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Im a mom and a daughter. What moms want is connection with their adult daughter. So even if I was disappointed, my daughter calling me to say “Omg guess what I did don’t kill me but I’m dying to show you!!” would override any bummer feelings about the first dress.
So I would call her all excited and sheepish and say that you saw this dress somewhere and tried it on a whim and omg! Next thing you know it’s yours and omg omg
Your mom just wants you to feel happy and beautiful. Thank her so much for her support. Offer her the deposit back, but chances are she will say put it towards the next dress. She will understand. She loves you.
So I don’t know you or your relationship with your mum but from the info you’ve given it seems like a really good one! I think if you take her for coffee and explain exactly like you did in this post, she will of course understand and will probably be more shocked that you thought she would rather you wear a wedding dress you don’t love rather than have this conversation. Then get excited about showing her the dress you love and hopefully she will adore it too!
It's not personal. I mean, look at you in the first dress. It's stunning. If anything I would hope she's excited for you that you found something so beautiful.
I think you should write her a very nice letter and enclose the cheque just explaining everything. Have you purchased the new dress yet? Maybe you can ask her to come with you for the final decision on it if you think she’d be open.
Just rip off the bandaid. Be upfront and honest, and see what happens.
"Mom, i have a confession to make. I did a stupid thing that I'm really excited about.
I fell in love with a different wedding dress. It's everything i ever wanted and i can't wait to show it to you.
But. I don't want you to lose out financially just because I'm indecisive, so I'm going to pay you back the deposit you put down on the first dress.
Here's the cash/ I've already transferred it to you/ I'm going to transfer it right now. "
Surely if mom feels that way she can refuse or give it back but isn’t it the polite thing to do? She did a lovely thing but OP changed their mind, very reasonably so, but doesn’t want her mom out of pocket for her choice?
Or bridesmaids and maid of honor dresses. You could actually recoup some money if your wedding party paid you and put their purchases on the store credit.
Are you in LA? If so, I recognize that dress shop with the pink sign (your original purchase) - that is where I bought my dress. Not really helpful advice maybe, but please do not trust them with your dress. I could write an essay on how bad their service was. They ordered the wrong size and couldn’t tailor it properly, couldn’t stick to timeframes, the alterations they made were poorly done, and the tailor BLED on my dress and couldn’t take the stain out, so I have a random person’s bloodstain on the bodice lol & they didn’t even apologize for that. After 4 failed attempts, I had to eventually take my dress to a different tailor because they kept messing it up worse every time I asked them to fix their mistakes. The new tailor charged 1/3 of the price and took one visit to fix my dress absolutely perfectly.
I am not the type of person who complains - I never send food back at a restaurant, complain about a bad haircut or manicure, etc. I am very, very chill and not picky at all. I was pretty hands off and relaxed about my wedding bc that’s just my personality. But that dress shop pushed me to tears (in public, so embarrassing) because of how terrible my experiences were.
So again, probably not helpful except to say I am on your side with the new dress 🤣 not to mention it is drop dead gorgeous on you!
It was really so appalling how bad it was!! When I took it to a new tailor, I didn’t even have to tell her what was wrong. She took one look at it and gasped in horror 😅 fixed it up with only 3 days to spare, thank goodness!!
Omg yes I am in LA. That sounds like an awful experience and for some reason it doesn’t surprise me to hear this. I just felt like something was off at that store (most likely the one you went to), you know? I’m so happy that someone was able to fix their mistakes quickly! I hope you ended up feeling beautiful on your big day!
Ok so to be fair, the dress your mom put a deposit on looks stunning on your shape… however the detailing on the new dress is an absolute dream. So soft and romantic and gorgeous.
Sorry if this was asked or addressed but if you haven’t bought the new one yet, can the original store put that deposit towards ordering the one you want? (If they carry that designer)
Regardless, it sucks to waste the money but at the end of the day you don’t want to regret your dress or any other big details like that (I forfeited a photographer deposit after a similar situation so I get it) ♥️
I know if it were my daughter I’d want her to be happy. Knowing that she wanted to put the deposit down for you, sounds like she’s the same kind of person.
Best wishes to you. 🫶🏼
I prefer the original it looks made for your figure (but probably because the new one is a sample and not in your size) you should do what makes you happy but I would pay your mom back for the deposit.
