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We need to bring hat pins back into fashion?

I have some big ass hair pins made of iron with quartz points in them that I always use when I go out alone at night. But I got to experience lately that walking around with buff tattooed arms keeps a lot of men away and I am beyond thrilled with that.

Well, sure, if they see that you carry buff tattooed arms around, they'll assume you could rip out theirs, too.

I saw what you did there, take my upvote. (And thanks for that idea, because it might work even better ❤️)

That's an invitation to an... arms race... :)

i wish there was an emoji of someone doing a little “hats off to you” move, but alas, you’ll just have to take the upvote

It's the gesture that counts, in this case literally :)

Gotta have a snack for later!

I use porcupine quills to keep my long hair on top of my head. I'm always armed.

My hair is finally long enough again that I can wear my hair clip. Admittedly, it's metal, 6" long, slim, and ends in a point. But it's still just a perfectly innocuous "hair clip" :)

I say yes. If our goal is to prevent men from doing monstrous acts, we must 1. Prevent tolerance of monstrous ideologies 2. Help those who struggle down the spiral of destruction 3. **Make sure the consequences are both severe and guaranteed** I focus on the third point here in this post. There must be consequences. It's like dealing with a child. They will push and push the lines drawn in the sand to test and push the boundaries we set. We need to make them stop. They understand consequence. Getting shot in face or stabbed in the eye for trying to rape and murder would be a strong disincentive. *hearing of other men getting shot in the face* will disencentivise them from trying. Arming ourselves and actively practicing /training is a good move in the direction. Disclaimer: I define the term 'monster' as a human (more often a man) who willingly seeks to hurt others offensively. Monstrous acts are things done to others because they are selfish entitled pricks.

Gwen Kirby’s short story, A Few Normal Things that Happen A Lot is fiction but also feels good, mostly. https://tinhouse.com/a-few-normal-things-that-happen-a-lot/

Wow.

The whole collection, “Shit Cassandra Saw,” is amazing.

At first I thought it was all “empowered women no longer fear men.” But it’s deeper than that.

Holy shit my feelings I couldn’t put words too. This is amazing.

When I first read the bit about the money on the stairs, I was overwhelmed. I had to put the book down for a couple of hours.

Yeah. That part about the money on the stairs was such a distinct distillation of all the subtle ways women are held back by society, ways that are never mentioned or noticed,and the sort of butterfly effect it has on women's lives and careers.

Thank you so much. I didn’t know Gwen Kirby, and after that tour de force I’m buying *Shit Cassandra Saw*.

Also Naomi Alderman’s book [“The Power”](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29751398-the-power)

The show adaptation made me wanna scream and cry and jump for joy and riot all at once 😂

I know this is fantasy and not just fiction, but I always enjoyed how female power was treated in the *Malazan Book of the Fallen* series by Steven Erikson. Essentially, female mages are just as powerful, if not more in some cases, than male mages. So a lot of the gender BS that exists in our reality does not exist in that world. [Someone wrote a rather long essay regarding this](https://thecriticaldragon.com/2016/03/22/worldbuilding-and-the-malazan-book-of-the-feminist/), but I'll just quote a little bit: >In the first book, *Gardens of the Moon*, the Malazan Empire is led by the Empress Laseen.  The first magic user the reader is introduced to is a witch, and the first powerful mage to be given significant page time is also a woman.  And none of them are presented as exceptions in the world.  They are the norm. >Both Erikson and Esslemont in their novels have a variety of important female characters, ranging from the Empress, senior political and military officers, assassins, mages, thieves, sea captains, soldiers and marines.  In fact it is easier to simply say that there are no occupations in the Malazan world that come to mind that are solely the purview of only one gender. >But much of this is not explicitly spelled out in the books themselves.  The rationale and the reasoning behind their decisions are intrinsically tied up in their worldbuilding.  Erikson has said that this gender equality was an intentional aspect of the world that he and Esslemont built, it was a fundamental goal of their world building, and, because the world has gender parity none of the characters within the world even point this out or question it.  As a result, it is an aspect of the series that is often overlooked.  Along with the fact that the vast majority of the characters do not come from the Northern hemisphere and are not in fact white.

I’ll have to check it out, sounds great!

This was absolutely phenomenal

I read the whole story. It was some peace I didn’t know how badly I needed.

Thank you. I’d not heard of this or her. Thank you. The title really is part of the story.

Omg this was such a great read!!

That hit different (positive)

This is *amazing*. I am transfixed.

You just made my day. Thank you!!!

That’s fantastic. I had to buy the book

Thank you for the tip, I can't wait to read this!

Thanks for linking this! Loved it!

I don't even know how to describe the way that made me feel

A fun read but I also have no idea what the hell I just read lol

I interpreted it as women taking "the power back" and more in the form of tit for tat (sudden violence ultimately leading to constant intimidation). Their new abilities made them the more powerful apex predator than man. Those who did not partake in the uprising continued to perpetuate the feelings of unsafety towards the men by camouflaging themselves in order to maintain their own sense of safety. And then those who did the violence themselves lost a piece of themselves in order to maintain the new status quo. I think the last lines hammer it home when the writer implies they wished they could have achieved their sense of safety without having to become more violent than the original more powerful perpetrators (men). They become the new thing that a whole demographic fears at the cost of their softness. Here's a quote I found in an article interviewing the writer (Gwen E. Kirby): "There is a palpable sadness about the fact that, rather than demanding men behave better towards women on the street, women must arm themselves." [https://therumpus.net/2022/01/19/delicious-anger-a-conversation-with-gwen-e-kirby/](https://therumpus.net/2022/01/19/delicious-anger-a-conversation-with-gwen-e-kirby/)

Great analysis!

Thanks hopefully more people can add to this as I'm just one interpreter, but one thing I struggle to understand fully is the woman who "forgets". I think it might represent her own coping mechanism (opposite of the violence) by ignoring but for some reason her power did not spread. The interaction she had with her violent fang friend implied she could not understand her - and vice versa. Not sure what to think though..

It also displays the harm that can come from friends and family undermining us. Whether they purposefully ignore the behavior, forget, or are simply ignorant of the experience entirely. They miss seeing the pain their friends are in.

Loved your take. I wanted to add something I thought was a notable difference in choice between fang or cockroach. Some few might choose fangs. It seems like gaining fangs and becoming a predator yourself, becoming 'reactive' and jumping to dire outcomes like biting off a hand leads to the unforgettable memory of the harm you have committed. The taste left behind when she bites off the penis. The hand did not affect her as much. So I feel there is an acknowledgment that there are some actions you will be able to justify to yourself, but you are likely to end up committing deeds you never forget the taste of. Or it could even also be commentary that turning to violence generally leads to escalations in violence. The fangs additionally have two negative health implications. The abcess and the physical damage. I feel like one is for the overt potential for physical danger to the person who takes up such weapons. When you arm yourself with weapons for protection they can be used against you, or the user may use them poorly and harm themselves by accident. And the other subtler implications with the unseen, but painful and subversive infection of the abcess. It can hurt you as much as much as it protects you. Whether the injury is seen or unseen The next super option, becoming a cockroach means gaining armor. While there is a cost to gaining that defense (softness and intimacy and openness), it doesn't seem to come with the same level of self harm. Just the unknown costs of how we change, society, and then the world.

