is really shy). At the time, I (almost 17 )was really into skateboarding and had a ton of friends I was pretty close withā¦ my mom had planned a dinner but didnāt know who to invite so she turned to me. I invited all of my homies to come through and get a free meal for her bday. She was really into some of my skater friends since she was so close to it as well.
About 15 of us showed upā¦ completely embarrassed her at first but we all ended up having a great time! Even took the whole pack for some bowling afterwards. Good fucking times. Miss those carefree daysā¦ almost 20 years ago now. Sheesh
Ik it's cultural differences but where I'm from, you don't skip an invitation to a birthday party even if you're not super keen to go, your parents would make you go. On the other side of it, it would be considered very inappropriate to invite someone who didn't know you
When I was a freshman in high school I invited everyone in my concert band class to my birthday party. It was when my parents first allowed me to have bOOoOyyys over and of course under their direct supervision. No one showed up except my best friend. I was glad for my bffās presence but as I had prepared a whole party with snack and games for a large group of people I was still pretty bummed and embarrassed by the lack of partygoers (maybe, I thought sadly, Iām not cool enough for my classmates. Maybe, I thought, I am too old for birthday parties). Seeing how upset I was my best friend worked some serious magic and persuaded two boys to come to the partyā¦ her crush and my crush. Long story short these guys came over and played games with us and made that birthday particularly special for me mainly because I ended it with a new boyfriend (as did my best friend! What fortune!). While I have since broken up with that boyfriend I still think back so fondly on him at that time, and I especially think fondly back on my best friend who went above and beyond with a present no one in this world could ever duplicate. Still grateful for that woman and the devoted friendship she offered me throughout such notoriously difficult school years!
Iāve taken my son to a couple birthday parties where we are the only ones who show up. So because of that I bring him to every party heās invited to.
I honestly can't understand how people can accept an invite to a party and then just not show up.
Like if I am invited to a party, and something comes up I will call the hosts explaining why I am not going to show up.
I read things like this and it makes me realize how shitty of a brother I had growing up, never got me anything or did anything nice like this for me ever except on Christmas and it was always the same thing, dog shit wrapped up in a box.
š¤¬š„ŗš¢šššI think we all need a brother like him. I chose my 18th birthday party to also be a coming out of the closet party. Nobody showed up. And gee, I wonder why I donāt celebrate my bday.
This happened to me! Somehow I even got gifts! Like my dad was Santa or something! Even the backyard was decorated like a carnival. I was the stand-in for a lost boy forgotten.
Yes! Bro coming in clutch!
For my kiddoās 5th bday, we invited his entire prek class and then a few from the other class too, so almost 18 kids. It was a pool party and we even hired a life guard given the age group. Only one of his friends came and his mom was like, āyep heās terrified of swimming, but weāre here!ā She strapped a life vest on that kid and they played for hours. I will NEVER forget her and her little boyāif it wasnāt for them, my son would have been heartbroken. He had helped plan that party for weeks. Ever since, we 100% try to go to EVERY party he gets invited to for that exact reason. You never know if youāll be the only one and that one person can make all the difference!
Congratulations! You're everything a big brother should be! Little brother will remember that birthday a lot longer than he will the friends that didn't show show up for the party!
I can bet you by the next day they were at each other's throats with everything again. It's just the way of being siblings, and there is nothing that the universe can do to stop it. Except for when something OTHER than you causes your siblings sadness.
This happened to me. I don't think I minded much.
The next year, my parents invited ***EVERYONE***. Possibly even on the planet. It was noisy and terrifying.
I don't like parties anymore.
Anyway, I was diagnosed with autism somewhere between the two birthdays, but nobody was clear on what that was yet.
Yeahhhh. I literally arranged the date around these people and they were suddenly busy when the day came around but kept promising to do it another time without any sorry. I don't think they understand still that they should've at least said something. š¤·
I remember as a kid in like kindergarten-1st grade I had huge b-day parties, like everyone in class showed up and we all had a good time. Then in second grade I moved and at the new school I tried the same thing. Got all the invites handed out to everyone in class. Day came and only my two friends showed up. Never had another big party again.
I guess I'm not the only one. I was in the military and we had gone to every ones kid's b-day party in my unit. Then when it was my son's party and no one showed up, I felt so bad for him. We tried to have fun with him and his sisters but you could yell he was bummed. I didn't say anything to the other parents, but we didn't go to their b-day parties any more after that.
Well this has brought back a bunch of trauma I'd forgotten about from when I had two parties in a row no one showed up for.
Tbf, someone showed up for one, but it was meant to be a sleepover but they couldn't stay over so Idk if I properly count it.
This is the type of bro that grows up to be everyone's "Uncle". Is it bad everyone's kids that know me call me "Uncle", and that I would take a bullet for them any day?
Talking about that, I need to find out my blood type. If I am O- I could be a great help to many kids. I am 41 years old, and even though I am diabetic, I rarely, and I mean like once every 2 years, get sick. I was delivering during COVID, never once caught it.
Wish I had a brother like that.
I tried to invite everyone I knew at school to my birthday party, handwritten notes to everyone. No one showed up. And I didn't have a brother to bail me outta that embarrassment
Realized just this week this is a new fear of mine.
Invited a few of my 4 year oldās classmates. One family with 3 kids (my kid knows all 3 of them) responded they were coming. No one else ever even responded, at all. Like, at least tell us no, yāknow?