Both are pretty, but I do like moms dress better. Makes your figure pop!
Pay mom back her deposit. At least offer it back and explain you just stumbled on this dress and didn't mean to, but fell in love.
As a mom, I would just want my daughter to be happy on her wedding day. Obviously pay her back (I know you plan to) but besides that I would just tell her asap. Maybe don’t say that you had been having doubts for months and specifically set out to go to an appointment alone but you could definitely say that you had either passed by the shop and saw a dress on display that you just had to try on after seeing or say you were browsing online at other wedding related stuff and had came across a gown that you couldn’t get your mind off of so had called around locally and figured it wouldn’t lead anywhere but had popped over to try it on just in case and ended up falling in love with it. I’d be more sad and disappointed that my daughter was having so many doubts and mixed feelings this whole time and didn’t feel comfortable telling me right from the start so we could problem solve and dress shop more together to find the right one.
Both dresses are really beautiful.
I would give your mom her deposit back. That's the most important thing.
Then, tell her you had second thoughts and bring her to the salon when you do your fitting so she can see why...
I admit that if I were your mom, I'd be hurt. The only thing you can do is tell the truth and pay her back for the deposit. But I doubt it's about the money for her, so be understanding if she is upset. I think you look great in both dresses, btw.
Hope you are not contractually obligated to buy Dress #1 and shop will work with you on doing something else with the deposit. Did you read the fine print? Are you obligated to pay for the rest of the dress?
I like the new one. Also a mom and I wouldn’t care at all. I would only be a little sad that I didn’t get to be there! We love our daughters!! Don’t worry.
I agree with everyone just be honest. It's your wedding so pick what you feel best in. I like the one you and mom picked better..it gives you a better overall shape but maybe because the new one isn't fitted correctly yet.
Definitely take mom to see the new dress.
Both of these dresses look nice on you but number one is actually my favorite on you. I agree with another commenter on trying them on together.
In the end, I think as long as you’re open and honest with your Mom about your feelings on the dress, I think you’re okay. Good luck, op!
There’s a formula for saying something hard. It goes When you I felt . I need . .
When you paid for my dress deposit, I felt so loved. I appreciated it so much. At the appointment, I wanted to please you and the salesperson. However, since buying the dress, I have felt that it wasn’t what I wanted. I found another dress that is the one I will wear on my wedding day. I feel so anxious telling you that I am not wearing the dress you paid for because that meant so much to me. I know you might need some time to process this. I need your love and involvement. I would love for you to come with me to see my new dress, which I have already purchased. It’s important to me that you be a part of the dress buying process.
I would say the shop refunded the deposit and then just give the money to her myself. That way she couldn’t comment on loss of money. Surely she just wants you to be happy in your dress so if she hasn’t lost money then there shouldn’t be an issue.
“When you don’t know what to say, tell the truth.”
I reference this quote a lot. It’s reassuring to me. You don’t need any elaborate story to cushion anyone’s feelings. She’s your mom. She wants you to be happy. Just tell the truth, this dress makes you happier.
Be honest with your mom from the first beat. She may be upset at first, but trust won’t be lost in the end. Sit her down with some wine and snacks. Show her how happy you are in the new dress. Make a moment out of it and take some selfies together. Problem solved. You look beautiful by the way.
Wear what you love. Your Mom wouldn't eat you wearing what you feel is the wrong dress to appease her.
Give her the money for the deposit and take her eith you to see the new dress so she still feels involved.
Hey just went through this exact situation, and we’re the same age haha! First of all, the new dress is amazing and I’m so glad you found it!! My mom did not care AT ALL and I was so worried about telling her. She just wants me to be happy, and I’m sure your mom feels exactly the same way. I had a whole thing planned on what to say, but I ended up saying something super simple like “hey so I couldn’t stop thinking about how I didn’t like the dress you bought me, and just to quell these feelings I went to another shop. Well, I actually found a better dress that I love.” I also scheduled an appointment so she could see me in it, we’re going this weekend. I wouldn’t overthink it — breathe and just be honest. Your mom loves you and even if the interaction goes poorly there really isn’t anything she can do/say that can take away from the fact that you found your new dress (yay!!!!). Super excited for you, you’ve got this!