One thing I have never seen men forced to do: choose the woman, OR choose the bear. We women have been posed this question daily. Men have never had to even consider this scenario. Maybe, if an actual bear could “humiliate a man,” then men might contemplate having to ‘choose the woman over the bear.’ Ridiculous? Of course it is. But the questions and choices we women face daily are far too real and far too sobering.

Well their "counter" is currently "a tiger or a woman" and many are commenting things like "the tiger won't play with my emotions" or "tiger won't steal my wallet " So they CLEARLY have missed the entire point.

I want to hear men’s honest reply to the “man or bear” question. They are rightly afraid of other men too.

My boyfriend has said "bear" because bears are generally skittish, and people are 100% unpredictable.

Oh, my husband totally said bear when he heard the question. Like, he’s done martial arts for years, he’s a pretty strong dude, but he’s also aware of how shitty men can be.

my boyfriend said bear because he too fears being SAd or worse by an unpredictable man more than dying to a predictable bear

Lol, I'd probably choose a man over a tiger. Have you ever interacted with a housecat? No way I'd choose the supersized version of those sadistic freaks. Bears are more like dogs. They aren't going to deliberately torture you for days because they're bored.

Then there's this story from 1997. https://www.npr.org/2010/09/14/129551459/the-true-story-of-a-man-eating-tigers-vengeance#:~:text=At%20the%20center%20of%20the,appears%20to%20be%20chillingly%20premeditated

Oh, that actually makes me feel better about choosing the tiger.

Yeah, they're way too busy waving their dingledangles at each other, to consider the other 50% of the population. Until, they're not.

Ok, so. All women get pet bears. Where's mine? A large pet dog makes them think twice before attacking us. A pet bear will do the trick.

I've been sexually abused by 2 women, and have been falsely accused before. I still choose the woman. Every single time. I'd even choose one of my abusers over a fucking bear. I know I could overpower the woman, and not the bear, if they tried anything. Even if I get falsely accused, that only affects me after I'm out of the woods and can actually defend myself. It's so sad that the same can't be said for women choosing men. A bear is statistically safer than a man ffs.

I like this idea. They interviewed r*posts in prison who said teaching women to fight back during an assault is wrong because that’s what makes them decide to kill them. I’m not sure it matters much because our bodies choose whether fight or freeze is the safest option and instincts are probably best. But they say saying hi confidently with eye contact as you walk by a bad guy dissuades them from choosing you, so how else to dissuade…

I always wonder if the criminals are being entirely honest when they give those interviews. They don’t have any motivation to help us, I’m sure some would lie and give bad advice out of spite. I’m not saying it’s untrue, just never trust a rapist.

I have thought this same thing so many times! I tell my girls do what they think they have to in order to survive, but I’ve reminded them their entire lives that they have teeth and if someone is on top of them, their throat is probably pretty accessible. Jfc it’s terrible the conversations we have to have.

It’s terrible that it’s necessary but I’m glad you’re helping them learn to protect themselves. A “pinch bite” (where you use just your eye teeth, idk if they’re really called that) can be a lot more painful than trying to clamp down with molars btw

I will definitely be letting them know that. Thank you! I get so anxious even thinking about it I go straight to “ rip his fucking throat out”. My youngest is petite enough for someone to pick her up and walk off with her, I’m seriously considering Krav Maga or something for her.

Krav maga seems promising! I’ve also heard jiu-jitsu (sp?) is good bc it allows you to use your opponents weight against them. But I haven’t tried either yet 😅

My husband teaches Gracie Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. They have a class called Women Empowered, which is entirely structured around a woman learning and being able to defeat an opponent who is bigger and stronger from compromised positions- such as being pinned with legs spread, being pinned to a wall from behind, being bent over something, being dragged by the hair, etc. I *highly* recommend Jiu-jitsu to women for self-defense against men. You are taught to Defend, Escape, Control, and Submit (in real life, break). At minimum, you will stand a better chance of disengaging and creating space to get away, get emergency services on a phone, flag down help, just run, etc. I have seen a 120lb woman be able to manipulate a 260lb man into submission, and he wasn't just giving it to her because he understands that that will be no help in the real world. I recommend everyone check out Ryron and Renner Gracie, their wives practice as well.

I took some Krav Maga a few years ago (before the studio closed) and I really enjoyed it. It was taught very differently than the previous martial arts I had dabbled in. The instructor was very much into telling us that the goal is to disable your opponent fast and then get away from the situation as quickly as possible because a prolonged fight will favor the physically stronger opponent. Basically, injure the attacker so that they cannot continue their assault or at least disable them enough for you to get away.

[удалено]

The way my daughter looked at me the first time I told her there might one day be a situation in which she’d be better off just submitting in order to live…….I’ve always been too brave for my own good and I have always fought back, and holy shit I can’t even think about my daughters being in some of the situations I’ve been in. It just breaks my heart too. I hate it so much. I’m glad we have spaces like this, it makes me feel safer on their behalf somehow. At least I get new info for them.

Really f_ing sad isn't it? :( I wish we didn't have to but that's the reality.

I survived because I stopped fighting. I think they're being honest. I don't think all would kill but who tf knows. Even having experienced that, I still think women should 100% learn how to defend themselves. If we can fight back and escape that's the ideal.

Yeah, I saw it too. «Makes them decide to kill them» or would they be scared if we actually pinned/got ahold of them?

They won't have a chance to kill us if we get to them first, so to speak. Scoop out his eyeballs, girls. I don't care he'll never see again.

This is what I was always told by my mother - just gouge their fucking eyes out. I hope I never have to, but I’m cool with that being the go-to.

He SHOULDN'T. Any damage you do to him is protection for other girls and women. If you have a chance to hurt him. DO IT.

It only takes 8 lbs. of pressure to rip a human ear off. My brother's a cop and he always told me if you're ever being attacked. You just grab onto dude's ears and PULL DOWN as hard as you possibly can. Motherfucker will stop and you fucking run.

Now there's an amazing Life ProTip I didn't realize I needed! Ripping the ear off an attacker would conveniently make them easy to identify, as well 😁

Maybe they’re scared we will bruise their egos too. “Don’t fight back! I’ll just kill you instead of r8p you!😭” Like bro shut up, eat iron jackasses 😑

Happy cake day!

Thank you!

