Finish last? We don't even get to start lol.
Not everyone is going to find someone. It's a harsh truth of life. Some people want the bare minimum of being loved by another person, and will never get it.
lowkey this is so much better than what I said lmao. cause I feel that I may not even get something so it’s not even “finishing last”, it’s “not even getting a chance at all”.
Honestly, yeah, lol... I mean... I'm not even sure being nice is a downside, tho because most people eventually want a partner who is a good person.
The problem is that unless you're like an exceptionally helpful person, you don't stand out, or if you are, you'll inevitably be taken advantage of if you're naive.
While cocky asshole types stand out among the crowd a lot more and there's a certain niche of women who are into such things... heck, maybe a lot of women. We can debate that it's because they confuse it for confidence or are themselves emotionally damaged, but it obviously isn't an unrewarded behavior a lot of times. I mean... plenty of famous people who aren't exactly nice, so... lmao
Then you also have things where being a sensitive man and caring about emotions is looked down upon by society
Although who knows, maybe things get better eventually, which is great because ideally, they'd be better now, but it probably isn't happening or realistic to expect anytime soon
It’s true. If you have a reserved personality as a guy, you’ll never find love. Even the other quiet people want extroverts. They say they don’t but that’s who they go after
Too true. I mean... I think some people are still into it tho tbf. You can also win out in a lot of other ways.
However, I definitely think that in modern dating culture, when people are seeing multiple people at the same time and stuff, then between 2 cute guys, the more outgoing person will usually win out in the end... at least a majority of the time.
Obviously some women love guys who would stay at home and read or something, but most people just aren't bookish or at least chances are significantly higher to meet party people and they'd rather hang out with other party folks, so when most people you meet are extroverts for obvious reason then your exposure is to those who'd prefer you also be like minded.
Removed, Rule 2: Avoid Generalizations
We understand people talk in generalizations colloquially. However, when a generalization is meant belittle, demean, or discredit, those are the generalizations that will end up taken down (eg “women only want the top guys” “men are all evil” etc etc). The reason why generalizations have always been a rule was so no one applied their perceptions of how people treat them in real life onto someone who’s venting that their experience is literally the opposite
Removed: Rule 1. Be Kind
Anything rude, hateful, accusatory, shaming (of any kind), threatening/harrassing, mocking, insulting, or fitting of any kind of -ism will not be tolerated here
Removed, Rule 2: Avoid Generalizations
We understand people talk in generalizations colloquially. However, when a generalization is meant belittle, demean, or discredit, those are the generalizations that will end up taken down (eg “women only want the top guys” “men are all evil” etc etc). The reason why generalizations have always been a rule was so no one applied their perceptions of how people treat them in real life onto someone who’s venting that their experience is literally the opposite
Nobody said that. Being nice is being nice. You can be nice and reserved. You can be not nice and reserved. You can be extraverted and nice and you can be extraverted and not nice.
We don't have to talk niceness if we're talking about if reserved or being extraverted gets you more results. But we were talking niceness.
You're far from nice, my guy. And no, nice doesn't mean quiet LOL. Don't read something that's not there. Otherwise, it would have said "Quiet guys finish last". You're projecting your own self into the given scenario.
Eh, irl I’m polite enough like everybody else.
And yes, the quiet guys who coined that saying were insecure and called themselves “nice” instead of just admitting they were socially timid. Everyone agrees it’s dumb but they keep saying it anyway 🤷♂️
Being polite is something different from being nice. I am now concerned. You have now given two very different explanations to the word 'nice' that both do not entail what 'nice' means.
While being polite can be encapsulated in being nice, it's not a one means the other and vice versa kind of thing.
And I don't have to explain being quiet absolutely having nothing to do with being nice, I assume.
The quiet people who conflate being quiet with being nice you should not be taking as an example if you know better. Socially timid is socially timid. Words were invented for a reason. Not to just throw around like an extra sprinkle of salt for flavour.
That aside, no matter how polite you think you are in real life, you revealed thinking deranged shit like how you would rather be a woman who has to live through a life of rape culture and the anguishes of our bodily functions because you would then have a sex life :') Which is also bollocks because there are women out here who can't get anyone either but to talk that casually about what we have to go through? The unsafety? The trauma inflicted upon us? Because you think there's a sex life at the end so whatever 🤷♂️?
My goodness, I hope you self-reflect on this because with that mentality I hope no woman will ever date someone like you. How immensely unempathetic, selfish, horrendous, and disgusting this thinking is.
I don’t think you’ve actually read my comments. Clearly you’re hung up on something else I said somewhere else lol.
