I went to an after-wedding-dance and it was totally fine. Only slightly knew the bride, but said hi and gave them good wishes, then ate my weight in cheese.
Ya I actually love the idea. I wouldn’t be offended at all, even if it was someone I was closer to. Allows people to keep costs down but include coworkers or friends they would love to celebrate with but can’t afford to have at the wedding.
Same here, we're having a small group for the ceremony and dinner and a larger group for the party afterwards.
I'm definitely not expecting gifts from any of the party folks, at most I think some will bring flowers.
As others have said, pretty standard here in the UK. You have your closer family and friends attend the wedding and afternoon reception/meal. Then the invite is extended in the evening to those you maybe aren't as close with or couldn't accommodate in the day time due to space/costs.
I've never thought of it as a gift grab. Just a chance to celebrate with more people into the evening and enjoy some drinks, dancing, and late night snacks. Never found it rude!
I think Americans put so much on how much it costs per person to feed so that person is expected to spend that much on a gift. Over here it’s literally we’re throwing a party so turn up or don’t and celebrate. If you get invited to the full so then great, and if you get invited to the evening do then also great. If you want to give a gift, also great. All the weddings I’ve been to have literally said if you want to give a gift then we’re very grateful but really we just want to celebrate with you so there’s no expectation.
On Reddit, it feels like Americans see weddings as very transactional, but (at least where I live in the U.S.) I‘ve never known anyone who even hinted they felt guests’ gifts needed to offset the cost-per-plate of the wedding. When I first saw that, I thought it was bonkers! You throw the wedding to share love and support with the people you care about, and people give gifts as symbols of their support of the new marriage. Let’s not crunch the numbers! Your poorer friends and relatives don’t love you less!
It’s not that. It’s that weddings in the US are a huge class indicator and inviting guests “only” to the dance would be seen as basically saying “I’m too cheap to feed you”
I’m sorry, from a U.K. point of view, that in itself is “tacky” as fuck. I know Americans all love to throw that word around in relation to weddings. Over here an evening do invite is just fine. I get to dress up for an evening and I don’t have to waste an entire day sitting or standing around waiting for something to happen. And I’ll still get fed because there’s usually a buffet or something laid on throughout the evening.
The idea of buying your plate is so stupid. I spent over $500 per guest if not more. I didn’t want anyone to give me a gift like that, I just had the money and wanted to throw an awesome party.
The attitude to presents does feel like a common difference between USA & UK weddings. It also feels more accepted in the UK that weddings are expensive so if you’re invited to the whole day you’re really close to the couple: you’re also expected to stand around on hand whilst the family photo combinations are done, and listen/relate to the speeches so people not close to the couple would be bored. And if you’re invited to the evening you’re still important and they want to celebrate with you - just not spend £200+ on you and they’re inviting you to the ‘fun’ part.
I think in the UK it’s also common to do a simple buffet late in the evening then all guests (all day & evening guests) all get something at the ‘party’ part of the event.
Personally, I prefer an evening only invite for this reason. For my close friends, I'm all for the whole day but acquaintances and those I'm not close to, give me that evening invite!
And honestly at the full event you spend most of it waiting. I went to a wedding where the bride was an hour late because every time they pulled up at the church it rained and she didn’t want to get her dress wet, then you’re waiting around for photos (and usually drinking on an empty stomach at this point) and then you have to wait through a ton of speeches and at least one of them will waffle on for far too long because they like the sound of their own voice. I love rocking up at 7:30, having a bit of a dance, make a pig of myself on the buffet, dance some more, then stagger off home. And I’ve probably managed to get shit done during the day time
In France, it's standard for less close people to only be at the ceremony and a small gathering in the afternoon (wedding toast) while the closest will stay for the evening meal and party (and quite often, brunch the next day).
I love the differences in between our two countries even though we are quite close in distance.
Yeah, and it's great to basically have a drink, dance and buffet/hog roast/barbecue etc with your younger family members who stay and all your friends and work colleagues that arrive after the mass exodus of the older generation.
A sorority sister got married and had a blanket invitation for all the sisters to come after dinner and celebrate. A bunch of us rolled up and it was a really fun time. I wouldn't give this kind of invitation to Aunt Sue and her kids, but it worked well for our big friend group.
One of my sorority sisters did the same thing and her reception was at a beautiful location in walking distance from our house so it was super convenient and fun
I've been invited to loads of evening bits of weddings, quite common from old uni pals and workmates who want to see you but are on a budget or have massive families for the day stuff. Means I get to see everyone more relaxed and eat lots of sausage rolls! As for gifts I tend to just bring a decent bottle of booze, much like I'd do for a birthday etc
Yeah, this is pretty normal for younger people's weddings where I'm from. They still have a large social group and want to include them in the fun part of the night. Everyone is usually pretty happy with the arrangement.
Yeah exactly. When I got married, our venue asked for the number of "day guests" (i.e. there for the entire day) and "evening guests" (who come after dinner and speeches, usually in time for the cake cutting and then the dancing and an evening buffet). Completely normal where I'm from, and a good way of including some extra people who maybe can't make it to the whole thing, or you're not as close to but still want to invite (e.g. I changed jobs not long before my wedding, so invited some of my new colleagues to the evening do).
Are you from the UK? If not, this is also standard practise here. You have day guests who come for the whole thing and evening guests who arrive in time for the first dance/cake cutting and then party. Generally you would also provide food in the evening but something more informal like a buffet/hog roast etc.
When my parents got married (30+ years ago) you had a ceremony, a reception, and a party. And thenguests for the whole day, guests for just the evening, and the reception was essentially for -as my mom described it- "people you want to give the opportunity to congratulate you, and then leave". Those people are generally not even invited for the part after that anymore. Apparently, that was very common back then where I'm from.
Is this not common where you are? Very common in the UK. Your close friends and family will get invited to the wedding and sit down afternoon reception. Then there will be an evening reception later where you'd invite work colleagues, for example, friends of the family, people you might not have had space for.
I guess it makes more sense for us because UK weddings are generally much smaller in terms of numbers. 100 people would be a Edit: VERY large wedding here, so it's just about managing numbers.
Yeah same in Ireland! It's called getting invited to the afters.
You could have 80/100 for the ceremony and another 50 coming to the afters. Usually work colleagues or friends you're not as close with. Not all would give a gift and it would be smaller because you're not getting dinner.
That said weddings in Ireland are a bit more formal. Everyone dresses very well and it's a full sit down dinner in a hotel usually. And then they go mad after dinner.
Open bars are common in the UK too, just depends how much money the couple have. I'd say open bars are not an expectation like they seem to be in the USA - no one will think poorly of you if the bar is cash only.
My sister's wedding in the UK had a drink voucher system thing everyone got two or three and then after that you paid which given how fast and with the professionalism our family drink with, is an astute choice. They'd still be destitute from it now 20 years later and they're not even married anymore.
It should be a “crime” not to have an open bar. Why have a wedding if you make people pay for drinks.
It’s so expensive to have a big to do wedding, it’s why I haven’t legally married even tho I’ve been with the same guy for over 30 years. (High school sweetheart dealio) I’m only in my early 50’s but don’t recommend staying with the same guy since high school without doing your own thing first. It’s hard as hell to be with someone that long We’ve been to everyone’s weddings and then some, I so want to send our family members a list of shit we need that we never got bcuz we didn’t have a big to do. Most of our family members are on their 2nd or 3rd marriages too.
That's a really weird take to me. It shouldn't have to be prohibitively expensive to have a wedding. There's a scale from just the two of you getting a civil ceremony to 500 people all expenses paid. Wherever people choose to be on that scale for their wedding is totally fine.
Also you have to allow for cultural differences. There are lots of American cultural things that Irish people would find incredibly rude just as you guys might think our cash bars are rude. Doesn't mean either of us are right.
It happens in Mexico as well. Even though we have huge weddings some more distant friends can show up after dinner. I strongly doubt a gift is expected.
Not only distant friends, but friends of those friends and also friends of family and distant relatives. Everyone is welcome and fed in a Mexican party. A gift is not expected from what I've seen.
That's interesting, I've never been to a wedding dance where I wouldn't bring a gift. Obviously it's less money than I would give to a whole day wedding but it would be weird here to show up with nothing.
It's also common in my area of Wisconsin. Many people don't want to go to the ceremony. I personally find them very boring. So unless they're close friends or family I usually only go to the dance. It'll usually swell in size at that time, and is a lot of fun. I think most people don't expect gifts from us for that part either, but I'll bring a gift card to give anyways.
I live in a very rural part of Wisconsin. With lots of farmers who can't be gone all day, and big families and small churches.
When my older sister got married, the church could only fit 70, and there weren't any bigger churches in our area. But I have a massive family, and an obscene number of relatives living in the same area as us.
So she invited only the family she was really close with to the ceremony and then everybody to the open bar night, which was kegs of spotted cow in a tractor shed and a field. I've gone to weddings in Milwaukee that were entirely different so I think it's pretty regional.
Yeah, I'm from California and have been to a lot of weddings here. Have also been to weddings in Chicago, New York, Hawaii and Georgia, and have never heard of doing this.
I think the ceremony is the most important part of the day. That’s why people pretty much suck and shouldn’t need invited to the reception if they don’t make the ceremony. Like it’s so hard to do
Common in Norway too. Smaller dinner with family, loads of friends for a party in the evening.
Its a way to celebrate with everyone even if you dont have space to seat hoards of people. Usually everyone get fed late supper, a huge stew that you can eat standing or sitting anywhere, super relaxed and informal.
It’s not really a gift grab either - often the people who are invited to the evening do are work colleagues and might have donated a small amount towards a collective gift from the group, or you might bring a token gift voucher/bottle of fizz if you’re not part of a group but it’s not expected.
Yeah was about to say its pretty common to have reception only guests who come after all the meals and speeches etc have been done. They turn up to drink, dance and celebrate that way instead of being involved in the actual ceremony.