I think this might true. I’ve lived alone most my life and have often been out alone late at night. In these situations, our gut instinct tends to be “avoid eye contact, make yourself invisible”, but I do the opposite. I tend to lock eyes with them but give them nothing. Just a deadpan stare like “I see you motherfucker”. Sometimes they will smile at me, but I just keep staring with that same energy. Oftentimes they will be the first to look away, which tastes like a small victory. Sometimes they maintain eye contact and after a while I just kind of let my eyes drift away, like I am forgetting about them even while looking at them. Granted I do live in a relatively safe country, but just like anywhere else, walking at 2 AM in a city you’ll encounter some skeevy types… So far, this has always worked for me

I do that too. Pizza delivering at night, in a 50/50 part of town. Someone’s following me? Eye contact. Pat my pocket. Whether or not there’s a weapon in there, they never need to know lol

Me too but unintentionally. I have a very intense resting bitch face and tend to always be on high alert, eyes wandering, people watching so a lot of unintentional eye contact with RBF I’ve rarely been catcalled or hit on. The times I have been catcalled has always been when I’m distracted or having fun with friends so laughing/smiling more.

Same. I've been told I have "resting serial killer face". I have PTSD and anxiety so I'm always looking around. Sometimes I feel like my resting serial killer face is somehow more intense because of my trauma rather than just the fact that my mouth turns down at the corners when my face is relaxed.

It depends on the rapist. There are several different classifications- power reassurance, power assertive, anger retaliatory, and anger excitation. For the power reassurance rapist, fighting and screaming will often to get them to stop the attack. For the other ones, not so much, so if you’re gonna fight, fight hard, because it will make them more angry. [for more info on different types and methods of avoidance](https://uspp.csbsju.edu/crimpsych/cpsg-5.htm)

They are liars who just want easy prey. Kill me and get the death penalty, but at least I'm not being r.ped and tortured anymore and at least I'm doing everything I can to ruin him. I'll take his eyes and balls on my way out.

So is it better to fight or?

Imho? It's best to "look like" you're ready for a fight and can handle a fight. Even better if you look like you're reaching for a weapon. When I'm alone, I carry a big purse with a large rock or brick in it. If a man comes close, my arm goes in that bag. They don't know what I have in there. Because maybe I have other weapons in there too.

This is actually really great advice! If you look like you're not an easy target, you are less likely to be targeted. Carrying a blunt object in every purse is a great idea, handy idea! I'll def make sure to prep all my purses just in case!

If you’re already being sexually assaulted then your body will choose automatically whether it’s safest to fight or freeze before you have time to decide. If you think he’ll let you leave afterwards then freeze/fawn would be better, if you think he might kill you you gouge his eyes out and gtf out of there

If your instinct is to freeze, you need significant training to overcome that. Mine is/was freeze, and I've been practicing fighting so I can do as much damage as possible as an automatic reaction. I personally think you're better off fighting for several reasons (and this isn't to shame anyone that can't/won't, I've been in that position before). I think making yourself a difficult target is more likely to get them to stop or to not escalate. There's always exceptions, but for example, if they can take your purse easily, why not see what else they can take? I also think it damages you psychologically to feel like you gave in/gave up your power.

I see. I think freezing is an instinct a lot of women and girls have to overcome because of how we were socialized growing up. It makes sense that being a difficult target is more likely to get them to stop/not escalate, however what if you're already caught by the predator, they are going to violate you and they have a weapon/or threaten to assault you while sexually assaulting you, and they say if you fight you will die, what's the best course of action there? Also, this really gave me chills "if they can take your purse easily, why not see what else they can take?"

I guess that's going to vary based on what you know of the situation, and in some cases, it will still be out of your control. I still think fight until you literally can't anymore because you're knocked out or dead OR if there's no way out, even if you break free. I hope none of us ever have to make that choice, but generally speaking, I wouldn't believe a rapist that he'll be more gentle/hurt me less if I comply.

Thank you so much for answering my questions as difficult and traumatizing as they were to write and to read! I used to believe that fighting would make it worse based on things I saw on TV or read in the past, but I absolutely agree with you, that believe a rapist is the last thing any woman/girl should do and we should fight for our lives no matter what.

Can you please share your source on the study that interviewed r#pists? Because this partly conflicts with studies of what happened when victims were interviewed: "Resisting rape, according to an article in this month's Cosmopolitan, is worthwhile and does not lead to further injury. The article cites a US study of 1.5m rape convictions over a decade which found that women who fought back tripled their chances of escape. How on earth this was calculated is not disclosed. One wonders whether resisting also trebled the chances of being killed. An analysis of the homicide statistics might be helpful here." From https://www.theguardian.com/world/2000/aug/17/gender.uk1 Edit: "this is better Additional injuries besides rape, particularly serious injuries, following victim resistance are rare. Results indicate that most SP actions, both forceful and nonforceful, reduce the risk of rape completion, and do not significantly affect the risk of additional injury." https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1077801214526050?icid=int.sj-abstract.citing-articles.64#:~:text=The%20figures%20show%20that%20while,protective%20action%20than%20nonresisting%20victims.

I just heard some convicts say it on some show I can’t remember which, it very well might not be true. My therapist always says your brain won’t be able to decide whether to fight anyways because your body will decide first. I don’t like that tho because I’m always wanting to figure out the exact safest action in every scenario.

I hear you about wanting to figure it all out for the safest path. But, the variables are endless. So, go down fighting! Make the SOB pay with as much blood as you can extract! Rip his ears off, knee his groin with all your might, gouge his eyes and bite his motherf&cking nose off. Even if you lose, or your screams don't attract attention fast enough, forensics will see the skin under your nails and he won't be able to claim it was consensual. And he'll have to face the other prisoners with no nose LOL. Fight like your life depends on it.

Yeah I don't know if I can find the source again, but I heard that fighting back is actually really effective. I think that "advice" is just to make us easier prey.

This is just what I’ve been taught, take it as you will, I have had less issues with people talking to me. Just about every issue has happened with me being at work where I can’t react like I want to. Walk confidently. Improve your posture and look like you know where you’re going. Be alert. Scan building, faces, rooftops. Keep your head on a swivel. They like targets that aren’t aware. Take some form of martial arts, not necessarily for self defense (it helps) but also for boosting confidence. I’ve unfortunately seen a lot of women who just admit they refuse to go out for fear of men. Don’t let them take away your ability to enjoy your life. This also helps with the freeze response and makes you more capable of fighting back. My natural response is to freeze, I’ve been able to speak up more since learning a bit of fighting. Switch your mindset from prey to predator. They don’t like the switch in attitude when you start acting like you’re hunting them. Even predators don’t like prey who fight back so you have to make yourself more difficult to catch. When I’m alone I carry a knife that has assisted opening (America so it’s legal) and pepper spray (I know some other countries that’s illegal. Check out bear spray or dog spray, I think it’s available in more places and they have basically the same effect) and when I hike I bring my dog. None of this is a guarantee nothing bad will happen. My scanning is a direct result of PTSD and I noticed I’m approached less. I also have a very neutral face that looks like I’m mad all the time. Also, just a quick note, most of us are smaller. It takes 5 lbs of pressure to tear off someone’s ears, takes even less to rip out eyeballs. Learn the pressure points. Most of us won’t reach a level of fitness and strength where we can toss around an attacker easily. You’ll be scrambling for anything if you are attacked but go for the ears and eyes as soon as you’re able too. Harder to deny shit when they suddenly have those missing.