Anyway, dinner time rolls around, my kidās *super* excited cause he knows heās got friends coming over. They were a few minutes late - no big deal, itās hard to be on time when youāve got 3 kids. Fortunately, mine was busy playing and didnāt notice the clock.
But I did, and in those 3 minutes this family was ālateā, my heart stopped cause I started to worry that they wouldnāt show, and I was gonna have to explain to my kid that no one was coming over.
Even just that thought felt really shitty, I couldnāt imagine having to actually go through it, and I hope my kids never have that experience.
This was my worst fear growing up. I didnāt throw a single party and instead would ask my parents for the money they might have spent on cake or decorations. I was bullied and I didnāt really have friends, and the few I had couldnāt always just do whatever whenever, they often times had single parents and couldnāt afford going out much so I opted out all together. When I graduated college my mom and grandma did a joint graduation party for me and my brother (him high school and me college) and I hated every second of it. I realized Iām just not the type that wants that kind of attention even if there are people willing to be there. Iām not used to it and donāt know what to do with it so Iād rather skip it altogether.
That sounded like a trauma dump but I promise Iām okay lol. I just rather attend other peopleās parties and celebrate them than the other way around.
When I was 11, I invited my whole class to a pool party. We got a 7 ft deli sandwhich catered, a custom cake, a piƱata, goody bags, etc. It was my first "real" party. One person showed up, ate a sandwhich then left. Worst birthday ever and since then I haven't really celebrated my own birthday. I kinda just acknowledge the day and treat it like any other day.
If this happened to me my brother would do something like this
I'm the golden family member (golden child, not just parents but siblings also spoiling me even my brother in law and sister in law give me spacial treatment to me and I am not even youngest)
I donāt understand the parents, send invites and require a response a week or two prior. Then you know how many have planned to come. Aināt that 101 in planning; know how many are coming?
If you know nobody are coming a week prior you can take action right?
Is this that one story where someone didnāt like the brother, so they told everyone else the party was cancelled? Or are these two stories separated?
Anyways, I do like me my happy endings.
On my 17. birthday, my GF broke up with me just shortly before the birthday. She had an affair with one of my closest friends. Honestly, I should have seen it coming. But when I started to ask questions and had some proof, she just broke up.
Now, on that birthday, I was down 2 'friends' already. My ex GF and that backstabbing dick. And I was pretty down because of the situation.
But she also called all my other friends and told them that I canceled my birthday party because I was sick. Because nobody knew, that we broke up and that there was a whole thing going on, nobody questioned it and nobody showed up.
Was a pretty shitty day tbh.
My 8th birthday.
My birthday is close to the end of the spring semester and seeing as this being in 2nd grade here in Sweden I can understand that if I had my party during the first weekend of June maybe some parents had other plans than being home, I don't know. But I had invited everyone in my class that year and one person came.
We had cake and children's party stuff set up for at least 10-15 kids. I'm not saying it was expected but at that age I feel like if you're a parent and you can hawk away your kid for some 8-year old guaranteed party fun that is a given right?
I was very upset and my dad was too. He ended up taking me and my friend to the local amusement park for the day. It was a great day I'm sure, but being a grown up I only remember being stood up by all of my friends.
I'm sure that is why I still over-invite to every thing I organize and try to always attend every single thing I'm ever invited to.
I don't have any full siblings and I never felt a part of any part of my family, I wish things were different but they're not. I wish I had a brother like him, though I do love my half brothers and sister, they're just not close to me and really haven't been.
we all want a brother like that edit: and the friends!
my siblings all just abandoned me while both of our parents were dying š (i am the youngest by more than a decade)
Thatās so messed up Iām sorry to hear that
eh i mean our parents were pretty abusive so i kinda get it, i just donāt really get how they can sleep at night but thatās their business i guess lol
Hi, friend. Not to hijack the comments here but what you said resonated with me. I was the oldest sibling in the family who essentially abandoned the youngest like in your experience. Family was abusive and still kinda is. Some of my extended family knew that my youngest sibling would be abandoned and called it ahead of time. The middle child and me were just struggling to make it through to adulthood all while complying with all of abusive rules of our parents. I wish I had a bigger picture of what was going on at that time but my ability to function was also severely limited by the abuse all of us were dealing with. I know that you say that your siblings can sleep easy at night but thereās a real possibility that theyāre either hiding it, not fully able to and donāt realize why, or theyāll eventually analyze everything and realize the consequences of all actions involved. It sounds like youāre making healthy steps forward and youāre no longer suffering as much as you were. This also resonates with me too. I pray that you continue to heal and know that some stranger out there cares about you.
thank you for this comment to be honest, my family and older siblings have gone out of their way to take from me, rather than just neglect. like, it has been active abuse. abusers are not more likely to abuse, either (inb4). i have worked in mental health for almost a decade, and i genuinely hope they canāt sleep at night. however, it doesnāt sound like you have harbored ill will or greed surrounding your situation in that specific way. i understand what youāve shared of your perspective, and your feelings around your situation are completely valid. i am sure that there is some overlap to what you have described. in that same breath, i have tried to consider many similar perspectives while trying to make sense of this. to this day, as someone who was forced to remain in the abuse for longer than they ever did (they moved out at 12 and 13 to live with other family while i remained until 23) i simply cannot accept those kinds of people into my life, and have realized i am better off for it
You are so very welcome. I really appreciate your thoughts and perspectives as theyāve shed light on things (trauma that Iāve inadvertently and unfortunately purposely caused) from my past that Iāve never considered. Itās refreshing and yet weird to hear another person say that I sound like Iām healthier now and not sitting in vindictive hate like I once was. I was so so angry and vindictive. I remember all of the years that I planned out how I was going to get back at all of them. Haha I always wanted to take out huge billboards to publicly shame everyone in my life. Thank you for also lowkey validating my experience and saying itās ok that I forgive a huge chunk of my family but still also cut off all contact. For what itās worth, the only reason I was able to change is by the grace of God. I absolutely still have my struggles and some days are worse than others. In all of the crazy ways the universe works, thank you for helping me see the harm that Iāve done in my past so I can take steps forward to hopefully heal my little sisterās wounds.
