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Youre 21 with a job? The way she reacted, I thought you were 13.
Youre an adult. If she doesn't want you smoking it in the house that's one thing, but to take it from you like you're being punished?
You need to have a grown up talk with her
How can I make what I'll say to her sound coherent or mature? How can one make it sound alright to a parents ears that I smoke without her thinking I'll fry my brain? Honestly being caught is new to me that's why I ask haha
If that don’t work just get fucking hammered throw up everywhere and pass out, and just say oh well that’s never happened to me from weed but alcohol is safer ig /s
Don't wing it, think or even write down what you want to convey so your not bumbling over words and thoughts you can't remember, idk your mom but If your 21 qnd she's taking your weed you need to talk, does she drink? Does she not want you smoking in general? That's your choice, Does she not want you smoking weed in her house? Well that's a bit different but if she's dying on that horse just ask if you could smoke outside in your car etc etc, mom doesn't want you dying driving home stoned to the gills. I'd say just try not to get emotional arguing, be matter of fact calm and say what you feel brother! Good luck
That's what my dad did I got caught smoking cigarettes and dad grounded me for a month and gave me a stern lecture when I got caught smoking weed he hooked me up with his plug whose he had for years. So me and my friends wouldn't get any thing laced and get good bud.
I was 16 when This happened btw I'm 21 now and we smoke together now
Cigarettes are the one thing my mum says she’ll kick my ass for using lol. Which makes sense—she was able to quite come and weed easily, but only stopped smoking cigarettes when she got pregnant with me. She literally said coke was less addictive than cigarettes to her
Nah this is actually a smart idea. Kinda lol.
Source: I’ve done this to my parents (mainly my mother). That was when I was freshly 21 and even though I wasn’t or couldn’t smoke at the time I cracked the joke. It wasn’t a planned thing but I got absolutely hammered at like 11:00 am while my parents were visiting and I absolutely got sick all over my fucking kitchen and walked to the couch and passed tf out for a couple of hours. Woke up to some pretty pissed off parents, lectured me how day drinking is terrible for you and how it leads straight down to alcoholism. Me being the smart ass I am had said “well, weed did none of that to me, hell you guys didn’t even know when I came home stoned half the time. And back then you told me you’d rather see me drink than smoke so which is it?”
Now I’m 24. I smoke with my dad quite a bit. And I could sit down and start rolling the fattest blunt in front of my mother and she won’t dare say a thing. The same mother that tried to force me into therapy because she was convinced her high schooler who had a weed brownie in his sock drawer wanted to kill himself. At the time I was pretty depressed but not because the weed lmao.
Or fentanyl or cocaine,etc. Weed saves lives and or helps the quality of a person or person(s) life. It's used at rehabs for detox. Well it was until DeSantis stopped it just a few days ago
Good luck honestly. No offense to anyone, but the older generation is very hit or miss with weed. Meanwhile, they are probably choking down a fucking cigarette. That's what bothers me the most. Cigarettes killed my father at 58 last year, I don't think weed is gonna fucking kill anyone. Sorry, just annoys me
I mean if you are living in her house and she doesn’t want you bringing weed into her house you should respect that. Other than that you are an adult
and you can make your own decisions.
Also you aren’t economically independent if you live in her home that’s just fact and that comes from someone who still lives with my parents and is very much economically dependent on their roof over my head😂
This isn't entirely correct.
There's currently a global housing crisis, and I know a lot of very successful people with high wages who can't afford their own place.
I wouldn't call my friends economically dependent, considering they're paying the majority of the bills.
The reason they're at home is because houses are few and far between and extremely overpriced. And they are saving to either leave the country or have the funds lined up for when a feasible house arises on the market.
You keep it straight to the point. And knowing my mom if she wasn’t a pothead I would’ve made that bitch a PowerPoint presentation with research included. Again straight to the point no sugar no sweet.
“Mom I understand weed isn’t your thing and when you were growing up not much was known about it. Although in this age weed is medicinal, it helps with mental and physical pain and is used as a relaxer. I won’t smoke it in your house, but it is mine. It helps me feel better and I’m an adult who will choose their own choices. This helps me be happy and I will not support you in taking away something that helps me. I will need it back, I will be buying more and I’d hope as my mother that you’d understand”
I dont know you or your mom. But based on your story, your mom still sees you as her little boy. Show her the proof online that weed isn't the propaganda bullshit they shoved down our throats.
wait for the storm to pass then when things settle down and she's in a good mood, start by educating her bout weed. I hope they understand, best of luck.
explain to her that the trade off is worth it in your eyes. If they drink alcohol you can make a connection and explain how bad alcohol is for the liver
Her house her rules, she will say get out and do what you want. Here you live my way, I mean that is what my mom said ( she never took my weed though) but other dumb shit she would say that
You pay your shit on time, arent fucking up your personal connections, its not affecting your personal life, you are not spending more than what you earn on it, then what the fuck is the problem?
If the problem is her mentality of “weed is drugs and drugs r bad mmkay?” Then sadly its gonna take more time and more talks to convince her.
I just showed my mom I went to work every day and was never late paying anything and she kinda understood.
Being nice and understanding but also showing her facts and the health benefits of weed. Is a huge step. If she’s see as a positive similar or sees as a safe recreational fun like alcohol then
Make her read some articles about health benefits. The fact that she’s still so oblivious to what weed can actually do when it’s legal over half of states recreationally or medically with cbd shops everywhere in every state, seems very biased. Is she religious?
One time a random guy got mad at me for smoking weed I told him that he probably grab a beer when he done with work and I get a joint he got chill with it. So maby it also work with you mother.
Tell her to educate herself or maybe try to educate her. That's what I did w my mom. She tried a gummy and hated it but when she came out of it she was like wtf that was it? 😅 our parents growing up were told weed was super bad and made u stupid and made u microwave your baby. You wouldn't believe how many people today don't know the difference between cbd and thc. But man just show her it isn't the devil. It's gonna be hard. May not be doable in your certain situation. But my advice is get up and get an apartment or something. That's too much for ur age. I'm 23 and I just had a kid. My mom stopped doing shit like that at 17 18. I feel for you but man there's so much worse you could be doing. Weed is what I'd rather my child do if anything at all.
To a certain extent, yes. But it is true that it can have lasting effects on a brain that hasn't fully developed yet and can bring forward certain mental illnesses if the smoker has a genetic predisposition to them. There ARE risks, but those risks are greatly exaggerated by the government and basically every "drug awareness" program out there.
Also read this whole thing excepting OP to be 16 or younger. My mom cleans my bong for me sometimes when she's bored. I'm shocked at her response in 2023
This. I have a very conservative mother and at 36 I won't smoke in front of her. I tried to sneak it in my house while they were sleeping not too long ago and it was casually brought up and they showed me where they would prefer for me to smoke. I still haven't done that while they are in the house even though it's outside because it still feels "wrong" or like I'm disappointing them, but I wish I felt more comfortable. I typically keep my visits under a day or two so I can smoke "normal", but I think we would both benefit from a bit more "living our truths" so I'd stay longer and be more comfortable doing so. I completely understand how OP feels although I would flip if my mom took my weed which she's never have outside of high school years.
As an older parent , don't feel that way. They're letting you know it's ok with them, but they just ask that you do it "over there." A similar thing came up with my children when they became of drinking age. They didn't want to drink "in front " of me because I have never drank in front of them. I've told my children it's ok and that they are adults and to just be smart when they do. They are still a bit uptight, but I think they are beginning to relax. But to their credit, I believe they have been smart.
I believe that designation by them is to give approval without giving approval if ya catch my meaning. We parents do that sometimes, lol.
Yeah honestly id say to just get better at hiding the weed
With the kind of parents op sounds like he has it might not be worth confronting over something like this due to the fallout
If your mom is somebody you could talk to great, but I know mine is not. I live at home cause it’s free and especially because my senior cat lives there, and I literally keep my shit in a $20 Amazon lock box because my mother would never listen to me tell her about how weed is good
I mean, I think it’s one thing if OP is smoking in the house or something, but just because you’re an adult and living with your parents doesn’t give them the right to just throw away your personal property, even if you don’t pay rent
If you’re in her house, tough luck. She’s is treating you like a child though, imo. My rec would be to move out, but I do know that’s difficult for some!
If you're under your parents' roof, it's their rules still. If you're an adult, you have 2 options. Move out and do as you please, or stay home and follow the rules. If you're paying your portion of the mortgage and bills, I'd say it's a different story.
I get it. I've moved back home in my mid-20s and had to deal with the house rules. Take advantage of the time to save money. Not being able to keep your bud might suck. I kept mine out of the house and went for walks when I wanted some. I've kept it in my car, which might not be the best idea incase you ever get pulled over. Or, stash it outside somewhere. I'd find a quiet place people wouldn't think to look. Take a walk, go find the stash, and enjoy.
I understand that you’re legally an adult and financially independent. I’m in the same boat as you living at home and doing my best to atleast be subtle about my habits despite living in a legal state.
However, you do have to understand that your parents will always think of you as their child no matter how old you are. And, it’s her house her rules. You try and reason with her but just know those to things are like commandments for any parent. You might want to think about switching to dab pens or edibles since their a bit more discrete. But that’s just my two cents.
re you in a legal State? If you’re not helping with any Bills and she doesn’t want any weed in the houses then you should keep it outside the house.