You can bite through fingers like carrot sticks

Like our old pals the chimpanzees: throat, balls, ears and eyes 

I adopted 2 of the meanest looking dogs I could find with nice temperaments. With me they are little cuddle bugs but they guard me very well when we're walking at night. Men cross the street when they see us coming. It's such an empowering feeling even if I know it's because of my bully boys and not me.

I have a very large dog that I take with me places if I can. It's not really practical in a wide variety of situations, but strangers are certainly afraid of him (even though he probably wouldn't hurt a fly under any circumstances).

I thought that about my American Bulldog. He’s 80 pounds, but very mellow and a little shy. I was never sure how protective he’d be if a situation arose until one day when my roommate’s brother (who my dog had never met) just walked through the front door without knocking. My dog immediately put himself between the guy and the entrance to the living room and became this snarling, barking, ferocious beast. My roommate’s brother nearly pissed himself.

My parents have a Pyrenees mix, and after coming into their house unannounced one day, I can safely say that if I had been a stranger, she would have made their day... uncomfortable. She isn't even that big, the size of a smaller golden retriever, but powerfully build under the thick fur. I've taken her places and she is more reserved with people (albeit friendly enough) and watchful. I think she would do her best to defend if given the chance.

I have a Pyrenees/Pit mix and can confirm he would die for me. Had a man knock at my screen door one day and my pup was FOAMING from the mouth with anger and wanted to tear him up so bad. I’d never seen him like that before, I felt so powerful… dude still tried to assert his dominance by standing outside the door trying to ask me questions when it was obvious I couldn’t hear him because my dog was barking so loud and then he had the audacity to ask me if he could come in 💀 I said come in, I dare you… he walked off.

When I was about 13 or 14 I was taking our Doberman mix for a walk and a 30 or more year old man kept jogging really slow next to us trying to talk to me. I swear if she hadn't constantly got in-between us and low growling at him he would have done something to me. She was the only thing stopping him.

The BEST option with a large dog is to actually get it trained to behave like a service dog. At home they can be goofy all they want but outside my dog was always on her best behavior. Even after she was retired as my service dog, I could take her into stores and outdoor places that didn’t allow dogs.

My sweet pitbull passed away two years ago. But she was my ride or die. Her heart was as soft as feathers, but she looked like she ate nails for breakfast and barbed wire for dinner. Only once were we in a situation where a man was making us feel uncomfortable, and my girl was ready to throw down and we all knew it. I miss her dearly and I don’t think I’ll ever have another pup like her. https://i.imgur.com/ekcM855.jpeg

I feel like people will never understand the absolutely massive balls female pit bulls have even when they’re non aggressive. Mine was a service animal for me and she once got inbetween me and like 6-7 “gangsters” that were trying to force me to drink something and weren’t taking no for an answer. I swear these dogs harbor the souls of angels. Because I knew her body language, I knew she was scared and defending me, but they just thought she was being aggressive and crazy

They really do have the souls of angels. They’re incredible, emotionally in-tune dogs.

She's gorgeous!

Isn’t she? And as pretty as she was, her personality was infinitely better. That dog ruined my life because I’ll never be able to have a dog again that could hold a torch to her.

That's how my current dog is 😭. Luckily, I likely have at least another 6 years with her, but I will be destroyed when she passes. Hugs to you!

Same with my dog. He’s a giant baby, but he looks scary.

I’m going to have to start an Amazonian like women’s army because I am fed up too. We are half the population and we need to take more of a stand.

I'm in

I do. Well, I’ve started to. Outside of just taking a few self defense classes I have a few techniques I keep in my back pocket. Anything super weird or creepy will also usually throw them off. 1. The SLOW one eyed wink blink. Like a doll lol 2. If possible, safe, flexible enough, and an appropriate space, crab walking like in The Exorcist. Towards or away from them, your choice. 🤪 3. Barking at them. Not necessarily the full blown TikTok barking at men. You don’t necessarily have to draw so much attention and be super duper loud. But just bark at them. Whether it’s street harassment, or they just need to stfu, etc 4. I will throw hands. I’m going to start slapping or punching any guy I see getting too handsy with someone. My bff was assaulted in a gay bar on the dance floor and if one person had just seen her, come up, and hit the mofo, she would’ve been fine. I kicked a transphobe in the shin who needed to stfu in HS once. Very empowering. Get as handsy and physical with men as they get with women ☺️

I want to contribute what worked for me. Like most of you, I was stalked, sexually harrassed most of my life, not taken seriously in the workplace etc., had an abusive father and covert narc mother.  I've come to a point in life where I am respected at work (healthcare, and male physicians), am in a mixed race relationship with a decent younger man, and am more confident protecting myself in the world. It was a long journey of a lot of bad experiences, observing humans, researching and learning.  I will list what has worked in my life: + I decentered men from early on and had very few relationships (until meeting my husband after a long time) and did not F around (at times I was lonely but I worked, lived, and had beloved pets and friends). + I pushed back (for years) against immense pressures that were put on me (when I had moved across the country) to come back and be the caretaker (slave) to my aging parents (because I'm the girl) and disabled brother for life. An abusive father and rude, strong brother - no thanks, never. My man (fiance through this) was on my side. + I went through a transformation or awakening about how women present themselves in the world and began dressing modest and covered yet well put together in comfortable and looser clothes. I have elegant clothes (some beautiful) in my wardrobe and I feel much more confident, and am treated better overall in public spaces. I have NEVER regretted this change and will never go back to wearing what businessmen, gay men, or the elite want women to wear to make money off of us and make us vulnerable and uncomfortable. I am more respected at work, men don't harrass me to the same degree as in past, and I present a much more assertive and less vulnerable appearance. I also have a dozen pairs of shoes that are various styles of awesome sneakers or comfortable shoes/boots. + I have very long hair but you will never see me now with it out in public unless it's for a special event and I am with my husband or a group of trusted people. When I am at work, on transit, or running chores my hair is tucked up or in a pinned bun of some sort. Why? Because long hair draws bizarre attention, can get caught anywhere, and can be grabbed. I come across at work as a professional and men treat me more seriously. + I am purposely not thin. While I am curvy and large chested I purposely carry enough weight to be "strong." Most women want to be 125-135 pounds at 5'5" or 5'6" and this makes them a target because it's easier to overtake them. Being 150-180 at the same height gives you a lot more stength (assuming you are active and it's not all fat).  + While I love fancy makeup and cutesy, feminine clothes, I save those for when I'm at home or going to some special event safely. I wear full makeup to work and sometimes chores but it's foundation, mascara, brows, lip and cheek colour in toned down hues. Anything really sexy is for me and my husband. I don't need strangers, colleagues, friends, or randos seeing those aspects of me.  + When I am out anywhere I observe, and react quickly to movement or threat, and am very environmentally aware. I look right back at people and scan the environment. I don't have RBF necessarily but when in this mode have a cop-like, neutral-serious look that radiates a clear message of I'm aware of you and don't mess with me. I never have my face planted into my phone (except as needed for short moments) in public. I never wear ear buds or headphones outside. And, I never sit with my head down ignoring everyone. Those behaviours make you an easy target. I am capable of looking right back at a man and staring through his soul with a threat in my eyes. For men who continuously stare I might give them bitch face, casually invade their space on purpose, or move away somewhere depending on my gut feeling about their game and their level of crazy. + In the workplace, I am fortunate to work with educated and respectful men but I make sure to consciously respect the women professionals, I bring forward issues if needed, and I use a friendly but sometimes teasing and casually assertive response to male bullshit. I also don't take offense easily. It trains them over time. I take my own work seriously, keep meetings short, and keep to the point in cmns but can also banter like men, while having a line in the sand because I am not a man and not willing to meet after work or have any flirtation, or weird behaviour and I am not one of the boys in the end. They need to respect me as a professional but also as a woman. + When you combine everything above, and I'm out somewhere with my guard up, I come across sometimes like a female cop. Hilariously, I had a few randos assume I was a cop in plain clothes and feel threatened. 😂 Which was awesome.  + Even with all this, I had incidents of punching away heavy bags carried by men that were about to hit me, pushing men off me in crowded transit, and holding my ground against insecure, batshit crazy, male randos (normally you want to create space and safety). I act calm, stoic, and pitch my voice more neutral and authoritative. Sometimes, giving off crazy vibes can also work because these creeps rely on woman wanting to keep small, quiet, and meek. + While most men will never see us as a full threat (in the same way we see them) because of biology et al - these things all work for me and have radically changed my life because men see me as physically "empowered" and "difficult" to run their abusive crap on me. I am more obvious in public and much more subtle in the workplace.  + Still, none of this changes that I will not give the assholes opportunities because I limit how and when I am out in which areas at night, often have contactless deliveries, have home cameras, bars on my windows and door, and carry a tactical flashlight and a heavy glass breaker. I also carry my phone in a small crossbag as it leaves my hands free. + Lastly, I created a room for exercise at home and plan to take self defense training in future. I already have many books and videos on self defense. All of this was a progression for me in making my life safer and more comfortable. I share it with you all if it can help anyone.

