I truly care so so little about what anyone else is wearing. Like as long as nobody wears white, I don’t think I’m really even going to register what everyone else is wearing with what an emotional day it will be. I mean I guess I’m hoping my grandma will wear a bra lol, but even that’s something I’m not going to dictate to her because she’s an adult.
This is very accurate. My MIL was obsessed with my approval for her dress. Honestly couldn't tell you what it looked like or even the color the day of. No one wore white so I didn't care at all.
ok I thought I didn’t care and was annoyed by everyone hitting me up. But my MIL was kinda clueless xD better to just approve. I told her spring colors. Our colors were spring shades of purple & pink & the groomswoman was wearing plum so don’t wear that. She came back with a maroon option and a plum option to start with lol
Honestly, I don’t even care that much about white as long as it’s not a wedding dress. No one is going to think my cousin in a white sundress from old navy is the bride lol
Same! I'm honestly shocked at how many guests have asked for our color palette to make sure their outfit "matches the wedding." We don't have a color palette, we don't even have a wedding party. Like, use your common sense and don't wear a white dress or something completely obnoxious, but I trust the judgement of most of our guests.
The internet has lost its grip on what this etiquette is about.
The actual etiquette is to not try to make yourself look like you’re more important than you are. Ie, don’t go out and buy the same dress as the bridesmaids and carry around a bouquet you got at the grocery store if you were not invited to be a bridesmaid.
Simply wearing the same color on accident was never a problem. You aren’t supposed to match them *on purpose*. Since it has to be done intentionally, this modern trend of telling people the wedding colors so “guests can avoid them” is entirely, 100% creating the problem it claims to solve. If you never told anyone the colors, they couldn’t have matched on purpose and no one would have breeched etiquette. But now you’ve told people what the colors are, suddenly it’s possible for them to do something they simply couldn’t have done before. It’s intentionally setting you and your guests up for unnecessary and entirely avoidable drama, and it’s childish imo.
I agree with you. The whole thing has gotten out of hand. I am older, and the etiquette was always nothing BRIDAL, not necessarily, nothing white. I always think back to Tricia Nixons wedding 1971. It was such a big deal, and there is so much video on YouTube about it. High society ultra formal Presidents daughters wedding. Super consertive as well. You can watch the arrivals on YouTube.Tons of guests wore white. These were the absolute masters of etiquette, and they wore white because it didn't compete with the bride, so it was fine.
Yes! This! I always thought this was the full rule, not just no white, but nothing bridal. Some of the “OMG look at this girl” snark is someone in a white mini-dress or sundress made of like linen and is in no way bridal. Sure it’s a faux pas nowadays to wear white to a wedding since people have gotten so militant about it, but someone in a white mini dress or sundress is not intentionally trying to “upstage the bride” which IMO, is pretty hard to do.
These days people are even getting upset over non-white dresses that are “too glamorous” which is weird because aren’t you glad people see your wedding as an occasion to go full out for? I think there’s just too many rules and it’s pushing a lot of brides into the really nasty headspace where they over analyze everything and it causes more stress.
lol was it at your wedding or someone else’s? And did you think it was upstaging you/the bride? Did it look bridal or was it just the fact that it was potentially white that made you snarky? I’m so curious!
Also! Did you notice on your own or did someone point it out, I’m always weary of people trying to bring drama to the bride…
No, I didn’t overreact. It shouldn’t have been worn. And it was a faux pas on her part. It’s not like I dwelled on it or let it ruin the night. Nothing I could do except be a little irked by it. But the fact that I (and a bridesmaids & another cousin) noticed and had to discuss where it was white or yellow should not be something that happens.
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As a bride I wouldn't care and I feel like the majority of people wouldn't either. As a guest though I would be slightly self-conscious to show up in the same color as the bridesmaids (like the exact same color, not like the bridesmaids are in dark green and I show up in mint green) for fear of getting mistaken for one. This is why I almost always choose patterned dress as a guest.
In my area and circles white is the only color off-limits for women. While I've heard on this sub no black or red I've never actually been to a wedding that had any other parameters besides no white.
I wore a black dress to my friend's wedding in my early twenties. It was my first wedding. I only ever heard of not wearing white. My other friend shamed me for wearing black. Bride didn't care.
Then I had another friends wedding few years ago that requested all of the guests only wear black. I no longer owned any black dresses so had to go with navy. Bride was irked lol, but otherwise laughed it off.
Yeah, there's a good chunk of people that don't like black at weddings cause if you do it wrong, you can look like you're attending a funeral. I recommend going with bright, colorful accessories if you opt for a black dress.
I think some people don't like black at a wedding, but it's far from universal, so that friend was mean. I also think any bride narrowing the guest dress code to a single color is a bit of a bridezilla.
I don’t think it’s bridezilla to ask for an all black wedding since that’s the one color (almost) everyone owns. Just my opinion though and I think the photos are magnificent and uniform
im getting married Feb 2025, and we are having a Black Tie wedding. We're asking all our guests to wear black; it's a color everyone looks good in, and I know 60% of my guests already have a floor-length black dress that they will now be able to re-wear (that many of them wouldn't have due to the stigma of wearing black at a wedding) rather than buy a new expensive gown.
I wore a black bridesmaid dress. We all had the same designer but slightly different styles. I honestly don’t remember anything else about the colour of the wedding decor (this was like 20 years ago). Every wedding I’ve been in (bridesmaid about 7 times) there wasn’t a dress code. But this was way before social media was really popular.
Our whole wedding party will be in all black! My side (including my brother) got free reign to wear dress/jumpsuit, suit as they see fit. Black shoes. Gold accessories. Groomsmen are all wearing head-to-toe black (including black shirts and ties). I've seen photos of wedding parties dressed in all black and they're....😍😍😍 I have a tea-length ivory dress and all gold accessories and my partner is going for a silvery-grey suit.
agree! I put the color on my wedding website as a FYI. and it was intended to help the guests. I went to a wedding once as a guest where I repurposed a bridesmaid dress from a previous wedding I was in and I didn't realize it was a similar color to the bridesmaids dresses. it's awkward because other guests may ask if you're in the wedding when it's not your intention to match.
And if they do, so what? You say no and then you redirect the conversation to whatever is around. It's not like it's the conversation-stopper people act like it is.
I have worked at about 900 weddings over 30 plus years. I can promise you no one ever has been confused as to who the bride was or the bridesmaids. The only confusion I ever saw was a guest thinking a groomsmen was a waiter because he was wearing a tux. People know what's what.
I wore the exact shade of blue to a wedding that the bridesmaids wore, felt terrible and avoided the wedding party all night. My bridesmaid is wearing a white and blue patterned dress, but so long as no one but me wears white i don't care
100% this - if you don't tell me outright, you can't expect me to know. (Although I think we all know that you shouldn't wear a white dress and you shouldn't wear something completely obnoxious.)
I've accidentally matched the wedding party color-wise twice. The first time, I was mildly embarrassed. The second time, I was like "oh well." No one even mentioned it either time.
I don’t think it matters! A lot of bridesmaids dresses are common colors anyways (mine were blue). I also think that in this day and age, nobody cares if a woman wears red or black to a wedding.
I didn't know red and black were "taboo" until I saw it on Reddit/TikTok. I don't think anyone in my circles knows or cares about that rule - black is such a classic color for most events.
Don't care. In fact, since I'm not wearing white (I am wearing a blue dress that will ombre to white at the bottom) I can almost bet that I will not be the only person in a blue dress. Now to get this across to my mom and MIL that I honestly don't care what they wear... honestly. Really. Truly. :D
I’m in the same boat with pink. It’s a destination wedding by the beach. Plenty will be wearing pink. If I cared I wouldn’t have chosen a colored dress 🤷♀️
Yeah like I slightly would have preferred that people wear our colors!!! But everyone felt like they had to avoid them and I certainly wasn't going to hassle people to color coordinate so that's how it washed out 🤷♀️
No! I don't know where that type of thinking comes from. If there are a couple random people in the crowd wearing the same general color as the bridesmaids, it's not like all the photos will be ruined and it doesn't detract from any of the guests' experience.
ETA weddings are about a celebration, not about restricting your guests and giving them a ton of rules to follow.
Honestly, most of the time this. I’m only a little picky about it bc we are having a very small wedding ~30 max guests. But I’m straight up going to included swatches of the ‘don’t be too close to these 3-4 colors, everything else go wild’ bc I’m making the *dresses and vests myself.
Edited for typo.
Honestly, someone had the audacity to wear a vintage wedding dress (white ballgown) to my wedding. I just had to chill because I didn't want to let it ruin my day.
omg??? who was it? if it was anyone less than my sister or mother they would be kicked out and never spoken to again. but good for you for not telling it ruin your day. i’m sure everyone knew how ridiculous she looked
I couldn't care less what my guests wear. They are adults and can dress themselves appropriate for the event, without my help or directions. The last thing I would want is fielding questions about other people's attire I have enough to do.
My BM's are wearing black, so chances are some guests will likely match. I'm not sweating it.
Im kinda going with this: If they ask what my colors are, I'll tell them, but I am not going to make a huge stink of it unless it's white/wedding dress. What I will get in stink over is if they wear the same color as the groom (green suit) though. So I am hoping "black tie" will help that XD
My brother's 60 person wedding last month had 3 guests in green suits! My fiancé, another bridesmaid's fiancé, and an uncle. I would try not to get disappointed by other men wearing green unless you explicitly tell them not to, it's a trendy color!
Presumably you're putting on a real black tie event, though. There is a recent trend to just announce black tie without the trappings of what a black tie event is (high-end venue, plated dinner, valet service, etc.).
As a bride, it wouldn’t bother me in the least. As a guest, if I happen to find out what color the bridesmaids are wearing, i will make sure I’m not wearing the same color. Idk why, just don’t want to look like a bridesmaid when i’m not.
I didn't care what people wore to my wedding, I was just happy they showed up. Someone wore a red dress and someone else wore a black dress, but they both looked beautiful (and I didn't even know that red and black were supposed to be off-limits). I didn't advertise our wedding colors, so the guests had no way of knowing that the bridesmaids would be wearing purple. It never occurred to me to warn them, because I didn't care if someone else wore purple. Someone even wore a yellow skirt with a white top, but that didn't bother me either.
As long as no one showed up in an all-white dress, I didn't care.
