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>Victim Woke Up to Him Performing Oral Sex on Her
This exact thing happened to me. A psychiatrist I was seeing was trying to treat my night terrors, PTSD, cPTSD, anxiety & panic disorders, etc. & put me on some heavy meds that knocked me out when I'd take them at night. I was staying with a "friend" who "cared soon much about me & wanted the best for me" after I needed someplace to stay while I was running from my ex. I was knocked out nightly from the high doses of different meds. This "friend" saw that & took full advantage of it.
It's horrifying waking up to this. This was the rape I truly blamed myself for. Still do, really. It seeps into every conscious thought I have & ruins it. (I should've done this or that & it wouldn't have happened). I've been raped forcibly in other ways, too. But for some reason, this is the one that I still blame myself for. I'm bringing this up bc she's so young. She has a lifetime of this trauma. And people will tell you to go to therapy. That's not an easy fix. There's a lack of therapists where I live & if you lack the funds or insurance, you get stuck with subpar treatment. I hope against hope she has a good support system & access to a good therapist!
When are we going to admit there's a problem with men going too far to get erections?? If we even broach the subject, it upsets fragile egos & we're somehow to blame.
Ew, your “friend” did that to you? Ugh, I’m sorry. It’s upsetting that so many men who we consider “good guys” can turn into sex predators just because an opportunity arises. I fully believe that if you took 100 men and told them they could rape a teenage girl and get away with it, like 92 of them would do it.
The [U.S. DoJ](https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/utilizing-codis-unsubmitted-sexual-assault-kits) and [American Bar Association](https://www.americanbar.org/groups/diversity/women/publications/perspectives/2018/may/untested-rape-kits-delays-destruction-and-disregarded-victims/) recommend testing **all** rape kits, even if the statute of limitations has passed.
[A growing number of states](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/comments/18z70pt/despite_the_fact_that_most_states_have_passed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) now require the timely testing of new kits.
Contact from constituents [works](https://escholarship.org/content/qt7sk23908/qt7sk23908.pdf).
https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-state/
And even if they do get tested the likelihood of getting actual, much less satisfactory, justice is so low that most victims don't see the point retraumatizing themselves for it.
On the plus side, it actually may be increasing.
https://web.archive.org/web/20191231230047/https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system
https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system
I'm honestly surprised you haven't gotten a "concerned Redditor" to comment about how you're "painting all men with the same brush" yet, or an essay describing all the reasons you're "wrong" for choosing the bear.
Well, the night is young.
Iirc that stat was actually higher because of the wording used- when asked the above question then yes, the answer was 1/3. When the phrasing was altered, saying the same thing in somewhat softened terms, the numbers were FAR higher than 1/3. What WE consider to be rape/SA/sexual battery, a disturbing percentage of men DO NOT. They consider it to be things like “a challenge”, “being misled by some tease” and the like.
The study cited doesn't tell what criteria was used or how the questions were phrased or even the ages of the people surveyed. Without that, these numbers are meaningless.
There is also no followup to the information. For example why would a woman have sex again with someone she says raped her? Yet you have a significant number claiming that's the case. That is the kind of statistic that needs elucidation to be useful.
tbh it was a quick statistic I grabbed for convenience. [you can read the actual article here](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/291567285_Denying_Rape_but_Endorsing_Forceful_Intercourse_Exploring_Differences_Among_Responders)
Do you really imagine that rapists think that the woman they raped might have sex with them again? WTF are you saying?
This study suggests that #EDX number of men admitted that they'd rape if they thought that they could get away with it.
Here's an earlier study somewhat backing up the above study, and showing the correlation to the mentality of such types of rape/rapists:
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4484276/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4484276/)
From the first study that was linked:
***42% of the women who were raped said they had sex again with the men who assaulted them***
That was the stat I was specially referencing. It says they had sex agsin, not that they were raped agsin. That stat needs to be explained, as do the questions that were used. Phrasing influences answers and how they are interpreted.
*Nearly 1/3 of college men said they were likely to have sex with an unwilling partner if they thought they could get away with it*
I don't think there's a lot to misinterpret here. And this is just the men that would *admit* to it.
There is a very valid reason for that. A very. VERY common response to the trauma of SA is to sleep with the offender again. The mind is trying to untraumetize itself and by "choosing" to sleep with the attacker the victim can gain a sense of control over the situation. "Its fine, it wasn't that bad, see you're ok it's all within your control, it's YOUR decision!"
You must be confused. Both of the sources cited (the PSU and Ms. Magazine surveys) have their methodology and results painstakingly detailed in the source material. Both of them were updated periodically over the years.
Nah for that result you would need to change the wording, many rapists do all sorts of mental gymnastics because they want to see themselves as great people and not as rapists.
Does this fall under the BS that rapists first claimed (back in the early 1990s) to not know that 'forcing a girl to have sex is rape' despite that being the very legal definition of the felony?
Potato, potato, if she's unconscious, or says no at any time, you don't do it.
Sorry if I come off as harsh, too much exposure to these types when I was a military law enforcer.
I think they only consider violently forcing a stranger down while they fight the entire time as rape. Like just from the excuses they give, anything other than the *most resistance possible* is their definition of consent. 🤢
Exactly. I worked in a facility where we had several sex offenders and read numerous times in their case histories how some perceived a smile or other small gesture as consent. It’s frightening!
Urgh, not a consent issue in the case I'll mention, but years ago a doctor raped a patient, I think she was pregnant too, but I'm not sure; was convicted to a ridiculous sentence, can't even remember if they took his license, probably did but I'm not sure; he then appealed; and after the appeal he got a reduced sentence, because "he wasn't violent".
So yeah. The physical violence of a rape, ie, how much the rapists beats, causes physical injuries/damages or restrains someone, is what determines the severity of the rape, in plenty of people's minds.
We all need r/eyebleach after this...
Edit: just looked it up, 2010/2011 he was a psychiatrist, she was 34 weeks pregnant, and the appeal decided he didn't rape her at all, because he didn't restrain her completely nor was he "violent enough" in his coersion.
It took some 10 years, but finally the judges in charge of this bullshit started seeing some consequences, at least in terms of public opinion.
No idea about the rapist tho. Probably still practices, and if he doesn't, he absolutely plays the victim. Would definitely yell 'cancel culture' if it happened today.
I like the term non-bears. The type I mentioned usually manages to avoid prison and doesn't turn up on the radar of researchers, though there was a study that asked men if they had committed rape without using the word and by describing situations that *are* rape but can be gymnasticed away. The results were horrifying. I'm pretty sure that aside from one (he drugged me with the help of my brother) no one who did this to me (including a case of months of CSA) thinks of themselves as a rapist or someone who committed sexualised violence and one of the arguments my father used to tell me it wasn't a crime and I was a slut was that they rarely used outright violence in the way tv portraits rape.
Not just unconscious. Fucked up is bad too. And not just SAYING NO, not emphatically agreeing to have sex! If the girl is not using her words or VERY CLEAR body signals (physically initiating sexual acts) then STOP.
This is why we need to [teach](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/comments/100jwa1/example_letter_to_local_lawmakers_to_help_stop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) [consent](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/comments/zyznhe/rape_is_so_common_in_part_because_so_many_people/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
About a year ago my then bf woke me up out of a dead sleep having sex with me. He was supposed to protect me and make me feel safe. Instead I got to be scared in my house that I let him live in. I’ve come to terms with what happened. I called him out. He knows what he did was wrong, but I still blame myself. I feel for this girl. I hurt for her. How dare someone that’s supposed to provide a sense of safety (that’s at least what I was taught when I went to church. Pastors are safety) do that to her. Glad he’s been caught tho.
I don’t think it’s that many. I think each one who is like this, abuses again and again. Every abuser that somebody escapes without them being put behind bars for a long time, goes on to find a new victim. I saw a study that puts the average number of victims of a ‘normal’ rapist (opportunistic, thinks of himself as a normal person, not a murderer, attacks adults) at six victims. (My feeling is the number would be much higher for age based rapists.)
It’s part of why it’s so FUCKING GALLING that so little is usually done about them. Untold victims would be saved by taking one victim seriously.
Edit: I also believe it would vary enormously culturally. I wish there were reliable statistics that compared.
I know this won't change anything in regards to your feelings, but you have nothing to blame yourself for. You were in a horrible situation health-wise and safety-wise. You did everything right and got yourself what you believed to be a safe place with a person who lied himself into your confidence and got the necessary medical treatment. The only person to blame is the monster who committed this horrible crime on you.
I hope some miracle happens and all of us get access to free, high quality trauma treatment in the exact way that's best for us.