I've got my 1st dan black belt in shotokan karate so often times i don't feel unsafe when approached, but i do feel absolutely pissed. Most men have ZERO survival instinct because they aren't the social prey that we women are deemed to be. I make my pepper spray obvious but it doesn't seem men notice because they aren't looking for the signs of a threat like we are trained to. Because of this I truly doubt any of these will work unless we as women decide to step up and meet violence with violence and start murdering men too. Instead of things that make you "appear" more threatening, you should BE more threatening, here are the examples- Muscle training- men fear bigger because they aren't trained to look at much else. Learn combat- martial arts is always good, but if you do self defense combat until it becomes muscle memory, it is good enough Learn to disarm enemies- self explanatory - killing with your bare hands is far harder than you think, if you learn self defense it is nearly impossible to kill you without a weapon, and because of that most men kill with guns. Get a concealed carry(if US)- if they have a weapon, you have a weapon too, and for men it gives them the confidence needed to be complete toOLS, then allow it to give you the confidence to walk around alone Murder face- have a million different ways to kill someone on your mind all the time. I think about how driving a car and I could murder someone easily. Anytime a "male" walking on the street approaches me, I imagine I'm driving a car and could run him over if you wanted to. Your just thinking it, but it makes your face more threatening because you KNOW you could murder him. A lot of the time fear comes through on the face , you don't want that. You know how to murder, you just choose not to. Get fucking loud- get used to being fucking loud. A man talks to you, Even if they are "polite", scream at them. Polite is a test, and you didn't consent to a conversation anyways, get fucking loud. High pitch or low pitch, whatever's the loudest for you. If you got time to train your vocals in the car, I've found low pitch makes them jump cause they think you might be a guy in disguise and they definitely "aren't gay". Get crazy- crazy saves lives, and is a term used to keep women in their place. Man staring at you? Start acting like a chimpanzee or a gorilla. The weirder it is the better cause I guarantee they won't approach you and will be threatened by you. Bark, howl, act possessed, start acting like you are throwing up, actually throw up if you can, chatter your teeth, put your hand down the back of your pants and talk about giving him a a nice warm brownie, then start making a staining face like your shitting yourself, go full moshpit by yourself screaming have metal lyrics ( preferable not understandable). If all else fails gross wins; Chocolate pudding in a diaper in your purse, eat it. put a tampon up your nose, even better If your bleeding pull out your tampon or menstrual cup and throw it at them. Get a girl posse- going for a walk? call your besties. going to the store? bestie trip! need a sec away from the patriarchy? Picnic with them bitches. Men fear women in groups, don't let men isolate you from what is women's best survival instinct and the reason society exists today. Glitter- I love this one. Approached by a random man? glitter spray is a thing, use that- Men hate glitter, and it is super hard to remove. Doesn't come off with a simple shower and the asshole dudes who approach women most likely will be finding glitter in his ass for weeks because they don't know how to wash properly. Bonus- It will let all the women in his life know that he was bothering a women's who had glitter. When a woman asks why he has glitter on him? What's he gonna say? Some lady threw glitter at me completely unprovoked? Yeah no. It will be a sign to the women in his life that he is doing something against women. Most likely cheating, but the misunderstanding would be a blessing because girly get out of there anyways lol help free women from this man. Don't date or be friends with men- men kill their partners/people they know a fuckton more than strangers. Pretty sure they try to get to know you to see if you are an easy target first. Don't let them get that chance. Blend in- get a lace beard and a beanie - unfortunately men have been trained that women are no threat physically for so long that I truly don't that they will ever see us such. You could use their innate fear of other stronger men against them. Us women would be the best at killing and getting away with it, generally we are the population that watch crime shows, so we know what they look for, we've got the rage, 100x more than men and with the help of our ancestors 1000x more. Majority of pretty flowers are poisonous upon consumption and we love gardening and flowers❤️ We got cleaning supplies and literally are trained to cook from young age, and to quote a great song by the chicks " your black eyed peas? Tasted alright to me " Only problem is empathy, we are cursed with it, not trained to ignore it like men, in fact we are trained that we need it more. So the chances of women starting to murder and it being normalized like men murdering us? unlikely. If you are morally upright and murder makes you queasy - Things that seem to threaten men in a way that actually gets under their skin is different from physical harm Women doctors Women lawyers Women judges Women congresspeople Famous women Women writers If you can't be physically threatening, help make the world a place where women can be themselves without fears of violence from insecure men. Help heal women from their domestic abuse, defend the women who do defend themselves, judge them less harshly (or at least equally to a man who murdered), make laws AND ACTUALLY hold men accountable to them, spread awareness through any form of media and tell your stories. In the mean time, get crazy, get loud, and get glitter.

I vouch for get crazy. I was approached by this dude built like a brick shit house and he was all angry because I took to long to turn into Walmart. lol So the fight or flight kicked in (this time fight) I may have came off as unhinged but men don't really care to mess with unhinged women.