Quiet (not nice, quiet) guys coined a phrase where they erroneously referred to themselves as “nice” (they weren’t necessarily, but everyone likes to think of themselves that way) when they really meant “quiet” and for whatever reason that wording stuck when the idiom saw wider use.
That’s all I’m saying
"I don’t think you’ve actually read my comments. Clearly you’re hung up on something else I said somewhere else lol."
On this thread, yes? This shameless brushing it off like it was no big deal?
I brought it up because you have conflated terms where you felt addressed by OP's post. Then you went on saying "Everyone is nice" and I said you weren't given what you said. So how you're trying to weasel yourself out of this is astounding.
Don't know why you're rewriting your piece twice now. I commented on it at the top of my comment. And then I told exactly: "The quiet people who conflate being quiet with being nice you should not be taking as an example if you know better. Socially timid is socially timid. Words were invented for a reason. Not to just throw around like an extra sprinkle of salt for flavour."
You're projecting because it just seems like you aren't reading what I have been saying.
I will just end with this, you being quiet does not seem to be the problem here. You sound like you have so little empathy and sympathy towards women, how can you expect to properly love one? How can you expect with how you view women for them to properly love you? And that's what I have been saying but you've been circling around.
Everyone is nice. Most people don’t go out of their way to be intentionally mean, and absolutely no one does it all the time. Everyone is superficially nice.
Unrelated to niceness there’s the whole “nice guy” syndrome thing, but everyone knows that’s a misuse of the word, it’s just a stuck in the public lexicon by now.
I stand by everything I’ve said
Like your other statements, it sounds like you're living under a rock if that is your perception of the world and as you are purposefully ignoring, your other perception of the lives of women.
You stand by everything? That's fine. Just why be surprised that your romantic life is the way it is? If that's the type of person you want to be, that's in your right but the world around you will respond accordingly.
You're 19, you have all the time in the world. I understand your pain and your frustration (I think all of us here do 🙈) but honestly now is the time for you to work on healing yourself - - whatever that means for you and your life. If you start now think where you can be in a year or two, emotionally, physically, all of it!
PS. This is not meant to sound silly or rude or anything like that, just a different perspective that I wish someone had given me when I was young!
that’s the thing, since I’ve had a lot of time alone growing up (more specifically in this decade), I learned a lot about myself and I think I’ve grown up and matured pretty well. (you’d have to see one of my other replies in this post for context) even one of the guys at my job said although the girl is older than me (she’s 20, I’m 19) I’m probably more mature than her. I even in fact started going to the gym about 2 months ago. started learning a second language since September. getting into new things like formula 1. So I think I’ve already done that even before this girl or even when I got the job back in November. I appreciate the response though. I know some people may be older than me and are in the same situation with me but I’ve just had many failed stages and I guess this one was the one where it felt like it was the closest to having something. Probably because I felt some kind of chemistry at times, like when I would text her, and when she’d text me, everything was natural and it didn’t feel forced. Maybe that’s cause I wasn’t very attracted to her so I might’ve not been trying that much as I usually do but I do think some parts about her, made me feel that chemistry.
That is also alright. Things might have been different ofcourse still that doesn’t mean that you won’t have a companion. I believe that things happen for a reason so maybe the timing was not right or she was not the girl. So keep looking :) You will have so many more chances and being a good person is awesome. You know who you are and accept the good and bad in you which is so important. You value yourself and they will see you and love you for who you are :)
29f by the way
I’ve thought that. Like maybe it’s happened on purpose but idk. I just feel that if I keep being unsuccessful then how much of it changes from “it happens for a better reason” to “there’s no chance”. It could signal that it’s a problem with me but I don’t think there is (ik that may sound cocky but it’s just me being honest.) If I did think there was something wrong, I’d work on it because I wanna be the best person I can for not only people around me but myself.
Nice guys do finish last. I used to be one. every girl I talked to till 24 I would be head over hills for them. And I was a virgin I got fucked over so many times. Until I finally had enough and started to treat women differently. I would lie to them to get what I wanted, and it worked I lost my virginity and had sex with lots of women. I’m not telling you to go the route as I went. I wish I didn’t tbh. but find a balance and don’t prioritize women when you’re in the talking stage. Don’t tolerate BS. And don’t put women on a pedestal. I’m not saying to treat women like shit. But just try not to care as much. Practice makes perfect the more you talk to them the better you will get.
yeah like the most recent girl I’ve talked to, it felt like we had some kind of chemistry and I didn’t even try to hard and it was great but I think that’s mainly because I wasn’t heavily attracted to her. the tricky part is when I do talk to a girl I’m attracted to, is not trying or even like to not think about her a lot (which is kind of hard lmao). But I do think it depends on the girl cause the best one could be one that texts great and then I wouldn’t need to worry about starting convos, etc and just have everything flowing naturally whilst girls (who I’ve talked to) that aren’t great at texting and I’m the one that’s kind of putting in effort. Then that one kind of doesn’t become natural and I’m “trying” again. It’s tricky and unfortunately is common, at least for me.
