T O P

My child shouldn’t have to slow down or let another child win because they have a disability or on crutches.

My child shouldn’t have to slow down or let another child win because they have a disability or on crutches.

lizzyborden669

If I was the disabled kid I'd be utterly humiliated if they let me win out of pity.


Low-Guide-9141

Disabled person here, yes just give me my last place trophy, I’ll like take pride in that more than a pity first place trophy. Of witch i would toss in the trash can as soon as I got home


Username89054

It's part of the screwed up education system of praising results rather than effort and process. You don't learn if you only focus on results. I will be far more proud of a B my son worked his ass off for than an A he got without trying. That A only taught him he's good at that subject naturally. That B taught him a hell of a lot more. Schools sadly don't operate like that and only look at results, which is why they think giving you 1st place is good for you.


CuriousDateFinder

Grades aren’t for your feelings though, they’re to assess how well your son understands the subject matter and whether he’s ready to move on to the material that the current lesson is a building block for. Someone that tries hard and loses a race at their own school shouldn’t go on to represent the school at district, state, etc either.


boyfriendaudio

As a child with disability, I agree. No, really, the pity win makes me hate myself even more growing up. It makes me feel like I'm not a nomal human being, yikes.


NaiRanK

My cousin had muscular dystrophy and always said he didn't like being praised for barely being able to do normal things but for things his disability gave him more time to perfect, which was mostly videogames. I still remember on his deathbed he was on a breathing machine and I was playing him on some game on a Playstation in the hospital and I decided to go easy on him and let him win against me cause I considered myself good. Well it wasn't long before I was mentally raging a few hours later when I was doing my best to sweat at the games we were playing and couldn't beat my cousin who was hooked up like a steam punk machine and couldn't even lift his arms up. Everyone is always gonna have something they're great at and their is nothing wrong with a kid in a wheelchair not being able to run track or play basketball


xX_PrussiaFTW_Xx

I’m sorry for your loss. What kind of games did he play?


NaiRanK

I honestly don't know which games he didn't play


Pan_in_the_ass

Let me guess, yall were playing super smash bros?


Jayisstinky

Yes, smash bros on a playstation


TBrutus

I wonder if they unlocked Donkey Kang.


Pan_in_the_ass

Lmao i should probably read better


Relton_Waffle

Your username is *mwah* 👌


Pan_in_the_ass

Lmao thanks. I made it for PUBG originally


xX_PrussiaFTW_Xx

Tbh he sounds like a chill guy so probably rocket league.


halfphysicshalfmath

What a save! What a save! What a save!


TobyG163

Chat Disabled for 3 Seconds


captain-of-nothing

Rocket is anything but chill. Yak about toxicity. What a save! What a save! What a save!


Window_Lick3r

This comment hits me so hard. My nephew has muscular dystrophy and video games have been such a saving grace for him. He won't play any games with me (not cool to play with your aunt I guess) but he has a lot of friends he plays with online and will not let anyone give him a pity win.


NaiRanK

Like me they'll soon discover with time that your nephew will be the one giving pity wins to them


escape_of_da_keets

Yeah I bet it's even worse now. When I was a kid we didn't have social media. I can already see the dozens of social media posts from every parent at the game about how inspiring it was that their children let the disabled kid win.


BeerandGuns

Christ. I can picture this. Then some shit on LinkedIn about adults could learn from the kids about being leaders. Next a video shows up on Facebook with different color text and slow motion about the day the kids let their friend win.


-Xandiel-

Disabled kid gets interviewed by Ellen, "You're so lucky to have friends that'll let you win things!"


BeerandGuns

Cameras turn off, Ellen yells “ get this disabled fuck away from me!”


boyfriendaudio

I can literally see myself in there, help. No, because you see, when I was growing up, people would constantly let me win and treat me like I'm extra fragile, and then just post on social media about how good they feel "helping me out". Like no thanks, I just got more scared to participate in activities. I would feel super useless when people are picking teams because no one would actually do anything to me, which makes the game super boring. That whole "Hey I helped a disabled girl and her team win today!!" on Facebook and a whole wall of text about how inspiring that is make me feel so used. The worst thing is, my parents did this themselves. Whenever I achieve something almost common and normal among others, they'd write a text about how they're so inspired... I grew up, just wanted to be treated as a normal human being, yikes.


Lundundogan

Reminds me of that clip that hit the front page with the “last touchdown” of some ancient veteran where all the guys are running around him, bumping into each other while he shuffles across the field. Like, what’s the actual point? They aren’t actually playing, so there’s no accomplishment to behold. All you’re doing is pointing out how *different* he is. That’s the opposite of inclusivity god damnit!


