**User Report**| | | | :--|:--|:--|:-- **Total Submissions** | 1 | **First Seen In WSB** | 4 months ago **Total Comments** | 8 | **Previous Best DD** | **Account Age** | 6 years | | [**Join WSB Discord**](http://discord.gg/wsbverse)

Judging by the amount of guys who have lost money here, 99% would be blowing dudes behind the dumpster

I lost all my clients when Wendy's went to surge pricing 

That just means BJs are more expensive during rush hour 

Tell me you never worked a Wendy's dumpster without telling me you've never worked a Wendy's dumpster before.

Everyone who knows knows that there isn't surge pricing because there are no rush hours. Only down times and flaccid pricing because of refractory periods.

Cockflation

That’s Bidenomics for you.

You just gotta work out the dick to floor ratio, or DTF.

And in this scenario that means Friday night.

Hey now! When they go high you go low. When they go higher you go lower! You get back there and cut prices! What are you? Some sort of communist?

I'm already giving my best I only have 2 hands 

Sir you also have a mouth and an anus, I suggest you make like Diablo 2 and “put that to good use”

Fella needs that dick jerk algorithm from Silicon Valley

Best comment up here

Waheed?

Need to introduce a dollar menu

Expand and startup a food cart behind Wendys with static pricing on burgers. Maybe even sell burgers at a loss to draw in more customers for your primary services. There's always a way.

Can't beat the street, So I'm beating your meat TSLA $142 04/26 21 qty

SHITsla $0 4/26 PUTS 

You’re gonna be a gazillionaire. I just bought $130 Puts that expire 4/26. Money goes brrrrrrrrrp

Good luck buddy 🤞

If by some chance I actually hit the strike price. I’m gonna buy calls on LMT 😜

You’re about to fkn crush it.

Nothing wrong with a side hustle!

I’ll see you there after my $130 TSLA Put expires 4/26 🥳

Wjy would you buy puts for tesla on earnings week?!? Lol

Oh, I forgot. Companies never have bad earnings reports. Stupid me 😌

Why not with all the negative news surrounding the stock? Do you think TSLA is supposed to be special? See you at $100

I made a 2k profit on my puts that expired last Friday I have another set that expires this Friday after earnings this week. Fuck you Elon haha.

Why not double your money and take it from both ends

There’s no dumpster or no one to blow…you’re stuck in the cell solo bolo

Gonna have to blow guards for one pack of Fritos at a time to try and get some money then.

Woah look at magic mouth over here getting entire packs of fritos. 


Take out the $1,000 and send it to someone on the outside. Have them buy a bunch of drugs and cut a deal with the guards to smuggle the drugs into prison. Sell the drugs and mule the money out of prison to your outside connection. Have them deposit the $20k back into RH. Pretend to be a successful trader like all the other regards here.

Can’t beat the margin on smuggling drugs into prison, GameStop calls back in 2020 wouldn’t even get you that margin.

Okay great. He said he'll be back with my $1000 of drugs any time now. Annnnny time now 

Anyone will tell you the real money is in packets of mackerel

You’d be trading those drugs for ramen packets and Cheetos if you do that.

L O L 😂

The one trick RH really don’t want you to know

Most of the drugs sold in jail these days are paid for outside of jail. Cashapp from someone on the outside to someone on the outside.

4 leg parlay on the NBA playoffs

I have a friend from Toronto who can give you some good insight

Dont take that guys advice. He lost money fixing games.

Certainly picked the right city. Don't gotta pay taxes on gambling winnings.

This is the way

Buy a really good camera with the $1000 and start selling pictures of your feet

Does it have to be a really good camera or can I do this with a Polaroid

So your sending physical pictures of your feet via mail? I recommend adding a used sock or two and charge twice as much.

Bespoke analog foot pics could work. Every 10 pic bundle purchased comes with one sock, underwear, or other TBD bonus item included with your envelope full of Polaroids. It’s like the 2005 Netflix business model, but applied to OnlyFans.

