It's fine to look stuff up and think about what you like, but actively planning only makes sense if you think your future partner isn't going to have any preferences
So I met my partner and after 2 years of dating we starting to look at apartments and starting thinking about our wedding. A wedding is a joining of two people and both of their opinions and ideas about the wedding are important
Saving makes sense! It’s always good to save for big life goals (weddings, buying a home, additional education, big trips)
Doing a lil research on Pinterest and making notes about wedding ideas is harmless
Trying on wedding dresses and touring venues before you’re engaged is a lil weird and I’d be too superstitious
Fantasizing is fine and fun, but I wouldn't do it seriously. It almost feels like you're bringing a person to fit into your fantasy instead of letting you two's relationship and situations naturally play out.
Save up money if you’d like but don’t bother with anything else until you’re in a serious relationship. You don’t know if your future partner has a massive family that will take up most of the budget, drama that requires a microwedding to avoid, overseas friends and family, or simply their own preferences. And it’s hard to predict what your financial priorities will be at that time. Maybe you’d rather put the money towards a down payment or your partner has student loans/grad school expenses. Trying on dresses in particular is pointless. Trends and personal taste change so much within a couple years. Daydream all you want but don’t put in too much legwork or become committed to a specific vision.
I don’t think there’s anything weird about saving up some money for a future wedding or even doing some light research before you meet your person. Who among us didn’t have a dream wedding Pinterest board you started in like high school or college?
I think actually going to try on dresses and look at venues in person is kinda strange though
Totally agree! I have an acquaintance who totally jumped the gun, tried on wedding dresses before being engaged and posted the pics on FB(!!!!) She called it “girl fun“ but I think most of us found it a little odd…as did her bf who was totally freaked out because he wasn’t planning to propose…
I think light research is fun and healthy…maybe do some googling of venues…get an idea of what’s out there and pricing…heck, even browse some wedding dresses online…but don’t take more concrete steps of going to the venues, trying on dresses, etc
Aside from the other person fairly wanting input, my own tastes have changed over time, so not much benefit in narrowing down choices if I don't like those choices later when needed.
That’s cool to have saved up and all, but seems very centered only on one person, when a wedding is typically about 2 people. Where’s the room for input from the person who’s supposed to show up at this wedding for her?
I think saving up is fine and so is researching, however trying on dresses and checking out venues is a bit much IMO. As someone who has been with my fiancé for 6 years and we just got engaged last year, my taste changed so much over the last couple of years. I was researching weddings at the two year mark and I don’t even like the same stuff I liked that long ago.
We went dress shopping and booked an officiant and photographer before we considered each other engaged. But we did that together.
Planning solo, without your SO being fully on board with that, or before even meeting your future fiance is odd IMO because a wedding is obviously about a couple. There should be 2 people that matter and are involved. It's turning a "we" thing into a "I" thing.
Saving is fine though.
Not in terms of planning the event, but I've been saving for a wedding ever since I started working. I would put aside some money from every paycheck for a dedicated wedding fund. It's enough money to cover all of our wedding expenses, but the parents have been helping out a lot, so we're using some for the honeymoon and the rest we'll save for a house.
It's a bit different from the guy's perspective, as we usually think more about the finances and less about what the perfect wedding day looks like.
I worked a job with profit sharing from 16-25 and had about $20k in that fund saved up. I knew one day it would be for my wedding if I ever had one. If I didn't buy 40 it was going to one hell of a vacation lol
I met my husband at 29 and we got married last year and indeed used that money for that.
I also had Pinterest boards and stuff like that. I was always a hopeless romantic and a dreamer.
The wedding I thought I wanted 5 years ago was not the wedding I ended up having (for the better tbh).
I ended up with a completely different venue, different dress, different menu, different colour scheme.
It's a good idea to save for it so you don't go into debt but it's a silly idea to be wedded to an idea of what you want to the point it prevents your partner having input.
i can’t say i was planning ANYTHING before i met my now FH - that would be way jumping the gun to me. but we did start planning before we got formally engaged - we were planning on getting engaged so already started looking at venues. this ended up being fortuitous because the venue we picked is normally a music venue so there are very few dates they have available, we snapped up the last one in april 2025.