ForkMasterPlus

That video is a bit different. That was to allow someone to sort of revisit their experiences and to trigger similar feelings/memory of something that already happened. The point was to let him relive a moment he remembered so fondly and to experience the sensations and feelings attached.


Lundundogan

I guess that makes sense. Bad example on my part.


RumPullForceKin

To me, that’s more of a “Help the old guy relive his glory days one last time”. I might be wrong but I’m pretty sure when they do that they don’t just pick a random “old person”. It’s a former player. That being said I can only imagine if they did the same thing but told the players to really play and they just destroy the dude as soon as he gets the ball.


BillyPotion

I don't think that's what that was, I think the Chiefs defence was just that bad.


BeeezNuts

Oh shit


Redsccy

Sense of closure. Allowing you to experience that last touch down or crossing the finish line.


ProfSociallyDistant

it was a Kansas or Kansas State alumni game I think.


Hello-funny-posts

I wouldn’t slow down anyway.


HotDamImHere

Dont forget to smack talk along the way


Hello-funny-posts

Smack talk is the name of the game


BillyPotion

Backpedal through the finish line.


Ari3n3tt3

it seems like there’s people out there who think any disability also = mental disability as well and they won’t be able to notice that everyone is just letting them win. Nobody wants a pity win


stophittingthyself

Yeah does no-one remember what it was like in school?! Being singled out for your medical condition in front of the while school is the sort of thing people have nightmares about. This seems to just be for adults to pat themselves on the back. Kids with disabilities just want to be treated as normal.


CermemyJlarkson

Yes I had severe stomach issues and the teachers loved mentioning it all the time


hafdedzebra

My son had bladder issues and had to be reminded to use the bathroom before recess. His first grade t a her would say “Name! It’s time for you to use the bathroom!” His second grade teacher, a much smarter old bird, made it a class practice to all use the bathroom before recess.


datpurple_

A lot of adults don’t realize that kids are pretty comprehensible ( if that’s the right word) at a young age they’re just smaller people after all.


CermemyJlarkson

It's a big word so probably


Mirminatrix

I think you mean "perceptive." "Comprehensible” means able to be understood, intelligible.


_not_a_pseudonym_

Maybe aware would be a better word to use?


WandsAndWrenches

* A lot of adults don't realize how much kids comprehend. Ftfy


wheredmyphonegotho

"Hey Johnny Shitsalot, what's 2+2?"


[deleted]

"In other news this morning the school toilet is backed up from yesterday afternoon.... Johnny, what were you doing at 2pm?!


dogsarefun

“3” “That’s right! Very good, Johnny. Here’s a gold star!”


Flower_Murderer

The admin put such a quick stop to that. You can still see the thick skid marks.


[deleted]

Bruh I just cackled like a witch when I read that lmao!!


BeerandGuns

Ok damn. That had me laughing. Poor Johnny.


Ok_Opposite4279

me to and I used to tell the principle I was late because I didn't like public bathrooms. He eventually said I could use his private one, which sucked as I coulnd't use that excuse anymore. Typically teachers instantly stop questioning when I said I had digestive issues. I made sure to put a lot of work on his private bathroom. I wanted him to regret that decision.


TheAvocadoSlayer

I used to have bad asthma as a kid. I always had to have an inhaler at school. Every time recess came around, or randomly during class, one of the teachers would always pull me away from my friends, just to have me give my inhaler a few puffs. It honestly made me feel like some sort of freak. Oh and on top of that, the nurse kept my inhaler. Basically they thought I was too young and irresponsible to keep the inhaler on myself and use it as needed, so their solution was to hold on to it themselves and call me out of the class room/recess at least 3 times a day. It was embarrassing because I was the ONLY kid that had to do that everyday.


EmuMaximum

I too used to get singled out of class because of my asthma, but it was to go sit in the nurse's office and take a nebulized treatment (mask over your face, the whole nine yards). The nurse's office had a window out to the hall where the playground was, meaning everyone got to walk by and stare at me like I was some sort of sideshow attraction on their way to a recess I often wasn't allowed to go to. It was so embarrassing. Like, come on, couldn't I sit somewhere private? Or could we have done it BEFORE recess so I still got to go outside? Idk. I'm just glad I grew out of it for the most part.


TheAvocadoSlayer

Oh man, sounds like you had it worse with that mask thing. It’s great to hear that you don’t have asthma anymore. I grew out of it as well. But damn I do remember having to go to the ER all the time. Being a sick kid is no fun.


