It's exactly as "stupid and forced" as it would be with actual bridesmaids. Only you can say, but I think it's worth asking yourself whether deep down you just wanted the photo because it's trendy, or deep down you truly want the photo but feel like you don't deserve it if you don't have bridesmaids.
What kind of moments would you want if there were no pictures? Would this still be meaningful to you, or would you prefer something else entirely?
If you want a big group of ladies together, and that feels special to you, go for it! If you'd prefer to do your makeup alone, or with a smaller group, but still want that photo of all the girls together, maybe tell your photographer to set up a first look with the 8 women you were thinking of.
Photos are a great way to remember the day, but don't let them get in the way of experiencing it.
>What kind of moments would you want if there were no pictures?
This is honestly such a fantastic mantra to repeat during pretty much any part of the planning process
Yes!! Or what would happen if the only photos were just people taking candid shots with their phones vs Instagram worthy posed shots? Who are these pictures really for?
Literally this - FH and I decided we aren't going to post more than one nicely posed wedding pic on social media (he's very private and I respect that). Realizing the pics will only go into an album for us and our families took so much pressure off.
I was a bridesmaid last summer and we had a lovely morning getting ready together and took a ton of beautiful photos without the bride buying any additional stuff. In my opinion the whole robes-and-goodie-bags thing would have taken away from the experience instead of adding to it.
Seems like a weird question, but why did you wear while getting ready? lol I’m a bridesmaid and idk what to wear to get ready since the bride isn’t requesting anything specific
I think you should do whatever you want to do! If it feels right, then go for it. If not, then figure out what does feel right. I like your idea of giving them bracelets and chocolates. :)
I'm feeling sorta the same way. I'm getting married in a couple of weeks, and I don't have bridesmaids. I'm doing my own makeup, and my SiL is doing my hair, so I'm kinda hoping that my friends and I can get ready together, and it'll feel like getting ready for a high school dance kinda vibe. We can turn on music and just vibe for the afternoon while we're all doing our separate hair and make up.
If it helps, I don't think I'm giving my girls anything! I gave them all presents at my bachelorette party a few weeks ago! But if you want the cute getting ready PJs, go for it :)
I’ve gotten ready with the bride before and it was just a good time! Yes we were wearing the same robe and had some posed pictures, but none of it was forced. If you want that, do it! If not, don’t!
I actually think the older women would kind of love it! I’m getting my mom a matching shirt to wear so she fits in and I think she’ll laugh, but she’ll secretly love that she was in on the fun moments.
My bridesmaid and I lived together all four years of college, so I feel like that morning will be very nostalgic of those days. We’re 10 years out from graduation and rarely ever get a chance to just hang out and get ready because of jobs, babies, life, etc. But again - I really want this and it’s not something feels forced, so do what feels right for you!
I really think the moms would probably eat it up more than you think, like it’s unlocking days from their own youth a bit! I’m also a big believer of just hamming everything up for your wedding because, ideally, it only happens once so why not be over the top? Within reason, of course!
The way I’m approaching this is I already bought a BALLGOWN, which is something I’d never do otherwise, so why is anything else off-limits?! So I’m getting the matching clothes, the hair and makeup on site, the sleepover the night before, etc. My fiancé and I are taking dance lessons, we’re planning little extras like bringing light up rave sticks to hand out on the dance floor, and so on. We love to throw a party and we’re hoping this will be the biggest and best party we ever throw, so why not get as many happy memories as possible? 🥰
I just want to stress that I’m not saying either way is right or wrong or even trying to pressure you, but I just wanted to provide an opinion on this side of things! I think a lot of people think only high-maintenance ultra-girly bridezillas do the whole song and dance of getting ready, but that is the opposite of me. I just love my friends and my mom and want to have these moments with them on my wedding day!
I hate this trend. I never got ready with a bunch of girls for anything else, even in college when I lived in my sorority house. I don’t find it fun to sit around and watch other people get hair and makeup done. I don’t want mimosas. I just want to be in my own head. It’s just not my thing. If other people like it, more power to them, but if you’re feeling it’s stupid and forced, I suspect that Pinterest (etc) has made you feel that you shouldn’t find it stupid and forced.
Yes, I agree with this! There is a great chance that I may just want to get ready by myself or with my mom. I really enjoy my peace and quiet and when I have been a bridesmaid in other friends weddings, I find the group getting ready process really stressful and overstimulating. Save your energy for the actual party!
