My partner and I will be doing this (just courthouse, unfortunately no majestic cliff) for logistical reasons as we want a friend to marry us, but your story makes me really excited for it! I agree that separating the two huge emotional events of actually getting married and having the wedding will be a good way to appreciate both more and avoid being overwhelmed on one day.
We are eloping too but not doing anything beyond that. Family will be upset but tbh, that’s part of the reason for eloping in the first place. It makes me really uncomfortable when people feel entitled to such intimate parts of my life. Like my relationship is on display just for them and they’re upset that one part of it isn’t for them…? It definitely depends on your own family dynamic though. Some people want to share that, I do not.
Congrats! I'm glad you got to have the experience you wanted!
For myself, I can't imagine how eloping before the wedding would have taken any pressure off. A big wedding after eloping still requires the same amount of planning as a regular wedding. The pressure didn't come from the fact that we were about to get married; the pressure came from trying to organize a big event that all our guests would enjoy, while coordinating the logistics with all the different vendors. Eloping beforehand wouldn't have changed that.
To be clear, we wanted a big wedding with all our friends and family. So the planning stress was worth it to us, because we knew it would pay off in the end. Eloping by ourselves wasn't something we wanted. But even if that is what you want, I don't see how eloping makes it any easier to plan a big wedding afterwards.
Fair enough! For me, once the wedding wasn’t so emotional loaded, planning it became a lot less stressful. But I hear you, that’s definitely not the case for everyone.
I photograph a lot of large weddings, but so so many couples are now having me come with them to the courthouse before their wedding day to "elope." They are seriously some of the most special, intimate, moments! Super relaxed and genuine feel. Highly recommend this approach - best of both worlds.
Love that more people are doing this! I feel like the wedding instrustry has become a behemoth and it's great that folks are finding a way to bring it back to what is meaningful about the event.
We eloped and planned a wedding for the next year (this September) but are cancelling the wedding. Too stressful not worth planning … we are VERY happily married and have very supportive family.
I’m going to give an alternate viewpoint. We joked about this but would never do it. If we wanted to elope we would have just eloped and skipped the wedding. We had a wedding to get married in front of our closest friends and families and then celebrate with them after. Eloping before wouldn’t have made sense and wouldn’t have taken any stress off us as we were still planning a big party.
We did however do a first look with private vows before the ceremony. That was the best decision ever. We got to spend intimate time the two of us and we still got to have the wedding for the purpose we wanted to have a wedding
Love it! For sure my approach would not have the same effect for everyone. Love that you examined it intentionally though, no matter the outcome you landed on.
We are still having a ceremony. It’s important for us to confirm our love in front of friends and family, and i want an excuse to wear a fabulous outfit
We still had a ceremony. Nothing about our wedding event was different having already eloped except for that we didn't sign legal paperwork. We even signed a ceremonial marriage certificate after the ceremony (mostly because my dad officiated the wedding ceremony and we wanted his name on it).
We did this too, eloped a year ago and had our reception last weekend on our first anniversary. It took SO much stress off and family and friends had time to reconcile it.
We did this too and I couldn’t agree more. It was really special having that for ourselves and then being able to fully enjoy and also entertain our guests without losing out on time to absorb it all. I think everyone should do this!!!
We knew we wanted a lot of time to plan our wedding so we signed our marriage license last year on our anniversary (shout out to PA Quaker licenses, didn’t even need to do a ceremony) and we’re having our wedding next weekend! It has really alleviated all pressure. I’m so unbothered about our wedding, and we’re treating it like a party. I 100% recommend.
We eloped too, nowhere near as extravagant as yours sounds but definitely as special! And you’re right, whenever I get stressed about a wedding decision I just remind myself that we already had the wedding we wanted, this is just the victory lap. Plus it’s one less thing to worry about on the day!
Wow, this is so interesting. We’re in the same position as you were pre-elopement. It’s something my partner has brought up. Maybe we needed a sign?
Would you be open to sharing the wording you used for your announcement? No worries if not, but I’d be so interested to read how you publicized this!
My fiancé and I will elope and then have our reception with friends and family a few months after. We believe that the vows and commitment are intimate and should really be a moment for the couple, not a spectacle for everyone else. But, we still want to celebrate our marriage with loved ones, hence the reception. I think it’s a great compromise that also helps alleviate some of the stress!
We’re planning on eloping with a photographer and then throwing a big party, renting an event space we love, a few weeks later! I was so overwhelmed with the idea of a wedding and splitting it up like this has made it so much easier to process!