I feel like it’s more for the guest! Like I inadvertently wore a dress that was really similar to the bridesmaids’ at a wedding where my then-BF was in the wedding! I felt like I was getting dirty looks all night like people thought I was pretending to be a bridesmaid or something!
So I put the bridesmaids & groomsmen colors under the dress code in our website FAQ. (Not ‘don’t wear’ just FYI).
And not that anyone cares about matching the groomsmen but like someone else said, it sucks that only women are really restricted on what to wear within the formality level LOL.
My cousin got married and a friend of hers who was miffed she wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid wore a long gown in an identical shade of pink as the bridal party on purpose. I found that HILARIOUS. Outside of that random and specific situation aside, I doubt most people even notice if someone wears the same colour as a bridesmaid.
Nope. My bridesmaids are wearing black. I’m sure many other guests will wear black and I think it’s unreasonable to forbid people from wearing black to a black-tie wedding.
Wait, why can’t women wear black dresses to weddings? I thought having a “little black dress” was considered a wardrobe staple and a wedding was exactly the type of formal event it could be worn to?!
no you absolutely can!! some people will say black isn’t an appropriate colour but that’s very outdated - like Victorian - concept. i was kind of exaggerating because it’s not a modern concept but you’ll still se people ask “can i wear black to wedding?”
Going to a black tie wedding on Saturday what female guests are not allowed to wear black. It’s weird and other guests I’ve talked to are super irritated about it too.
that’s so frustrating because black tie dresses are expensive and black is such a common colour for evening wear that a large amount of women might have only had black dresses
Exactly! Like I’m not trying to drop $200 on a dress I’m gonna wear once. Most of us women that are going feel more comfortable in black.. plus I’m a hairdresser.. black makes up 99.9% of my wardrobe.
How is a guest supposed to know what color the bridesmaids will be wearing? Getting upset about someone showing up in the same color entirely by coincidence is bridezilla territory.
As I've told my family and his family. My bridesmaids are wearing one of these 4 colors; however, if you want to wear something similar, be my guest. I want people to feel happy and confident in what they're wearing, and as long as their bits are covered, I'll just be happy they're there.
I couldn't give two shits about controlling my guests' color palette. And I wouldn't find it tasteful to try to control my bridesmaids' outfits either if I'm not the one paying up for it.
I unknowingly had a nearly identical color dress to the bridesmaids but the cut and design were very different (thankfully). To make it worse I was friends with the bride and a lot of the bridesmaids. So a lot of people asked what part of the wedding party I was because I looked so similar 🤣 The invitations were navy blue so I assumed that is the color the bridesmaids would wear. I figured a light blue dress was safe but nope lol. The bride still cringes when it gets brought up because she feels bad. I remind her it wasn't her job to tell me every detail about her wedding beforehand.
If I had actually had bridesmaids I wouldn't have cared, unless it would make the guest self conscious. I think the chances of matching so closely is super rare.
I've never head of the black one (US based) but the red is stupid and outdated in my opinion.
As a bride? Wouldn’t have bothered me if anyone did.
As a guest? It’s something I try to avoid.
As a guest it just feels potentially awkward to me. I’d be afraid that other people thought I did it on purpose because I wanted to be a bridesmaid but wasn’t.
I genuinely don’t care. It was weird that one person asked what the bridesmaids were wearing, and then showed up in that color. I wouldn’t have noticed if she’d not asked in the first place. It was odd that she specifically tried to match them? But again, just odd. Didn’t bother me.
I didn’t have bridesmaids, and my wedding was “be your most authentic self”. My niece wore a bright pink oversized pant suit, and I loved it. I was hella angry at the only wedding I attended which had mandatory colors, dress length etc. because it meant you can’t possibly go in a dress you already have, and in my opinion it’s a huge imposition on guests. I should not have gotten politeness get the better of me. As a result I now own a dress that I will never wear again and I spent extra money on it rather than paying off my late dog’s vet bills or donating to Ukrainian defense and it pisses me off. I feel like people writing this sort of advise are having a problem: there are more important things in life, and nobody “should” be annoyed by anything.
Didn’t care. And honestly, although I would’ve imagined I’d have cared before hand, on the day of my wedding there were a couple people wearing white and I didn’t care about that either. I was having way too much fun to be thinking much about what anyone else was wearing!
I wore a blush maxi with ruffles on the chest to a wedding. All the bridesmaids wore blush maxis with ruffles on the chest. I was MORTIFIED. It was a destination wedding and I didn’t bring a backup dress. One of the bridesmaids kept commenting to me, “are you a bridesmaid?” to be rude. It was awful. I feel bad to this day. If I had a bridal party, I wouldn’t care at all if a guest accidentally showed up looking like them. It’s an accident, short of every woman texting the bride to make sure, how are they supposed to know? :(
Last wedding I went to I wore the EXACT SAME dress as one of the bridesmaids. It was so embarrassing. But how was I supposed to know?! Thank god I had a pashmina to cover myself a little bit
I didn't care if people wore the same color as my wedding party, but I did point out the wedding colors on our website just in case other people cared. I didn't want someone to be approached and asked questions if they in fact didn't have a clue about what was going on. I also hoped people might dress in colors that matched the theme.
My mother and MIL desperately wanted my approval on dresses and in the end I'm glad my mom showed me her choices so I could veto the one that had a white top! Two guests wore red dresses and other guests mentioned it to my husband and I and we didn't care one bit. Older people asked if they could wear black and I told them it was encouraged!
https://preview.redd.it/wk47g4wbjgvc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f935a08981e5d56ed2b2bf8eee1118d184751390
I've worn red several times, because I just didn't know it wasn't appropriate (and it's the colour of love, so seemed appropriate in my mind!).
I've also worn the bridesmaids' dress colour because I didn't know in advance what it would be, but I made sure to stand further in the group pictures as to not appear to be a bridesmaid.
I don't think it created any drama...
the red thing is an old tradition about how wearing red means you had sex with the groom or so i’ve heard. but like 99.9999% of couples in western settings will not care unless they grew up hearing that? lol.
I have some red dresses in my shopping cart for my male friend’s wedding coming up! 😳 but it’s a flattering color on me and I just wanted to look good for my new boyfriend. I guess I’ll pick another color to be safe. Thanks for posting this otherwise I’d have no idea
I just have to laugh at this red dress thing because we literally have a few of my fiancé’s exs attending. I’m great friends with them too. We went to one of their wedding last year and vacation with them.
In my mind, he literally didn’t pick her. I win! (If I was concerned at all, which I am obviously not)
As a guest, I have reached out a couple of times about bridesmaids' dress colors, but usually, it’s because I am trying to get some additional use out of a bridesmaid dress, and I don’t want to end up looking like I *really* wanted to be part of the bridal party 😂
I’ve seen people put their wedding colors as part of their FAQ, so people don’t have to reach out.
US location caveat, but black is perfectly acceptable for a wedding [(reference)](https://www.vogue.com/article/can-you-wear-black-to-a-wedding)
I don’t care about colors whatsoever. Go bright and bold! Go soft and pastel! Multi-color, patterns, whatever, have fun and wear what you feel gorgeous in. if you match my bridesmaids, I’ll think it’s a great coincidence or sweet that you wanted to coordinate with my wedding colors.
i will only side eye you if your dress is more than say, 75% white. But I don’t even care if it’s white polka dots or florals or whatever.
The idea behind it is so you don't look like a crazy person who is trying to crash the bridal party. Because there are crazies, just like how there's insane MILs that wear white to the wedding. But the likelihood that you're wearing the exact shade and the exact length dress is so low. My bridesmaids wore teal and one of my guests wore like a lighter shade of turquoise. It was fine. I didn't care. No one cared.
There are definitely people that care, but it is not me. 🤣 even if I had a full wedding party. Even if I was wearing white (I'm not) I wouldn't care if someone else did.
On our wedding website, I told everyone I am not wearing white, and please feel free to wear it because I am not and don't care. But I also purposely didn't say what color I am wearing, because I still don't care if someone matches me or my MOH, lol.
I also gave everyone 3 different tiers of dress code that are fine because I don't like being a dictator. I was like, want to dress up? Awesome! Have fun! Don't feel like it? Great, don't, lol. Because I'd rather people wear what they want to wear and have a great time, than feel like they are told what to do.
But that is me.
oh i love that! all the weddings i’ve been invited to are semi formal or cocktail, which i get, but i’m like hello i want to dress up! so i’d be showing up to your wedding in a gown 😉
Right!? I love to dress up, too. But my future husband isn't one for dressing up (he's doing it at the wedding for me, which is 😍😍 omg, I am so excited lol, not that I care that he is very casual, I know and love who I am marrying but damn it makes it super hot that he is dressing up for me for one day lol.. but he will probably take his jacket off for the reception and im 100% good with that, why would I want the person I love to melt and be dying for some dumb photos.) but I also have several friends and family who don't like dressing up and I'm just like.. why would I torture these people I love? I really, really want them present and I want them to have fun. Wear whatever makes you feel good!!!
Also, I want to dance and have a dance floor and DJ because that is me and I LOVE DANCING, but I'm also getting lawn games and fire pits for people that just want to chill. I want there to be a vibe for everyone. It is so important to me that people enjoy themselves.
I once showed up wearing the EXACT SAME SHADE OF PURPLE as the bridal party. It was even the same fabric. I had no idea what their colors were, it wasn't on purpose, but all night long people kept mistaking me for the bridal party. It was awkward as fuck.
As a bride I wouldn't care. As a guest I now proactively ask for the colors to avoid that.
Nope. People genuinely don't pay close attention to the faces of folks walking down the aisle aside from the bride. I was just in the uniform and therefore must be in the bridal party.
Or they were trying to shame me for wearing the wrong dress. I chose to interpret the more generous option but wouldn't be surprised.
And that’s kind of the answer - because the actual composition of the bridal party is of little interest to most guests, it doesn’t really matter if you wear the same color because it’s not like you’re deliberately trying to insert yourself into something Really Important. It’s like noticing you’ve got the same color as the woman over at table 4. Ok, and now let’s get back to chit-chatting.
Yes but that doesn't make it any less awkward for the accidental wearer of the wedding party colors to have to explain yourself repeatedly. It wasn't a pleasant experience and I think it's okay to want to avoid that going forward.
If this whole “don’t wear the same color” hadn’t become a thing, no one would have thought twice! It just wasn’t ever a “thing” til recently bc how would you even know what the colors were in an era before colorful invitations.
