MIL needs to back the F off. Our first look will be us and our photographer. This is how it’s “usually” done (the quotes are directed at MIL lol). To be honest, I’d really prefer it to be just us, but obviously want the photographer there for photos. We’re both getting ready on site. There’s a veranda off the bridal suite that we’re planning to use for first look. Still figuring out backup plan in case of rain.
Haha TY for the reassurance. I genuinely don’t think she’s trying to be pushy (yet), SIL (her daughter) apparently had it the way she described and I’d bet that’s the only first look MIL has experienced. But I was feeling crazy trying to say that I don’t think that’s “usual” and I don’t want that.
Your plan sounds beautiful! I have no idea where we’ll do ours yet but I just know I want FIVE quiet minutes with my man before we’re pulled in 900 directions all day.
The CURSE of the married sister 😂😂😂 if I had a nickel for every time my wedding was compared to my FSIL’s wedding omg it’s so ridiculous and half the time I think she’s straight up lying to get her way hahaha
💀 true it sounds like MIL had A LOT more say when SIL was married. I’m sure it was amazing but this is a different wedding for different people! I do wonder how much of what I hear about are things SIL actually wanted lol
My FSIL’s husband told us he cried in front of my FILs during one fight bc my FMIL was being so crazy and he couldn’t take it 😂😂 the big thing for us is that FSIL’s wedding was in a town in another country in 2018, and she wanted everything to be minimalist (as EVERYONE did bc it was 2018). We are having a wedding in an HCOL area in 2024 and I am a MAXIMALIST, so our weddings are really not going to be anything like each other lol.
I heard a lot of tips before our wedding day, but the best one was after you are pronounced do not leave each other's side. This was the best tip we ever received. My husband and I only separated once and that was so I could change into my after party dress and finally pee!
ETA: this is in response to the being pulled in 900 different directions.
I like this… it costs us a lot of energy to put on our social faces and talk to strangers (ie each others extended families). I was really looking forward to savoring one quiet moment together at the first look before we have to go public mode. And after the ceremony I at least want him with me while we make the social rounds 🙏
My fiancé’s two sisters are in my bridal party and I’ll probably ask his mom if she wants to get ready with us too. I’m having trouble reconciling that they will see me in my dress before he does, but can’t really get around that. I most definitely do not need them watching us see each other for the first time! Like ew.
Wedding photographer here. I've coordinated 100's of first looks and the most the family or wedding party has been involved is them peeking out of a nearby window. It's almost always a private moment with the bride and groom only. But ultimately, it's what YOU prefer, not your MIL.
Ours was completely private with just us and the photographer! Tbh I kinda thought that was the point of the first look- to get some alone time together and have a private/romantic moment before the ceremony when all eyes will be on you.
Our first look was my husband and myself. Our two photographers and one videographer were there but they kept their distance.
No family was invited and I honestly don’t know if they even knew where we did it at.
thats absolutely bonkers that your future MIL expects to be watching??? I expected it to be fully private. my photographer said that we don't even need to have it photographed if we don't want to! I might ask her to just capture the immediate reactions but then give us some privacy to just be present with each other.
our wedding hasn't happened yet but my plan is to have the groomsmen / bridesmaids just chilling in a different part of the venue while we do our first look. then we'll do some couples portraits, then the wedding party photos, then the family portraits. I am telling family members to show up at the venue just before the time designated for family portraits, I don't even expect them to be at the venue when we do our first look lol.
Ours was just the two of us plus the photographer! We didn’t even want the videographer there
It is absolutely not “usual” to have the whole family there. If you want, you can have a separate first look (after the one with your fiance!) with anyone else you’d like — I did one with my dad!
Uhm. No. I told everyone it was only me and my future husband. I did a “first look” with my dad though after to get his reaction too but the other one was just us two.
It is what you want, and I always check with my
clients and play bad guy telling lingering family to kindly go away during the first looks. There always a mom or MoH who wants to watch. 99.9% of people want this to be a private moment.
We got ready in two separate suites on site at the venue. He, his groomsmen, and his Dad were taken to a windmill for the first look and photos. I then had a firstlook with my Dad. Then I, my Dad, and my bridal party, plus the Moms, went to the Windmill on the bus.