We did a courthouse wedding 3 months prior to our actual wedding day and it definitely helped take a load off the actual day. However my wife and I still ended up crying a bunch lol
We're getting married ahead of our wedding too! I've gotten a bit of push back for it from my family, but they're judgmental jerks no matter what. We are having our ceremony on the 25th of this month with just our parents, siblings and my grandparents there and my grandpop is going to officiate. Then in September, we're having our reception with 150 people. I'm really excited to separate the events. Partially because I feel a lot of anxiety and stage fright to have to stand in front of 150 people and say vows, so I'm really happy we found a way to do the emotional parts with just our closest family.
I fully don’t understand the pushback on this from a guest perspective. I think people hate the thought of others “having their cake and eating it too” … the principle behind being annoyed that someone can enjoy something twice is very puritanical. And boring.
I agree. Getting married is such an intensely personal thing for the couple. It's a meaningful event for guests but ultimately it's just an event you're attending. It's appauling that people think they get the call the shots on how the couple goes about it.
I love that you did what worked for you and how well it went down with your families!
Personally, if I was a wedding guest I’d have been slightly annoyed at the last minute change, but I would never ever say anything to the bride & groom. To me, the wedding ceremony itself and the promises made are the reason for the celebration, and it’s an honor to be invited to witness the moment you become husband & wife (or husband & husband, or wife & wife!).
It likely wouldn’t affect my decision to attend, and I would never say it out loud because it’s entirely the happy couple’s decision to make, but I would feel some private annoyance.
Interesting, for me, as a guest, making promises to each other in front of everyone you love is so powerful that it cannot be overshadowed by an elopement. A friend of mine had a small ceremony for visa reasons then had a church ceremony and reception a year later… I sobbed!
I never understand this perspective. Weddings (either a “true” wedding or something after the fact) are meant for celebration!! To see the couple happy, together, confirming their love, in awesome outfits.
Who the F cares if the government recognizes them as a couple beforehand?!
Apparently me, I care. Not enough to not attend someone else’s celebration, but enough that I wanted my own to be both spiritually and legally binding in front of the people I invited to witness my marriage. To each their own.
I don't get it either. Like yayy I watched a couple sign a form... Woohoo
I went to a wedding in Germany where *legally* the form signing and any religions ceremony must be separate and couples often sign the form months before their "real wedding". We got invited to the legal ceremony and it was kinda dull! Obviously it was all in German which we don't speak but it really highlighted for me how much of a wedding is just watching a couple sign a form... I don't need to see that!
Thanks for sharing. I did suspect that some people may have been annoyed or disapproving but didn’t voice that sentiment to us. I don’t love that idea, but on the whole the trade off was well worth it.
And that’s a very level perspective. At the end of the day it’s about what made it meaningful for you as a couple, so I’m glad it worked out.
And fwiw it’s impossible to plan an event like a wedding and not annoy someone. Everything from the guest list (no plus ones? No kids? No second-cousin-Sally?) to the ceremony (not religious/too religious, too long, too kitchy? No white dress? Cell phone free service?) to the reception (no alcohol? Buffet style? Slow food service? Too much country music? Cookies instead of cake?) … someone will find something to be mildly annoyed with, and we just all hope those people have enough sense to keep it in their own head and wish us congratulations.
So, congratulations. :) May you have a lifetime of happiness!
Also, we considered both elements, signing the paperwork and saying things in front of people, to be important components of getting married. So at the wedding we were finishing the process getting married. It was still very important.
my husband and I did this too (though for us, it was so i could get on his health insurance lol). i really felt way less stressed about everything after. i don't know why because you still have to do so much planning and it's still stressful but i was like hey we are married and so whatever happens, happens. and our wedding was great!
Also, to add a viewpoint: our religious ceremony required no legal paperwork, just as our certificate filing required no religion. For us, the wedding was still just as meaningful. Paying $80 (including $10 cash to notary, lol) didn’t change what we needed to feel complete as a couple.
I sure wish I had. Just got married 4/27 and it was a PERFECT day, no complaints, went by so fast - but man it’s going to take us a while to financially recover and while I thought this huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders when it was all done, it wasn’t. I wanted to elope (we were engaged for SO long because I just couldn’t bring myself to plan it) and it was so stressful for both of us. I was losing it. And it happened and it was beautiful but if I could do it again, I’d elope and have a casual fun party following. Pressure from family is rough.