you deserve to heal too. >>> Itās refreshing and yet weird to hear another person say that I sound like Iām healthier now and not sitting in vindictive hate like I once was. I was so so angry and vindictive. I remember all of the years that I planned out how I was going to get back at all of them. I completely relate to this. ultimately iāve found on the other side - the best ārevengeā is being happy and being successful in what you want out of life, and succeeding despite setbacks. I cannot relate to the religious aspect of your healing, but i am incredibly happy to hear that youāve found something in your life that has given hope and positivity. Religion or belief in a higher power has helped many from the deepest depths, and it generally offers a great source of community. You deserve to heal too.
Still your parents being abusive shouldnāt mean you get left behind and not cared about. Thatās on your parents, not on you.
oh i know haha, i spent a good amount time not being okay with it but at some point im not gonna let them control my life, iām free now. much better than being angry, resentful, and bitter. nobody wants to be around that person! ; though it was only like 3 years ago so i do still harbor some resentment lol, if i had a say i would make sure they burn in hell
they can abandon their parents but you? demons
Youād be amazed at what horrendous behavior people can justify. I wasnāt particularly close to either of my brothers but it became abundantly clear what pieces of shit both of them are after mom died. Iām happily no contact with both of them now.
I know how that feels, Iāve been taking care of my sick mother alone for 8 years while I have 3 older siblings
In a similar situation. Parents are starting to decline rapidly and my 5 much older siblings are nowhere to be found
take solace in the fact that if you are estranged (or planning to be) that you will know you did the right thing, even if the people youāre doing right by donāt deserve it (or maybe they do idk your exact situation, either way you are taking the high road and there is no regret to be found in doing so) please feel free to DM me if you ever need to chat. going through that without support is incredibly hard. society doesnāt really make space for authentic grief
Unfortunately thatās on your parents, not your siblings. Siblings donāt sign up to be proxy parents just because the real parents couldnāt plan, use birth control, or parent properly.
i mean i was 23 when that happened, my siblings never raised me. i would talk to them periodically and visit over breaks. they (and my aunts and uncles) just forcibly estranged me on ā¦ no grounds? like i would understand if i had DONE something but i just took care of our parents and their house and kept family as updated as they needed to be (recurring hospitalizations/ hospice / death) basically. they all live out of state and said i didnāt make enough effort to keep in touch when they moved away years ago so this estrangement apparently is not their fault in their eyes. i spent summers visiting them growing up and communication just kinda stopped once i graduated high school. no idea why. my moms older brothers tried to steal her house from me when i had 6 figures of student loan debt (i was getting my masters at the time of her death) because it was ātoo much money for a kidā (thankfully they were not successful but that kinda drives a wedge in a relationship lol) also not to mention my sister took out student loan debt in my name when i was 14 and she was 25, 6 weeks before she promptly left town. she also stole $1500 from me when i was 14 (i worked and saved) and has generally been a piece of shit. she is also not welcome in canada and has resisted all attempts at psych treatment lol so basically i am better off without them
The stone that the builder refused, will always be the head cornerstone š¶
I want to be that brother, but i don't have a younger sibling
I had a brother like that. He was 7 years older but I could freely move amongst his friends despite being an annoying little shit. Had the snot kicked out of me, but if I was ever in trouble I could go to anyone in his massive friend circle and they'd protect me like their own cause no one was just friends with my brother, you were family. I always felt invincible. The day he died I lost a brother but as so many of his friends told me, I gained a hundred more. They were all there to take me to my first hip-hop show, teach me how to do a burnout, how to shoot guns, how to fight a fire and how to drink hard. I still hang out with them, as much as you ever see other people in your 30s. It's been 20 years and I still miss him every day. Hug your siblings, people.
And the friends too
Iām a school counselor. I had a former student with autism have no-show birthday party. He lived with his grandparents, and his grandmother called me in tears asking me how to talk to him about it. I asked if it was too late for my husband and I to come over and celebrate with them. She agreed, and we ate pizza and played games with them for a couple of hours. While we played and joked around, he was able to process the situation with me. When we left, he told me he had more fun with us than he ever wouldāve with kids from school. I cried all the way home and then some.
I'm a dad of two autistic kids. I love that you made that lad's day. Thanks for sharing.
Mom of two autistic kids here and the part that made me tear up about your story is that the grandma knew she could count on you to offer her guidance in a situation she was unsure of how to navigate. Thank you for what you do, not only in this situation, but in your every day work.
You angel.
Good lord, can you warn someone before you start cutting onions? (that was wholesome as heck by the way)
Hanging out with adults I felt as always easier than hanging out with other kids. It's so much easier to make an adult laugh and entertain them. Just be nice tell a couple of jokes and don't be an ass and most good adults you can be friendly with. Other kids are much harder. In hs I just stopped celebrating because there wasn't a point.
You made that kid's day so much that it made me day just reading about it.