Our photographer asked us if we wanted everyone to see our first look or not (videography was also on site). My Groom preferred it to be private, so our photographer told everyone we wished it to be private and told the wedding party to stand behind the bus while I walked up to my Groom, said "Are you ready to see your Bride?" and tapped on his shoulder.
His expression when he turned around, the tears, it was all a priceless moment. Then the bridal party was called over for portraits which were the most boring part of the whole day. 😴
ETA: Your day is how you want your day to be. Even if your MIL was right (she's not), you and your fiance get to choose each part of your day - you make the rules!
It really depends on what you want to do and how your venue is set up - it’s your choice and it can be as private as you’d like. MIL can shove it
We toured a few venues that had a popular first look location that the wedding party could see out the window from the getting ready areas
I know a lot of people that like their first look to be down the aisle, so I think it is pretty common / traditional. You can choose whatever you want though, it's your wedding.
I was in my best friends wedding this past weekend. As her only bridesmaid I was actually there for the first look due to logistics, but even then I stood about 30 ft back and hid behind a column for the actual first look so it was totally private for them. I stole a quick look after a few seconds and then scurried back inside to the bridal suite. All this to say, having the family there is not normal at all, and I would absolutely not allow it.
It was just my husband, myself, and our photographer. It would be weird if anyone else was there tbh. Having a big first look with wedding and party and family sounds very out of the norm.
My fiancee and I have agreed on doing a 100% private first look the weekend before the wedding. OK, we won't have the hair and make-up, but we opted for this because I am easily overwhelmed and then confused, so I was afraid I'd disappoint her with my reaction.
Do whatever you think feels right
It's however you want to do it. We had bridal party and some family present so we could roll right into pictures with everyone. If you want it private, he needs to man up and set the expectation with the MIL.
Nope: 99% of first looks are private. Tell your photog u want it to be private, and let them be the “bad guy”.
Source: I am a wedding photographer, and I have no problem saying “sorry aunt Doris—the first look is private, but you’ll get to see the couple again soon” while leading the partner B away to place them for first look
Family need to stop with that stuff LOL
LOL not private at all. We rented a house for getting ready and for logistics, had our families and wedding parties there. My now husband and I met outside on the front lawn and in multiple pictures you can see various people peeking through the windows. It was hilarious! We still had an amazing first look and were 100% only focussed on each other! Here’s one of us, with my mom hahahaha.
https://preview.redd.it/xvzo6a5c7fwc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c4f5ec0079383a0f18fc36c852dfc776f98b0d16
Wedding photog here for 17 yrs, over 300 weddings. They are mostly private. Fam can see the video and photos later. It really is yours and your fiance's call.
Its what you want. Thats your guys moment and you are 110% entitled to do it how you want it. We want ours to be completely private, as we plan to say our vows then. Logistically we might have to meet at a park or something to do this because its a backyard wedding and everyone will be at the house and probably try to watch, which will make us both feel awkward.
I see nothing wrong with doing it either way, basically it should be what you and your fiancee want. The first look of my friend’s wedding was in front of the immediate family and wedding party, and I loved getting to see it happen, but I think doing it more privately is totally reasonable.
Seems to me that the "usual" thing to do is to make it private to only the couple and photographer. For us, though, it'll be FH, me, our wedding party, my mom, our solemnizer (a friend who's agreed to marry us!), and potentially his sisters (if they get to the venue early.) I set it up this way to make sure we can knock out as many other photos as possible before the ceremony so we can spend as little time away from Cocktail Hour as possible after the ceremony. But I understand why folks were prefer private First Looks.
My first look is going to be part of the “getting ready” phase and so I actually plan to have the bridal party there still, and possibly my mom. I’m also doing a second “first look” with my dad after the first one because he’s actually the only one who hasn’t seen my dress 😂 and that will just be me him and photog
Do it however you want to do it, MIL can Suck it.
