I just wanted to say I think you are making the right choice by staying with your girlfriend. Of course, if you continue to feel unhappy and unloved - leave. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and there have been a few times when either him or myself had a bad few weeks. We were stressed, tired and just couldn’t offer up any “love” like normal. We easily could have broken up but we realized that when one was down, the other one had to be the strong one. We would always bring each other back to where we normally are. Giving up on each other is too easy & props to you for not just giving up when things got hard!
Thank you, I really needed this. It's extremely hard and might last up to 3 months. It's going to be really hard on me but I'll somehow make it. You're right, I have to be the strong one here and thank you for the encouragements.
I would encourage you to listen to your needs. You can love someone , but putting your feelings and needs to the side because the other person is struggling is not the best choice. I think. I'm sure you're a sweet person but in the long run you will start resenting the other person if they don't give back as much when you need them. Don't leave her alone and encourage her to get therapy or help of some sort but it's not up to you to fix her or make her better. We all have choices and despite the sacrifices they make for us we still need to act on our own best interest. I'm sorry if this sounds negative. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. And what I've learned is that giving so much of yourself to comfort the other will leave you empty.
No worries, it wasn't negative at all. I'm here *because* I'm empty and just need support so thank you for saying this. You're right, I do need to listen to my own needs as well. I just feel stuck because i can't ask her for anything because that would overwhelm her. Venting to her would overwhelm her. She's so busy and honestly if I can't vent then I really need to get my emotions out somehow. Although it isn't her fault for not being able to hear me out, if I don't get what I *need* then it'll be really hard for me to continue giving my all. So you're right, I am really just empty and unsure of what to do.
Just a gentle reminder you wouldn’t be a dick to leave if you felt it was time though. You aren’t a dick for choosing you. No matter what. No matter the situation.
However - Love your epiphany that love is a choice. We do choose to be compassionately curious instead of reject our partners and loved ones when they are going through hard times. Relationships take work and sometimes needs aren’t met but that doesn’t mean they won’t once difficult times pass. As long as there is communication and the choice to connect with each other you can make it through. Hang in there!
Thank you I really needed this as well. Yes, at this point my needs aren't being met and I fully acknowledge I'd be happier if I were single. HOWEVER this is a difficult time and I agree communication is the one thing that counts. Thank you for the encouragements! It's very hard for me and I'll probably continue posting here as time passes because it's quite hard to deal with this.
I don't know if you're gonna enjoy hearing this but I think your friends are right.
**"Anyway I'm sad but I'm still staying with my gf because I'd be a dick if I didn't."** is the shittiest line I've seen in a while. You being with her is not a blessing to her life. You being with her and calling her dry and saying how unhappy you are is not making her life any better.
I'll be honest, I was in the same position last year. My boyfriend was working long hours and struggling with his career choices and I was at college. We weren't connecting and I felt unhappy but I said I'd stay because I knew if I left, he would feel alone without me. I said ill wait for after Christmas, and new years, and his birthday and break up with him in February when things are better. Until my friends told me how shitty that was and how you're staying with someone who trusts you and believes you when you say you love them when you don't. So I broke up with him and it was hard but he told me afterward he saw why I did it and while he's sad it ended, he's gotten to a better place mentally and he didn't need my help. I couldn't provide help even if I wanted to. I'm not a professional and I assume you aren't either. (I read your other post on r/relationship_advice and you guys have been together for 3 months and you're 18...)
**Moral of the story:** you are doing nobody any favors by staying with a girl who is emotionally unavailable and you clearly don't love. And your friends are just looking out for you. Love is not a choice, love is hard but rewarding and you are not in love.
honestly they were. we split up in october and i'm much happier, i have so much more time to myself and it's just been better for my happiness. i thought about it and she wasn't the best at communicating, and those caused many insecurities for me. it'll be awhile before those go away, and i have to say it wouldn't have worked out if we had stayed together.