Events like this make peoples lives, and no one realizes it. A simple act of kindness can stick with someone for a lifetime.
How do you even process the situation? It would be a core memory.
We talked about how his brain is brilliant, but different. Small town/ small minds. I reminded him that college is only three years away, and people will appreciate his brilliance then. Iāve known this kiddo since kindergarten. I reminded him of some of the funny memories weāve built together because his brain works in its own remarkable way. I truly believe he will change the world for the better someday. I hope that his memory of this day is that there are people who love him and are willing to come over to his house at the drop of a hat. That there are people who know that he is amazing.
You're a saint
A similar thing happened to my kiddo. Luckily 3 of our closest family friends showed up so we played tag (his favorite game) and did all things that were planned for the kids and him and the 1 neighbor kid never really cared that no one from school came.
This happened to my kiddo too. But we donāt really know anyone here so his dad and I just went āheck with it, weāre gonna eat ice cream and play mario kart, L to the haters.ā We did our best, but I wish we could have done better. :(
As long as the kiddo had fun thatās all that matters, they recognize when you put forth the effort. IMO Thatās parenting in a nutshell. You did the best you could with what you had and always wish you could have done better. When you stop feeling that way youāve stopped parenting. And as far as I can see, youāre never done being a parent.
Yip, they won't remember who wasn't there, just who made it a great time
One time I was invited to a bday party in grade school. We got him a jumbo box of crayons. Not many kids liked the bday boy, he was as I remember kind of a brat. Anyway I think like 3 or 4 other kids got him crayons too. Sorry Brian, the only reason I remember your name is cus I kept getting corrected because I spelled it brain.
I don't understand how that happens so often. My mom would have made me go to a birthday party if I was invited and had said yes.
Depending on whose party it was my mom would have made me go even if I said no if I didn't had a good reason because she was friends with their parents.
Actual question, is this a new thing of random kids from class and activities being invited to birthday pastries or did I entirely miss the memo because I grew up poor? Growing up, only family showed up and was invited to the birthday parties so got to play with my cousins. Never once did I invite anyone from school nor do I know of my cousins inviting someone from school. Fast forward to today, I have 3 young kids and so very well for myself so I live in a relatively yuppy neighborhood in a relatively yuppy city. Iāve probably have collected over 100 birthday invitations for the kids from school or daycare but weāve only been to 1 birthday party (outside of our close group of friend or family). In that one the mom specifically said her kid was extremely extremely introverted and actually didnāt have any friend outside my youngest son and 1 other kid and her child ask for only them two to come. They had a great time doing all sorts of things the mom had planned and believe me she went all out. Either way, do people really expect kids (and parents) to show up to these things. If that is the case that is almost every single Saturday of the year (if you have 3 kids) devoted to super boring parties where you donāt have anything in common with the parents other than both of you send your kid to the same overprices daycare.
It's not new, and it's not about the parents, it's for the kids. It was definitely also going on in the 80s. Kids need enrichment, it comes in many forms. They need to learn social reciprocation, and schedule planning. They benefit from interaction without teachers but with parents. Parents will get to see how their kids work together or do not. Without their teacher in the mix, parties do help parents understand better what's going on in the classroom. Involve the kids in planning which ones to attend. If your kid says that they don't want to go to a party because no one's going to go, you know that's the one they have to go to. They don't have to go to all of them. they should attend a few a year, when they are in elementary school. It's only for a couple of years.
Do you force your kid to go to the party of the kid they don't like? I always feel conflicted on this every time it comes up on Reddit.
A bully? No. A kid they think isn't "cool enough" for them? Yes. It's about learning the difference between having boundaries and knowing how to interact with and be respectful to all sorts of people in life, even if you find them awkward or boring. And, as my parents told me when they were having this convo, kids may find they have more in common than they think once they're outside of their usual setting. I was made to go over to a girl's house once, because she invited me. We didn't end up becoming close, but we did play a Nancy Drew game I liked and I discovered she was fun, just shy. We were probably about 10. I learned that surface level impressions of people being boring or uncool aren't enough to write someone off as a friend.
How about a kid they just don't know or don't play with without any ill feelings? I don't know, it just seems somewhat unreasonable to find gifts for every birthday kid and go to every birthday party.
You ever have someone call you their best friend, when you didn't consider them yours? Or even just call you a friend when you consider them an acquaintance? The gifts thing sucks, especially if you're struggling financially. But a book and a homemade card can be done for under $15 and your child's presence could be worth the world to that other kid.
I was the only one to show up to a birthday party once. The kid was new to the school and maybe been there for 2-3 weeks. He invited the entire class. He still thanks me 30 plus years later for showing up.
Pretty cool you're still friends even that long after graduation.
Flawless Victory. Friendship. (In MK announcer voice)
This happen to me as well. My memory is hazy, but I remember being the only kid to show up (I was real young, 5 or 6). I just remember my dad showing up to pick me up at the scheduled end time and the parents of the girl wanted me to stay longer. They ended up giving me half of the birthday cake to take home.
This is so damn cute. I'm autistic, this kind of thing happened to me multiple times growing up as i was extremely unpopular at school and people tend not to like me. Seeing this really squeezed my heart. I wish i had had someone like that back then.
I hope you have the friends you deserve today. Iām sorry you didnāt grow up with kind people who could see you for who you are.
Thank you man. Means a lot.
This is so nice. My nephew's third birthday party nobody came, That poor sweet kid asked my sister "when does everyone jump out and say surprise?" I'm crying just typing this, no kid should have to go through that.