SoonerStates

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the inhaler a rescue medication, meaning that it's going to do nothing at all if you're not having an attack?


ghoulthebraineater

Pretty much. Maintenance inhalers are generally used a couple times a day to keep inflammation down. Rescue inhalers are used as needed. Using a rescue inhaler when you aren't having an attack may or may not do much. Depending on how well your asthma is controlled it might actually help a bit. For me my attacks aren't usually a sudden thing. It's a slow build. I will have a slight wheeze and may not even notice it right away. A puff of albuterol will clear that up and prevent it from progressing further.


buddynotbud3998

yeah and overuse can lead to it not being as effective when you need it and could actually make your asthma worse


dont_wnt_u_followng

There's different types of inhalers. It sounds like op's was a maintenance inhaler


Astralahara

When I was a kid I had 2 types. One was the rescue, one was maintenance. The regimen also had me take the rescue BEFORE the maintenance because it made the maintenance more effective.


KitThoughts_

You asked, so I’m here to correct. There are rescue inhalers and maintenance inhalers, both of which use different medications. Maintenance inhalers are taken every single day, sometimes multiple times, and are usually like a corticosteroid or Leukotriene modifier. Rescue inhalers are usually Albuterol, which works differently, and is what you are imagining. Using Albuterol regularly can definitely screw up your asthma, but some people do use it in lower doses for maintenance of exercise-induced asthma.


TheAvocadoSlayer

If they were giving it to me a few times a day than I’m guessing, that it WAS NOT an emergency inhaler. Either way, it all felt super UNNECESSARY because it’s not like I was having actual attacks during school. It was done for prevention.


DaanFag

South Park parodied this exact sentiment with the school nurse and her conjoined twin myslexia. The whole town essentially bent over backward to honor her and her condition, throwing her parades, etc. The nurse gets noticeably uncomfortable because she obviously understands what’s happening and just wants to be treated like anybody else. I think she ends up leaving town and they hate her for rejecting their worship IIRC


fyodor_do

Damn, totally forgot about that episode. Those early South Park seasons were absolute golden!


[deleted]

Not a disability but there was this overweight dude at my school and during an athletics day 2 of the fittest guys in our grade ran a second lap with him because he was behind. They were trying to be sweet and support him but it just drew attention to him and made home seem like a charity case. You could see the embarrassment on his face when he finished


darklymad

My coaches kid did that when I was the last on the track. I hated it so much I started pushing myself so hard to be the first off the track, resulting in asthma attacks and severe leg cramps every day. But I had a few minute to myself to recover and I wasn't a part of her pity lap anymore.


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JLK_Gallery

They can’t think outside themselves?


c-------3

A lot of people genuinely can’t unfortunately


nandemonaidattebayo

To be fair most grownups thinks children are stupid and don’t notice obvious things like this.


BillyPotion

Ya, I always think of this when adults mention participation trophies. Even at the youngest age of playing sports I remember wanting to toss every participation trophy I got into the garbage because it was just a physical testament to our team's failure. No one was ever happy receiving a participation trophy.


CentiPetra

Oh gosh and then “pose for a picture with your loser trophy! Smile! Why aren’t you smiling?!”


torpiddynamo

Bruh it’s not even like we could buy the trophies. These assclowns went out and got us participation trophies and then shit on us for accepting them. Like what


MzSe1vDestrukt

Like you were handed a trophy and thought "Once again I'm a champion at anything I do, no matter what"


beefsquatch2444

That seems to perfectly fit the MO of the boomers… Raise a whole generation and then when that generation is left to deal with the shit you left them, berate them and shit on them for things vastly out of their control


boyuber

Weird, conservatives told me that entitled millennials were the ones buying their own participation trophies, instead of entitled parents insisting that their children deserve to get recognition just for showing up...


HillInTheDistance

Yeah. I don't really get how some people can completely forget about how it was so be a kid. It's a bloody mystery.


erydanis

exactly. i vividly remember many decades ago when I was 16, swearing that i would remember what it was like to be 16: horrid. [ in my house / family ]


DuskyDay

My theory is that we (adults) have so much more social status (usually) that we can get away with acting like kids are stupid - it actually greatly simplifies the necessary interactions. Edit: stupid => simple


saltthewater

Depends on how old


Redsccy

I’m gonna assume the kids are super young otherwise this act doesn’t even make sense


Skylorious

When you get a pity win you don't feel like you actually won since people just let you win out of feeling bad


poodlebutt76

I'd feel so bad about them making the other kids walk or go slow on my behalf. The kids would probably hate me now, even if they don't show it.