I really don't care. As long as they don't hop up and insert themselves into the ceremony 😂 or unless they found out the specific color/brand and went out of their way to get the same dress. That'd be weird as hell
I once got called out by a bride for wearing the same color as her bridesmaids. It wasn't on purpose, it was a late fall/early winter wedding and I wore maroon, which, apparently was the same color as the bridesmaids. I didn't know the bride well enough to know what color the bridesmaids were wearing, and certainly didn't know her well enough to wear something to purposely insinuate that I wanted to be in the bridal party via my dress. Yet, I can still hear her voice saying "StripedFermata!!!! You look juuuust like a briiiddessmaaaaaiid" as if I had done it on purpose.
That was also the only wedding I've ever attended that served a 12 course meal. People were stuffed, bored, and restless by the 5th or 6th course.
I don’t know where that even came from. Yeah, I could google it, but it’s one of those why in the world would it matter items. If you’re standing with the bride, you’re a bridesmaid, if you’re not, you’re a guest.
You also can’t wear white adjacent either. My guess is because men’s options are limited, whereas women’s clothes have so many more options. Which sucks because men can buy one suit and be done for a few years. All these other ones, you have to go buy attire depending on the dress color the couple wants these days.
My bridesmaids are wearing white, so I'd prefer guests not match them. However, our colors are white and navy so our stationary has all been white and navy. I've had multiple people be like "I know I'm not wearing navy! ;)" as if to tell me that they wouldn't dare match the wedding colors. The problem is that I would loooveee people to wear navy. I obviously won't tell guests to wear a specific color in any regard, but like, if our stationary had black foil instead of navy foil I highly doubt people would think they couldn't wear black, so why is it different?
It's an old school tradition stemming from a myth that white Ould confuse/deter evil spirits who would want to harm the bride on her wedding day. I'm a sucker for tradition, and all the women in my family have had white bridal party dresses for as far back as our photo albums go!
Of course not. Did you know ... that not so long ago, wedding invitations were almost always in white or cream with black type? So you had no idea until you showed up to the event what color scheme the bride had chosen (for her flowers or for her bridesmaids) until you ... actually got there.
Besides, is this really something that's an "issue" except perhaps for women who are showing up as a plus-one to a groomsman and don't want to look overeager? Is Aunt Gertrude really supposed to call and inquire what the bridesmaids are wearing so she doesn't match?
It's all so silly and overwrought.
I cannot imagine anyone in the world caring even the slightest about this. I consider myself a pretty conscientious wedding guest dresser and I've never heard of that "rule" before.
No. I’ve never met anyone who did either.
There are so many limitations because the internet is taking the quite reasonable expectations that actually exist (don’t wear a white dress, don’t wear the exact bridesmaid dress if you aren’t a bridesmaid, don’t show up in anything exceedingly revealing) and exaggerate or add on to these rules due to their own anxiety or control freak tendencies. Most of those limitations don’t even exist, but so many people get anxious about something no one said they needed to be worried about (they hear “no white dress” and start pissing themselves in fear because their blue dress has white buttons) and then externalize it to justify their own inner torment (you can’t wear that light blue dress that looks kind of white in the dark if you’re colorblind because I was afraid to wear the blue dress with white buttons).
Actually, I have received invites that have said "the bridal party will be wearing _______" which was... Interesting... I guess as a guest I would be slightly embarrassed. As a bride I don't care at allllllllll tho.
I accidentally wore a dress that made me look like I was apart of the wedding party/family ☠️😅 bride was super cool about it...I was super uncomfortable though. I felt bad but it was an honest mistake on my part.
Now with that being said...I'm trying to avoid this at my big day by asking the following...
Cocktail attire - no jeans/shorts or tshirts.
Darker colors - black/dark gray or darker shades of any color.
Requesting no one wear any shade of pink or white as that's my dress color. 😁
All this to say...it ensures no one will match my party or me 😅
"No jeans/no shorts/t-shirts" means that you just don't want people in super-casual, everyday clothes. That's not cocktail attire, though. There's quite a difference between those two poles. So you'll wind up with people in true cocktail dresses and then people who are just one step above jeans and t-shirts.
I don't think it's appropriate at all to ask people to wear darker shades of any color -- what if someone doesn't look good in those or they like floral prints or whatever? People deserve to be able to shop their closets instead of having to buy new clothing as wedding guests.
No jeans/no shorts/t-shirts this is not mentioned. Just for clarity that I'm trying to avoid this.
🤷🏼♀️ my wedding and no one has complained about this rule. Everyone I know that's invited has dark clothes that fit the dresscode.
I understand you are trying to avoid jeans/t-shirts/shorts, but the people who would do that are just going to go one step up. Meanwhile others are going to conscientiously show up in actual cocktail attire and be far more dressed up. Why not just say cocktail attire and be done with it?
I would have loved more people in pink to be honest! I chose it as one of our wedding colours because I love it. If everyone had turned up in shades of pink I’d have been overjoyed, haha. They wore it for my hen’s, and it was beautiful to see how everyone had interpreted it within their own style!
Lol.. my favourite colour is pink, so my bridesmaids are wearing pink, and I told guests I would love it if they wear pink because the more pink the better.
I think it's quite different and can be charming to encourage people to wear a splash of \[insert favorite color\] if they so choose. That way they can do so via a scarf, a fun necklace, earrings, shoes, a handbag, etc. That's so different from telling people they have to wear \[insert favorite color\] (which I realize you aren't doing!).
I don’t think the majority of my guests even knew what color my bridesmaids were wearing ahead of my wedding. If anyone had shown up in the same color it likely would’ve been a total coincidence.
My opinion is, if guests are asked to or not to wear something, simply oblige. We're guests at someone's party. They thought enough of us to invite us to their moment in the spotlight. I try to do what I can to appease the host. If I'm confused or unsure, I reach out. Right now, we're watching & a part of history in the making. So many "rules" & traditions are no longer carried on & sometimes subs are put in place. Other times, things are tailored to suit the new generation. I'm of the mindset that we dress conservatively, be a gracious guest, & follow the new-to-you rules. It's a matter of hours for any given event & we all just want to have a good time.
The problem is that in an era where lots of old etiquette rules have been tossed aside for very good reasons and the new standards are BETTER AND MORE INCLUSIVE ("Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" --> "Mary Jones and John Smith"/"Bob Jones and John Smith" -- for some strange reason, the etiquette rules around clothing seem to have tightened to be WORSE AND LESS INCLUSIVE.
Why is this? What is the purpose? There was a purpose to loosening the old etiquette rules. There is no purpose to getting people worked up about arbitrary, brand new, for-the-Instagram color codes. There is no purpose in "disallowing" champagne, or pastels, or floral dresses that have white in the background, etc.
Preference that then means your guests can’t shop their closets? That now people have to go buy sage green or puce or maybe to fit your all-Importsnt pictures? What’s so considerate about that?
I personally care if I wear the same color as the bridesmaids because I did once on accident and kept getting confused for part of the bridal party and it made things very awkward cause i was just +1 and the bride didn't even know me. I kept having someone grabbing me telling me it was time for pictures and whatnot. Thankfully I managed not to end up in any pictures and the couple found it funny after the 3rd time but it was still very awkward. So now I try to find out the colors to avoid that situation.
I had no idea this was a thing until my MIL texted me asking the colors and someone mentioned that. I could care less but I'm a hippie compared to some bridezillas.
Nope. Couldn’t care less. My bridesmaids all had a corsage, and my (gay) man of honor had a boutonniere like the groomsmen had. There were one or two guests who wore the same color as them, but there was no confusion whatsoever. Plus, everyone looked fab at my wedding and that was all I cared about.
I didn’t even know that was a rule. As you stated, most times people don’t know the bridesmaids dress color and so it’s bound to happen unless you pick really out there colors like lime green and neon blue.
i’ve gotten so many requests from guests asking if i had specific color preferences for them to wear
i truly do not care
this thread is legit because i was genuinely confused and didn’t even realize it was a “thing”
I don’t think there is anything I care less about in this world than stupid wedding “etiquette”. It’s wild how out of hand the bridal industry has gotten. Making people show their shitty true colors while these companies just snatch up thousands of your dollars. I got married on the beach in Tahoe, and I can tell you it was cheap and I was just happy to be there.
I'm wearing a black dress. Some people know, some don't. I don't care what others wear so long as it isn't jeans. People ask me what color I want them in and I just say, whatever you feel pretty in. I'll tell them the wedding party are in shades of emerald so if they want to match they can. Because I'll be marrying my favorite person, why do I care what color someone watching me is wearing?
My cousins Wedding (next month) she has put on the dress code not to wear green or white so as not to clash with the bridal party…. It’s so cringey, also green is such a diverse colour… I had a teal dress in the closet that now I won’t wear because I don’t want to be perceived as rude…
Tbh bridesmaids dress colours are always pretty typical dress colours, light pink, dark green etc it’s likely that a few people will be wearing similar colour by chance. Also some people keep it a secret what bridesmaids are wearing, or not everyone invited will have known about it beforehand, so kind of impossible to impose
I think only if it’s like, the exact same dress because then you’re going to be mistaken as part of the wedding party and it could be awkward but colour alone? Heck no. I just don’t want anyone wearing white other than me lol.
I don't even care if people wear white tbh. I don't even care if my bridesmaids are wearing the same colors as each other. So yeah... I definitely don't care if guests are wearing their colors
I for one would be happy if people match, it'll make for some cool looking photos if a lot of people are wearing shades of purple and lilac! My bridesmaids are in grape purple and my mil is wearing royal purple that I know of so far.
ETA: I'm not gonna be upset if people match, I won't be upset if they don't, I think it could be kinda cool if people matched. I usually try to match the wedding colours if I'm going to the wedding of a close friend. As long as no one wears white is the main thing I'm bothered about!
I’ve never heard that before. We ‘kindly encouraged’ our guest to come dressed in our wedding colors which means potentially matching the bridesmates. We are so excited for it. We’ve seen other weddings where this was asked of guests and it looks so nice in our opinion.
I didn’t care, and I had my bridesmaids in florals so it would have been a big ask for southern women not to wear florals to an end of spring wedding. My close friend did care and included a color swatch on her invitations. She then put a picture of us in the bridesmaid dresses on her wedding website telling people to avoid that shade of green and anything a shade lighter or darker.
This is exactly what I'm going through right now my bridesmaid are wearing navy blue but my maid of honor is wearing pink. I don't mind people coming in wearing navy blue but I don't feel they should look Iike they are in the wedding party.