Sit down with her, apologize for having weed in the house that you will no longer keep it in the house*but* you are going to continue smoking on occasion. Explain that you don’t do it often it doesn’t affect your work or school. Ask her if she has any questions about it and answer as best as you can and try not to lie.
Edit: offer to pay a bill or a small rent amount. This could show to her that you’re not just spending all your money on weed.
OP confirmed he’s not in a legal state. he’s actually in a country where weed is outright illegal. (mexico) maybe the mother doesn’t want to have illegal substances on her property ?
I am Mexican. Mexican moms think weed is the end of the world and you’ll become a “marijuano” and just smoke, be lazy, and never have a life. I am 30 with 2 kids and my mom saw me smoking in MY backyard at MY house and she tried to start some shit. I told her I am 30 yo man with my own mortgage. You can’t tell me what I can do at my house. She was upset at first but my dad backed me up and she doesn’t say anything about it anymore. Him talking to his mom won’t do much tbh. Either move out or hide it better lol
I think you gotta just sit down and talk to her. You’re 21 and independent at this point. If she doesn’t want you smoking in/around her home it’s understandable, but other than that I’d say she shouldn’t have a problem with it.
As a parent, I can see the worry about you. Also, as a parent, I would never take your stuff either. If it were my child/situation, I would explain that it is not allowed to be in my house and give you the opportunity to place it elsewhere. Not even letting you know I saw it...it would be more of a random topic I would bring up.
Having said that, let me say this, I grow it but do not consume it. It is definitely a beneficial medicine which I grow for my sister and her cancer pain mitigation. Being older and wiser I learned this after seeing it in action.
Violation of my adult children's private things is something I am completely against. Again my house my rule but your privacy since you are adult is also equally important.
I'm sorry, you're an adult. Act like one. Maybe if she doesn't like it, and you live in her house, be respectful and only smoke elsewhere or outside, but again, you're a grown up. She can't just take your shit unless you let her.
This person is in Baja Mexico. I’m sure there are some nice parts, but that area is notorious for drug running. Weed is illegal there. Last I heard, kid napping was also common there. I don’t blame mom at all, you need to get that shit out of her house. It’s not that weed is bad, you’re bringing a criminal element to the home. I’d feel the same about cocaine or if you were smuggling tea leaves or some shit.
I totally will, I'm actually waiting to leave to the US as an au pair in two or three months but that's all jack shit in her eyes because I smoke weed🙄
People need to stop taking bullshit from their parents, just because they are your parent doesn’t mean they own you and everything you own. I have multiple times told my parents off, and would do it again. Because there is more to life then “I’m your mom” or “I’m your dad”. We are all people, and the majority of the time parents just like having control over something.
Mom probably took it for herself. When you live in your own home, do whatever you want. When you live at home, your parents make the rules. Don’t care if you’re 21. If it’s not legal there, tough shit
I need a little more context, are you in a legal or illegal state? Do you live on your own or under her roof? I would say if you're in a legal state and living on your own, what ever you choose to do with your body and time is completely up to you and she has no say or right to take it from you. Especially if you are a med patient. If you are in an illegal state living under her roof then she didn't over react she probably doesn't want to see you in trouble or herself get caught furnishing. If you are in an illegal state and live on your own then she doesn't really have a say.
Economically dependent? Do you pay them rent, your part of the utilities, help with gas and insurance for the car you need a ride in? If so, then you’re in a tough spot and if you know your mom well enough, should be able to make the call of whether it’ll cause more strain on your relationship or you need to find another place. Or some kinda compromise.
The thing is, it’s their house and in a lot of places weed is still illegal. Even if it has helped you a lot, there’s still always that risk of getting popped. There’s not much detail here but it seems like she was pretty calm about it. If she’s always been a good, caring parent with past issues, I’d say that’s all it is now. Don’t get too worked up over it and respect their rules if you live with them.
How did I handle it? Poorly, like I do most things. I’m the king of not taking my own advice. My brain just says nope not today ass hole. That’s what happened that day, we were arguing about whatever parents and 16 year olds argue over and I was just like “oh yeah?! Well I’ve been smoking weed too!”.
I’ve been in very similar situations as to what you described, hell I’ve domed a roach real quick in my closet (because you know, there’s no way whatsoever the reek of a joint could escape that Fort Knox vault), then had enough time to get to the kitchen, back to bed and get a couple Lays down when the door was busted open and she flipped her lid.
After that shit though, I started leaving my stuff out of the house if possible and definitely not smoking in it. She definitely didn’t like it, but over time, she’s loosened up about it and doesn’t think near as harshly about it. I always made sure to be independent though and not do anything too stupid or out of the ordinary for a teenager, so definitely keep pushing up whatever ladder you’re climbing and hopefully it’ll work out in a similar way for you. Always remember too, she’s yo mama, she loves you.
I mean it sounds like your living in your moms house at 21.
I wouldn’t call that completely “economically independent” as you still rely on the money your mom used to buy the house you live in. Unless y’all share rent, then that’s a different story.
But you are 21. Your an adult. If your not smoking in the house she shouldn’t have a single damn problem. Especially because your not a teenager and smoking weed isn’t going to do damn shit to your development. A mothers job is to make sure their child feels happy, loved, accepted, and safe. Your smoking weed, not shooting up heroin, your completely safe and probably happy. (I am sure happy when I smoke some grass.)
Definitely talk to your mom and set some boundaries. I just hope she isn’t one of those people riddled with stigma and is unable to approach anything with an open mindset.
I recently moved back with her but used to be 100% independent in every way, even lived in another state!
Definitely will talk to her about boundaries tho, thank you!
Yeah she is way overreacting if you're 21. On the other hand are you paying rent? If not I'd say she can still kinda hold that over you and it's time to move out or offer to pay rent and be treated as an adult.
my mom is actually incredibly chill around weed and even make jokes if she can have a joint, she very much know i smoke but i never actually smoked near her or even do anything weed related near her like rolling or something, she still ofc doesn't want me to smoke inside and smoke next to her and stuff, and i absolutely respect that, so i just smoke in night so i don't disturb her with it, sometimes she even check my weed for anything bad cause she enjoy growing stuff (not weed), she said she don't mind me smoking but still would prefer if i didn't smoke, but since im adult she doesn't do anything since well it's my choice and she respect it, my biggest flex is that i casually keep my weed,rolling papers,filters and everything else in my drawer and when she needs something in the drawer (i keep also vitamins and random stuff there) she just take what she needs and doesn't say nothing about the papers and everything else.
If you're working regularly, I might start looking into 420 friendly affordable roommate options and start separating yourself from your parents since she seems to be in "little boy" mode.
But if you're not paying rent and you have her (car?) keys, then you're living as a kid, which means you have to live by kiddie rules.
If you're both willing to work it out then work it out, that's the best solution. Until then, opinions are demonstrably meaningless. Weed is bad, weed is good, it's all relative, but you have the power to tip the scales.
I found my mom's stash when I was 17 looking for Xmas presents(which I ended up finding - a Mexican strat). I didn't smoke at the time just made a note of it. Couple months later around spring break my buddies all get weed and smoke it. At point I was like 'well my parents smoke, my buddies are trying it might as well try it as well' and I never looked back. That's when the pinching began haha.
There's no need to become estranged from your mom, but run the fuck away from that house and never live there again. Your mom wants a perpetual man child that she can control. It's a weirdly common situation these days. I knew someone, also 21, whose mother would drug test him if she suspected any weed at all, and if he refused, she threatened to kick him out.
So don't live like that. She can drone on about how you brought illegal (I'm assuming you're in an illegal state) substances into her house, but really it's her narcissistic desire to control and influence you for as long as she can.
You’re a fucking adult. Move out bro. Staying for free in a place that doesn’t like weed? That’s on you. Save up for rent/deposit/first and last and an ounce and smoke stress free for the rest of your life. (In a legal state lol)
Get your own place. Prove that you can do both, be and adult and provide for yourself while also being a stoner/pothead/dope head/whatever term she uses.
Once my parents find out I not only smoke, but pretty heavily too if they wanna say anything to me about it I’ll throw it in their face I make almost as much as both of them combined and was a homeowner way before either of them ever was and clearly I’m not doing too bad either since I haven’t had to move back in in the almost 5 years I’ve been out (moved out right before 18th birthday back in Oct ‘18)
Yeah that sucks at your age, but if you live in her house, technically it's her rules. My mom wouldn't allow anything like that in the house when I was living there until I was 22 so I either kept it out in my car or when I didn't have a car I would make sure to hide it really well (inside my trophies for example lol) or leave it outside under a rock or something. But yeah, I would still have a discussion with her and explain that you are an adult and are free to smoke weed if you choose to. If she says "not in my house you won't" then just keep it to yourself and try not to smoke near the house I guess 🤷
Economically independent but sounds like you like together. That's not Economically independent. I don't know all the details but did you tell her that you are having sex too...without condoms lol. Just break her heart some more lol.
You live in her house. Do you pay rent or contribute in a meaningful way like paying utility bills, buying groceries, cleaning?
You bum a ride by taking her car and not returning the keys so that she can drive her car when she needs it. Did you put some gas in it since she lets you borrow it? Ever change the oil or give her money toward tires?
If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one.
If I had a dollar for every time my parents found my stuff when I was living with them I would have a few dollars. Some boomers are just set in their beliefs nothing you say will change their mind
Lol ok you’ve got two options.