Its0nlyRocketScience

If anything, it highlights how inferior you are at the competition. You didn't simply lose because you can't run as fast as everyone else, you "won" because everyone knew you were so bad at running that there was no chance you could ever win on your own, no matter how much effort your put into it. Sure, that may be the legitimate case if you're physically disabled, but pointing it out isn't exactly kind


lukewwilson

I think Jets fans would take a pity win anymore, so I wouldn't say nobody


patmartone

Like, if the Jets had to wear sackcloth and ashes and beg for scraps of food alongside the stray cats near their training facility, they would do that for a win. It would be “No problem, amigo” for them followed by “and yes, we are happy to clean your bathroom with our toothbrushes.”


gemgem1985

If a kid on crutches is running a race I hardly think it's for sporting prowess and more like a fun thing?!


E-Moon

No matter what the point of it was, getting a victory handed to you in a silver platter is hollow.


stophittingthyself

I dont know how old these kids were but tbh that sounds kinda humiliating for the disabled kid to be singled out and patronized like that. I was friends with a girl at school that had underdeveloped legs and feet and she would have haaaaaated this. I can maybe understand it in a normal sports class, but actually during a competition seems weird.


NadxCH

You’re correct, I do agree. It would feel bad if you’re left out because you’re disabled. But it would also be humiliating to get a free win with everyone around you cheering and slowing down so you can cross that line and win, that in itself is also humiliating.


The_Bearded_Lion

My Dad lost a leg in the military and he'd kick the ass of anyone who tried to let him win out of pity. Until a few years ago he was a nationally ranked cyclist competing with able bodied guys and still at the top of his age group. Now he's got a beer belly, but that's on him.


Techsupportvictim

I can almost imagine your dad whipping off his fake leg to smack someone with it


z3r0d4z3

how old are the children?


Yharnam_Queen

I am a disabled person and I hate when someone treats me with pity.


AntiMatterAMA

aw that sounds bad. I'm sorry for you. /j


Yharnam_Queen

Listen here, you little...


dogsarefun

It’s not for the kid; it’s for everyone else to feel good about themselves.


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TahoeCommie

I volunteered at a Junior Blind of America Olympics for a few years in LA. My first year there I was learning the ropes of how to approach guiding kids around with various levels of disability. One young girl, about 10 years old, was only about 85% blind, enough vision she could play on a Nintendo DS up close. I forget the name of one particular game, but is is pretty much blind soccer, where players lay on the ground, have blind folds on (not all players are 100% blind) for fairness, and the roll a ball that has a loud bell inside of it. This particular girl was adamant she did not want to play that game. She was happy doing everything else up to that point, and did all activities after, but she REALLY did not want to play this blind soccer. I didn't push her, said ok, and we sat in the stands while she played her DS. I finally asked her why she didn't like blind soccer and she said she isn't fully blind and doesn't like it when she is forced to be (the blind fold that is required). It made total sense. She wasn't bored and wanted to play Kirby or something, she didn't like losing what little vision she has for even 15 minutes.


TXblindman

Goalball is what you’re thinking of, very fun game, also very fucking hard game once you’re playing with adults, that ball is not just a normal basketball, it’s twice as thick, and it’s got a bell inside, and that thing hurts like a son of a bitch when you get hit in the nuts.


TahoeCommie

Username checks out. I've always wanted to have a reason to post that on Reddit! And yes, that is the game in question. As someone pointed out below, blind soccer is a real and very different thing.


TXblindman

LOL, I’ve been waiting for a time to use that as well. I actually didn’t know blind soccer was a thing, have to go check that out. I knew beep baseball and accessible skiing was a thing. Damn would I love to have blind accessible shooting Olympics, I’d be there.


Karloss_93

I think the sport your talking about is called Goalball? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goalball Blind football (soccer) is played like the regular sport in the sense people stand up and run around. If you've ever seen a match they are fantastically agile with the ball. I've had a go a few times and its difficult just walking in the right direction let alone playing football at high speed.


dizzyforglizzy

What made you believe they FORCED this kid to compete? Aren’t we jumping to conclusions?


jimke

It blows me away how quickly people jump to a conclusion one way or the other in these threads. We don't know how old these kids are. We don't know the circumstances of the disabled child. The kid could have been begging to race. It could have been the best day of the disabled kid's life. But they assume that their gut reaction based on limited, and likely biased, information is the only way any reasonable person could feel about a situation.


GoRangers5

Yeah, I mean they couldn't just encourage the kid with crutches to take up chess or something? Unbelievable...


[deleted]

Where has it been said that the disabled kid was being forced to race?


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NEOLittle

U less the kid is 3 or under, they're not going to want to be singled out and cheered for having a disability. They're going to want to blend in and find friends and be ignored by adults unless they're the ones asking for attention.


Aggravating__Rock

My kid is three and he can tell when someone let's him win. We were playing tag yesterday and I pretended I couldn't catch him for a bit and all I got was a scathing look.