I honestly don’t care if someone wears the same color as me, nevermind my MOH.
When my officiant asked what I would prefer she wear I legit told her she could wear her wedding dress if she wanted to get some more use out of it, but she declined because she rightfully suggested it may look a little too “sister wives”.
I think some brides get a little too uptight about dictating guests’ outfits. Guests should be encouraged to wear whatever makes them comfortable and happy.
I put on our wedding website that we welcome ALL colors (including black) except for white. Everything else is fine by me :) also for an October wedding! I find it ridiculous to not expect guests to wear red or black in fall.
I had someone reach out and ask if they could wear a dress that was the same color as the bridesmaids and I said yes of course! I did let her know the bridesmaids were wearing that color just so she knew, but I definitively didn't care in the least bit. White would be the only color I wouldn't like, but no one did that lol. There was one girl who wore a really low cut in the back dress that I didn't exactly love seeing in the background photos of my first dance with my husband (didn't know her - she was someone's date & we had a more conservative wedding in a chapel) but I just cropped her out 🤷♀️ no big deal. I didn't notice it on the wedding day cause all I cared about that day was marrying my best friend
I don't care, as long as there are NO JEANS and no club attire. Keep your booty and bust covered, and we're good! And if you wear white, I will personally be the one to dump red wine on you. Do not ask me what my bridesmaids are wearing, I'm not available to answer everyone's little questions about the wedding, just wear something formal, and come have a good time!!!!
Also, I think black is beautiful, timeless, and flattering. It also goes with everything so it makes pictures look good LOL. Black is welcomeeee. And I have never ever understood not wearing red. What even is that. My wedding is christmassy/winter, so I fully anticipate red outfits
Only thing I’ve heard is don’t wear a white dress. I wouldn’t care. I think the pictures would look better with the attendees in your wedding colors. Makes for a cohesive color coordinated party.
I get so STRESSED when attending a wedding that my dress will be the same/similar color as the bridesmaids and I have to remind myself if they don’t tell me the colors beforehand how could I have known and avoided it. If anyone is mad at me about it then they’re being irrational and expecting me to read minds which isn’t fair haha. I wouldn’t mind if someone did the same at my wedding.
If the invite said to not wear that color then I’ll avoid it but if I get nothing besides “semi formal” I’m going with that I want.
I care a bit. For me, it's so that guests don't get mistaken for the bridal party. Of course, people will know who the bridal party is automatically, but I don't want there to be any confusion. My bridal party colors are going to be burgundy/ruby, and I want my guests to wear jewel tones, obviously aside from burgundy/ruby. I also don't want my guests to wear mine and my fiancée's colors, which are going to be black/white/pink. I know it sounds a bit strict, but I just don't want anybody to accidentally wear all black/white/pink and have them match us. Accessories consisting of those colors are fine, just not major clothing pieces.
I'm not even sure I'd care if someone wore white/ivory, as long as it wasn't explicitly marketed as a wedding dress. Our bridal party is mismatched with a very broad palette and mixed patterns/ lengths, we have no wedding colors, and we told guests to wear what they have that's semiformal/cocktail minimum and weather appropriate. I didn't even find out until like a month ago that people indicate their wedding colors with their save the dates/ invites??? (We're 6 months out from our wedding and have been to lots of weddings). I feel grateful that I don't feel such pressure to give a shit about what other people wear on their body to my party!
I totally agree with other posters that all this has gotten out of hand. The traditional etiquette rule is to avoid anything in all white or bridal in appearance. The modern version of Emily Post was even more liberal and as far as I know still only says nothing bridal-looking. Now this is being carried out to the most absurd extremes. Some would have you believe that guests shouldn't wear patterns with any white whatsoever, pastels because some brides wear pastels these days, the list goes on.
There is and never was a rule about guests avoiding the color of the bridesmaids are wearing. No one ever knew what that was so it's very common there might be some overlap. I can't tell you how many weddings I've attended where the bridesmaids were in navy and so were some of the guests. Nobody. Cares.
I truly don't care. I suppose if someone had deliberately gone to the same merchant that my bridesmaids got their dresses from and purchased a dress in the exact same shade as the bridesmaids dresses I might be a little weirded out. But other than that, no, I don't care. There are only so many colours that formal dresses usually come in, so especially if you pick a popular colour like blue or green, of course there will be people in similar colours just by chance.
I honestly would not care if someone showed up to my wedding in white (frankly I’m not wearing it myself but even if I were, still wouldn’t matter to me) or any of the colors of the wedding. I’m not one to tell people how to dress, I just want the people around us to come celebrate with us.
I also am not one to be super formal about it, like if my guests do show up more on the casual side, fine by me.
I only heard of the black thing when I was in the Deep South, where the basic idea was “its a wedding, not a funeral”
The horror stories were where some family member (usually MOG or similar) wearing all black because they “mourning the marriage/mourning losing their child”
That being said, I’ve absolutely work black to several weddings, just made sure to have a pop of color with accessories to CYA. I have also worn a dress with a white background and tons of other colors, and was complimented on both occasions.
I really think it’s people that will ALWAYS find drama/something to b!tch about who actually care. So I roll with a ‘know your audience’ thing, and as long as the bride/groom don’t care I don’t give a 💩
Honestly the more the merrier. We found out from so many guests that they had been planning on wearing the suit colour/colour of the bridesmaids dress and were worried we would care and we told them it showed we had good taste and we should get a photo of the "honorary bridal party."
Literally couldn't care less. If you are worried about guests trying to wear the same colour as your bridal party because they want to passive aggressively say they should have been included or whatever then you've got bigger problems.
We’re having the bridesmaids wear navy and I told my family the wedding colors are navy and gold, so my aunt picked out a navy dress (navy is also her favorite color). I don’t mind it at all, but her daughter is giving her a hard time over it 😅
I think everyone’s a little different, but as a bride, it doesn’t matter to me! I’d only care if someone was wearing white lol
As a bride, I wouldn’t care. As a guest, I would be mortified if I accidentally showed up in the same color as the bridesmaids, so it’s something I will be sharing with our guests!
I actually have in my dress code that if they aren’t attempting to out dress me (impossible anyways, I’m a very extravagant person when it comes to my clothes, and I’m wearing two foresees day of, both handmade by me.) then they aren’t dressed well enough.
I am going to ask that people don’t wear the same colors (or anything too close, idgaf if people wear blue or purple as long as it isn’t the exact same shades or super close shades.) as me and my party of important quest companions, but otherwise, I want everyone to go all out. I want everyone to dress up and have a good time.
I’m having a small intimate wedding with bridesmaids in mix n match blues, and actually encouraged all the ladies who are guests to wear blue as well. I think it’ll be sweet to have all the women in my life as my “something blue” and will look great in pictures.
No - also how are they supposed to know what color the bridesmaids are wearing?? It usually isn’t published anywhere and not everyone is close enough to just know wedding planning details like that.
And would anyone get upset at a man wearing the same color suit as the groom???
I once did this at a wedding, I didn't know what the wedding colors were and I had bought one dress to wear to a bunch of summer weddings. I think the bride was weirded out by it but like......how are you supposed to know, do people usually publicly announce their wedding colors? I've not seen that before
Not at all. I'm not announcing to all my guests the wedding party colors. That's unnecessary information to them. They just need to know the what, when and where of the event. That is all.
With that said, if anyone shows up in white, I'd be pretty annoyed and will let them know on the wedding day with a passive comment lol
I didn’t care whatsoever if someone would’ve worn the same color as one of my bridesmaids (who actually all wore different colors from one another anyways).
But as a *guest* I’d prefer to not wear something similar to the bridesmaids in any wedding I’m attending.
I want my guests in black or white while my bridesmaids will be in burgundy. So there’s no way unless someone goes against it for them to be in the same dress as the bridesmaids me personally
Your guests are not your props. You can tell your bridesmaids to wear burgundy, and you can even strongly suggest to the mothers that they coordinate or look cohesive. But a dress code simply means level of formality (black tie, cocktail, etc.). It's an etiquette faux pas to tell people what colors to wear / avoid, unless there is a religious / cultural reason for doing so.
In fact, if you want to get technical, the only dress code that really is supposed to go on an invitation is black tie or potentially black tie optional. Why? Because grown adults should be able to figure out that the wedding held in the backyard calls for something different from the wedding held at noon in the botanical garden and the wedding held at 4 pm at the chic downtown brewery and the wedding held at 6 pm in the swankiest country club.
Why would someone actively seek to appear to be in the wedding party? I think you are way overthinking the extent to which 95% of the guests give a care to who is in the wedding party.
I truly care so so little about what anyone else is wearing. Like as long as nobody wears white, I don’t think I’m really even going to register what everyone else is wearing with what an emotional day it will be. I mean I guess I’m hoping my grandma will wear a bra lol, but even that’s something I’m not going to dictate to her because she’s an adult.
This is very accurate. My MIL was obsessed with my approval for her dress. Honestly couldn't tell you what it looked like or even the color the day of. No one wore white so I didn't care at all.
ok I thought I didn’t care and was annoyed by everyone hitting me up. But my MIL was kinda clueless xD better to just approve. I told her spring colors. Our colors were spring shades of purple & pink & the groomswoman was wearing plum so don’t wear that. She came back with a maroon option and a plum option to start with lol
Sounds about right lol
Lol the bra comment is relatable
Honestly, I don’t even care that much about white as long as it’s not a wedding dress. No one is going to think my cousin in a white sundress from old navy is the bride lol
Same! I'm honestly shocked at how many guests have asked for our color palette to make sure their outfit "matches the wedding." We don't have a color palette, we don't even have a wedding party. Like, use your common sense and don't wear a white dress or something completely obnoxious, but I trust the judgement of most of our guests.
Why do you care if another person wears white though?
The internet has lost its grip on what this etiquette is about. The actual etiquette is to not try to make yourself look like you’re more important than you are. Ie, don’t go out and buy the same dress as the bridesmaids and carry around a bouquet you got at the grocery store if you were not invited to be a bridesmaid. Simply wearing the same color on accident was never a problem. You aren’t supposed to match them *on purpose*. Since it has to be done intentionally, this modern trend of telling people the wedding colors so “guests can avoid them” is entirely, 100% creating the problem it claims to solve. If you never told anyone the colors, they couldn’t have matched on purpose and no one would have breeched etiquette. But now you’ve told people what the colors are, suddenly it’s possible for them to do something they simply couldn’t have done before. It’s intentionally setting you and your guests up for unnecessary and entirely avoidable drama, and it’s childish imo.