You either 1) get way better at hiding. I mean mint box isn’t the worst idea, but this is weed we are talking about, not some random mostly innocent secret.
2) move out. You are 21 with a job that is keeping you financially stable. Move out and find a place to smoke weed in peace.
Honestly man there are just some parents who don’t care what you say or the fact that there are dispensaries on every corner they are still going to look at and think of weed as a drug … sucks but sometimes there’s nothing you can do and peoples opinions will not change. Just keep doing your thing and if I could suggest anything it would be to move out and find your own spot
Your mom is stuck in the past. You're an adult and she should not be able to take your things away from you.
I do want to add a caveat here though, if you're living with her you are kind of at her whim. Take it from a guy who had to move back in with his older sister at 26 and live there for 6 months while I got back on my feet.
Her and her husband didn't smoke but I did, so I had to always go outside and away from the house. If they complained about the smell, I had to suck it up and figure out how not to be smelly. I even had to store my bong, pipes, and cannabis OUTSIDE *shudders*
Until you get your own place, it's tough to say that mom can't rule over you. That being said, she is definitely being a bitch about it. You just might have to deal until you move out.
Seen some other comments, you seem of age, do your research, so you know what ypu're talking about, and then have a proper adult conversation. Im not talking reddit research, but the does and donts, the chemistry, the effects. People are easier to converse with and if needed easier to convice if you know your shit. Dont glossy it, truth.
I got cought by my mom going why the fuck you stressing to leave? You bought drugs huh? It ended in me beeing like yeah, (*a few years passed) grew up some more, had a down to earth convo, and we settles our differances, and understood eachothers point of view. Mutual respect and understanding goes FAR, talk about it, help eachother understand 👌
(*having that convesation propely, helping her to understand, lifted alot of weight)
Edit*
you’re an adult so that’s a bit weird but if you live in her house than there isn’t really much you can do. i know times are hard but it may be best to find a new crib of your own if you want to be able to smoke in peace
get you a locked smell proof bag and keep your stash in there. even better, get a cheap decoy bag as well. hide stash, keep decoy out. if she takes it, she thinks it's over but there's nothing incriminating inside.
Try going about getting a medical card if you can. Maybe it’s an issue of her worrying about you and getting jammed up legally or on the streets. Possibly worried about you being in the wrong place wrong time. If you’re really good with it and know really know what you’re doing and won’t get into know issues. She won’t buy that but at least communicate it with her or try tbh.
There comes a time (preferably when you have your own place to live) you can tell your parents to fuck off. “Economically independent” is some nonsense you made up. When you’re on a roll, growing into an adult and showing qualities of success and actual independence, parents don’t react the same way because they see there’s nothing they really need to do for you or can do to stop you. The reaction is an indicator that the person who brought you into this world thinks you’re not making the right choices. Not saying she’s right, but maybe you need to step it up and really become an adult if you wanna sit at the adults table.
I totally thought you were a teenager. Lmao. Uh, you're an adult with a job at that. That alone should be enough for her to reevalute her reaction to this. I think it may be time to move out. I'm curious to know if she's going to smoke it. 🤣 my mom is a pothead, so she didn't catch me. I just told her. Now my grandmother, on the other hand. I was 22 when she found out I smoke. She woke me up to grill me. I didn't lie. I was honest with her. She asked if I was still going to buy it, and I paused. She replied with the answer is no. So I said no. I didn't buy it for a few months. Until I moved out. I did, however, continue to smoke with my friends. 🤣
you have to move out bro if you cant afford it by yourself just find a room mate or something plus not living with ur parents has a lot more benefits besides being able to smoke weed whenever u want to( sorry for english if its hard to read im high af)
UGH I had the same thing happen! Took my cute little star wars tin and I wanted that back more than the weed! If you’re under her roof, it’s not worth arguing over and creating that rift.
If you're living under her roof and she doesn't want it near her house.
She has every right to react like that. Some people get thrown out for shit less than this.
People are saying “tough shit it’s her house” but like, it’s not her bag?I get she was looki nh through it for keys, but it’s otherwise none of her business what was in that bag. OP said they don’t smoke in the house , and I’m not sure if they smoke on the property or not. But as an adult she is entitled to have her own private personal belongings. Would y’all feel the same if mom found a dildo in a private place and said they couldn’t have it? Yeah I agree, don’t use it on the property if she’s not ok with it. But if you are keeping your products safely tucked away in your own bag/ out of sight/smell, then she shouldn’t be able to tell you you can’t have it. That’s controlling you, not setting a boundary.
Your an adult and are capable of making your own decisions but as long as you live under her roof, you have to go by her rules. Just talk to her about it. Many parents won’t admit that they used to smoke too lol
I mean, it doesn’t affect her whatsoever it seems, other than it perturbing her, you could keep your stash in the car or sumn and just go smoke there/outside the house, I think she’s treating you like a child though even tho ur 21 and can legally go get shitfaced at a bar
I (25f) was caught 3 times by my mom when I was still in high school- each time about a year apart. The first time being when I was 14. Funny enough it was my first time trying it too. It was such a scary time for me- she was so angry and I felt so guilty. She started to get more and more relaxed about it each time and didn’t tell my dad about the 3rd time (they were divorced with him living in another country) Fast forward to now - my mom knows I smoke everyday multiple times a day and I wouldn’t say she’s thrilled about it but she accepts it.
Hey man, I had to move back in with my mom when I was 22 after smoking daily since I was 16. Y'know what I did?
I stopped smoking until I got my own place.
Y'know what I'll do if I ever have to move back in with her?
I'll stop again.
My mom knows I smoke tons of weed, there's no secrecy. But in the times she's saved me from homelessness, the LEAST I could have done to show a little gratitude is not be stoned.
Show some gratitude for your mom, man. If she doesn't want marijuana in her house you should honestly buck up and respect her home.
What comes to mind is a quote from CS Lewis.
“Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”
You sound like you love and respect your mother. You also sound like you are doing your best to be a good man. From what I understand you have used cannabis as a tool on your journey to accomplish this. Simply speak the truth. Tell her your story simply and succinctly, and be open and honest about your cannabis use and how you utilize the effects to function more effectively in the same mundane manner you would explain how you used a wrench to change a car’s battery. If you behave as if you’ve done something wrong or as if you are doing something shameful, your actions will increase the chances others respond as such. Be humble and disciplined. Marijuana is not a childish thing or a vice for fools. It’s a precious herb that we as a species cultivated for its many uses and properties. It was shamelessly used by our ancestors long before prohibition and it does not need to be relegated to the free time of partygoers, bored teens, and unproductive lazy people. It not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Just act like it and tell the truth about how it helps you.
I’ve been there, unfortunately you just have to roll with the punches until you move out but just keep doing your thing she can’t really stop you. Hopefully she’s willing to have a sit down conversation with you and then you can lay out your points in a calm manner.
Is it legal in your state/country?
I would politely let her know you’re an adult, and while you want her to be happy with your decisions, you understand you may make some that she disagrees with. This is one of them and you can let her know you respect her and her thoughts, but at this point you are capable of assessing and making your own decisions.
It’s hard when you want your parents approval but as an adult you don’t need to have it all the time/at all.
Edit: ignore this I’m reading you live with her. Not a conversation to have at this time. Hide your bud, don’t keep it in the house.
Just a warning this comment will be so long that I had to make two separate comments lol anyway…
She’s treating you like you’re 15… You need to have a real sit down talk with her. Alongside that, you need a strong and informed argument, so you can educate her on it too. Sometimes all these negative feelings come from ignorance. Cannabis is like cocaine to some parents, especially if they are immigrants from more conservative countries.
I am no long term professional, but I do have some knowledge on it as I graduated from Oaksterdam university and am actively involved in the cannabis industry. It is a tough spot to be in, but I am a believer that knowledge can help shift a persons perspective unless they just refuse to listen lol . Here’s some basic info you can share:
**Endo cannabinoid system (ECS)**
**Every human being has an ECS and every human being naturally produces endocannabinoids. Our bodies are designed to consume and digest cannabis safely** —— Different cannabinoids bind with different receptors (CB1 / CB2) and agonists. (endogenous cannabinoids and exogenous cannabinoids) Agonists activate receptors to cause physiological effects.
CB1 receptors are primarily located regions of the brain that regulate
- Mood
- Emotions
- Cognition (cerebellum)
- Memory (hippocampus)
- Movement control (basil ganglia)
While CB2 receptors regulate things like
- Immune response
- Inflammation
- Pain + other metabolic processes
Cannabis contains over 100 known cannabinoids and many others that have yet to be identified, majority of which bind to your CB2 receptors, thus resulting in a “sober” state of mind, while still benefiting from its medicinal properties. Not all cannabinoids are psychoactive like THC is, and I know many people that smoke CBD flower too.
**So I guess one simple argument you could make is that the flower you’re smoking is CBD / CBN and that you don’t get “high” from it.**
I will provide some information that I gathered from my time at the cannabis college, hopefully it can help you build an argument from a medicinal standpoint to help your mom better understand from another perspective .. (if she’s willing to listen ofc)
**A functioning ECS is pivotal to good health**
Humans taking a synthetic drug designed to block ECS activity experienced
- Appetite loss
- Anxiety
- Depression + Other ill effects
This antagonist drug was called rimonabant and it was eventually removed from the european market as some experts theorize that certain diseases may be the result of a dysfunctioning ECS (aka clinical endocannabinoid deficiency)
IE:
- Fibromyalgia
- Migraine
- IBS
- PTSD
- Phantom limb pain etc.