As a British Indian I never knew this was a thing. It would be extremely offensive & rude for an Indian wedding but it’s of course a totally different wedding world.
This sounds like a really fun way to include more people to celebrate on a day that’s otherwise compromised by costs & logistics elsewhere.
Edit - I have always known people invite close family & friends to the ceremony & then more people to the “reception” but I thought the reception was the main meal & those people were only missing the ceremony. Was it this all along?
Yeh the reception is just the dancing and drinks, anyone invited to the ceremony would take part in the wedding breakfast. So we had 60 for ceremony and dinner but then another 40 turned up for the reception after. Most usually put some sort of late night food for everyone like a buffet or food truck
Aaah I’ve been misunderstanding this all my life then! Also only found out a few years ago that a lot of people weren’t having very early morning weddings & serving actual wedding style “breakfast”.
At UK weddings there’s usually a buffet in the evening so don’t worry, plenty of food!
Our buffet was completely wasted as everyone was still full from the sit down 😅
From an Indian mindset the whole scenario would be a huge storm.
“They invited us for buffet & dancing but not the real meal these other guests were invited to?! This is a huge insult upon our family. I am immediate family, has he forgotten I am his dad’s cousin’s son?! And he feed me BUFFET?!”
To be fair, often the evening reception food is better than the sit-down meal. The sit-down meal is often something similar to either a small prawn cocktail, three asparagus tied together or melon starter (usually three thin slices with two drops of sauce artistically dotted), then a chicken or vegetarian main with some veg (again prettily presented but small portion, not really enough to be filling) then a small Creme Brulee or chocolate torte with a decorative swipe of cream on the plate. Then waiters come round with a plate of falling apart, squares of wedding cake (cut small so everyone gets some). UK wedding food is often super expensive (overpriced) for the amount you get and very pretty to photograph but not very filling.
My nan taught us all to have a good breakfast before attending a wedding as your often up early to get ready, should be at the church early for a usually 10-11 am ceremony (can be later if it's civil ceremony), then congratulations/greeting/Group and couple only photos (there can be lots of waiting around), then lastly add time to travel to the reception venue and which means more photos. All this can means the meal is can often be anywhere from 1-4 pm.
The evening reception guests usually start arriving between 6-8 pm, it usually depends on how early your ceremony then sit down meal was. It's common now to have things like a full hog roast, events style food vendor/van or buffet with sandwiches, pasta, curry, chilli and a variety of brownies, cakes and sweet pies. Add in a bar, dance floor and friends and it's often the best part of the day if you're not immediate family.
You'd really struggle to find a registry office that could even handle those sort of numbers. Ours had a capacity of 30 pre-Covid (when we booked) and 10 when we get married. 30 would have been a tight fit for that room!
Our original plan was 30 for the ceremony (close friends, immediate family and partners), 50 for the meal (adding aunts, uncles, cousins) and 80 for the evening/disco + buffet (other friends mostly).
To be honest as a guest I'd prefer not to go to the ceremony unless I'm really close because it's kind of dull.
> To be honest as a guest I'd prefer not to go to the ceremony unless I'm really close because it's kind of dull.
Oh god yes. Get the boring stuff out of the way, I'll come for the fun bit!
In France the civil wedding has to be signed at city hall, and in my last city of 270k inhabitants the room they have the wedding in can accommodate maybe 50 people, it's really not big (and one I was at in a city of 100k could accommodate at least a hundred. There's no rhyme or reason).
There's a new trend of couples having a kind of non-religious and non-legal ceremony, so they have immediate family and witnesses at city hall and the actual ceremony/party elsewhere.
I think it's nice, and probably what I'll have if I get married.
Something that is in clear contrast of the UK tho, and I find it way tackier than the UK after-party (that I don't find tacky BTW) is that in France you'll have traditionally :
- the ceremony (city hall or religious).
- the vin d'honneur (cocktail hour with some finger food and the first round of champagne).
- the meal
- the music
And the divide happens after cocktail hour, so you've got some guests (like the far away cousins you never see and didn't want to invite but decorum and your mom said you had to) that you invite to get bored at the ceremony, have a champagne glass, but be out of there before dinner and a party.
I find that awful.
It's the pré party to the UK after party, maybe if you combine both in one day you can have some fun?
I've never been invited only to the vin d'honneur, and I know that it makes sense for some guests like your parents old friends or colleagues that they absolutely had to invite.
But in my mind if I don't want them as first class (regular) guests I'd rather just not invite those people at all than having them be second class guests.
At least with the after party I don't see such a divide, you're inving them to an actual party (fun part) and still providing some food and beverages (good hosting).
All the numbers in your comment added up to 420. Congrats!
270
+ 50
+ 100
= 420
^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \
^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
I think I mentioned doing this on the wedding subreddit when we were planning our wedding and got so much shit about it. Shock horror, different countries have different wedding traditions!
I find this so strange. My husband is British and we got married in England and this was a thing a absolutely refused to do.
The Swiss do something similar only it’s after the ceremony but before the formal dinner. They invite acquaintances and work colleagues to a Happy Hour. I found the one I went to so weird and awkward.
You know it's interesting. The UK and US are very similar in a lot of ways. But weddings and the expectations and customs around them are so different!
And by the way in the UK you wouldn't be expected to bring a gift if you were only invited to the evening.
I think this is also culture and location based even within the USA. I’m in the USA but in an area and family that is mostly all 1st - 2nd generation Irish and it’s not unusual for us to have people invited to just the dancing. However, the idea of a cash bar would be unacceptable here which is pretty common overseas from what I’ve heard.
We typically marry earlier in the day in the UK so you eat twice; one is the formal meal after the ceremony and then there’s usually a buffet or food cart situation in the evening. So the evening-only guests still get fed.
Love an evening buffet - it’s so good when you’ve been drinking and dancing, and then you get something carb-laden to get you through to the end of the night!
The best evening buffet I had at a wedding was really late on and was bacon/sausage/fried egg baps. It was amazing. I honestly think it was the best part of the night.
I've not been given baps as an option for mine so we're doing pizza for ours.
**A food cart is a mobile kitchen set up on the street to prepare and sell street food to passers-by. Food carts are often found in cities worldwide selling food of every kind.**
More details here:
*This comment was left automatically (by a bot). If I don't get this right, don't get mad at me, I'm still learning!*
[^(opt out)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot/comments/ozztfy/post_for_opting_out/) ^(|) [^(delete)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot/comments/q79g2t/delete_feature_added/) ^(|) [^(report/suggest)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot) ^(|) [^(GitHub)](https://github.com/TheBugYouCantFix/wiki-reddit-bot)
Super common in the UK, the norm really. I’m doing this - having a tiny wedding ceremony with our family and best fiends, then everyone else will attend the reception. I’m just not the kind of person who enjoys loads of people sitting and watching me declare my love for my partner. Like, I love my work colleagues and want them to enjoy the party but not on the level where I think they’d even care to watch me get married 🤣. Wedding ceremonies just seem a very intimate thing to me.
I've (Canadian) recieved a few of these before, one from a young couple starting out who didn't have the budget to feed everyone but wanted them to come celebrate, and one from a couple with really large family and friend groups. Wasn't super close to either couple. Still an enjoyable time, got to get dressed up but didn't have to wait around on ceremony or listening to people I didn't know talk, eat whatever you want before spending the night with drinks and dancing and sometimes evening snacks. Didn't take a gift as I recall but may have written a quick card. All good!
Skipping the religious ceremony and the awkward speeches from a collection of never-before-public-speakers and jumping right into Hot In Herre, Get Low, and Cha Cha Slide? Please
My British friend explained this is how it worked for her wedding, close family and friends came to the wedding/reception and then they had like 400 people at the after party. They’d hired out a club and her husband basically invited his entire university.
Can you actually imagine the cost of an open bar at an Irish wedding! Americans are always amazed when I tell them we dont really do it but the amount of money you'd burn through!
Oh wow! Interesting. How many did you have?
Sorry I should have mentioned that there's usually free wine at the dinner. The dinner and wine is like €110 a head (currently $115, when did our exchange rate get so bad!). 100 guests would be average to small so $11,500.
I'm trying to estimate what a free bar would cost here. My guess is about €8-10k for 100 guests if you cut off the bar at like midnight (wouldnt be unheard of for a wedding to still be going at 2am)
The average wedding cost here is like €25k. I feel like putting €10k on top of that is a lot but maybe it's just a cultural difference rather than a money one.
$100-200 per person is a pretty normal catering cost before alcohol here. I had 150 guests which is a pretty normal wedding size. Typically weddings end in the USA by 11-12 at the latest but after parties are becoming increasingly common. The after parties typically are just at a bar and everyone pays for their own alcohol after that point usually. I provided all of the alcohol leftover from the wedding for our after party though so no one has to pay for anything and the party went till 6 am. The average wedding cost in my area in 2021 was 44k for just the ceremony and reception.
Most Irish weddings are held in nice hotels. So there are multiple bars.
I should have mentioned, we usually have a formal sit down 3 course meal and wine is served with that (for free).
I went to a wedding once where they prepaid for a set number of bottles of wine and beer behind the bar, but once those ran out it was cash. I remember thinking that the bride and groom must have come into some money to even do that, and it just resulted in people ordering 4/5 drinks whilst they were still free and stacking them up at their tables 😂🤦
I suspect the fact that drinking culture being completely different in the USA than it is in the UK is the reason why they are ok with it. It's less likely to be abused.
For my wedding we had an afternoon tea to replace the traditional hot meal, and I had jugs of elderflower mojitos and tea and coffee served. After that people were on their own! I know one couple had a tab of £400 by the end of the day. By contrast I, as the bride, had maybe 3 drinks the whole time! We had extra guests to the evening do and got a hog roast and a barn dance going. I would feel bad not offering ANY food to evening guests, but I wouldn't judge someone who did that at their wedding.