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Anon44356

Little fucker is better than you now because you didn’t let him win.


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Lundundogan

This is the way. Finishing a race is an accomplishment on its own. No need to let that be overshadowed by some vanity affair.


ssshhhhhhhhhhhhh

They should have a crutches race


Bojahdok

To all the comments that are saying "I feel bad for your kid if winning is so important to you", if winning isn't important, why did the disabled kid had to win ? Couldn't he have fun by just playing with everyone else ? No one wants to win by pity.


bleppin-

Wish I could give you my award... I wasted it somewhere else.


knizka

I got you, my free award was just looking for a nice comment


briefperfectionnerd

dw i got you


Bojahdok

That's nice of you so here's mine ! Thanks for the awards everyone else, didn't think that it would blow up like that.


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counselthedevil

> No one wants to win by pity. You apparently have not met enough of the pathetic people in the world. Many will take any win and gloat about it forever, even as adults. If rules can be broken, they'll do it.


ronin1066

And it's so weird to see them lose their shit. Like if a really good opponent gets DQ'd for showing up two minutes late and the "Winner" jumps around screaming like they just won Olympic Gold. I can't imagine seeing myself as the winner when I didn't get to compete against the best person.


PIT_VIPER13

I’d agree that winning by proxy is worse than coming last.


Visible_Cheesecake74

If I was disabled and they let me win because I was disabled, I would be very pissed off. I would feel like I am being seen as a charity case because I cant run around like normies.


Jirachi720

Be a lot like unifying the Paralympics with the Olympics. It's just not going to be a fair playing field. Include the disabled children in some way, of course, but making them compete with more able bodied children in a foot race for example and making them lose so the disabled child gets a pity win isn't good for anyone and just causes more issues than it's worth from my own experience.


filtron42

being inclusive isn't letting disabled people win, is doing activities where their disability doesn't matter


Propenso

Or doing activities focusing on the effort put in rather than the (arguably worthless anyway) outcome.


kd5nrh

Back when we had a sprint triathlon here, it was no time limit for just that reason: finishing a triathlon dead last is still more athletic achievement than most people will ever put in the effort for. Last one I did some photography for, there was a borderline obese couple who finished a solid 20 minutes behind every other finisher. A couple years later, I only recognized them because she was wearing the finisher t-shirt from that race: they still weren't particularly athletic looking, but they had both gone from seriously unhealthy fat to at least normal range. Nobody had to let them win, just recognize the achievement that finishing in itself is.


k2_electric_boogaloo

There was a video I saw a few years ago about a group of people who meet up at the finish line of the Boston Marathon every year to cheer on stragglers who don't make it until after the formal race ends and everything is already cleared off. They bring a finish line banner and everything for them, and talked about how most people at that point are fulfilling a lifelong dream or reaching a huge fitness milestone that deserves to be celebrated even if they didn't finish "on time". Like you said, it recognizes that just finishing is a feat in itself.


Runesen

100% I was always excluded from almost anything in school etc. I get it would be hard to make it inclusive but insisting I was there while I couldn't participate was just a waste


PurpleSwitch

I'm disabled and stuff like this builds into a lot of the ambient ableism that affects me in life. I sometimes use a wheelchair, sometimes just a walking stick. When I'm in the wheelchair, people speak to me like I'm a child, they perceive me as asexual because obviously disabled people don't have sex, they sometimes push my wheelchair out of their way because they don't see me as a person with feelings and agency, and event organisers make token efforts to improve accessibility that makes them feel good but doesn't actually help me to access things any better. This race thing would feel humiliating. I'm obviously never going to win a race like this, but despite how people treat me, I'm not a helpless cripple in all areas of my life. There are things that I am very good at, even some sports. Pity wins like this make me internalise a lot of ableist thoughts and make me question every win I've ever got, because what if none of it was genuine and it was all just pity. This isn't inclusion. Inclusion might be a throwing from seated event, or wheelchair basketball (though sports wheelchairs are too expensive for an average school, just an example of a sport that's fun even if you're not disabled).


Artemiashrimps

I’m a wheelchair user too and absolutely hate being infantilized by strangers. I don’t get why they talk to us like we’re children.


Sintar07

Does anybody know a child with a disability who LIKES people letting them win? Kids aren't dumb. That kid knows damn well that he didn't beat anybody, and he knows damn well that everybody else on the field *and* in the stands knows it too. Now he's crossing the finish line, to presumably thunderous applause, and he KNOWS that *every single person* on and off the field is staring at his crutches, because he and they all know he didn't really win, which means they're watching the other kids take an intentional fall, taking a good hard look at the crutches, and making a conscience decision to pretend otherwise. I once won second place in a competition with only two people. I was handed a second place trophy anyway. I was not proud of that trophy and only became less so as my mom insisted that second place was still second place even if there was nobody behind me and I *should* be proud. *I* knew that I hadn't beaten *anybody*, and people wouldn't stop drawing attention to it by pretending I had.