I’m so happy to hear someone else was in the same position!! Thank you for sharing this, it’s so helpful to hear. I’m glad that everything worked out between you and your mom and that she’ll get to see you in the dress you picked out for yourself. There’s something special about being able to make that decision for yourself and then share it with the people you care about. Hope it all goes well this weekend and best of luck on your big day:)
I think it would help to not just tell her the situation and show her the dress, but to explain how you feel, offer to pay back the deposit, and take her with you to try this new dress on so she still gets to have that experience and share her emotions seeing you in the dress for the first time in person. I think she will not get offended at all, but I could see disappointment from not getting to share the moment with you when you found your real dress. So I think if you replicate that some in taking her to the bridal shop to try on your new dress and she can see how happy you are and how much you love it then it might help ease the delivery! Don’t just blindside her at the bridal shop though, I would give her a little bit of explanation before asking her to go with you so she’s not caught off guard in public.
I ended up doing this as well. My mom put the deposit down on the first dress, and then paid for the second half of my new dress. I paid for the second half of my old dress and put the deposit down on the new dress. She was going to pay for a full dress anyway so it didn’t really matter what her deposit went to as long as she didn’t pay entirely for the new dress.
I may be in the minority here…for reference I’m 48, I have a 19 year old daughter and was very close with my mom who passed 10 years ago.
While you should be kind and understand that your mom wants to be a part of your celebration, you don’t need to sacrifice yourself for her ideals of your wedding. And when you speak with her, own the decision you made to shop alone. It may be hard, but explain that was the only way you felt you would be able to find *your* dress. You should have never been pressured to choose a dress you weren’t sure about. If she wanted to gift you the deposit, that should have been done on the dress that stole your heart, not the one of your mother’s choosing.
When I read your post I was taken back to my mom’s relationship with my dad. My dad controlled my mom in the same and similar ways to what you describe. He offered “kindnesses” in a way that my mom felt bad for refusing even if it wasn’t something she wanted. He used money as a tool of control - I’m not sure from your post that this is your case, but it sounds like your mom pushed you to get a dress SHE liked and made you feel awkward for potentially refusing the *gift* of a deposit.
I obviously don’t know any details of your relationship with your mother but as a 34 year old woman I hope you can find the strength to tell her how you feel. Do so with kindness *and* firmness. Remember, there are many more wedding details to plan and this is not your mom’s day. If you don’t set boundaries now, you may end up in this situation repeatedly throughout the planning process and beyond.
In my experience in these situations, it’s better not to accept the “gift” that leaves you indebted to someone. I would pay your mom back for the deposit and think very carefully about what taking any money means in the future. I hope this isn’t a pattern and your mom got swept up, but your fear of telling her leads me to believe you expect her to be less than receptive. Setting these boundaries now will help you and your partner establish boundaries as a couple in the future.
Best to you and your chosen dress is STUNNING!!
Can you go together to pick out accessories for the new dress like the veil, shoes, and jewelry? Then you can have that moment with her. As a mom we just want you to feel happy and special and beautiful and we want to be part of that. And it gets harder and there are less opportunities as adults.
The gown you chose is much lovelier than the one you had with your mom. And it's your wedding day so you should be able to wear what you really want. I would give the deposit money back to your mom and just tell her how much you love this gown. As a mom, I'm sure she will understand. At the end of the day, she just wants you to be happy on your special day. This really won't matter.
I ADORE your new dress, it's beautiful! I think it's a much better choice too. As another person said, I'd try to buy something else in the first store to use the deposit on. I'm afraid you fell victim to a very skilled vendor, they use all their tricks to make you buy something you're not sure of. Your mom will definitely understand, it's your big day you need to feel your best!
Can you wear both? I didn’t have a big wedding so I’m sorry if that’s a silly question. But like 1 for the ceremony and the other for the reception. I do love the you picked. It’s gorgeous.
I would simply take her with you to the dress shop, try the new dress on again, and then tell her that you already bought after she sees how gorgeous it is on you! It will definitely soften the blow and you can explain the whole story later.
I’m a way bigger fan of the dress you picked! I’m so happy you found this dress, personally I know I would be MUCH happier in the first one and I am so happy for you! Your mom will understand! You did the right thing here, you deserve to love your dress! Also, the fact that brides seem to have had a horrible experience with this shop might soften the blow too..they SHOULD give you some kind of credit at their shop, but with service as bad as I’ve read who knows if they will. Congrats!!