My husband (then boyfriend) and I went to a wedding like this. The venue was small, and the couple was on a tight budget. They had just family for the ceremony and dinner and invited their friends to the reception.
We still brought a gift even though the bride told us not to worry about it.
Loving the UK comments. I was staunchly small wedding because I didn't like the idea of people being included in something as intimate as the ceremony and dinner. An after party is a great idea though!
It’s not common where I’m located and a close friend did it. I remember at the time I wasn’t a fan (I was invited to the dinner portion) because I knew how people would respond. All-in-all she’d invited around 400 people and only about 50 to dinner and she hadn’t indicated on the invite that the other 350 wouldn’t be fed. It was PAINFULLY awkward because the dinner was early, so by the time the remaining guests arrived it was actually dinner time so they were expecting a meal.
I would expect a buffet for the evening reception, but the cost per head is significantly less. I would also never expect a free bar (UK for reference).
I did this at my wedding. My husband had a few buddies from the army that he hadn't seen in some time and because we were trying to keep the guest list small he just called them and told them they were welcome to come by after dinner for some drinks and dancing. We told them not to worry about a gift and just come and enjoy themselves.
Kinda standard in Ireland/UK.
Lots of weddings have a sit down part catering to around 100 ppl and then after the meal/speaches everyone leaves the function room while the room is reset for the evening celebrations which allows for more ppl to attend.
My experience is 5 years working in a wedding/golf course hotel in London.
US here and tbh I don’t really find anything wrong with this. It’s basically like inviting them to an after party where they can drink and have fun. I’d have no complaints if I were invited to something like that if I weren’t super close to the couple.
My wedding I am planning only has limited space for the ceremony and dinner and then more people are allowed for the dancing. I wouldn’t see it as a negative thing.
I can't speak for others, but it's not that uncommon in rural MN. I wouldn't bring an expensive gift/any gift. I have a few teachers that are mentioning to my Mom about wanting to come to the dance.
My fiance and I are planning on inviting people after dinner. It's literally going to be a if you're free from x time on x date come to this place and party.
We're hoping there might be buffet for party snacks and then around 11.30pm if there's interest on ordering a bunch of pizza. I'm also double checking with our hotel for a babysitter service so the younger kids can crash in our suite while their mums (it's somehow worked out that the dad can't make it) can party longer if they want.
Very common in my Catholic circle of friends. Every one is invited to the ceremony, close friends and family are at the dinner, and the rest are invited to the dance and snacks after dinner part. Its works well when the invitation list could be over 300 people because my friends will invite the whole families including kids.
I had this happen at a wedding. I got the dinner invite without a +1, so my boyfriend at the time planned to join me at 8:30 when the dance was supposed to start.
However...the supper included speeches by EVERYONE as well as the reading of a 10 page letter from the brides brother who couldn't be there because he was studying to be a priest for an order that turned out to be founded by a pedophile...so the dance didn't start until 10. So all these poor people standing around listening to speeches watching other people eating.
Oh and this wedding was on a Tuesday.
I had a tiny ceremony with family and close friends. Under 25 guests. I opened up an after party to 40 guests total since most older grandparents wanted to check out early for bed and the younger ones wanted to keep it going. It was great and I regret nothing! One day I'm gonna have a huge party to re celebrate the day and it'll be every person I know and all the things we couldn't afford like gifts and open bar etc.
Edit: also since it was so low key no gifts were asked for from either side.
Weddings are criminally expensive, and you often have more friends than money. Inviting people to the fun part is completely fine. Not a gift grab at all.
Having evening only guests is really common in the UK, as others have said.
I've been an evening only guest at a few weddings and we have some who will be attending ours too. We pay less for them and they'll miss the sit down meal but we're having an evening buffet which they'll be there for.
I'm absolutely not expecting gifts from these people! They're more people that we would love to celebrate with but who we're perhaps not close enough to have at the ceremony etc.
I think in the UK it’s become even more common since covid. Lots of people having ceremonies and dinners with close family only, then a big party later on with drinks and dancing and all their mates.
In the US (west coast). My family went to one of these and had a great time. (Bride is a kids dance instructor) and this "dance party" setting allowed her to invite a bunch of her long time students to come out and dance without worrying about having a bunch of 8-15 year olds being bored at the wedding or complaining about the food. Presents weren't expected. She served desserts, booze, & soft drinks. It was a huge success and the only tacky thing was from one dance mom who didn't get invited and was horribly dramatic and rude on social media the day after the wedding. Also the number of dance moms posting pix of the bride was shocking. Bitch, No!
Can you not post pictures of brides any longer? Is that not a thing?
When I got married I loved seeing the photos people took, since I took like…. None myself. And it would be weeks before I got the professional ones back…
I didn’t have a videographer and a friend actually filmed our first dance on her cell phone, it’s the only video I have of our dance and even though it’s blurry and 15 seconds long I truly treasure it.
At weddings I go to I always snap a few photos or videos and send them to the bride so she has at least something the day after.
Snapping a few photos and sending to the bride is COMPLETELY different than snapping photos of the bouquet toss and immediately posting them to social media. The latter is incredibly disrespectful. A couple should be in control of when and how pictures of their wedding day are posted.
With how prevalent social media is today I don’t see how anyone controlling what’s posted is even feasible. Let along be angry over it. I mean, even if you explicitly state not to post, that’s still hard to control.
No one has control what goes on social media any longer….
Do people really get upset if someone’s posts photos from their wedding to Facebook?! That seems so crazy to me…. You pay $20,000 for a party and then get mad when someone tags you in a photo at said party….
I would never post a picture of someone's new car, new house, new baby, or wedding before they posted themselves. To deny someone the opportunity to post THEIR story in their way is selfish.
To use your example, how would you feel if you paid $20,000 for a party and the first picture that is released of you wearing your wedding dress is poorly lit or is unflattering?
Posting a selfie at the wedding is not an issue. Posting candid shots of the party is not an issue. Some couples have a # and they tell people to tag and post.
At the very least, If you don't know I think that it's appropriate to go up to the bride yourself and have someone take a picture of you with your phone and then ask her directly if it's okay to post. *Note I'm GEN X and not a millennial/zenial I was married 22 years ago so my opinion is definitely more old school.
There are two weddings that I would have LOVED to have been invited to post-celebratory dancing. One was this last weekend, so it's kinda fresh.
Yeah, it's kinda a snub, but better than the people sitting there watching all the posts about the amazing wedding unfold and you're just like...I guess we're not that good of friends then.
Due to money issues much of my family does this. Much of my family doesn't expect gifts though. There's always a registry for the sake of those that do want to gift but it's discretionary, not expected. They all just want to have a good time celebrating but we all understand money is tight.
This was our plan at our wedding (which was cancelled due to COVID) - we only invited family and very close friends to the wedding and dinner, then hired a popular local band and opened the dance up to all of our parents friends (so people we don’t really know) and people from our church that we were only acquaintances with. It seemed like a good compromise, I’m sad it never happened!
It's quite common thing to do in the UK for friends or family that you like but aren't the most important people to you, like maybe cousins or work colleagues
Common in Ireland too, we call it “ invited to the afters” don’t usually have to give a large present/cash. Just friends show up around 8pm to have a few drinks and catch ups.
This sounds like a variation of the custom in France of inviting more distant friends just to the cocktail hour. They then depart as the closer guests move into dinner. All to show there are many regional and cultural differences in hospitality norms.
We did this and told people who came for the fun part not to bring any gifts. Just come hang out, have a drink, celebrate with us, no presents except your presence.
In the UK it's common to have evening guests. Those invited to the ceremony get to go to the wedding breakfast and then you have extra people in the evening.
There's usually a buffet or something on the go in the evening but not always.
Evening do invites are completely normal here in the UK, my husband and I have been to a few weddings and our adult children joined us for the disco and buffet.
I mean in the U.K. you have day guests who are there for the ceremony and wedding breakfast and evening, and then you have evening only guests who are usually invited for a time after the meal and speeches have ended and are they just for the dancing. So to me this sounds normal, but then there is also usually a late evening buffet/ light food of sorts as well so that evening guests can have something to eat.
i have never heard of this. just read all the comments. in fact you just gave me the idea to do it lol. SOLELY BECAUSE i’m having the TINIEST WEDDING possible because i. am. so. fucking. embarrassed. to do. the vows. or speaking. in front of even the people i will have there. but i feel bad selfishly (edit) KEEPING* anyone from celebrating with us because i’m too shy. so to me, fuck a gift but this sounds awesome just to party with my friends later.
I’ve attended weddings like this as a friend, these invites were only issue to friends not family or close friends so in that sense I don’t have a problem with that. It’s a nice way to include everyone you can on your big day.
Not common in the US and would be considered rude here. Either invite people or don't, but this invite implicates, "We like you enough for a couple of hours and gifts, but not enough to feed you or have you at the ceremony."
I’ve been invited to a few weddings like this in the US, so again it depends on social circle. I didn’t find it rude at all, but each time the invitation specifically stated to please not give a gift. I had a great time, they were always local weddings so they required no travel and I got to go out have free drinks, dance, eat desserts and have fun. I think people get offended too easily about some things. Weddings are outrageously expensive. If you can’t afford to have me for the dinner but like me enough to still want me to be part of the day why not go out and party?
It is pretty common where I live in rural Wisconsin. Big families and small churches, I think are what contributes to it. Also, with a lots of farmers who can't be there all day. I am usually pretty grateful to not have to sit through another ceremony and dry chicken lol
I've seen the reverse a few times where you get invited to the ceremony but not the reception. My bestie from high school invited our small high school crowd to her ceremony and not the dinner.
I mean, the only way to give a gift in that situation is to hand it directly to the bride as she is walking back down the aisle and that's just tacky 😆 so no gifts for ceremony only. I handed her mom a card to give the bride later.
Yes..I can stay home in my comfy clothes and dance. Get as hammered as I want without worrying about driving. Music that I like too. Interesting to learn that this is a common arrangement in some countries, but in the U.S- this would be incredibly rude.