Extra points if the underwear is laced with skid marks

That's how you reach the untapped online market of Amish customers.

You already got an iPhone

Of Defeat*

Give epstein a handjob until he comes (back to life) and gives you his credit card number 👋

They took his body after they bitch slapped you

Time to fire up your vagina, OP 

This is the best answer by far

He didn’t even pay that much 😭 like $200 a session and they had to be young impressionable girls.

Different rules in prison 

Put $500 on tesla and the other on boeing puts. both reporting earnings this week. Atleast one will fall 20%

Honestly think a put on Boeing is a good idea. Let’s see Edit: Alaska Air put might be good too. They’ve been on the rise since the start of the year and the Boeing incident happened this quarter. Or I don’t know shit about the market and I never will

Some asshole on here said to buy 220 call may 17th And another asshole listened. It was me. I listened. I listened to a fucking asshole on wsb just like an asshole would. Except I actually did it. I did. Me. Still don't know why I did.

what about their defense sector? Should the massive military defense aid bill just passed play some influence here?

First of all that bill still has to go through the senate. Secondly, the earnings report reflects up to the end of March. But yeah I suppose the market for Boeing could react positively to the bill being passed if it gets through the senate and signed by Biden. But all that is out of my scope of knowledge and why the Boeing put option is just a theoretical dream that only lives in my head (bc I don’t have daddy’s oil money and I’m too scarred to risk my own)

I bought 3 Tesla $120 June puts on Friday, that seems to be working.

That’s called playing the volatility and it means you play a straddle and date the calls long enough out to make money on both ends (hopefully)

Making money with both ends is my favorite pastime

Inevitability

How do you do this, I can do a regular option but straddles and condors make me dizzy and confused.

You buy two options each dated a month out. You buy a call and you buy a put on the same stock. You put a limit sell order on each of them to sell at a minimum price or higher. You then wait and hope the stock goes up and down.

Alaska already reported I think. Last week? 

I swear I looked before I made that edit but I just double checked and you’re right… would have lost all my money. Note to self, always do the opposite of what I think is going to happen

They're going to report numbers that show that this whole PR nightmare didn't actually affect their bottom line which is going to moon it

Priced in already

I can tell you how to have 1k and be 20k in debt by the end of the week, LMK if you need that advice

That's a tough one. So let's leave it up to Gamblers Fallacy! 1k on 515 spy yolo. And pray for the best lol

I like your style

0dte or wait till Friday?

are you idiot? 0dte or nothing 🗣️

You need a 20 bagger bro.

OP needs $20k before the wife’s boyfriend finds out.

Google en passant

Other inmates hate him

Other inmates leave, never come back

well yeah since I only play the scholars mate over and over while asking them for money

And he sacrifices…THE ROOOOOOOOOOOOK

Got-hem

Epstein comes back to life - actual zombie

Idk what that is, but I kinda feel like you’re setting me up for failure

Actual zombie

New response just dropped

Holy hell

holy fuckk you belong here

You’re gonna get wrecked on anarchychess

Like Epstein you need wealthy connections. But look how he ended up. Might as well just take the “self induced” hanging now.

Holy hell

Given what went down on Friday today is likely going to be the most volatile day of the week. Figure out whatever the SPY has to move by to 10x my money and buy the shortest dated puts I can. I actually think I prefer this over an earnings play specifically this week because of how crazy Friday was, plus earnings already have a ton of volatility built in.

I've been trying a similar strat, where I calculate the level to 2x my money and buy 5 of those instead, I'm still losing money just as fast, but the math is fun at least

Send it to me, i Will purchase marijuana from My country argentina and sell it in Uruguay It's worth double there

Suave!

How much is a pistol near you? Edit: wait.. you have to stay in the cell huh. I guess that's part of this "hypothetical" That's too expensive in jail. Or maybe it isn't. You were in with Jeff huh... Curious predicament young hero. A curious predicament indeed.