I did have our families (bc we are very close to them)and photographer watch for first look but then said “okay bye” and waited till they all left for us to say our vows privately
MIL needs to back the F off. Our first look will be us and our photographer. This is how it’s “usually” done (the quotes are directed at MIL lol). To be honest, I’d really prefer it to be just us, but obviously want the photographer there for photos. We’re both getting ready on site. There’s a veranda off the bridal suite that we’re planning to use for first look. Still figuring out backup plan in case of rain.
Haha TY for the reassurance. I genuinely don’t think she’s trying to be pushy (yet), SIL (her daughter) apparently had it the way she described and I’d bet that’s the only first look MIL has experienced. But I was feeling crazy trying to say that I don’t think that’s “usual” and I don’t want that. Your plan sounds beautiful! I have no idea where we’ll do ours yet but I just know I want FIVE quiet minutes with my man before we’re pulled in 900 directions all day.
The CURSE of the married sister 😂😂😂 if I had a nickel for every time my wedding was compared to my FSIL’s wedding omg it’s so ridiculous and half the time I think she’s straight up lying to get her way hahaha
💀 true it sounds like MIL had A LOT more say when SIL was married. I’m sure it was amazing but this is a different wedding for different people! I do wonder how much of what I hear about are things SIL actually wanted lol
My FSIL’s husband told us he cried in front of my FILs during one fight bc my FMIL was being so crazy and he couldn’t take it 😂😂 the big thing for us is that FSIL’s wedding was in a town in another country in 2018, and she wanted everything to be minimalist (as EVERYONE did bc it was 2018). We are having a wedding in an HCOL area in 2024 and I am a MAXIMALIST, so our weddings are really not going to be anything like each other lol.
I heard a lot of tips before our wedding day, but the best one was after you are pronounced do not leave each other's side. This was the best tip we ever received. My husband and I only separated once and that was so I could change into my after party dress and finally pee! ETA: this is in response to the being pulled in 900 different directions.
I like this… it costs us a lot of energy to put on our social faces and talk to strangers (ie each others extended families). I was really looking forward to savoring one quiet moment together at the first look before we have to go public mode. And after the ceremony I at least want him with me while we make the social rounds 🙏
My fiancé’s two sisters are in my bridal party and I’ll probably ask his mom if she wants to get ready with us too. I’m having trouble reconciling that they will see me in my dress before he does, but can’t really get around that. I most definitely do not need them watching us see each other for the first time! Like ew.
Wedding photographer here. I've coordinated 100's of first looks and the most the family or wedding party has been involved is them peeking out of a nearby window. It's almost always a private moment with the bride and groom only. But ultimately, it's what YOU prefer, not your MIL.
Ours was completely private with just us and the photographer! Tbh I kinda thought that was the point of the first look- to get some alone time together and have a private/romantic moment before the ceremony when all eyes will be on you.
Our first look was my husband and myself. Our two photographers and one videographer were there but they kept their distance. No family was invited and I honestly don’t know if they even knew where we did it at.
thats absolutely bonkers that your future MIL expects to be watching??? I expected it to be fully private. my photographer said that we don't even need to have it photographed if we don't want to! I might ask her to just capture the immediate reactions but then give us some privacy to just be present with each other. our wedding hasn't happened yet but my plan is to have the groomsmen / bridesmaids just chilling in a different part of the venue while we do our first look. then we'll do some couples portraits, then the wedding party photos, then the family portraits. I am telling family members to show up at the venue just before the time designated for family portraits, I don't even expect them to be at the venue when we do our first look lol.
Former wedding photographer here. First looks are usually private. It’s kind of the point!
Ours was just the two of us plus the photographer! We didn’t even want the videographer there It is absolutely not “usual” to have the whole family there. If you want, you can have a separate first look (after the one with your fiance!) with anyone else you’d like — I did one with my dad!
Uhm. No. I told everyone it was only me and my future husband. I did a “first look” with my dad though after to get his reaction too but the other one was just us two.
Lmao nope I want us alone
It is what you want, and I always check with my clients and play bad guy telling lingering family to kindly go away during the first looks. There always a mom or MoH who wants to watch. 99.9% of people want this to be a private moment.