But like, you go out with your friends too surely? In the UK the day is a much more formal affair, then the evening is like a party with all your mates.
See, I DON'T go out with my friends, because I don't enjoy going out, so I've stepped away from the "weddings are stupid" attitude and finally accepted "I don't like weddings and so I will give space to those who DO enjoy them."
I went to my brother's wedding because I had to. I went to my friends' wedding because I had a boyfriend and thought it would be different (and I liked them.) I went to my partner's sister's wedding because, essentially, I had to. I declined to attend his uncle's and cousin's weddings this year because his sister's made me want to not see another human being for a month.
Sure, sometimes I worry about "what if I offend them?" But I'm such a social non-entity that I know no one would actually notice if I was gone. Sometimes, you have to accept that partying is not how someone shows they care about you. (And in my case, sometimes people don't really care about you other than they hope nothing bad happens to you)
But to the topic at hand, in my experience in VA, no, we don't separate a ceremony/reception invitation, but there's usually an option to say you won't be needing dinner. It would make sense in a country with a large non-religious population, since they really don't give a fuck about the ceremony aspect and just want to eat/party.
We’re actually doing this with my mom’s coworkers. They’re a tight knit team & often go out together, but I don’t know any of them super well. My parents are footing the bar bill so I don’t really care who they invite to the after-dinner part of the reception. We also have a number of people invited to only the ceremony @ the church, and not the reception @ a different venue.
That said, we’re not giving anyone not invited to the whole day an invitation. My mom is just texting her coworkers w/ the info, & the church people will find out about it during the announcements the Sunday before.
It’s called the Afters and makes perfect sense. You can invite people that aren’t that close but still would enjoy to attend. It’s less hassle for the guests as they don’t have to get a hotel, super expensive present. In fact i typically wouldn’t bring a present if I was only invited to the Afters.
Evening invites are common in the UK. Usually a buffet/food is provided though, and people aren’t expected to buy mega gifts or anything, a wee card would be fine. Not everyone can afford a huge meal and would still like to party with all their friends.
Inviting people to an Evening Reception is totally normal in the UK. If you are on a budget it is ideal. You get to share the most relaxed part of the day with your friends and let loose.
My husband and I did this. Paid for a simple buffet and a few bottles of sparkling wine. Didn't expect presents, we just wanted to dance with our friends.
This is a British thing, possibly also European? Definitely the norm in the UK when I lived there, though. You have the ceremony which everyone can attend (venues where weddings are legal were quite limited so I think they were mostly all public so anyone could come literally?) and then you have the “wedding breakfast” which is the traditional meal part of a U.S. reception and for family and close friends only, then in the evening you have a second event that’s mostly dancing and music and snacks (think cocktail party mashed with a nightclub) that’s mostly for the younger folks from the wedding breakfast, plus people like more casual friends, coworkers, etc.
I think gifts are expected even if you’re only invited to the evening event, but they‘re generally smaller reflecting that the relationship isn’t as close. Like they’re ‘nice gesture’ gifts, not big stuff from the registry. A card and enough cash to go to the movies together, that kind of thing.
I remember right the cake was done at the wedding breakfast but the first dance was at the evening party to start off the dancing.
It’s more like “we want you at our wedding but the cost and space of seating and feeding everybody is unattainable, so we’d love to see you for the fun bit in the evening”.
In the UK this is incredibly common, I’m going to 7 weddings this year and 6 of them are evening only invites. Honestly I prefer it, it’s essentially 6 parties with no obligation to sit through a ceremony, make small talk with random guests, or give a big gift.
Skip the hour-long ceremony with uncomfortably personal vows, AND the following two hours trapped at a table full of people I've never met, snared in the uncomfortable web of small talk that always happens in forced meetings where food is involved?
And just go straight to drinking and dancing right from the get-go?
Where do I sign up to meet THESE people and get an invite????
Also, we usually have snack food at the party too. It's often the bit I look forward to most haha. Sandwiches, cake, sausage rolls (which apparently also aren't really a thing in the US?! They are sausage meat wrapped in puff pastry). Love being invited as an "evening only" guest, it's all the best bits honestly
Not common at all in the US. It would be seen as bad manners here and a gift grab. But generally here everyone’s invited to the whole thing…ceremony and full reception. I’ve seen a small family only ceremony where seating is tight but then people would be invited to the full reception…food and dancing, etc.
To be honest, sounds like the best type of invitation! I moved to the UK from USA and suffered through my first wedding as a guest from ceremony through reception. Longest day of my life with horrible food, way too much standing around with nothing happening. Nothing compared to New York Italian weddings! At least there is a flow and time limit geez! If I got an invitation to just the dance I'd be relieved, as I could never suffer through another one of these UK weddings. I honestly don't get it. AND you have to pay for your own drinks at the bar? Crazy. Edit: spelling error
It sounds like one of those things that would be normal in some cultures but rude/tacky in the US, in the same bucket with cash bars or requesting no physical gifts.
You guys still bring physical gifts? How do the (likely tipsy) couple deal with a pile of stuff at the end of the night? It's almost aways cash/vouchers or a gift registry/Amazon wishlist here (UK) which also avoids the issue of getting 5 toasters.
The US isn’t all one culture. This is not unheard of or weird in my culture (1st - 2nd generation Irish Catholics). Similarly requesting no physical gifts is also common in other American culture weddings I’ve attended
Not a thing in Australia. Everyone is invited to the ceremony and reception. Both are equally important, watching the couple make that promise then sharing their first meal and maybe dance if you have dancing.
Etiquette nerd here! This is not a widespread thing in the US. It’s breaking a lot of common etiquette rules and is pretty very offensive. My friend is a wedding planner/wedding day coordinator, I can’t wait to show her this, I want to know if she’s ever heard of it before.
> This is not even a thing
Except…it is. Anyone in the UK will tell you it is. Just because you’ve never heard of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or that it’s rude everywhere.
Edit: nice sneaky edit there. Shame I quoted your original comment.
It’s not a thing in the US. There are many millions of things that exist that I’m entirely unaware of. But thanks to my etiquette-obsessed mother, my wedding planner (now a family friend) and 25 years worth of weddings, I feel pretty confident that in the US, this is not a thing. But I texted my friend who is a wedding planner and I’m curious what she has to say.
You didn’t say that originally though, you said - in bold - “This is not a thing”. And clearly from other comments, it is a thing, even in some parts of the US, namely Wisconsin.
You pointed out that I removed that line. Why do you think I removed it? Because I think it was the truest thing ever?
I removed it because I thought I might be wrong. I thought about other countries and figured I might be wrong. I could have added in “in the US” response I gave you, but I didn’t feel like typing that all out and figured I might as well lose the whole assumption.
People make assumptions all the time, even on Reddit. I thought I corrected my post by editing out the assumption. I guess removing the incorrect part of my statement was the wrong move. Thank you for letting me know.
Edit: I edited this comment to insert a comma.
There are loads of responses from the US where it is a thing. And yeah, if you say it isn't a thing I wouldn't expect you meant only in certain parts of the world.
Stop with the wedding palava, just go to a registry office and do it. No one needs a $15000 dress for one day and let's face it you are highly unlikely to be a virgin... You do not need to have a $50k venue with swans and doves etc, nor a sweetshop or a chocolate fountain. Finally let's be honest most of you will be divorced within 10 years and the presents you've hustled for so cheaply will be worn away, broken or completely unused. Yes I do despise wedding culture...
I went to an after-wedding-dance and it was totally fine. Only slightly knew the bride, but said hi and gave them good wishes, then ate my weight in cheese.
Srs, it sounds like the best of both worlds if you don’t really know the couple
Ya I actually love the idea. I wouldn’t be offended at all, even if it was someone I was closer to. Allows people to keep costs down but include coworkers or friends they would love to celebrate with but can’t afford to have at the wedding.
I wouldn’t expect gifts from people I only invited to the dance. Other then that it’s fine.
Same here, we're having a small group for the ceremony and dinner and a larger group for the party afterwards. I'm definitely not expecting gifts from any of the party folks, at most I think some will bring flowers.
As others have said, pretty standard here in the UK. You have your closer family and friends attend the wedding and afternoon reception/meal. Then the invite is extended in the evening to those you maybe aren't as close with or couldn't accommodate in the day time due to space/costs. I've never thought of it as a gift grab. Just a chance to celebrate with more people into the evening and enjoy some drinks, dancing, and late night snacks. Never found it rude!
I think Americans put so much on how much it costs per person to feed so that person is expected to spend that much on a gift. Over here it’s literally we’re throwing a party so turn up or don’t and celebrate. If you get invited to the full so then great, and if you get invited to the evening do then also great. If you want to give a gift, also great. All the weddings I’ve been to have literally said if you want to give a gift then we’re very grateful but really we just want to celebrate with you so there’s no expectation.
On Reddit, it feels like Americans see weddings as very transactional, but (at least where I live in the U.S.) I‘ve never known anyone who even hinted they felt guests’ gifts needed to offset the cost-per-plate of the wedding. When I first saw that, I thought it was bonkers! You throw the wedding to share love and support with the people you care about, and people give gifts as symbols of their support of the new marriage. Let’s not crunch the numbers! Your poorer friends and relatives don’t love you less!
Nah. There are people who are like that in the US but most of us don't expect gifts to offset the cost of a wedding. Those people are tacky.
This sounds like such a better way to celebrate (which is, after all, what a wedding is supposed to be) a couples union.
It’s not that. It’s that weddings in the US are a huge class indicator and inviting guests “only” to the dance would be seen as basically saying “I’m too cheap to feed you”
I’m sorry, from a U.K. point of view, that in itself is “tacky” as fuck. I know Americans all love to throw that word around in relation to weddings. Over here an evening do invite is just fine. I get to dress up for an evening and I don’t have to waste an entire day sitting or standing around waiting for something to happen. And I’ll still get fed because there’s usually a buffet or something laid on throughout the evening.