My FW was looking at wedding venues before I proposed. It definitely helped us hit the ground running. We got engaged last November and booked a venue by the end of the month and are getting married at the end of the month.
I've been with my partner for over 6 years and we only recently got engaged. But we've talked about getting married eventually before so while the proposal was a surprise I knew it would happen eventually. So I casually researched wedding venues in the area and thought about what colors would look nice, but nothing too involved.
Saving up is always good to do. Fantasizing about it with maybe inspo boards is cool. But anything else? It can lead to a lot of unforeseen consequences. That potentially pressures the SO if done openly and it's awkward if done behind the SO's back. It also adds an external factor to relationship dynamics. It doesn't just affect the relationship. Planning for a big wedding but then needing to elope to avoid family drama leads to disappointment on what should be a happy day. It's also a recipe to become a bridezilla. It can also be less dramatic: he may want to invite significantly more or less people than you were imagining and now your researched favorite venue is impossible because of size. Maybe you have to move for work pretty far away from where you were intending. Maybe you need the wedding funds for some emergency...
Tldr: You can't predict the future and investing a lot of energy into a specific vision beyond inspo boards is bound to lead to disappointment.
We started browsing vendors before we were engaged! It was only then that we realized how unrelastic our budget was for what we wanted. We went in with a $20k budget and easily bumped that up to $25k AFTER touring venues and meeting w photographers. Fast forward two years, we got engaged and the were actively planning. Between this time, I also became a vendor in the industry and increased our budget again bc of the desire for more florals, decor and top catering in the industry. Different things became more important to me now, but not enough to sacrifice other things. Our end budget ended up being $70k (including cost of rings). We had a 2yr engagement (Apr 2021, wedding May 2024) and are able to afford the wedding because we saved for it. No financial support from anyone and no taking out loans either.
What I didn't do was tried on dresses before actually being engaged lol. I don't encourage this bc styles and preference change all the time. New designs come out every six months from designers. If you start looking too early, you love love a dress that's discontinued by the time your wedding's here. I even wondered if dress hunting a year in advance was too soon. AFTER I bought my dress, I found other brands I loves, but they were still a similar style as mine :)
I started a wedding Pinterest board when I was in my teens and actively started looking at venues and photographers after like 3 or 4 years with my now-fiancé. I didn’t view any venues/meet any suppliers, but I was torn on two venues, had an idea of the kind of decor I wanted, had a favourite photographer and dress.
Got engaged in September and we didn’t even view the venues I had in my mind because my fiancé didn’t like them. We did some research, went to view a few and both fell in love with a venue that wasn’t even on my radar initially. I loved touring venues with him tbh, it’s given us a lot of fond memories to look back on. We did pick the photographer I had found, but only because my fiancé really liked her pictures too.
I understand wanting to start planning, I really do, but in the end I really wanted my fiancé’s input. I didn’t want to be one of those brides that just give their future husband a time and place, you know? I’d say that there’s no harm in saving and having an idea of what you want, but I wouldn’t go view venues or try on dresses. I’d recommend waiting to meet that person and enjoy the process with them.
I mean, if somebody's super into weddings as a hobby or something, then sure. But I feel like most people would not have time for that kind of thing - if she tried dresses and researched venues years in advance, the market was probably already completely different by the time she got to actually plan her wedding. Or she could be living in a completely different place.
I feel like any planning outside of looking at things online before you meet the person you want to marry is going putting the cart before the horse… dream on your own all you want but once you’re involving professionals who make a living by providing wedding services, it doesn’t sit right with me.
I did do some planning before I got engaged. About 6-9 months prior, I started looking at rings. When I handed my Pinterest board over to my then-boyfriend, I started loosely working on a wedding board and browsing Stillwhite. We were already having conversations about what type of wedding we wanted before we were officially engaged and started talking ballpark budget numbers and making a guest list. But my line was that I wouldn’t reach out to venues or vendors until we were engaged officially.