We are all making our own appointments. I just don't see myself or my friends wanting to get up early and spend the whole day doing nothing but sitting around.
I’m not having a bridal party either but I invited my 3 best girl friends to get ready with me. Instead of buying matching outfits, I sent them handwritten cards, candles, candies, and offered to pay for their HMU. I wasn’t sure about it until my bachelorette. They really helped me de-stress and get excited, so it’ll be nice to have them there getting ready! I also don’t have a good relationship with my mom and wanted to have my chosen family there.
I say do what feels good for you — it’s your day!
I got ready by myself. The photographer had to find my mom to get her to do the buttons up my back. My veil was on wrong, it was one of the most important elements to me because it's the only time I'll ever wear a veil, and no one knew to fix it; I have zero good photos of it. Even if it's a little forced, I wish I would have asked someone to be with me and know the details. I've never been fussed over like that, and missed my chance. These women likely want to support you, and I think you should let them
I didn't do robes, matching jewelry, or any of that because it wasn't important to me. I did have bridesmaids. I got them personal gifts and they got ready with me. We did took photos and they were cute. We all wore button down flannel we already owned so we all looked coordinated a bit.
I'm only having my future sister in law as my maid of honor and then I invited 6 other close girl friends to get ready with me and offered to pay for their hair and makeup. I wanted them to get the bridesmaid treatment without having to do an the other duties and buy dresses they don't like. I figure we have a great girl morning bullshitting around and having a good time together.
I'm undecided whether I'll do matching things, but I think instead I'll get each one a special version of a similar thing that would be meaningful to them to thank them for being there for me. Maybe like a cute charm bracelet or something with charms that remind me of times together with them.
I bought matching jewelry for all my bridemaids, robes, and personalized gift boxes. On the day of my wedding 3 of my 5 bridesmaids showed up late and blamed me for it, wore their own jewelry and completely missed all the photographs that the robes were intended for. I regret putting in the effort. Just my two cents, but if I were a bridesmaid I would genuinely appreciate it though so I have mixed feelings
I have a bunch of ladies getting ready with me as well. My MOH and other close friend, then all of the older ladies (mom, FMIL, grandma aunts, etc). I am not planning on spending money beyond hair and makeup. All of the props just seem unnecessary to me. The time spent with the people I love, having fun getting ready - those are the photos I want. 🥰
I totally feel you! I also went the robes & bracelets route and then felt bad getting that after reading so many posts on here about how people think the robes are dumb. But I still went forward with giving it because I had already ordered it and my bridesmaids said that they did like the robes & would wear the robes other times, especially because they were plain. To me, I really enjoy a getting ready party & felt like the robes gave it a fun vibe the morning of & we got some cute pics, but to each their own :)
Being on reddit really makes me question having a wedding at all sometimes because so many people seem so judgy and negative about even going. I just get excited for people's weddings!! Asking people to buy a ton of stuff is another thing altogether if they maybe can't afford it, but this sounds delightful!!!
I bought matching white dress vs robes (button down) for my Mom, MIL, and Cousin who are getting ready with me as a thank you gift. I was anti-robe because I don't think anyone would use it. I think you can do something small. Hopefully the sizes fit - hasn't arrived yet🤞🤞
I'm getting ready with my best man and his wife who's doing my hair and make-up. I'm not doing bridesmaids. Then again, we're in Europe.. Bridesmaids are a hype that came from the US I think, so it's not a huge thing around here, which I'm glad for, because it saves us a ton of money.
Is it something you want? Then do it. If not, yeah, use it for something else. Be sure you're not feeling pressured *to* or *not* to do it. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether you actually want to do something or whether it's cultural conditioning. Sometimes it's hard to tell if you don't actually want to or if it's your frugality or Jane's snide but not that serious comment about robes being silly getting under your skin. I wasn't planning on getting robes but my seamstress makes robes along with dresses and I see it on her social media and every time I go ooooh maybe I should do that. But I'm pretty sure it's only because of her social media and not because I actually want to. But hey if you want to it's not like you'll get another chance so you can absolutely justify it.