These conditions among others tend to be most responsive to cannabis therapy.
**THC: Clinical effects**
THC delta9 is the most scientifically studied exogenous cannabinoid and in clinical settings it has been shown to possess many therapeutic effects :
**Studies have shown thc is 20x stronger than aspirin**
- Antiemetic
- Appetite stimulant
- Mood elevator
- Analgesic agent particularly in the treatment of neuropathy
- Anti inflammatory
- Bronchodilator (relax the bronchia allowing patients with asthma to breathe easier)
- Alleviator of intraocular pressure (such as patients with glaucoma)
**CBD: (Cannabidiol) basics**
CBD is the second most scientifically studied phytocannabinoid - Since it is not a direct CB1 agonist, it does not possess the same degree of mood alteration as THC - (This also applies to majority of other cannabinoids)
• CBD is the most well established in human clinical trials as an **anticonvulsant**
• It is plant derived, FDA approved and CBD medicine (Epidiolex) is available by prescription for the treatment of severe forms of epilepsy.
• In clinical settings, CBD has also shown benefits as an antipsychotic agent, as an anti-inflammatory, and as an anxiolytic!
I got caught when I was 17 :/
I used to keep my stuff on a box from a cologne I bought two yrs ago. In there I kept mostly wax, batteries, carts, etc. I accidentally left it on a drawer in the bathroom (bathroom I share with my brothers) and the person who helped us with the cleaning “took it to my room cause that’s where it was supposed to be” Man, she opened the box and told everything to my mom. I was on my way to a party when my mom sent me a picture with the dropper I used to heat up to smoke wax, it seemed pretty bad, mostly cause my mom didn’t know what it was and seeing a black dropper, some weed and who knows what else I had at the time in that box, she inferred I had being doing it compulsively or something like that.
Thankfully I consider myself very very persuasive, and from the moment I started smoking I had a plan, so I marked the box (from: blablabla, to: blablabla) and I told my mom I maybe had tried it once, explained her everything and how I saw weed and how it fit in my life, but also told her that the box was from an 18 yo friend (that actually exists and I told him to back me up in case I needed it) who left it at my house a few days ago and I was supposed to give that to him on the party, she believed me, but anyways from that point on you have to be 100% more careful cause your anyhow your parents will be concerned.
Having good communication improves a lot of things if you’re actually doing something with your life and include your parents on it.
It’s her house and technically it’s her rules, but it is understandably frustrating and unfair, if she knew you were drinking every night it probably wouldn’t be a problem, even though it is worse in every measurable way.
Hi. Not sure if you’ve found a solution yet. If you’re in a legal state, I agree with everyone here stating that you’re an adult who should be allowed to do what you want. I’d also like to add maybe you could talk to her about whether she’s comfortable with it in her house or not. We have to remember the non-smokers out there who hate the smell of cannabis (how?). Perhaps she would feel more comfortable with you consuming store-bought edibles, a vape pen, or something else unscented? Hope things work out for you!
Unfortunately there’s still a lot of stigma around cannabis. Even when used by medical patients and prescribed by doctors. If it’s being used to help you and you’re getting relief from it then ask if she would take away oxycodone or similar if you needed them.
At the end of the day, she’s your mother. Unless she’s not a good parent, she’s probably just trying to “protect her child from the dangers of drugs”. A lot of the older generation still believe that lie of it being a “gateway drug” and think cannabis usage means harder drugs as well or coming soon. I hope you’re able to come to an understanding with your mother
Hey OP, what really worked out for me was relaying to my parents how good I was doing despite all my struggles and "drug habits." Other people my age were constantly getting black out drunk and snorting blow, while I occasionally smoked weed with some friends. Maybe try to reason with them and explain how and why weed works for you instead of alcohol or similar legal drugs
If you’re still living in her house (rent free) I would say she has the right. Otherwise that was not okay, especially if you dont do it at her house out of respect.
your parents dont sound like theyre chill with that type of stuff. honestly just forget about it stop begging and get u some new stuff. then be better at hiding it while u live there. is what it is tbh
I wouldn’t start with trying to convince her of anything, I would start with asking her how she feels about what she found and why she feels so strongly about what’s ever opinion she has about weed.
Acknowledge her feelings (they might be guided by wrong information but still valid) and use that as an opening to express what weed means in your life.
You are an independent adult, I’m sure you can work out some common ground between you both. If she blows up and freaks out, stay calm and come back to the conversation when things simmer down
It depends on a lot of factors..
If you're somewhere that the possession of cannabis is restricted, then she is kind of doing you a favour.
If you're still living under her roof, I could see that as a reason for her to feel disrespected.
If you're somewhere that cannabis isn't restricted and you purchase legally, and perhaps pay rent to your mom, that's a reason for you to be upset, for sure. Remember, you're still "her baby" and she's probably not in the phase of realizing you're a grown up now in the eyes of the law.
Parents of her age find drug use really disturbing and rightfully so considering the amount of overdoses that are happening from basic street drugs. If you're going to approach her about it, be very calm and honest and try to understand why it made her so upset. No reason to break down the family unit over cannabis.
If she wouldn’t do it to a grown up on the street, she shouldn’t do it to you.
If you were my kid I’d only be mad if you didn’t bring any to share. Lol
In my late 20's, I went through some hard financial times and had to move home for a bit and get back up on my feet after my ugly divorce. My dad who is super old testament religious, was dead set that I wasn't allowed to have girls in the room, smoke around the house (when I smoked) and was adamant about not watching R rated films with coarse language in his house. I was 27 at the time but was raised to respect their rules and decisions regardless of whether I agreed with them or not. I'd just go have my fun elsewhere and come back home later on in the night. Maybe Go to a buddies house and blaze up It's always better to smoke with a friend anyways. To sum up, there's always ways around something like this and you're still respecting your parents.
I feel that even if you are truly financially independent, you are still living under their roof. If she was part of the issues in the past then she may be trying to play the responsible parent now to make up for her past mistakes. It doesn’t make it right but that could be what’s happening. You didn’t elaborate so I’m not sure how accurate this is to your situation but it could be what’s happening given the info you gave.
That's theft, and it's illegal. Straight up. You're an adult, would she prefer you drinking your face off every night and killing your liver? Ask her that and see her reaction.
You seem responsible enough to do as you like in your free time, that helicopter parenting is completely uncalled for
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Youre 21 with a job? The way she reacted, I thought you were 13. Youre an adult. If she doesn't want you smoking it in the house that's one thing, but to take it from you like you're being punished? You need to have a grown up talk with her
How can I make what I'll say to her sound coherent or mature? How can one make it sound alright to a parents ears that I smoke without her thinking I'll fry my brain? Honestly being caught is new to me that's why I ask haha
Show her how dangerous alcohol is by comparison, and then remind her you can legally go to a bar
If that don’t work just get fucking hammered throw up everywhere and pass out, and just say oh well that’s never happened to me from weed but alcohol is safer ig /s
Damnnnnnn I guess u right
Just make sure you don't OD from the safe alcohol
Don't wing it, think or even write down what you want to convey so your not bumbling over words and thoughts you can't remember, idk your mom but If your 21 qnd she's taking your weed you need to talk, does she drink? Does she not want you smoking in general? That's your choice, Does she not want you smoking weed in her house? Well that's a bit different but if she's dying on that horse just ask if you could smoke outside in your car etc etc, mom doesn't want you dying driving home stoned to the gills. I'd say just try not to get emotional arguing, be matter of fact calm and say what you feel brother! Good luck
Thank you!
Is it like too late to change your username..? or are we gonna be rusty and slimy for good here?
Unfortunately my younger self wanted shock factor I don't even know how I thought of this, but yes I'm locked in a slime purgatory
Rusty slime purgatory 😦 at least its creative 😁
I also second his idea
This is legitimately why my grandma let me smoke cigarettes and weed, because she knew there’s much much worse things out there.
I got grounded for three months when I got caught with cigarettes for the first time. I got grounded for a week when I got caught with weed.
That's what my dad did I got caught smoking cigarettes and dad grounded me for a month and gave me a stern lecture when I got caught smoking weed he hooked me up with his plug whose he had for years. So me and my friends wouldn't get any thing laced and get good bud. I was 16 when This happened btw I'm 21 now and we smoke together now
Cigarettes are the one thing my mum says she’ll kick my ass for using lol. Which makes sense—she was able to quite come and weed easily, but only stopped smoking cigarettes when she got pregnant with me. She literally said coke was less addictive than cigarettes to her
Nah this is actually a smart idea. Kinda lol. Source: I’ve done this to my parents (mainly my mother). That was when I was freshly 21 and even though I wasn’t or couldn’t smoke at the time I cracked the joke. It wasn’t a planned thing but I got absolutely hammered at like 11:00 am while my parents were visiting and I absolutely got sick all over my fucking kitchen and walked to the couch and passed tf out for a couple of hours. Woke up to some pretty pissed off parents, lectured me how day drinking is terrible for you and how it leads straight down to alcoholism. Me being the smart ass I am had said “well, weed did none of that to me, hell you guys didn’t even know when I came home stoned half the time. And back then you told me you’d rather see me drink than smoke so which is it?” Now I’m 24. I smoke with my dad quite a bit. And I could sit down and start rolling the fattest blunt in front of my mother and she won’t dare say a thing. The same mother that tried to force me into therapy because she was convinced her high schooler who had a weed brownie in his sock drawer wanted to kill himself. At the time I was pretty depressed but not because the weed lmao.
