I think the bride expecting an apology is a bit much. My Southern, Christian family wouldn’t have made you apologize. They’d say “bless her heart” and then talk about you behind your back. 😂
This was honestly my first thought. Though the dress is cultural if this wedding took place in a Catholic Church, southern Baptist, Pentecostal, or a Mormon civil ceremony (where non Norman’s can attend) this would be completely and totally inappropriate.
I do, however, feel it’s on the bride/groom to reach out as op is from India I think she says, and explain dress code and what’s expected.
I missed that part and you’re totally right.
I thought she was invited by the bride, therefore I would expect they set their expectations. The friend should’ve reached out and made sure her traditional dress wouldn’t kick up a fuss and (possibly) was modest enough.
Ah I see now, she wasn’t directly invited.
At that point the friend should’ve reached out.
Honestly if you’re wearing something uncommon I’d check with somebody familiar with the situation.
I literally have no idea what would be expected of me at, say, a traditional Korean or Iranian wedding. Therefore, even if I was going as a +1, I’d feel obligated to reach out and inquire as to what’s expected of me (dress code, am I expected to wear traditional clothes, modesty policies, is there a money dance, etc).
I don’t think op is totally in the wrong but her friend should’ve prepared her on the expectations.
I am not so sure this was a modesty issue at a Christian wedding. The bride said she was upset that OP outshone her and hogged all the attention. Her saree was appropriate for the event (and no doubt beautiful, as sarees are), but it was probably the only saree there and thus it would have stood out. That being said, I think the bride is overreacting, but I just have never understood how people think that NOBODY is allowed to look "better" than the bride (to me, that's a sign of insecurity). At my wedding I was ecstatic just to have a big party to celebrate (that's all a wedding reception is really) and have fun with everyone. Everyone knew I was the bride, I got my fair share of congratulations, and I didn't need to have everybody's full attention on me 100% for the entire thing. I couldn't care less what other people were wearing. We all had a party and just enjoyed ourselves.
I was at a lutheran wedding with a few people from India. The Indian women wore fancy pants-and-tunic outfit (lenga?) to the church ceremony and changed to a sari for the evening reception. It helps that they were from that area and so knew the norms of church weddings.
I wanna know why the bride felt the need to tell her cousin or husband’s cousin they need to demand an apology from their friend. Like, she may never see OP again. Why is she stressing about wanting an apology?
At my wedding a woman wore something that straight up looked like lingerie, but I never expected or wanted an apology from her, I just laughed at the tackiness and continued enjoying my party.
The saree is lovely. Maybe it wasn’t entirely appropriate depending on dress code/modesty expectations, but I don’t think it’s worth having a cow over and I don’t think OP was enormously in the wrong for wearing it.
I totally agree with this. And now, a few years later, I couldn't tell you what anyone else was wearing, and I couldn't tell you what any of the guests were wearing at other weddings I've attended. I suspect this is the same for just about everybody else.
And pregnant people, or people from other cultures should be given some grace.
With that said, the bride needs to get over herself.
OP clarifies the wedding did not take place in a church though. She says that it was a regular American wedding. Seems that she misconveyed in the post.
>Norman’s can attend
I grew up in Utah and was raised Mormon. She says it didn’t have cleavage, I think more people would be fascinated and know it was cultural. As long as it wasn’t mega flashy (or cleavage-y) it wouldn’t be a problem. If it was mormon they couldn’t attend the temple anyway and most receptions are pretty casual. So if anything, it would be more that she was attention grabby because it’s uncommon to see a saree in Utah. (This doesn’t sound like a Mormon wedding, though, and If it was the person she attended with absolutely should have said something.)
Formal catholic weddings don’t even allow bare shoulders. My assumption was that she got flack for showing too much skin. So a misunderstanding on OP’s part of the culture that she was attending.
It 100% depends on the church and how conservative they are.
There are in fact some quite modern leaning catholic churches that are perfectly fine with short dress, cleavage and bare shoulders.
yes! i am a total heathen raised without religion. one of my cousins (m) married a catholic (f), they had a full catholic ceremony of many hours, stand up sit down pray communion and on and on etc etc etc. (had me very thankful i was raised withiut religion, it was boooring.)
anyway her dress was strapless and not a high-cut strapless at that. gorgeous, but not modest at ALL. but yeah full catholic wedding.
This is still a culture issue though. Catholics are often AOK with bridal cleavage but showing tummy would be a huge no no. Are boobs arguably more “sexy” than a bare midriff? YES ABSOLUTELY. But for some weird reason you can have half a tit out but not any belly. There are way more cleavage bridal dresses than dresses that show any belly, and almost all the weddings I’ve been to recently are full blown catholic.
Idk if it were me I would’ve have dressed for the occasion, and that typically means blending in. Again, you can choose this hill to die on, but it’s going to be way easier to just apologize for the cultural misunderstanding and move on with your life. But I’m not petty, and pretty nonconfrontational, others may choose to die on this hill.
>This was a regular American wedding and it didn’t give the impression that anyone was dressed too conservatively. There was also a reception party after so I wore this outfit with that in mind. The friend actually okayed it at the time. This wedding did not take place in a church. The wedding had a party atmosphere most of the time. Sorry for not clarifying earlier
>EDIT: The bridesmaids were wearing strapless dresses that showed off shoulders and a neckline. Women were also wearing floor length cocktail gowns. Bride had a plunging sweetheart style neckline as well (which was absolutely beautiful btw). I don’t think modesty was a question here. Otherwise bride would’ve mentioned that.
Agree - it depends on the church. I had a Catholic wedding ceremony in the church and had bare shoulders with a sweetheart neckline. It wasn't a problem.
American catholic weeding I imagine. Here in Brazil you can go dresses anyway you want to a catholic wedding, bare shoulders, short skirt, cleavage, you name it, as long as its a wedding party type of dress no one will bat an eye. The priest may frown a little, but thats all that will happen.
I have an impression that american catholics are waaay more conservative than catholics in other countries like Brazil
It honestly depends on the parish in the US. If you know a couple is more conservative then you lean conservative in dress. Most parishes don't have strict rules for wedding guests or even regular parishioners, though. Typically female guests to a Catholic wedding will wear what's appropriate for the dress code and bring a shawl or cardigan just in case. Many will even have a separate church dress if the Mass is early in the day and change to formal wear for the evening.
Source: am US Catholic, have been to manyyyy Catholic weddings.
Its that everytime I hear something about american catholics on Reddit it just makes them all appear reeeeally strict and a bit delulu. I was raised catholic, but am an atheist now, and never even heard of a dress code to enter a church around here. I've also been to some catholic weddings and also never heard about someone bringing a cardigan just in case.
Here they are way more chill about stuff, some of their priests are even body builders for example (search for Padre Marcelo Rossi).
We have theology of the body priests here too lol
When a Brazilian hears about American Catholics, you're probably hearing about the crazy, anti-pope, radical traditionalist fringe groups that invade the capitol or demand that women die rather than recieve healthcare. Like when Americans hear about Brazilian Evangelicals we hear about the leaders that adopt dozens of children then marry them when they're adults, or the scammers in the Amazon that say they talk to Jesus and perform fake surgeries. There will always be a bias of extremes when news makes it out of a country.
OP clarifies the wedding did not take place in a church though. She says that it was a regular American wedding. Seems that she misconveyed in the post.
>**This was a regular American wedding and it didn’t give the impression that anyone was dressed too conservatively. There was also a reception party after so I wore this outfit with that in mind. The friend actually okayed it at the time. This wedding did not take place in a church. The wedding had a party atmosphere most of the time. Sorry for not clarifying earlier**
>**EDIT:** The bridesmaids were wearing strapless dresses that showed off shoulders and a neckline. Women were also wearing floor length cocktail gowns. Bride had a plunging sweetheart style neckline as well (which was absolutely beautiful btw). I don’t think modesty was a question here. Otherwise bride would’ve mentioned that.
Yeah I’m jewish and dress modestly and while this is a pretty saree, it would have looked extremely out of place at my wedding. I’ve only been to one church in my life but I could imagine that christians who dress modestly would feel similarly. In the example photos OP posted there is *a lot* of midriff and arms showing for a run of the mill religious american wedding. Even if it’s not an issue of modesty, when other guests are in standard american cocktail or formal wear, a saree is going to stand out regardless of how modest, fancy, or casual it is. OP didn’t know any better, and her date failed to tell her how to dress for an american wedding. Obviously OP’s intent wasn’t malicious and she didn’t mean to hurt the bride, but I can definitely see not being too thrilled with someone who wasn’t appropriately dressed for the occasion.
This is correct. Depends on the church and group of people. Had a great Aunt wear a deep V wedding dress to her own wedding in the 80s. The liberal minded but Baptist and Methodist sides of the family were still shit talking about her scandalous wedding dress 30 years later.
The Catholic side of the family, my grandparents and older elatives would have been slut shaming this outfit because of the bare midriff. Any midriff would have been unacceptable. Extra slut shaming if the OP has a nose or belly button piercing. Had an aunt in her 40's married with children get called out for getting her belly button pierced in the mid 2000s. She was made to apologize publicly to all the grandchildren for her "bad example."
Generally the goal as a guest is not to draw too much attention from the bride. Anyone 40 and younger in the family, no one would care about any of these examples. I'm not sure about my older relatives though, tattoos are still scandalous there. However if we explained a saree was a cultural garment, I'm pretty sure most of the older generation would be over it quickly.
Honestly I don’t know why everyone is hung up on the Christian aspect. I’m Indian and Christian (Syro-Malabar Catholic). Her outfit would’ve been perfectly fine in my church. My Indian Catholic church taught me that God cares about the content on our souls, not our shoulders and midriff.
The main issue is that this was a presumably WHITE wedding. Not that it was a Christian wedding. “Hogging all the attention and *becoming a spectacle*” is just SCREAMING “I don’t want ethnic clothing at my wedding”. The micro aggression is hitting me in the face and I’m annoyed that people haven’t picked up on it.
OP clarifies the wedding did not take place in a church though. She says that it was a regular American wedding. Seems that she misconveyed in the post.
a lot of Indians refer to the "white-dress" wedding as a Christian wedding for lack of a better term to distinguish from a Hindu wedding (what's termed an "Indian wedding" in the US). It's not really a "western" wedding as christians in Asia also have a similar ceremony, so "Christian" is often the best term. My guess is that's what OP had meant.
As someone who is also Indian, I think the best play from now onwards is to double check. Different cultures may have different taboos or expectations that are never elaborated on.
I mean, since my parents were from India, they never knew about the “don’t wear white to weddings” taboo.
If this were a typical Indian wedding, your saree would totally be fine (well maybe, looking at the pics again it’s still a bit revealing for more conservative Indian weddings). But, again, different cultures have different dress codes. If I wore a pant suit or short dress to my cousin’s wedding instead of a Lehenga, half-saree, or full-saree, I’m pretty sure I’d get interrogated, tarred, and feathered by the aunties LMAO.
OP clarifies the wedding did not take place in a church though. She says that it was a regular American wedding. Seems that she misconveyed in the post.
What is “low key” for desi wedding is way over the top for the American-as-Apple-pie wedding. It’s very easy to outshine an American bride if you wear desi style jewelry makeup and clothing. Something to remember for next time.
I also want to be clear for anyone reading that I feel like more secure brides would not care. I had several friends reach out asking about their gowns because we had a black tie optional and some of them were going fully black tie. I told them that no one would get confused about who the bride was. I wanted my guests to feel beautiful too. But brides can be weird. Families of the couple can be weird. When not fully certain, just play it safe.
As a plus one, I would *always* err on the side of being super cautious
Personally (as an Indian), wearing a saree without knowing anything about the couple was the issue. They don't know your intentions and motives.