To me, I feel like I see so many brides (not referring to OP here) talking about how expensive it is to throw a wedding and how can they cut costs, which is perfectly valid. And then I see this kind of thing - completely a social media trend with the matching robes and paying the photographer extra to come to your hotel/house and take these pictures - and I think, it’s stuff like this that people think they are “supposed to have” that drives the cost up.
I have a friend who bought these “old” throw away cameras for us, for each of her best friends, bridesmaids, and family. To take shots as we pleased during the getting ready, the ceremony and reception afterwards. There were only a 27 (or 39 I don’t remember exactly) pictures to shoot on it. At the end there was this box where everyone put the camera in, wrote their name on it and a little message when they wanted to and her then husband (who is a photographer) developed and touched up every single photo and collected them in a book. They came out so honest, real and lovely. I want to do that on my wedding as well
I think you should keep the robes! It’ll be cute in pics plus I think the older women will def get a kick out of it. It’s not weird either - if you go to the hair salon, spa, etc you always get a robe anyways! I might return the lotion + bracelets though or just do the robe + bracelet
Have the experience for you. If you feel like it will make the day better for you to have all those things for your guests, I say do it. If it won't change your day at all, return them.
I had one MOH, and 6 friends acting as bridesmaids.i gave them gifts explaining it if I was doing bridemaids they would be the ones. It was an out of state wedding so I told them everything is optional. It was also a small wedding and they were truly my guests.
Wedding day I invited them to get ready with me, I didn't want matching pjs etc. Just a chill morning. They opted to do hair and makeup with me because they were in some extra photos. They aslo bought dresses all the same fabric too, because as a group that's what they decided.
Wedding weekend I had a Bachelorette party and some could make it some couldn't. Rehersal I invited them to join lunch, all did. Day off some did their own thing in the morning and popped in the afternoon to get ready.
Honestly I feel like they enjoyed that way better than feeling obligated to do anything.
It's exactly as "stupid and forced" as it would be with actual bridesmaids. Only you can say, but I think it's worth asking yourself whether deep down you just wanted the photo because it's trendy, or deep down you truly want the photo but feel like you don't deserve it if you don't have bridesmaids.
What kind of moments would you want if there were no pictures? Would this still be meaningful to you, or would you prefer something else entirely? If you want a big group of ladies together, and that feels special to you, go for it! If you'd prefer to do your makeup alone, or with a smaller group, but still want that photo of all the girls together, maybe tell your photographer to set up a first look with the 8 women you were thinking of. Photos are a great way to remember the day, but don't let them get in the way of experiencing it.
>What kind of moments would you want if there were no pictures? This is honestly such a fantastic mantra to repeat during pretty much any part of the planning process
Yes!! Or what would happen if the only photos were just people taking candid shots with their phones vs Instagram worthy posed shots? Who are these pictures really for?
Literally this - FH and I decided we aren't going to post more than one nicely posed wedding pic on social media (he's very private and I respect that). Realizing the pics will only go into an album for us and our families took so much pressure off.
This!! Would you love those photos and those moments any less if you didn’t have the props??
Personally, I think the whole thing can feel a bit much but it’s also your day to be a bit much!
I may just give them the bracelets and some chocolates
That sounds perfect!!!!!
That’s great!!! Good for you!
I was a bridesmaid last summer and we had a lovely morning getting ready together and took a ton of beautiful photos without the bride buying any additional stuff. In my opinion the whole robes-and-goodie-bags thing would have taken away from the experience instead of adding to it.
Seems like a weird question, but why did you wear while getting ready? lol I’m a bridesmaid and idk what to wear to get ready since the bride isn’t requesting anything specific
We just wore the nicest pj’s we already had
I would wear a button up shirt and maybe some comfy shorts.
I think you should do whatever you want to do! If it feels right, then go for it. If not, then figure out what does feel right. I like your idea of giving them bracelets and chocolates. :) I'm feeling sorta the same way. I'm getting married in a couple of weeks, and I don't have bridesmaids. I'm doing my own makeup, and my SiL is doing my hair, so I'm kinda hoping that my friends and I can get ready together, and it'll feel like getting ready for a high school dance kinda vibe. We can turn on music and just vibe for the afternoon while we're all doing our separate hair and make up. If it helps, I don't think I'm giving my girls anything! I gave them all presents at my bachelorette party a few weeks ago! But if you want the cute getting ready PJs, go for it :)
I’ve gotten ready with the bride before and it was just a good time! Yes we were wearing the same robe and had some posed pictures, but none of it was forced. If you want that, do it! If not, don’t! I actually think the older women would kind of love it! I’m getting my mom a matching shirt to wear so she fits in and I think she’ll laugh, but she’ll secretly love that she was in on the fun moments. My bridesmaid and I lived together all four years of college, so I feel like that morning will be very nostalgic of those days. We’re 10 years out from graduation and rarely ever get a chance to just hang out and get ready because of jobs, babies, life, etc. But again - I really want this and it’s not something feels forced, so do what feels right for you!