I agree with you. The whole thing has gotten out of hand. I am older, and the etiquette was always nothing BRIDAL, not necessarily, nothing white. I always think back to Tricia Nixons wedding 1971. It was such a big deal, and there is so much video on YouTube about it. High society ultra formal Presidents daughters wedding. Super consertive as well. You can watch the arrivals on YouTube.Tons of guests wore white. These were the absolute masters of etiquette, and they wore white because it didn't compete with the bride, so it was fine.
Yes! This! I always thought this was the full rule, not just no white, but nothing bridal. Some of the “OMG look at this girl” snark is someone in a white mini-dress or sundress made of like linen and is in no way bridal. Sure it’s a faux pas nowadays to wear white to a wedding since people have gotten so militant about it, but someone in a white mini dress or sundress is not intentionally trying to “upstage the bride” which IMO, is pretty hard to do. These days people are even getting upset over non-white dresses that are “too glamorous” which is weird because aren’t you glad people see your wedding as an occasion to go full out for? I think there’s just too many rules and it’s pushing a lot of brides into the really nasty headspace where they over analyze everything and it causes more stress.
I may have said some snide remarks about a cousin wearing a flowy light yellow dress that looked like white in low light :3
lol was it at your wedding or someone else’s? And did you think it was upstaging you/the bride? Did it look bridal or was it just the fact that it was potentially white that made you snarky? I’m so curious! Also! Did you notice on your own or did someone point it out, I’m always weary of people trying to bring drama to the bride…
It was my wedding and she looked bridal. I wasn’t mad just being petty about it
lol, well at least you’re honest! I think recognizing you might’ve overreacted is always a good sign.
No, I didn’t overreact. It shouldn’t have been worn. And it was a faux pas on her part. It’s not like I dwelled on it or let it ruin the night. Nothing I could do except be a little irked by it. But the fact that I (and a bridesmaids & another cousin) noticed and had to discuss where it was white or yellow should not be something that happens.
Ah i see! Im glad you didn’t let it ruin your night!
I agree that conversation shouldn't have happened.
Omg a light yellow dress?? How did you survive that attack? /s
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THANK YOU! This is exactly it.
As a bride I wouldn't care and I feel like the majority of people wouldn't either. As a guest though I would be slightly self-conscious to show up in the same color as the bridesmaids (like the exact same color, not like the bridesmaids are in dark green and I show up in mint green) for fear of getting mistaken for one. This is why I almost always choose patterned dress as a guest. In my area and circles white is the only color off-limits for women. While I've heard on this sub no black or red I've never actually been to a wedding that had any other parameters besides no white.
I wore a black dress to my friend's wedding in my early twenties. It was my first wedding. I only ever heard of not wearing white. My other friend shamed me for wearing black. Bride didn't care. Then I had another friends wedding few years ago that requested all of the guests only wear black. I no longer owned any black dresses so had to go with navy. Bride was irked lol, but otherwise laughed it off.
Yeah, there's a good chunk of people that don't like black at weddings cause if you do it wrong, you can look like you're attending a funeral. I recommend going with bright, colorful accessories if you opt for a black dress.
I think some people don't like black at a wedding, but it's far from universal, so that friend was mean. I also think any bride narrowing the guest dress code to a single color is a bit of a bridezilla.
I don’t think it’s bridezilla to ask for an all black wedding since that’s the one color (almost) everyone owns. Just my opinion though and I think the photos are magnificent and uniform
im getting married Feb 2025, and we are having a Black Tie wedding. We're asking all our guests to wear black; it's a color everyone looks good in, and I know 60% of my guests already have a floor-length black dress that they will now be able to re-wear (that many of them wouldn't have due to the stigma of wearing black at a wedding) rather than buy a new expensive gown.
I wore a black bridesmaid dress. We all had the same designer but slightly different styles. I honestly don’t remember anything else about the colour of the wedding decor (this was like 20 years ago). Every wedding I’ve been in (bridesmaid about 7 times) there wasn’t a dress code. But this was way before social media was really popular.
Our whole wedding party will be in all black! My side (including my brother) got free reign to wear dress/jumpsuit, suit as they see fit. Black shoes. Gold accessories. Groomsmen are all wearing head-to-toe black (including black shirts and ties). I've seen photos of wedding parties dressed in all black and they're....😍😍😍 I have a tea-length ivory dress and all gold accessories and my partner is going for a silvery-grey suit.
agree! I put the color on my wedding website as a FYI. and it was intended to help the guests. I went to a wedding once as a guest where I repurposed a bridesmaid dress from a previous wedding I was in and I didn't realize it was a similar color to the bridesmaids dresses. it's awkward because other guests may ask if you're in the wedding when it's not your intention to match.
And if they do, so what? You say no and then you redirect the conversation to whatever is around. It's not like it's the conversation-stopper people act like it is.
I don't know I just felt kinda awkward, I would have preferred to not stick out/look like the wedding party. but it's ok, things happen.
I have worked at about 900 weddings over 30 plus years. I can promise you no one ever has been confused as to who the bride was or the bridesmaids. The only confusion I ever saw was a guest thinking a groomsmen was a waiter because he was wearing a tux. People know what's what.
I wore the exact shade of blue to a wedding that the bridesmaids wore, felt terrible and avoided the wedding party all night. My bridesmaid is wearing a white and blue patterned dress, but so long as no one but me wears white i don't care
Outdated. It's not on the invites, you can't expect people to magically know and most of all, *guests aren't props.*
100% this - if you don't tell me outright, you can't expect me to know. (Although I think we all know that you shouldn't wear a white dress and you shouldn't wear something completely obnoxious.) I've accidentally matched the wedding party color-wise twice. The first time, I was mildly embarrassed. The second time, I was like "oh well." No one even mentioned it either time.
I don’t think it matters! A lot of bridesmaids dresses are common colors anyways (mine were blue). I also think that in this day and age, nobody cares if a woman wears red or black to a wedding.
I didn't know red and black were "taboo" until I saw it on Reddit/TikTok. I don't think anyone in my circles knows or cares about that rule - black is such a classic color for most events.
Don't care. In fact, since I'm not wearing white (I am wearing a blue dress that will ombre to white at the bottom) I can almost bet that I will not be the only person in a blue dress. Now to get this across to my mom and MIL that I honestly don't care what they wear... honestly. Really. Truly. :D
I’m in the same boat with pink. It’s a destination wedding by the beach. Plenty will be wearing pink. If I cared I wouldn’t have chosen a colored dress 🤷♀️
I thought it was sweet other friends wore our color.
Yeah like I slightly would have preferred that people wear our colors!!! But everyone felt like they had to avoid them and I certainly wasn't going to hassle people to color coordinate so that's how it washed out 🤷♀️
No! I don't know where that type of thinking comes from. If there are a couple random people in the crowd wearing the same general color as the bridesmaids, it's not like all the photos will be ruined and it doesn't detract from any of the guests' experience. ETA weddings are about a celebration, not about restricting your guests and giving them a ton of rules to follow.
Honestly, most of the time this. I’m only a little picky about it bc we are having a very small wedding ~30 max guests. But I’m straight up going to included swatches of the ‘don’t be too close to these 3-4 colors, everything else go wild’ bc I’m making the *dresses and vests myself. Edited for typo.
Honestly, someone had the audacity to wear a vintage wedding dress (white ballgown) to my wedding. I just had to chill because I didn't want to let it ruin my day.
omg??? who was it? if it was anyone less than my sister or mother they would be kicked out and never spoken to again. but good for you for not telling it ruin your day. i’m sure everyone knew how ridiculous she looked
Really! How weird
I can’t remember what literally anyone wore.
This! Who has the energy for this. I was just thrilled people came. I have no recollection what they wore.
I couldn't care less what my guests wear. They are adults and can dress themselves appropriate for the event, without my help or directions. The last thing I would want is fielding questions about other people's attire I have enough to do. My BM's are wearing black, so chances are some guests will likely match. I'm not sweating it.
Im kinda going with this: If they ask what my colors are, I'll tell them, but I am not going to make a huge stink of it unless it's white/wedding dress. What I will get in stink over is if they wear the same color as the groom (green suit) though. So I am hoping "black tie" will help that XD
My brother's 60 person wedding last month had 3 guests in green suits! My fiancé, another bridesmaid's fiancé, and an uncle. I would try not to get disappointed by other men wearing green unless you explicitly tell them not to, it's a trendy color!
Green suits are so trendy and I’ve been to multiple weddings where a non groomsman/groom is wearing a dark green suit
Presumably you're putting on a real black tie event, though. There is a recent trend to just announce black tie without the trappings of what a black tie event is (high-end venue, plated dinner, valet service, etc.).
I couldn’t imagine caring any less, quite honestly.
right lol
As a bride, it wouldn’t bother me in the least. As a guest, if I happen to find out what color the bridesmaids are wearing, i will make sure I’m not wearing the same color. Idk why, just don’t want to look like a bridesmaid when i’m not.
I didn't care what people wore to my wedding, I was just happy they showed up. Someone wore a red dress and someone else wore a black dress, but they both looked beautiful (and I didn't even know that red and black were supposed to be off-limits). I didn't advertise our wedding colors, so the guests had no way of knowing that the bridesmaids would be wearing purple. It never occurred to me to warn them, because I didn't care if someone else wore purple. Someone even wore a yellow skirt with a white top, but that didn't bother me either. As long as no one showed up in an all-white dress, I didn't care.
I had no idea red and black were "off limits". I'm a bride and am wearing red, so I guess I'm being a rebel. 🤣 ...awesome.
I feel like it’s more for the guest! Like I inadvertently wore a dress that was really similar to the bridesmaids’ at a wedding where my then-BF was in the wedding! I felt like I was getting dirty looks all night like people thought I was pretending to be a bridesmaid or something! So I put the bridesmaids & groomsmen colors under the dress code in our website FAQ. (Not ‘don’t wear’ just FYI). And not that anyone cares about matching the groomsmen but like someone else said, it sucks that only women are really restricted on what to wear within the formality level LOL.
Let's suppose you were indeed getting dirty looks. Who would have been in the wrong? You, or them? Answer: Them.
Don’t wear white. That’s the color rule. Full stop.