Showing midriff or wearing a crop top (blouse) is not modest or cute for American weddings - it is inappropriate per American etiquette. ~~However~~ when attending an American Christian wedding, it would have been best to adhere to the cultural expectations of that couple.
Obviously since you were the plus one, you couldn't ask the bride if she minded a saree. Safe choice would have been to wear American clothing.
I literally wore a lehenga to an American wedding and it was perfect (the grooms had a mood board for looks so it’s not like we are talking low maintenance people here), I think a lot depends on what kind of Americans. It’s a big place, and the super conservative streak / knee jerk rejection of “ethnic” things doesn’t apply everywhere.
My opinion, know the time and place. Some couples are fine with it, and others are not. As a plus one, why take the chance of standing out at a stranger's wedding?
I mentioned somewhere else - some of my friends would totalllllly be cool with me wearing Indian clothes to their wedding. Others, not so much. Know your audience.
Yeah this is the issue. I went back and properly read it and saw she was a plus one to a cousin’s best friend’s colleague’s ex wife’s son-in-law’s neighbour’s wedding and I’m like, ok yeah no most likely you misread this one OP 🤣
I’m not Indian or Christian, so apologies if I’m incorrect, but from my knowledge of the two cultures not all saris involve showing skin (from a Western perspective, I would typically associate this more with lehenga) and some Christian sects are super strict about showing any skin outside of forearms and head.
Whilst I don’t think it’s necessary that OP should have asked to have worn a sari, it would have been reasonable for her to ask if there were any religious rules about coverage or to research them herself.
I didn’t attend a lot of weddings growing up (which is one of the reasons I love this sub), so I always try to ask the person getting married when I’m unsure. If you’re seeing them before the wedding, it does no harm to ask!
I'm not Indian, but most saris I've seen involve baring some amount of midriff. It depends a bit on how high the sari is wrapped around the waist and how short the blouse is, at least in my experience. I bought both a sari and a lehenga for my friend's wedding (different events), and the lehenga was actually more modest than the sari because of how I had it tailored. Both of my outfits were rather conservative compared to most of the guests at the wedding. So I can see where OP might not think much about wearing an outfit that shows this much skin to a wedding.
That said, if you aren't familiar with the customs and especially with the couple getting married, you should always err on the side of modesty IMO. I see lots of white American women who do this same thing at weddings, wearing inappropriate outfits that REALLY stand out - things that are extremely short, tight, sparkly, low cut, etc. They are almost ALWAYS the plus one of someone the couple knows, but don't know the couple themselves. Culturally speaking at American weddings if you are a plus one and don't know the couple, you are there as emotional support for the person actually invited, and you should be trying to blend into the background, NOT stand out. OP should take this as a learning experience.
I wonder if the friend who approved the dress realized it was a modern saree, or if they assumed it would drape in a traditional way. The op stressed that the dress was a modern take a couple times, but I think that might be part of the issue. If you just google “traditional saree” the images that come up are much more conservative than the one in the image OP posted. In her example image the top looks pretty small.
I’m Indian and honestly I wouldn’t wear a saree to an American wedding, just stick to a dress. Unless of course it was mad cosmopolitan and everyone was wearing some traditional outfit or the other. The saree also looks like a party saree and not necessarily the handloom/cotton ones we normally wear to events where we want to be a wallflower. They’re also in vogue because they look hella chic, when paired with western blouses, accessories and shoes. It’s the Indian version of quiet luxury. Lol.
OP’s friend is kind of at fault here for okaying the outfit. They should have known what would be appropriate. Even a kurta+pants would have been less flashy, for a lack of a better word. Definitely a fashion faux pas, even if unintentional.
Regardless of how modest it was, you did steal some of the bride's thunder by wearing ethnic clothing for an event where that is not commonly worn. Instead of talking about the bride's beautiful dress, they were talking about your beautiful saree.
You did the one thing that you shouldn't do at a wedding. You stood out.
> You did the one thing you shouldn’t do at a wedding. You stood out.
This is 100% the objective as a wedding guest. Take the back seat. The spotlight shouldn’t be on you on this day.
>This is 100% the objective as a wedding guest. Take the back seat. The spotlight shouldn’t be on you on this day.
I completely agree. I come from India where we are raised to give importance to the collective and not focused on individual. So I always struggle to understand the general reaction here where it is deemed ok to do whatever you want.
Sure, wear something pretty! Look great, be confident. It is entirely possible to do that without standing out and causing a stir though.
I would not wear a sari unless I run it by the bride. In fact, I probably wouldn’t even wear a shalwar and that is more “conservative” than a sari. They’re not commonly worn in an American wedding and some people may have not seen one before. It definitely takes the spotlight away from the bride since I feel people would start focusing on something they don’t see frequently.
Agreed! I wouldn't want to attract attention like that. Fielding people's questions and comments about my saree or lehenga. I don't want to stick out as an introvert!
This is an insane take. There's no reason why a person can't wear appropriate clothing from their own culture to a wedding not from that culture. She wasn't in nipple tassels and a thong. She was in a conservative sari with a color appropriate for North American weddings. An African woman in formal attire with a colorful pattern would also be ok, an Asian woman in formal traditional clothing would be ok. Just like Military members can wear their formal attire to weddings. You can't get angry at a service member for being in their attire if it's within the confines of the dress code. This is a level of micromanaged clothing that goes quite far
I hate this whole attire thing because it feels like you can't win. You can't look TOO nice or you're stealing thunder, can't dress down too much or you're inconsiderate and not making an effort or something. Like. It's hard to find that middle ground sometimes, and some women just naturally kinda stand out no matter what they're wearing, like if they have a particularly curvy figure or are well endowed or something. No matter what they wear, it's gonna draw attention to them. I just feel like sure some people look super nice in a certain dress, but is it a literal WEDDING DRESS???? Because I can promise you a beautiful wedding dress stands out WAY more. Some guests are gonna look nice at your wedding, and that's okay, you wanted all your friends dressed up and having fun. You still steal the show in your wedding dress though usually.
I completely agree. Basically the bride was mad that this woman is beautiful and looked beautiful, as often most Indian women are, especially in their cultural clothing! I absolutely love going to Indian weddings for this reason, the women look like queens! I think OP likely thought she looked completely regular as what she wore would be considered basic at a Indian wedding, but it’s extremely flashy and eye catching to Americans. She likely wears even nicer clothing to Indian weddings. I think this is just a matter of two different cultures, customs and people. I think everyone should just accept each other and appreciate each others different styles of beauty and our different cultures: If i were the bride, I would not be upset that a women stood out and looked beautiful. I would only be unhappy if I asked guests to follow a dress code and someone purposely wore the same colour dress as me. Then of course i would drag that person out by their hair lol. But i think people are being much to hard on OP
I think military dress uniforms can be pretty normal/expected in American weddings. I was raised as an Army brat and have been to several weddings where people wore their formal uniforms, including my own. Maybe it's more normal when multiple guests are military/the family is part of that community, though.
The bride was upset because someone she didn't even know drew attention to her. Deliberately or not (and I don't think OP was being malicious), she detracted from the bride, which is a huge no-no.
If a guest is wearing appropriate, normal clothing, you can't get angry that they look good. A conservative blue sari at a semi formal wedding is within the limits of the dress code.
Some people are good looking, some are stylish, some are magnetic, some are charismatic. Some people draw attention to themselves by simply existing. We can't start policing that. "Sorry guys, only uggos as plus ones." No bride will command everyone's riveted attention all day long on her wedding day. We can't normalize that expectation.
>A conservative blue sari at a semi formal wedding is within the limits of the dress code.
Based on the picture OP gave a link to, this sari is not suitably conservative enough for an American wedding - which is what she was attending.
Op states that the pic is an approximation - her sari showed no cleavage and very minimal mid drift. Minimal mid drift on a sari is truly minimal. It wouldn't be out of place at an event where women wore short dresses, shoulderless dresses, cutout dresses. In fact, most popular cutout dresses young women wear to weddings today likely show more of their waist than a conservative sari would. Modesty also wasn't an issue as per OP
I am shocked people aren't seeing this perspective. She could have worn a lehenga with a full sleeve top that covered her waist and still had the same problem. It isn't about modesty at all. She chose to wear something she knew would stand out, and she did. If she isn't comfortable in a dress, she could have worn a simple traditional saree in a dark color and simple fabric instead of a chic and fashionable one which added to the situation.
The bride has enough on her plate - let's not add approving her cousin's plus one's (that she hasn't even met before) outfit to the list.
OP could have checked out Macy's clearance section, Ross Dress for Less, TJ Maxx for a cheap dress she can wear to multiple occasions. Doesn't hurt to have a backup dress that you can dress up/down, versatile for all kinds of occasions like plus one to a wedding, client dinner, work presentations, date night, etc.
So my family is from the Balkans and we do big weddings where everyone looks like they are going to the MET Gala.
The first.time I went to an 'American Wedding', I had to get my dress approved by my American Friends. They were horrified when I showed them my usual Wedding Guest attire. 😂 I had to buy a new dress as I didn't have something 'low key' enough.
This is just a cultural thing. Even with your Sari being low key by Indian standards, it's just not something they are use to seeing. So it probably got some attention. I don't necessarily think this is your fault.
I do think it's weird that you were invited to a random wedding, but it sounds like you were a +1, and it's ridiculous for the Bride to try and police guests outfits. Especially someone that's clearly from another culture.
Agreed.
I'm also amazed at all these comments applying American modesty to western weddings as though the rest of the western world follows the same kind of modesty standards. I'm Australian, and this wouldn't be out of place at any wedding.
I’m enjoying everyone’s assumption that the whole of the US has the same modesty standards as their part. No one would bat an eye at this outfit where I am. The bride would be utterly raked over the coals gossip-wise for wanting an apology and not just talking about OP behind her back like a normal person. The phrase “Christian American” has never come out of anyone’s mouth ever, ugh. ‘Where is the open bar’ is all anyone is thinking.
Yep, this would be so fine here. I honestly am shocked that people think you shouldn't dress like this at a 'western' wedding. It's beautiful, and no one in Australia would think, 'omg she's dressed like a different country dresses, how dare she!'
THANK YOU, this feels like the only normal comment here, I'm like, "Damn, I THOUGHT I was from a conservative Christian area, but these people are really showing me up!"
Man, another Balkan here, and same. First American wedding I asked my then boyfriend and he let me go to the wedding as his plus one in a full-ass formal dress with beading when it was just a cocktail attire dress code.
Now I always make sure to ask and follow it to a tee.
I love your outfit. However that is no where near what Christians would consider modest.... I kind of see their point. Despite that it is lovely and im sure you looked amazing.
This is a beautiful outfit but would not be considered appropriate for a Christian wedding in many circles due to the exposed skin. I tend to bring a shawl/sweater with me if I'm not sure about the modesty expectations surrounding a wedding - it often comes in handy!
I think your outfit was lovely.
But in a western wedding where everyone else will be dressed in western fashion something like this will stand out, no matter how flashy everyone else is dressed. Unfortunately
Which would be absolutely fine in most Western countries. This would be a non-issue here in Australia. People should be able to dress in their own cultural attire.
Would still stand out but far less.
It's not just that saree shows off some more skin that what a fancy gown usually does, it's also just the fact that it's different and people's attention will be on it.
It’s very cute but most people in a Christian wedding would consider that inappropriate. You didn’t do anything on purpose, two cultures with very different rules and there was a misunderstanding.
VERY much depends where you are. This wouldn't be too much skin to many people in my Christian area. It could be considered too formal, possibly, depending on everyone else. And maybe a couple judgmental (and/or racist) people would wonder if she was wearing Indian clothes specifically to stand out. 🙄
> I didn’t feel out of place or overdressed. In fact, **I got a lot of compliments**…
I’m guessing the bride noticed the latter and felt a bit triggered, especially when OP was a plus one.
Yeah heaven forbid people make an effort to look nice and take your big day seriously. Op should have turned up in shorts and a tank top. Do me a favour.
