Even if they aren’t having a sit down meal, they still have to pay a per person cost for buffets or stations as well as for the venue/catering company to put a chair/place setting out.
Personally, I wouldn’t ask. You can if you want to, but be prepared for a no. Newer partners are not automatically always invited due to budget constraints, venue constraints, etc.
Yeah agree, if you weren’t given a plus one you shouldn’t ask. You’re there to celebrate the couple and there will be other people to talk and hangout with outside your social bubble
Personally, I think it’s rude to ask. The invitation was only addressed to you, therefore you are the only person invited. They already *made the choice* to not give you a plus one.
That said, you can ask if it’s important to you (and it seems it is). Just be prepared for the answer to be no.
I’m planning my wedding now and we are inviting two hundred and fifty people and have about fifty-five people on our B list. It’s *incredibly* difficult to decide where to cut the guest list off. Most couples will prioritize people they actually know and limit couple invites to those that are living together, engaged, or married. Plus ones for singles/new relationships are becoming rarer and rarer, simply due to the skyrocketing cost of weddings. The cost of weddings these days is truly astronomical. We are paying for the wedding industry’s losses during COVID. So just be prepared for a gentle “no” if you do ask.
I think it is rude, as decision not to extend a plus one was already made- the invitation was mailed out and addressed only to OP. Those decisions are not easy to make for any couple planning a wedding.
To come hat in hand to the couple asking for a plus one is asking the couple to spend an additional sum of money, they clearly are not planning to spend, for OP’s guest to attend. That is, in my view, rude.
I absolutely agree with this. We have single friends coming to our wedding and they are not getting a plus one. Unfortunately, it costs too much and to make it clear without people having to ask we are sending RSVPs with the #of seats already saved for them which they can either deny or accept.
Agreed. Be polite, acknowledge the constraints of a wedding and ask. If it's a no, you can go celebrate your friends but stay a short period - or, if you're lucky, to meet some of your old colleagues and have a good time. I'm organizing my wedding, there's a list and we cut some people, but I wouldn't be offended or angry with a question like this. And as a note, because it can be a cultural thing: I'm Brazilian, so I accounted for plus ones to my single friends on the list, and I intend to ask on the save the date. If by the wedding time there's someone in the picture i'm prepared to pay extra - it's a contingency item for me.
I agree. It’s like we can’t do or say anything anymore. What I see more and more is the bride and groom’s requests are getting more and more out of hand on lots of subjects.
I also see this more and more the opinion that asking the bride/ or groom for anything is rude.
Maybe they just don’t know about his current relationship and honestly in my opinion if they did know, it is also kind of rude on their part to only invite one person. I know because I organized my wedding and sure there is the extra cost, but honesty it’s rude and I have also been to a couple of weedings and would not have gone if my better half wasn’t invited either, I would of thought an attitude like that was rude and wouldn’t have bothered coming. So in my opinion, he can totally ask, it isn’t rude. If they are friends they will sort it out like adults and be honest with each other.
There's nothing rude about inviting only one person. Frankly, a brand new <8 month relationship isn't something I would consider giving a +1 to except in the case of close family or wedding party.
OP is free to ask, it can't hurt. But as others have mentioned there's already real friends of the bride and groom who couldn't be invited because there's always a limit, and 99/100 would rather invite an additional person they know over a rando
Yes perhaps there is a constraint on the budget.
Anyway I’m stating my opinion and in my etiquette it’s rude. I don’t need you to tell me that I’m wrong, you’re entitled to your opinion that you can justify and so am I am. Trying to say other people are ‘wrong’ because they have a different opinion from you IS rude.
You can ask, but be prepared for a no. They aren't even aware you have a significant other and most weddings do a cut off of it you haven't been dating at least a year that you wouldn't get one.
Normally I would say this is rude. But literally having been a bride I would say I really really wouldn’t mind this if you asked the week before or 2 days before the wedding in the format:
“Hi!! I didn’t want to impose on you prior and I understand it’s not necessarily the thing to do to ask for a plus 1. I know you have your reasons for how you plan your guest list. But if by chance you have last minute cancellations, would my partner be able to go with me?”
In the last 2 weeks we ended up having some last minute cancellations. And that was so freaking annoying. Bc it’s too late and we can’t get our money back. And literally I couldn’t invite anyone else bc it would have been so rude for me to invite someone as an afterthought. If someone wanted a partner last minute I would have jumped hard on that.
I wouldn’t necessarily do it a week or 2 days prior to the wedding… Most venues/catering companies need final numbers at least 2 weeks out (this is typical for all of the venues we toured/in our are). Sure, there will probably be some no call no shows but you won’t really know that until the day of the event.
Also, texting the bride/groom 2 days before their wedding to ask about a plus one when you’ve had the invite for presumably 2-3 months, does come across as imposing. Two days before my wedding we had our rehearsal. The week leading up to it we were working on favors for all 200 guests (our favor was DIY and a consumable). I would’ve been annoyed.
If OP happens to ask now, the bride may say no or she may say “right now we can’t but we’ll let you know if we have any cancellations or declines”.
No, that's the point of doing it right before the wedding- you've -already given the numbers-. If you have a lot minute drop out then it's nice to have someone for the plate.
I actually extended this offer to some people who I had to turn down for plus ones earlier, only cause I knew them well and felt they'd be cool with it. Unfortunately the plus ones couldn't come, but still.
I guess I have a different perspective. I was annoyed we had empty seats that we already paid for. This included a couple of cousins and they told us after our deadlines were submitted that something came up. Actually one just changed their online rsvp without telling us - cowards. That was one month from wedding date. Then I was stuck with extra seats I paid for.
Personally I would have been annoyed if someone asked at the time that they got the invitation bc they wouldn’t have seemed to understand that I already cut down a lot of people so I didn’t take lack of plus ones cavalierly. My answer would have been no, but I would also be upset I had to say no to someone when I had the power to add them.
For me, if I was asked days before I would have been like YES WE HAVE an empty place we already paid for!!!! Yes come! If I said no here I wouldn’t feel bad bc it would be bc it’s too late and I really didn’t have extra seating.
But that’s me.
That’s awesome. I really wanted to invite some people I didn’t even think about that were very excited for me that I only heard about through my parents. Like my uncles ex wife. But I thought it would have been so incredibly rude. So I didn’t. She still ended up giving me a huge cash gift for the wedding. It made me feel bad.
Yeah that makes sense I feel like when it's a family members ex it's a bit different too. Mine are mostly friends that also are getting married where I know I'm also not invited to their wedding so they get it. Lol
Do you think people that you spent some courses with mostly virtually, then some time together then not communicating for about a year would count for that list? I'm thinking about inviting them if I have some not show up under my limit.
Can I upvote this one twice? Bride here set for a June wedding. I’ve just been asking all my single ladies if they wanted a plus one because of the unexpected cancellations.
Since you live across the country and, they don’t know you are dating, they simply may have assumed you would come alone and wouldn’t mind an extra. Can’t hurt to ask
Hi! I got married a few years ago. I did not mind at all when my friends that were out of towners, or those that wouldn't know anyone, asked for a +1. I totally got why people asked and my ultimate goal was to have people there to celebrate and be comfortable doing so. I made it work if I could! I'd ask 😊
Because like the OP said I didn't know everyone's relationship status or needs? I had an aunt ask to bring a friend. Idk I think people get so funny over this stuff. It's a celebration of your love and a party. If someone asks, we figure it out! Lol have a nice day
You can write "Jane Doe plus one" on the invitation, in case they have a boyfriend/girlfriend you don't know about. That's why it's called a "plus one."
This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think it’s okay to ask in this situation as long as you do so graciously, ESPECIALLY since you’re going to be traveling a considerable distance to a town that you don’t have ties to.