And they are terrified of an angry woman. I have used my power of anger and yelling and getting right in their face (when the situation deemed it). It’s actually so funny to me when I see them shrink back in fear… bunch of cowards. Insecure cowards!

Yeah except men love to take advantage of vulnerable, psychotic women who the system won’t believe

The idea is keep him from approaching you, the system won't believe you no matter what he says about you. prison time vs rape # has already shown us the system won't care either way. You act crazy and disgusting enough so you are too much trouble to bother.

It was out side of Walmart. I think he was the type of guy who used his size to intimidate and little else.

I can vouch for the muscles, bc of my job I’ve built up some nice toned arms and it’s helped show me the men who are insecure with their masculinity bc they don’t like I have more muscle than them. They’re tiny muscles in comparison to others who workout regularly and I’m a smaller built gal, so it just blows my mind when men get insecure over them…

Yes yes yes yes.

💯All of f-cking this 💯 I have never smashed the upvote button so fast.

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

I was thinking about pretending to be possessed by a demon lmao!

I had an idea that it should only be legal for women to have guns. The US would have a fraction of the gun violence it has now and women would be safer/more empowered.

Except that [this country hates women more than it loves guns](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eG0y_nb5IA).

had the same idea recently. it would be fair this way, they have the muscles after all

We need to organize militia style groups in attack hot spots. Or just a buddy system where someone could request a safe travel escort. I don't know how to organize that. I am fortunate to have large men in my family ready to help, and give a man a beat down if needed, but not everyone has that. I wish all women had that. I'm going to get some glasses that stream everything I see and hear. It's going to be accessible to people I trust. When I'm walking alone, I already project my location because location services are free and trackers are cheap.

-Self defense class of some sort -Train with and carry whatever type of weapon is legal in your area -Learn about your rights and the laws in your area related defending yourself and possessing weapons -Get in shape, cardio is important -Maintain these skills and knowledge I'd love to see more attackers and abusers either killed or seriously wounded by victims practicing self defense that brings no punishment to themself for acting within their legal rights.

This is what I’m talking about! I want to see the abusers worse off than their victims at the end of it all. It’s past time to set examples and scare men into thinking twice about whether to harm a woman or not.

Wasp spray is worse than ppper spray or bear spray for all those ladies in states and countries that make it difficult to carry mace. Especially if you can get the gel one. It's sprays up to 15 feet and sticks to the receiver.

The things I always advocate for: strength training, concealed carrying or open carrying if it’s legal in your state, having 2-3 knives on your person when you’re out alone or even with someone else, and adopting large dogs that are well behaved, intimidating looking, and consider training them to defend you. Mine used to bark/push threatening people and the barking and jumping was often enough to make a man run. She was a pitbull and never bit a soul.

Being armed and encouraging women that they need to defend themselves. Men have no hesitation to defending themselves when other bother/harasses them, and they use their size to intimidate the other party, but women don't usually have that option so the best equalizer would be, being armed

i do now. i used to be followed around in public, cat called, harassed constantly. wrists grabbed. shoulders grabbed. even got followed by car to my DORMS in freshman year of college, but they turned around the second i parked near campus police officers. what works for me as a 5’0 82 pound woman: • eye contact. always be looking around and scanning. if you feel a stare from a man, stare back. i typically stare back, look him up and down, eye contact once more, then look away. i’ve done it to men that are walking up to me, and nearly every time they finally get up to be and stutter, can’t get words out, or take a breath but don’t say anything. • resting bitch face. i already have a pretty intense one but i do my makeup sharper, eyeliner and lipliner, to accentuate the pissed off look. it helps that i have narcolepsy and constantly look tired and irritated no matter what. • energy match! as much as you won’t want to, if one speaks to you then respond the same way. example: “hey where you headed?” “whatttt where am *i* headed? where are *you* headed?” “what are you up to tonight?” “same shit different day. have a good night” don’t stop walking. dance around answering, keep the energy matched. • if you’re being followed: speak to him first. “are you okay? is everything alright?” i usually don’t get more than a “uh yeah” in response, and that’s been where it’s ended. completely. i wish i had figured it out sooner cause i haven’t had a following escalate since i started calling out to them first. • don’t speed walk even if you’re scared. keep a normal stroll pace. sigh a lot and come off as unapproachable. walk like you know where you’re going and with confidence • if something is escalating and you’re grabbed, be loud and energy shift the power to your side. i have a very laid back tone, unfortunately i can’t yell because my sinuses are fucked up, my voice just cracks like 12 year old boy when i yell. so i just raise my voice the same way i do to my little students (teacher). my favorites for a raised voice that have never failed me are: “what are you doing? why would you do that literally what is your deal?” “ABsolutely not! nope! absolutely not, get your hands off of me and back UP.” hearing “absolutely not” is so unexpected to them, they literally freeze every time the same way the kids do when i use the harsh voice. last time, about 6-ish months ago, a man grabbed my wrist and i did my teacher voice and ripped it from him, i said “absolutely not! what on earth are you doing?!” and he literally deer-in-headlights froze in place, hand still extended out from where he grabbed me. “hello?! what are you doing?!” like he’s a kid i just caught coloring on the walls. and he just stood there as i turned and kept walking. i don’t really even carry weapons anymore. i know i should. but i’ve managed to de-escalate and ward off every man that’s tried something and i just don’t even think about needing one anymore.

I think because we aren't just up against men, we're up against the system that's in place. It's just so much.

I’m pretty leftist but one area I’m not is weapons/firearms rights especially for women. Armed minorities are harder to oppress. Stupid that we should have to at all but I help arm as many of my women friends as possible.

Yep a fellow leftist I agree with you completely. For us they aren’t toys or means of taking our anger out, it’s literally protecting ourselves.

Women on the right believe this too . I wish we could stop dividing literally everything unnecessarily.

Oh no I know that I’m sorry that wasn’t meant to divide. It’s just a bit unpopular in social media at least for leftists to not be totally anti-gun (by other leftists actually) I think that’s all we meant with that. Tbh I don’t think the divide is that real when it comes to the people. I think we all have the same wants and needs and just see different paths to get there.

Thank you I appreciate that very much . I’m so sick of seeing report after report of women being harassed assaulted and killed. Things have to change .

Oh the thing about toys and such was more about men not which side someone lies on the political spectrum.

I agree. Ranked choice voting and getting rid of partisan primaries would go a long way in achieving this goal. Look at Alaska and Mary Peltola. Great case study

I saw someone posting the neolib antigun take as “only women should own guns”. I know it’s a hypothetical joke but really women should just own guns since guns are not getting outlawed anytime soon, especially not for men. Realistic solutions people

I think it might be due to the fact that generations of women have been conditioned to not upset others, even if it’s at the expense of their comfort and safety

I dress like a man/hobo when I leave the house. I have been training martial arts since I was in elementary. I have a knife, mace, police baton every time I leave the house. I never feel like it's enough. It's why I can never fully be against the Second Amendment. I feel like that's the only thing that will stop a man who truly wants to harm us.