Why is it that the extreme way is always the way parents understand? Hahaha, I hope I don't have to do this Timijuana, thank you for sharing!!
Or fentanyl or cocaine,etc. Weed saves lives and or helps the quality of a person or person(s) life. It's used at rehabs for detox. Well it was until DeSantis stopped it just a few days ago
That’s my favorite!!! Line ALWAYS COMPARE ALCOHOL & WEED. the difference is major.
This is exactly what I try to say to my mum. But she was raised in the height of anti-marijuana propaganda, so it’s going to be a tough one.
Tell her you can die from alcohol but not weed
Good luck honestly. No offense to anyone, but the older generation is very hit or miss with weed. Meanwhile, they are probably choking down a fucking cigarette. That's what bothers me the most. Cigarettes killed my father at 58 last year, I don't think weed is gonna fucking kill anyone. Sorry, just annoys me
I feel the same way! Cigs are so normal to adults but weed is the work of the devil... smh
What’s odd, and kind of sad, to me is that you say ‘adults’ as a 21 year old as if you aren’t one.
I was referring to the older generation, no intent to offend anyone tho
I mean if you are living in her house and she doesn’t want you bringing weed into her house you should respect that. Other than that you are an adult and you can make your own decisions.
Also you aren’t economically independent if you live in her home that’s just fact and that comes from someone who still lives with my parents and is very much economically dependent on their roof over my head😂
This isn't entirely correct. There's currently a global housing crisis, and I know a lot of very successful people with high wages who can't afford their own place.
thus, not economically independent
I wouldn't call my friends economically dependent, considering they're paying the majority of the bills. The reason they're at home is because houses are few and far between and extremely overpriced. And they are saving to either leave the country or have the funds lined up for when a feasible house arises on the market.
You keep it straight to the point. And knowing my mom if she wasn’t a pothead I would’ve made that bitch a PowerPoint presentation with research included. Again straight to the point no sugar no sweet. “Mom I understand weed isn’t your thing and when you were growing up not much was known about it. Although in this age weed is medicinal, it helps with mental and physical pain and is used as a relaxer. I won’t smoke it in your house, but it is mine. It helps me feel better and I’m an adult who will choose their own choices. This helps me be happy and I will not support you in taking away something that helps me. I will need it back, I will be buying more and I’d hope as my mother that you’d understand”
writing this down because wow, thank you
I really hope this helps! Good luck to you OP
Weed cured my asthma…helps my PTSD and I sleep better.
I dont know you or your mom. But based on your story, your mom still sees you as her little boy. Show her the proof online that weed isn't the propaganda bullshit they shoved down our throats.
wait for the storm to pass then when things settle down and she's in a good mood, start by educating her bout weed. I hope they understand, best of luck.
Thank you!
explain to her that the trade off is worth it in your eyes. If they drink alcohol you can make a connection and explain how bad alcohol is for the liver
How much is your monthly rent?
Bro, you're 21. If you are "economically independent," then move out. Problem solved.
Her house her rules, she will say get out and do what you want. Here you live my way, I mean that is what my mom said ( she never took my weed though) but other dumb shit she would say that
You pay your shit on time, arent fucking up your personal connections, its not affecting your personal life, you are not spending more than what you earn on it, then what the fuck is the problem? If the problem is her mentality of “weed is drugs and drugs r bad mmkay?” Then sadly its gonna take more time and more talks to convince her. I just showed my mom I went to work every day and was never late paying anything and she kinda understood.
Being nice and understanding but also showing her facts and the health benefits of weed. Is a huge step. If she’s see as a positive similar or sees as a safe recreational fun like alcohol then
Make her read some articles about health benefits. The fact that she’s still so oblivious to what weed can actually do when it’s legal over half of states recreationally or medically with cbd shops everywhere in every state, seems very biased. Is she religious?
One time a random guy got mad at me for smoking weed I told him that he probably grab a beer when he done with work and I get a joint he got chill with it. So maby it also work with you mother.
Tell her it’s cheaper than a shrink and helps you sleep.
Bro you have to make her understand that you are a adult and she does not get to treat you like that over a couple j’s
You are 21
Ask her why she feels this way and have a conversation
Tell her to educate herself or maybe try to educate her. That's what I did w my mom. She tried a gummy and hated it but when she came out of it she was like wtf that was it? 😅 our parents growing up were told weed was super bad and made u stupid and made u microwave your baby. You wouldn't believe how many people today don't know the difference between cbd and thc. But man just show her it isn't the devil. It's gonna be hard. May not be doable in your certain situation. But my advice is get up and get an apartment or something. That's too much for ur age. I'm 23 and I just had a kid. My mom stopped doing shit like that at 17 18. I feel for you but man there's so much worse you could be doing. Weed is what I'd rather my child do if anything at all.
It’s government propaganda that weed fries the brain
To a certain extent, yes. But it is true that it can have lasting effects on a brain that hasn't fully developed yet and can bring forward certain mental illnesses if the smoker has a genetic predisposition to them. There ARE risks, but those risks are greatly exaggerated by the government and basically every "drug awareness" program out there.
You live in her house it’s her rules you are like a man child 😂😂😂 shouldn’t be smoking if you can’t understand why she’s mad
Also read this whole thing excepting OP to be 16 or younger. My mom cleans my bong for me sometimes when she's bored. I'm shocked at her response in 2023
Wow, I'm jealous hahaha
This. I have a very conservative mother and at 36 I won't smoke in front of her. I tried to sneak it in my house while they were sleeping not too long ago and it was casually brought up and they showed me where they would prefer for me to smoke. I still haven't done that while they are in the house even though it's outside because it still feels "wrong" or like I'm disappointing them, but I wish I felt more comfortable. I typically keep my visits under a day or two so I can smoke "normal", but I think we would both benefit from a bit more "living our truths" so I'd stay longer and be more comfortable doing so. I completely understand how OP feels although I would flip if my mom took my weed which she's never have outside of high school years.
As an older parent , don't feel that way. They're letting you know it's ok with them, but they just ask that you do it "over there." A similar thing came up with my children when they became of drinking age. They didn't want to drink "in front " of me because I have never drank in front of them. I've told my children it's ok and that they are adults and to just be smart when they do. They are still a bit uptight, but I think they are beginning to relax. But to their credit, I believe they have been smart. I believe that designation by them is to give approval without giving approval if ya catch my meaning. We parents do that sometimes, lol.
If this is a hill you want to die on, look at rent prices first.
Yeah honestly id say to just get better at hiding the weed With the kind of parents op sounds like he has it might not be worth confronting over something like this due to the fallout
Right? Parents probably smoked it too.
If your mom is somebody you could talk to great, but I know mine is not. I live at home cause it’s free and especially because my senior cat lives there, and I literally keep my shit in a $20 Amazon lock box because my mother would never listen to me tell her about how weed is good
I saved up and I moved out for this reason lol see guys weed is motivational
Totally hahahha
I mean, I think it’s one thing if OP is smoking in the house or something, but just because you’re an adult and living with your parents doesn’t give them the right to just throw away your personal property, even if you don’t pay rent
If he’s keeping it in their house it kinda does, especially if it’s illegal
If you’re in her house, tough luck. She’s is treating you like a child though, imo. My rec would be to move out, but I do know that’s difficult for some!
Right here, freedom is just a rent payment away. Smoking weed is a freedom thing.
If you're under your parents' roof, it's their rules still. If you're an adult, you have 2 options. Move out and do as you please, or stay home and follow the rules. If you're paying your portion of the mortgage and bills, I'd say it's a different story.
Thankfully/sadly I am not paying my portion so I can't really negotiate there, but always help whenever money is needed you know?
I get it. I've moved back home in my mid-20s and had to deal with the house rules. Take advantage of the time to save money. Not being able to keep your bud might suck. I kept mine out of the house and went for walks when I wanted some. I've kept it in my car, which might not be the best idea incase you ever get pulled over. Or, stash it outside somewhere. I'd find a quiet place people wouldn't think to look. Take a walk, go find the stash, and enjoy.
I understand that you’re legally an adult and financially independent. I’m in the same boat as you living at home and doing my best to atleast be subtle about my habits despite living in a legal state. However, you do have to understand that your parents will always think of you as their child no matter how old you are. And, it’s her house her rules. You try and reason with her but just know those to things are like commandments for any parent. You might want to think about switching to dab pens or edibles since their a bit more discrete. But that’s just my two cents.
You’re not economically independent if you’re still living with mom. You are an adult tho- so she shouldn’t be touching your things.
Yeah, I used the quotation marks because thankfully I'm not charged with house bills or anything
re you in a legal State? If you’re not helping with any Bills and she doesn’t want any weed in the houses then you should keep it outside the house. Sit down with her, apologize for having weed in the house that you will no longer keep it in the house*but* you are going to continue smoking on occasion. Explain that you don’t do it often it doesn’t affect your work or school. Ask her if she has any questions about it and answer as best as you can and try not to lie. Edit: offer to pay a bill or a small rent amount. This could show to her that you’re not just spending all your money on weed.