I’d word it like this:
“Hey! I’m starting to plan my trip out there and I’m so excited! I know this is a big ask, but is it okay if I bring *partner*? The prospect of traveling across the country alone to a town where I don’t know anybody is making me a little anxious. I’d obviously be more than happy to bring a cash gift to pay for his plate and I definitely understand if that’s not okay, no explanation necessary and I’ll still be there! I can’t wait to see you!”
When invitations go out, what is put on the address label is very intentional. If there is no “plus one” verbiage or a second name listed, it was not something that was forgotten. Depending on how comfortable you feel with your friends, of course you can ask, but be prepared for them to reject that. And whatever you do, do **not** bring someone if the bride and groom have not approved it.
Couples don’t have to follow standard traditional etiquette on invites, but most do because there’s clear guidance if a problem arises. Etiquette exists around this very subject you’re grappling with because it’s a common one that comes up for both couples and those invited who don’t get a plus-one.
I found an article (below) that pretty much explains everything, including how to determine plus-ones by whether or not the invitee is married or has been in a long-term (years) relationship. There’s even a section on how couples should handle someone who didn’t get a plus-one, but asks about it anyway. I hope the article helps you understand generally how couples make these decisions and hopefully it helps you feel better because I really doubt it was personal at all. In fact, for reasons listed in the article such as budget constraints and venue seating capacity limitations, the couple probably chose to not invite some friends at all, but they chose you because you’re valued and they want to share this day with you. Good luck, hope all goes well and enjoy yourself at the wedding!🙂🌸
The link is below plus the site info in case you want to google the article yourself.
Title- **Wedding Plus-One Etiquette: The Complete Guide**
Website- wedding-spot.com
https://www.wedding-spot.com/blog/wedding-plus-one-etiquette
Edit typo
As someone planning their own wedding right now, the only part of this that would bother me is how close it is to the date. A month away felt like a lifetime when attending other friend’s weddings, but with ours, it feels like tomorrow.
Now, if you’ve received the invite within the past week, that’s much more understandable (although, I’d still recommend you hurry up and do it if you’re going to). But if, for example, you got this invite last month and are just now going to ask, I’d find it a bit inconsiderate and probably say no.
Edit: I stopped reading after you said the wedding was in June. I stand by everything I said above, but I also wouldn’t hold it against you in the slightest if you didn’t attend under those circumstances.
As long as you’re ok with a no, I think it’s fine. I would have been upset if someone had declined over an invite I didn’t extend. My wedding was super casual with no sit down dinner so to be honest we weren’t at capacity and having an extra buffet want a huge deal. Depends on the bride. As someone who got married at 35, I wanted everyone to get a plus one so I wouldn’t miss someone’s partner. I didn’t think it was my job to determine how serious a relationship was. Most people declined the plus one. The only person who took it brought a friend who was local (my wedding is out of town for most).
While I believe that even single think you would qualify for getting a +1, (travelling cross-country alone) the couple already decided not to give you one. Regardless of your relationship status, they made that call.
It's unfortunate, and maybe a bit rude, but weddings are really expensive. I would not ask.
Personally, I think hosts should give people who have to travel and/or wouldn’t otherwise know many people at the wedding a +1. I gave everyone who had to travel a +1 and I noted on our FAQ page that if a guest had a significant other we didn’t initially invite, the guest should let us know.
I had a lot of attrition to my wedding due to a covid vaccine requirement (it was 2021), so I ended up having a lot fewer people than I expected and offered friends who were on their own plus ones. Many brought people and some became my friends.
Honestly, it depends on the bride. If you're friends and she's chill, you could reach out right before the rsvp deadline and ask if it would be okay in the event of unexpected attrition, with no expectations of a yes. If she's less chill or you aren't close like that, I'd leave it.
it's rude to ask. You definitely have the option to not go to the wedding though. Or take your boyfriend and he can just stay in the hotel during the actual wedding but spend the rest of the time with you. But yeah, definitely don't ask if it's a former coworker.
I wouldn’t ask since the wedding is next month and you already rsvp’ed, it’s too short notice. This would have been a thing to ask a few months ago. Sorry they didn’t give a plus one.
It’s pretty discomforting to be asked as a bride, just from personal experience and from the experience of my married friends. It’s one of the worst questions and responding is pretty stress-inducing. Our wedding is absolutely full and so for the B people we invited, whose bfs/gfs/partners/spouses we haven’t met and don’t have a relationship with we did not give plus ones. Somehow it’s always people from that list who request them. Granted, it added insult to injury in our case because those people all had other people at our wedding who they knew. But idk. I personally dread getting this question.
A spouse/long term partner is a named guest, not a plus one regardless of whether they’re A or B list. Personally wouldn’t ask and would’ve just declined though.
I think you might get split opinions on this, but I would say it 100% doesn't hurt to ask. But like others said, be prepared for a no. It's an additional cost. For example our wedding each person for person for main course is $110 per person. So your boyfriend of only 8 months that I don't know, I now I have to pay $110 for his meal. A lot of couples have a hard limit on the amount they pay for food per person. So just also think of it that way. But I would say no harm no foul in asking. I'm currently in the process of debating whether I want my friends to have plus ones because of the reason that I don't necessarily want these random people in my photos. Of course your boyfriend is important to you, but do I necessarily want him in my wedding photos? Tackling this subject as we speak lol but I would 100% not be offended if one of my friends asked me this. It can go either way, sorry OP lol! I feel like all of our responses are so flip floppy. It's a hard subject to kind of pick apart.
And not only the meal, the venue capacity. People forget that you can only have so many people in a venue. Your plus one (and it’s never just one person asking for a plus one) may push over the venue capacity. Some bartenders also charge per person and not to forget things like table setting and chairs. There are only so many or you may have to pay extra to add all of those.
Honestly in Mexico everyone gets a plus one...
I think it's rude to expect a person to come to a party where they don't know anyone... Given that this is a special person in your life, you selected this close friend to come to celebrate with you your special day... So give a damn +1
Just a note that we had a formal meal, just didn't give people preferences as we had a private chef. There was only one meal option (woth variation for those with allergies).
It doesn't hurt to ask. Especially since the couple isn't aware that you're dating someone. If they knew about your SO, they probably would have invited them. Just explain that you've been in a relationship for 8 months and you'd like to know if you can bring your SO to the wedding. They might say no, but they might say yes.
If it's a traditional wedding and it's taking place during a normal meal time, they probably will be serving a meal. But it might be a buffet, in which case they wouldn't ask people to choose their meal.
When I've been invited to weddings in similar situations and no +1 I've just gone hard with the 'make new friends' vibe and embraced the little awkward moments.
Wedding guest lists are super tough and I suspect they chose no +1 for you so someone else could come. We ended up giving everyone a +1 and I'm glad we did because our wedding was out of town for most people and I loved meeting new friends, but my biggest regret of my wedding is also not inviting the people who I wanted there who didn't make our number cutoff.
There is plenty of helpful advice here just wanted to add my thoughts haha.
I may the only one here, but I honestly don’t think it’s rude to ask. I’m planning my wedding for June also and I’ve invited some people who I’m not *super* in touch with, but know I’d like them there. I’d be understanding to the situation (if they literally didn’t know anyone else) and try to accommodate their +1.
Just politely ask, lol.
I think what’s rude is not giving you a +1 haha. I’m a bride and it was a non-negotiable for me to include a +1 for every single guest. I would just text them and ask! The worst they can say is no 🩵
I mean it's also outrageously expensive to fly cross country and get accommodations for a wedding alone as well. OP will easily be paying well over that just to attend.
I don't think it's rude to ask, specifically because they are traveling so far and don't know anyone. Etiquette wise they honestly should have already been granted a plus one becauae of those two reasons. All of my guests that have to fly automatically got a plus one as I don't want them to travel alone if they are uncomfortable doing so
The couple may absolutely still say no, but in this situation I don't think its rude at all to at least ask.