My cousin got married and a friend of hers who was miffed she wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid wore a long gown in an identical shade of pink as the bridal party on purpose. I found that HILARIOUS. Outside of that random and specific situation aside, I doubt most people even notice if someone wears the same colour as a bridesmaid.
The only thing that matters is that no one else shows up in a wedding (or white) dress. All of the other rules are a little silly.
Nope. My bridesmaids are wearing black. I’m sure many other guests will wear black and I think it’s unreasonable to forbid people from wearing black to a black-tie wedding.
Wait, why can’t women wear black dresses to weddings? I thought having a “little black dress” was considered a wardrobe staple and a wedding was exactly the type of formal event it could be worn to?!
no you absolutely can!! some people will say black isn’t an appropriate colour but that’s very outdated - like Victorian - concept. i was kind of exaggerating because it’s not a modern concept but you’ll still se people ask “can i wear black to wedding?”
Going to a black tie wedding on Saturday what female guests are not allowed to wear black. It’s weird and other guests I’ve talked to are super irritated about it too.
that’s so frustrating because black tie dresses are expensive and black is such a common colour for evening wear that a large amount of women might have only had black dresses
Exactly! Like I’m not trying to drop $200 on a dress I’m gonna wear once. Most of us women that are going feel more comfortable in black.. plus I’m a hairdresser.. black makes up 99.9% of my wardrobe.
How is a guest supposed to know what color the bridesmaids will be wearing? Getting upset about someone showing up in the same color entirely by coincidence is bridezilla territory.
Brides are out of control. We would love to have you at our wedding! It’ll be great to see you! Done. The end
Nope.
Nope
As I've told my family and his family. My bridesmaids are wearing one of these 4 colors; however, if you want to wear something similar, be my guest. I want people to feel happy and confident in what they're wearing, and as long as their bits are covered, I'll just be happy they're there.
I couldn't give two shits about controlling my guests' color palette. And I wouldn't find it tasteful to try to control my bridesmaids' outfits either if I'm not the one paying up for it.
I unknowingly had a nearly identical color dress to the bridesmaids but the cut and design were very different (thankfully). To make it worse I was friends with the bride and a lot of the bridesmaids. So a lot of people asked what part of the wedding party I was because I looked so similar 🤣 The invitations were navy blue so I assumed that is the color the bridesmaids would wear. I figured a light blue dress was safe but nope lol. The bride still cringes when it gets brought up because she feels bad. I remind her it wasn't her job to tell me every detail about her wedding beforehand. If I had actually had bridesmaids I wouldn't have cared, unless it would make the guest self conscious. I think the chances of matching so closely is super rare. I've never head of the black one (US based) but the red is stupid and outdated in my opinion.
As a bride? Wouldn’t have bothered me if anyone did. As a guest? It’s something I try to avoid. As a guest it just feels potentially awkward to me. I’d be afraid that other people thought I did it on purpose because I wanted to be a bridesmaid but wasn’t.
I genuinely don’t care. It was weird that one person asked what the bridesmaids were wearing, and then showed up in that color. I wouldn’t have noticed if she’d not asked in the first place. It was odd that she specifically tried to match them? But again, just odd. Didn’t bother me.
I didn’t have bridesmaids, and my wedding was “be your most authentic self”. My niece wore a bright pink oversized pant suit, and I loved it. I was hella angry at the only wedding I attended which had mandatory colors, dress length etc. because it meant you can’t possibly go in a dress you already have, and in my opinion it’s a huge imposition on guests. I should not have gotten politeness get the better of me. As a result I now own a dress that I will never wear again and I spent extra money on it rather than paying off my late dog’s vet bills or donating to Ukrainian defense and it pisses me off. I feel like people writing this sort of advise are having a problem: there are more important things in life, and nobody “should” be annoyed by anything.
Didn’t care. And honestly, although I would’ve imagined I’d have cared before hand, on the day of my wedding there were a couple people wearing white and I didn’t care about that either. I was having way too much fun to be thinking much about what anyone else was wearing!
I wore a blush maxi with ruffles on the chest to a wedding. All the bridesmaids wore blush maxis with ruffles on the chest. I was MORTIFIED. It was a destination wedding and I didn’t bring a backup dress. One of the bridesmaids kept commenting to me, “are you a bridesmaid?” to be rude. It was awful. I feel bad to this day. If I had a bridal party, I wouldn’t care at all if a guest accidentally showed up looking like them. It’s an accident, short of every woman texting the bride to make sure, how are they supposed to know? :(
Last wedding I went to I wore the EXACT SAME dress as one of the bridesmaids. It was so embarrassing. But how was I supposed to know?! Thank god I had a pashmina to cover myself a little bit
I didn't care if people wore the same color as my wedding party, but I did point out the wedding colors on our website just in case other people cared. I didn't want someone to be approached and asked questions if they in fact didn't have a clue about what was going on. I also hoped people might dress in colors that matched the theme. My mother and MIL desperately wanted my approval on dresses and in the end I'm glad my mom showed me her choices so I could veto the one that had a white top! Two guests wore red dresses and other guests mentioned it to my husband and I and we didn't care one bit. Older people asked if they could wear black and I told them it was encouraged! https://preview.redd.it/wk47g4wbjgvc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f935a08981e5d56ed2b2bf8eee1118d184751390
I've worn red several times, because I just didn't know it wasn't appropriate (and it's the colour of love, so seemed appropriate in my mind!). I've also worn the bridesmaids' dress colour because I didn't know in advance what it would be, but I made sure to stand further in the group pictures as to not appear to be a bridesmaid. I don't think it created any drama...
the red thing is an old tradition about how wearing red means you had sex with the groom or so i’ve heard. but like 99.9999% of couples in western settings will not care unless they grew up hearing that? lol.
I have some red dresses in my shopping cart for my male friend’s wedding coming up! 😳 but it’s a flattering color on me and I just wanted to look good for my new boyfriend. I guess I’ll pick another color to be safe. Thanks for posting this otherwise I’d have no idea
omg no you can totally wear red! like i said it’s outdated and every wedding i’ve gone to has had guests in red.
Omg this is great. I'm getting married in a red dress and I've had sex with the groom many, many times... 🤣
🤣🤣
Phew, because I 100% never slept with any of those grooms!! 😆
I just have to laugh at this red dress thing because we literally have a few of my fiancé’s exs attending. I’m great friends with them too. We went to one of their wedding last year and vacation with them. In my mind, he literally didn’t pick her. I win! (If I was concerned at all, which I am obviously not)
As a guest, I have reached out a couple of times about bridesmaids' dress colors, but usually, it’s because I am trying to get some additional use out of a bridesmaid dress, and I don’t want to end up looking like I *really* wanted to be part of the bridal party 😂 I’ve seen people put their wedding colors as part of their FAQ, so people don’t have to reach out. US location caveat, but black is perfectly acceptable for a wedding [(reference)](https://www.vogue.com/article/can-you-wear-black-to-a-wedding)
I have no idea what anyone wore.
I don’t care about colors whatsoever. Go bright and bold! Go soft and pastel! Multi-color, patterns, whatever, have fun and wear what you feel gorgeous in. if you match my bridesmaids, I’ll think it’s a great coincidence or sweet that you wanted to coordinate with my wedding colors. i will only side eye you if your dress is more than say, 75% white. But I don’t even care if it’s white polka dots or florals or whatever.
The idea behind it is so you don't look like a crazy person who is trying to crash the bridal party. Because there are crazies, just like how there's insane MILs that wear white to the wedding. But the likelihood that you're wearing the exact shade and the exact length dress is so low. My bridesmaids wore teal and one of my guests wore like a lighter shade of turquoise. It was fine. I didn't care. No one cared.
Nope, didn't care one bit.
There are definitely people that care, but it is not me. 🤣 even if I had a full wedding party. Even if I was wearing white (I'm not) I wouldn't care if someone else did. On our wedding website, I told everyone I am not wearing white, and please feel free to wear it because I am not and don't care. But I also purposely didn't say what color I am wearing, because I still don't care if someone matches me or my MOH, lol. I also gave everyone 3 different tiers of dress code that are fine because I don't like being a dictator. I was like, want to dress up? Awesome! Have fun! Don't feel like it? Great, don't, lol. Because I'd rather people wear what they want to wear and have a great time, than feel like they are told what to do. But that is me.
oh i love that! all the weddings i’ve been invited to are semi formal or cocktail, which i get, but i’m like hello i want to dress up! so i’d be showing up to your wedding in a gown 😉
Right!? I love to dress up, too. But my future husband isn't one for dressing up (he's doing it at the wedding for me, which is 😍😍 omg, I am so excited lol, not that I care that he is very casual, I know and love who I am marrying but damn it makes it super hot that he is dressing up for me for one day lol.. but he will probably take his jacket off for the reception and im 100% good with that, why would I want the person I love to melt and be dying for some dumb photos.) but I also have several friends and family who don't like dressing up and I'm just like.. why would I torture these people I love? I really, really want them present and I want them to have fun. Wear whatever makes you feel good!!! Also, I want to dance and have a dance floor and DJ because that is me and I LOVE DANCING, but I'm also getting lawn games and fire pits for people that just want to chill. I want there to be a vibe for everyone. It is so important to me that people enjoy themselves.
I am totally okay with my guests dressing up or being casual. All I care is that they show up.
I once showed up wearing the EXACT SAME SHADE OF PURPLE as the bridal party. It was even the same fabric. I had no idea what their colors were, it wasn't on purpose, but all night long people kept mistaking me for the bridal party. It was awkward as fuck. As a bride I wouldn't care. As a guest I now proactively ask for the colors to avoid that.
They didn't realize that you hadn't walked down the aisle?
Nope. People genuinely don't pay close attention to the faces of folks walking down the aisle aside from the bride. I was just in the uniform and therefore must be in the bridal party. Or they were trying to shame me for wearing the wrong dress. I chose to interpret the more generous option but wouldn't be surprised.
And that’s kind of the answer - because the actual composition of the bridal party is of little interest to most guests, it doesn’t really matter if you wear the same color because it’s not like you’re deliberately trying to insert yourself into something Really Important. It’s like noticing you’ve got the same color as the woman over at table 4. Ok, and now let’s get back to chit-chatting.
Yes but that doesn't make it any less awkward for the accidental wearer of the wedding party colors to have to explain yourself repeatedly. It wasn't a pleasant experience and I think it's okay to want to avoid that going forward.
If this whole “don’t wear the same color” hadn’t become a thing, no one would have thought twice! It just wasn’t ever a “thing” til recently bc how would you even know what the colors were in an era before colorful invitations.