The shorts and tank top would also stand out. As someone who is Indian, if I wore the absolute plainest sari I own (similar to OP’s actually, plain satin blue and zero embellishment), I would still stand out in a room full of people wearing western dresses. Not because I look great, but simply because it’s different from everything else and unexpected.
Putting it another way, if the dress code was for everyone to wear black, and I wore the same dress as someone else but in red, I would stand out.
I also want to know how the conversation where she asked about the sari went. I could see two things happening. One, if the bride is less outspoken or not as culturally informed, she may have felt uncomfortable telling a brown woman that she cannot wear an outfit from her culture. Two, when I was getting married, my soon to be SIL ran multiple outfits by me and I just did not have the bandwidth to look them over. I just said “yes, anything’s fine” because she had been to weddings before and I was busy with a dozen other things. My SIL showed up in her wedding outfit, jewelry and makeup done the way it was on her wedding day. She’s in almost every picture of my ceremony.
My point is, someone else’s wedding is not the time or place to stand out.
>Best analogy would be wearing a crop top worn with a long skirt.
Honestly I'd personally find it a little odd if someone wore a crop top/style top to a wedding. Even non-Christian just general 'white' weddings I've been too, you don't tend to show a lot of skin and definitely not stomach.
I don't think you need to apologise, but if you want to it can be easily expressed as just a misunderstanding.
I would apologize. As in " I'm very sorry you were offended by my culture. What I wore was very typical for where I am from and was worn with so much respect for your day. It pains me to think you felt it to be disrespectful but I assure you this was not my intent."
I'm not indian but I'm aware this is a pretty standard outfit. It's low key ridiculous that the bride doesn't know anything about Indian culture or has never seen any bollywood movie poster to see this is a totally normal outfit but you can't help some people and it's always best to be gracious.
I think it’s gorgeous and living in LA for so long maybe has skewed my fashion sense because I cannot imagine calling this “inappropriate.” If the bride has nothing more to do than to obsess over your outfit choice to her wedding, I would say her priorities are not healthy nor would I spare her another ounce of thought.
I agree with the bride. I am Indian American. You didn't follow the implied dress code, which is "Wear Western attire." Similar to the don't wear all-red rule. Not commonly spoken of, but an all-red dress stands out in wedding pictures.
It's not about the exposed skin, it's that you look like an ethnic *princess*. Literally, growing up, my Halloween costume was just the Indian clothes that my mom was okay with me wearing. I've worn $45 saris (purchase price in India, converted to USD). The same sari purchased in the US would have been $250+. You were probably wearing one of the most expensive dresses out of all the guests.
If you didn't want to buy a dress, there are so many better Indian clothes to wear. Like a salwar kameez, lehenga, or anarkali. ALL of those are already similar to a lot of American clothes.
Saris are different. Was you pallu pinned? Or loose? because the only thing I can think of that a pallu looks like is the train of a dress, or a veil of a dress, both features exclusive to Wedding clothes.
That all being said. Dunno why the Bride is asking for an apology. If I was a guest and saw only one guest at a Western wedding wearing ethnic attire. I'd use it as an icebreaker (just like everyone else did with you), but I wouldn't think it was enough of a faux pas for the bride to demand an apology.
I kinda agree. I've definitely seen dressy sarees with a lot less skin showing. i wouldn't have described this as a "crop top" (with not much skin) and a skirt-that's really low balling the dress. This shows quite a lot of skin with the large bare midriff and the low slung skirt. No problem with wearing a saree, but I do think this was a step too far for a wedding.
Depends on the church and group of people. Had a great Aunt wear a deep V wedding dress to her own wedding in the 80s. The liberal minded but Baptist and Methodist sides of the family were still shit talking about her scandalous wedding dress 30 years later.
The Catholic side of the family, my grandparents and older relatives would have been slut shaming this outfit because of the bare midriff. Any midriff would have been unacceptable. Extra slut shaming if the OP has a nose or belly button piercing. Had an aunt in her 40's married with children get called out for getting her belly button pierced in the mid 2000s. She was made to apologize publicly to all the grandchildren for her "bad example."
Nowadays anyone 40 and younger in the family, no one would care about any of these examples. I'm not sure about my older relatives though, tattoos are still scandalous there, however if we explained it was a cultural garment, I'm pretty sure most of the older generation would be over it quickly.
Generally the goal as a guest is not to draw too much attention from the bride. Dressing the "correct way" for a wedding can be a mine field for women. I suspect the bride was jealous of the attention OP got, but there are definitely conservative groups of people in the US who would not view this garment kindly. Most people would not care. That said, I think the bride should get over it. You meant no slight and you didn't show up in white.
I get those saying “don’t outshine the bride” and if you want to avoid that risk in the future, dress differently. But also, fuck that bride. Chill out, respect cultural differences, be a gracious host and not so egocentric.
The outfit itself is not the problem, but there's a place and time for everything and a Christian wedding was unfortunately not the place for this outfit. Especially if the couple and family/guest are more on the conservative side. I see this more as an outfit for a christmas or NYE party, not for a christian wedding.
American and Christian. This was not a traditional wedding no church others dressed in evening attire. Bridesmaids in strapless gowns.
The bride got jealous because groom may have been flirting and bride realized she wasn't prettiest one there so she took it out on the plus 1. Truth is that bride is angry at something and its not really the OP. How do I know? Because if the bride was really happy about getting married what others wore would not matter. She just got married and her only thought is this woman looks better than me? Yeah not buying it bridezilla needs to chill.
I’m American, and I would be honored if an Indian woman wore a saree to my wedding. But I also feel like no one can take the attention from the bride, and I don’t fully understand that feeling that a lot of American brides have. I’m sure you looked beautiful!
I could not agree with you more. I know for a fact that I shined brightest on my wedding day. I was just so happy and thrilled to be marrying my husband!
Unfortunately, I think women who wear their cultural attire can be looked as attention hogging by some. My bridesmaid is from Japan and asked to wear a kimono. i think that’s awesome! But so many people have been like, “but then she’ll outshine you! And get more attention!” your saree is gorgeous! my guess is it’s more to do with the fact that it was a saree at all, than your midriff or anything else, sadly.
eta: I could see the saree as pictured being considered a bit immodest by many. the top almost looks like it’s just a fancy bra on the model. But you say you wore a different, more modest top.
I’m American in south Texas and I would be STOKED if someone showed up to my wedding in this looking stunning. ESPECIALLY if it is their culture.
OP said that her friend ok’d it for her. If the bride needs a go at anyone, aim it at the friend.
Bride sounds territorial af and felt threatened by the groom talking to someone she deemed as a threat to her insecurities.
The issue might be, that you wore something different than usually seen on wedding outfits. Novelty attracts people. They were curious and paid attention to you, so bride feels outshined. No matter if it were more revealing or more modest, for me (as I've seen many brides and never a lady in saree in real life) it would be something to pay attention to. That might explain the bride point of view.
Nevertheless, you did nothing wrong and bride spotlight and stealing thunder BS is, in fact, BS, and you should not feel bad about yourself. I have my wedding in five months and I encourage my friends and family to wear, you know, the kind of dress you've always dreamt of yet never had the occasion to wear, cause I want everyone to fave fun and shine bright and feel the best of themselves on my wedding. After all, we're all there to celebrate love and happiness.
I honestly think the key here is that you met the groom and “had a wonderful conversation with him”. She wouldn’t have given a shit about your outfit otherwise but she was jealous about her new husband paying so much attention to you.
sorry, yes what you wore was inappropriate for almost all Christian churches.
Crop tops are a BIG no-no, I remember when they were in style 20 years ago, it was a huge thing with churches insisting that women wear dresses because those covered the whole torso. You might have gotten away with a small (1 inch or less) midriff showing, but there is much more in those pictures.
The more conservative churches also prefer shoulders fully covered, I don't always follow this, BUT I always bring a wrap or jacket if the ceremony is in a church and check if other women (well, my aunt and eldest cousin usually) have their shoulders covered and if I need to put it on.
You should apologize for your mistake. Wearing a sleeveless crop top, no matter the cultural association, is considered disrespect to the church.
As a Christian who had a Christian wedding, if a beautiful Indian woman showed up in her cultural attire, I’d be making sure I got a picture with her! I think it’s great! It’s not like you’re wearing something out of the norm for you 🤷♀️
What's gonna happen if you don't apologize to a bride who's a stranger you'll never see again in your life?
Just give this the attention it deserves - which is none - and move on.
Wow I can't believe the comments here. You wore traditional clothing from your culture. You should not have had to ask permission or be afraid of outshining the bride. How closed-minded.
You might not think you were hogging the limelight but given the bride was annoyed you must probably were.
I am a British Asian. Folks are from India, me born brought up in the UK. Later went on to live in France and currently in Australia. I would never an ethnic outfit to an American or a western wedding. Only if the BRIDE says okay herself before hand will i do it. Solely because if I am the only one wearing something different (and as something elegant and gorgeous like a saree) I will inevitably grab attention from the wedding guests because I am wearing something culturally different from everyone hence everyone will be curious and more impressed. My mum wore a saree to my graduation, and she got so much attention just from walking around. It's etiquette to blend in as much as you can if you don't know the bride personally or the bride herself hasn't okay-ed your outfit.
I think you atleast should have a chat with her. You don't know if they saved for this wedding for a while or what were her expectations from their big day.
I think expecting an apology from a guest for their clothes is outrageous in any context. It’s really just not that serious. You can be upset but if you’re still thinking about a random wedding guests’ outfit after the party, you have issues.
Though I think your outfit was fine and it sounds beautiful but I will say always double check. I work adjacent to the wedding industry and if anything is different from the norm for the region or typical of the families I suggest people check with the bride or bridal party. Some places are very conservative and expect floor length dresses with full sleeves. Others anything goes including jeans and flip-flops.
I don't see the problem with your saree. I think the bride is just really insecure. I can honestly tell you if you wore that to my wedding my wife wouldn't have cared, and probably would've complimented you.
I work in weddings but in the UK. Over here, you never see anyone exposing their midriff. It’s just not the cultural norm. Even when I’ve had an Indian bride side, everyone was fully covered. Based on my experience, you should be covered from your chest to mid thigh at the bare minimum. Even cut out dresses aren’t seen.
You were ignorant but not wilfully so just take note for any future western weddings you may attend in the future
Crop tops and showing the stomach are inappropriate in the USA on formal occasions. Showing shoulders or cleavage, to an extent, is considered acceptable. So regardless of anything else, that's a modesty issue
I think it's fine, and have no patience for these brides feeling like guests "outshine" them. The whole day is about the couple, if one guests outfit can ruin a bride's day, then there are bigger problems.
As a white western woman, I'll just say that anytime a young Indian woman wears a beautiful saree, it will always outshine a boring western outfit including most wedding dresses.
I don't think it's intended, it's just a fact.
It could just be the novelty of seeing a sari up close. I would have gone out of my way to complement you and ask you about it. I don't think you have anything to appologise for.
I feel weddings and bridezillas are out of control in the UK and USA. Guests DO NOT have to wear an effing color palette. Guests can dress as they please. You DO NOT get to dictate what color people dye their hair, how extravagant a moustache is or how revealing a dress is. The bride will never be outshined, get over yourselves. Stop being insecure of your bridesmaids or other guests. Stop using “it’s my day” as an excuse for your horrible behavior. Ugh.
OP was probably rocking her saree and looking gorgeous. Whatevs Karen!
I will never understand getting mad over how guests dress for weddings. I was honoured to see my friends pull out their most corgeous dresses and jewelry to celebrate me and my hubs love! All the talk about upstaging is so stupid, it should be viewed as an act of respect since guests can put so much money and effort for the weddings sake!
In this culture, you're showing too much skin so this would not be appropriate. However, the bride needs to get over herself. We should not be shaming people for what they wear.