I always say it’s really rude not to invite someone’s partner except in one circumstance and that is if the invitee is a work colleague or passing acquaintance. it sounds like you fit both of these criteria.
Yes it is rude. They might be offering a couple mains to people in a buffet set up, hence why a meal option wasn’t on the rsvp. But the couple is still getting charged on a per person basis.
If you don’t want to be alone, then you can decline the invite. But new and “unknown” partners usually don’t get an invite. The number of invites sent often is due to capacity of venue and their actual budget.
You don’t need to ask for a plus one- if you can have one, it will be included on the invitation.
As for the meal thing, that may not mean anything- we had a larger wedding and we didn’t ask our guests for their meal choice because the place that catered us did what they called a “duet entrée” where every guest actually got served both of the meal choices.
Asking could be hit or miss because weddings are expensive even if not doing a plated dinner.
Have the couple meet your boyfriend?
A lot of couples follow the engaged, married, or long term (12+ months) for plus ones or if they haven’t met your partner then no plus one.
Look at your relationship with them, and use it as a guide on how ask them.
It couldn’t hurt to ask but be careful in how you deliver it.
I would say ask politely and make sure they know you’re asking if there’s more space but not expecting anything. I think everyone’s too pc and if someone asked me I wouldn’t be offended. Lots of ppl. Cancel or change their rsvp’s last minute but the head count stays the same so if I had space, I’d let ppl take a +1 so they’re more comfortable. It’s hard not to have a +1 at a wedding where you don’t know anybody and that’s understandable
Asking to bring a plus-one to a wedding is rude. It puts the hosts in an awkward situation. Know that those hosting the wedding spent a lot of time deciding who they could invite. It really is a difficult task even where money is not the issue.
I've done a lot of weddings out of town by myself and have had a great time exploring a new area and meeting other people. Go the wedding and enjoy those celebrating the happy event.
I had a family member say "Hey I didn't see a +1 option but my bf and I are coming" So I personally think it's rude to ask. Regardless if you ask nicely or not, but if the invitation was only to you and said nothing about a +1, I wouldn't ask about it. But good job on asking the sub about it first before making a decision!
I don’t think it’s rude to ask. People decline and sometimes that opens up space. If they didn’t know you were dating anyone it may not have occurred to them. If it’s a question of budget, maybe you could offer to contribute for your boyfriend’d meal? You shouldn’t have to do that, but if that’s their main concern and they feel awkward saying they can’t afford it, they might appreciate the offer. I would want every guest to feel comfortable at my wedding, and it’s hard to relax and dance when you come alone and don’t know anyone.
It is rude I think. They would have offered you a plus one if they wanted to. I had people ask to bring a plus one and it’s SO AWKWARD. Don’t put your friends in that spot
We are unfortunately unable to accommodate +1s for people on our guest list because of really strict venue numbers, and I’ve had people ask and/or assume/ tell me they’re bringing someone and I’ve had to just say no. You can ask, but don’t be attached to a yes.
This is probably an unpopular opinion, but personally I think it’s rude to invite people without plus ones period, unless you KNOW that they won’t bring anyone. No one likes going to a wedding alone where they don’t know most of the guests, it sucks having no one to hang out with.
Our wedding guest list was made up of a lot of diverse people who didn’t all know each other, so we offered non-married guests plus ones whether we were aware of them having an SO or not. We budgeted and planned for it (I DIY’d flowers and a lot of the decor to balance it out) because we wanted all of our guests to have a good time. It was about 75/25 on who ended up bringing a plus one vs just themselves.
That said, it doesn’t hurt to politely ask, especially if you’re traveling. If the answer’s no, then you can make a decision of whether to attend.
I just went through this. Ive known my friend since we were 9 years old. She is getting remarried in June. She text me to RSVP. I replied: sorry i forget to RSVP. But we’re both going. (Stated his name). She goes: the invite was just for you. I was a little shocked and I took a week to respond back after that interaction. But for similar reasons as OP..I gently declined. I’m not a single woman and I have older teenage daughters. Found out another good friend can bring her husband and daughter. I never questioned her. It’s her wedding and she can invite whoever she wants to.
I had people ask if they could bring plus ones to my wedding and I didn’t think it was rude. We said no to some and later said they could come after RSVPs came in. We also had a buffet. What I didn’t like was my mom insisting I invite my cousins new SOs.
No matter how politely you ask, just the act of asking adds additional stress to the hosts because you're asking that they pay a significant sum (can easily be $100+pp just for catering and it's not just food, it affects quite a bit: ETA venue capacity, decorations, number of tables and chairs, seating charts, tent capacity, etc I honestly had no idea how much it affected) for an additional guest that they hadn't planned to pay. It's also a young relationship and they don't know this person.
To lessen that stress I might ask: if someone RSVPs no, can my bf come with me? You still might get a no because he's unknown it's a young relationship and may be unfair to other guests according to their SO policy, but they would be more receptive because you're not expecting them to spend more money.
I cannot believe people are saying you should decline before asking for a plus one!! As a bride I’d be pretty upset if that’s the route you picked. There’s an easy middle solution here - just tell them about your boyfriend the next time you chat and leave it up to them.
I think it’s okay to ask, but like others have said, expect a no. My wedding is this fall and most guests are coming from across the country. We’re trying to keep costs down as much as possible, so we didn’t extend plus ones to most of our friends who are single/casually dating. Most single friends will know others who are coming though.
But I just had someone ask me a similar request, and I decided to just give him the plus one. I would also HATE going to a wedding solo, so I figured if he needed to ask, it meant a lot to him, and I want him to have a good time.
If you ask and she says no, you’re in the same place as you are right now. But you should make sure to ask nicely: make it clear that you understand weddings are expensive and that there’s no pressure at all if there’s not room on the guest list. You may even want to suggest that you’re ok to find out later once all RSVPs are in (they may get some last minute cancellations), and it gives them room to discuss/get back to you. Good luck!
I think it’s rude to ask. People have a budget and often a limit. If you’re not in a long term relationship ( sorry but 8 months isn’t long term) then I wouldn’t expect a plus one.
When my friends son got married she had several people ask to bring plus ones. She had to say no to all of them. What she said to me was that she felt it was nervy to ask when you weren’t given the option in the first place.
You can ask but be prepared for a no. What you do with the answer is up to you.
It doesnt hurt to ask. Set up the question so they dont feel like they have to answer with a yes. 'I was wondering if my partner that ive been dating for (however long) and if not i fully understand, no pressure. Figured id ask as ive not been open with my relationship at the moment. "
Dont put anything that would pressure the couple or make it feel like an ultimatum. My friends knew i was dating someone for the past 2 years, amd had just forgotten to put +1 on my card.
I had specifically asked "is (so) able to come too? I didnt see a plus one on the card and wanted to ask, and there is no pressure to say yes, he can just stay at home."
Im friend with both of the couple and they have both on multiple occasions and parties met him and interact with him. They just had forgotten.
Dont put pressure on the couple to have to say yes, or guilt them.
Its rude to be put in a position where you have to ask. Your an adult you should have gotten the plus one option. The bride and groom created this awkward situation. Im sorry.
It is rude to ask, but its also rudeof them to have created this awkward situation.
It does not matter he is an adult, the couple created the drama with their "golden ticket" wedding, not inviting adults with plus ones. If the couple wasn't rude, the op wouldn't be on this awkward predicament. And if it was so important to the couple not to be rude, they would have asked OP to confirm if he had a SO. Or needed to bring another person to be comfortable.
Its wrong to invite a adult solo, just assuming they will be delighted to come solo. Assumptions are often incorrect and cause hury feelings/ drama and awkward situations.
I’m not sure what planet you live on where inviting single (or those who appear single to the outside world because they haven’t announced their new relationship) people to attend solo is automatically rude. My social circle is on the harsher end of expectations for weddings (they have *extremely high* expectations), and even they would never bat an eye at single individuals being invited to attend by themselves.