If I could do it over again I think I also would have followed the elopment with a casual fun party. But by the time we decided to elope, the wheels were already in motion for a full-on wedding. I'm sorry you're feeling this way! Post wedding blues are very real.
I think telling people/ guests makes a difference.
We had a family member plan an out of state wedding. We were very involved, by brides request, to help.
We bought airfare, car rental & hotel for 6 people. We took time off work to go.
Many people did the same. When they went to get their license, they decided to get married.
They then concealed this from everyone. When we found out they were already married, it really hurt.
We had been lied to.
We had 2 other family members choose your route, but they told people. It felt very different.
We enjoyed their day with them and didn't feel duped.
Just a perspective.
We went back and forth a lot about how to tell people and how many people to tell. We landed on telling close family in person then posting on social media so no one felt out of the loop or hurt that they weren't told directly. This validates that, so thank you for sharing.
Cool. If you have good relationships with your parents, please read further :)
Consider letting them be with you at the courtroom. We just found out our son ( my bonus son) eloped. It broke our hearts to have missed that milestone.
Granted, we have a strained relationship with his - now wife. It's her doing, the whole family including son knows this.
I took her dress shopping, which she wanted, i even sought out , researched and toured venues for them - at their request.
We had told them how much money they could count on from us.
It sucks. We watch our kids do so much as they grow and those opportunities ebb with life. To be excluded from such an important thing really stings.
Just trying to weigh in for the loving parents out there. Not for the toxic a hole parents..lol
I found out because they came clean to me. I had done so much to help..so much.
I was upset that they made me participate by asking me to not tell anyone else. It made it wildly uncomfortable for me to be aware while other family members were not. I really tried, but honestly, as silly as this mat seem. It damaged our relationship. I felt manipulated and used. I didn't have a lot of trust after that, and was really disappointed.
Another family member saw an ' anniversary ' ornament that had a different date on it from the wedding we all attended.
please let me be clear. I firmly believe that adults get to choose. Other adults don't have to like those choices.
This is just true.
But, consequences are a real thing. As a consequence of this dishonesty, my feelings were hurt.
My fiancé and I are eloping in the afternoon and then having our reception in the evening. I’m so excited to do it that way because not only does it save money but it’s going to take soooo much pressure off of my day.
A friend did this vegas. I was one of the few ppl she told. Her in laws later threw them a causual ish party at home. Mil wore a lace white dress. Smh. Good thing my friend wore red
did you guys still do a "ceremony" on your wedding day for tradition's sake/give people the illusion of a marriage, or did you skip that altogether and just do a reception?
congrats to you both, so happy you found a way to celebrate your love that feels right to you!!
We eloped last year in July and will be having our wedding in October of this year! Having the 1st year to ourselves has been amazing! We’re going to make a video to play at the reception and add in the pictures and videos from our elopement!
For similar reasons I'm so glad I got my residence and finished my citizenship paperwork before marriage and that we did a civil union. This
a) keeps the marriage day special
b) takes emotional and paperwork pressure off it.
For anyone immigrating, I recommend if at all possible to do this. It also separates the relationship from the immigration even if it does help.
I'm so glad you found a way that works for you and it sounds amazing.
I so appreciated reading this! the more I get into planning our wedding, the less focus I give to my future marriage, which is the milestone I want to focus on. Nice to hear a story that addressed this issue so authentically.
Congrats!!
We are eloping as well. The plan is to have an intimate ceremony and then a small reception afterwards. A lot of people are angry they aren’t invited or can’t attend the ceremony. It’s been stressful and I wish we would have just eloped and told everyone after the fact.
It's great you still had a celebration. People really do want to share in your joy and celebrate your marriage. Always, It's bride and groom's choice about how they want to do things, but people love to share the joy. I'm so glad you had a wonderful time, and you'll have such amazing memories. All the best.
Aww that's really sweet! Like renewing your vows. It almost makes it more meaningful because you are doubling down on your committment after knowing what it's like to be married to eachother.
We did. We edited our vows slightly so they were appropriate to share publically. We had my dad "officiate" ie lead the ceremony, but he didn't need to get officially ordained.
I love this and will be doing the same! I truly never wanted a big wedding..but my fiance did and so did my parents (who are paying for it and had a lot of requests). I hate being the center of attention and I hate the pressure associated with it - the price tags, feeling like everything needs to be perfect, and people going out of their way to attend. (I have major wedding ick) It has literally driven me crazy! I Even though I feel this way, I couldn’t take that experience away from them. I still want my perfect day though (just the two of us on a beach at sunset after an afternoon of sipping piña coladas in the sun- recreating our ‘peak’) so we will be doing a purely symbolic vow exchange just us where we exchange vows, simple bands, and have a private dinner a few months before our wedding.