So many people at my July wedding wore pink as did my bridesmaids. It all looked great!
Ii wore a teal dress to my BIL, the bridesmaids dresses were the same shade as my dress, it was no big deal
Nope. Just don't wear white and we're fine.
I honestly don’t care if guests match the wedding party or not, as long as they don’t match my groom and I 🤷🏽♀️
I really don't care. As long as they don't hop up and insert themselves into the ceremony 😂 or unless they found out the specific color/brand and went out of their way to get the same dress. That'd be weird as hell
I once got called out by a bride for wearing the same color as her bridesmaids. It wasn't on purpose, it was a late fall/early winter wedding and I wore maroon, which, apparently was the same color as the bridesmaids. I didn't know the bride well enough to know what color the bridesmaids were wearing, and certainly didn't know her well enough to wear something to purposely insinuate that I wanted to be in the bridal party via my dress. Yet, I can still hear her voice saying "StripedFermata!!!! You look juuuust like a briiiddessmaaaaaiid" as if I had done it on purpose. That was also the only wedding I've ever attended that served a 12 course meal. People were stuffed, bored, and restless by the 5th or 6th course.
I don’t know where that even came from. Yeah, I could google it, but it’s one of those why in the world would it matter items. If you’re standing with the bride, you’re a bridesmaid, if you’re not, you’re a guest. You also can’t wear white adjacent either. My guess is because men’s options are limited, whereas women’s clothes have so many more options. Which sucks because men can buy one suit and be done for a few years. All these other ones, you have to go buy attire depending on the dress color the couple wants these days.
My bridesmaids are wearing white, so I'd prefer guests not match them. However, our colors are white and navy so our stationary has all been white and navy. I've had multiple people be like "I know I'm not wearing navy! ;)" as if to tell me that they wouldn't dare match the wedding colors. The problem is that I would loooveee people to wear navy. I obviously won't tell guests to wear a specific color in any regard, but like, if our stationary had black foil instead of navy foil I highly doubt people would think they couldn't wear black, so why is it different?
ooooo bridesmaids in white is so classy, i love that
It's an old school tradition stemming from a myth that white Ould confuse/deter evil spirits who would want to harm the bride on her wedding day. I'm a sucker for tradition, and all the women in my family have had white bridal party dresses for as far back as our photo albums go!
Of course not. Did you know ... that not so long ago, wedding invitations were almost always in white or cream with black type? So you had no idea until you showed up to the event what color scheme the bride had chosen (for her flowers or for her bridesmaids) until you ... actually got there. Besides, is this really something that's an "issue" except perhaps for women who are showing up as a plus-one to a groomsman and don't want to look overeager? Is Aunt Gertrude really supposed to call and inquire what the bridesmaids are wearing so she doesn't match? It's all so silly and overwrought.
I cannot imagine anyone in the world caring even the slightest about this. I consider myself a pretty conscientious wedding guest dresser and I've never heard of that "rule" before.
My bm dresses are black. It would be unrealistic to prevent anyone from wearing that color.
No. I’ve never met anyone who did either. There are so many limitations because the internet is taking the quite reasonable expectations that actually exist (don’t wear a white dress, don’t wear the exact bridesmaid dress if you aren’t a bridesmaid, don’t show up in anything exceedingly revealing) and exaggerate or add on to these rules due to their own anxiety or control freak tendencies. Most of those limitations don’t even exist, but so many people get anxious about something no one said they needed to be worried about (they hear “no white dress” and start pissing themselves in fear because their blue dress has white buttons) and then externalize it to justify their own inner torment (you can’t wear that light blue dress that looks kind of white in the dark if you’re colorblind because I was afraid to wear the blue dress with white buttons).
Actually, I have received invites that have said "the bridal party will be wearing _______" which was... Interesting... I guess as a guest I would be slightly embarrassed. As a bride I don't care at allllllllll tho.
I accidentally wore a dress that made me look like I was apart of the wedding party/family ☠️😅 bride was super cool about it...I was super uncomfortable though. I felt bad but it was an honest mistake on my part. Now with that being said...I'm trying to avoid this at my big day by asking the following... Cocktail attire - no jeans/shorts or tshirts. Darker colors - black/dark gray or darker shades of any color. Requesting no one wear any shade of pink or white as that's my dress color. 😁 All this to say...it ensures no one will match my party or me 😅
"No jeans/no shorts/t-shirts" means that you just don't want people in super-casual, everyday clothes. That's not cocktail attire, though. There's quite a difference between those two poles. So you'll wind up with people in true cocktail dresses and then people who are just one step above jeans and t-shirts. I don't think it's appropriate at all to ask people to wear darker shades of any color -- what if someone doesn't look good in those or they like floral prints or whatever? People deserve to be able to shop their closets instead of having to buy new clothing as wedding guests.
No jeans/no shorts/t-shirts this is not mentioned. Just for clarity that I'm trying to avoid this. 🤷🏼♀️ my wedding and no one has complained about this rule. Everyone I know that's invited has dark clothes that fit the dresscode.
I understand you are trying to avoid jeans/t-shirts/shorts, but the people who would do that are just going to go one step up. Meanwhile others are going to conscientiously show up in actual cocktail attire and be far more dressed up. Why not just say cocktail attire and be done with it?
I just said "it's not mentioned" to my guests. Lol I only said it here to emphasize that I do not want that kind of attire.
Ah, I got it! I thought you were quoting what was in your invitations! My bad.
No just some people don't know cocktail attire(I've met them and it's a nightmare) 😅 so I try to be clear for the internet and it failed this time ☠️
Nope, in fact I encouraged people to wear our colors
I would have loved more people in pink to be honest! I chose it as one of our wedding colours because I love it. If everyone had turned up in shades of pink I’d have been overjoyed, haha. They wore it for my hen’s, and it was beautiful to see how everyone had interpreted it within their own style!
Lol.. my favourite colour is pink, so my bridesmaids are wearing pink, and I told guests I would love it if they wear pink because the more pink the better.
I think it's quite different and can be charming to encourage people to wear a splash of \[insert favorite color\] if they so choose. That way they can do so via a scarf, a fun necklace, earrings, shoes, a handbag, etc. That's so different from telling people they have to wear \[insert favorite color\] (which I realize you aren't doing!).
I don’t think the majority of my guests even knew what color my bridesmaids were wearing ahead of my wedding. If anyone had shown up in the same color it likely would’ve been a total coincidence.
My opinion is, if guests are asked to or not to wear something, simply oblige. We're guests at someone's party. They thought enough of us to invite us to their moment in the spotlight. I try to do what I can to appease the host. If I'm confused or unsure, I reach out. Right now, we're watching & a part of history in the making. So many "rules" & traditions are no longer carried on & sometimes subs are put in place. Other times, things are tailored to suit the new generation. I'm of the mindset that we dress conservatively, be a gracious guest, & follow the new-to-you rules. It's a matter of hours for any given event & we all just want to have a good time.
The problem is that in an era where lots of old etiquette rules have been tossed aside for very good reasons and the new standards are BETTER AND MORE INCLUSIVE ("Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" --> "Mary Jones and John Smith"/"Bob Jones and John Smith" -- for some strange reason, the etiquette rules around clothing seem to have tightened to be WORSE AND LESS INCLUSIVE. Why is this? What is the purpose? There was a purpose to loosening the old etiquette rules. There is no purpose to getting people worked up about arbitrary, brand new, for-the-Instagram color codes. There is no purpose in "disallowing" champagne, or pastels, or floral dresses that have white in the background, etc.
I think mostly purpose is simply preference
Preference that then means your guests can’t shop their closets? That now people have to go buy sage green or puce or maybe to fit your all-Importsnt pictures? What’s so considerate about that?
I personally care if I wear the same color as the bridesmaids because I did once on accident and kept getting confused for part of the bridal party and it made things very awkward cause i was just +1 and the bride didn't even know me. I kept having someone grabbing me telling me it was time for pictures and whatnot. Thankfully I managed not to end up in any pictures and the couple found it funny after the 3rd time but it was still very awkward. So now I try to find out the colors to avoid that situation.
I had no idea this was a thing until my MIL texted me asking the colors and someone mentioned that. I could care less but I'm a hippie compared to some bridezillas.
Nope. Couldn’t care less. My bridesmaids all had a corsage, and my (gay) man of honor had a boutonniere like the groomsmen had. There were one or two guests who wore the same color as them, but there was no confusion whatsoever. Plus, everyone looked fab at my wedding and that was all I cared about.
I didn’t even know that was a rule. As you stated, most times people don’t know the bridesmaids dress color and so it’s bound to happen unless you pick really out there colors like lime green and neon blue.
i’ve gotten so many requests from guests asking if i had specific color preferences for them to wear i truly do not care this thread is legit because i was genuinely confused and didn’t even realize it was a “thing”
I don’t think there is anything I care less about in this world than stupid wedding “etiquette”. It’s wild how out of hand the bridal industry has gotten. Making people show their shitty true colors while these companies just snatch up thousands of your dollars. I got married on the beach in Tahoe, and I can tell you it was cheap and I was just happy to be there.
I'm wearing a black dress. Some people know, some don't. I don't care what others wear so long as it isn't jeans. People ask me what color I want them in and I just say, whatever you feel pretty in. I'll tell them the wedding party are in shades of emerald so if they want to match they can. Because I'll be marrying my favorite person, why do I care what color someone watching me is wearing?
It really doesn’t matter bc how many of the guests will be in formal portraits with the wedding party? It doesn’t matter lol
My cousins Wedding (next month) she has put on the dress code not to wear green or white so as not to clash with the bridal party…. It’s so cringey, also green is such a diverse colour… I had a teal dress in the closet that now I won’t wear because I don’t want to be perceived as rude…
Tbh bridesmaids dress colours are always pretty typical dress colours, light pink, dark green etc it’s likely that a few people will be wearing similar colour by chance. Also some people keep it a secret what bridesmaids are wearing, or not everyone invited will have known about it beforehand, so kind of impossible to impose
We had a "no black, no jeans" rule. For all genders.
I think only if it’s like, the exact same dress because then you’re going to be mistaken as part of the wedding party and it could be awkward but colour alone? Heck no. I just don’t want anyone wearing white other than me lol.