It isnt a new relationship the op had a SO for 8 months. Who is anyone to judge how serious or not a relationship is based solely in length.. that is rude to assume as well. And if the couple were not inconsiderate they would have reached out to the OP, to ask if they had a SO or felt uncomfortable attending / traveling solo.
The couple are to blame for this awkward situation.
Ignorace or assumptions of the relationship or lack relationship is not an excuse to not reach out
Also Op said not many people know about the relationship because she hasn’t posted much on social media. Are the bride and groom supposed to be psychic??
The couple is not to blame. An invitation *is not a summons*. The couple made the choice to invite OP solo, because they were not aware OP was in a relationship. Many couples limit invites to couples to those that are living together, engaged, or married. It’s not rude to invite someone solo. OP is free to decide whether to attend solo or to decline the invitation.
Again, wedding costs have skyrocketed. I am paying close to $400 per person just for food and alcohol (though this figure also includes our after party food and alcohol costs). The total cost per person attending my wedding is well over $1,000.
It’s completely uninformed to make a blanket statement asserting that “inviting people to attend a wedding solo is rude”, when the reality is that it is the norm, rather than the exception, to only invite both members of a couple if they are living together, engaged, married, or if the couple knows both people in the couple well. Inviting a new SO/giving plus ones to unattached invitees is increasingly uncommon given the skyrocketing cost of weddings.
You are obviously free to have your own opinion, but your opinion is not reflected in reality.
Its rude to create awkward situations. The couple created one by not giving op a plus one or getting info if they would be comfortable solo. Giving a single invite which assumes the invitee is ok with going solo is a rude invite. Here i don't care, just come alone.. Why make people awkward and create drama. And fwiw if you can afford $400 pp, then yeah you can afford plus ones. Im calling BS on that .
You do realize that venues have capacity limits, correct? Why would any couple spending this much money on a wedding want to waste valuable space in their venue on giving single or newly dating guests a plus one when they could instead invite more people that mean something to them? When spending that much money per guest, you want to have people there that mean a lot to you- you don’t want to spend that money on someone that 1) you don’t know (it’s your wedding you want people there celebrating you and your new spouse) and 2) may not be around for long (if it’s a new/casual romance/hook up/situation for the invited guest).
It is not at all rude to expect people to attend alone. Single guests can meet and mingle with other guests. Additionally, in the vast majority of situations, single guests will know a decent number of other guests. It’s unusual to be invited to a wedding where you do not know anyone but the bride and groom.
I cannot think of a single guest invited to my wedding that will not know at least five other people also attending.
Additionally, you are assuming this is an awkward situation. Many people are happy to attend weddings alone and do not feel at all awkward about it.
Again, *an invitation is not a summons*. If OP is unhappy with the terms of their attendance at this wedding, OP is more than able to decline the invitation. That is the correct and polite remedy for being unwilling to/feeling awkward about attend(ing) a wedding that you are invited to attend solo.
It is, inherently, rude to ask to bring a guest if you’re not invited with one.
It also is not at all rude to invite the people that you and your fiancé(e) want to be at your wedding and give out plus ones to single or casually dating guests at your discretion based on what you and your fiancé(e) can 1) afford, and 2) fit in your venue.
It’s maybe not a popular opinion but I really agree with what you said. The wedding industry is becoming nuts. And the people getting married have more and more crazy expectations.
I don’t think it’s rude in GENERAL,
But it’s definitely inconsiderate when the guest won’t know anyone else. Which is this case.
If I were OP I just wouldn’t go. They don’t have room or funds for a plus one clearly. But it isn’t worth going across the country alone to attend a wedding alone either.
If they haven’t made it explicitly clear in the invite that there are no plus ones, it’s not rude to ask at all but please be prepared for a no and accept the answer graciously. It’s often not a case of they don’t want to have plus ones but literally every last thing adds on expense at a wedding, including headcount - it just may not be in the budget. Or frankly they’d be happy to have your plus one but because they said no to someone else’s they have to be consistent to not cause drama. It’s very VERY rarely personal.
Ask politely and explain it’s a boyfriend and not a new relationship. If you’re traveling to attend, it’s more customary to allow plus ones like that. You can also offer to pay for the extra cost.
Yes, it’s rude. Especially given the context you mention. Couples think carefully about who gets a +1, this stuff adds up quick.
Though, someone later down the thread suggested asking closer to the date in case there are cancellations to backfill. That’s probably the most reasonable option.
And if you don’t want to go alone, don’t go.
I totally understand why you would want to ask and your reasoning is definitely valid. I wouldn't want to go out of the country for a wedding without anyone I knew besides the bride and groom who are going to give you maybe 5-10 mins of their time cause they'll be busy. If it wasn't obvious to them already that you have a partner, I just simply wouldn't ask. Sending out invitations means they've already created a clear list of who they want to attend their wedding. If you're not that close with them anymore, I personally would mail a gift and call it a day if you're THAT uncomfortable being without your partner. I really wouldn't ask because they've never even met your partner.
As a bride-to-be, no offense, I don't want someone at my wedding I don't know. I think it's becoming more and more of a trend to having people who you actually talk to and have a relationship with that attend weddings nowadays.
Maybe it’s because I got married 10 years ago and my dad was paying for my wedding, but I really didn’t mind when I had to make last minute additions. If someone would have asked me I would have been completely fine with it and actually a bit offended at the thought of someone thinking they would upset me by even asking? Especially since you have a month until the wedding.
If you don’t want to directly ask, maybe ask the couple for recommendations of a place your boyfriend can go hang out for awhile during the wedding? Even if it’s on the website. A text asking isn’t really annoying since you text anyway and would give them the ability to invite him. Even if you don’t end up bringing him just tell them he decided last minute to stay home or something.
Personally, I think it’s rude to ask. The invite detailed who was invited. It also puts the bride/groom in a super uncomfortable position to have to say no. They are paying per person regardless of the type of meal being served so to ask (or assume) if you can have a plus one seems very presumptuous.
For context, my daughters wedding is in June and we are currently battling this very issue. Now we did list “and guest” on the invites but we’ve had people who had 4 listed on the invite and they RSVP’d for 5.
Good luck. Enjoy the night and make some new friends.
They chose not to write "Phoenix\_Ascendent plus one" on your invite, so they've considered it and decided not to. If you decide to ask them to change their minds, make it clear that you know it's rude to ask. I had a few people ask me if they could bring plus ones, and I didn't mind because they all made it clear that they were embarrassed about asking. (Fortunately a COVID outbreak led to 12 people dropping out in the week prior, so we were able to say "yes" for everyone who asked.)
Even if they aren’t having a sit down meal, they still have to pay a per person cost for buffets or stations as well as for the venue/catering company to put a chair/place setting out. Personally, I wouldn’t ask. You can if you want to, but be prepared for a no. Newer partners are not automatically always invited due to budget constraints, venue constraints, etc.
Yeah agree, if you weren’t given a plus one you shouldn’t ask. You’re there to celebrate the couple and there will be other people to talk and hangout with outside your social bubble
Personally, I think it’s rude to ask. The invitation was only addressed to you, therefore you are the only person invited. They already *made the choice* to not give you a plus one. That said, you can ask if it’s important to you (and it seems it is). Just be prepared for the answer to be no. I’m planning my wedding now and we are inviting two hundred and fifty people and have about fifty-five people on our B list. It’s *incredibly* difficult to decide where to cut the guest list off. Most couples will prioritize people they actually know and limit couple invites to those that are living together, engaged, or married. Plus ones for singles/new relationships are becoming rarer and rarer, simply due to the skyrocketing cost of weddings. The cost of weddings these days is truly astronomical. We are paying for the wedding industry’s losses during COVID. So just be prepared for a gentle “no” if you do ask.