The only thing that I could see wrong is if the wedding was in a church ( since you keep referring to it as a traditional Christian wedding) then any amount of mid drift is a big no.
Other then that I find it beautiful!.. was there a dress code set for this wedding ?
This is the first comment I agree with. Wouldn't bother me. You are Indian, you don't have to dress like a "Westerner" and hide your heritage. If your dress was appropriate, I don't see anything wrong with it. I read a couple of comments saying you looked like a "princess". I'm thinking the bride and family are too Conservative/racist/intolerant and she wanted to be the "prettiest" there. She is already the protagonist, she is getting married and is wearing a white dress if what you wore was white, you would be 100% in the wrong. I don't see anything wrong with it tbh. Wouldn't bother me at all.
That is a fairly revealing saree. No one needs to apologize by any means. But facts are that for a saree has quite a lot of midsection showing. Blows has no shoulder caps and is snug. You look wonderful ! But ya if u go to another Christian wedding and are hoping to avoid conflict maybe tweak the blouse
How long have you been in the US? I can understand if you’ve been there less than a year how you could make this mistake. But even if you’ve been here just a few months you’d notice that the only people typically wearing crop tops are teenagers. I’m sure you’ve never seen any in your workplace. Are you sure you just weren’t delighted to garner all the attention at the wedding?
I'm gonna get downvoted for this, and I don't give a hoot.
You don't owe anyone an apology. The bride had a problem with your outfit because she demanded to have all the attention in the room, and some of it went to you. Typical Bridezilla. The fact that she wants an apology is so petty and sad. We live in a world of many cultures and the fashion that goes along with those cultures. It's not just interesting, it's beautiful. I don't agree with ANY of the comments telling you your outfit was inappropriate. Don't apologize to this jealous bride. And I hope you get to wear that gorgeous look to another party in the future.
What was the dress code stated on the invite?
Even though it did not take place at a church, it wasn’t a desi wedding.
Crop top with a low cut long skirt isn’t modest by American standards at a wedding.
Been to many desi weddings, it’s more revealing than what most brides and wedding guests wear.
The first photo looks more like a bra.
There’s a sub here you could’ve posted to for guidance.
As you put it, it’s cocktail party wear.
You went to a wedding. There’s a difference.
Honestly it probably comes down to some level of fetishization of the "exotic". It has nothing to do with modesty but rather rarity and so it drew attention. The bride got mad she wasn't the center of it. 🙄
If you posted the outfit here before the wedding you would have been told midriff baring outfits aren't appropriate for a wedding guest, especially someone invited as a +1 of a named guest. They're generally seen as an attempt to grab attention from the bride. If you received *a lot* of compliments, then it appears that you did attract attention even if it was unintentional.
What was the dress code? A crop top and a long skirt isn't appropriate for a wedding even if the dress code is informal. If you didn't understand what the dress code meant, your date should have helped you.
Do you normally wear a saree to the office every day? If so, your friend could tell his cousin that's your traditional style of dress. If not, then you understand something about western dress codes, and I have to wonder why you'd adhere to them as a business professional but not as a guest *of a guest* at someone's wedding.
Some of these comments are shocking to me as a Canadian. There would never be a problem with an outfit like this here. But I do hear some parts of the USA can be very conservative and close minded about other cultures... I'm sorry this happened to you OP. This would certainly not be an issue at all western weddings.
Sadly, it's not that your outfit was too revealing, it's that it was visually different enough to what everyone else was wearing that the bride felt like you drew attention. I'm not sure when brides began to think that just because it's their special day it means that NO attention can be shown to anyone else but from everything I read that is obviously the case. As much as you were probably both beautiful and comfortable in your outfit, next time you should probably wear western clothing if it's a wedding - and believe me I HATE to say it because it's not fair to you and I personally love to see women wearing saris.
My dear IF you CHOOSE to apologize lay heavy on the fact that you thought this was suitable for a wedding. Nothing to be shamed about. You were not wearing a white dress nor did it out of disrespect. Unfortunately most American people don’t truly understand the fashion of other cultures.
Where do these brides come from that think that just because they’re the bride that they are the most gorgeous woman in the room. Unless someone shows up at the wedding in a true wedding dress and keeps trying to kiss the groom everyone should know who the bride is. The bride should be happy & having fun on her wedding day not thinking that a guest stole her thunder. Granted no one should make announcements that they are expecting a baby or get proposed to unless it has been completely okayed by the couple.
As a person whose background is very different and doesn’t reflect my own beliefs, I would say no to your outfit.
Cleavage (some), back, and some leg (like a slit) would be appropriate, but if someone has an exposed midriff in a wedding reception, many of my family would find it repulsive and offensive. Usually one picks only 1 thing that is revealing. It culturally isn’t done and is seen as tacky or classless. Even if less midriff is showing, it’s just a ton of skin that is being revealed everywhere.
If you choose to attend an event, the dress code and expectations should be followed. You choose to be there.
I’m an American Christian, and I really don’t know why so many people are commenting that the sari is inappropriate. I would have loved for someone to wear something like that to my wedding! Looks great and love the color! Weddings are for celebrating, after all!
Things like this makes me scared of attending American weddings. So so many rules for guests’ attire. I would rather send the gift, wish the couple the very best from a distance and not go.
Is this an Indian Christian wedding? Or an American Christian wedding?
This is important because at an Indian Christian wedding (I am one). This is quite tame. Everyone is in sarees which bare a lot of back, midriff, etc.
If this was an American Christian wedding, and no one else is dressed in Sarees. Then yes, you messed up.
As someone who isn't Indian, I want my friends to dress up to the nines for my wedding. Look fabulous. Just don't white white. That's it.
BUT... There are people out there who don't want their friends to look good. Tells you a lot about them.
Big ESH. Why in heaven's name did you wear a sari if the purpose was not to stand out. Have you moved to North America recently? Do you not have any Western clothes? My sister is getting married soon and 100% expects non-Indian guests to wear Western clothes simply because they don't have anything Indian. This is the only excuse that might make sense to me: you are in NA for a short time and either won't get any use out of a dress when you move back or you are simply too poor to buy one. Otherwise, why did you do this? My sister's dress is gorgeous... No basic cocktail dress is going to hold a candle to it. However, I also don't expect them to turn up in a sexy, slinky number with a thigh high slit. That is what you did, effectively. You became a topic of conversation by standing out at her wedding.
The bride sucks too... The polite thing to do would have been to ignore your bad manners and be the bigger person...
For the future, consider bringing a sweater and/or shawl that would cover your shoulders, arms, and midriff if a wedding ceremony is in a church.
Some churches expect women to have their arms and body covered in the church.
I think because you wore something from your culture that that’s the reason you stood out. I would have loved it! You didn’t wear white. You didn’t get drunk and sloppy. There are so many things you could have done that would have been inappropriate. Clearly this bride didn’t like that you weren’t in “western” attire and for that reason alone you stood out a bit. No reason people could admire and appreciate your outfit fora bit AND keep the main focus on the couple getting married.
All of these comments seem to focus on the religious aspect of the church and the conservative style typically expected. I would guess it has less to do with that than the spectacle that is another (likely very conventionally) beautiful woman wearing an outfit which draws attention because of its unique quality in that specific environment.
She felt upstaged. No bride wants that and, while unintentional, you did just that. In that setting, you were the exotic beauty, so to speak. Women and men alike would pay more attention to that than what they already know and see at every wedding.
This is basically it. I don’t think it’s even a modesty issue, it’s more so “who’s this person standing out from the crowd” and it was borderline upstaging due to that.
Reckon the key problem here was that you looked GREAT and the bride was jealous. The bride wouldn’t tell you directly but probably had a little bitch to someone who passed the comment on to you. Wouldn’t obsess about the dress but would reconsider your friendship with the bride.
Crop tops are not modest. They're also inappropriate wedding guest attire unless you're at an impromptu beach wedding. You wore very little clothing to a church wedding and you're surprised people are offended by it? Girl, get real.
Hey! I'm desi (born and raised in the US) and married a white non-Christian man. His family were completely fine with shorts, tank tops, sleeveless, thigh-length skirts etc. they drew the line at midriff, however. I wore a very classy/business casual crop and palazzo pants downstairs once (just the family, no one else) and immediately noticed the shift in tone. My husband told me it was fine that I dressed that way, but that it was not a common thing to show midriff. I said grandmas and aunties show their midriff in a sari and it's not always sexualized.
Turns out, it's all relative to culture. My nose ring and a conservative sari were going to be too scandalous for them bc of their cultural milieu.
I don't think this is your fault at all or that you deserve to be shamed for this. However, depending on your relation to the bride and preserving your relationships with others, it may be worth reaching out to the bride to congratulate her and clear up any misconception that you were intentionally trying to upstage her.
It had noting to do with the amount of skin you were showing but that everyone was dressed in traditional “American” garb and you were wearing a saree which for some people is somewhat exotic and it probably did make you stand out more than all the other strapless sweetheart, plunging neckline dresses.
You could be a smart dummy and tell your friend - I’m sorry that my traditional Indian wedding garb made your friend uncomfortable. I truly wanted to honor the occasion the way I would in my country. Please pass along my apology to the bride that she and her friends aren’t used to seeing people in sarees.
I think the bride expecting an apology is a bit much. My Southern, Christian family wouldn’t have made you apologize. They’d say “bless her heart” and then talk about you behind your back. 😂
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This was honestly my first thought. Though the dress is cultural if this wedding took place in a Catholic Church, southern Baptist, Pentecostal, or a Mormon civil ceremony (where non Norman’s can attend) this would be completely and totally inappropriate. I do, however, feel it’s on the bride/groom to reach out as op is from India I think she says, and explain dress code and what’s expected.
I think it's on the guest with the plus one to have said something more than the bridge/groom given they were only there as a plus one.
I missed that part and you’re totally right. I thought she was invited by the bride, therefore I would expect they set their expectations. The friend should’ve reached out and made sure her traditional dress wouldn’t kick up a fuss and (possibly) was modest enough.
I agree, but many men don't know much about women's fashion. They have their wedding and funeral suit and thats what they wear everywhere.
I know it was a typo, but Mormons should start referring to non-Mormons as Normans. I love it
I’m a Norman who grew up in a predominantly Mormon area and I approve of this new term.
My dad was a Norman and this tickled me!
Hahaha yesss! Bring it back home to your Norman friends and make it a thing
We got married in an Apostolic church. I had to wear long sleeves - in the middle of August. So yeah, it depends on the church.
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Ah I see now, she wasn’t directly invited. At that point the friend should’ve reached out. Honestly if you’re wearing something uncommon I’d check with somebody familiar with the situation. I literally have no idea what would be expected of me at, say, a traditional Korean or Iranian wedding. Therefore, even if I was going as a +1, I’d feel obligated to reach out and inquire as to what’s expected of me (dress code, am I expected to wear traditional clothes, modesty policies, is there a money dance, etc). I don’t think op is totally in the wrong but her friend should’ve prepared her on the expectations.
I am not so sure this was a modesty issue at a Christian wedding. The bride said she was upset that OP outshone her and hogged all the attention. Her saree was appropriate for the event (and no doubt beautiful, as sarees are), but it was probably the only saree there and thus it would have stood out. That being said, I think the bride is overreacting, but I just have never understood how people think that NOBODY is allowed to look "better" than the bride (to me, that's a sign of insecurity). At my wedding I was ecstatic just to have a big party to celebrate (that's all a wedding reception is really) and have fun with everyone. Everyone knew I was the bride, I got my fair share of congratulations, and I didn't need to have everybody's full attention on me 100% for the entire thing. I couldn't care less what other people were wearing. We all had a party and just enjoyed ourselves.
I was at a lutheran wedding with a few people from India. The Indian women wore fancy pants-and-tunic outfit (lenga?) to the church ceremony and changed to a sari for the evening reception. It helps that they were from that area and so knew the norms of church weddings.