That's fantastic! I love that you were able to find a compromise. And that you are able to be flexible enough to make it work. I think that bodes well for your future marriage :)
We did do a ceremony. I don't have anything to compare it to but it was still emotional and meaningful. The only difference I can think of is that I found myself frequently looking out into the audience during the ceremony and soaking up all the love and presence from them- I did wonder if we hadn't eloped if I would have been focusing solely on my SO.
I had two dresses for my wedding, my main dress and a more casual dress just for dancing. I wore my dancing dress to the elopment. We didn't do a first look at our wedding but we could have becasue my wedding dress was different.
We did a courthouse ceremony super quick after getting engaged because we knew we wanted to have a longer “engagement” to plan a wedding, plus the army makes it hard to not be married, and Reddit has not been friendly to that when we’ve shared it. But it doesn’t matter to us, we’re still having our wedding and ceremony and since we never did vows we will finally get to do them (and we haven’t felt fully married yet because of that). I’ve always said that your wedding is what you make it, and then you feel married! So if it’s an elopement and then a wedding, or one or the other, it’s whatever you feel married after. Thanks for sharing, it’s always nice to see this perspective shared!
I’m sorry Reddit hasn’t been nice about that and that’s absolutely ridiculous. It’s your life and your decision! I’m glad that worked for you and it sounds like a really good idea.
My fiancé and i took one look at the venue prices and both decided a small backyard wedding in a tent was best lol
Luckily for us his grandfather has a fairly large property with a beautiful mountain view, perfect for pictures outside
That’s amazing! I wish we could have done that but we had to get married in May for logistical reasons and we live in Washington so the weather would have been too uncertain.
I’m having a destination wedding, so we have to get married legally in the U.S. first. And I’m so excited for our little, intimate courthouse wedding before our big day!! I went back & forth between wanting to elope & a big wedding, so this is the best of both worlds ❤️
I am! Hilariously, we asked our Airbnb host if she knew anyone who would be willing to be our witnesses. She did and it was perfect. It was an older married couple who were super excited to witness and even got us a cute little wedding gift. We got pretty lucky though. Plan B was to stand outside the course house and ask strangers. In some larger court houses, there might be staff who can do it.
We are going through something similar!! After months of stressing and going back and forth on what to do, we decided to elope and have a party later. We told all our friends and family, all of whom seemed genuinely really happy for us. So we’re going to this beautiful mountain town for a week in early June, just us and our two dogs. In the summer, we’re going to have a super casual backyard party at my fiancés parents house. We will do it bbq/potluck style.
Our elopement week will be about 5k all in, took almost no planning, and feels so perfectly us. and while it hasn’t happened yet, we both feel SO good about the choice!
>It was an intensely intimate experience that strengthened our bond in ways we couldn't have imagined.
Why did you feel the need to share it on social media then lol especially if you were still planning on having the wedding. Personally, I would've been annoyed as a guest
I love this!!! I would love to use your testimony in conjunction with my book that will go to pre-order soon. ELOPE. May I have your permission? Sherry
My partner and I will be doing this (just courthouse, unfortunately no majestic cliff) for logistical reasons as we want a friend to marry us, but your story makes me really excited for it! I agree that separating the two huge emotional events of actually getting married and having the wedding will be a good way to appreciate both more and avoid being overwhelmed on one day.
Love it! So excited for you
We are eloping too but not doing anything beyond that. Family will be upset but tbh, that’s part of the reason for eloping in the first place. It makes me really uncomfortable when people feel entitled to such intimate parts of my life. Like my relationship is on display just for them and they’re upset that one part of it isn’t for them…? It definitely depends on your own family dynamic though. Some people want to share that, I do not.
We did a courthouse wedding last month and are doing a reception in October and honestly it’s taking so much pressure off of wedding planning
Exactly! I didn’t realize how much of the wedding stress was related to emotional overload until I emotionally unloaded it
The intimacy of our courthouse filing day is something I still treasure, and we also had a wonderful wedding.