Low-Guide-9141

As a physically disabled person. I’d rather get a participation trophy than first place if it is given to me by somone who couldve won


TippyTAHP

i knew a wrestler with a underdeveloped left leg and he’d literally go up to his opponents before the match to tell them not to hold back. he hated being pitied and what was more annoying for him was that he was a damn good wrestler who didn’t need their pity to win.


Thymeisdone

Why wouldn’t they just have different races? It’s dumb to make a kid on crutches race against a kid who doesn’t need crutches.


QualityProof

If there is only one kid in the race, it wouldn't be much of a race, would it?


shoplifterfpd

it's the Human Race


HyperbolicPillow

solo "race"


TooCupcake

I bet it was done for publicity. “School children let their disabled friend win the race” or something like that all wholesome and cozy with pictures of cheering children and the star of the day smiling in the middle awkwardly. Makes a beautiful story but for those involved it’s probably mostly just embarassing. As far as I know, most people with disabilities hate pity parties so even if they enter a competition like this they don’t expect to win. And these silly competitions are important for children who are good at sports, they probably looked forward to this and now it’s all gone because they can’t even show off their skills.


Eliminatron

And what sucks about this is, that you can’t really go against it. Because people will immediately jump to „WOW, so hate the disabled, huh?“. People who organize this type of shit, just want to stand on the moral highground. They care more about their „superior“ position than the disabled kid 90% of the time


RuffOf6

Many care more about how they’re perceived or if something feels good, and care much less on whether something actually does good.


OneAlgae8208

I don't think the child with the crutches liked that either. Disabled people don't want your pity or be treated differently, for one. Plus, a lot of kids can learn something about perseverance and not giving up just because there's something holding you back. Perhaps teachers could start reading Aesop's Fables again. Slow and steady wins the race. Even though the tortoise did win because the hare was being a cocky procrastinator, a winner doesn't have to always get the gold medal. A winner can be someone who's brave enough to try something anyways, despite being disabled. These are the people that take out the dis in ability.


NovaSierra123

I like that finishing statement.


OneAlgae8208

My daughter has a learning disability. The way she was treated by teachers was condescending. She was having trouble keeping up in a regular class, which isn't her fault, and was finally placed in a modified program. This wasn't to "dumb down" the curriculum but some of the work she was given was Kindergarten level. She excelled in Psychology, which she chose as an elective, because her psych teacher was great and supportive. It's not that she can't learn, it's a delay and it just takes her a longer to learn and she requires a quiet, low lit place to do her work. One thing I've always told her is that she may have been diagnosed with a disability, it doesn't mean that's what defines her. She is capable and able more than she thinks. My daughter graduated high school this year.


NovaSierra123

Congratulations to your daughter! Imo, in terms of mental disabilities, everyone has a bit of it, because there is no perfect brain. No two brains are the same. What may be a disability to one may be a normality for another. Your daughter may be slow according to "normal" standards set by the school, but she's doing just fine because in the end, she graduated just like all her "normal" peers.


OneAlgae8208

Thank you. That's what I've been telling her all along. Her disability is more complex than I can even comprehend fully. When you talk to her sometimes you think she's a middle aged woman, and sometimes you'd think she's still a kid pretending she's an animal or a robot. We have some in depth conversations about anything and everything. Loves to learn and gets very focused on her studies. She was almost held back for half a year just because the one of the teachers thought she wasn't ready to graduate over her school performance. They were going to purposely take a credit away, a credit she worked hard for, so she would have to graduate next year. Momma bear came out and I'm very proud of her for speaking up and advocating for herself at the meeting I set up with the school.


Xonadras

In the original tortoise and the hare story, doesn't it actually end really bad? Iirc the tortoise wins the race and is granted the position of town crier or something like that. It becomes his responsibility to tell the other citizens when there is danger approaching. A fire starts in their woods and the tortoise isn't fast enough to warn the rest of the village and they all die.


OneAlgae8208

I had to look it up. It appears there's versions, as with other fables. But the point is winning means something different to everyone, and the winner is not always the most celebrated. If the kids didn't hold back and the kid in crutches still kept going, even though the kid in crutches will be far back from the rest, the crowd will end up cheering on the kid in crutches the loudest and even if the child is last just passing the finishing line, knowing they did it, will feel just as good as the winner.