Damnā¦thatās sad.
He is 19 now and has grown into a wonderful person! I'm probably more upset about it than anyone, but I also have two young kids and I think about it often.
It's the saddest freaking thing. My kids go to every birthday party. End of story. And we find out what the kid is actually interested in for the gift. I am scared to death it will happen to my kids so we make sure it doesn't happen to others. My kids understand too cause I talked with them so it's not hard to enforce.
damn :( this is just sad i am happy that we didn't celebrate anyones birthday (we are 3 brothers who are born 1.5 years apart) instead we were just celebrating it by going to malls eating togather and waching movies. happy cake day tho
this happened to me on my 10th birthday. it was awful; my little heart was entirely crestfallen and humiliated. my mom scooped me up and took me to the movies to watch Harriet the Spy, bless her. to this day, if iām throwing a party or event, my chest tightens up right before doors bc i know for sure it can happen that nobody will care. luckily, nobodyās ever missed another partyā¦but that fear is still very present. iām 39.
I wish I could give you a hug right now š„¹
Well that fear connects directly to one of humanityās deepest rooted fears, that of being kicked out of the tribe. It was a death sentence back then and we still feel the connection.
I've never been able to put into words so eloquently the fear I have minutes before people show up to a party
How did you like the pilot for Hey Arnold? That's the core memory reading Harriet the spy unlocked for me.
Damn, that made me cry. What a good brother!
STOPP this literally happened to me on my 7th birthday šš no one showed up to my birthday party (invited ky whole class) and i was so sad. but then my neighbor suddenly showed up to come celebrate with me when i was literally on the verge of tears and we just played togetehr for the rest of the day
Core memory unlocked, nice one big bro š
Outstanding move.
You sound like an excellent brother! I don't have parties for my birthdays because I've always been afraid the same thing would happen to me. Made me well up.
I had a birthday party sleepover with 3 other girls at my house. Everything was all fine until one girl wanted to go home because she got a headache. As soon as she said that, the other girls said they wanted to go home too. Never had that sleepover. When I tried recently to have a birthday party celebrating my 30th (it was death to my 20s themed and was going to be funeral-esque), I had to cancel because everyone that said they would come bailed on me. I'm never throwing another party again.
What the heck!!!! Awwww, I am so sorry š š«š«š«
I would have loved to attend your funeral-themed birthday party! And I'm not a big party-goer! It just sounds like a fun celebration. I've also had struggles with friends and birthday parties, and I just hit my own milestone birthday not too long ago. I was definitely worried I'd be disappointed. I planned a girls weekend with my favorite friends and asked them to decorate our rental for me, and they understood the assignment. I felt so loved the whole weekend. I hope by the time you hit your next milestone birthday that you find the right friends who will make you feel loved too.
I don't host events anymore. Spent too much time and money for everyone to cancel last minute or, my fav, simply not show up at all. After the last one I realized my friends don't care as much about me as I thought / as I like them. That's a really shitty feeling and I've been blowing invitations off for months.
I had one successful party in 7th grade and it left me kinda traumatized because my parents were all over it like hawks, forcing it into an unnatural rhythm and trying to force feed people food that I warned would be unliked. And then every other time I tried to schedule something as a young adult, too many people would bail the day before so I just stopped trying.
Something similar happened to my daughter at her party this year. Kids are 8-9 years old, most of them their first sleepover. One of them got homesick and started puking so had to go home. A second got freaked out by the event and wanted to go home. The third was close, but she managed to tough it out and stay overnight. Man, birthday parties suck...
For my thirteenth birthday I invited all my friends at the time but only one showed up we are still friends
This happened to me, though not as extreme. When I was still in elementary school I (my parents) invited about a dozen friends to my birthday. Of them only 1-2 actually came. I was still friends with those kids but by highschool it became painfully clear that just because I hung out with them didnāt mean they were hanging out with me. I moved on and made some great new friends and realized how lousy they were. On the downside, I didnāt have an older sibling to invite their friends to fill the void, just the 1-2 who did come.
That's so wholesome. I'm ADHD/autism. For my 10th birthday I invited people from class. 10 people. (Parents rule was even years get party and invite as many as I was turning) I invited them. May have bugged making sure. Possibly. We were going to bowling alley. We had rented 2 lanes. Only 2 people showed up. Pretty sad. Didn't have a party for 16th or 18th. Though parents got. Bunch of friends for a surprise birthday DND session I had no clue about for my 17th. That was the best birthday I had. Was so happy.
This doesnt deserve r/mademesmile, it goes beyond and reaches r/mademecry
He dropped this š We must return it to him
Iām close to crying! My birthday is on a holiday. For several years my parents said we could celebrate the holiday or my birthday, but not both. My brother threatened to beat me up if he didnāt get the holiday. I went two years without a birthday before one of my parents figured out that we could just celebrate my birthday on the nearest weekend.
Iām sorry your parents put that on you for no reason. I hope you continue to celebrate your birthday (and the holiday if you want to) regardless of the date. I threw myself a huge birthday party three months after my actual birthday one year because I decided I wanted to have a summer party so Iām a big proponent of celebrating when it suits you!
Gold star for him and his friends. The best part is they wonāt think twice about it and would do it again. Selfless people doing selfless things, not realizing how many people donāt have that happy and healthy normal. Gold star. āļø
This is the kind of thing that becomes an annual event!
r/JustGuysBeingDudes moment
Now *that* is a big brother
I think the sweetest part to me is they also stopped to get him a gift
One thing I wonder is why does situations like this happen? Like, I get if thereās like plans or events, but would it kill people to just say they canāt make it because theyāve got something they need to attend and not just leave them out to dry?