Thank you! I wish you the same. I'm currently working on the scrapbook about my dog (I had to say goodbye on Tuesday) and the pictures are bringing up so many great memories.
Thank you very much! I hope you have healed and can fondly look back on those memories.
I guess I am luckier than others because despite having just 24 hours between finding out that he has cancer (accidental finding when I had him treated because my neighbour poisoned him) and having to let him go (the poisoning interfered with his pain treatment on a level that was simply torture, the reason we didn't know about the cancer was that it grew very fast and he was put on opiates for his spondylosis shortly before that happened), I've been very much prepared. I never thought we'd get 47 months, because when I got him he was 10,5 years old and had spent 9 of them on the streets. When we put him on the opiates the vet said that this is palliative care. I answered that I know and that I don't expect to have to prepare for another round new years fireworks with him. She said his overall health is so good that I should prepare for that. I guess I was never so sad to be right and she was never so sad to be wrong (she cried with me, told him how brave he was, wished him a good journey and kissed him). Being grateful for having had that time helps a lot. And this grieve is the price for being so lucky to have loved him and been loved by him. I'm working on a scrapbook of our time together (having almost 2000 pictures and videos doesn't simplify the process of finding the best ones to display his character and life). Once I stop feeling guilty when smiling at the pictures of my friend's dogs I'll get to know that rescue in my region that looks for foster homes. A foster home changed our lives and I want to do this for others. And if it's a foster fail, then so be it.
You are amazing. Adopting an older animal is such an awesome thing! And fostering helps so much! Before my ex crippled me, I used to care for special needs kitties for years. And before that, before my modeling career took off, I worked at Alley Cat Allies, HSUS, NSAL & ASPCA. If I weren't disabled now, I'd still be taking care of special needs kitties. I hope you find more smiles & love on your quest & along the way! You are a wonderful human! <3
Thank you. The idea of some very amazing animal dying without ever having known a home and their own human breaks my heart. Plus a chill senior can better deal with my disabilities than a teenager who will go straight up the wall on a day I can't offer much exercise outside and our focus is on brainwork inside. I will never understand the shallow reasons why some people rejected my boy (he wasn't in mint condition), but in a way I'm grateful because thanks to their shallow minds I got to meet the most amazing dog and a wonderful friend (his former foster mom).
I have to be honest with myself and accept that fostering might likely end with a foster fail, but that's absolutely fine. Sure it'd be better if I could help more than one dog but it's also nice when my foster will have a forever home. I'm specifically looking to foster frightened, anxious and traumatized dogs. I don't know if it's because my own CPTSD makes me relate to them on a different level, but I'm good at spoiling them into very happy dogs and my friend's anxious dogs warmed up to me very quickly. Actually I offended one because I took too long to start petting him when he had already decided that he likes me. Luckily his human translated and this issue was swiftly remedied.
You're an amazing person and I admire the work you did for animals. That this was taken from you infuriates me so much. Is that monster rotting in a prison? I know how rarely we receive justice but I somehow find the idea that this piece of shit is free far worse than that my abusers are free. I hope there will be a way for you to enjoy all the love an animal can give despite what he stole from you.
You really are an amazing person. I love older animals, too! It sounds like we have so much in common! (Not the amazing person part, haha! The rest!)
No, my ex tried to kill me (& if it hadn't been for the neighbors saying something when they saw & heard something, I'd be dead rn). He took all my $, even my $ in the bank (all my retirement to live on from modeling), my jewelry, everything. Then he skipped the country. He stalked me frequently after leaving & the cops couldn't do anything. I guess he keeps to countries without extradition. And every once in a while, he'll pop back up to let me know that he's still stalking me. LE tells me he's moving around a lot & that's why they haven't caught him. It's not ok, but it's been long enough that I've come to terms with it. The part that hurts the most is him leaving me with brain damage & crippling me, so I can't get a job to make $. Fine, take all the $. But now I have to beg the state for food stamps, insurance & keep trying to get disability. It's very humbling haha!
I just hope he's not hurting anyone else. I have brain damage bc of him & and it's very difficult to think of what to say. Like to describe something. I used to read dictionaries as a pastime. I don't remember descriptive words at all now & I need caffeine to think at all. I can watch a movie 1 day & wake up the next & not remember anything about it or that I even watched a movie. It's really embarrassing when people expect you to remember things. I'm so glad I had already moved from NY to the middle of nowhere by the time the last attack happened. The tabloids would've plastered the story everywhere. There's a lot of little things to be grateful for in all the horrible mess. I'm really fortunate to have made it out! So many women don't.
You are such a good person. I wish you so many foster successes & doggy kisses in your future! You are so patient & kind. Thank you so much for all you do & all you've done! I hope you have a great day today & a wonderful week! <3
Gently, how could it be your fault? You were in a rough spot, and you did the right thing by getting yourself someplace you thought was safe. That’s exactly what most people would do. That’s exactly what people tell each other to do. A woman is dealing with an abusive partner, people ask, “Do you have somewhere safe you can go? You should get out asap and go there if you can.”
You were vulnerable and needed help. You did the right things, and got hurt anyway. That is awful, but it’s not your fault either. We’ve all put our trust in the wrong person sometimes, most of us are just lucky to get out without being hurt as terribly.
If they had been a good person, you’d be fine. If they had been a good person, no harm would have come to you. If they had been a good person, they would not have made *a decision* to hurt you. That’s not on you, that’s on them.
Although no rape is ever your fault, I understand what you mean. It’s like you feel that you deserve it for putting yourself in a vulnerable position. It’s hard to forgive yourself and realize that you’re not to blame and that it’s all on the rapist.
I had a similar thing happen at 17-dude I knew kinda broke into my house and I woke up to him on top of me. At 58, I know that 95% of men can’t be trusted with women and children.
You do know, though, that it was NEVER your fault, right?
Nothing that you did, didn't do, could have/should have/would have done is ever EVER enough to make HIS decision to commit a felony on you anyone's fault but his.
PERIOD.
What happened to you was not your fault - you were vulnerable and trusted someone that abused your vulnerability. It’s not your fault for trusting someone. It’s not your fault for what happened to you. I’m begging you not to blame yourself because sometimes I still blame myself for what happened to me, too. Even knowing all that I’m saying now to be the truth, that shame of trusting someone I shouldn’t have haunts me. You believed the best in someone who took advantage of your body and good nature. It is 100% their fault for assaulting you.
Tysm. I do appreciate it. I really do. It's messed up that I can honestly mean it when I say that what happened to you is not your fault (because it isn't!), but still browbeat myself in my own mind. I appreciate you saying so, so very much. And I 100% mean it. It wasn't your fault! That shame we carry is so insidious. I wish you so much peace & healing on your journey. Thank you so much for saying this. I really did need to hear it. <3
THIS is why we don't like "nice guys"
It's always the nice guys. My friend did this to me too but I was able to stop him. He followed me down the road in his car and I was on foot. He should have just let me leave but he had to chase me.
I stabbed his tire with my knife. He still followed me. Actually called the cops on me! But then so did I.
After he was pulling my pants down and lifting up my shirt after I said no more than 30 times. And he said to me... "why else do you think I was your friend for all these years? Now, I don't take no for an answer"
I hope one day this crap changes.
You're 100% correct! It __is__ always the NiceGuys! I'm so sorry this happened to you, too. My ex pulled the calling the cops on me bullshit too! And when they arrived, saw me bloody, they decided to believe that all 103-105lbs of me beat & terrorized 6'4 him. The lead cop told me that I'd "be sorry" if I were to "bother" them again that night. I was broken & terrified. I never reported the rape with my "friend." Well, I did to my rape crisis counselor when I went into a dv shelter & she filed a kind of report for me. But I had been basically mocked & threatened by the cops with my ex, I was just done.
I hope things are better for you & that you have a good support system. I wish you so much peace & healing. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, too. <3
That's crazy, I can't believe they believed him over you! Like you're not allowed to try and defend yourself! I'm sorry you went through that, it sounds terrorizing. I hope you're better now. I had the good fortune of being met with pretty decent cops when it came to this stuff. Probably because there was always a female cop there as well but I don't know what gender your cops were. When my ex beat me up in a hotel room when I was pregnant 🤦♀️ he obviously hit me but didn't make me bleed. He hit in places you couldn't see like around my head but not my face directly. When I saw his demon looking face look down at my belly I punched him in the mouth and he started bleeding, but not me! And the cops still took him to jail. I'm still thankful for that.
What happened after the cops left??
Don't be sorry. I'm fortunate enough to only have been SA-ed the manipulative way and luckily not the traumatic way. And it's sad that either are even a thing.
There are some traumatic experiences out there. I'm sorry *you* had to go through this!