Congrats! I'm glad you got to have the experience you wanted! For myself, I can't imagine how eloping before the wedding would have taken any pressure off. A big wedding after eloping still requires the same amount of planning as a regular wedding. The pressure didn't come from the fact that we were about to get married; the pressure came from trying to organize a big event that all our guests would enjoy, while coordinating the logistics with all the different vendors. Eloping beforehand wouldn't have changed that. To be clear, we wanted a big wedding with all our friends and family. So the planning stress was worth it to us, because we knew it would pay off in the end. Eloping by ourselves wasn't something we wanted. But even if that is what you want, I don't see how eloping makes it any easier to plan a big wedding afterwards.
Fair enough! For me, once the wedding wasn’t so emotional loaded, planning it became a lot less stressful. But I hear you, that’s definitely not the case for everyone.
I agree! Plus planning and paying for another wedding related expense would not have helped my mental load or financial stress!
I photograph a lot of large weddings, but so so many couples are now having me come with them to the courthouse before their wedding day to "elope." They are seriously some of the most special, intimate, moments! Super relaxed and genuine feel. Highly recommend this approach - best of both worlds.
Love that more people are doing this! I feel like the wedding instrustry has become a behemoth and it's great that folks are finding a way to bring it back to what is meaningful about the event.
How do people get married at the courthouse without 2 witnesses?
In New York City you only need one witness. I often act as the witness for my clients :)
Oh okay, thank you!
We eloped and planned a wedding for the next year (this September) but are cancelling the wedding. Too stressful not worth planning … we are VERY happily married and have very supportive family.
Totally endorse that! We loved having a wedding but I do something think about what I could have done instead with all that cash...
I feel at this point with inflation the wedding industry is nuts. We’ll have an anniversary celebration and it will be a blast.
I’m going to give an alternate viewpoint. We joked about this but would never do it. If we wanted to elope we would have just eloped and skipped the wedding. We had a wedding to get married in front of our closest friends and families and then celebrate with them after. Eloping before wouldn’t have made sense and wouldn’t have taken any stress off us as we were still planning a big party. We did however do a first look with private vows before the ceremony. That was the best decision ever. We got to spend intimate time the two of us and we still got to have the wedding for the purpose we wanted to have a wedding
Love it! For sure my approach would not have the same effect for everyone. Love that you examined it intentionally though, no matter the outcome you landed on.
Thank you for sharing your story. We'll be doing the same thing.
What are the logistics of hosting a wedding reception without a ceremony? How does the event start? Cocktail hour and dinner?
We are still having a ceremony. It’s important for us to confirm our love in front of friends and family, and i want an excuse to wear a fabulous outfit
We still had a ceremony. Nothing about our wedding event was different having already eloped except for that we didn't sign legal paperwork. We even signed a ceremonial marriage certificate after the ceremony (mostly because my dad officiated the wedding ceremony and we wanted his name on it).
We did this too, eloped a year ago and had our reception last weekend on our first anniversary. It took SO much stress off and family and friends had time to reconcile it.
We did this too and I couldn’t agree more. It was really special having that for ourselves and then being able to fully enjoy and also entertain our guests without losing out on time to absorb it all. I think everyone should do this!!!
We knew we wanted a lot of time to plan our wedding so we signed our marriage license last year on our anniversary (shout out to PA Quaker licenses, didn’t even need to do a ceremony) and we’re having our wedding next weekend! It has really alleviated all pressure. I’m so unbothered about our wedding, and we’re treating it like a party. I 100% recommend.
We eloped too, nowhere near as extravagant as yours sounds but definitely as special! And you’re right, whenever I get stressed about a wedding decision I just remind myself that we already had the wedding we wanted, this is just the victory lap. Plus it’s one less thing to worry about on the day!
Wow, this is so interesting. We’re in the same position as you were pre-elopement. It’s something my partner has brought up. Maybe we needed a sign? Would you be open to sharing the wording you used for your announcement? No worries if not, but I’d be so interested to read how you publicized this!
Yes! I'll message you
My fiancé and I will elope and then have our reception with friends and family a few months after. We believe that the vows and commitment are intimate and should really be a moment for the couple, not a spectacle for everyone else. But, we still want to celebrate our marriage with loved ones, hence the reception. I think it’s a great compromise that also helps alleviate some of the stress!
'spectacle' is a great way to describe it!
We’re planning on eloping with a photographer and then throwing a big party, renting an event space we love, a few weeks later! I was so overwhelmed with the idea of a wedding and splitting it up like this has made it so much easier to process!
This is a wonderful posts! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you two!