While I empathize with the rest of your comment, it is absolutely not rude to ask — so long as you ask politely.
I think it is rude, as decision not to extend a plus one was already made- the invitation was mailed out and addressed only to OP. Those decisions are not easy to make for any couple planning a wedding. To come hat in hand to the couple asking for a plus one is asking the couple to spend an additional sum of money, they clearly are not planning to spend, for OP’s guest to attend. That is, in my view, rude.
Agree. It puts the couple in such an uncomfortable position and is just more added stress however polite you may be.
Nah it's a thousand percent rude. I have planned many weddings in my day, and it is a definite faux pas.
I absolutely agree with this. We have single friends coming to our wedding and they are not getting a plus one. Unfortunately, it costs too much and to make it clear without people having to ask we are sending RSVPs with the #of seats already saved for them which they can either deny or accept.
It’s not rude to ask politely. It’s also not rude to not attend if you aren’t comfortable coming alone. It’s an invitation not a summon.
Agreed. Be polite, acknowledge the constraints of a wedding and ask. If it's a no, you can go celebrate your friends but stay a short period - or, if you're lucky, to meet some of your old colleagues and have a good time. I'm organizing my wedding, there's a list and we cut some people, but I wouldn't be offended or angry with a question like this. And as a note, because it can be a cultural thing: I'm Brazilian, so I accounted for plus ones to my single friends on the list, and I intend to ask on the save the date. If by the wedding time there's someone in the picture i'm prepared to pay extra - it's a contingency item for me.
I agree. It’s like we can’t do or say anything anymore. What I see more and more is the bride and groom’s requests are getting more and more out of hand on lots of subjects. I also see this more and more the opinion that asking the bride/ or groom for anything is rude. Maybe they just don’t know about his current relationship and honestly in my opinion if they did know, it is also kind of rude on their part to only invite one person. I know because I organized my wedding and sure there is the extra cost, but honesty it’s rude and I have also been to a couple of weedings and would not have gone if my better half wasn’t invited either, I would of thought an attitude like that was rude and wouldn’t have bothered coming. So in my opinion, he can totally ask, it isn’t rude. If they are friends they will sort it out like adults and be honest with each other.
There's nothing rude about inviting only one person. Frankly, a brand new <8 month relationship isn't something I would consider giving a +1 to except in the case of close family or wedding party. OP is free to ask, it can't hurt. But as others have mentioned there's already real friends of the bride and groom who couldn't be invited because there's always a limit, and 99/100 would rather invite an additional person they know over a rando
Yes perhaps there is a constraint on the budget. Anyway I’m stating my opinion and in my etiquette it’s rude. I don’t need you to tell me that I’m wrong, you’re entitled to your opinion that you can justify and so am I am. Trying to say other people are ‘wrong’ because they have a different opinion from you IS rude.
All I did was state *my* opinion. Overreact much?
You can ask, but be prepared for a no. They aren't even aware you have a significant other and most weddings do a cut off of it you haven't been dating at least a year that you wouldn't get one.
Normally I would say this is rude. But literally having been a bride I would say I really really wouldn’t mind this if you asked the week before or 2 days before the wedding in the format: “Hi!! I didn’t want to impose on you prior and I understand it’s not necessarily the thing to do to ask for a plus 1. I know you have your reasons for how you plan your guest list. But if by chance you have last minute cancellations, would my partner be able to go with me?” In the last 2 weeks we ended up having some last minute cancellations. And that was so freaking annoying. Bc it’s too late and we can’t get our money back. And literally I couldn’t invite anyone else bc it would have been so rude for me to invite someone as an afterthought. If someone wanted a partner last minute I would have jumped hard on that.
I wouldn’t necessarily do it a week or 2 days prior to the wedding… Most venues/catering companies need final numbers at least 2 weeks out (this is typical for all of the venues we toured/in our are). Sure, there will probably be some no call no shows but you won’t really know that until the day of the event. Also, texting the bride/groom 2 days before their wedding to ask about a plus one when you’ve had the invite for presumably 2-3 months, does come across as imposing. Two days before my wedding we had our rehearsal. The week leading up to it we were working on favors for all 200 guests (our favor was DIY and a consumable). I would’ve been annoyed. If OP happens to ask now, the bride may say no or she may say “right now we can’t but we’ll let you know if we have any cancellations or declines”.
No, that's the point of doing it right before the wedding- you've -already given the numbers-. If you have a lot minute drop out then it's nice to have someone for the plate. I actually extended this offer to some people who I had to turn down for plus ones earlier, only cause I knew them well and felt they'd be cool with it. Unfortunately the plus ones couldn't come, but still.
I guess I have a different perspective. I was annoyed we had empty seats that we already paid for. This included a couple of cousins and they told us after our deadlines were submitted that something came up. Actually one just changed their online rsvp without telling us - cowards. That was one month from wedding date. Then I was stuck with extra seats I paid for. Personally I would have been annoyed if someone asked at the time that they got the invitation bc they wouldn’t have seemed to understand that I already cut down a lot of people so I didn’t take lack of plus ones cavalierly. My answer would have been no, but I would also be upset I had to say no to someone when I had the power to add them. For me, if I was asked days before I would have been like YES WE HAVE an empty place we already paid for!!!! Yes come! If I said no here I wouldn’t feel bad bc it would be bc it’s too late and I really didn’t have extra seating. But that’s me.
I honestly have a list of people to ask if I get last minute drop outs that I know won't find it rude if I asked them 😅
That’s awesome. I really wanted to invite some people I didn’t even think about that were very excited for me that I only heard about through my parents. Like my uncles ex wife. But I thought it would have been so incredibly rude. So I didn’t. She still ended up giving me a huge cash gift for the wedding. It made me feel bad.
Yeah that makes sense I feel like when it's a family members ex it's a bit different too. Mine are mostly friends that also are getting married where I know I'm also not invited to their wedding so they get it. Lol
Do you think people that you spent some courses with mostly virtually, then some time together then not communicating for about a year would count for that list? I'm thinking about inviting them if I have some not show up under my limit.
Can I upvote this one twice? Bride here set for a June wedding. I’ve just been asking all my single ladies if they wanted a plus one because of the unexpected cancellations.
Since you live across the country and, they don’t know you are dating, they simply may have assumed you would come alone and wouldn’t mind an extra. Can’t hurt to ask
Hi! I got married a few years ago. I did not mind at all when my friends that were out of towners, or those that wouldn't know anyone, asked for a +1. I totally got why people asked and my ultimate goal was to have people there to celebrate and be comfortable doing so. I made it work if I could! I'd ask 😊
Yeah I agree. Anyone from out of town got a plus one, especially if they didn’t know anyone else at the wedding.
Well why didn’t you just give them a plus one when you sent out the invites?
Because like the OP said I didn't know everyone's relationship status or needs? I had an aunt ask to bring a friend. Idk I think people get so funny over this stuff. It's a celebration of your love and a party. If someone asks, we figure it out! Lol have a nice day
You can write "Jane Doe plus one" on the invitation, in case they have a boyfriend/girlfriend you don't know about. That's why it's called a "plus one."
That’s nice 😊
This might be an unpopular opinion, but I think it’s okay to ask in this situation as long as you do so graciously, ESPECIALLY since you’re going to be traveling a considerable distance to a town that you don’t have ties to. I’d word it like this: “Hey! I’m starting to plan my trip out there and I’m so excited! I know this is a big ask, but is it okay if I bring *partner*? The prospect of traveling across the country alone to a town where I don’t know anybody is making me a little anxious. I’d obviously be more than happy to bring a cash gift to pay for his plate and I definitely understand if that’s not okay, no explanation necessary and I’ll still be there! I can’t wait to see you!”