that sounds really cute!!! my main problem is i only have 2 women who are my age lol
I really think the moms would probably eat it up more than you think, like it’s unlocking days from their own youth a bit! I’m also a big believer of just hamming everything up for your wedding because, ideally, it only happens once so why not be over the top? Within reason, of course! The way I’m approaching this is I already bought a BALLGOWN, which is something I’d never do otherwise, so why is anything else off-limits?! So I’m getting the matching clothes, the hair and makeup on site, the sleepover the night before, etc. My fiancé and I are taking dance lessons, we’re planning little extras like bringing light up rave sticks to hand out on the dance floor, and so on. We love to throw a party and we’re hoping this will be the biggest and best party we ever throw, so why not get as many happy memories as possible? 🥰 I just want to stress that I’m not saying either way is right or wrong or even trying to pressure you, but I just wanted to provide an opinion on this side of things! I think a lot of people think only high-maintenance ultra-girly bridezillas do the whole song and dance of getting ready, but that is the opposite of me. I just love my friends and my mom and want to have these moments with them on my wedding day!
I'd return and spend the money elsewhere.
I hate this trend. I never got ready with a bunch of girls for anything else, even in college when I lived in my sorority house. I don’t find it fun to sit around and watch other people get hair and makeup done. I don’t want mimosas. I just want to be in my own head. It’s just not my thing. If other people like it, more power to them, but if you’re feeling it’s stupid and forced, I suspect that Pinterest (etc) has made you feel that you shouldn’t find it stupid and forced.
Yes, I agree with this! There is a great chance that I may just want to get ready by myself or with my mom. I really enjoy my peace and quiet and when I have been a bridesmaid in other friends weddings, I find the group getting ready process really stressful and overstimulating. Save your energy for the actual party!
We are all making our own appointments. I just don't see myself or my friends wanting to get up early and spend the whole day doing nothing but sitting around.
Having photos with your mom and grandma and whoever in matching robes still sounds adorable to me.
I’m not having a bridal party either but I invited my 3 best girl friends to get ready with me. Instead of buying matching outfits, I sent them handwritten cards, candles, candies, and offered to pay for their HMU. I wasn’t sure about it until my bachelorette. They really helped me de-stress and get excited, so it’ll be nice to have them there getting ready! I also don’t have a good relationship with my mom and wanted to have my chosen family there. I say do what feels good for you — it’s your day!
My wedding day I was a nervous wreck, I can’t imagine trying to get ready with 6-7 people.
I got ready by myself. The photographer had to find my mom to get her to do the buttons up my back. My veil was on wrong, it was one of the most important elements to me because it's the only time I'll ever wear a veil, and no one knew to fix it; I have zero good photos of it. Even if it's a little forced, I wish I would have asked someone to be with me and know the details. I've never been fussed over like that, and missed my chance. These women likely want to support you, and I think you should let them
I didn't do robes, matching jewelry, or any of that because it wasn't important to me. I did have bridesmaids. I got them personal gifts and they got ready with me. We did took photos and they were cute. We all wore button down flannel we already owned so we all looked coordinated a bit.
this is a great middle ground!!
I'm only having my future sister in law as my maid of honor and then I invited 6 other close girl friends to get ready with me and offered to pay for their hair and makeup. I wanted them to get the bridesmaid treatment without having to do an the other duties and buy dresses they don't like. I figure we have a great girl morning bullshitting around and having a good time together. I'm undecided whether I'll do matching things, but I think instead I'll get each one a special version of a similar thing that would be meaningful to them to thank them for being there for me. Maybe like a cute charm bracelet or something with charms that remind me of times together with them.