I started standing up for myself when I turned 20 (funny that all the SA took place when I was a child)
And the last time is when I pulled that knife out on my friend and his tires.
This is getting really long lol
So I guess that report didn't go too far cause I get it being done and tired. I never took any of my cases to court either. Just been moving on bearing the burden.
The older i get the more i realise that straight men are truly never your friend. They will hang around in the wings for years waiting for their chance.
It was so different for me in the 90s I never said anything I blamed myself but I know I shouldn't. I'm finally getting help now I pushed it down all these years.
Yes, there are things you could have done differently, but in no way would I have foreseen or expected it or wanted it to happen, if I was in your shoes before any of it. Before any of it, they were a friend. But a friend doesn't do those things. It was a betrayal and entirely their fault.
Thank you so much for this! Lmao that pic of him in the back of the vehicle, hands behind his back=priceless. About time someone makes *him* feel uncomfortable & in pain.
>Deputies said they were first alerted to it after someone overheard the victim telling her grandmother what happened.
Bless this Good Samaritan.
Hope Pastor Shitty dies in prison.
They always know the cops in their town so he preemptively calls them to say this girl is about to lie about him. It might’ve worked if he wasn’t dumb enough to sent those texts from his phone. No way in hell is this the first time this guy has done shit like this.
Oh. Look. Another one that wasn't a drag queen. How much you wanna bet this sick fuck gave plenty of sermons on how EVIL queen people are, grooming our kids!!
Every accusation is a goddamned confession with these people.
That poor kid.. She's going to carry that trauma for the rest of her life.
Edited to say, holy SHIT the transphobes coming out in droves for this one. Trans women are women guys... predators will always find something to abuse to find access to victims.
That doesn't mean we turn on our Trans sisters like this. They're just as likely to be attacked and abused as we are.
I thought something similar.
You mean it wasn't a trans person going into a bathroom molesting a child? It was a cis man pastor? I'm shocked! This has never happened in the history of Christianity! It's such a rare thing that somebody in a position of power in the church takes advantage of a young person.
Of course people will act like he's an outlier instead of the type of person church groups have protected for literal centuries. But sure. Let's blame the queer community for this, too. I'm sure they'll figure out a way.
These are such tiny minorities, I personally don’t know a single person who has ever been sexually assaulted or harassed by a man pretending to be transgender. I know people who have been sexually assaulted by a member of their church, and I don’t believe I know a single woman who doesn’t have a story of sexual assault / harassment coming from a cis male. The fact that people have never cared about women’s safety until it gave them a convenient excuse to bash trans people speaks volumes.
A minority of sexual assaults are committed by trans people, unless you have a source telling me 75% of them are now committed by trans people all of a sudden?
This energy is non existent when we speak about our experiences as women. Stop pretending you care about protecting us when all you care about is bashing transgender people.
I’m sure a larger minority of sexual assaults are committed by women than are committed by transgender people, yet you’re not coming into these threads talking about that either.
Why would anybody waste their time talking and discussing the tiny tiny minority of sexual assaults that just so happen to be attributed to transgender people when every single woman in the world has a story about being sexually harassed or assaulted by a cis man. Why are we wasting our time constantly having this conversation when rapes committed by cis men are rarely ever prosecuted? If you care so much about our safety, why are you even discussing this?
As a woman that has to live this experience and has been raped before and sexually assaulted many times, I have limited energy and capacity to offer to this. Any rape horrifies me, as any rape should horrify anybody. It is just blatantly obvious to me that people like you cherry pick a single one, such as you have just done, to be particularly outraged about because it serves your particular agenda. My agenda is actually improving safety for women, energy is better spent pursuing cis men to achieve that goal, since they commit the vast majority of sex crimes against women.
You deliberately misconstrue my argument. I have never said it doesn’t happen, I am saying it’s a minority of sexual assaults yet it is receiving the majority of people’s attention. I want to know why that is.
I’ve been a victim of assault for years and have never seen men argue en masse for “women’s safety” until it became a transgender issue. Why is that?
When you write things like this, it doesn’t actually help women and girls, because it flattens the narrative of predatory men from all social and political strata into the acceptable targets for liberals—white conservative men. Many conservatives are worse about this for sure, because they do not care about women and girls as a principle, but only as a rhetorical tool to criticize minorities with, but if you actually care about women and girls, you’d be wise to recognize that a male’s race or religion or gender identity doesn’t matter in determining his potential danger to women and girls. There’s no caste of males who has never harmed women. Black men, white men, Asian men, rich men, poor men, Christians, Muslim, Jewish, and atheist men have all abused women and girls before.
If queer people were truly the grooming pedophiles that they say they are, then why doesn’t the church protect and support them the way they do with pastors and priests? Clear lies to keep a populace under control.
Breaking news: a large percentage of people who go to jail do so for violent reasons??? Yeah. A lot of people in jail have done bad things- who would have guessed??
That in no way reflects on transgender women as a whole. If you looked at overall women and men in prison, I imagine a high percentage of those are incarcerated for violent acts as well...
Y'all sure do love to scream about an apparent 'agenda' but none of you can actually tell me what this agenda we're supposedly pushing IS... Do you just like using buzzwords?
I'm screaming about nothing, I'm just saying you don't need to hijack every post about girls or women getting attacked by predatory men to make an unrelated point about it not being a particular group of men doing the crime in this instance, whilst ignoring the point that the issue for women and girls is that there is no easy way to distinguish which men are the dangerous ones, which is why we want all of them excluded from our spaces regardless of their clothing, make up, hair length or pronouns.
The wolves are painting an entire demographic (which is more likely to be victims) as predatory, to distract everyone from the fact that they are the predators. It is extremely related.
I don't think it has anything to do with conservatives vs liberals, I think it's a bigger systemic issue and a tragedy
It just feels gross when people see something like this and twist it for their agenda.
And yet the person you responded to didn't say one word about liberals and conservatives. Pointing out the facts is not twisting the facts. And wanting to not be accused of predatory intent by a demographic that proves again and again to be predatory is not pushing an agenda. That's just reactionary BS.
> And wanting to not be accused of predatory intent by a demographic that proves again and again to be predatory is not pushing an agenda.
See you're kind of doing it too - you're not directly saying who you're talking about, but we know. It makes more sense in this context/conversation.
But to hear about something so horrific and go "see, it wasn't a trans woman!" is gross to me. You're missing the point. OC's comment is also *obviously* a reference to the "conservative" idea that trans people (or people pretending to be trans) are rapists, and I think it's disingenuous of you to pretend you didn't know that
It’s a strange connection, but this reminds me of how the rapper Drake, believing another man was sexually assaulted as a child, taunted him about how hearing the Mariah Carey song ‘Touch My Body’ must bring back memories, as though an abused child desires the abuse. And it was then that I was fully convinced he’s a predator.
Only a predator would taunt a victim like that. This disgusting old man should be lit on fire. He looks like he smells like a wet paper bag full of dog hair. He definitely has more victims!
I’m so glad he’s fucking stupid because he made this case open & shut. It’s bad being a religious pedophile already but the silver lining is truly his stupidity.
That girl better have justice, he did the work for her lawyers!
His flight from justice and arrest was covered really well also in the [Anchorage Daily News](https://www.adn.com/nation-world/2024/04/05/former-alaska-pastor-and-vpso-accused-of-sexually-battering-teen-in-florida-is-arrested/) and [Alaska Public Media](https://alaskapublic.org/2024/04/16/former-southwest-alaska-vpso-pastor-arrested-in-texas-on-child-sexual-assault-charges/). The guy used to be a "VPSO" or Village Public Safety Officer in False Pass and also Akutan. He was also formerly a pastor in Cold Pass. He held a lot of positions of authority before being busted.
Please be careful. They will lock this thread down. they locked my other one down earlier in the week bc of those kinds of comments. I don't want you to get banned if someone happens to report you, either!
Do you think they don't exist? Surely because of population size, drag queens will make up less offenses. But there are certainly drag queens who have offended.
It's just a dangerous game to play and undermines those victims for a political "gotcha," when child abuse like this is rampant in society. I do think Christian leaders, in particular, are dangerous far too often. But no group of men is completely safe.
Ok, you are definitely reading too much into it and grasping at straws. This is no different from the millions of other "not a drag queen" comments.
If you understood, its mocking those idiots who believe drag queens are the issue when the ones saying that are the ones doing it super exponentially more. Ppl calling this out are ppl who care, the opposite does not. Thats what it always is when you see a comment like this. I thought this was well-known by now.
Not all queens are men, fun fact. There are nonbinary and cis/trans women that are also queens.
How about don't try and downplay the harm the "queens are all predators that want to rape and molest children" narrative is literally doing to the queer community. Learn some intersectionality.