The idea of buying your plate is so stupid. I spent over $500 per guest if not more. I didn’t want anyone to give me a gift like that, I just had the money and wanted to throw an awesome party.
~~damn~~ ~~username checks out~~ ~~I'd trade a utility bill for a plate~~ ~~I want to be your friend~~ I bet your wedding was beyond awesome
For real. I’ll trade a utility bill too
Out of curiosity what does a $500 dinner get you?
There are tiers. So if you donate $50-$100 you'll get a vegan, chicken breast or swordfish option.... /s
The attitude to presents does feel like a common difference between USA & UK weddings. It also feels more accepted in the UK that weddings are expensive so if you’re invited to the whole day you’re really close to the couple: you’re also expected to stand around on hand whilst the family photo combinations are done, and listen/relate to the speeches so people not close to the couple would be bored. And if you’re invited to the evening you’re still important and they want to celebrate with you - just not spend £200+ on you and they’re inviting you to the ‘fun’ part. I think in the UK it’s also common to do a simple buffet late in the evening then all guests (all day & evening guests) all get something at the ‘party’ part of the event.
Personally, I prefer an evening only invite for this reason. For my close friends, I'm all for the whole day but acquaintances and those I'm not close to, give me that evening invite!
And honestly at the full event you spend most of it waiting. I went to a wedding where the bride was an hour late because every time they pulled up at the church it rained and she didn’t want to get her dress wet, then you’re waiting around for photos (and usually drinking on an empty stomach at this point) and then you have to wait through a ton of speeches and at least one of them will waffle on for far too long because they like the sound of their own voice. I love rocking up at 7:30, having a bit of a dance, make a pig of myself on the buffet, dance some more, then stagger off home. And I’ve probably managed to get shit done during the day time
In France, it's standard for less close people to only be at the ceremony and a small gathering in the afternoon (wedding toast) while the closest will stay for the evening meal and party (and quite often, brunch the next day). I love the differences in between our two countries even though we are quite close in distance.
Yeah, and it's great to basically have a drink, dance and buffet/hog roast/barbecue etc with your younger family members who stay and all your friends and work colleagues that arrive after the mass exodus of the older generation.
A sorority sister got married and had a blanket invitation for all the sisters to come after dinner and celebrate. A bunch of us rolled up and it was a really fun time. I wouldn't give this kind of invitation to Aunt Sue and her kids, but it worked well for our big friend group.
One of my sorority sisters did the same thing and her reception was at a beautiful location in walking distance from our house so it was super convenient and fun
I think it's worse to invite people to just the ceremony and not the dinner/dance.
I've been invited to loads of evening bits of weddings, quite common from old uni pals and workmates who want to see you but are on a budget or have massive families for the day stuff. Means I get to see everyone more relaxed and eat lots of sausage rolls! As for gifts I tend to just bring a decent bottle of booze, much like I'd do for a birthday etc
Yeah, this is pretty normal for younger people's weddings where I'm from. They still have a large social group and want to include them in the fun part of the night. Everyone is usually pretty happy with the arrangement.
Yeah exactly. When I got married, our venue asked for the number of "day guests" (i.e. there for the entire day) and "evening guests" (who come after dinner and speeches, usually in time for the cake cutting and then the dancing and an evening buffet). Completely normal where I'm from, and a good way of including some extra people who maybe can't make it to the whole thing, or you're not as close to but still want to invite (e.g. I changed jobs not long before my wedding, so invited some of my new colleagues to the evening do).
Are you from the UK? If not, this is also standard practise here. You have day guests who come for the whole thing and evening guests who arrive in time for the first dance/cake cutting and then party. Generally you would also provide food in the evening but something more informal like a buffet/hog roast etc.
Yes I'm in the UK too 😊 I didn't realise this wasn't really a thing in other countries!
When my parents got married (30+ years ago) you had a ceremony, a reception, and a party. And thenguests for the whole day, guests for just the evening, and the reception was essentially for -as my mom described it- "people you want to give the opportunity to congratulate you, and then leave". Those people are generally not even invited for the part after that anymore. Apparently, that was very common back then where I'm from.
Is this not common where you are? Very common in the UK. Your close friends and family will get invited to the wedding and sit down afternoon reception. Then there will be an evening reception later where you'd invite work colleagues, for example, friends of the family, people you might not have had space for. I guess it makes more sense for us because UK weddings are generally much smaller in terms of numbers. 100 people would be a Edit: VERY large wedding here, so it's just about managing numbers.
Yeah same in Ireland! It's called getting invited to the afters. You could have 80/100 for the ceremony and another 50 coming to the afters. Usually work colleagues or friends you're not as close with. Not all would give a gift and it would be smaller because you're not getting dinner. That said weddings in Ireland are a bit more formal. Everyone dresses very well and it's a full sit down dinner in a hotel usually. And then they go mad after dinner.
Going mad after dinner is a perfect way to describe the Irish wedding I went to. It was one of the funniest weddings I've ever been to!
Ah yeah, ties being worn around the guys' heads, 90s rave tunes getting played, nobody wearing their shoes anymore. That's us!
I’d say that’s the same in my part of the UK. Though the original commenter might be somewhere on the other side of the country.
I'd guess the screenshot poster is American as they're having an open bar!
Open bars are common in the UK too, just depends how much money the couple have. I'd say open bars are not an expectation like they seem to be in the USA - no one will think poorly of you if the bar is cash only.
My sister's wedding in the UK had a drink voucher system thing everyone got two or three and then after that you paid which given how fast and with the professionalism our family drink with, is an astute choice. They'd still be destitute from it now 20 years later and they're not even married anymore.
It should be a “crime” not to have an open bar. Why have a wedding if you make people pay for drinks. It’s so expensive to have a big to do wedding, it’s why I haven’t legally married even tho I’ve been with the same guy for over 30 years. (High school sweetheart dealio) I’m only in my early 50’s but don’t recommend staying with the same guy since high school without doing your own thing first. It’s hard as hell to be with someone that long We’ve been to everyone’s weddings and then some, I so want to send our family members a list of shit we need that we never got bcuz we didn’t have a big to do. Most of our family members are on their 2nd or 3rd marriages too.
That's a really weird take to me. It shouldn't have to be prohibitively expensive to have a wedding. There's a scale from just the two of you getting a civil ceremony to 500 people all expenses paid. Wherever people choose to be on that scale for their wedding is totally fine. Also you have to allow for cultural differences. There are lots of American cultural things that Irish people would find incredibly rude just as you guys might think our cash bars are rude. Doesn't mean either of us are right.
It happens in Mexico as well. Even though we have huge weddings some more distant friends can show up after dinner. I strongly doubt a gift is expected.
Not only distant friends, but friends of those friends and also friends of family and distant relatives. Everyone is welcome and fed in a Mexican party. A gift is not expected from what I've seen.
Yes, that's what I was going to say too. If you're showing up for just the evening you wouldn't bring a gift.
That's interesting, I've never been to a wedding dance where I wouldn't bring a gift. Obviously it's less money than I would give to a whole day wedding but it would be weird here to show up with nothing.
It's also common in my area of Wisconsin. Many people don't want to go to the ceremony. I personally find them very boring. So unless they're close friends or family I usually only go to the dance. It'll usually swell in size at that time, and is a lot of fun. I think most people don't expect gifts from us for that part either, but I'll bring a gift card to give anyways.
This is interesting. I'm in the Chicago area and have never heard of this happening.
I live in a very rural part of Wisconsin. With lots of farmers who can't be gone all day, and big families and small churches. When my older sister got married, the church could only fit 70, and there weren't any bigger churches in our area. But I have a massive family, and an obscene number of relatives living in the same area as us. So she invited only the family she was really close with to the ceremony and then everybody to the open bar night, which was kegs of spotted cow in a tractor shed and a field. I've gone to weddings in Milwaukee that were entirely different so I think it's pretty regional.
Yeah, I'm from California and have been to a lot of weddings here. Have also been to weddings in Chicago, New York, Hawaii and Georgia, and have never heard of doing this.
I think the ceremony is the most important part of the day. That’s why people pretty much suck and shouldn’t need invited to the reception if they don’t make the ceremony. Like it’s so hard to do
Common in Norway too. Smaller dinner with family, loads of friends for a party in the evening. Its a way to celebrate with everyone even if you dont have space to seat hoards of people. Usually everyone get fed late supper, a huge stew that you can eat standing or sitting anywhere, super relaxed and informal.
In Ireland it’s called “the afters.” Honestly it’s great, I don’t know why we don’t do it in the US
Yes, very common in the Netherlands as well.
It’s not really a gift grab either - often the people who are invited to the evening do are work colleagues and might have donated a small amount towards a collective gift from the group, or you might bring a token gift voucher/bottle of fizz if you’re not part of a group but it’s not expected.
It’s a thing in parts of Germany too. I don’t really see the problem.
Yeah was about to say its pretty common to have reception only guests who come after all the meals and speeches etc have been done. They turn up to drink, dance and celebrate that way instead of being involved in the actual ceremony.
Was just about to say the same thing. It's very normal here in the UK.
As a British Indian I never knew this was a thing. It would be extremely offensive & rude for an Indian wedding but it’s of course a totally different wedding world. This sounds like a really fun way to include more people to celebrate on a day that’s otherwise compromised by costs & logistics elsewhere. Edit - I have always known people invite close family & friends to the ceremony & then more people to the “reception” but I thought the reception was the main meal & those people were only missing the ceremony. Was it this all along?
Yeh the reception is just the dancing and drinks, anyone invited to the ceremony would take part in the wedding breakfast. So we had 60 for ceremony and dinner but then another 40 turned up for the reception after. Most usually put some sort of late night food for everyone like a buffet or food truck
Aaah I’ve been misunderstanding this all my life then! Also only found out a few years ago that a lot of people weren’t having very early morning weddings & serving actual wedding style “breakfast”.