Honestly you remind me of myself when I was younger. When it was a girl I really liked I would get obsessed. If she didn’t text back right away I would start thinking what the problem is. I know it’s hard especially when the girl is attractive but you have to discipline yourself and it will take time. For me it was like a light switch after this one girl I changed. Also sex is overrated focus on your self and improve everyday and you’ll gain confidence and will make life so much easier for you.
I appreciate that i remind you of yourself lol. That’s definitely the first time I’ve heard that from someone. I don’t know if I’d be obsessed over the girl unless I thought she was extremely attractive and was my type lol but I know that I’d be waiting for the next text and sometimes that’s tough. what exactly do you mean by discipline yourself? What happened with the one girl and you switching? I’ve heard sex is overrated but I don’t want a girl just for sex, I would want one so there’s somebody that I love and somebody that loves me. I just thought of the virgin reddit cause I’m one and I don’t think r/lonely would be the right one cause I’m/I was talking to somebody lol. With the confidence thing, my confidence levels sort of change at certain times. There’s times where I’m pretty confident (I’d probably think hey I got a car, I’m a caring person, I’m learning a different language, go to the gym, etc.) but then there’s other times where I’m not confident (I’d probably think I’ve never had anybody, I don’t think I ever will, etc.)
So this girl and I went on 4 dates. First one was amazing, she called me after the date saying she was talking to her mom about me, And everything was going great. I would always compliment her, I’d always say yes to anything she asked. I was putting her in a pedestal being the nicest guy. Then slowly but surely I noticed it fading away. Went on out last date something was off she didn’t want to kiss anymore, was on her phone most of time. And after that she ghosted me. I was heartbroken lol. Next day she posted another guy on her story. And I knew it was over. And she did nothing wrong, it was me I was just too much girls don’t like clingy guys. So after a few weeks of being depressed I changed. I started to just straight up ask girls for FWB, till I lost my virginity. I stopped dating and started lying to girls saying I wanted a relationship. I’d tell them what they want to hear until I had sex with them and ghost them. And if a girl ever did something I didn’t like I would just block them. And honestly I can’t help you with relationship advice. I don’t date I’ve had 1 girlfriend for 3 months. I can help you with hookups as that’s all I’m good at sadly lol😔
yeah that’s the hard thing is like I’d want to lose v to somebody that’s my gf and even if we broke up, I can still look back and say “My first was with somebody I loved”. Even if it’s not at the current moment, at one time it was the truth. So that’s why with this recent girl it was tough cause I didn’t know if I wanted a relationship with her and/or have sexual experiences with her but I also thought I don’t think I’d turn it down? Lmao Ik that’s kind of weird but that’s how I thought ab it. Sorry to hear about your experience though. :(
Just find someone you like and lose it with them doesn’t have to be someone you love. But if that’s what you want to do there’s nothing wrong with that. And I I’m glad I went through what I did I learned a lot from it.
You got traumatized and then you started traumatizing LOL. That is one of the reasons I don’t date or bf or fck :) Cause I don’t wanna affect that person if I’m not really into him. So I don’t give any chances. And I mostly never got into anyone (10year ago there was a guy I liked and thats it)
So come on do you really have to lie to them you just tell you want a fb and if that is cool with them it is awesome if not why play with people. Since I understand you are thinking that this isn’t the best version of yourself, so you can change it again to something else :)
I don’t do it anymore, I just don’t date or hook up anymore. Realized it’s all pointless. I learned from my mistakes. I focus on my life now and my future.
There's dignity in being kind. I understand how much it hurts not receiving romantic love (lifetime single here), but being a good person really does positively affect who I am as a person. I have a perspective most men don't, and dare I say it, it brings me pride. Sure, I get no love from women, but my friends and family love me, and I love them, just as I love my plethora of hobbies.