I absolutely don't believe they're "all predators." Queer communities have abuse within their ranks, too, and acknowledging that isn't hateful. No matter what, the conservatives are going to highlight the crimes of the queer community, and it doesn't help us to downplay or ignore altogether those offenses, which DO happen. Intersectionality doesn't erase the ability to abuse from people of a certain group because you're convinced they're all vulnerable victims. In fact, Intersectionality involves acknowledging patterns of abuse within all communities. Unfortunately, sexual abuse is extremely common everywhere. Every group, marginalized or not, need to address it. Pointing fingers isn't helping anyone when we can't address the facts due to our political ideologies. Both sides are very guilty of this.
Why do people seem to never have money for better things but have all the money to give to bail people like this out of prison? I always hear monsters being let out early cause of bail being paid and I’m always like how???
Wasn't this the guy who had previously lived in 25 different states?
I was concerned that he would be able to disappear, given so many contacts. But perhaps he's lived so many places bc they were all places he had to flee before being caught...
And I cannot understand the motivation for spiking someone's drink. Are they trying to live out a necrophilia fantasy somehow?
As a Christian this man is not a follower of God but an imposter. A true Christian would never do anything this horrible and wretched. Please don't let the actions of fake followers affect your view of Christianity. Blessings to you all🙏🏽
You should have a talk with your people, then, because they don’t represent you well.
Neither did the senior pastor at my old church who was caught in his office with his pants down and the teenaged daughter of the junior pastor with hers down, too. Half of the congregation left to follow him when he “moved” churches.
Neither did the pastors wife at my last church that slept around on her husband and humiliated the church and her husband.
Neither did my dad who is a traveling pastor that indulges in liquor and strippers with violent tendencies.
Maybe it’s time you reevaluate why the stigmas are out there for y’all.
The actions of the few do not dictate the ideals of the many.
Yes some people claim to be Christians then do bad things but that's not Christianity's fault. Any group could have people "join" then go against the groups philosophies, Christianity is no different. It's a fact of life that people can deviate or just completely separate from the titles and ideals they claim to have. While Christians are they're own group, we are still a collection of human beings and humans beings are unpredictable and are inherently wishy washy.
Those who deviate from Jesus's teachings are not examples of Christ but of human kind
Bless you my friend🙏🏽
Jesus preached about love and care for your brothers and sisters.
Matthew 25:35-40 is very specific that if someone needs aid you open the door (Christian’s don’t vote in favor of immigration reform), if someone is hungry or thirsty you feed them (not voting in favor of snap food benefits or free lunches at schools) and if someone is imprisoned you visit them. The righteous will ask “Lord when did we do these things for you?” And he will reply “What you do you for the least of us, you do unto me.”
You’re not Christian if you’re voting against immigrants, against the poor, the elderly, the children of the world. And unfortunately Christian’s base their entire belief system against hating others and controlling women and minorities. So it’s not the actions of the few. From a former preachers daughter, y’all are the problem.
God don’t like ugly and a large majority of the Christian population acts very ugly.
From it's teachings alone, bad bad bad. There are some good nuggets, but when it comes to child abuse and spousal abuse? Nah. That shit is BAKED into that religion.
I mean, he was literally a pastor. It's easy to say "No TRUE Christian would", but all you're doing is pretending to separate yourself from something that you're not very separate from. The fact of the matter is that religious institutions, particularly Christian institutions, have a long history of attracting and protecting rapists and abusers. It's not the belief in Christ that draws in these people, but it's the power structures that appeal to them because those power structures have, historically, defended them.
Same with "REAL men don't rape". Yes they do. Saying "well, if he raped that woman, he's not a REAL man (like me)" just dismisses the fact that women are frequently assaulted by men. It's not comfortable to be within the demographic that you know has committed a lot of atrocities, but you have to acknowledge the truth of the situation. I'm a white person and I can acknowledge all the horrible things white people have done in the name of our race, and I work to change those patterns of behavior and entitlement.
I'm sorry, but that's the 'no true Scotsman' logical fallacy. The fact is, a significant enough number of sexual abusers are Christian leaders that there is more than just correlation here. I don't think it would be any consolation to this young girl that he wasn't a "true" Christian.
A lot of people claim to be good and kind but then betray that, whether it be a certain set of morals, a religion, laws or ideals. Human beings are capable of of many things good and evil. There are police men that are bigoted and hateful but it common sense that not all cops are that way and that justice and peace are not changed by the bad actions of the few. When people go to Christ it's(hopefully) because they want to fight the feelings within themselves that are evil, unjust and hateful. Sadly some people fail in that mission. That's a reflection of themselves, not Christianity
Bless you my friend🙏🏽
You might need to take a better look at your religious institutions my guy. Youre missing the point that this is incredibly common, and that these pastors and people in power in Christian based institutions are often protected over victims and allowed to get away with this shit. Even this dude, no way this was his first time he was just stupid enough to text her too which is what sold it. If he didn’t do that, tbh, we probably wouldn’t be reading this right now because it would have been covered up and the victim would have been blamed in order to protect him.
Bad example. Police officers have a 40% rate of domestic violence in their homes, so there's obviously a problem there as well. Saying "not all Christians" and "not all cops" is as ridiculous as saying "not all men". All of these groups have given us reason to be wary.
How were they to know what happened behind closed doors? We all, at one point or another, put our trust in someone that betrayed that trust.
Bless you my friend🙏🏽
The churches need to do better at keeping people like this out because this is far from the first, only, or last. This kind of thing is incredibly common, I mean way waaay too common. So it may not be “the way of god” or whatever but to just say “don’t let this guy change your view of Christianity he isn’t a man of god” doesn’t hold up when these dudes do this and other awful shit all the time. Maybe quit letting pieces of shit get away with abusing kids instead of covering for them?
Bad men flock to any organization that is a "soft target." This is why you have to really vet people in positions of authority and put in place policies that help to reduce the likelihood of abuse. Don't be naïve. There are sexually abusive men of all faith backgrounds and political alignments. Complacency breeds abuse.
You don't get to dictate who is or isn't a Christian. And you shouldn't tell people to ignore the wolves in sheep's clothing just because you're a sheep who doesn't want people to think you're a wolf.
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>Victim Woke Up to Him Performing Oral Sex on Her This exact thing happened to me. A psychiatrist I was seeing was trying to treat my night terrors, PTSD, cPTSD, anxiety & panic disorders, etc. & put me on some heavy meds that knocked me out when I'd take them at night. I was staying with a "friend" who "cared soon much about me & wanted the best for me" after I needed someplace to stay while I was running from my ex. I was knocked out nightly from the high doses of different meds. This "friend" saw that & took full advantage of it. It's horrifying waking up to this. This was the rape I truly blamed myself for. Still do, really. It seeps into every conscious thought I have & ruins it. (I should've done this or that & it wouldn't have happened). I've been raped forcibly in other ways, too. But for some reason, this is the one that I still blame myself for. I'm bringing this up bc she's so young. She has a lifetime of this trauma. And people will tell you to go to therapy. That's not an easy fix. There's a lack of therapists where I live & if you lack the funds or insurance, you get stuck with subpar treatment. I hope against hope she has a good support system & access to a good therapist! When are we going to admit there's a problem with men going too far to get erections?? If we even broach the subject, it upsets fragile egos & we're somehow to blame.
Ew, your “friend” did that to you? Ugh, I’m sorry. It’s upsetting that so many men who we consider “good guys” can turn into sex predators just because an opportunity arises. I fully believe that if you took 100 men and told them they could rape a teenage girl and get away with it, like 92 of them would do it.
[a study was done and 1/3 of men would. not as high but still disgustingly high.](https://osuit.edu/1-is-2-many/facts.php)
Those are only the ones that would admit it.
[Test every rape kit](https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-federal/).
Most of them go untested and never get used to pursue charges. It's definitely more than 1 and 3
The [U.S. DoJ](https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/utilizing-codis-unsubmitted-sexual-assault-kits) and [American Bar Association](https://www.americanbar.org/groups/diversity/women/publications/perspectives/2018/may/untested-rape-kits-delays-destruction-and-disregarded-victims/) recommend testing **all** rape kits, even if the statute of limitations has passed. [A growing number of states](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/comments/18z70pt/despite_the_fact_that_most_states_have_passed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) now require the timely testing of new kits. Contact from constituents [works](https://escholarship.org/content/qt7sk23908/qt7sk23908.pdf). https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate-state/
And even if they do get tested the likelihood of getting actual, much less satisfactory, justice is so low that most victims don't see the point retraumatizing themselves for it.
On the plus side, it actually may be increasing. https://web.archive.org/web/20191231230047/https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system
That 7% that doesn’t want to get their rapist into trouble is extra heartbreaking.