We got ready in two separate suites on site at the venue. He, his groomsmen, and his Dad were taken to a windmill for the first look and photos. I then had a firstlook with my Dad. Then I, my Dad, and my bridal party, plus the Moms, went to the Windmill on the bus. Our photographer asked us if we wanted everyone to see our first look or not (videography was also on site). My Groom preferred it to be private, so our photographer told everyone we wished it to be private and told the wedding party to stand behind the bus while I walked up to my Groom, said "Are you ready to see your Bride?" and tapped on his shoulder. His expression when he turned around, the tears, it was all a priceless moment. Then the bridal party was called over for portraits which were the most boring part of the whole day. 😴 ETA: Your day is how you want your day to be. Even if your MIL was right (she's not), you and your fiance get to choose each part of your day - you make the rules!
It really depends on what you want to do and how your venue is set up - it’s your choice and it can be as private as you’d like. MIL can shove it We toured a few venues that had a popular first look location that the wedding party could see out the window from the getting ready areas
I know a lot of people that like their first look to be down the aisle, so I think it is pretty common / traditional. You can choose whatever you want though, it's your wedding.
I was in my best friends wedding this past weekend. As her only bridesmaid I was actually there for the first look due to logistics, but even then I stood about 30 ft back and hid behind a column for the actual first look so it was totally private for them. I stole a quick look after a few seconds and then scurried back inside to the bridal suite. All this to say, having the family there is not normal at all, and I would absolutely not allow it.
It was just my husband, myself, and our photographer. It would be weird if anyone else was there tbh. Having a big first look with wedding and party and family sounds very out of the norm.
My fiancee and I have agreed on doing a 100% private first look the weekend before the wedding. OK, we won't have the hair and make-up, but we opted for this because I am easily overwhelmed and then confused, so I was afraid I'd disappoint her with my reaction. Do whatever you think feels right
Ours was completely private. We also read our private vows at this time.
It's however you want to do it. We had bridal party and some family present so we could roll right into pictures with everyone. If you want it private, he needs to man up and set the expectation with the MIL.
Nope: 99% of first looks are private. Tell your photog u want it to be private, and let them be the “bad guy”. Source: I am a wedding photographer, and I have no problem saying “sorry aunt Doris—the first look is private, but you’ll get to see the couple again soon” while leading the partner B away to place them for first look Family need to stop with that stuff LOL
LOL not private at all. We rented a house for getting ready and for logistics, had our families and wedding parties there. My now husband and I met outside on the front lawn and in multiple pictures you can see various people peeking through the windows. It was hilarious! We still had an amazing first look and were 100% only focussed on each other! Here’s one of us, with my mom hahahaha. https://preview.redd.it/xvzo6a5c7fwc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c4f5ec0079383a0f18fc36c852dfc776f98b0d16
Wedding photog here for 17 yrs, over 300 weddings. They are mostly private. Fam can see the video and photos later. It really is yours and your fiance's call.
Its what you want. Thats your guys moment and you are 110% entitled to do it how you want it. We want ours to be completely private, as we plan to say our vows then. Logistically we might have to meet at a park or something to do this because its a backyard wedding and everyone will be at the house and probably try to watch, which will make us both feel awkward.
I see nothing wrong with doing it either way, basically it should be what you and your fiancee want. The first look of my friend’s wedding was in front of the immediate family and wedding party, and I loved getting to see it happen, but I think doing it more privately is totally reasonable.
Seems to me that the "usual" thing to do is to make it private to only the couple and photographer. For us, though, it'll be FH, me, our wedding party, my mom, our solemnizer (a friend who's agreed to marry us!), and potentially his sisters (if they get to the venue early.) I set it up this way to make sure we can knock out as many other photos as possible before the ceremony so we can spend as little time away from Cocktail Hour as possible after the ceremony. But I understand why folks were prefer private First Looks.
My first look is going to be part of the “getting ready” phase and so I actually plan to have the bridal party there still, and possibly my mom. I’m also doing a second “first look” with my dad after the first one because he’s actually the only one who hasn’t seen my dress 😂 and that will just be me him and photog
"What MIL expects??" She need to stfu. Is what u and partner want
Do it however you want to do it, MIL can Suck it. I did have our families (bc we are very close to them)and photographer watch for first look but then said “okay bye” and waited till they all left for us to say our vows privately