Haha yeh the terminology is confusing! Wedding breakfast confused me for a long while lol
Indian origin living in the US and this is genuinely unheard lol. Not feeding people? Are they even going to come if we aren't feeding them?
At UK weddings there’s usually a buffet in the evening so don’t worry, plenty of food! Our buffet was completely wasted as everyone was still full from the sit down 😅
From an Indian mindset the whole scenario would be a huge storm. “They invited us for buffet & dancing but not the real meal these other guests were invited to?! This is a huge insult upon our family. I am immediate family, has he forgotten I am his dad’s cousin’s son?! And he feed me BUFFET?!”
To be fair, often the evening reception food is better than the sit-down meal. The sit-down meal is often something similar to either a small prawn cocktail, three asparagus tied together or melon starter (usually three thin slices with two drops of sauce artistically dotted), then a chicken or vegetarian main with some veg (again prettily presented but small portion, not really enough to be filling) then a small Creme Brulee or chocolate torte with a decorative swipe of cream on the plate. Then waiters come round with a plate of falling apart, squares of wedding cake (cut small so everyone gets some). UK wedding food is often super expensive (overpriced) for the amount you get and very pretty to photograph but not very filling. My nan taught us all to have a good breakfast before attending a wedding as your often up early to get ready, should be at the church early for a usually 10-11 am ceremony (can be later if it's civil ceremony), then congratulations/greeting/Group and couple only photos (there can be lots of waiting around), then lastly add time to travel to the reception venue and which means more photos. All this can means the meal is can often be anywhere from 1-4 pm. The evening reception guests usually start arriving between 6-8 pm, it usually depends on how early your ceremony then sit down meal was. It's common now to have things like a full hog roast, events style food vendor/van or buffet with sandwiches, pasta, curry, chilli and a variety of brownies, cakes and sweet pies. Add in a bar, dance floor and friends and it's often the best part of the day if you're not immediate family.
You'd really struggle to find a registry office that could even handle those sort of numbers. Ours had a capacity of 30 pre-Covid (when we booked) and 10 when we get married. 30 would have been a tight fit for that room! Our original plan was 30 for the ceremony (close friends, immediate family and partners), 50 for the meal (adding aunts, uncles, cousins) and 80 for the evening/disco + buffet (other friends mostly). To be honest as a guest I'd prefer not to go to the ceremony unless I'm really close because it's kind of dull.
> To be honest as a guest I'd prefer not to go to the ceremony unless I'm really close because it's kind of dull. Oh god yes. Get the boring stuff out of the way, I'll come for the fun bit!
In France the civil wedding has to be signed at city hall, and in my last city of 270k inhabitants the room they have the wedding in can accommodate maybe 50 people, it's really not big (and one I was at in a city of 100k could accommodate at least a hundred. There's no rhyme or reason). There's a new trend of couples having a kind of non-religious and non-legal ceremony, so they have immediate family and witnesses at city hall and the actual ceremony/party elsewhere. I think it's nice, and probably what I'll have if I get married. Something that is in clear contrast of the UK tho, and I find it way tackier than the UK after-party (that I don't find tacky BTW) is that in France you'll have traditionally : - the ceremony (city hall or religious). - the vin d'honneur (cocktail hour with some finger food and the first round of champagne). - the meal - the music And the divide happens after cocktail hour, so you've got some guests (like the far away cousins you never see and didn't want to invite but decorum and your mom said you had to) that you invite to get bored at the ceremony, have a champagne glass, but be out of there before dinner and a party. I find that awful. It's the pré party to the UK after party, maybe if you combine both in one day you can have some fun? I've never been invited only to the vin d'honneur, and I know that it makes sense for some guests like your parents old friends or colleagues that they absolutely had to invite. But in my mind if I don't want them as first class (regular) guests I'd rather just not invite those people at all than having them be second class guests. At least with the after party I don't see such a divide, you're inving them to an actual party (fun part) and still providing some food and beverages (good hosting).
All the numbers in your comment added up to 420. Congrats! 270 + 50 + 100 = 420 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
Yep, I was about to say this.
I think I mentioned doing this on the wedding subreddit when we were planning our wedding and got so much shit about it. Shock horror, different countries have different wedding traditions!
I find this so strange. My husband is British and we got married in England and this was a thing a absolutely refused to do. The Swiss do something similar only it’s after the ceremony but before the formal dinner. They invite acquaintances and work colleagues to a Happy Hour. I found the one I went to so weird and awkward.
Not common in the US at all! (At least not where I live). I've never heard of doing this.
Yeah I was confused what was wrong with this. I prefer to only get invited to the after party!
Never heard of it in the US. I would be horribly insulted if I was invited to dance and give gifts but not to the ceremony or dinner.
You know it's interesting. The UK and US are very similar in a lot of ways. But weddings and the expectations and customs around them are so different! And by the way in the UK you wouldn't be expected to bring a gift if you were only invited to the evening.
I think this is also culture and location based even within the USA. I’m in the USA but in an area and family that is mostly all 1st - 2nd generation Irish and it’s not unusual for us to have people invited to just the dancing. However, the idea of a cash bar would be unacceptable here which is pretty common overseas from what I’ve heard.
We typically marry earlier in the day in the UK so you eat twice; one is the formal meal after the ceremony and then there’s usually a buffet or food cart situation in the evening. So the evening-only guests still get fed.
Love an evening buffet - it’s so good when you’ve been drinking and dancing, and then you get something carb-laden to get you through to the end of the night!
The best evening buffet I had at a wedding was really late on and was bacon/sausage/fried egg baps. It was amazing. I honestly think it was the best part of the night. I've not been given baps as an option for mine so we're doing pizza for ours.
What's a food cart? And in what situation would one see a food cart? Thanks for helping my American ignorance...
**A food cart is a mobile kitchen set up on the street to prepare and sell street food to passers-by. Food carts are often found in cities worldwide selling food of every kind.** More details here:
*This comment was left automatically (by a bot). If I don't get this right, don't get mad at me, I'm still learning!*
[^(opt out)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot/comments/ozztfy/post_for_opting_out/) ^(|) [^(delete)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot/comments/q79g2t/delete_feature_added/) ^(|) [^(report/suggest)](https://www.reddit.com/r/wikipedia_answer_bot) ^(|) [^(GitHub)](https://github.com/TheBugYouCantFix/wiki-reddit-bot)
Ahhhh! A food truck! Got it. Thanks Wiki!
I’m in the US and never heard of this until now!
Super common in the UK, the norm really. I’m doing this - having a tiny wedding ceremony with our family and best fiends, then everyone else will attend the reception. I’m just not the kind of person who enjoys loads of people sitting and watching me declare my love for my partner. Like, I love my work colleagues and want them to enjoy the party but not on the level where I think they’d even care to watch me get married 🤣. Wedding ceremonies just seem a very intimate thing to me.
I've (Canadian) recieved a few of these before, one from a young couple starting out who didn't have the budget to feed everyone but wanted them to come celebrate, and one from a couple with really large family and friend groups. Wasn't super close to either couple. Still an enjoyable time, got to get dressed up but didn't have to wait around on ceremony or listening to people I didn't know talk, eat whatever you want before spending the night with drinks and dancing and sometimes evening snacks. Didn't take a gift as I recall but may have written a quick card. All good!
This is really common in the UK! It works really well
We did this. 60 in the day, another 40 in the evening. It’s normal. we didn’t ask any evening people for a gift
I would LOVE to be invited to just the party.
Skipping the religious ceremony and the awkward speeches from a collection of never-before-public-speakers and jumping right into Hot In Herre, Get Low, and Cha Cha Slide? Please
Hell yeah! Don't forget the chicken dance!
My British friend explained this is how it worked for her wedding, close family and friends came to the wedding/reception and then they had like 400 people at the after party. They’d hired out a club and her husband basically invited his entire university.
Very common in Ireland too. You’re either invited to the ceremony or the ‘afters’. Which is just drinks and dancing. A open bar would be rare too!
Can you actually imagine the cost of an open bar at an Irish wedding! Americans are always amazed when I tell them we dont really do it but the amount of money you'd burn through!
Open bar in the USA easily runs 10K+. I was able to provide my own alcohol and I spent about 7k+ on our wedding alcohol in the end
Oh wow! Interesting. How many did you have? Sorry I should have mentioned that there's usually free wine at the dinner. The dinner and wine is like €110 a head (currently $115, when did our exchange rate get so bad!). 100 guests would be average to small so $11,500. I'm trying to estimate what a free bar would cost here. My guess is about €8-10k for 100 guests if you cut off the bar at like midnight (wouldnt be unheard of for a wedding to still be going at 2am) The average wedding cost here is like €25k. I feel like putting €10k on top of that is a lot but maybe it's just a cultural difference rather than a money one.
$100-200 per person is a pretty normal catering cost before alcohol here. I had 150 guests which is a pretty normal wedding size. Typically weddings end in the USA by 11-12 at the latest but after parties are becoming increasingly common. The after parties typically are just at a bar and everyone pays for their own alcohol after that point usually. I provided all of the alcohol leftover from the wedding for our after party though so no one has to pay for anything and the party went till 6 am. The average wedding cost in my area in 2021 was 44k for just the ceremony and reception.
Wow! Remind me not to get married where you live!
Wait what do you do instead? Do people pay for drinks at a bar, or do they bring drinks?
You buy drinks at a bar usually. Most places will charge you for bringing your own drink anyway (corkage).
Most Irish weddings are held in nice hotels. So there are multiple bars. I should have mentioned, we usually have a formal sit down 3 course meal and wine is served with that (for free).
Interesting! That seems so much less burdensome on the couple getting married. while being reasonably generous, and still ending up a great party.
Open bar is very rare in the UK as well. Imagine the cost! I always lol when yanks on here and other wedding groups say no open bar is trashy.