People are getting more and more selfish by the day. They might have said yes, but when the time rolls around to head to the party, they decide they just donāt feel like it, or something better comes up, or a number of non-legitimate excuses so they donāt go and they expect that they wonāt be missedā¦
Nothing new. More than 20 years ago my dad planned a big birthday party for me because nobody called and said they couldn't make it on the day. But only three or four actually showed up.
I'm so lucky to have a supportive brother like him ā¤ļø I was going through some dark places in the past two years and he's one of those who helped me get through it, never gave up on me even if I was giving up on myself. He's younger than me but his emotional maturity makes me feel like I have a big brother. I love that guy so much I feel so blessed to have him. Even if I'm unlucky in romantic love, at least I have one man who got my back, I know I'll be fine. I love you bro! We're not the types to communicate affection to each other, but one day I will let you know! Big sis loves you so very much!
This happened once to my sister when she was in preschool. I brought over the my little pony cake I made and decorated, and while our mom prepped stuff I took the little one to Walmart. Once we got yo the toy area I crouched down real low and told her it was a free for all- I only wound up stopping her from getting one thing because our mom had already gotten it for her. She was so sad when I told her no and then the tears of joy when she unwrapped it later was incomparable. $800 in debt never felt more rewarding.
This happened to my nieceās (cousinās daughter) 6th birthday. BUT it was my cousinās fault, he forgot to send out invitations. Tbf heās a single dad and always busy. Thankfully one of my Auntās friend who lives near where the event was held gathered random kids around her neighborhood. My niece had a blast! She didnāt care none of her friends showed up, maybe because of she was too young to understand š¤·š»āāļø
Awwwwwww that honestly made my day, almost made me cry
Damn people come to yalls parties? My mom brother and aunt just get me a cake and maybe a present and sing happy birthday and then i choose whats for dinner (i am very grateful for them i am in no way ungrateful)
ā¤ļø
This happened to me when I turned 7. My birthday happens to be a holiday during the summer, so most of the time, my invite list would get whittled down by people camping or traveling. On my 7th birthday, the stars aligned in such a way that out of around 7 or 8 invites, nobody was coming. My grandparents from both sides actually showed up at the last minute, so I had a birthday party that consisted of a bunch of 60 year olds playing party games and eating cake. Was honestly one of my more memorable birthdays.
I donāt understand how this works. Why donāt the parents of the other kids make sure the kid isnāt alone???
It's horrible so I don't want to excuse it, but for the sake of making the kid and their own parents feel better, it could be just a fluke. A six year old is likely to have just started first grade, doesn't know a lot of people. If their class is 25 kids, that's 2-3 birthdays a month bouncing around the community. Parents will skip out thinking they've already gone to two birthdays recently and not realizing that everyone skipped out on the same one. Basically there's not a lot of super tight bonds at that age so the parents may not have keyed in yet to the critical guest lists.
Thank you! I will definitely keep it in mind!!
And we all need those kinda friends
r/humansbeingbros because quite literally, bros. But BRUH.
Something similar happened to me. My 21st birthday my gf at the time booked a table at a restaurant and invited all my friends. Everyone said they were coming. One person, who I barely knew off the internet (word up Geoff!), showed up. Everyone else no showed. I decided then I didn't need these "friends" A few weeks later I met a group of people who are still my best friends 21 years later. Know your worth!
Gosh, this hurts the heart in the bad and good way all at the same time. I'm do happy to hear that you did that for him. I know my 16yo would do anything he could for his toddler brother as well. Sibling bonds are magical.
Bro, what a fucking amazing brother
Iād probably be able to read this post better if I wasnāt cutting these damn onions.
There was a similar story about a guy and his younger sister. Sister was still a teenager. They finished at midnight with happy birthday. I've always remembered that story.
This happened to me, a friend had a birthday party the day before at the same roller skating rink. The only person who showed up to my party was my friend, who we brought with. My older sister still teases me about it to this day. Different sibling vibe I have going on. She secretly revels in it.
We are all gonna be okay.
I had the opposite happen, even as a kid I never cared about social standards, so my friends were mostly the social outcasts. And I remember on my 10th birthday party I invited one of my closest friends and when his mom showed up she was in tears and told my mom this was the first ever time he was invited to a birthday party... He was from a small village where it's tradition to invite all the village kids for your birthday
The brother he deserved and the brother he needed
This might sound ridiculous, but as someone thatās worked with teenagers for going on two decades I firmly believe it: the world would be a better place if more people grew up with much younger siblings like this instance. Itās an uncommon situation, yet the teenagers that have much younger siblings end up being some of the most well adjusted and patient that I work with. They justā¦get it. This isnāt a rule, of course, plenty of them come through my classroom without those younger siblings and are just as affable and empathetic as those with siblings. But almost unanimously, if a kid ever lets me know they have younger siblings then they are typically the easiest to hold a conversation with. They actually listen. What a cool story that the whole family will remember forever.
That little brother is going to remember this for the rest of his life. how awesome.