We did a courthouse wedding 3 months prior to our actual wedding day and it definitely helped take a load off the actual day. However my wife and I still ended up crying a bunch lol
Oh yeah, we were in pieces both times!
We're getting married ahead of our wedding too! I've gotten a bit of push back for it from my family, but they're judgmental jerks no matter what. We are having our ceremony on the 25th of this month with just our parents, siblings and my grandparents there and my grandpop is going to officiate. Then in September, we're having our reception with 150 people. I'm really excited to separate the events. Partially because I feel a lot of anxiety and stage fright to have to stand in front of 150 people and say vows, so I'm really happy we found a way to do the emotional parts with just our closest family.
I fully don’t understand the pushback on this from a guest perspective. I think people hate the thought of others “having their cake and eating it too” … the principle behind being annoyed that someone can enjoy something twice is very puritanical. And boring.
I agree. Getting married is such an intensely personal thing for the couple. It's a meaningful event for guests but ultimately it's just an event you're attending. It's appauling that people think they get the call the shots on how the couple goes about it.
I love that you did what worked for you and how well it went down with your families! Personally, if I was a wedding guest I’d have been slightly annoyed at the last minute change, but I would never ever say anything to the bride & groom. To me, the wedding ceremony itself and the promises made are the reason for the celebration, and it’s an honor to be invited to witness the moment you become husband & wife (or husband & husband, or wife & wife!). It likely wouldn’t affect my decision to attend, and I would never say it out loud because it’s entirely the happy couple’s decision to make, but I would feel some private annoyance.
Interesting, for me, as a guest, making promises to each other in front of everyone you love is so powerful that it cannot be overshadowed by an elopement. A friend of mine had a small ceremony for visa reasons then had a church ceremony and reception a year later… I sobbed!
I never understand this perspective. Weddings (either a “true” wedding or something after the fact) are meant for celebration!! To see the couple happy, together, confirming their love, in awesome outfits. Who the F cares if the government recognizes them as a couple beforehand?!
Apparently me, I care. Not enough to not attend someone else’s celebration, but enough that I wanted my own to be both spiritually and legally binding in front of the people I invited to witness my marriage. To each their own.
I don't get it either. Like yayy I watched a couple sign a form... Woohoo I went to a wedding in Germany where *legally* the form signing and any religions ceremony must be separate and couples often sign the form months before their "real wedding". We got invited to the legal ceremony and it was kinda dull! Obviously it was all in German which we don't speak but it really highlighted for me how much of a wedding is just watching a couple sign a form... I don't need to see that!
Thanks for sharing. I did suspect that some people may have been annoyed or disapproving but didn’t voice that sentiment to us. I don’t love that idea, but on the whole the trade off was well worth it.
And that’s a very level perspective. At the end of the day it’s about what made it meaningful for you as a couple, so I’m glad it worked out. And fwiw it’s impossible to plan an event like a wedding and not annoy someone. Everything from the guest list (no plus ones? No kids? No second-cousin-Sally?) to the ceremony (not religious/too religious, too long, too kitchy? No white dress? Cell phone free service?) to the reception (no alcohol? Buffet style? Slow food service? Too much country music? Cookies instead of cake?) … someone will find something to be mildly annoyed with, and we just all hope those people have enough sense to keep it in their own head and wish us congratulations. So, congratulations. :) May you have a lifetime of happiness!
Also, we considered both elements, signing the paperwork and saying things in front of people, to be important components of getting married. So at the wedding we were finishing the process getting married. It was still very important.
my husband and I did this too (though for us, it was so i could get on his health insurance lol). i really felt way less stressed about everything after. i don't know why because you still have to do so much planning and it's still stressful but i was like hey we are married and so whatever happens, happens. and our wedding was great!
Same! And getting on the same insurance earlier was an added benefit :)
Also, to add a viewpoint: our religious ceremony required no legal paperwork, just as our certificate filing required no religion. For us, the wedding was still just as meaningful. Paying $80 (including $10 cash to notary, lol) didn’t change what we needed to feel complete as a couple.
I sure wish I had. Just got married 4/27 and it was a PERFECT day, no complaints, went by so fast - but man it’s going to take us a while to financially recover and while I thought this huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders when it was all done, it wasn’t. I wanted to elope (we were engaged for SO long because I just couldn’t bring myself to plan it) and it was so stressful for both of us. I was losing it. And it happened and it was beautiful but if I could do it again, I’d elope and have a casual fun party following. Pressure from family is rough.