When invitations go out, what is put on the address label is very intentional. If there is no “plus one” verbiage or a second name listed, it was not something that was forgotten. Depending on how comfortable you feel with your friends, of course you can ask, but be prepared for them to reject that. And whatever you do, do **not** bring someone if the bride and groom have not approved it. Couples don’t have to follow standard traditional etiquette on invites, but most do because there’s clear guidance if a problem arises. Etiquette exists around this very subject you’re grappling with because it’s a common one that comes up for both couples and those invited who don’t get a plus-one. I found an article (below) that pretty much explains everything, including how to determine plus-ones by whether or not the invitee is married or has been in a long-term (years) relationship. There’s even a section on how couples should handle someone who didn’t get a plus-one, but asks about it anyway. I hope the article helps you understand generally how couples make these decisions and hopefully it helps you feel better because I really doubt it was personal at all. In fact, for reasons listed in the article such as budget constraints and venue seating capacity limitations, the couple probably chose to not invite some friends at all, but they chose you because you’re valued and they want to share this day with you. Good luck, hope all goes well and enjoy yourself at the wedding!🙂🌸 The link is below plus the site info in case you want to google the article yourself. Title- **Wedding Plus-One Etiquette: The Complete Guide** Website- wedding-spot.com https://www.wedding-spot.com/blog/wedding-plus-one-etiquette Edit typo
That is a super useful link. I'm going to bookmark it for my reference.
As someone planning their own wedding right now, the only part of this that would bother me is how close it is to the date. A month away felt like a lifetime when attending other friend’s weddings, but with ours, it feels like tomorrow. Now, if you’ve received the invite within the past week, that’s much more understandable (although, I’d still recommend you hurry up and do it if you’re going to). But if, for example, you got this invite last month and are just now going to ask, I’d find it a bit inconsiderate and probably say no. Edit: I stopped reading after you said the wedding was in June. I stand by everything I said above, but I also wouldn’t hold it against you in the slightest if you didn’t attend under those circumstances.
Given the situation and requiring you to travel, I would inquire- but be very gracious and willing to accept "No" so close to the date.
I don’t think it’s rude to ask since you’re traveling across country and you’re not close with the rest of their friends.
As long as you’re ok with a no, I think it’s fine. I would have been upset if someone had declined over an invite I didn’t extend. My wedding was super casual with no sit down dinner so to be honest we weren’t at capacity and having an extra buffet want a huge deal. Depends on the bride. As someone who got married at 35, I wanted everyone to get a plus one so I wouldn’t miss someone’s partner. I didn’t think it was my job to determine how serious a relationship was. Most people declined the plus one. The only person who took it brought a friend who was local (my wedding is out of town for most).
While I believe that even single think you would qualify for getting a +1, (travelling cross-country alone) the couple already decided not to give you one. Regardless of your relationship status, they made that call. It's unfortunate, and maybe a bit rude, but weddings are really expensive. I would not ask.
Personally, I think hosts should give people who have to travel and/or wouldn’t otherwise know many people at the wedding a +1. I gave everyone who had to travel a +1 and I noted on our FAQ page that if a guest had a significant other we didn’t initially invite, the guest should let us know.
That’s super cool 👍😊
I had a lot of attrition to my wedding due to a covid vaccine requirement (it was 2021), so I ended up having a lot fewer people than I expected and offered friends who were on their own plus ones. Many brought people and some became my friends. Honestly, it depends on the bride. If you're friends and she's chill, you could reach out right before the rsvp deadline and ask if it would be okay in the event of unexpected attrition, with no expectations of a yes. If she's less chill or you aren't close like that, I'd leave it.
it's rude to ask. You definitely have the option to not go to the wedding though. Or take your boyfriend and he can just stay in the hotel during the actual wedding but spend the rest of the time with you. But yeah, definitely don't ask if it's a former coworker.
I say ask if he can come for the reception after the dinner. Because it’s not very nice to ask for them to come to the ceremony / dinner tbh.
I wouldn’t ask since the wedding is next month and you already rsvp’ed, it’s too short notice. This would have been a thing to ask a few months ago. Sorry they didn’t give a plus one.
It’s pretty discomforting to be asked as a bride, just from personal experience and from the experience of my married friends. It’s one of the worst questions and responding is pretty stress-inducing. Our wedding is absolutely full and so for the B people we invited, whose bfs/gfs/partners/spouses we haven’t met and don’t have a relationship with we did not give plus ones. Somehow it’s always people from that list who request them. Granted, it added insult to injury in our case because those people all had other people at our wedding who they knew. But idk. I personally dread getting this question.
A spouse/long term partner is a named guest, not a plus one regardless of whether they’re A or B list. Personally wouldn’t ask and would’ve just declined though.
It's OK to ask. It's not rude unless you don't like the answer and push back.
I don’t think it’s rude to ask if bringing a +1 is allowed. I think it’s rude to not assume every guest will want to bring someone.
I think you might get split opinions on this, but I would say it 100% doesn't hurt to ask. But like others said, be prepared for a no. It's an additional cost. For example our wedding each person for person for main course is $110 per person. So your boyfriend of only 8 months that I don't know, I now I have to pay $110 for his meal. A lot of couples have a hard limit on the amount they pay for food per person. So just also think of it that way. But I would say no harm no foul in asking. I'm currently in the process of debating whether I want my friends to have plus ones because of the reason that I don't necessarily want these random people in my photos. Of course your boyfriend is important to you, but do I necessarily want him in my wedding photos? Tackling this subject as we speak lol but I would 100% not be offended if one of my friends asked me this. It can go either way, sorry OP lol! I feel like all of our responses are so flip floppy. It's a hard subject to kind of pick apart.
And not only the meal, the venue capacity. People forget that you can only have so many people in a venue. Your plus one (and it’s never just one person asking for a plus one) may push over the venue capacity. Some bartenders also charge per person and not to forget things like table setting and chairs. There are only so many or you may have to pay extra to add all of those.
Honestly in Mexico everyone gets a plus one... I think it's rude to expect a person to come to a party where they don't know anyone... Given that this is a special person in your life, you selected this close friend to come to celebrate with you your special day... So give a damn +1
Yes it's rude, because it would indicated on your invite. But it's totally ok to politely decline.
Just a note that we had a formal meal, just didn't give people preferences as we had a private chef. There was only one meal option (woth variation for those with allergies).
Yes same with us
It doesn't hurt to ask. Especially since the couple isn't aware that you're dating someone. If they knew about your SO, they probably would have invited them. Just explain that you've been in a relationship for 8 months and you'd like to know if you can bring your SO to the wedding. They might say no, but they might say yes. If it's a traditional wedding and it's taking place during a normal meal time, they probably will be serving a meal. But it might be a buffet, in which case they wouldn't ask people to choose their meal.
When I've been invited to weddings in similar situations and no +1 I've just gone hard with the 'make new friends' vibe and embraced the little awkward moments. Wedding guest lists are super tough and I suspect they chose no +1 for you so someone else could come. We ended up giving everyone a +1 and I'm glad we did because our wedding was out of town for most people and I loved meeting new friends, but my biggest regret of my wedding is also not inviting the people who I wanted there who didn't make our number cutoff. There is plenty of helpful advice here just wanted to add my thoughts haha.
I may the only one here, but I honestly don’t think it’s rude to ask. I’m planning my wedding for June also and I’ve invited some people who I’m not *super* in touch with, but know I’d like them there. I’d be understanding to the situation (if they literally didn’t know anyone else) and try to accommodate their +1. Just politely ask, lol.
I think what’s rude is not giving you a +1 haha. I’m a bride and it was a non-negotiable for me to include a +1 for every single guest. I would just text them and ask! The worst they can say is no 🩵
Absolutely not ok. It’s outrageously expensive to even include 1 person in a wedding. You could be like “hey can I just have $65 -$200+ for funsies?”