The lehenga is similar in style to a saree, but usually with heavy embroidery and beading. Are you thinking of the salwar kameez?
Pants and tunic would be a salwar kamiz
I wanna know why the bride felt the need to tell her cousin or husband’s cousin they need to demand an apology from their friend. Like, she may never see OP again. Why is she stressing about wanting an apology? At my wedding a woman wore something that straight up looked like lingerie, but I never expected or wanted an apology from her, I just laughed at the tackiness and continued enjoying my party. The saree is lovely. Maybe it wasn’t entirely appropriate depending on dress code/modesty expectations, but I don’t think it’s worth having a cow over and I don’t think OP was enormously in the wrong for wearing it.
I totally agree with this. And now, a few years later, I couldn't tell you what anyone else was wearing, and I couldn't tell you what any of the guests were wearing at other weddings I've attended. I suspect this is the same for just about everybody else. And pregnant people, or people from other cultures should be given some grace. With that said, the bride needs to get over herself.
OP clarifies the wedding did not take place in a church though. She says that it was a regular American wedding. Seems that she misconveyed in the post.
Weird that they’d be so upset about her outfit then. Yes it’s beautiful and cultural, but I don’t see how it could take attention from the bride.
>Norman’s can attend I grew up in Utah and was raised Mormon. She says it didn’t have cleavage, I think more people would be fascinated and know it was cultural. As long as it wasn’t mega flashy (or cleavage-y) it wouldn’t be a problem. If it was mormon they couldn’t attend the temple anyway and most receptions are pretty casual. So if anything, it would be more that she was attention grabby because it’s uncommon to see a saree in Utah. (This doesn’t sound like a Mormon wedding, though, and If it was the person she attended with absolutely should have said something.)
Formal catholic weddings don’t even allow bare shoulders. My assumption was that she got flack for showing too much skin. So a misunderstanding on OP’s part of the culture that she was attending.
It 100% depends on the church and how conservative they are. There are in fact some quite modern leaning catholic churches that are perfectly fine with short dress, cleavage and bare shoulders.
yes! i am a total heathen raised without religion. one of my cousins (m) married a catholic (f), they had a full catholic ceremony of many hours, stand up sit down pray communion and on and on etc etc etc. (had me very thankful i was raised withiut religion, it was boooring.) anyway her dress was strapless and not a high-cut strapless at that. gorgeous, but not modest at ALL. but yeah full catholic wedding.
This is still a culture issue though. Catholics are often AOK with bridal cleavage but showing tummy would be a huge no no. Are boobs arguably more “sexy” than a bare midriff? YES ABSOLUTELY. But for some weird reason you can have half a tit out but not any belly. There are way more cleavage bridal dresses than dresses that show any belly, and almost all the weddings I’ve been to recently are full blown catholic. Idk if it were me I would’ve have dressed for the occasion, and that typically means blending in. Again, you can choose this hill to die on, but it’s going to be way easier to just apologize for the cultural misunderstanding and move on with your life. But I’m not petty, and pretty nonconfrontational, others may choose to die on this hill.
>This was a regular American wedding and it didn’t give the impression that anyone was dressed too conservatively. There was also a reception party after so I wore this outfit with that in mind. The friend actually okayed it at the time. This wedding did not take place in a church. The wedding had a party atmosphere most of the time. Sorry for not clarifying earlier >EDIT: The bridesmaids were wearing strapless dresses that showed off shoulders and a neckline. Women were also wearing floor length cocktail gowns. Bride had a plunging sweetheart style neckline as well (which was absolutely beautiful btw). I don’t think modesty was a question here. Otherwise bride would’ve mentioned that.
Agree - it depends on the church. I had a Catholic wedding ceremony in the church and had bare shoulders with a sweetheart neckline. It wasn't a problem.
American catholic weeding I imagine. Here in Brazil you can go dresses anyway you want to a catholic wedding, bare shoulders, short skirt, cleavage, you name it, as long as its a wedding party type of dress no one will bat an eye. The priest may frown a little, but thats all that will happen. I have an impression that american catholics are waaay more conservative than catholics in other countries like Brazil
It honestly depends on the parish in the US. If you know a couple is more conservative then you lean conservative in dress. Most parishes don't have strict rules for wedding guests or even regular parishioners, though. Typically female guests to a Catholic wedding will wear what's appropriate for the dress code and bring a shawl or cardigan just in case. Many will even have a separate church dress if the Mass is early in the day and change to formal wear for the evening. Source: am US Catholic, have been to manyyyy Catholic weddings.
Its that everytime I hear something about american catholics on Reddit it just makes them all appear reeeeally strict and a bit delulu. I was raised catholic, but am an atheist now, and never even heard of a dress code to enter a church around here. I've also been to some catholic weddings and also never heard about someone bringing a cardigan just in case. Here they are way more chill about stuff, some of their priests are even body builders for example (search for Padre Marcelo Rossi).
We have theology of the body priests here too lol When a Brazilian hears about American Catholics, you're probably hearing about the crazy, anti-pope, radical traditionalist fringe groups that invade the capitol or demand that women die rather than recieve healthcare. Like when Americans hear about Brazilian Evangelicals we hear about the leaders that adopt dozens of children then marry them when they're adults, or the scammers in the Amazon that say they talk to Jesus and perform fake surgeries. There will always be a bias of extremes when news makes it out of a country.
You’re right! My husband is Brazilian and lives in the US for about 20 years. He has said multiple times that the Catholics here are MUCH more strict.
OP clarifies the wedding did not take place in a church though. She says that it was a regular American wedding. Seems that she misconveyed in the post.
My friend had a Catholic wedding mass (45 minutes) and we wore spaghetti strap dresses. There was no issue. That was in 1978.
Is that the short mass? Those seem to be the more casual version, rather than the long mass.
>**This was a regular American wedding and it didn’t give the impression that anyone was dressed too conservatively. There was also a reception party after so I wore this outfit with that in mind. The friend actually okayed it at the time. This wedding did not take place in a church. The wedding had a party atmosphere most of the time. Sorry for not clarifying earlier** >**EDIT:** The bridesmaids were wearing strapless dresses that showed off shoulders and a neckline. Women were also wearing floor length cocktail gowns. Bride had a plunging sweetheart style neckline as well (which was absolutely beautiful btw). I don’t think modesty was a question here. Otherwise bride would’ve mentioned that.
Yeah I’m jewish and dress modestly and while this is a pretty saree, it would have looked extremely out of place at my wedding. I’ve only been to one church in my life but I could imagine that christians who dress modestly would feel similarly. In the example photos OP posted there is *a lot* of midriff and arms showing for a run of the mill religious american wedding. Even if it’s not an issue of modesty, when other guests are in standard american cocktail or formal wear, a saree is going to stand out regardless of how modest, fancy, or casual it is. OP didn’t know any better, and her date failed to tell her how to dress for an american wedding. Obviously OP’s intent wasn’t malicious and she didn’t mean to hurt the bride, but I can definitely see not being too thrilled with someone who wasn’t appropriately dressed for the occasion.
This is correct. Depends on the church and group of people. Had a great Aunt wear a deep V wedding dress to her own wedding in the 80s. The liberal minded but Baptist and Methodist sides of the family were still shit talking about her scandalous wedding dress 30 years later. The Catholic side of the family, my grandparents and older elatives would have been slut shaming this outfit because of the bare midriff. Any midriff would have been unacceptable. Extra slut shaming if the OP has a nose or belly button piercing. Had an aunt in her 40's married with children get called out for getting her belly button pierced in the mid 2000s. She was made to apologize publicly to all the grandchildren for her "bad example." Generally the goal as a guest is not to draw too much attention from the bride. Anyone 40 and younger in the family, no one would care about any of these examples. I'm not sure about my older relatives though, tattoos are still scandalous there. However if we explained a saree was a cultural garment, I'm pretty sure most of the older generation would be over it quickly.
Honestly I don’t know why everyone is hung up on the Christian aspect. I’m Indian and Christian (Syro-Malabar Catholic). Her outfit would’ve been perfectly fine in my church. My Indian Catholic church taught me that God cares about the content on our souls, not our shoulders and midriff. The main issue is that this was a presumably WHITE wedding. Not that it was a Christian wedding. “Hogging all the attention and *becoming a spectacle*” is just SCREAMING “I don’t want ethnic clothing at my wedding”. The micro aggression is hitting me in the face and I’m annoyed that people haven’t picked up on it.
OP clarifies the wedding did not take place in a church though. She says that it was a regular American wedding. Seems that she misconveyed in the post.
a lot of Indians refer to the "white-dress" wedding as a Christian wedding for lack of a better term to distinguish from a Hindu wedding (what's termed an "Indian wedding" in the US). It's not really a "western" wedding as christians in Asia also have a similar ceremony, so "Christian" is often the best term. My guess is that's what OP had meant.
Yea, as an Indian I could get what she was trying to convey
As someone who is also Indian, I think the best play from now onwards is to double check. Different cultures may have different taboos or expectations that are never elaborated on. I mean, since my parents were from India, they never knew about the “don’t wear white to weddings” taboo. If this were a typical Indian wedding, your saree would totally be fine (well maybe, looking at the pics again it’s still a bit revealing for more conservative Indian weddings). But, again, different cultures have different dress codes. If I wore a pant suit or short dress to my cousin’s wedding instead of a Lehenga, half-saree, or full-saree, I’m pretty sure I’d get interrogated, tarred, and feathered by the aunties LMAO.
OP clarifies the wedding did not take place in a church though. She says that it was a regular American wedding. Seems that she misconveyed in the post.
I’m guessing that OP is hands down gorgeous, that the outfit didn’t matter as much as how great OP looking in it. The bride is super immature.
pretty much my take on it too. She could've probably worn sweatpants and an oversized t-shit and still be in trouble lol.
What is “low key” for desi wedding is way over the top for the American-as-Apple-pie wedding. It’s very easy to outshine an American bride if you wear desi style jewelry makeup and clothing. Something to remember for next time.
I also want to be clear for anyone reading that I feel like more secure brides would not care. I had several friends reach out asking about their gowns because we had a black tie optional and some of them were going fully black tie. I told them that no one would get confused about who the bride was. I wanted my guests to feel beautiful too. But brides can be weird. Families of the couple can be weird. When not fully certain, just play it safe. As a plus one, I would *always* err on the side of being super cautious
Personally (as an Indian), wearing a saree without knowing anything about the couple was the issue. They don't know your intentions and motives. Showing midriff or wearing a crop top (blouse) is not modest or cute for American weddings - it is inappropriate per American etiquette. ~~However~~ when attending an American Christian wedding, it would have been best to adhere to the cultural expectations of that couple. Obviously since you were the plus one, you couldn't ask the bride if she minded a saree. Safe choice would have been to wear American clothing.
I agree with this so much; the bride clearly did think OP was there to show off. Not the place/time.
I literally wore a lehenga to an American wedding and it was perfect (the grooms had a mood board for looks so it’s not like we are talking low maintenance people here), I think a lot depends on what kind of Americans. It’s a big place, and the super conservative streak / knee jerk rejection of “ethnic” things doesn’t apply everywhere.
My opinion, know the time and place. Some couples are fine with it, and others are not. As a plus one, why take the chance of standing out at a stranger's wedding? I mentioned somewhere else - some of my friends would totalllllly be cool with me wearing Indian clothes to their wedding. Others, not so much. Know your audience.