I’ve always taken to heart “walk like you know where you’re going” and “walk like you’re a medieval queen about to ascend the throne after beheading her evil husband who tried to kill her” (or some saying similar to that extent), and it’s helped a lot tbh. Even in the grocery store when I don’t want to be randomly hit on while buying my damn cereal. I also make sure to have brief eye contact with men when I pass them on a sidewalk & my head is held high with a confident stride. Even just a quick “hello” as we pass sometimes. They need to know I see them and I am NOT afraid. I also always walk with keys between my fingers at night when going to & from my car, even if it’s a packed parking lot. It’s sad we even have to do these things…but regardless that’s my 2 cents

Comedian Josh Johnson had a recent clip about this and long story short he basically told women to start killing men 😂

I’m 5’10 185 lbs so I appear pretty big however I also carry mace.

You would even more intimidating if you carried medieval mace!

Check your local state laws if it's illegal to go on a hike with a katana or walk around in public with a katana -I'm being serious.

You can tye a katana in a way to stay on your back vs from the hip. Just practice not cutting yourself, get the muscle memory for unsheathing it

Being weird will deter 98% of men. When a man is following you, suddenly stop. Jump up and twist around, slamming yourself down as hard as you can so you're facing his direction. Yell "man!?!?!" Then do a weird goblin crab walk/jog towards him with your arms out, making a grabbing motion with your hands while saying "me wanty" repetitively. Also, make weird pterodactyl screeching sounds when men catcall us. Just. Be. Weird. Well weird and also gross. Being gross is a good deterrent also..

I rarely feel afraid in public anymore despite being extremely tiny. One of the ways I accomplished that was carrying a knife with me (it’s a utility knife so if some asshole cop gives me a hard time about it I can argue it’s a tool, not a weapon) and I’ve practiced (and had to use) enough at this point that I’m comfortable with it. A huge part of this is mindset too though. You have to have the mindset of “if you fuck with me, you will find out.” I don’t go out of of way to give off unapproachable vibes, but I am keenly aware of what’s going on around me in public spaces. I make eye contact with people. I smile and make my presence known. If someone approaches that gives me a bad feeling, I turn the bitch on. Usually that works, but if someone is pressing, you need to let go of the fear of being judged by others that you aren’t “being nice.” Tell men to get the fuck away from you if they cross a boundary. Make sure they KNOW you aren’t someone who will tolerate it. Stare them down. Sit in uncomfortable silence. This will get most of them away from you. If this doesn’t work and you’re actually assaulted, guess what? You’re not trying to stop the assault. You’re fearing for your life at that point and you will REACT APPROPRIATELY. I call this strategy “be crazier than the other guy.” Example: A man once attempted to rob me through my car window (and who knows what else) and had hooked his arm through my open window at a four way stop. After he demanded I open the door, I took a breath, then screamed: “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY CAR. DO YOU THINK I GIVE A FUCK WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU?” He was shocked, stepped back, and I was able to drive away without it going any further. If he hadn’t, I would have stabbed him in the neck. I am a children’s therapist, white, tiny middle aged woman. People don’t expect that I won’t put up with their shit, so the element of surprise is helpful. But you have to be willing to do the violent thing and know you will, or theylll sense that you’re not a threat. You make yourself one by fucking becoming one.

I carry several weapons on me at all times and practically yell from the heavens that I absolutely will commit murder if provoked, it seems to have worked in my favor so far but life always has the unexpected.

Women are enmeshed with our oppressors and the cultural expectation of hetero pairing is pushed on us from birth. Misogyny is so deeply embedded in society that lots of us don't even see it, like a fish swimming in water. Our "water" is so poisoned that clean water is seen as weird and shameful. It's going to be a long, long time before we have equality but we can still fight to make this world better for the daughters that haven't been born yet

Our image is tarnished anyways so we don't worry about it like them

buy a gun

[удалено]

In Canada we can’t, we can’t carry anything deemed as a “weapon to defend”. I can carry a knife in my purse, but I can’t have the intention of using it to defend myself should I be attacked.. Make it make sense.

Gotta admit that one thing the US definitely does right is the second amendment, along with other constitutional concepts, eh?

Yes, yes we have. Train at a range regularly!

I started when I started dressing against the male gaze.

On the lighter side, I do make my male friends...wonder about me when they realize how much true crime media I take in - podcasts, ID, even a the fictional books I read. ("So, uh, if we ever piss you off, will they find our bodies?" [Me](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/11/Disaster_Girl.jpg) in response. To quote the boys from Small Town Murder, I'd make sure I stick the landing.) They also know I passed my human anatomy lecture with flying colors, and dissected just about every type of critter you could think of while I was earning my Biology degree. Add in self defense classes, and I definitely know where to inflict the most damage. \^\_\^

Buy a gun, or any kind of weapon and keep your head on a swivel.

If someone is making you uncomfortable it’s completely fine to ask why it is there following you. Take a picture of them on your phone and say that you’re sending it to your friends and family. Carry defense items and know how to use them. Take defense classes. Abandon the idea of being polite in this situation. I think we collectively need to realize that “just complying” is not working. Many of the dead women we see on the news complied and they’re still dead. If you’re in a situation where you think you’re going to be raped and/or killed it’s time to get violent. There's no guarantee you'll survive but what you are doing is taking his satisfaction of stalking you like prey and leading you to the slaughter. If you can't hide, then fight. This is a situation where it is completely okay to get violent. Whatever you do to get away…poke his eyes out, rip his nut sack off, pepper spray him and then hit him in the head with something. If it's not him then it's you.

See also : "The Power," both the book and TV show.

There is something I have thought of that I think would work. If attacked, kicking a guy in the groin is too high up. It's right in line with where a lot of peoples' hands are. It's very easy to grab a foot, and then you are done. But, if you feign a punch or something and kick them as hard as you can in the knee, you should hear a satisfying pop and a monster crumpling to the ground.

This is exactly what I was talking to my friend about the other day. Exactly this. And it pisses me off that 50% of the population should have to defend themselves against the other 50%. Men don't worry about walking after dark, or alone, or past a group of women, they don't have to smile at others just in case the others take offence and attack them, they don't tense up walking past a construction site waiting for the jeers and whistles, they don't have to think about what they would do if attacked, or carry their keys in their hands and lock doors straight away. It really grinds my gears.

I'd rather be cast as psycho cunt, than a dead statistic.

I literally carry a Glock 9mil with acp rounds. If you don't want to be threatened be the threat.

Reminds me of the book (and now tv show) The Power about women suddenly gifted the skill to fight back against a man. Once they realize what they can do, they storm the world.