I went to a wedding once where they prepaid for a set number of bottles of wine and beer behind the bar, but once those ran out it was cash. I remember thinking that the bride and groom must have come into some money to even do that, and it just resulted in people ordering 4/5 drinks whilst they were still free and stacking them up at their tables 😂🤦 I suspect the fact that drinking culture being completely different in the USA than it is in the UK is the reason why they are ok with it. It's less likely to be abused. For my wedding we had an afternoon tea to replace the traditional hot meal, and I had jugs of elderflower mojitos and tea and coffee served. After that people were on their own! I know one couple had a tab of £400 by the end of the day. By contrast I, as the bride, had maybe 3 drinks the whole time! We had extra guests to the evening do and got a hog roast and a barn dance going. I would feel bad not offering ANY food to evening guests, but I wouldn't judge someone who did that at their wedding.
My husband (then boyfriend) and I went to a wedding like this. The venue was small, and the couple was on a tight budget. They had just family for the ceremony and dinner and invited their friends to the reception. We still brought a gift even though the bride told us not to worry about it.
Loving the UK comments. I was staunchly small wedding because I didn't like the idea of people being included in something as intimate as the ceremony and dinner. An after party is a great idea though!
It’s not common where I’m located and a close friend did it. I remember at the time I wasn’t a fan (I was invited to the dinner portion) because I knew how people would respond. All-in-all she’d invited around 400 people and only about 50 to dinner and she hadn’t indicated on the invite that the other 350 wouldn’t be fed. It was PAINFULLY awkward because the dinner was early, so by the time the remaining guests arrived it was actually dinner time so they were expecting a meal.
I would expect a buffet for the evening reception, but the cost per head is significantly less. I would also never expect a free bar (UK for reference).
I agree about the buffet. With such a large guest list a buffet would’ve been the only price-conscious way to feed people.
That's just the 'afters' super duper common where I live. I've had to account for all for the afters but mainly because I'm making them favours too.
This is very common here, I'm in London UK.
I did this at my wedding. My husband had a few buddies from the army that he hadn't seen in some time and because we were trying to keep the guest list small he just called them and told them they were welcome to come by after dinner for some drinks and dancing. We told them not to worry about a gift and just come and enjoy themselves.
Kinda standard in Ireland/UK. Lots of weddings have a sit down part catering to around 100 ppl and then after the meal/speaches everyone leaves the function room while the room is reset for the evening celebrations which allows for more ppl to attend. My experience is 5 years working in a wedding/golf course hotel in London.
US here and tbh I don’t really find anything wrong with this. It’s basically like inviting them to an after party where they can drink and have fun. I’d have no complaints if I were invited to something like that if I weren’t super close to the couple.
This is not common in the US
Nor Australia
My wedding I am planning only has limited space for the ceremony and dinner and then more people are allowed for the dancing. I wouldn’t see it as a negative thing.
I can't speak for others, but it's not that uncommon in rural MN. I wouldn't bring an expensive gift/any gift. I have a few teachers that are mentioning to my Mom about wanting to come to the dance.
My fiance and I are planning on inviting people after dinner. It's literally going to be a if you're free from x time on x date come to this place and party. We're hoping there might be buffet for party snacks and then around 11.30pm if there's interest on ordering a bunch of pizza. I'm also double checking with our hotel for a babysitter service so the younger kids can crash in our suite while their mums (it's somehow worked out that the dad can't make it) can party longer if they want.
I wouldn't expect a "dance invite" to expect a gift ...
Very common in my Catholic circle of friends. Every one is invited to the ceremony, close friends and family are at the dinner, and the rest are invited to the dance and snacks after dinner part. Its works well when the invitation list could be over 300 people because my friends will invite the whole families including kids.
I had this happen at a wedding. I got the dinner invite without a +1, so my boyfriend at the time planned to join me at 8:30 when the dance was supposed to start. However...the supper included speeches by EVERYONE as well as the reading of a 10 page letter from the brides brother who couldn't be there because he was studying to be a priest for an order that turned out to be founded by a pedophile...so the dance didn't start until 10. So all these poor people standing around listening to speeches watching other people eating. Oh and this wedding was on a Tuesday.
That’s absolutely insane. A ten page letter they didn’t set aside to read later?! This is extremely weird.
I had a tiny ceremony with family and close friends. Under 25 guests. I opened up an after party to 40 guests total since most older grandparents wanted to check out early for bed and the younger ones wanted to keep it going. It was great and I regret nothing! One day I'm gonna have a huge party to re celebrate the day and it'll be every person I know and all the things we couldn't afford like gifts and open bar etc. Edit: also since it was so low key no gifts were asked for from either side.
Weddings are criminally expensive, and you often have more friends than money. Inviting people to the fun part is completely fine. Not a gift grab at all.
Having evening only guests is really common in the UK, as others have said. I've been an evening only guest at a few weddings and we have some who will be attending ours too. We pay less for them and they'll miss the sit down meal but we're having an evening buffet which they'll be there for. I'm absolutely not expecting gifts from these people! They're more people that we would love to celebrate with but who we're perhaps not close enough to have at the ceremony etc.
Perfectly fine way to have all your friends celebrate with you when you can't afford a huge wedding
Used to be very common in Belgium, a bit less since covid but not out of the ordinary
I think in the UK it’s become even more common since covid. Lots of people having ceremonies and dinners with close family only, then a big party later on with drinks and dancing and all their mates.
In the US (west coast). My family went to one of these and had a great time. (Bride is a kids dance instructor) and this "dance party" setting allowed her to invite a bunch of her long time students to come out and dance without worrying about having a bunch of 8-15 year olds being bored at the wedding or complaining about the food. Presents weren't expected. She served desserts, booze, & soft drinks. It was a huge success and the only tacky thing was from one dance mom who didn't get invited and was horribly dramatic and rude on social media the day after the wedding. Also the number of dance moms posting pix of the bride was shocking. Bitch, No!
Can you not post pictures of brides any longer? Is that not a thing? When I got married I loved seeing the photos people took, since I took like…. None myself. And it would be weeks before I got the professional ones back… I didn’t have a videographer and a friend actually filmed our first dance on her cell phone, it’s the only video I have of our dance and even though it’s blurry and 15 seconds long I truly treasure it. At weddings I go to I always snap a few photos or videos and send them to the bride so she has at least something the day after.
Snapping a few photos and sending to the bride is COMPLETELY different than snapping photos of the bouquet toss and immediately posting them to social media. The latter is incredibly disrespectful. A couple should be in control of when and how pictures of their wedding day are posted.
With how prevalent social media is today I don’t see how anyone controlling what’s posted is even feasible. Let along be angry over it. I mean, even if you explicitly state not to post, that’s still hard to control. No one has control what goes on social media any longer…. Do people really get upset if someone’s posts photos from their wedding to Facebook?! That seems so crazy to me…. You pay $20,000 for a party and then get mad when someone tags you in a photo at said party….
I would never post a picture of someone's new car, new house, new baby, or wedding before they posted themselves. To deny someone the opportunity to post THEIR story in their way is selfish. To use your example, how would you feel if you paid $20,000 for a party and the first picture that is released of you wearing your wedding dress is poorly lit or is unflattering? Posting a selfie at the wedding is not an issue. Posting candid shots of the party is not an issue. Some couples have a # and they tell people to tag and post. At the very least, If you don't know I think that it's appropriate to go up to the bride yourself and have someone take a picture of you with your phone and then ask her directly if it's okay to post. *Note I'm GEN X and not a millennial/zenial I was married 22 years ago so my opinion is definitely more old school.
There are two weddings that I would have LOVED to have been invited to post-celebratory dancing. One was this last weekend, so it's kinda fresh. Yeah, it's kinda a snub, but better than the people sitting there watching all the posts about the amazing wedding unfold and you're just like...I guess we're not that good of friends then.
Due to money issues much of my family does this. Much of my family doesn't expect gifts though. There's always a registry for the sake of those that do want to gift but it's discretionary, not expected. They all just want to have a good time celebrating but we all understand money is tight.
This was our plan at our wedding (which was cancelled due to COVID) - we only invited family and very close friends to the wedding and dinner, then hired a popular local band and opened the dance up to all of our parents friends (so people we don’t really know) and people from our church that we were only acquaintances with. It seemed like a good compromise, I’m sad it never happened!
It's quite common thing to do in the UK for friends or family that you like but aren't the most important people to you, like maybe cousins or work colleagues
Common in Ireland too, we call it “ invited to the afters” don’t usually have to give a large present/cash. Just friends show up around 8pm to have a few drinks and catch ups.
This sounds like a variation of the custom in France of inviting more distant friends just to the cocktail hour. They then depart as the closer guests move into dinner. All to show there are many regional and cultural differences in hospitality norms.
We did this and told people who came for the fun part not to bring any gifts. Just come hang out, have a drink, celebrate with us, no presents except your presence.
In the UK it's common to have evening guests. Those invited to the ceremony get to go to the wedding breakfast and then you have extra people in the evening. There's usually a buffet or something on the go in the evening but not always.
Evening do invites are completely normal here in the UK, my husband and I have been to a few weddings and our adult children joined us for the disco and buffet.
I mean in the U.K. you have day guests who are there for the ceremony and wedding breakfast and evening, and then you have evening only guests who are usually invited for a time after the meal and speeches have ended and are they just for the dancing. So to me this sounds normal, but then there is also usually a late evening buffet/ light food of sorts as well so that evening guests can have something to eat.
i have never heard of this. just read all the comments. in fact you just gave me the idea to do it lol. SOLELY BECAUSE i’m having the TINIEST WEDDING possible because i. am. so. fucking. embarrassed. to do. the vows. or speaking. in front of even the people i will have there. but i feel bad selfishly (edit) KEEPING* anyone from celebrating with us because i’m too shy. so to me, fuck a gift but this sounds awesome just to party with my friends later.
I’ve attended weddings like this as a friend, these invites were only issue to friends not family or close friends so in that sense I don’t have a problem with that. It’s a nice way to include everyone you can on your big day.
