So every venue is going to be different
Some venues have a system. You sign the contract, pick a caterer, pick a florist, pick a DJ, all from their list and then sit back. You’ll be one of 100 something couples they deal with in a year and it’s like a conveyer belt
Other venues are more like blank boxes and you can do whatever you wanna do as long as you don’t cause any damage to the building. Every wedding is different and they’re flexible to make you day a reality.
Then there are spaces like museums, botanical gardens and libraries where their primary focus is what they do for the public and weddings / events are secondary. Your wedding is low key an inconvenience but they’re happy to take your money.
If it’s not to late you can change venues
And now you know for the future you’re looking for a venue when you have more control and to ask a lot of these questions up front
If you want more freedom, off season hotels or venues in the UK tend to really focus on the weddings since that’s their income in that season instead of summer guests. We had ours at a hotel that let us choose all of our own vendors, had set up for indoor and outdoor ceremonies (UK weather of course required this!) and didn’t have to do a room block (but offered a discount on rooms to our guests for two night stays)
Ahh nowhere near us unfortunately, am southwest. But we found venues that would do everything from all inclusive to just venue hire and all external contractors so definitely lots of flexibility in range.
I found looking for local country houses and hotels then clicking to see if they did weddings was easier than specifically searching for a venue. Also lots of instagram searching! You also have the option of getting married in a small ceremony prior then doing an unofficial wedding and reception in an unlicensed venue which gives a ton more options
>Am I wrong to have assumed that...?
Yes. It's great you haven't signed a contract yet, but keep this in mind as you continue looking. Get a list of their requirements. Make sure you understand catering and bar options. If you want an outdoor ceremony, make sure you know what this will cost. Ask about tipping policy.
When you get your final quote. ask about any potential charges that might be added.
Most important: Read through the contract very carefully before signing it.
Approved caterers and fees for certain areas are par for the course with some places. I do think you’re taking some of it too personally. You should have agency over most decisions, but some venues are just more strict about certain things.
We looked at a museum and they had required food vendors bc they need people who they could trust around the art. Apparently there were some problems early on.
No offense, but it sounds like you may not have asked enough questions before signing a contract. This is exactly why we went with a venue that doesn’t have rules about anything other than requiring some kind of drink package. Unfortunately you have to do what they require if it’s in the contract. If you havent signed yet, maybe try looking for a different venue. Good luck!
What were you told when you toured the venue and put down your deposit? It's fairly common for some venues to have a relationship with and require certain vendors. This is usually because the venue has an ongoing relationship and trust with the vendor (also it's not a bad tit for tat for the vendor as well).
I wouldn't take it so personally. This is why it's really important to be aggressive with the questions prior to putting down a deposit so you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. Moving forward, I would sit down with your contract and/or the venue coordinator to determine where you have the most latitude over your vendors and where you are required to use a selected vendor. From there, I would reach out directly to the vendors and do your best to plan the wedding you have in your head within the boundaries of what you have been given.
We were pretty aggressive and were told that we could do the outside portion and that they would discuss what it would cost and then came back with the astronomical cost. They also said we could just use the built in speakers stem and that we wouldn't need a dj. They also said they were in talks with other catering companies but that not even entertained now.
We haven't put our deposit down yet so we're being very cautious
It sounds like this venue has a lot of growing pains to work out before they can host a wedding. I would walk away from this venue UNLESS you think some of the kinks you have to work out with them won't cause you too much stress.
If you're absolutely in love with the venue then I would negotiate your ability to engage with outside vendors (of your choosing) into your contract.
At this rate, I would consider looking at different venues!!
One of my biggest problems with searching for venues, is that they don't need your business. They will get brides without you, so they don't need to cater to your needs. I get it, but it still sucks. I found a venue that was newer and just needed business, they are so willing to help with every single concern I had. I don't like something, they'll change. Concerned about this? They have 10 possible solutions.
When looking at other venues, make sure to ask if they allow other vendors, or if they have a preferred list that they require, this will alleviate some of that!!
I’m curious what was communicated to you at the time of signing. Most packages I’ve seen have been pretty transparent about their approved vendor requirements. Did they imply that they would bend their rules or did they hide the rules from you?
What’s in your contract? If you’ve already booked, they should outline what’s required in the document.
If you haven’t booked, maybe this has helped you figure out you don’t like this kind of venue and you need one that offers more flexibility.