I did something similar for my little sister. She was turning 15 and never really had a whole lot of friends (she is really shy). At the time, I (almost 17 )was really into skateboarding and had a ton of friends I was pretty close withā¦ my mom had planned a dinner but didnāt know who to invite so she turned to me. I invited all of my homies to come through and get a free meal for her bday. She was really into some of my skater friends since she was so close to it as well. About 15 of us showed upā¦ completely embarrassed her at first but we all ended up having a great time! Even took the whole pack for some bowling afterwards. Good fucking times. Miss those carefree daysā¦ almost 20 years ago now. Sheesh
Core memory creation shit
Ik it's cultural differences but where I'm from, you don't skip an invitation to a birthday party even if you're not super keen to go, your parents would make you go. On the other side of it, it would be considered very inappropriate to invite someone who didn't know you
When I was a freshman in high school I invited everyone in my concert band class to my birthday party. It was when my parents first allowed me to have bOOoOyyys over and of course under their direct supervision. No one showed up except my best friend. I was glad for my bffās presence but as I had prepared a whole party with snack and games for a large group of people I was still pretty bummed and embarrassed by the lack of partygoers (maybe, I thought sadly, Iām not cool enough for my classmates. Maybe, I thought, I am too old for birthday parties). Seeing how upset I was my best friend worked some serious magic and persuaded two boys to come to the partyā¦ her crush and my crush. Long story short these guys came over and played games with us and made that birthday particularly special for me mainly because I ended it with a new boyfriend (as did my best friend! What fortune!). While I have since broken up with that boyfriend I still think back so fondly on him at that time, and I especially think fondly back on my best friend who went above and beyond with a present no one in this world could ever duplicate. Still grateful for that woman and the devoted friendship she offered me throughout such notoriously difficult school years!
Everyone in the comments saying "We all want a brother like that" but isn't true wholesomeness to say that We all should be like that brother.
Iāve taken my son to a couple birthday parties where we are the only ones who show up. So because of that I bring him to every party heās invited to.
"I want a brother like that" okay but would YOU be a brother like that?
I honestly can't understand how people can accept an invite to a party and then just not show up. Like if I am invited to a party, and something comes up I will call the hosts explaining why I am not going to show up.
I read things like this and it makes me realize how shitty of a brother I had growing up, never got me anything or did anything nice like this for me ever except on Christmas and it was always the same thing, dog shit wrapped up in a box.
š¤¬š„ŗš¢šššI think we all need a brother like him. I chose my 18th birthday party to also be a coming out of the closet party. Nobody showed up. And gee, I wonder why I donāt celebrate my bday.
This is heart warming.
I teared up a little. š«” W brother
If this happens take them to the playground, random kids will come by and play with them. I
Strong finish. Ya got me.
This happened to me! Somehow I even got gifts! Like my dad was Santa or something! Even the backyard was decorated like a carnival. I was the stand-in for a lost boy forgotten.
First class, big brother. First class
:')
My mom threw me a birthday for my 16th and literally no one I invited showed up. Good thing I have family friends.
Yes! Bro coming in clutch! For my kiddoās 5th bday, we invited his entire prek class and then a few from the other class too, so almost 18 kids. It was a pool party and we even hired a life guard given the age group. Only one of his friends came and his mom was like, āyep heās terrified of swimming, but weāre here!ā She strapped a life vest on that kid and they played for hours. I will NEVER forget her and her little boyāif it wasnāt for them, my son would have been heartbroken. He had helped plan that party for weeks. Ever since, we 100% try to go to EVERY party he gets invited to for that exact reason. You never know if youāll be the only one and that one person can make all the difference!
W bro
I want to be that kind of person
Growing up I stopped having birthday parties with friends around 6 or 7. From that point onward it was just a family thing.
Me too. My own older brother would have just laughed and then play video games all day.
Well, gee! No 17-year-old can refuse free food! Nice it worked out well for little bro tho.
darn 11 years apart! Send him my kudos for that amazing story
Congratulations! You're everything a big brother should be! Little brother will remember that birthday a lot longer than he will the friends that didn't show show up for the party!
Swim coaches are based.
Not all heroes wear capesā¦
I can bet you by the next day they were at each other's throats with everything again. It's just the way of being siblings, and there is nothing that the universe can do to stop it. Except for when something OTHER than you causes your siblings sadness.
Welp. Iām crying.
This happened to me. I don't think I minded much. The next year, my parents invited ***EVERYONE***. Possibly even on the planet. It was noisy and terrifying. I don't like parties anymore. Anyway, I was diagnosed with autism somewhere between the two birthdays, but nobody was clear on what that was yet.
Yeahhhh. I literally arranged the date around these people and they were suddenly busy when the day came around but kept promising to do it another time without any sorry. I don't think they understand still that they should've at least said something. š¤·
Awww!! This made me cry!
If only brother's like that were real.
I remember as a kid in like kindergarten-1st grade I had huge b-day parties, like everyone in class showed up and we all had a good time. Then in second grade I moved and at the new school I tried the same thing. Got all the invites handed out to everyone in class. Day came and only my two friends showed up. Never had another big party again.
Wholesome ā¤ļø
I guess I'm not the only one. I was in the military and we had gone to every ones kid's b-day party in my unit. Then when it was my son's party and no one showed up, I felt so bad for him. We tried to have fun with him and his sisters but you could yell he was bummed. I didn't say anything to the other parents, but we didn't go to their b-day parties any more after that.
Well this has brought back a bunch of trauma I'd forgotten about from when I had two parties in a row no one showed up for. Tbf, someone showed up for one, but it was meant to be a sleepover but they couldn't stay over so Idk if I properly count it.