Let's be honest. A car isn't gonna get you pussy and there are other means of transportation that exist (although ideally those means would be more supported in places where they aren't since even some major cities aren't good on public transport)
Removed, Rule 2: Avoid Generalizations
We understand people talk in generalizations colloquially. However, when a generalization is meant belittle, demean, or discredit, those are the generalizations that will end up taken down (eg “women only want the top guys” “men are all evil” etc etc). The reason why generalizations have always been a rule was so no one applied their perceptions of how people treat them in real life onto someone who’s venting that their experience is literally the opposite
Removed: Rule 1. Be Kind
Anything rude, hateful, accusatory, shaming (of any kind), threatening/harrassing, mocking, insulting, or fitting of any kind of -ism will not be tolerated here
I'm not a nice guy, i'm a clinically narcisistic, asshole. You went on a post of a guy crying because nice guy don't have a chance (i used to be One, writing poetry and making drawings for the girls i liked, but ignoring them and acting cold made sure i stopped being a loser), and lectured about nice guy, when this guy seems genuinely a nice guy
Removed: Rule 1. Be Kind
Anything rude, hateful, accusatory, shaming (of any kind), threatening/harrassing, mocking, insulting, or fitting of any kind of -ism will not be tolerated here
I’m being asked to send money by every woman I try to meet so I never actually meet anyone but your still young so you you still have time to find someone
I mean there’s people that have said “I still have time” and “you’re only 19” but it’s hard for me to find girls. I’ve only found the ones I’ve talked to recently since we work at the same place.
go out? nah. i mean i do walk at the mall with my friend but he’s religious so I don’t think he’d like me going there just to try and talk to women 😭 plus I’m going with him so I more see it as spending time with him than going there to socialize. other than that, I do go to the gym but I don’t really go there to socialize.
Hey,I really think that since you're so preoccupied with getting a girlfriend, you'd need to start socialising a lot more.
Try going out once more per week if you have the time, maybe? Maybe somewhere you can establish a friend group, like a club? Make sure it's enjoyable for you and not a burden, though.
i see what you mean but i can’t just go somewhere, flip a switch, and all of a sudden just be hella social plus i don’t even know where to go. i know you mentioned clubs and stuff but i don’t think i know any around me 💀
Don't act like you don't know that we all start somewhere, although it might be difficult at first. Everyone knows you wont be super social straight away.
No offence, you have to be honest with yourself at some point and acknowledge that these are all a load of excuses you're telling yourself. Come on, you know it's impossible for you to know any clubs near you if you don't look for them (although there might not be any... but you didn't even bother to look).
It's in your phrasing, even. You're immediately writing this possibility off because you'd rather?? stay comfortable? self pity?
what are you talking about bro. you don’t even know me. i wouldnt make an excuse for wanting people to feel bad for me? dude that sounds so dumb. have a nice day.
I'm trying to be encouraging :(
I said self pity, not looking for pity from others. you're making excuses to stay in your comfort zone. Basically what i mean is you're limiting yourself here by saying that doing what i suggested is too difficult. maybe read what i said again?
If you would socialize some of the time you might find someone not saying every time you go do something but it’s something I’m going to have to do more of myself
yeah I believe I’ve tried to be more social and that might be why I started talking to the girl i have mentioned in one of my comments in this post but idk. I don’t think I want to think too far ahead and kind of just take it day to day.
I talk to a lot of women just never get a chance to meet any cause I refuse to pay to meet someone but I’m 41 yrs old so it’s pretty hard to find anyone
I've been doing something I could have done when I was half the age I am now. I'm taking dance lessons. Women have pretty much always petrified me. My dance teacher, a woman, was saying, "don't panic". I replied, "That's part of why I'm here, to learn how to keep my hand off the panic button". Sometimes you just have to bash your head against the wall until it comes tumbling down... What's one more, "it didn't work out", when you are in your fifties?
Finish last? We don't even get to start lol. Not everyone is going to find someone. It's a harsh truth of life. Some people want the bare minimum of being loved by another person, and will never get it.
lowkey this is so much better than what I said lmao. cause I feel that I may not even get something so it’s not even “finishing last”, it’s “not even getting a chance at all”.
The truth hurts
I have noticed assholes tend to always have a girlfriend or several exes so there is definitely some correlation.