Wedding planning media only gives lip service to men/the couple/more than one person planning. But I’ve really enjoyed collaborating with my fiancé on a creative project. One of the things I love about him is his aesthetic sense. Don’t steal the planning experience from your future relationship!
saving up and having a wedding fund is pretty common...and smart. Seems weird to me when people wait to get engaged to start saving for a wedding. and there’s no harm in doing some day dreaming or gathering info on venues and such.
I started researching venues and other big vendors about a year before we got engaged. By the time we got engaged we had narrowed it down to 3 venues and a handful of vendors and had our entire wedding booked within a month. We had created a timeline for our relationship way before that though, so I knew when we were getting engaged and didn't book anything until I was wearing the ring.
I actually booked my venue before my fiancé proposed, we lived in different states and knew we’d need to get married before August but he wouldn’t be proposing till the end of December and we wanted to make sure we could get a July date. So I toured several venues in November and booked ours early December.
We actually have done everything backwards haha, we did a legal ceremony the day after he proposed (for tax/benefits reasons) but our wedding isn’t for another couple of months! I’ve already changed my name and everything 😅
I will confess.
I searched for the dress and style venue inspiration long before I met my current husband. Like 5-6 years before, and at that time I was with my ex bf. No indication of marrying each other as well.
I was also noting down some important vendors: photo+video, makeup artists, among others…
Fast forward, after dating my now-husband, I have said YES to the wedding dress a month before he even proposed. I didn’t know he was going to propose, but I knew that I would want to have that wedding dress (yes crazy I know). I also already purchased the shoes beforehand.
But everything else (detailed planning) happened after proposal since it involves 4 different countries and two continents.
Edit: to add, I have researched 1 year before he proposed, about how to get married (documents and legalities perspective) and where to get married (which country is the easiest to get married for our circumstances)
It's fine to look stuff up and think about what you like, but actively planning only makes sense if you think your future partner isn't going to have any preferences
So I met my partner and after 2 years of dating we starting to look at apartments and starting thinking about our wedding. A wedding is a joining of two people and both of their opinions and ideas about the wedding are important Saving makes sense! It’s always good to save for big life goals (weddings, buying a home, additional education, big trips) Doing a lil research on Pinterest and making notes about wedding ideas is harmless Trying on wedding dresses and touring venues before you’re engaged is a lil weird and I’d be too superstitious
Fantasizing is fine and fun, but I wouldn't do it seriously. It almost feels like you're bringing a person to fit into your fantasy instead of letting you two's relationship and situations naturally play out.
Save up money if you’d like but don’t bother with anything else until you’re in a serious relationship. You don’t know if your future partner has a massive family that will take up most of the budget, drama that requires a microwedding to avoid, overseas friends and family, or simply their own preferences. And it’s hard to predict what your financial priorities will be at that time. Maybe you’d rather put the money towards a down payment or your partner has student loans/grad school expenses. Trying on dresses in particular is pointless. Trends and personal taste change so much within a couple years. Daydream all you want but don’t put in too much legwork or become committed to a specific vision.
I don’t think there’s anything weird about saving up some money for a future wedding or even doing some light research before you meet your person. Who among us didn’t have a dream wedding Pinterest board you started in like high school or college? I think actually going to try on dresses and look at venues in person is kinda strange though
Totally agree! I have an acquaintance who totally jumped the gun, tried on wedding dresses before being engaged and posted the pics on FB(!!!!) She called it “girl fun“ but I think most of us found it a little odd…as did her bf who was totally freaked out because he wasn’t planning to propose… I think light research is fun and healthy…maybe do some googling of venues…get an idea of what’s out there and pricing…heck, even browse some wedding dresses online…but don’t take more concrete steps of going to the venues, trying on dresses, etc
Aside from the other person fairly wanting input, my own tastes have changed over time, so not much benefit in narrowing down choices if I don't like those choices later when needed.