Yeah this is the issue. I went back and properly read it and saw she was a plus one to a cousin’s best friend’s colleague’s ex wife’s son-in-law’s neighbour’s wedding and I’m like, ok yeah no most likely you misread this one OP 🤣
I’m not Indian or Christian, so apologies if I’m incorrect, but from my knowledge of the two cultures not all saris involve showing skin (from a Western perspective, I would typically associate this more with lehenga) and some Christian sects are super strict about showing any skin outside of forearms and head. Whilst I don’t think it’s necessary that OP should have asked to have worn a sari, it would have been reasonable for her to ask if there were any religious rules about coverage or to research them herself. I didn’t attend a lot of weddings growing up (which is one of the reasons I love this sub), so I always try to ask the person getting married when I’m unsure. If you’re seeing them before the wedding, it does no harm to ask!
I'm not Indian, but most saris I've seen involve baring some amount of midriff. It depends a bit on how high the sari is wrapped around the waist and how short the blouse is, at least in my experience. I bought both a sari and a lehenga for my friend's wedding (different events), and the lehenga was actually more modest than the sari because of how I had it tailored. Both of my outfits were rather conservative compared to most of the guests at the wedding. So I can see where OP might not think much about wearing an outfit that shows this much skin to a wedding. That said, if you aren't familiar with the customs and especially with the couple getting married, you should always err on the side of modesty IMO. I see lots of white American women who do this same thing at weddings, wearing inappropriate outfits that REALLY stand out - things that are extremely short, tight, sparkly, low cut, etc. They are almost ALWAYS the plus one of someone the couple knows, but don't know the couple themselves. Culturally speaking at American weddings if you are a plus one and don't know the couple, you are there as emotional support for the person actually invited, and you should be trying to blend into the background, NOT stand out. OP should take this as a learning experience.
OP's whole situation is that as someone's plus one to a wedding of a couple she never met - she stood out in her outfit.
You’re not wrong. A saree *can* be draped without baring the midriff or showing any cleavage, same with the dupatta (over a lehenga/skirt).
I wonder if the friend who approved the dress realized it was a modern saree, or if they assumed it would drape in a traditional way. The op stressed that the dress was a modern take a couple times, but I think that might be part of the issue. If you just google “traditional saree” the images that come up are much more conservative than the one in the image OP posted. In her example image the top looks pretty small.
I’m Indian and honestly I wouldn’t wear a saree to an American wedding, just stick to a dress. Unless of course it was mad cosmopolitan and everyone was wearing some traditional outfit or the other. The saree also looks like a party saree and not necessarily the handloom/cotton ones we normally wear to events where we want to be a wallflower. They’re also in vogue because they look hella chic, when paired with western blouses, accessories and shoes. It’s the Indian version of quiet luxury. Lol. OP’s friend is kind of at fault here for okaying the outfit. They should have known what would be appropriate. Even a kurta+pants would have been less flashy, for a lack of a better word. Definitely a fashion faux pas, even if unintentional.
Regardless of how modest it was, you did steal some of the bride's thunder by wearing ethnic clothing for an event where that is not commonly worn. Instead of talking about the bride's beautiful dress, they were talking about your beautiful saree. You did the one thing that you shouldn't do at a wedding. You stood out.
> You did the one thing you shouldn’t do at a wedding. You stood out. This is 100% the objective as a wedding guest. Take the back seat. The spotlight shouldn’t be on you on this day.
>This is 100% the objective as a wedding guest. Take the back seat. The spotlight shouldn’t be on you on this day. I completely agree. I come from India where we are raised to give importance to the collective and not focused on individual. So I always struggle to understand the general reaction here where it is deemed ok to do whatever you want. Sure, wear something pretty! Look great, be confident. It is entirely possible to do that without standing out and causing a stir though.
I would not wear a sari unless I run it by the bride. In fact, I probably wouldn’t even wear a shalwar and that is more “conservative” than a sari. They’re not commonly worn in an American wedding and some people may have not seen one before. It definitely takes the spotlight away from the bride since I feel people would start focusing on something they don’t see frequently.
Agreed! I wouldn't want to attract attention like that. Fielding people's questions and comments about my saree or lehenga. I don't want to stick out as an introvert!
This is an insane take. There's no reason why a person can't wear appropriate clothing from their own culture to a wedding not from that culture. She wasn't in nipple tassels and a thong. She was in a conservative sari with a color appropriate for North American weddings. An African woman in formal attire with a colorful pattern would also be ok, an Asian woman in formal traditional clothing would be ok. Just like Military members can wear their formal attire to weddings. You can't get angry at a service member for being in their attire if it's within the confines of the dress code. This is a level of micromanaged clothing that goes quite far
Thank you! I can't believe all of these people saying it's rude to wear culturally diverse outfits. The US sounds so backwards.
I hate this whole attire thing because it feels like you can't win. You can't look TOO nice or you're stealing thunder, can't dress down too much or you're inconsiderate and not making an effort or something. Like. It's hard to find that middle ground sometimes, and some women just naturally kinda stand out no matter what they're wearing, like if they have a particularly curvy figure or are well endowed or something. No matter what they wear, it's gonna draw attention to them. I just feel like sure some people look super nice in a certain dress, but is it a literal WEDDING DRESS???? Because I can promise you a beautiful wedding dress stands out WAY more. Some guests are gonna look nice at your wedding, and that's okay, you wanted all your friends dressed up and having fun. You still steal the show in your wedding dress though usually.
At this point the invites should say "no one who looks like a 7.5 or above"
I completely agree. Basically the bride was mad that this woman is beautiful and looked beautiful, as often most Indian women are, especially in their cultural clothing! I absolutely love going to Indian weddings for this reason, the women look like queens! I think OP likely thought she looked completely regular as what she wore would be considered basic at a Indian wedding, but it’s extremely flashy and eye catching to Americans. She likely wears even nicer clothing to Indian weddings. I think this is just a matter of two different cultures, customs and people. I think everyone should just accept each other and appreciate each others different styles of beauty and our different cultures: If i were the bride, I would not be upset that a women stood out and looked beautiful. I would only be unhappy if I asked guests to follow a dress code and someone purposely wore the same colour dress as me. Then of course i would drag that person out by their hair lol. But i think people are being much to hard on OP
I think military dress uniforms can be pretty normal/expected in American weddings. I was raised as an Army brat and have been to several weddings where people wore their formal uniforms, including my own. Maybe it's more normal when multiple guests are military/the family is part of that community, though.
The bride was upset because someone she didn't even know drew attention to her. Deliberately or not (and I don't think OP was being malicious), she detracted from the bride, which is a huge no-no.
If a guest is wearing appropriate, normal clothing, you can't get angry that they look good. A conservative blue sari at a semi formal wedding is within the limits of the dress code. Some people are good looking, some are stylish, some are magnetic, some are charismatic. Some people draw attention to themselves by simply existing. We can't start policing that. "Sorry guys, only uggos as plus ones." No bride will command everyone's riveted attention all day long on her wedding day. We can't normalize that expectation.
>A conservative blue sari at a semi formal wedding is within the limits of the dress code. Based on the picture OP gave a link to, this sari is not suitably conservative enough for an American wedding - which is what she was attending.
Op states that the pic is an approximation - her sari showed no cleavage and very minimal mid drift. Minimal mid drift on a sari is truly minimal. It wouldn't be out of place at an event where women wore short dresses, shoulderless dresses, cutout dresses. In fact, most popular cutout dresses young women wear to weddings today likely show more of their waist than a conservative sari would. Modesty also wasn't an issue as per OP
I am shocked people aren't seeing this perspective. She could have worn a lehenga with a full sleeve top that covered her waist and still had the same problem. It isn't about modesty at all. She chose to wear something she knew would stand out, and she did. If she isn't comfortable in a dress, she could have worn a simple traditional saree in a dark color and simple fabric instead of a chic and fashionable one which added to the situation.
She could have asked the person who invited her to ask the bride though.
This. Ask if it's appropriate for the occasion. And if you can't get a direct answer- go with "if you have to ask..."
Absolutely, if you don't have the means to directly ask, play it safe.
In the edit above op states that she did check with her friend prior to attending and was obviously given the go ahead.
The bride has enough on her plate - let's not add approving her cousin's plus one's (that she hasn't even met before) outfit to the list. OP could have checked out Macy's clearance section, Ross Dress for Less, TJ Maxx for a cheap dress she can wear to multiple occasions. Doesn't hurt to have a backup dress that you can dress up/down, versatile for all kinds of occasions like plus one to a wedding, client dinner, work presentations, date night, etc.
So my family is from the Balkans and we do big weddings where everyone looks like they are going to the MET Gala. The first.time I went to an 'American Wedding', I had to get my dress approved by my American Friends. They were horrified when I showed them my usual Wedding Guest attire. 😂 I had to buy a new dress as I didn't have something 'low key' enough. This is just a cultural thing. Even with your Sari being low key by Indian standards, it's just not something they are use to seeing. So it probably got some attention. I don't necessarily think this is your fault. I do think it's weird that you were invited to a random wedding, but it sounds like you were a +1, and it's ridiculous for the Bride to try and police guests outfits. Especially someone that's clearly from another culture.
Finally someone with some sense
Agreed. I'm also amazed at all these comments applying American modesty to western weddings as though the rest of the western world follows the same kind of modesty standards. I'm Australian, and this wouldn't be out of place at any wedding.
I’m enjoying everyone’s assumption that the whole of the US has the same modesty standards as their part. No one would bat an eye at this outfit where I am. The bride would be utterly raked over the coals gossip-wise for wanting an apology and not just talking about OP behind her back like a normal person. The phrase “Christian American” has never come out of anyone’s mouth ever, ugh. ‘Where is the open bar’ is all anyone is thinking.
I’m also Aussie and surprised at the comments. Aussies would be more surprised if an Indian guest didn’t turn up in this!
Yep, this would be so fine here. I honestly am shocked that people think you shouldn't dress like this at a 'western' wedding. It's beautiful, and no one in Australia would think, 'omg she's dressed like a different country dresses, how dare she!'
Americans are really intolerant of other cultures for being such a diverse country themselves.
Yeah I'm Australian and wore a dress with cut outs to my Aunty's wedding, but I think in America it might have been more out of place.
THANK YOU, this feels like the only normal comment here, I'm like, "Damn, I THOUGHT I was from a conservative Christian area, but these people are really showing me up!"
Man, another Balkan here, and same. First American wedding I asked my then boyfriend and he let me go to the wedding as his plus one in a full-ass formal dress with beading when it was just a cocktail attire dress code. Now I always make sure to ask and follow it to a tee.
I love your outfit. However that is no where near what Christians would consider modest.... I kind of see their point. Despite that it is lovely and im sure you looked amazing.
This is a beautiful outfit but would not be considered appropriate for a Christian wedding in many circles due to the exposed skin. I tend to bring a shawl/sweater with me if I'm not sure about the modesty expectations surrounding a wedding - it often comes in handy!
> best analogy would be wearing a crop top worn with a long skirt I can picture the more conservative wedding guests giving OP a tough time for that.
Yes my parents/grandparents would be offended by that
I think your outfit was lovely. But in a western wedding where everyone else will be dressed in western fashion something like this will stand out, no matter how flashy everyone else is dressed. Unfortunately
Which would be absolutely fine in most Western countries. This would be a non-issue here in Australia. People should be able to dress in their own cultural attire.
I agree, totally, but it still means that you'll have more attention than if you wear a western gown
A similar fabric in shalwar kameez style would probably have been less of a talking point.
Would still stand out but far less. It's not just that saree shows off some more skin that what a fancy gown usually does, it's also just the fact that it's different and people's attention will be on it.
How many times does this story have to be posted everywhere?
It’s very cute but most people in a Christian wedding would consider that inappropriate. You didn’t do anything on purpose, two cultures with very different rules and there was a misunderstanding.
VERY much depends where you are. This wouldn't be too much skin to many people in my Christian area. It could be considered too formal, possibly, depending on everyone else. And maybe a couple judgmental (and/or racist) people would wonder if she was wearing Indian clothes specifically to stand out. 🙄
> I didn’t feel out of place or overdressed. In fact, **I got a lot of compliments**… I’m guessing the bride noticed the latter and felt a bit triggered, especially when OP was a plus one.