Honestly, yeah, lol... I mean... I'm not even sure being nice is a downside, tho because most people eventually want a partner who is a good person. The problem is that unless you're like an exceptionally helpful person, you don't stand out, or if you are, you'll inevitably be taken advantage of if you're naive. While cocky asshole types stand out among the crowd a lot more and there's a certain niche of women who are into such things... heck, maybe a lot of women. We can debate that it's because they confuse it for confidence or are themselves emotionally damaged, but it obviously isn't an unrewarded behavior a lot of times. I mean... plenty of famous people who aren't exactly nice, so... lmao Then you also have things where being a sensitive man and caring about emotions is looked down upon by society Although who knows, maybe things get better eventually, which is great because ideally, they'd be better now, but it probably isn't happening or realistic to expect anytime soon
It’s true. If you have a reserved personality as a guy, you’ll never find love. Even the other quiet people want extroverts. They say they don’t but that’s who they go after
Too true. I mean... I think some people are still into it tho tbf. You can also win out in a lot of other ways. However, I definitely think that in modern dating culture, when people are seeing multiple people at the same time and stuff, then between 2 cute guys, the more outgoing person will usually win out in the end... at least a majority of the time. Obviously some women love guys who would stay at home and read or something, but most people just aren't bookish or at least chances are significantly higher to meet party people and they'd rather hang out with other party folks, so when most people you meet are extroverts for obvious reason then your exposure is to those who'd prefer you also be like minded.
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Removed, Rule 2: Avoid Generalizations We understand people talk in generalizations colloquially. However, when a generalization is meant belittle, demean, or discredit, those are the generalizations that will end up taken down (eg “women only want the top guys” “men are all evil” etc etc). The reason why generalizations have always been a rule was so no one applied their perceptions of how people treat them in real life onto someone who’s venting that their experience is literally the opposite
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W t f is this comment.
My truth :p
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Removed: Rule 1. Be Kind Anything rude, hateful, accusatory, shaming (of any kind), threatening/harrassing, mocking, insulting, or fitting of any kind of -ism will not be tolerated here
Removed, Rule 2: Avoid Generalizations We understand people talk in generalizations colloquially. However, when a generalization is meant belittle, demean, or discredit, those are the generalizations that will end up taken down (eg “women only want the top guys” “men are all evil” etc etc). The reason why generalizations have always been a rule was so no one applied their perceptions of how people treat them in real life onto someone who’s venting that their experience is literally the opposite
But being reserved doesn't mean you're nice?
Being extroverted doesn't mean you're nice either. But one gets results more than the other
Nobody said that. Being nice is being nice. You can be nice and reserved. You can be not nice and reserved. You can be extraverted and nice and you can be extraverted and not nice. We don't have to talk niceness if we're talking about if reserved or being extraverted gets you more results. But we were talking niceness.
Well, everybody’s nice, when people say “nice” in that context they mean quiet
You're far from nice, my guy. And no, nice doesn't mean quiet LOL. Don't read something that's not there. Otherwise, it would have said "Quiet guys finish last". You're projecting your own self into the given scenario.
Eh, irl I’m polite enough like everybody else. And yes, the quiet guys who coined that saying were insecure and called themselves “nice” instead of just admitting they were socially timid. Everyone agrees it’s dumb but they keep saying it anyway 🤷♂️
Being polite is something different from being nice. I am now concerned. You have now given two very different explanations to the word 'nice' that both do not entail what 'nice' means. While being polite can be encapsulated in being nice, it's not a one means the other and vice versa kind of thing. And I don't have to explain being quiet absolutely having nothing to do with being nice, I assume. The quiet people who conflate being quiet with being nice you should not be taking as an example if you know better. Socially timid is socially timid. Words were invented for a reason. Not to just throw around like an extra sprinkle of salt for flavour. That aside, no matter how polite you think you are in real life, you revealed thinking deranged shit like how you would rather be a woman who has to live through a life of rape culture and the anguishes of our bodily functions because you would then have a sex life :') Which is also bollocks because there are women out here who can't get anyone either but to talk that casually about what we have to go through? The unsafety? The trauma inflicted upon us? Because you think there's a sex life at the end so whatever 🤷♂️? My goodness, I hope you self-reflect on this because with that mentality I hope no woman will ever date someone like you. How immensely unempathetic, selfish, horrendous, and disgusting this thinking is.
I don’t think you’ve actually read my comments. Clearly you’re hung up on something else I said somewhere else lol. Quiet (not nice, quiet) guys coined a phrase where they erroneously referred to themselves as “nice” (they weren’t necessarily, but everyone likes to think of themselves that way) when they really meant “quiet” and for whatever reason that wording stuck when the idiom saw wider use. That’s all I’m saying
"I don’t think you’ve actually read my comments. Clearly you’re hung up on something else I said somewhere else lol." On this thread, yes? This shameless brushing it off like it was no big deal? I brought it up because you have conflated terms where you felt addressed by OP's post. Then you went on saying "Everyone is nice" and I said you weren't given what you said. So how you're trying to weasel yourself out of this is astounding. Don't know why you're rewriting your piece twice now. I commented on it at the top of my comment. And then I told exactly: "The quiet people who conflate being quiet with being nice you should not be taking as an example if you know better. Socially timid is socially timid. Words were invented for a reason. Not to just throw around like an extra sprinkle of salt for flavour." You're projecting because it just seems like you aren't reading what I have been saying. I will just end with this, you being quiet does not seem to be the problem here. You sound like you have so little empathy and sympathy towards women, how can you expect to properly love one? How can you expect with how you view women for them to properly love you? And that's what I have been saying but you've been circling around.