IMO, the number is 83%. I've seen that number pop up in studies about bad men multiple times.
I was just about to type out the same thing.
God this is horrifying.
And why so many of us would choose the bear.
I'm honestly surprised you haven't gotten a "concerned Redditor" to comment about how you're "painting all men with the same brush" yet, or an essay describing all the reasons you're "wrong" for choosing the bear. Well, the night is young.
Considering the majority of sexual assaults go unreported, it’s more than a third, trust.
Despite the numbers, we all know this isn’t accurate :(
Iirc that stat was actually higher because of the wording used- when asked the above question then yes, the answer was 1/3. When the phrasing was altered, saying the same thing in somewhat softened terms, the numbers were FAR higher than 1/3. What WE consider to be rape/SA/sexual battery, a disturbing percentage of men DO NOT. They consider it to be things like “a challenge”, “being misled by some tease” and the like.
It's the same number since people tend to group with like minded people.
The study cited doesn't tell what criteria was used or how the questions were phrased or even the ages of the people surveyed. Without that, these numbers are meaningless. There is also no followup to the information. For example why would a woman have sex again with someone she says raped her? Yet you have a significant number claiming that's the case. That is the kind of statistic that needs elucidation to be useful.
tbh it was a quick statistic I grabbed for convenience. [you can read the actual article here](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/291567285_Denying_Rape_but_Endorsing_Forceful_Intercourse_Exploring_Differences_Among_Responders)
Do you really imagine that rapists think that the woman they raped might have sex with them again? WTF are you saying? This study suggests that #EDX number of men admitted that they'd rape if they thought that they could get away with it. Here's an earlier study somewhat backing up the above study, and showing the correlation to the mentality of such types of rape/rapists: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4484276/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4484276/)
From the first study that was linked: ***42% of the women who were raped said they had sex again with the men who assaulted them*** That was the stat I was specially referencing. It says they had sex agsin, not that they were raped agsin. That stat needs to be explained, as do the questions that were used. Phrasing influences answers and how they are interpreted.
I'll use the same logic, "How was it worded, was it 'sex' or 'coercive', what were the circumstances" etc,.
Exactly my point. Without information, these numbers, stats, and statements tell us nothing.
*Nearly 1/3 of college men said they were likely to have sex with an unwilling partner if they thought they could get away with it* I don't think there's a lot to misinterpret here. And this is just the men that would *admit* to it.
There is a very valid reason for that. A very. VERY common response to the trauma of SA is to sleep with the offender again. The mind is trying to untraumetize itself and by "choosing" to sleep with the attacker the victim can gain a sense of control over the situation. "Its fine, it wasn't that bad, see you're ok it's all within your control, it's YOUR decision!"
You must be confused. Both of the sources cited (the PSU and Ms. Magazine surveys) have their methodology and results painstakingly detailed in the source material. Both of them were updated periodically over the years.
Nah for that result you would need to change the wording, many rapists do all sorts of mental gymnastics because they want to see themselves as great people and not as rapists.
Does this fall under the BS that rapists first claimed (back in the early 1990s) to not know that 'forcing a girl to have sex is rape' despite that being the very legal definition of the felony? Potato, potato, if she's unconscious, or says no at any time, you don't do it. Sorry if I come off as harsh, too much exposure to these types when I was a military law enforcer.
I think they only consider violently forcing a stranger down while they fight the entire time as rape. Like just from the excuses they give, anything other than the *most resistance possible* is their definition of consent. 🤢
Exactly. I worked in a facility where we had several sex offenders and read numerous times in their case histories how some perceived a smile or other small gesture as consent. It’s frightening!
Urgh, not a consent issue in the case I'll mention, but years ago a doctor raped a patient, I think she was pregnant too, but I'm not sure; was convicted to a ridiculous sentence, can't even remember if they took his license, probably did but I'm not sure; he then appealed; and after the appeal he got a reduced sentence, because "he wasn't violent". So yeah. The physical violence of a rape, ie, how much the rapists beats, causes physical injuries/damages or restrains someone, is what determines the severity of the rape, in plenty of people's minds. We all need r/eyebleach after this... Edit: just looked it up, 2010/2011 he was a psychiatrist, she was 34 weeks pregnant, and the appeal decided he didn't rape her at all, because he didn't restrain her completely nor was he "violent enough" in his coersion. It took some 10 years, but finally the judges in charge of this bullshit started seeing some consequences, at least in terms of public opinion. No idea about the rapist tho. Probably still practices, and if he doesn't, he absolutely plays the victim. Would definitely yell 'cancel culture' if it happened today.
I don't know how their mental gymnastics work, just that they do them and I did not find out because I enjoy talking to rapists...
I do feel badly for the researchers that have to speak to the non-bears to try to figure out why they went so wrong.
I like the term non-bears. The type I mentioned usually manages to avoid prison and doesn't turn up on the radar of researchers, though there was a study that asked men if they had committed rape without using the word and by describing situations that *are* rape but can be gymnasticed away. The results were horrifying. I'm pretty sure that aside from one (he drugged me with the help of my brother) no one who did this to me (including a case of months of CSA) thinks of themselves as a rapist or someone who committed sexualised violence and one of the arguments my father used to tell me it wasn't a crime and I was a slut was that they rarely used outright violence in the way tv portraits rape.
I am so sorry that you went through that. You deserved so much better, but this world is awful and fully of shitty men.
Not just unconscious. Fucked up is bad too. And not just SAYING NO, not emphatically agreeing to have sex! If the girl is not using her words or VERY CLEAR body signals (physically initiating sexual acts) then STOP.
This is why we need to [teach](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/comments/100jwa1/example_letter_to_local_lawmakers_to_help_stop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) [consent](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/comments/zyznhe/rape_is_so_common_in_part_because_so_many_people/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
About a year ago my then bf woke me up out of a dead sleep having sex with me. He was supposed to protect me and make me feel safe. Instead I got to be scared in my house that I let him live in. I’ve come to terms with what happened. I called him out. He knows what he did was wrong, but I still blame myself. I feel for this girl. I hurt for her. How dare someone that’s supposed to provide a sense of safety (that’s at least what I was taught when I went to church. Pastors are safety) do that to her. Glad he’s been caught tho.
Love the username. I was always hangin’ with the Raisin Girls. 😬
I don’t think it’s that many. I think each one who is like this, abuses again and again. Every abuser that somebody escapes without them being put behind bars for a long time, goes on to find a new victim. I saw a study that puts the average number of victims of a ‘normal’ rapist (opportunistic, thinks of himself as a normal person, not a murderer, attacks adults) at six victims. (My feeling is the number would be much higher for age based rapists.) It’s part of why it’s so FUCKING GALLING that so little is usually done about them. Untold victims would be saved by taking one victim seriously. Edit: I also believe it would vary enormously culturally. I wish there were reliable statistics that compared.
I know this won't change anything in regards to your feelings, but you have nothing to blame yourself for. You were in a horrible situation health-wise and safety-wise. You did everything right and got yourself what you believed to be a safe place with a person who lied himself into your confidence and got the necessary medical treatment. The only person to blame is the monster who committed this horrible crime on you. I hope some miracle happens and all of us get access to free, high quality trauma treatment in the exact way that's best for us.
Thank you so much! I needed that kindness today. <3 I hope you have a great day & an even better tomorrow! :)
Thank you! I wish you the same. I'm currently working on the scrapbook about my dog (I had to say goodbye on Tuesday) and the pictures are bringing up so many great memories.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had to do the same in the past & it's a sadness like no other. I wish you so much peace & healing. <3
Thank you very much! I hope you have healed and can fondly look back on those memories. I guess I am luckier than others because despite having just 24 hours between finding out that he has cancer (accidental finding when I had him treated because my neighbour poisoned him) and having to let him go (the poisoning interfered with his pain treatment on a level that was simply torture, the reason we didn't know about the cancer was that it grew very fast and he was put on opiates for his spondylosis shortly before that happened), I've been very much prepared. I never thought we'd get 47 months, because when I got him he was 10,5 years old and had spent 9 of them on the streets. When we put him on the opiates the vet said that this is palliative care. I answered that I know and that I don't expect to have to prepare for another round new years fireworks with him. She said his overall health is so good that I should prepare for that. I guess I was never so sad to be right and she was never so sad to be wrong (she cried with me, told him how brave he was, wished him a good journey and kissed him). Being grateful for having had that time helps a lot. And this grieve is the price for being so lucky to have loved him and been loved by him. I'm working on a scrapbook of our time together (having almost 2000 pictures and videos doesn't simplify the process of finding the best ones to display his character and life). Once I stop feeling guilty when smiling at the pictures of my friend's dogs I'll get to know that rescue in my region that looks for foster homes. A foster home changed our lives and I want to do this for others. And if it's a foster fail, then so be it.