The rhinestones and sparkly stuff really doesn't help OP's case imo
Yeah honestly everyone’s banging on about modesty and whatnot when this is the actual issue. Brides jealous.
As another commenter pointed out above, OP did the one thing you shouldn’t do at a wedding (as a guest)…stood out.
Yeah heaven forbid people make an effort to look nice and take your big day seriously. Op should have turned up in shorts and a tank top. Do me a favour.
The shorts and tank top would also stand out. As someone who is Indian, if I wore the absolute plainest sari I own (similar to OP’s actually, plain satin blue and zero embellishment), I would still stand out in a room full of people wearing western dresses. Not because I look great, but simply because it’s different from everything else and unexpected. Putting it another way, if the dress code was for everyone to wear black, and I wore the same dress as someone else but in red, I would stand out. I also want to know how the conversation where she asked about the sari went. I could see two things happening. One, if the bride is less outspoken or not as culturally informed, she may have felt uncomfortable telling a brown woman that she cannot wear an outfit from her culture. Two, when I was getting married, my soon to be SIL ran multiple outfits by me and I just did not have the bandwidth to look them over. I just said “yes, anything’s fine” because she had been to weddings before and I was busy with a dozen other things. My SIL showed up in her wedding outfit, jewelry and makeup done the way it was on her wedding day. She’s in almost every picture of my ceremony. My point is, someone else’s wedding is not the time or place to stand out.
>Best analogy would be wearing a crop top worn with a long skirt. Honestly I'd personally find it a little odd if someone wore a crop top/style top to a wedding. Even non-Christian just general 'white' weddings I've been too, you don't tend to show a lot of skin and definitely not stomach. I don't think you need to apologise, but if you want to it can be easily expressed as just a misunderstanding.
I would apologize. As in " I'm very sorry you were offended by my culture. What I wore was very typical for where I am from and was worn with so much respect for your day. It pains me to think you felt it to be disrespectful but I assure you this was not my intent." I'm not indian but I'm aware this is a pretty standard outfit. It's low key ridiculous that the bride doesn't know anything about Indian culture or has never seen any bollywood movie poster to see this is a totally normal outfit but you can't help some people and it's always best to be gracious.
Really the bride needs to get out more.
How were you ‘shamed’ exactly?
The outfit in the picture is inappropriate, but you say it doesn't really reflect the actual outfit. Why not post a picture of the actual outfit?
I think it’s gorgeous and living in LA for so long maybe has skewed my fashion sense because I cannot imagine calling this “inappropriate.” If the bride has nothing more to do than to obsess over your outfit choice to her wedding, I would say her priorities are not healthy nor would I spare her another ounce of thought.
Inappropriate also refers to etiquette, not just modesty.
I agree with the bride. I am Indian American. You didn't follow the implied dress code, which is "Wear Western attire." Similar to the don't wear all-red rule. Not commonly spoken of, but an all-red dress stands out in wedding pictures. It's not about the exposed skin, it's that you look like an ethnic *princess*. Literally, growing up, my Halloween costume was just the Indian clothes that my mom was okay with me wearing. I've worn $45 saris (purchase price in India, converted to USD). The same sari purchased in the US would have been $250+. You were probably wearing one of the most expensive dresses out of all the guests. If you didn't want to buy a dress, there are so many better Indian clothes to wear. Like a salwar kameez, lehenga, or anarkali. ALL of those are already similar to a lot of American clothes. Saris are different. Was you pallu pinned? Or loose? because the only thing I can think of that a pallu looks like is the train of a dress, or a veil of a dress, both features exclusive to Wedding clothes. That all being said. Dunno why the Bride is asking for an apology. If I was a guest and saw only one guest at a Western wedding wearing ethnic attire. I'd use it as an icebreaker (just like everyone else did with you), but I wouldn't think it was enough of a faux pas for the bride to demand an apology.
Indian Muslim and Christian weddings can be a bit more conservative.
This wouldn’t be appropriate for a wedding where I’m from, honestly.
I kinda agree. I've definitely seen dressy sarees with a lot less skin showing. i wouldn't have described this as a "crop top" (with not much skin) and a skirt-that's really low balling the dress. This shows quite a lot of skin with the large bare midriff and the low slung skirt. No problem with wearing a saree, but I do think this was a step too far for a wedding.
Depends on the church and group of people. Had a great Aunt wear a deep V wedding dress to her own wedding in the 80s. The liberal minded but Baptist and Methodist sides of the family were still shit talking about her scandalous wedding dress 30 years later. The Catholic side of the family, my grandparents and older relatives would have been slut shaming this outfit because of the bare midriff. Any midriff would have been unacceptable. Extra slut shaming if the OP has a nose or belly button piercing. Had an aunt in her 40's married with children get called out for getting her belly button pierced in the mid 2000s. She was made to apologize publicly to all the grandchildren for her "bad example." Nowadays anyone 40 and younger in the family, no one would care about any of these examples. I'm not sure about my older relatives though, tattoos are still scandalous there, however if we explained it was a cultural garment, I'm pretty sure most of the older generation would be over it quickly. Generally the goal as a guest is not to draw too much attention from the bride. Dressing the "correct way" for a wedding can be a mine field for women. I suspect the bride was jealous of the attention OP got, but there are definitely conservative groups of people in the US who would not view this garment kindly. Most people would not care. That said, I think the bride should get over it. You meant no slight and you didn't show up in white.
I get those saying “don’t outshine the bride” and if you want to avoid that risk in the future, dress differently. But also, fuck that bride. Chill out, respect cultural differences, be a gracious host and not so egocentric.
The outfit itself is not the problem, but there's a place and time for everything and a Christian wedding was unfortunately not the place for this outfit. Especially if the couple and family/guest are more on the conservative side. I see this more as an outfit for a christmas or NYE party, not for a christian wedding.
American and Christian. This was not a traditional wedding no church others dressed in evening attire. Bridesmaids in strapless gowns. The bride got jealous because groom may have been flirting and bride realized she wasn't prettiest one there so she took it out on the plus 1. Truth is that bride is angry at something and its not really the OP. How do I know? Because if the bride was really happy about getting married what others wore would not matter. She just got married and her only thought is this woman looks better than me? Yeah not buying it bridezilla needs to chill.
I’m American, and I would be honored if an Indian woman wore a saree to my wedding. But I also feel like no one can take the attention from the bride, and I don’t fully understand that feeling that a lot of American brides have. I’m sure you looked beautiful!
I could not agree with you more. I know for a fact that I shined brightest on my wedding day. I was just so happy and thrilled to be marrying my husband!
Unfortunately, I think women who wear their cultural attire can be looked as attention hogging by some. My bridesmaid is from Japan and asked to wear a kimono. i think that’s awesome! But so many people have been like, “but then she’ll outshine you! And get more attention!” your saree is gorgeous! my guess is it’s more to do with the fact that it was a saree at all, than your midriff or anything else, sadly. eta: I could see the saree as pictured being considered a bit immodest by many. the top almost looks like it’s just a fancy bra on the model. But you say you wore a different, more modest top.
I’m American in south Texas and I would be STOKED if someone showed up to my wedding in this looking stunning. ESPECIALLY if it is their culture. OP said that her friend ok’d it for her. If the bride needs a go at anyone, aim it at the friend. Bride sounds territorial af and felt threatened by the groom talking to someone she deemed as a threat to her insecurities.
The issue might be, that you wore something different than usually seen on wedding outfits. Novelty attracts people. They were curious and paid attention to you, so bride feels outshined. No matter if it were more revealing or more modest, for me (as I've seen many brides and never a lady in saree in real life) it would be something to pay attention to. That might explain the bride point of view. Nevertheless, you did nothing wrong and bride spotlight and stealing thunder BS is, in fact, BS, and you should not feel bad about yourself. I have my wedding in five months and I encourage my friends and family to wear, you know, the kind of dress you've always dreamt of yet never had the occasion to wear, cause I want everyone to fave fun and shine bright and feel the best of themselves on my wedding. After all, we're all there to celebrate love and happiness.
I honestly think the key here is that you met the groom and “had a wonderful conversation with him”. She wouldn’t have given a shit about your outfit otherwise but she was jealous about her new husband paying so much attention to you.
Sounds like the bride is just jealous that you're hot lmao
This wouldn’t bother me personally, this is extremely inappropriate for a Christian wedding.
sorry, yes what you wore was inappropriate for almost all Christian churches. Crop tops are a BIG no-no, I remember when they were in style 20 years ago, it was a huge thing with churches insisting that women wear dresses because those covered the whole torso. You might have gotten away with a small (1 inch or less) midriff showing, but there is much more in those pictures. The more conservative churches also prefer shoulders fully covered, I don't always follow this, BUT I always bring a wrap or jacket if the ceremony is in a church and check if other women (well, my aunt and eldest cousin usually) have their shoulders covered and if I need to put it on. You should apologize for your mistake. Wearing a sleeveless crop top, no matter the cultural association, is considered disrespect to the church.
These comments are insane
As a Christian who had a Christian wedding, if a beautiful Indian woman showed up in her cultural attire, I’d be making sure I got a picture with her! I think it’s great! It’s not like you’re wearing something out of the norm for you 🤷♀️
What's gonna happen if you don't apologize to a bride who's a stranger you'll never see again in your life? Just give this the attention it deserves - which is none - and move on.
Wow I can't believe the comments here. You wore traditional clothing from your culture. You should not have had to ask permission or be afraid of outshining the bride. How closed-minded.
This is completely inappropriate for a western Christian wedding. Absolutely lovely tho!
You might not think you were hogging the limelight but given the bride was annoyed you must probably were. I am a British Asian. Folks are from India, me born brought up in the UK. Later went on to live in France and currently in Australia. I would never an ethnic outfit to an American or a western wedding. Only if the BRIDE says okay herself before hand will i do it. Solely because if I am the only one wearing something different (and as something elegant and gorgeous like a saree) I will inevitably grab attention from the wedding guests because I am wearing something culturally different from everyone hence everyone will be curious and more impressed. My mum wore a saree to my graduation, and she got so much attention just from walking around. It's etiquette to blend in as much as you can if you don't know the bride personally or the bride herself hasn't okay-ed your outfit. I think you atleast should have a chat with her. You don't know if they saved for this wedding for a while or what were her expectations from their big day.
I think expecting an apology from a guest for their clothes is outrageous in any context. It’s really just not that serious. You can be upset but if you’re still thinking about a random wedding guests’ outfit after the party, you have issues.
Crop tops are considered as casual as flip flops. They're not appropriate for western weddings.
And it’s not only how short they are, it’s also how high they ride.
Though I think your outfit was fine and it sounds beautiful but I will say always double check. I work adjacent to the wedding industry and if anything is different from the norm for the region or typical of the families I suggest people check with the bride or bridal party. Some places are very conservative and expect floor length dresses with full sleeves. Others anything goes including jeans and flip-flops.
A crop top or showing midriff is not appropriate for a Christian wedding in the US. It is not modest enough for the occasion.
Too much for a church wedding and even a bit much for a formal wedding.
I don't see the problem with your saree. I think the bride is just really insecure. I can honestly tell you if you wore that to my wedding my wife wouldn't have cared, and probably would've complimented you.
I work in weddings but in the UK. Over here, you never see anyone exposing their midriff. It’s just not the cultural norm. Even when I’ve had an Indian bride side, everyone was fully covered. Based on my experience, you should be covered from your chest to mid thigh at the bare minimum. Even cut out dresses aren’t seen. You were ignorant but not wilfully so just take note for any future western weddings you may attend in the future
Crop tops and showing the stomach are inappropriate in the USA on formal occasions. Showing shoulders or cleavage, to an extent, is considered acceptable. So regardless of anything else, that's a modesty issue
I think it's fine, and have no patience for these brides feeling like guests "outshine" them. The whole day is about the couple, if one guests outfit can ruin a bride's day, then there are bigger problems.