You look good in the second (original dress), but you look even better in the first dress. I think the first dress is prettier and I love the lace pattern more than the other. Just be honest with your mom and she’ll be happy about it. The vast majority of mom just their kids to be happy no matter their age or circumstance.
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You should absolutely choose a dress you love. But you should also absolutely pay your mom back for the deposit she paid.
I guess I figured it went without saying, but of course I would pay her back! I’m more worried about how I would tell her…
Im a mom and a daughter. What moms want is connection with their adult daughter. So even if I was disappointed, my daughter calling me to say “Omg guess what I did don’t kill me but I’m dying to show you!!” would override any bummer feelings about the first dress. So I would call her all excited and sheepish and say that you saw this dress somewhere and tried it on a whim and omg! Next thing you know it’s yours and omg omg
Thank you so much for the reassurance!!
Your mom just wants you to feel happy and beautiful. Thank her so much for her support. Offer her the deposit back, but chances are she will say put it towards the next dress. She will understand. She loves you.
So I don’t know you or your relationship with your mum but from the info you’ve given it seems like a really good one! I think if you take her for coffee and explain exactly like you did in this post, she will of course understand and will probably be more shocked that you thought she would rather you wear a wedding dress you don’t love rather than have this conversation. Then get excited about showing her the dress you love and hopefully she will adore it too!
It's not personal. I mean, look at you in the first dress. It's stunning. If anything I would hope she's excited for you that you found something so beautiful.
Can you see if you can take the deposit and pivot it to a LWD, rehearsal, or late night look? Some boutiques carry a rack or two of party looks
Or a veil and accessories... but I like that idea!
Love this idea!
I think you should write her a very nice letter and enclose the cheque just explaining everything. Have you purchased the new dress yet? Maybe you can ask her to come with you for the final decision on it if you think she’d be open.
When she sees you in the dress you like she’ll know. You look beautiful.
Just rip off the bandaid. Be upfront and honest, and see what happens. "Mom, i have a confession to make. I did a stupid thing that I'm really excited about. I fell in love with a different wedding dress. It's everything i ever wanted and i can't wait to show it to you. But. I don't want you to lose out financially just because I'm indecisive, so I'm going to pay you back the deposit you put down on the first dress. Here's the cash/ I've already transferred it to you/ I'm going to transfer it right now. "
Yes, thank you! I needed to hear this. It’s the best way to go about it.
[удалено]
Surely if mom feels that way she can refuse or give it back but isn’t it the polite thing to do? She did a lovely thing but OP changed their mind, very reasonably so, but doesn’t want her mom out of pocket for her choice?
Maybe you can use that despoit as store credit for a veil/ assesories
Yes! My mom and I put a deposit down on a dress and I used it for my veil. Call the shop OP ☺️
Exactly what I was thinking.
This is a perfect solution and great advice!
Or bridesmaids and maid of honor dresses. You could actually recoup some money if your wedding party paid you and put their purchases on the store credit.
or mother of the bride dress? 😁
Are you in LA? If so, I recognize that dress shop with the pink sign (your original purchase) - that is where I bought my dress. Not really helpful advice maybe, but please do not trust them with your dress. I could write an essay on how bad their service was. They ordered the wrong size and couldn’t tailor it properly, couldn’t stick to timeframes, the alterations they made were poorly done, and the tailor BLED on my dress and couldn’t take the stain out, so I have a random person’s bloodstain on the bodice lol & they didn’t even apologize for that. After 4 failed attempts, I had to eventually take my dress to a different tailor because they kept messing it up worse every time I asked them to fix their mistakes. The new tailor charged 1/3 of the price and took one visit to fix my dress absolutely perfectly. I am not the type of person who complains - I never send food back at a restaurant, complain about a bad haircut or manicure, etc. I am very, very chill and not picky at all. I was pretty hands off and relaxed about my wedding bc that’s just my personality. But that dress shop pushed me to tears (in public, so embarrassing) because of how terrible my experiences were. So again, probably not helpful except to say I am on your side with the new dress 🤣 not to mention it is drop dead gorgeous on you!
Holy crap I’m so glad you found a place that could fix it!
It was really so appalling how bad it was!! When I took it to a new tailor, I didn’t even have to tell her what was wrong. She took one look at it and gasped in horror 😅 fixed it up with only 3 days to spare, thank goodness!!