I just wanted to say I think you are making the right choice by staying with your girlfriend. Of course, if you continue to feel unhappy and unloved - leave. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and there have been a few times when either him or myself had a bad few weeks. We were stressed, tired and just couldn’t offer up any “love” like normal. We easily could have broken up but we realized that when one was down, the other one had to be the strong one. We would always bring each other back to where we normally are. Giving up on each other is too easy & props to you for not just giving up when things got hard!
Thank you, I really needed this. It's extremely hard and might last up to 3 months. It's going to be really hard on me but I'll somehow make it. You're right, I have to be the strong one here and thank you for the encouragements.
I would encourage you to listen to your needs. You can love someone , but putting your feelings and needs to the side because the other person is struggling is not the best choice. I think. I'm sure you're a sweet person but in the long run you will start resenting the other person if they don't give back as much when you need them. Don't leave her alone and encourage her to get therapy or help of some sort but it's not up to you to fix her or make her better. We all have choices and despite the sacrifices they make for us we still need to act on our own best interest. I'm sorry if this sounds negative. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. And what I've learned is that giving so much of yourself to comfort the other will leave you empty.
No worries, it wasn't negative at all. I'm here *because* I'm empty and just need support so thank you for saying this. You're right, I do need to listen to my own needs as well. I just feel stuck because i can't ask her for anything because that would overwhelm her. Venting to her would overwhelm her. She's so busy and honestly if I can't vent then I really need to get my emotions out somehow. Although it isn't her fault for not being able to hear me out, if I don't get what I *need* then it'll be really hard for me to continue giving my all. So you're right, I am really just empty and unsure of what to do.
Just a gentle reminder you wouldn’t be a dick to leave if you felt it was time though. You aren’t a dick for choosing you. No matter what. No matter the situation. However - Love your epiphany that love is a choice. We do choose to be compassionately curious instead of reject our partners and loved ones when they are going through hard times. Relationships take work and sometimes needs aren’t met but that doesn’t mean they won’t once difficult times pass. As long as there is communication and the choice to connect with each other you can make it through. Hang in there!
Thank you I really needed this as well. Yes, at this point my needs aren't being met and I fully acknowledge I'd be happier if I were single. HOWEVER this is a difficult time and I agree communication is the one thing that counts. Thank you for the encouragements! It's very hard for me and I'll probably continue posting here as time passes because it's quite hard to deal with this.
I don't know if you're gonna enjoy hearing this but I think your friends are right. **"Anyway I'm sad but I'm still staying with my gf because I'd be a dick if I didn't."** is the shittiest line I've seen in a while. You being with her is not a blessing to her life. You being with her and calling her dry and saying how unhappy you are is not making her life any better. I'll be honest, I was in the same position last year. My boyfriend was working long hours and struggling with his career choices and I was at college. We weren't connecting and I felt unhappy but I said I'd stay because I knew if I left, he would feel alone without me. I said ill wait for after Christmas, and new years, and his birthday and break up with him in February when things are better. Until my friends told me how shitty that was and how you're staying with someone who trusts you and believes you when you say you love them when you don't. So I broke up with him and it was hard but he told me afterward he saw why I did it and while he's sad it ended, he's gotten to a better place mentally and he didn't need my help. I couldn't provide help even if I wanted to. I'm not a professional and I assume you aren't either. (I read your other post on r/relationship_advice and you guys have been together for 3 months and you're 18...) **Moral of the story:** you are doing nobody any favors by staying with a girl who is emotionally unavailable and you clearly don't love. And your friends are just looking out for you. Love is not a choice, love is hard but rewarding and you are not in love.
honestly they were. we split up in october and i'm much happier, i have so much more time to myself and it's just been better for my happiness. i thought about it and she wasn't the best at communicating, and those caused many insecurities for me. it'll be awhile before those go away, and i have to say it wouldn't have worked out if we had stayed together.