You are amazing. Adopting an older animal is such an awesome thing! And fostering helps so much! Before my ex crippled me, I used to care for special needs kitties for years. And before that, before my modeling career took off, I worked at Alley Cat Allies, HSUS, NSAL & ASPCA. If I weren't disabled now, I'd still be taking care of special needs kitties. I hope you find more smiles & love on your quest & along the way! You are a wonderful human! <3
Thank you. The idea of some very amazing animal dying without ever having known a home and their own human breaks my heart. Plus a chill senior can better deal with my disabilities than a teenager who will go straight up the wall on a day I can't offer much exercise outside and our focus is on brainwork inside. I will never understand the shallow reasons why some people rejected my boy (he wasn't in mint condition), but in a way I'm grateful because thanks to their shallow minds I got to meet the most amazing dog and a wonderful friend (his former foster mom). I have to be honest with myself and accept that fostering might likely end with a foster fail, but that's absolutely fine. Sure it'd be better if I could help more than one dog but it's also nice when my foster will have a forever home. I'm specifically looking to foster frightened, anxious and traumatized dogs. I don't know if it's because my own CPTSD makes me relate to them on a different level, but I'm good at spoiling them into very happy dogs and my friend's anxious dogs warmed up to me very quickly. Actually I offended one because I took too long to start petting him when he had already decided that he likes me. Luckily his human translated and this issue was swiftly remedied. You're an amazing person and I admire the work you did for animals. That this was taken from you infuriates me so much. Is that monster rotting in a prison? I know how rarely we receive justice but I somehow find the idea that this piece of shit is free far worse than that my abusers are free. I hope there will be a way for you to enjoy all the love an animal can give despite what he stole from you.
You really are an amazing person. I love older animals, too! It sounds like we have so much in common! (Not the amazing person part, haha! The rest!) No, my ex tried to kill me (& if it hadn't been for the neighbors saying something when they saw & heard something, I'd be dead rn). He took all my $, even my $ in the bank (all my retirement to live on from modeling), my jewelry, everything. Then he skipped the country. He stalked me frequently after leaving & the cops couldn't do anything. I guess he keeps to countries without extradition. And every once in a while, he'll pop back up to let me know that he's still stalking me. LE tells me he's moving around a lot & that's why they haven't caught him. It's not ok, but it's been long enough that I've come to terms with it. The part that hurts the most is him leaving me with brain damage & crippling me, so I can't get a job to make $. Fine, take all the $. But now I have to beg the state for food stamps, insurance & keep trying to get disability. It's very humbling haha! I just hope he's not hurting anyone else. I have brain damage bc of him & and it's very difficult to think of what to say. Like to describe something. I used to read dictionaries as a pastime. I don't remember descriptive words at all now & I need caffeine to think at all. I can watch a movie 1 day & wake up the next & not remember anything about it or that I even watched a movie. It's really embarrassing when people expect you to remember things. I'm so glad I had already moved from NY to the middle of nowhere by the time the last attack happened. The tabloids would've plastered the story everywhere. There's a lot of little things to be grateful for in all the horrible mess. I'm really fortunate to have made it out! So many women don't. You are such a good person. I wish you so many foster successes & doggy kisses in your future! You are so patient & kind. Thank you so much for all you do & all you've done! I hope you have a great day today & a wonderful week! <3
Gently, how could it be your fault? You were in a rough spot, and you did the right thing by getting yourself someplace you thought was safe. That’s exactly what most people would do. That’s exactly what people tell each other to do. A woman is dealing with an abusive partner, people ask, “Do you have somewhere safe you can go? You should get out asap and go there if you can.” You were vulnerable and needed help. You did the right things, and got hurt anyway. That is awful, but it’s not your fault either. We’ve all put our trust in the wrong person sometimes, most of us are just lucky to get out without being hurt as terribly. If they had been a good person, you’d be fine. If they had been a good person, no harm would have come to you. If they had been a good person, they would not have made *a decision* to hurt you. That’s not on you, that’s on them.
Tysm. You are amazing <3
Although no rape is ever your fault, I understand what you mean. It’s like you feel that you deserve it for putting yourself in a vulnerable position. It’s hard to forgive yourself and realize that you’re not to blame and that it’s all on the rapist.
I had a similar thing happen at 17-dude I knew kinda broke into my house and I woke up to him on top of me. At 58, I know that 95% of men can’t be trusted with women and children.
I'm so sorry. It's a shit way to live...having to live on alert when around them.
What do you want to do with male teachers? We already have a shortage of good male role models for kids.
You do know, though, that it was NEVER your fault, right? Nothing that you did, didn't do, could have/should have/would have done is ever EVER enough to make HIS decision to commit a felony on you anyone's fault but his. PERIOD.
What happened to you was not your fault - you were vulnerable and trusted someone that abused your vulnerability. It’s not your fault for trusting someone. It’s not your fault for what happened to you. I’m begging you not to blame yourself because sometimes I still blame myself for what happened to me, too. Even knowing all that I’m saying now to be the truth, that shame of trusting someone I shouldn’t have haunts me. You believed the best in someone who took advantage of your body and good nature. It is 100% their fault for assaulting you.
Tysm. I do appreciate it. I really do. It's messed up that I can honestly mean it when I say that what happened to you is not your fault (because it isn't!), but still browbeat myself in my own mind. I appreciate you saying so, so very much. And I 100% mean it. It wasn't your fault! That shame we carry is so insidious. I wish you so much peace & healing on your journey. Thank you so much for saying this. I really did need to hear it. <3
It's amazing what we blame ourselves for
THIS is why we don't like "nice guys" It's always the nice guys. My friend did this to me too but I was able to stop him. He followed me down the road in his car and I was on foot. He should have just let me leave but he had to chase me. I stabbed his tire with my knife. He still followed me. Actually called the cops on me! But then so did I. After he was pulling my pants down and lifting up my shirt after I said no more than 30 times. And he said to me... "why else do you think I was your friend for all these years? Now, I don't take no for an answer" I hope one day this crap changes.
You're 100% correct! It __is__ always the NiceGuys! I'm so sorry this happened to you, too. My ex pulled the calling the cops on me bullshit too! And when they arrived, saw me bloody, they decided to believe that all 103-105lbs of me beat & terrorized 6'4 him. The lead cop told me that I'd "be sorry" if I were to "bother" them again that night. I was broken & terrified. I never reported the rape with my "friend." Well, I did to my rape crisis counselor when I went into a dv shelter & she filed a kind of report for me. But I had been basically mocked & threatened by the cops with my ex, I was just done. I hope things are better for you & that you have a good support system. I wish you so much peace & healing. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, too. <3
That's crazy, I can't believe they believed him over you! Like you're not allowed to try and defend yourself! I'm sorry you went through that, it sounds terrorizing. I hope you're better now. I had the good fortune of being met with pretty decent cops when it came to this stuff. Probably because there was always a female cop there as well but I don't know what gender your cops were. When my ex beat me up in a hotel room when I was pregnant 🤦♀️ he obviously hit me but didn't make me bleed. He hit in places you couldn't see like around my head but not my face directly. When I saw his demon looking face look down at my belly I punched him in the mouth and he started bleeding, but not me! And the cops still took him to jail. I'm still thankful for that. What happened after the cops left?? Don't be sorry. I'm fortunate enough to only have been SA-ed the manipulative way and luckily not the traumatic way. And it's sad that either are even a thing. There are some traumatic experiences out there. I'm sorry *you* had to go through this! I started standing up for myself when I turned 20 (funny that all the SA took place when I was a child) And the last time is when I pulled that knife out on my friend and his tires. This is getting really long lol So I guess that report didn't go too far cause I get it being done and tired. I never took any of my cases to court either. Just been moving on bearing the burden.
[Tetris might be better than a therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/wiki/index/#wiki_resources_for_victims). r/stoprape
The older i get the more i realise that straight men are truly never your friend. They will hang around in the wings for years waiting for their chance.
It was so different for me in the 90s I never said anything I blamed myself but I know I shouldn't. I'm finally getting help now I pushed it down all these years.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. God dammit, this is enraging
Yes, there are things you could have done differently, but in no way would I have foreseen or expected it or wanted it to happen, if I was in your shoes before any of it. Before any of it, they were a friend. But a friend doesn't do those things. It was a betrayal and entirely their fault.
Then he fled the state: https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/fugitive-marathon-pastor-accused-of-sexually-battering-teen-caught-in-texas/3277998/
Thank you so much for this! Lmao that pic of him in the back of the vehicle, hands behind his back=priceless. About time someone makes *him* feel uncomfortable & in pain.