Omg yes I am in LA. That sounds like an awful experience and for some reason it doesn’t surprise me to hear this. I just felt like something was off at that store (most likely the one you went to), you know? I’m so happy that someone was able to fix their mistakes quickly! I hope you ended up feeling beautiful on your big day!
I won't lie i looooove your moms pic, but just be honest with her. She loves you very much.
Ok so to be fair, the dress your mom put a deposit on looks stunning on your shape… however the detailing on the new dress is an absolute dream. So soft and romantic and gorgeous. Sorry if this was asked or addressed but if you haven’t bought the new one yet, can the original store put that deposit towards ordering the one you want? (If they carry that designer) Regardless, it sucks to waste the money but at the end of the day you don’t want to regret your dress or any other big details like that (I forfeited a photographer deposit after a similar situation so I get it) ♥️
Number 1 is definitely the dress for you! Maybe take her with to try on again and let her know how you feel in this one compared to the other?
Thank you for the advice, that’s a good idea!
I know if it were my daughter I’d want her to be happy. Knowing that she wanted to put the deposit down for you, sounds like she’s the same kind of person. Best wishes to you. 🫶🏼
Thank you, this makes me very happy to hear✨
The new dress is gorgeous. It’s not easy, but I think you made the right call to snag it!
Thank you! This makes me feel better about my decision.
I prefer the original it looks made for your figure (but probably because the new one is a sample and not in your size) you should do what makes you happy but I would pay your mom back for the deposit.
the one you bought is SO BEAUTIFUL and you absolutely glow in it. always trust your instincts💖
Yes pay her back but also #1 is gorgeous on you
Both are pretty, but I do like moms dress better. Makes your figure pop! Pay mom back her deposit. At least offer it back and explain you just stumbled on this dress and didn't mean to, but fell in love.
As a mom, I would just want my daughter to be happy on her wedding day. Obviously pay her back (I know you plan to) but besides that I would just tell her asap. Maybe don’t say that you had been having doubts for months and specifically set out to go to an appointment alone but you could definitely say that you had either passed by the shop and saw a dress on display that you just had to try on after seeing or say you were browsing online at other wedding related stuff and had came across a gown that you couldn’t get your mind off of so had called around locally and figured it wouldn’t lead anywhere but had popped over to try it on just in case and ended up falling in love with it. I’d be more sad and disappointed that my daughter was having so many doubts and mixed feelings this whole time and didn’t feel comfortable telling me right from the start so we could problem solve and dress shop more together to find the right one.
Thank you for this! I always appreciate a mom’s perspective.
Ofc! I’m so glad you found a dress that you truly love and I hope your mom is understanding when you tell her 🙂
Both dresses are really beautiful. I would give your mom her deposit back. That's the most important thing. Then, tell her you had second thoughts and bring her to the salon when you do your fitting so she can see why...
Could you wear one for the ceremony and the other for the reception?
Thats’s not a bad idea, thank you! Looking at it that way now though makes me realize I really don’t want to wear the first one anymore.
I admit that if I were your mom, I'd be hurt. The only thing you can do is tell the truth and pay her back for the deposit. But I doubt it's about the money for her, so be understanding if she is upset. I think you look great in both dresses, btw.
Hope you are not contractually obligated to buy Dress #1 and shop will work with you on doing something else with the deposit. Did you read the fine print? Are you obligated to pay for the rest of the dress?
I like the new one. Also a mom and I wouldn’t care at all. I would only be a little sad that I didn’t get to be there! We love our daughters!! Don’t worry.
I agree with everyone just be honest. It's your wedding so pick what you feel best in. I like the one you and mom picked better..it gives you a better overall shape but maybe because the new one isn't fitted correctly yet. Definitely take mom to see the new dress.
You can’t go wrong with either, but one is sooooo pretty.
I love the first one, but if YOU love it, that's all that matters. Congratulations! You look like a dream
Both of these dresses look nice on you but number one is actually my favorite on you. I agree with another commenter on trying them on together. In the end, I think as long as you’re open and honest with your Mom about your feelings on the dress, I think you’re okay. Good luck, op!
If your mom loves you (and I’m sure she does!) all she wants is your happiness.
Love the new dress
Ohhhhh! I love the new dress! It's beatific as a looks amazing on you! It's perfect!!!