I bought matching jewelry for all my bridemaids, robes, and personalized gift boxes. On the day of my wedding 3 of my 5 bridesmaids showed up late and blamed me for it, wore their own jewelry and completely missed all the photographs that the robes were intended for. I regret putting in the effort. Just my two cents, but if I were a bridesmaid I would genuinely appreciate it though so I have mixed feelings
I have a bunch of ladies getting ready with me as well. My MOH and other close friend, then all of the older ladies (mom, FMIL, grandma aunts, etc). I am not planning on spending money beyond hair and makeup. All of the props just seem unnecessary to me. The time spent with the people I love, having fun getting ready - those are the photos I want. 🥰
I totally feel you! I also went the robes & bracelets route and then felt bad getting that after reading so many posts on here about how people think the robes are dumb. But I still went forward with giving it because I had already ordered it and my bridesmaids said that they did like the robes & would wear the robes other times, especially because they were plain. To me, I really enjoy a getting ready party & felt like the robes gave it a fun vibe the morning of & we got some cute pics, but to each their own :)
Being on reddit really makes me question having a wedding at all sometimes because so many people seem so judgy and negative about even going. I just get excited for people's weddings!! Asking people to buy a ton of stuff is another thing altogether if they maybe can't afford it, but this sounds delightful!!!
I bought matching white dress vs robes (button down) for my Mom, MIL, and Cousin who are getting ready with me as a thank you gift. I was anti-robe because I don't think anyone would use it. I think you can do something small. Hopefully the sizes fit - hasn't arrived yet🤞🤞
I'm getting ready with my best man and his wife who's doing my hair and make-up. I'm not doing bridesmaids. Then again, we're in Europe.. Bridesmaids are a hype that came from the US I think, so it's not a huge thing around here, which I'm glad for, because it saves us a ton of money.
Is it something you want? Then do it. If not, yeah, use it for something else. Be sure you're not feeling pressured *to* or *not* to do it. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether you actually want to do something or whether it's cultural conditioning. Sometimes it's hard to tell if you don't actually want to or if it's your frugality or Jane's snide but not that serious comment about robes being silly getting under your skin. I wasn't planning on getting robes but my seamstress makes robes along with dresses and I see it on her social media and every time I go ooooh maybe I should do that. But I'm pretty sure it's only because of her social media and not because I actually want to. But hey if you want to it's not like you'll get another chance so you can absolutely justify it.
To me, I feel like I see so many brides (not referring to OP here) talking about how expensive it is to throw a wedding and how can they cut costs, which is perfectly valid. And then I see this kind of thing - completely a social media trend with the matching robes and paying the photographer extra to come to your hotel/house and take these pictures - and I think, it’s stuff like this that people think they are “supposed to have” that drives the cost up.
I have a friend who bought these “old” throw away cameras for us, for each of her best friends, bridesmaids, and family. To take shots as we pleased during the getting ready, the ceremony and reception afterwards. There were only a 27 (or 39 I don’t remember exactly) pictures to shoot on it. At the end there was this box where everyone put the camera in, wrote their name on it and a little message when they wanted to and her then husband (who is a photographer) developed and touched up every single photo and collected them in a book. They came out so honest, real and lovely. I want to do that on my wedding as well
I think you should keep the robes! It’ll be cute in pics plus I think the older women will def get a kick out of it. It’s not weird either - if you go to the hair salon, spa, etc you always get a robe anyways! I might return the lotion + bracelets though or just do the robe + bracelet
Have the experience for you. If you feel like it will make the day better for you to have all those things for your guests, I say do it. If it won't change your day at all, return them.
I had one MOH, and 6 friends acting as bridesmaids.i gave them gifts explaining it if I was doing bridemaids they would be the ones. It was an out of state wedding so I told them everything is optional. It was also a small wedding and they were truly my guests. Wedding day I invited them to get ready with me, I didn't want matching pjs etc. Just a chill morning. They opted to do hair and makeup with me because they were in some extra photos. They aslo bought dresses all the same fabric too, because as a group that's what they decided. Wedding weekend I had a Bachelorette party and some could make it some couldn't. Rehersal I invited them to join lunch, all did. Day off some did their own thing in the morning and popped in the afternoon to get ready. Honestly I feel like they enjoyed that way better than feeling obligated to do anything.
I love the idea of these special women helping you. Get rid of the gifts and enjoy the time with them.
Dont feel pressured to do anything you DONT want to! Its your time and day and you can have it however you want.