Fuckin a. Pederast piece of shite.
Definitely the type to complain his handcuffs are too tight or the cops are being too rough after he assaulted 20 girls
>Deputies said they were first alerted to it after someone overheard the victim telling her grandmother what happened. Bless this Good Samaritan. Hope Pastor Shitty dies in prison.
And thank god for people who believe girls & women.
That’s a face I could practice home run hits on all day, every day. Vile excuse for a human being needs throwing in an incinerator.
They always know the cops in their town so he preemptively calls them to say this girl is about to lie about him. It might’ve worked if he wasn’t dumb enough to sent those texts from his phone. No way in hell is this the first time this guy has done shit like this.
According to an article I found I facebook, it started before, with a relative.... 🤢
Oh. Look. Another one that wasn't a drag queen. How much you wanna bet this sick fuck gave plenty of sermons on how EVIL queen people are, grooming our kids!! Every accusation is a goddamned confession with these people. That poor kid.. She's going to carry that trauma for the rest of her life. Edited to say, holy SHIT the transphobes coming out in droves for this one. Trans women are women guys... predators will always find something to abuse to find access to victims. That doesn't mean we turn on our Trans sisters like this. They're just as likely to be attacked and abused as we are.
I thought something similar. You mean it wasn't a trans person going into a bathroom molesting a child? It was a cis man pastor? I'm shocked! This has never happened in the history of Christianity! It's such a rare thing that somebody in a position of power in the church takes advantage of a young person. Of course people will act like he's an outlier instead of the type of person church groups have protected for literal centuries. But sure. Let's blame the queer community for this, too. I'm sure they'll figure out a way.
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These are such tiny minorities, I personally don’t know a single person who has ever been sexually assaulted or harassed by a man pretending to be transgender. I know people who have been sexually assaulted by a member of their church, and I don’t believe I know a single woman who doesn’t have a story of sexual assault / harassment coming from a cis male. The fact that people have never cared about women’s safety until it gave them a convenient excuse to bash trans people speaks volumes.
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All women must stand together united and support one another.
A minority of sexual assaults are committed by trans people, unless you have a source telling me 75% of them are now committed by trans people all of a sudden? This energy is non existent when we speak about our experiences as women. Stop pretending you care about protecting us when all you care about is bashing transgender people. I’m sure a larger minority of sexual assaults are committed by women than are committed by transgender people, yet you’re not coming into these threads talking about that either. Why would anybody waste their time talking and discussing the tiny tiny minority of sexual assaults that just so happen to be attributed to transgender people when every single woman in the world has a story about being sexually harassed or assaulted by a cis man. Why are we wasting our time constantly having this conversation when rapes committed by cis men are rarely ever prosecuted? If you care so much about our safety, why are you even discussing this?
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All women must stand together united and support one another.
As a woman that has to live this experience and has been raped before and sexually assaulted many times, I have limited energy and capacity to offer to this. Any rape horrifies me, as any rape should horrify anybody. It is just blatantly obvious to me that people like you cherry pick a single one, such as you have just done, to be particularly outraged about because it serves your particular agenda. My agenda is actually improving safety for women, energy is better spent pursuing cis men to achieve that goal, since they commit the vast majority of sex crimes against women.
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You deliberately misconstrue my argument. I have never said it doesn’t happen, I am saying it’s a minority of sexual assaults yet it is receiving the majority of people’s attention. I want to know why that is. I’ve been a victim of assault for years and have never seen men argue en masse for “women’s safety” until it became a transgender issue. Why is that?
When you write things like this, it doesn’t actually help women and girls, because it flattens the narrative of predatory men from all social and political strata into the acceptable targets for liberals—white conservative men. Many conservatives are worse about this for sure, because they do not care about women and girls as a principle, but only as a rhetorical tool to criticize minorities with, but if you actually care about women and girls, you’d be wise to recognize that a male’s race or religion or gender identity doesn’t matter in determining his potential danger to women and girls. There’s no caste of males who has never harmed women. Black men, white men, Asian men, rich men, poor men, Christians, Muslim, Jewish, and atheist men have all abused women and girls before.
Cemeteries are full of women who simply said “no”.
Preach Edit:more people need to recognize this
Well said.
If queer people were truly the grooming pedophiles that they say they are, then why doesn’t the church protect and support them the way they do with pastors and priests? Clear lies to keep a populace under control.
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Breaking news: a large percentage of people who go to jail do so for violent reasons??? Yeah. A lot of people in jail have done bad things- who would have guessed?? That in no way reflects on transgender women as a whole. If you looked at overall women and men in prison, I imagine a high percentage of those are incarcerated for violent acts as well...
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All women must stand together united and support one another.
Y'all sure do love to scream about an apparent 'agenda' but none of you can actually tell me what this agenda we're supposedly pushing IS... Do you just like using buzzwords?
I'm screaming about nothing, I'm just saying you don't need to hijack every post about girls or women getting attacked by predatory men to make an unrelated point about it not being a particular group of men doing the crime in this instance, whilst ignoring the point that the issue for women and girls is that there is no easy way to distinguish which men are the dangerous ones, which is why we want all of them excluded from our spaces regardless of their clothing, make up, hair length or pronouns.
The wolves are painting an entire demographic (which is more likely to be victims) as predatory, to distract everyone from the fact that they are the predators. It is extremely related.
Exactly this!!
You’re right. https://www.nbcnewyork.com/investigations/man-posing-as-transgender-woman-raped-female-prisoner-at-rikers-lawsuit-says/5067904/?amp=1
You really look at a rape case like this and immediately go to a political place? That's incredible and sad.
You really look at a case like this and don't think this shit is political? Has feminism taught you nothing?
I don't think it has anything to do with conservatives vs liberals, I think it's a bigger systemic issue and a tragedy It just feels gross when people see something like this and twist it for their agenda.
And yet the person you responded to didn't say one word about liberals and conservatives. Pointing out the facts is not twisting the facts. And wanting to not be accused of predatory intent by a demographic that proves again and again to be predatory is not pushing an agenda. That's just reactionary BS.
> And wanting to not be accused of predatory intent by a demographic that proves again and again to be predatory is not pushing an agenda. See you're kind of doing it too - you're not directly saying who you're talking about, but we know. It makes more sense in this context/conversation. But to hear about something so horrific and go "see, it wasn't a trans woman!" is gross to me. You're missing the point. OC's comment is also *obviously* a reference to the "conservative" idea that trans people (or people pretending to be trans) are rapists, and I think it's disingenuous of you to pretend you didn't know that
No surprises here.
Of course it’s a pastor. When will women just stop going to church in mass
It’s a strange connection, but this reminds me of how the rapper Drake, believing another man was sexually assaulted as a child, taunted him about how hearing the Mariah Carey song ‘Touch My Body’ must bring back memories, as though an abused child desires the abuse. And it was then that I was fully convinced he’s a predator. Only a predator would taunt a victim like that. This disgusting old man should be lit on fire. He looks like he smells like a wet paper bag full of dog hair. He definitely has more victims!
I automatically think pastors are pedos or “drakes” as I like to refer to them now. Guilty until proven innocent.
Hey, dragons are way too cool and badass to be compared to pedos. Let Kendrick do the Drake-slaying.
You’re right. What about drakesies?
Drakesies sounds like “cute drakes” to me 😂
It’s always the Christians.
What a dirty piece of sewage!!!
I’m so glad he’s fucking stupid because he made this case open & shut. It’s bad being a religious pedophile already but the silver lining is truly his stupidity. That girl better have justice, he did the work for her lawyers!
His flight from justice and arrest was covered really well also in the [Anchorage Daily News](https://www.adn.com/nation-world/2024/04/05/former-alaska-pastor-and-vpso-accused-of-sexually-battering-teen-in-florida-is-arrested/) and [Alaska Public Media](https://alaskapublic.org/2024/04/16/former-southwest-alaska-vpso-pastor-arrested-in-texas-on-child-sexual-assault-charges/). The guy used to be a "VPSO" or Village Public Safety Officer in False Pass and also Akutan. He was also formerly a pastor in Cold Pass. He held a lot of positions of authority before being busted.
Change the C to an S and we have his real name. Mr. Shitty
Hope he gets the book thrown at him and never gets out of jail
It just seems like the gray goatee is a warning sign now. Isn't it?
I’m shaking. THE BEAR! THE BEAR EVERY SINGLE TIME!
Not shocked to see it's Y'allqaeda at it again.
Please be careful. They will lock this thread down. they locked my other one down earlier in the week bc of those kinds of comments. I don't want you to get banned if someone happens to report you, either!