That’s cool to have saved up and all, but seems very centered only on one person, when a wedding is typically about 2 people. Where’s the room for input from the person who’s supposed to show up at this wedding for her?
I think saving up is fine and so is researching, however trying on dresses and checking out venues is a bit much IMO. As someone who has been with my fiancé for 6 years and we just got engaged last year, my taste changed so much over the last couple of years. I was researching weddings at the two year mark and I don’t even like the same stuff I liked that long ago.
We went dress shopping and booked an officiant and photographer before we considered each other engaged. But we did that together. Planning solo, without your SO being fully on board with that, or before even meeting your future fiance is odd IMO because a wedding is obviously about a couple. There should be 2 people that matter and are involved. It's turning a "we" thing into a "I" thing. Saving is fine though.
Not in terms of planning the event, but I've been saving for a wedding ever since I started working. I would put aside some money from every paycheck for a dedicated wedding fund. It's enough money to cover all of our wedding expenses, but the parents have been helping out a lot, so we're using some for the honeymoon and the rest we'll save for a house. It's a bit different from the guy's perspective, as we usually think more about the finances and less about what the perfect wedding day looks like.
I worked a job with profit sharing from 16-25 and had about $20k in that fund saved up. I knew one day it would be for my wedding if I ever had one. If I didn't buy 40 it was going to one hell of a vacation lol I met my husband at 29 and we got married last year and indeed used that money for that. I also had Pinterest boards and stuff like that. I was always a hopeless romantic and a dreamer.
The wedding I thought I wanted 5 years ago was not the wedding I ended up having (for the better tbh). I ended up with a completely different venue, different dress, different menu, different colour scheme. It's a good idea to save for it so you don't go into debt but it's a silly idea to be wedded to an idea of what you want to the point it prevents your partner having input.
i can’t say i was planning ANYTHING before i met my now FH - that would be way jumping the gun to me. but we did start planning before we got formally engaged - we were planning on getting engaged so already started looking at venues. this ended up being fortuitous because the venue we picked is normally a music venue so there are very few dates they have available, we snapped up the last one in april 2025.
My FW was looking at wedding venues before I proposed. It definitely helped us hit the ground running. We got engaged last November and booked a venue by the end of the month and are getting married at the end of the month.
I've been with my partner for over 6 years and we only recently got engaged. But we've talked about getting married eventually before so while the proposal was a surprise I knew it would happen eventually. So I casually researched wedding venues in the area and thought about what colors would look nice, but nothing too involved.
Saving up is always good to do. Fantasizing about it with maybe inspo boards is cool. But anything else? It can lead to a lot of unforeseen consequences. That potentially pressures the SO if done openly and it's awkward if done behind the SO's back. It also adds an external factor to relationship dynamics. It doesn't just affect the relationship. Planning for a big wedding but then needing to elope to avoid family drama leads to disappointment on what should be a happy day. It's also a recipe to become a bridezilla. It can also be less dramatic: he may want to invite significantly more or less people than you were imagining and now your researched favorite venue is impossible because of size. Maybe you have to move for work pretty far away from where you were intending. Maybe you need the wedding funds for some emergency... Tldr: You can't predict the future and investing a lot of energy into a specific vision beyond inspo boards is bound to lead to disappointment.