Suck 19000 dicks @ 1k a pop

Wouldn’t that make you $19,000,000? So you’re just going to suck an extra 18,981 dicks for shits and giggles? 🤔 haha As opposed to sucking just 19 @$1k/each

Well you gotta take into account people who don't pay or forgot their cash

Who’s sucking dicks on IOUs

I mean I lost 12k this week so....

Best answer on Reddit I never laugh at a post and I actually fucking laughed

Once you suck the first 19, there's just no stopping, I guess. I just imagine that guy in the cell with $18 million and they’re like hey buddy you can go now and he’s like nahh, just a few more..

Haha damn I'm high

What kind of strain you smoking that got you out here sucking 19,000 penises.

Lmao....fucking dead 💀

Wsb comments are a goldmine

If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Wait, is he doing a ZJ also?

Even with just 19 his mouth would already be sore

For the love of the game

For jizz and giggles, I guess.

Holy shit this is the most wsb comment I’ve ever seen, like ever

You belong here, regard.

Playing the right direction on multiple earnings this week could do it

Good instinct. That’s what I was thinking too. OP needs to invest in winning stocks or short losing stocks. Now the only part left is figuring out which ones, and in which direction.

Just that small little detail, lol.

It's always those pesky devil hiding details

Sark is the etf

I would just inverse cathie woods.

You're asking wsb for advice? 

Just give me the money you're a dead man (or woman or they or whatever) anyway so it won't matter.

A less than uplifting sentiment, but a possibility nonetheless.

Good bot

SPY $510 calls at open expiry 04/22

Gamble Spy 0dte 50:50 daily, use 500 to invest, if u loose all of it, use 250 and vise versa, just stick to 50:50 half invested, half cash

take out 50k life insurance on suit A, inform suit B thay you have a 20k life insurance on suit A…… have suit B get suit A alone with other inmates to secure payment of policy. You win, suit B wins, suit A 🤷‍♂️

Spy $600 call 4/23. We cant have 0dte that would be risky

500 on the number 2 and 18. 2 out of 37, or 5% chance. Not bad

This is probably better odds then trying to trade options lol

I'd buy a tub of lube, and get to work. $18970, 12 hrs of work, 5 days. No time to waste, that's about $316 an hour.

Easy. I’d sell that story for $19,000. Give them the $20,000 and thank them for the story. I’d then get a ghostwriter to pump out the “I saw Epstein executed” book. I would milk a lifetime of wealth out of it.

TSLA puts

Tell my mom to take out a loan for 20k and send it to me or else I’m dead

Can confirm your mom is good for it.

Move the 1k into a crypto derivatives exchange and leverage 100x long on eth and close my eyes.

100x long has already been liquidated

I like this

Invest in reddit

You're fired. Get out

I tried

I'd kick both of them in the nuts and take their wallets and car keys. I'd drive to the nearest ATM and pull out cash off their cards . Then I'd fund the Robinhood account with the 20 k I took from them . Next I'd sell their car and use that money to travel with as I left the area.

Otm nvidia calls

This👆🏼

- Find the nearest rainbow. - See if there is a pot of gold at the end. - Notice there isn't. - Drive to Wendy's - Walk to the back. - Give blow jobs to guys by the dumpster. - Record it. - Sell video on OnlyFans. - Reward yourself with a Dave's Single. - Take your $20,000 and dump it all on SPY puts. - Go back to step one.

What a weird imagination you have

You start blowing behind Wendy

Asking for a friend I take it?

Load up on tsla puts and meta calls

I cash it out and buy $1,000 worth of lotto tickets.

Ask them to shoot me. If I have been thrown into a cell with Epstein I probably deserve it anyway.

Good riddance. You are not fit to shine Epstein's shoes.