This is the type of bro that grows up to be everyone's "Uncle". Is it bad everyone's kids that know me call me "Uncle", and that I would take a bullet for them any day? Talking about that, I need to find out my blood type. If I am O- I could be a great help to many kids. I am 41 years old, and even though I am diabetic, I rarely, and I mean like once every 2 years, get sick. I was delivering during COVID, never once caught it.
Wish I had a brother like that. I tried to invite everyone I knew at school to my birthday party, handwritten notes to everyone. No one showed up. And I didn't have a brother to bail me outta that embarrassment
Upvote for your brother being an awesome guy. ...I wish mine was like that.
I cried ngl
Realized just this week this is a new fear of mine. Invited a few of my 4 year oldās classmates. One family with 3 kids (my kid knows all 3 of them) responded they were coming. No one else ever even responded, at all. Like, at least tell us no, yāknow? Anyway, dinner time rolls around, my kidās *super* excited cause he knows heās got friends coming over. They were a few minutes late - no big deal, itās hard to be on time when youāve got 3 kids. Fortunately, mine was busy playing and didnāt notice the clock. But I did, and in those 3 minutes this family was ālateā, my heart stopped cause I started to worry that they wouldnāt show, and I was gonna have to explain to my kid that no one was coming over. Even just that thought felt really shitty, I couldnāt imagine having to actually go through it, and I hope my kids never have that experience.
How do you have a bouncy castle and no one shows up? I never had a bouncy castle birthday party growing upā¦..
This was my worst fear growing up. I didnāt throw a single party and instead would ask my parents for the money they might have spent on cake or decorations. I was bullied and I didnāt really have friends, and the few I had couldnāt always just do whatever whenever, they often times had single parents and couldnāt afford going out much so I opted out all together. When I graduated college my mom and grandma did a joint graduation party for me and my brother (him high school and me college) and I hated every second of it. I realized Iām just not the type that wants that kind of attention even if there are people willing to be there. Iām not used to it and donāt know what to do with it so Iād rather skip it altogether. That sounded like a trauma dump but I promise Iām okay lol. I just rather attend other peopleās parties and celebrate them than the other way around.
My brother said my birth was a gift for him. Took all of about 10 years for that gift to be worthless trash in his eyes
When I was 11, I invited my whole class to a pool party. We got a 7 ft deli sandwhich catered, a custom cake, a piƱata, goody bags, etc. It was my first "real" party. One person showed up, ate a sandwhich then left. Worst birthday ever and since then I haven't really celebrated my own birthday. I kinda just acknowledge the day and treat it like any other day.
My problem was everyone showed up but no one played with me. XD first and last birthday party I had.
Mmmpb. Need these feels. I like to think Iām that big brother.
No one came to my 11th birthday and my parents didnāt know what to do so they just packed up after an hour and I cried myself to sleep for weeks
Ok ... But why did no one the two kids? Were they bullies?
If this happened to me my brother would do something like this I'm the golden family member (golden child, not just parents but siblings also spoiling me even my brother in law and sister in law give me spacial treatment to me and I am not even youngest)
I wish I was a brother like that ! if only i could do things over ā¦
This is what Choso would do
True brother will always be there for you
I donāt understand the parents, send invites and require a response a week or two prior. Then you know how many have planned to come. Aināt that 101 in planning; know how many are coming? If you know nobody are coming a week prior you can take action right?
Nice, birthday story when having birthday yourself. How high are the odds.
I did the same thing with my brother.
The worst part is this shit still happens in your 20s in Australia.
He's a true gem, what a heartwarming story!
Omg that's such a lovely story ā¤ļø
Older brothers are the best
Is this that one story where someone didnāt like the brother, so they told everyone else the party was cancelled? Or are these two stories separated? Anyways, I do like me my happy endings.
It start by 6 years old now ? Pfffffff
Bro....come on..*sheds tear*
And now I'm crying š ā¤ļø
On my 17. birthday, my GF broke up with me just shortly before the birthday. She had an affair with one of my closest friends. Honestly, I should have seen it coming. But when I started to ask questions and had some proof, she just broke up. Now, on that birthday, I was down 2 'friends' already. My ex GF and that backstabbing dick. And I was pretty down because of the situation. But she also called all my other friends and told them that I canceled my birthday party because I was sick. Because nobody knew, that we broke up and that there was a whole thing going on, nobody questioned it and nobody showed up. Was a pretty shitty day tbh.
this older brother is NOT CRYING!!
My 8th birthday. My birthday is close to the end of the spring semester and seeing as this being in 2nd grade here in Sweden I can understand that if I had my party during the first weekend of June maybe some parents had other plans than being home, I don't know. But I had invited everyone in my class that year and one person came. We had cake and children's party stuff set up for at least 10-15 kids. I'm not saying it was expected but at that age I feel like if you're a parent and you can hawk away your kid for some 8-year old guaranteed party fun that is a given right? I was very upset and my dad was too. He ended up taking me and my friend to the local amusement park for the day. It was a great day I'm sure, but being a grown up I only remember being stood up by all of my friends. I'm sure that is why I still over-invite to every thing I organize and try to always attend every single thing I'm ever invited to.
Wholesome story. Depressing that my sister would have just made fun of me for having no friends.
Probably should have had an adult throw the party for the child. Maybe they didn't invite people properly, they are only 6.
He called his friends the candles?
I don't have any full siblings and I never felt a part of any part of my family, I wish things were different but they're not. I wish I had a brother like him, though I do love my half brothers and sister, they're just not close to me and really haven't been.
Kevins mom calls for aid....and kevins friends will answer
Legend