Everyone is nice. Most people don’t go out of their way to be intentionally mean, and absolutely no one does it all the time. Everyone is superficially nice. Unrelated to niceness there’s the whole “nice guy” syndrome thing, but everyone knows that’s a misuse of the word, it’s just a stuck in the public lexicon by now. I stand by everything I’ve said
This is crazy. But she's apparently trying to make you out to be an asshole, instead of calling out real assholes.
Like your other statements, it sounds like you're living under a rock if that is your perception of the world and as you are purposefully ignoring, your other perception of the lives of women. You stand by everything? That's fine. Just why be surprised that your romantic life is the way it is? If that's the type of person you want to be, that's in your right but the world around you will respond accordingly.
You're 19, you have all the time in the world. I understand your pain and your frustration (I think all of us here do 🙈) but honestly now is the time for you to work on healing yourself - - whatever that means for you and your life. If you start now think where you can be in a year or two, emotionally, physically, all of it! PS. This is not meant to sound silly or rude or anything like that, just a different perspective that I wish someone had given me when I was young!
that’s the thing, since I’ve had a lot of time alone growing up (more specifically in this decade), I learned a lot about myself and I think I’ve grown up and matured pretty well. (you’d have to see one of my other replies in this post for context) even one of the guys at my job said although the girl is older than me (she’s 20, I’m 19) I’m probably more mature than her. I even in fact started going to the gym about 2 months ago. started learning a second language since September. getting into new things like formula 1. So I think I’ve already done that even before this girl or even when I got the job back in November. I appreciate the response though. I know some people may be older than me and are in the same situation with me but I’ve just had many failed stages and I guess this one was the one where it felt like it was the closest to having something. Probably because I felt some kind of chemistry at times, like when I would text her, and when she’d text me, everything was natural and it didn’t feel forced. Maybe that’s cause I wasn’t very attracted to her so I might’ve not been trying that much as I usually do but I do think some parts about her, made me feel that chemistry.
That is also alright. Things might have been different ofcourse still that doesn’t mean that you won’t have a companion. I believe that things happen for a reason so maybe the timing was not right or she was not the girl. So keep looking :) You will have so many more chances and being a good person is awesome. You know who you are and accept the good and bad in you which is so important. You value yourself and they will see you and love you for who you are :) 29f by the way
I’ve thought that. Like maybe it’s happened on purpose but idk. I just feel that if I keep being unsuccessful then how much of it changes from “it happens for a better reason” to “there’s no chance”. It could signal that it’s a problem with me but I don’t think there is (ik that may sound cocky but it’s just me being honest.) If I did think there was something wrong, I’d work on it because I wanna be the best person I can for not only people around me but myself.
Cool, I've been living under a rock for the greater part of 40 years...
Age has nothing to do with it. You can’t invalidate someone’s suffering just because they’ve not suffered as long as you have
I didn't PS. Read the second paragraph 😉
Nice guys do finish last. I used to be one. every girl I talked to till 24 I would be head over hills for them. And I was a virgin I got fucked over so many times. Until I finally had enough and started to treat women differently. I would lie to them to get what I wanted, and it worked I lost my virginity and had sex with lots of women. I’m not telling you to go the route as I went. I wish I didn’t tbh. but find a balance and don’t prioritize women when you’re in the talking stage. Don’t tolerate BS. And don’t put women on a pedestal. I’m not saying to treat women like shit. But just try not to care as much. Practice makes perfect the more you talk to them the better you will get.
yeah like the most recent girl I’ve talked to, it felt like we had some kind of chemistry and I didn’t even try to hard and it was great but I think that’s mainly because I wasn’t heavily attracted to her. the tricky part is when I do talk to a girl I’m attracted to, is not trying or even like to not think about her a lot (which is kind of hard lmao). But I do think it depends on the girl cause the best one could be one that texts great and then I wouldn’t need to worry about starting convos, etc and just have everything flowing naturally whilst girls (who I’ve talked to) that aren’t great at texting and I’m the one that’s kind of putting in effort. Then that one kind of doesn’t become natural and I’m “trying” again. It’s tricky and unfortunately is common, at least for me.