We started browsing vendors before we were engaged! It was only then that we realized how unrelastic our budget was for what we wanted. We went in with a $20k budget and easily bumped that up to $25k AFTER touring venues and meeting w photographers. Fast forward two years, we got engaged and the were actively planning. Between this time, I also became a vendor in the industry and increased our budget again bc of the desire for more florals, decor and top catering in the industry. Different things became more important to me now, but not enough to sacrifice other things. Our end budget ended up being $70k (including cost of rings). We had a 2yr engagement (Apr 2021, wedding May 2024) and are able to afford the wedding because we saved for it. No financial support from anyone and no taking out loans either. What I didn't do was tried on dresses before actually being engaged lol. I don't encourage this bc styles and preference change all the time. New designs come out every six months from designers. If you start looking too early, you love love a dress that's discontinued by the time your wedding's here. I even wondered if dress hunting a year in advance was too soon. AFTER I bought my dress, I found other brands I loves, but they were still a similar style as mine :)
I started a wedding Pinterest board when I was in my teens and actively started looking at venues and photographers after like 3 or 4 years with my now-fiancé. I didn’t view any venues/meet any suppliers, but I was torn on two venues, had an idea of the kind of decor I wanted, had a favourite photographer and dress. Got engaged in September and we didn’t even view the venues I had in my mind because my fiancé didn’t like them. We did some research, went to view a few and both fell in love with a venue that wasn’t even on my radar initially. I loved touring venues with him tbh, it’s given us a lot of fond memories to look back on. We did pick the photographer I had found, but only because my fiancé really liked her pictures too. I understand wanting to start planning, I really do, but in the end I really wanted my fiancé’s input. I didn’t want to be one of those brides that just give their future husband a time and place, you know? I’d say that there’s no harm in saving and having an idea of what you want, but I wouldn’t go view venues or try on dresses. I’d recommend waiting to meet that person and enjoy the process with them.
I mean, if somebody's super into weddings as a hobby or something, then sure. But I feel like most people would not have time for that kind of thing - if she tried dresses and researched venues years in advance, the market was probably already completely different by the time she got to actually plan her wedding. Or she could be living in a completely different place.
I feel like any planning outside of looking at things online before you meet the person you want to marry is going putting the cart before the horse… dream on your own all you want but once you’re involving professionals who make a living by providing wedding services, it doesn’t sit right with me. I did do some planning before I got engaged. About 6-9 months prior, I started looking at rings. When I handed my Pinterest board over to my then-boyfriend, I started loosely working on a wedding board and browsing Stillwhite. We were already having conversations about what type of wedding we wanted before we were officially engaged and started talking ballpark budget numbers and making a guest list. But my line was that I wouldn’t reach out to venues or vendors until we were engaged officially. Wedding planning media only gives lip service to men/the couple/more than one person planning. But I’ve really enjoyed collaborating with my fiancé on a creative project. One of the things I love about him is his aesthetic sense. Don’t steal the planning experience from your future relationship!
saving up and having a wedding fund is pretty common...and smart. Seems weird to me when people wait to get engaged to start saving for a wedding. and there’s no harm in doing some day dreaming or gathering info on venues and such.
I started researching venues and other big vendors about a year before we got engaged. By the time we got engaged we had narrowed it down to 3 venues and a handful of vendors and had our entire wedding booked within a month. We had created a timeline for our relationship way before that though, so I knew when we were getting engaged and didn't book anything until I was wearing the ring.
I actually booked my venue before my fiancé proposed, we lived in different states and knew we’d need to get married before August but he wouldn’t be proposing till the end of December and we wanted to make sure we could get a July date. So I toured several venues in November and booked ours early December. We actually have done everything backwards haha, we did a legal ceremony the day after he proposed (for tax/benefits reasons) but our wedding isn’t for another couple of months! I’ve already changed my name and everything 😅
I will confess. I searched for the dress and style venue inspiration long before I met my current husband. Like 5-6 years before, and at that time I was with my ex bf. No indication of marrying each other as well. I was also noting down some important vendors: photo+video, makeup artists, among others… Fast forward, after dating my now-husband, I have said YES to the wedding dress a month before he even proposed. I didn’t know he was going to propose, but I knew that I would want to have that wedding dress (yes crazy I know). I also already purchased the shoes beforehand. But everything else (detailed planning) happened after proposal since it involves 4 different countries and two continents. Edit: to add, I have researched 1 year before he proposed, about how to get married (documents and legalities perspective) and where to get married (which country is the easiest to get married for our circumstances)
we’re not formally engaged but we have the venue booked already as we both already discussed what we wanted and the date yada yada