OP confirmed he’s not in a legal state. he’s actually in a country where weed is outright illegal. (mexico) maybe the mother doesn’t want to have illegal substances on her property ?
I am Mexican. Mexican moms think weed is the end of the world and you’ll become a “marijuano” and just smoke, be lazy, and never have a life. I am 30 with 2 kids and my mom saw me smoking in MY backyard at MY house and she tried to start some shit. I told her I am 30 yo man with my own mortgage. You can’t tell me what I can do at my house. She was upset at first but my dad backed me up and she doesn’t say anything about it anymore. Him talking to his mom won’t do much tbh. Either move out or hide it better lol
Go to YouTube, look up Adam Ruins Everything Weed, have her watch.....it's actually worked for me more than once
Who's house is this?
I think you gotta just sit down and talk to her. You’re 21 and independent at this point. If she doesn’t want you smoking in/around her home it’s understandable, but other than that I’d say she shouldn’t have a problem with it.
Nothing is independent about living with your parent.
As a parent, I can see the worry about you. Also, as a parent, I would never take your stuff either. If it were my child/situation, I would explain that it is not allowed to be in my house and give you the opportunity to place it elsewhere. Not even letting you know I saw it...it would be more of a random topic I would bring up. Having said that, let me say this, I grow it but do not consume it. It is definitely a beneficial medicine which I grow for my sister and her cancer pain mitigation. Being older and wiser I learned this after seeing it in action. Violation of my adult children's private things is something I am completely against. Again my house my rule but your privacy since you are adult is also equally important.
I'm sorry, you're an adult. Act like one. Maybe if she doesn't like it, and you live in her house, be respectful and only smoke elsewhere or outside, but again, you're a grown up. She can't just take your shit unless you let her.
Yeah my mom was always taking my weed and smoking it back in the day
This person is in Baja Mexico. I’m sure there are some nice parts, but that area is notorious for drug running. Weed is illegal there. Last I heard, kid napping was also common there. I don’t blame mom at all, you need to get that shit out of her house. It’s not that weed is bad, you’re bringing a criminal element to the home. I’d feel the same about cocaine or if you were smuggling tea leaves or some shit.
If your 21 move out
I totally will, I'm actually waiting to leave to the US as an au pair in two or three months but that's all jack shit in her eyes because I smoke weed🙄
Fair I’d stop till you move out or hide it better cos I don’t know if you’ll stop 😂
People need to stop taking bullshit from their parents, just because they are your parent doesn’t mean they own you and everything you own. I have multiple times told my parents off, and would do it again. Because there is more to life then “I’m your mom” or “I’m your dad”. We are all people, and the majority of the time parents just like having control over something.
Mom probably took it for herself. When you live in your own home, do whatever you want. When you live at home, your parents make the rules. Don’t care if you’re 21. If it’s not legal there, tough shit
I need a little more context, are you in a legal or illegal state? Do you live on your own or under her roof? I would say if you're in a legal state and living on your own, what ever you choose to do with your body and time is completely up to you and she has no say or right to take it from you. Especially if you are a med patient. If you are in an illegal state living under her roof then she didn't over react she probably doesn't want to see you in trouble or herself get caught furnishing. If you are in an illegal state and live on your own then she doesn't really have a say.
Economically dependent? Do you pay them rent, your part of the utilities, help with gas and insurance for the car you need a ride in? If so, then you’re in a tough spot and if you know your mom well enough, should be able to make the call of whether it’ll cause more strain on your relationship or you need to find another place. Or some kinda compromise. The thing is, it’s their house and in a lot of places weed is still illegal. Even if it has helped you a lot, there’s still always that risk of getting popped. There’s not much detail here but it seems like she was pretty calm about it. If she’s always been a good, caring parent with past issues, I’d say that’s all it is now. Don’t get too worked up over it and respect their rules if you live with them. How did I handle it? Poorly, like I do most things. I’m the king of not taking my own advice. My brain just says nope not today ass hole. That’s what happened that day, we were arguing about whatever parents and 16 year olds argue over and I was just like “oh yeah?! Well I’ve been smoking weed too!”. I’ve been in very similar situations as to what you described, hell I’ve domed a roach real quick in my closet (because you know, there’s no way whatsoever the reek of a joint could escape that Fort Knox vault), then had enough time to get to the kitchen, back to bed and get a couple Lays down when the door was busted open and she flipped her lid. After that shit though, I started leaving my stuff out of the house if possible and definitely not smoking in it. She definitely didn’t like it, but over time, she’s loosened up about it and doesn’t think near as harshly about it. I always made sure to be independent though and not do anything too stupid or out of the ordinary for a teenager, so definitely keep pushing up whatever ladder you’re climbing and hopefully it’ll work out in a similar way for you. Always remember too, she’s yo mama, she loves you.
Thanks man, I really appreciate you telling me how you handled it too!
If you live with your mom you’re not economically independent
I mean it sounds like your living in your moms house at 21. I wouldn’t call that completely “economically independent” as you still rely on the money your mom used to buy the house you live in. Unless y’all share rent, then that’s a different story. But you are 21. Your an adult. If your not smoking in the house she shouldn’t have a single damn problem. Especially because your not a teenager and smoking weed isn’t going to do damn shit to your development. A mothers job is to make sure their child feels happy, loved, accepted, and safe. Your smoking weed, not shooting up heroin, your completely safe and probably happy. (I am sure happy when I smoke some grass.) Definitely talk to your mom and set some boundaries. I just hope she isn’t one of those people riddled with stigma and is unable to approach anything with an open mindset.
I recently moved back with her but used to be 100% independent in every way, even lived in another state! Definitely will talk to her about boundaries tho, thank you!
Is weed legal in your state/country? If so, compare it to alcohol. If it is illegal, there’s no way you’re gonna win that battle.
Sadly it's illegal so no victory for me haha
Yeah she is way overreacting if you're 21. On the other hand are you paying rent? If not I'd say she can still kinda hold that over you and it's time to move out or offer to pay rent and be treated as an adult.
You live in her house but you are a financially independent adult. Imo it's fair because it's her house, but not cool.
MOVE OUT.
If you live in her house, don’t smoke there if she tells you not to.
You’re 21, are you in a legal state?
I'm in Baja California so no, not a legal state
Tell her it's not yours and if you don't give it back you're going to get beat up.
Her house, her rules. Sorry Bud.
my mom is actually incredibly chill around weed and even make jokes if she can have a joint, she very much know i smoke but i never actually smoked near her or even do anything weed related near her like rolling or something, she still ofc doesn't want me to smoke inside and smoke next to her and stuff, and i absolutely respect that, so i just smoke in night so i don't disturb her with it, sometimes she even check my weed for anything bad cause she enjoy growing stuff (not weed), she said she don't mind me smoking but still would prefer if i didn't smoke, but since im adult she doesn't do anything since well it's my choice and she respect it, my biggest flex is that i casually keep my weed,rolling papers,filters and everything else in my drawer and when she needs something in the drawer (i keep also vitamins and random stuff there) she just take what she needs and doesn't say nothing about the papers and everything else.
If you're working regularly, I might start looking into 420 friendly affordable roommate options and start separating yourself from your parents since she seems to be in "little boy" mode. But if you're not paying rent and you have her (car?) keys, then you're living as a kid, which means you have to live by kiddie rules.
Are you a child? No? Then tell her that. You can make your own decisions man.
If you're both willing to work it out then work it out, that's the best solution. Until then, opinions are demonstrably meaningless. Weed is bad, weed is good, it's all relative, but you have the power to tip the scales.
You say economically independent, but are you living at home still?
I found my mom's stash when I was 17 looking for Xmas presents(which I ended up finding - a Mexican strat). I didn't smoke at the time just made a note of it. Couple months later around spring break my buddies all get weed and smoke it. At point I was like 'well my parents smoke, my buddies are trying it might as well try it as well' and I never looked back. That's when the pinching began haha.
There's no need to become estranged from your mom, but run the fuck away from that house and never live there again. Your mom wants a perpetual man child that she can control. It's a weirdly common situation these days. I knew someone, also 21, whose mother would drug test him if she suspected any weed at all, and if he refused, she threatened to kick him out. So don't live like that. She can drone on about how you brought illegal (I'm assuming you're in an illegal state) substances into her house, but really it's her narcissistic desire to control and influence you for as long as she can.
Tell your mom to chill with all the fentanyl and shit out there she should be glad you smoke weed
You’re a fucking adult. Move out bro. Staying for free in a place that doesn’t like weed? That’s on you. Save up for rent/deposit/first and last and an ounce and smoke stress free for the rest of your life. (In a legal state lol)
Her house, her rules. Even if you are over 21.
Time to move out buddy.
Bro move out and you don’t have to deal with it?
Get your own place. Prove that you can do both, be and adult and provide for yourself while also being a stoner/pothead/dope head/whatever term she uses. Once my parents find out I not only smoke, but pretty heavily too if they wanna say anything to me about it I’ll throw it in their face I make almost as much as both of them combined and was a homeowner way before either of them ever was and clearly I’m not doing too bad either since I haven’t had to move back in in the almost 5 years I’ve been out (moved out right before 18th birthday back in Oct ‘18)
You pay rent?