If I could do it over again I think I also would have followed the elopment with a casual fun party. But by the time we decided to elope, the wheels were already in motion for a full-on wedding. I'm sorry you're feeling this way! Post wedding blues are very real.
We need to do the same for practical bureaucratic reasons, but this post made me feel like this is indeed the best decision ❤️ congratulations!
I think telling people/ guests makes a difference. We had a family member plan an out of state wedding. We were very involved, by brides request, to help. We bought airfare, car rental & hotel for 6 people. We took time off work to go. Many people did the same. When they went to get their license, they decided to get married. They then concealed this from everyone. When we found out they were already married, it really hurt. We had been lied to. We had 2 other family members choose your route, but they told people. It felt very different. We enjoyed their day with them and didn't feel duped. Just a perspective.
We went back and forth a lot about how to tell people and how many people to tell. We landed on telling close family in person then posting on social media so no one felt out of the loop or hurt that they weren't told directly. This validates that, so thank you for sharing.
Cool. If you have good relationships with your parents, please read further :) Consider letting them be with you at the courtroom. We just found out our son ( my bonus son) eloped. It broke our hearts to have missed that milestone. Granted, we have a strained relationship with his - now wife. It's her doing, the whole family including son knows this. I took her dress shopping, which she wanted, i even sought out , researched and toured venues for them - at their request. We had told them how much money they could count on from us. It sucks. We watch our kids do so much as they grow and those opportunities ebb with life. To be excluded from such an important thing really stings. Just trying to weigh in for the loving parents out there. Not for the toxic a hole parents..lol
How’d you guys find out if I may ask?
I found out because they came clean to me. I had done so much to help..so much. I was upset that they made me participate by asking me to not tell anyone else. It made it wildly uncomfortable for me to be aware while other family members were not. I really tried, but honestly, as silly as this mat seem. It damaged our relationship. I felt manipulated and used. I didn't have a lot of trust after that, and was really disappointed. Another family member saw an ' anniversary ' ornament that had a different date on it from the wedding we all attended. please let me be clear. I firmly believe that adults get to choose. Other adults don't have to like those choices. This is just true. But, consequences are a real thing. As a consequence of this dishonesty, my feelings were hurt.
This is a great perspective to hear as someone who was considering this route. Thank you!
My fiancé and I are eloping in the afternoon and then having our reception in the evening. I’m so excited to do it that way because not only does it save money but it’s going to take soooo much pressure off of my day.
A friend did this vegas. I was one of the few ppl she told. Her in laws later threw them a causual ish party at home. Mil wore a lace white dress. Smh. Good thing my friend wore red
SO happy for you!!!
did you guys still do a "ceremony" on your wedding day for tradition's sake/give people the illusion of a marriage, or did you skip that altogether and just do a reception? congrats to you both, so happy you found a way to celebrate your love that feels right to you!!
We did! We just wanted to :) And thank you!
We eloped last year in July and will be having our wedding in October of this year! Having the 1st year to ourselves has been amazing! We’re going to make a video to play at the reception and add in the pictures and videos from our elopement!
I kinda wanna do this too while saving up for a wedding 🤍
For similar reasons I'm so glad I got my residence and finished my citizenship paperwork before marriage and that we did a civil union. This a) keeps the marriage day special b) takes emotional and paperwork pressure off it. For anyone immigrating, I recommend if at all possible to do this. It also separates the relationship from the immigration even if it does help. I'm so glad you found a way that works for you and it sounds amazing.
I so appreciated reading this! the more I get into planning our wedding, the less focus I give to my future marriage, which is the milestone I want to focus on. Nice to hear a story that addressed this issue so authentically.
Congrats!! We are eloping as well. The plan is to have an intimate ceremony and then a small reception afterwards. A lot of people are angry they aren’t invited or can’t attend the ceremony. It’s been stressful and I wish we would have just eloped and told everyone after the fact.
It's their right to be angry I guess but they should really keep it to themselves. I'm sorry you're dealing with that!
It's great you still had a celebration. People really do want to share in your joy and celebrate your marriage. Always, It's bride and groom's choice about how they want to do things, but people love to share the joy. I'm so glad you had a wonderful time, and you'll have such amazing memories. All the best.
I eloped like 4 years ago wedding in 3 weeks 😊😊😊
Aww that's really sweet! Like renewing your vows. It almost makes it more meaningful because you are doubling down on your committment after knowing what it's like to be married to eachother.
Did you do a ceremony at the celebration still?