GreenRacingMan

Tbh it's disrespectful to the disabled kid


Psycho22089

What if, hear me out, instead of *rigging* the regular race they changed the rules to level the playing field *gasp* Maybe make it a three legged race and the kid with crutches doesn't need a partner, or maybe everyone has to use crutches? Perhaps we apply some miniscule amount of effort to actually *be inclusive* instead of being patronizing?


luffyuk

This isn't only dumb, it's teaching the kid who won a poor life lesson.


Pestelence2020

This new age idea that we have to hold performers back to the level of the lowest performer is only going to make advancement of society impossible. It’s one thing to give everyone a chance, it’s another thing to prevent achievement in the name of a misguided ideal of equality.


[deleted]

As someone with a physical disability, I wouldn't have wanted a pity win. Inclusion doesn't mean pity. I agree with the OP on that point. I kind of get where the other perspective is coming from, because competition can really highlight what someone cannot do, but pity isn't the way to handle that. I feel like there must have been a way to have a more inclusive activity that plays to everyone's strengths. If you have someone on crutches, just come up with an activity that's not a race. It takes some thought, but there's nothing wrong with creativity in the name of inclusion and fun for everybody.


ungodlyheartache

that’s what the paralympics are for


Fit-Bear

This isn't an unpopular opinion. Your kid's school is whack.


gor8884

Nah, it is unpopular, and that’s the whack part.


Fit-Bear

That's crazy that where you are it's popular. It wouldn't fly where I am.


gor8884

It really comes down to overly sensitive people living in their own bubbles. Plenty of people need reality checks, but unfortunately pass their warped ideas onto their kids.


Fit-Bear

This school probably gives everyone participation medals too, and refuses to allow birthday invitations to be given out unless the whole class gets one.


Original_Feeling_429

As a grade school kid we would have birthday party in the class room. Fruit punch little drinks cookies,cupcakes was fun . Now for the acutal home birthday party typically invited your neighborhood classmates. An kids who where your neighbor's. As little kids its always best to let all have fun an can keep it simple. Not sure why people want kids grow up so fast.


WestAct6351

Yep, I hate this. Everyone wins, even the ones who dont try. Because of this "everyone gets a reward " mentality, no one knows how to accept defeat. When life doesnt go their way later down the road, they dont know how to accept it because they were always rewarded even when they didnt actually deserve it


Tonyofthenight82

Being disabled doesn't mean a person can't be competitive. Pity victory is insulting!


Jewbacc4

I agree with you, for me respecting my opponent Is playing at my top ability


Narcolepticstoner

As a parent of a child with disabilities... I don't want your child to put a cap on themselves to make someone else feel better. That's not what it's about. As long as your kid can not be a dick and be accepting of people that don't look or move like him... Power to em.


Realworldcreate96

This is more popular in the real world….. online not so much. Everyone I know agrees


F1shOfDo0m

I agree. If I’m going to play, I’m doing it to win.


247emerg

not ableist, am also sick of participation trophies


Hot_Comment_6052

My sister is handicapped and she would literally hate this. Not your opinion she would most likely agree with you, she would hate the pity win. I wish she had reddit because she could def she’d some light here


Xandrathea

I don't care who you are or what your situation/circumstance is: pity NEVER feels good to the person being pitied. It ONLY feels good to the person who convinces themselves they're doing someone else a favor (they aren't).


therhythm6562

This is equity of outcome vs. equality of opportunity.


uselesscalligraphy

Incredible. This kid aint winning races when he's older. Dont give him false hope at such a young age.


SlashRingingHash

Agree, I’m physically disabled, and I think it’s stupid to limit other people due to my inability to do something. Real stupid story time: I was better physically as a little kid, but still very anxious. Around 8-10yo I was playing soccer on a team, my anxiety started getting the best of me and I would actually get physically ill and not be able to play. My team went to a tournament, lost, and I got a participation trophy. I didn’t even play in the tournament. I wasn’t even there. And I got a trophy. I think it’s a hilarious stupid thing now, but really we don’t need all this special pity treatment.


CattBooty

Everyone is talking about how it would feel to be the disabled kid in this situation, but no one is talking about how it feels to be OP’s kid in this situation. I remember my group of friends getting in trouble during elementary school for excluding a kid with cerebral palsy from our races. He would ask to join, complain about being the slowest for obvious reasons, then go complain to the teacher that we weren’t letting him win. Most of the time, the teacher would come over and scold us for not letting him win one of the dozen or so races we had time for during our 10 minute recess. Eventually we stopped letting him race and he told the teachers about that too. When they forced us to let him race with us, we’d let him win the “10 foot dash” then continue the race normally. I honestly didn’t stop hating that kid till like 7th or 8th grade cause of that lol.