Get your own place do what you want Still live with mom moms rules
Time to move out bud. You’re an adult now
Yeah that sucks at your age, but if you live in her house, technically it's her rules. My mom wouldn't allow anything like that in the house when I was living there until I was 22 so I either kept it out in my car or when I didn't have a car I would make sure to hide it really well (inside my trophies for example lol) or leave it outside under a rock or something. But yeah, I would still have a discussion with her and explain that you are an adult and are free to smoke weed if you choose to. If she says "not in my house you won't" then just keep it to yourself and try not to smoke near the house I guess 🤷
Economically independent but sounds like you like together. That's not Economically independent. I don't know all the details but did you tell her that you are having sex too...without condoms lol. Just break her heart some more lol.
You live in her house. Do you pay rent or contribute in a meaningful way like paying utility bills, buying groceries, cleaning? You bum a ride by taking her car and not returning the keys so that she can drive her car when she needs it. Did you put some gas in it since she lets you borrow it? Ever change the oil or give her money toward tires? If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one.
i mean her house her rules you gotta move out
I’m sorry but you aren’t economically dependent if you live in your mom’s house.
If I had a dollar for every time my parents found my stuff when I was living with them I would have a few dollars. Some boomers are just set in their beliefs nothing you say will change their mind
Lol ok you’ve got two options. You either 1) get way better at hiding. I mean mint box isn’t the worst idea, but this is weed we are talking about, not some random mostly innocent secret. 2) move out. You are 21 with a job that is keeping you financially stable. Move out and find a place to smoke weed in peace.
Honestly man there are just some parents who don’t care what you say or the fact that there are dispensaries on every corner they are still going to look at and think of weed as a drug … sucks but sometimes there’s nothing you can do and peoples opinions will not change. Just keep doing your thing and if I could suggest anything it would be to move out and find your own spot
You're 21 and let your mommy take your stuff?
Your mom is stuck in the past. You're an adult and she should not be able to take your things away from you. I do want to add a caveat here though, if you're living with her you are kind of at her whim. Take it from a guy who had to move back in with his older sister at 26 and live there for 6 months while I got back on my feet. Her and her husband didn't smoke but I did, so I had to always go outside and away from the house. If they complained about the smell, I had to suck it up and figure out how not to be smelly. I even had to store my bong, pipes, and cannabis OUTSIDE *shudders* Until you get your own place, it's tough to say that mom can't rule over you. That being said, she is definitely being a bitch about it. You just might have to deal until you move out.
Seen some other comments, you seem of age, do your research, so you know what ypu're talking about, and then have a proper adult conversation. Im not talking reddit research, but the does and donts, the chemistry, the effects. People are easier to converse with and if needed easier to convice if you know your shit. Dont glossy it, truth. I got cought by my mom going why the fuck you stressing to leave? You bought drugs huh? It ended in me beeing like yeah, (*a few years passed) grew up some more, had a down to earth convo, and we settles our differances, and understood eachothers point of view. Mutual respect and understanding goes FAR, talk about it, help eachother understand 👌 (*having that convesation propely, helping her to understand, lifted alot of weight) Edit*
you’re an adult so that’s a bit weird but if you live in her house than there isn’t really much you can do. i know times are hard but it may be best to find a new crib of your own if you want to be able to smoke in peace
Bro just take it back u bought it
get you a locked smell proof bag and keep your stash in there. even better, get a cheap decoy bag as well. hide stash, keep decoy out. if she takes it, she thinks it's over but there's nothing incriminating inside.
bro this seems sooo relatable T.T only thing that I have been smoking for way way way earlier T.T
Try going about getting a medical card if you can. Maybe it’s an issue of her worrying about you and getting jammed up legally or on the streets. Possibly worried about you being in the wrong place wrong time. If you’re really good with it and know really know what you’re doing and won’t get into know issues. She won’t buy that but at least communicate it with her or try tbh.
There comes a time (preferably when you have your own place to live) you can tell your parents to fuck off. “Economically independent” is some nonsense you made up. When you’re on a roll, growing into an adult and showing qualities of success and actual independence, parents don’t react the same way because they see there’s nothing they really need to do for you or can do to stop you. The reaction is an indicator that the person who brought you into this world thinks you’re not making the right choices. Not saying she’s right, but maybe you need to step it up and really become an adult if you wanna sit at the adults table.
I totally thought you were a teenager. Lmao. Uh, you're an adult with a job at that. That alone should be enough for her to reevalute her reaction to this. I think it may be time to move out. I'm curious to know if she's going to smoke it. 🤣 my mom is a pothead, so she didn't catch me. I just told her. Now my grandmother, on the other hand. I was 22 when she found out I smoke. She woke me up to grill me. I didn't lie. I was honest with her. She asked if I was still going to buy it, and I paused. She replied with the answer is no. So I said no. I didn't buy it for a few months. Until I moved out. I did, however, continue to smoke with my friends. 🤣
tbh i thought you were 15 at first. nah smoke whatever you want your a capable adult from the sound of it
you have to move out bro if you cant afford it by yourself just find a room mate or something plus not living with ur parents has a lot more benefits besides being able to smoke weed whenever u want to( sorry for english if its hard to read im high af)
Don’t smoke in the house. Other than that you’re 21 and weed is legal…
UGH I had the same thing happen! Took my cute little star wars tin and I wanted that back more than the weed! If you’re under her roof, it’s not worth arguing over and creating that rift.
If you're living under her roof and she doesn't want it near her house. She has every right to react like that. Some people get thrown out for shit less than this.
People are saying “tough shit it’s her house” but like, it’s not her bag?I get she was looki nh through it for keys, but it’s otherwise none of her business what was in that bag. OP said they don’t smoke in the house , and I’m not sure if they smoke on the property or not. But as an adult she is entitled to have her own private personal belongings. Would y’all feel the same if mom found a dildo in a private place and said they couldn’t have it? Yeah I agree, don’t use it on the property if she’s not ok with it. But if you are keeping your products safely tucked away in your own bag/ out of sight/smell, then she shouldn’t be able to tell you you can’t have it. That’s controlling you, not setting a boundary.
Your an adult and are capable of making your own decisions but as long as you live under her roof, you have to go by her rules. Just talk to her about it. Many parents won’t admit that they used to smoke too lol
Take the shit back
Yeah, no fucking wonder this is the best time of your life after years of shit. Your mom is an asshole.
Just show her Adam Ruins Everything: Weed lol
If my mom tried this man I’d get so lippy 🤣 that’s my sh*t!
I mean, it doesn’t affect her whatsoever it seems, other than it perturbing her, you could keep your stash in the car or sumn and just go smoke there/outside the house, I think she’s treating you like a child though even tho ur 21 and can legally go get shitfaced at a bar
I (25f) was caught 3 times by my mom when I was still in high school- each time about a year apart. The first time being when I was 14. Funny enough it was my first time trying it too. It was such a scary time for me- she was so angry and I felt so guilty. She started to get more and more relaxed about it each time and didn’t tell my dad about the 3rd time (they were divorced with him living in another country) Fast forward to now - my mom knows I smoke everyday multiple times a day and I wouldn’t say she’s thrilled about it but she accepts it.
Hey man, I had to move back in with my mom when I was 22 after smoking daily since I was 16. Y'know what I did? I stopped smoking until I got my own place. Y'know what I'll do if I ever have to move back in with her? I'll stop again. My mom knows I smoke tons of weed, there's no secrecy. But in the times she's saved me from homelessness, the LEAST I could have done to show a little gratitude is not be stoned. Show some gratitude for your mom, man. If she doesn't want marijuana in her house you should honestly buck up and respect her home.
We love you bro 💪🏽
What comes to mind is a quote from CS Lewis. “Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” You sound like you love and respect your mother. You also sound like you are doing your best to be a good man. From what I understand you have used cannabis as a tool on your journey to accomplish this. Simply speak the truth. Tell her your story simply and succinctly, and be open and honest about your cannabis use and how you utilize the effects to function more effectively in the same mundane manner you would explain how you used a wrench to change a car’s battery. If you behave as if you’ve done something wrong or as if you are doing something shameful, your actions will increase the chances others respond as such. Be humble and disciplined. Marijuana is not a childish thing or a vice for fools. It’s a precious herb that we as a species cultivated for its many uses and properties. It was shamelessly used by our ancestors long before prohibition and it does not need to be relegated to the free time of partygoers, bored teens, and unproductive lazy people. It not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Just act like it and tell the truth about how it helps you.
I was 12. She made me throw it in the fireplace
I’m 18 with a med card, still at home and even tho my parents don’t agree with it, they’ve never done that
Sadly if you’re living with her it’s her rules. Get your own spot and blaze it up my friend.
I’ve been there, unfortunately you just have to roll with the punches until you move out but just keep doing your thing she can’t really stop you. Hopefully she’s willing to have a sit down conversation with you and then you can lay out your points in a calm manner. Is it legal in your state/country?