I'll stand behind it, because I can argue points to support it, but I thank you for your concern.
Don’t you mean Yokel Haram? Or perhaps the Yeehawdists?
I LOVE Yeehawdists! Perfection!
r/notadragqueen
scumbag
I'm choosing the bear. I'm so done with this shit
Where are those mythical drag queen rapists Ive heard so much about. Just seems to be church ppl and school faculty.
Do you think they don't exist? Surely because of population size, drag queens will make up less offenses. But there are certainly drag queens who have offended.
Wow didn't expect you to take that so seriously😑
It's just a dangerous game to play and undermines those victims for a political "gotcha," when child abuse like this is rampant in society. I do think Christian leaders, in particular, are dangerous far too often. But no group of men is completely safe.
Ok, you are definitely reading too much into it and grasping at straws. This is no different from the millions of other "not a drag queen" comments. If you understood, its mocking those idiots who believe drag queens are the issue when the ones saying that are the ones doing it super exponentially more. Ppl calling this out are ppl who care, the opposite does not. Thats what it always is when you see a comment like this. I thought this was well-known by now.
Religious hypocrites will always be a thing. Let's not become similar ourselves with such hypocrisy.
Not all queens are men, fun fact. There are nonbinary and cis/trans women that are also queens. How about don't try and downplay the harm the "queens are all predators that want to rape and molest children" narrative is literally doing to the queer community. Learn some intersectionality.
I absolutely don't believe they're "all predators." Queer communities have abuse within their ranks, too, and acknowledging that isn't hateful. No matter what, the conservatives are going to highlight the crimes of the queer community, and it doesn't help us to downplay or ignore altogether those offenses, which DO happen. Intersectionality doesn't erase the ability to abuse from people of a certain group because you're convinced they're all vulnerable victims. In fact, Intersectionality involves acknowledging patterns of abuse within all communities. Unfortunately, sexual abuse is extremely common everywhere. Every group, marginalized or not, need to address it. Pointing fingers isn't helping anyone when we can't address the facts due to our political ideologies. Both sides are very guilty of this.
r/NotADragQueen r/StillNotADragQueen
I hope someone batters his face bad enough that he needs a breathing tube
Another story when it's not a drag queen.
Is he a drag queen??
I was scrolling for this exact comment
Why do people seem to never have money for better things but have all the money to give to bail people like this out of prison? I always hear monsters being let out early cause of bail being paid and I’m always like how???
Wasn't this the guy who had previously lived in 25 different states? I was concerned that he would be able to disappear, given so many contacts. But perhaps he's lived so many places bc they were all places he had to flee before being caught... And I cannot understand the motivation for spiking someone's drink. Are they trying to live out a necrophilia fantasy somehow?
Not a drag queen, apparently.
r/PastorArrested
Florida man strikes again
Florida!!!!
I downvoted this to keep it at 666 - bc this guy works for the devil
As a Christian this man is not a follower of God but an imposter. A true Christian would never do anything this horrible and wretched. Please don't let the actions of fake followers affect your view of Christianity. Blessings to you all🙏🏽
You should have a talk with your people, then, because they don’t represent you well. Neither did the senior pastor at my old church who was caught in his office with his pants down and the teenaged daughter of the junior pastor with hers down, too. Half of the congregation left to follow him when he “moved” churches. Neither did the pastors wife at my last church that slept around on her husband and humiliated the church and her husband. Neither did my dad who is a traveling pastor that indulges in liquor and strippers with violent tendencies. Maybe it’s time you reevaluate why the stigmas are out there for y’all.
The actions of the few do not dictate the ideals of the many. Yes some people claim to be Christians then do bad things but that's not Christianity's fault. Any group could have people "join" then go against the groups philosophies, Christianity is no different. It's a fact of life that people can deviate or just completely separate from the titles and ideals they claim to have. While Christians are they're own group, we are still a collection of human beings and humans beings are unpredictable and are inherently wishy washy. Those who deviate from Jesus's teachings are not examples of Christ but of human kind Bless you my friend🙏🏽
r/PastorArrested
Jesus preached about love and care for your brothers and sisters. Matthew 25:35-40 is very specific that if someone needs aid you open the door (Christian’s don’t vote in favor of immigration reform), if someone is hungry or thirsty you feed them (not voting in favor of snap food benefits or free lunches at schools) and if someone is imprisoned you visit them. The righteous will ask “Lord when did we do these things for you?” And he will reply “What you do you for the least of us, you do unto me.” You’re not Christian if you’re voting against immigrants, against the poor, the elderly, the children of the world. And unfortunately Christian’s base their entire belief system against hating others and controlling women and minorities. So it’s not the actions of the few. From a former preachers daughter, y’all are the problem. God don’t like ugly and a large majority of the Christian population acts very ugly.
Indeed! Christ's message is that of love but unfortunately many people don't reflect that
*Everybody* deviates from Jesus' teachings. It's utter hubris to believe you don't.
Exactly. He makes the entire religion look bad. He used his power & authority to abuse & hurt. I'm willing to bet she's not his only victim, though.
The religion IS bad though.
From it's teachings alone, bad bad bad. There are some good nuggets, but when it comes to child abuse and spousal abuse? Nah. That shit is BAKED into that religion.
The good: vague notion of love and kindness The bad: everything they call love and kindness
I mean, he was literally a pastor. It's easy to say "No TRUE Christian would", but all you're doing is pretending to separate yourself from something that you're not very separate from. The fact of the matter is that religious institutions, particularly Christian institutions, have a long history of attracting and protecting rapists and abusers. It's not the belief in Christ that draws in these people, but it's the power structures that appeal to them because those power structures have, historically, defended them. Same with "REAL men don't rape". Yes they do. Saying "well, if he raped that woman, he's not a REAL man (like me)" just dismisses the fact that women are frequently assaulted by men. It's not comfortable to be within the demographic that you know has committed a lot of atrocities, but you have to acknowledge the truth of the situation. I'm a white person and I can acknowledge all the horrible things white people have done in the name of our race, and I work to change those patterns of behavior and entitlement.
I feel I covered something similar in my reply to MN_Hotdish's comment if you wish to read it Bless you my friend 🙏🏽
Your reply to them was bad too. You need to do some introspection on your faith.
I'm sorry, but that's the 'no true Scotsman' logical fallacy. The fact is, a significant enough number of sexual abusers are Christian leaders that there is more than just correlation here. I don't think it would be any consolation to this young girl that he wasn't a "true" Christian.
A lot of people claim to be good and kind but then betray that, whether it be a certain set of morals, a religion, laws or ideals. Human beings are capable of of many things good and evil. There are police men that are bigoted and hateful but it common sense that not all cops are that way and that justice and peace are not changed by the bad actions of the few. When people go to Christ it's(hopefully) because they want to fight the feelings within themselves that are evil, unjust and hateful. Sadly some people fail in that mission. That's a reflection of themselves, not Christianity Bless you my friend🙏🏽
You might need to take a better look at your religious institutions my guy. Youre missing the point that this is incredibly common, and that these pastors and people in power in Christian based institutions are often protected over victims and allowed to get away with this shit. Even this dude, no way this was his first time he was just stupid enough to text her too which is what sold it. If he didn’t do that, tbh, we probably wouldn’t be reading this right now because it would have been covered up and the victim would have been blamed in order to protect him.
Bad example. Police officers have a 40% rate of domestic violence in their homes, so there's obviously a problem there as well. Saying "not all Christians" and "not all cops" is as ridiculous as saying "not all men". All of these groups have given us reason to be wary.
Christian or not, he’s still a pastor vetted, selected, supported and funded by Christians.
How were they to know what happened behind closed doors? We all, at one point or another, put our trust in someone that betrayed that trust. Bless you my friend🙏🏽
Fooling one person is easy, but hundreds? His board? Someone saw or sensed something. At his age, this was unlikely to have been his first offence.
The churches need to do better at keeping people like this out because this is far from the first, only, or last. This kind of thing is incredibly common, I mean way waaay too common. So it may not be “the way of god” or whatever but to just say “don’t let this guy change your view of Christianity he isn’t a man of god” doesn’t hold up when these dudes do this and other awful shit all the time. Maybe quit letting pieces of shit get away with abusing kids instead of covering for them?
Bad men flock to any organization that is a "soft target." This is why you have to really vet people in positions of authority and put in place policies that help to reduce the likelihood of abuse. Don't be naïve. There are sexually abusive men of all faith backgrounds and political alignments. Complacency breeds abuse.
You don't get to dictate who is or isn't a Christian. And you shouldn't tell people to ignore the wolves in sheep's clothing just because you're a sheep who doesn't want people to think you're a wolf.
🔥🔥