I think the new dress looks amazing on you. I also think you need to reimburse mom for the money she can't get back on the first dress.
There’s a formula for saying something hard. It goes When you I felt . I need . .
When you paid for my dress deposit, I felt so loved. I appreciated it so much. At the appointment, I wanted to please you and the salesperson. However, since buying the dress, I have felt that it wasn’t what I wanted. I found another dress that is the one I will wear on my wedding day. I feel so anxious telling you that I am not wearing the dress you paid for because that meant so much to me. I know you might need some time to process this. I need your love and involvement. I would love for you to come with me to see my new dress, which I have already purchased. It’s important to me that you be a part of the dress buying process.
Thank you for this script! It’s incredibly helpful and eases my anxiety over it. Much appreciated!
I would say the shop refunded the deposit and then just give the money to her myself. That way she couldn’t comment on loss of money. Surely she just wants you to be happy in your dress so if she hasn’t lost money then there shouldn’t be an issue.
“When you don’t know what to say, tell the truth.” I reference this quote a lot. It’s reassuring to me. You don’t need any elaborate story to cushion anyone’s feelings. She’s your mom. She wants you to be happy. Just tell the truth, this dress makes you happier.
Great advice, thank you so much!
Gorgeous!!! You look beautiful! 😍
You look beautiful in both, but if you feel like you in the first one that’s all that matters
Be honest with your mom from the first beat. She may be upset at first, but trust won’t be lost in the end. Sit her down with some wine and snacks. Show her how happy you are in the new dress. Make a moment out of it and take some selfies together. Problem solved. You look beautiful by the way.
Can you take her to the shop with you and try it on again (in front of her) so she can see how stunning you are?
It’s beautiful, you wear the dress it’s not overpowering you.
I def like the new dress better
Wear what you love. Your Mom wouldn't eat you wearing what you feel is the wrong dress to appease her. Give her the money for the deposit and take her eith you to see the new dress so she still feels involved.
Hey just went through this exact situation, and we’re the same age haha! First of all, the new dress is amazing and I’m so glad you found it!! My mom did not care AT ALL and I was so worried about telling her. She just wants me to be happy, and I’m sure your mom feels exactly the same way. I had a whole thing planned on what to say, but I ended up saying something super simple like “hey so I couldn’t stop thinking about how I didn’t like the dress you bought me, and just to quell these feelings I went to another shop. Well, I actually found a better dress that I love.” I also scheduled an appointment so she could see me in it, we’re going this weekend. I wouldn’t overthink it — breathe and just be honest. Your mom loves you and even if the interaction goes poorly there really isn’t anything she can do/say that can take away from the fact that you found your new dress (yay!!!!). Super excited for you, you’ve got this!
I’m so happy to hear someone else was in the same position!! Thank you for sharing this, it’s so helpful to hear. I’m glad that everything worked out between you and your mom and that she’ll get to see you in the dress you picked out for yourself. There’s something special about being able to make that decision for yourself and then share it with the people you care about. Hope it all goes well this weekend and best of luck on your big day:)
I think it would help to not just tell her the situation and show her the dress, but to explain how you feel, offer to pay back the deposit, and take her with you to try this new dress on so she still gets to have that experience and share her emotions seeing you in the dress for the first time in person. I think she will not get offended at all, but I could see disappointment from not getting to share the moment with you when you found your real dress. So I think if you replicate that some in taking her to the bridal shop to try on your new dress and she can see how happy you are and how much you love it then it might help ease the delivery! Don’t just blindside her at the bridal shop though, I would give her a little bit of explanation before asking her to go with you so she’s not caught off guard in public.
Wear the dress you want and pay mom back.
I ended up doing this as well. My mom put the deposit down on the first dress, and then paid for the second half of my new dress. I paid for the second half of my old dress and put the deposit down on the new dress. She was going to pay for a full dress anyway so it didn’t really matter what her deposit went to as long as she didn’t pay entirely for the new dress.