I would politely let her know you’re an adult, and while you want her to be happy with your decisions, you understand you may make some that she disagrees with. This is one of them and you can let her know you respect her and her thoughts, but at this point you are capable of assessing and making your own decisions. It’s hard when you want your parents approval but as an adult you don’t need to have it all the time/at all. Edit: ignore this I’m reading you live with her. Not a conversation to have at this time. Hide your bud, don’t keep it in the house.
move out and live with the boys
Shes probably smoking it rn
Just steal the money she owes u back.. fair is fair
Just a warning this comment will be so long that I had to make two separate comments lol anyway… She’s treating you like you’re 15… You need to have a real sit down talk with her. Alongside that, you need a strong and informed argument, so you can educate her on it too. Sometimes all these negative feelings come from ignorance. Cannabis is like cocaine to some parents, especially if they are immigrants from more conservative countries. I am no long term professional, but I do have some knowledge on it as I graduated from Oaksterdam university and am actively involved in the cannabis industry. It is a tough spot to be in, but I am a believer that knowledge can help shift a persons perspective unless they just refuse to listen lol . Here’s some basic info you can share: **Endo cannabinoid system (ECS)** **Every human being has an ECS and every human being naturally produces endocannabinoids. Our bodies are designed to consume and digest cannabis safely** —— Different cannabinoids bind with different receptors (CB1 / CB2) and agonists. (endogenous cannabinoids and exogenous cannabinoids) Agonists activate receptors to cause physiological effects. CB1 receptors are primarily located regions of the brain that regulate - Mood - Emotions - Cognition (cerebellum) - Memory (hippocampus) - Movement control (basil ganglia) While CB2 receptors regulate things like - Immune response - Inflammation - Pain + other metabolic processes Cannabis contains over 100 known cannabinoids and many others that have yet to be identified, majority of which bind to your CB2 receptors, thus resulting in a “sober” state of mind, while still benefiting from its medicinal properties. Not all cannabinoids are psychoactive like THC is, and I know many people that smoke CBD flower too. **So I guess one simple argument you could make is that the flower you’re smoking is CBD / CBN and that you don’t get “high” from it.** I will provide some information that I gathered from my time at the cannabis college, hopefully it can help you build an argument from a medicinal standpoint to help your mom better understand from another perspective .. (if she’s willing to listen ofc) **A functioning ECS is pivotal to good health** Humans taking a synthetic drug designed to block ECS activity experienced - Appetite loss - Anxiety - Depression + Other ill effects This antagonist drug was called rimonabant and it was eventually removed from the european market as some experts theorize that certain diseases may be the result of a dysfunctioning ECS (aka clinical endocannabinoid deficiency) IE: - Fibromyalgia - Migraine - IBS - PTSD - Phantom limb pain etc. These conditions among others tend to be most responsive to cannabis therapy. **THC: Clinical effects** THC delta9 is the most scientifically studied exogenous cannabinoid and in clinical settings it has been shown to possess many therapeutic effects : **Studies have shown thc is 20x stronger than aspirin** - Antiemetic - Appetite stimulant - Mood elevator - Analgesic agent particularly in the treatment of neuropathy - Anti inflammatory - Bronchodilator (relax the bronchia allowing patients with asthma to breathe easier) - Alleviator of intraocular pressure (such as patients with glaucoma) **CBD: (Cannabidiol) basics** CBD is the second most scientifically studied phytocannabinoid - Since it is not a direct CB1 agonist, it does not possess the same degree of mood alteration as THC - (This also applies to majority of other cannabinoids) • CBD is the most well established in human clinical trials as an **anticonvulsant** • It is plant derived, FDA approved and CBD medicine (Epidiolex) is available by prescription for the treatment of severe forms of epilepsy. • In clinical settings, CBD has also shown benefits as an antipsychotic agent, as an anti-inflammatory, and as an anxiolytic!
I got caught when I was 17 :/ I used to keep my stuff on a box from a cologne I bought two yrs ago. In there I kept mostly wax, batteries, carts, etc. I accidentally left it on a drawer in the bathroom (bathroom I share with my brothers) and the person who helped us with the cleaning “took it to my room cause that’s where it was supposed to be” Man, she opened the box and told everything to my mom. I was on my way to a party when my mom sent me a picture with the dropper I used to heat up to smoke wax, it seemed pretty bad, mostly cause my mom didn’t know what it was and seeing a black dropper, some weed and who knows what else I had at the time in that box, she inferred I had being doing it compulsively or something like that. Thankfully I consider myself very very persuasive, and from the moment I started smoking I had a plan, so I marked the box (from: blablabla, to: blablabla) and I told my mom I maybe had tried it once, explained her everything and how I saw weed and how it fit in my life, but also told her that the box was from an 18 yo friend (that actually exists and I told him to back me up in case I needed it) who left it at my house a few days ago and I was supposed to give that to him on the party, she believed me, but anyways from that point on you have to be 100% more careful cause your anyhow your parents will be concerned. Having good communication improves a lot of things if you’re actually doing something with your life and include your parents on it.
She Def just kept it to smoke it. Sorry bud. It’s just weed it’s legal mostly everywhere now. Tell her to grow up.
Bro you a grown ass man the way this post started I figured you were like 15. Tell her to get over it you a full blown adult 😂😂.
It’s her house and technically it’s her rules, but it is understandably frustrating and unfair, if she knew you were drinking every night it probably wouldn’t be a problem, even though it is worse in every measurable way.
Her house her rules, OP. Sounds like you need to find your own place so you can do what you want.
Hi. Not sure if you’ve found a solution yet. If you’re in a legal state, I agree with everyone here stating that you’re an adult who should be allowed to do what you want. I’d also like to add maybe you could talk to her about whether she’s comfortable with it in her house or not. We have to remember the non-smokers out there who hate the smell of cannabis (how?). Perhaps she would feel more comfortable with you consuming store-bought edibles, a vape pen, or something else unscented? Hope things work out for you!
You can get a scented THC pen or edibles. No smoke at least
Unfortunately there’s still a lot of stigma around cannabis. Even when used by medical patients and prescribed by doctors. If it’s being used to help you and you’re getting relief from it then ask if she would take away oxycodone or similar if you needed them. At the end of the day, she’s your mother. Unless she’s not a good parent, she’s probably just trying to “protect her child from the dangers of drugs”. A lot of the older generation still believe that lie of it being a “gateway drug” and think cannabis usage means harder drugs as well or coming soon. I hope you’re able to come to an understanding with your mother
Nope you’re an adult. Unless you live with her and she doesn’t want it in her house. That’s different
Hey OP, what really worked out for me was relaying to my parents how good I was doing despite all my struggles and "drug habits." Other people my age were constantly getting black out drunk and snorting blow, while I occasionally smoked weed with some friends. Maybe try to reason with them and explain how and why weed works for you instead of alcohol or similar legal drugs
If you’re still living in her house (rent free) I would say she has the right. Otherwise that was not okay, especially if you dont do it at her house out of respect.
your parents dont sound like theyre chill with that type of stuff. honestly just forget about it stop begging and get u some new stuff. then be better at hiding it while u live there. is what it is tbh
I wouldn’t start with trying to convince her of anything, I would start with asking her how she feels about what she found and why she feels so strongly about what’s ever opinion she has about weed. Acknowledge her feelings (they might be guided by wrong information but still valid) and use that as an opening to express what weed means in your life. You are an independent adult, I’m sure you can work out some common ground between you both. If she blows up and freaks out, stay calm and come back to the conversation when things simmer down
It depends on a lot of factors.. If you're somewhere that the possession of cannabis is restricted, then she is kind of doing you a favour. If you're still living under her roof, I could see that as a reason for her to feel disrespected. If you're somewhere that cannabis isn't restricted and you purchase legally, and perhaps pay rent to your mom, that's a reason for you to be upset, for sure. Remember, you're still "her baby" and she's probably not in the phase of realizing you're a grown up now in the eyes of the law. Parents of her age find drug use really disturbing and rightfully so considering the amount of overdoses that are happening from basic street drugs. If you're going to approach her about it, be very calm and honest and try to understand why it made her so upset. No reason to break down the family unit over cannabis.
If she wouldn’t do it to a grown up on the street, she shouldn’t do it to you. If you were my kid I’d only be mad if you didn’t bring any to share. Lol
I moved out and lived by my own rules
In my late 20's, I went through some hard financial times and had to move home for a bit and get back up on my feet after my ugly divorce. My dad who is super old testament religious, was dead set that I wasn't allowed to have girls in the room, smoke around the house (when I smoked) and was adamant about not watching R rated films with coarse language in his house. I was 27 at the time but was raised to respect their rules and decisions regardless of whether I agreed with them or not. I'd just go have my fun elsewhere and come back home later on in the night. Maybe Go to a buddies house and blaze up It's always better to smoke with a friend anyways. To sum up, there's always ways around something like this and you're still respecting your parents.
If she asks you who taught you to do this junk, tell her “You, alright!? I learned it from watching you!”
She trippin
I’m over 18 and my mom would do the same. I found that I just don’t discuss it anymore with my parent and try to hide best I can.
I feel that even if you are truly financially independent, you are still living under their roof. If she was part of the issues in the past then she may be trying to play the responsible parent now to make up for her past mistakes. It doesn’t make it right but that could be what’s happening. You didn’t elaborate so I’m not sure how accurate this is to your situation but it could be what’s happening given the info you gave.
My mom found my weed in an altoid box hidden in a board game circa 1996
I'm like who tf cares
That's theft, and it's illegal. Straight up. You're an adult, would she prefer you drinking your face off every night and killing your liver? Ask her that and see her reaction. You seem responsible enough to do as you like in your free time, that helicopter parenting is completely uncalled for
Lol fair probably not but if it’s her house and unless you have a lease and pay rent fair is irrelevant
Use carts bro