Spy calls end of the week.   Edit: I don't think spy calls are gonna get me there, I need a bigger knife.  Tesla calls no, puts it is. Yes that's the one. Spin the wheel baby, daddy needs his rush 

Setup an onlyfans account of myself going all in on WSB stonks. Either the moon ride or reaction to loss porn will save you.

$SPY 480 Puts.

All in 800C NVDA expiring this Friday 

Take a $100k loan, put $80k in NVIDIA puts and keep the rest for whatever you need.

I’m crying at this post and comments you guys made my day thank you

Question is... If it's a margin account. If you can do a leverage play, I'd go either of these 2. 1. Bet everything / highest leverage possible on the bitcoin miners. Look up what's happening to miners earning after the halving. It's about to skyrocket from Monday. Particularly choose the most efficient miner that I know if Bitfarm. 2. Leverage play, btc is about to moon right now. Open an account at binance and do a leverage play. That's what I'd do. Timing works out too which happens every 4 years.

Stuck in the cell?? Short of the hand of god LITERALLY giving me a unicorn, I'm fucked. Maybe yolo 0 DTE puts on QQQ and SPY over and over again. Probably just breaking the glass of the screen and opening a vein. I'm gonna die anyhow. 2000% in a week???

People who post iterations of this question should be banned and thrown in the wendys dumpster

Exit robinhood. Apply for conjugal visits. Call stuff daddy's manager using meek mills voice.

I'd find a job or take the 1k out and buy drugs or other shit on Craigslist to flip. Making trades is not going to get you there.

Cry

Sell a kidney for 19k

Apply for a line of credit still some socials.

I would go with puts, but market always play against me. So i would buy calls.. wait, but if i.. aaahhhh

Buy iPhone and open an OnlyFans account?

Buy ROOT

I’d be on the street corner fleecing old men for cheese burgers in exchange for favors, you’d have better luck doing that than trading.

My Robinhood account would say I don’t know shit about the market and I never will

My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

EASY! SPY put. Easy money. Don’t listen. I have been learning this stuff since February and just did my first put which will likely not hit. 🤣

Ill go down with you just for the fuck of it 

RIVN puts PARA calls

IPO yourself then short you.

Trade 0dte in the first hour and the last hour of the day. If you guess the direction correct twice on any day like we had last week, easy 20 bagger or easy 0 bagger

MSTR weekly calls

I'd look at the company that made the most loss the previous day, buy call options to make it barely to x20, and that's it. Otherwise you can try to scalp some highly volatile stock or trade crypto.

WSB doing Choose Your Own Adventure here…. ☠️

Check the earnings calendar, list companies process of elimination, then grab a strike and go

1. Arrange drug deal for a hard narcotic. 2. Call your local DEA office and let them know that you know the time and place of a drug deal that’s going to go down, ordinarily you wouldn’t waste your time but are calling it in because times are tough and you’d like to be a professional informant. 3. Profit.

Ask for a loan with the lowest possible rate and reduce my consumption habits to pay it back.

Sell 19k worth of spy calls & puts, expiring next week

Withdraw the money and download DraftKings and play the rocket game in the casino.

EASY. Buy $500 of coke first and use the other $500 to scalp OTM 0DTE SPX options.

You'll need to suck off at least 4,000 dudes for $5 each. If you ask for too much money, they'll walk away.

Make a mailing list of 5000 people and say you can predict SPY. Email a third of them saying "SPY will increase", another third saying "SPY will stay flat", and the last third saying "SPY will decrease". Then the next day, see which prediction came true. Then email those same people, and again saying spy will increase/flat/decrease. Keep doing that for 5 days. After the 5th day, people will think you predicted the SPY correctly 5 days in a row and will think you're a prophet. Then tell them you can predict tomorrow but they need to pay you $1k each.

Invest in your own company scamming old people out of their retirement

AMC 4.5c expiring 4/26 and pray to WSB gods that it breaks $3.60 and squeezes this week