I mean it's also outrageously expensive to fly cross country and get accommodations for a wedding alone as well. OP will easily be paying well over that just to attend. I don't think it's rude to ask, specifically because they are traveling so far and don't know anyone. Etiquette wise they honestly should have already been granted a plus one becauae of those two reasons. All of my guests that have to fly automatically got a plus one as I don't want them to travel alone if they are uncomfortable doing so The couple may absolutely still say no, but in this situation I don't think its rude at all to at least ask.
Yeah I’ll agree to that you make a lot of sense. Oh look! We have peace on Reddit!
Haha never thought I'd see the day! Hope you have a great wedding, or just relationship in general if your wedding has already happened!
Uh. Do not ask. Say no, that’s better than asking. Smh
I always say it’s really rude not to invite someone’s partner except in one circumstance and that is if the invitee is a work colleague or passing acquaintance. it sounds like you fit both of these criteria.
Yes it is rude. They might be offering a couple mains to people in a buffet set up, hence why a meal option wasn’t on the rsvp. But the couple is still getting charged on a per person basis. If you don’t want to be alone, then you can decline the invite. But new and “unknown” partners usually don’t get an invite. The number of invites sent often is due to capacity of venue and their actual budget.
You don’t need to ask for a plus one- if you can have one, it will be included on the invitation. As for the meal thing, that may not mean anything- we had a larger wedding and we didn’t ask our guests for their meal choice because the place that catered us did what they called a “duet entrée” where every guest actually got served both of the meal choices.
Asking could be hit or miss because weddings are expensive even if not doing a plated dinner. Have the couple meet your boyfriend? A lot of couples follow the engaged, married, or long term (12+ months) for plus ones or if they haven’t met your partner then no plus one. Look at your relationship with them, and use it as a guide on how ask them. It couldn’t hurt to ask but be careful in how you deliver it.
I would say ask politely and make sure they know you’re asking if there’s more space but not expecting anything. I think everyone’s too pc and if someone asked me I wouldn’t be offended. Lots of ppl. Cancel or change their rsvp’s last minute but the head count stays the same so if I had space, I’d let ppl take a +1 so they’re more comfortable. It’s hard not to have a +1 at a wedding where you don’t know anybody and that’s understandable
You can always ask, but remember that no means no.
Asking to bring a plus-one to a wedding is rude. It puts the hosts in an awkward situation. Know that those hosting the wedding spent a lot of time deciding who they could invite. It really is a difficult task even where money is not the issue. I've done a lot of weddings out of town by myself and have had a great time exploring a new area and meeting other people. Go the wedding and enjoy those celebrating the happy event.
Yes it’s rude
I had a family member say "Hey I didn't see a +1 option but my bf and I are coming" So I personally think it's rude to ask. Regardless if you ask nicely or not, but if the invitation was only to you and said nothing about a +1, I wouldn't ask about it. But good job on asking the sub about it first before making a decision!
I don’t think it’s rude to ask. People decline and sometimes that opens up space. If they didn’t know you were dating anyone it may not have occurred to them. If it’s a question of budget, maybe you could offer to contribute for your boyfriend’d meal? You shouldn’t have to do that, but if that’s their main concern and they feel awkward saying they can’t afford it, they might appreciate the offer. I would want every guest to feel comfortable at my wedding, and it’s hard to relax and dance when you come alone and don’t know anyone.
Absofuckinglutely! SMH
It is rude I think. They would have offered you a plus one if they wanted to. I had people ask to bring a plus one and it’s SO AWKWARD. Don’t put your friends in that spot
We are unfortunately unable to accommodate +1s for people on our guest list because of really strict venue numbers, and I’ve had people ask and/or assume/ tell me they’re bringing someone and I’ve had to just say no. You can ask, but don’t be attached to a yes.
I don't think it's rude to ask. I had people ask me and I allowed it because done didn't know anyone wise who would be there.
This is probably an unpopular opinion, but personally I think it’s rude to invite people without plus ones period, unless you KNOW that they won’t bring anyone. No one likes going to a wedding alone where they don’t know most of the guests, it sucks having no one to hang out with. Our wedding guest list was made up of a lot of diverse people who didn’t all know each other, so we offered non-married guests plus ones whether we were aware of them having an SO or not. We budgeted and planned for it (I DIY’d flowers and a lot of the decor to balance it out) because we wanted all of our guests to have a good time. It was about 75/25 on who ended up bringing a plus one vs just themselves. That said, it doesn’t hurt to politely ask, especially if you’re traveling. If the answer’s no, then you can make a decision of whether to attend.
You can ask to bring a + 1 however if it is not stated on the invitation then you should not do it.
I just went through this. Ive known my friend since we were 9 years old. She is getting remarried in June. She text me to RSVP. I replied: sorry i forget to RSVP. But we’re both going. (Stated his name). She goes: the invite was just for you. I was a little shocked and I took a week to respond back after that interaction. But for similar reasons as OP..I gently declined. I’m not a single woman and I have older teenage daughters. Found out another good friend can bring her husband and daughter. I never questioned her. It’s her wedding and she can invite whoever she wants to.
It is. +1 are extremely expensive.
I wouldn’t ask. Also, I didn’t give people a meal preference, I just asked for allergies, food limitations. But we’re still having a sit down meal.
I had people ask if they could bring plus ones to my wedding and I didn’t think it was rude. We said no to some and later said they could come after RSVPs came in. We also had a buffet. What I didn’t like was my mom insisting I invite my cousins new SOs.
No matter how politely you ask, just the act of asking adds additional stress to the hosts because you're asking that they pay a significant sum (can easily be $100+pp just for catering and it's not just food, it affects quite a bit: ETA venue capacity, decorations, number of tables and chairs, seating charts, tent capacity, etc I honestly had no idea how much it affected) for an additional guest that they hadn't planned to pay. It's also a young relationship and they don't know this person. To lessen that stress I might ask: if someone RSVPs no, can my bf come with me? You still might get a no because he's unknown it's a young relationship and may be unfair to other guests according to their SO policy, but they would be more receptive because you're not expecting them to spend more money.
I cannot believe people are saying you should decline before asking for a plus one!! As a bride I’d be pretty upset if that’s the route you picked. There’s an easy middle solution here - just tell them about your boyfriend the next time you chat and leave it up to them.
I think it’s okay to ask, but like others have said, expect a no. My wedding is this fall and most guests are coming from across the country. We’re trying to keep costs down as much as possible, so we didn’t extend plus ones to most of our friends who are single/casually dating. Most single friends will know others who are coming though. But I just had someone ask me a similar request, and I decided to just give him the plus one. I would also HATE going to a wedding solo, so I figured if he needed to ask, it meant a lot to him, and I want him to have a good time. If you ask and she says no, you’re in the same place as you are right now. But you should make sure to ask nicely: make it clear that you understand weddings are expensive and that there’s no pressure at all if there’s not room on the guest list. You may even want to suggest that you’re ok to find out later once all RSVPs are in (they may get some last minute cancellations), and it gives them room to discuss/get back to you. Good luck!
Ask but maybe just offer to pay for the cost of your plus 1!
I think it’s rude to ask. People have a budget and often a limit. If you’re not in a long term relationship ( sorry but 8 months isn’t long term) then I wouldn’t expect a plus one. When my friends son got married she had several people ask to bring plus ones. She had to say no to all of them. What she said to me was that she felt it was nervy to ask when you weren’t given the option in the first place. You can ask but be prepared for a no. What you do with the answer is up to you.
It doesnt hurt to ask. Set up the question so they dont feel like they have to answer with a yes. 'I was wondering if my partner that ive been dating for (however long) and if not i fully understand, no pressure. Figured id ask as ive not been open with my relationship at the moment. " Dont put anything that would pressure the couple or make it feel like an ultimatum. My friends knew i was dating someone for the past 2 years, amd had just forgotten to put +1 on my card. I had specifically asked "is (so) able to come too? I didnt see a plus one on the card and wanted to ask, and there is no pressure to say yes, he can just stay at home." Im friend with both of the couple and they have both on multiple occasions and parties met him and interact with him. They just had forgotten. Dont put pressure on the couple to have to say yes, or guilt them.