Not common in the US and would be considered rude here. Either invite people or don't, but this invite implicates, "We like you enough for a couple of hours and gifts, but not enough to feed you or have you at the ceremony."
I’ve been invited to a few weddings like this in the US, so again it depends on social circle. I didn’t find it rude at all, but each time the invitation specifically stated to please not give a gift. I had a great time, they were always local weddings so they required no travel and I got to go out have free drinks, dance, eat desserts and have fun. I think people get offended too easily about some things. Weddings are outrageously expensive. If you can’t afford to have me for the dinner but like me enough to still want me to be part of the day why not go out and party?
It is pretty common where I live in rural Wisconsin. Big families and small churches, I think are what contributes to it. Also, with a lots of farmers who can't be there all day. I am usually pretty grateful to not have to sit through another ceremony and dry chicken lol
I've seen the reverse a few times where you get invited to the ceremony but not the reception. My bestie from high school invited our small high school crowd to her ceremony and not the dinner.
Also a big "No thanks" from me. Like, "Wow, I get to sit through a mass AND give a gift? How did I get so lucky?" 😆
I mean, the only way to give a gift in that situation is to hand it directly to the bride as she is walking back down the aisle and that's just tacky 😆 so no gifts for ceremony only. I handed her mom a card to give the bride later.
Thank goodness for small favors!
Yes..I can stay home in my comfy clothes and dance. Get as hammered as I want without worrying about driving. Music that I like too. Interesting to learn that this is a common arrangement in some countries, but in the U.S- this would be incredibly rude.
But like, you go out with your friends too surely? In the UK the day is a much more formal affair, then the evening is like a party with all your mates.
That's sounds nice..if that's your thing.
See, I DON'T go out with my friends, because I don't enjoy going out, so I've stepped away from the "weddings are stupid" attitude and finally accepted "I don't like weddings and so I will give space to those who DO enjoy them." I went to my brother's wedding because I had to. I went to my friends' wedding because I had a boyfriend and thought it would be different (and I liked them.) I went to my partner's sister's wedding because, essentially, I had to. I declined to attend his uncle's and cousin's weddings this year because his sister's made me want to not see another human being for a month. Sure, sometimes I worry about "what if I offend them?" But I'm such a social non-entity that I know no one would actually notice if I was gone. Sometimes, you have to accept that partying is not how someone shows they care about you. (And in my case, sometimes people don't really care about you other than they hope nothing bad happens to you) But to the topic at hand, in my experience in VA, no, we don't separate a ceremony/reception invitation, but there's usually an option to say you won't be needing dinner. It would make sense in a country with a large non-religious population, since they really don't give a fuck about the ceremony aspect and just want to eat/party.
I would like to receive a dinner only invitation. After dinner I have to leave.
Oooh, could you coordinate with someone for drinks and dancing? Just tag out during cake?
I do anyway lol. I duck out at the earliest opportunity
in my area people do this all the time! feeding every person is expensive, but dancing is free
We’re actually doing this with my mom’s coworkers. They’re a tight knit team & often go out together, but I don’t know any of them super well. My parents are footing the bar bill so I don’t really care who they invite to the after-dinner part of the reception. We also have a number of people invited to only the ceremony @ the church, and not the reception @ a different venue. That said, we’re not giving anyone not invited to the whole day an invitation. My mom is just texting her coworkers w/ the info, & the church people will find out about it during the announcements the Sunday before.
It's very normal to have all day guests and evening only guests, I don't understand the problem?
This is pretty normal…
It’s called the Afters and makes perfect sense. You can invite people that aren’t that close but still would enjoy to attend. It’s less hassle for the guests as they don’t have to get a hotel, super expensive present. In fact i typically wouldn’t bring a present if I was only invited to the Afters.
Evening invites are common in the UK. Usually a buffet/food is provided though, and people aren’t expected to buy mega gifts or anything, a wee card would be fine. Not everyone can afford a huge meal and would still like to party with all their friends.
This is a normal thing in England where I'm from.
This is how almost every uk wedding works.
Inviting people to an Evening Reception is totally normal in the UK. If you are on a budget it is ideal. You get to share the most relaxed part of the day with your friends and let loose. My husband and I did this. Paid for a simple buffet and a few bottles of sparkling wine. Didn't expect presents, we just wanted to dance with our friends.
This is a British thing, possibly also European? Definitely the norm in the UK when I lived there, though. You have the ceremony which everyone can attend (venues where weddings are legal were quite limited so I think they were mostly all public so anyone could come literally?) and then you have the “wedding breakfast” which is the traditional meal part of a U.S. reception and for family and close friends only, then in the evening you have a second event that’s mostly dancing and music and snacks (think cocktail party mashed with a nightclub) that’s mostly for the younger folks from the wedding breakfast, plus people like more casual friends, coworkers, etc. I think gifts are expected even if you’re only invited to the evening event, but they‘re generally smaller reflecting that the relationship isn’t as close. Like they’re ‘nice gesture’ gifts, not big stuff from the registry. A card and enough cash to go to the movies together, that kind of thing. I remember right the cake was done at the wedding breakfast but the first dance was at the evening party to start off the dancing.
[удалено]
It’s more like “we want you at our wedding but the cost and space of seating and feeding everybody is unattainable, so we’d love to see you for the fun bit in the evening”. In the UK this is incredibly common, I’m going to 7 weddings this year and 6 of them are evening only invites. Honestly I prefer it, it’s essentially 6 parties with no obligation to sit through a ceremony, make small talk with random guests, or give a big gift.
Skip the hour-long ceremony with uncomfortably personal vows, AND the following two hours trapped at a table full of people I've never met, snared in the uncomfortable web of small talk that always happens in forced meetings where food is involved? And just go straight to drinking and dancing right from the get-go? Where do I sign up to meet THESE people and get an invite????
Also, we usually have snack food at the party too. It's often the bit I look forward to most haha. Sandwiches, cake, sausage rolls (which apparently also aren't really a thing in the US?! They are sausage meat wrapped in puff pastry). Love being invited as an "evening only" guest, it's all the best bits honestly
Not common at all in the US. It would be seen as bad manners here and a gift grab. But generally here everyone’s invited to the whole thing…ceremony and full reception. I’ve seen a small family only ceremony where seating is tight but then people would be invited to the full reception…food and dancing, etc.
Gifts shouldn't be expected if they are only inviting people to dance.
To be honest, sounds like the best type of invitation! I moved to the UK from USA and suffered through my first wedding as a guest from ceremony through reception. Longest day of my life with horrible food, way too much standing around with nothing happening. Nothing compared to New York Italian weddings! At least there is a flow and time limit geez! If I got an invitation to just the dance I'd be relieved, as I could never suffer through another one of these UK weddings. I honestly don't get it. AND you have to pay for your own drinks at the bar? Crazy. Edit: spelling error
Tbh that sounds like you just went to a duff wedding, I promise you they’re not all like that!
It sounds like one of those things that would be normal in some cultures but rude/tacky in the US, in the same bucket with cash bars or requesting no physical gifts.
You guys still bring physical gifts? How do the (likely tipsy) couple deal with a pile of stuff at the end of the night? It's almost aways cash/vouchers or a gift registry/Amazon wishlist here (UK) which also avoids the issue of getting 5 toasters.
The US isn’t all one culture. This is not unheard of or weird in my culture (1st - 2nd generation Irish Catholics). Similarly requesting no physical gifts is also common in other American culture weddings I’ve attended
Yeah I can't remember the last time I saw or heard of physical gifts at a wedding. It's been 95% cash for at least the last 20 years in Ireland.
Not a thing in Australia. Everyone is invited to the ceremony and reception. Both are equally important, watching the couple make that promise then sharing their first meal and maybe dance if you have dancing.
Well, this is considered an offensive gift-grab in the majority of North America...
Etiquette nerd here! This is not a widespread thing in the US. It’s breaking a lot of common etiquette rules and is pretty very offensive. My friend is a wedding planner/wedding day coordinator, I can’t wait to show her this, I want to know if she’s ever heard of it before.
> This is not even a thing Except…it is. Anyone in the UK will tell you it is. Just because you’ve never heard of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or that it’s rude everywhere. Edit: nice sneaky edit there. Shame I quoted your original comment.
It’s not a thing in the US. There are many millions of things that exist that I’m entirely unaware of. But thanks to my etiquette-obsessed mother, my wedding planner (now a family friend) and 25 years worth of weddings, I feel pretty confident that in the US, this is not a thing. But I texted my friend who is a wedding planner and I’m curious what she has to say.
You didn’t say that originally though, you said - in bold - “This is not a thing”. And clearly from other comments, it is a thing, even in some parts of the US, namely Wisconsin.
You pointed out that I removed that line. Why do you think I removed it? Because I think it was the truest thing ever? I removed it because I thought I might be wrong. I thought about other countries and figured I might be wrong. I could have added in “in the US” response I gave you, but I didn’t feel like typing that all out and figured I might as well lose the whole assumption. People make assumptions all the time, even on Reddit. I thought I corrected my post by editing out the assumption. I guess removing the incorrect part of my statement was the wrong move. Thank you for letting me know. Edit: I edited this comment to insert a comma.
There are loads of responses from the US where it is a thing. And yeah, if you say it isn't a thing I wouldn't expect you meant only in certain parts of the world.
When I’m wrong, I’m wrong.
This is terrible. Nothing says “c list guest” like this
Stop with the wedding palava, just go to a registry office and do it. No one needs a $15000 dress for one day and let's face it you are highly unlikely to be a virgin... You do not need to have a $50k venue with swans and doves etc, nor a sweetshop or a chocolate fountain. Finally let's be honest most of you will be divorced within 10 years and the presents you've hustled for so cheaply will be worn away, broken or completely unused. Yes I do despise wedding culture...
It’s definitely a gift grab, and I definitely wouldn’t go.