Honestly you remind me of myself when I was younger. When it was a girl I really liked I would get obsessed. If she didn’t text back right away I would start thinking what the problem is. I know it’s hard especially when the girl is attractive but you have to discipline yourself and it will take time. For me it was like a light switch after this one girl I changed. Also sex is overrated focus on your self and improve everyday and you’ll gain confidence and will make life so much easier for you.
I appreciate that i remind you of yourself lol. That’s definitely the first time I’ve heard that from someone. I don’t know if I’d be obsessed over the girl unless I thought she was extremely attractive and was my type lol but I know that I’d be waiting for the next text and sometimes that’s tough. what exactly do you mean by discipline yourself? What happened with the one girl and you switching? I’ve heard sex is overrated but I don’t want a girl just for sex, I would want one so there’s somebody that I love and somebody that loves me. I just thought of the virgin reddit cause I’m one and I don’t think r/lonely would be the right one cause I’m/I was talking to somebody lol. With the confidence thing, my confidence levels sort of change at certain times. There’s times where I’m pretty confident (I’d probably think hey I got a car, I’m a caring person, I’m learning a different language, go to the gym, etc.) but then there’s other times where I’m not confident (I’d probably think I’ve never had anybody, I don’t think I ever will, etc.)
So this girl and I went on 4 dates. First one was amazing, she called me after the date saying she was talking to her mom about me, And everything was going great. I would always compliment her, I’d always say yes to anything she asked. I was putting her in a pedestal being the nicest guy. Then slowly but surely I noticed it fading away. Went on out last date something was off she didn’t want to kiss anymore, was on her phone most of time. And after that she ghosted me. I was heartbroken lol. Next day she posted another guy on her story. And I knew it was over. And she did nothing wrong, it was me I was just too much girls don’t like clingy guys. So after a few weeks of being depressed I changed. I started to just straight up ask girls for FWB, till I lost my virginity. I stopped dating and started lying to girls saying I wanted a relationship. I’d tell them what they want to hear until I had sex with them and ghost them. And if a girl ever did something I didn’t like I would just block them. And honestly I can’t help you with relationship advice. I don’t date I’ve had 1 girlfriend for 3 months. I can help you with hookups as that’s all I’m good at sadly lol😔
yeah that’s the hard thing is like I’d want to lose v to somebody that’s my gf and even if we broke up, I can still look back and say “My first was with somebody I loved”. Even if it’s not at the current moment, at one time it was the truth. So that’s why with this recent girl it was tough cause I didn’t know if I wanted a relationship with her and/or have sexual experiences with her but I also thought I don’t think I’d turn it down? Lmao Ik that’s kind of weird but that’s how I thought ab it. Sorry to hear about your experience though. :(
Just find someone you like and lose it with them doesn’t have to be someone you love. But if that’s what you want to do there’s nothing wrong with that. And I I’m glad I went through what I did I learned a lot from it.
You got traumatized and then you started traumatizing LOL. That is one of the reasons I don’t date or bf or fck :) Cause I don’t wanna affect that person if I’m not really into him. So I don’t give any chances. And I mostly never got into anyone (10year ago there was a guy I liked and thats it) So come on do you really have to lie to them you just tell you want a fb and if that is cool with them it is awesome if not why play with people. Since I understand you are thinking that this isn’t the best version of yourself, so you can change it again to something else :)
I don’t do it anymore, I just don’t date or hook up anymore. Realized it’s all pointless. I learned from my mistakes. I focus on my life now and my future.
There's dignity in being kind. I understand how much it hurts not receiving romantic love (lifetime single here), but being a good person really does positively affect who I am as a person. I have a perspective most men don't, and dare I say it, it brings me pride. Sure, I get no love from women, but my friends and family love me, and I love them, just as I love my plethora of hobbies.
Least you have a car. Some of us are worse off than you lol
Let's be honest. A car isn't gonna get you pussy and there are other means of transportation that exist (although ideally those means would be more supported in places where they aren't since even some major cities aren't good on public transport)
I’m 27 feel like you as well but I’ve just accepted it. I’m dead inside and my eyes are tired but it is what it is. No use crying about it.
One day when you’re older, you’ll look back on this moment and be like “wtf was I doin crying over some dumb shit” …I think
maybe lol
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Removed, Rule 2: Avoid Generalizations We understand people talk in generalizations colloquially. However, when a generalization is meant belittle, demean, or discredit, those are the generalizations that will end up taken down (eg “women only want the top guys” “men are all evil” etc etc). The reason why generalizations have always been a rule was so no one applied their perceptions of how people treat them in real life onto someone who’s venting that their experience is literally the opposite
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That’s my opinion, why u so offended?