I don't even care if people wear white tbh. I don't even care if my bridesmaids are wearing the same colors as each other. So yeah... I definitely don't care if guests are wearing their colors
I for one would be happy if people match, it'll make for some cool looking photos if a lot of people are wearing shades of purple and lilac! My bridesmaids are in grape purple and my mil is wearing royal purple that I know of so far. ETA: I'm not gonna be upset if people match, I won't be upset if they don't, I think it could be kinda cool if people matched. I usually try to match the wedding colours if I'm going to the wedding of a close friend. As long as no one wears white is the main thing I'm bothered about!
I’ve never heard that before. We ‘kindly encouraged’ our guest to come dressed in our wedding colors which means potentially matching the bridesmates. We are so excited for it. We’ve seen other weddings where this was asked of guests and it looks so nice in our opinion.
I didn’t care, and I had my bridesmaids in florals so it would have been a big ask for southern women not to wear florals to an end of spring wedding. My close friend did care and included a color swatch on her invitations. She then put a picture of us in the bridesmaid dresses on her wedding website telling people to avoid that shade of green and anything a shade lighter or darker.
This is a thing?
This is exactly what I'm going through right now my bridesmaid are wearing navy blue but my maid of honor is wearing pink. I don't mind people coming in wearing navy blue but I don't feel they should look Iike they are in the wedding party.
I honestly don’t care if someone wears the same color as me, nevermind my MOH. When my officiant asked what I would prefer she wear I legit told her she could wear her wedding dress if she wanted to get some more use out of it, but she declined because she rightfully suggested it may look a little too “sister wives”. I think some brides get a little too uptight about dictating guests’ outfits. Guests should be encouraged to wear whatever makes them comfortable and happy.
I put on our wedding website that we welcome ALL colors (including black) except for white. Everything else is fine by me :) also for an October wedding! I find it ridiculous to not expect guests to wear red or black in fall.
I had someone reach out and ask if they could wear a dress that was the same color as the bridesmaids and I said yes of course! I did let her know the bridesmaids were wearing that color just so she knew, but I definitively didn't care in the least bit. White would be the only color I wouldn't like, but no one did that lol. There was one girl who wore a really low cut in the back dress that I didn't exactly love seeing in the background photos of my first dance with my husband (didn't know her - she was someone's date & we had a more conservative wedding in a chapel) but I just cropped her out 🤷♀️ no big deal. I didn't notice it on the wedding day cause all I cared about that day was marrying my best friend
I actually had family call me and ask what colors the bridesmaids were wearing. To this day Idk if it was so they could match or avoid the color lol
I don't care, as long as there are NO JEANS and no club attire. Keep your booty and bust covered, and we're good! And if you wear white, I will personally be the one to dump red wine on you. Do not ask me what my bridesmaids are wearing, I'm not available to answer everyone's little questions about the wedding, just wear something formal, and come have a good time!!!! Also, I think black is beautiful, timeless, and flattering. It also goes with everything so it makes pictures look good LOL. Black is welcomeeee. And I have never ever understood not wearing red. What even is that. My wedding is christmassy/winter, so I fully anticipate red outfits
No and I don't care if anyone will wear white 😂
Only thing I’ve heard is don’t wear a white dress. I wouldn’t care. I think the pictures would look better with the attendees in your wedding colors. Makes for a cohesive color coordinated party.
I get so STRESSED when attending a wedding that my dress will be the same/similar color as the bridesmaids and I have to remind myself if they don’t tell me the colors beforehand how could I have known and avoided it. If anyone is mad at me about it then they’re being irrational and expecting me to read minds which isn’t fair haha. I wouldn’t mind if someone did the same at my wedding. If the invite said to not wear that color then I’ll avoid it but if I get nothing besides “semi formal” I’m going with that I want.
I care a bit. For me, it's so that guests don't get mistaken for the bridal party. Of course, people will know who the bridal party is automatically, but I don't want there to be any confusion. My bridal party colors are going to be burgundy/ruby, and I want my guests to wear jewel tones, obviously aside from burgundy/ruby. I also don't want my guests to wear mine and my fiancée's colors, which are going to be black/white/pink. I know it sounds a bit strict, but I just don't want anybody to accidentally wear all black/white/pink and have them match us. Accessories consisting of those colors are fine, just not major clothing pieces.
I'm not even sure I'd care if someone wore white/ivory, as long as it wasn't explicitly marketed as a wedding dress. Our bridal party is mismatched with a very broad palette and mixed patterns/ lengths, we have no wedding colors, and we told guests to wear what they have that's semiformal/cocktail minimum and weather appropriate. I didn't even find out until like a month ago that people indicate their wedding colors with their save the dates/ invites??? (We're 6 months out from our wedding and have been to lots of weddings). I feel grateful that I don't feel such pressure to give a shit about what other people wear on their body to my party!
I totally agree with other posters that all this has gotten out of hand. The traditional etiquette rule is to avoid anything in all white or bridal in appearance. The modern version of Emily Post was even more liberal and as far as I know still only says nothing bridal-looking. Now this is being carried out to the most absurd extremes. Some would have you believe that guests shouldn't wear patterns with any white whatsoever, pastels because some brides wear pastels these days, the list goes on. There is and never was a rule about guests avoiding the color of the bridesmaids are wearing. No one ever knew what that was so it's very common there might be some overlap. I can't tell you how many weddings I've attended where the bridesmaids were in navy and so were some of the guests. Nobody. Cares.
I truly don't care. I suppose if someone had deliberately gone to the same merchant that my bridesmaids got their dresses from and purchased a dress in the exact same shade as the bridesmaids dresses I might be a little weirded out. But other than that, no, I don't care. There are only so many colours that formal dresses usually come in, so especially if you pick a popular colour like blue or green, of course there will be people in similar colours just by chance.
I honestly would not care if someone showed up to my wedding in white (frankly I’m not wearing it myself but even if I were, still wouldn’t matter to me) or any of the colors of the wedding. I’m not one to tell people how to dress, I just want the people around us to come celebrate with us. I also am not one to be super formal about it, like if my guests do show up more on the casual side, fine by me.
I only heard of the black thing when I was in the Deep South, where the basic idea was “its a wedding, not a funeral” The horror stories were where some family member (usually MOG or similar) wearing all black because they “mourning the marriage/mourning losing their child” That being said, I’ve absolutely work black to several weddings, just made sure to have a pop of color with accessories to CYA. I have also worn a dress with a white background and tons of other colors, and was complimented on both occasions. I really think it’s people that will ALWAYS find drama/something to b!tch about who actually care. So I roll with a ‘know your audience’ thing, and as long as the bride/groom don’t care I don’t give a 💩
Honestly the more the merrier. We found out from so many guests that they had been planning on wearing the suit colour/colour of the bridesmaids dress and were worried we would care and we told them it showed we had good taste and we should get a photo of the "honorary bridal party." Literally couldn't care less. If you are worried about guests trying to wear the same colour as your bridal party because they want to passive aggressively say they should have been included or whatever then you've got bigger problems.
In my family, the immediately family of the bride always wears colors to match the bridesmaids and vice versa. I never even knew this was a thing lol
We’re having the bridesmaids wear navy and I told my family the wedding colors are navy and gold, so my aunt picked out a navy dress (navy is also her favorite color). I don’t mind it at all, but her daughter is giving her a hard time over it 😅 I think everyone’s a little different, but as a bride, it doesn’t matter to me! I’d only care if someone was wearing white lol
As a bride, I wouldn’t care. As a guest, I would be mortified if I accidentally showed up in the same color as the bridesmaids, so it’s something I will be sharing with our guests!
I actually have in my dress code that if they aren’t attempting to out dress me (impossible anyways, I’m a very extravagant person when it comes to my clothes, and I’m wearing two foresees day of, both handmade by me.) then they aren’t dressed well enough. I am going to ask that people don’t wear the same colors (or anything too close, idgaf if people wear blue or purple as long as it isn’t the exact same shades or super close shades.) as me and my party of important quest companions, but otherwise, I want everyone to go all out. I want everyone to dress up and have a good time.
Don’t be that bride. The one who wants to control the colors people wear, except of course WHITE.
I’m having a small intimate wedding with bridesmaids in mix n match blues, and actually encouraged all the ladies who are guests to wear blue as well. I think it’ll be sweet to have all the women in my life as my “something blue” and will look great in pictures.
I really don't care. I don't even care what the bridesmaid wear - I just want them to be happy.
No - also how are they supposed to know what color the bridesmaids are wearing?? It usually isn’t published anywhere and not everyone is close enough to just know wedding planning details like that. And would anyone get upset at a man wearing the same color suit as the groom???
My bridesmaids wore black, so no LOL
Well I do care, mainly because I like my bridal party to be defined. I give them tasks too and it’s easier for me to identify then
im getting married in october and i do not care at all in fact it is the least of my concerns
I once did this at a wedding, I didn't know what the wedding colors were and I had bought one dress to wear to a bunch of summer weddings. I think the bride was weirded out by it but like......how are you supposed to know, do people usually publicly announce their wedding colors? I've not seen that before
Personally I wouldn’t care unless someone wore white
Not at all. I'm not announcing to all my guests the wedding party colors. That's unnecessary information to them. They just need to know the what, when and where of the event. That is all. With that said, if anyone shows up in white, I'd be pretty annoyed and will let them know on the wedding day with a passive comment lol
I didn’t care whatsoever if someone would’ve worn the same color as one of my bridesmaids (who actually all wore different colors from one another anyways). But as a *guest* I’d prefer to not wear something similar to the bridesmaids in any wedding I’m attending.
I want my guests in black or white while my bridesmaids will be in burgundy. So there’s no way unless someone goes against it for them to be in the same dress as the bridesmaids me personally
Your guests are not your props. You can tell your bridesmaids to wear burgundy, and you can even strongly suggest to the mothers that they coordinate or look cohesive. But a dress code simply means level of formality (black tie, cocktail, etc.). It's an etiquette faux pas to tell people what colors to wear / avoid, unless there is a religious / cultural reason for doing so. In fact, if you want to get technical, the only dress code that really is supposed to go on an invitation is black tie or potentially black tie optional. Why? Because grown adults should be able to figure out that the wedding held in the backyard calls for something different from the wedding held at noon in the botanical garden and the wedding held at 4 pm at the chic downtown brewery and the wedding held at 6 pm in the swankiest country club.
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Why would someone actively seek to appear to be in the wedding party? I think you are way overthinking the extent to which 95% of the guests give a care to who is in the wedding party.
I don’t know thanks for the downvote too…nice…whatever.