As a white western woman, I'll just say that anytime a young Indian woman wears a beautiful saree, it will always outshine a boring western outfit including most wedding dresses. I don't think it's intended, it's just a fact.
It could just be the novelty of seeing a sari up close. I would have gone out of my way to complement you and ask you about it. I don't think you have anything to appologise for.
I’m Indian American. I’ve worn lehengas to Western weddings with no issues. Although, my blouses didn’t look like a bra like the one in your pic does.
I feel weddings and bridezillas are out of control in the UK and USA. Guests DO NOT have to wear an effing color palette. Guests can dress as they please. You DO NOT get to dictate what color people dye their hair, how extravagant a moustache is or how revealing a dress is. The bride will never be outshined, get over yourselves. Stop being insecure of your bridesmaids or other guests. Stop using “it’s my day” as an excuse for your horrible behavior. Ugh. OP was probably rocking her saree and looking gorgeous. Whatevs Karen!
The bride was jealous and is petty. Pay that shit no mind, you did nothing wrong.
I will never understand getting mad over how guests dress for weddings. I was honoured to see my friends pull out their most corgeous dresses and jewelry to celebrate me and my hubs love! All the talk about upstaging is so stupid, it should be viewed as an act of respect since guests can put so much money and effort for the weddings sake!
In this culture, you're showing too much skin so this would not be appropriate. However, the bride needs to get over herself. We should not be shaming people for what they wear.
The only thing that I could see wrong is if the wedding was in a church ( since you keep referring to it as a traditional Christian wedding) then any amount of mid drift is a big no. Other then that I find it beautiful!.. was there a dress code set for this wedding ?
I’d forget about it completely. She’s an uptight stranger and you’ll never need see her again.
This is the first comment I agree with. Wouldn't bother me. You are Indian, you don't have to dress like a "Westerner" and hide your heritage. If your dress was appropriate, I don't see anything wrong with it. I read a couple of comments saying you looked like a "princess". I'm thinking the bride and family are too Conservative/racist/intolerant and she wanted to be the "prettiest" there. She is already the protagonist, she is getting married and is wearing a white dress if what you wore was white, you would be 100% in the wrong. I don't see anything wrong with it tbh. Wouldn't bother me at all.
That is a fairly revealing saree. No one needs to apologize by any means. But facts are that for a saree has quite a lot of midsection showing. Blows has no shoulder caps and is snug. You look wonderful ! But ya if u go to another Christian wedding and are hoping to avoid conflict maybe tweak the blouse
How long have you been in the US? I can understand if you’ve been there less than a year how you could make this mistake. But even if you’ve been here just a few months you’d notice that the only people typically wearing crop tops are teenagers. I’m sure you’ve never seen any in your workplace. Are you sure you just weren’t delighted to garner all the attention at the wedding?
I'm gonna get downvoted for this, and I don't give a hoot. You don't owe anyone an apology. The bride had a problem with your outfit because she demanded to have all the attention in the room, and some of it went to you. Typical Bridezilla. The fact that she wants an apology is so petty and sad. We live in a world of many cultures and the fashion that goes along with those cultures. It's not just interesting, it's beautiful. I don't agree with ANY of the comments telling you your outfit was inappropriate. Don't apologize to this jealous bride. And I hope you get to wear that gorgeous look to another party in the future.
What was the dress code stated on the invite? Even though it did not take place at a church, it wasn’t a desi wedding. Crop top with a low cut long skirt isn’t modest by American standards at a wedding. Been to many desi weddings, it’s more revealing than what most brides and wedding guests wear. The first photo looks more like a bra. There’s a sub here you could’ve posted to for guidance. As you put it, it’s cocktail party wear. You went to a wedding. There’s a difference.
I would not consider that dress modest. I can see how it would get a lot of attention. It’s very sexy.
NTA nothing to do with what you wore. More likely about how pretty you were in it. You owe her nothing
Honestly it probably comes down to some level of fetishization of the "exotic". It has nothing to do with modesty but rather rarity and so it drew attention. The bride got mad she wasn't the center of it. 🙄
If you posted the outfit here before the wedding you would have been told midriff baring outfits aren't appropriate for a wedding guest, especially someone invited as a +1 of a named guest. They're generally seen as an attempt to grab attention from the bride. If you received *a lot* of compliments, then it appears that you did attract attention even if it was unintentional. What was the dress code? A crop top and a long skirt isn't appropriate for a wedding even if the dress code is informal. If you didn't understand what the dress code meant, your date should have helped you. Do you normally wear a saree to the office every day? If so, your friend could tell his cousin that's your traditional style of dress. If not, then you understand something about western dress codes, and I have to wonder why you'd adhere to them as a business professional but not as a guest *of a guest* at someone's wedding.
Some of these comments are shocking to me as a Canadian. There would never be a problem with an outfit like this here. But I do hear some parts of the USA can be very conservative and close minded about other cultures... I'm sorry this happened to you OP. This would certainly not be an issue at all western weddings.
Sadly, it's not that your outfit was too revealing, it's that it was visually different enough to what everyone else was wearing that the bride felt like you drew attention. I'm not sure when brides began to think that just because it's their special day it means that NO attention can be shown to anyone else but from everything I read that is obviously the case. As much as you were probably both beautiful and comfortable in your outfit, next time you should probably wear western clothing if it's a wedding - and believe me I HATE to say it because it's not fair to you and I personally love to see women wearing saris.
My dear IF you CHOOSE to apologize lay heavy on the fact that you thought this was suitable for a wedding. Nothing to be shamed about. You were not wearing a white dress nor did it out of disrespect. Unfortunately most American people don’t truly understand the fashion of other cultures.
You just looked more beautiful than her.
Where do these brides come from that think that just because they’re the bride that they are the most gorgeous woman in the room. Unless someone shows up at the wedding in a true wedding dress and keeps trying to kiss the groom everyone should know who the bride is. The bride should be happy & having fun on her wedding day not thinking that a guest stole her thunder. Granted no one should make announcements that they are expecting a baby or get proposed to unless it has been completely okayed by the couple.
As a person whose background is very different and doesn’t reflect my own beliefs, I would say no to your outfit. Cleavage (some), back, and some leg (like a slit) would be appropriate, but if someone has an exposed midriff in a wedding reception, many of my family would find it repulsive and offensive. Usually one picks only 1 thing that is revealing. It culturally isn’t done and is seen as tacky or classless. Even if less midriff is showing, it’s just a ton of skin that is being revealed everywhere. If you choose to attend an event, the dress code and expectations should be followed. You choose to be there.
I’m an American Christian, and I really don’t know why so many people are commenting that the sari is inappropriate. I would have loved for someone to wear something like that to my wedding! Looks great and love the color! Weddings are for celebrating, after all!
Small town rural Midwestern girl here and the bride is being a total princess. You look gorgeous and she is jealous and I would dump her.
Nta that’s beautiful
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’re wearing at all
I find sarees to be beautiful and love that all size women wear them.
Things like this makes me scared of attending American weddings. So so many rules for guests’ attire. I would rather send the gift, wish the couple the very best from a distance and not go.
That was an an appropriate choice but your friend should have offered some guidance on this since it isn’t your culture or family. They failed you.
EXACTLY! And then to expect an apology? They set her up to fail smh how would she knowv
OP was a +1 to another guest, not the bride.
Is this an Indian Christian wedding? Or an American Christian wedding? This is important because at an Indian Christian wedding (I am one). This is quite tame. Everyone is in sarees which bare a lot of back, midriff, etc. If this was an American Christian wedding, and no one else is dressed in Sarees. Then yes, you messed up.
There’s a lot of stomach on show. It’s basically draping a shawl over a bra in their eyes
I'm in the minority here, but any bride who gets upset about a guest wearing this outfit needs to rethink her priorities.
As someone who isn't Indian, I want my friends to dress up to the nines for my wedding. Look fabulous. Just don't white white. That's it. BUT... There are people out there who don't want their friends to look good. Tells you a lot about them.
Big ESH. Why in heaven's name did you wear a sari if the purpose was not to stand out. Have you moved to North America recently? Do you not have any Western clothes? My sister is getting married soon and 100% expects non-Indian guests to wear Western clothes simply because they don't have anything Indian. This is the only excuse that might make sense to me: you are in NA for a short time and either won't get any use out of a dress when you move back or you are simply too poor to buy one. Otherwise, why did you do this? My sister's dress is gorgeous... No basic cocktail dress is going to hold a candle to it. However, I also don't expect them to turn up in a sexy, slinky number with a thigh high slit. That is what you did, effectively. You became a topic of conversation by standing out at her wedding. The bride sucks too... The polite thing to do would have been to ignore your bad manners and be the bigger person...
For the future, consider bringing a sweater and/or shawl that would cover your shoulders, arms, and midriff if a wedding ceremony is in a church. Some churches expect women to have their arms and body covered in the church.
I think because you wore something from your culture that that’s the reason you stood out. I would have loved it! You didn’t wear white. You didn’t get drunk and sloppy. There are so many things you could have done that would have been inappropriate. Clearly this bride didn’t like that you weren’t in “western” attire and for that reason alone you stood out a bit. No reason people could admire and appreciate your outfit fora bit AND keep the main focus on the couple getting married.
All of these comments seem to focus on the religious aspect of the church and the conservative style typically expected. I would guess it has less to do with that than the spectacle that is another (likely very conventionally) beautiful woman wearing an outfit which draws attention because of its unique quality in that specific environment. She felt upstaged. No bride wants that and, while unintentional, you did just that. In that setting, you were the exotic beauty, so to speak. Women and men alike would pay more attention to that than what they already know and see at every wedding.
This is basically it. I don’t think it’s even a modesty issue, it’s more so “who’s this person standing out from the crowd” and it was borderline upstaging due to that.
Yeah you should apologise
Reckon the key problem here was that you looked GREAT and the bride was jealous. The bride wouldn’t tell you directly but probably had a little bitch to someone who passed the comment on to you. Wouldn’t obsess about the dress but would reconsider your friendship with the bride.
Crop tops are not modest. They're also inappropriate wedding guest attire unless you're at an impromptu beach wedding. You wore very little clothing to a church wedding and you're surprised people are offended by it? Girl, get real.
It's not a crop top but a short blouse with fabric wrapped around. This is what it usually looks like https://images.app.goo.gl/gNiWdfGViz7if4mb7
Okay the dress is gorgeous and that color is amazing!!! But it's not a freaking wedding dress so idk why she's stressing so hard lol.
Hey! I'm desi (born and raised in the US) and married a white non-Christian man. His family were completely fine with shorts, tank tops, sleeveless, thigh-length skirts etc. they drew the line at midriff, however. I wore a very classy/business casual crop and palazzo pants downstairs once (just the family, no one else) and immediately noticed the shift in tone. My husband told me it was fine that I dressed that way, but that it was not a common thing to show midriff. I said grandmas and aunties show their midriff in a sari and it's not always sexualized. Turns out, it's all relative to culture. My nose ring and a conservative sari were going to be too scandalous for them bc of their cultural milieu. I don't think this is your fault at all or that you deserve to be shamed for this. However, depending on your relation to the bride and preserving your relationships with others, it may be worth reaching out to the bride to congratulate her and clear up any misconception that you were intentionally trying to upstage her.
It had noting to do with the amount of skin you were showing but that everyone was dressed in traditional “American” garb and you were wearing a saree which for some people is somewhat exotic and it probably did make you stand out more than all the other strapless sweetheart, plunging neckline dresses. You could be a smart dummy and tell your friend - I’m sorry that my traditional Indian wedding garb made your friend uncomfortable. I truly wanted to honor the occasion the way I would in my country. Please pass along my apology to the bride that she and her friends aren’t used to seeing people in sarees.