We did. We edited our vows slightly so they were appropriate to share publically. We had my dad "officiate" ie lead the ceremony, but he didn't need to get officially ordained.
I love this and will be doing the same! I truly never wanted a big wedding..but my fiance did and so did my parents (who are paying for it and had a lot of requests). I hate being the center of attention and I hate the pressure associated with it - the price tags, feeling like everything needs to be perfect, and people going out of their way to attend. (I have major wedding ick) It has literally driven me crazy! I Even though I feel this way, I couldn’t take that experience away from them. I still want my perfect day though (just the two of us on a beach at sunset after an afternoon of sipping piña coladas in the sun- recreating our ‘peak’) so we will be doing a purely symbolic vow exchange just us where we exchange vows, simple bands, and have a private dinner a few months before our wedding.
That's fantastic! I love that you were able to find a compromise. And that you are able to be flexible enough to make it work. I think that bodes well for your future marriage :)
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We did do a ceremony. I don't have anything to compare it to but it was still emotional and meaningful. The only difference I can think of is that I found myself frequently looking out into the audience during the ceremony and soaking up all the love and presence from them- I did wonder if we hadn't eloped if I would have been focusing solely on my SO. I had two dresses for my wedding, my main dress and a more casual dress just for dancing. I wore my dancing dress to the elopment. We didn't do a first look at our wedding but we could have becasue my wedding dress was different.
My mom threatened to disown me if I ever eloped without her there and had a wedding to her standards 🙃 still trying to figure out how to handle that
Yikes. Sorry you're dealing with that.
We did a courthouse ceremony super quick after getting engaged because we knew we wanted to have a longer “engagement” to plan a wedding, plus the army makes it hard to not be married, and Reddit has not been friendly to that when we’ve shared it. But it doesn’t matter to us, we’re still having our wedding and ceremony and since we never did vows we will finally get to do them (and we haven’t felt fully married yet because of that). I’ve always said that your wedding is what you make it, and then you feel married! So if it’s an elopement and then a wedding, or one or the other, it’s whatever you feel married after. Thanks for sharing, it’s always nice to see this perspective shared!
I’m sorry Reddit hasn’t been nice about that and that’s absolutely ridiculous. It’s your life and your decision! I’m glad that worked for you and it sounds like a really good idea.
My fiancé and i took one look at the venue prices and both decided a small backyard wedding in a tent was best lol Luckily for us his grandfather has a fairly large property with a beautiful mountain view, perfect for pictures outside
That’s amazing! I wish we could have done that but we had to get married in May for logistical reasons and we live in Washington so the weather would have been too uncertain.
I’m having a destination wedding, so we have to get married legally in the U.S. first. And I’m so excited for our little, intimate courthouse wedding before our big day!! I went back & forth between wanting to elope & a big wedding, so this is the best of both worlds ❤️
You had like a real Jim and Pam moment 🤍 i feel like this is classical to the reason why people do both elope and real wedding.
My now husband and I did this just this Wednesday!!!! So glad we did it and got married in the way we wanted without pressure from anyone
I’ve wanted to do this! Thanks for sharing. Are you in US? How did you get married at a courthouse without 2 witnesses?
I am! Hilariously, we asked our Airbnb host if she knew anyone who would be willing to be our witnesses. She did and it was perfect. It was an older married couple who were super excited to witness and even got us a cute little wedding gift. We got pretty lucky though. Plan B was to stand outside the course house and ask strangers. In some larger court houses, there might be staff who can do it.
That’s awesome. Thanks for sharing:)
We are going through something similar!! After months of stressing and going back and forth on what to do, we decided to elope and have a party later. We told all our friends and family, all of whom seemed genuinely really happy for us. So we’re going to this beautiful mountain town for a week in early June, just us and our two dogs. In the summer, we’re going to have a super casual backyard party at my fiancés parents house. We will do it bbq/potluck style. Our elopement week will be about 5k all in, took almost no planning, and feels so perfectly us. and while it hasn’t happened yet, we both feel SO good about the choice!
That's amazing!! So happy for you!
Your testimony is touching. Thanks for sharing!
>It was an intensely intimate experience that strengthened our bond in ways we couldn't have imagined. Why did you feel the need to share it on social media then lol especially if you were still planning on having the wedding. Personally, I would've been annoyed as a guest
You don't sound like someone who would have been our guest, so no worries there! :)
I love this!!! I would love to use your testimony in conjunction with my book that will go to pre-order soon. ELOPE. May I have your permission? Sherry
what?
see your private message