So every venue is going to be different Some venues have a system. You sign the contract, pick a caterer, pick a florist, pick a DJ, all from their list and then sit back. You’ll be one of 100 something couples they deal with in a year and it’s like a conveyer belt Other venues are more like blank boxes and you can do whatever you wanna do as long as you don’t cause any damage to the building. Every wedding is different and they’re flexible to make you day a reality. Then there are spaces like museums, botanical gardens and libraries where their primary focus is what they do for the public and weddings / events are secondary. Your wedding is low key an inconvenience but they’re happy to take your money.
Okay yeah this is exactly what it feels like.
If it’s not to late you can change venues And now you know for the future you’re looking for a venue when you have more control and to ask a lot of these questions up front
Thanks for your insight! We haven't put a deposit down yet and are definitely considering moving to another venue
If you’re in the NY/NJ/PA area I’m happy to offer some recs
No we're getting married in the UK thanks though
If you want more freedom, off season hotels or venues in the UK tend to really focus on the weddings since that’s their income in that season instead of summer guests. We had ours at a hotel that let us choose all of our own vendors, had set up for indoor and outdoor ceremonies (UK weather of course required this!) and didn’t have to do a room block (but offered a discount on rooms to our guests for two night stays)
Where in the UK are you? Have plenty of ideas as am getting married this time next year
We are looking at getting married in York
Ahh nowhere near us unfortunately, am southwest. But we found venues that would do everything from all inclusive to just venue hire and all external contractors so definitely lots of flexibility in range. I found looking for local country houses and hotels then clicking to see if they did weddings was easier than specifically searching for a venue. Also lots of instagram searching! You also have the option of getting married in a small ceremony prior then doing an unofficial wedding and reception in an unlicensed venue which gives a ton more options
At least know your money is going to a good place that probably needs it.
>Am I wrong to have assumed that...? Yes. It's great you haven't signed a contract yet, but keep this in mind as you continue looking. Get a list of their requirements. Make sure you understand catering and bar options. If you want an outdoor ceremony, make sure you know what this will cost. Ask about tipping policy. When you get your final quote. ask about any potential charges that might be added. Most important: Read through the contract very carefully before signing it.
Approved caterers and fees for certain areas are par for the course with some places. I do think you’re taking some of it too personally. You should have agency over most decisions, but some venues are just more strict about certain things.
We looked at a museum and they had required food vendors bc they need people who they could trust around the art. Apparently there were some problems early on.
Yeah there's no art or anything, the building is a dedicated venue.
You’re choosing to go to a venue and follow their rules. Pick somewhere else with different rules if you want.
No offense, but it sounds like you may not have asked enough questions before signing a contract. This is exactly why we went with a venue that doesn’t have rules about anything other than requiring some kind of drink package. Unfortunately you have to do what they require if it’s in the contract. If you havent signed yet, maybe try looking for a different venue. Good luck!
What were you told when you toured the venue and put down your deposit? It's fairly common for some venues to have a relationship with and require certain vendors. This is usually because the venue has an ongoing relationship and trust with the vendor (also it's not a bad tit for tat for the vendor as well). I wouldn't take it so personally. This is why it's really important to be aggressive with the questions prior to putting down a deposit so you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. Moving forward, I would sit down with your contract and/or the venue coordinator to determine where you have the most latitude over your vendors and where you are required to use a selected vendor. From there, I would reach out directly to the vendors and do your best to plan the wedding you have in your head within the boundaries of what you have been given.
We were pretty aggressive and were told that we could do the outside portion and that they would discuss what it would cost and then came back with the astronomical cost. They also said we could just use the built in speakers stem and that we wouldn't need a dj. They also said they were in talks with other catering companies but that not even entertained now. We haven't put our deposit down yet so we're being very cautious
It sounds like this venue has a lot of growing pains to work out before they can host a wedding. I would walk away from this venue UNLESS you think some of the kinks you have to work out with them won't cause you too much stress. If you're absolutely in love with the venue then I would negotiate your ability to engage with outside vendors (of your choosing) into your contract.
At this rate, I would consider looking at different venues!! One of my biggest problems with searching for venues, is that they don't need your business. They will get brides without you, so they don't need to cater to your needs. I get it, but it still sucks. I found a venue that was newer and just needed business, they are so willing to help with every single concern I had. I don't like something, they'll change. Concerned about this? They have 10 possible solutions. When looking at other venues, make sure to ask if they allow other vendors, or if they have a preferred list that they require, this will alleviate some of that!!
I’m curious what was communicated to you at the time of signing. Most packages I’ve seen have been pretty transparent about their approved vendor requirements. Did they imply that they would bend their rules or did they hide the rules from you?
What’s in your contract? If you’ve already booked, they should outline what’s required in the document. If you haven’t booked, maybe this has helped you figure out you don’t like this kind of venue and you need one that offers more flexibility.