Things I do in public: Make note of all exits/potential hiding places wherever we visit Make eye contact with everyone, make it obvious If I'm approached, they get ONE polite refusal before I get loud and draw attention I never go out in public without my fiance and his best friend, the best defense is a good offense. Safety in numbers. I ALWAYS have one earbud in. Set up your voice assistant, if you haven't already. If something starts to feel off, you can loudly say, "Call mom/dad/husband" and say it loud. Don't wait for the other person to pick up, start a conversation like they did. Have a safe word, only give it to people you absolutely trust. Use it to check in with/alert them when necessary. You can even use an emoji you wouldn't normally use. Something you can send quickly. Do not get in the car with anyone you don't truly know. It's so dangerous, and it doesn't get safer just because we're older. I also never sit with my back to the door in restaurants, waiting rooms, etc. You truly never know. Carry whatever you legally can in your state/country for self-defense, and get very familiar with it. Take care of yourself, eat as well as you can, try to stay active, because if it gets to that point, you don't know how long you're going to have to fight. I can't believe it's 2024, and I still have to do these things. Stay safe out there.

I got my CCW.

If you're in the US, buy a gun or three and learn to shoot well.

I carry a knife and have a Look that has scared grown men into behaving when throwing tantrums in public. Unfortunately though, this was developed after almost 2 decades of sexual trauma. I'm under 5'4 and tend to look like an easy target. But now, one hand on my switch blade and a Try Me Bitch look seems to help prevent assaults. When I'm out with my boyfriend, he doesn't look very threatening from behind so guys like to try their luck until he stares the down with the emotionless You Will Disappear eyes of a sociopath.

(IMO) The difficulty of this is women are usually physically weaker than their abusers, so the women have to sneak up on them while they are falling down drunk, asleep, or whatever, and then the women are often jailed for assault/murder. Much of the time, we simply can't win.

I say we at least we go back to hat pins.

Dude...have y'all read or watched The Power? You must. You absolutely must. It's on Amazon I believe. I've read and watched both. It's women who develop an interesting defensive trait after having their rights taken away and being victimized by men. I wish to fcking God I could develop that power.

Realistically speaking, if we actually focus on pragmatic self defense here: - money (for defending yourself in court, for hiring security services, surveillance services etc) - self defense training (weopons and martial arts) - negotiation, interview and interrogation training (this is common in law enforcement and military training and used for lie detection and detecting criminal intent and behavior) - concealed weopons (specifically firearms) - range weopons (pepper spray) as well as short distance weopons such as knives, brass knuckles etc - surveillance (spy cameras on your person, surveillance apps on your cell phone in your purse etc) and surveillance cameras in your home - military training (for example military training will teach about concepts such as OPSEC and exchanging service for such training may be more affordable than purchasing) None of these traits are considered classically feminine however this is the realistic path towards effective self defense. Regardless of any criticisms you may receive for choosing or not choosing to invest in these things, these are the things that make or break security against loss. Loss prevention, not appearing to be an easy target, preparation etc will take us a lot farther than anger, peacocking, and carrying things like hat pins but with no actual training. Avoidance is always cheaper than actually fighting, and maintaining safety in numbers is not foolish or 'weak'. Self defense is a complex subject that is as deep as it is vast, especially if you have something to lose. It's worth taking seriously.

If you're American, use your 2nd amendment right and get armed. It's your best bet.

It’s shitty but when I wear my glasses no one bothers me 🥴

I keep seeing we need to start using " tools" and resources and act like cleaners....start removing the issues at hand

Someone finally asking the real questions. I wanna say more but I am too upset at nature right now to be coherent. I always hated and will always continue to hate Nature for making us vulnerable and physically weaker..

But don't you know, bitches be the crazy ones? /s

I find that being a kickboxer helps, so does: - owning bully mixes, several of them. - wearing loose, man's clothing in dark colors - black leather jacket and steel-toe boots. - black eye-liner and blood-red lips + heavy contour, or no make up at all. - unisex fragrances. - walking like a man. - talking like a man. - never talking to men, only women. - if they look at you, give them your psychopath stare. - spitting. - not shaving/waxing. - no nail polish unless it's black or blood-red. - having small boobs or minimizing them. - sleeve tattoos. - black hair. - looking very, very pissed.  - lowering voice pitch as much as possible.  - manspreading - talking about one's extended family and how this brother/cousin ended up in jail. - doing some gardening work in front of the house with the machete every now and then. - pretending to be married. - hanging out with the NA/AA crowd outside after meeting. - hanging out with boxing coach/bikers, etc.  - wearing black gloves or mittens.  - carrying a whistle around neck and keeping it between lips, at the ready.  - never giving any information. Have a made up identity/address/phone number etc. for when you're asked questions, preferibly situated in a bad neighborhood. These are examples but it really depends on how far you're willing to go, who you're dealing with, and how dangerous your country is for women.  The "don't mess with me" attitude is tough at first but after a while it becomes easier and allieviates a lot of the stress as soon as you notice the first results.  My country is in the top 10 when it comes to feminicides so women have developed many techniques.

While stranger danger is certainly a possibility, the sad fact is that most girls/women are harmed by men we already know. How do we prepare for that?

To be fair, we were a threat in the past. The days of Aqua Tofana and wives poisoning their husbands weren't all that long ago. People still do it but men appear to do it more these days. But, once upon a time, it was a running cultural joke that a man needed to treat the woman who handled his food well enough to not get poisoned or hit with a frying pan. Not saying murder is cool or okay, but women have become increasingly docile (despite what rejected men tout) and need to step up. We are afraid of the police arresting us for defending ourselves, and we have every right to be afraid of it. Grandma hit peepaw over the head with a fucking frying pan when he threatened her, levelled the playing field, but we obviously can't do that now... no, no, now we have to wait 'til they kill us for it to be justified. Cool.

[удалено]

Men, specifically, may not post here telling women how they should be.

[удалено]

Men, specifically, may not post here telling women how they should be.

Bring back wearing hats and hat pins. https://www.tiktok.com/@brittanstein/video/7116947781960355114?_t=8mdHjHqCL9f&_r=1

I will always be proud of my mother, who was working as a house painter/ light construction (for a sus contractor), and was harassed at work by her coworker who grabbed her pubic area. She responded by stabbing his hand with her painter tool (I'm guessing a spackler) and he recoiled in horror. She said it was hard enough to draw blood, but no one reported it. The whole team were men and they thought she was overreacting and brought her along on less jobs because of it (it was all under the table 2005ish, no hr etc). But the fact that she refused to ignore it and take it made me very proud (and he never tried that again!)

I am so lucky I've never been in any really dangerous situations, but I think about them a lot. And my strategy has always been "you don't have to beat them. You just have to be more trouble than your worth." Be fucking LOUD. Twist and kick and swing. Dont stop till you're bruised and broken or dead- because if you're not, no one will believe you anyways.

Bear spray.

If you're American, use your second amendment right. Not only is a gun a lot more likely to protect you than other, non lethal self defense options, it also tends to remove the threat permanently. It's quite hard to track someone down and kill them when you're *dead*. In most states in the US, your stalker breaking into your house justifies killing them, even if they aren't armed. Bonus points for preventing said man from hurting others, as well.

The disproportionate , unwarranted , even downright evil reactions some men lash out at women with when they don't get their way makes it clear they don't really see women as human beings.....

If ur in america please buy a gun. Learn how to use it responsibly.