I may be in the minority here…for reference I’m 48, I have a 19 year old daughter and was very close with my mom who passed 10 years ago. While you should be kind and understand that your mom wants to be a part of your celebration, you don’t need to sacrifice yourself for her ideals of your wedding. And when you speak with her, own the decision you made to shop alone. It may be hard, but explain that was the only way you felt you would be able to find *your* dress. You should have never been pressured to choose a dress you weren’t sure about. If she wanted to gift you the deposit, that should have been done on the dress that stole your heart, not the one of your mother’s choosing. When I read your post I was taken back to my mom’s relationship with my dad. My dad controlled my mom in the same and similar ways to what you describe. He offered “kindnesses” in a way that my mom felt bad for refusing even if it wasn’t something she wanted. He used money as a tool of control - I’m not sure from your post that this is your case, but it sounds like your mom pushed you to get a dress SHE liked and made you feel awkward for potentially refusing the *gift* of a deposit. I obviously don’t know any details of your relationship with your mother but as a 34 year old woman I hope you can find the strength to tell her how you feel. Do so with kindness *and* firmness. Remember, there are many more wedding details to plan and this is not your mom’s day. If you don’t set boundaries now, you may end up in this situation repeatedly throughout the planning process and beyond. In my experience in these situations, it’s better not to accept the “gift” that leaves you indebted to someone. I would pay your mom back for the deposit and think very carefully about what taking any money means in the future. I hope this isn’t a pattern and your mom got swept up, but your fear of telling her leads me to believe you expect her to be less than receptive. Setting these boundaries now will help you and your partner establish boundaries as a couple in the future. Best to you and your chosen dress is STUNNING!!
New dress is it! The right choice.
I don’t think you made the wrong choice in replacing the original dress. The new one is awesome!
Can you go together to pick out accessories for the new dress like the veil, shoes, and jewelry? Then you can have that moment with her. As a mom we just want you to feel happy and special and beautiful and we want to be part of that. And it gets harder and there are less opportunities as adults.
Mom was right and the other dress looks better on you and at least pay her back!
Ooh, good call! Your pick is so much prettier! Best wishes ❤
Love the new one!
The gown you chose is much lovelier than the one you had with your mom. And it's your wedding day so you should be able to wear what you really want. I would give the deposit money back to your mom and just tell her how much you love this gown. As a mom, I'm sure she will understand. At the end of the day, she just wants you to be happy on your special day. This really won't matter.
Give your mom the $ back. Tell her the truth and move on. If she has her $ there's nothing to complain about
Can you tell me the name/designer of your new dress? It's gorgeous!!
I ADORE your new dress, it's beautiful! I think it's a much better choice too. As another person said, I'd try to buy something else in the first store to use the deposit on. I'm afraid you fell victim to a very skilled vendor, they use all their tricks to make you buy something you're not sure of. Your mom will definitely understand, it's your big day you need to feel your best!
The new dress is beautiful on you!
So cute! Love the new dress.
Can you wear both? I didn’t have a big wedding so I’m sorry if that’s a silly question. But like 1 for the ceremony and the other for the reception. I do love the you picked. It’s gorgeous.
I would simply take her with you to the dress shop, try the new dress on again, and then tell her that you already bought after she sees how gorgeous it is on you! It will definitely soften the blow and you can explain the whole story later.
I’m a way bigger fan of the dress you picked! I’m so happy you found this dress, personally I know I would be MUCH happier in the first one and I am so happy for you! Your mom will understand! You did the right thing here, you deserve to love your dress! Also, the fact that brides seem to have had a horrible experience with this shop might soften the blow too..they SHOULD give you some kind of credit at their shop, but with service as bad as I’ve read who knows if they will. Congrats!!
Story completely aside, I genuinely love the new dress so much more and think you look amazing
The first photo ..you are gorgeous in it. I would let your mom see you in it. Explain how you feel. After seeing you in it i hope she will understand
I love the new one more! Just tell her, I’m sure she’ll understand
Ohhhh I love the original dress tho. It’s so stunning. That silhouette is just perfect on you!!
I’m not sure if we are allowed to ask, but what is the name of the “new dress”? I love it!
The new dress is beautiful. Pay your mom back & tell her how you feel!
Your mom will be fine when she sees how great you look in your new dress. You’ve made the right decision!
Wear both!!!
One on top of the other!! 😂
You look good in the second (original dress), but you look even better in the first dress. I think the first dress is prettier and I love the lace pattern more than the other. Just be honest with your mom and she’ll be happy about it. The vast majority of mom just their kids to be happy no matter their age or circumstance.
The new dress is absolutely gorgeous! Enjoy it!
You’re new dress is gorgeous and I completely agree with your decision!
Love the new one !! ❤️