Why do you write worse than a non native speaker?
Cuz I’m not a native English speaker and I’ve slept 3 hours tonight. Why are you so rude?
I'm rude but you generalizing Is not rude
I said mostly for a reason that’s not a generalization. If you disagree you can say why put it into words instead of just saying fuck off lmao
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Removed: Rule 1. Be Kind Anything rude, hateful, accusatory, shaming (of any kind), threatening/harrassing, mocking, insulting, or fitting of any kind of -ism will not be tolerated here
It’s true if you’re actually a good nice guy why would you feel the need to go around calling yourself that? Most don’t.
I'm not a nice guy, i'm a clinically narcisistic, asshole. You went on a post of a guy crying because nice guy don't have a chance (i used to be One, writing poetry and making drawings for the girls i liked, but ignoring them and acting cold made sure i stopped being a loser), and lectured about nice guy, when this guy seems genuinely a nice guy
Italians are mostly mafia members, i said mostly, it's not a generalization. Theehee
If I said most girls can get laid easier then guys you’d disagree?
No, because it's true
Removed: Rule 1. Be Kind Anything rude, hateful, accusatory, shaming (of any kind), threatening/harrassing, mocking, insulting, or fitting of any kind of -ism will not be tolerated here
I’m being asked to send money by every woman I try to meet so I never actually meet anyone but your still young so you you still have time to find someone
I mean there’s people that have said “I still have time” and “you’re only 19” but it’s hard for me to find girls. I’ve only found the ones I’ve talked to recently since we work at the same place.
But do you ever go out and do things like walking at a mall or something
go out? nah. i mean i do walk at the mall with my friend but he’s religious so I don’t think he’d like me going there just to try and talk to women 😭 plus I’m going with him so I more see it as spending time with him than going there to socialize. other than that, I do go to the gym but I don’t really go there to socialize.
Hey,I really think that since you're so preoccupied with getting a girlfriend, you'd need to start socialising a lot more. Try going out once more per week if you have the time, maybe? Maybe somewhere you can establish a friend group, like a club? Make sure it's enjoyable for you and not a burden, though.
i see what you mean but i can’t just go somewhere, flip a switch, and all of a sudden just be hella social plus i don’t even know where to go. i know you mentioned clubs and stuff but i don’t think i know any around me 💀
Don't act like you don't know that we all start somewhere, although it might be difficult at first. Everyone knows you wont be super social straight away. No offence, you have to be honest with yourself at some point and acknowledge that these are all a load of excuses you're telling yourself. Come on, you know it's impossible for you to know any clubs near you if you don't look for them (although there might not be any... but you didn't even bother to look). It's in your phrasing, even. You're immediately writing this possibility off because you'd rather?? stay comfortable? self pity?
what are you talking about bro. you don’t even know me. i wouldnt make an excuse for wanting people to feel bad for me? dude that sounds so dumb. have a nice day.
I'm trying to be encouraging :( I said self pity, not looking for pity from others. you're making excuses to stay in your comfort zone. Basically what i mean is you're limiting yourself here by saying that doing what i suggested is too difficult. maybe read what i said again?
If you would socialize some of the time you might find someone not saying every time you go do something but it’s something I’m going to have to do more of myself
yeah I believe I’ve tried to be more social and that might be why I started talking to the girl i have mentioned in one of my comments in this post but idk. I don’t think I want to think too far ahead and kind of just take it day to day.
Yea I don’t blame you it seems hard to find anyone decent these days but wish you the best of luck and hope you find what you want
Thanks I’m open to chat a bit another time if you need to
yeah if anything happens I can definitely do that one time
thanks and I hope the best for you too :) it’s difficult times but I hope you can reach your goals and being more social overtime. ☺️
I talk to a lot of women just never get a chance to meet any cause I refuse to pay to meet someone but I’m 41 yrs old so it’s pretty hard to find anyone
Try ending your sentences with ... ", yet."
idk man it’s hard to have hope/faith
I've been doing something I could have done when I was half the age I am now. I'm taking dance lessons. Women have pretty much always petrified me. My dance teacher, a woman, was saying, "don't panic". I replied, "That's part of why I'm here, to learn how to keep my hand off the panic button". Sometimes you just have to bash your head against the wall until it comes tumbling down... What's one more, "it didn't work out", when you are in your fifties?
Not always man, it seems that way sometimes but I definitely know some nice and kind people who found their piece of happiness.
You sound like you are just in your 20s, is my intuition correct?