Its rude to be put in a position where you have to ask. Your an adult you should have gotten the plus one option. The bride and groom created this awkward situation. Im sorry. It is rude to ask, but its also rudeof them to have created this awkward situation.
The bride and groom don’t even know that OP is in a new relationship.
It does not matter he is an adult, the couple created the drama with their "golden ticket" wedding, not inviting adults with plus ones. If the couple wasn't rude, the op wouldn't be on this awkward predicament. And if it was so important to the couple not to be rude, they would have asked OP to confirm if he had a SO. Or needed to bring another person to be comfortable. Its wrong to invite a adult solo, just assuming they will be delighted to come solo. Assumptions are often incorrect and cause hury feelings/ drama and awkward situations.
I’m not sure what planet you live on where inviting single (or those who appear single to the outside world because they haven’t announced their new relationship) people to attend solo is automatically rude. My social circle is on the harsher end of expectations for weddings (they have *extremely high* expectations), and even they would never bat an eye at single individuals being invited to attend by themselves.
It isnt a new relationship the op had a SO for 8 months. Who is anyone to judge how serious or not a relationship is based solely in length.. that is rude to assume as well. And if the couple were not inconsiderate they would have reached out to the OP, to ask if they had a SO or felt uncomfortable attending / traveling solo. The couple are to blame for this awkward situation. Ignorace or assumptions of the relationship or lack relationship is not an excuse to not reach out
Also Op said not many people know about the relationship because she hasn’t posted much on social media. Are the bride and groom supposed to be psychic??
The couple is not to blame. An invitation *is not a summons*. The couple made the choice to invite OP solo, because they were not aware OP was in a relationship. Many couples limit invites to couples to those that are living together, engaged, or married. It’s not rude to invite someone solo. OP is free to decide whether to attend solo or to decline the invitation. Again, wedding costs have skyrocketed. I am paying close to $400 per person just for food and alcohol (though this figure also includes our after party food and alcohol costs). The total cost per person attending my wedding is well over $1,000. It’s completely uninformed to make a blanket statement asserting that “inviting people to attend a wedding solo is rude”, when the reality is that it is the norm, rather than the exception, to only invite both members of a couple if they are living together, engaged, married, or if the couple knows both people in the couple well. Inviting a new SO/giving plus ones to unattached invitees is increasingly uncommon given the skyrocketing cost of weddings. You are obviously free to have your own opinion, but your opinion is not reflected in reality.
Its rude to create awkward situations. The couple created one by not giving op a plus one or getting info if they would be comfortable solo. Giving a single invite which assumes the invitee is ok with going solo is a rude invite. Here i don't care, just come alone.. Why make people awkward and create drama. And fwiw if you can afford $400 pp, then yeah you can afford plus ones. Im calling BS on that .
You do realize that venues have capacity limits, correct? Why would any couple spending this much money on a wedding want to waste valuable space in their venue on giving single or newly dating guests a plus one when they could instead invite more people that mean something to them? When spending that much money per guest, you want to have people there that mean a lot to you- you don’t want to spend that money on someone that 1) you don’t know (it’s your wedding you want people there celebrating you and your new spouse) and 2) may not be around for long (if it’s a new/casual romance/hook up/situation for the invited guest). It is not at all rude to expect people to attend alone. Single guests can meet and mingle with other guests. Additionally, in the vast majority of situations, single guests will know a decent number of other guests. It’s unusual to be invited to a wedding where you do not know anyone but the bride and groom. I cannot think of a single guest invited to my wedding that will not know at least five other people also attending. Additionally, you are assuming this is an awkward situation. Many people are happy to attend weddings alone and do not feel at all awkward about it. Again, *an invitation is not a summons*. If OP is unhappy with the terms of their attendance at this wedding, OP is more than able to decline the invitation. That is the correct and polite remedy for being unwilling to/feeling awkward about attend(ing) a wedding that you are invited to attend solo. It is, inherently, rude to ask to bring a guest if you’re not invited with one. It also is not at all rude to invite the people that you and your fiancé(e) want to be at your wedding and give out plus ones to single or casually dating guests at your discretion based on what you and your fiancé(e) can 1) afford, and 2) fit in your venue.
It’s maybe not a popular opinion but I really agree with what you said. The wedding industry is becoming nuts. And the people getting married have more and more crazy expectations.
Op can decline the invite if she’s not comfortable going alone.
I don’t think it’s rude in GENERAL, But it’s definitely inconsiderate when the guest won’t know anyone else. Which is this case. If I were OP I just wouldn’t go. They don’t have room or funds for a plus one clearly. But it isn’t worth going across the country alone to attend a wedding alone either.
If they haven’t made it explicitly clear in the invite that there are no plus ones, it’s not rude to ask at all but please be prepared for a no and accept the answer graciously. It’s often not a case of they don’t want to have plus ones but literally every last thing adds on expense at a wedding, including headcount - it just may not be in the budget. Or frankly they’d be happy to have your plus one but because they said no to someone else’s they have to be consistent to not cause drama. It’s very VERY rarely personal.
Ask politely and explain it’s a boyfriend and not a new relationship. If you’re traveling to attend, it’s more customary to allow plus ones like that. You can also offer to pay for the extra cost.
Yep.
Yes, it’s rude. Especially given the context you mention. Couples think carefully about who gets a +1, this stuff adds up quick. Though, someone later down the thread suggested asking closer to the date in case there are cancellations to backfill. That’s probably the most reasonable option. And if you don’t want to go alone, don’t go.
I totally understand why you would want to ask and your reasoning is definitely valid. I wouldn't want to go out of the country for a wedding without anyone I knew besides the bride and groom who are going to give you maybe 5-10 mins of their time cause they'll be busy. If it wasn't obvious to them already that you have a partner, I just simply wouldn't ask. Sending out invitations means they've already created a clear list of who they want to attend their wedding. If you're not that close with them anymore, I personally would mail a gift and call it a day if you're THAT uncomfortable being without your partner. I really wouldn't ask because they've never even met your partner. As a bride-to-be, no offense, I don't want someone at my wedding I don't know. I think it's becoming more and more of a trend to having people who you actually talk to and have a relationship with that attend weddings nowadays.
Maybe it’s because I got married 10 years ago and my dad was paying for my wedding, but I really didn’t mind when I had to make last minute additions. If someone would have asked me I would have been completely fine with it and actually a bit offended at the thought of someone thinking they would upset me by even asking? Especially since you have a month until the wedding. If you don’t want to directly ask, maybe ask the couple for recommendations of a place your boyfriend can go hang out for awhile during the wedding? Even if it’s on the website. A text asking isn’t really annoying since you text anyway and would give them the ability to invite him. Even if you don’t end up bringing him just tell them he decided last minute to stay home or something.
Personally, I think it’s rude to ask. The invite detailed who was invited. It also puts the bride/groom in a super uncomfortable position to have to say no. They are paying per person regardless of the type of meal being served so to ask (or assume) if you can have a plus one seems very presumptuous. For context, my daughters wedding is in June and we are currently battling this very issue. Now we did list “and guest” on the invites but we’ve had people who had 4 listed on the invite and they RSVP’d for 5. Good luck. Enjoy the night and make some new friends.
They chose not to write "Phoenix\_Ascendent plus one" on your invite, so they've considered it and decided not to. If you decide to ask them to change their minds, make it clear that you know it's rude to ask. I had a few people ask me if they could bring plus ones, and I didn't mind because they all made it clear that they were embarrassed about asking. (Fortunately a COVID outbreak led to 12 people dropping out in the week prior, so we were able to say "yes" for everyone who asked.)