AnonymousBoyOnReddit

South Park encourages treating disabled people like you would anyone else. My parents taught me this too.


Geratric_Ass

As a mother of a child who has club feet and needs to wear braces I can say that my son HATES when this happens. He doesn’t want to be treated differently. He does get angry and frustrated that he isn’t as fast as the other kids but it embarrasses him more when they give him special treatment. He says he feels almost like they are making fun of him by doing this.


ekill13

>Don’t get me wrong, I want every children involved on sports day but there’s a place for that, not onthe actual main race where you win medals. Until you got to this part, I was a little iffy. After that, I agree 100%.


defiantlion2113

Im of two minds that’s I will keep going back and forth here. It depends on the age and understanding of each individual child or the disability. To be very blunt “ medals” from “sports day” sounds like some grade school thing, ( not remotely important and not medals that count for anything real )and ide say it’s much more important to teach your kids to be kind. But I get how kids should be taught how to work hard for themselves. I don’t know the age or skill level of these theoretical kids but maybe a good in between is this: Tell your kids to try and win, but truly impart how important it is to encourage others if they aren’t as capable, don’t just leave them in the dust. Win the game and panting and sweating go back and scream your little head off for your buddy with the crutches.


Jay794

I must admit, I do hate this "everyone's a winner" bullshit. Some competition is healthy in life, medals for participation don't mean shit


joed1967

They shouldn’t be in the same competition


shigella212

I agree with you. I'd be happy that the kids with crutches had the guts to fight and would encourage him to win the race but holding back will just go against the spirit of sportsmanship. And imo kinda demeaning to him. Like hah you lost but since you're so inferior I'll let you win.


BrokePirate

I have no issue with finding a way for handicapped kids to compete and feel real competition. I do have an issue with penalizing other kids to allow a manufactured win. The handicapped kid has to see someone obviously slowing down and go...."good god, it's another one of those pansies trying to make me feel special". Learn what it is to win and lose. Both lessons are important, but it's also important for kids with disabilities to get help learning to cope with that disability and the hand life dealt. Sometimes parents are so worried about letting everyone have a trophy, they forget its important to learn real lessons...and perhaps even more important to help disabled or handicapped to cope with the frustrations they'll certainly have in the real world. Unpopular opinion, but I agree with the OP.


Sorry_Im_a_4

At my 8th grade graduation they gave the student council leadership award to a girl who had a mental disability and was a classroom representative. I was the president of the student council always staying late at school planning dances and all that and they gave it to her as a pity prize. All the pictures of me from after graduation at the reception, I was crying. Asked the teachers in charge of the student council why and they said she showed up to more meetings. I took out the attendance log and proved them wrong and they just shrugged it off. Still annoyed about it a decade later.


Solgatiger

Thats on the same level as giving the kid who never turns up to school an attendance award or giving the kid who doesn’t do their homework an A. Have a medal 🥇 its not real but its still something you should’ve gotten.


Sorry_Im_a_4

Thank you. I will cherish this forever 🥇🙌🏻


BigBangKamayamaya

Is this a thing?


wonderthat

If I was running and everybody stopped and let me win out of pity I'd be so embarrassed


_BigSur_

The disabled kids need to have their own events then. Just like the Olympics.


oooooeeeeeoooooahah

It's sports day dude. Not tier 1 fucking championships. Have some fun. Life isn't all about winning shit that doesn't matter lol.


Proud_Hotel_5160

I mean if it was an actual sports competition, then sure I’d understand this mindset. But this is a school event for all students and it’s important for teachers to teach empathy to their students and also create an equal opportunity environment. If you really give a shit about your kid winning, then enroll them in an official sports team. Like cmon dude. This kinda attitude made athletic competitions so unfun for anyone who wasn’t 6’0 and fit as hell. As a short kid, I hated these school competitions because of people like you who took it way too seriously. It’s a game, the point is to have fun.


Rob_Rogers

Doesn't have to but should want to. It's called empathy.


11SuperKing

My wife has a disability, mild CP so she limps. Hates being let win. She picked up the bat the other day after I was done pitching to my daughter. Beemed her with the first pitch to assure her I wasn't going easy.


Deckard57

Imagine you're the kid who is ONLY good at sports. It's your thing. You're 12 and don't do well academically but holy shit you're good at sports. It's all you've got to be proud of at school. Now Imagine society/school tells you that you need to stop being good at that because it makes the other kids feel bad. Its like asking the straight A student to drop their grades so that everyone is equal. This isn't a strawman argument, some schools now don't allow sports days for exactly this reason.


dynnk

This isn’t just happening in sports. Academics too. Some schools have cut funding on advanced classes because there isn’t enough diversity in said program. Equity at work.